Reading Reviews From Member: ad astra
270 Reviews Found

Review #1, by ad astraThinking About You: You, You, You

5th May 2015:

I'm not going to lie, my reaction throughout this story went from "ooh pretty prose, pretty prose, nice, WHAT WHERE DID UMBRIDGE COME FROM HAS THIS BEEN ABOUT UMBRIDGE THE WHOLE TIME" and then I had to go back and reread and maybe have a bit of an existential crisis because you wrote PRETTY, SOULFUL ROMANTIC PROSE ABOUT DOLORES UMBRIDGE.

(did I stalk the Ship It thread to find out the second character because I couldn't work out who it was? yes. and now I'm more impressed because you took UMBRIDGE AND LOCKHART and turned them into ROMANTIC HEROES. i bow down to your skill)

In all seriousness though, this was a gorgeously written piece! Your happiness is intoxicating and I am as good as poisoned. You pried open this padlocked heart of mine. That line, though. You have a way with figurative language that never seems overdone and this was such a pleasure to read! and pointless proclamations? I see what you did there. I couldn't leave that unmentioned.

This piece was such a surprise in all the right ways and I'm in awe of it! Awesome job!

Author's Response: DEAREST LISA,

THAT is exactly the kind of reaction I was going for. [bows] Thank you. I apologise for the existential crisis, but THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR NICE WORDS! I mean I had a bit of one as well that went along the lines of: WHAT THE HECK AM I DOING? IS THIS ROMANCE? AM I ACTUALLY WRITING ROMANCE?

ROMANTIC HEROES?! Wow! [VIOLENT HUG TACKLE] I am glad you think so though I didn't mean for that to happen what with Umbridge and her being still weird about blood purity and Lockhart only just admiring himself this whole time, BUT IF LISA SAYS SO IT MUST BE TRUE (?)!

Bahaha! I had to add that in because the ship was as nasty as poison and padlocked heart because padLOCKed HEART because LOCKHART because CLUE! I'm all red now, stop. I am thrilled beyond thrilled that you think I have this 'way with figurative language that never seems overdone' and that it was enjoyable for you. YES. I allude to my penname because I have this ego and, if you look to the west and even to the east, I think you can see it from Turkey. Though, it really had to do with the alliteration of the 'p's from the quote: 'Let us preserve what must be preserved, perfect what can be perfected and prune practices that ought to be... prohibited!"


 Report Review

Review #2, by ad astraBeyond the Dark: One

26th April 2015:


I have such an appreciation for Hogwarts era Slytherins and especially your Hogwarts era Slytherins. Teddy and Pants. Bless their badly-nicknamed souls. I love their friendship already.

I need the story behind Tony as well. Theo asked him to the Yule Ball? He sits next to Theo in all his classes? Theo risks owing Pansy a favour just to find out where he is? I need to know more

"" Bless your useless gay heart, Theodore Nott.

Mr. I've-loved-Harry-Potter-since-I-was-eleven-and-he-picked-up-my-book-and-I-just-died-of-happiness-but-now-I-can't-talk-to-him I don't know what Theo's talking about, that's not a mouthful at all. Perfectly respectable name. Eleven year old Theo getting starry-eyed over Harry picking up his book is my new favourite mental image.

Can't wait for more Harry/Theo goodness and I'm just going to pretend you're not planning on SINKING THEM HORRIBLY

 Report Review

Review #3, by ad astraAll that Glitters : August 1979: In Blood

24th April 2015:
Hey! Here for the review exchange!

I'm already SO intrigued by this opening chapter. The atmosphere of fear and darkness and mystery permeates everything you've written here, and I'm already dying to know more.

From the beginning, you've raised questions about your character and her circumstances, and I love the line the deeds of the days before were caked into my skin like they now defined me - it's stunning, hinting at something dark and sinister and how far your character is from where she wants to be - and then following it up with the line Maybe then my skin would feel clean again rounds it off perfectly. It's such a powerful motif to thread through your opening paragraphs.

I'm sorry for repeating your own words back to you, but this line - It felt like ice, but I knew it would soon change to hellfire - I'm in love with it. Your imagery is spot on in this chapter - fire and shadows and something unclean, creating a visceral sense of wrongness and danger, and your character's resignation to her fate makes it so much more effective - what has happened to her that she accepts a life among the Death Eaters?

This was a fantastic opening chapter, well done!

Author's Response: Hi,

Thank you so much for your review! I'm glad you thought the tone was there! Yes, my character here has had a slow fade from a person she used to be to this. Someone who willingly walks into the ranks of the Death Eaters and accepts that this is where she belongs now because who can be "clean" if you've fallen this far?? At least, according to her. This story will be, hopefully, look at how she's gotten here, but also continue going from here to see the war from a DE's perspective. One who isn't a complete maniac, but who has blood on her hands.

Thank you for taking the time to read the opening! :)

 Report Review

Review #4, by Ravenclaw333Infinitesimal: Leo Minor

7th April 2015:
God, Laura, everything you write is just so incredible and it's almost an impossible task to do justice to your writing in a review. I'm still going to give it a good go, though.

I've never seen this ship before, or read it, or even have it cross my mind, but you make it seem like an inevitability. The way you've aligned it with canon is perfect, so apologetic and melancholic. You have such a mastery of the lover's lamentation and this was beautifully pulled off. I loved the way you set up the contrast between Lily and Regulus, between day and night and warmth and cold, as two wholly separate but equal parallels. You managed to strike the perfect balance and illustrate what James says about never favouring one over the other.

I don't know what I pictured Regulus to be either, but it now seems impossible for him to be anyone but the cold, audacious and lonely boy you've created here. Your descriptions of him are stunning, and the imagery of the stars threaded throughout is gorgeous. I loved this line: At those times, I felt almost celestial myself, as though I could match him, glow for glow and glimmer for glimmer. Really, there are countless lines I could quote back at you.

This was such a masterpiece, as all your stories are - bittersweet and beautiful, ringing with a truth that makes it impossible to ignore. Thank you for writing this.

 Report Review

Review #5, by Ravenclaw333Inanimate Objects: where possible salvation is tricked into arriving at the castle

6th April 2015:
hello yes i am here true to my word and i'm so glad that i have this story to make me HAPPY AGAIN

i love everything about this. your humour is so on point. i feel like i've told you this before but it bears repeating like, all the time. "That's a terrible apology gift." Even a little bit of a crush will do. i love every one of these lines you take all the dark dramatic fairytale elements and pull them from their pedestals and drop them on the floor and contemplate if you should maybe sweep them up or if they look nice sort of artfully arranged on the carpet like that

i'm sorry idk what that was

ďAnd then Riddle complains about how everything in his life is pain and misery and suffering and smashed porcelain.Ē i am deceased

"You're a clock." this is too good emily oh man


bellatrix is some snotty punk with attitude i love this so much i am in awe of you

i'm afraid this review is devoid of any actual substance except for me quoting your lines back at you and a weird extended metaphor about pedestals

 Report Review

Review #6, by Ravenclaw333lay me down: i. can I lay by your side?

21st March 2015:









 Report Review

Review #7, by Ravenclaw333Inanimate Objects: where he tried to defuse the situation and failed utterly

20th March 2015:
emily oh my god i love this you are my sunshine and you dedicated this to me omg thank you so much this is the greatest thing ever

i want to build a shrine to your particular brand of satire/crack!fic because it's the best thing since sliced bread. which always seems like a weird thing to say because sliced bread is wholly unremarkable but i guess it probably wasn't to the poor suckers who had to slice their own bread all the time

lucius malfoy as a candelabra tho. and DEATH EATERS TAKING UP COOKING. everything is awesome

here are my predictions for Beauty
-harry?? imagine. can we just. can we take a moment.
-ron's aunt muriel

what a time to be alive. thank you for this. you are the greatest

Author's Response: lisa oh my god i'm so glad you like this i was so terrified you wouldn't oh my god yay you like it ♥

you are far too nice i literally just write the most random things and then laugh at my own dumb jokes. to hear that other people also laugh at my dumb jokes is the best thing in the world.

lucius malfoy would make a very snooty, pompous candelabra, i think.

i think i can safely tell you that's it's not harry. i think i can also tell you that one of your guesses is right, unless i change my mind at the last minute and edit everything, which is always a possibility. ron's aunt muriel is the best thing tho if i use her i will credit you bc that is the greatest idea

thank you for this review. ♥ you are amazing.

 Report Review

Review #8, by Ravenclaw333Stronger: Tooth and Nail

13th February 2015:
Hey Kevin! I'm so sorry for taking so long with this review!

This story was stunning. You've taken an absolutely horrible character (you're definitely not alone in hating him) and made him sympathetic and tragic, to the point that by the end of the story I was mourning Farrell Grimley - out of nothing you've created a brave, honourable character, devoted to the children in his care and willing to do anything to save them. The link you draw between Farrell the teacher and Greyback's targeting of children is haunting, and nothing short of a triumph of characterisation.

The transformation was brilliantly done as well - not an instantaneous switch from man to werewolf, but the result of years of isolation, experimentation and what can only be described as torture. Your description is stunning, and the final scene where the wolf wins is perfect - the way Farrell gives up, after so many years of fighting and hoping, is raw and heartbreaking. You show the process of him being stripped of humanity, the countless pressures and factors leading to his loss of self. You've taken the transformation motif of lycanthropy and applied it on a much larger scale - the battle between man and wolf, the rational and the carnal.

This is such an incredible piece of writing, and thank you so much for entering the challenge!

Author's Response: Howdy Lisa! I'm sorry for taking so long to respond. I was out of town this past weekend and work was mayhem yesterday thanks to unnecessary panic over a winter storm. Thankfully said storm has given me the day off though so I can catch up on things!

I'm really glad that you liked Farrell! I definitely wanted to a create sharp contrast with his original identity that was unique and positive, but could also still serve as a connection to who he would become. It's good to hear you thought it paid off!

The slow transition and full coverage of the transformation and preceding psychological collapse of his former identity was definitely something that I wanted to cover for the reasons you mentioned. When I wrote it, I was honestly worried that it came off a little too disjointed, that some of the Farrell-versus-Fenrir segments were longer than they should have been, but it's really encouraging that you thought it was handled well. It's something I had never done slowly before really, but thought was integral and I'm glad you agree.

I know I said this in my A/N too, but thank YOU so much for this challenge. I can definitively say I would never have even thought of writing Greyback if it weren't for your challenge and it was such a great and interesting exercise to do it in the context of your prompt.

Thanks so much for your spectacular and kind review!

 Report Review

Review #9, by Ravenclaw333Broken Wings: Broken Wings

13th February 2015:
Hey Ellie! I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to review this entry and wrap up the challenge.

This is such a hard-hitting story and paints Lucius in an entirely new light - what this challenge was all about, of course! There are so many little details in this story that I love - the fact that Abraxas has taught Lucius gory details about poisonous spiders, the way Lucius gives his name proudly and how he's already been taught that titles matter and the name Malfoy has a certain reputation attached to it. The childlike empathy and bravery you've given him is an excellent way of reversing his portrayal in the books, and his innocence is both touching and heartbreaking.

But Abraxas. ABRAXAS. Giving Lucius an abusive father is a game-changer for his character, and goes so far in explaining his motivations and behaviour as an adult. The recurring theme of "kindness is weakness" fits perfectly, and I can't get over your final line and the way it sets Lucius up for the rest of his life, because of course a child will learn to do anything to escape pain and suffering, and to associate an act of kindness with horrific consequences. The more I think about it the more sense it makes.

Thanks so much for entering the challenge!

Author's Response: Hey Lisa,

Don't sweat it taking a while, I'm bad at keeping on top of things like this too.

I'm really glad you enjoyed the story and that you thought I did a good job with Lucius. He was very uncooperative at first, and so I had to coax it out of him slowly.

Thanks for making such a great challenge!


 Report Review

Review #10, by Ravenclaw333The Diary Of Marietta Edgecombe: The Diary Of Marietta Edgecombe

13th February 2015:
Hey Sana! First things first, I'm sorry it took me so long to get to reviewing the entries for this challenge and I freely admit to being terrible.

Marietta's story breaks my heart, you know? I don't think the cruelty of what happened to her is really addressed very often, and you've done a fantastic job of telling her story and going beyond the way she's portrayed in the books. The friendship between Cho and Marietta was really touching as well -and I felt so bad for Cho, losing Cedric and then Marietta in only three years. You've included a lot of detail in so few words, and the way you emphasised Umbridge's manipulation and the role her mother played really exonerates her of guilt - she's a victim, as much as anyone else in OOTP or even the war in general, and was under pressure from all sides to betray another.

The final lines were heartbreaking - the idea of Marietta dying for a cause she believed in, even when nobody who sided with that cause showed her any kindness (apart from Cho) and how her last thoughts were obviously about redemption and clearing her name. This was a fantastic take on the challenge and you destroyed the image of 'Marietta the traitor' completely. Great job and thanks for entering!

 Report Review

Review #11, by Ravenclaw333Keeping Skeletons: Keeping Skeletons

13th February 2015:
Hiya! Firstly, I'm so sorry for taking so long to review this - I don't even have a good excuse, I've just had the entries sitting in pinned tabs on my browser forever.

This was such a fantastic take on the challenge as well - you've completely subverted Minerva's portrayal in the books and made something dark and terrible - exactly what I was looking for! The storyline leaves enough ambiguity for it to linger in the mind, and the details you have chosen to give are intriguing. You've drawn direct links between Minerva's "sinner" side and her reputation, and the final line really drives that juxtaposition home.

Your writing and language is really well done as well, and perfect for the genre - my favourite line is "Sunken skin on thin bones, like a waxwork slowly melting into itself." You've painted a vivid picture with the whole scene and pulled the concept off really well.

Thanks for entering the challenge!

 Report Review

Review #12, by Ravenclaw333Two Earthly Kingdoms: To Anger a God

11th February 2015:
Hey Laura, here for our swap!

Everything you write blows me away, but this piece was next-level incredible. You wield language and myth and allegory with unparalleled skill and weave them into what can only be described as a masterpiece, and there are so many lines throughout this piece that took my breath away and made me stop, reread and commit it to memory. Your parallels were absolutely perfect, the continual references to Hades and Persephone contrasted with the subtle, framing motif of Orpheus and Eurydice - this was masterful, absolutely masterful, and I could write essays about this piece and the way you've characterised Snape, paralleling himself to gods and demigods and heroes and kings.

Your insight into and portrayal of the Death Eaters is, again, stunning, and this line in particular struck me: "He had no doubt that in their mouths their tongues were heavy, poisonous and unwieldy, leaden to the core, surrounded by rotting, flaking silver." This is perfect on every possible level, painting a greater picture of deception and corruption and silken lies than a thousand words of exposition ever could.

You create an image of Snape that is at once unsettling, disturbing and otherworldly - lost in his dreams of kingship and birthright, driven by entitlement and an unwavering belief in his own divinity, and yet with brief, fleeting glimmers of humanity that strike him down from an epic to a tragic hero. This entire piece is an absolute triumph and I feel privileged to have read it.

Author's Response: Hi Lisa! Thank you so much for swapping with me - I love swapping with you, so I'm so glad I could! :)

Oh my gosh, I really have no idea how I'm going to respond to this - really, none at all. This is just such an amazing review to receive, so I apologise early on in case I end up rambling about god knows what, or just repeating thank you endlessly :)

This was one of the one-shots where I'd had the idea for a while, but never any motivation to do it, so when the Greek Myth Challenge came up, I just had to enter it! Force myself to write it... and then this came out. You should know I consider you as essentially the goddess of everything ancient greek and roman, so to hear you say that is just amazing. Like, completely mindblowing. I loved working in little references - though the Death Eaters gave me a lot of trouble, I'll admit! - and all that kind of stuff, it was so much fun to do so I'm os happy you liked it and thought it worked!

Writing the Death Eaters was so much fun, though also incredibly hard because it was a very emotion-and-thought laden section, so it's the section I'm not really happy with. And I wish I could say something clever about that line, but, honestly, I barely even remember writing it, let alone how I thought of it :P But I've always loved the 'silver-tongued' idea, so maybe it came from there? I have no idea... but I'm so happy you liked it!

Snape is actually one of the characters I hate as a person, but love as a character, and I was so, so nervous about writing him. I really loved writing him from inside his own thoughts, because it meant I could move away from him being bitter and cruel and so on, and explore the why rather than the what, which was so much fun. And the Orpheus myth just made it easier, really, for me to do that.

I'm so so awed by this review, I apologise if this response is crap, but really I had no idea what to say and I love this review so much, and I love you for it! Thank you so so much, you are wonderful! :)

Aph xx

 Report Review

Review #13, by Ravenclaw333Multiverse Theory: Coffee Shop Etude

9th February 2015:


okay so coffee shop aus are my jam and for some reason i can only board the jily ship if it's au so i'm really excited about this! i loved your characterisations of both of them - james as the self-assured, friendly musician, lily as a writer - gah. this is everything i love about coffeeshop aus - light, sweet, relatable, imaginative and fluffier than a cappucino. bless you, mallory. my soul is singing


I had sooo much fun writing these AUs, and I'm glad that somebody else at HPFF appreciates them, too. That's the Tumblr talking in us, I think. :)

The Jily ship has become the one I sail on most often, but AUs are my particular favorites. I will read entire muggle AU novels if I can find good ones. It makes it hard to appreciate canon Jily sometimes. :)

Thank you! I had fun characterizing them. It's easy to picture James as a musician because there are a whole lot of musician who put up that air of self-assurance. Lily is a writer because what else would she be doing at a coffee shop for hours at a time? (Certainly not checking James out, right?) *ahem*

So happy I could make your soul sing. :D


 Report Review

Review #14, by Ravenclaw333Illuminations: Alfajores

7th February 2015:
Hey Laura! Back again for the BvB!

I'm so happy you ended up writing this - I've been a real sucker for pure, lovely fluff recently and this ticks all the boxes. I love the premise so much, Albus and Pomona gossiping over biscuits and scheming ways for their colleagues to find love - and you've done this so perfectly. The characterisations of both of them are spot on and I love how you've shown them slowly progressing towards being friends and equals after he was her professor - the formality and the awkwardness in the beginning and her worries that she's crossing a line, and his cheerful responses. I'm sure you gathered from my last review that I'm absolutely in love with your writing style, and the same goes with this story - the imagery you use is so clear and you have an ability to convey atmosphere unlike anything else I've read. And I'm fascinated by the story of Bessie as well - I hope that's explored in later chapters.

Eagerly awaiting the next instalment!

Author's Response: Hey there, Lisa! :) Thank you so much for stopping by!

Thank you so much - it was one of those things I got the idea for and just really, really wanted to write, you know? It's not quite pure fluff, but it's a strangely light story - especially for me :P It feels a little weird, haha. I'm so so glad you liked the premise and the characterisations of both of them - I have to admit, Pomona's voice was difficult to get, but I recently watched interviews with the actress who portrays Pomona and took a lot of inspiration from there, so that explains a lot of it :P I loved writing the slightly awkward conversation between them, so I'm so happy you liked it (I hate dialogue with a passion so I have no idea why I decided to write this the way I did :P)! Bessie... there will be more mention of Bessie in future chapters, I promise you that! I really wanted to draw a kind of unknown connection between them, though whether or not the truth of certain things comes out is debatable ;)

I'm so so glad you're enjoying this story - it's only going to be little, but it's one I really loved the idea of so it means so much to me that you like it! :)

Thank you so much for the lovely review! :)

Aph xx

 Report Review

Review #15, by Ravenclaw333Pride and Scorpius: Well met on the Hogwarts Express

6th February 2015:
Hiya, here for the BvB!

I thought I'd check out your ScoRose since you're so dedicated to the ship and I wanted to see your take on it. I think this ship in particular has a tendency towards the hate-to-love narrative almost to the point of being a trope, but your direct modelling on Pride & Prejudice is refreshing and avoids oversimplification of the theme. You've set up her reasons well - certainly a level of childish irrationality, but also the way you've detailed her upbringing and the comments she's constantly heard about the Malfoy family growing up - children are impressionable, and her reaction to Scorpius on the train here makes sense. I like how you've characterised Ron as well - not full of hatred, but contemptuous and showing that contempt through jokes to his family. The "gold plates" incident was a perfect example of that.

Your characterisation of Albus is also really good and you can see Harry's character shining through in him - his openmindedness and compassion, not to mention the way Harry has clearly raised him without his own prejudices. Harry referring to him as Draco instead of Malfoy was a nice touch.

Their discussion about Quidditch and houses was sweet, especially for Albus and Scorpius and the beginning of their friendship. Rose covering her nasty comment by making it about Quidditch teams was good, and I can definitely picture an eleven-year-old backpedalling like that after being called out.

Overall, a really good start!

Author's Response: Hi there, thanks for the review.

Oh don't you know I'm dedicated to Rose/Scorpius, I ship it so hard it's unfunny ;)

One of the main reasons that I like the ship so much is the glorious set-up that JKR gave us. It speaks of the potential of the hate-to-love narrative (ie P&P) or forbidden-love-between-two-houses-divided (Romeo and Juliet) or, often enough in these fanfictions, a mixture of both. My story is loosely based around the framework of P&P, it will diverge in quite significant ways, but most of the major plot points will be present.

Of course you would be the one to get some of the nuances of their characterisation. Your own work shows how good you are on character. Yes, yes she is very childish and immature about some things. Being so well read on all manner of subjects and being very smart she often presents as older than she is, but in certain things, especially matters of the heart, she is incredibly naive.

Because of her youth and the way that they can remember somethings preferentially, Ron's comments about Malfoy are overstated here; simply because the tale is told from Rose's point of view. He's not so full of contempt as this would make it seem. It's more a sort of dad joke. Ron always did like to make jokes about things and quite often inappropriately (remember Luna called him on it once). It's just that sort of thing - he didn't know how much his clever little daughter was taking in of his offhanded comments. The 'gold plates' incident was probably a wake up call for him - up till then he might not have realised just how much she had absorbed - he probably toned it down a bit after that, but the damage had already been done. She's come along with all these ingrained prejudices, not hatreds certainly not, but thinking that Scorpius has got it so good and probably thinks he's better than everyone else - that sort of thing. Some of her prejudices are punctured and she recants them - she is honest with herself at least.

Thank you, I never thought much of Albus (not good nor bad, just not thought about him) until I started to read these fanfictions. The development that some people have put into his character opened my eyes as to his potential to be a major protagonist. I wanted to emphasise his kindness - it plays an important part in his sorting. In my mind Albus is the one who follows his father's character the most - the other two siblings take after their mother and hence the Weasleys a bit more. I wanted Albus not knowing the Malfoy name to reflect as much upon his father as it does upon him.

Guys bond over shared likes and quite often that is sport.. Rose would too if Scorpius had only not said he was a seeker. Again you see to the heart of Rose's character, but it's not just backpedalling . It's also as I said before, one of her assumptions/prejudices against Scorpius is punctured and she is honest enough to re-evaluate his character slightly. With that I also wanted to show how quick witted Albus is, pointing out as he did a potential solution (much to Rose's displeasure). It highlights his intelligence which will also play a part in his eventual sorting.

Thank you, and it is only the start of the start - it takes two more chapters before they even make it off the train!

As of this response, how wonderful, the story in total has reached 500 and this chapter has 180 - thank you all.

 Report Review

Review #16, by Ravenclaw333L'optimisme: Silence

5th February 2015:
Hey Laura! Here for the BvB!

I've been meaning to read this story for probably about a thousand years now and I already regret not starting it sooner. Your writing is absolute artwork and you have an unparalleled gift with language - I can't remember the last time I came across such gorgeous prose, and everything about this story promises to be a gift.

You capture Albus's voice so perfectly and completely - his solemnity, his poetry, the wistful melancholy of his recollections - his love for Gellert and his regret comes through clearly in every sentence. The motif of silence - so perfectly introduced in the first section, I think I'll have snippets of it in my mind forever - ties everything together and permeates the whole chapter. Your depiction of Albus and Gellert's relationship is, again, a triumph - I'm not sure if this was deliberate or if I just see Classical parallels everywhere I look (a very real possibility with me) but they remind me so much of Achilles and Patroclus and I adore everything about the way you've written them.

This is an absolutely stunning story, and one I'll be coming back to again and again for the sheer beauty of your words.

Author's Response: Hi Lisa! :) Thanks so much for stopping by!

You have no idea how lovely it is to hear that people want to read this story - it's so great! This story is my baby, really, at the moment, so it means so much to me. And thank you so much - there's something so freeing about writing geniuses, it allows you to be so pretentious :P

Thank you so much! I actually really like writing Albus, though it was so daunting at the beginning. There's something so fascinating about him - how much his early life affected him, and Gellert in particular affected him too - and I love exploring that, so I'm so glad you like him! It is kinda classical, I think - and I am actually planning to put some classical-esque references in it later (though it's Alexander and Hephaestion, and possibly mentions of various Greek figures...), tbh - so it's not just you :P

Gah, thank you so so much for the lovely review - it was so so great to get, especially from you! :)

Aph xx

 Report Review

Review #17, by Ravenclaw333Seek and Chase: Return to Hogwarts (Lily)

4th February 2015:
Hiya! Here for the BvB!

This is a really good first chapter. You've done a good job setting the scene here - establishing Lily's character, her friendships, and the romantic tension with Jacob. Her voice is really clear and authentic, and you've set everything up to be reflective of the teenage experience. I like what you've done with Lily's character as well - she stands out immediately from the other interpretations I've seen of her on the site, and it puts a unique spin on the whole story - down to the brown hair (the Potions accident was a nice touch!) and how she's a lot more academically minded than most people write her. I'm interested in Jacob's backstory as well - other wizarding schools are fascinating, and I'd love to hear more about Snowvale!

Overall, this is a really good start to what promises to be a unique take on the Lily/OC ship and a really fun read! Good job!

 Report Review

Review #18, by Ravenclaw333Chaos Theory: i. the introduction

2nd February 2015:
Hiya! i actually read this a couple days ago when you first posted it (but i'm awful at reviewing) anyway. i am so excited for this story - magical/muggle interaction? innovations to the hogwarts school system? a BLACK MARKET in muggle stationery? i am so here for all of that and i can't wait to see what you do with it. i already love this bunch and the cameraderie between them, and you did a good job setting up lucy's character. looking forward to more!

Author's Response: Hey!

(literally. aren't we all? I'm pretty sure I'm still a few chapter-reviews behind on PFI I just never remember/have the time to review when I'm actually reading the chapters???)

Your excitement makes me giddy. I'm glad you like the premise of the story, I hope it's going to turn out great!:D If it doesn't I will literally dig my own grave I will be that disappointed in myself. Oh. :(

But anyway, bright thoughts and good expectations -- support like this makes me smile! Thank you so much for reading (and TAKING THE TIME TO COME BACK AND REVIEW DAYS LATER OMG???)!

- Jess, xo

 Report Review

Review #19, by Ravenclaw333Love Potion Number Dead: [ii] - the team of aurors

22nd January 2015:
fun fact i have had this chapter open on my laptop for three days to remind me to ACTUALLY review it and because i never shut down my laptop

i'm so excited for this story. i know i said that in our pm but i'm even more excited for it now that you're writing it and posting it and i'm READING it and i love harvey even more than i expected and i just love the way you're writing this and the dry humour and i just LOVE the

"Bulgarian Embassy. No taste in music"

line because it's just so unexpected and ridiculous which is kind of the impression i get from the whole story. i can't wait to read more this is my new favourite thing a+

also i promise to find better ways of expressing myself than just "i love x i love y" in the next review

Author's Response: lisa you are the best. also, i am in the same boat when it comes to never shutting down my laptop.

oh my DAYS what can i even say to all of this! you know what a huge fan i am of your humour and witty banter so to hear you say that you like my jokes is just asdfghjkl;??wywfna? basically i am incoherent with the unexpected delight of these compliments

yes, the whole story was unexpected and is totally ridiculous i actually have no clue where it came from? and oh my word thank you so much

this review was perfect don't let anyone tell you otherwise

 Report Review

Review #20, by Ravenclaw333kisses-blood-valentine: Ballad of Evvie and Bernie

22nd January 2015:
Rose, you destroy me.

This was such a dark and emotive story and your experimentation with this style really paid off. It's jarring and confused and frightening, and the final scene just pulls everything together - Bernie's state of mind, her instability and pain. This is such a perfect rendering of a troubled character and. God.

"The innocent never do."

everything hurts wow

This is an amazing and disturbing piece of writing and you've pulled it off perfectly

(also - FIRST)

Author's Response: FIRST!!! THAT'S QUITE THE FEAT!!

I don't know if i can do a coherant response to you on this. I am so thrilled you liked this and that it had the impact I was going for! You and this review are a gem.



 Report Review

Review #21, by Ravenclaw333True Romance: Simple Song

18th January 2015:


i have so many feelings.

i blame you for them all.

can't wait for lily/lysander aw yiss


thank you so much for going on this journey with me. xoxo


 Report Review

Review #22, by Ravenclaw333Wake up, Rose.: The Art of Getting By

11th January 2015:
and so concludes the thrilling saga of "how long will it take lisa to complete a three-chapter review swap"

this is a really, really good chapter where your treatment of the whole issue shines. rose's reaction to everything seems more realistic than the last chapter now that her feelings of betrayal have come to the fore - her relief even in the first line that she's waking up in her own bed, her nervousness in telling hugo what happened, her wondering why albus and dominique don't understand why she's so upset with them. i'm really interested to see where you're planning on taking this and the continued fallout their actions have had - not only on rose herself but the implications for the rest of the family as well.

you're continuing to nail the teenage perspectives and the realities of high school - having rose's head of house concerned about her drinking was a nice touch, because of course the teachers aren't going to be turning a blind eye to binge drinking among teenagers.

let me know when you update this!

Author's Response: i am so excited to actually show how all of this affects the family at large. that's the chapter i'm currently struggling with right now and that means it'll be up any time between next week and four months from now tbh. but yeah i really had things sink in for her in this chapter more than the last.

i love writing teens and all of this high school-esque stuff because i think it's just so weird and kind of backwards. like the way people acted back then is not even how real people ACT. anyway thank you so much lisa you're lovely as always

 Report Review

Review #23, by Ravenclaw333Find My Way: Stinksap

11th January 2015:


i apologise in advance because my reviews are going to be pretty the written equivalent of loud wordless screaming but i'm SO EXCITED because this is the best thing ever you've got blind albus and dorky ravenclaw scorpius and everything about this is beautiful i can't wait for more

i'm officially your #1 biggest fan you're amazing a++

Author's Response: AH I KNOW!

hahah. I love the excitement! dorky Ravenclaw Scorpius and blind Albus is the best description. I want to use it as the new summary. lol! Thank you so much! I adore your writing so much and it's such a huge compliment!



 Report Review

Review #24, by Ravenclaw333Wake up, Rose.: It's Kind of a Funny Story.

9th January 2015:
I really need to work on my turnaround time for review swaps. upwards of 24 hours is probably too long

this chapter is definitely more 'filler' than the last one (i originally thought the story itself was only three chapters long but now i know you're continuing with it that makes more sense)

i'm not sure whether this is meant to be a statement or just an accurate reflection of teenage girls (especially when they decide a couple "should" be together) but i found her dormmates' reactions to the love potion issue quite interesting, and how unconcerned they seemed about it (there's definitely a rant about consent and lack of teaching about consent to be found somewhere there)

Your real strength is with Rose's internal monologues, i've found - especially this one: "Marching in here, planning to lie right to my face about nearly poisoning me to death, and then trying to paint outright manipulation as good intentions; all within the same breath... She'll probably try to make this out to be all my fault somehow. Just something else I've done wrong. Some kind of social blunder or something, Iím sure of it." I feel that in my soul and you've done that really well. I also like the comment about how none of the stress she's felt at Hogwarts has been in her dorm room - it's a good piece of scene-setting and characterisation.

one thing i would suggest is to watch the verbs you use when it comes to dialogue - i'm not sure if you've heard the phrase "said is dead" but if you have, said is not dead. said is very alive and very underappreciated. you want the focus to be on the dialogue, and using a different verb every time can be distracting. if it's clear who's speaking, the dialogue can also stand alone - you don't always need a verb.

i have to say though, overall your ability to write teenagers, and to write them accurately, is awesome - and i know you appreciate how important that is to get right. every piece of dialogue is spot on for the situation and context, good job!

Author's Response: Oh no, don't worry about it at all. I am most likely even slower so turnaround time is a nonissue, trust me.

Oh no, I could never tell the story I'm trying to tell without only three chapters. I just take so long between chapters that I wanted fresh perspectives on all of this.

Her dormmates are like half statement half realism. Because, like, everyone can't be super informed about consent and where that line is if this is meant to be ANYTHING like real life. It's almost satirical how totally blase they seem to feel about everything, but I decided not to point towards it to obviously.

Thank you so much about the monologues because that is my favorite part of writing this story. Her voice is super fun to slip into and kind of writes itself. So glad you think it's a strong point!

Also--about the verbs. I know this story has the stuffiest dialogue tags in the world lol. That's something that I only really learned about after this story was written tbh. I really should go back and clean it up. But yeah, my newer stories aren't abusing verbs nearly as much as this one :P

So stoked on you complimenting my ability to write realistic teenagers and actually writing dialogue that sounds like a teenager would say it. In a list of compliments this story could receive, that is up there.

Thank you so much for this! I'm going to get onto your second review so soon. Right after I get this chapter into the queue I promise ♥

 Report Review

Review #25, by Ravenclaw333Wake up, Rose.: Wake up.

8th January 2015:
Oh my god you didn't.

I'm just reading away like "Sweet love me some Hogwarts fun times and banter" and then whoa. I can see what you mean by getting up on your soapbox about feminist issues and I'm really curious as to how you're going to handle the aftermath, but you've done a really good job with this first chapter and that final sentence really packs a punch - it changes the meaning of everything that happens in the last scene completely. You do a really good job with the drunk/out of it stream of consciousness, and the whole feel of that last scene - the "everything's fine and wonderful until suddenly it's not" - is really well done. So, brilliant start and I'm really looking forward to seeing where you take this.

Author's Response: okay Lisa it's been exactly a month since we did this swap and idk where the time went?? we're both aware that i'm trash so there's no need to even acknowledge that.

'sweet love me some Hogwarts fun times and banter' has been my unofficial catchphrase about every story that includes any since this review. this chapter has been through like a thousand or so edits so i'm really glad that it finally kind of says what i want it to. this story wasn't going in this direction at first but now it's totally about consent. i have no idea what it was about before but i can only assume it was garbage. thank you so much for this review you're the best

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>