Reading Reviews From Member: MargaretLane
  
847 Reviews Found

Review #1, by MargaretLaneAlbus Potter and the New Threat: Friends, Enemies, and A Strange Boy with No Name

31st January 2015:
What was the girl shouting at Albus to stop in the first paragraph? I've read it twice, but I'm a little confused.

I love the character of Lynn. I'm already getting an impression of the sort of person she is, even though she was only introduced a few lines ago. And it's good that Al has a friend to start Hogwarts. with. A lot of stories seem to have him and Rose as best friends, so it's interesting to see him with a best friend who's an OC.

I'm guessing the third person in the compartment is Rose. Reading sounds like her. And the next line confirms that.

OK, Lynn seems to have aggression issues of some kind. Beating a kid up for entering their compartment is WAY over the top. I can see her ending up in SERIOUS trouble once she starts Hogwarts, if she's going to start fights over such ridiculous things.

Albus thinks James is likely to bully kids. Uh oh. I wonder what Harry has to say about that. Having been bullied so terribly himself as a kid, I reckon he'd be pretty horrified to raise a kid who was a bully. But maybe Albus is overreacting.

Hmm, that kid running is a bit of a mystery, all right.

*laughs* Albus's attitude about the houses seems to have changed. I guess Harry got through to him.

Ah, I'm guessing the mystery blond kid is Scorpius. That'd explain why he doesn't want to say his name. And I'm guessing the other house he wants to be in is Slytherin. Since Rose and Lynn were giving out about it, it'd make sense he wouldn't want to admit to wanting to be in that one and it'd make sense Scorpius would want to be there.

I wonder what's causing the animosity between him and Rose.

Author's Response: To MargaretLane,

I see what you mean when you said you were confused. I'll make that more clear when I edit it.

I'm glad that you like Lynn. She's my favorite OC to work with so far. I, myself, have to confess that Muggle music from the '60s and '70s are some of my favorites, especially the Beatles :).

Lynn will get into fights; that's a no-brainer. The whole shenanigan on the train was just to show readers that she can be suspicious of strangers, especially those who stand in a compartment and snap at someone who was just trying to be helpful.

Yes, Albus is overreacting. But I wouldn't put it past James to harmlessly prank other students from time to time.

Albus's response to 'the question' was one of masking his insecurities. He's still scared about what house he'll be in.

You're right; the mystery boy is Scorpious Malfoy. You were partially right about why he didn't say Slytherin. That will be revealed later.

Rose automatically knows that the boy is Scorpious because of what he looks like. Ron would've told her in advance what he looked like so she would know who NOT to be friends with. And in contrast, Scorpious knows that all Weasleys have red hair and are not to be trusted. This is why they hate each other already.

Thank you for the comments. Please stay tuned for the next chapter.

Yours truly,
Ravenclaw_1234


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Review #2, by MargaretLaneRainbow: Healing

31st January 2015:
The awesome chapter!

*laughs at celebrations ending only when people realise they need to sleep EVENTUALLY*

Dads and finding stuff to eat. *rolls eyes*

Good to see Hermione getting back to herself a little. She deserves a chance to relax. They ALL do really.

Aw, I can't help feeling sorry for both Hugo and Hermione here.

Yeah, a street in a foreign country isn't exactly the BEST place to lose your temper and fall out with your family.

And this holiday is going REALLY well, isn't it? I feel so sorry for the family, Hugo and Hermione in particular. Rose too, but her problems aren't really in such focus in the first part of this chapter, even if really, they are probably about the most serious. And she does seem somewhat happier than Hugo or Hermione here.

And fair play to Neil for noticing that Hugo is just being awkward when he says he didn't "see" the match. Neil isn't easily manipulated. *huggles him*

*laughs at the comment about him not being fazed by Hugo's tone* Somehow I wouldn't have expected he WOULD be.

Hugo's reaction is WAY out of proportion to what happens, but I guess it's understandable, as not only are Neil's questions upsetting Rose; they're also probably a reminder for Hugo and his parents of how far from recovery she still is, even though she is DEFINITELY making progress. And Hugo hadn't been having a very good day anyway.

It's his reaction to his temper that is freakier than anything else. Losing your temper is one thing and it's not like h was in control of his magic, but where most people would probably be terrified by the harm they were doing or could do, he seems to enjoy that thought. It has elements of Tom Riddle's comment about how he can make people hurt and shows a somewhat darker side to Hugo than we've previously seen.

Oooh, I love Neil's explanation of how it is more dangerous for Hugo's magic to get loose than it would be for a younger child's. And the fact he's at a Muggle school makes it really scary. What if he lost his temper with one of his classmates and had a similar reaction? Especially with Rhiannon on crutches and all his classmates blind.

Actually, it's sort of funny both of our chapters have people telling our main characters how they need to control their tempers.

I also like his comment that Hugo should have a certain fear of magic. I think it is worrying when people DON'T see things that can harm people as dangerous. If you don't think of them that way, you're more likely to take risks.

*laughs* That part about how he needed to upset Rose reminds me of my chapter for our Callaghan story and how I needed him to upset a certain person so he could see she needed help.

Aw, I feel so sorry for Neil when we see his reaction to how he hurt Hugo. The way you've written it...you can really feel his horror at what he's done, to the point it's almost uncomfortable to read.

The "morbid fascination" in his voice sort of made me shiver. You really show his horror well.

I love the way he continually makes it clear that it is Hugo's decision what he does with his body and the way he recognises Hugo might not want people examining his eyes, just for academic purposes. And even the way he replies seriously to Hugo's joke about his eyes. He's not at all uncomfortable with Hugo's blindness.

Of course, the lack of sleep probably played into Hugo's overreaction too.

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Review #3, by MargaretLaneAlbus Potter and the Chosen Four: The Escape

29th January 2015:
Hmm, something significant is obviously going on to have Harry called into work like that. Going by the title and what we already know from the first chapter, I'm going to guess it's to do with the escape of that Dementor King. Maybe they have reason to believe he's in the UK or maybe the Aurors worldwide are being briefed.

*laughs* The "Teddy stealing toast" scene you mentioned before. I was WONDERING why Ginny'd be annoyed at him stealing toast, when it's so easily replaced. I hadn't expected him to say he was too lazy to even make TOAST. *laughs at her demonstration of how easy it is*

Like the way you reveal where Teddy works. I was wondering.

SomeTHING escaped. Sounds like the Dementor King all right. If it were one of the prisoners in Azkaban, he'd probably say someONE. And Art points that out then.

Lily seems a bit like Rose, being so anxious to enter the bookshop. It's fun to get the bit of insight into the characters of people like Hugo, Lily and Teddy.

*laughs* Yeah, with only one school in wizarding Britain, it would probably be fairly easy to find the right books. Here, there are various textbooks for each subject, and different schools use different ones, but some bookshops have a counter where parents can just give the assistant the booklist and they get them for them.

Hmm, Rose is starting to wonder if David is hiding something. I REALLY wonder what is going on with him. I get the impression we're going to get more information in this book.

You've written that he might "OF" just them in the crowd, when it should be "might have" or "might've."

OK, those hints sound like whatever David is hiding has to do with his family. Some of it sounds like he doesn't get on with them, although you'd think that'd make it MORE likely he'd want to go to the World Cup with Al, not less, unless they wouldn't let him. My current suspicion is that they are Dark Wizards or something and he hurried away from the others at the station so they wouldn't meet his parents, or so his PARENTS wouldn't meet them. And he doesn't write because he doesn't want his parents to know who his friends are.

*laughs* Al REALLY doesn't like secrets. He's got his father's curiousity.

Hmm, seems like Lily is even more fond of books than Rose is, and Rose seemed the type to love books. I think I like Lily. Hope we get to see more of her in the 3rd story when she starts Hogwarts.

Ginny and George are STILL teasing each other. *laughs*

Really good chapter.

Author's Response: Yeah, being too lazy to make toast is pretty sad. And he could make it using magic, so it's even easier than pouring a bowl of cereal! I'm not surprised that Ginny got annoyed.

I think Lily liked the bookshop last year at the Diagon Alley trip too! She is a bit Rose-ish in that way, though I don't think Lily likes textbooks.

Yes, it should be "might have", thank you for the correction! When I was younger I got into the habit of saying "might of" instead of "might have", since it sounds the same when spoken fast. It took me several years for me to find out that it was wrong, and by then it had already transferred into my writing. I will go back and correct that!

I like Lily too. I modeled her off of a young me in some ways.

Thanks for the review!


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Review #4, by MargaretLaneWe Are One: All is fair

27th January 2015:
I'm kinda stumped as to who the villain is here. And actually, I'm going to wait until I've finished reading to add any more to this, because if I keep scrolling up and down, I'll see more than I want to.

Yikes! I wasn't entirely surprised by Marietta, but I sort of had it the wrong way around. When she started saying she didn't kill them and wouldn't add any more, I assumed SHE was the pawn and that she was helping the real killer in some way. It didn't occur to me that SHE was the real killer, but that somebody else had actually done the deed.

I was wondering about the whole "traitor" thing. A lot of the victims betrayed people in one way or another. As did Marietta herself, so it makes sense that she would see that as a way to atone for what she'd done.

And it certainly never occurred to me that she might be in love with Harry, but it makes sense as a motive. It DEFINITELY fits with the comments about him throughout the story and with the victims chosen.

There are a couple of sentences that I think might sound more natural if you broke them up and didn't include a mention that the person was speaking. Yeah, that sounds confusing. I'll give an example. Like instead of, "'Yeah,' said Ron, draining his coffee," it might sound better to write. "'Yeah.' Ron drained his coffee." Or "'Do you understand?' Ron used the loudest, roughest tone of voice possible."

I really like the alliteration in Raine Renaultís Robes for the Rich.

I think the revelation to this mystery works well. It's not so obvious that I was expecting it, but nor is is so obscure that it seemed to come from left-field. It had me intrigued without feeling like it was impossible to figure out.

The part about Harry being the intimidating presence amused me.

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Review #5, by MargaretLaneAlbus Potter and the Pureblood's Secret: The Wedding

27th January 2015:
*laughs at Albus not telling his parents he went to a club because they might be angry at Teddy and James* The first time I went to a club I was technically underage, but I was like four months shy of 18 - it was the Saturday after I finished my Leaving Cert. (our equivalent of N.E.W.T.S). My parents knew. Mind you, they also knew, I didn't drink.

LOVE the wedding favours.

And I like the comment about how Stanley might never marry. Nice to see a bit of possible variety from the "grow up, marry, have babies" thing.

*laughs* Lily is lucky she doesn't have Fred and George as older brothers. They were going on that Ginny was "going through boyfriends rather quickly", when she dated like three guys in her entire life and had only dated TWO at that point.

I was wondering what the cut off age for the hen and stag parties were going to be, since there are cousins virtually ever age from adult down to what...9 or 10? So somebody was bound to be left out when cousins a year or two older were allowed go.

Are they getting married on Christmas day? I missed that.

Yeah, that would be pretty awkward all right, if Teddy and Victoire broke up. They wouldn't really have the option of avoiding one another afterwards.

I like the way Harry has a word with Teddy alone. I guess he's sort of in the role of "father of the groom" in a way, since Teddy doesn't have a father of his own, so it's nice that they have a moment together.

LOVE the way Aunt Muriel comments on Albus's name. She seems really in character already. Even though she only had a small part in the books, she has a very distinctive character. And I would LOVE to see her with the great grandmother who hates the English! I was once planning a one-shot about Seamus, in which his Muggle grandmother had relatives involved in the fight for independence and was giving out about him being sent to an English school and refused to acknowledge there was a difference between English and Scottish. I never got around to it though, partly because I was concerned about readers taking the character's view as the writer's, when I am Irish myself.

Wedding days! At my friend's wedding last summer, we were up nearly 24 hours. We'd to get up around 6 to get ready and didn't get to bed until about 5:30 the next morning. I wonder if this'll be as long.

Yeah, I can imagine it must be annoying to be treated like a kid when you're almost an adult, but I can also understand why his parents and Amy would do it. It must be a difficult situation.

The failure of the Occlumency surprised me. I guess I've got used to assuming Hermione is all-knowledgeable and of course, nobody is.

Staying with Albus New Year's Eve sounds like a good compromise - means he's not alone, but also that nobody is giving up their fun for him, which would be bound to make him feel guilty.

OK, the last part has me intrigued. The fact Dawlish is here makes me trust him a little more. If he were lying about working with Harry and Hermione, he'd hardly risk showing up somewhere they were. On the other hand, this is odd behaviour. I am looking forward to the next chapter.

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Review #6, by MargaretLaneActions Speak Louder than Words: Bound by Fate: Scorpius POV

25th January 2015:
Aw, poor Rose. She's bound to be nervous.

"She grinned," should have a capital "s" and there should be a full stop before it, because it's a separate sentence to what she said.

Same with "even her words were lighter." There should be a full stop before it and "even" should have a capital "e".

I'm glad she's not dreading telling her family. I think Harry at least will be pleased for her. Ron might take a bit longer to come around and Hermione might be worried about how it'll affect her studies.

Oh, I wonder what this meeting is about. Probably something to do with the prophecy or Stannous, as they've said Rose and Scorpius will have to know.

I'm actually laughing at Ron asking how this could have happened before he's even proposed. Ron is rather overprotective, isn't he? *laughs at his comment that they're too young to be doing...things*

I really LOVE Scorpius's comment that "as long as she'll let me." It shows real respect for her and an acknowledgement that her needs are her decision. His appreciation of Harry's asking Rose if she is OK with hearing it now supports that too.

And that is SO in character for Hermione - to want to research everything and be absolutely sure before she gave any indication of what was on her mind.

*laughs at the rumours of her running to be Minster for Magic* I've made reference to similar rumours in The Rise of the A.W.L. and again she isn't commenting, mainly because I can't decide whether she will or not.

Yeah, not at all surprised Scorpius is the father. Must be some relief to everybody to know that. Although of course, the advantage is only a slight one as Stannous doesn't know that, but as she is already pregnant, there is a chance he might figure it out when the child is born. I wonder how he will react then. Just leaving it doesn't really seem his style.

And I can't believe this story is already thirty chapters long. It doesn't seem like I've read that much.

Author's Response: Hiya!

I've fixed both of those errors - thanks for pointing them out!

Haha - great thought about Harry and Ron - and the meeting - you're figuring out my story!

Ron is completely clueless when it comes to women - and really doesn't know how to respond to his daughter growing up. Now he's faced with it head on!

I'm glad you noticed that little part about Scorpius. He's got the utmost respect for Rose and his first priority is making sure she's safe and comfortable.

Haha - yes! Hermione loves to look things up in books. I think most people agree that she would consider running for minister of magic at some point :)

I know the reveal that Scorpius is the father isn't a surprise for most readers - but Scorpius (and Rose) were both a bit surprised.

Thanks again! I know! I can't believe it is 30 chapters either!

♥ Beth


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Review #7, by MargaretLaneActions Speak Louder than Words: Bound by Hope: Rose POV

25th January 2015:
OK, I've got a little behind on this story. You've been updating rather quickly lately.

I like the detail on what is and is not OK to do when pregnant. It makes complete sense that avoiding Apparition would be advised, because of the danger of splinching.

And I've now started wondering if the child will be a boy or a girl.

Looking forward to seeing their conversation with Harry.

Author's Response: Haha - I had this whole set of chapters ready to go for a while. It only took a few run throughs of editing to get them fine tuned. I have to fix a few things in the next round of chapters, but I do plan to update fairly regularly.

Thanks so much for leaving a review!

&hearts' Beth


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Review #8, by MargaretLaneAlbus Potter and the Illimitable Potion: Quidditch

25th January 2015:
I like the reference to Muggle sports. I'm assuming this means Professor Barnes is Muggleborn.

I really don't think Albus would think of him as "Professor Lawson" though, as kids don't usually think of their teachers by their first names. It's also a bit confusing when you change between calling him "Professor Barnes" and "Professor Lawson", especially since Lawson could also be a surname. There's a reason J.K. Rowling doesn't refer to McGonagall as "Professor Minerva" and only refers to Remus as Remus once Harry starts thinking of him that way, unless of course, it's in dialogue and another adult is addressing them.

Hmm, Professor Barnes seems a bit eccentric, actually INVITING his students to ask personal questions. I assume he's doing it because he thinks it's better to get those questions out of the way, so he can then concentrate on the class, which can sometimes not be a bad idea, but I think he'd be wise to limit the questions somewhat more than he does, like by asking if they've any questions about his background or his previous career or something. Otherwise, there's a distinct danger, they'd start asking TOO personal stuff, like "are you married?" "do you have a girlfriend?" "do you fancy anybody?" "do you fancy any of the other teachers?" "do you fancy Professor McGonagall?" But then again, I guess he hasn't exactly much experience as a teacher, so maybe it's less eccentricity and more just simple inexperience.

*laughs at his comment that he's not afraid of anything* I now want to see his Boggart, but I guess he is unlikely to be teaching a Boggart class to first years. Probably 2nd or 3rd years.

There's probably nothing mysterious about it anyway; it's probably just a joke or not wanting to reveal too much to a bunch of 11 year olds, but it COULD also be a hint that he's got some reason to hide some encounter with a scary beast. Yeah, when reading mystery stories, it's easy to become suspicious of anything and everything, as you never know what'll be significant.

I also wonder what he means by saying his skills are more needed at Hogwarts than at the Ministry. It might be that he feels students need to be taught to fight the Dark Arts, but I think it's more likely he's there to investigate something to do with the murder. You keep stressing the fact it's strange he'd leave the Aurors to teach, which makes me think the answer is significant.

Gnomes seem like a pretty realistic first class. I can see why the students would be disappointed, but he's hardly likely to start by teaching first years how to tackle a Dementor.

Again, Fintan would be more likely to say, "I don't see what this has to do with the Dark Arts" than "don't see how this gots anythin ta do with the Dark Arts."

Just noticed a typo: you wrote that "Victoire had told him that she was no off studying ancient runes in Spain or maybe it was France, he couldnít remember." The word "now" is missing a "w".

You also tend to use very few punctuation marks and sometimes run sentences into each other a little. I'd be inclined to write that sentence as, "Victoire had told him that she was now off studying ancient runes in Spain. Or maybe it was France. He couldn't remember."

"You alright, Roxanne?" should have a comma before Roxanne's name.

Making the team in first year is extremely impressive.

There should be a full stop before "he smiled" and the "he" should have a capital letter, since Fintan isn't smiling the sentence he said.

I'd also put his next comment about how not even James played in his first year on the same line as the rest of his comment. The way you've written it, it looks as if it's a different person speaking.

The comment Rose makes about how liking to read and learn doesn't make her...well, promiscuous, doesn't really make much sense. Why WOULD it?

And it was a "stick in the mud" he called her anyway, so it would make more sense for her to reply that liking to read and learn doesn't make her a stick in the mud.

I bet Albus will be delighted to have his own broom. It seemed like not having it was starting to annoy him.

Author's Response: Thank you for all the comments!!

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Review #9, by MargaretLaneThe Worst: Settling

23rd January 2015:
Really like your description at the beginning of the chapter. And I like the insight into how Dominique is feeling even better. Poor, poor girl. She really does have an ordeal to face, even with the Wolfsbane.

*grins* I reckon she could really do with some company and support after what she's been through.

I'd be inclined to put a comma before, "thanks to you guys," when she talks about her headache having gone.

Uh oh, I thought Dominique just didn't feel ready to agree to marriage, considering how muddled up and stressed she was at the time or that she was afraid Teddy was only asking her to show his support and wouldn't have wanted to marry so soon if things had been normal. This sounds like there's more going on.

Yeah, I can see how this would feel like rather a lot to deal with coming on top of the whole werewolf drama. Poor Dominique.

And you know, I think she's right about the marriage thing. I don't think breaking up is the answer, but I do see that this might not be the best time for her to be making such huge decisions as getting engaged.

OK, the mention of the sugar quill is a little coincidental, just because I have a character who is a werewolf and she really likes sugar quills.

No, I don't remember David Dale. Maybe I'll skim back and see if I can find out. I really wonder what it is he can do for her. I hope it's something good; she deserves a break. I can't help wondering if it's something to do with Teddy, mainly because that's what she's just been thinking of. Maybe he's one of Teddy's friends and is bringing a message from him. Or maybe it's something different altogether.

I'd also put a comma before, "Miss Weasley" at the end of the chapter.

This may be personal preference or just different head canons as regards lycanthropy, as I know I sometimes find it difficult to disentangle canon on the matter from my own version and also some of the versions I've read, but it did strike me that after the initial transformation, the whole thing seemed a bit easy. There were a few references to her having a headache and so on, but somehow I didn't really get the feeling of her not feeling well. I don't know WHY that was; you mentioned it a few times, so it might just be by comparison with some other versions which portray the effects of lycanthropy as somewhat worse than you do. I don't know. It just felt a bit rushed or something.

Overall, good chapter. I've been waiting to see how she deals with the transformation.

Author's Response: Hello! I'm so happy to see you here for another chapter. You're one of the readers who've stuck by every chapter of this story with every update, so thank you so much. It really means a lot to me.

I am glad you liked the beginning description and stuff. I based it on some vague research so it's good to know it worked.

I think friends and family are really important at such a point so Julia and Vic had to show up.

Thanks for the little pointer on the comma. It's fixed.

There's definitely more going on than just the whole not feeling ready thing - and Dom finally explains it all to the two people who are closest to her. She obviously wasn't able to explain all this to Teddy.

Haha I just felt like after all the stress Dom's been through (both werewolf and non-werewolf related), something sweet like sugar quills would help her xD

Hmm I presumed not a lot of people will remember him. He will definitely be explained in the next chapter. I am loving the speculations though!

Thanks again for the comma pointer, it's fixed!

As for the whole thing seeming a bit easy, I was a little afraid of that. I felt like I should have probably emphasised on the aftermath a bit more - so I guess I'll do that when I get the time and edit. Thanks for the honest opinion!

Thank you so much once again!


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Review #10, by MargaretLaneAlbus Potter and the Illimitable Potion: Newspapers and Change in Staff

21st January 2015:
Yeah, summaries are difficult. I'm currently finishing up a second year next gen fic and writing the summary for that without giving away details of the first year was fun, I can tell you.

Hmm, new teachers. THAT sounds interesting.

Fintan's language really does not sound like something an Irish person would use. Some of the terms he's used like "blimey," "bloke" and "mate" are VERY stereotypically English. Not sure how common they are there, but they are definitely words that as an Irish person I would "hear" in a British accent. "God, Albus, couldn't you find a better way to wake a person? It was YOUR brother and cousin that kept me awake half the night, asking all about me da's shop, you know," would be far closer to the way we'd say that. And his insult to Rose doesn't really make sense for the context, as well as really not being a term an Irish boy would use. Something like "she can be a bossy so-and-so" would make more sense. Now, that might be a bit grandmotherly for an 11 year old boy, but it would definitely fit better than the term he used.

LOVE the name of the owl.

YIKES, that is some shocking story. I'm guessing the murderer is going to be relevant to this story. Sounds like this is going to be a pretty unusual first year mystery story. Most I've seen have tended to focus on mysteries taking place within Hogwarts. I'm assuming it will affect the school in some way - perhaps the murderer will turn out to have some connection.

Hmm, I really didn't expect things to be THIS dramatic. I really wonder what's going on and if there is some kind of beast involved.

Aw, poor Rose. She's clearly nervous about flying. Understandably.

Hmm, Scorpius seems a bit Hermione-like here, with his interest in the history of the school. I really like the way he was the one to point that information out. It makes me wonder even more about his personality and the part he'll play in this story.

I had to laugh at Madame Hooch's use of Neville as an example. I wonder if those two Slytherins will start sneering behind his back about that, though. They seem like the type to take any opportunity to disrespect a teacher.

You've had Rose talk about the feud with the "Malfoy's". There shouldn't be an apostrophe there.

*grins* The part where Rose is planning out her study for the year really gives us an insight into her character. VERY mature for an eleven year old. I've known college students who aren't that responsible. She's clearly her mother's daughter.

*laughs* Slughorn clearly hasn't changed, though I guess he was hardly likely to at that hour of his life. I would expect him to take greater interest in Rose though, being the daughter of two of the Trio, one of whom is presumably now an Auror and the other a high-ranking Ministry official and also being pretty intelligent herself.

I like the way you've kept a fair share of the canon teachers. I've read some stories where nearly all the teachers were new and it can get confusing.

Oooh, Sturgis Podmore as a teacher. I'm guessing he teaches Defence Against the Dark Arts. But we're not going to meet him. Aw. I do like the disease you created. I had to google to see if it was a canon one.

I wouldn't bother having Albus think about how the guy had been Harry's mentor. He says it to Rose a couple of sentences later and it sounds a bit repetitive. I'd just write, "at that, Albus's head shot straight up, as he looked questioningly from the strange man to James. 'Rose I know who that man is. He was Dadís mentor at the Auror department when he and Uncle Ron and Uncle Neville first started out after the war!' he whispered urgently."

Hmm, now Fintan has made me wonder about this guy's motives. Maybe he's going undercover; he might have some reason to suspect the murderer has some connection with Hogwarts.

Author's Response: Thanks for all your comments! I will look into seeing what I can to do better portray Fintan's accent in the future. And yes I think slughorn takes interest in rose but remember he always took a bit more interest in Harry than he did hermione which did rather annoy her in the books. I also try to be as canon as possible so you will see many of the original characters. I find it confusing when people add completely new staff in addition to their own next generation character creations

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Review #11, by MargaretLaneAlbus Potter and the Illimitable Potion: The Sorting

20th January 2015:
OK, I noticed this story a while ago, but I'm only now getting around to reading it. This is partly because I wanted to have enough indication to see where it was going, as first chapters generally don't tell you much, partly because I wanted a time when I could concentrate, but I am going to mention one thing that might have enticed me to read sooner - a more specific summary. Your title sounds really interesting, but your summary doesn't really say much to distinguish this from any other story about Albus's first year. Something that hints at what the mystery might be about might get people wondering more.

I LOVE sorting chapters. I find that seeing where various authors sort their characters give an indication straight off as to how they are going to portray the character. Somehow I get a feeling Albus will end up in Gyffindor here; I don't know why. Now to see if I'm right.

Clever way of indicating which cousins are older than Albus, by having him glance around the Hall for familiar faces. It's a really likely thing for him to do.

Neville's going grey already. Poor guy.

One thing I didn't like so much (and this may be personal preference) was the description of Albus's relationship with Neville. A lot of it we could guess from the conversation in the epilogue or we know from information J.K. Rowling gave or could be developed throughout the story seeing them together.

And I'm now getting the impression Rose WON'T be in Gryffindor. Ravenclaw, maybe. That seems to fit her.

HAGRID is calling them up. I wonder if that means he's Deputy Headmaster. That WOULD be pretty cool.

Wow you've created a LOT of classmates for Rose and Albus. Do you have personalities for all of them?

Oh, you have Rose saying Seamus went to school with "are mums and dads" rather than "our."

And again that aside seemed a bit like going over old ground. We all know who Seamus is and we could guess Fintan is probably some relation.

Like the way Albus is beginning to reevalutate his opinion of Slytherins already.

I also like the way you tell us Neville is head of Gryffindor. That sounds really natural.

The sorting hat tells Albus that James is "without s moment's thought." I'm guessing that's a typo and should be "a".

I really like Victoire's comment and I was right about Albus. Not sure what had me thinking he'd be placed there; I just had a sort of feeling.

And I'm getting a pretty strong indication of Louis and Fred's characters.

I'd noticed none of Percy's kids seemed to be at Hogwarts yet!

And I doubt the sorting hat would call her Molly Weasley II. After all, it's been what - well over 50 years since Molly started Hogwarts? There must have been dozens of say John Smiths or whatever names are common in the wizarding world start Hogwarts in the intervening years, and I doubt it would number them all.

And in the books, Hagrid says "yeh" rather than "yas." The latter doesn't really sound like the right accent for him.

Molly in Ravenclaw...hmmm. You included a lot of Ravenclaws in your list of characters, so I've a feeling she'll play a significant part in this. And Scorpius is intriguing me too. On one hand, he was sorted into Slytherin immediately, which usually indicates "typical Malfoy," but on the other, there are some hints he might not be so typical of his family. I've a feeling he's going to be an interesting character and is going to experience some conflict between his background and his own inclinations, which should be really interesting.

Hmm, I've a feeling Nott and Persephone are going to be important in this story, partly because you give the details of their names, but also because of how nervous they made Albus earlier.

Author's Response: Thank you for all of your commentary including the typos etc. I do struggle with summaries sometimes. I want to intrigue readers but not give away the story. I hope you continue to read on. You have given me a few things to keep in mind as I continue writing.

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Review #12, by MargaretLaneAlbus Potter and the Pureblood's Secret: Stag Party

19th January 2015:
*laughs at Albus's reaction to Teddy and Victoire getting married* I guess it's understandable, but Teddy is what? About nine years older than him?

*laughs* I'm sure Ginny and Harry'd believe that Teddy and James are just going for a steak and a few pints. For a stag night!

*sympathises with Mark and Albus*

Oh dear, I wonder why Al is having panic attacks. Poor boy. Maybe he just has a "thing" about crowds.

This is probably about the shortest review I'll ever give you, but I haven't much to say about this chapter. I hope Al is OK and it was just a one-off and not the first indication he's suffering from some form of anxiety disorder or something.

Author's Response: Yeah, Teddy's quite a bit older. 8 years in this fic. Haha, Ginny and Harry did not believe James, but they're choosing to pretend they did.

Al is fine. He just doesn't like clubs. But since he's Al, he's going to worry about it until he talks to Rose and Matt.

I think it is the shortest review! This chapter didn't push the plot along much, but I have to lay the groundwork for my fics that take place after this series by doing Teddy and Victoire's wedding. Thanks for reading and reviewing! :)


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Review #13, by MargaretLaneThe Color of Revenge: wood and snow

18th January 2015:
I like the way you make the details of Red Riding Hood fit with canon, like making her sister ill, rather than her granny.

I also like the detail about the hat wanting to put her in Gryffindor. I daresay we'll see the Gryffindor side of her if she is bitten; she'll need courage to deal with the implications of that.

You create suspense really well. As she is walking through the forest, you get the impression of her fear and things like the low hanging branches add to the sense of menace.

I don't really see crying over spilled soup as particular unSlytherinlike, but I guess she is feeling bad about things in general. Poor Astoria.

Oooh, I like the reference to the moon. The reference to its comforting light stands in marked contrast to what it indicates.

I'd be inclined to put a comma before the words "little red," in "then put up a fight, little red," because they're addressing her. Same with "welcome to the club, girlie."

I'm actually somewhat interested in how Voldemort WOULD respond to this. He DOES need support after all and in Deathly Hallows, he indicates he'd prefer not to KILL pure bloods. I think he might discipline Greyback for this. But on the other hand, Greyback is something of a loose canon and Voldemort may prefer to keep him on side. And of course, all that is assuming Voldemort finds out who did it. I wouldn't say he'd be particularly interested in finding out anyway.

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Review #14, by MargaretLaneThe Cat Turned Werewolf: This Can't Be Happening; It Already Happened

16th January 2015:
Major apologies for not reviewing this sooner. I DID read it shortly after you posted in the challenge thread that it was up, but I was tired and couldn't get my thoughts together to review and then because I'd already read it, I kept leaving getting back to it. Sorry.

The first thing that AMAZES me is how naturally you've made each line start with a different letter of the alphabet. There are only one or two occasions, usually when you are starting with a letter that isn't too commonly used in the English language, that I even noticed what you were doing or that the sentences sounded in any way less than natural. The story must have taken SO much crafting.

I was wondering what xenophobia had to do with anything, until somebody pointed out she was using the wrong word.

I find it interesting that Padma is hiding what she has become and I guess it makes sense, considering the prejudice against werewolves which exists in the wizarding world.

I did think she was being rather irresponsible, until I got to the point where she prepared to transfigure the chains, so as to ensure she couldn't hurt anybody.

Yikes, that part about her not having enough Wolfsbane is worrying.

I like the way Snape and Madame Pomfrey are aware of what happened - I think Madame Pomfrey would be bound to know the difference between a werewolf bite and an ordinary wolf bite - but didn't push the issue as she was so unwilling to talk about it. I do think they should have brought it up sooner, but I guess with everything going on at Hogwarts, it's hardly surprising the date of the full moon passed them by. Stopping the Carrows from torturing students and worrying about the number of people being abducted or killed probably occupied their minds a bit. And of course, Snape had the mission from Dumbledore and the need to keep up his act in front of his fellow members of staff to contend with as well.

I love the line about how the pain never seemed to end, until it did.

I also like the way she feels powerful, but does not like that feeling. It gives us an insight into the type of person she is, which is good, as we don't know that much about her from the books.

VERY nit-picky, but I'd be inclined to write, "it wasn't a change she liked," rather than "it wasn't a change Padma liked." Using her name twice in such quick succession seems a bit awkward and since she's the only person there, it isn't necessary.

And I like the way an uncommon word is used in the Ravenclaw common room to describe the political situation.

Poor Padma. I'm now intrigued as to how this affected her life afterwards and how she came to terms with it, or didn't.

Author's Response: Wow, one of your beautifully long reviews again! Normally we'd respond to each aspect, but seeing as I (Georgina) am half-conscious, we will touch on only a few things.

We'll fix that mistake, thanks for pointing it out. I like to hear that you (a Ravenclaw) were not offended by our use of a stereotypical big word to be used in the 'smart people' common room. And thank you for your compliments on the alphabetized part of the challenge, it was something we had trouble perfecting. To be honest, we're curious how the others used the letter X.

We may write some more on Padma in the future, we'll see.

Thank you for the review! It was lovely!
--Geogina


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Review #15, by MargaretLaneActions Speak Louder than Words: Bound by Honor: Rose and Scorpius POV

15th January 2015:
Hmm, I'm wondering about this part about Rose fainting. I assumed it was just the shock of the whole thing, combined with the not eating properly, but perhaps there's more to it.

And it really makes sense that Scorpius would react with nothing but happiness, despite the unexpectedness and the possible difficulties of raising a child while you're still studying (although I've no doubt the Weasleys would all pitch in and babysit or help pay for a childminder or whatever), as he's lacked a family for so long.

Yeah, between his parents' gold and the huge family she has, there shouldn't be too much problem either with one of them putting off their study for a year or two or getting somebody to care for the child while they studied. It's not like they'll lack for support.

Aw, I guess it makes sense, growing up in a family of war heroes, that she would see not being a fighter as a bad thing. The wizarding world seems to place a lot of value on fighting and physical courage anyway, or maybe that's just because we see the books from a Gryffindor point of view.

It's bound to be tough for Scorpius not having his family there at his wedding or the birth of his baby.

And hey, you know, by the next gen, the family isn't all THAT big. On her dad's side, there are 12 cousins and on her Mum's, only her and Hugo. So 12 in all. There are eight of us on my mum's side and I've eight more cousins on my dad's, so 16 in all, and both of my parents are from average sized families. One brother and ten cousins is pretty average, I'd think. Draco's comment about all the Weasleys having big families is kind of odd, actually, as Molly and Arthur are the only couple who seem to do so.

Rose does seem more involved with her cousins than a lot of people would be, though, probably because a lot of them are close in age and they all went to the same school.

I've a feeling there's more to come with Stannous, but exactly where you are going, I'm not sure.

One of the things I'm wondering about is if he'll be defeated (and presumably jailed or killed) before the child is born or if they might have to deal with him doing something like attempting to abduct the child. And I'm also wondering about how this child is going to grow up and what his or her destiny is. Or if they are just going to have powerful magic. Even that'd be a big deal though, as it's something they'll need to learn to control.

Author's Response: Hi there!

Oof - this response is so long overdue and I'm so sorry because the review was really spectacular :)

I feel like you know my characters so well, and that always makes me smile when I read your comments.

You're completely spot-on about Rose and Scorpius - she thinks she's weak because she doesn't have her wits about her in a fighting situation - hopefully her family and Scorpius can make her see that she's got a lot to offer in other ways - that are just as important.

And yup - Scorpius is going to be so completely thrilled at the idea of new Malfoys running around. I think Rose gets an inkling of the loneliness that he feels, but even to her, it's difficult to comprehend. I liken him to Harry in a lot of ways - family is everything, especially when you have to earn it.

I'm sure those two will work out a way to care for their little one. You're right - the Weasleys will all pitch in. I just wanted to portray the weight of such a life changing event as it unfolded before Rose's eyes.

I guess it really isn't that big of a family, but I'd always seen the Weasleys as an abnormally large family in terms of the Wizarding world. Most of the other characters in the books only had one (or none) siblings mentioned.

Definitely more to come with Stannous - and I like that you aren't sure where it's going... haha

Ooo - well now THAT'S an idea... :D

Thanks again!

♥ Beth


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Review #16, by MargaretLaneRabbit Heart: Beating Hearts

15th January 2015:
Apologies for the delay in getting around to reading this.

I had to laugh at his reference to his title. He appears to have a sense of humour about it.

OK, I'm now getting a bit creeped out by Nate. I assumed it was just a coincidence his uncle was a vampire too, but like Wren says, it IS rather a coincidence and Nate comment about her "not being ready yet" and seeing things as they do sounds like he might be hinting at something more than just "I didn't think she'd be prejudiced against him.

You've no paragraph break after her comment about another vampire trying to take over the school.

I don't think he necessarily IS trying to take over the school actually. Whether he's a good guy or a villain has yet to be determined, but either way, I suspect it's a little more complicated than his just trying to take over the school. Maybe he's the other guy helping Smeed solve it. That seems probable actually.

Hmm, I wonder why Nate's mother didn't want him at Hogwarts and what that part about the flu refers to. There seems to be more going on here than we know of.

I can't help feeling sorry for Dillon. I get the impression he is likely to be killed or something like that and he is just a kid.

It would probably be better to put Nate grabbing Wren's arm on the same line as his previous dialogue. I got a little confused and had to reread because I was beginning to wonder which of them had said the previous line.

Oh gosh, what are they planning to do to Rose? Turn her into a vampire maybe? I hope Albus and Scorpius are able to stop them.

Oh gosh, is it McGonagall he's hoping to entrall at the end? He'll have quite a job doing that.

I sort of thought things were improving and coming to a point where things were going to be solved, but the ending sounds kind of ominous and as if it's not over yet.

This story is always intriguing. It never gets obvious where it's going.

Author's Response: Hi! You're back!

Nate's uncle has a bit of a sense of humor about his situation, that's true. I think it gets him through the long nights.

I generally wanted to give Nate a little more life, but I think I might have gone overboard with it a bit. It's hard to drop hints if you're not going to go back and fill in the gaps later. Anyway, the bit with his mother was supposed to give him more color. It shows that she's overprotective and that she trusts a vampire to take care of him.

The story isn't quite over yet. After this, I have five more chapters. Then I'm going out for ice cream. Maybe pie.

Hey, I'm glad the story keeps you guessing, but I hope that's in a good way, and not in a wow-I'm-really-confused-what-is-this-author-doing way. :)

Thanks for another lovely review, and as always, thanks for continuing on with my story!


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Review #17, by MargaretLaneAlbus Potter and the Pureblood's Secret: The Cave

13th January 2015:
Hmm, the title of this chapter is a little unexpected. It's a bit of a change from the previous ones, but I guess now that the trial is over, we are going to move on to something slightly different. I expect it'll all turn out to be connected, but the focus can't really be on Boone so much any more. It'll probably move to getting some information about the real killer.

Rose has said "they'll drag Hugo and I along" and "you can keep Matt and I company." Somehow Rose doesn't seem the kind of person to make a mistake like saying "drag I" instead of "drag me" or "keep I company" rather than "keep me company."

Ugh, Vernon AND Aunt Marge. That sounds like a nightmare of a Christmas. Poor Kaden and Bethany.

Yeah, I can only imagine Molly's reaction if any of her grandkids missed Christmas at the Burrow to remain at school.

Hmm, I'm not at all sure Matt's doing too well. Obviously, he's not going to recover immediately, but the fact he's not telling anybody about why he's leaving class and stuff makes me think he's struggling more than he's letting on. Poor boy.

I've no doubt Elsie's non-appearance has something to do with whatever she was lying about at the trial, but that doesn't really help me. It could go either way. If she's being forced into lying against her will, then she might feel guilty about her part in getting an innocent man sent down and be unable to face Albus, possibly guessing what he would think about her doing that. On the other hand, if her whole personality IS a fake and she is lying for reasons of her own, then she may have been watching Albus for some reason in the lead-up to the trial and now that it's over, she may have no reason to continue doing so. And either way, she may be afraid he'll try and force something out of her. This is more likely if she really is as nervous and shy as she appears, but even if she is a willing participant, she may still feel it best to avoid being around somebody who may ask difficult questions. So it doesn't get me very far.

The way Felix constantly watches over her grants credence to her being forced into doing something, but her behaviour when she didn't realise she was being overheard WAS weird. In real life, I would assume it was just a stress reaction or that she was getting fed up with being forced into doing something she didn't want to. But in fiction, I tend to feel it's got to mean something more. Although the latter option IS a possibility, as it could be a hint that she is about to change allegiances. I doubt it's just being in a bad mood, because I doubt you'd bother showing us the scene unless it meant something more than that.

And now Albus has suggested some of the options. If she IS being forced into it, Felix DEFINITELY wouldn't want her talking to anybody, particularly somebody like Albus and if she's not, she may be being careful about who she speaks to.

I've a feeling Elsie is the pureblood the title refers to.

Yeah, I suspect John and Kaden would be easier to lose than Rose, Amanda or Matt, because they wouldn't particularly care. Matt would want somebody with him because of his anxiety and Rose and Amanda would get suspicious, whereas John and Kaden don't take things so seriously and would probably just think the idea of following people amusing even if they did know he planned to do it.

Hmm, I'm now beginning to suspect Elsie isn't quite as quiet and shy as she makes out. One time getting irritated could be pressure or beginning to realise what she was being made do, but twice when she thinks she's not being watched makes it seem like she's different whenever she and Felix are alone. And the way he is saying he doesn't see the point in it makes it seem her decision.

But this doesn't entirely fit with him collecting her from her classes. I mean, I'm sure it does when you know the truth, but I can't see a connection. That REALLY made it seem like he didn't trust her, whereas here he seems to be doing as she says unquestioningly, indicating he does. There's clearly a LOT that I'm missing.

Ah! This is beginning to fit together. It seems like somebody related to Felix and Elsie is involved in the murder and both want to help him, but have different ideas about how to do so.

And Albus knows where the murderer might hide, but of course, telling people is of limited advantage, since hiding in a cave isn't a crime.

Actually, THAT begs the question of why this person has fled abroad and why they need to hide. They're not being suspected, by the looks of things, so what danger are they in? There's obviously more going on than just the murders.

And I wonder why they want to come back so badly they're willing to live in a CAVE.

I wouldn't go to Dawlish. I still don't 100% trust him, although this makes it seem more likely he's innocent. I think Albus should tell Harry when he goes home for Christmas. If Harry and Dawlish ARE working together, Harry can pass it on to him and if they're not, better Harry has the information. Plus, it would just be safer and easier to give the information to somebody he lives with, as Johnston would be less likely to overhear.

Ah, and he comes to that conclusion himself.

And even once he returns, there is no evidence that we can see of to link him with the murders and the Ministry aren't going to want to investigate as proving their own theory wrong would make them look bad.

The only advantage Albus, Boone and the others have is if this guy is hiding, there must be some REASON for that. It indicates he was suspected of SOMETHING or why run and if he is arrested for whatever he's suspected of, then more might come out.

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Review #18, by MargaretLaneRainbow: A Raging Storm

12th January 2015:
Yeah, I think it could be kind of scary, or at least confusing, for Rose to be out in the cold and the wet in crowds of people and cheering.

I'd like to see more of Molly and Lucy. I bet you could find all kinds of issues to give them, with Percy's guilt from betraying his family and everything.

Twice in two hours?! Yikes, that's a low level of scoring. Especially considering the Keepers each have to guard three hoops, but I guess it's an indication of how good the Keepers are that not much gets past on either side.

*laughs at the transfiguring a Chaser into a polecat* I agree with Hugo; that's kinda ridiculous. I guess the real world equivalent would be having a player abducted in the middle of a match or something.

You've written that the Irish avenge every foul by "fouling them New Zealand back." I'm guessing it should be "them fouling New Zealand back."

*laughs at Hugo falling asleep* I don't blame him, though how he can sleep through a match, with all the noise and artificial lighting and rain, I have no idea.

It's hard to imagine how Rose COULD keep up at Hogwarts, if she's struggling to remember even basic stuff, not to mind trying to study for the end of year exams.

If she DOES recover enough to return, I wonder what'll happen. She'll probably miss at least a year in total, more like a year and a half, considering how much of first year she missed. I guess maybe she'll start second year when Hugo starts first. Isn't she only turning 12 now? So she'd be just thirteen starting second year, if she went back the following year. That wouldn't make her much older than her classmates. Only a week older than the oldest she should be for that year. That'd be OK.

If Ireland has any tourist attractions left? *laughs* We've an unlimited amount.

Now I get to get my own back! You have the Irish Minister saying her family "were sat." That's a really English construction. We'd say "were sitting" or just "my family sat". Also, not sure if this is an Irish thing or not, but "one's the manager" would sound better than "one's manager."

I had to laugh at Hugo's comment about the spirit of the game involving trying to knock people off their brooms.

And the part about whether the New Zealanders have to watch reminds me of the two Presidential candidates who didn't turn up for the winner's victory speech and stuff. I guessed one of the two immediately once I heard of it.

Author's Response: Told you I couldn't be bothered to edit! Thanks for doing it for me. ;) And yep, you got your own back there. Fair's fair. *hugs*

Yeah, it's a low level of scoring. Not so much an indication of the Keepers' skill as the foul weather conditions and the vicious play! Neither team can remain in possession long enough to get near the hoops, and even when they do the wind tends to catch the Quaffle and make it miss the hoops. And fighting against the elements, Chasers can't help but give away which hoop they're aiming for because they've got enough on their hands without trying to bluff.

Yeah, who on Earth would decide to transfigure a Chaser into a POLECAT? If they're going to commit fouls, why not just reverse the charms on their broom or confund them? Wizards, eh...

Artificial lighting makes SO much difference to Hugo... ;) Yeah, it's impressive that he can fall asleep with the noise and rain but he's a bored and sleepy 10-year-old and manages it somehow!

Yeah, there's no way Rose could manage at Hogwarts. Well, I know what'll happen in terms of her going back. *smiles innocently*

Yeah, I love it when Hugo comes out with stuff like that!

OK, I've satisfied my need to write Quidditch commentary so it's back to torturing characters for the rest of the story! *cackles*


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Review #19, by MargaretLaneAll or Nothing: there is a light that never goes out

10th January 2015:
Wow, LOVE your imagery in the first paragraph. I am HOPELESS at imagery, so I always admire it when people can do it well.

And you characterise the various characters in such little ways, like their referring to their parents as "Mother" and "Father" rather than "Mum" and "Dad" and their various reactions to the beetle.

I think it is totally in character for Bellatrix to see her sisters as weak, particularly Narcissa. Narcissa's main concerns appear to be her husband and son, which aren't priorities I can imagine Bellatrix thinking too highly of.

And I'm now wondering who the "you" is.

I like the way Bellatrix includes the other character's pureblood ancestry as one of the reasons she is attracted. That sounds like her.

And the blood red shoes interest me. They show something of an eccentric side to this character, possibly a rebellious one. I wonder how Hogwarts would feel about red shoes. It doesn't seem to have any rules about shoe colour, but I think a lot of schools might frown upon red. I know some schools have rules like black or brown shoes only. They also link her a little with the witches from the Wizard of Oz. Did you intend that?

I like the mention of the Knights of Walpurgis.

I also like the way Bellatrix says she wants to be a Dark LORD. Somehow "lady" has connotations of delicacy that I don't think she'd be too impressed by.

I am a little surprised by some of the pureblood conventions mentioned here. I can see that she would be expected to marry and have children, as the purebloods would surely want their name to live on, which makes it odd that a lot of the pureblood families seem to have only one or two children and that Draco sneers at the Weasleys for having a large family actually. But I wouldn't have expected them to have such a convention of the woman being the one to stay home and raise the children, when women have been educated alongside men for 1,000 years and have been in important positions back to at least the 18th century, longer when you think of people like the founders.

I like her dismissal of her husband and the way she basically just uses him to ensure her position in society. While she is rebellious, she is also the sort of person who would want to bolster her position in society and if marrying would do that, well, I can definitely see her marrying somebody she can dominate.

Oooh, that part about her getting a thrill from casting Unforgiveables sent a shiver down my spine. But it doesn't surprise me. I'd be surprised if she DIDN'T enjoy it.

And OH, I didn't expect it to end like that, but it makes perfect sense that Bellatrix would be disgusted if somebody she loved tried to escape Azkaban by lying about having been forced into obeying Voldemort.

Her craziness in Azkaban is CREEPY, in a good way. It seems totally like her.

And the last paragraph has me wondering. Have you written about this other character. If not, I would like to read a story from her point of view, about what she actually WAS doing and how she reacts when Voldemort returns. Does she return to him? I guess so or he would have commented on her absence.

Really good story. And very original.

Author's Response: gah, thank you so much about the first paragraph imagery!

I'm glad you thought their reactions to the beetle and their names for their parents contributed to the characterisation. Exactly right about Narcissa - they have such different aims in life and I imagined that Bellatrix would just look on that as weakness.

It seemed unrealistic for Bellatrix to be interested in anyone of 'lesser' blood status. And yeah, the red shoes were definitely meant to show her rebellious nature - I'm sure they'd be frowned upon. Ahaha, totally wasn't thinking of the Wizard of Oz when I wrote about red shoes, but that's an interesting connection!

I like what you pointed out about why Bellatrix insists on being a Dark Lord - you're right, she would definitely have seen "lady" as being a weaker title.

Valid point about the expectations for pureblood women as well. I think the conventions aren't quite as stringent as she makes them out to be, as her perspective provides kind of a warped view. Given the wizarding world's history and Founders and such, I'd imagine there is some extra pressure for women in raising children, but it's more equal than Bellatrix implies - but as she doesn't want children and sees them as weak and whiny, she would see it this way. (if that makes sense, haha. maybe I'll have a look at that again and try to make it clearer)

Exactly, I think her marriage was more of a step up in society than anything else. In the books there was never any indication that they liked each other that well.

ooh, I'm glad you appreciated that creepy bit about the Unforgivable curses. As for the end, yeah Bellatrix never had much appreciation for Lucius Malfoy escaping Azkaban, so I felt like that resentment would be tenfold if it was someone she loved who tried the same tricks to avoid going to Azkaban.

Thank you, I'm so glad the creepy, insane Azkaban vibe came off well :D

I haven't written about this other character before, but that is such a great idea for a story! I did like ending this on a mysterious note but I'm kind of tempted to write about her now hahah.

So glad to hear you liked the story! Thank you for this thoughtful review, I appreciated it SO much! ♥


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Review #20, by MargaretLaneInvisible in Death: Ghostly Day

9th January 2015:
Ugh, I don't like the sound of Myrtle's mother. No matter how she feels about magic, her love for her daughter should transcend that.

I like the hint that she was intelligent. I never really thought of her that way, but after all, she was a Ravenclaw. You're making me see her in a whole new way, as something more than a whiny teenager.

Poor, poor Myrtle. That'd be embarrassing enough for an adult woman, let alone a young teenager.

And Olive was SO mean, just to make it worse.

Aw, she's so busy worrying about it being somebody trying to make fun of her that she doesn't really take the danger of it being somebody trying to kill her seriously.

And OH, this WAS just Olive playing a joke on her. I assumed it was Riddle, luring her out so he could kill her. You surprised me.

And I can well imagine the Hogwarts bullies picking on Hagrid too, between his large size, his lack of proficiency at magic and his rural accent, I can easily see him being a target for kids like Olive. Poor Hagrid and Myrtle.

I wonder if Tom Riddle is the prefect.

Hmm, you've managed to give an insight into Professor Merrythought's character even though Merrythought barely appears in the story.

Poor Myrtle. The way she feels people hate everything about her is so sad.

And then the attack came so unexpectedly. I really didn't expect it at that moment.

And it makes sense that she'd suspect Olive Hornby as so much of the other horrible things that happen to her were arranged by Olive.

You've written that Hagrid might have helped Olive "pull of" the murder. I presume you mean "pull off."

And she still sees Hagrid as being involved rather than a fellow victim. It shows how badly the whole thing upset her that she's unable to even think about it clearly.

*laughs at Hagrid wanting to go out on a full moon because of werewolves* That is SO like him.

Yeah, I can definitely imagine she'd become a figure of interest once she died and once they see her, they'll probably want to talk to her, but only for a short time, probably. Once they realise she can't tell them anything about her murder and stuff, they'll probably lose interest in her again.

Actually, it's no surprise she's as depressed as she is in the books considering all that.

I wonder who Helena appeared to. Rowena maybe.

Yikes, it's actually kind of sad that hatred is the closest emotional connection she has to anybody.

And the part about the afterlife giving her her revenge is kinda creepy.

Author's Response: I first wanted to apologize for taking a while getting ack to you after you replied so fast to my review. I had a huge backlog and then needed to be at my computer to reply to your wonderful review.

When I decomposed Myrtle and tried to understand how she became such an annoying, constantly negative figure, I realized she didn't have any support system. I was torn between having her parents be dead or just not loving and I went with not loving.

Myrtle was in Ravenclaw so I like to think she was at least bright. Perhaps not a genius but I'm glad she seemed intilligent.

I was kind of hating on my period when I wrote this so it felt appropriate for Myrtle to also have a miserable period. Olive is the worst when it comes to pointing that out. I would think that any decent person would try to be compassionate.

I'm glad that the fake date seemed like a trap to kill her. I think of most teenagers as a bit oblivious to the fact that something dangerous could happen to them. She knows there's been attacks but really, it couldn't happen to *her*. Hagrid seemed like a huge target (haha) for bullying as he's so different from his peers.

Tom was the prefect! I didn't want to make a huge deal about it because that would be too heavy-handed but I wanted him to make a cameo.

It's really exciting that her attack wasn't expected there. I wanted it to be somewhat of a surprise (apart from everyone reading this knows it'll happen).

The way Myrtle fixated on Olive was a thing I wanted to make seem justified in this story. I mean, she haunted her for quite a few years without relenting. It did bother me while i was writing this that Hagrid was so easily blamed. I have to think they asked Myrtle about him and she wouldn't have anything nice to say about him with her suspicions.

I was very annoyed at the idea that they probably didn't question her much as her death doesn't lead to Hagrid being guilty (there are so many points in her story about seeing Riddle and the Basilisk that would have exhonorated Hagrid that I was sure she wasn't asked about it for some time, if at all).

I have a whole story I'm planning about helena appearing as a ghost (it lines up wtih a Helena story I wrote last year).

Her attachment to Olive made me sad as well. I was going for scary (and started to sympathize wtih Olive a bit at the end) so I made her haunting as creepy as I could

thank you so much for a fantastic review!!

-Rose




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Review #21, by MargaretLaneDull Ache: Oblivion

9th January 2015:
I saw this in the "recently added" section lately and was going to read it, but didn't get around to it, so I'm glad you offered this swap, because otherwise I'd have completely forgotten about it.

I really like the opening. It leaves me wondering if Andromeda is ill or if she's been drinking or if she's stressed. I DEFINITELY want to read on, having read the first line.

Hmm, the implication they've no guests is interesting. Maybe because her family and their fellow pureblood supremacists have basically disowned her, but maybe other people are wary of the Black's reputation for Dark Magic.

You've written "the baron room." I assume you mean "the barren room."

Hmm, I wonder what is happening to her. She seems sort of depressed or something.

Uh oh, I'm getting concerned something bad is going to happen with Andromeda's baby, that she's going to lose it.

Oh, that is so sad about their little boy. They must be heartbroken.

Really sorry about the loss of your baby.

Honestly, I didn't see many typos in this. The one I mentioned above is the only one I noticed.

Really good and emotive story. Poor, poor Andromenda and Ted. This must have been so hard for them.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the lovely review. It's nice to have feedback on this from someone as astute a reader as you. I'm glad the beginning seems like she could be drunk or ill. I wasn't sure if her general attitude of something not being right would stand out. Thank you so much for reading this and for your kind words.

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Review #22, by MargaretLaneBroken: i. a broken lavender

6th January 2015:
Yikes, that's a pretty powerful opening. Poor Lavender.

Yeah, I can easily imagine that Lavender might not appear a "typical" Gryffindor. But bravery comes in many forms and doesn't have to mean Harry-typed bravery. I can see how she'd feel out of place in a house where tomboys are probably more common than girly-girls though.

I never thought of Lavender having pureblood prejudices, but I guess it's not surprising, particularly when Muggleborns would be ignorant of so many things that seem obvious to purebloods and 11 and 12 year olds aren't known for having the discernment to realise that THEIR norms are not everybody's.

Yikes, her mother seems a bit obsessive.

And ooh, poor Lavender. It seems like even at 11, she had some issues.

I'm glad she didn't become a werewolf. She has enough problems, between the pressure she seemed to have been under already, the trauma of attending school under the Carrows, the trauma of the attack and the scarring, which would probably be worse for her than for other people, as her mother seems to have raised her with the belief that her value is tied to her looks.

And wow, how insensitive was her mother's first response to seeing her in hospital. I can see that she was shocked, but still.

Yeah, hardly surprising she'd suffer PTSD after attending a school where students were punished by torture her 7th year, taking part in a war, seeing friends disappear from school, being attacked by a werewolf and not knowing how many of her friends are dead.

Yikes, the last time she sees Parvati alive.

This has some similarities with my "Guilt" story, just in that Demelza questions whether she deserves to be in Gryffindor in that.

And honestly, anybody who CHOOSES to take part in a battle is definitely a typical Gryffindor. Especially if they're not even a trained soldier/Auror/whatever. Not many people would voluntarily stand up to Voldemort.

Oh, gosh, what kind of mother implies that nobody will love their daughter if she isn't good-looking enough? Of course, she may not have meant it quite as Lavender took it up, but still. Poor, poor Lavender.

I thought Seamus said "mam" and not "mum" in he books.

"Craic" seems sort of out of place in Seamus's comment there. It sounds more like it means "gossip" rather than "fun" or "a laugh".

Her "silly little friends"? Gosh Lavender's mother is unsympathetic. I can see why she'd be concerned with her daughter's recovery, but expecting her daughter not to care whether her friends are living or dead is a bit much.

The bold on your "12 May 1998" heading hasn't worked.

And there are no breaks between a couple of paragraphs when Lavender realises Parvati is blind.

I'm glad she turned out to be alive though.

And I LOVE her comment at the end that Lavender should get better for herself.

Really good and really original story. Glad you posted the review swap, because it's probably not a story I'd be likely to just stumble upon.

Author's Response: Hello!

Thank you so so much for such a nice review. I'm glad you enjoyed it :)

I figured the likelihood of Pureblood prejudices was quite probably very likely simply because she was never outlined as a 'blood traitor' explicitly in the books, which suggested to me that she was more likely to sway towards the prejudiced side than not. That being said, she's not on a Draco Malfoy level of prejudice - and certainly doesn't hate Muggleborns. She just, at first, considered them to be less adequate. Of course with Hermione around that didn't last long did it :P

Oh my god you are so right I thought I'd put Seamus saying "mam" but it says "mum" instead dear me that's just a default setting I have and something I completely completely overlooked. Oops, I'll go back and edit that! And probably look more into rephrasing the "craic" part too by the sounds of it, thank you!

(Also thank you on the formatting points! I picked up on them during a readthrough last night and plan to edit them asap)

(Also also I'll be checking out the Demelza fic it sounds interesting!!)

Thanks again for reading and reviewing!

xo


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Review #23, by MargaretLaneAlbus Potter and the Pureblood's Secret: The Verdict

6th January 2015:
Oooh, the verdict. I am really looking forward to seeing what it is. He SHOULD be found not guilty. The medical evidence was overwhelming. But I'm still not 100% certain he will be.

I don't believe they are finding it hard to study. Matt ALONE would be enough to distract them, I'd think.

Yeah, Lily REALLY doesn't seem the type to gossip about somebody's mental health. I wonder if there is anything significant to her being around so early. I'm assuming it's just a boyfriend, but it could be something more involved.

*cheers for Hagrid intervening*

Scorpius is nasty.

Yikes, Boone's been found guilty. That is utterly ridiculous.

Oh gosh, this is horrific. Not only is Boone being arrested for a crime he didn't commit, but the media are implying it's Matt's fault. I think this is going to affect Matt pretty badly - the combined effect of knowing a werewolf could be arrested for a crime it was physically impossible for him to commit and the lingering doubt he may have contributed to his being found guilty. Of course, his testimony wouldn't have helped. If "he couldn't physically have committed the crime" wasn't enough to have them find him not guilty, then the testimony of a 16 year old boy would hardly help, but still, Matt is bound to wonder "what if?"

This is beginning to sound like Ireland in late 2010. Of course, our Ministers didn't resign due to a disagreement with the Government then; they did so in order to give Ministry experience to more members of the party in order to try and get them a higher profile and lose a few less seats, but then their coalition partner (who hadn't been consulted) refused to accept new Ministers in the place of those who'd resigned. And this was only one of a number of crises.

Yeah, I can DEFINITELY imagine Draco having PTSD. What he went through was horrific - feeling he had to decide whether to commit murder or be killed and have his family killed and then seeing people murdered and tortured in his own home.

Sorry this review is pretty short.

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Review #24, by MargaretLaneAnd if they fall (as Lucifer fell): A Murder

4th January 2015:
I just LOVE the mention of the Celtic Church. And I'm now wondering if the Celtic church has banned clerical marriage at this point. I know they didn't do so until a good while after Rome, but this is late in the period.

Oooh, that part about nothing being able to hold back the death of Slytherin's wife much longer is ominous.

Aw, poor Helena. Rowena seems to genuinely care about her, but she also seems a little dismissive of her daughter's concerns - like she thinks she just been a silly teenager, although I doubt it'd be termed that way in this era, but I bet they would have had the same concept. After all Shakespeare had a character say they wished there was no age between, I think 10 and 22 or maybe it was a little older than 22 and while he lived a lot later than this, it still shows the idea of teenagers being thoughtless goes back a LONG way.

I was right about it being Helga who teases Rowena about being a genius, but wrong about her being the narrator.

And I love the way Rowena seems to take a lot of the religious rules less seriously than people like Helga. Somehow I can more imagine Helga being religious or at least, I can more imagine Helga being the sort of person to follow the rules without too much question. I see Rowena as more the type who would follow her own beliefs rather than just accepting there's a rule.

"Mac Beatha" - the son of life. I wonder if that's in some way relevant. *watches you suspiciously*

Wyot sounds like the kind of student that drives me crazy - the one you KNOW is up to something, but usually manages to explain himself so plausibly that you begin to doubt yourself and think, "well, maybe he IS telling the truth and anyway, it's going to be pretty hard to PROVE he isn't." And worse, the type that lets others take the blame for him.

Aw, I'm feeling more and more sorry for Helena and I'm not sure why. She just seems kind of lost.

And I wonder what Father Wilkin has against her. I'm already getting fond of Helena. There's something about her that reminds me of Lydia's unhappiness. *protects her*

And I love the way Killian threatens a feud.

Fair play to Helga. If Helena told him whatever it is he knows in confession, he has no right even to say that much. Did you ever hear the hypothetical dilemma about poisoning the Communion wine? I really like Helga. She is now my second favourite after Helena. Yeah, I know I've read less than a chapter, but *huggles them both* anyway. Something makes me think Helena could do with a hug.

Based on nothing but the knowledge of what you wrote elsewhere about Helena, I'm wondering if she's gay.

Like the indication of Slytherin's prejudice. It's subtle, in that if I didn't know what was going to happen later, I would assume he meant the priest was stupid AND a Muggle, whereas given what we know, it's clear he means he's stupid BECAUSE he's a Muggle. That kind of subtlety makes sense, because if he were too openly prejudiced I doubt the others would have been such good friends with him. They clearly know he has a preference for pureblooded students, as he chose them for his house, but they probably don't know how deep it is.

Yeah, leaving 7th years alone would definitely have been acceptable in those days.

Hmmm, it doesn't exactly seem like a magical crime. I mean it COULD have been done with magic, but it could also have been done without it. I think THAT is interesting.

In a way, it strikes me as a MAN'S crime, though of course, one wouldn't want to give TOO much credence to that, both because people don't always behave stereotypically and also because magic is a game changer and could reduce the need for brute strength. Killian is the obvious suspect, but way TOO obvious. We know he's capable of murder, he appeared at the castle unexpectedly, he all but threatened the priest...I really don't think it's him.

To be honest, I don't have any suspects. I doubt it's any of the people we've seen much of yet. The founders, Helena and Killian all seem unlikely. The only one I'd consider really is Slytherin.

Really excellent opening.

Author's Response: Thank you very much! I love all your deductions, but I'm not going to comment on them because it'd be impossible to do so without giving things away!

Oh, I'm not sure whether the Celtic Church has banned clerical marriage or not at this point. It's not relevant to the story, so I had no reason to find out.

Yeah, poor Helena. For whatever reason, she's definitely not happy. And Rowena cares but doesn't understand her at all, and also is kind of reassuring herself that it's nothing serious because the alternative is having to figure out how to handle the situation and - while she won't admit it - she's clearly kind of out of depth where her daughter's concerned.

Yup, I grinned when you guessed it was Helga teasing Rowena, and even more when you guessed the narrator wrong!

Yeah, Rowena's certainly more the sort to question religion and rules of society than Helga.

Yeah, Wyot's not a nice kid. He comes across as the kind of school bully who's an absolute pain and never gets caught.

Yeah, Helena seems kind of helpless, like Lydia. And oh, you're trying to protect my characters again...

No I never heard any hypothetical dilemma involving Communion wine. *looks at you questioningly* And you're allowed to pick favourites in half a chapter. (You know I would!)

Yeah, I don't think the other founders would be too impressed if Salazar went around going on about how muggles are stupid and inferior! He may be many things, but he isn't a complete idiot.

Leaving second years at college (like Hogwarts 7th years) alone happens in colleges here NOW, let alone 1000 years ago, so yeah, definitely acceptable then!

I enjoy reading your deductions. And I'll see if I can line you up a few more suspects to puzzle over next chapter!

Wow, I actually managed to find a good amount of stuff I could comment on!


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Review #25, by MargaretLaneActions Speak Louder than Words: Bound by Blood: Rose and Scorpius POV

3rd January 2015:
Poor, poor Rose. While I suspect this will end up being a good thing, it's still one more stress on top of everything else. Even a planned pregnancy is bound to create some worries - a new person, completely dependent on you - and this is pretty out of the blue for Rose. And then there's the prophecy on top of that. While this might lessen Stannous's interest in her, the idea of raising such a powerful witch or wizard is an additional responsibility.

Yikes, the thought of him doing something to the baby is possible. I wouldn't be surprised if he tried to get rid of it to ensure he could have a child with Rose that can fulfill the prophecy.

"Oh my Merlin" sounds a bit off to me. After all, there aren't many Merlins that different people believe in, the way there are gods, so there wouldn't be a need to clarify it's yours you're referring to. If they were to use Merlin in that way at all, and I don't think they ever do in the books, I'd imagine they'd just say "oh Merlin."

*laughs* YES. I think sending Al to get Rose something to eat could be a good way of getting rid of him all right.

Sorry for the short review. Nothing too dramatic happened in this chapter, so I don't have much to say. And yeah, Rose and Scorpius definitely deserve a break for a while. They've a fair amount of stress ahead of them, I'd say between finishing their courses, raising a child and the continued threat of Stannous. And of course, the trauma in their pasts.

Author's Response: Hey there!

The pregnancy was a bit of a shock, but I think Rose is up for it. As for how Stannous is going to take this, that remains to be seen.

Hmmm - I've never thought about it. I feel like I've used "Oh my Merlin" before. But "Oh Merlin" does seem a bit more natural.

Selenia is a master of management. She really knows how to navigate a tricky situation - and Albus!

You're right - not too much going on here. I apologize for the next few fluffy chapters, but thanks so much for taking the time to review!

♥ Beth


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