OK, I'm a little amused that you have Hesia Jones as Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher, since she is in my next Gen too. Thankfully, I don't think there are too many other similarities though. *laughs*
*laughs at "we're only first years"* Yeah, I think 11 is a little young to fall madly in love with your long-term partner.
I'd actually like to see what you'd do with the rest of Rose and Albus's years at Hogwarts, but since Voldy Jr. has now been defeated, I guess there's not much to happen. Though I guess they could face the memory of him in the Chamber of Secrets in Year 2 and somebody who betrayed Harry (Marietta?) in Year 3.
*laughs* I'm kind of amused that everything is like Philosopher's Stone, except that Rose gets together with Scorpius.
I also like the fact that Albus didn't see himself finding the stone, since he'd hardly want to when he knows Voldy Jr. is going to use that to get his hands on it.
And Scientist's Stone as a modern version of Philosopher's Stone...pretty apt. Report Review
*grins* I was looking forward to this chapter, because things really got going in the last chapter and I wanted to know what happened next.
Your summary also has me intrigued. Rose doesn't seem the type to get detention.
Oh, one thing I was thinking I must check - I'll do it when I've read this chapter - is what we know about Scorpius in this story, if anything. I must check what house you put him in, if you mentioned him at all.
I'm wondering how Rose knows the guy was called Zajecfer. I don't think a name was mentioned in the last chapter.
I'm amused at the comment about Grandma Weasley's attempts to fatten Al up. That's so typical of her.
*laughs* That was rather a coincidence. I was just wondering yesterday if Scorpius was going to play a part in this story and he turns up in this chapter. He is one of the characters whose personality really seems to vary from story to story, so I'm wondering what he'll be like in this.
*laughs at the wedgie charm* That was a really good idea for a Hogwarts prank.
And I'm not surprised that Rose's detention was for something she didn't really do.
Professor Trash Binns; that's pretty amusing. Or "Dust Binns". *laughs* I never thought of that, but it's perfect. Not only is it something students are bound to come up with if a teacher has a name like that, but he also is rubbish as a teacher. "Rubbish Binns" would work too.
I wonder if Filch has been Imperiused to give information about what's in the letters to Zajecfer. Or if Flitwick was Imperiused to agree to let him monitor them. We know he was Imperiused. And it sounds like he still is.
Gosh, Zajecfer thinks of everything. I didn't even realise he knew Albus had overheard him, but I suppose he could have guessed it was at least a possibility when Albus didn't turn up. It makes sense that he'd protect against it.
This is getting scary for Albus.
I don't think it's really surprising both of our Albuses were lured somewhere by notes. It's probably the best way of making somebody thinks somebody wants them and the way the note got to them and what it was luring them to were both very different. It just made me suspicious that your one was forged also. *laughs*
Good chapter. Albus (and James) are really in trouble now.
I bet Zajacfer will try and harm Albus again before Christmas, so he won't be able to tell Harry anything when he goes home for the holidays.Author's Response: I'm really sorry about the whole Zajecfer name thing- In my first version of chapter seven, the encounter with Flitwick and Zajecfer was longer, but I later changed it to make it more brief. When I did that, I decided to take out the name to make it more mysterious. But I forgot to edit the name out of Chapter Eight! It's no big deal, it was just going to be revealed just a few chapters later. So I'm going to go add the name to Chapter Seven, sorry for the mishap.
I remembered Mrs. Weasley also tried to give Harry more food when he stayed at the Burrow, so I figured I would have the same thing happen to Albus. :)
You're right that Scorpious is different in a lot of stories. Some have him as best friends with Albus, others have them as enemies. I have him as an enemy of Albus, but not much of an enemy. Vincent Rosier is the main enemy.
I thought the wedgie charm would be a funny thing to add. :)
Rose would never actually get in detention for something she did. She's no prankster!
I used to give teachers all sorts of ridiculous nicknames- it's so fun! I just had to be careful not to use it in their presence! :)
Filch is plainly just a mean person. He hates dungbombs and Weasley products so much, he would jump at the opportunity to read students mail! He doesn't want any orders coming through.
Zajecfer does think of everything, and he is very smart. He knew Albus was their since he never showed up, and when Zajecfer was torturing Flitwick, it was right after breakfast, the time that Flitwick told Albus to come. The story wouldn't be very exciting if Zajecfer was unintelligent!
You'll see what Zajecfer does about Christmas!
And thank you for reviewing! Report Review
That line about all Dire'd have to do would be to fix the opposing team with his stare was very funny.
But there should have been a full stop after "that stare of his."
Aw, poor Albus, he's so nervous. Come on, Al, even if you don't make it, you've got another six chances over the years. It's bound to put pressure on him, though - knowing his father made the team in first year, before he even knew what Quidditch was.
*cheers for him getting a position as reserve* It does make sense. You never know when a player will be sick or get detention or whatever.
Hmm, I wonder if it's really Professor Flitwick who wants Albus. I'm probably just getting suspicious because of the letter that was supposedly from Slughorn in my story, but Lindsay did say she "was told" rather than "Flitwick told me" and it does seem a little odd. Rose said it should be Professor Longbottom dealing with that and besides, playing Quidditch shouldn't really affect his academic schedule, as the practices would surely be in the evenings. *laughs* And in the next sentence, Rose just pretty much said that. And we know from the chapter summary that he's about to meet somebody mysterious.
Although "goblin" does sound like a password Flitwick WOULD use. But *watches suspiciously*
The phrase "unsuccessfully convincing" sounds a bit odd. It sounds like he DID convince them when he'd intended not to or something. It might sound better to say something like "failing to convince."
Well, it's the real password anyway. *wonders what's going on here and why Flitwick wants him* Maybe he has something to discuss that he didn't want to mention in the note in case Lindsay or somebody read it.
Oh, yikes, the idea of somebody forcing Flitwick to send the message didn't occur to me. Really unexpected.
Oh Albus, you REALLY need to tell your dad. Even if nobody else believes you, he will and he has the power to investigate, even secretly. Plus what have you to lose? Even if nobody does believe you, you're no worse off than you are if you don't tell. Telling can ONLY advantage you.
And it's totally different from your dad's situation. That was a corrupt Ministry trying to silence anything that didn't suite them.
It does make sense that an 11 year old would worry about being mocked as a liar and fear that more than the idea of their headmaster being tortured.
Before I thought of Harry, I was thinking "they have to tell somebody immediately", but then I thought "who would an 11 year old tell?" It would be hard enough to know what to do in that situation as an adult, but much more difficult as a child.
It should be "to Hugo and me," not "to Hugo and I". You wouldn't say "they talked about their adventures to I." And Rose strikes me as a character who'd probably use correct grammar.
I really like the way Albus is so determined to imitate his father that he is willing to put himself at risk.
Really good chapter, one of my favourites so far.Author's Response: David is definitely the funniest person in the group. One of my favorite parts of writing this story is coming up with funny lines for him to say. He can also make the most serious situations funny.
Thanks for pointing out the mistakes! It's great that you check them, because there is always something that I miss.
Albus is a very interesting boy. When he was younger, I like to imagine that everyone complimented him on how much he looked like his father. So Albus got into his head that he was supposed to be a Harry Potter Junior. So that's also the reason he doesn't want to tell his father about Flitwick- he heard all the stories about Harry, Ron, and Hermione having adventures by themselves. Don't worry, he'll regret it later, but by then it'll be too late.
I think being a reserve would actually be cool. One game you could be beater, another game seeker, another game keeper, etc. You get to try all the positions.
I just realized the similarities between the notes both of our Albus's got! You do have a point...I wrote this chapter before I started reading your story, so I just noticed that now. That's a weird coincidence.
Goblin is a password Flitwick would use. I didn't want the password to be totally random.
I'm not that great with wording... I'll go back and change that sentence to something else.
I'm not going to say anything about your suspicions, but most of the clues are in the first chapter. Re- read the first chapter REALLY carefully and you might get closer to what will happen at the end of the book- although you haven't read enough to get the real answer. The point of the first chapter is to give you clues- and obviously hook your interest and get suspicious.
The whole "People not believing not believing me" thing is just an excuse for his friends. Rose hit the bullseye when she said that Albus wanted to be like his dad.
Sorry about the little grammar mistake, that was not intentional! Rose always uses correct grammar. Somebody like Hagrid- maybe not.
Thank you for reviewing! I am really happy I have such a devoted reader. :) Report Review
Oh gosh, if Fred is anything like his father, this could be a tough one. *goes to see what Fred's challenge is*
The constant references to Hugo's owl are beginning to amuse me.
And that comment that Hugo has to learn to lie in the next minute is a nice touch. It gives us an insight into how difficult he finds it to lie.
When Lily is saying she wants to be kept in the loop, it'd sound better if she said it "leads me to believe that only THEY are involved" instead of "only THEM".
Hugo has a thing about Teddy killing people. It's like a recurring gag and like the owl, it's quite amusing.
The comment about needing a representative of Uncle Percy's family should have a full stop at the end, before "Lily shrugs it off".
And you misspelled "strength" as "strenght".
It's pretty unfair to expect Killian to beat them at something they're the best in the school in in order to date Molly. If they are looking for somebody who's best in the school at everything, then nobody is really likely to pass their tests and what are they going to do? Sabotage every relationship she's in just because her boyfriends are good at different things than her cousins are?
And it's rather amusing that Hugo's friends can think of something for him to challenge Killian at when he can't. It makes sense though. It's often easier to see what other people are good at than what we are ourselves, because it's considered arrogant to focus on what you are good at.
*laughs at everybody saying it's typical of them* I'd say both good pranksters and simply crazy. Expecting somebody's boyfriend to be able to beat you at whatever your best at isn't being protective of them; it's not like eating a lot or playing chess well makes you a good boyfriend. It's just crazy.
You've written "quarter till seven" when it would be more usual to say "quarter TO seven". I've never heard "till" used in that context.
And you've described Molly and Killian as being like "a king and queed" instead of "a king and queen".
Good question, Killian. What will it prove? I think at this stage, even if he loses a challenge, he's proved himself worthy of their approval. Most people wouldn't have been such good sports and honestly, if he didn't care about her, he'd just have said "this is ridiculous, Molly. Either you sort things out with your cousins or this is over."
I like the rules you've established for the duel. They make sense.
And Umbridge kept the class silent for entire class periods, but luckily for Hugo, he hasn't experienced her.
You've said Hugo can feel the "excitation" when it should be "excitement".
I like the way you've given Killian a reason why he won both the duel and the Quidditch battle - being good at capitalising on his opponents' weak spots. He could come across as a bit of a Gary Sue if he just outplayed them every time, but I think you've avoided that pitfall by drawing attention to the fact that Fred was better than him in a lot of ways; he's just good at noticing and taking advantage of weak spots. Report Review
The question about who would eat something with "kidney" in it's name amused me.
A hot dog eating contest? *dies laughing* Yeah, right, like eating less than Lucy really proves he's a poor boyfriend. They do come up with the most insane things.
It's would probably be better to put a full stop after Killian says "Sure I do" instead of a comma, since he doesn't exactly smile what he is saying.
Love the detail about the first years climbing up on the tables.
I also like the insight we get into the personality of the commentator.
Honestly, though, it'd be pretty nasty and spiteful to try and ruin your cousin's relationship just because her boyfriend doesn't eat enough.
When you've written "Louis never mumbles", you've run "Louisnever" all in together.
And wow, I hope that wasn't true. That would be dreadful - eating poorly transfigured slugs.
Molly is clever though, to get Killian to win the challenge that way. That was an amusing solution. I was expecting him to just best them in each of the challenges, but I think this is better, because it means they aren't all just ending the same way.
That comment about measuring how much they've each eaten if they stop at the same one amused me for some reason. Just how seriously they are taking this, I guess.
When Killian is finishing his sixth hot dog, you've said that "the crow now encourages him loudly", rather than "the crowd".
And in the following paragraph, you've written "Killian Earhart has begun IS seventh hot dog" instead of "his". Report Review
Just occurred to me that this story is from Hugo's point of view as well.
Oh, wow, the wizarding world is in the dark ages, here isn't it? Even when I was at school, it was only the older teachers (the ones approaching retirement age, so they'd have qualified in about the 1940s) who thought learning to keep house was important for girls. The middle aged and younger ones were all like "ye can be whatever ye want nowadays. It's not like when I was young and we were expected to be nurses and teachers."
I bet Hermione is having a fit over those lessons. I'd imagine she's starting a campaign to have those same spells taught to boys.
That part about sitting in the long grass and how they weren't exactly doing homework amused me.
I'm with Eliana here. A guy who rolls his eyes and tells them it's none of their business who Molly dates and that he's not going to get involved in their silly games isn't necessarily unworthy of her. And I'm not sure what playing Quidditch is supposed to prove.
Plus I wonder what they intend to do if Killian fails their tests. Are they going to go to Molly and be like "you can't go out with him because he failed our tests." I'd say she'd laugh in their faces. I mean, seriously, "don't go out with him because he can't beat a Beater with Bludgers". *cracks up* I really don't think they've thought this through.
I like the way Hugo sees himself as the weakest link and is kind of unsure of what he's doing. I'm guessing something is going to happen when he challenges Killian Report Review
Opening sentence sets the scene here well.
I also like the way you tell us the character is in Ravenclaw without labouring the point.
One mistake I've noticed: you've written "next time I get and owl" rather than "next time I get an owl".
The part about the owl being mischievous amused me.
*laughs at Binns being predictable* That's very much in-character for him. He's so boring, I'd imagine the homework he sets would be boring too. Wonder if he'd notice if the students didn't do it. I rather doubt it.
Wonder what Lucy has been through. Having Percy as a father, perhaps!
And Hugo's being a bit dramatic, assuming Teddy plans to murder them.
I wonder how he got permission to enter the school though. If a teacher knew he was coming back, they'd probably think it a bit weird. Especially if he then just disappeared.
We're learning quite a lot about the various cousins from Hugo's ponderings on whether or not to save them. That's a pretty clever way of introducing them to us.
*laughs* The Weasleys look after each other, all right, but it's also pretty dismissive to assume that they know what's best for Molly better than she does. If I was Molly and I found out about this, I'd be pretty annoyed. And if I were their parents, I'd be having a talk with them about sexism and how it's respectful to wait and see if somebody wants or needs your protection rather than just assuming you know best.
*laughs at the comment that Louis's smile indicates that he's untrustworthy* I'm interested in his character here. He is one of the characters that fandom doesn't seem to have pinned a personality on. I mean, James is often portrayed as being like his grandfather, Albus as insecure, Fred as a prankster, Lily as rather like Ginny, Lucy and Molly as either taking after their father or else as feeling like failures because they don't live up to his expectations. But Louis doesn't seem to have a stereotype.
Yeah, I wouldn't like to be Killian either. I sort of hope Molly finds them out and makes them suffer for the way they are treating him. Report Review
*laughs at "group hugs and talking about your feelings"* The thought of Voldemort in a group hug!
I was honestly half expecting the counsellor to be Umbridge. The general ethos of the place would fit her demeanour.
*laughs at the comment about the pesky urge to kill people fading away*
And the thought of Voldemort holding a unicorn toy. He did kill unicorns though, so it's kind of apt.
*laughs at the old ladies poisoning people because they liked funerals and the flower arrangements*
I like the adaptation of Dumbledore's quote.
Very funny story.Author's Response: Hi! Thank you for popping in and leaving the review! I'm so glad you found it funny.
I do believe that Umbridge might need some counselling herself. Even I wouldn't dare to unleash her in the midst of my bunch of Death Eaters and the nutty old ladies. :P
I actually didn't even remember Dumbledore's quote before you told that this reminded you about it. But I bet that saying is valid with both socks and cookies. =) Report Review
*laughs* The attitude about dragon pox epidemics always coming from France reminds me a little of the attitude towards foot-and-mouth in...was it 2001?
This is a really unusual story. It seems very true to the period and I like the detail of her not being allowed attend Hogwarts because her father wanted her to care for her younger sister and she could do that better at finishing school.
I think the question of what gender roles in the wizarding world would be like is an interesting one. It's possible they would be very different than in our world, because of the isolation for so long, the co-schooling and the fact that physical strength isn't as necessary in the wizarding world and women could accomplish most tasks as easily as men. On the other hand, it is possible that they were more integrated with Muggle society at a time when countries like England had stricter gender roles and they changed more slowly in this as in other things (such as using quills instead of biros). So it's interesting to read your interpretation.
Yikes, that's a scary vision.
I like the fact that you have Diane surviving the disease. Few diseases kill everybody who gets them and it often seems a bit overly dramatic when everybody in a story who has ever had a disease dies of it. Report Review
Love the idea of those high-speed races between teenagers. It makes perfect sense for things like that to happen.
Victorie sounds a bit like Hermione actually - having views on everything. *laughs*
I think "still lay in a bed" would sound better than "still laid".
I'd hate flying too. I won't even go more than about two steps up a ladder.
I'll be judging the challenge soon. *grins*Author's Response: Yeah. I figure that wizard teenagers aren't much different from the Muggles, aside from the magic. Magical or not, they're still teens, and that means taking risks and dreaming up crazy stunts to risk limb and life.
Haha. That's how I imagine her. Very Hermione-esque. They get along fairly well.
Thanks for the correction. I still don't have a good grasp on this past tense thing.
Oh, I'm dreadfully afraid of heights. Refused to climb the Mayan Ruins on school trips. I'm quite fine with the view from the ground. So I figured a fair number would be scared of brooms.
I saw. Still can't believe I placed. Thanks again!
~Leigh Report Review
I like your use of the name Rowena.
*laughs at the idea of another teacher being hired and another room used and Binns being allowed to just go on teaching to an empty classroom* They're right. He probably wouldn't notice.
Hmm, I think there's more to Professor Steele than meets the eye. I like her comment about how only carpet should be walked on.Author's Response: I'm rather fond of the name. So much so that I give it to the kids of my characters quite often. Those off-site, at any rate.
Haha. Couldn't resist. Just from the way he just floats in, teaches, and can't be bothered to learn the names, makes me think that he wouldn't. That and he just died, then floated in to teach anyway.
There's definitely more to her. Still exploring her character, and still deciding as to whether or not the DADA professor curse is still in place.
~Leigh Report Review
*laughs at "show us pictures of ugly feet"* after the horrific ideas that preceded it*
Aw, poor Scorpius. He's always going to be judged by his dad. I wonder how their relationship will end up working out.
You've written "Gryffindor's" when it should be "Gryffindors".
And this whole thing about the vampires is intriguing. I guess the Death Eaters weren't exactly the most understanding of part-humans, so vampires could easily have reason to hate them, but why kill their CHILDREN and why now? Years and years after the war ended.
Hmm, I'm wondering about this part about him never going to save the world. I'm guessing he's going to play a part in discovering what is going on with the vampires; it might not be saving the world but it's pretty impressive.
That's assuming it even is vampires. A wizard COULD be faking it, I suppose. *laughs* I suppose it'll all come out in time.
Oh, that's interesting about Lucius and James going to school together. I would have assumed Lucius was YEARS older - at least ten. So he was basically a teenage father, too? Although of course, he could have been two years older and been about 21 - still extremely young to have a child though. I wonder if it'll be relevant that he was at school with the Marauders, but probably not.
*laughs* I would have thought Albus was a bit old to be smacked.
Love the part about the house elf army.
*stares at "she really likes to be naked"* That's quite amusing.
And Albus has his dad's Invisibility Cloak. That'll come in handy, I'm sure.
They are in SO much trouble. One of the portraits is bound to tell McGonagall what they've done.
There's a bit of a difference between reading about a Charm and being able to perform it. I'd imagine any 1st year, no matter how smart, would need weeks and weeks of practice to be able to perform a 4th year charm.Author's Response: HEY!
Back again with a chunky review! How am I supposed to answer this?! Hahahaha.
Yep, my moody little man is alway going to have his dad's past actions hanging over his head. They don't have a strong relationship but it gets better by the end of this story. I hope. D':
You find out more answers to the Death Eater kids murders towards the end. Its not what you might think but its pretty awful, ad its somethin hat I've been trying to get just right. So many questions but you'll get your answers eventually. :D
Hahaha, Albus and his friends will have a major part to play in this mystery with the murders. He just doesn't know how much.
I think Lucius was fifteen when Snape, Lily and the gang went to Hogwarts. I remember something from Snape's memories (R.I.P!) saying something about him having a Prefect's badge. But I may be wrong and I've already tweaked this story alot away from canon so forgive me. Hahaha.
Nah, Albus isn't too old to be smacked!
Long live the house-elves! Hahahaha.
Yes, the Invisbility Cloak is important later. :D
And yes, they are in SO much trouble that it doesn't even have a chance to sink in. Hahahaha. :D
Remember my friend, that they're just kids. There's alot that they still don't understand but I doubt if they'd have been able to perform a fourth year spell right even if they WERE older. Hahahaha.
Thanks for coming back!
Gabbie Report Review
Hmm, I wonder if this series is going to end up Scorpius/Rose (if you are planning a series; you mentioned something about a sequel in your response to my review).There's something in their arguing that makes me think it's not entirely impossible. After all, Ron and Hermione weren't exactly friendly at the beginning of Philosopher's Stone.
*pokes Albus for his comment about listening to a girl complaining* Complaining on and on is a personality thing, not a gender one. I know plenty of guys who complain constantly and plenty of stoic women.Author's Response: Hello!
No, this will NOT be a Scorpy/Rose. Just thought I'd put that out there to spare you from wondering about it. I'm not interested in that pairing at all and I don't want to fall in line with other fanfics. Unless I do it differently, which I doubt. :p
Anyhoo, poke at Albus for that thought! He's pretty silly and regards girls as "Unknown territory" so forgive him. Hhahaha.
Thanks for coming back again!
Gabbie Report Review
OK, coming back sooner than I did before because I'm intrigued as to what Zabini is doing. Your chapter summary seems to imply Albus is in for a surprise.
*grins* In response to your response, I haven't read all the Next Gens in existence, obviously, but of those I have read, I don't think I've ever come across vampire attacks being the mystery nor do I think I've come across a situation where it was the sons and daughters of ex-Death Eaters who were being attacked. The only story that included anything at all similar is Gryffin_Duck's story about Albus's third year, which I think you've read. And the context there was very different.
Something in your last chapter made me grin a little, because of my own story, but I can't say any more without giving away something about my ending.
*cracks up* Albus is getting a little dramatic here. I wonder what Neville is thinking of it all. I'm actually laughing at the mental image of him dragging Neville up to the castle.
Love Neville here. I guess it makes sense that he'd have a good deal of insight about what it feels like trying to live up to a famous father and feeling you'll never be as good.
I like the way you deal with Albus and Scorpius's friendship. It makes sense that a lot of people would be reluctant to accept it.
*cracks up at Neville's explanation to Zabini*
This is a very nit-picky thing, but I'm wondering if the teachers would use each other's first names in front of students, particularly first years. I guess they might since both Albus and Scorpius's fathers were at school with them and would know their names anyway, but in my experience teachers tend to use official titles in front of students.
Aw, it makes perfect sense that Neville would carry the coin around with him, since it meant so much to him.
And I love Albus and Scorpius's messing.
Also like the way your characters are taking what Draco did at school seriously. I've read a couple of next gens where Ron is portrayed as being petty and just holding a grudge for disliking Draco and where he says things like "but he called Hermione a Mudblood and he played jokes on us", as if those were the worst things he did and his joining the Death Eaters and trying to kill Dumbledore, almost killing Ron in the attempt never even happened. I do have sympathy for Draco. He was dragged into something he probably didn't even fully understand, but at the same time, Harry, Ron and Hermione do have good reason to be angry at him and it's not like they are just being mean and holding a bit of teasing against him for years. So it's nice to see that acknowledged.
Aw, it's kind of sad that Rose is upset about being in Ravenclaw. I'm assuming it's just because she's not with her family. Or is there something more to it?
I think Albus is wrong to be interrupting Professor Smith like that. For one thing, it's not appropriate for a student to interrupt a teacher without so much as raising their hand and for another, just because the Dementors have been removed from Azkaban doesn't mean nobody will ever have to face them. If anything, it would make it more likely they would as who knows where they are now? Presumably he wouldn't be likely to be entering Azkaban.Author's Response: Hello!
I'm glad that you've come back and its good to see such a long review! Like, seriously, this review is HUGE. I was like, "Wow, what to do with this monster?" hahaha.
I have not read many NG's myself so I know what you mean. The ones I've read arewhen most of the gang are alot older, around fifteen or sixteen so the tones were really different. More like teen dramas if you know what I'm getting at? They're addictive too, I love them to death! :D I think one or two are on my favorite's page.
That's what's funny about Albus though, he exaggerates ALOT and makes a big deal out of everything. But its something that I love about him, he's still a child and it comes off in moments like these.
I'm a HUGE fan of Neville but haven't gotten around to writing for him yet. But having him in the story was such a fangirl moment because I love him to death. He's just so awesome! :D
I think the bulk of this story deals with Albus and Scorpy's friendship. I wanted to play around with it and give it more depth, I mean, they're only boys and they are NOT their fathers.
I think I recall a few moments when the teachers said each other's names in front of the students. But that might have been when they were older but Zabini is so...unsettling and uncaring for rules that saying "Neville" instead of "Professor Longbottom" in front of Albus and Scorpy is his way of saying, "Who gives a crap?" hahahaa. He's a jerk like that.
As for the way Draco's past actions are regarded in this story, it was very important to me to put that out there. I didn't want people to just ignore it or hold petty grudges about it becuase someone really could have gotten hurt. And the fact that he betrayed Harry, Ron and Hermione AGAIN after they saved his butt in the Room or Requirement has to be taken into consideration. He may not have known how to handle what he'd been thrown into but still, he had his own free will when it came to that Battle. It was something that always, always aggravated me! That was the time to change and fight for the good side but he shamed himself by not steppin up. I might touch on that later on in this story too, sigh.
Anyhoo, just ignore Rose. She's a major brat for right now and it does have more to do with her family, she can't seem to be her own person right now. It gets better for her though, I promise.
Hahah, I don't think Albus was wrong for interrupting Smith completely. He was being rude and I didn't want Albus to come off as passive, so my apologies. Hahaha.
Hahha, and you're right about the Dementors too but shsh, don't tell anyone. Hahaha.
Thanks for coming back and I hope this was a decent response to this LARGE review! Hahaha.
Gabbie Report Review
Love the line about souls escaping from the living.
And yikes, Zabini is beginning to seem even WORSE than Snape's because at least Snape had an understandable reason to hate James (not that that was any reason to hate Harry, since, you know, children are not their parents, but still) but Zabini and Harry hardly even knew each other.
*laughs at the part about nobody ever hugging him* Reminds me of this lecturer at college that nobody liked and one day I was wondering if she was married and one of my friends said "of course she's not. Sure, who'd marry her?"
You've spelled Scorpius as "Scorpious".
And that's a little sinister - the potion he chooses to have them make. I doubt he's going to be the villain in this though. Like Snape in Philosopher's Stone, he's a bit too obvious (although I did believe he was guilty then, because I didn't entirely realise the books were mysteries and I couldn't see how they could get past the fact that he was seen casting a spell at Harry).
*laughs at him turning the handkerchief into women's underwear* Embarrassing.
Hmm, these attacks are rather intriguing. I haven't seen vampire attacks as a mystery in next gen fanfic before. And certainly not attacks on kids of Death Eaters.
*stares* Why would Draco be behind the attacks? Typical Prophet - making accusations without any evidence whatsoever and I guess they can get away with it because they didn't say he did it, just that they don't know if he did, which is true about everybody. *laughs* That's pretty realistic for how a newspaper would phrase gossip like that.
I wonder if James is just trying to scare Albus and Scorpius by saying Zabini is a vampire or if he really has some reason for thinking so. I'd imagine the former, but you never know.Author's Response: Hello!
Thanks for coming back and reading this! I had started working on this ages ago and I'm always really surprised by the reaction to it, I never thought it'd be noticed by ANYONE.
Zabini is sort of worse than Snape but his reasons for acting the way he does comes about later on. He doesn't precisely hate Albus, he just sort of hates kids that seem to think they know everything about the War. He'll mention it later on in the story, I think, somewhere down the line and the person he really can't sand it Draco Malfoy. Hint, hint. Hahaha.
They were in Slytherin together and some stuff went down their last year at Hogwarts. I don't really elaborate on that until much later, not even in the chapters I have done. :D
Oh, yes, I'm very well aware that I've spelt Scorpius's name wrong. You're the first person to point that out to me! It started out as an honest typo but for whatever reason, I've just left it, even if its wrong. You'll know my moody little monster from all the other NG's from this mistake but I might spell it correctly in the sequel, just so I won't annoy anyone.
But I haven't gotten any complaints...hm.
Anyhoo! Zabini was a little, uhm, mean about that potion he made them make. But he's sort of like that, he's a bit of a jerk and he may or may not be the villain in this story. Well, he sort of it, but not for the reasons the kids think. Haha. >:D
Ooh, you like my vampire idea huh? I had to push the story along and that seemed to work but I thought there'd been something similar in Next Gen. No? Well, that's surprising. There are about a million of them!
And you'll see more panties throghout this story, just as a warning. They get sexier as the story goes on and its sort of Albus's trademark. :D
Yes, typical Prophet, making lies about people! They have no clue what's going on and its pretty obvious from that newspaper clipping.
The rumor about Zabini being a vampire is something that spread around the school for years. James is just adding to it, like a good older brother. Hahaha.
Thanks for reading!
I'll hop onto your NG soon!
Gabbie Report Review
Shouldn't the names of the subjects begin with capital letters?
Also, Professor Flitwick says "I was very gald to see you sorted into Ravenclaw." *grins*
Ha, ha, I completely agree with Flitwick. I was just going to say I thought Hugo seemed very mature for his age. Love their conversation and the insights Hugo shows.
Flitwick refers to Hugo's "habilities" rather than "abilities".
I'm looking forward to finding out what's going on with Hugo's magic. This is quite an intriguing story and a really unusual one.Author's Response: Hi again!
First, thanks for letting me know of the errors you spotted, I'll correct them as soon as the queue re-opens!
Hugo is definitly a bit more mature than the rest of his classmates. He's of a quiet nature, one that prefers to reflect on what's going on around him rather than getting involved (if that makes sense). That makes him a strange Weasley for sure but he is definitly a Granger!
I'm so pleased that the music is intriguing you! We'll figure out pretty soon what's going on with Hugo and, although it will make sense, dealing with it will be another thing!
Thanks again for the review :) Report Review
Keen O'Brien. That sounds like an Irish name, or at least the surname does and I guess the first name could be an Anglicisation of Cian.
You've written that "the others seemed to thing along the same lines". I'm guessing you mean "think".
Yikes, that was a hard riddle. I read it through a couple of times, but couldn't come up with anything. My original thought was a family, as a family contains your "roots", but then I thought that families DO grow and the part about taller than a tree didn't really fit either.
Really like your description of Ravenclaw.
"Professor" should have a capital "P" when it precedes a name, like "Professor Stebens".
You know, as well as seeing what house people put various characters in, I really like seeing how different people portray the first day of classes - what teachers they have teaching the various subjects (since Herbology is about the only one we know for sure who teaches it) and what their classes are like.
Hmm, I wonder could Hugo have that condition - is it called synaesthesia or something? - where people's senses get mixed up. It might make him hear colours. It wouldn't explain why he heard music at the station though or why he didn't seem to hear it elsewhere. Just considered it because of how trying to colour change the sock seemed to cause him to hear music.
One thing that sounds a bit weird is when Molly is talking about what houses they are in and so on, she says "any different". "Any differences" would seem to make more sense.
You've also written "you will discover example of this" about the rule "what happens in Hogwarts stays in Hogwarts." I presume it should be "examples".
Hmm, that part about him not showing any magic is interesting. I kind of doubt he'd get to Hogwarts if he was a Squib though. I think there's something more mysterious going on here. Interesting.Author's Response: Hi again!
First off, thanks for pointing out those errors, I'll correct them as soon as the queue re-opens.
You're right, Hugo isn't a Squib, he's just having difficulties adjusting right now due to various reasons...
Thanks again for the review, I'm happy you seem intrigued by my story so far :) Report Review
Hmm, I wonder what that music is. Intriguing.
*laughs* That sounds so typical of George.
Yikes, Ron just expects him to be sorted into Gryffindor. This might not end well. Quite a different reaction from Harry's in the epilogue, but that makes sense, because Ron tends to speak without thinking.
*laughs at Ginny and Harry's plan* Love the way you show Ron and Hermione's differing priorities.
In the paragraph about James's Howler, you've written Hogwarts as Howgarts.
Really like the way you've characterised Albus here.
Hmm, Hugo sounds like a possible Hufflepuff, although the next chapter is called something like Weasleys and Ravenclaws, which could indicate that he'll be a Ravenclaw. Looking forward to finding out.
One other mistake I noticed was that Hugo says something like "my year in more brawny than brainy." I'm assuming it should be "is" and not "in".
Aw, love Lily worrying about whether being in different houses will affect their friendship.
Ron won't be happy. I'd say Hermione will be thought.
Great start to the story. Now to read on.Author's Response: Hi!
This intrigue will be a nice distraction for the coming chapters, I'm glad it got you curious :)
Harry and Ginny's plan was so absurd - and pretty much the only way a parent can discipline their kid while he's away for the school year! Of course, it's nothing too horrible but just a little shame usually helps putting a kid back into the right track... for a while!
I will check out that error, thanks for pointing it out :)
Ron won't mind, he'll be worried about his son because he knows how quiet and not too social Hugo is but there's nothing to be ashamed of being a Ravenclaw, right?
Thanks for the review! Report Review
Really like your opening to this story, particularly the description of Leo the caretaker.
*laughs* Roxanne is the youngest of the Weasley cousins in my next generation series too. I forgot it wasn't canon, reading this, because it fits with my idea of where she comes in the family.
I wonder how George reacted to having his son placed in Ravenclaw. *laughs*
Roxanne sounds like a Gryffindor to me anyway. *reads on to see where you've put her*
Did you mean "she'd renounce right now", rather than "she's renounce right now"?
Aw, that's kind of sad about Hagrid no longer being able to perform the gamekeeping duties. I guess it makes sense though.
Really good chapter.Author's Response: Thank you so much! I think the beginning was the strongest bit of this as well. I'm less happy with it as it goes on and i think i lost the thread of narrative and was just trying to finish it.
I'm glad it fit your canon, i've always thought that both of them might be a bit younger and that George wouldn't have married right away.
Haha, yeah right? I put him there because i always saw the twins as really clever individuals, clever and witty and i've always imagined Roxanne as the courageous mischievous one while Fred might be the one who has more the brains and have those genetics.
It always annoys me a little when Hogwarts teachers are still teaching at Hogwarts in Next Gen. Sure, some of them might be there but others might have left after the war, others might have died, retired, been fired or what have you as no one stays in a post forever. Anyway, i won't rant about that but i'm gad you felt it made sense.
Thanks for reviewing!! :P Report Review
The idea behind this sounds really amusing and typical of Rita Skeeter.
I think Hagrid's first name is spelled "Rebeus", not "Rebius".
I like the mention of her being as small as an eight year old. It gives us a picture of her, without overdoing the detail. I also like how naturally you included the mention of the necklace. It's hard to bring in something significant like that without having it sound contrived, but you did it really well.
It should be "it was my mother's" not "it was my mothers".
And you spelled Dumbledore as "Dumbledor".
Hmm, I wonder why he told Ollivander about her starting Hogwarts.
And that part about her setting his hair on fire is really amusing.
Hmm, there's clearly a mystery going on here, between the necklace and now Ollivander's reaction to her. Wonder what's going on. Report Review
To be nitpicky, "blimey" sounds a rather stereotypically English thing for an Irish character to say. Of course, I don't know who his mother is or where he grew up, but he sounded quite Irish up to that point, so it sounded a little out of place to me.
You also have "no oen is going to blame Peeves", instead of "no-one".
*grins* I expected they'd both be Gryffindors, so I was pretty confused when the Sorting Hat seemed to put Albus in Sytherin. Not so much that I appeared to be wrong as the way it happened.
I wonder is that just to show how panicked he is (probably) or if there could be something more to it.
Wow, Rose is in Ravenclaw. I assumed she'd be with Albus, Scorpius and Chris. I like that you've put Albus and Rose in different houses. It's original. Most people, myself included, seem to put them together, so a change is interesting. And it gives Albus more chance to get to know Scorpius and other students if he doesn't have a ready made friend in his house.
Hmm, I'm now beginning to wonder if there was something more to that thing with the Sorting Hat as you've drawn more attention to it. I can't imagine what it could be though.
*laughs* Louis sounds a little like Percy only more obnoxious.Author's Response: Hello!
So, you've come back and welcome, hope you're enjoying the story and its many, many mistakes. Hahahah.
I see what you mean when I had Chris saying "Blimey" but at the time I hadn't really thought too much on his background. He's not a very important character for this story either but becuase I have his mother being British, could you forgive me? I'm an American fanfic writer and there's alot that I don't know about British slang so you'll have to forgive me. Like, alot. :p
Ah! Thanks for pointing out that mistake too, I've been meaning to go back and do some editing big time for this story but I just haven't had the time for it. It sort of sucks! D':
You know, I don't think alot of people expected me to put the boys in Gryffindor, I've had alot of people saying that they'd expexted them to be in Slytherin. Or something like that but I just didn't want to do it, it would have just been torture for them both. :p
Oh, the Sorting Hat thing was just Albus's imagination getting the best of him. He sort of does that alot throghout this entire story, but the Hat itself does play an important role in the next few chapters. Its all about the boys not really figuring out who they are, which I guess plays a much larger part in the later half of the story.
Yes, Rose is a Ravenclaw. Sort of ironic isn't it when she had wanted to be a Gryffindor, right? Hahaha. I think alot of people wanted Albus, Scorpy and Rose to be my Trio but I'm afraid that I strayed away from that. I couldn't have the three of them friends because to be honest, Rose isn't that much of a player in this story, she shows up quite a bit but she's not the focus. My Trio is pretty different from some of the others that I've read but I didn't do it to try and be cool or anything. I just did it because I'd wanted to play around with something kind of different. :p
The Sorting Hat comes into play later, if you were going to read on but there's nothing really too mysterious. Albus just has a weird imagination. :D
Louis is alot like Percy!!! I think I sort of did that without thinking but it is pretty funny, right? :D
Anyway, thanks for coming back and I hope you enjoy the story as you read along!
Gabbie Report Review
Love the way you show that he's tall.
Hmm, I'm mildly intrigued by the character who mentioned "Mam" and whether they are Irish. I know we're not the only ones to use that and the nasally voice doesn't sound typically Irish, but I'm intrigued nonetheless. Will be interesting to find out who these people are.
Hmm, since we immediately meet the Head of Hufflepuff, I'm wondering if you're going to put Louis there. My first assumption was Gryffindor since that's the default for Weasleys. *laughs* But now, I'm not so sure. I could see your Louis anywhere but Slytherin really and I guess we haven't seen enough of him to rule even that out.
He's a lot younger than his siblings.
Hufflepuff for a Malfoy. Interesting. I'm not sure I've ever seen a Malfoy in that house before. All the others, yes, but not Hufflepuff. Wonder what Draco will think.
*laughs* Slytherin? The one house I didn't expect. Hmm, I was really expecting Hufflepuff after one of the twins was placed there. I kind of thought they'd be important to this and that he'd befriend one of them (or both), so I was expecting him to be in the same house and most likely the one placed in Hufflepuff, because that seemed more intriguing than Ravenclaw. Ravenclaw strikes me as being the house the Malfoys would like next best after Slytherin, as intelligence often leads to success.
Hmm, a part-giant (possibly) as head of Slytherin. Interesting.Author's Response: Hey again (:.
Yep. I see Bill as tall, and since Fleur was described as tall, I figured it was only fitting. I can see him going through the same spurts that Ron did.
No, she's not Irish. Just a random character, really, but I hadn't decided on anything aside from her nasally voice. I do know she's not Irish though, because the thought never crossed my mind, haha.
Oh yes; he's definitely much younger. I don't know why, but I saw Bill and Fleur having big gaps between kids. Opposite of all the Weasleys, who seem to like having kids back to back. Someone had to be different, methinks.
In my initial writings, she was a Gryffindor. But then I had another think on it, and after having a conversation with the hat, it decided on Hufflepuff and Slytherin. It may have been wrong in it's placement. Only time will tell!
Hahaha. I know. It was either Ravenclaw or Slytherin in my head. He's not brave or rash enough for Gryffindor. He's impartial enough for Hufflepuff, but I don't think it's the right house for him. I think by the end, you'll see that the hat made the right choice. Not all Slytherins are sly and cunning, and he'll fit right into that minority.
As for being friends with one of the twins? Oh, he will be. You were right in thinking they were important to the story. I figured that with Louis, who won't make many friends inside his own house, befriending those in another would be the option.
Possibly. Though, considering the house's prejudice in the past, it doesn't seem very likely, yes? xD
Thanks for reviewing!
~Leigh Report Review
Yikes, he's dead? I'm assuming he's been murdered. Thi has just gotten even more mysterious.
*pokes Daily Prophet for writing in the elf's stutter* It makes it harder to read for one thing and serves no purpose other than mocking the elf.
I am wondering why YOU chose to include it though. Is it just to show the bigotry of the wizarding world or are you trying to show US that Ella has something to hide? Could she be involved in some way? Or is she just upset or in shock at what happened? *ponders* I'm not inclined to take her word for what happened.
Love the comment about it being a load of dragon dung.
Hmm, maybe you are just showing the biases of the Daily Prophet since they seem to be pretty anti-Harry too, but I'm still a little suspicious.
And I love how in so many next gens, people start thinking "yikes, what if Voldemort or the Death Eaters have something to do with this?" whenever something odd happens. It makes sense, because it's only 19 years since Voldemort was defeated and many of his followers or at least people sympathetic to his ideas must still be out there and then there are any children the Death Eaters may have had who were probably virtually orphaned when their parents were sent to Azkaban. They'd be in their 20s now and could well want revenge.
I wonder who Jade is.
Your chapters getting shorter isn't a bad thing. Chapters should be as long as works for them. Longer doesn't mean better. Nor does shorter, of course. If they are saying what you want them to, then they're the right length.Author's Response: Hi Margaret! Yes, he is dead. It is mysterious... I made the Ella stutter so you can tell that she is shocked. I am sorry if it made the story hard to read and it isn't important if the Elf is shocked, I just wrote it in and forgot all about it. :/
I love that in Next Gen as well! :) Though it is a bit Cliche huh?
Jade is the DADA teacher. At least, that is what she partically is.
thanks again and I hope to see you soon!
Keep Reading! Report Review
Your first couple of lines immediately amused me. I think you have Percy's character down very accurately here.
*grins* I have a theory that siblings 3-5 years apart are less likely to get on than those smaller or larger gaps, because the older one is old enough to find the younger one's childishness irritating, but not old enough to really grasp that they can't help it and the younger one is old enough to see the older as a peer and want to take part in what they are doing, but not old enough to be able to participate properly, so their attempts to join in are more likely to annoy the older one. When you're 11, your three year old sister trying to participate in your games is amusing, your 9 year old sister joining in makes the game more fun, but your 6 or 7 year old sister just ruins the game by doing it wrong, without being small enough to make their mistakes sweet and forgiveable. That's my theory anyway and it seems to be working with Molly and Lucy here.
You misspelled Gryffindor as Griffindor.
I like the fact that Lucy and Molly are younger than a lot of the other cousins. I guess Percy was concentrating on his career, which makes sense for him. I also like the fact that Fred and Roxanne are twins. Twins run in families, so it makes sense that somebody in the Weasley family would have twins.
Offspring is one word and when you say '"...", joked Rose', there should be a comma at the end of the dialogue, not a full stop and "joked" should have a small j. The same rule is true when anybody speaks and you use something like "said x", "shouted y", etc.
You've said "six of whom where all boys". It should be "six of whom were boys".
And you've written "the feeling's neutral". I assume you mean "the feeling's mutual", since a neutral feeling would mean they'd no opinion on each other whatsoever.
*laughs at the idea of Hagrid attending a kids' tea party* That's a funny mental image.
*cheers for the Sorting Hat's song* I tend to skip them because they are HARD.
*laughs* I'm actually planning to put Molly in Hufflepuff too, but she won't start Hogwarts until my year 3, so that's a while off.Author's Response: Thank you!
I'm glad my first lines amused you! That's practically what any writer wants to hear!
The sibling theory was more a last minute decision.
I had thought on it before because I know of siblings who almost hate each other and then get on so well with their other siblings!
I think it all depends on how big the age gap is.
I will fix those mistakes ASAP!
I thought I got all my Griffindors changed to Gryffindor! :S
Ooops! Thank you for pointing those out! I am strongly considering a Beta!
Thank you for reviewing! Good luck with your story as well, I would love to read it!!
:) Report Review
Wow, the beginning of this is so well-written and so atmospheric.
The idea of Molly being dead was something of a shock. I really hadn't expected that and it really explains his fear of the water. This family really can't catch a break, can they?
I also like his use of the French word Maman, since I can imagine Fleur preferring to be called that.
Hmm, a little ominous about Bill's letter being overdue. I really don't think this is going to be a happy story. *grins*
If I were to find a fault, it would be that there are places where I think you could tighten the language up by using contractions or leaving out the "thats", like "he thought he'd like to be with Dominique" rather than "he thought that he'd like to be with Dominique" or "he knew Maman would remain in the living room" rather than "he knew that Maman would remain in the living room". That's being very nit-picky though.
The description at the end is really excellent.
I'm assuming that Bill is also dead here. Yikes.Author's Response: Hello (:!
As I told a previous reviewer, this first chapter ended up veering from the original path. Killing Molly just came on the fly (which is weird, since I don't like killing characters), and then they just dropped like flies. And the only way her death would connect was if he liked her as a person, which in my mind, he did. And no, they can't catch a break, haha.
I figured it would be much easier for her to have them call her Maman. Mum would be easy too, but it sort of gives her a little piece of what she's accustomed to. I'm glad you like the addition.
Bahaha. It's going to be mostly up and down, methinks. I won't even say that I'm done picking people off, but I won't do so unless essential to the plot.
Upon rereading the chapter, I definitely see what you mean. I do use the word where it isn't needed, and I've already begun writing the new chapters with that (xD) in mind. I'll go back and clean up the first chapter soon. And don't worry about being nit-picky. Any little bit of critique helps! I can only keep on learning.
Your assumption is correct. I debated about it for a while (could have thrown him onto the fourth floor of Mungo's), but in the end, him being dead works better.
I'm glad that you enjoyed it, and thought that it was well-written! I hope you enjoy the rest of it as well.
~Leigh Report Review
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