*laughs at him never keeping his promises*
*laughs* I really don't think this is a good idea. Charlie seems like rather a risk taker.Author's Response: Yeah, Charlie doesn't really keep promises.
Charlie is a risk taker. James's pranking ability also had to come from somewhere, right? This story would also be terribly boring if he wasn't.
Thanks for stopping by! Report Review
I like that idea, of first years' flying skills being tested and letting them try out of Quidditch if they pass. After all, some first years will have been flying for years, so it seems a bit pointless for them to have to take flying classes with people who didn't even know brooms could fly before their first class.
Think you might have made a mistake in the third paragraph. When Albus talks about flying through the forest, Rose is shocked that JAMES would think of breaking rules his first day. I assume it was meant to be Albus.
I like the way you've given us such a good indication of the characters of Rose, Albus and Thor so early in the story. Rose DOES seem like her mother.
"Gasped" should have a small "g". You've also given capital letters to other words that came after dialogue which should have small ones, like "called".
Calling a class at Hogwarts "Broomsticks 101" seems a bit out of place. Isn't that the way American colleges name their classes?
Tut, tut, teachers shouldn't be showing favouritism. That's not really on. It's pretty characteristic of Wood though, since he was so competitive at school. It makes sense he'd be equally competitive as a teacher.
*stares* He gives a student detention for asking a question?! Okaaay.
Wow, a Firebolt. I'd imagine those would seem even more amazing now that they wouldn't be so common. Not that they were ever common, but at this point they'd probably be one of the broom people look back on and compare modern ones to, like the Silver Arrow in the books.
JV teams also seem rather American for Hogwarts.Author's Response: Really great review. Thank you so much! Ill look over what you mentioned, and change that, and then the fourth chapter should be updated after that! Thanks again! Report Review
Flitwick is Headmaster. I like that.
One spelling mistake I noticed was you've a reference to somebody asking "weather" they knew Albus, when it should be "whether".
Also I think Scorpius is spelled like that.
Thought you were going to leave us on a cliffhanger and make us wait until the next chapter to find out what house Albus was in. I always like sorting chapters. It's interesting to see where people place the characters.
And I love the idea of the character of Thor. Looking forward to finding out more about him.Author's Response: Thanks for the review. I really like your view on things, and I will go fix those errors, but it may be after the next chapter comes out Report Review
*cracks up at the whole idea that laws were being changed, Muggleborns freed and Hogwarts rebuilt, but Hermoine and Ron becoming Best Friends Forever was even more important than that*
*also cracks up at them going and enjoying their summer, completely ignoring all the people who'd died*
I'm also rather amused at the "vague plot point that involved the Dark Lord not liking girl babies or something".
And Hermione not being born around the same time as Harry instead of nearly a year earlier, just for story purposes.Author's Response: Haha *cracks up at this review*!
Thank you very much :D I'm glad you found it funny, hope you enjoy the second chapter too! Report Review
I like the part where she asks McGonagall to stay with her a moment, then feels guilty about keeping her up. There's something realistic about it.
And I'd kind of figured that must be a memory or else in some way symbolic of one, in order to have had such an effect.
I laughed out loud at the comment about Timothy's pub having bar stools and a bar. Those would be a good start all right.
I think the romance fits here, as it shows an indication of Emily coming back to being the person she was before the war and what she could be like again if she recovers. And I say this as somebody who's no great fan of romance.
Oh and there was a mention of Timothy in the last chapter. I don't think he actually appeared but there was some comment about his sister resembling him or something.
I love this story. Report Review
Do they use the phrase "shotgun" for riding up front in the UK? Sounds kind of American to me.
Generally, each time a person speaks, you put it on a new line. It's a bit confusing the way you have numerous people speaking in each paragraph here. Easy to get lost as to who's speaking.
I'm really wondering if Ginny knows more than she's letting on here. I kind of get the impression she does.
You seem to jump a little quickly from the conversation between Lily and Ginny to them going through the barrier. I realise you're showing that they don't have much time to talk, but I still think you could focus a little more on Lily's apprehension and her feeling that Ginny doesn't really mean "nothing".
You are really building suspense there. I really like the way Ginny's reaction indicates something worrying is going on, but we don't know what. Makes us want to read on and find out more. So giving it a little more time would be good.
Love your paragraph about her thoughts as she approaches the barrier between Platforms 9 and 10. Very well written.
Like the idea of a magical and non-magical twin. Would be interesting to see how it affects their relationship. I hope we'll see more of October and get to know her better.
You've said later on though that her brother is younger, so I'm a bit confused.
I'm looking forward to seeing what houses your characters will be in. I'm guessing Gryffindor for the three of them.Author's Response: As I think you know by now, your guess is right! All three of the trio are in GRYFFINDOR! ROAR! And October's brother isn't younger, he is her twin. And Ginny does know more than she lets on... DUN DUN DUN! Report Review
Hmm, the beginning of this chapter and its title are rather ominous. I know they are just going to prepare Art's party but dodgy things happen when students wander Hogwarts by themselves.
Love the idea of a product that makes your footsteps silent. It's exactly the kind of thing George would come up with. Very helpful for pranks.
Love the way Filch named his current cat after Umbridge. Fits with the name he gave Mrs. Norris and with his friendship with Umbridge and his admiration for her.
*laughs* I was wondering why they only got one cake when they'd mentioned cupcakes earlier.
You've written the man was "much TO young to be a teacher". You're missing an "o".
Since the story is called "Albus Potter and Slytherin's Office", I'm guessing Slytherin built some kind of a secret office in Hogwarts nobody knows about except the two wizards in the first chapter. It could be like the wall between platforms 9 and 10 at King's Cross station - you can walk through the wall, though in this case it looks as if you have to use a certain potion or something first.
What I can't figure out is what the guy is doing at Hogwarts. The older wizard said something in the beginning about when he leaves Hogwarts for good. I took that to mean he was either in his 7th year or else he was a teacher who was planning to leave once he was ready to come out publicly as Lord Zajacfer. But if he's in his early 20s and there aren't any teachers that young, that doesn't really make sense.
I guess it's possible he has some sort of base that he was going through to when he disappeared and he's just lurking there the whole time. Creepy.Author's Response: Yup, even though they are just getting Art's b-day stuff, wandering around Hogwarts at night is a HORRIBLE idea.
I was trying to think of what Filch would name his second cat, so I decided it would be Mrs. Umbridge, and that Mrs. Norris used to be an awful teacher before she got sacked.
Dang it, missing simple grammar mistakes like that is always embarrassing... you've got good eyes! No wonder I can never find a mistake in your stories.
I'm not really going to say anything about your theories, but it looks like you are good at that stuff!
Thank you so much for reviewing! Report Review
I like the way you've James as a prefect. He's generally portrayed as rather like Fred and George -irresponsible, a troublemaker,etc - so it's nice to see another side to him.
*cracks up at Molly saying "you'd think they'd remember to put Silencing Charms on the door"*
You misspelled "intriguing".
And if it's the underage magic she's worried about, she doesn't really have to worry. There'll be no way of telling who cast the spell in a house with so many witches and wizards there.
Hmm, I wonder who is recruiting children and for what. I think they are right that it's important to knock it on the head now because people recruited as children can be formidable when they grow up as they'd be thoroughly indoctrinated. However, I also don't think they should be using children as spies.
I don't think they'd MAKE Albus go in himself. That would be borderline abusive. And I don't think even Percy would force a teenager to do something dangerous unless he was 100% up for it himself. But I do think it's possible he might find out what's going on and sneak in or he might volunteer if and when he's told about it. I imagine he (and Molly) will end up involved in some way.Author's Response: You know, I've actually never got why people always believed James would act like Fred and George. He was raised by Harry Potter: the boy who didn't purposefully cause mischief in school. If he were raised by his father, then yes, I could see Harry raising his son to be more like that, but I can't help but see his kids being more level-headed than that. Of course, they would have frequent Weasley family visits, but I don't know. Something about him being a wild child just never appealed to me.
*goes back to check on intriguing and notices that I totally spelled intreging and am now going to bang head against wall* I definitely did not see that one, and that's a bit of an embarrassing blunder. I'll try to get that fixed straight away!
Molly was raised by Percy: Rule follower extremist. Of course she's going to worry first before rationalizing like Al did ;).
Muahahaha, there is a big reason as to why it is children being trouped. I've yet to get into that part so far, but I'm excited to start writing it in the next few chapters. >o<
They don't want Albus to go in himself. Only, Albus, as you may find out, is a bit more adventurous than you'd think. ;)
Thanks for the review! I'm happy to see that you've moved on in the story! I hope it continues to keep your interest! Report Review
You're pretty good at description. I'm not, so that does impress me. You've set the scene very well at the beginning of this story and also managed to give an insight into Molly's character by showing how much she focusses on Victoire's fashion sense.
Yeah, 20 is young to get married, but if they've been dating for 4 years, I think they should know if they want to be together or not. And breaking up for two weeks is more of a row than a real break-up. So I think she's overreacting somewhat. Though of course there's probably more to this I'm not aware of.
Ah, yeah, that makes sense, if she feels they are not mature enough. I wonder if she has reason to believe that or if she is just freaked out at the idea of her cousin marrying so young. It's possible she just feels way too young to marry herself and therefore thinks her cousin is too.
I think she's treating Noah badly. There's no such thing as "standing by her on this" because she doesn't get to have a "side". It's not her decision whether or not they should be married and he is perfectly entitled to have a different opinion. It would be different if it were an issue that concerned her and she wanted his support, but this is just a matter of her opinion and just because he's dating her, he doesn't have to have the same one.
When she's at the wedding and reflecting on her conversation with Noah, you've written that he said he loved her for the first time in their "relationshi". You left out a "p".
I've a feeling there's some reason Molly is so cynical about relationships, something we'll learn as the story progresses.
You've said "the Potter's must have slightly tampered with it", when it should be "the Potters". You only need an apostrophe if you're talking about something belonging to the potter.Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for coming over to review! :)
Believe me, I am no believer in Molly's ideals about marriage. Well, I do think 20 is too young, but I wouldn't throw a fit over it like she does. A lot of the purpose of this chapter is to set a fall-out between Noah and Molly because really, no one else will have a relationship focus. Not a deep one such as theirs that I can think of right now anyway. There are relationships, don't get me wrong, but I wanted to capture this relationship in the beginning so the readers would have something to root for/despise in the beginning other than the actual plot of the story.
Yeah, I realized the relationship misspelling right after I sent it in with edits and had it re-validated. I just got twelve or more chapters back from editing mistakes, so I'll give the validaters a bit of a break for a while ;).
The "Potter's" thing must have been a typo. Sorry I didn't catch that, I'll be sure to when I edit the chapter again for "relationshi". :)
Thanks for stopping by and leaving a review! It's good to know where you stand on Molly's behalf! Report Review
*cracks up at the the old witch who never gets cross yelling at her* You've given a pretty good impression of Mrs. Spenser in a matter of words.
And yeah, mixing things up with Weasleys Wizard Wheezes products wouldn't end well.
I've a feeling Emily and Timothy will end up together.
And that really gives an insight into Emily's condition, that she can't even laugh at a funny story, even when she can see it as funny.
I hated clothes shops as a teen. Still not too bothered with them now. When I was at college and my mum would give me money for clothes, I'd have to force myself to go clothes shopping before heading to the bookshops.
Aw, *sympathises with Hufflepuff not having many victories* And of course, that underlines why Cedric is such a heroic figure to his house.
Hmm, I wonder what's caused the scars and if they are relevant. They definitely could be.
In a way, it doesn't seem quite right for Hogwarts to be completely mended, as if the Final Battle never happened. I guess people are happy not to be reminded, but it still seems almost like pretending nothing has changed and in the future, it'll be a pity not to have any physical records of history (yeah, guess what I teach, I guess). In Dublin, you can still see the bullet holes from the Rising in the G.P.O. and even if they could be removed, I think it'd be a pity to do so. They're a reminder of what happened.
Hmm, I've a feeling that dream is significant, but I can't imagine how.
I like the way Emily's problems don't just get solved when she realises she has a problem and starts to see a Healer. So often, psychological issues in stories get solved quickly and then pretty much forgotten about, so I like the fact that this story shows the struggle Emily is having.
Can't wait to read what happens next.Author's Response: Ok, your comment about Emily and Timothy made me laugh because...well...is he even mentioned in this chapter? I don't think he is! lol :)
I've always loved bookshops too, but I definitely loved clothes shopping as a teenager, and as uni student (even though I had no money). It's a bit boring these days though, but I thought it would be a nice girly, bonding thing for Emily and Michelle.
The scars are from her time on the run, I'm not sure if they'll come up as something more relevant yet. Certainly they're not supposed to be a big mystery or anything. I mean she spent a year on the run, living in the wilderness - there's going to be physical evidence of that.
I thought your comments about Hogwarts being rebuilt were very interesting. I guess I'd never thought of it that way, but then again I think that being a school, especially one where many of the students were actually present for the beginnings of the battle, they'd want it to feel as normal and safe as possible. I mean it's not so much a piece of history at this point as it is a very recent traumatic event. I don't mention it here and I'm not sure if it will come up in other chapters, but I have always imagined that there would be several monuments/plaques/memorials etc around the school. Possibly something that lists those that died during the battle, something that recognises the Great Hall as the place where Voldemort was defeated and so on. I definitely think they'd want to remember what had happened, but in a 'tidier' way that's less traumatic for the students.
My whole aim in this story is to write Emily psychological problems as realistically as possible. This chapter was all about showing how things can get better and then suddenly come crashing back down around you. In the next chapter I go into Emily's response to that a little bit too. I wanted to stray from the 'tidy' path, Emily won't be able to overcome this on her own, she won't be 'saved' by one person who miraculously understands her and every problem she's facing, and in the end she will probably always be a little scarred by it all. That's reality and I hope I can bring that through and do it justice.
Thanks so much for the review, your thoughts are always appreciated and I look forward to reading them. :) Report Review
Your stories sounded interesting in your reply to the "Genres" blog, so thought I'd check them out.
Love the beginning of this story. Really atmospheric.
I also like the comments about how Lucius Malfoy hated the humiliation. Fits his character perfectly. He's so obsessed with his position that I think the disgrace itself would be quite a punishment.
It's interesting to see Lucius Malfoy in a vulnerable position, since it's a side we don't really see of him in canon.
Wow, I never thought of him as ever having had a religion. I think it shows how desperate he is that he is almost turning to a greater power than himself (or the Dark Lord). *laughs*
I also like the way you show his love for his wife and son. I love the way he's evil and yet loves his family. It gives him depth as a character.
And that was an interesting connection and contrast between his wife's kiss and a Dementor's Kiss.
You've actually made me feel sorry for Lucius Malfoy here, which isn't easy. Excellent story.Author's Response: What a lovely surprise Margaret! I'm really excited you came by to read my little one shot. It means a lot to hear from you :)
You're very right about Lucius. When I was thinking about how to write him in this story, I imagined this moment as his ultimate fallout. Starting this moment would be his fall from that high position he always held himself to. I wanted to make it as symbolical as I could (no one coming to help him out of prison, himself living in a cell full of rats and dung and with no way of facing the sun as opposed to his mansion, etc.). I thought that showing his descent from the upper position would be the best punishment for him (although I ended up feeling sorry for him, as you did).
I've always been of the opinion that no matter how evil someone is, there must be something or someone that person cares about. In his own way, of course, but there HAS to be someone. I never had a doubt that Lucius cared for his family so it felt natural that they were the ones he'd turn to for support in his time of need, even if they were not physically present, you know?
Thank you so much for the surprise review! I'm very happy you liked my story! Report Review
Rose is being a bit unfair here. It's really not Ellie's job to wake her.
I'm looking forward to finding out more about the new Defence Against the Dark Arts and Potions teachers.Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing again. I know that Rose is being unfair. (She's not a morning person.) Anyways, I hope you do enjoy reading about the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. He is a cool character to write. The Potions teacher hasn't had any description so far. Maybe we'll see him in chapters to come. I hope you continue reading.
With Love and Hope,
Rachel Tymes Report Review
I'd a feeling Rose would end up in Ravenclaw and when Ellie was sorted there, I was even more sure. I kind of thought Scorpius and Albus would end up in the same house though.
I like the fact that Rose doesn't immediately trust Scorpius. I've read some stories where Scorpius just basically says "I'm not like my dad" and everybody believes him immediately even though they've no real reason to. It makes more sense that there'd be some doubt.Author's Response: Sorry that I haven't responded earlier, my iPad won't allow such things, sadly. Anyways, I appriate that you have took the time to actually review my story. I'm glad you enjoy how Rose isn't trusting of Scorpius. I hope you continue reading.
With Love and Hope,
Rachel Tymes Report Review
*grins* My favourite classes tend to be 1st years (Hogwarts' 2nd years) and 6th years (Hogwarts' 7th years). 6th years tend to be easy, because they are focussed on their exams and do a lot of the work themselves, so at least you don't usually have to stand over them.
Love Emily's comments on the various groups. They fit so well with my own experiences. 7th years being punctual would be expected.
I hadn't thought about the fact Andrew might feel guilty for having upset her so much by being an idiot. Really like him actually. He's just the kind of kid you know you SHOULD give out to, but you can't, 'cause you're too busy trying not to laugh.
And again, Emily's comments about her responsibility to get students good grades reminds me a lot of discussions I've heard among teachers. I know people who feel like she does - that it's their responsibility completely and that they should be able to make every single student take an interest in their subject and perform to their best. So this seems totally realistic to me (and I guess that's hardly surprising considering your were a teacher), especially considering Emily's state of mind. And a teacher DOES have some responsibility, because as Emily says, she should intervene if a student is becoming disengaged, but as Heather says, no matter what she does, there'll always be some students who, for whatever reason, DON'T succeed.
I love the insights into what Emily was like as a teenager and how different a person she seemed to the person she is now. And I can totally imagine that happening at a boarding schoolAuthor's Response: Yes, I figured if you're a seventh year doing N.E.W.T level transfiguration, then you're not there to slack off, you actually want to do well. And we pick up from canon that the sixth and seventh year classes are pretty intense, so I think the student's would be pretty focussed at those year levels.
Andrew is someone very special. He wasn't a planned character, but just appeared in my head one day while I was writing and he is going to inadvertently have a little bit of a role in Emily's recovery. He's sort of a combination of a few student's I've had over the years :) I also think the way Emily treats him shows more about her character as a teacher than she realises. She totally doesn't get it when McGonagall says "He thinks very highly of you".
The conversation that Emily has with Heather about her responsibilities as a teacher may be based somewhat on my own feelings as a teacher. That sense of responsibility that is so strong it's ridiculous, where you think you're to blame if something goes wrong - even if it's out of your control! I don't know why, but I love the bit in this where she's going on and on about the jobs that require a Transfiguration N.E.W.T. It's like she's researched it all just to torture herself! It took me ages to work out what Heather's response to this revelation was going to be because I wanted it to be truthful and realistic, but also something that didn't change Emily's whole perception straight away. It just gives her something to think about.
Yeah, I thought a bit more insight into Emily would be good at this point. I also wanted to show that, like Michelle and as a link to her old life, Tim is able to draw Emily's former self out a little bit. He reminds her what it was like to be happy and carefree.
Thanks for another fabulous review, I really love and appreciate all your thoughts :)
Bec Report Review
Could be a little more difficult than Claire realises for Emily to see a counsellor. *laughs* I wonder if there are wizarding counsellors. Considering what seems to happen in that world, you'd think they'd need them.
You wrote the conversation between Claire and Emily really well. Very emotive.
And you gave the answer for this story in practically the next sentence. Hmm, wonder how much this'll help Emily and what we'll learn about her.
I think blood status could be important in a lot of cases in the era this takes place in. Like Muggleborns may well have different issues from the war than purebloods. And halfbloods may have different issues again, due to the pressure there may have been on them to disavow Muggle or Muggleborn relatives. I think halfbloods would be particularly likely to have guilt issues if their Muggleborn parent was arrested or murdered. Not that all psychological issues are necessarily going to be war related and not all of those that are would be related to the person's blood status, but I can still see why a Healer specialising in emotional and psychological problems would want to know that. And it's not only things to do with the war it'd affect either.
Really like the flashback to Emily's youth. It really gives an impression of how much she's changed as a result of the war.Author's Response: The whole 'wizard therapist' thing was something I grappled with for a long long long time! There's nothing about it in canon so I had to start from scratch and the small about we know about healing and magical medical care. I've seen the whole Hogwarts counsellor thing done so badly and I wanted this to work, so after a lot of thinking, I came up with Heather. Here's the head-canon I came up with in regads to this issue: I think that after the first wizarding war, there would have been a great need for grief counselling etc and a greater demand for things like calming draughts. Out of this, some healers would have begun exploring the need for psychological care in the magical community in greater depth, several of them looking to muggle practices for ideas and procedures. By the time of the second wizarding war this would have still been quite new and uncommon in the wizarding world, but the end of the war and the rather traumatic battle would have led to a sudden need in psychological care and certain healers would have decided to step up and meet the challenge. I really fell in love with the idea that magical folk were significantly behind muggles in this area of medicine...a bit of poetic irony :)
Claire was originally going to be a bigger character in this story, but it wasn't really working so she's just become this close cousin thing. But she still serves a good purpose :)
The blood status thing fascinates me and I'm so excited about exploring it in this story. JKR really only focussed on the aspects of blood status (particularly what it's like to be muggle born) that were relevant to the story she was telling, but I think there's so much more there. I actually think being a muggle born would be incredibly difficult and yet amazingly rewarding. Having access to both worlds so readily would be a real double edged sword.
I'm glad you liked the memory, I want the memories to flow in and out easily, like they would naturally. I hope that came across.
Thanks so much for another great review! :) Report Review
Hmm, rather an intriguing summary.
Not really sure what you mean by "I became in limbo" here. Something like "I came into limbo, suspended between waking and sleep" or something might make it clearer.
I like the setting of the scene here though. It's ordinary and yet you manage to hint at something about to happen enough to keep me intrigued.
And boy did something happen! Not sure what's going on exactly, but I'm guessing that's the point, that you intend to keep us in suspense.
You have Lily saying "I flew past my window" when I assume you mean "IT flew past my window."
Hmm, Ginny seems to know what's going on or at least have enough suspicions to worry her. I mean, what Lily saw is scary, but Ginny's reaction indicates to me that she knows more than we do. Interesting.
You've also written "I felt good to get it all out into the open" where again I'm assume it should be "it".
Hmm, this is quite mysterious. Wonder where it's going.
And I like the fact that it's about Lily, rather than Albus. Most mysteries seem to be from his point of view, not that there's anything wrong with that, but it's nice to have a change.Author's Response: Thanks! This is my first fanfiction ever, its great to get some feedback! I have a blog where I talk more about fanfiction and recommend some interesting ones I've read. Lily is my fav character out of the Potter kids and I don't know why but I just don't enjoy stories about Albus as much... Thanks for pointing out the grammar issues as well!
Ps. I have a blog just do crazynerdly . blogspot . com
Hmm, this is quite intriguing. I wonder what a holy man means in the wizarding world. Although there are plenty of indications of wizarding religion, there are none of specifically wizarding priests or vicars or whatever. Plus, I feel a holy man who has control of powerful magical objects is probably somebody more important than an ordinary curate or even parish priest. Report Review
Oh, *laughs*, I've been there with the bright students who finish the work you've planned for the class in about 10 minutes, leaving you wondering what to do for the rest of the period.
Oh, yikes, it is really scary when kids get hurt in class, but it's obvious that's not what's worrying Emily. Forgot it wouldn't be such a concern when you've magical powers.
And the students must have gotten some fright at her reaction. That'd be scary to witness when you are only 14 or 15 and expect adults to be able to deal with most things.
Sounds like some kind of flashback, possibly a symptom of post-traumatic stress disorder.
I think your characterisation of McGonagall is spot on. While she's stern, she's really compassionate underneath.
And there really are some weird similarities between this and what I've planned for Year 2 of my next gen series. What happens is completely different, but some of the reactions and interactions between staff members are very similar.
That hadn't even occurred to me - that Scotland would be so much darker than Wales. My own country is so small, I tend to forget others are rather larger.
Really loving this story so far.Author's Response: Oh my goodness, yes! I hate those students! Drives you crazy, doesn't it?
I'm actually amazed there aren't more accidents in Hogwarts classes, what with teenagers with magical abilities walking around and living in a castle together! But I think the teachers would have a good knowledge of how to deal with most accidents, I always imagined it was part of the ministry teaching course Emily had to do the summer before she started teaching!
I haven't gone too in depth in to the students' reactions in this instance, because it's really Emily's story and she is being protected in a way by McGonagall from having to discuss it with the kids. Also, I sort of imagine a lot of these kids, well the older ones at least, as being a bit more resilient because most of them are old enough to remember the war, even if they were quite young (although the sixth and seventh years would have been at Hogwarts during the battle...now there's a thought!).
Thank you so much for that comment on McGonagall...I am so afraid of screwing her up, I think the most research I've done for this story besides the mental illness stuff is on McGonagall...she's a very interesting lady!
Thanks again for the awesome review, I really appreciate the time you take to write such great reviews for every chapter. They are so helpful and encouraging too! Thanks :) Report Review
Love the model dragon. It's fun to see what Christmas presents people come up with.
"Only one of them could become prefects" sounds a little odd. "Only one of them could become a prefect" might be better. And it does seem a bit unfair doesn't it? That you could be the second best prefect material in your year, but if the first best is the same gender and from the same house as you, then you'll never have an opportunity and people who aren't as good as you will be appointed because they are the best in their house.
And it'd be better to say "the only PEOPLE who would be delighted at getting a homework planner WERE Molly and Lucy" rather than the "the only PERSON who would be delighted of getting a homework planner WAS Molly and Lucy."
Aw, nice reference to Teddy and Victoire's relationship. I wonder if it'll be relevant at any point.
*laughs at your description of Dominique* I like the insight we are getting into various members of the Weasley family here. It's interesting to see how different authors interpret them.
Yeah, I expected that if they needed room to fly, the room would provide.
*laughs* My Rose and Lucy aren't that into Quidditch either.
The part about Art being the youngest is kind of repetitive since you've said beforehand that he has three older brothers.
And you've said the snowball fight "looked like TO much fun", when it should be "TOO much fun."
Love the description of the fireworks.
And eugh, reindeer dung.
Art's birthday is the Feast of the Epiphany/Little Christmas/Women's Christmas/12th day of Christmas. *laughs* Over here, that's always the last day of the school holidays, but I think it's different in the U.K., so he might not get his birthday off each year. It's also the day we take down our Christmas decorations. So he can put away the Christmas cards and replace them with birthday ones, if they do the same over there.
Love the comparison between James and Gilderoy Lockhart.Author's Response: Yeah, I wasn't sure what Charlie would give them, so I had him give out that. I think he would have enjoyed the fact that they scorched your hands.
Sorry about all the mistakes. I'm not that good at wording things, and it is also hard to catch. You must have an eagle eye or something. I have to go over each chapter five times and I find another mistake each time I look. I really don't have an eye for detail.
Totally unfair about the prefects thing, but it has to be one girl and one boy. So disappointing.
I thought it would be weird if I didn't include Teddy and Victoire's relationship, since it was mentioned in the epilouge.
It is funny, since some authors make Dominique wonderful, and some make her hateful. I've seen both.
The room provides everything, and it is available to everyone. There is a new slight disadvantage to the room, though...
I had a difficult time picturing Rose playing Quidditch. I just don't see it, do you?
Sorry about being repetitive. I sometimes forget what I've typed/said before.
I thought that having Christmas themed products would be fun, so I did that for the fireworks and beans.
I think dung from any type of animal, even from a reindeer, would be disgusting. I had trouble coming up with something Christmas-y that was disgusting!
I actually never knew that about Art's birthday! I have briefly heard of that holiday, but I didn't know the date. Very interesting!
James does have a bloated head, but luckily, not nearly as much as Gilderoy Lockhart!
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*grins* I was actually considering asking if you were a teacher in one of the previous reviews.
And *laughs*, I love 1st years too, although our 1st years are Hogwarts' 2nd years. They are so enthusiastic about everything. Pity that whole everybody raising their hands, excited to answer the question thing doesn't last.
Oh, yikes, I would be useless at Transfiguration. Visualising things isn't exactly my strong point.
I think she's a good teacher, even if she doesn't believe it herself. Just from what we've seen here, with the way she helps and encourages the students. And the way they leave with smiles on their faces. I'm quite sure they don't leave Binns' class like that.
Some of that conversation is reminding me a little of an interaction I have planned between McGonagall and a Transfiguration teacher in the second year of my next generation story. *laughs* There's even going to be a line along the lines of "I want you on the staff. I wouldn't have hired you otherwise."
*laughs at the mention of barely legal looking witches* Actually during the school year, pubs in the wizarding world must have an easy time of assessing legality, since under 18s (or maybe under 17s, since people come of age a year younger in the wizarding world) would mostly be at Hogwarts and it'd only be on Hogsmeade's weekends and school holidays, they'd have to worry about underage customers.
You've put an apostrophe in "firewhiskeys" that I don't think should be there.
Love the name of the cocktail.
Yeah, can imagine it'd be hard to call your own old teachers by their first names, particularly if they are still in positions of authority over you, like being Headmistress or Deputy Headmaster.
Hadn't thought about Apparating after drinking being an issue, but it does make sense, since people could Splinch themselves. Wonder if the wizarding world has anti-drunk Apparating laws.
Great chapter. I really like this story so far.Author's Response: Emily is certainly her hardest judge when it comes to her teaching ability. She's just so hard on herself, but that will come up a bit more in further chapters.
lol...I'm pretty sure the only way people leave Binn's class is yawning!
I hadn't really thought about that thing with underage witches and wizards, although I've also got this theory that not everyone goes to Hogwarts. I feel like there must be an apprectice type program for the kids who aren't 'smart' or 'skilled' enough and maybe even some sort of option for the squibs.
Thanks for the heads up on the random apostrophe, I'll go in and fix it. I always seem to end up with little errors like that, even if I edit ten times (well ok, I don't think I've ever edited a chapter ten times but you know what I mean!).
lol, with the cocktail I furgured that -adjective- -noun/magical creature- and a bit of alliteration, I couldn't go wrong :) There may be some more in future chapters! And the apparition thing! I saw something recently in another fanfic where somebody told someone else not to apparate because they were drunk and I thought "of course, that makes complete sense," after all, if you're simply not focussed you can get splinched, so alcohol must make that worse. And I'd say that if you're not supposed to apparate without a license, then there'd be a few other rules too, though how they'd catch you I'm not entirely sure. On that point, I wonder if there are drunk flying rules for broomsticks!
Thanks so much for another wonderful review, I really apreciate the time and thought you put into it, and the fact that you're reading my little story too! :) Report Review
I would have thought that while Ravenclaw essays would probably be easier to read, they'd still be a lot of work, because brighter students tend to write WAY more. When you get a really weak student who's only written half a page, it at least gets done quicker. Of course, if it's your own student (as hers are) you then have to worry about how to get the information through to them and in her case, it sounds like she'd blame herself, thinking she must be a bad teacher if her student knows so little.
Really like the insight you're giving into her character. She really comes across as a real person.
*laughs* I bet she takes care to visit the sweetshop when it's not a Hogsmeade weekend, because she probably wouldn't want her students seeing her stocking up on sweets, well the 3rd and 4th years anyway. "Oh, Professor, do you like sugar quills, Professor? I saw you buying sugar quills in Honeydukes. I like sugar quills too, Professor."
And that makes sense about marrying young being a side effect of the war.
Love the sound of those quills. Hogwarts students are a bit past the collecting stationary stage, I guess, but I'd say they'd still like something a bit more interesting than a plain quill.
Great story so far. Adding it to my favourites.Author's Response: Ok, confession time. Up until a few months ago when I had a major life and career change, I was a teacher, so lot of Emily's thoughts and experiences are inspired by my own personal thoughts and experiences. Hopefully that will help to make her more realistic and multi-dimensional.
And trust me, despite the length of an assignment, the homework of 'smarter' students (for lack of a better word) is ALWAYS easier to mark/grade than that of less capable students. It's something to do with the flow not being interrupted by constant, errors, inaccuracies and inconsistencies. A half page essay can take forever if you have to spend twenty minutes trying to work out what one paragraph is about.
lol...so funny that you said Hogwarts students are past the stationery stage, because I loved stationery in high school...was positively obsessed with fluffy pens, cute notebooks, interesting pencil cases, novelty erasers etc! Maybe I'm just a bit odd though? Although there are an awful lot of stationery ranges aimed at older kids and teenagers, so I'm going to assume it carries over in to the muggle world too.
Yes! on the Hogsmeade/Honeydukes thing. That whole paragraph made me laugh :D
Thanks so much for another great review, and I'm excited that you're adding it to your favourites :) I'll try to update soon, hopefully sometime in the next week. Report Review
Love the teachery comment about how her students couldn't care less. Sounds pretty typical.
*sympathises with her* Teaching can be SO hard on your self-esteem sometimes. You can't see what other teachers are doing, so it's very easy to start thinking they're all doing better than you and have less problems.
One thing that occurred to me is wouldn't Snape have been about 21 or 22 when he became Potions Master. If he was applying for the job when Harry was a year old and he's the same age as James and Lily, who were only 20 when Harry was born? Of course, with all the trials and all, it may have been a bit later he actually got the job and I'm being very nitpicky here anyway, but I did expect her to be younger when it said she was the youngest teacher in 300 years.
Really like the idea that her parents weren't completely sold on the idea. I think most parents would have doubts, so it's good to see that acknowledged.
How could she even get INTO a Muggle university with no qualifications? I have heard that English universities don't focus as entirely on A-level results as ours do (well, as ours do on the Leaving Cert., since we don't do A-levels), but I'd still imagine they'd require a little more than an 11 year old grasp of maths and literacy.
Love the way you use Cedric and his death to establish her age and when this story is set. It's a very natural way of doing it and if she's Cedric's age, more or less and is now 25, that means we're about 5 years after the war.
Is she meant to be exaggerating about Voldemort trying to take over the world? I guess it's vague in canon, but there really isn't any evidence he tried to take over any more than Britain. Of course, he was only in power a year and may have planned to take over more countries later on, but still, it was the British Ministry he seized control of.
And, gosh, I'm oblivious. I didn't even make the connection between her being a Muggleborn and how she'd experience Voldemort's reign.
Really like the idea of exploring how an ordinary person might have experienced his time in power anyway, but making her a Muggleborn makes it even better.
Like the way she calls Umbridge a troll of a woman.Author's Response: Thanks for the review...it gave me lots to think about!
Firstly, I facepalmed when I read your comment about the Snape thing. How could I have forgotten about him? Gah! I mean, he would have been 21 or 22 when he started teaching, and Emily was 23 (remember that at this point in the story she's been teaching for nearly two years) so it's actually pretty close, but still, I can't believe I missed that. HOWEVER it has caused me to do a bit of creative thinking and the result of which is that I now have a little mini plot point relating to Snape that will make an appearance later on in the story, and I'm actually kind of excited about it. So thank you for pointing that out because it's actually helped the development of the plot! :)
You are definitely right about the Muggle university thing, but if you have another look at the chapter, you'll notice that the uni thing is Emily's parent's suggestion and her comment is that 'it was never an option', and whilst she gives the specific reason of not wanting to live without magic, that overarching statement also refers to the idea that muggle university would not interest Emily, would be difficult for her to get in to etc. Maybe I was being too subtle? I dunno. The purpose of that sentence though, is to show how separated Emily's life has become from the life of her parents, and their unwillingness to completely accept magic as her life now. Although, I reckon wizards could find a way to go to a muggle university if they really wanted (though I doubt that many of them would).
I have always believed it was Voldy's intention to take over the world. I mean the guy was a power hungry psychopath who believed in the superiority of magical people over muggles. I seriously doubt he intended to stop once he'd taken over Britain. Yes, Emily is certainly being hyperbolic here, but exaggeration is often steeped in truth.
I'm glad you liked the Cedric thing, I thought he was a good anchor, because I think anchoring an OC to canon is important in fanfic (otherwise you may as well just be writing an original fic...In my opinion anyway), but sometimes I get a bit sick of the anchoring always involving the trio or their children in some way.
Thanks again for your review, I'm terribly passionate about this fic, because it's causing me to think about my fanfic writing in a whole new way, and I love that! I hope you'll keep reading, and I love the CC, as was proven by the snape thing, it can be incredibly useful! Report Review
I'm surprised at the way it sounds as if they'll have the same teachers after the holidays as beforehand. And that they apparently had a specifically English teacher before this. I'm assuming they are about to start Hogwarts, so shouldn't they have just left primary school?
I like the way you are showing the different personalities of the two girls. We are getting a really good impression of who they both are
I'm guessing their parents were actually witches and wizards. I thought they might have been killed under Voldemort, but I guess if they were three years old at the time, that's unlikely, as you've mentioned next generation characters in the list of characters, so I assume they are at least Teddy's age and the war was over by the time he turned three.
Hmm, I wonder what is going on here.
Intriguing beginning for a story.
I just noticed one spelling mistake (or typo really). When they are talking about the book, Flora says it'll be their English text "when OR school reopens". You left out a "u".Author's Response: Answering your first query, the girls are in same class, taking same subjects and though other teachers can be different than previous year, their mother being a teacher, knows beforehand that she is going to be their English teacher. And since the girls are of eleven, they must have completed their fifth grade, so teachers and subjects in fifth and sixth grade are similar as far as I know.
Well, their parents, their age, their life... that's the mystery in the story so I won't reveal anything for now, just keep guessing!
Thank you for appreciation though! And I'll edit the spelling mistake when I get time to.
Keep reading... :) Report Review
*grins at Dire letting them do something fun*
*hides from that kind of snow* We got that kind of snow in 2009-2010 and 2010-2011 and it shut the whole country down. Before that, a heavy snow here was one that didn't melt within the hour. Once when we were little, my sister made a snowman up to about our knees, with practically all the snow in the garden, but those two years, I saw real, full sized snowmen. Hogwarts probably gets lots though, as I'd imagine Scotland would.
It doesn't surprise me that James likes snowball fights.
David's Christmas sounds a little like our childhood ones. Hmm, I wonder if there is anything significant in among this Christmas discussion. I doubt it, but you never know.
Yeah, it is stupid having it come out after Christmas. They'd lose a lot of opportunities for sales that way.
Yi-i-ikes. That's one way of ensuring Albus can't tell his parents about Zajecfer (or however you spell it). Might raise some suspicions among the parents though, but I guess they'd hardly think it's because a Dark Wizard has enchanted the Headmaster. I really hadn't expected that development. It's a bit extreme, keeping the whole school there, but I guess Zajecfer doesn't care about that.
And I guess that, even apart from it being much more difficult to think of a reason to just require some students to stay, there's also the fact that if anybody was leaving, they could give them a note or something. I didn't think of that until Rose said she'd think of something if anybody was leaving. I just assumed it was because otherwise Harry WOULD become suspicious - if only his kids and their friends weren't allowed leave.
Maybe they should tell Neville, but I guess they are worried that he could be Imperiused or something too.
Hmm, this could have been what the discussions of Christmas was foreshadowing. It shows us what your characters are missing. *laughs* A lot of the casual conversations in my story have something relevant stuck into them, so I'm wondering if it's the same here.
Art's good at art. *laughs*
And this sort of makes Albus's Christmas like his father's.
*laughs* Bill's kids are all in the same years as in my story. I think nearly all the others, except those that were sort of established in canon are different though.Author's Response: Yeah, I like snow, but it's really rare to have a white Christmas. The closest we've gotten was this year, when it snowed about an hour on Christmas Eve. But a few years ago, we got multiple three foot snowfalls. It was awesome!
James is definitely the type who would like snowball fights...
I think the Christmas conversation is just a nice opportunity to talk about Christmas, and what usually happens.
Parents probably wouldn't get very suspicious. They trust Flitwick, he fought among them in the battle of Hogwarts. It's up to Albus and his friends.
They should tell Neville, but they haven't thought of that. They just see it as it's impossible to contact anyone outside the castle. And keep in mind, though, that they are only eleven. They simply never thought of that.
I never realized that Art's good at Art until you pointed that out. That is definitely a weird coincidence!
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A story from Hugo's point of view! This should be interesting. And I love the title. It's really intriguing.
One mistake I've noticed is that you've started some sentences with small letters instead of capital letters.
You've also started Scorpius's name with a small letter once or twice.
Teddy's still at school? Shouldn't he be about 21 at this stage? Since Albus's first year was 19 years after he was born and this is two years later.
*laughs at Lily's outburst* She does have a point, but I don't blame Hugo for getting irritated.
You've give me an insight into a number of characters' personalities already, just from the first few paragraphs. Hugo seems adventurous, Lily seems bossy and James seems like a bit of a rebel.
I also have the impression Rose and Scorpius are a bit more than just friends. You indicated that very well.
I like the fact that Harry taught Teddy the same spell Remus taught Teddy. It's like he's repaying Remus by teaching it to his son.
And I like the way Teddy's hair went red when he was angry.
You could actually make a longer story out of this, explaining why the Dementor is there and showing more of Hugo's first year at Hogwarts, but finishing it here works well too.
I like the last line. It shows how Hugo is feeling and also gives the impression of life continuing after you've finished writing.Author's Response: Thank you for your constructive review! This is my very first story and I have put up a new one. I will correct the eroors in the future and I hope you enjoyed it! xx Report Review
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