Reading Reviews From Member: MargaretLane
  
815 Reviews Found

Review #51, by MargaretLaneWe Are One: Revealed

1st November 2014:
Hmm, I'm not entirely convinced about Marrietta Edgecombe. The part about the "gruff voice" seems to imply that even if she is involved, there's somebody else behind her. *reads on*

Did you mean the nickname "Old Bill" as a reference to the police?

Hmm, there's clearly more to be reveled here. Whether Marietta is guilty or not, there is clearly more to this. Aberforth knows something. I doubt he'd get involved in murder himself, but he clearly has some information he's not revealing. Hmm.

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Review #52, by MargaretLaneAlbus Potter and the Pureblood's Secret: Halloween

1st November 2014:
This is SO perfect. It occurred to me it might work, because I knew your characters were talking a lot about Halloween, so it should be in the next couple of chapters, but going up on the actual day (by ye're time anyway) is perfect.

We're actually having summer temperatures over here at the moment. It's in the low 60s, which would be coolish summer weather here. And fun fact, in Ireland, we usually consider the winter to begin on the first of November. I know the English work it out differently though. We're just working from the traditional Celtic versions, in which Halloween marked the changing of the seasons. And this is some tangent from a mention of a chilly autumn day.

Oh gosh, I hadn't thought about Gemma. I guess I'm not used to associating pranks with Halloween. Fireworks, bonfires, trick-or-treating, scary films, barnbreac, sweets, apples, nuts would be my associations. I am anxious to see John and Kaden's prank though. You've been hinting at it for so long, I suspect it's going to be dramatic.

So Felix and Elsie are DEFINITELY up to something. I wonder what it was she didn't tell the truth about.

Yeah, I agree it's more likely to be about her reasons for being in Hogsmeade. It's kind of unlikely she'd lie about seeing Young right in the place somebody really was Polyjuicing as him. But there's clearly something she omitted and I'd imagine it's significant. I always SAID it seemed out of character for her to sneak into Hogsmeade just for the same of it. I'd expect GEMMA to do that, but Elsie doesn't seem the type.

I'm not entirely sure it's all an act. It's possible she's just stressed and that's why she was more outspoken here. But if it IS all an act then that means whatever's going on is pretty serious.

Aberforth's still alive? I guess it's not surprising, since Bathilda Bagshot only died in Deathly Hallows and she must be 20-30 years older than Dumbledore and Aberforth.

*laughs at Rose responding to the comment that Albus could go to Azkaban with the comment that he'd just have to be sure he didn't get caught* They do take risks, don't they? And I REALLY don't think that one is worth it. I can see why they'd want to know what Felix and Elsie are lying, but after all, just finding out what lie they told wouldn't help them find out the truth necessarily and they'd only be figuring out what was already known. It'd make far more sense to tell Harry or Ron or Dawlish or somebody what they'd heard. But I guess they wouldn't be Albus and his friends if they went straight to an adult.

Oh Gemma! Gluing the door of the Hospital wing shut could be serious, if somebody was injured or something and couldn't get in. When you consider some of the serious injuries that happen in Hogwarts, it could get problematic. I know it's unlikely somebody'd just be injured at that point, but it's not impossible.

*laughs* James had Kreacher help him with a prank at breakfast in my story, so that's a coincidence. It was a rather different prank though.

And that was a good prank, one that was just funny without really causing any great problem. Unlike Gemma's. And yeah, an owl home just for duplicating dishes would be a bit over the top.

Poor Burke. I feel sorry for him.

I agree with Harry on this one. Howlers are pretty pointless really.

Best of luck with Nano.

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Review #53, by MargaretLaneInto Darkness: Into Darkness

29th October 2014:
I was going to leave this, as it's late, but as it's fairly short, I'll read it now.

Hmm, I wonder why the apartment is so cheap. As this is a horror story, I'm guessing there's an ominous reason.

When the character is investigating the mysterious corridor, you've written "aftera" all as one word.

And that is the LAST thing I would have expected. Very unusual idea. And quite an intriguing one. There are many things that could be going on.

Yeah, that is definitely scary. The thought of being trapped somewhere and slowly dying of hunger and thirst is terrifying. And then the part at the end is so mysterious. We have no idea who the people are or what they intend to do to the main character.

Author's Response: Ah, thank you for leaving me this review!!

I was super interested in the idea of writing SCARY, since I'd never done it before, so I basically just threw together everything that creeps me out!

Thank you for pointing out the type! Editing now :)

Thank you again so much!
-Roisin


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Review #54, by MargaretLaneAlbus Potter and the New Threat: The Plot

29th October 2014:
Hmm, your descriptions of the two wizards are quite intriguing.

Hmm, I wonder why they need to capture one of the Potters. It seems to have something to do with establishing themselves, perhaps causing fear in the wizarding world by capturing a member of such an illustrious family. Although if that were the reason, it probably wouldn't have to be a Potter. There are other powerful and well-known people. I'm guessing there's more to it than that.

And I find it interesting that they don't seem to know much about the Potters. After all, Harry is famous. Of course, that doesn't mean his children's names would be well know. It's not like I know the names of the children of our President or Taoiseach (Prime Minister). So it's possible it's as simple as that. But considering how disheveled the men seem, it's also possible they've been living outside mainstream society.

I wonder how old James is. If he's a Beater already, it seems likely he's already completed two years of Hogwarts, unless like Harry he made the team in his first year, which would also explain why adults would know his position - something like that would probably be known.

Though if they want a challenge, it seems odd they would pick a boy in his first or second year at Hogwarts. I doubt most people would consider capturing an 11 or 12 year old much more of an achievement than capturing a 9 or 10 year old.

This is a really interesting beginning to the story. Although we know the men's names, it's still mysterious as we don't know much else about them or exactly what their plan is, beyond capturing Albus. We don't know how they plan to do that, why they want him or what they plan to do to him once they have him.

Looking forward to seeing what happens.

Author's Response: The reason that I made it the Potter family is because: one, Harry Potter is a well known wizard and Ginny was a chaser for the Harpies, so the entire family is famous. Two, everything bad happens to them. And three, it's a familiar name for the readers, so they have an idea of who I'm talking about.

The two people in the beginning know who the Potters are, but they don't know much about their personal lives, except for what was stated in the story so far. During the course of events, they will gain knowledge on the Potters, especially Albus.

James is in his third year. And yes, he made the team in his first year. Although it wouldn't make much difference since James is Harry's son. News about the family travels fast.

The reason that I picked Albus to be the main character is because of his personality. Reading a lot of fanfic has given me a general view of the characters. James is arrogant and a Quidditch fanatic, Lily is like her mother in every way (appearance and power level), and Albus is quiet, but curious about everything. I also think that a story about people trying to kidnap James would be boring. I mean, he probably wouldn't notice anything, even if the evidence were staring him in the face. Lily is with Harry and Ginny a lot since she isn't in Hogwarts yet, so trying to kidnap her would be a lost cause.

The reason that getting Albus is a challenge is because he will investigate anything unusual. That means that these people may have trouble watching his every move, especially since he will investigate anything that doesn't seem right.

Thank you for commenting.




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Review #55, by MargaretLanepresent, past.: 1

28th October 2014:
Well, I had to read this, with Halloween coming up and all.

The first part has me intrigued as to what has just happened. If it shocks Harry, after everything HE'S lived through, it must be quite extreme.

I wasn't expecting a werewolf attack. Not sure what I WAS expecting, but that came as a surprise to me.

Oh, one thing, I assume this story takes place in England, since Harry is investigating? So why is the character talking about a Thanksgiving turkey? Is she American?

I think the amount left to our imaginations in this story is quite effective. What you do describe is terrifying and you portray the scene that greets Harry really well.

Author's Response: Hi!

I'm so glad you like it, and oops! I will change the thanksgiving part right now! Thank you for pointing that out!

The werewolf thing came as a surprise to me as well but I think it works.

Thanks for stopping by, your review was very appreciated.
Lo :)


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Review #56, by MargaretLaneRainfall: Of National Importance

28th October 2014:
AHH, you've been scaring me about this chapter and the title does NOTHING to reassure me. *goes to read*

*laughs at Hugo pointing out he DOESN'T know what the sun looks like* And with the rain today, I sympathise wholeheartedly with them.

And yeah, Ginny, that stuff about praying for rain is REALLY likely! Over here, at least, I think we complain MORE about the rain in the summer, because in the winter, rain can at least mean it's a bit milder, and besides you don't expect good weather, whereas in summer, we kinda feel we should see the sun occasionally.

And ooh, now I can't wait for your reaction to something in my year four.

*laughs at Hermione ignoring the Quidditch* That is so like her. And it's so like Ron to leave the room when the news comes on.

LOVE Teddy and Susan reading the news. I'm trying to get a variety of jobs in to my story, rather than just having all my characters becoming Aurors, Healers, teachers, Quidditch players or working in the better known departments of the Ministry, although some of my characters will have some of those jobs. And I like seeing a variety of jobs in other stories too. Especially, I like seeing characters like Teddy, James and Albus having careers other than the obvious ones. I would NEVER have thought of Teddy being a news reader, but I like it.

Oh, one thing I noticed: you've written in the oath, "and to will serve the witches and wizards".

An ex-Taoiseach died recently actually. I probably mentioned it to you at the time.

And the mention of wanting to give him an award after he died, reminded me of the Roger Casement thing, although in this case, I agree Nobby's wishes should be respected. Casement was given a State funeral nearly 50 years after his death, when his body was returned to Ireland.

I'm not in agreement with Hermione here. For one thing, any national leader dying is a big thing. And I think he was significant, not so much for what he DID as what he WAS. He showed a Muggleborn and a civil rights activist COULD become Minister, even if it ended badly.

It's weird reading Hermione and Ginny's comments about journalism today, as just this morning, I was listening to this English journalist - John Pilger? - talking about how all media is biased and we have to be aware of the agendas behind it and stuff.

I wonder if Hermione is thinking of the fiasco that was the aftermath of the World Cup in Goblet of Fire.

I always admire people who can go through things like that without bitterness - Dev, Erskine Childers, Mandela.

And aw, it's so sad the way what happened dented Nobby's confidence. I know you'll say I've no right to talk about knocking characters' confidence, but STILL.

I don't think this is the right place for me to go on my rant about killing people at random to make a point, but suffice it to say, I can see Nobby's point. Although I'm not convinced killing people for something they can't be helped, like what parents they were born to, is much better.

Aw poor Lucy. She seems to be the equivalent of my Molly II.

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Review #57, by MargaretLaneRabbit Heart: Charmed Hearts

27th October 2014:
LOVE the way your portray the conflict in Wren's head - between her fondness for her rabbit, and ability to feel his unhappiness and her growing awareness that something here isn't quite right.

There are a couple of places in the chapter where you are missing chapter breaks. Not that it really matters, but thought I'd point it out to you.

This might be a personal preference, but I also feel you are using Albus and Wren's names rather a lot. As there is only one guy and one girl involved in the conversation, just saying "he" or "she" would make it clear who you're referring to.

Hmm, the question about whether the rabbit has got to Albus is an interesting one. I don't think he has really. I think the pull between them is just that of attraction. And I like her suspicion of it.

And I really like the comment about how she COULD do without Albus but didn't want to.

When Albus thinks that trying to come up with a reasonable excuse for his duel would be nearly impossible, you've put a small "t" at the start of "trying" even though it's the first word in the sentence.

I'm glad Wren's had a break from Bunny's influence. Hope it continues.

I still am wondering why some people are more affected by the rabbits than others. I've a feeling it's related to unhappiness. Or emotional turmoil or something like that. Most of the people affected seem to be people who have some kind of issues going on or people who aren't very happy.

Serena seems to have a bit of a one-track mind. It's like all she's interested in about the guys are how well they photograph.

I wonder what she's seen in the picture of Bunny. That is kinda creepy.

And poor Wren. Between the history of mental illness in her family (even if her grandparents was caused by a specific event and therefore unlikely to be hereditary), combined with her weird experiences with Bunny are enough to make anybody question their sanity.

Seems like Wren think Smeed is causing this when it seems like he's trying to prevent, even if it is only to prevent retaliation against vampires in general.

And yay, Gran seems to be getting better. I hope she's recovered.

Author's Response:

Oh hey!

Head conflict can be tricky, so it pleases me to no end that you got that bit about Wren.

I went back and fixed up some of those line breaks. I've been using Google Docs lately, and I have been putting my chapters back into Word for final editing. That seems to mess up the formatting and I end up missing things. Hope it's better now.

I hope Wren gets a nice break too. She's been through an awful lot and it's got to be hard when you have this thing in your head giving you all kinds of bad ideas.

Serena. That's her. I don't know what else to say about that, so I won't.

Yay for Gran's emergence! Though the timing might be a little off. Yes, poor Wren. She hasn't gotten many breaks in the story. She might not have it all right in her head yet, but she is getting more of a clue. Hopefully these characters can pull it together soon.

Thanks for your lovely words! I do appreciate them!


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Review #58, by MargaretLaneAlbus Potter and the Pureblood's Secret: Investigating

25th October 2014:
Wow, that's a pretty interesting assignment for Albus to get to witness. If it wasn't one that was something of a moral dilemma for him, it'd be really exciting.

Makes a lot of sense that they'd be careful who they sell illegal potions to. It sounds as if they'd be in a lot of trouble if they were caught. I like the details you add that make the wizarding world seem real, like the rules about the selling of potions and the trials and so on.

Strikes me though that George could be a liability in an Apothecary. It's the sort of business where you'd need a clear mind. Making a mistake, after all, could be pretty serious. I suspect there is more to George being employed there.

And now you have me wondering if there's some connection between the illegal potions trade and the murders. I assumed they were just a red herring, a way to have Boone muddy the waters and get blamed in the wrong, but now it's occurred to me that covering that up COULD be a motive for murder - a vastly inadequate one, but I guess if the profits were high enough... And one of the murders took place in Diagon Alley, near where one of the Apothecaries is and another in Hogsmeade, near where somebody using one of the potions was hiding. I can't imagine why the latter would provide a motive for killing somebody there, unless of course, the victim had noticed Young in Hogsmeade at times he couldn't possibly be. Then it might have become necessary to silence him.

I've come up with more possible solutions to this mystery. And I've no idea which is the most likely.

Hmm, Fawley's becoming more obviously dodgy.

And I DO feel sorry for Boone. He really seems to have had a pretty awful time.

I like the fact Albus doesn't immediately recognise the phrase "the greater good". There's no real reason he should, when Grindelwald didn't directly target Britain. I do see Johnston's point though, about not raising the minor issues and how it's a dilemma.

I wonder though if your inclusion of the term "the greater good" is hinting at something more - that Johnston is untrustworthy, perhaps or a connection with Grindelwald. Or maybe you were just writing about Johnston suggesting the ends justified the means and you realised it was similar to Grindelwald's logic and decided to make a connection. I know there are a few times in my mystery stories when people start picking up on things that have no great relevance.

The term "citations" sounds a bit American. It wouldn't be one I'd expect to see used in this context. Can't remember what terms Arthur Weasley used, but I think he just spoke of fines.

I'm not surprised they aren't all in the Marauder's den often. With Kaden in his O.W.L.s year and helping Burke, all the sixth years having internships as well as schoolwork and Rose and Albus being prefects, they must all be pretty busy.

Oooh, there's something ominous about your last paragraph. I've a feeling this Hogsmeade visit won't be as much fun as Albus thinks.

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Review #59, by MargaretLaneSeven: Seven is the most magical of numbers.

22nd October 2014:
The part about him beaming when the hat calls out Gryffindor immediately gives us an indication as to how you are characterising him - as having been different from his family right from the beginning and pleased to be so.

I like the comment about him becoming brothers with the other Marauders.

I like the way you flash through the various parts of his life. It works really well for the rescuing of Harry, as it sort of shows the sense of rush, to get Harry to safety.

And the scene in Azkaban just sent shivers down my spine. It was creepy.

And then the sense of contrast between that and the following paragraph. I think that works so well - the grass, earth and trees of freedom contrasting with the cold cell of Azkaban.

I LOVE the comment about him buying Harry his very first broom and how he is almost trying to recreate those days by buying him another.

You really captured the sense of imprisonment when you wrote "caged like an animal."

Death seems to appear to him as a form of freedom at the end. I like that interpretation.

This story is so well written.

Author's Response: Hey there!

Wow - this review was totally unexpected and completely fantastic!

So glad you noticed the contrast between the scenes. I tried really hard to get each paragraph to have a different emotion coming through.

You noticed the broomstick! Yay! I think that death was a form of freedom for Sirius. Harry could never see it that way, but Sirius was not in the same place.

Coming from you - I'm going to take that as a huge compliment! :)

♥ Beth


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Review #60, by MargaretLaneChangeling: Chapter 1

22nd October 2014:
Well, I had to read this. First off, LOVE the name of the school and its both religious and Halloweeny connotations.

One thing: you should really go down to a new paragraph whenever anybody speaks.

The way in which Pádraig Dolan is dressed amuses me.

I now wonder what has happened to her parents. And that is so sad about her adoptive father.

I'm guessing her birth father will play a part and will sort of come to replace her adoptive father in her life.

I wonder if there is an area of Dublin where they can buy school supplies like Diagon Alley in London.

Author's Response: Thanks a million for your review, I really wasn't expecting one so early in the story.
I love the school too - and it actually existed! Priory of All Hallows was built about a thousand years ago where Trinity College is now. I've done a ton of research to find somewhere real, and this place couldn't have been more perfect. It's got a ton of backstory too that I can't wait to get into, plus every place(apart from Ballybeg) in the muggle world is real to try and make the story better.
Thanks for that bit of advice, I'm new to writing stuff online and I really appreciate any and all constructive criticism :)
Her birth family WILL make an appearance, and it's gonna be big, but not quite just yet.
The magical shopping area is gonna be a weee bit more than an area of Dublin...I've incorporated some of the old legends to make it a bit more interesting. Magical Ireland is VERY different to magical Britain, but still in canon to JK's universe :)


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Review #61, by MargaretLaneRainfall: Beginnings and Ends

22nd October 2014:
*cheers for Hermione getting somewhere during the meeting* And yes, using a racial slur at a war hero might NOT go down well.

My immediate thought for the "lovely gentleman who insulted" her is Lucius Malfoy. It just sounds like him.

*cheers for Hugo getting a distinction*

*laughs at Hugo wanting to go because it's a day out of the classroom*

*cheers for them having displays in Braille*

And you haven't mentioned Kelly at all yet this chapter. I guess there hasn't been much change yet, but *is concerned* Poor Kelly. She's missing the trip too.

I actually laughed out loud at how they are less likely to get in trouble than a bunch of kids from an ordinary school would be, as people'd feel mean spoiling blind kids' fun.

And just after that, the teacher DOES mention Kelly. It mostly sounds like she's doing OK, but that part about the lymph nodes is worrying. I can't help feeling this is going to turn out to be more serious than anybody expects. *glares at you*

OK, I've already expressed my surprise at the fact he's never had the opportunity to be really creative in school.

*tuts at the idea of people being concerned about children writing about dragons killing people*

I can see why she'd be worried about the Statute, but I don't think there's any great need. Nobody'd believe this stuff was true. Although he might be better off not detailing things like the types of dragons as that seems kinda specific for a ten year old to come up with.

Setting the world on fire? OK, that's rather a dramatic ending. I guess the dragons could do it though. And I like the connection with the Slytherin Conspiracy.

I am laughing at the thought of Ron as a teacher.

And Dumbledore did say to Tom Riddle that he wouldn't be made attend Hogwarts if he didn't want to, didn't he? And Hagrid spoke about if Harry wanted to go. And Remus didn't expect he'd even be able to go to Hogwarts. So I guess Hugo COULD remain in the Muggle world. It'd be hard for him though, as he wouldn't have the advantages of being able to do magic. But then the wizarding world doesn't give him the advantages of supports for the blind. Either way, he's going to miss out on something.

Hmm, sounds like not many of your next gen are in Gryffindor. I placed most of mine there, since Albus feeling insecure about not being a Gryffindor plays a big part in The Writing on the Wall and the more Weasleys that are in that house, the more left out he'd feel by not being.

I'm still debating where to place Hugo. I can actually see your Hugo being a Ravenclaw. Ron wouldn't be pleased to have neither of his kids in Gryffindor.

Yeah, pretty unlikely any of the Muggleborns in his year would just happen to have attended the same primary school as him.

*hugs Emma* *hugs Hugo too* I really like the character of Emma. She's pretty determined for a ten year old. But then, when we were asked in 3rd class about what we'd wish for if we'd three wishes, my first thought was that I'd be able to get a teaching job when I grew up. I may not have been aware of the exact unemployment rates, but I was certainly familiar with the idea that leaving Ireland to get work was pretty commonplace. Anyway, I like Emma.

And I LOVE how positive Hugo is in the last paragraph.

Which I expect means you're going to ruin everything for him again in the next chapter. *glares at you*

Author's Response: *snuggles review* Maths can wait - I have a response to write!

I'm not convinced Lucius would still be working for the Ministry, even if he did escape Azkaban. And I think he MIGHT have more sense than to use a racial slur at a war hero in public.

Writing this chapter, I had in my head the Science Museum in London, which it's very realistic that a primary school - even a special one, like Hugo's - would visit, as I imagine them being not all that far from London, maybe Hugo living kind of on the outskirts of the suburbs and the school being a few miles out in the country (to get away from the dangers of the city). Or at least in a town relatively near London, reducing apparation distances for visiting the Ministry and the Potters etc. And, getting to the point (at last), the Science Museum is definitely "accessible", with things like Braille displays and wheelchair access and interactive multi-sensory models. Rather well suited to Hugo and co.

Haha, Hugo's class are sweet but really not the best behaved. Which their teachers probably like, because the kids are good at heart just high-spirited and happy despite their situations.

Yep, a nice positive note to the chapter... then I bring the mood right back down. Now of course what you COULD do is do a little research into Melanoma to find out how the disease/treatment are likely to develop and how much danger Kelly's actually in - this is researched and fact-based. Though you doing that research might spoil my fun...

Hugo can be a dramatic kid. Well, a kid with a "that escalated quickly" kind of imagination. Yeah, logical escalation of the situation leads to the entire world catching fire... I think someone got overexcited...

I think Hugo could be very happy in the muggle world - there's far better support for the blind, and he has better prospects there because of all the "equal opportunities" stuff. And magic is of limited use to him, because it is so visual - most of the time, he'd need help to know where he was aiming his wand.

Yeah, I came up with characterisations for my next gens and they all seemed to fit elsewhere. James is the only one currently in Gryffindor (Teddy was, but that's not mentioned in the story yet). And yet Hugo still feels Gryffindor's the place to be.

Hugo - Ravenclaw. It may or may not be right (I do actually know now). I will be interested to seeing whether you stick with that guess or change as the story progresses! Yeah, Ron wouldn't be delighted at that!

You like Emma? *cackles evilly*

You reckon next chapter's going to be evil? You'll just have to wait and see... ;)


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Review #62, by MargaretLaneBehind You: Run

21st October 2014:
Dumbledore is my absolute favourite character in the Harry Potter series, so I really like the idea that he's going to appear in this, even if it sounds like it might be focused more on Grindelwald.

I really like your writing, which is one of the reasons I've been jumping at your review swaps (that and the fact you give awesome reviews). It reminds me to read more of your work.

There's something about the way you characterise Grindelwald that reminds me of Voldemort.

Love the introductory part about "yourself" being what you fear most. It seems to fit with the dichotomy between Grindelwald's dreadful behaviour in his youth and middle age and his courage against Voldemort at the end of his life. Not that I believe courage equals morality, and Scrimgeour's courage doesn't make me like him any more, but there are hints that Grindelwald's courage is inspired either by some level of loyalty towards (or guilt) Dumbledore or else an anxiety to make some kind of amends from the past.

One thing I wonder is whether Drumstrang would have prefects. I guess there's no reason why not. I just don't know if they'd be as common in Eastern Europe.

Hmm, I wonder what he is running from at the end of the first section.

You're sort of building a pattern of him running.

And even after what I know he has done, I can't help having some sympathy for him when you portray him sneaking away after Ariana's death. He is still only a boy, after all, and the thought of what might happen if he were found guilty of killing somebody after everything that had happened in his past, must be terrifying. And he has now basically been driven from two homes. Of course it's his own fault, but you still show signs of the confused and frightened boy who has lost everything as a result of what he's done.

And I like your hints that he does feel some guilt for how he's hurt Albus.

I think you connect the different eras quite well. It's not easy jumping such huge periods of time, but this manages not to sound at all disconnected.

And your description of how his name now haunts people's nightmares is chilling.

Did you intend Heinrich Nacht to be reminiscent of Heinrich Himmler?

OK, you are really making me feel sorry for Grindelwald here. But then, after you made me feel some understanding of Crouch's behaviour, I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

And the train of running through the story comes to its climax. As does my original idea of a similarity between Voldemort and Grindelwald.

This is a really excellent story. Ten out of ten.

Author's Response: Hi Margaret! Aw, thank you, it's so nice of you to say - and I love doing review swaps with you, your reviews are always so thoughtful and detailed, plus your stories are great too!

I definitely took some inspiration from Voldemort for Grindelwald's characterisation, particularly at this early stage in his life when he's going after power and control. And I'm glad you liked the introduction and the sort of the dichotomy it introduced - you managed to understand the idea I was trying to convey with that perfectly!

You know, I hadn't even thought about whether they'd have prefects or not at Durmstrang, so that's definitely something to consider. I've not got much experience of Eastern European schools, but I think they might be less common in European schools in general, so I might revise that. Thanks for pointing it out!

I'm glad you could feel some sympathy for Grindelwald, even if it doesn't mean what he did was forgiveable - but I think he's intended to seem more human than Voldemort in the series, and I wanted to expand on that. I definitely think he felt guilty because of Albus being his friend - it would be hard to walk away from that without ever thinking about it again.

I'm really glad you liked that description of his name haunting people's nightmares - I always imagine his rule and power extended in a similar way to what happened during the second world war, so I would imagine that a lot of people were haunted by the idea of him! And I hadn't even noticed the connection between Heinrich Nacht and Heinrich Himmler (this is what happens when you rush to finish two stories in a day) but I love the fact that parallels could easily be drawn there!

Thank you so much for this review, and all of the compliments on the story and my writing! :D


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Review #63, by MargaretLaneThe Thing With Feathers: It sings the tune without the words

21st October 2014:
OK, this story is quite creepy, especially the part where they are perching there as Harry is deposited on the doorstep.

I find it intriguing the way you've put a negative spin on "hope", the way it appears to be in league with death.

And I like the way you link Harry's defeat of death with that of the mythical Peverell brothers and the fact that he will later be the one to combine all three of their creations/gifts. I never thought of that before, but in a way, Harry is already "master of death", having cheated it so many times.

The story is very well written, almost poetic.

Author's Response: Ah, sorry for taking so long to respond! Thanks for the challenge and I'm so glad you enjoyed the story! I had a lot of fun writing it.

It is a little bit creepier than I intended for it to be, but I am happy that you managed to take away so many messages from it. I always felt that Harry more than defeating Voldemort when he was a baby, defeated death in a sense as well. By that logic, he already achieved what he set out to do before getting the wand, the stone and the cloak.

Hope, I felt, is always portrayed in a positive light, the last rope for people to hold on to. It was an interesting experience trying to make such a concept negative. I firmly believe that everything has pros and cons. It was only a matter of time before I found what the cons of hope were :)

Anyway, I'm thrilled you think it was well written and thank you once again for the lovely challenge that really made me think in a new fashion to come up with a story!


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Review #64, by MargaretLaneFear : Bogart

18th October 2014:
Your review was so awesome, I thought I'd check out your stories. If you can create a character that intrigues me in a review, what could you do with a story. And the summary here somehow reminded me of the story you just reviewed.

Love the beginning of this story and it DID make me think about my Boggart. Probably something to do with heights, but how it could display that, I have no idea.

And I'm intrigued as to why Hermione'd be somebody's boggart.

And wow, that is a pretty deep reason. It's chilling, but I love it.

Yi-i-ikes. It makes sense that Hermione would be strongly affected by what she experienced during the war. She was pretty badly tortured after all. But this is the most severely affected I've seen her be. Poor, poor girl.

And if Victoire is born and old enough to speak, a fair amount of time has passed, so she has obviously been suffering for a while. Poor, poor Hermione.

OH, she coped fairly well in the aftermath of the war, until something triggered her. That makes a lot of sense. Her immediate recovery in Deathly Hallows seems rather too quick and reading it, I couldn't help wondering whether she was really doing OK or just faking it.

And being tortured again...no wonder she's so traumatised.

I love the way you gradually explain the background to the situation in this story. The beginning creates suspense and you gradually fill in the gaps, so naturally, so tragically.

Awesome story.

Author's Response: Hi! I'm so glad you liked the review, it was really fun and I thought you had written a brilliant story. I was very pleased to see you were intrigued by Clarissa :)
I was not expecting any reviews back, so this was a really lovely surprise! I'm delighted that you liked it. I love the way you reviewed as you read it, that was brilliant. I got to hear your thoughts throughout, so thank you very much.
Lottie


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Review #65, by MargaretLaneActions Speak Louder than Words: Bedlam: Scorpius and Rose POV

16th October 2014:
O.K., I'm finally getting around to this. Have gone to read SO many times.

You are really good at making it clear whose point of view you're writing from. It's hard switching between points of view in first person, but you do it really well. I only just noticed that now, which is a good sign, as it means I haven't been confused.

And you are STILL keeping us in suspense as to where Rose is, except that she's not with her parents. Oooh, ominous. At least she seems to be with somebody sympathetic, which is a good sign, but whether it's somewhere she'd be safe if attacked is still in question.

Harry's is good. If any home is likely to be protected, it's his.

One thing I've noticed here is that there are a few places where contractions might be useful. I think it'd be more natural for Harry to say, "does anybody know you're here?" than "does anybody know you are here?" for example. And even more so, when Al says "you are being completely unreasonable." I'm being very nit-picky here, but the "are" sort of slows down the sentence and makes him sound less irritated than he might otherwise.

Yi-i-ikes, that is the very LAST thing I expected. I think I pretty much had it in my head that the villain (I can NEVER remember how to spell his name) was working from revenge in some way or another. I kind of assumed he had something against Harry, Ron or Hermione and was punishing them by harming somebody they loved. I thought maybe he blamed one of them for the death or imprisonment of somebody he cared about - a parent, maybe - and was punishing them by imprisoning somebody they loved. I only considered that a possibility, but at any rate, I assumed it had something to do with revenge on them or at least was connected to the past, not to a prophecy.

And now I can't wait to hear what the prophecy is about. I'm guessing Rose is destined to something and the villain wants to prevent her from doing it.

I find it interesting how differently next gen. characters can be portrayed. Al's need to play the hero here is so much in contrast to my Albus's desire for a quiet life. Though, of course, my Al is much younger, but I don't think he'd ever react quite like that. The other way around - Rose needing to act the hero for Albus would be way more likely.

Author's Response: Hi MargaretLane,

Aww, thanks so much for this and ALL your reviews. It really lifts my sprirts when I see them ♥

I cannot tell you how relieved I am that you mentioned my POV. That is something that I really worry about. Actually, I tried really, really hard to write this story solely from Rose's POV, but I needed too much from Scorpius's perspective, that I had to go back and re-do several chapters.

Harry was Rose's obvious choice. Although her real intentions were to beg him to lift the restrictions. She was just trying to convince herself that running away wasn't so bad.

Yikes - I've made a concerted effort to improve my contractions, mainly because of your wonderful feedback. But you're right (see what I did there?) both of those places would sound better with the contractions.

Haha - the villain is Stannous (the Latin name for tin - from the Periodic Table). Ooo - I'm so glad I caught you off guard with the prophecy. Expect more next chapter. Much, MUCH more - (insert evil laugh).

Good guess, but... keep guessing!

I totally know what you mean about next gen characters! This site has opened up SO many avenues as to how the next gen plays out - it really blows my mind to see the variations of romantic pairings and character traits. I agree with your fic - Rose is definitely the dominant of that relationship.

Thanks again!

Beth


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Review #66, by MargaretLaneHere We All Go: On The Train

14th October 2014:
Firstly, thank you so SO much. I really didn't expect this. Thanks again.

LOVE the bit about how Draco doesn't talk about the war. It makes sense that it would be something he'd be ashamed of, and probably traumatised by.

Also really love the introduction we get to Professor Stark. As I'm sure I've mentioned before, I love hearing about new teachers and I like the way you immediately give an impression of unfairness in just one line. I haven't seen much of Stark in your story, probably because I'm still fairly near the start and I'm now wondering if this'll make Potions a little unpleasant for Albus and his friends.

And you've also given the impression Scorpius is VERY intelligent. You're good at giving an introduction to characters in a few lines.

And I like Scorpius's reaction. Even that gives an insight into his family relationships, that even with his parents he feels he has to keep up some degree of a facade and give the "correct" response, rather than just a natural one. I'm now looking forward to seeing more of Scorpius in your mystery.

And I like the difference in personality you show between the twins and the fact that Jacob finds it difficult to make friends because he tends to overstep boundaries. Usually when people in stories find it difficult to make friends, it's just because they are shy or asocial, so it's nice to see something different.

Hmm, I suspect there's a mystery about Agatha.

And I like the fact that Scorpius wants to escape his family name, to some degree, but still wants to be in Slytherin house, as he sees it as not just associated with his father's bad characteristics, but also with his good ones - intelligence, the ability to succeed. Scorpius seems rather mature for an 11 year old - not in an unrealistic way, just in the sense that he has probably done some soul searching about how his family is viewed and his background and so has had to think about things most eleven year olds wouldn't and have a rather more nuanced idea of "good" and "bad" than is normal at that age. I guess when the dad you love fought on the "wrong" side, you can't really see things as simply good guys versus bad guys.

I actually laughed at how "merely" and "giant" don't belong in the same sentence.

I like the fact that the twins are in different houses. It'll give Jacob the chance to develop his own personality and interests, as it seems like he's letting his twin led him a bit. Obviously, it'll be hard for him, but he can't depend on her forever, so it might be good for him in the long run.

Agatha is my favourite. There's something mysterious about her and I'd love to know more.

I also like the way the Sorting Hat took a while to place Scorpius in Slytherin. Actually, that's what happened in my series too. *laughs* Although I've a feeling that in this, it happened differently. I've a feeling your Scorpius had to plead with it to place him in Slytherin and/or that it originally thought another house might suit him better, not just that it was deciding between a few and finally considered that the best option.

Interesting. Your Scorpius definitely seems to be an original character.

Author's Response: You totally deserve one with your great reviews.

I tried to bring across his shame but pride despite it.

Yep, it does. You'll see in our novella.

Scorpius is just a tad less than Hermione-intelligent mainly because he doesn't make a point of being the smartest. He's just naturally smart. (and Draco may be exaggerating a little bit)

Poor kid always feels like this.

Thanks! I was just trying to bring out the differences between them, not realizing Jacob's issues were pretty unique.

Oh yes. Plenty of mystery about her.

Scorpius is a character whose difficulties are ones I personally experienced growing up (but my dad's not a former Death Eater) I loved putting my fears and the consequences of those fears in Scorpius, it was a way of making him more real.

Yes! That was a later addition, and it worked!

We tried to convey that they both needed each other, but they manage apart. There's actually a funny line in the Christmas chapter of the novella Jacob says about Ruthie, but I won't spoil it for you now.

Perfect, that's what we were going for. I can message you her unknown backstory on the forums if you want.

You got it. We go into further detail about it in our novella (once Albus earns Scorpius' trust)

Thank you so much. We once read a story where Scorpius was extremely outgoing and that's not how we saw the son of post-war Draco. I guess it also depends on your view of post-war Draco.

Love hearing you loved it!
--Georgina


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Review #67, by MargaretLaneRainfall: For Family and Friends

13th October 2014:
Another chapter closer to the rather intriguing sounding chapter 16. *laughs and goes to read*

Love the mention of their needing a phone, as the school would find it suspicious if they DIDN'T have one. There's probably a lot less magic around an ordinary wizarding house than around Hogwarts anyway, though I guess things like anti-Apparition protection and stuff could still interfere if they hadn't modified it.

Really like the description of how the video games work for blind kids.

And George's comment there was so sad. It's still less than 20 years since the war, so most people will know somebody who died or was injured or imprisoned. And I agree with him that Fred would want to see everybody laughing.

LOVE the idea of the Young Inventors competition. George would DEFINITELY want to encourage kids to invent pranks as he did.

*cheers for Al coming up with a broom Hugo could ride* Fair play to him. From your comments about him, I wondered if he'd have entered the competition, but I hadn't considered him creating something Hugo could use. Good on Al.

And you have now sort of inspired me to rewrite the Easter chapter from The Writing on the Wall. I really should, I suppose.

Yikes, poor Kelly. You really do give these poor kids a hard time.

That was sensitive on the parts of the teachers to let them eat in their classroom.

We used always eat in our classrooms in primary school, actually. Well, from 3rd class on (8/9 year olds). 1st and 2nd class ate in the gym under the supervision of a teacher and a couple of sixth class girls. I can't remember what we did in Junior and Senior Infants, but I assume we all ate somewhere we could be supervised again. From 3rd class on, we ate in our classrooms, with a teacher patrolling the corridors. And we always brought packed lunches. In secondary school, we'd a canteen and could choose whether to buy food there or bring our own lunches and we could eat where we liked.

Knowing you, I wouldn't be surprised if Kelly DID die. And it's pointless even yelling at you not to let her, because I know you've all but finished this story already. But NO, you can't kill a ten year old girl. That's not on!

*laughs at Kelly's usual behaviour* I like her style. You really can't kill her now.

LOVE that paragraph about how he doesn't want to be asked about his school day because it'd make him think of Kelly. It's portrays how upset he is probably better than anything else you've said in this chapter.

You've written that Hugo points out Rose "isn't that much younger than" him. It should be older.

The last paragraph is somewhat chilling. It kind of indicates Hugo is feeling pretty helpless and trapped, which makes sense, considering he knows one of his friends is seriously ill and there's nothing he can do about it and nor is there anything he can do about his own blindness.

Author's Response: Chapter 16 approaches! *laughs*

The video game idea I actually got from Googling "games for the blind" or something like that - there are things like lists of accessible games and blogs on what people's (blind) children can and can't manage to play and what features make a game accessible.

I like Al a lot. YES I KNOW, being liked by me is not something my characters particularly benefit from... but I still like him. He may not fit my profile for him, but his character has sort of developed itself and I love what he's become. Can I say that about my own character? I don't care, I AM saying it.

The story was going slowly in JulNo. Yes, I did that to Kelly to get the story going. I'm so evil I love it, mwahaha...

I doubt considering the nature of the school this is the first time the teachers have had to tell children that one of their classmates is in a situation like this - blindness is often just one symptom of a disorder which may lead to many other health issues, like in Kelly's case with the albinism causing blindness and also the increased vulnerability to harmful UV radiation. And because of the general medical profile of the student body, they've probably had to announce deaths, too, very occasionally, let alone hospitalisations.

So the staff will have talked before about what to do in situations like this and how the children might react, and they'll have experience of dealing with it.

We always ate in the assembly hall at primary school, under the supervision of the dinner lady and I think another couple of teachers who were on duty. Yeah, most of us had packed lunches, though they had school dinners for those on free school meals or whose parents paid for it. The primary school I did work experience at had more dinner ladies and a lot more people had hot school meals (although I think there were also a lot with packed lunches). Our secondary school system is the same as yours. I think they might feed the kids at Hugo's school partly because of the medical profile I mentioned - they want to make sure they're all eating well. And it saves the parents - who definitely don't all find it easy looking after disabled children - from having to worry about making packed lunches. And the school generally provides a lot more care than most - it provides far more than just a normal primary education!

Yay, you like Kelly! It's always more fun when people like the characters you're being horrible to. *cackles evilly*

I can't kill a ten-year-old girl? Oh, OK. MWAHAHA ONLY JOKING I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT. EVEN/ESPECIALLY IF IT'S "NOT ON"!

Thank you! I love your reaction to this chapter SO MUCH! (And I have at last have a character I can bring out when you start scaring me about what's going to happen to Blackburn.)


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Review #68, by MargaretLaneRabbit Heart: Somewhere in the Heart

11th October 2014:
That part about him lapping up blood is a bit creepy.

Hmm, I wonder how Dillon is continuing to access her mind and how this'll end.

Shouldn't "timetables" be one word? I was reading it as "times tables" and thinking, "but they don't learn Maths at Hogwarts."

Like the reference to the book club. Young witches and wizards really need more options for leisure. All there seems to be is Quidditch, wizard chess and gobstones. And the wireless, I guess. But they have no TVs, no computers, only one sport, only leave Hogwarts maybe once a month and then only to go shopping or to the pub - no concerts or discos or dances. They don't even seem to have all that much fiction, although that may be because Hermion, Ron and Harry don't really seem the types to be into fiction, Ron and Harry because they aren't that into reading and Hermione seems to prefer factual stuff.

Smeed and Burns intrigue me.

And Ah, they seem to have summed a little bit up about what's going on. The rabbits being enthralled explains a certain amount and I'm guessing Dillon had a magical parent.

Dillon is back. *grins* He rather interests me. I like him as a character. The fact that he's pretty much the villain and yet in some ways, he gains my sympathy, makes him very interesting.

Hmm, I wonder who he is expecting to come out and greet him. It sounds like it's Summers and Pince.

Oooh, the ending is creepy.

And I wonder why his mother told him not to enthrall people directly.

Author's Response:

Hi again!

Sorry for the delayed response, but you know the drill. Anyway, I'm still here and I love that you are continuing to let me know your thoughts on these chapters.

Well yes, the lapping of blood was supposed to be creepy. The story mechanics sort of ran away from me with this one. That'll teach me not to make them so complicated next time... I hope. :P

I should fix that word. Thanks for the catch!

I agree with you on the leisure activities. I bet you and I could brainstorm a whole list of things that these kids can do with their extracurricular time at Hogwarts. I love stories that expand on that. There are so many possibilities!

Smeed and Burns intrigue me too. LOL!

I often ask myself why it's easier for me to write the creepy, dark characters than anything else. Then I try to forget that I ever asked, because maybe I don't want to know the answer to that. Ah well. Maybe my next story will be all about creepy and dark and I can go explore that for a bit.

Thanks for another thoughtful review! I really am grateful that you keep reading, even after the challenge is over.


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Review #69, by MargaretLaneAlbus Potter and the Pureblood's Secret: Dawlish

11th October 2014:
Yay, another chapter of Albus.

Hmm, Meggie sounds sensible. Fair play to her. And it sounds like things are pretty serious between her and James.

I really wonder what those pins are for. I've a feeling they are something important. Possibly places where murders like the ones the previous year took place. Or perhaps places illegal potions were sold. I wonder if it's relevant that one of the pins marks the place Matt lived or if that's just a coincidence. Brisbane is pretty well-known. There could be a lot happening there.

I laughed out loud about the comment about where Dawlish thinks Johnston's head is. And I'm also amused at the way Albus thinks he might mean Johnston and Laurentis are having an affair.

It sounds like a lot of people are investigating privately - Harry, Dawlish, Balladanis, sort of Ron, maybe. Johnston REALLY doesn't seem to have the faith of his department.

And I am now getting kinda suspicious of Dawlish. I know I thought it was a woman, but I'm beginning to question the number of people who are suspicious. And Dawlish seems to be working independently of Balladanis and Harry, who are at least willing to share resources, regardless of what their personal opinions of one another might be. So all we know is that people THINK Dawlish is investigating behind Johnston's back. That'd be a good cover if he were doing something dodgy. And while others are pretending to support Johnston, he's making a parade of his opposition. If he were INVOLVED in the murders or something, then standing up for the person blamed in the wrong, would be a good way to make himself look innocent. And he could even goad Johnston into greater certainty about Boone by a bit of reverse psychology. Like the more he provokes Johnston into insisting Boone is guilty and denying all the things that don't fit, the less likely Johnston is to be able to admit he's wrong later on.

I'm not sure I REALLY believe Dawlish is guilty. There are still other suspects like the new librarian and the woman who was evaluating the teachers. But I'm adding him to my suspect list.

I'm a bit unsure as to which war Dawlish has been an Auror since, because Waters says the first war, which I would assume was the 1970-1981 one, but then he says "unless you count your dad and Ron," who were only infants at the end of that.

I like the idea about Kendrick having to cast a charm for Muggleborn's family members to get into Diagon Alley and so on. My headcanon is that if you know of those places, you can see them, because there is some contradiction as Hermione's parents were in Diagon Alley and with the families being invited to see the Triwizard Tournament, it'd be a bit unfair if there was no way for Muggles to visit Hogwarts, because it would mean a Muggleborn's family couldn't come. The idea of a charm makes sense.

And while a Muggle IS unlikely, mostly because I would have thought a wizard would be fairly easily able to defend him or herself against a Muggle (though they should be easily able to defend themselves against Muggle weapons anyway - hmmm), I think they are dismissing the idea too quickly. IF a Muggle WERE involved, it probably WOULD be somebody with some connection to the magical world, so a Squib or the family of a Muggleborn and those would be the people who WOULD be able to get into Diagon Alley and Hogsmeade. Actually, I think a Squib is more likely than a Muggleborn's family member, as their connection with the wizarding world would be greater. While a Muggle with a witch or wizard in their family COULD have a grudge against people in the wizarding world, I think a Squib would know more people there and be more likely to have enemies in it.

And actually, a Squib may feel resentful due to their lack of magic. It seems like there is a lot of prejudice against Squibs, so I can easily imagine one having reason to resent a number of people within the magical world. Hmm. You don't seem to have any Squibs as suspects though.

LOVE the relationship between Matt and Arthur.

And I'd forgotten they are taking different subjects now, until Matt had to tell Albus about Astronomy.

By the way, how long is this story going to be? It's nearly 20 chapters and still not at Halloween. The longer the better, by the way. I don't want this series to end!

And I LOVE the reference to Harry startling easily. It makes sense characters would be affected by the war. It's something I always tend to overlook in my next gen stories, I suspect partly because of being from a country that hasn't been at war in 91 years and therefore not having the same reminders of how the effects of war linger. I've written a few war trauma stories about the immediate aftermath, but I'm less comfortable with writing the effect that remain 20+ years later.

Also like the fact that even after mastering the spell once, Albus can't do it again. It's more realistic than having a character go from being unable to do something to doing it every time.

Don't worry about having hiatus. Your update schedule is amazing.

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Review #70, by MargaretLanePunishment by the moonlight: Punishment

7th October 2014:
Really like the beginning to this chapter and the way you gradually hint at what is going on.

You've written "it had started a couple weeks before." That sounds kinda American. "a couple of weeks" might seem to fit better, but then that might throw your wordcount out and it's not really wrong or anything.

Hmm, I'm guessing Fenrir Hollande is Fenrir Greyback. Perhaps "Greyback" is a nickname based on his wolf form?

That law sounds completely unfair. I guess I can sort of see what they are worried about with werewolves, especially since this is presumably before the days of Wolfsbane, though if they really wanted to, they could surely make an arrangement for the werewolf to spend the night of the full moon somewhere else or something. But half breeds seems to include people like half-goblins, who would pose no threat. The law doesn't exactly surprise me though, considering the attitude to half breeds in the magical world.

I'm not sure about your mention of a "public school." To the best of my knowledge, in England a public school is a very particular group of extremely expensive private schools. Also, Hogwarts appears to be the only wizarding school in Britain, so I think wizards would more likely refer to it as just Hogwarts or maybe a school.

Yikes, that reference to the photo of her kids is a bit creepy. I think it's the mention of "laughing silently". Even though it obviously just means that you can see but not hear the fact they're laughing, coupled with the threat from the werewolf, it seems to have other connotations.

"Mommy" sounds like a rather American phrase for presumably English kids to use. I'd expect them to say "Mummy."

Yikes, scary ending. I'm left wondering exactly what happens - if the children are killed or turned into werewolves. The quiet at the end seems to imply death.

Really good story.

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Review #71, by MargaretLaneClash: Him

6th October 2014:
Hmm, it seems as if Harry wants Albus to be prepared for future Dark Lords. Four seems young to be told stuff like that, but I am guessing Harry has his reasons.

And now I have sympathy for Albus too, with the stuff about nightmares haunting him.

It's only seeing your portrayal of Albus and Rose as being at loggerheads with each other that I realise how often they are portrayed as best friends. I've done so myself. It's interesting to see such a different portrayal of their relationship.

And YIKES, Albus is starting to sound a little like Riddle with his comments about how teachers were easy to manipulate.

I think the way you write this story in flashbacks really does work, as Rose and Albus are clearly very different people from those they are usually shown to be. And of course, they barely appear in canon, so these characterisations are quite possible. But I think it adds interest to the story to see them as such unexpected characters and then work back to show how two people raised by the parents we knew they had would turn out that way. Focusing on specific moments that led to them becoming the people they eventually did seems more effective than doing it chronologically might be.

Their parents were killed? Poor, poor Rose. To lose her parents and almost her brother.

I really wonder what happened to kill the trio.

And she and Albus WERE friends her, despite the divisions between them. I can't blame her for wanting to save her brother.

And I find the comment in the previous chapter about how she'll understand how people could reject an orphan when she has her own kids. I would have thought it would more be the opposite - that once one had kids of their own, they would find it more difficult to imagine people rejecting children for any reason whatsoever, let alone something that isn't even the child's fault.

But then again, that guy may have said that for effect and not because it's what he really believes.

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Review #72, by MargaretLaneClash: Her

6th October 2014:
OK, I really didn't expect this beginning. Rose in prison, the last witch in the world. I really wonder what is going on here and how all magical people have been wiped out. Does this mean Harry, Hermione, Ron and all Rose's cousins are dead?

I'm not halfway through the first chapter and already I have questions. That has to be good.

You've written "this did not stop me from lates nights". I presume you mean "late nights."

OK, we're a long time into the future, if there was a war between the magical world and the Muggle one fifty years ago. So that may explain how so many of the canon characters would be dead.

So she was orphaned by the age of 15 and her brother died too. Poor, poor Rose.

I still don't fully understand what is going on here. Obviously she got in trouble with her own people as a teen, after her family died, then it sounds as if war broke out between the magical and Muggle populations, possibly her fault in some way and most of the magical population died or went into hiding or something and she was arrested by Muggles. Whatever has happened, it looks like she's had a really tough time.

I'm guessing this Head is going to be the villain or A villain anyway. He seems frightening.

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Review #73, by MargaretLaneRainfall: Hot and Cold

5th October 2014:
Yikes, they seem to have a LOT of snow. There have been only two years when we've had snow deep enough to sled or stuff in. I guess in the mountains and places they get it more often.

I guess the descriptions of colours wouldn't mean much to Hugo as he wouldn't know what white looked like.

LOVE the mention of the law about Apparating with animals. I love little details like that that add to what we know about the wizarding world and you are so good at them.

I can see why that would be frustrating either way in the snowball fight. I think they should throw a few at him, but not as many as they would at others, so that he is included, but not constantly being pelted with snowballs he can't see coming.

Hugo is so excluded. He's caught between the world of his Muggle classmates, that he can't fully participate in because he's a wizard and inviting them around to his house might give something away and the world of his family, that he can't fully participate in because of his blindness.

It must be hard enough for magical children before they start Hogwarts anyway, with kids a few years older than them away at Hogwarts and a divide between them and Muggle children their age. Maybe that's why they all seem enthusiastic about starting Hogwarts, even if it means leaving their families at such a young age and seems like a pretty dangerous place.

Poor Rhiannon. She must have had a pretty horrible time.

Author's Response: Yeah, that's quite a bit of snow for England, but we did have about that last year and climate change only increases the chances of it.

That law about apparating with animals was a bit awkward because I suddenly realised I had a possible contradiction in a later chapter, but I've vaguified (that's a word 'cause I says so) it so there isn't a straight out contradiction. And I do like the idea of that law, so I didn't want to take it out. Of course we don't know the specifics of the law... yeah, anyway, moving on...

That OF I mentioned to you, I was actually considering using Rhiannon as the MC in that (Not quite the same characterisation and situation, but similar. Though I'm not sure I could face doing another blind character! They're hard work to write.) So her time might have been more horrible than suggested in Rainfall, but I don't want it to get too dark or complicated here... Well, Rhiannon's a plucky kid and I like her. Yeah, I know, poor Rhiannon...


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Review #74, by MargaretLaneHostage: A Story of Saving Albus Potter and Irene Malfoy: A Late Night

5th October 2014:
I really like the way you draw attention to the family rivalry between Scorpius and Albus and how that would cause more problems than the fact they are gay, because it's bound to bother Harry and Ginny a little if their son is going out with the grandson of the man who nearly caused Ginny to die in the Chamber of Secrets. They might be supportive, but I bet a part of them would be thinking, "great, does this mean we have to try and be civil to one of the leading ex-Death Eaters?" and equally Draco is bound to feel uncomfortable with his son dating Harry's.

And yikes, when I read down to the next paragraph, I find out Scorpius is being raised by Lucius and Narcissa rather than his parents. Lucius is bound to have objections to the Potters. After all it was Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny and Luna and Neville who caused him to be sent to Azkaban at one point.

I think they'd have to hide the fact they spent nights together anyway, as they are at school and I can't see any teacher being OK with a couple of 15 year olds (which is all they'd have been in 5th year) spending their nights with a boyfriend. There's a reason boys can't go into the girls' dormitories after all.

Yikes, Lucius Malfoy is cruel in this. I mean, he's cruel in canon too, but he does seem to be a loving, even indulgent father. I wonder why it is that he treats Scorpius so harshly.

You do the changes of point of view well. It is hard to cover so many different points of view in one chapter without it getting confusing or sounding jumpy, but this really doesn't.

Author's Response: Thanks for the review. This story doesn't have very many. I'm glad the POV changed worked out, the chapter was a bit random. I didn't even know what the story was going to be when I wrote it. I might have gone a bit over kill with Lucius. I just thought that his son's death may have been a trigger for him to completely detach emotionally, and he wasn't a very nice guy in the books either. I hope it didn't seem too cliche with the abuse, there is a lot more to it that is reveled later.

I hope you keep reading!
Gladis G.
P.S. Albus and Scorpius are in 6th year in the story.


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Review #75, by MargaretLaneDead of Night: More Words

5th October 2014:
Hmm, this is really creepy. I am intrigued as to what it is that scared Rose so much and whether there is actually something or somebody coming or whether it is something that has happened to her in the past and that she fears coming back.

I could see this either being a trauma reaction or clairvoyance.

One thing I'm wondering about is how old Rose is here. I don't know much about the speech patterns of small children, but that "wait" Don't go near that tree," sound rather mature for a toddler. Of course, we don't know for sure from the epilogue how old Hugo is. He could be three or four years younger than Rose. And even if she IS two, I guess there is nothing exactly wrong with them. They're pretty simple sentences. I think it's the "wait." I'd more imagine a 2 or 3 year old saying "no" and maybe "don't go to the tree" instead of "don't go near the tree."

The end of the chapter is so wonderfully creepy. It gives the impression that there is something threatening the family; that this is more than just a child reacting out of trauma.

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