Heya! I come bearing a review- as requested!
This is a really interesting premise!
The first paragraph of the story is so lovely. I really like it; it's so descriptive, which I genuinely really like. The best way I could describe the opening would be, it was like slipping into a nice warm bath- the only difference being that it's a piece of writing, and not a bath. Anyway, I digress.
The very first phrase that Dominique says is a complaint... I'm going to be completely honest and say that it made me smile. I don't know if it was intentional or not, but it immediately reminded me of her connection/ relation to Fleur.
As a reader, I really like the idea that she's a hard -working, dedicated young woman. Personally, I don't think that we see much of her character in the introductory paragraph, but that's not a negative in any way at all. Character is what the later chapters are for! This first chapter has done a good job in making me want to get to actually know her character, which is a good sign of writing. (At least it is in my opinion, haha)
As a criticism, the only thing I noted was that, the werewolf community must have been extremely docile, if they were willing to provide interviews, and warnings about the full moon. But at the same time, I think it's kind of resolved with your explanation that Hermione helped them gain a better level of treatment in the wizarding world.
I'm rather intrigued by the potential dynamics of Dominique and Teddy- especially given Bill and Lupin's connections, and how the two of them grew up hearing about werewolves in some way. I'd like to know whether their opinions change at all for better or for worse at any point in the story.
I liked this quite a lot. It was very readable, and it's a fascinating premise. I look forwards to seeing how it develops and what happens! This review isn't too critical, and that's mainly because there's so little to criticise!
Have a lovely day! :D
LeanneAuthor's Response: Hey! Thanks for reading and reviewing!
I am glad you liked the first paragraph of the story, as I put in a lot of effort into it.
Haha I am pleased that little bit made you smile and made you think of Fleur. After all, she is Dominique's mother!
I am glad you like her character so far even though you didn't see much of that here. Ah it's flattering that you want to get to know her =)
Well, I think that this being the Next-Gen era, and what with Hermione making life better for them (at least a little), they would be willing to give interviews and get their voice heard in the magical community.
Ah you'll see more of the Teddy-Dom dynamic further into the story, and hopefully have your needs fulfilled xD
Its great to hear that you found this readable and fascinating. It is a high compliment for me that you don't have a lot of criticism to give me, thank you! Report Review
Wow. This is an excellent opening chapter of a story. The initial few lines did a very good job of drawing me in.
There is a strong sense of realism in this story too, with how Arthur is feeling after the loss of one of his sons; how Percy is feeling- the guilt, etc; Ron's turning to drink; Arthur's reliance on Molly. It is a really very interesting and intense first chapter, and I look forwards to reading more.
Leanne xAuthor's Response: Thanks for reviewing! I'm glad that you enjoyed the beginning of the chapter- I used the generalizations about families as a way to introduce the struggles of the Weasley family and I'm pleased that it worked out.
I'm pleased that you thought it was realistic- that was something I really tried to focus on while writing, to ensure that I did their emotions justice. Report Review
This was a short and sweet little one-shot. I really enjoyed it- a bit of fluff now and then is a very good thing for the soul! I thought that you got off to a strong start with this, and did a good job of showing where and when we were seeing Harry. The first little thing that struck me however, was when Harry welled up at the thought of seeing Dobby. Whilst Harry is a very emotional young man, in my personal opinion he wouldn't be upset to the point of tears over Dobby, though I would imagine him feeling very sad. This isn't really a major issue, though.
Another thing that struck me is the thought of Ginny driving. I don't know why but I never really imagined Ginny to be someone to drive. Harry, of course, but the image of Ginny driving is a very strange thing to me. Though again, this is just my mind. It didn't affect the quality, nor did it affect the plot of the story. I'm just being crazy. I really liked the dialogue that you gave Ginny however. She was very frantic, and also relaxed. We could see it was the same person we knew from the books, but at the same time, it was obvious that having children had matured her and also her speaking patterns which I really enjoyed.
I feel like I'm being picky with this next point. I wasn't keen on introducing Hermione as Ron's wife. Hermione was just as close to Harry as Ron was, so that felt a little awkward to me. (Again, personal opinion, though).
But those letters! They were so short and sweet! I loved them. Perfectly in character for the age, and also just so adorable! Especially Ron's last letter. It was a very Ron-ish thing to write, and it is obvious that he cares about Harry, but is too Ron-ish to actually say it. So cute!
The spelling was perfect, and the grammar was good- I didn't spot anything, but I'm awful when it comes to grammar anyway, so what do I know!? I think that some of thes sentences were a little bit long, but I think that is just something that can be improved over time, without giving much thought to it.
I hope this review was somewhat useful. It's such a cute little story!
Leanne xAuthor's Response: Ahh thanks so much. Really glad that my characterisation was good, I really wanted to get it right in this as it's so short and also nex gen. I'm also glad that you did mention the points about Ginny driving and Harry being over-emotional because it's nice to hear your reaction to everything. Glad you thought the letters were good, as they make up a bit part of the story.
Thanks for reviewing :)
-Lizzfizz Report Review
*Squishes* Perfect ending! At least for me!
I love how she sorted things out for herself, and I love that she is going to uni... conveniently the same uni as Mark... :D
I loved their awkward reunion, and the kiss at the end was super cute! I feel oddly proud of her for doing the right thing, when she isn't even my own character.
I like how the family try to skate over the problems in the last year, I think it shows just how close a family they really are. Whilst they bicker and argue, they do look out for one another. :D
As a whole I absoloutely loved the story, and what you did with it. It's definately a story to be proud of... Congratulations! ^_^
Leanne :) xAuthor's Response: Ah! Leanne thank you sooo much, I'm so happy you liked it!
hehe that was "convenient" alright! I meant to hint she had applied to the one he had told her about, but didn't think for a second he'd be there! :L
EEE! Thanks so much, and thanks again for reading x Report Review
This is a cute one-shot, and I think it has a lot of potential! I thought that it was written quite nicely, however, I also think that it would be a good idea to separate some of the block of the first part into smaller sentences. I think it would help the story become more readable.
I like your style of writing, however, I noticed one tiny typo in that at one point there is a "my" rather than a "his". It was only a tiny little thing, though, so it wasn't a big deal.
I think it would be a good idea however, to add in some detail, maybe about how cold, damp and frankly uncomfortable he'd be, riding on a motobike for a few hours.
I really like the minimal dialogue that you have, which I think makes the piece very cute. With a good beta, I think you'd have a really adorable story on your hands. ^_^
Leanne :) xAuthor's Response: Thanks leanne, really happy you liked it. I think I will go back and split that first bit up, when I first saw how long it looked I thought I needed to change it as well.
Thanks for all your help on it as well!
-Lizzfizz x Report Review
This is a good chapter. I really like the way the two scenes are blended together. The scenes with Will illustrate just how young she is, in my opinion. Will seems to bring out the worst in her. I feel so sorry for Mark! Poor guy! Why is it always the good guys who are forgotten about?! (lol, sorry for the mini rant!)
I also feel Kind of sorry for Lucy at the moment. She's lost her flat and her job, but at the same time, I feel like it was her own fault. (That makes me sound like a horrible person, lol). I just hope she straightens everything out, and all goes well for her in the end. :)
LeanneAuthor's Response: Hey! Thanks for this. I think this is the reaction I wanted people to have.
To be honest, when I was writing this, I was actually TRYING to feel sorry for Lucy - it is her fault, after all. But she is young, you're right, and she just can't handle what Will is offering, I think.
I'm so hapy you feel bad for Mark! He isn't perfect, but he's a nice guy and doesn't deserve all of this.
Don't apologise for the mini rant, and by all means tell me if you didn't like the chapter if thats the case :D I hope you like the next!
And thanks again! Report Review
Oh, Hi there! I bet you're shocked to see a review from me! :P
This was a great start. Your description was excellent, and I could really imagine myself in the scene, among the chaos. I really liked Rowena's thoughts on the things happening around her, and also the characterisation you've already given her.
The only thing I can think of to criticise is that it could possibly benefit from being longer. Looking forwards to more chapters. ^_^
Leanne.Author's Response: I know it needs to be longer, but having nearly finished the next chapter, this seems like an introduction... haha :L
Thanks so much for the review, it is really helpful to hear what you think about the story... plus it seems to boost my ego a bit! :L Report Review
Hello! Here for your review! My initial reaction to this story is "what kind of craziness have I stumbled upon?!" which I guess is a pretty good reaction. :P
I always thought that Lorcan and Lysander were much younger than everyone else, but since there is no official date for anyone other than the trio's kids births, I'll let that slip. :P
Your characterisation is also interesting. The narrative is very clear, and in the characters voice.
Other than that, I don't think that there is really anything to comment on, especially since it's more of an introduction, isn't it?
Leanne :) (P.s. Sorry for how long this took to arrive :/ ) Report Review
This is a very sweet story, and I love the ending. It's just so fluffy!
I think that there were also a couple of humourous scenes, for example, the thing about Manchester City, which made me laugh. I also thought your characterisation of Teddy was adorble, and I loved how much Vic was anticipating the date. I was so glad it worked out well! The kisses at the end were just... dghjfd amazing. The description is well done, and the dialogue was also very natural.
As for crit, I thought that both of them were a little forward with one another, which I think would be unlikely, considering how they weren't sure about how the other person felt, in the beginning. But, I think that is totally down to personal taste, and I don't think it took away from my enjoyment of the story as a whole.
Well done for such a lovely piece! ^_^
P.S Sorry about how short this review is. :/Author's Response: Oh, I'm so glad you liked it! I can see what you mean about them being a bit forward, though. :)
No worries about the short review! I know, I hate it when I don't have much to critique so my reviews are very short. Hopefully it's a good thing, though. :P
Thank you so much for the review. I cannot say how much I appreciate it! :) Report Review
Hello! Here with your requested review!
Strangely enough, I have been meaning to review this for the last couple of days :). This is a really interesting concept, and I really like the narrative of the story in this. It does seem like Fred's voice, which is awesome. :)
Awh, I loved the bit about Fred loving Hermione. It's so sweet, and deep down, I wanted those two to be together, so that was a nice touch.
I also loved how Fred had kicked Peeves out of Hogwarts and become a ghost his self. I can only imagine the amount of hassle that would have caused. ^^
I liked some of the smaller touches also, like with Hugo picking his nose and things like that. I like also how he has a preference over Fred, which I think would only be natural for him.
It is very well written, with no spelling or grammar mistakes, and I really think it is an interesting concept.
I look forwards to later chapters of this, because I'd love to read about how things go for Fred and Fred. :)
Leanne. :)Author's Response: Hello!!! Welcome to the page of horridness, however I will defend you from those evil creautres and we will later tak e a skip in the park ^_^ Make any sense? Probably not ^_^ Onward...
:O Really? and you only just stopped by *shakes head* but you are here! :D and that is what matters most! Your the second person who has said that it does really sound like FredI and To be honest I can not write the Weasey twins at all - weird coming from someone who has humour as their fortay O.o - so for to people to say that makes me smile lots ^_^
!!! I know! I so wanted them together as well, they do sort of make the "it" couple as an item, and I am now a firm believer of if you are bestfriends or too close of friends almost like brother and sister you should stick that way, which is probably why I didn't like Ron/Hermione.
Poor Peeves... o.o Poor thing, evil Fred!! Maybe it didn;t cause hassle? x Hugo, the idiot... Picking his nose!! -.- Gross little child :P yes ^_^ Preference ... x
No spelling or Grammar mistakes?? Must be a miracle!!! O.o My Grammar, spelling is horrid !!! :D
I hope ou come back for futurue chapters, when I can get a grip on them O.o Silly things, chapters, they really are. Specially when you have a serious case of writers block. :P
~Karni. xx Report Review
Hi! Here with your review! :)
Wow. This was fascinating. I loved how it was out of order. It made the story seem chaotic, and I thought that it added to the questioning of Harry's sanity. (Although, there isn't much to question, is there!?)
I loved how he constantly looked around, seeing death-eaters, and flashes of green. I'm sure it would be difficult leading a normal life after having such a stressful adolescence, and you really wrote about it well.
I loved the beginning where he said don't look on the floor, and then it was explained later, also. It was a really nice touch.
The mirror in the end was brilliant, also. It was a very good way to end the story, in my opinion. The ending was really simplistic, yet very dramatic, adding to the depth of this story.
Such a fascinating concept, and it was written so well, too. I really enjoyed it. Definately think you should concider more stories like this in the future. :)
Leanne :)Author's Response: I wrote it sort of jarring and rough on purpose, and I'm glad you appreciated it. :) It seemed to confuse some other people! It was heavily inspired by William Faulkner and Cormac McCarthy (brilliant writers, I recommend them both highly) so it's a bit abstract.
I'll definitely consider writing more stories like this, it was one of my favorite things I've ever written. :3 Thank you for leaving such a lovely review! Report Review
Hi! Here with your review :)
Wow! I love this! I can't believe nobody has reviewed this already! It is a very strong start to the story.
You showed a very interesting portrayal of Paris during this time. Grindlewald seems really scary, and I liked how he was still surprised by the power of the Elder wand, as I'm sure many people would be, if they were in posession.
I liked the conversation between Slughorn and Dumbledore. They both seemed perfectly in character, and I really liked Dumbledore's thoughts, when he was alone- the inevitability of the confrontation. Very good start.
I noticed this is your first fanfiction, too! I'm jealous! Your stories are already much better than mine. ^_^
You have a really interesting concept here, and I'd love for you to re-request the other chatpters, too!
Well done! :)
LeanneAuthor's Response: Thanks for the review Leanne, I'm glad you enjoyed it! Report Review
Hello! Here with your review! :)
I really liked this. Remus/Sirius is a pairing that I've always been interested in, but never got round to reading. This one was very sweet.
It was interesting to read about Sirius's thoughts that Remus was the traitor, and it added a really interesting dimension to the story and the chemistry between the two. Your descriptions are to die for. Honestly, the opening paragraph was just amazing. I could picture it all in my mind vividly.
When it gets to the day of James and Lily being killed, I thought that it was a really good description of everything that happened, and it helped me to visualise some of the events more clearly in my mind.
Having people know he was innocent was also a really interesting twist on this point of view. Maybe things would have been better like this, after all, what with Peter being caught. Especially for Harry...
Also, the image near the end of Sirius with baby Harry on his chest, and Remus to the side of him was really adorable.
I noticed that in some places, some of the words were joined together, but it didn't really take away from the story.
I really enjoyed this! :)
LeanneAuthor's Response: Hi there!
Remus/Sirius is the best ship ever! ;) You need to read more of it. It's definitely a bittersweet, angsty pairing.
I feel like I've briefly touched on the subject of betrayal in my other fics so it was interesting to try to make that a key point of this fic. I think the betrayal just reiterates the fact how much they care for one another - that their need for each other outweighed any of the bad that was going on in the war.
Descriptions are one of my strengths so I'm happy that it worked well for you. That's my goal!
I really wanted a happy ending for my pairing so I thought this was the best way to approach that. I wish it was canon...that Harry got to live with people who loved him and he knew about magic and his parents and how loved he was.
The joining of the words was intentional. I'm not quite sure how to describe their purpose though. It's something I do often enough in my fics though.
I'm glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for reading and reviewing. :) Report Review
Hello! Here with your requested review!
This was a really good opening chapter! I have been meaning to read this for a while now, anyway, so I was quite pleased when it popped up.
I thought that the start was really good, and I thought it was really sweet how Lily was so pleased about Sev asking her out. I also liked the uncertainty as to whether Sev felt the same way about her. I think that's a thing that many girls go through!
Dorcas seems like a really interesting character, too, and a good friend to Lily, also. Plus, I liked how Lily figured out that Remus was a werewolf. It shows how bright she is. Remus' constant worry that she's given away his secret was also really interesting, and it makes me wonder whether or not that is going to be an issue in the future.
James' little note made me laugh. It shows that he's still kind of immature, doesn't it, but at the same time, it gives him a sort of boyish charm. :D
I know you asked for crit, but I'm finding it hard to do so. Your flow and grammar were excellent, so no complaints there... The only thing I can think of, is that I was under the impression that Lily disliked James from the first year, however, I'm not sure whether that impression was fanfiction induced, haha. Also, I'd be careful not to make Lily perfect, however, I don't know how you've written her in later chapters, so I can't really comment. ^_^
Hope this was useful! :)
LeanneAuthor's Response: Thank you :) I'm so glad you liked it! I think a lot of Lily's hate was ff induced, though she didn't like him every much at the end of O.W.L.s year, but she'll be in that mood with him by then ;) Thank you for the wonderful review :D
~Lily Report Review
Hello! Here with your review! This is a good start to the story, and I'm intregued about what direction this story is going to take. I like the friendship between Dom and Fred. It's not really a friendship that is spoken about all that much, so for that reason, it was interesting to read.
I also liked the speech between the characters. It seemed very natural and flowed well, which I think makes up for a lack of description in the story.
There were some things in the story that made it seem a little bit awkward. For example, the bit about James becoming a beater: “I guess they took your order to keep their mouths shut very seriously.”
Teddy’s confusion cleared immediately. “Are you joking?” Fred shook his head. “You’re giving James a Beater’s bat?” In these lines, I feel like there's a missing piece of dialogue because Teddy goes from not having a clue who the beaters are, to questioning whether or not James is suitable for the position. (Although if that was intentional, and I maybe read it wrong, feel free to shoot me :P )
Characterisation is difficult to comment on because of how little we know about the next-gen kids, but I think you wrote them all really well. It is interesting to see that Fred and Vic are the resident pranksters of the school, rather than James and an OC or... cousin. Your Victoire is also really interesting. I like how she's chosen a career path that is less popular than other things, and I like her resistance to people's opinion of it. Also, Teddy seems like a really nice guy.
As to dialogue, there is quite a lot, but it seems very natural, and as I said before, as there is little description in the story it doesn't matter that much and it doesn't take a lot away from the story. Plus, it would be almost impossible to write this scene with less dialogue. It is just the nature of this chapter. However, if you do want to reduce the amount of dialogue, then you could take certain things out and just have Vic thinking of them- for example, when they talk about setting off the fireworks rather than speaking about them.
Overall, this was a really good first chapter, with some good solid, and natural dialogue, and I really enjoyed it.
I hope this review was somewhat helpful. :)
LeanneAuthor's Response: It was very helpful, thank you! :)
I can see what you mean about Teddy suddenly understanding what Fred was talking about... my intention was that he understood because Fred and Victoire expected him to, and there aren't that many people he knows at Hogwarts who he would hear about. When I edit the chapter to put my chapter image up, maybe I'll switch that around a little. :)
I'm glad you think that the dialogue/description is natural. Maybe I'll add a bit more in, but since you think it's good the way it is, I won't stress too much. :)
It's actually a funny story - Fred & Victoire and James & Roxanne are kind of both pranksters (and Lily gets into it as well sometimes). They definitely pull different sorts of things, though, and Fred and Victoire are so much older than James and Roxanne that their time at school doesn't overlap very much.
I'm glad you like her chosen career path! :) The DCB actually makes frequent appearances in my fics, and I'm very attached to it.
Thank you so much for your review. It was definitely very helpful! Report Review
Hello! Here with your requested review! This one-shot really surprised me. Your version of Victoire reminded me of myself. It was really interesting, and the more of it I read, the more of myself I saw in her. Anyway, I doubt you're interested in that, so on with the review! ^_^
The memory of her youth was really well done; I loved the little touch of Arthur wanting a muggle BBQ. I think it would be typically him. Plus, the thing with Ron was also just classic. I had a mental image of Ron running around in the background with his trousers on fire, with Harry and Hermione chasing after him trying to put it out.
The interraction between Teddy and Victoire was also really nice. I liked how shy they were when they met, and how much she came out of her shell when she wasn't around her family. (*Shifty look*...)
As I was reading, I noticed that you have the sentence “Come one, won’t you talk to me?” , which I assume should be on, rather than one. (Although if it was intentional, and I just misread the sentence, feel free to shoot me ;) )
It was interesting, because most people seem to write Vic as the daughter who looks more like Fleur, and Dom as the one who looks more like Bill. So reading it the other way around really was very interesting. I guess that's the beauty of next-gen, isn't it.
I hope this review was of some sort of use to you. It seems more like a ramble to me. :S
This was a very cute story, so well done!
Leanne :)Author's Response: Hi Leanne! :) Thank you for the lovely review.
You know, that exact scene with the BBQ played out in my head that way as wel, it works out to be quite a visual scene despite it not being detail heavy.
With Teddy & Vic, I really wanted to show that she really could only be herself around Teddy, that no one else could bring her out her shell like he did, so I'm glad you saw it that way.
Ha! That sentence definitely wasn't intentional! I've corrected that at least 3 times and for some reason, I keep putting the wrong version in! But, an edited version is the queue- it's just that one spelling error - so that'll be that fixed.
Sometimes it's nice to stray from the norm, and this is exactly how I envisioned Vic, it seems more 'her' to me.
Again, thank you so much! :D Report Review
Good first chapter! It was interesting that Dom is not veela, like her sister. It makes the story very interesting. I'm curious to see what Teddy's thoughts on all of this are...
This was really well written, and the conversation between the characters flows really nicely. You left the story at an interesting point, and I look forwards to reading more about how Dom is going to react towards all of this.
Leanne :)Author's Response: Thank you. I'm glad you thought that was interesting. Hopefully Teddy's thoughts won't disappoint you :D
Thank you, it's lovely to hear that the conversation flows nicely. I'm glad you thought that it was an interesting point to leave the story given I wouldn't want people to be bored by the end of it all. Thank you for your lovely review! ^^ Report Review
This is a really interesting story, and I like the insights into the Weasley kid's past, and the interviews are great, too. I thought that Ginny's memory is adorable! I loved how Arthur let her get away with flying. It is so much like Arthur, and it obviously set her in good stead for her future! I look forwards to the next chapter! ^^ Report Review
Oooh! Interesting chapter! It's left me with so many questions! What happened with Will? How is Mark feeling? Is Lucy going to try and sort all of this out or just run away to the moon with Will? (now there's an idea! :L )
It's left me wanting more. Haha, I doubt this review will be a surprise for you since I always write positive things about your stories, but I do mean it! :P
This was a good, well written chapter, and I'm desperate to get my mitts on the next two chapters! :D
LeanneAuthor's Response: Hi Leanne, thanks for this!!!
I'm glad you like it. well im just glad you arent shouting at me, since it wasnt a "nice" chapter... but dont worry, all is revealed in time!
im halfway through the next chapter, but it could be a while before its up... i hope not too long though!
again, thank you! and the moon idea would really be a plot twist, wouldnt it? :L Report Review
I'm such an emotional freak when it comes to the friendship that the trio have. I swear to you, I was crying at the end of this. First we have Ginny saying her goodbyes to Harry, and then the trio's goodbye. It was truely heartbreaking.
Everything they said was perfect for their character, and was just... lovely. I adored how Ron was being humourous, almost as a way of putting a wall up, but then, with his little speech at the end. It just added to the sadness and at the same time happiness.
You know they'll stay so close as they're older, but at the same time, they are becoming their own people.
They're finally grown up! Author's Response: I, too, am an emotional freak when it comes to the trio (though I prefer to think of it as 'ridiculously sentimental' :P) This is probably way more emotional and sentimental than the trio would have ever been, but I wanted to give them a moment where they actually said out loud how much they meant to each other. I'm glad that the emotion came across for you.
I'm also glad that you appreciated the bits of humor that are thrown in (mostly by Ron). Harry is pretty sentimental guy, and Hermione has an overly emotional side to her, but Ron is not so much. Excessive emotion just makes him uncomfortable, so I think he would have to crack jokes to lighten the mood, but that doesn't mean he isn't feeling the exact same things.
Thank you again for reading and reviewing this story. It really means a lot :)
~Singularity Report Review
This is a really cool fic. I liked the differing points of view, and I liked the reasoning behind each of their thoughts on what would happen next. I think for people who have had "adventures" for the last seven years of their lives, it would be only natural to wonder what would happen next, which is why this is so interesting.
The nightmares were a good touch, and I liked it when Ron felt guilty whenever Harry and Hermione mentioned what happened when he was away, which I think would be very realistic, considering the circumstances.
Well done! ^_^
LeanneAuthor's Response: Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! This was one of my very first fanfics (I wrote this chapter and 'Before the Dawn' at pretty much the same time) so I always love getting feedback on it.
I'm glad you thought it seemed natural and realistic. I just wanted to explore what it would be like for our favorite trio of heroes in the aftermath of Deathly Hallows, once they had recovered and were starting to think about moving forward. Specifically, moving forward in three different directions. It's a point pretty much all friendships hit at one time or another, but due to their history, I think it's even more compelling for the trio. Report Review
I wasn't expecting the characters to be sorted into those houses! I was expecting Lily to be Slytherin and Sev to be in Gryffindor, and everyone else in the same houses. This makes the story even more interesting!
Sorry, this review isn't useful or anything, haha. But, I really like how this story is going and I'm interested to read more :)
LeanneAuthor's Response: I'm glad you're still enjoying it. I mixed things up with the houses, and you'll find I do that a lot in this story -- it's not a pure one-to-one switch.
Thanks for another sweet review :)
Amanda Report Review
Wow. This is a really good concept and I'm addicted already! :D I'll definately be reading the next chapters, because I'm fasincated by how this story will go.
It was really well written and I look forwards to more. :)
LeanneAuthor's Response: Hi there! I'm so glad you like it and plan to read on :)
Thanks for the kind review!
Amanda Report Review
Oh, Lucy, Lucy, Lucy! What have you done!? XD
This was a great chapter, and it added an interesting dimension to Lucy's character. The bit about the Quidditch actually made me laugh a little bit, particularlly the thing about having their own Battle of Hogwarts! XD
To be fair, I can imagine the pressure that Lucy is feeling. Having part-veela's as cousins would surely make anyone feel slighly insecure? Oh, and poor Mark! I feel a little sorry for him right now, haha. She picked the wrong guy to kiss/shove her tongue into their throat. lol.
Looking forwards to the next chapters!
Leanne :)Author's Response: yay! first review on the chapter!
*shakes head at lucy* know right?
hehe glad you liked that! and so glad you get lucy. and mark!
Next one should be up soon, thanks for the feedback! :D Report Review
This is a really good take on the story of Pandora's box! I really enjoyed it and I never really thought that the God's were just wizards, but it works. The way it was written was almost like a bed time story, which is awesome. There are a couple of things to improve on, in my opinion, and these things are the flow of the story and also one little typo.
So, first, the flow. I found it a little difficult to follow at times, so maybe you could explain certain things in a different way? For example there are a few sentences where you say something like "Bob grinned at himself in the mirror, and picked up the hairbrush that Bob had bought"... (Obviously, that wasn't from your story, it was just an example, LOL :D ) Which just sounds a little awkward. I hope that made sense, lol. Although, this is just my personal opinion, and, to be honest, I'm not great with flow, so take my opinion with a pinch of salt, haha.
Oh, yeah. There was one typo at the start of the story: "only mortals where men" where should have been were. Apart from this there were no spelling or grammar mishaps. :)
Good story. It was really interesting, and I liked the ending, with the idea of giving people magical abilities in this way. Well done!
Leanne :) xAuthor's Response: Awww, thank you so much for the wonderful review! It was so awesome! Yeah, I do need to work on the flow, and a typo, oops!
Thanks again for the review, it made my day! Report Review
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