Reading Reviews From Member: MargaretLane
  
648 Reviews Found

Review #26, by MargaretLaneSelf Defeat: Chapter Three: Cissy's Big Mistake

21st June 2014:
Sorry for the delay in getting to this and in posting the results of my challenge. I've been really busy lately, but they will be up today or tomorrow, I hope.

I'm really intrigued as to what's going to happen between Brad and Narcissa, since we know she ends up with somebody else.

It might sound more natural to use "asked" instead of "questioned".

Ugh, OK, he's getting creepy, putting pressure on her like that. I hope he doesn't hurt her or pressurise her into something she's not ready for.

I really like the way you have her getting more creative, rather than sticking to the stereotypical version. Not that there's anything wrong with it, but it's good to see some variety.

It should be "between Brad and me", not "between Brad and I".

Bella wearing a black gown seems so characteristic.

Oooh, there's something intriguing in the last line. I wonder what part he is going to play. I can't help feeling it's nothing good.

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing all the entries, in case I haven't said it before. I got a new laptop, and for some reason everytime I tried responding to reviews after the first or second my response just wouldn't post, and got lost.

I still can't believe this story won second place. It hasn't been beta'd, and I really need to find someone willing to go over it with me, which I plan on doing sometime this week. I'll post the last chapter or two after that, so probably sometime in the next month. I did sort of have trouble picking the story up again, and was worried that it would come across as too choppy, especially since my writing style has changed so much over the years.

Brad is super creepy. He is the ultimate jerk. I sort of modeled him loosely after a guy I knew in high school, omitting his few good traits in favor of more "bad" ones I guess you could say.

I'm really glad you like my portrayal of the sisters so far. It seems like so many people associate Narcissa and Bellatrix with "evil" and Andromeda with "good," but I think it was way more complex than that, especially when they were all in school together with one another, living in the same house, etc. Anyone who has a sibling, or is parent to siblings know how insanely complex the dynamic between them, especially sisters, can be.

Thanks as well for the grammar/technical stuff. I really need to just suck it up and find a beta to go over this, I've just been so busy lately with the HC, it feels almost like there isn't time for anything else.

--- Fae


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Review #27, by MargaretLaneSelf Defeat: Chapter Two: The Bonds of Sisterhood

21st June 2014:
Now, this might be a case of you using the character's voice, but in the first line she speaking of her mother taking "Andy and I" when it should be "Andy and me". You wouldn't say "Mother brought I".

Hmm, I wonder why Bella is wearing long sleeves. It's clear she's getting involved with the Death Eaters, because of the reference to blood. OH, I've realised now. The Death Mark!

And I love the way she describes Bella as seeming immune to male charms. It fits with the difference there appears to be between Bellatrix and Narcissa in the books. Narcissa seems to be very family oriented and devoted to her husband and son, whereas Bellatrix seems far more concerned with her cause.

There are a few places where you could remove the word "that" and make the writing sound more natural, like saying "I truly believed I would follow in Andy's footsteps" rather than "I truly believed that I would follow in Andy's footsteps".

Love the image of the bonds of sisterhood being chains holding Bellatrix back. You really give an insight into her detachment. I never thought of it before, but she's sort of like Voldemort that way, isn't she? She doesn't really want anybody in her life, although I guess she wants Voldemort and I doubt he cares one way or the other about her, so that's a difference.

I think you pretty much pick up on the ambiguity of Narcissa. The books never really tell us whether she agrees with what her husband and sister are doing or whether she just loves her husband enough to turn a blind eye to his activities.

I love the contrast you create between Andromenda and Bellatrix.

Author's Response: Ah, i'm so glad to see your reviews! I submitted all of the chapters of this without a beta, just because I knew if I waited around for one, I'd chicken out and not end up submitting them at all. Since I got struck with inspiration to finish this, I just went ahead and did it.

I'm so glad to hear that you like how i portrayed Narcissa. She's one of my favorite characters, and definitely someone that I can relate to on certain levels. Her and her sisters have always been some of my favorite characters to write, they are all just so complex.

Thanks again for all of the helpful advice, I'm planning on revising this myself while I try and find a beta for it. It definitely needs some work, as I tend to get too "wordy," like when you mention I could take out "that," and I sort of need someone to reign me in once in a while, lol.

Thanks again!!


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Review #28, by MargaretLaneAlbus Potter and the Pureblood's Secret: Thestrals

20th June 2014:
Wow, I'm impressed ye're teachers have to have masters. Here, well, I meant to say, to do primary teaching you do a degree straight from school. It's a Bachelor's degree, but a Bachelor's of Education. And secondary teachers generally have a higher diploma as well as Bachelor's degree, but masters would be comparatively unusual. But then, ye do a lot of things as postgraduate courses, like medicine and stuff.

*grins* Three-fifths of the Care of Magical Creatures class are Gryffindors, surprise, surprise. It seems the kind of class more likely to appeal to Gryffindors and maybe Hufflepuffs than Ravenclaws or Slytherins.

I love the way you have classes not being continued if there aren't enough students. It makes a lot of sense.

And now I really want to see a hippogriff reserve in Ireland. *laughs*

Hmm, I'm wondering if there's a mystery about Matt and the thestrals, like maybe he HAS seen somebody die or maybe his lycanthropy makes him more sensitive to their presence or something. I mean I've no reason to believe it's any less simple than Albus thinks, except that there seems to be a lot of emphasis here on his lack of surprise and his ability to interact with them.

And I like the way Hagrid pointed out how the lower number of people seeing them is an indication of the world becoming more peaceful.

And I was right that there was something more to Matt's comfort around the Thestrals!

And that's interesting about most werewolves having seen death.

Yeah, I wonder if ghosts seeing themselves die would count. I'd imagine it would. They could ask Nearly Headless Nick. That'd be better than facing Myrtle.

Sounds like they all got what they wanted. I was certain Al would get the Auror office as it is a good way of letting him find out about what's going on with the murder investigation. That was inspired actually. I was wondering how Albus would be involved in mysteries that took place outside Hogwarts.

I'm REALLY, REALLY glad Matt got the Misuse of Muggle Artefacts one. I thought he would, since it's unlikely to be hotly contested and it means he'll be happy and so will Arthur, because he'd probably be disappointed if nobody chose it. Although he might be SLIGHTLY disappointed not to get a Muggleborn he could quiz about all his Muggle interests.

Gosh, Matt must be freaked out. I found it a little freaky to know people of my religion and nationality were interned without trial in a state I didn't even live in. How much more freaky must it be for Matt, when it's his own government doing the interning and he's already wary of likely prejudice against him.

That's interesting about Polyjuice not being able to overcome disabilities. I guess it makes sense. Otherwise people with disabilities would have quite an incentive to steal somebody's identity.

And I LOVE Matt's description of the Wizengamot. Makes sense that such powerful people would find it difficult to understand what it's like to be discriminated against.

Hmm, I've now started wondering if Elsie is a werewolf, but I guess that is pretty unlikely. You've kept the secret about Elsie a good long time. I'm looking forward to finding out what is going on with her. I assumed it was related to her family's background; that Felix wanted to prevent her giving away something she knew. But that was in fourth year, when Felix's family definitely had stuff to hide. It's unlikely to still just be that now.

Author's Response: Not all teachers in the USA have to have masters degrees, but NY is quite strict in that sense. It doesn't matter what the degree is in, but you do have to have one.

Gryffindors probably would tend to take CoMC more than the other houses. Their bravery would be required! I'm excited to write about the hippogriff reserve. I think that'll be a fun chapter.

As of right now, there is no mystery with Matt and the thestrals. That could change, as the plot develops. But right now it's just an interesting factoid. I imagine ghosts can see thestrals, since they've seen their own deaths, or at least been present for them, if that makes sense. They could ask Nick, if they wanted.

Misuse of Muggle Artefacts will be a great internship for Matt. It's a tiny department with just one person. He won't get overwhelmed or worried about people finding out about his lycanthropy.

Haha, Matt's description of the Wizengamot was definitely based on the US government... But I'm sure it'd be true for the Wizengamot as well.

Elsie is not a werewolf. That'd be too obvious. There will be more revealed about her and Felix as the story goes on. Thanks for reading and reviewing! :)


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Review #29, by MargaretLanePumpkin Pie: A Dessert UnWanted: Pumpkin Pie: A Dessert UnWanted

20th June 2014:
Apologies for the delay in getting to this. I've been crazy busy lately. I have a few days fairly free now though and I hope to have the results up by next Tuesday or Wednesday.

The second part of this sentence sounds pretty awkward: "She had made a dinner at her and Draco’s flat for some very important people, her Boss--Mrs. Flannigan--had knew that were interested in Hermione's skill at Potions." I'm assuming you mean something like "who she knew were interested in her skill at Potions"?

I like the banter between them, with them joking about how she surely used magic.

When you write dialogue and then follow it with something like "he said", the "he said" is part of the same sentence, so there should be a comma before it and a small letter for the "h". That sounds complicated. An example might be clearer.

You've written '"My Fiancé has a knack for these things." He said smiling at Hermione.' It should be, '"My fiancee has a knack for these things," he said, smiling at Hermione.'

I like the way you show they are engaged, without making a big deal out of it. It sounds a lot more natural than saying something like, "Draco, who was engaged to Hermione."

LOVE Ginny telling Ron to act like a normal person. You're good at writing banter between characters.

"Herself" is all one word.

And I like the way you have Harry and Draco still being nasty to each other even though Draco is going out with Harry. A lot of stories simply gloss over the tensions such a relationship would create, so I like that you include them here.

And poor Hermione. She's already stressing over having her boss to dinner and now she's got one of her best friends and her fiance sniping at each other.

"Godfather" is all one word and doesn't start with a capital letter.

Gosh, Draco can be annoying. He should be supporting Hermione, not pouting about his bear.

*laughs at the reference to the FBI* Sounds like Hermione's been watching American TV somewhere along the line!

Gosh, Draco is SELFISH. Showing Hermione up in front of people important to her career rather than just saying he's too full to eat any more. Then again, from canon, it's pretty clear he IS selfish, so I suppose I shouldn't be surprised!

He should just have pretended to be allergic in the first place, though I guess he didn't think of it until after he performed the Killing Curse.

Which is hilarious actually: performing the Killing Curse on a pumpkin pie!

Author's Response: Wow, thank you so much for this AMAZING Review.

First, I'm always confused about the "He said.", comma no comma, upper case lower case thing. You gave a good example and I'm so glad it's cleared up!

My Grammer is off, I know, I try and also my spell checker is a little at fault for some things, I'm Romanian and was home schooled and English Grammer is hard on me, I need a Beta.

I enjoy writing humor and banter between two characters more than anything, but I love Sad, Drama angst stuff. But I think I like this better now, and thank you for that also, I'm glad you enjoyed reading it.

Thanks for the pointers, corrections and thank you for reading it!!

^_^


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Review #30, by MargaretLaneActions Speak Louder than Words: Breakthrough: Scorpius POV

18th June 2014:
Ah, that mystery about his background might explain something.

I do find the fact he has two associates odd. If it's personal, I wouldn't expect him to have help and there are some indications it just might be.

I'm not sure a commencement ceremony really sounds right for Hogwarts. As far as I know, the UK don't usually have graduations at secondary level and while there is some evidence Hogwarts have some sort of ceremony, I would imagine it would be more of a leaver's feast or something. Maybe a graduation feast. They probably wouldn't even have got their N.E.W.T. results after all, so whether they had gotten any qualifications would still be in question.

Of course, wizards don't seem to have the same degree of third level options, though of course, the Auror training is pretty much the equivalent of college and presumably things like Healers would have something similar, but since a lot of jobs don't seem to require further training, it is possible Hogwarts MAY have a college-typed ceremony. But they kind of have their own traditions anyway, so something more wizarding world sounds more likely. In Ireland, a lot of secondaries have a Graduation Mass for the leaving class, although it's before the exams, so "Graduation" probably isn't the most accurate term. So I just feel the wizarding world might have something that fits their overall culture.

If he were an obsessional fan, I doubt there'd be other people involved. Not many people are willing to help obsessional fans, for one thing, as there isn't much in it for them. Also, I can't see him saying to anybody, "hey, there's this girl I'm obsessed with. Will you help me abduct her?"

Now, of course it's possible they BELIEVED he was taking her for a ransom or something and he really had his own agenda they didn't know about, but still, I kinda feel this is more complicated than that. What it could be, I still haven't figured out, but I suspect it's somehow related to his identity.

After all, if he were just an obsessional fan, he'd hardly have changed his name and all, would he? Of course, he could have reasons for doing so unrelated to his crimes, but that DOES make it seem like either this crime was premeditated or at least that he planned to do SOMETHING illegal and I would imagine becoming obsessed with somebody and abducting them isn't exactly something you plan in advance.

Although, I guess he could have come across her elsewhere, even just from following the news about the Weasleys, and then deliberately changed his name and got a job in her school in order to make her acquaintance. That's not impossible.

Yeah, Al needs to calm down. Actually, this is again reminding me of something I have planned for later in my series when somebody is abducted and somebody connected to them is like, "I'm sorry. I can't comment on this. Normally, I'd advise people to do y, but when it's my own (relationship), I just can't suggest risking that".

I'd be inclined to put all of Dom's speech together, even when she interrupts herself to take a deep breath.

And I really LIKE her explanation as to why they didn't wonder more about what happened. It makes sense they'd just be relieved she was alive and apparently unharmed. And since she seemed to be going to a lot of trouble to convince everybody she was fine, I can easily understand them just accepting that.

Kali is asking similar questions to the ones I did, except I didn't think of the question of the party. I guess I just assumed he was a friend of a friend of somebody or somebody's old schoolmate or something, who'd had too much to drink and even when I found out he was an associate of Stannous, I didn't think to question what he was doing there. The question of what he wanted with Rose and how he got into the flat did intrigue me though.

I don't believe it's ransom money he wanted. If it was, he'd have asked for some. Nor do I really believe he's just obsessed with her. My instinct would be that it's some kind of revenge for her family beating Voldemort and the Death Eaters, but then, why just Rose? Why not go after Albus or Lily? They are Harry's kids after all, and while Ron and Hermione were DEFINITELY instrumental in the defeat of Voldemort, I would have thought Harry'd be public enemy number 1.

Unless of course, that's why you have Lily not graduated yet. Maybe Stannuos is planning to do something to her later, but is finding it hard to get access to her at an age when she's usually either at Hogwarts or at home.

And I think more questions is a start. Even if they've no idea how to answer them, it gives them an idea as to what they are looking for.

Author's Response: Hi!

So sorry it's taken ages for my response.

Thanks for the explanation of British graduation practices. I really like the idea of calling it a graduation feast. It sounds like something Hogwarts would do - since they have a start-of-term feast and all.

Al is super protective of Rose. They have been each other's best friend since they were little and being sorted into Ravenclaw without the other Weasleys kind of reinforced their friendship. He carries guilt around at not having picked up on Stannous's true character early on. Al wants to be a great as his father is - and he was fooled by a professor. I think he needs to prove to himself that he is a good auror.

I am relieved that you find Dom's explanation believable. I was worried about that. Rose returns to Hogsmeade and, after someone recognizes her, it takes about 15 seconds for every auror and member of the MLE and Weasley and Potter family to descend upon the village. She just begs to go home and rest - declares that she is fine and neither her parents or uncle have the heart to put her through any more trauma, so they acquiesce. No one is going to argue with them.

Nope, it's not ransom or obsession, but I had to have those ruled out. Revenge is always on the table when it comes to dark wizards and the Weasley/Potters, so that is another consideration...

It is indeed curious that Rose is being targeted and not the others. Hmmm...

Thank you so much for this lovely, lovely review. I am always so excited when I see one from you!

Beth


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Review #31, by MargaretLaneWe Are One: Broken Pieces

18th June 2014:
I think the connection is that all three victims could be seen to in some way have betrayed the Order or the Ministry. Umbridge was working for the Ministry and used that to set a Dementor on somebody and then worked for Voldemort in Deathly Hallows. I know all the Ministry were forced to work for Voldemort, but she sure didn't seem to be doing it because she was forced. She appeared to have sympathy with their aims, despite having been somebody Sirius declared he was pretty certain wasn't a Death Eater. I don't think she was, but she seemed to have convinced people she was pretty firmly anti-Death Eater, then worked for them pretty enthusiastically. Lovegood could be seen to have betrayed Harry, although in his case, he genuinely was coerced. And Mundungus was part of the Order, but at the same time took advantage of the war by impersonating an Inferius and possibly selling dodgy amulets and stuff, which could be seen as a betrayal by increasing panic and so on.

Hmm, this makes it seem like it can't be Harry or somebody possessing him, since Mundungus doesn't know why he'd be interested in Harry.

That also makes people like Ron seem unlikely as it would be obvious why they'd care about Harry. Mundungus's "but you...aren't you?" seems to imply the villain is somebody he wouldn't expect to care about Harry, possibly even somebody who'd want to see something bad happen to Harry.

Everything else, however, indicates otherwise. This person does seem to have some concern for Harry.

One thing that occurred to me was James...as in Harry's father. If he were still alive, one could see why he'd be angry at somebody who abused his son, at somebody who nearly got him arrested by Death Eaters and somebody who apparently caused him an injury, even if the latter two weren't really the people's fault. And Mundungus's surprise could be from the fact James made no attempt to contact Harry, which would indicate he wasn't that concerned about him. AND he would understandably have an interest in his grandson.

Plus, it would explain the black hair, which is confusing me, because Harry is the only real suspect with black hair and I doubt you'd give a clue that narrowed it down so much, but then, it MUST be relevant or why did it disappear?

But even if James WERE alive, he'd hardly have access to the Ministry as everybody believes him dead.

Yikes, this story is confusing. You're doing a really good job at keeping me in suspense. I really can't figure out WHO it is likely to be.

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Review #32, by MargaretLaneWe Are One: Bitterly Truthful

17th June 2014:
Hmm, I DEFINITELY think Marietta is a possibility. I also think Ron is.

Charles Hotchin's motive for killing Lovegood is pretty weak, I think. After all, a lot of people would probably be unwilling to risk their lives by giving refuge to a fugitive from Voldemort. Killing somebody because they weren't willing to risk their own life and that of their daughter to help you would be a bit much. Plus, as far as I know, he's not a canon character.

When Harry says "I could never hold so much hatred for it to work", I think it sounds a bit clumsy. "Enough hatred" might sound better.

I wonder why they didn't straight out ask "did you play any part in these murders?" It would seem to make sense to include that as part of the questions. From the way you ask at the end if everybody passed, I've a feeling that means you included something questionable somewhere. Not necessarily that one of them is the murderer, but that you've left the option of one of them being the murderer open.

They do all say they didn't find out about the murders until they were briefed though. It's hard enough to get around that. And he doesn't say "when did you HEAR about the murders?" which could be a loophole, as it could be argued DOING the murders isn't hearing about them. As it is, it seems fairly straightforward. Unless, of course, one of them does have some sort of duel personality or something (like could have happened with Harry), in which case they might not know they'd done it.

Though I wonder if that could have been somebody possessing Harry for a moment, because it said it was the villain holding James for a moment, then he seems to go back to watching it. Or of course, it could just be a complete red herring and Harry might just have been tired or thinking about the murder or something.

I do think, based on their answers, Ron seems the most likely. He seems to still hold a certain amount of resentment against Lovegood or at least, he still seems to feel he betrayed him. It's like he's saying, "well, my wife pointed out it wasn't really his fault and I know she's right, really, but I still feel he let us down."

Of course, he's also the only one who said he'd never cast the killing curse. I only noticed that on rereading. Again, it'd be hard to get around that.

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Review #33, by MargaretLaneWe Are One: Chocolate and bubbles

17th June 2014:
Yikes, the villain is watching James. I wonder does that mean the villain is one of those listed as being with him or are they in a public place or could somebody be watching through a window?

If it is one of those five, Ron seems the most likely. We've seen Harry's thoughts and it SOUNDS as if he doesn't know what's going on, Ginny would have been unlikely to be in the Ministry to see Robards, Luna really COULDN'T have been in the Ministry, unless she was invisible or something. That only leaves Ron and Hermione and I think Ron is a little more likely than Hermione.

And now Ginny and Harry are ruled out as the villain speaks of them.

It kind of sounds like it's somebody just watching actually, as they refer to "the onlookers", as if they aren't one of the group.

Oh gosh, now there is another way of reading things. It could be like another personality taking control of Harry. Ginny's comment to Harry seems to indicate that possibility, though of course, that COULD be just what we're SUPPOSED to think.

I wonder what this person's connection to James is. For some reason, they seem to care about him.

And I'm wondering where the party is taking place, if it were somewhere somebody else could be watching. Of course, they could have a magical way of watching anyway, so that wouldn't tell much, I guess.

Not sure who the bald man is. Maybe Ollivander?

And somehow I feel there's something male sounding about the parts written from the villain's point of view, but again, that could be a bluff. Or it might be just that serial killers are so often male that I tend to picture them that way. *ponders*

Author's Response: Haha, have I told you that your thoughts are incredibly interesting to read about? All these deductions and ideas just make my inner writer rub her hands in glee. :D

This chapter was meant to be a bit confusing and subtle in order to not reveal too much, but there are some important points in it. It'll be more clearer once things start coming together. :)

Someone controlling Harry. That's an interesting idea as well. It would be so cool to create a decision tree with the probabilities of each scenario and the number of people who think so, and then see which is more probable. Okay, my thoughts just went on a completely different tangent there. That's how it is usually, even when I'm writing, so you can expect a lot of twists!

Hmm, Ollivander. Honestly, I never thought of killing him off bit now that you've put the idea in my head...

Thanks for another fantastic review!


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Review #34, by MargaretLaneWe Are One: Sunshine, stay

16th June 2014:
Xenophilus Lovegood? OK, this does confuse the matter somewhat. I was wondering who else would become a victim, as it might give an indication as to whether the villain is targeting Death Eaters and collaborators or whether they are more likely to BE an ex-Death Eater or if they are taking personal revenge, since Umbridge physically abused students and stuff.

One connection I do see between her and Lovegood is that both could be seen as traitors or collaborators, although in Lovegood's case, he was pretty much forced into it.

I'm not sure I believe Ron, or most of the other "hero" characters would kill Lovegood though, so this does narrow the field a bit. He's hardly as hated a character as Umbridge. And a number of the student characters were friends with Luna, so probably wouldn't kill her father.

Ah, I suppose Luna's unsurprising calm is supposed to make us suspect her. And it's possible. She could well have reasons to hate her father that nobody else would know about and anybody could have reasons to hate Umbridge. If it were her, I'd imagine the motivation is personal. But I don't think it is her. Remaining strangely calm is sort of in character for Luna, like the way she calmly mentions that people hide her belongings or that people think Harry should have cooler friends than her and Neville. Plus she and her father DO appear to be close.

Hmm, I seem to be ruling out everybody.

Rita Skeeter is a possibility. Just to get news stories. And it would explain the way Robards seems surprised the Daily Prophet had it so quickly. Again, I don't think it's exactly LIKELY, especially as she hasn't even appeared in this story so far, but it's possible.

And yeah, the closeness between Luna and her father seems to be confirmed here, so I doubt she'd kill him. It is POSSIBLE she could resent him for falling apart and leaving her in the position of having to be the adult at the age of nine, though. But it's weak enough, I guess.

None of the people I've suspected have dark hair either. Hmm.

Hmm, sounds like this person works for the Ministry. I didn't think that was necessarily true at first. I thought it perhaps more likely they'd just Imperiused somebody, as they are clearly a master at that, but the fact that they are watching Robards, combined with their access to the evidence indicates they are.

And this rules Robards out too, as he could hardly be watching himself. Not that I ever believed it WAS him, but everybody is a suspect.

So it's a canon character, who probably works for the Ministry or at least has reason to be IN the Ministry and not Harry or Robards. I'm narrowing it down somewhat.

Pretty sure it can't be Luna now, as people would surely have noticed if she were in the Ministry, standing watching Robards, when he'd just been wondering if she were out of St. Mungo's yet and deciding who should question her. Nor is Skeeter really likely, although I wouldn't ENTIRELY rule her out, as she could easily have reason to be in the Ministry - an interview with the Minister, an article on some new legislation.

Oh and I meant to mention in my review of the last chapter that I was quite surprised to hear of Umbridge's parents. I guess it's not surprising really, as she could well have been in her fifties in Order of the Phoenix, making her what? Maybe 70 here. Her parents would probably be around 100 then, which isn't at all unusual in the wizarding world, but I never really thought of her as having living parents. Gosh, imagine having your child turn out like Umbridge.

Author's Response: Yay! I just love your reviews!

Hmm, yes, Xeno. Such a harmless person, isn't he? Who could possibly want to kill him? Your guess is as good as mine. ;)

Wow, Rita Skeeter. You're the first person to guess her and it makes me so happy that I'm making you think so much! :D I love out of the box ideas so keep them coming!

So I'm not going to comment on each of your guesses in case I reveal something. :P but I'm so glad you continued reading and stopped to leave a review as well!


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Review #35, by MargaretLaneWe Are One: It begins with pink

16th June 2014:
OK, that is one creepy beginning to a story. It was an interesting choice to write the villain's point of view in second person. I don't think I've ever seen a book or story put the reader into the villain's shoes like that.

And Umbridge makes an interesting villain. My immediate thought is somebody she taught, somebody who was at school with Harry. I have glanced at the reviews before reading, so I've come across some of the people others suspect. But hmm, I think anybody Umbridge taught would have reasons to resent her.

It does strike me as rather lax that nobody cares about security since Voldemort fell. After all, it's not like he's the only criminal in wizarding Britain. But I see what the villain means about it being typical of Umbridge. She does seem to see herself as above any kind of threat.

She was murdered? Yikes. I suppose I should have been expecting it, but the way the villain spoke to her made me assume all they were planning was torture.

No, I haven't any guesses as to the murderer yet. I'm guessing most of the suspects haven't even been introduced yet. We do know it's a canon character, since you've said that, so I guess that leaves Pamela out. And Harry was "unable to form any guesses as to who the murderer was", so I guess that leaves him out, if Harry can even be considered a suspect. *laughs* Ginny's comment about his having been home late the night the murder took place could have been taken as a suspicious circumstance, I guess. So that means the only people we've really seen in this chapter it could be are Robards, Ron and Ginny. And I'm not sure I consider any of them very likely. Ron, I guess, could have a vengeful side.

My current thought is that it's likely to be somebody she taught, but even that is far from certain. I guess once we see if anybody else is killed and if any more suspects are introduced, a few more indications will emerge.

I think this is a REALLY interesting idea for a story and very original. And Umbridge is inspired as a victim, since pretty much EVERYBODY has a motive. Anybody she taught could want revenge for her abuse of them, any Muggleborn could want revenge for her treatment of them during the war, ex-Death Eaters could resent her for having been given a plum job by Voldemort, even though, as far as we know, she wasn't a Death Eater or because it appears she escaped severe punishment after the war, anybody who fought against Voldemort could hate her as a collaborator of his and even Fudge could blame her for contributing to damaging his reputation.

Author's Response: Margaret! Your unexpected, awesome reviews totally made my week!

Ooh, yes, I'm kind of addicted to second person. I find it easier than the other PoVs for some reason but maybe it's just a phase. Anyway, it was the best way to keep the killer's identity hidden so it served that purpose as well.

Umbridge was an easy victim. I mean, I didn't feel too bad about killing her off. The security is quite lax since it's after voldemort and compared to his time, there aren't a lot of crimes taking place or people scared to even step out their doors. Comparatively, the security measures they take is pretty lax.

The thing about Umbridge is that she's not a very likeable person so anyone could be a suspect. I'm extremely interested to see what your ideas are once more clues are revealed!

Thank you for the fabulous review!


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Review #36, by MargaretLaneTerry Boot's Battle : The Time for Battle has Arrived.

14th June 2014:
Sorry about the delay getting around to this. I've been rather busy lately. I'll hopefully be judging in about a week to ten days. I haven't forgotten, I promise.

Really like the fact that Hufflepuffs seem more inclined to fight than Ravenclaws. I think that makes sense. Ravenclaws are likely to be more dreamers than doers, although here in Ireland, our 1916 rebellion was led by a bunch of people who would pretty much be stereotypical Ravenclaws. It won't surprise you to hear the thing was an unmitigated failure. Admittedly, it has been called "the triumph of failure", since it may have been a military disaster (strangely enough a bunch of poets and teachers tend not to be the best military strategists), but it was a stroke of genius as regards propaganda. And Hufflepuffs are loyal, so I think they would be the next most willing, after Gryffindors, to risk death for their beliefs.

Though personally, I think that since only about 15-20 people are likely to be old enough to be allowed fight, seven being willing to do so is pretty impressive, but that may be because I'm a Ravenclaw through and through and no way would I go anywhere near a battle if I could possibly get out of it.

At one point, you've written "during their punished." I presume you mean "during their punishment"?

I agree with Susan about the need to continue fighting even if Harry was killed. To return to the whole 1916 reference, it was the death of our leaders in that that led to the War of Independence and ultimate independence (hence, the triumph of failure).

I find the part about "kill lots of Death Eaters for me" kinda creepy though.

*laughs at Kreacher*

Love your last line about this being better than recovery; it was victory.

Author's Response: That's fine, we understand you're busy.

JK Rowling actually did an interview about the Hufflepuffs saying they all stayed because they would rather die for what they believed in than live at the expense of others (sorry, little PuffPride coming through). She said the Gryffindors do stuff like that for a little bit of 'showboating' in addition to wanting to protect the castle. Her words. Ooh, you live in Ireland? That's so cool! I've always been fascinated with the European/Celtic history. In the United States during 1916 we were messing with Cuba's government. But that is an interesting bit of history.

We wanted to make sure those seven were there because they were all in the Room of Requirement. Except Mandy Brocklehurste, but I wanted her there because of our novella story.

Oh, oopsidaisy. (*Hides head in embarasement.*) And this is why we have you great reviewer(s) to catch all these mistakes.

Thanks, we agree with her too (obviously ;))

Can you really blame the girl? Her aunt, grandparents (according to an old JKR interview), her uncle and his family were all killed by Death Eaters or Voldemort himself.

I love Kreacher.

There's actually a science to that good feeling you get after you recover from an illness. Add that to the fact that they just defeated the darkest wizard of all time, and yeah, I'd call that victory.

Thanks for another great review!
--Georgina


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Review #37, by MargaretLaneActions Speak Louder than Words: Befuddled: Rose AND Scorpius POV

14th June 2014:
Might as well get up to date on this story.

Actually, it's occurred to me that something I have planned for later in my series has some similarities with this - just the whole idea of somebody being abducted and being traumatised as a result. Not Rose in my series though and the circumstances behind the abduction and all are different. And of course, I may never get to it anyway.

"Parents' deaths" should have an apostrophe after "parents".

And *laughs* It's interesting to see Albus so protective of Rose since in my story, it's the other way around. You'll see that if you read the rest of The Rise of the A.W.L.

Aw, poor Harry. I now see the significance of your having developed such a close relationship between Rose and Harry.

I really like the way you show Scorpius's awkwardness, wanting to be with Rose and to show how much he loves her but not wanting to rush her into anything she's not ready for or to put any kind of pressure on her. It shows how he respects her and genuinely cares about her and is also really realistic, in that it is hard to know how to respond to somebody dealing with everything she is.

And oh, Rose is taking his sensitivity and reluctance to push her as a sign he's no longer interested. Sad, but again realistic and understandable.

I do think professional help is a good idea in Rose's idea, as it's clear she's struggling to cope with what happened to her. Understandably. Considering how horrible it was and how people were permanently mentally incapacitated by less, she's doing really well to be functioning at all, but she still seems like she could really use some extra support.

Aw, that's so sad when she asked him why he didn't want her any more that for a moment, I thought it was going to bring tears to my eyes. You really portray their emotions well. I think I said that before.

I also love your use of the word "tainted" in regards to how she feels about herself.

I like Scorpius pointing out that her scars show how strong she is. And she can't see that. Poor Rose.

Author's Response: All these reviews are so WONDERFUL! Thanks again! I tried to come up with a way to make this chapter shorter, but it just seemed to take a while. I didn't want Rose and Scorpius to go back and forth chapter after chapter.

One of the themes in this chapter is that Rose really IS strong - although she doesn't see it way - and probably won't for a while. I really wanted Rose to get professional help. I thought it was important to send a message that not everything can be solved by your boyfriend.

Thank you again! I love reading your opinions on the story!



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Review #38, by MargaretLaneActions Speak Louder than Words: Back to the Beginning: Rose POV

14th June 2014:
Poor Rose. Just when she was beginning to recover a little, that guy shows up again and retraumatises her.

I love the way you show the lingering impacts and don't have her just wake up the next morning and go on about her business. I especially like the way you show the physical effects of the trauma. It's so realistic and impacting.

I also like the way Scorpius and the others don't always know how to help her. Sometimes stories make everybody way more effective than people would probably really be. In real life, people make mistakes and say the wrong thing, so it's good to see people in stories do that too.

Those sobs of relief and realisation sound healing. Of course, she'd not going to recover all at once, but it sounds like she's taken a step towards it.

And this sort of explains why he's not in jail. It sounds as if he went on the run. It also sounds as if he's done more than just kidnap and torture Rose, if he's the most wanted dark wizard of the day. However, the question still remains as to why he'd risk his liberty by breaking into the flat of somebody connected to so many Aurors and trainee Aurors and HOW he could do so despite all the protective wards? This is intriguing.

Yikes, when that guy grabbed her at the party, I thought he was just a nasty character. Looks like there's more to it than that.

I can understand why she doesn't want Ron knowing. I think Harry has a point too. After all Ron dealt with Hermione being tortured pretty much in front of him. But he does tend to overreact and knowing about this might affect how he'd act if he arrested this guy.

Author's Response: Hi again,

Thank you so much for the compliments regarding the lingering trauma. It doesn't go away overnight. Healing is always a series of a few steps forward and then one or two steps back. And now there is a bit of added pressure that Stannous appears to be after Rose again. He IS the most wanted wizard of the day, primarily because he seems to be so difficult to catch - and the fact that he kidnapped the child of the golden trio. I'm so glad I've intrigued you!

Rose is trying to protect her parents here, but I don't think she realizes just how tough Ron and Hermione are. We never do see our parents for their accomplishments - to us, they are just Mum and Dad!

Ron is a little irrational when it comes to people he loves. He would probably go a bit barmy over the whole ordeal...

Thanks again for the kind words!


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Review #39, by MargaretLaneActions Speak Louder than Words: Bombarda Maxima: Scorpius POV

14th June 2014:
I am really enjoying this story. I've been rather busy lately, so haven't had much time to read, but was really looking forward to getting back to this story.

Like the part where Rose starts getting sick. It really shows what a shock the whole thing is to her. You really portray her trauma.

And I have a LOT of questions, like how come he didn't go to Azkaban for what he did, how he got into the flat and why he wants to. Surely he is risking a lot just to go after her again. He must really want something from her. I'm wondering who the other wizards were too. That implies he's not just some lone vicious guy who likes hurting young women.

And it looks like Scorpius is blaming himself, which is understandable, but I think he is being pretty harsh on himself. It sounds like Rose didn't want to talk about it and it's hard to know what to do in situations like that, whether pushing somebody to confide in you would help them or stress them out more. Plus he was very young. I know when I was 18 or 19, I certainly wouldn't go asking about something like that. I wouldn't have known how to deal with whatever I might hear.

I like the way you show Albus and Scorpius's anger too and their feelings of helplessness and hurt and that you have Selenia point out that Rose needs Scorpius and that it's not about him playing the hero to make himself feel good and then disappearing. Or shouldn't be.

Author's Response: Hello!

Can I just say how much I love your reviews?? It is so rewarding to see someone notice all the details I put into the story! (It also makes me nervous that I'm going to slip up and forget to include an important clue - haha).

I was actually worried about portraying Rose's trauma accurately. Admittedly, I have never been kidnapped and tortured by a dark wizard (thank goodness!), so I wanted to create that deep emotion without going overboard with it. I can however, relate to having a horrible event happen to you that seems to pervade your life and you must "put up a good front" for the others around you.

So... to answer your questions: Stannous didn't go to Azkaban because he was never caught. He returned Rose to Hogsmeade and apparated away before anyone noticed. He has been on the run for the past two years. This is mentioned in a later chapter, but maybe I should put in a line earlier in the story.

It IS rather curious how he got into the flat, isn't it? Hmmm...

He is definitely after Rose Weasley and no one else. All I'm gonna say right now - sorry!

Scorp is taking this pretty hard, Albus too, but I think that Scorpius's feelings for Rose are so deep that he can't help but blame himself. Given that, he still isn't sure what to do to help her. They are in a rough spot right now.

The scene with Albus and Scorpius at the forest was actually the first thing I wrote for this story. I started there and wrote the next ten or so chapters. Then I finally drummed up enough nerve to post the story and I had to go back and write the beginning! I know that sounds really weird, but that is how it happened.

Thanks again - I cherish all of your reviews!


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Review #40, by MargaretLaneActions Speak Louder than Words: Besieged: Rose POV

14th June 2014:
Good to see Rose feeling better. I wonder if her problems might come back to haunt her yet, though.

The sentence "nobody knows that we are dating" is a bit long-winded. Something like "nobody knows we're dating" might sound better.

I really like the way you address the fuss that Rose and Scorpius's relationship would cause. Some stories just seem to gloss over that.

Yikes, he was her teacher. Gosh, that makes it even worse. It's one thing to be attacked by a complete stranger, but to be attacked by somebody you knew and trusted is worse, as it's easy to feel you should have known, that it's in some way your own fault for trusting the person.

Shouldn't "evening's" have an apostrophe when talking about the "evening's events"? It's not plural, like.

And yi-i-ikes, I wonder if he's really there or if she's imagining him. If he IS there, that's scary.

Again "we would start out with some crazy object that would be transformed into something different entirely" sounds a bit awkward and long-winded. Something like "we'd start out with some crazy object that would be transformed into something completely different" might sound better. That whole paragraph seems a little like that, to be honest. It might be worth taking a look through it and see where it can be shortened.

I am really intrigued as to what's going on here and exactly why he abducted her in the first place.

Author's Response: Hi!

Wow! I was so excited to see multiple reviews. You totally made my weekend! I am taking my time responding to them so I can make all of the changes that you have suggested. I re-vamped the paragraph that was awkward. I hope it reads a little smoother now. Thank you for all your help!!

I figured the Weasleys and Potters would have a great deal of press surrounding them most of the time. The kids would have just grown up with this and the older generation would do as much as they could to protect them from it, but once they grew up and were out on their own, it would be a little more difficult.

I'm so glad you are intrigued - that is what I was going for!


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Review #41, by MargaretLaneAlbus Potter and the Pureblood's Secret: New Beaters

14th June 2014:
*laughs* Typical Kaden, coming up with any excuse to avoid his homework.

*grins at John hoping to get to play Quidditch* Not very likely. Just getting to meet people involved with the teams would be important though, as it would give him contacts for when he does try out and he might meet people who'd be able to give him advice about tryouts and so on.

Teacher training is rather different here. For primary teaching, you go straight into a primary teaching degree from college and have certain weeks when you go out on teaching practice (my college was primarily a primary teaching one and there was one year, the B.Eds - those studying primary teaching - were on teaching practice during the exam weeks at the end of a semester, so we had a lot of our exams early, because the lecturers didn't want to make out two exams. I mean, some did, but not all) and for secondary teaching, you do an extra year after your degree, when you have teaching practice in the mornings (only a class or two a day) and lectures in the afternoons for the full year. This was great fun in my case, because I was teaching twenty miles from the college and didn't drive, so I spent the year running for trains and buses.

*grins at the idea of John heading to Kenmare*

I think Matt should ask Kendrick or one of the other teachers if he'd have to divulge. He's probably afraid of what the answer might be though.

*grins at the stuff about Matt having a hard time finding a job after Hogwarts, since that's sort of a large part of the storyline of something I'm writing*

Yeah, I think Kaden's reasons for not wanting to turn him in are VERY different from Matt's. Matt needs that potion.

I do have some sympathy for Burke, even if he IS selling Polyjuice illegally. If he couldn't afford to brew a potion to protect his health otherwise, it is sort of understandable he might be desperate. On the other hand, there has to be another way. He must be fairly well-off, being so successful, plus being such a well-known name, surely people would help him out, if he asked for help. There was a family in Ireland who were being evicted (don't know if they ever were; the Land League was practically revived to oppose it) and people started offering to let them stay in houses they owned for free and all kinds of stuff and they weren't even well-known people, just an ordinary family. We once had a Minister who had terminal cancer and the Taoiseach (Prime Minister) started fund raising to get him treatment in American. The money left over, however, ended up in the Taoiseach's pocket. I don't think anybody ever believed this Taoiseach was honest, but stealing money for your dying friend's cancer treatment; that's bad. So I do think Burke would have other options. But I guess they would mean going public and he doesn't seem to want to do that.

This is, of course, assuming Albus is right, but I can't see how he wouldn't be. Burke pretty much said it in the last story.

Thanks for giving us the list of characters. I sometime flick back to other years, but then I have to remember a year or two have passed, so they'd be that much older. *laughs* Not that it's hard to add on one or two years, but it's good to have the current list.

Author's Response: John might be able to practice with the team, but he certainly won't be playing in any games. It'll definitely help his future career in Quidditch.

In NY, you can get a teaching certification in undergrad or graduate school. But if you do it in undergrad, you have to get a master's degree within a few years. Other states have different rules, but NY is one of the states with the most requirements. Some states you don't even need teacher certification, just a bachelor's degree.

The whole werewolf dynamic is just so interesting! Part of me wants to keep writing even after the 7th one so that I can explore Matt's issues with getting a job.

I have sympathy for Burke, too. It's not like he's doing sketchy things with the money he's making. He's just doing sketchy things to get the money so he can try to keep himself alive. It's a moral grey area. Wow, that is quite the scandal!

I sometimes have to look at the list while I'm writing, too! There are just so many of them. Thanks for reading and reviewing! :)


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Review #42, by MargaretLaneRabbit Heart: Whispering Hearts

13th June 2014:
Yi-i-ikes, this looks like one long chapter.

Apologies for not having made any mention of the judging of my challenge yet. I've been super-busy lately and haven't even read all the entries. But I haven't forgotten about it and the results WILL be posted, probably in just under two weeks. If they aren't up in two weeks, there'll be another wait, because things get crazy busy again then.

This might be just because I'm not English, but the word "chav" doesn't really sound to me like something a pureblood would use. You know, it seems rather culture-specific slang. I don't know. I just feel the wizarding world has its own insults.

I sort of think Wren has a point with her idea of self-governing non-wizard societies. Although since wizards, vampires, house-elves, goblins, etc, all share the same society more or less, it strikes me that simply giving them all representation in the Ministry might be the best idea. But wizards haven't really shown themselves too adept at sharing power. Obviously, being from a country that was colonised, I'm going to find myself in agreement with criticisms of the imposition of rules from another culture that may not fit those they are imposed on.

And *rolls eyes at the idea "this would never work because wizards and witches don't think it would"* Isn't one of the defining features of the wizarding world their lack of understanding and disinterest in learning about, other cultures.

You use the characters' names rather a lot. There are a couple of times where writing "he" or "she" would sound more natural, especially since Albus and Wren's conversation involves only one boy and one girl, so there'd be no confusion.

I'm not really sure why Albus thinks it's weird Dillon told Wren his name. Or does he just think Dillon was weird? It's a bit unclear.

Oooh, this is getting creepy. I'm not sure exactly what it is Dillon wants, but it certainly doesn't sound good.

And this is kind of getting more like the rabbit in Fangirl. *laughs*

Hmm, I really wonder if this stuff about how when Bunny is with her, she doesn't feel helps explain how the rabbits are affecting her more than Albus. She clearly wants that oblivion to some degree and I wonder if, in some way, they can feed off that.

Although I can't exactly ignore the fact that the people most affected seem to be female either. Although, now seeing Ian, maybe that's not true. Hmm.

I wonder if this Ian guy is naturally nasty or if it's the rabbits or Dillon controlling him. Hmm, this gets more and more mysterious.

Author's Response:

Hello!!

You've got quite a few stories to read for the challenge. I hope you don't get slammed with *stuff to do* too quickly, so you'll have the time to go through them all! But hey, at least you're pretty much caught up with my story. :)

There's this *thing* with Scorpius and his constant use of non-wizarding colloquialisms. We'll get to that a bit later. LOL!

Wren does have a point. I agree with you on the idea that wizards haven't learned how to share the world. They may be perceived to be at the top of the food chain, but that doesn't mean they should disregard what other races have established. You'll have to sit down with Albus on that one and explain it to him.

I noticed the character name thing this morning. I plan to look into that after I've gotten a little distance from this chapter. It is rather long, and I felt my eyes glazing over several times during the editing process. That said, I couldn't find a place to cut or shorten it either. Sigh.

Haha! I think Albus is just talking to talk at this point, but the main idea is that he's commenting on the general weirdness of things.

Ah, yes. The Fangirl rabbit. Imagine my reaction when I read that book. Then again, if I could do a search for "rabbits, horror stories", I wonder what's out there?

Ian's naturally a jerk. The rabbits and Dillon are just icing on the cake. LOL!

Thanks for the lovely review! I'm so happy you're coming back to the story!



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Review #43, by MargaretLaneAlbus Potter and Slytherin's Office: Down Near the Dungeons

10th June 2014:
*laughs* Over here, it's more like April showers turn to May showers turn to June showers.

I think they are right to go to bed. There comes a point when lack of sleep is going to disadvantage you more than an extra hour or two's study is going to help.

LOVE the idea of the Death Eaters being the villains in a book.

*sighs* I think the Invisibility Cloak could be useful in case they run into Zajecfer. If there is a secret office, he could be waiting there. Or the potion could transport them to wherever he usually hangs out.

Well done Harry for figuring out something odd is going on.

And I love the way Albus believes Harry is unbeatable and has no worries at all that Zajecfer could kill his father or anything. It's sort of typical of how a twelve year old might think and really shows Albus's naivety.

Ahh, what a cliffhanger. I'm assuming this is the older man and I REALLY want to know who he is. I can't wait for the next chapter.

And I REALLY want to know what Albus thinks is impossible. That this guy could be a villain? But how does he know now that he's a villain? I guess he could guess, but you know, it could be somebody who is helping Harry try to figure out what's going on or something for all Albus knows. Maybe he just assumes whoever is in there must be in league with Zajecfer. Or maybe there's something else, like maybe this is somebody he believes dead or something. Since the older man appears to be at least as old as Voldemort, that is quite possible.

Though the only person older than Voldemort who died during the books I can think of is Dumbledore and somehow I doubt he's in league with Zajecfer or with Voldemort.

I'm sticking with Slughorn as my guess as to who the older man is.

Author's Response: I forgot that the UK gets a lot of rain. Oh well, it's just a saying. Maybe next year there will be lots of rainy weather.

I've learned the hard way that lack of sleep because of studying might make the test day difficult. I'm one of those people who tend to do all of their studying the day before.

Yes, the invisibility cloak would be useful. Rose is often smart, but sometimes she can make a silly mistake.

Albus has heard stories his entire life about Harry, and Ron probably took the liberty of exaggerating them. If Albus knew how Harry felt starting Hogwarts, Al would probably be shocked. To Albus, Harry's practically a god.

What Albus finds "impossible" is the identity of the man.

It would be an amazing plot twist if Dumbledore is a bad guy and hoped to kill off Harry by telling him that he's a horcrux, but Harry outwitted him. Yes, I also highly doubt Dumbledore is in league with Voldemort. They don't seem very similar.

Thank you so much for reviewing! I know you're super busy and it means a lot to me that you do this. :)


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Review #44, by MargaretLaneAlbus Potter and the Pureblood's Secret: Internships

9th June 2014:
*laughs* I was away this weekend and wouldn't have been able to read this until Sunday anyway.

That's actually a good question about schools in general - why timetables aren't given to students in advance. Not that we were ever GIVEN timetables at all. They were just up on the walls of each classroom for us to take down. It got complicated in 5th year (basically equivalent to Hogwarts' 6th year), as you had to figure out which options you had at each time. Unlike Hogwarts' students, we didn't have free classes. We got choices from 2nd year, but in 2nd year, we just had to choose 3 subjects out of 6 and nearly everybody did French, German and Business Studies. Music, art and home economics were rather less common options. Everybody had to keep on English, Irish, Maths, History, Geography, Science, Religion and P.E. In 5th year, we had to choose four subjects out of a wider list, as only English, Irish, Maths, Religion and P.E. had to be taken by everybody (Religion and P.E. were non-exam subjects), so that got rather more complicated.

It should be "it was just Amanda and me", not "it was just Amanda and I."

I'd guess they'd have to have some choice. Wouldn't be much point doing an internship in St. Mungo's if you wanted to be a journalist or a publican or something.

I'm not at all surprise Charms is a popular option. It seems like it'd be useful for a lot of things and doesn't sounds SUPER-difficult from the books. Transfiguration and Potions sound more difficult, though that may be because Snape and McGonagall are probably more demanding than Flitwick.

*laughs at the idea of placing an amplifying charm on Bilius so his snores drown out Matt's nightmares*

My de Valera story for all occasions that I'm reminded of here is that I read somewhere that when he was a lecturer, he never noticed if his students weren't paying attention because he adored Maths so much, he assumed everybody else was just as obsessed with them. Burke sounds rather like that.

And I really wonder why he wants them brewing polyjuice potion. To sell it maybe?

I actually had Neville give my characters a project to do for their end of year exams in 1st year. Writing about projects is fun.

Aw, baby hippogriffs sound sweet.

Over here, work experience really only takes place in Transition Year, which is optional. Students who do that year (about 40% of the population, I think) do a fortnight's work experience. At college, it depends on your course. My course had an "off-campus" year in 3rd year, where we could either choose to do an exchange year in a college abroad or do work experience for the year. I worked in an after-school program in what to be honest is one of Ireland's most notorious estates, but I had a great time. We had to fill in forms about what types of jobs we wanted to do, where we'd like to work and also where we WOULDN'T work (loads of people said "Dublin and Northern Ireland" for the last part - being a few years back, this wasn't all that long after the Troubles, so you can see why people'd be wary about going north of the border).

Makes sense that they wouldn't be able to work under a relative.

*grins* Yeah, in September, you always feel you have to take advantage of any good weather. I remember one year when I was in primary school, we had an appalling summer (nothing new there; I read somewhere that Seattle is known for getting a lot of rain in the U.S., but when I checked up how many days of rain a year it was supposed to get, it was less than the driest parts of Ireland) and then the first weeks of September were beautiful. So much so that there was debate about giving the schools an extra couple of days holiday.

Great chapter and I'm looking forward to seeing more about the internships.

Author's Response: My high school used to mail out our schedules ahead of time, but now in an effort to save on postage, they pass them out on the first day. I've heard it's kind of chaotic. Yeah, an internship that isn't anything like what they want to do would be kind of pointless.

I think Charms would be one of my favorite classes. It's quite popular with Cedonia as a teacher, because she's one of the most popular teachers.

There is a specific reason why Burke wants them brewing Polyjuice, and you'll find out soon. You're on the right track. Baby hippogriffs must be adorable!

Some people do internships in high school here, but most do them in college. I did student teaching, which is basically an internship. They can be slightly controversial since you're basically working for free, and only people who can afford to work for free can do them. But I won't get into that at Hogwarts.

It wouldn't be fair if they worked under a relative. Special treatment and all that.

Seattle is known for its rain, but it's far from the only place in the USA that is known for its rain. My area of the country also gets more rain and clouds than sun. Thanks for reading and reviewing! :)


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Review #45, by MargaretLaneActions Speak Louder than Words: Better: Rose POV

1st June 2014:
The title of this chapter makes me think Rose's mental state might improve a little during it.

Love the detail about Rose being closer to Harry than Ron. And that stuff about her name is WEIRDLY coincidental. I wrote a next gen. series prior to the publication of Half Blood Prince, where Harry and Ginny had two kids called James and Rose and the backstory to Rose's name was pretty much the same as here - that Harry originally wanted to call her Lily, but then thought it was unfair if he were to choose the names of both their children, so they agreed on a name she liked that still commemorated Lily by following the Evans' pattern of giving their girls flower names. That never comes up in the stories about them, but it's what I had planned as the thinking behind it.

I can TOTALLY imagine Ron being disappointed his first child wasn't a boy. And even more disappointed when she's sorted into Ravenclaw rather than Gryffindor.

Author's Response: Hi, hi!

This was a little bit of a filler chapter. I wanted to establish that Lily was four years after Rose and that Rose was closer to Harry than Ron.

That is so weird about your story! Great minds think alike - haha! I was just trying to come up with a reason why Ron and Hermione chose the name Rose. I can see Hugo, because Hermione is such a great reader (I though of Victor Hugo immediately), but I couldn't figure out why they picked Rose. Maybe it is something really obvious and I just never noticed it.

Yeah, I don't think Ron ever got over the Ravenclaw thing - he is a Gryffindor through and through. Although, I don' think it bothered Harry and Ginny that Albus was sorted into Ravenclaw.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Beth


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Review #46, by MargaretLaneActions Speak Louder than Words: Bitter: Scorpius POV

1st June 2014:
Again, I think "we had dinner with Harry and Ginny, who never forgot the anniversary," might sound better than putting the last part in brackets.

Aw, I like the innocence of their relationship and how much holding hands seems to mean to him.

It should be "glaring at both Al and me," not "glaring at both Al and I". If you take out the other person, you can check how it sounds. Like you wouldn't say "he was glaring at I".

I really like the background you have given to the Aurors. It makes sense there would be competition and it does help to explain why Voldemort was able to take over, if mistakes were being made because of Aurors withholding information from each other.

I can imagine Harry would be in a difficult position when it comes to training his own son. If he goes easy on him, people will say he's favouring him and if he's tough, people will say he's being unfair. He can't win, really. And it's worse for Al. Because he'll be hurt more than most if his dad is annoyed at him, but if he isn't, he'll feel like he's getting a soft ride. And I guess Harry might be a bit annoyed too at the thought that Al might be taking advantage of having his dad doing the training.

*cheers for Scorpius finding a way to diffuse things and for Teddy backing him up*

And I love the way Scorpius describes Harry as a surrogate father. It reminds me a little of Sirius and James's parents.

LOVE the name of the exam the Aurors have to do at the end of their training. It fits the world perfectly.

You've sort of repeated the stuff about them having a year's apprenticeship with a more experienced Auror after their training.

*grins at Harry praising Scorpius for his peacemaking skills* I wonder if that's as important a part of an Auror's job as it is of a Guard's/policeman's. I assume it would be. Deescalating is better than arresting.

Author's Response: Hi Margaret,

I fixed all of the grammatical errors that you found - thanks for that. On the part where I repeated about being paired up with a more experienced auror, I chose to reword it. I mentioned something about getting to do actual assignments and being done with the course work.

Thanks so much for all of your help. I think the validators are going to be sick of all my updates!

Even though this chapter doesn't have a lot to do with Rose and Scorpius as a couple, there is a lot of characterization here. Al sort of gives his approval for Scorp to be with Rose officially and we see that there is a little bit of tension between Harry and Albus - although they both really love and respect one another.

I think that Harry can really respect peacemaking skills - there are probably a lot of candidates that just want to be an auror to fight, when finding a middle ground is often the better route for all parties.

Thanks again - for everything!

Beth


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Review #47, by MargaretLaneActions Speak Louder than Words: Besotted: Rose POV

1st June 2014:
Really like her comment about it being under control. It sounds like she's trying to convince herself.

I wonder WHY this guy was torturing her. The curse sounds horrific. No wonder it's still affecting her mentally.

In a sense, she must be a really strong person to still be functioning at all, considering what we know of how the ordinary Cruciatus Curse's effect on Neville's parents.

And I also wonder if she's aware her mother was tortured also. I think Hermione could give her a lot of support and understanding, having been through a lesser version of the same thing herself.

White flyaway hair. That is making me think of somebody, but I'm not sure who.

I really like her comment about being used to brewing hangover potions due to attending James's parties. I can almost HEAR her saying that.

Author's Response: Hello Margaret,

Thanks for picking up on that - she IS trying to convince herself.

Yeah, Stannous is a bad dude. He is definitely after Rose for a reason (evil laugh because I'm not telling any more right now hahaha).

Rose is really, really strong - she just can't see it. She doesn't know about Hermione. In my version, the golden trio don't really talk about the war to their kids. I don't think they do this intentionally, they just see their children as the next generation that they fought hard to protect, so they don't feel the need to go into detail about their past. This plays a part later on in the story.

Rose is really good a potions - she has to be with her crazy family!

Thanks again!


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Review #48, by MargaretLaneActions Speak Louder than Words: Bereft: Scorpius POV

1st June 2014:
Oh poor Scorpius. It's understandable that he'd blame himself. Poor, poor kid.

And I like the way his Aunt Daphne and her husband appear like basically decent people, but clearly aren't used to raising kids, especially a recently traumatised teenager. He's not getting the help and support he needs from them, but it's really nobody's fault.

Love the description of the room he'd been "assigned to". It sounds almost institutional, like he doesn't feel the room belongs to him at all. It kind of sums up how detached from his aunt and uncle he feels.

Gosh, Ron really is overreacting. I can imagine he'd be worried when his daughter disappears, but surely he could understand she'd want to see her friend after he'd an experience like that. And he sure isn't being very sensitive in a grieving household. He could at least TRY talking to Scorpius's uncle, before having a fit.

And honestly, Ron was YOUNGER when he and the twins "ran away" to rescue Harry. In the middle of the night. In a stolen car.

You've written that he couldn't "every" remember his aunt with a wand in her hand, instead of "ever".

And I like the indication that Daphne is more concerned about Scorpius than he realises.

Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks again for your wonderful reviews. I am really touched how you notice the little details that I try to put into the story.

Ron is... a trip. He is emotions first, thinking later. He doesn't think he is overreacting. It IS his teenage daughter, after all and he HATES the Malfoys. I don't think he was happy that they died, but he definitely doesn't want to admit that Scorpius and Rose are friends.

Haha - I was referring to Ron and Harry's seventh year, when they ran away to find the Horcruxes, but you are RIGHT - he did run away in second year, too!

I fixed the "every" to "ever." Thanks for catching that!

I didn't want everyone in Scorpius's life to be against him or killed off, but I needed Daphne to not be a great parent for him - I pretty much wanted him to end up being raised by Harry for his last few years of school.

Thanks again!

Beth


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Review #49, by MargaretLaneActions Speak Louder than Words: Blown Away: Scorpius POV

1st June 2014:
Again, we're getting a pretty clear picture without you spelling things out directly. Draco appears pretty strict and I wonder if his dislike of Scorpius playing football is because it's a Muggle game (amusingly enough, soccer used to be controversial over here at one point due to well, being English, basically).

Hmm, I wonder what rumours were going around Hogwarts.

And we're also getting an explanation of why Scorpius is so often angry.

Yi-i-ikes, that got heavy pretty quickly. When he mentioned the bizarre scene, I thought he was going to have seen his parents being intimate or something, not their bodies. I wonder what happened - if it was an accident or something else. Considering the rumours, I'm wondering if they were killed or something.

And the last thing Scorpius did was argue with them. Poor, poor kid.

Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks again for all of these wonderful reviews. The rumors going around Hogwarts refer to the fact that the kids were talking about Draco being a death eater. Draco never really sat Scorpius down to explain all of that , and it sort of came to a head in this scene.

Your intuition is very keen. That's all I'm going to say right now! :)

Thanks again!

Beth


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Review #50, by MargaretLaneActions Speak Louder than Words: Bent: Rose POV

1st June 2014:
This is a bit silly, but the paragraph breaks in this chapter are larger than you might have intended.

And again, I LOVE how naturally you get information across, like letting us know James plays Quidditch by saying he'd invited his whole Quidditch team.

The ages seem a bit off. The epilogue mentions Lily starts two years after Albus and Rose, so if she has two years to go, they should be graduating that year.

And this reminds me a little of our own Graduation from secondary school, although the term isn't quite right, since ours took place BEFORE the exams and was a Mass. And afterwards, we all went to the pubs. We had school next day, but surprise, surprise, not many people showed up.

And *laughs at James and Albus being so protective of Lily. The joys of being the youngest, I guess. You remain a kid in everybody's mind.

It might sounds better to speak of "Al and Scorpius, who were in the program along with Dom", instead of putting the latter in brackets. It might flow a little more naturally.

There should be a full stop after "Scorpius commented" and a capital "H" at the beginning of "He had gone through the rest of the female population."

Aw, poor Rose, being so embarrassed about her reaction and feeling like a coward. Based on what you've hinted she's been through, it sounds like she's extremely brave.

Love the last line about how she felt something. It hints at the beginning of a recovery and also at a possible relationship with Scorpius once she's well enough to deal with that.

Author's Response: Hello again,

Thank you so much for all of the wonderful reviews. I was so surprised! I just submitted all of the fixes you suggested. Thank you so much. This was my very first story and it took me several months to figure out how to submit a chapter without all the spaces. I fixed those as well - thanks for pointing them out.

I think I mentioned in my last response that I chose to make Lily four years younger than Rose. She needed to be underage for part of the story. In addition, I really wanted Selenia to be Rose's best friend and I thought that if Lily were too close in age, they would have a much closer relationship.

Wow! Your graduation was BEFORE classes were over?! That is poor planning.

Thanks for the comment on the last line - that was what I was going for! Woot!

Your reviews are so sweet - thank you.

Beth


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