Reading Reviews From Member: MargaretLane
  
859 Reviews Found

Review #1, by MargaretLaneThe Color of Revenge: saliva and fear

5th March 2015:
I like the title "the White Wyvern".

And the part about her journey of revenge and the six years since she lost her innocence is sort of ominous. I've the impression she's going to do something unpleasant.

How old was she when she was attacked? If she's two years younger than Draco, I'm assuming about 15, but that would mean she was probably less than two years from being of age.

Her family's reaction sounds pretty likely, considering their background. I'm glad at least her dad supported her.

Oh, Greyback escaped punishment for his actions in the war? I guess he disappeared into his pack again and escaped justice that way.

I love the description of the pub. You've really captured the atmosphere there.

"You really know how to take care of a man don't ya sweetie?" should have a couple of commas in it. I'd write it as, "you really know how to take care of a man, don't ya, sweetie?"

"A stranger's business" should have an apostrophe in "stranger's".

Oooh, that part about the scalding water is stark.

Yikes, that part about how Phelan and Greyback are the only ones she's left alive... She's obviously been pretty effective at getting her revenge.

And the fact she can still instinctively pinpoint where he touched her indicates just how traumatic the attack was.

You've written that she "had never had anything close love." I assume it should be "close to love."

Yikes, the ending is really creepy.

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Review #2, by MargaretLaneThe Wolfy Pair: The Wolfy Pair

4th March 2015:
I am really sorry about how long it took me to get to this. I hadn't realised it was that long. I was pretty busy the last couple of weeks; sorry about that.

Love the fairytale beginning to this.

This is REALLY nit-picky, and possibly just personal preference, but I think "visiting Harry Potter" might sound better than "visiting with". "Visiting with" sound a bit American or something.

Greyback?

And yes, practically the next sentence more or less confirms that, when it says he'd a habit of infecting young children.

And I like the way you connect Teddy being bitten with his father being. I was wondering how you'd pull off him being bitten without making it seem too much of a coincidence, but Greyback wanting to continue his revenge and doing it deliberately makes perfect sense, especially when Remus infiltrated the werewolves during the war.

And aw, that is so natural, Victoire not wanting to seem afraid in front of a slightly older friend.

There should be a comma before "Teddy," when Victoire says, "I think I hear someone over here, Teddy."

You describe their terror as the creature approaches really well. There's a real sense of foreboding about it.

LOVE the way Teddy tries to protect Victoire. He's a real big brother figure to her and seems more worried about her being attacked than about being attacked himself.

Yikes, they are using Killing Curses, Unforgiveables. I suppose it's understandable when somebody is attacking your child, but still, that's pretty dark stuff.

DEFINITELY think you should make this into a novel. I'd love to see how the children cope with lycanthropy. The ending seems to leave an opening for more.

Really good story.

Author's Response: Hey,

Thanks so much for reviewing for me. And thanks for your part in creating the challenge. I am going to turn this into a novel. It's just got too much potential as a head cannon not to. I really enjoyed writing this for the challenge, and thanks so much for reviewing with those edits I need to do. I'll get right on them.

xx-Ellie


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Review #3, by MargaretLaneAlbus Potter and the Pureblood's Secret: Broken

3rd March 2015:
Oooh, I wonder what Neville wants and if it's as simple as Albus thinks. I was wondering if it had anything to do with his schoolwork - or maybe his internship.

Hmm, I'm also wondering who spoke to the papers. The fact that it's a mystery makes it seem like there's something a bit odd about it. It surely has to be one of the team - I can't see a Healer or Professor Kendrick doing so - and surely people would KNOW if a reporter came to the school and interviewed students. So that leaves...precisely nobody, since I think we can safely assume it wasn't Harry or Ginny. Hmm.

Grace sounds a possibility, if she had the opportunity to speak to a reporter, because she might THINK she was praising James, saying how kind it was of him to take her broom.

Poor Albus. It really does put him in an awful position. But I bet James would say he should do it. Considering how willing he was to fly Grace's broom even if it damaged his chances of being recruited, I don't think he'd want Albus to refuse the captaincy out of loyalty to him. But I know how guilty you can feel about benefiting from somebody else's misfortune.

Yikes, if none of the team spoke to the reporter, then there is a mystery to it. A teenager letting something slip to a reporter is understandable, especially if it were Grace feeling guilty, but anybody else who knows, except James' own family, are teachers or medical professionals, who surely have confidentiality rules that would prevent them speaking to a reporter. So either one of them broke that or SOMEBODY else (like Elsie) overheard. Or Albus is wrong or I've forgotten someone. But considering the amount of time you are giving to it, it's beginning to look like it's more than somebody letting something slip anyway.

LOVE that part about Albus being tired of being the one who has to explain everything. It makes me feel so sorry for him.

*laughs* The N.E.W.T. year really isn't a good year to be missing days, but I bet James will hate having to do homework. And even if his N.E.W.T.S are more important now, he'll probably hate the reminder of that too.

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Review #4, by MargaretLaneEvent Three - Ginny's Story: Ginny and Luna

1st March 2015:
OH! That actually makes a lot of sense. It DOES sound as if Ginny was pretty isolated in her first year and it makes sense the other kids would be gossiping about her, especially if they know she released the Basilisk. Even without that, she must have seemed pretty out of it, and probably came across as a bit odd to her classmates.

It also explains how she and Luna became friends, which is something I wondered about, as they don't seem to have much in common. Ginny's so down-to-earth and Luna's so dreamy. And then being in different houses, they wouldn't have much opportunity to spend time together outside class. And it also explains how come Ginny seems to have no friends in her own year and house, in the books. Even though it's most likely only a group of about 10 people, most of the other characters we see DO seem to have friends among their own housemates. And like college, houses are somewhat self-selecting, so it would make sense people would have more in common with others in their own house.

Aren't they rather young to be talking about mascara? Particularly considering the era. I had certainly never heard of it when I was 12, and that was back in the '90s. A lot of my classmates were getting into their looks at that age, all right, but not to the extent of being SURPRISED if somebody didn't wear make up yet.

I like the idea of her having created the bat-bogey hex.

"All the births of" would probably sound better than "all the births for."

I really LOVE the importance you give Ginny in Luna's life here. Sometimes she seems almost to exist only as a hanger-on of the trio, so it's nice to get a reminder that she has a life apart from them, which obviously she must.

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Review #5, by MargaretLaneEvent Three - Ginny's Story: Ginny and Fred

1st March 2015:
Shouldn't it be "a week's time," rather than "a weeks time"?

You've written that letter really well. It sounds convincing as a letter from Hogwarts and they can be hard to write. And it makes sense that the incoming Seventh years would need to discuss options with their head of house, as they probably wouldn't have covered any of the N.E.W.T. course in Muggle Studies or Defence Against the Dark Arts. The first seemed to be nothing but propaganda and the latter involved learning Dark Arts themselves.

And again, the placing of the word "Fred" on a line on its own creates a stark feeling, almost sending a shiver down my spine. It just reminds us so clearly of what she's lost.

And I love the way she doesn't feel ready to return to normal life so shortly after her brother's death and all the other awful things that have happened.

Ginny and Mrs. Weasley seem to be taking Fred's death worse than the others, probably because they have less to distract them.

And I like the idea of the trio taking part in the rebuilding of Hogwarts before they begin the rest of their lives.

LOVE the details about Fred's methods of degnoming and his teaching Ginny to break into the shed. Both sound SO like him.

I think the fact she's crying is a good sign. It sounds like she's been kind of numb all along and getting the emotion out might help her.

The part about her and Fred racing to the broomshed while everybody else is still in bed made me smile. It's so siblingy.

I was expecting it to be George, when she thought she saw Fred.

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Review #6, by MargaretLaneEvent Three - Ginny's Story: Ginny and Arnold

1st March 2015:
OK, I think I meant to read this before, actually, but didn't get around to it.

I think it should be "dragged," not "drug" in the first line.

I love your use of language. That "every night" is such a simple sentence and yet, the way it stands alone makes it stark and almost ominous.

And the next paragraph confirms that ominous impression when it mentions her nightmares. In some ways, the tone here reminds me of the first chapter of "Actions Speak Louder than Words" and you know how much I love that.

And it definitely makes sense that students would be having nightmares that year. It must have been horrific.

Oooh, that bite sounds pretty nasty. And yeah, considering the year that's in it and how many students probably need to see Madame Pomfrey as a result of being tortured or as a result of trauma, going to her over a bite would probably seem a bit like wasting her time.

Wasn't attendance at Hogwarts compulsory that year? And weren't the Snatchers going after kids that didn't go? I thought they mentioned something about somebody being a truant at one point.

Poor Ginny. It seems like the stress is getting to her a little, which is hardly surprising. She and her friends are being tortured, one of her friends is being held captive and her brother and the guy she's in love with have disappeared and she has no idea if they're in danger.

Oh! And on top of that, she feels the other students are depending on her, and she's really only a kid herself still. Poor, poor girl.

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Review #7, by MargaretLaneAlbus Potter and the Pureblood's Secret: Aftermath

24th February 2015:
Oh gosh, it didn't occur to me to wonder who'd become captain of the team now. And poor Albus; he's bound to feel rather conflicted about benefiting by his brother's injury.

And poor Grace. Of course she's going to blame herself, even though it obviously isn't her fault. If it's anybody's fault, it's that of the school administration for not cancelling the match. But mostly it's just a freak accident.

Poor Lily too. This is rough on everybody.

This is actually a bit like the way both Stuart Boone and a certain character in my stories had their career plans derailed by lycanthropy. Although the condition is different, the whole issue of having to give up your dream is the same. Though in the case of my character, I'm not entirely sure they'd have enjoyed that career as much as the one they eventually ended up in. So MAYBE it'll be the same for James. OK, it's unlikely to be the SAME, as I think it would be hard for James to find something else he loves as much as Quidditch, but he could still find a career that fulfills him. And of course, there's no guarantee he'd have made it as a Quidditch player even if this HADN'T happened.

I must say you've shocked me though. I was sure James would end up playing Quidditch as his career. I like the variety of careers your characters have or are hoping for actually. You don't just have everybody becoming Healers, Aurors, teachers at Hogwarts or Quidditch players like sometimes seems to happen. Not that there's anything WRONG with any of those careers, but it's nice to see more variety.

And I'm now wondering how Lily spouted a pair of antlers. My immediate thought was JAMES.

And Albus knows Matt has gone through full moons before and that he's survived them, without too much physical impairment so he's likely to survive again, whereas the extent of James's injuries are more of a mystery.

*googles pudding cups* They look like yogurts or mousses or something.

Actually, James's awkwardness is starting to remind me of Burke's. Obviously, the reasons are different, but some of the effects are similar, although obviously much milder in James's case.

I'm with Meg on this. Schools have a responsibility towards their students' safety; they do not have a responsibility to make the games they play "more exciting."

Meg really seems to care about James. I guess that SHOULDN'T be surprising; the fact she's going out with the son of somebody her dad hates indicates she feels something serious, but since they're so young, I guess I assumed they were just having fun.

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Review #8, by MargaretLaneOne Dark Night Of Pain: The Howl

21st February 2015:
I really like the beginning of this and how you link what happened to Ariana with what happened to Kendra.

There should be a comma after "brothers" and before their names.

LOVE the way you set the scene in the beginning of the flashback part. We immediately get a sense of an ominous atmosphere.

There should also be a comma before, "her ankle twisted."

Yikes, knowing what is going to happen, that howl literally made me shiver.

And OH, I've just realised the significance of her twisted ankle. It means she won't be able to escape the werewolf. LOVE the way you included that little detail that at first just seemed like part of setting the creepy scene and then turns out to have greater significance.

You've written "don'et" at one point. I presume it should be "don't."

LOVE the line "everything went darker than the night."

"A part" should be all one word in the last paragraph of the flashback. And you've mentioned the monster that "attack" her. It should be "attacked".

I really like the way you indicate how her whole life is changed by this one encounter. Your description of it is short, but even in those few lines, the impact it has had on her life is obvious.

And I like how she doesn't go into detail at the end. The short four words she says are probably more impacting than more detail would be.

I really like the language you use in this story and the creepy images that precede her attack. Great story.

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Review #9, by MargaretLaneTo Fear A Full Moon: Chapter 1

21st February 2015:
OK, I'm FINALLY getting around to reading this.

That part about disappearing into a dark cave reminds me a little of the lepers from the Bible, which is actually a comparison that sort of fits.

I'm getting the distinct impression John is a werewolf.

I like the way a difference has been created between the American and British laws on lycanthropy. It would be interesting to see more about American magical society and why things developed so differently.

*cheers for John's boss refusing to divulge his assignments*

Uh, oh, I get the feeling she is going to break in and probably get attacked. *wonders if he uses Wolfsbane and if not, how come he doesn't* Maybe it's not available in the U.S. Or maybe he just thought he was safe in that house. There does seem to be very little protection though, if a simply unlocking charm was enough to let her in. I guess it didn't occur to him that anybody would bother following him.

One thing I'd say is that the part where she comes face to face with the werewolf seems a little rushed. Somehow I don't really feel the horror she does.

Wow, she's lucky to be alive, if she were just lying there alone and received no medical treatment. I'm shocked John just walked out, leaving a note, rather than calling a Healer to get her medical treatment. I guess he was traumatised, but still!

I love the detail about how she couldn't feel clean no matter how much she washed.

LOVE the misconceptions about lycanthropy. They compare closely to the misconceptions which exist about certain medical conditions in our world, so I'm not at all surprised they would exist.

And I love the way she speaks directly to the reader in the third last paragraph. It makes it sound like a speech or an article being written to increase awareness. You can almost hear her saying it.

I doubt she'd use the term "socialised medicine" though. I know she's lived in America, but only for a relatively short period of time and presumably not among Muggles and it is a term I really associate with American political propaganda. I don't think she'd even feel the need to mention that most medical care is free, as, in my experience, British people take free healthcare as the norm. I think she'd probably say something like, "unlike most medical treatments, the Wolfsbane potion is not covered by our healthcare system."

Great story. I particularly like the style you write in.

Author's Response: Hey there MargaretLane,

Thank you for leaving such a detailed review. I really like the way you seem to write notes as you are reading.

The comparison to the lepers in the bible is actually quite fitting. I hadn't really thought of it in that light, but it's a neat perspective.

I definitely wanted the laws to be different between the US and the UK because they are in the real world. In reality, the UK is normally more progressive than most of the US, but in the HP world there were so many prejudices that I thought the US might actually be a bit ahead on specific subjects.

Unfortunately, John does not use the Wolfsbane potion because the American healthcare system is for profit, causing long term treatment of diseases to be insanely expensive, but that's another story for another day.

Pansy is lucky to be alive indeed! I think that John left her quietly for two reasons. One I don't think he could stand the guilt of facing her so he wanted to leave before she woke up. Two...a violent attack like that would be reason for the police to get involved.

I'm thrilled that you picked up on the small details of her scrubbing her skin, but not feeling clean. It's things like that that make me really feel how badly she is damaged by the whole event.

I'm glad that you liked the writing style and the way Pansy addressed the audience directly. It was originally written as an article for The Daily Prophet, but due to the site rules I had to modify it, so I hoped it would read like her telling the story to someone herself.

You are absolutely correct on the term "socialized medicine". Since I'm from the US and have never been to England, I didn't really give it much thought, but now that you've pointed it out I can see exactly what you're saying.

Thank you again for taking the time to read and review, as well as for hosting this challenge. I really enjoyed it!

~TreacleTart


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Review #10, by MargaretLaneAlbus Potter and the Pureblood's Secret: The Accident

18th February 2015:
Oooh, the title of this chapter sounds ominous and the fact they are playing Quidditch in dire conditions doesn't exactly reassure me. I feel somebody playing might have an accident due to the averse weather conditions.

Uh oh, I really hope James won't have an accident. That probably wouldn't impress the scouts.

Wow, that's really decent of James. I can see why it'd be dangerous to let Grace ride the Nimbus, but it was good of him to be the one to switch, when he REALLY needs to perform at his best. Pity the scouts couldn't get to hear of that - at least I don't see how they could. It shows real team spirit, which is surely what any team needs - people who play for the team, rather than trying to look good at the expense of their teammates.

Yi-i-ikes. Permanent damage. I did NOT expect that. And it is so unfair. Quidditch meant so much to James; it isn't fair all his dreams should be destroyed just in a moment's bad luck.

And I had to google those temperatures. YIKES. I don't know how people live through those. We had about 5 degrees Fahrenheit back in 2010 (coldest since something like 1601, apparently) and I NEVER want to experience that again. It's cold here, but like in the 30s/low 40s Fahrenheit cold.

Author's Response: James is very gallant, and a wonderful captain. He wouldn't have let Grace fly in that weather on that broom. But, unfortunately, that decision ruined his possible Quidditch career.

I always knew James wouldn't play professionally, but wasn't sure how I'd do it until partway through the 5th novel. It's awful, but it adds so much to the plot.

It's crazy cold! I try not to go outside for longer than it takes to walk to my car. 30s and 40s would be warm! It actually did get up to 36 the other day and it felt so nice! Thanks for reading and reviewing! :)


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Review #11, by MargaretLaneAlbus Potter and Slytherin's Curse: Hogwarts Food

10th February 2015:
Like the detail about Ginny trying to cook food Lily will eat, so Albus doesn't get to try many different things.

Rose seems like her mother. I could easily imagine Hermione becoming a vegetarian. And I can see Albus and Rose having some of the same disagreements as Hermione did with Ron in particular.

Yikes, bet that girl regretted asking about Nick being NEARLY headless.

I like the way you show Albus's anxiety increasing when he's away from Rose. It makes sense that he would feel nervous now he is really separated from all his family. And the comment about him being shy around people he doesn't know tells us a little more about his character.

*laughs at Albus worrying that Salazar Slytherin could be a relative* Poor Al.

And that detail about Rose researching things too deeply gives us a bit of insight into the type of person she is too. She really DOES sound like her mum.

I like the comment about Hayden's father being reluctant to send him to Hogwarts. I think most Muggles would have a bit of a problem with sending their 11 year old to a boarding school they've never even heard of, from which they can't even come home at weekends, to learn subjects they know nothing about and which would be of little benefit to any career they've ever heard of.

Aw, poor Albus, he's already being haunted by the family name.

*laughs at them eating Lucky Charms* I was surprised to hear they still exist. I thought they were just one of these experimental things that were quickly discontinued.

In Harry's letter, you've written "boys can be about loud". I assume it was meant to be "a bit." And I like the indication that Albus hasn't had many male friends and that he's not as loud as boys are stereotyped as being. I guess he's used to hanging out with Rose, and maybe Lily.

Hmm, I wonder why Rose is blushing. Is there something in her letter she doesn't want to divulge?

Hmm, Hayden seems a bit oblivious. Maybe it's just because he's nervous and unsure of how things work in the magical world, but as Albus was thinking, you'd expect him to be used to that kind of teasing. And Joe said worse to HIM, calling him an idiot, and he didn't seem to take much notice of THAT. *ponders* I've a feeling there could be something more to his background. Maybe his father is a Dursley typed person or something.

I'm rather interested by this Transfiguration teacher. Not sure why - maybe because you introduce her right at the end of a chapter and don't even give her name, which makes me think you might be holding something in reverse for the next chapter. Maybe it's references like to her beaming, which gives an immediate indication of her character and the fact she's Head of Ravenclaw. Or maybe I just have Transfiguration teachers on my mind, considering what is happening in my own story.

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Review #12, by MargaretLaneAlbus Potter and the Pureblood's Secret: Difficult, Dangerous, and Disappointing

10th February 2015:
Hmm, this is an interesting title, though the summary makes it sound like it's just Apparition and not like a dangerous adventure.

My immediate thought when you mentioned the teacher looking about the same age as Albus's parents is that she could be a canon character - one of his classmates. OR with the whole thing about her looking like the Weasleys, it's possible she's some distant relative. After all, Draco DID say ALL the Weasleys have big families; that implies there are plenty more of them around, although it's possible a lot were killed during the first war. Though I'm not sure having red hair is reason enough to consider her a Weasley.

OK, I laughed out loud at Enna Callahan's name, since Leonore and I are writing a collab about the Irish Ministry and one of the characters is a Neil Callaghan (the "g" is silent, by the way), who works for St. Mungo's Research Centre. He's the nicest character in our story; your characters will be lucky if she's half as nice.

*laughs* Kaden was disappointed when Slughorn left and now he's disappointed about Burke.

That IS interesting. I wonder why the Potions teachers were all male. Maybe brewing is sort of stereotyped as a male profession in the wizarding world. And trust Rose to be aware of the fact. I love it when fics include little details like that. It gives the world of the story a history and makes it feel more real.

And yeah, I wouldn't include Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff, because they weren't specifically employed as Potions teachers by the sound of things.

That's actually a smart idea for a first class. It'll give her an indication of what level the class is at, what kind of things they've covered, which students are good at the subject and which are struggling and what sort of potions interest them. And it gives her a chance to go around and observe, as she doesn't have to be concentrating on teaching, which would give her an idea both of the students' ability and of who might be likely to cause trouble.

And wow, teaching them not just to learn off the instructions in the book, so they will be able to answer the questions in the exam and brew the potions they have to in their practical exam, but to actually understand the ingredients, so they can create new potions themselves... That makes a lot of sense, as obviously the wizarding world needs people who can develop new potions, not just people who can brew the existing ones. AND it should help them with the potions they have to be able to brew in the exam, because it would be easier to learn the recipes if they actually understand which potions are likely to be a part of them.

She seems kind of cool.

*laughs* John can TAKE the test, but he probably wouldn't pass it. Not without any classes. It does sound easier than a driving test, as a lot of the students seem to pass it the first time, after only a few weeks of classes, but still not something you could pass without any classes at all.

*laughs at sixth year being meant to be a bit of a break year* I guess that makes sense, because the O.W.L.S. seem to be pretty important. Here 5th year is a good deal harder than 3rd year, but our Junior Cert. is nowhere near as significant as the O.W.L.S. or the G.C.S.E.S. 4th year is optional and really IS a break year - technically schools aren't supposed to teach any exam related information that year, especially as only about 40% of the country chooses to do it.

And I think Matt needs the free time. He must have a fair amount of catching up to do between the full moons and his panic attacks and anyway, it surely couldn't be good for his anxiety to be working until 2am.

Hmm, it sounds like Johnson suspects a connection between Dawlish and Albus, but for some reason he isn't acting on it. Not sure if that indicates he has something to hide or if he just has no proof they are doing anything behind his back. Or maybe he doesn't even suspect anything; maybe he just thinks Dawlish a maverick and doesn't want him criticising Johnson to Albus. Or MAYBE he thinks Dawlish suspects him of something and he doesn't want him passing it on.

It's hard to figure it out for sure as there is so much we don't know, and Albus doesn't know, about what's going on in the Auror Department.

Thanks for letting us know when next week's update will be.

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Review #13, by MargaretLaneNoise: Noise

8th February 2015:
Yikes, that introductory paragraph is STARK. Poor Neville. I can understand why he'd feel guilty, although of course, logically he has no reason to. He has less reason than most, really, as he stood up to the Carrows and played a vital part in Voldemort's defeat.

I like the detail about his grandmother's movements. It sort of gives an impression of her shock.

I didn't get the shouting for a moment, then I remembered - I think you've mentioned something in your next gen. series about werewolves having enhanced senses.

And yikes, that makes sense about Wolfsbane not being available. In the immediate aftermath of the war, things are going to be a little up in the air. Actually, talking of 1998 and things being disrupted by war, I heard some college grants in Northern Ireland were delayed the following Autumn, because of the Omagh bombing.

I was WONDERING where you were going with the boggart thing. I can well imagine he'd be freaked out by the memory of how much Remus dreaded the full moon.

I literally shivered at that part about your mind being the last thing to go during a werewolf transformation.

I was delighted when I saw you entered the challenge, because I love your version of lycanthropy in your next gen. series.

You really love denying your characters Wolfsbane, don't you? Though admittedly, it makes a lot of sense here. Poor Neville. I now want to read more about what happens to him after this and how he deals with it all. Lycanthropy on top of war trauma and survivor's guilt can't be good.

Author's Response: I'm fascinated by the survivor's guilt that I'm sure most of the survivors felt after the war. I knew I wouldn't be able to explore it fully in this, but I wanted to at least touch on it. He did play a vital role in Voldemort's defeat, but I'm sure he still felt guilty. I can only imagine the immense guilt Harry felt.

Poor Augusta. I felt very sorry for her as I wrote this. She's been taking care of Neville and his parents for years and now this.

The shouting was because of the acute hearing had by werewolves. That's why I focused this around noise.

With the Wolfsbane shortage I thought about war rationing during both world wars in the United States. I imagine a similar thing happened in the wizarding world. And brewers were probably in high demand by Voldemort, especially good ones.

Neville's boggart scenes is one of my favorite scenes in the books, so I wanted to include it. It fit in quite well there, I think. And I had to bring up Remus, since he was the only werewolf Neville ever knew.

I was very excited when you posted the challenge! I can never resist a good werewolf challenge. I'm glad you like my version of lycanthropy!

Haha, I do. There's so much more angst when wolfsbane isn't around. It would be interesting to explore this further, but I'm going to leave it a one-shot. Thanks for reading and reviewing! :)


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Review #14, by MargaretLaneAlbus Potter and Slytherin's Curse: The Sorting

6th February 2015:
Before I even start reading this, I want to say I am in awe of the level of work you have put into this story. While I certainly still occasionally edit parts of "The Writing on the Wall" and older stories and will occasionally add in a sentence or so to fit with something from "The Rise of the A.W.L.," I've never done anything like the amount of rewriting you appear to have done to this.

I like the way you describe his sorting as feeling unexpected, even though he's known it was coming. Somehow when it came to life-changing events, I often find it hard to believe they're really here. The first exam of my Leaving Cert. (our equivalent of N.E.W.T.S), I was busy laughing at something in the comprehension, then reminded myself this is my LEAVING CERT., the exam that single-handedly decides what college course I get into; I really should be taking it more seriously. And my last day in primary school, I was one of the few girls in my class not crying, because I couldn't quite get it into my head that it WAS the last day. I'd cried plenty at our school Mass a few weeks earlier, but while I was aware I wouldn't be there the following YEAR for the next school Mass, I couldn't quite convince myself of my last day.

*grins* If Albus thinks McGonagall is old, he should have met his namesake. I think McGonagall'd be in her 80s at this point, whereas Dumbledore must have been over 100.

I like your reference to friendships between Gryffindor and Slytherin students. It shows how things have changed since the war.

I like your description of Hufflepuff. Funny and friendly seems to fit them well and the "often late" part is amusing.

There should be a small "c" on "cried McGonagall" because it's part of the same sentence as what she says. "Cried McGonagall" isn't a sentence on its own.

Albus seems to contradict himself somewhat when talking about the house he wants to be in. Firstly he says if he doesn't get into Gryffindor, it wouldn't be so good, which makes it sound as if being sorted into Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw would disappoint him too, then he says he'd like to be "anywhere but Slytherin."

Wow, you've given us an insight into Scorpius's character in a few words. He's one of the characters who varies greatly from one fanfic to another and straight away, I have the impression this isn't going to be a positive portrayal, unless of course, you are trying to show Albus's biases, but I don't think so. I think he is going to be snobby in this.

*laughs at how Albus insists he WOULDN'T do well in Slytherin* I don't know why, but that makes him sound so convincingly 11 years old. I think 11 year olds can be difficult to write, as they're not really children anymore, but they're not teenagers yet either, and fictional 11 year olds, even in published books, often sound either much too young or much too old. But there's something about his thought processes there that sounds really age-appropriate.

Hmm, I'm intrigued by the character of Molly Reddish. I've a feeling she's going to be significant, given the attention you've give her here.

I was wondering if Rose would be with him. I can understand why he'd want her to be. It wouldn't be nice to be among strangers. Even kids in ordinary schools like to have a friend in their class and they are really only with their class in lessons. They can spend break and lunch with friends from other classes, visit their houses after school, phone or text them in the evenings... Of course, Hogwarts students can hang out with people from other houses too, but it must be harder when they can't even GET into each others' common rooms. They'd have to hang out in the main building.

I thought Harry was the first first year to make the team in 100 years? Something like that?

And I don't think McGonagall would use a term so kind of "teen slangy" as "newbies". I actually don't think many teachers would refer to their first year students as "newbies" and McGonagall is a pretty formal person. I think she'd say something like "and for our first year students..."

Oooh, I wonder what danger McGonagall is anticipating. This sounds ominous.

I think your writing has improved a good deal since the first chapter of yours I read. The level of detail and pacing has improved and I think your descriptions are clearer.

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! That really was a coincidence - I'd just finished reading and reviewing your story, when I noticed that you'd reviewed mine! It really was a nice surprise.

All the mistakes in Albus Potter and the Sapphire of Slytherin have been bugging me for some time now. Simply editing the story just wouldn't work. For example, when I first wrote this, James was in the same year as Albus - BIG mistake! When I say that I'm re writing it, I very much doubt that the plot will be exactly the same. I'm hoping that things will be a lot clearer and more well written.

Yes, sometimes it DOES take a while to catch up and realise what is actually going on. Sometimes I feel that the event pounces on you. Funny that you say that you were one of the only girls in your primary school who didn't cry on the last day - I was too! It was almost as if the idea had not yet sunk in!

Albus thinks McGonagall is old - I don't think that he has met anyone of that age. (Unless Arthur Weasley ... I must check on that).

There are few friendships between the Gryffindors and Slytherins, but more than there was before the war. Yes, it is rare, but things are a lot calmer than they were before the war. Less trouble. Or so they think . *grins*

Funnily enough, that Sorting Hat song didn't take me too long to write. Yes, I know it isn't the greatest song, but maybe that was because I wrote it in about ten minutes. I may go back and tweak it a little. I couldn't think of another trait for Hufflepuff that fitted in, but I knew that they were carefree so I put 'often late'. I'm glad you liked it.

I've edited that mistake of misusing a capital letter. Thanks for pointing it out. You can probably tell that mistakes really annoy me, hence the re write.

Albus does sort of contradict himself, yes. It is supposed to show how desperate he has got about not wanting to be in Slytherin. He doesn't paticularly want to be sorted into Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff, but he'd prefer it to Slytherin.

I'm glad that you liked that. Eleven year olds CAN be hard to write. I've noticed that in books with little words and pictures on every page, the eleven year olds seem younger, whereas in thicker books, they are portrayed as a lot older than they actually are.

Yes, I'm sure that Albus was pleased to have Rose sorted into Gryffindor too. It must be horribly lonely by yourself in such a big school. It's harder to make friends in your own. It would be much easier with Rose by his side.

That was a mistake, again. Harry was the first first year to make the team in one hundred years. James wasn't. I've changed it.

I was a little hesitant about writing 'newbies'. I debated on writing 'newcomers', so I have changed it to that.

Thank you. That has really made my day. I'm so glad that I have improved.


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Review #15, by MargaretLaneAlbus Potter and the Pureblood's Secret: The New Year

3rd February 2015:
Yikes, the fact Dawlish can get access to Matt's information so easily IS scary. OK, he's a unique case and most people probably wouldn't get the information he would, but still if he can find out, it's not impossible somebody else would. And that's even assuming Dawlish is completely trustworthy. The fact he turns up here makes it seem unlikely he's actually a villain, but that's not to say he can be trusted to keep something completely silent. I can't see why he'd WANT to pass this on, but he could easily let something slip or tell somebody he doesn't think matters.

OK, I'm now a little suspicious of Dawlish again. After all, Albus LIVES with Harry. Surely if Dawlish believed Albus might have information he couldn't give them and it was holiday time, the obvious thing to do with be to get Harry to ask him, if they are really working together. Now, of course, it MAY be just that he wasn't talking to Harry; certainly he wouldn't want to be be seen to be in contact with him. But I don't know.

I think I am predisposed to be suspicious of Dawlish for two reasons: firstly because he and Balldanis seem to be filling a very similar role and I wonder if you've reasons for needing both of them and secondly, because Dawlish didn't exactly cover himself with glory in the books. And while he was PROBABLY working for the Death Eaters through lack of choice - after all, Arthur Weasley and the Hogwarts teachers were all technically working for the Death Eaters too - we don't know that for CERTAIN. It is POSSIBLE that like some of the Death Eaters in the first war, he supported them voluntarily or for some form of benefit and managed to convince people he hadn't had any choice.

At one point you have Rose saying "This only the first of many," when she's talking about how there are plenty more Weasley cousins to marry. I presume it should be "this is only the first of many."

I'm glad Al is OK. It must have been a scary experience, but as Matt points out, it's not the same as having to leave classes because of regular panic attacks or waking with nightmares on a regular basis.

That comment about Teddy supervising reminds me of a scene from an Irish soap, where a character persuaded her parents to let her 23 year old sister supervise her 18th birthday party. It...didn't end so well.

I actually laughed out loud when James said even he wasn't that stupid.

It's probably because it came right after the mention of the Ministry party, but the reference to calling out for pizza made me think of an interview with our last President's twin son and daughter, where I think her son said the most annoying thing about your mum being President is nobody ever believes you when you ring up for a pizza.

I think there's a full moon tonight actually.

Yikes, the idea of somebody being in the house is scary.

Ah yes, the seizures WERE weird. I should have twigged there was something strange going on there, but we didn't find out about his ALS until a while after they were introduced, so it didn't even occur to me. It probably wouldn't have anyway.

When Amy says Matt doesn't take Potions any more, I'd be inclined to capitalise Potions. I read it as he didn't take medicinal potions first and had to reread to get the correct meaning.

And I AM looking forward to seeing who takes over the Potions classes. Maybe Slughorn will return temporarily (*grins for reasons of my own*) Or maybe the new teacher will be relevant in some way.

This story is going to be a crazy length. I'm currently working on the 42nd chapter of a story, but it's really heading towards the end - the villain has been caught out and I doubt there'll be more than about 4 more chapters. And that is by FAR the longest thing I've ever written. I can't believe this is already 30 chapters long. It feels like it's only getting started. Not that I WANT it to end anytime soon. The longer the better, especially since there's only more year to go after it.

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Review #16, by MargaretLaneAlbus Potter and the New Threat: Friends, Enemies, and A Strange Boy with No Name

31st January 2015:
What was the girl shouting at Albus to stop in the first paragraph? I've read it twice, but I'm a little confused.

I love the character of Lynn. I'm already getting an impression of the sort of person she is, even though she was only introduced a few lines ago. And it's good that Al has a friend to start Hogwarts. with. A lot of stories seem to have him and Rose as best friends, so it's interesting to see him with a best friend who's an OC.

I'm guessing the third person in the compartment is Rose. Reading sounds like her. And the next line confirms that.

OK, Lynn seems to have aggression issues of some kind. Beating a kid up for entering their compartment is WAY over the top. I can see her ending up in SERIOUS trouble once she starts Hogwarts, if she's going to start fights over such ridiculous things.

Albus thinks James is likely to bully kids. Uh oh. I wonder what Harry has to say about that. Having been bullied so terribly himself as a kid, I reckon he'd be pretty horrified to raise a kid who was a bully. But maybe Albus is overreacting.

Hmm, that kid running is a bit of a mystery, all right.

*laughs* Albus's attitude about the houses seems to have changed. I guess Harry got through to him.

Ah, I'm guessing the mystery blond kid is Scorpius. That'd explain why he doesn't want to say his name. And I'm guessing the other house he wants to be in is Slytherin. Since Rose and Lynn were giving out about it, it'd make sense he wouldn't want to admit to wanting to be in that one and it'd make sense Scorpius would want to be there.

I wonder what's causing the animosity between him and Rose.

Author's Response: To MargaretLane,

I see what you mean when you said you were confused. I'll make that more clear when I edit it.

I'm glad that you like Lynn. She's my favorite OC to work with so far. I, myself, have to confess that Muggle music from the '60s and '70s are some of my favorites, especially the Beatles :).

Lynn will get into fights; that's a no-brainer. The whole shenanigan on the train was just to show readers that she can be suspicious of strangers, especially those who stand in a compartment and snap at someone who was just trying to be helpful.

Yes, Albus is overreacting. But I wouldn't put it past James to harmlessly prank other students from time to time.

Albus's response to 'the question' was one of masking his insecurities. He's still scared about what house he'll be in.

You're right; the mystery boy is Scorpious Malfoy. You were partially right about why he didn't say Slytherin. That will be revealed later.

Rose automatically knows that the boy is Scorpious because of what he looks like. Ron would've told her in advance what he looked like so she would know who NOT to be friends with. And in contrast, Scorpious knows that all Weasleys have red hair and are not to be trusted. This is why they hate each other already.

Thank you for the comments. Please stay tuned for the next chapter.

Yours truly,
Ravenclaw_1234


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Review #17, by MargaretLaneRainbow: Healing

31st January 2015:
The awesome chapter!

*laughs at celebrations ending only when people realise they need to sleep EVENTUALLY*

Dads and finding stuff to eat. *rolls eyes*

Good to see Hermione getting back to herself a little. She deserves a chance to relax. They ALL do really.

Aw, I can't help feeling sorry for both Hugo and Hermione here.

Yeah, a street in a foreign country isn't exactly the BEST place to lose your temper and fall out with your family.

And this holiday is going REALLY well, isn't it? I feel so sorry for the family, Hugo and Hermione in particular. Rose too, but her problems aren't really in such focus in the first part of this chapter, even if really, they are probably about the most serious. And she does seem somewhat happier than Hugo or Hermione here.

And fair play to Neil for noticing that Hugo is just being awkward when he says he didn't "see" the match. Neil isn't easily manipulated. *huggles him*

*laughs at the comment about him not being fazed by Hugo's tone* Somehow I wouldn't have expected he WOULD be.

Hugo's reaction is WAY out of proportion to what happens, but I guess it's understandable, as not only are Neil's questions upsetting Rose; they're also probably a reminder for Hugo and his parents of how far from recovery she still is, even though she is DEFINITELY making progress. And Hugo hadn't been having a very good day anyway.

It's his reaction to his temper that is freakier than anything else. Losing your temper is one thing and it's not like h was in control of his magic, but where most people would probably be terrified by the harm they were doing or could do, he seems to enjoy that thought. It has elements of Tom Riddle's comment about how he can make people hurt and shows a somewhat darker side to Hugo than we've previously seen.

Oooh, I love Neil's explanation of how it is more dangerous for Hugo's magic to get loose than it would be for a younger child's. And the fact he's at a Muggle school makes it really scary. What if he lost his temper with one of his classmates and had a similar reaction? Especially with Rhiannon on crutches and all his classmates blind.

Actually, it's sort of funny both of our chapters have people telling our main characters how they need to control their tempers.

I also like his comment that Hugo should have a certain fear of magic. I think it is worrying when people DON'T see things that can harm people as dangerous. If you don't think of them that way, you're more likely to take risks.

*laughs* That part about how he needed to upset Rose reminds me of my chapter for our Callaghan story and how I needed him to upset a certain person so he could see she needed help.

Aw, I feel so sorry for Neil when we see his reaction to how he hurt Hugo. The way you've written it...you can really feel his horror at what he's done, to the point it's almost uncomfortable to read.

The "morbid fascination" in his voice sort of made me shiver. You really show his horror well.

I love the way he continually makes it clear that it is Hugo's decision what he does with his body and the way he recognises Hugo might not want people examining his eyes, just for academic purposes. And even the way he replies seriously to Hugo's joke about his eyes. He's not at all uncomfortable with Hugo's blindness.

Of course, the lack of sleep probably played into Hugo's overreaction too.

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Review #18, by MargaretLaneAlbus Potter and the Chosen Four: The Escape

29th January 2015:
Hmm, something significant is obviously going on to have Harry called into work like that. Going by the title and what we already know from the first chapter, I'm going to guess it's to do with the escape of that Dementor King. Maybe they have reason to believe he's in the UK or maybe the Aurors worldwide are being briefed.

*laughs* The "Teddy stealing toast" scene you mentioned before. I was WONDERING why Ginny'd be annoyed at him stealing toast, when it's so easily replaced. I hadn't expected him to say he was too lazy to even make TOAST. *laughs at her demonstration of how easy it is*

Like the way you reveal where Teddy works. I was wondering.

SomeTHING escaped. Sounds like the Dementor King all right. If it were one of the prisoners in Azkaban, he'd probably say someONE. And Art points that out then.

Lily seems a bit like Rose, being so anxious to enter the bookshop. It's fun to get the bit of insight into the characters of people like Hugo, Lily and Teddy.

*laughs* Yeah, with only one school in wizarding Britain, it would probably be fairly easy to find the right books. Here, there are various textbooks for each subject, and different schools use different ones, but some bookshops have a counter where parents can just give the assistant the booklist and they get them for them.

Hmm, Rose is starting to wonder if David is hiding something. I REALLY wonder what is going on with him. I get the impression we're going to get more information in this book.

You've written that he might "OF" just them in the crowd, when it should be "might have" or "might've."

OK, those hints sound like whatever David is hiding has to do with his family. Some of it sounds like he doesn't get on with them, although you'd think that'd make it MORE likely he'd want to go to the World Cup with Al, not less, unless they wouldn't let him. My current suspicion is that they are Dark Wizards or something and he hurried away from the others at the station so they wouldn't meet his parents, or so his PARENTS wouldn't meet them. And he doesn't write because he doesn't want his parents to know who his friends are.

*laughs* Al REALLY doesn't like secrets. He's got his father's curiousity.

Hmm, seems like Lily is even more fond of books than Rose is, and Rose seemed the type to love books. I think I like Lily. Hope we get to see more of her in the 3rd story when she starts Hogwarts.

Ginny and George are STILL teasing each other. *laughs*

Really good chapter.

Author's Response: Yeah, being too lazy to make toast is pretty sad. And he could make it using magic, so it's even easier than pouring a bowl of cereal! I'm not surprised that Ginny got annoyed.

I think Lily liked the bookshop last year at the Diagon Alley trip too! She is a bit Rose-ish in that way, though I don't think Lily likes textbooks.

Yes, it should be "might have", thank you for the correction! When I was younger I got into the habit of saying "might of" instead of "might have", since it sounds the same when spoken fast. It took me several years for me to find out that it was wrong, and by then it had already transferred into my writing. I will go back and correct that!

I like Lily too. I modeled her off of a young me in some ways.

Thanks for the review!


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Review #19, by MargaretLaneWe Are One: All is fair

27th January 2015:
I'm kinda stumped as to who the villain is here. And actually, I'm going to wait until I've finished reading to add any more to this, because if I keep scrolling up and down, I'll see more than I want to.

Yikes! I wasn't entirely surprised by Marietta, but I sort of had it the wrong way around. When she started saying she didn't kill them and wouldn't add any more, I assumed SHE was the pawn and that she was helping the real killer in some way. It didn't occur to me that SHE was the real killer, but that somebody else had actually done the deed.

I was wondering about the whole "traitor" thing. A lot of the victims betrayed people in one way or another. As did Marietta herself, so it makes sense that she would see that as a way to atone for what she'd done.

And it certainly never occurred to me that she might be in love with Harry, but it makes sense as a motive. It DEFINITELY fits with the comments about him throughout the story and with the victims chosen.

There are a couple of sentences that I think might sound more natural if you broke them up and didn't include a mention that the person was speaking. Yeah, that sounds confusing. I'll give an example. Like instead of, "'Yeah,' said Ron, draining his coffee," it might sound better to write. "'Yeah.' Ron drained his coffee." Or "'Do you understand?' Ron used the loudest, roughest tone of voice possible."

I really like the alliteration in Raine Renaultís Robes for the Rich.

I think the revelation to this mystery works well. It's not so obvious that I was expecting it, but nor is is so obscure that it seemed to come from left-field. It had me intrigued without feeling like it was impossible to figure out.

The part about Harry being the intimidating presence amused me.

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Review #20, by MargaretLaneAlbus Potter and the Pureblood's Secret: The Wedding

27th January 2015:
*laughs at Albus not telling his parents he went to a club because they might be angry at Teddy and James* The first time I went to a club I was technically underage, but I was like four months shy of 18 - it was the Saturday after I finished my Leaving Cert. (our equivalent of N.E.W.T.S). My parents knew. Mind you, they also knew, I didn't drink.

LOVE the wedding favours.

And I like the comment about how Stanley might never marry. Nice to see a bit of possible variety from the "grow up, marry, have babies" thing.

*laughs* Lily is lucky she doesn't have Fred and George as older brothers. They were going on that Ginny was "going through boyfriends rather quickly", when she dated like three guys in her entire life and had only dated TWO at that point.

I was wondering what the cut off age for the hen and stag parties were going to be, since there are cousins virtually ever age from adult down to what...9 or 10? So somebody was bound to be left out when cousins a year or two older were allowed go.

Are they getting married on Christmas day? I missed that.

Yeah, that would be pretty awkward all right, if Teddy and Victoire broke up. They wouldn't really have the option of avoiding one another afterwards.

I like the way Harry has a word with Teddy alone. I guess he's sort of in the role of "father of the groom" in a way, since Teddy doesn't have a father of his own, so it's nice that they have a moment together.

LOVE the way Aunt Muriel comments on Albus's name. She seems really in character already. Even though she only had a small part in the books, she has a very distinctive character. And I would LOVE to see her with the great grandmother who hates the English! I was once planning a one-shot about Seamus, in which his Muggle grandmother had relatives involved in the fight for independence and was giving out about him being sent to an English school and refused to acknowledge there was a difference between English and Scottish. I never got around to it though, partly because I was concerned about readers taking the character's view as the writer's, when I am Irish myself.

Wedding days! At my friend's wedding last summer, we were up nearly 24 hours. We'd to get up around 6 to get ready and didn't get to bed until about 5:30 the next morning. I wonder if this'll be as long.

Yeah, I can imagine it must be annoying to be treated like a kid when you're almost an adult, but I can also understand why his parents and Amy would do it. It must be a difficult situation.

The failure of the Occlumency surprised me. I guess I've got used to assuming Hermione is all-knowledgeable and of course, nobody is.

Staying with Albus New Year's Eve sounds like a good compromise - means he's not alone, but also that nobody is giving up their fun for him, which would be bound to make him feel guilty.

OK, the last part has me intrigued. The fact Dawlish is here makes me trust him a little more. If he were lying about working with Harry and Hermione, he'd hardly risk showing up somewhere they were. On the other hand, this is odd behaviour. I am looking forward to the next chapter.

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Review #21, by MargaretLaneActions Speak Louder than Words: Bound by Fate: Scorpius POV

25th January 2015:
Aw, poor Rose. She's bound to be nervous.

"She grinned," should have a capital "s" and there should be a full stop before it, because it's a separate sentence to what she said.

Same with "even her words were lighter." There should be a full stop before it and "even" should have a capital "e".

I'm glad she's not dreading telling her family. I think Harry at least will be pleased for her. Ron might take a bit longer to come around and Hermione might be worried about how it'll affect her studies.

Oh, I wonder what this meeting is about. Probably something to do with the prophecy or Stannous, as they've said Rose and Scorpius will have to know.

I'm actually laughing at Ron asking how this could have happened before he's even proposed. Ron is rather overprotective, isn't he? *laughs at his comment that they're too young to be doing...things*

I really LOVE Scorpius's comment that "as long as she'll let me." It shows real respect for her and an acknowledgement that her needs are her decision. His appreciation of Harry's asking Rose if she is OK with hearing it now supports that too.

And that is SO in character for Hermione - to want to research everything and be absolutely sure before she gave any indication of what was on her mind.

*laughs at the rumours of her running to be Minster for Magic* I've made reference to similar rumours in The Rise of the A.W.L. and again she isn't commenting, mainly because I can't decide whether she will or not.

Yeah, not at all surprised Scorpius is the father. Must be some relief to everybody to know that. Although of course, the advantage is only a slight one as Stannous doesn't know that, but as she is already pregnant, there is a chance he might figure it out when the child is born. I wonder how he will react then. Just leaving it doesn't really seem his style.

And I can't believe this story is already thirty chapters long. It doesn't seem like I've read that much.

Author's Response: Hiya!

I've fixed both of those errors - thanks for pointing them out!

Haha - great thought about Harry and Ron - and the meeting - you're figuring out my story!

Ron is completely clueless when it comes to women - and really doesn't know how to respond to his daughter growing up. Now he's faced with it head on!

I'm glad you noticed that little part about Scorpius. He's got the utmost respect for Rose and his first priority is making sure she's safe and comfortable.

Haha - yes! Hermione loves to look things up in books. I think most people agree that she would consider running for minister of magic at some point :)

I know the reveal that Scorpius is the father isn't a surprise for most readers - but Scorpius (and Rose) were both a bit surprised.

Thanks again! I know! I can't believe it is 30 chapters either!

♥ Beth


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Review #22, by MargaretLaneActions Speak Louder than Words: Bound by Hope: Rose POV

25th January 2015:
OK, I've got a little behind on this story. You've been updating rather quickly lately.

I like the detail on what is and is not OK to do when pregnant. It makes complete sense that avoiding Apparition would be advised, because of the danger of splinching.

And I've now started wondering if the child will be a boy or a girl.

Looking forward to seeing their conversation with Harry.

Author's Response: Haha - I had this whole set of chapters ready to go for a while. It only took a few run throughs of editing to get them fine tuned. I have to fix a few things in the next round of chapters, but I do plan to update fairly regularly.

Thanks so much for leaving a review!

&hearts' Beth


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Review #23, by MargaretLaneThe Worst: Settling

23rd January 2015:
Really like your description at the beginning of the chapter. And I like the insight into how Dominique is feeling even better. Poor, poor girl. She really does have an ordeal to face, even with the Wolfsbane.

*grins* I reckon she could really do with some company and support after what she's been through.

I'd be inclined to put a comma before, "thanks to you guys," when she talks about her headache having gone.

Uh oh, I thought Dominique just didn't feel ready to agree to marriage, considering how muddled up and stressed she was at the time or that she was afraid Teddy was only asking her to show his support and wouldn't have wanted to marry so soon if things had been normal. This sounds like there's more going on.

Yeah, I can see how this would feel like rather a lot to deal with coming on top of the whole werewolf drama. Poor Dominique.

And you know, I think she's right about the marriage thing. I don't think breaking up is the answer, but I do see that this might not be the best time for her to be making such huge decisions as getting engaged.

OK, the mention of the sugar quill is a little coincidental, just because I have a character who is a werewolf and she really likes sugar quills.

No, I don't remember David Dale. Maybe I'll skim back and see if I can find out. I really wonder what it is he can do for her. I hope it's something good; she deserves a break. I can't help wondering if it's something to do with Teddy, mainly because that's what she's just been thinking of. Maybe he's one of Teddy's friends and is bringing a message from him. Or maybe it's something different altogether.

I'd also put a comma before, "Miss Weasley" at the end of the chapter.

This may be personal preference or just different head canons as regards lycanthropy, as I know I sometimes find it difficult to disentangle canon on the matter from my own version and also some of the versions I've read, but it did strike me that after the initial transformation, the whole thing seemed a bit easy. There were a few references to her having a headache and so on, but somehow I didn't really get the feeling of her not feeling well. I don't know WHY that was; you mentioned it a few times, so it might just be by comparison with some other versions which portray the effects of lycanthropy as somewhat worse than you do. I don't know. It just felt a bit rushed or something.

Overall, good chapter. I've been waiting to see how she deals with the transformation.

Author's Response: Hello! I'm so happy to see you here for another chapter. You're one of the readers who've stuck by every chapter of this story with every update, so thank you so much. It really means a lot to me.

I am glad you liked the beginning description and stuff. I based it on some vague research so it's good to know it worked.

I think friends and family are really important at such a point so Julia and Vic had to show up.

Thanks for the little pointer on the comma. It's fixed.

There's definitely more going on than just the whole not feeling ready thing - and Dom finally explains it all to the two people who are closest to her. She obviously wasn't able to explain all this to Teddy.

Haha I just felt like after all the stress Dom's been through (both werewolf and non-werewolf related), something sweet like sugar quills would help her xD

Hmm I presumed not a lot of people will remember him. He will definitely be explained in the next chapter. I am loving the speculations though!

Thanks again for the comma pointer, it's fixed!

As for the whole thing seeming a bit easy, I was a little afraid of that. I felt like I should have probably emphasised on the aftermath a bit more - so I guess I'll do that when I get the time and edit. Thanks for the honest opinion!

Thank you so much once again!


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Review #24, by MargaretLaneAlbus Potter and the Pureblood's Secret: Stag Party

19th January 2015:
*laughs at Albus's reaction to Teddy and Victoire getting married* I guess it's understandable, but Teddy is what? About nine years older than him?

*laughs* I'm sure Ginny and Harry'd believe that Teddy and James are just going for a steak and a few pints. For a stag night!

*sympathises with Mark and Albus*

Oh dear, I wonder why Al is having panic attacks. Poor boy. Maybe he just has a "thing" about crowds.

This is probably about the shortest review I'll ever give you, but I haven't much to say about this chapter. I hope Al is OK and it was just a one-off and not the first indication he's suffering from some form of anxiety disorder or something.

Author's Response: Yeah, Teddy's quite a bit older. 8 years in this fic. Haha, Ginny and Harry did not believe James, but they're choosing to pretend they did.

Al is fine. He just doesn't like clubs. But since he's Al, he's going to worry about it until he talks to Rose and Matt.

I think it is the shortest review! This chapter didn't push the plot along much, but I have to lay the groundwork for my fics that take place after this series by doing Teddy and Victoire's wedding. Thanks for reading and reviewing! :)


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Review #25, by MargaretLaneThe Color of Revenge: wood and snow

18th January 2015:
I like the way you make the details of Red Riding Hood fit with canon, like making her sister ill, rather than her granny.

I also like the detail about the hat wanting to put her in Gryffindor. I daresay we'll see the Gryffindor side of her if she is bitten; she'll need courage to deal with the implications of that.

You create suspense really well. As she is walking through the forest, you get the impression of her fear and things like the low hanging branches add to the sense of menace.

I don't really see crying over spilled soup as particular unSlytherinlike, but I guess she is feeling bad about things in general. Poor Astoria.

Oooh, I like the reference to the moon. The reference to its comforting light stands in marked contrast to what it indicates.

I'd be inclined to put a comma before the words "little red," in "then put up a fight, little red," because they're addressing her. Same with "welcome to the club, girlie."

I'm actually somewhat interested in how Voldemort WOULD respond to this. He DOES need support after all and in Deathly Hallows, he indicates he'd prefer not to KILL pure bloods. I think he might discipline Greyback for this. But on the other hand, Greyback is something of a loose canon and Voldemort may prefer to keep him on side. And of course, all that is assuming Voldemort finds out who did it. I wouldn't say he'd be particularly interested in finding out anyway.

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