Reading Reviews From Member: MargaretLane
  
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Review #1, by MargaretLaneSeven: Seven is the most magical of numbers.

22nd October 2014:
The part about him beaming when the hat calls out Gryffindor immediately gives us an indication as to how you are characterising him - as having been different from his family right from the beginning and pleased to be so.

I like the comment about him becoming brothers with the other Marauders.

I like the way you flash through the various parts of his life. It works really well for the rescuing of Harry, as it sort of shows the sense of rush, to get Harry to safety.

And the scene in Azkaban just sent shivers down my spine. It was creepy.

And then the sense of contrast between that and the following paragraph. I think that works so well - the grass, earth and trees of freedom contrasting with the cold cell of Azkaban.

I LOVE the comment about him buying Harry his very first broom and how he is almost trying to recreate those days by buying him another.

You really captured the sense of imprisonment when you wrote "caged like an animal."

Death seems to appear to him as a form of freedom at the end. I like that interpretation.

This story is so well written.

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Review #2, by MargaretLaneChangeling: Chapter 1

22nd October 2014:
Well, I had to read this. First off, LOVE the name of the school and its both religious and Halloweeny connotations.

One thing: you should really go down to a new paragraph whenever anybody speaks.

The way in which Pádraig Dolan is dressed amuses me.

I now wonder what has happened to her parents. And that is so sad about her adoptive father.

I'm guessing her birth father will play a part and will sort of come to replace her adoptive father in her life.

I wonder if there is an area of Dublin where they can buy school supplies like Diagon Alley in London.

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Review #3, by MargaretLaneRainfall: Beginnings and Ends

22nd October 2014:
*cheers for Hermione getting somewhere during the meeting* And yes, using a racial slur at a war hero might NOT go down well.

My immediate thought for the "lovely gentleman who insulted" her is Lucius Malfoy. It just sounds like him.

*cheers for Hugo getting a distinction*

*laughs at Hugo wanting to go because it's a day out of the classroom*

*cheers for them having displays in Braille*

And you haven't mentioned Kelly at all yet this chapter. I guess there hasn't been much change yet, but *is concerned* Poor Kelly. She's missing the trip too.

I actually laughed out loud at how they are less likely to get in trouble than a bunch of kids from an ordinary school would be, as people'd feel mean spoiling blind kids' fun.

And just after that, the teacher DOES mention Kelly. It mostly sounds like she's doing OK, but that part about the lymph nodes is worrying. I can't help feeling this is going to turn out to be more serious than anybody expects. *glares at you*

OK, I've already expressed my surprise at the fact he's never had the opportunity to be really creative in school.

*tuts at the idea of people being concerned about children writing about dragons killing people*

I can see why she'd be worried about the Statute, but I don't think there's any great need. Nobody'd believe this stuff was true. Although he might be better off not detailing things like the types of dragons as that seems kinda specific for a ten year old to come up with.

Setting the world on fire? OK, that's rather a dramatic ending. I guess the dragons could do it though. And I like the connection with the Slytherin Conspiracy.

I am laughing at the thought of Ron as a teacher.

And Dumbledore did say to Tom Riddle that he wouldn't be made attend Hogwarts if he didn't want to, didn't he? And Hagrid spoke about if Harry wanted to go. And Remus didn't expect he'd even be able to go to Hogwarts. So I guess Hugo COULD remain in the Muggle world. It'd be hard for him though, as he wouldn't have the advantages of being able to do magic. But then the wizarding world doesn't give him the advantages of supports for the blind. Either way, he's going to miss out on something.

Hmm, sounds like not many of your next gen are in Gryffindor. I placed most of mine there, since Albus feeling insecure about not being a Gryffindor plays a big part in The Writing on the Wall and the more Weasleys that are in that house, the more left out he'd feel by not being.

I'm still debating where to place Hugo. I can actually see your Hugo being a Ravenclaw. Ron wouldn't be pleased to have neither of his kids in Gryffindor.

Yeah, pretty unlikely any of the Muggleborns in his year would just happen to have attended the same primary school as him.

*hugs Emma* *hugs Hugo too* I really like the character of Emma. She's pretty determined for a ten year old. But then, when we were asked in 3rd class about what we'd wish for if we'd three wishes, my first thought was that I'd be able to get a teaching job when I grew up. I may not have been aware of the exact unemployment rates, but I was certainly familiar with the idea that leaving Ireland to get work was pretty commonplace. Anyway, I like Emma.

And I LOVE how positive Hugo is in the last paragraph.

Which I expect means you're going to ruin everything for him again in the next chapter. *glares at you*

Author's Response: *snuggles review* Maths can wait - I have a response to write!

I'm not convinced Lucius would still be working for the Ministry, even if he did escape Azkaban. And I think he MIGHT have more sense than to use a racial slur at a war hero in public.

Writing this chapter, I had in my head the Science Museum in London, which it's very realistic that a primary school - even a special one, like Hugo's - would visit, as I imagine them being not all that far from London, maybe Hugo living kind of on the outskirts of the suburbs and the school being a few miles out in the country (to get away from the dangers of the city). Or at least in a town relatively near London, reducing apparation distances for visiting the Ministry and the Potters etc. And, getting to the point (at last), the Science Museum is definitely "accessible", with things like Braille displays and wheelchair access and interactive multi-sensory models. Rather well suited to Hugo and co.

Haha, Hugo's class are sweet but really not the best behaved. Which their teachers probably like, because the kids are good at heart just high-spirited and happy despite their situations.

Yep, a nice positive note to the chapter... then I bring the mood right back down. Now of course what you COULD do is do a little research into Melanoma to find out how the disease/treatment are likely to develop and how much danger Kelly's actually in - this is researched and fact-based. Though you doing that research might spoil my fun...

Hugo can be a dramatic kid. Well, a kid with a "that escalated quickly" kind of imagination. Yeah, logical escalation of the situation leads to the entire world catching fire... I think someone got overexcited...

I think Hugo could be very happy in the muggle world - there's far better support for the blind, and he has better prospects there because of all the "equal opportunities" stuff. And magic is of limited use to him, because it is so visual - most of the time, he'd need help to know where he was aiming his wand.

Yeah, I came up with characterisations for my next gens and they all seemed to fit elsewhere. James is the only one currently in Gryffindor (Teddy was, but that's not mentioned in the story yet). And yet Hugo still feels Gryffindor's the place to be.

Hugo - Ravenclaw. It may or may not be right (I do actually know now). I will be interested to seeing whether you stick with that guess or change as the story progresses! Yeah, Ron wouldn't be delighted at that!

You like Emma? *cackles evilly*

You reckon next chapter's going to be evil? You'll just have to wait and see... ;)


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Review #4, by MargaretLaneBehind You: Run

21st October 2014:
Dumbledore is my absolute favourite character in the Harry Potter series, so I really like the idea that he's going to appear in this, even if it sounds like it might be focused more on Grindelwald.

I really like your writing, which is one of the reasons I've been jumping at your review swaps (that and the fact you give awesome reviews). It reminds me to read more of your work.

There's something about the way you characterise Grindelwald that reminds me of Voldemort.

Love the introductory part about "yourself" being what you fear most. It seems to fit with the dichotomy between Grindelwald's dreadful behaviour in his youth and middle age and his courage against Voldemort at the end of his life. Not that I believe courage equals morality, and Scrimgeour's courage doesn't make me like him any more, but there are hints that Grindelwald's courage is inspired either by some level of loyalty towards (or guilt) Dumbledore or else an anxiety to make some kind of amends from the past.

One thing I wonder is whether Drumstrang would have prefects. I guess there's no reason why not. I just don't know if they'd be as common in Eastern Europe.

Hmm, I wonder what he is running from at the end of the first section.

You're sort of building a pattern of him running.

And even after what I know he has done, I can't help having some sympathy for him when you portray him sneaking away after Ariana's death. He is still only a boy, after all, and the thought of what might happen if he were found guilty of killing somebody after everything that had happened in his past, must be terrifying. And he has now basically been driven from two homes. Of course it's his own fault, but you still show signs of the confused and frightened boy who has lost everything as a result of what he's done.

And I like your hints that he does feel some guilt for how he's hurt Albus.

I think you connect the different eras quite well. It's not easy jumping such huge periods of time, but this manages not to sound at all disconnected.

And your description of how his name now haunts people's nightmares is chilling.

Did you intend Heinrich Nacht to be reminiscent of Heinrich Himmler?

OK, you are really making me feel sorry for Grindelwald here. But then, after you made me feel some understanding of Crouch's behaviour, I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

And the train of running through the story comes to its climax. As does my original idea of a similarity between Voldemort and Grindelwald.

This is a really excellent story. Ten out of ten.

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Review #5, by MargaretLaneThe Thing With Feathers: It sings the tune without the words

21st October 2014:
OK, this story is quite creepy, especially the part where they are perching there as Harry is deposited on the doorstep.

I find it intriguing the way you've put a negative spin on "hope", the way it appears to be in league with death.

And I like the way you link Harry's defeat of death with that of the mythical Peverell brothers and the fact that he will later be the one to combine all three of their creations/gifts. I never thought of that before, but in a way, Harry is already "master of death", having cheated it so many times.

The story is very well written, almost poetic.

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Review #6, by MargaretLaneFear : Bogart

18th October 2014:
Your review was so awesome, I thought I'd check out your stories. If you can create a character that intrigues me in a review, what could you do with a story. And the summary here somehow reminded me of the story you just reviewed.

Love the beginning of this story and it DID make me think about my Boggart. Probably something to do with heights, but how it could display that, I have no idea.

And I'm intrigued as to why Hermione'd be somebody's boggart.

And wow, that is a pretty deep reason. It's chilling, but I love it.

Yi-i-ikes. It makes sense that Hermione would be strongly affected by what she experienced during the war. She was pretty badly tortured after all. But this is the most severely affected I've seen her be. Poor, poor girl.

And if Victoire is born and old enough to speak, a fair amount of time has passed, so she has obviously been suffering for a while. Poor, poor Hermione.

OH, she coped fairly well in the aftermath of the war, until something triggered her. That makes a lot of sense. Her immediate recovery in Deathly Hallows seems rather too quick and reading it, I couldn't help wondering whether she was really doing OK or just faking it.

And being tortured again...no wonder she's so traumatised.

I love the way you gradually explain the background to the situation in this story. The beginning creates suspense and you gradually fill in the gaps, so naturally, so tragically.

Awesome story.

Author's Response: Hi! I'm so glad you liked the review, it was really fun and I thought you had written a brilliant story. I was very pleased to see you were intrigued by Clarissa :)
I was not expecting any reviews back, so this was a really lovely surprise! I'm delighted that you liked it. I love the way you reviewed as you read it, that was brilliant. I got to hear your thoughts throughout, so thank you very much.
Lottie


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Review #7, by MargaretLaneActions Speak Louder than Words: Bedlam: Scorpius and Rose POV

16th October 2014:
O.K., I'm finally getting around to this. Have gone to read SO many times.

You are really good at making it clear whose point of view you're writing from. It's hard switching between points of view in first person, but you do it really well. I only just noticed that now, which is a good sign, as it means I haven't been confused.

And you are STILL keeping us in suspense as to where Rose is, except that she's not with her parents. Oooh, ominous. At least she seems to be with somebody sympathetic, which is a good sign, but whether it's somewhere she'd be safe if attacked is still in question.

Harry's is good. If any home is likely to be protected, it's his.

One thing I've noticed here is that there are a few places where contractions might be useful. I think it'd be more natural for Harry to say, "does anybody know you're here?" than "does anybody know you are here?" for example. And even more so, when Al says "you are being completely unreasonable." I'm being very nit-picky here, but the "are" sort of slows down the sentence and makes him sound less irritated than he might otherwise.

Yi-i-ikes, that is the very LAST thing I expected. I think I pretty much had it in my head that the villain (I can NEVER remember how to spell his name) was working from revenge in some way or another. I kind of assumed he had something against Harry, Ron or Hermione and was punishing them by harming somebody they loved. I thought maybe he blamed one of them for the death or imprisonment of somebody he cared about - a parent, maybe - and was punishing them by imprisoning somebody they loved. I only considered that a possibility, but at any rate, I assumed it had something to do with revenge on them or at least was connected to the past, not to a prophecy.

And now I can't wait to hear what the prophecy is about. I'm guessing Rose is destined to something and the villain wants to prevent her from doing it.

I find it interesting how differently next gen. characters can be portrayed. Al's need to play the hero here is so much in contrast to my Albus's desire for a quiet life. Though, of course, my Al is much younger, but I don't think he'd ever react quite like that. The other way around - Rose needing to act the hero for Albus would be way more likely.

Author's Response: Hi MargaretLane,

Aww, thanks so much for this and ALL your reviews. It really lifts my sprirts when I see them ♥

I cannot tell you how relieved I am that you mentioned my POV. That is something that I really worry about. Actually, I tried really, really hard to write this story solely from Rose's POV, but I needed too much from Scorpius's perspective, that I had to go back and re-do several chapters.

Harry was Rose's obvious choice. Although her real intentions were to beg him to lift the restrictions. She was just trying to convince herself that running away wasn't so bad.

Yikes - I've made a concerted effort to improve my contractions, mainly because of your wonderful feedback. But you're right (see what I did there?) both of those places would sound better with the contractions.

Haha - the villain is Stannous (the Latin name for tin - from the Periodic Table). Ooo - I'm so glad I caught you off guard with the prophecy. Expect more next chapter. Much, MUCH more - (insert evil laugh).

Good guess, but... keep guessing!

I totally know what you mean about next gen characters! This site has opened up SO many avenues as to how the next gen plays out - it really blows my mind to see the variations of romantic pairings and character traits. I agree with your fic - Rose is definitely the dominant of that relationship.

Thanks again!

Beth


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Review #8, by MargaretLaneHere We All Go: On The Train

14th October 2014:
Firstly, thank you so SO much. I really didn't expect this. Thanks again.

LOVE the bit about how Draco doesn't talk about the war. It makes sense that it would be something he'd be ashamed of, and probably traumatised by.

Also really love the introduction we get to Professor Stark. As I'm sure I've mentioned before, I love hearing about new teachers and I like the way you immediately give an impression of unfairness in just one line. I haven't seen much of Stark in your story, probably because I'm still fairly near the start and I'm now wondering if this'll make Potions a little unpleasant for Albus and his friends.

And you've also given the impression Scorpius is VERY intelligent. You're good at giving an introduction to characters in a few lines.

And I like Scorpius's reaction. Even that gives an insight into his family relationships, that even with his parents he feels he has to keep up some degree of a facade and give the "correct" response, rather than just a natural one. I'm now looking forward to seeing more of Scorpius in your mystery.

And I like the difference in personality you show between the twins and the fact that Jacob finds it difficult to make friends because he tends to overstep boundaries. Usually when people in stories find it difficult to make friends, it's just because they are shy or asocial, so it's nice to see something different.

Hmm, I suspect there's a mystery about Agatha.

And I like the fact that Scorpius wants to escape his family name, to some degree, but still wants to be in Slytherin house, as he sees it as not just associated with his father's bad characteristics, but also with his good ones - intelligence, the ability to succeed. Scorpius seems rather mature for an 11 year old - not in an unrealistic way, just in the sense that he has probably done some soul searching about how his family is viewed and his background and so has had to think about things most eleven year olds wouldn't and have a rather more nuanced idea of "good" and "bad" than is normal at that age. I guess when the dad you love fought on the "wrong" side, you can't really see things as simply good guys versus bad guys.

I actually laughed at how "merely" and "giant" don't belong in the same sentence.

I like the fact that the twins are in different houses. It'll give Jacob the chance to develop his own personality and interests, as it seems like he's letting his twin led him a bit. Obviously, it'll be hard for him, but he can't depend on her forever, so it might be good for him in the long run.

Agatha is my favourite. There's something mysterious about her and I'd love to know more.

I also like the way the Sorting Hat took a while to place Scorpius in Slytherin. Actually, that's what happened in my series too. *laughs* Although I've a feeling that in this, it happened differently. I've a feeling your Scorpius had to plead with it to place him in Slytherin and/or that it originally thought another house might suit him better, not just that it was deciding between a few and finally considered that the best option.

Interesting. Your Scorpius definitely seems to be an original character.

Author's Response: You totally deserve one with your great reviews.

I tried to bring across his shame but pride despite it.

Yep, it does. You'll see in our novella.

Scorpius is just a tad less than Hermione-intelligent mainly because he doesn't make a point of being the smartest. He's just naturally smart. (and Draco may be exaggerating a little bit)

Poor kid always feels like this.

Thanks! I was just trying to bring out the differences between them, not realizing Jacob's issues were pretty unique.

Oh yes. Plenty of mystery about her.

Scorpius is a character whose difficulties are ones I personally experienced growing up (but my dad's not a former Death Eater) I loved putting my fears and the consequences of those fears in Scorpius, it was a way of making him more real.

Yes! That was a later addition, and it worked!

We tried to convey that they both needed each other, but they manage apart. There's actually a funny line in the Christmas chapter of the novella Jacob says about Ruthie, but I won't spoil it for you now.

Perfect, that's what we were going for. I can message you her unknown backstory on the forums if you want.

You got it. We go into further detail about it in our novella (once Albus earns Scorpius' trust)

Thank you so much. We once read a story where Scorpius was extremely outgoing and that's not how we saw the son of post-war Draco. I guess it also depends on your view of post-war Draco.

Love hearing you loved it!
--Georgina


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Review #9, by MargaretLaneRainfall: For Family and Friends

13th October 2014:
Another chapter closer to the rather intriguing sounding chapter 16. *laughs and goes to read*

Love the mention of their needing a phone, as the school would find it suspicious if they DIDN'T have one. There's probably a lot less magic around an ordinary wizarding house than around Hogwarts anyway, though I guess things like anti-Apparition protection and stuff could still interfere if they hadn't modified it.

Really like the description of how the video games work for blind kids.

And George's comment there was so sad. It's still less than 20 years since the war, so most people will know somebody who died or was injured or imprisoned. And I agree with him that Fred would want to see everybody laughing.

LOVE the idea of the Young Inventors competition. George would DEFINITELY want to encourage kids to invent pranks as he did.

*cheers for Al coming up with a broom Hugo could ride* Fair play to him. From your comments about him, I wondered if he'd have entered the competition, but I hadn't considered him creating something Hugo could use. Good on Al.

And you have now sort of inspired me to rewrite the Easter chapter from The Writing on the Wall. I really should, I suppose.

Yikes, poor Kelly. You really do give these poor kids a hard time.

That was sensitive on the parts of the teachers to let them eat in their classroom.

We used always eat in our classrooms in primary school, actually. Well, from 3rd class on (8/9 year olds). 1st and 2nd class ate in the gym under the supervision of a teacher and a couple of sixth class girls. I can't remember what we did in Junior and Senior Infants, but I assume we all ate somewhere we could be supervised again. From 3rd class on, we ate in our classrooms, with a teacher patrolling the corridors. And we always brought packed lunches. In secondary school, we'd a canteen and could choose whether to buy food there or bring our own lunches and we could eat where we liked.

Knowing you, I wouldn't be surprised if Kelly DID die. And it's pointless even yelling at you not to let her, because I know you've all but finished this story already. But NO, you can't kill a ten year old girl. That's not on!

*laughs at Kelly's usual behaviour* I like her style. You really can't kill her now.

LOVE that paragraph about how he doesn't want to be asked about his school day because it'd make him think of Kelly. It's portrays how upset he is probably better than anything else you've said in this chapter.

You've written that Hugo points out Rose "isn't that much younger than" him. It should be older.

The last paragraph is somewhat chilling. It kind of indicates Hugo is feeling pretty helpless and trapped, which makes sense, considering he knows one of his friends is seriously ill and there's nothing he can do about it and nor is there anything he can do about his own blindness.

Author's Response: Chapter 16 approaches! *laughs*

The video game idea I actually got from Googling "games for the blind" or something like that - there are things like lists of accessible games and blogs on what people's (blind) children can and can't manage to play and what features make a game accessible.

I like Al a lot. YES I KNOW, being liked by me is not something my characters particularly benefit from... but I still like him. He may not fit my profile for him, but his character has sort of developed itself and I love what he's become. Can I say that about my own character? I don't care, I AM saying it.

The story was going slowly in JulNo. Yes, I did that to Kelly to get the story going. I'm so evil I love it, mwahaha...

I doubt considering the nature of the school this is the first time the teachers have had to tell children that one of their classmates is in a situation like this - blindness is often just one symptom of a disorder which may lead to many other health issues, like in Kelly's case with the albinism causing blindness and also the increased vulnerability to harmful UV radiation. And because of the general medical profile of the student body, they've probably had to announce deaths, too, very occasionally, let alone hospitalisations.

So the staff will have talked before about what to do in situations like this and how the children might react, and they'll have experience of dealing with it.

We always ate in the assembly hall at primary school, under the supervision of the dinner lady and I think another couple of teachers who were on duty. Yeah, most of us had packed lunches, though they had school dinners for those on free school meals or whose parents paid for it. The primary school I did work experience at had more dinner ladies and a lot more people had hot school meals (although I think there were also a lot with packed lunches). Our secondary school system is the same as yours. I think they might feed the kids at Hugo's school partly because of the medical profile I mentioned - they want to make sure they're all eating well. And it saves the parents - who definitely don't all find it easy looking after disabled children - from having to worry about making packed lunches. And the school generally provides a lot more care than most - it provides far more than just a normal primary education!

Yay, you like Kelly! It's always more fun when people like the characters you're being horrible to. *cackles evilly*

I can't kill a ten-year-old girl? Oh, OK. MWAHAHA ONLY JOKING I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT. EVEN/ESPECIALLY IF IT'S "NOT ON"!

Thank you! I love your reaction to this chapter SO MUCH! (And I have at last have a character I can bring out when you start scaring me about what's going to happen to Blackburn.)


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Review #10, by MargaretLaneRabbit Heart: Somewhere in the Heart

11th October 2014:
That part about him lapping up blood is a bit creepy.

Hmm, I wonder how Dillon is continuing to access her mind and how this'll end.

Shouldn't "timetables" be one word? I was reading it as "times tables" and thinking, "but they don't learn Maths at Hogwarts."

Like the reference to the book club. Young witches and wizards really need more options for leisure. All there seems to be is Quidditch, wizard chess and gobstones. And the wireless, I guess. But they have no TVs, no computers, only one sport, only leave Hogwarts maybe once a month and then only to go shopping or to the pub - no concerts or discos or dances. They don't even seem to have all that much fiction, although that may be because Hermion, Ron and Harry don't really seem the types to be into fiction, Ron and Harry because they aren't that into reading and Hermione seems to prefer factual stuff.

Smeed and Burns intrigue me.

And Ah, they seem to have summed a little bit up about what's going on. The rabbits being enthralled explains a certain amount and I'm guessing Dillon had a magical parent.

Dillon is back. *grins* He rather interests me. I like him as a character. The fact that he's pretty much the villain and yet in some ways, he gains my sympathy, makes him very interesting.

Hmm, I wonder who he is expecting to come out and greet him. It sounds like it's Summers and Pince.

Oooh, the ending is creepy.

And I wonder why his mother told him not to enthrall people directly.

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Review #11, by MargaretLaneAlbus Potter and the Pureblood's Secret: Dawlish

11th October 2014:
Yay, another chapter of Albus.

Hmm, Meggie sounds sensible. Fair play to her. And it sounds like things are pretty serious between her and James.

I really wonder what those pins are for. I've a feeling they are something important. Possibly places where murders like the ones the previous year took place. Or perhaps places illegal potions were sold. I wonder if it's relevant that one of the pins marks the place Matt lived or if that's just a coincidence. Brisbane is pretty well-known. There could be a lot happening there.

I laughed out loud about the comment about where Dawlish thinks Johnston's head is. And I'm also amused at the way Albus thinks he might mean Johnston and Laurentis are having an affair.

It sounds like a lot of people are investigating privately - Harry, Dawlish, Balladanis, sort of Ron, maybe. Johnston REALLY doesn't seem to have the faith of his department.

And I am now getting kinda suspicious of Dawlish. I know I thought it was a woman, but I'm beginning to question the number of people who are suspicious. And Dawlish seems to be working independently of Balladanis and Harry, who are at least willing to share resources, regardless of what their personal opinions of one another might be. So all we know is that people THINK Dawlish is investigating behind Johnston's back. That'd be a good cover if he were doing something dodgy. And while others are pretending to support Johnston, he's making a parade of his opposition. If he were INVOLVED in the murders or something, then standing up for the person blamed in the wrong, would be a good way to make himself look innocent. And he could even goad Johnston into greater certainty about Boone by a bit of reverse psychology. Like the more he provokes Johnston into insisting Boone is guilty and denying all the things that don't fit, the less likely Johnston is to be able to admit he's wrong later on.

I'm not sure I REALLY believe Dawlish is guilty. There are still other suspects like the new librarian and the woman who was evaluating the teachers. But I'm adding him to my suspect list.

I'm a bit unsure as to which war Dawlish has been an Auror since, because Waters says the first war, which I would assume was the 1970-1981 one, but then he says "unless you count your dad and Ron," who were only infants at the end of that.

I like the idea about Kendrick having to cast a charm for Muggleborn's family members to get into Diagon Alley and so on. My headcanon is that if you know of those places, you can see them, because there is some contradiction as Hermione's parents were in Diagon Alley and with the families being invited to see the Triwizard Tournament, it'd be a bit unfair if there was no way for Muggles to visit Hogwarts, because it would mean a Muggleborn's family couldn't come. The idea of a charm makes sense.

And while a Muggle IS unlikely, mostly because I would have thought a wizard would be fairly easily able to defend him or herself against a Muggle (though they should be easily able to defend themselves against Muggle weapons anyway - hmmm), I think they are dismissing the idea too quickly. IF a Muggle WERE involved, it probably WOULD be somebody with some connection to the magical world, so a Squib or the family of a Muggleborn and those would be the people who WOULD be able to get into Diagon Alley and Hogsmeade. Actually, I think a Squib is more likely than a Muggleborn's family member, as their connection with the wizarding world would be greater. While a Muggle with a witch or wizard in their family COULD have a grudge against people in the wizarding world, I think a Squib would know more people there and be more likely to have enemies in it.

And actually, a Squib may feel resentful due to their lack of magic. It seems like there is a lot of prejudice against Squibs, so I can easily imagine one having reason to resent a number of people within the magical world. Hmm. You don't seem to have any Squibs as suspects though.

LOVE the relationship between Matt and Arthur.

And I'd forgotten they are taking different subjects now, until Matt had to tell Albus about Astronomy.

By the way, how long is this story going to be? It's nearly 20 chapters and still not at Halloween. The longer the better, by the way. I don't want this series to end!

And I LOVE the reference to Harry startling easily. It makes sense characters would be affected by the war. It's something I always tend to overlook in my next gen stories, I suspect partly because of being from a country that hasn't been at war in 91 years and therefore not having the same reminders of how the effects of war linger. I've written a few war trauma stories about the immediate aftermath, but I'm less comfortable with writing the effect that remain 20+ years later.

Also like the fact that even after mastering the spell once, Albus can't do it again. It's more realistic than having a character go from being unable to do something to doing it every time.

Don't worry about having hiatus. Your update schedule is amazing.

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Review #12, by MargaretLanePunishment by the moonlight: Punishment

7th October 2014:
Really like the beginning to this chapter and the way you gradually hint at what is going on.

You've written "it had started a couple weeks before." That sounds kinda American. "a couple of weeks" might seem to fit better, but then that might throw your wordcount out and it's not really wrong or anything.

Hmm, I'm guessing Fenrir Hollande is Fenrir Greyback. Perhaps "Greyback" is a nickname based on his wolf form?

That law sounds completely unfair. I guess I can sort of see what they are worried about with werewolves, especially since this is presumably before the days of Wolfsbane, though if they really wanted to, they could surely make an arrangement for the werewolf to spend the night of the full moon somewhere else or something. But half breeds seems to include people like half-goblins, who would pose no threat. The law doesn't exactly surprise me though, considering the attitude to half breeds in the magical world.

I'm not sure about your mention of a "public school." To the best of my knowledge, in England a public school is a very particular group of extremely expensive private schools. Also, Hogwarts appears to be the only wizarding school in Britain, so I think wizards would more likely refer to it as just Hogwarts or maybe a school.

Yikes, that reference to the photo of her kids is a bit creepy. I think it's the mention of "laughing silently". Even though it obviously just means that you can see but not hear the fact they're laughing, coupled with the threat from the werewolf, it seems to have other connotations.

"Mommy" sounds like a rather American phrase for presumably English kids to use. I'd expect them to say "Mummy."

Yikes, scary ending. I'm left wondering exactly what happens - if the children are killed or turned into werewolves. The quiet at the end seems to imply death.

Really good story.

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Review #13, by MargaretLaneClash: Him

6th October 2014:
Hmm, it seems as if Harry wants Albus to be prepared for future Dark Lords. Four seems young to be told stuff like that, but I am guessing Harry has his reasons.

And now I have sympathy for Albus too, with the stuff about nightmares haunting him.

It's only seeing your portrayal of Albus and Rose as being at loggerheads with each other that I realise how often they are portrayed as best friends. I've done so myself. It's interesting to see such a different portrayal of their relationship.

And YIKES, Albus is starting to sound a little like Riddle with his comments about how teachers were easy to manipulate.

I think the way you write this story in flashbacks really does work, as Rose and Albus are clearly very different people from those they are usually shown to be. And of course, they barely appear in canon, so these characterisations are quite possible. But I think it adds interest to the story to see them as such unexpected characters and then work back to show how two people raised by the parents we knew they had would turn out that way. Focusing on specific moments that led to them becoming the people they eventually did seems more effective than doing it chronologically might be.

Their parents were killed? Poor, poor Rose. To lose her parents and almost her brother.

I really wonder what happened to kill the trio.

And she and Albus WERE friends her, despite the divisions between them. I can't blame her for wanting to save her brother.

And I find the comment in the previous chapter about how she'll understand how people could reject an orphan when she has her own kids. I would have thought it would more be the opposite - that once one had kids of their own, they would find it more difficult to imagine people rejecting children for any reason whatsoever, let alone something that isn't even the child's fault.

But then again, that guy may have said that for effect and not because it's what he really believes.

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Review #14, by MargaretLaneClash: Her

6th October 2014:
OK, I really didn't expect this beginning. Rose in prison, the last witch in the world. I really wonder what is going on here and how all magical people have been wiped out. Does this mean Harry, Hermione, Ron and all Rose's cousins are dead?

I'm not halfway through the first chapter and already I have questions. That has to be good.

You've written "this did not stop me from lates nights". I presume you mean "late nights."

OK, we're a long time into the future, if there was a war between the magical world and the Muggle one fifty years ago. So that may explain how so many of the canon characters would be dead.

So she was orphaned by the age of 15 and her brother died too. Poor, poor Rose.

I still don't fully understand what is going on here. Obviously she got in trouble with her own people as a teen, after her family died, then it sounds as if war broke out between the magical and Muggle populations, possibly her fault in some way and most of the magical population died or went into hiding or something and she was arrested by Muggles. Whatever has happened, it looks like she's had a really tough time.

I'm guessing this Head is going to be the villain or A villain anyway. He seems frightening.

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Review #15, by MargaretLaneRainfall: Hot and Cold

5th October 2014:
Yikes, they seem to have a LOT of snow. There have been only two years when we've had snow deep enough to sled or stuff in. I guess in the mountains and places they get it more often.

I guess the descriptions of colours wouldn't mean much to Hugo as he wouldn't know what white looked like.

LOVE the mention of the law about Apparating with animals. I love little details like that that add to what we know about the wizarding world and you are so good at them.

I can see why that would be frustrating either way in the snowball fight. I think they should throw a few at him, but not as many as they would at others, so that he is included, but not constantly being pelted with snowballs he can't see coming.

Hugo is so excluded. He's caught between the world of his Muggle classmates, that he can't fully participate in because he's a wizard and inviting them around to his house might give something away and the world of his family, that he can't fully participate in because of his blindness.

It must be hard enough for magical children before they start Hogwarts anyway, with kids a few years older than them away at Hogwarts and a divide between them and Muggle children their age. Maybe that's why they all seem enthusiastic about starting Hogwarts, even if it means leaving their families at such a young age and seems like a pretty dangerous place.

Poor Rhiannon. She must have had a pretty horrible time.

Author's Response: Yeah, that's quite a bit of snow for England, but we did have about that last year and climate change only increases the chances of it.

That law about apparating with animals was a bit awkward because I suddenly realised I had a possible contradiction in a later chapter, but I've vaguified (that's a word 'cause I says so) it so there isn't a straight out contradiction. And I do like the idea of that law, so I didn't want to take it out. Of course we don't know the specifics of the law... yeah, anyway, moving on...

That OF I mentioned to you, I was actually considering using Rhiannon as the MC in that (Not quite the same characterisation and situation, but similar. Though I'm not sure I could face doing another blind character! They're hard work to write.) So her time might have been more horrible than suggested in Rainfall, but I don't want it to get too dark or complicated here... Well, Rhiannon's a plucky kid and I like her. Yeah, I know, poor Rhiannon...


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Review #16, by MargaretLaneHostage: A Story of Saving Albus Potter and Irene Malfoy: A Late Night

5th October 2014:
I really like the way you draw attention to the family rivalry between Scorpius and Albus and how that would cause more problems than the fact they are gay, because it's bound to bother Harry and Ginny a little if their son is going out with the grandson of the man who nearly caused Ginny to die in the Chamber of Secrets. They might be supportive, but I bet a part of them would be thinking, "great, does this mean we have to try and be civil to one of the leading ex-Death Eaters?" and equally Draco is bound to feel uncomfortable with his son dating Harry's.

And yikes, when I read down to the next paragraph, I find out Scorpius is being raised by Lucius and Narcissa rather than his parents. Lucius is bound to have objections to the Potters. After all it was Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny and Luna and Neville who caused him to be sent to Azkaban at one point.

I think they'd have to hide the fact they spent nights together anyway, as they are at school and I can't see any teacher being OK with a couple of 15 year olds (which is all they'd have been in 5th year) spending their nights with a boyfriend. There's a reason boys can't go into the girls' dormitories after all.

Yikes, Lucius Malfoy is cruel in this. I mean, he's cruel in canon too, but he does seem to be a loving, even indulgent father. I wonder why it is that he treats Scorpius so harshly.

You do the changes of point of view well. It is hard to cover so many different points of view in one chapter without it getting confusing or sounding jumpy, but this really doesn't.

Author's Response: Thanks for the review. This story doesn't have very many. I'm glad the POV changed worked out, the chapter was a bit random. I didn't even know what the story was going to be when I wrote it. I might have gone a bit over kill with Lucius. I just thought that his son's death may have been a trigger for him to completely detach emotionally, and he wasn't a very nice guy in the books either. I hope it didn't seem too cliche with the abuse, there is a lot more to it that is reveled later.

I hope you keep reading!
Gladis G.
P.S. Albus and Scorpius are in 6th year in the story.


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Review #17, by MargaretLaneDead of Night: More Words

5th October 2014:
Hmm, this is really creepy. I am intrigued as to what it is that scared Rose so much and whether there is actually something or somebody coming or whether it is something that has happened to her in the past and that she fears coming back.

I could see this either being a trauma reaction or clairvoyance.

One thing I'm wondering about is how old Rose is here. I don't know much about the speech patterns of small children, but that "wait" Don't go near that tree," sound rather mature for a toddler. Of course, we don't know for sure from the epilogue how old Hugo is. He could be three or four years younger than Rose. And even if she IS two, I guess there is nothing exactly wrong with them. They're pretty simple sentences. I think it's the "wait." I'd more imagine a 2 or 3 year old saying "no" and maybe "don't go to the tree" instead of "don't go near the tree."

The end of the chapter is so wonderfully creepy. It gives the impression that there is something threatening the family; that this is more than just a child reacting out of trauma.

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Review #18, by MargaretLaneThe Burning Game: A Few Hours Earlier...

5th October 2014:
OK, I noticed a day or two ago there was another chapter of this up, but it's so long, it took me a little while to get to it.

When you've written things like "came a chorus of replies," there should be a comma before it and a small "c" at the beginning of "came" as that doesn't make a sentence on its own. The dialogue is part of the sentence.

Love the retort to Scorpius. It really stresses the dangers of overconfidence and of not taking the threat seriously enough. I bet poor Scorpius is cringing, but hopefully, he'll think before brushing off these discussions in future.

And I really like the way you draw attention to the tension in the atmosphere. Between the telling off and the dangerous mission, that is to be expected.

Hmm, now I'm wondering how Muggle weapons would work when wands wouldn't. Maybe because they'd be less expected? I would have thought it'd be easy for wizards to counteract Muggle weapons, with a shield charm or expelliarmus or just by transfiguring it into a piece of wood or something. Then again, if a wizard were the one using the weapon, he or she could probably make it invisible or untransfigurable (is that even a word?) or something. Looking forward to seeing how they use them.

I'd be inclined to say "Shacklebolt put in" rather than "Shacklebolt inputted".

Again, in "'I am completely sure'. She replied," there should be a comma rather than a full stop after "sure" and "she" should have a small "s".

*laughs at his comment that they shouldn't shoot themselves as it would waste ammunition* Reminds me of the Michael Collins film where he goes on a rant at his men for wasting bullets.

I guess the need to really WANT to kill somebody with a wand explains why Muggle weapons could be useful.

I'm sort of surprised at Kingsley and Hannah having "the moral compass" to cast the Killing Curse. They both struck me as pretty moral characters.

Yikes, the level of trauma you are putting these characters through. Having to kill innocent people, as presumably most of the Aurors do not know of the Minister's plan, is bad enough, but Hannah having to kill her friend. That's the sort of thing you never really recover from.

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Review #19, by MargaretLaneDementor: Helena Ravenclaw

4th October 2014:
LOVE the implied differences between Helga and Rowena. They fit perfectly with how I imagine them too.

I also really like the emphasis on freedom. I don't know much about Britain in the 900s - had the feudal era begun? But I think it was quite likely to have been a pretty restricted society, at least by the standards of the 21st century. Feudal society was definitely quite restricted. This is probably before the Norman era and I don't know much about the Anglo-Saxons. OK, I'm sort of rambling round in circles, but basically I can see the appeal of freedom to her.

The knowledge that this is going to be her worst memory makes this kind of creepy. It all seems so light and fun and yet we know there is something bad in store.

LOVE the descriptions of what each of the Founders teaches. It fits with what we know of them and of their houses and personalities.

And I also like the way you link her yearning for the tiara with her desire for freedom. This is a very different portrayal of Helena than the way I imagined her, but it makes a lot of sense and all fits together well and also fits with what we know of her life and her interactions with the Bloody Baron. This gives her an obvious reason to reject his advances.

Maybe it's because of what we know from the books, but I find something creepy about Slytherin here. And I think it is interesting that despite growing up in the castle and apparently having pretty close relationships with Helga and Godric, she can only cite ONE time when Salazar was kind to her.

I like the way you have him commenting that love comes later. I read that somewhere in a book, but can't remember where. And I like the way he dismisses love. All seems to fit with what I have read of the feudal era (in England), although my info is from a later era - more the time of Chaucer.

Oooh and I really like Slytherin's hints about not wanting the pureblood lines to die out. That is like him.

And yeah, there is something creepy about him, creepy and cold. I can see why she is afraid.

I may have missed something, but Gryffindor seemed to appear rather abruptly.

I like him though. He seems more willing to support Helena than even her mother is.

I like Helga too. I always imagined her as the peacemaker, but I like the way she stands up for Godric here.

Again though, she does seem to appear a little out of nowhere. I thought it was Godric speaking until she mentioned him by name.

That question about him inventing a new word just to be insulting amused me for some reason.

Poor, poor Helena. Her fear they'd blame her must be worrying. And I really doubt Helga or Godric would. Her mother might be irritated that her daughter had contributed to causing it, but I think she'd get over it.

Aw, that part about thinking her mother was pretending she still needed her almost brought tears to my eyes.

You really make her actions in stealing the diadem understandable. In your version, it is not just pride or ambition or a desire for wisdom that makes her do it; it's far more complicated. And considering that she comes across as a pretty nice person in the little we see of her in canon, it makes sense that there would be provocation. I feel SO sorry for her.

Awesome story.

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Review #20, by MargaretLaneRite of Spring: Rite of Spring

4th October 2014:
OK, thought you might appreciate a review today. *grins*

Love the conversational tone you achieve in the first paragraph. I don't know what it is, but you really give the impression of a young kid. Kids are hard to write and you do it well. Obviously, with Rainfall.

Oooh, this does sound posh, with the orchard and the mentions of croquet and bowls. Some of the description reminds me a little of the house in which my great-aunt lived - her husband made a fortune building houses. We used play there as kids with our second cousins. There was a tennis court and huge lawns and his bush that was totally hollow inside, and which was our den.

*laughs at her figuring nobody SAID she couldn't go through, so she would*

And suddenly the tone goes from peaceful and happy to slightly ominous. I'm not sure why, not sure what is going on, but I've the impression all is not well. Partly because it's a Leonore story.

There is something spooky about these crows!

Ahh, that part where she's being dragged towards the water is just scary. I can't help worrying she's going to drown or something. Though it's from her point of view, so that'd be hard to write. But I don't doubt your ability.

Aw, that part where Fleur hugs and reassures her is so sweet, a change in tone back to normal again and yet the abnormality remains underneath, with the reference to that other girl who drowned.

There's a real untold story here - what happened to the other girl, was she magical or Muggle, is there some significance to her similarity to Gabrielle, is something going to happen to Gabrielle too? Creepy.

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Review #21, by MargaretLaneGlory Fades. : Defense.

4th October 2014:
I love the part where they are closing and opening the trunk. It really portrays the conflict between them.

Hmm, you seem to have answered the question about whether or not those ill will be quarantined. But if the illness isn't contagious (as I guess it mustn't be or they wouldn't let her back to school), then how come so many people are becoming ill at the same time? Mysterious. That adds support to the theory of it being a Dark Wizard.

I'm also wondering how the authorities KNOW it's not contagious. A lot of people in the same families do seem to have become ill, like Fred and Roxanne and the authorities don't seem to have figured out what caused it. Maybe the numbers of people in the same families is no more than would be expected from chance.

I see George and Roxanne's point. She'll probably have to leave once she loses her magic anyway. But I also see her mother's. If she's at home all day with nothing to do and all her friends at school, she'll only be dwelling on things, worrying and feeling sorry for herself.

I think the characters might be more likely to say "since you didn't do your N.E.W.T.S" than "since you never graduated".

Ginny is ill too. Oh dear.

So it seems like it was an explosion that caused this illness. That explains a lot.

Hmm, I'm surprised Ginny is trying to convince her to go back to school. If using magic makes you ill and she would HAVE to use magic a lot at school, then surely she's better off not going back, so she'll be able to avoid using magic.

Ah, the next line explains that.

This guy is a bit creepy.

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Review #22, by MargaretLaneThe Last Summer : Lovely evening for a bit of a kidnapping

3rd October 2014:
Wow, this is a fantastic beginning to a story. Can't believe I'm the first person to review.

I like the use of present tense and the opening is so pretty and contrasts rather strongly with what is happening now.

LOVE the metaphor about her head feeling like it's been kicked by a hippogriff. And I like the way you portray how much pain she is in when she first awakes.

Poor girl. She must be terrified and feeling awful.

I am intrigued as to what happens next. Hope you update soon.

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Review #23, by MargaretLaneThese Dark and Hollow Nights: Chapter Three: House Unity

3rd October 2014:
I like the way you continue to show Hermione's upset as a result of the relationship breakdown and the way she is trying to move on and just be friends, but still doesn't want him to be the Head Boy. It's very realistic and gives a depth that either having her forgive him and have no further reaction or have her just hate him wouldn't give.

I think you portray Hermione very well, especially her feelings.

I'm not convinced McGonagall would tell her students why she makes the decisions she does. It's not really any of their business. And I think her comment about how people are probably wondering why she chose him a little inappropriate. Especially since she implies he only got it because of the house he was in. Dumbledore must have had more reason than that, as there are plenty of other Slytherins he could have chosen and he wouldn't even have known so many students would repeat the year.

Yikes, the seventh year will be pretty large if most of the previous years' seventh years are returning to repeat the year.

Aw, that comment abut not being Professor Dumbledore is kind of sad and something I can totally imagine McGonagall thinking. She looked up to him so much; despite her sternness and determination, she's bound to feel a bit apprehensive at the thought of stepping into his shoes.

Hmm, I am a little intrigued by Professor Quincy. Maybe because he is the title of the next chapter, which implies he has significance or maybe just because new teachers always interest me.

In a British boarding school, and certainly in Hogwarts, a dormitory refers to a bedroom, but while McGongall SAYS Hermione and Draco will be sharing a dormitory, she then directs them to different bedrooms, unsurprisingly, as I can't imagine any school requiring a boy and girl to share a bedroom. And it probably wouldn't count as a dormitory even if they did, since the point of a dormitory is that it is a bedroom shared by a number of people. This sounds like they are more sharing a suite or quarters. After all, the dormitories are separate from the common room in Gryffindor tower.

I like the name of the spell you created. It sounds like something the wizarding world would name a spell.

Author's Response: I think McGonagall knew a lot of people wouldn't take Draco seriously, so she told them her reasoning. Because a lot of people DONT trust the Slytherins but especially Malfoy and his gang, after they all were known for being on the "wrong" side of the war. And yes McGonagall would be a bit nervous about becoming Headmistress, even though she's always been the figure of authority for the students when there was no one they could trust- I.e Umbridge, and Snape.
And yes, Professor Quincey is a very intriguing character. He's different from a lot of the other teachers they've had. I think of him as someone of a mix between Lupin and Moody. He wants them to know everything they can about the Dark Arts- even though a lot of his students already know a lot about it- and he also wants to make sure they can protect and defend themselves against every kind of evil.
Anyways Quincey is an intriguing character. There is definitely a mystery about him, that's for sure, one that most people don't see coming.
About the dormitories- yeah I didn't realize that until I finished writing it. Calling it a suite or quarters does make more sense, now that you mention it. That's another mistake I'll be sure to fix when I go back and edit. Actually I really disliked this chapter in general... I don't know, it was just one of the ones I liked the least.
And as for the spell, like I mentioned it is actual latin. I just couldn't find one in the Potter-verse that suited what I needed it to do. Alohomora was close but I needed an actual opening spell, not an unlocking one, so I just Googled it and found one and used that instead. Since a lot of the Potter spells are Latin, I wanted it to sound as genuine as I could make it. I'm glad you think so!!
Thanks for another awesome review. I'm so thrilled that you took the time to read and review my story. As I mentioned before, you're one of my favorite authors on here. :) The Writing on the Wall and The Rise of the A.W.L are my amongst my favorite stories on this site. So thank you so much for the review!!


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Review #24, by MargaretLaneThese Dark and Hollow Nights: Chapter Two: The Right Choice

3rd October 2014:
Hmm, I'm not sure Harry would be PLEASED to see Draco. He may have forgiven him, but I still doubt he's his favourite person.

I really like the way you address the trials after the war. It makes sense that the Malfoys would face some kind of legal process.

I really think "they threatened to kill my family if I didn't cooperate" is an understandable reason for what Draco did. After all, a bank manager isn't found legally guilty if somebody takes his family hostage and makes him open the safe of the bank and give them all the money there.

Not sure I like Draco's comment that he didn't do anything wrong. While I do think what he did was understandable and he can't really be blamed, he still did try to kill somebody. I can easily imagine Draco reacting the way he does here though. He's not exactly the most given to blaming himself.

Oh, four lines below Yolanda Malkin's letter, you have a "tri" before a sentence. I'd imagine it's something you forgot to delete when deleting a sentence.

I wonder how Harry will react to getting a letter with a horrific slur in it. And it's a REALLY stupid thing for Draco to put in writing when he is up in court for Death Eater involvement. Using a hate-term for Muggleborns could well be used for the prosecution to try and prove Draco did what he did willingly. Now, I really doubt Harry'd inform them of the letter, as I think he does realise what an awful position Draco was in, but I wouldn't have expected Draco to realise that.

Harry and Hermione reacted fairly calmly to the term actually. I guess they are used to Draco. But seriously, Hermione offers to support him and he responds by using a term that indicates he supports the Death Eaters' persecution of people like her. I think I'd be a bit creeped out if I were her, but I guess she was sort of outside society at the time of the war, so she might not associate that term with persecution as much as say one of the Muggleborns who'd been arrested during the war would.

I have so much sympathy for Hermione in this story. She's already dealing with war trauma and then the guy she loves cheats on her because he can't cope with that. I think the fact that she is being so Hermione about it and remaining outwardly strong despite feeling really crushed helps.

And I'm glad she's decided to forgive Ron. Yeah, what he did was awful, but they were friends for a long time before they were boyfriend and girlfriend and they are both still friends with Harry, so yeah, it's good to see they are going to remain friends. And I think it DOES make sense. Under other circumstances, I would consider it unrealistic for her to forgive him so quickly, but considering that they've just been through, I guess cheating doesn't seem like that big a deal. And of course, they've all seen so many people die that I guess they wouldn't want to be fighting with each other in case something happened and they never got a chance to make up. Even if they know logically they are far less likely to die now the war is over, I still think it's going to be there in their heads on a subconscious level. So I can easily imagine her thinking "well, he really hurt me, but I've lost enough people and I don't want to lose a good friend just because he's been a selfish, thoughtless idiot."

Oh gosh, how embarrassing! Being asked about your relationship by a teacher. Probably embarrassing for McGonagall too.

The conversation between McGonagall and Hermione sounded a bit stilted actually. People don't usually say stuff like "I am well" and "I am sure." I guess Hermione is trying to be extra polite in front of a teacher, but I'm still not sure she'd speak that cautiously.

Oooh, I like the way you have the court prejudiced against him because of his family.

And he's not telling the full truth. He DID attempt to kill Dumbledore both with the necklace and the poisoned drink and the latter could EASILY have reached Dumbledore, had Slughorn given it to him. And while Dumbledore doesn't lack caution, he might trust something Slughorn gave him and drink it.

Author's Response: I should mention that she meant pleased in a sort of sarcastic way. Meaning Harry would be much more pleased to see Draco than Ron at the time haha. Draco just didn't catch the sarcasm. And I really had a difficult time with this chapter. I'm currently editing and trying to fix it but it was so hard to write!
And using the term Mudblood was instinctive. He's been calling her that for so long that it's become a habit and it'll be difficult to break the habit, though he will (I can say that much. It's not a spoiler lol.)
Yes, that is exactly why Hermione decided to forgive Ron as quickly as she did. None of them want to loose each other after all they've been through. And Hermione has realized that life should be about more than fighting and arguing and jealousy and all those petty things. But yeah, that was kind of embarrassing to be asked about your relationship by a teacher. Though she cares about her student's wellbeing, emotionally and physically. And Hermione had difficulty telling a lie to McGonagall, so that's why their conversation was a bit stilted, because saying that she was fine was a lie. Physically she was, but emotionally she wasn't.
And yeah, Draco did lie. That will be fixed up in the edited chapter though. And yes, they would be prejudiced against him because of his family. Especially because of Lucius.
Thank you so much for another amazing review!! Have an awesome day!! :)


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Review #25, by MargaretLaneThese Dark and Hollow Nights: Chapter One: The Daily Prophet

3rd October 2014:
OK, just to point out there are rather large spaces between the paragraphs in this. It might be easier to read if some of the breaks were deleted. Sorry to start with a negative, but it's more of a heads-up than anything else.

I really like the way you draw attention to the difficulties people are having even though the war is over, with the Weasleys struggling to cope with Fred's death and the Trio having nightmares over what they've experienced. All very realistic and makes way more sense than just moving on as if nothing has happened.

Hope they begin to heal and move on as the story progresses.

Oh, I think you've a "Weasley's" for Weasleys" when talking about their grief over Fred's death.

*laughs at Hermione's attitude towards the idea of a make-over* That is SO in-character. And hardly surprising. It's pretty downright insulting to suggest somebody get a make-over if they haven't expressed interest in one.

Yikes, what a way to find out. Poor Hermione.

I do think they are a little too inclined to take the Daily Prophet's word for it though. It's not like Rita Skeeter is the only journalist ever to fake a story. The picture does seem rather conclusive, but you never know with magic and so on. I think they should take a moment before jumping to conclusions. But then, despite everything they've been through, they ARE still only teenagers and Hermione and Ron always jump to conclusions when it comes to their relationship, don't they?

LOVE Hermione's reaction to Ron. Well, I mean, I don't approve of it, but it is exactly what she WOULD do.

And ugh, insensitive or what? "I was just trying to explain why I cheated on her." *laughs* Ron is just as thoughtless as always. Not the thing to say to pacify her.

LOVE the way Ron explains his reasons for cheating. It's really insensitive, but it really draws attention to the effect the war has had on Hermione in particular. It's perfectly understandable she'd be traumatised, considering how she was tortured among other things.

And I guess it's understandable Ron can't deal with it either, although cheating on her is NOT the way to deal with it, obviously. But he's been through a lot too, losing his brother and he is still barely out of school.

Yikes, George really did overreact. I guess he feels Ron is making little of Fred's death, so it's understandable.

And the war is still hurting them, despite being over. So sad.

I like the way you have Ron and Hermione having the exact opposite responses to the war. He just wants to move on and not waste a moment of life when so many people don't have the opportunity to go on with their lives, whereas she isn't ready to do that yet and I can understand that he feels her trauma is making it difficult for him to do that and that he can't comfort her, because that would mean being drawn back into what he's trying to avoid.

I wonder if his avoidance of it is entirely healthy. There's a part of his attitude that makes it seem like he's kind of in denial and that is backed up by Hermione's comment that "we're all hurting." I can see it coming back to haunt him yet and he'll have already cut himself off from much of his support system.

Hey is Lavender scarred from Greyback's attack in this? Because that could also be quite a reminder of what he's trying to avoid.

Author's Response: Thanks for the heads up about the paragraph thing. I will be sure to fix that when I go back and edit. And wow you're one of my favorite authors on here so I'm so thrilled to have received a review from you!!
I love your reactions!! and normally, in several post-Deathly Hallows fics that I've read, people tend to not show how they are coping after the war and would rather just brush it off and pretend it never happened. I didn't want to do that in my story. And I know that the whole "Ron cheated on Hermione" scenario is WAYY overused but I wanted to make my story as different from the usual cliches as I could without making it sound too unrealistic, so I tried to be careful when writing it. And yeah Ron can be a bit insensitive. And George probably did overreact but Ron was making little of Fred's death so that would piss him off haha.
Definitely Ron is still in denial at this point. And he would much rather just ignore the truth meanwhile the truth is staring him in the face all the time, with Hermione and Harry's nightmares and Hermione's scars and such. And yes, Lavender is scarred from Greyback's attack but she's Iike Ron that way. She just wants to move on and forget it ever happened and that's why it's not as much of a reminder for Ron.
Thank you so much for your review!! :)


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