Reading Reviews From Member: MargaretLane
  
721 Reviews Found

Review #1, by MargaretLaneAlbus Potter and the Stone Mark: Knarls and Quidditch

15th September 2014:
LOVE your portrayal of Natalie Zane. I've gotten a feel for her character already in just a couple of lines.

And aw, I like your portrayal of Lily too. She's so enthusiastic.

*laughs* Hagrid is always a good person to go to if you want some information. He tends to let stuff slip.

And that part where he says he can't use Voldemort's name because of "force of habit" made me laugh. I think you've kept him really in character here and he is a hard character to write, in my opinion, so I'm impressed.

I'm also getting intrigued by the whole Dementor attacks part.

Author's Response: I (Georgina) really liked the name Natalia and wanted to use it in the story, so Freda said she could be a minor character. We mention her a few more times in the novella.

We envisioned Lily as the kind of person who would always has a child-like wonderment. We're glad you like her.

Poor guy. He means well.

I cannot take much credit for Hagrid; Freda usually wrote the sections with him in it, and I'm happy to hear you agree she did a brilliant job of it.

Yay! Intrigued readers are faithful readers.

It's great to hear more feedback from you.
--Georgina


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Review #2, by MargaretLaneGlory Fades. : Pain. Fear. Fury.

13th September 2014:
Hmm, I'm wondering even if somebody is found to be fine at the moment, wouldn't it be possible for them to catch the disease later on?

Are the people found to be infected going to be isolated in any way? Or are they sure it's not contagious? Could they be sure of that, when they don't seem to know what's causing it? I guess they could take a pretty good guess, if the family's of people with it don't seem to get sick shortly afterwards.

I'm glad Rose is fine. In the last chapter, that looked questionable.

Hmm, I wonder if Roxanne actually has the disease or if a combination of stress and her grief over Fred could have combined to create the results that took place. It seems likely she has the disease, because I assume that's what the story is going to be about, but it is interesting that the Patronus seems to be the main spell that is causing her trouble.

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Review #3, by MargaretLaneDeath on the First: Chapter Four

13th September 2014:
Hmm, this murderer is quick to think on his or her feet. Even half-asleep and at a moment's notice it occurs to him or her that if they weren't the murderer, a knock on the door in the middle of the night would be rather worrying under the current circumstances.

*laughs at Theo and Seamus both blaming each other*

In a way Parvati sort of brought the whole thing on herself. Not that it justifies what the murderer did, but she was wrong to cover up their former crime for money. This fits with the rumours about Pansy, but I'm still holding out for the possibility of Daphne.

Great ending. The last thing I would have expected was for Harry to have known from the start about what Parvati thought.

I won't mention the killer here actually, in case anybody looks at the reviews before reading the chapter, but I will say the solution makes sense.

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Review #4, by MargaretLaneDumbledore's Army and the Alchemist's Secret: Chapter 1 : The Potters

13th September 2014:
*grins* I LOVE next generation mysteries. And your description of the new teachers to appear in this sound really interesting.

Hmm, Kingsley appears right at the beginning. Interesting... I assume he's still Minister, but I could be wrong. After all, nineteen years have passed.

Oh, you omitted the comma at the end of the second line of dialogue and you have the commas outside the quotation marks on some of the others. The convention is generally that they be inside. Unless that's a cultural thing, but I don't think I've seen them outside in English, American or Australian books either.

Love the introduction of another wizarding nation and I REALLY like the fact that their Ministry seems to be involved in this mystery and it's not just the British taking control. The fact that they are suspected of smuggled stuff into Britain gives the British a realistic reason for being involved.

I wonder if there is going to be a Dark Lord in these stories or if it's going to be more ordinary crimes like smuggling dark items.

Are you planning a series or is this just a one-off? Or have you not decided yet?

I'm probably being REALLY nit-picky here, but the conversation seemed to jump kind of suddenly from discussion of dark items and smuggling to Albus starting Hogwarts.

Another really nit-picky detail, but I doubt Ginny'd call Mrs. Weasley "Mom". I know you can't say with certainty that no British person would use an American term, but she doesn't in canon and it seems less likely that wizards would use American terms in Britain than Muggles would, as they wouldn't have TV to get them from.

*laughs at Neville's son* This is rather a coincidence as in my next gen, Neville has a son called Frankie, who'd probably have been about 10 months old at this point. So only about a year and a half younger than your version. And Lily also loves him. As does Albus, to a lesser degree.

Like your description of how Diagon Alley has changed.

Poor Albus. It's pretty embarrassing to have your parents holding your hand when you are heading for your teens.

Hmm, between the mention of the philosopher's stone here and the mention of a relative of Flamel's in the summary, I've a feeling the philosopher's stone is going to play a part in the mystery. Maybe the villain is going to try and repair it so as to achieve immortality.

I was rather disappointed there didn't turn out to be anything dodgy about Ollivander, when it was hinted throughout the series that there was something creepy about him. It didn't even seem to be a bluff, as nobody even suspected him of anything at any point. And now you are continuing the mysteriousness. I wonder if he'll play a part in this series.

The line that "Albus almost doubted himself of being a Squib," is phrased a little oddly. That would imply he's beginning to think he's NOT a Squib. Something like "almost suspected himself of being a Squib" or "almost doubted he was magical" might sound better.

And oh, Ollivander is hiding something. This DOES sound like he's going to play a part in this story, maybe not so much as an individual as as a wandmaker. Maybe he knows something mysterious about Albus's wand that he isn't saying.

I can see Rose ending up in Ravenclaw in this story. Not so sure about Albus. I could see him in Slytherin or Gryffindor or Ravenclaw. And now, he'll probably end up in Hufflepuff, just because I haven't considered it. The main reason I haven't is because with the way James sneers about Hufflepuff, I'd imagine he'd tease Albus about ending up there if Albus had any possible Hufflepuff characteristics.

Hmm, I wonder why Ollivander is writing to Harry. It looks like there is more than one mystery going on here, though they might all turn out to fit together in the end.

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Review #5, by MargaretLaneRainfall: The Slytherin Conspiracy

13th September 2014:
*laughs* In my story, the family spend Christmas at the Burrow and Boxing day at the Grangers, but of course, YOU'VE GONE AND KILLED HERMIONE'S PARENTS, so that isn't possible.

*laughs at James is in the same year, but you wouldn't realise it* No, somehow I would imagine Molly as more mature than James.

Love the way you characterise James in a couple of lines. The way he repeats himself a lot and seems to think his pranks are funny kind of suns up how oblivious he is to the fact others aren't interested. And the fact he boasts about having to redo essays also gives an insight into his character. It's great to get these little details, when most of the characters are away at Hogwarts and we don't see much of them, so there is only the odd detail to let us see what they're like.

I like your Louis actually. I know he's only had a few lines, but he seems to have a sense of humour. When you said he was in Slytherin, I sort of imagined him as being like mine - not that there was any reason he should be, but it made me think mine would really fit Slytherin and I started imagining him that way. Yours seems nicer though.

Hmm, I wonder why Albus is miserable. Not going to hug him, because I doubt he'd like it much, but sympathises with him. I wonder if he's still worried about the house thing or if he just doesn't like the crowd.

*laughs* I can't spell, but I don't think that prevents me being a Ravenclaw. But yeah, nothing wrong with Hufflepuff; they're my second favourite house. I got Hufflepuff on the Pottermore quiz actually, but I don't think I really AM a Hufflepuff. I CAN be loyal and hard-working, but not particularly so, and I'm really only hard-working when it comes to academic stuff anyway, which is more Ravenclaw. I could probably spell antidisestlishmentarianism - I think that's right. My spelling is pretty erratic. I can spell words most people get wrong and can't spell some that are considered easy.

Calvinism brought to Scotland by John Knox. Is that taught in Britain? The Reformation is part of the Junior Cert. course here, but of course, Hogwarts kids wouldn't know Muggle secondary school history courses anyway.

This is why shops should not open on St. Stephen's day/Boxing day. *glares at Irish shops starting to do so*

And I REALLY like the idea of Fred being one of the quiet ones. Most stories, including my own, have him as a messer, so it's good to see a different characterisation.

I find it interesting so many of the Weasley kids are quiet, when the older generation certainly WEREN'T. Maybe that's why. Maybe a lot of them feel overpowered by their parents. I mean, Harry, Hermione, Ginny, Ron, George and Percy are all, in different ways, people who make their presence felt.

*laughs* There's also about three years between Fred and Roxanne in mine and they are also the youngest of the cousins, but Fred is about three years younger than Lily and Hugo.

I think your Hugo will be a Ravenclaw when he gets to Hogwarts. He seems to fit perfectly and he'd be really good at the riddles. He seems to have that kind of mind.

*grins* I'm glad Hugo had a pretty happy chapter here. It's funny. The last title sounded cheerful and wasn't and this chapter sounded ominous, but was much more cheerful.

And this is one of the most random reviews I've ever given.

Author's Response: YES, I KILLED HERMIONE'S PARENTS. I AM EVIL. *cackles*

A large part of this chapter is characterising all the other next-gen kids who we haven't really met yet. James is an idiot. Al's really quiet and withdrawn because he has difficulties with social interaction and being thrown in with all of these people - who are all very comfortable with each other - he's kind of withdrawn. He doesn't really know how to get involved in the conversation - at least that's how I'm trying to present it. He's not really bothered about the house thing any more, I don't think; it's the crowd that's bothering him.

I love Louis. I've seen him portrayed as pretty spiteful or aloof, especially when he's put in Slytherin, but I thought I'd make him kind of self-depreciating. He's still ambitious and proud of his house, and he fits the characteristics, but he's also popular and a bit of a joker. A bit of a show-off, actually, and very good with people.

I think I can see the Hufflepuff in you, but I'd say you're definitely a Ravenclaw! And no, it has nothing to do with spelling. Actually, your spelling is incorrect. It's antidisestABlishmentarianism. Anti-dis-establish-ment-arian-ism. Really hoping I haven't got any typos in there, because I keep checking. It's not that hard because it's made up of standard prefixes and suffixes, you just have to get them in order! But it's the longest word in the English language (medical terms don't count) which is why they made a thing about it. Can relate on the spelling front. My spelling used to be so much better before I started writing a lot, conversely enough.

No, that's not really taught here, though the name may pop up in one lesson in about the relevant section of the syllabus. And... urgh, I can't even remember most of the stuff we did before GCSE in History! Our GCSE was all 20th century stuff, and KS3 we did King John (Thomas Becket, Peasant's Revolt, and of course Magna Carta), Elisabeth I and the Spanish Armada, Empire and slavery, the Industrial Revolution, and WW1. There might have been a bit more, but if so I don't remember it. And stuff at Primary School wasn't in much depth. I think Al's just acquired the information somewhere or other, probably because he got interested in a particular book and read it and remembered it all. I picked the word by, um, looking for words that were hard to spell. There's no more meaning to my word choice than that!

Over here, all the large chains and even a lot of the small shops open on Boxing day. Some of them open EARLY for the boxing day sales to begin - not even normal Sunday opening hours (which are still limited by law). Can't remember whether it's 6am or 6.30 or something for some of them. CHARITY SHOPS open on bank holidays. Keep glaring at those Irish shops!

I think Fred doesn't like the expectations. He's been named after the other Fred, obviously, and he might often feel like George wants Fred to be like Fred Sr.. So Fred might feel a bit guilty, but also angry that his dad is comparing him to his uncle rather than accepting him in his own right. And George didn't just get over Fred Sr.'s death and move on. I've also read an amazing one-shot, can't remember who by, of Fred really struggling with the expectations on him as a result of people wanting to be like his uncle.

Yeah, overpowered, and also they've grown up in families with parents struggling to recover from the war.

Hugo = Ravenclaw. First prediction! Maybe, maybe not...

I find it hilarious when you start judging my chapter titles because you keep on making completely the wrong predictions! *laughs*

I will convert you to randomness. It might take a while, but I will win out in the end. Hey, you had a conversation with "Leo on a sugar high" yesterday, so I'm not sure how you can describe something as logical and thought-through as this review as "random"!

Thank you! *squishes in giant hug* :D


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Review #6, by MargaretLaneDementor: Dolores Umbridge

12th September 2014:
*laughs at your request that we put away our hatred of Umbridge* I'll try. Hey, somebody made me sympathise with Barty Crouch's decision to give the Aurors the powers he need. Or maybe not sympathise, but understand and if that is possible then anything is.

You've written "her parents though she had plenty of clothes to be going on with". I assume it should be "thought".

I like the part where she assumes Madame Pomfrey is only pitying her. It makes sense. When all her peers are mocking her, she's not going to believe an adult who clearly can't mock her openly, even if she wanted to. Which Madame Pomfrey WOULDN'T, but you know. This is getting confused. What I mean is that a preteen or young teenager is bound to feel "well, she HAS to be nice to me. The people who don't never are, so she probably wouldn't either if she didn't have to."

Love the introduction of the weight loss potion.

And I love the way she dismisses the idea of "healthy mediums" as something an adult WOULD suggest and as an indication they just don't understand.

The part about her trying to overcompensate for looking like a boy makes sense.

And the way she sees everything as negative - Madame Pomfrey laughing kindly is interpreted as mocking, her suggestion Dolores name the cat as a challenge.

I can understand why her parents are reacting as they are - they are obviously worried - but I'm not sure lecturing her and making her feel stupid is the way to increase her self-esteem.

And I think it makes perfect sense that the other students would continue to mock her no matter how much weight she lost. Hard to put a stop to bullying once it starts.

Author's Response: Yeah, put away your hatred of Umbridge. The challenge of this story is "make people not hate Umbridge", and I've actually had a couple of "poor Dolores" comments in reviews.

Yeah, Dolores is pretty negative about everything. Actually, she's a bit like Hugo, thinking that Madam Pomfrey just feels sorry for her and that everything's a challenge. They've got the same insecurity. But then they're different in a lot of ways - Hugo reacts completely differently, and I feel more sorry for Dolores in her situation than I feel for him. She feels Pomfrey's only being nice because of having to, and because of pitying her. I like how you've put it there.

Yeah, however hard she tries she's become their target and that's not going to change. And her parents are reacting in a natural way but one that does no good at all.

I started this story knowing I wanted to write a background explaining just how she ended up as she did. So I went through all her obnoxious characteristics and thought "how would someone become like that?" Atrocious fashion sense, kitten picture obsession, hatred of students enjoying themselves, over-controlling nature, ambition for power, desire to oppress (as evidenced by muggle-born registration committee, amongst other things)... that all screams 'insecurity' to me.

She could have reacted very differently, but she didn't.

Thank you for the lovely review :D *hugs*


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Review #7, by MargaretLaneWaves Against The Rocks: Waves Against The Rocks

12th September 2014:
And this time I am actually going to read this. For some reason I keep remembering I need to when I don't have much free time.

LOVE the opening paragraph to this. You set the scene so well. I am NOT good at visual description, as you've probably realised. Characterisation and dialogue are more my things. So I am in awe of paragraphs like that that almost make you feel as if you're there, it brings the scene to life so vividly.

Love the comment about "only Muggles". It really gives an insight into how he thinks. And the repetition of it is so effective, like he is trying to remind himself he has done nothing wrong REALLY.

And his comment that he was "only following orders" is chilling in what it is reminiscent of.

I also like the way he keeps thinking of how Lord Voldemort has betrayed him. It is as if he is more concerned with justifying himself for having left the Death Eaters than for having joined them in the first place.

His view that the Ministry and Aurors are as bad as the Death Eaters has some justification. The Ministry's punishments are pretty inhumane. And the way he uses it to justify what he has done makes perfect sense. I've spoken about the Ministry of Magic's actions reminding me of certain real life events and they were certainly used as justification.

And I like the explanation of why the Dark Arts are taught at Drumstrang. Karkaroff is an interesting character in this story and one of the things I really like is the way HE believes in what he is saying, even though it is so clearly wrong. I find villains in stories often fit into one of two categories - either they have motivations that make their behaviour somewhat understandable to the audience, like being forced to do what they did or else they enjoy being evil, whereas you've managed to preserve the horror of what this guy has done while at the same time showing how HE doesn't see it as evil. That's hard to do, but in my opinion makes a lot more sense than either showing him as having been forced into the Death Eaters against his will (or joined when he was too young to fully understand what he was doing and then being unable to get out) or just being a cackling villain.

Oooh, I actually winced at that part where he screams with pain in the final section. You write sensory stuff really well.

I really didn't expect a scene like that at the end.

10 out of 10. This is ridiculously well-written. Have some other comments I'll pm you or something, because I'm not sure how appropriate it would be to discuss them here, as they involve real world politics.

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Review #8, by MargaretLaneGlory Fades. : Tactlessness After the Burial.

10th September 2014:
Yikes, this is a really scary beginning to a story. And really sad. George burying his son, the son named after the brother he lost tragically, Neville losing his wife.

I wonder if the disease is contagious or if a Dark Wizard is targeting particular people. It seems unlikely one would target kids, but I guess, considering who their parents are, it's not impossible.

I can't help thinking Rose has the disease, though if so, it seems strange that she is now looking better.

Aren't you supposed to give a translation of foreign words used in a chapter?

You've written "Scrofungulus doesn't cause total loss or control of your magic." Did you mean "total loss of control"?

This is a very original plot. Don't think I've seen anything else like it. And you have me wondering what exactly is going on and who else might die.

Author's Response: Ah! A review already, how exciting! Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to leave a review. I probably should have translated it, but since it's in first person, and Roxy didn't understand what was being said, I thought better of it.

What I wrote about Scrofungulus was written right. You'll understand when I post the next few chapters!


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Review #9, by MargaretLaneRainfall: Christmas Cheer

9th September 2014:
*laughs* Your James seems a little like mine on first glance.

I'm not sure about the "but he didn't say it" in the middle of James's ramble. It seems to kind of confuse the sentence.

Your Rose sounds a little like mine too, although you've said there are a lot of differences when I get to know her. Her over-protectiveness and the way she doesn't even ask if Al wants her around is sort of like my Rose.

Ah, now I see the difference. In a way, it's almost as if your Rose is pretending to be mine, if that makes any sense. Like she's pretending to be the confident, successful person who sorts things out for everybody else, whereas really she's pretty insecure herself.

I think I do like your Rose. *huggles her tightly* I think in some ways she's typical of a lot of very smart kids, and she does sound smart. It can be isolating.

I love Hugo's thought about "well, obviously it is or I wouldn't have said it."

Aw, not I feel so sorry for Rose when there is a catch in her voice.

Kids like Rose, I always just want to put my arm around or something and tell them it WON'T always be like this, that they AREN'T strange or "different" and that some day, when their peers mature, people will start admiring them for being smart and original.

And at least her problems are normal ones and she's not majorly traumatised, as far as I can see.

In 'tis, the apostrophe should be before the "t", not after it, as it replaces the missing "i".

If it's after the 8th of December, it's Christmastime. *nods* I know technically Christmas day is the first day of Christmas, but the 8th has marked the start of the Christmas season over here for I don't know how long, so yeah. They've now started switching on Christmas lights in towns and playing Christmas music in shops before the 8th and grr.

Like the detail about how boring it is picking a Christmas tree when he can't even see them.

Aw, poor Hugo. He's not enjoying Christmas, is he?

Author's Response: I had to refrain from comment when I told you the title of this chapter and you said you liked the sound of it. I like ironic titles.

I think the difference between our Jameses is that yours is actually reasonably popular while mine thinks he is but isn't. He's completely oblivious to the fact that other people find him annoying and keeps on acting like he's the centre of the universe when no one else is particularly bothered about him. At some point, maybe he'll wake up and realise that, and I pity him then.

Yay, I hoped you'd like my Rose! Yeah, that's the big difference: your Rose is overconfident, mine's insecure. She's trying to be helpful and make friends and get people to like her, but she has no idea how and she can't figure out what she's doing wrong. That's well put: my Rose is pretending to be yours.

There's a lot of mileage in normal problems. No, she's not majorly traumatised yet.

I will tidy up those things.

Advent could be seen as the start of Christmastime and that starts on the 1st December - that's when you start getting advent calenders and candles and places really start decorating and there's Christmas music in shops. Christmas trees don't tend to go up until later, especially if they're real ones, because for a start they'd lose all their needles by Christmas. And the lights in the town go on I think first weekend of Advent. Rose is home from Hogwarts, so this chapter probably starts just after the 8th.

No, Hugo's not enjoying Christmas, at least not at the moment. Poor kid.

Thank you! *huggles* So happy you like it, especially my Rose. :D


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Review #10, by MargaretLaneAlbus Potter and the Stone Mark: The First Day of Classes

6th September 2014:
*laughs* Yeah, I wouldn't have expected Rose and Albus to sign up for Divination, especially when the norm seems to be to take two classes out of five. That's hardly be one of their first two choices. Not with Trelawney teaching it anyway.

Well, that was silly, doing that Transformation in Transfiguration. Who teaches Transfiguration in this anyway? I suppose I should check back to see.

I like the part where Rose beams with pride to hear Hugo has earned his house points.

It's interesting to see how different people portray various characters. Lucy seems quite different in this than in my story. *laughs* And Fred is much older.

Author's Response: We have Rose taking three total, and Kenway is the only one of the three taking Divination.

Our Transfiguration teacher is Professor Brocklehurste, the Head of Ravenclaw and Deputy Headmistress.

That was all Freda's idea.

I love love love Lucy's witty character. We wanted Fred to be a prankster like James, so we put them in the same year.

Love your reviews!
--Georgina


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Review #11, by MargaretLaneThe Burning Game: The Messy Web We Weave

4th September 2014:
LOVE your second paragraph, with its hints that something serious has happened in the last few hours. It really creates suspense and makes me wonder what on earth is going on.

The sentence "he had given in to his mother's pleading of cutting his hair" sounds a bit awkward. It might sound better to say "he'd given in to his mother's pleading and cut his hair." Also "mother" should have a small "m" in this context, as it's not being used as a title.

And now you've made me wonder about the three empty places. I assumed it was simply that there were less people at the meeting that the table had space for, but now it sounds as if some of those involved may have been severely injured or killed.

And I wonder if there is a reason why it seems like most of those involved are Weasleys. So far, well, we don't know yet who the character speaking is, but out of the other four at the table, three are Weasleys. Only Scorpius is unrelated.

You've written "she was out confidante". I presume it should be "she was our."

The first line of the part in italics also sounds a little awkward. It might be better to say, "I greeted the Head of the Auror Department with a terse nod as I walked past, holding my coffee in one hand and a breakfast wrap in the other."

Oh, Hannah is the main character. She's the last person I would have expected.

And hmm, that death sounds mysterious.

I'm now wondering who's Minister in this story and what might be going on with him. Is he involved in something dodgy or under the Imperius curse. You've already introduced a number of mysteries in this story.

I really like the way you throw us straight into events.

There should generally be commas before and/or after a name when a person is being addressed. Like "I know what my mission was, Charlie" or "we all know what happened in that room, Hannah."

And I am really wondering what happened to Hannah in "that room." It sounds like it's something pretty serious and like she could do with some support rather than criticism.

I am looking forward to seeing where this story is going. This is a very interesting and mysterious first chapter.

Author's Response: Thank you! I really tried to create a lot of mystery in the first chapter, I didn't want to give anything away. Especially the whole Minister thing as well because that's a large part of it.

And I'm not sure whether the fact Hannah's the last person you'd expect to be the main POV is a good thing or not?

Thank you so much for pointing out those errors, I'll quickly go back and change those so they sound better! :)

~Aimee xxx


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Review #12, by MargaretLaneWhen the Axe Fell: When the Axe Fell

3rd September 2014:
I've noticed this story before, but never got around to reading it. I've been meaning to read some more of your stuff, as what I have read has been excellent.

The first paragraph is really well written and sets the scene really well. I'm not great at that kind of mood setting, so it always impresses me.

The mere mention of "the Tower" sent shivers down my spine. I think it's the capital "T" on tower. It just sounds ominous, especially knowing how this'll end.

Like the mention of chainmail. It fits the country and the era.

Love the background about how he'd been a favourite of the king. I hadn't even really thought about how being "Sir" indicated he'd been knighted, but of course, it does.

And I really like the insight you give into why Nick's head didn't come off neatly. The part about the pumpkins made me laugh.

Although would there have been pumpkins in England at the time? I kind of see them as American. I'm not sure about that though.

Really like the way you show how scared he is. It makes sense he would be and adds to the atmosphere of the piece. I also like the way you have him feeling that he's not living up to being a Gryffindor by showing fear and how it contrasts with the risks he is familiar with. It highlights how there are different types of courage and how a person who is brave in one circumstance can be terrified in another. I can totally imagine how terrifying the wait must be. At least in battle, you're not just standing there waiting for the axe to fall.

I grimaced in sympathy when Nick spoke of how it was the worst pain imaginable. You really made me feel what he is going through at that point, which is a mark of excellent writing.

Oh gosh, that part about the axe going into the bone made me shiver. You really write this well, so that I can almost picture it.

And he doesn't want to die. Understandable, but interesting in light of what we know will happen and how he indicated in Order of the Phoenix that it was his choice that allowed him remain as a ghost. I wonder if he will be pleased when he realises he still exists.

You are making me feel sympathy for the executioner too, who after all is a young man who is only doing his job and probably didn't expect it to be like this. Aw, now I really do feel sorry for him, when you mention him being inconsolable. I get the impression he's going to struggle to come to terms with this, that it'll haunt him for a long time.

And I love how you describe him making the journey back to boy again.

It's kind of sad that the priest objects to him continuing to hack at the corpse, but seemed to have no problem with executing a man in the first place.

Oooh, that part about Nick already regretting his decision fits with canon, but it's really sad.

The only bit of concrit I'd give is that the last few words sound a little awkward - just the repetition of "he wished". It might sound better to say something like "and that he'd made a different decision when the axe fell." But I'm probably being really picky here.

Excellent story.

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Review #13, by MargaretLaneWe Are One: Spotted

1st September 2014:
Yikes, I got a bit of a shock when claws began to rake at his/her face.

And I'm now realising that I'm picturing this person as a man, but there's no reason to believe that. Hmm.

The attack on Greyback seems to disprove my theory. I can't see any way in which he could be considered a traitor. Hmm, Umbridge, Dung, Greyback, Lovegood. I can't find any connection whatsoever between them.

Aw, poor Ron. This is just the same way he feels about Quidditch. He has an awful habit of putting himself down and expecting that he should be perfect at all times. Everybody makes mistakes; it's not a reason to quit.

I think you jumped a little quickly from Ron planning to resign to his saying, "let's just make sure we get him next time." I know he wants to reassure Harry, but it does seem a rather sudden change and it's a little disconcerting reading it.

Hmm, maybe it's not COMPLETELY certain I'm wrong, as Greyback might just have had to be killed because of what he saw. And MacNair could DEFINITELY be considered a traitor, as he was working for the Ministry and the Death Eaters. The theory fits four of the five deaths.

Is the villain going to be revealed now. I suspect it won't be this simple. I've a feeling the letter'll only give a hint.

But at the moment, I'd probably guess Pamela. She sort of seems the least UNlikely. Although there was that Veritaserum questioning. I don't really know, to be honest.

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Review #14, by MargaretLaneRainfall: Confidentiality

1st September 2014:
Yikes, that part about there possibly being traces remaining is kind of scary. It makes me wonder if Hugo could be affected in other ways they don't know about yet.

And now I'm wondering about Rose; if it was just luck she wasn't affected or if there's something more to it.

So far Rose seems to have got off fairly easily compared to most of your characters. *watches you suspiciously* I sort of don't want you to ruin Rose's life, because I think SOMEBODY deserves to have things comparatively easy.

That is dreadful - releasing the fact Hermione and Ron were having a daughter. Reminds me of a few years back when an Irish TV station announced on ST. STEPHEN'S DAY that the then Minister for Finance had cancer. You can imagine the complaints they got! They were accused of tabloid reporting. OK, the leak about Hugo is even more like that. Just checked an article about the event and people were saying at the time, the TV station should at least have held off a few weeks to let the family come to terms with it in private.

Oh gosh, poor Hermione. She must feel so guilty about refusing the check. How awful is that...

*cheers for Harry threatening them with Azkaban*

And *cheers for Hugo telling Hermione to stop worrying* He's being pretty mature for a 10 year old. *hugs him*

You're really determined to ruin Hermione's life, between killing her parents and having her blame herself for not having found out sooner about his blindness.

*laughs* That comment of Hugo's about how that part of the sentence was unnecessary sounds like something my version of Rose would say.

VERY minor nitpick, but you could go down to a new paragraph after Hermione says she's sure it's nothing serious and before Hugo starts thinking about how Ron has said he has to stay late at work without any explanation.

Ahhh, you're just determined to end every chapter on a cliffhanger, aren't you? The last chapter had me wondering what had caused Hugo's blindness, now this one has me wondering why Ron was late home. I wonder is there some kind of threat to the wizarding world that the Aurors have to deal with.

Great chapter.

Author's Response: *squishes* Hello! Thank you so much!

Rose. It's luck that she didn't end up blind. Whether or not she's escaped unscathed... I would say, as a general reminder for this kind of situation with the lingering Dark Magic, that not all disabilities are physical.

*sniggers* Because watching me suspiciously is going to do SO much good. What do you mean, you only SORT OF don't want me to ruin Rose's life? What's the point if you don't object to me ruining characters' lives? *sniffs* You're supposed to play along.

Our newspapers have great fun releasing all kinds of information when those concerned have only just found out about it themselves. There was a big fuss over here about phone hacking for the sake of finding out information they shouldn't know, that kind of illegal stuff. There's an ongoing inquiry into methods used by the press, and regulation.

Hermione didn't just have the guilt that she might have been able to do something and didn't. She had the entire wizarding world criticising her. Yeah, every time we've talked about ruining characters' lives and you've told me which I am/am not allowed to torture, you've completely forgotten about Hermione. Not that you could have stopped me... but yeah, poor Hermione. She's not having the easiest time, is she? *cackles*

Pointing out technicalities is Hugo's speciality!

It's not supposed to be a cliffhanger. I actually finished off this chapter a few weeks after writing the first half (this is where my JulNo chapters begin, so be warned, speed writing...) and there was a bit of a change of plan. The ending is supposed to suggest that Hugo's going to forget to ask. I really need to have a good think and edit - Ron being late home was originally going to be a big plot point, but with the revised plan it's just a remnant that really needs to be dealt with. *pokes self* Sloppy laziness right there.

Thanks!


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Review #15, by MargaretLaneThe Fire Inside: Two

31st August 2014:
I'm not sure the part about his grades being good enough to graduate Hogwarts a year early really makes sense. Hogwarts students' grades are based on their N.E.W.T. results, so for him to leave school a year early, he'd have had to have taken the N.E.W.T.S. a year early, which, firstly, would mean he'd have had to have done a two year course in one year and secondly, would mean he'd left school early not because how good his grades were, but because he'd already done the exam. Even if he just got Acceptables, he'd still be finished with school, unless he decided to repeat the year and try for better grades, I guess. I guess it's possible that if a student came highly recommended by their Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher, then the Auror office might, in a situation like a war, take them without any N.E.W.T.S., but they wouldn't have "graduated". It would be a case of the Auror office taking them without qualifications.

Wow, this fits my challenge so weirdly well, with the comment about how the crime bears the hallmarks of "someone entirely new".

And I'm wondering if something happened to David, maybe during the war, because of the comment about how he "would have" loved the case.

Love the mention of people leaving Britain during the war. This is something you rarely hear about in fanfiction.

Do they have plea bargaining in the UK? It sounds very American to me, especially for the wizarding world.

Overall though, the language in this story seems to fit very well with an investigation.

And I'm really wondering about David and why he is being described as "sick". I'm now wondering if he might be the villain here.

Oh, I wasn't expecting Hermione to turn up in this story. I like the reference to her having seen enough monsters lately. Poor girl has had a pretty unpleasant time.

I was WONDERING why Hermione'd be visiting the home of a suspected Death Eater. I thought maybe she'd been asked by the Ministry to investigate or something, but that seemed unlikely as this is so soon after the Battle of Hogwarts.

You've written "if your new friend let's us in". There shouldn't be an apostrophe in the "lets".

I can see why Ron and Ginny would appear that way to Theodore, assuming he's genuine and doesn't have an agenda, but it IS unfair. Once you get to know somebody, you can't really continue to see them just as a mythical hero and Ginny fought at the Ministry with Harry and would probably have accompanied him in Deathly Hallows, had he asked her. And as for Ron, well, how many people would willingly put themselves in danger in the first place. It was different for Harry and Hermione: once Voldemort took power, they really had nothing to lose.

I wonder who Harry is referring to by the "some people" in his final comment.

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Review #16, by MargaretLaneThe Fire Inside: One

30th August 2014:
Wow, that's one dramatic and intriguing opening. I'm already wondering why Theo is screaming and who the girl is.

You really portray the emotions Theo is feeling well. I particularly like the fact he tries to yell, but it comes out as a whisper.

This is VERY minor, but I think in the second paragraph, the sentence might sound better as, "it took HIM a second to realise IT was his own voice screaming". There's nothing wrong with the way you've written it, but the use of the name sounds a bit repetitive and the inclusion of the word "that" between "realise" and "it" just seems to draw things out a bit longer than necessary. But I being REALLY picky here.

Oooh, I want to know who the villain is.

And I love the detail that the smile scared him more than the Cruciatus Curse. That tells us something about the villain and his or her mentality.

I also really like the details about him coughing blood and being unable to stand and the description of how London suddenly seems foreign, which indicates how disoriented he is.

OK, this review seems to be just a list of "I likeds", but it is really well written.

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Review #17, by MargaretLaneThe Sorting of Cormac Mclaggen: The Soring of Cormac Mclaggen

28th August 2014:
You've written "Cormac liked being talk very much", when I assume it should be "being tall".

I like the way you describe his father. It's chilling and you get a pretty clear impression of the man in a few lines. And it's also sort of chilling that Cormac likes the idea that people might be afraid of him.

I like the houses you've chosen for his family. They immediately give the impression that his family are very into traditional, academic typed success and it makes sense that would make Cormac feel an outsider.

And that part about Declan at the end is sad. It seems like he WAS fond of his little brother, but now that he's been sorted into Gryffindor, he is going to take no more interest in him. It highlights the problematic aspect of Hogwarts' house system as well as a lot about the McLaggen family. I really like the way you wrote that part too. It was just so sad.

The "L" in "McLaggen" should be capitalised.

I kind of feel the ending of this chapter was a little rushed. It seemed to jump from the sadness of the final interaction between Cormac and Declan to the anger of his wish for revenge. I would have expected his anger to grow a little more slowly.

You have developed a really interesting background for McLaggen and I really like how you have managed to give us such an insight into his family in such a short story. He is a character we don't know much about and you've managed to explain a lot.

Author's Response: Thank you for the review. I'm glad you liked the story. I was writing a story of the sorting of Luna when I got Cormac for the challenge and decided to write a similar story about him. I went and reread some of the bits of the books with him and I noticed how angry he seemed. I wanted to supply a reason. Thanks also for pointing out the typos. I went over the story, and you are so right about the ending. I am fixing it! I hoped you liked the story enough to check out some of my other work!
Gladis Gudgeon


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Review #18, by MargaretLaneRainfall: Common Knowledge

28th August 2014:
OK, FINALLY getting around to reading this.

LOVE Hermione's comment about how nobody likes sticking their ears in the oven. And I like the fact she's become rather more realistic as an adult and no longer believes it's as simple as just freeing them, without considering where they'll live after freedom or if they'll be able to get a job or provide for themselves or whatever.

Sounds like she's having more difficulty bringing in rights for house-elves here than in my story, where she has at least managed to ban things like making them stick their heads in ovens, even if some people ignore the ban, knowing their house elves are too loyal to ever report it.

*laughs at your detailed description of the evolution of Diagon Alley* Is there a reason it was built the year London burnt? Had there been previous buildings there that burnt in the fire?

Love the ice-cream you invented.

*cheers for Hermione's retort to the assistant's comment* How inappropriate can you get - telling Hermione she's sorry she has a blind son RIGHT IN FRONT OF HUGO?

And *cheers for her not reading his stories without permission*

Yikes, it didn't occur to me his blindness could be connected with the war and what happened to Hermione. Now I'm intrigued as to the cause of it. Can't wait for the next chapter.

Author's Response: Yay, thank you! I've got my big goofy "new review" smile on my face now.

Maybe part of Hermione's trouble comes from the distractions of the first years of Hugo's life. But mainly people don't want to hear what she has to say.

Yep, it was built in the aftermath of the Great Fire of London because the Ministry saw the perfect opportunity to cast some charms over the area and make it effectively disappear - something which would be considerably harder if there were inhabited houses there! And there was a nice space for the Leaky Cauldron and all. Wizarding buildings wouldn't have been affected by normal fire; it's just a case of the muggle ones having been burnt down creating a space and distractions so the muggles wouldn't notice.

The evolution of Diagon Alley. One of those things one just feels the need to know. Most people don't? *shakes head* At least you and I know the value of totally unnecessary and pointless information: it's fascinating.

Well, they couldn't just have muggle ice-cream! I do wonder what it would look like... maybe white with different colour swirls through it or something. All that matters to Hugo is the flavour, though!

I was going to have Hermione report the shop assistant to George, but decided she'd be too nice/felt it wasn't worth the hassle. The shop assistant probably went home and cried afterwards. No sympathy. She upset my little Hugo!

The next chapter went in the queue yesterday! Yep, it's an important one, which will hopefully answer a few questions. Can't wait to hear what you think of it!


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Review #19, by MargaretLaneWe Are One: A mistake

27th August 2014:
Hmm, the reporter seems a bit Rita Skeeter like in a way. After all, this requires rather different skills than the defeat of Voldemort. OK, Harry and Ron have solved mysteries, but defeating Voldemort wasn't a question of figuring out who he was.

I suspect Marietta as a future victim. If I am right about it being something to do with people who could be considered traitors in some way, she looks a possible victim.

Isn't Old Bill a nickname for the police force in England?

And hmm, I wonder what is going on with Harry.

Hmm, Greyback doesn't really fit with my theory about betrayers. He was never trusted by the Order or the Ministry.

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Review #20, by MargaretLaneDeath on the First: Chapter Three

26th August 2014:
Actually, I think I made a mistake in my review of the last chapter. I think there are two people you still haven't mentioned.

Interesting. The killer says Michael is clearly innocent, but doesn't say that about the others.

My guess would be Daphne Greengrass.

Hmm, really don't see how it can be Seamus now, as the killer addresses him by name and in front of the Aurors, so it can't really be a duel personality/talking to himself thing. *ponders*

Author's Response: Michael's the poor guy who's been caught up in the house without any real connection to these killings or the victims other than his wife, Lavender. I kind of feel sorry for him :P

Haha, it would be extremely interesting to write someone who was talking to himself through the story but I can say now that your thoughts on Seamus have a good foundation!

Your guess is really interesting, but of course, I couldn't possibly comment ;) Thank you for sticking with this story and reviewing - I'm glad you're enjoying it!


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Review #21, by MargaretLaneRabbit Heart: Hearts of Curiosity

24th August 2014:
I should probably be writing myself, but since I'm not entirely sure where I'm going at the moment, I'm going to read this instead.

*laughs at Neville's reluctance to deal with rule breaking at 5am* I can't say I blame him, especially since breaking curfew is a pretty minor issue really.

And I'm also amused at how he doesn't blame James's head of house for needing a break.

It must be hard for Neville to deal with situations relating to his own daughter. Obviously, he has to treat her the same way he would any other student, even though he's likely to have a better understanding of what might be affecting her behaviour.

And that would be awkward even if she wasn't his daughter: knowing a particular student is unlikely to lie about something like this but that the alternative is a member of staff lying and in a situation where they'd have absolutely no motivation for doing so (as far as he knows). The fact she's his daughter makes it much worse, of course, as he's going to have even more reason to know she can be believed than a normal student, though I'd imagine that in a boarding school, the staff would know their students pretty well by the time they reached sixth year.

Hmm, Ian appears to be affected by the rabbits, which means it's unlikely it's just people the opposite gender to Dillon, which throws me back on my other theory about it being people who have some form of unhappiness or "need" the rabbits for some reason. I like that idea. as it ties the two plots together - the one about the rabbits and the one about Wren's unhappiness over what happened to her grandparents and so on.

Oh dear, even though Neville is inclined to take Wren seriously, she still feels he doesn't believe her.

Rose is being rather selfish and childish here - getting annoyed because Wren talked to somebody else.

Yikes, this last part sounds pretty serious.

And the part about having the decency to cover their tracks amused me. As if it would be fine to leave people to die so long as you covered your tracks.

I'm assuming a rabbit bit them.

Author's Response: Hi!

Sometimes our muse requests a break. I tend to listen to mine now, which is why I'm slowing down.

Neville has a quandary. He knows his daughter, and he has professional obligations too. I wanted him to be sympathetic and protective, but still have doubts about the best way to handle things.

I'm glad that the plots are starting to tie together for you. Wren, rabbits, Dillon... it's not as tight as an Oreo cookie, but I hope the connection comes out clear eventually.

Yeah, Rose. I don't know what to do with her sometimes.

Ah, yes. It's proper and decent to cover your tracks. Anyone who doesn't is just a barbarian. The shame! I don't want these guys as my next door neighbors, that's for sure!

Thanks for another lovely review! It's always great to see your thoughts about this story.

Until next time!


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Review #22, by MargaretLaneAlbus Potter and the Pureblood's Secret: The Deposition

23rd August 2014:
Best of luck with the new job.

I've had to take breaks in posting stories myself, due to work stuff. I think I've put up one chapter of my series in over two months. So I know the situation. And it means your series won't end as quickly! Which is good.

I think if I were Matt, I would be seriously freaked out by this whole situation. If somebody can be arrested for a crime of which they are clearly innocent, due to prejudice against werewolves, it doesn't exactly bode well. Of course, Boone HAD committed a crime and would probably never have come to the Aurors' attention at all if he hadn't, but it's still somewhat chilling to think that if you make the slightest mistake, it's going to be held against you in a way it wouldn't be against others.

*cheers for Matt choosing to testify* Fair play to him.

It might help Albus get out of testifying if he makes it clear he thinks Boone is innocent. They might be wary of putting forward a witness for the prosecution who didn't believe in the accused's guilt. It wouldn't necessarily work, not if they thought his evidence was necessary, but it might put a doubt in their minds about using him.

*cheers for Kaden's mum saying Bethany is responsible for her own actions* I mean, I can understand blaming older siblings for leading the younger ones into trouble, but when it comes to blaming the older ones for something the younger ones did on their own, like Gemma's detentions, it seems to me that it's just teaching the younger ones to blame others for their mistakes. After all, John didn't have an older sibling to sort out his messes.

*laughs at Albus claiming he knew because his dad is Harry Potter*

In a way, it's a good thing about the map, because now it looks as if that's what he didn't want announced publicly. If his answer were completely innocent, they'd think he was lying, as why would it be classified if it were innocent? But the map could well be something Harry uses as an Auror. And the part about his dad being Harry Potter really fits with the information being classified. It makes it sound as if Harry has used the Shack for some kind of Auror activities or something and nobody outside the Aurors is supposed to know how to enter.

Santiago is a bit creepy, with all his "interestings". I don't see how any of this can prove or disprove Boone's guilt, so I wonder what he is so interested by.

*laughs* No, I don't think that testimony really helps the prosecution* All he's said is really, "we found him in the Shrieking Shack, polyjuiced as Professor Young and he showed us that he couldn't hold a knife or a wand, so we believed he couldn't possibly have committed murder." Not exactly what they want to hear.

And I've just remembered there's STILL no explanation as to why the murders were done by knife.

Actually, I can see that going against Boone. It could be argued that his hands would make it more difficult for him to commit murder, so he's more likely to choose an unusual way. Wouldn't really make SENSE, as this should be harder for him to do than ordinary magic, but considering the bias against werewolves, I can see people believing it.

Hey, a thought, would the injuries HAVE to be caused by a knife or could Sectumsempra have done them? I don't remember all the details of the injuries. I'll have to check back.

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Review #23, by MargaretLaneAlbus Potter and Slytherin's Office: Tears and Laughter

21st August 2014:
Yay, the final chapter is up. Not that I want this to be over, but I do want some answers.

*laughs at Harry's comment that he's been unconscious often enough to know how people feel afterwards* That probably wasn't meant to be amusing, but it kind of is because it's so true.

Looks like Harry's going to do the Dumbledore thing here and explain what needs to be explained.

There should be a small "h" on "his dad said bashfully," as it's part of the same sentence as the dialogue.

And love the way Harry is still somewhat intimidated by Madame Pomfrey nearly 20 years after leaving school. She is rather formidable.

There shouldn't be an apostrophe before the "s" in "Slytherins", as it's a plural, not a possessive.

I like the fact Harry says he may not know all the answers. That makes sense. It's sort of unlikely he WOULD know everything, as obviously he didn't know of Slytherin's continued existence until now.

So Harry essentially killed Zajecfer or would have only for the Horcruxes. I hadn't expected THAT. I'd assumed it would be like many of the battles in the books when the villain escapes, but this DOES make sense. It's actually strange people don't use more serious spells often in the books. I mean, I wouldn't expect the good guys to use the Killing Curse or anything, but I'd expect the Death Eaters to use it pretty much constantly and I'd expect the Aurors and Order of the Phoenix to use more body binding curses and ones like that.

And it makes sense Harry'd let him tell Rose, Art and David, since they already KNOW a fair amount and would probably be more worried and curious if they DIDN'T get the full story.

I REALLY like the way you show the emotional effects events have on the characters. It makes sense Flitwick would feel very guilty that, far from protecting the students, he actually helped endanger them, albeit against his will. He's bound to feel he SHOULD have been able to throw off the Imperius Curse, especially since he was a duelling champion, wasn't he? So he'd probably feel like he was a failure in that way as well as worrying he could have helped harm a student. Poor Flitwick.

And I love Harry's explanation that he's no Dumbledore. It makes sense Flitwick wouldn't have Dumbledore's abilities, since nobody does. And it makes him more of an individual character rather than just "the Headmaster".

He could be well over a thousand years old, really, as the Sorting Hat said he was created "about a thousand years ago" about 23 years before this and presumably Slytherin was pretty old at that point, as they were wondering how to sort the students after they died, so say he was sixty. Now of course when the hat said "about a thousand," it could have been 900 or even less, but it could equally have been 1,050, in which case Slytherin would be over 1,100. But yeah, either way, he's ANCIENT.

This is more just a personal opinion than anything else, but I think "magically weak" might sound better than "magic weak".

I also really like the fact Albus doesn't get over what happened when Harry points out it was an accident and that murder is intentionally killing somebody, because it's not that easy to just get over something like that.

And I love the fact Harry lets Albus get up without telling Poppy.

I think Harry is blaming himself unfairly too. They didn't die on his behalf. Even if he had never existed, they would still have fought Voldemort to protect Muggleborns and others. It wasn't just Harry who was at risk from him.

Oh, you asked if my series was going to get darker. I'd add to the answer that this is probably darker than it's ever likely to get. There are some parts that might get close, but probably only one of the things here at once. Not somebody under the Imperius Curse, being forced to do evil things AND attempts to murder the main characters AND the main character blaming themselves for a death.

OK, David's theory is bizarre. And hysterically funny.

Hmm, I'm guessing you're getting rid of Fuchs for a reason. Maybe so the replacement can be a suspect next year. That would indicate there's going to be a mystery, for the reader, I mean. Whereas here, we knew who at least one villain was.

Aw, *huggles the Hufflepuffs* It's so nice of them not to celebrate publicly so they don't make others feel bad. *huggles them some more*

*laughs at this ending with Albus hoping there'll be more adventures to come when the first year of my series ended with my Albus hoping there WOULDN'T* And my Albus didn't even go through anything as bad as yours did.

Oooh, the title of the next story is intriguing. I wonder if the Chosen Four are Albus and his three friends, but that would sort of include Albus twice. But you might just need to work it that way, so the title works with your others. Hmm

Author's Response: Yeah, Harry did sort of do the Dumbledore thing. I would use Dumbledore himself, except for the fact that he is dead. *laughs*

Good point on the small "h" thing, and the s.

Yep, Harry's pretty awesome, but he isn't all-knowing. His guess on why Slytherin died and Albus survived is pretty good!

Yeah, I think maybe the Aurors use different types of curses to throw the enemy off? It could be that certain spells have only one counter-curse, so it'd be really easy to deflect them if they're only shooting one type. Then again, there is the shield charm... hmm.

Harry trusted Ron and Hermione with a lot of valuable information, so I think Harry would say, "Okay Albus, if you trust your friends, you can tell them."

Yeah, I think Flitwick will spend the entire summer before school recovering, physically and emotionally. Poor him!

When the founders were born is kind of hazy. On the chocolate frog cards (When I went to Orlando, I got the one for Salazar Slytherin) it just says "Medieval". There's never a direct date of when Hogwarts was being created or anything. We just know the rough time period.

I agree with you, "magically weak" sounds much better.

Harry is blaming himself a little unfairly, but look at it from his point of view. These people fought because they didn't want to hand Harry over to Voldemort. If Harry hadn't gone to Hogwarts, the battle would never have happened. Even when people say, "You're a hero!" he thinks, "If I'm a hero, then how did I let these people die?" He's mostly over it (Time is the ultimate healer) but I think it resurfaces every once in a while.

I LOVE David's theory. I came up with that on the spot, and i was grinning as i wrote it, unlike ten minutes before when I was writing the graveyard scene.

Yes, I am getting rid of Fuchs for a reason, even though I like Fuchs a lot. But I'm going to have a LOT of fun with the next teacher! *bounces excitedly*

*Huggles more Hufflepuffs* See? We're the best house. (Though i do imagine they had a party in their own common room.)

Well, Albus isn't exactly hoping for another adventure... you know how when you're doing something and you think it's the worst thing ever, but after it's over you think, "Oh, that's not too bad"? Well, that's basically what Albus is feeling at the end. The danger is over, he survived, and it was actually a little exciting.

Thanks for reviewing! And I'm sorry I took FOREVER getting back to you, I had 12 other people staying with me in the same house, so I didn't really have access to the computer.


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Review #24, by MargaretLaneRainfall: A Birthday Present

18th August 2014:
Oh gosh, now I'm wondering what happened to Hermione's parents. And you say I'M mean to my characters! Killing off the Grangers after all Hermione's efforts is just cruel.

I love the way you show the difficulties a magical child has attending a Muggle school.

*laughs* I don't usually watch sport, but one time my friend and I were in a hotel in Tipperary, when Tipperary were playing Kilkenny at hurling (Kilkenny are SCARILY good at hurling, so I basically support whoever is against them). Hurling is so fast and the sliotar (the ball) so small that you might as well be just listening to it like Hugo is. That's what this reminded me. I guess catching the Snitch is the same in Quidditch. It happens so suddenly, you'd probably only know when the commentator announces it.

I actually DID burst out laughing when Ron started dancing around the room singing that Hermione said he was right. A reaction like that has GOT to be a good sign, right? It's just so in character for Ron and such a funny mental image.

Just a question: who are Juniors? I guess I sort of assumed Junior School meant the same as primary school.

Oooh, magic wolf obviously makes me, and probably Hugo, think of werewolves and yeah, that's not funny, considering what they go through and how they are treated in the wizarding world.

We used always have two spelling tests, one in English and one in Irish, a line down the middle of the page and ten words in each language, English at one side, Irish at the other. Well, except in Senior Infants, because we only did English language spellings then.

You really capture the atmosphere in the classroom and the speech patterns of a ten year old boy well.

I actually made Derek's father a policeman before even thinking that that was the Muggle equivalent of an Auror and you've now reminded me I mean to have a scene about them comparing Muggle and magical investigations in year three and Harry trying to implement some ideas Derek's father tells him about in the Auror office.

And yes, it does sound weird to have Ron unable to pronounce his own job. Hugo covered it up well, saying he just does it to annoy Hermione. Especially since it's something one could easily imagine Ron doing.

*laughs at the meteor killing the t-rex* That reminds me of when I was a teen and playing with my three year old cousin and HER seven or eight year old cousin and myself and the older kid ended it by blowing up the world and stuff and then my three year old cousin was like "is it over now?" Um, yes, since the entire population of planet earth has been killed. Before you think we were being mean, my then three year old cousin is now a good deal older and makes you and me look kind to our characters. Blowing up the world would be right up her street.

Author's Response: Yay! Awesome review! *hugs* When I read through and posted this chapter (I wrote it two or three months ago) I was kind of "yay, it's THAT chapter" because I remembered loving writing it. One of my personal favourites (because let's admit it, everyone has favourite chapters in their own work).

All right fine, I actually keep forgetting how cruel I am to Hermione. It seems I'm also capable of being cruel to my characters. I thought of killing off the Grangers suddenly one night and first of all sat there in shock at the idea then started cackling as I realised just how evil an idea it was.

Some are born evil, some achieve evilness, and some have evilness thrust upon them... I'm working on it, OK?

If rainbows, fluffy bunnies, and baby unicorns have no effect (as per last night's conversation), maybe making you laugh will instead..?

Ron is the comic relief. There's more to him than that, but he's always a good source of amusement. Ron goofing around all the time, and Hermione pretending to disapprove but being entertained really. He doesn't have to bother being sensible, because Hermione is sensible enough for both of them!

Who are Juniors? Primary school tends to be split into two groups, the infants (reception to year 2, age 4-7) and the juniors (years 3-6, age 7-11).

Yep, Hugo thought werewolves. Which is rather different to what the rest of the class was thinking of. There's how atrociously they're treated, but perhaps his first thought would be the simple concept of the fact that they're dangerous. He certainly wouldn't have been raised to hate them, but he may well have picked up on the fact that they're generally considered dark and are very dangerous.

We used to have twenty or so spellings to learn, particularly in later years split into levels so some people did harder ones and some easy depending on how well they'd scored on previous tests.

Thank you! I love classroom scenes, and writing younger (pre-Hogwarts) children. I think I started with 6-year-old Remus in Bitten, who was amazing to write, and now I've got Hugo and his class.

Oh yes, Hugo and friends enjoy death and destruction very much, but in an innocent kind of way. I think blowing up the world is kinder to the characters than torturing them like we do, really. And I think my brother and I ended our fair share of role-plays and board games with wanton destruction (usually involving a large teddy bear wandering across the board or an earthquake shaking it so that the pieces went everywhere) when we got bored of playing (or were losing).

Yeah, blowing up the world is cliche and unoriginal. UNLESS, of course, the person responsible escapes somehow and is the only one to do so. Now THAT would be cruel. (If that's how your series ends... I'll be very disappointed in you.)


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Review #25, by MargaretLaneMy Not-So-Imaginary Fiend: XIII: Knowledge is Power

17th August 2014:
*laughs at them taking her trainers* (Or runners, we'd say here, but that's beside the point, really.) One way of making sure she doesn't break the rules, I guess.

She studied a whole YEAR'S worth of work in a subject and still had time left over. Fair play to her.

Aw, that's both kind of sweet and kind of sad, that she's thinking about how it'd affect her parents if she died.

I actually LOVE the way you are showing an adoptive family where the issues aren't of the "you're not my REAL parents" or "you don't love me as much as you would if you'd given birth to me" type. Her adoption is relevant, as it takes place as the result of her birth mum's death and also means her parents have no idea about Benjamin's history, as her birth parents might (well, her birth mum would and her birth dad MAY if her birth mum ever mentioned it), but it doesn't dominate the story. Being adopted is just normal for her.

If I were her, I'd be deciding pretty firmly not to have children. I doubt breaking the curse is that simple, but I'd DEFINITELY be planning to try it.

And later in the chapter she considers just that. I guess she's bound to.

Maybe marrying a Muggle is her best bet, as he said she wouldn't get pregnant then, but again, I doubt it'd work that easily. He'd probably mess with the marriage or something. Or worse.

And he is trying to make friends with her again and doesn't seem to realise that telling her he's going to kill her might JUST make her less willing to befriend him.

In a way though, I find it hard to judge him. He has been created as he is and in a way, it seems like he doesn't really WANT to hurt any of the family or at least, only wants to hurt certain members of it. He just is what he is. The real Benjamin must have been truly evil, but I think the current version is simply doing what he was created to do. Not that he's not extremely nasty, but I'm not sure how much free will he has.

And he has figured out the whole Scabbers/Peter Pettigrew thing. Even if it was only for a second and he doesn't really believe it. Interesting.

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