Yay, I'm so excited that you updated! I've been waiting for it forever it seems like! Anyway, I really love this story already and I can't wait until you update again. :) Report Review
This seems immensely interesting already! I can't wait to read some more! :)Author's Response: I appreciate the comment and hope to live up to expectations! Report Review
Hello! Just fulfilling your review request!
First, I'd like to say that this is interesting and that I'll probably still read it after this! :)
Now onto business... Rose calling the librarian "miss" seems a little weird as she's known as Madam Vincent, and it doesn't seem right that she would call an elder and superior "miss". And supplying her appearance where you did seemed out of place, though I DO think that her description is accurate, even her hair since red hair is a recessive trait (meaning that for her to have red hair like the rest of the Weasley's, Hermione would have to have been a redhead as well). You could have mentioned that Rose was looking at the librarian through her sunglasses and then gone into her eyes and why she was wearing them.
One of my questions is this: Why did she need in the Restricted Section in the first place? If it's not going to interfere with later in the story at some point, I'd mention it.
The description of the "whirlpool" and its affects could have been more dramatic; where is it coming from? The pages of the book? out of thin air? Why was the pull of it emotional, what else was she feeling?
Last thing, I don't know if it was mentioned before but your use of "forwards" instead of "forward" is, to me, distractiong. While they are the same thing, "forward" would sound better. I even had to read it aloud to myself.
Overall, I think this is a good start. If you go back and tweak it, I think it could be a really strong prologue and start. :)
Hope that helped!!Author's Response: Thank you. Another reviewer has mentioned that where I described her was a bit out of the blue. I guess I should have tried to lead onto it a bit more.
This is my first adventure/action fic, so making things dramatic is new for me. Hopefully as I get deeper into the story my adventure/action writing skills will improve.
Thanks for the nice review.
NARIS Report Review
:( That was so sad!! But at the same time I loved it so much! I don't know how I feel having the conflicting emotions right now, haha. But well done, I enjoyed it.Author's Response: Ahh, I'm sorry for causing those conflicting emotions! Haha. But thank you very much :) Report Review
Ooh, this is interesting! I can't wait to read more! :)Author's Response: Thank you very much :) Report Review
I really like this so far! I can't wait til you update :)Author's Response: aww! thank you! i'm trying to update as quickly as possible! Report Review
Oh my goodness. This was brilliant and I love it. I can't wait for more because I'm sure I'll be laughing til there are tears in my eyes. Kudos. :)Author's Response: Awww thank you :) I'll try and update soon. And while you're waiting check out my other stories :)
~LB Report Review
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