Reading Reviews From Member: MargaretLane
842 Reviews Found

Review #26, by MargaretLaneAlbus Potter and the Pureblood's Secret: Panic

23rd December 2014:
Poor, poor Matt. I hope he's not too ill to testify, because if he is, they'll probably just postpone his evidence and he'll have to go through this all over again.

Hmm, I wonder where Lily IS going. Probably to meet a boyfriend or something, but it's possible there's something more to it.

*laughs at Madame Pomfrey threatening to commit murder herself*

I'm not sure whether I hope they let Matt off or not. I guess I do, but Boone needs all the supporting evidence he can get. But then, I'm guessing your characters are going to solve the murders in this book anyway, or the next one at the latest and then he can resume his life. I guess I hope they let Matt off and then the real murderer is found soon, Boone gets help from somebody to resume his life and Laurentis and her lackeys are shown up as corrupt.

Oh uh, the prosecution's attack on Walter is a pretty good one, if they want to make werewolves appear violent and him appear biased.

Sorry this review is rather short.

Hope you have a great Christmas.

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Review #27, by MargaretLaneActions Speak Louder than Words: Bone Tired: Scorpius POV

22nd December 2014:
Oh gosh, I can well imagine Ruth's death would hit Rose hard. After all, this is the person she depends on for support during hard times, so it must be extra hard to have something happen to her. I mean it must feel like the loss of a support system.

And then there is the feeling that her connection with Rose might have been a contributory factor in her death.

Yikes, this guy is starting to sound like a new Voldemort.

LOVE the name of the Aurors' exams. And the whole system of training sounds believable and fits with the world.

Poor, poor Rose. I'm not at all surprised things are getting on top of her - the death of her therapist, the guilt associated with it, the loss of part of her support system, the exams and the prophecy all coming together would affect anybody. And she's still probably recovering from her previous experiences. Even though she's come a long way, it's still only relatively recently she's begun to recover, after two years of struggling. Even with so many additional stressors, it wouldn't be surprising if she had the odd setback.

I like the fact you've written this chapter from Scorpius's point of view, so like him, we only gradually realise what a hard time Rose is having. Not that I don't like seeing her reactions directly - I do, especially as you write them so well - but seeing it from a different perspective is interesting too and allows us put ourselves in the shoes of her family and friends, as they come to the realisation things are getting on top of her, but may not be sure of the details, just as we're not. It also keeps the suspense up, as we don't know if it's a combination of the above that is affecting her or one thing in particular.

I'm glad that what's bothering her now doesn't seem to be TOO serious, unless there's more you aren't revealing yet. She is still recovering and the exams and Ruth's death are bound to add to her stress. That sounds natural enough.

I think it's good you didn't skip over it. If there IS something deeper going on with Rose, a bit of foreshadowing is good and if there isn't, it's good to see that her recovery is ongoing. It makes it more realistic than if it were just forgotten about when the plot moved on. It's also good to see her reaction to Ruth's death, as that is bound to have a significant effect on her.

The indication of Stannous's plans are also intriguing and make me want to know what's going on.

All in all, this chapter is quite intriguing, between the questions about how well Rose's recovery is going and the questions about what Stannous is doing.

Author's Response: Hey there!

Sorry again for taking so long to respond to this. Yeah, Rose has a bit of guilt from Ruth's death - but it's in her nature to take on responsibility that isn't necessarily hers.

Yeah, Stannous is a bad dude. Is it bad that I'm giddy you think he sounds like the next Voldemort?

Rose *has* come a long way. She's actually doing much better than even she thinks. (I think you've read the next chapter by now to know that there's a bit more going on here).

Haha - yeah Scorpius isn't always the most observant boyfriend. I think that having the two different POVs has really worked for me. I really, REALLY tried to write the story completely from Rose POV, but it just didn't do justice to some of the things that I wanted to accomplish. Plus, the story is really about the two of them.

Thanks, I'm glad I didn't skip over it as well. Know how people have reacted to it, I might go in an polish it up, but I'm glad it's there.

Thanks again! I love getting your reviews.

♥ Beth

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Review #28, by MargaretLaneThe Ides of March: Nothing thicker than a knife's blade.

20th December 2014:
Oooh, the magic of the Norse community. That does sound interesting. And it is fairly recent history at this point, so it makes sense it would be of interest to them.

Oh gosh, they have arranged marriages? It must be so hard, in a world where girls and boys are given the same education for girls to have to take a step back after marriage.

You've left out a question mark when Helena asks Helga if one is doing something wrong, "would one carry on with it?"

And aw, the way Helga thinks Rowena would be better able to answer such difficult questions. That seems to fit with everything we know about Helga and Rowena. Not that we know much about them, but we do know Rowena valued wisdom and was presumably, herself, wise and Helga seems like something of a self-effacing person.

And I like the way you portray the religious values of Rowena and Helga. Again, we have no idea what they believed, but it is certainly credible that Rowena might be the sort of person to believe only in what could be proven and Helga the sort of person to have faith in a higher power.

And of course, this is long before the era of Biblical literalism, so Eleanor's attitude to the scriptures is hardly surprising.

Love the imagery at the end of this chapter.

Author's Response: Yes, and I thought it would be something that Rowena would like to explore as it has some sort of mystical and intriguing quality about it, or maybe that's just me who thinks that. :P

Yes, they do, I think they prefer to say helping to find a partner as they would like it if love was there too, but you'll find out more about it later on!

Thanks for pointing that out to me, I just went and fixed it!

I know, it's strange how it is like that because in this case the answer does require some humanity and compassion so Helga is perhaps the better person to answer it rather than Rowena.

I'm glad you liked as it was interesting to try and figure out what they would have been interested in and why they believed in it, because it really is left open to us but there are hints of Christianity within Harry Potter so I thought I would try and incorporate a bit of it here.

Thank you for another wonderful review, it really did make me smile! ♥


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Review #29, by MargaretLaneThe Ides of March: A star riding through clouds.

20th December 2014:
Ho ho ho, here for the Ravenclaw gift tag.

Hmm, I like the line in italics at the beginning. I wonder who is supposed to be speaking it - Helena or somebody else.

Helena is such an interesting character. We don't know that much about her and what we do know seems a little...not contradictory exactly, but not fitting together neatly - she was rebellious enough to steal from her mother, yet she also seems a quiet, studious type of character. So there are many ways to interpret her. Looking forward to seeing how you do it.

Hmm, I've read her as being gay before actually. I like the way she feels so conflicted over it, since she is living in a time when it probably wouldn't be acceptable at all.

And I like the idea of Gryffindor having a daughter. At least I assume that's who she is. We know so little about the Founders' families. All we know is that at least Ravenclaw and Slytherin had kids.

Poor Helena. I can already see why she might be driven to steal the diadem, when she is made to feel inferior for not being wise enough. Rowena does not come across as a very attractive character here.

You write almost poetically. Your use of language is absolutely beautiful. Love the part about the ebony imprint in the snow.

Poor girl. That part about how she doesn't often experience being liked is so sad.

And the conflict between her thanking God for allowing this to happen while at the same time worrying about it being sinful.

Author's Response: Hi there!

With the italics at the beginning, I envisaged it as almost Helena from the future, as a ghost, and that was how she truly felt at that time.

I'm so glad you found Helena interesting and you did a really great analysis of her as I never truly thought about her in that way. I suppose it stems from the way her mother treated her and how her mother loved her but then almost abused so Helena reacts like that too.

Ooh, that's interesting as I didn't think that slash founders stories were that popular.

Yes, she is Gryffindor's daughter and their relationship is explored more later on and he does have an extended family too.

No, Rowena really isn't a pleasant character and their relationship only deteriorates throughout this story rather than grow to be better so her reasons for taking it become more and more obvious throughout.

Thank you so much, that means a lot to me! ♥

Thank you so much for this great review, it was very insightful and it was interesting to read your thoughts! :D


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Review #30, by MargaretLaneAlbus Potter and the Pureblood's Secret: The Recipe

16th December 2014:
I wonder if there's something mysterious about the fact Johnston missed the first day of the trial. I'm being suspicious of everything in this story, aren't I? Because it's hard to know which little thing will turn out to hold the clue to the whole thing.

Poor Matt. It's understandable he'd be worried about people talking about him when he has so much he doesn't want them to know about - his lycanthropy, his anxiety. He's trying so hard to appear normal.

*laughs at Albus thinking Rose and Amanda are probably studying, but John and Kaden are probably playing pranks* Even in Kaden's exam year, studying isn't going to be his top priority.

YES! I can see why Albus would want to see Elsie testify. I do too. I'm as disappointed as him, because if he doesn't see it, I guess we don't either. I think this could be the test of which is the real Elsie, because if she IS the quiet, scared kid she seems, who is being bullied by her brother and reacted out of stress when she argued back, lying in court should be very stressful for her. Of course, if she's lying, she's a brilliant actress and might well act stressed so those making the judgement would feel sorry for her and think "that poor nervous little child would never lie in court." But I think it might be possible to get some idea of which is real, nonetheless, because if she's genuinely worried, then I can see her story slipping, especially since she was so anxious to avoid talking to ANYBODY about it and if she can't lie to Albus and Rose and Felix has to watch her constantly to make sure she doesn't give in and admit the truth, I think lying on oath in court would be likely to cause her some confusion. If her personality is a fake though, her evidence would probably be flawless, because in that case, she is a very accomplished liar.

I also wonder WHY she was lying. It implies her family is some way involved in the murders and that it is VERY important that things be covered up well. If they are going to the trouble of having a child sneak into Hogsmeade so she can give false evidence, it sounds like they need to lay a false trail, because if they didn't, the real one might be pretty obvious.

I can't help feeling sorry for Burke. While he clearly behaves in some immoral ways, nobody deserves to have to deal with what he does.

And Albus has pretty much said what I was thinking. Poor Burke.

I think Matt is doing the right thing. Even if it is really bad for his mental and emotional health, Boone doesn't deserve to go to Azkaban for murder and if Matt can help him by giving evidence, he should.

And I can't totally understand how the example of Boone would haunt him. No matter how impossible it is that he would ever end up in Boone's position - for him to be homeless, his parents, Amy, Albus, Rose, John, Kaden and Amanda would probably all have to have died, because none of them would let that happen - but as an example of what lycanthropy CAN lead to, it's pretty stark. And like I mentioned before, as a child, I was pretty creeped out by the fact people were interned without trial basically for being of my nationality and religion. It wasn't a real worry for me, because it happened in a country I didn't live in, so even though Matt is older and more able to see the differences in circumstances and the fact it's not ONLY Boone's lycanthropy that makes him suspicious and causes prejudice against him, just the thought that that's a factor is bound to be scary.

If he found about about two and a half years ago and people don't usually live more than four years, that means he probably doesn't have more than a year to live. Poor guy.

Yikes, I didn't realise Matt's anxiety was THAT bad. I guess the potion is keeping him functional and masking the worst of the symptoms. I SHOULD have guessed really, I suppose. Considering how stressed he is and the number of panic attacks he is having while taking a newly-developed potion by the best potioneer in the U.K., or possibly the world, I should probably have guessed it'd be horrific without it. I suppose I assumed it was only because it wasn't perfected that he was still having so many symptoms and not an indication of how severe his anxiety was.

Poor Burke. Amy had to say what she did, but I doubt Burke liked hearing that any more than Matt did. It's a reminder of how little time he has left, how dreadful the time he has left is likely to be and how much work he is unlikely to be able to finish.

Great chapter and thanks for letting us know of the changed date for updates.

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Review #31, by MargaretLaneTwo Earthly Kingdoms: To Anger a God

13th December 2014:
This does sound intriguing.

I like the way you portray Snape. There's something ominous about him here, something determined. I especially like the comment about his father's "tainted, smoky blood."

Oooh, and I like the conflict between his disdain for Lily because she's Muggleborn and his love for her. So many stories gloss over the fact he was part of an organisation dedicated to eliminating people like her.

Really like the way he sees himself as half a god.

Yikes, that part about him claiming back his birthright is ominous. I wonder what he is planning to do. It sounds scary, like he's going to do something dodgy.

I like the way the war is starting to effect everybody.

And poor Lily and James - it seems like within the space of about 2-4 years, they lost all four of their parents, took part in a war and were targeted by Voldemort. Nobody deserves that.

And OH! that makes so much sense - that he would see a similarity between his mother's marrying a Muggle who turned out to be less than satisfactory and the possibility of his dating a Muggleborn.

Oooh, that part about the Death Mark burning into his skin is stark. You can almost imagine it happening.

Hmm, it makes sense he'd feel that being half blood is going against him. And it does help to explain why he would do something so evil.

I really like the imagery of this story. It's so dark and ominous and shows how Snape is being corrupted.

And that whole thing about how he knows he cannot depend on the Dark Lord's word - it makes a lot of sense.

Love the reference to how he cannot see much difference between hope and despair.

Author's Response: Hey there! Thanks so much for the swap! :)

Thank you so much! I was so nervous about writing Snape, because he's such a big, terrifying and divisive figure. People either seem to love him or hate him, and I've never been his biggest fan so taking him on was something I'd never imagined myself doing. I'm so glad you like him! :) I know, I really wanted to bring to the forefront that he's not just misguided, he's ambitious about his misguidedness, if that makes sense. He wants power, and he thinks he knows how to get it; it's not just that he wandered into the snake pit and couldn't get out :P

The birthright thing came out of the whole 'Half-blood Prince' thing, and the way that seemed to be so important to him when he was a teenager, and something that perhaps he used as a shield or weapon against others in the common room and things :)

Yeah, I'm so glad you like the inclusion of the war - it was surprisingly hard to write - but I wanted to include enough of it that it seemed harsh and difficult, give some reality to a story which is barely grounded in reality, haha. Lily and James definitely have a pretty bad lot in this, and you're absolutely right that no one deserves that! :(

I'm so happy you picked up on that! :D I really wanted to make the connection, because it's the kind of rhetoric he'd have picked up - and he seemingly did pick up in canon - from the purebloods around him, and I thought it was an interesting thing to explore with Snape... the conflict it creates :)

Yeah, he really is being corrupted, but I think as well that he's almost happy to be corrupted - like, he wants to be there, he wants to be better and that means worse, in some ways, and more corrupted, and so he's trying to become more corrupted and darker. Hence the reference to hope and despair - they're both sort of intangible things, things you can't help, really, and both things he has disdain for, in a way :)

The Dark Lord... I always wondered, tbh, why he warned Dumbledore, so this was my sort of attempt to find a reason why, when the Dark Lord had already promised to spare Lily, and that was what I came up with :)

Thank you so much for both the swap and the lovely review - both were so great! :)

Aph xx

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Review #32, by MargaretLaneAlbus Potter and the Chosen Four: The Prisoner of Darkness

13th December 2014:
YAY, it's up.

I don't think I've told you this before, but your titles are SO intriguing. "Slytherin's Office," "the Chosen Four."

And your summary for this chapter is also intriguing. And I've now realised I've forgotten to check the summary for the story, I was in such a hurry to get into the story. *laughs*

I had assumed Albus and his three friends were the Chosen Four, even though that would include Albus twice, but I thought that was just a bit of poetic licence to make it fit with the conventions of your titles, but now I'm wondering if these four men are.

And I'm wondering if the prisoner who escapes is Zajecfer. I was wondering had he been arrested or if he'd escaped. I think he might have escaped actually. Should probably have reread your last chapter or two. But anyway, I'll find out soon enough who the escapee is.

You are so good at setting an ominous tone to the beginning of your stories. Both here and in Slytherin's Office, you immediately feel something sinister is about to happen.

I'm actually laughing at the part about being in Antarctica and whether they'll see any penguins.

The King of the Dementors? Interesting. And they seem fairly sure he won't harm them if they rescue him. I'd be wary if I were them. After all, the Ministry thought the Dementors would never betray them.

And Parkinson and Bulstrode. I'm guessing these are the fathers of Pansy and Millicent? Looks like Zajecfer may be reforming the Death Eaters. Although was there any indication in the books Bulstrode was a Death Eater? *ponders* Of course, he could have been even if it wasn't mentioned, but it's also possible Zajecfer's aims are slightly different to Voldemort's and of more appeal to him.

And I'm getting the impression I was right to think they shouldn't trust him.

And that is pretty cruel - deliberately making the prison as tormenting to him as possible. But then considering Azkaban, it's hardly surprising.

I think the length of this chapter makes sense. It gives us an indication of what's going on, without giving us too much detail, so it maintains suspense. We still don't know if these men are connected to Zajecfer, if the Dementor will take part in their plans (though it doesn't sound like it), if he will harm them, if he has plans of his own.

Really good opening chapter. I REALLY wasn't expecting something like this.

Author's Response: You'll find out later about the origins of the title... just like you did for Slytherin's Office.

Ominous tones are brilliant. Thank you!

Yeah, these men are supposed to be kind of stupid and look like fools- it's good that you're laughing.

Keep in mind, almost all purebloods are related to each other, so Parkinson and Bulstrode are almost certainly related to Millicent and Pansy in some way, if not directly.

The prison, torturous to the Dementor, weakens it and makes it so he can't try to escape. If it was dark and cold, the Dementor King would thrive, gain strength, and break out.

During the last chapter of Slytherin's Office, Harry describes how Zajecfer disappeared into a shadow-like thing, even though Zajecfer should have died. I suggest you re-read that section as well. Basically, Zajecfer most likely disappeared like Voldemort did in 1981.

Thank you so much for the review!

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Review #33, by MargaretLaneRainfall: Epilogue

10th December 2014:
Love the harps and are the small drums bodhráns? I like bodhráns. They are awesome.

Oh, I don't know what to say here. I don't want to give away something about my year four, but I sort of want to say something. *grins*

Aw, Hugo's missing a lot when it comes to the game. There's not much to be experienced there if you are blind.

*laughs at the Brazilians getting a good welcome even though they can't have many supporters there* I think the Irish supporters would welcome everybody anyway, both because we pride ourselves on being welcoming (hey, we want money from tourism) and just because we tend to get a little hyper and carried away at events like those and cheer for anybody and anything.

I must admit, I didn't know the Irish for Nambia.

I always think "céad míle failte" sounds a bit Oirish in its translation. I guess it's because we only ever SAY "a hundred thousand welcomes" when translating directly and that's at events like this, which by definition tend to get a bit touristy.

*grins at the cheers dying down somewhat*

Love the comment about us loving our little island. It's such an...Irish thing to say. I've noticed that when Irish officials praise our country, they often precede it with a reference to its size, as if saying "the best small nation in the world" sounds less arrogant than "the best nation in the world".

Dev is approving of her description of Ireland. *cracks up* It just sort of reminds me of his "the Ireland that we dreamed of" speech.

"Blathering" or "blathering on" might have done instead of "talking" there, if you wanted something that sounded more like she was making fun of herself, but it sounds fine as it is.

I don't know if every sport does that - talks about everybody else involved - but the G.A.A. definitely does. They had an ad referencing things like the person who made hundreds of cups of tea for the team and so on.

Aw, poor Hugo. He's feeling resentful of Rose, which is understandable, and then feeling guilty for that. Poor, poor kid.

LOVE the fairy rings turning into hoops.

LOVE the way they translate "slán abhaile", like they did at the Eucharistic Congress. I would NEVER have thought to translate it as anything other than "safe home", a term commonly used in Ireland anyway, until I saw "safe journey home" used there.

Yes, waterproof is ALWAYS a good idea in Ireland, since rain is pretty much guaranteed.

Irish music sung out of tune is a feature of most events in Ireland.

I like the way Rose's illness has made Hugo realise he is "a normal boy" in the words of the title of your one-shot, but it's sad it had to come to that.

Fair play to him for not letting it define him. And if Dev could be President of Ireland at 90 and totally blind, and while blind, able to throw a sliotar (hurling ball) in the air and hit it with a hurley, amazing all those present, I think Hugo can succeed. He's got plenty of talents and he seems to have a fair share of determination too. I think he'll get there. *glares at you* Don't put too many more obstacles in his way!

*huggles you for the note at the end* And congrats on completing your first novel. It's a pretty awesome achievement. *scatters you with confetti* You know you're a brilliant writer, right?

Author's Response: Yep, they're bodhráns, but of course Hugo wouldn't know the name.

Yeah, those situations always make it hard to figure out what to say.

Yeah, obviously something like this is going to be a very visual event and Hugo's missing out on quite a lot. And I was coming up with all these pictures in my head of things like the chariot painting the rainbow and I couldn't describe them! *cries*

Yeah, the Irish supporters are amazing. Totally hyper.

Wow, I "know" a word of Irish you didn't! :P I decided I could probably get away with getting translations for country names myself, seeing as there's no grammar or contextual weirdness going on.

*cough* You might have given me a link to that speech of Dev's when I was writing this... "Our little island" is also a result of stuff you've said. In fact I told you I was having trouble writing an Irish-style speech (because I find English formality so much easier), and I listen to you too!

Many sports do that, especially the big events like this, and it just seemed to fit - and be something included in an Irish speech.

Yeah, this was going to be entirely happy, but, well... this is me writing. Poor Hugo.

Well, "safe home" just sounds ridiculous to me, and for a start I didn't want every (non-Irish) reviewer pointing out I'd "missed" a word or two. So I went with a normal English equivalent - the Eucharistic Conference version from that picture.

Music sung out of tune is a feature of most events in this country too.

Yeah... Hugo's got a long journey ahead of him, and there's some interesting stuff to come. He's certainly very determined.

Thank you so much! *grabs confetti and throws it all over you too* *huggles tightly* Genuinely, you gave me a reason to not abandon this story, and that could well be what really made the difference between this and all my other stories! (Plus I connected with Hugo more than with any other main character.)

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Review #34, by MargaretLaneAlbus Potter and the Pureblood's Secret: The Trial

8th December 2014:
Oh poor Matt, having to deal with a full moon AND the stress of the upcoming trial all at once.

I think there was a full moon last night, actually.

Oh, it'd probably be hard to get a character witness for Boone as he spent so long in hiding and did some rather immoral things, like buying Polyjuice illegally and stealing Young's identity. They may be a long way from murder, but it's still sort of hard to argue he's such a moral person, he couldn't possibly do it. And of course, not many people knew him in recent years.

Amanda seems pretty knowledgeable about legal matters, which I suppose is hardly surprising when her uncle is the Prime Minister and she wants to go into politics herself. The wizarding world is rather archaic in a lot of ways.

And yeah, Matt's life is very different from Boone's. If he were accused of a crime, his lycanthropy would still probably go against him, but he would have other things like his friendship with people like the Potters, his record at school and the fact he appears "respectable" which would tell in his favour, so he'd be far more likely to get a fair trial.

Oh, you spelled "trial" as "trail" when Amanda was talking about how everybody on trial is being heard by a bunch of wealthy, white men.

I find it a little surprising that they seem to be mostly white men, actually. In the books, there seems to be far greater gender equality than in our world, with Amelia Bones playing an important role in the Wizengamot. Looking through the "known members", there seems to be a fairly equal gender divide, although of course, they are only a small proportion. And racism seems to be less of a factor too, as Kingsley race isn't even raised.

I like the reference to most of Albus's classmates not being interested in the trial. After all, to most people, it's just an ordinary murder trial and while the case had some interesting features, a homeless werewolf being tried for murder isn't really something that catches people's attention.

Oh gosh, the later Matt testifies, the more days he has to hang around getting nervous that they MIGHT call him any moment now. If I were him, I'd want to be on as early as possible to get it over with.

And there are more women and non-whites than Amanda implies. I'd still have expected more than three women though.

Ah! That is a good argument - that they can't prove the hair came to be there at the time of the crime. And that part about how it wasn't snowing on the day of the murder is even better.

That is a good opening for the Defence, but I've a feeling there's WAY more to come here.

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Review #35, by MargaretLaneRabbit Heart: Guilty Hearts

6th December 2014:
Poor, poor Wren. She's now feeling guilty for what the rabbit's done. As if she hadn't enough to deal with. Poor girl.

Yikes, things are serious if McGonagall is showing concern. She'd not the type to do so under normal circumstances. This is beginning to look even scarier than I'd though.

I've a feeling there's something extra-mysterious about Dillon too. Everybody seems to think a little boy couldn't possibly be a vampire, which indicates there's something unusual about his being one. I did feel some sympathy for him when we saw him. He seem lonely more than anything else.

And now she's feeling guilty about hiding it. I think it'd be hard for people to figure it out anyway, because the situation is so odd - her being a thrall of a thrall, rather than the direct thrall of a vampire. And the fact that it's a bunny that's been biting her rather than an actual vampire. Now, admittedly if she hadn't been so out of it, it might have been figured out sooner, but then that was all part of what had happened to her. DEFINITELY not her fault.

*laughs at Trudy hating rabbits* I'm not a big fan of them myself. I think they are ugly little creatures.

*laughs at James telling the younger students off for bringing in illegal items and then taking them himself* It's a bit like Ron and is completely the sort of thing I'd imagine him doing.

LOVE the description of Hogsmeade as "the quaint village of crooked chimneys." It sounds sort of nursery rhyme or something.

Hmm, I wonder what the relevance of this guy being a vampire is and whether he is on Smeed's side or Dillon's. He could be the other guy Smeed was talking to, I guess.

I don't have a problem with the formatting here. I'd prefer your usual, but this is fine too.

Author's Response:

Things ARE rather serious now. And Dillon IS very lonely. Poor, lonely little boy.

Wren can't help but feel some guilt for what's going on. She's indirectly responsible for what's happening, whether it's her fault or not.

Aww, I'm glad you appreciated my description. I would love to stay in Hogsmeade and just soak up the ambiance.

Yep, another vampire. They should have a vampire party, with lots of juicy rabbits and very rare steak... and there goes my muse again. Stop that!

I think I'll be going back to the other formatting. I prefer it as well.

Thanks again. Until next time!

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Review #36, by MargaretLaneRabbit Heart: Hearts in the Flesh

6th December 2014:
Sorry for the delay getting around to reading this. I was really busy in November, between Nano, work and I'd an essay due in for this course I'm taking. And then when I finally got some free time towards the end of the month, a load of stories I'm following were updated and this sort of got lost in the list.

Rose is SO like Hermione here, trying to keep everybody on topic and helping everybody else with stuff, but having nobody to help her when she's stuck. Poor Rose.

Hmm, how old is Hugo here? He sounds kind of young, but as this is five years after the events of the epilogue and he must have been at least 5ish then and probably close to Lily's age, since they seemed to be friends, I assume he must be over 10 by now.

Augusta knows what Smeed is? This is getting more and more interesting.

And it's great to see her getting back to herself, after everything she's been through.

There are a few sentences in this chapter which might benefit from greater use of contractions, like writing "stay away from all rabbits until we're sure," instead of "until we are sure." Of course, if you are deliberately establishing a more formal pattern of speech for vampires, that one wouldn't count, but I think I've seen a few examples that weren't in Smeed's dialogue too. Like "it was rumoured that she had died..." I'd be inclined to have written, "it was rumoured she'd died," leaving out the "that" and contracting "she had." Or Augusta saying "I have been resting for months." "I've been resting for months" would sound more natural.

And hmm, Wren is likely to feel further sickness.

Actually, I'm not CERTAIN about this, but would the English be more likely to say "illness"?

I can see why "you won't die" would worry her. It makes it sound like it's a real possibility.

I wonder where Gran is going and why. I hope she's really all right.

It almost brought tears to my eyes when she spoke about the struggle it had been to raise her son and then Neville and how she felt after Frank and Alice died. Poor Augusta.

Hmm, Augusta knows more than she's telling, it seems.

And yeah, her being in Leeds shouldn't make THAT much difference. After all, Wren is only living with her parents maybe three months of the year, anyway and with things like Floo Powder and Apparition, she can probably be with them at a moment's notice. I daresay she'd have her home connected to her son's via the Floo network.

But I understand why Wren feels bad. She's been through so many changes, moving house, her grandparents' deaths, the whole thing with Dillon and the bunny, that one more probably feels like more than she can handle.

Love the reference to the House Elves now having free will.

Oh gosh, I hope Rose is OK. I wasn't expecting it to end like that. I assumed she'd just turn out like the others who've been affected.

Author's Response:
No problem with the delay. I understand delays very well. In fact, there was a delay to getting this response out, so...

Hugo is only a few years younger than Rose. Maybe she just thinks about him as younger than he really is. That sometimes happens with overbearing older siblings.

I loved seeing Gran get closer to her old self again too. she's lived a long time, and she knows a great deal more than most people would think. You're correct about Leeds not being too different than anywhere else, but you are also reading Wren correctly too. Change is not her friend right now. She's not handling the current situation very well, and to have other things pile on top of it doesn't help.

Yay for House Elf reforms! I had to throw that in there somewhere.

Surprise? I guess unexpected chapter endings are a good thing. :)

Thanks so much for another lovely review!

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Review #37, by MargaretLaneObliviate: Obliviate

4th December 2014:
Like the lines "the were there to serve magical law. They were there to mete out justice." It fits the formality of a court situation.

I also like the comparison between her usual dress and what she is forced to wear now. I think that would REALLY annoy Umbridge.

And including "half breeds" with liars and thieves, even implying they are WORSE than the criminals is pretty in character for Umbridge.

Ron is starting to sound a bit Umbridge-like himself, when he refers to her as "it" after she becomes an elf. I guess it's because she's Umbridge - I'm sure he wouldn't refer to Dobby or Winky that way - but it still sort of buys in to the idea of elves as property rather than as sentient creatures.

Author's Response: Thank you for reading my fic and offering your comments. Very much appreciated.

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Review #38, by MargaretLaneHidden Threat At Hogwarts: A Time of Change

3rd December 2014:
I often don't like big skips like this, but I think it works here, as the last chapter gave us a good deal of background.

This is pretty nit-picky, but I'm not sure present day is quite accurate for 23 years after the Battle of Hogwarts, as that would be 2021. That's a good bit into the future. I suppose it means the present day for the rest of the story, but my immediate thought was that this was going to be set two or three years before Rose and Albus start Hogwarts.

Again REALLY nit-picky and might be something you've included for emphasis or something, in which case, ignore me, but I think "it wasn't" might sound better than "it was not" when she is speaking of her feelings about her sister.

While Elizabeth does seem really bold (more Irish terms - um, troublesome, difficult), I'm not sure I like the prefect either. I could understand if she were angry at Anne or relieved she were expelled because of being, understandably, afraid of her, but neither is quite the feeling I get. It seems more like she's enjoying seeing her in trouble. Even if Elizabeth does deserve it, and it really sounds like she does, that is a pretty creepy attitude, particularly from a prefect, who SHOULD be somebody you could depend on not to behave vindictively.

I'm starting to wonder about Elizabeth. She's not just bold; her behaviour doesn't strike me as entirely normal. She seems like a kid who's pretty troubled over something. Of course, kids fight, but attacking a prefect simply for telling her off is extreme. And by her age, she should have enough self-control not to get in multiple fights in one day. OK, she's upset about being expelled, but the attack on the prefect happened before that. Looking forward to getting a bit more insight into what's going on in the girl's head.

If she's two years younger than Scorpius, then I guess she'll be in Lily's year.

And honestly, hating a school is no excuse for attacking people.

There shouldn't be an apostrophe after "its" when talking about Beauxbatons being "the finest school of its kind".

And there should be a full stop and not a comma after Elizabeth turns to her father, when cheeking Lucius Malfoy about his actions at the Battle of Hogwarts.

She has good reason to be pleased. She's lucky to be accepted at Hogwarts after her behaviour. I hope they can help her deal with whatever is going on with her.

Author's Response: As you read the story it all becomes a lot clearer. Elizabeth was pushed around a lot by the students and staff at Beauxbatons. Much of this is explained as the story progresses.

The prefect DID enjoy the fact that the girl was being expelled and Anne was designed as the big sister from Hell. Much of that mental standpoint was from the fact that Anne set a high bar by being "perfect" and that she enjoyed the fact that her younger sister could not meet that bar. She actually tormented her sister and then acted as though she didn't exist.

I thank you for your insight about my story. I work in a middle school and many of the characters in the story are modeled after some of my students.

I see many students who act out aggressively because they do not like school so that was placed in the story.

As for the date I did place her in Lily's class and may be a little off on the date.

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Review #39, by MargaretLaneHidden Threat At Hogwarts: The War is Not Over!

3rd December 2014:
I really like the first paragraph of this. There's a couple of mysteries being set up straight away - who Artemis Trane is, though I guess that's less of a mystery and more just something we don't know yet, whose the body is.

This sentence seems to be phrased a little awkwardly "The sounds of the battle that had been raging when last he remembered had ceased and the sun was rising in the East." It sort of took me a reread to completely get it. Something like, "the last he remembered, the sounds of the battle had been raging, but now they'd ceased and the sun was rising in the East" might be clearer. Putting the clause, "when last he remembered," in the middle makes it a little confusing.

You writing his feelings really well. The description of his pain is so well written, I could almost grimace in sympathy.

And ooh, I thought he was going to be the hero, but looks like he'll be the villain.

I would expect a Death Eater to use the term "Healer" rather than "doctor". I wouldn't have thought they'd generally be too familiar with Muggle terms.

Like the dismissive way he speaks of Muggles being blind about everything. It's in character...well, for just about any pureblood really, but especially for Death Eaters.

And Ephraim is pretty..."cute" to use an Irish term. I guess "cunning" is the closest in standard English. He gets money from Artemis not to betray him and money from the Aurors to do so. Of course, it's POSSIBLE he's just taking Artemis's money to keep his cover, but I don't get that impression. I get the impression he's playing his own game.

I really didn't expect him to betray Artemis. You are good at keeping us in suspense.

He's an Animagus. Interesting.

And the last paragraph is pretty creepy and ominous.

I'm really surprised this story hasn't any reviews yet. Not sure how long it's been up, of course.

Author's Response: I started posting in September and try to post about every other week.

Thank you, I liked Ephraim too.

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Review #40, by MargaretLaneActions Speak Louder than Words: Baffled: Scorpius and Rose POV

2nd December 2014:
I laughed aloud at the thought of Rose mistaking Samara for one of the dueling dummies, accidentally on purpose.

She does sound really annoying and then complaining it's too easy, when she's spent the whole time making mistakes and playing at being helpless.

And asking when she's going to learn an ILLEGAL curse. I do not like this girl.

There are a couple of words here that I think you should have capitalised, like the Burrow.

LOVE the part where Dom says Bill said he didn't understand until he had his own kids. I guess you can't.

And there should be a full stop after "if you say so," and a capital "s" on "She was so blase about the whole thing."

I also like the way something things are taught in more detail in America, as obviously it's not such a sensitive topic over there and is probably discussed more academically. Coming from a neutral country, I know we have a pretty different attitude to say World War II than the countries involved.

*laughs at Ginny never saying anything about Samara* I like the number of "outside" characters you've introduced. It makes sense that in their Hogwarts days and now in their careers, they will have made friends we don't know. I particularly like the fact you don't have all their friends the children of Harry's friends, which I see sometimes and which I always consider somewhat improbable.

I can totally understand that she'd want to hear it herself. Hearing a thing at second hand, it's impossible to completely separate it from the impressions of those who are telling you about it. Even if they describe it completely neutrally, their tones of voice and body language will give it more meaning than it had originally. And that is a really good point that some word might have significance only to her.

I THINK the "Dark Lord" should also have capital "D" and "L".

I can't make any more out of that prophecy than I already had - that it's probably the child or Rose and Scorpius.

And I now want a sequel to this - before the story is even finished - about their child growing up and what is so special about him or her. That's assuming it is their child, but it seems pretty logical. And one way or the other, I'd love a story about the child, whoever the father might be.

Hermione has figured out it could be their child. I'm surprised the others don't seem to have. Rose is supposed to have a child with somebody whose family member was a close associate of Voldemort's; she's dating the grandson of one of Voldemort's closest associates.

The part about the "lost soul" is interesting. That's the only additional piece of information I've picked up on.

I wonder if Scorpius has figured out he could be the father too. In one way, he's the most likely to come to that conclusion, as his family's past is probably on his mind more than it'd be on other people's and he is likely to have already thought about the difficulties of somebody from a family of Death Eaters getting together with somebody from a family of blood traitors and on the other side, Muggles. And he is acting as if there's something on his mind.

This is REALLY nit-picky, but when Harry asks Rose if she wants to hear the prophecy again and she says, "not right now, Uncle Harry," there should be a comma after "now."

That REALLY is a good question, as to whether her child will be good or evil.

But I don't think things are as mapped out as she seems to think. Didn't Dumbledore say not all prophecies are fulfilled? And even assuming this one is, the fact that her child is destined to have the ability to do great things doesn't mean how they choose to use their power is predestined. Whether they choose to use it for good or for ill will probably be partly influenced by how she and the child's father raises them, along with other influences they meet, their own personality and of course, as Dumbledore would say, the choices they make. And she will have some influence on those choices. Voldemort was descended from generations of people with mental health problems, effectively abandoned at birth (even if it was by the death of his mother rather than deliberately) and raised in an orphanage in an era when orphans were treated as lesser than other people. Her child won't have those experiences.

And Harry has pointed that out WAY more succinctly.

Oh my gosh, I did NOT expect that ending. Ruth is dead. Perhaps Stannous wanted her to give him information Rose had told him in private during their sessions and killed her when she refused. It DEFINITELY bears his signature and I can't ignore the fact she would be privy to some of Rose's private thoughts.

I assumed she was just in this story to help Rose recover. It didn't occur to me she might play a part in the mystery.

Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks for all of your awesome reviews! I really look forward to hearing what you think of each chapter!

I really can't stand when a woman plays helpless - that's probably why I played it up so much with Samamra. Playing helpless AND wanting to learn illegal curses AND accusing Harry of using it - she just struck out in Rose's book.

Thanks - I'll go back and check for the proper capitalization and other fixes :)

I'm so glad you picked up on that. It is one of the underlying themes of the story. Molly Weasley would probably have never used the killing curse, except under those circumstances. I really wanted to highlight that - and explore what sort of power love can have over people's actions.

Yeah - I was worried that it was going to be too obvious that the child could be Rose and Scorpius, and I think it is. I worked really hard trying to write out the prophecy (they are REALLY hard to write, by the way - :)) and it isn't as successful as I'd hoped. But Scorpius is totally clueless about it. For one, he doesn't know a lot about what his father did during the war. I thought about it a bit and I really feel that Draco wouldn't be forthcoming about his role in the war to Scorpius. He viewed his son as a new lease on life and wanted to erase the past. Along the same lines, the trio didn't really get into their experiences too much with their kids as well. As a result, that particular Death Eater line isn't obvious to anyone straight off.

I know *I* would want to hear the actual prophecy, so I knew Rose would as well. I think it comes down to her nature of trying to figure out an answer for everything.

Yeah - Hermione's a bit quicker than everyone else at getting to the true meaning. Scorpius is simply too swallowed up by his own emotions on this one - he'll probably be the last one to figure it out!

Yeah - there are still a few different ways this could go (really trying not to give too much away, here), but Harry is confident that Rose's child will not be evil.

Glad I caught you off guard with that one. Ruth's death is definitely significant...

Thanks again!

♥ Beth

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Review #41, by MargaretLaneRainfall: Packing

1st December 2014:
It's late, but I'm going to read this chapter anyway.

Victoire is recovering. That's good. I guessed she was, as I was sure it would have been mentioned if she'd died or had suffered serious complications. Even though obviously Hugo and his parents would be focused on Rose, I don't think they'd COMPLETELY ignore it if a cousin had also suffered severe complications. If nothing else, I'd imagine it'd come up in one of Hermione's rants. But it's nice to be sure.

I'm guessing Victoire didn't get to complete her N.E.W.T.S. I wonder will she repeat the year or maybe she'll do something that doesn't require N.E.W.T.S. We haven't seen much of people like Victoire yet, but then I guess it was only in A.W.L. that she and Dominique began to appear in my series and we've already probably seen more of your Louis than of mine.

While there's nothing actually wrong with it, this sentence just reads awkwardly to me: "by you doing this for me you’ll be freeing up another person to help with the everything else." It might be just a UK English versus Irish English thing, but I kind of had to slow down and read it carefully in order to fully follow it.

When George is telling Hugo about opening the first shop with Fred, you've written "done all he interior design". There's a "t" missing.

And that is my sister's job - designing the lay-out of shops. Reckon she'd have some fun with Weasleys.

50 years would be kind of a short time actually, when you think about it. They were only what? about 19 when they started it and 69 is fairly young for wizards. But I guess at 19 or 20, 50 years would have seemed like forever, an unimaginable length of time. Especially to Fred and George who strike me as rather "live in the moment" types.

That snitch thing seems like something my James would do too, but I don't think he'd do something like torturing Snuffles. Maybe when he was WAY younger, like 8 or something, but he wouldn't do anything deliberately cruel, which is why I liked the idea of his accidentally upsetting Blackburn. Because he would feel guilty about that.

I REALLY like your George, by the way. He is WAY more empathetic than George would usually be portrayed. I guess losing his twin had an effect on him. And I LOVE the relationship between him and Hugo.

*laughs at the special chairs in computer rooms* I'll tell you a story about that sometime. Remind me. I think it might be unprofessional to post it publicly. It's no big deal or anything, but still.

I agree with George that it's not that simple to stop missing somebody or worrying about somebody.

I like Rose being bossy even when she's ill. It's a sign of normality.

That part about her giggling away and him waiting until she got bored and crawled away is so sad. It makes her sound like a toddler and not a 12 year old girl.

AHH, and now there are tears in my eyes. There aren't supposed to be. You aren't supposed to succeed at bringing me to tears. *pokes you* That part about the song being sad and how we can't be happy all the time or it wouldn't be special.

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Review #42, by MargaretLaneWe Are One: Answers - Round One

1st December 2014:
Uh, I'd really like to be able to make a guess at the villain here, but I am completely stuck. Maybe this chapter will provide some answers.

Yikes, Umbridge is evil. And I can totally understand his feeling he had no choice other than to do what she wants. It's hard when you're afraid of putting somebody you love at risk.

I don't really think he's the villain though. He could be involved, but even if he is, I suspect there's somebody behind him. Maybe it's because of the title of the chapter - "round one", which indicates there is more to find out or maybe it's because he doesn't really seem SIGNIFICANT enough. Or devious enough. Of course, it COULD be an act, but somehow I don't really see him as a master criminal.

Yeah, I'm inclined to believe he was worried he'd get in trouble because of what Umbridge made him do. It makes sense.

I wonder if the house elf experiments are the key to this. Mundungus could easily have been paid to do something for it and Macnair OF COURSE would be likely to be involved in something like that. Greyback MIGHT be too - it's hard to know. I can't see Lovegood being involved though. He'd be more likely to be the one to blow the lid on a story like that.

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Review #43, by MargaretLaneRainfall: The Start of Summer

1st December 2014:
Yeah, I can totally see why Hermione would want to stay close to Rose. This is dreadful.

Aw, that paragraph about Hermione being there whenever Rose needed her almost brought tears to my eyes. Although the part about Ron's scary stories giving her nightmares made me chuckle. That is SO Ron. And being upset about getting poor grades is so Rose.

The part about Rose being older now reminded me a little of Alexandrina and Lydia. Rose is still pretty young, though, younger than my first years.

Aw, poor Hugo is feeling left out.

Aw, that part about the image being too beautiful to actually happen and Rose drawing her hand away as if frightened is so sad. It implies Rose is feeling scared and frighted by everything she doesn't remember. Which is understandable, but sad.

When we were in primary school, we used be allowed bring in toys on the last day. Toys and games. In 6th class, we had a video, because we were 12. We had a 15+ video actually; some of the girls wanted to watch it and our teacher said OK, if we were sure our parents wouldn't complain.

And Mrs. Scott doesn't realise that Hugo is already something special, in the sense he has magic, but I agree he's likely to do something special, even by the standards of wizards, because he's already had to deal with difficulties most people of his age haven't. And he seems to be a talented writer AND musician. Not many people have two talents like that.

Oh, when we were in 6th class, we were always told we had to give a good example to the younger ones. We kind of got special privileges in 6th class, unofficially. Like we didn't have to line up when we went somewhere as a class. When we were in 1st and 2nd class, the 6th class would help supervise us at break (girls from my class did the same when WE were in 6th class) and once or twice, they supervised us for short periods if our teacher had to go out for some reason.

At least Rose is starting to say more than just "Mummy" and "Daddy". That's got to be a good sign.

Meeting Callaghan is always a good reason to go somewhere. *huggles him*

And Rose has almost managed to say "frustrating" and seems to remember the meaning of it anyway. That's got to be a good sign, as that's hardly a word a toddler'd know.

*laughs at him shouting at Hermione to stop apologising* It shouldn't be funny. It's sad really, that she feels so helpless. But "stop apologising," "sorry" IS kind of amusing, in a dark way.

And poor Hugo, feeling there's nothing worthwhile he can do. It's SO far from the truth. He's a brilliant musician and writer, seems to be doing well in school - I'd say he does more than the average 10 year old. And compared to Rose right now, there is so much he can do.

But I can see why he's feeling a bit hopeless, between what's happened to his sister and having a disability.

I really like the reversal at the end - the way that beforehand, Rose was the "successful" child, the one who made up for the fact he had a disability (even though I'm sure Hermione and Ron never saw it that way), but now, after what has happened to her, he feels he has to be the successful one. On one hand, it's a lot of pressure on him. On the other, though, it might help him come to terms with his blindness better, if he sees that compared with what has happened to Rose, there is so much he can do and that he's NOT just somebody to be compensated for, that he can be successful in his own right.

I've a feeling you're going to have Hugo end up happy and successful when the series ends. Though, knowing you, I wouldn't be inclined to put money on it.

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Review #44, by MargaretLaneClash: Rattle

29th November 2014:
Poor Rose. Now on top of dealing with her parents' deaths, abuse from her boss and colleagues and the knowledge she has no control over her life, she also has to deal with the guilt of what is happening in the world outside. It's far too much for a teenage girl.

I wonder what Albus did to get Hogwarts shut down.

I presume you meant "Zabini" when you wrote "Zabani".

I wonder what the crisis is. Just the fact that people now know there's a way to bring their relatives back from the dead, but can't get it. I can see that being upsetting and causing conflict, but it doesn't seem like enough to cause everything that's going on here. Them mobbing her, POSSIBLY, depending on who was around, but something strange had happened to Diagon Alley before she arrived.

Oooh, that reference to Albus's poisonous smile is kind of creepy.

When Albus says, "thank you, Professor," "Professor" should probably have a capital "p", as he's using it as a title.

You've kind of reversed the normal interpretations of the Potter boys in this. Normally James is the troublemaker and Albus the reliable one, but here, Albus is a cruel bully and James is head boy.

Unicorn blood. Uh oh.

And all Albus can see is exploitation when it comes to somebody caring about somebody else. Partnership or exploitation seem to be all the human relations he can understand. He doesn't seem to even consider the possibility of wanting somebody to care about you, wanting friendship. And considering everything Rose is going through, I reckon she needs somebody who cares about her.

"'You're completely heartless,' she whispered," should have a comma after "heartless" and a small "s" on "whispered," but you've put a full stop there and given it a capital "s".

Whatever this price is, it must be extremely serious. But I don't think Albus would hate her. I don't think moral judgement is exactly his thing.

And now I'm wondering why he wants to bring Harry back when it seems like they were far from close. Is it to help his family or because he feels there is unfinished business between him and his father? Or does he care about his father more than he admits? There's clearly a very complex relationship there, but exactly what it is, I'm not sure.

I'm not sure what I think of Albus. At times, he sounds like a textbook sociopath - incapable of caring about anybody else or even of understanding the whole idea of one person caring for another - but there are certain hints, such as his nightmares or his memories of his relationship with his father, that it might not be as simple as that. I DON'T think his coldness is a defense mechanism. I do believe he genuinely feels little or no empathy, but I'm not sure there aren't reasons for it in his background. And I'm not yet sure whether he is more to be pitied or blamed. Certainly, he appears to be a very dangerous person.

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Review #45, by MargaretLaneClash: Jolt

29th November 2014:
She will tolerate abuse and bullying?! This is SO cruel.

I really like the debate as to whether or not Scorpius WAS the war. People LOVE to find a villain, to make somebody out to be the good guy and somebody out to be the bad guy, and maybe it's sometimes true, like Voldemort being the cause of the war in Deathly Hallows, but even there he was playing on CENTURIES of pureblood prejudice.

And now you've made me wonder exactly what part Scorpius will play in this whole thing. I assumed it would be Albus, or possibly Rose, who would set things in train, but it looks as if Scorpius will play a bigger part than I'd thought.

And I feel so sorry for Rose. She has so little choice here. I mean, her original choice was do whatever it was she did or watch her brother die and now her choice is do whatever this guy says or go to Azkaban.

And what Scorpius is doing to her now is cruel. I don't know what his intent is, but he must realise he is likely to get her in serious trouble and that serious trouble with the man who alone stands between her and Azkaban is nothing to be played with.

After "it's four in the morning," you've put a full stop and a capital "s" on "She said icily." As it's all one sentence, there should be a comma, not a full stop, and the "s" should be a small one.

I'm slightly amused at the comment that Albus was always lying. He really is an intriguing character. I'd like to know what made him the person he has become. I'm sure it'll all become clear eventually.

And Scorpius DOES seem to care about Rose and yet he is willing to risk getting her sent to Azkaban.

It seems as if Harry has treated Albus very differently than he treated James or Lily. I wonder why that is. I could understand if he'd treated James more harshly, being the oldest. It seems stranger to treat the middle child differently, but I'm guessing there's some specific reason.

And hmm, it has now become clear Albus isn't as tough and emotionless as he lets on. He's really having a pretty tough time too. I wonder what's behind it all. I mean, obvious his father dying, his mother turning to drink, his aunt and uncle dying and his cousin narrowly escaping Azkaban is enough to traumatise anybody, but it seems like his problems began before all that. I wonder if they connect in some way to the deaths of his father, uncle and aunt. I don't see how they can, but Harry must have some reason for treating Albus as he did.

It seems to me like the Head is up to something VERY dodgy. Something like overthrowing the Ministry or something. If he needs to blackmail people into supporting him, it's not good. I'm guessing he'll play a large part in the path to war.

And YIKES, he was widowed young. A lot of people seem to be dying VERY young in this story. I wonder if that is just for plot reasons - that you need them out of the picture - or if there's something more to it. At 32, he could easily just not be married yet if you didn't want a partner.

It seems as if her spell to help Hugo has created major problems in the world. Unless the changes to Diagon Alley are a coincidence, which they might be, but considering the punishment she is getting and the fact that no sympathy is being shown either for her age or the fact she saved somebody's life, I guess there must have been major consequences.

OK, I can see why people'd want her help, but there has to be something more to this.

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Review #46, by MargaretLaneThe Start of Something: Prompt 1 - Lily's Fairy

28th November 2014:
Love the first paragraph to this story. There's something about it that makes me smile and it also gives an introduction to how you are characterising fairies here.

And I like the comment about the magic box. It is such a clever way of showing how television might appear to a creature who has no familiarity with it.

I find it interesting that Harry and his family appear to have a TV. There's no reason they shouldn't, of course, but it doesn't seem to be common in the wizarding world, and while Harry is a Muggle, I doubt he got to see much TV as a child or at least, he probably only got to see what Dudley decided, so I doubt TV would be a big deal for him.

Love how the grown-ups are described as giants.

LOVE the ending and how the fairy thinks about "the silly daddy."

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Review #47, by MargaretLaneAlbus Potter and the New Threat: The Train

27th November 2014:
The part where Lily says, "oops, you can go back to sleep," made me laugh.

To be honest, I don't think you need to go over quite as much background as you do here. We know a lot of it from the books and it comes across as a bit forced to say things like, "Hogwarts had four houses," when your viewpoint character knows that. If you want to include that, and it's not really necessary, it might be better to say something like, "Albus would be happy to be in any of Hogwarts' four houses, apart from Slytherin".

I like the detail about Ginny mixing up their shirts.

And I LOVE James sliding down the banisters. That immediately gives a hint into his personality. You've already given a bit of an indication of all three siblings' personalities actually. Lily comes across as the annoying little sister and Albus comes across as the serious one.

*laughs* James is in third year in the first story of my next gen series. A lot of people have him in the year above Albus, but I thought the comment about him getting letters from his parents a few times a week is more effective if he wasn't in first year at the time.

You left an "l" off "late" in "the only reason they left that late..."

*laughs at Ginny being such a bad driver* I guess she's not used to Muggle transport. Actually, I wonder what would happen if a wizard was asked for their driving licence. I VERY much doubt they'd take driving tests.

*cheers for Albus remaining calm when James tries to bait him* He's obviously used to his brother.

Aw, I love the way Al is scared to go through the barrier. Poor kid.

And I love the detail about Harry crying. It's hardly surprising. Who wouldn't cry at the thought that from the time their child is 11, they are only going to see them for about 2 months in the summer and a couple of weeks at Christmas and Easter and in between they won't even be able to talk to them; they'll only be able to write?

Author's Response: For MargaretLane-
Thank you for the feedback! I edited the parts that you suggested that I fix. I'll have to read your story at some point. It sounds interesting. Please stay tuned for my next chapter!

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Review #48, by MargaretLaneThe Start of Something: Prompt 2 - When Darkness Fades

26th November 2014:
I really like the first line here. I'm assuming it's the end of the war and I can well imagine Harry'd be tired after everything he's been through.

I can also imagine he'd feel empty. He's spent the last two years trying to defeat this man, knowing he and only he can do so, and the four before that wondering exactly what is going on and knowing that for some reason Voldemort wants to harm him. And now it is over.

The part about him not knowing how to heal is sad, but hardly surprising.

And I like the acknowledgement there may be followers of Voldemort still out there. After all, things don't end neatly.

Oooh, that part about Hogwarts not being his home anymore is creepy. It makes sense though. The place that has been his home for so long has now become a battleground, a place he almost died and that some of those he cared about - Remus, Fred - DID die.

Hmm, that's interesting about Theodore Nott running away. Not many people would do that.

It sounds like you've created a pretty interesting back story to Theodore Nott. He is a rather interesting character, since we know little about him other than that his father was tied up with the Death Eaters. It leaves plenty of possible speculations.

And I'm wondering if the Aurors who took his father did so when the Ministry was under Voldemort's control or not. If not, why would they try to take a teenage boy who has committed no crimes and if so, why would they take a man who appeared to be on Voldemort's side. Interesting.

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Review #49, by MargaretLaneSynergy : Synergy

26th November 2014:
I'm guessing straight off that the big man is Hagrid. You portray his speech patterns well and they are HARD.

I like the comment about how Hagrid knows Buckbeak wouldn't hurt him. It shows the understanding he has of his dangerous creatures and the trust there is between him and Buckbeak.

I also like Hagrid's comment that his class will love Buckbeak. You can see his pride in her and his excitement about teaching a class, which was made very clear in the books.

And love the way you contrast Hagrid's comfort around animals with his nervousness around people.

This seems to be just a list of stuff I like, but I also like the way Buckbeak describes the class in terms of a pack, as those are the terms he understands.

The final two paragraphs genuinely made me smile. You portrayed the exhilaration of the moment so well, I could almost feel it with them.

Sorry this review is quite short, but it's a really excellent story and really gives an insight into what Buckbeak is thinking. It can't be easy to portray an animal's point of view like this, but you do it really well - the things he doesn't understand, like just what a class is or why Harry is approaching him and the things he does, like Harry's respectful treatment of him and Hagrid's genuine love of him.

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Review #50, by MargaretLaneAlbus Potter and the Pureblood's Secret: Dawlish's Plan

25th November 2014:
YAY, more Albus. I completely understand being busy though and I am amazed at your usual update schedule. Mine tends to vary between a week and about a month/six weeks. And of course, slower updates means this series lasts longer, which is good, especially as there's less than two years to go.

At one point you've written "trail" instead of "trial".

Poor Matt. This is really stressful for him. Unsurprisingly.

Oooh, I hope James gets recruited. Of course he'd be nervous. I just hope his nerves don't cause him to mess up in front of the scout. Of course it's the same for the Hufflepuff Seeker. I'm guessing that maybe scouts go to college matches in the U.S.? I know ye're college sports are important. In Ireland, our main sports (Gaelic football and hurling) are all-amateur. I don't know how the national soccer and rugby teams recruit or the provincial rugby teams.

For a moment, I thought James was going to make a mess of things. Showing off for the scout rather than keeping his eyes out for the Snitch would't exactly look good. But then he caught it fairly effectively.

When Albus is looking for Elsie's statement, you've written "it there was still a significant risk." I guess you changed from "it was still a significant risk" to "there was still a significant risk" or vice versa and didn't remove something.

*laughs at the reference to Ron's handwriting*

Hmm, that part about the file being blank is interesting. It's possible it's written in some kind of ink that'll only reveal itself to certain people, but it's also possible there's nothing there because what they are doing is dodgy.

I'm glad Dawlish isn't going to tell Johnson, but I don't 100% trust Dawlish - in fact, I don't trust him at all, so I'm not sure this mightn't cause problems later.

*laughs* It makes sense they'd be protected by spells. Wizards could probably get into locked drawers quite easily and some could even get into drawers locked by complex spells.

I kind of agree with Johnson that in theory Elsie's nervousness COULD be due to being caught out of bounds. While a few detentions isn't a big deal to an adult, it could well be to a young teenager and just being questioned by adults when you've done wrong is enough to worry a kid in some cases, but in this case, clearly there is more to it. And I guess, as Dawlish says, he's been an Auror a long time and probably knows the difference between the nervousness caused by hiding something and the nervousness caused by "I did something wrong and my parents and teachers will be cross with me."

O.K, so Dawlish is working with Harry and the others. Or says he is. I still don't entirely trust him. We only have his own word for any of this and it doesn't sound ENTIRELY convincing that the entire Auror programme is just so Albus can get into the Auror Department and pass them information from Hogwarts. After all, Harry is already there and if that WAS the reason, I would have expected Harry or Hermione to have told him.

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