Look at me, reviewing just a day (or two) after you've updated!
First, i love the chapter image! It's definitely different from your other ones, but really cool and interesting. I love the image of Bea swinging her hair around, very surprised/action-y.
Sooo--I'm thinking this is going to be a running review. I love the description of the Portkey-- it's poetic and conveys travelling but yet feels instantaneous.
And all the feels! Scorpius is all "did you cry for me?" and tries to wipe her tears away and so does she and she is all "i thought you were dead." And then Bea is a gerbil. Because that is how anyone would react to all of that.
But then Bea kisses him and go her for taking that initiative. And it's funny to see Mr. Cool flounder. (though, I guess he just died or something. Speaking of that, he's surprising cool about being/seeming dead).
Oh and then there are the hormones. Bea and Scorpius might be able to fight off the baddies but they're no match for the mighty teenage hormones.
And the style that that scene is told in is really funny. Like it's not really the narrative voice of either one of them (well, maybe a few thoughts from Bea) but it's more like the narrator who makes comments about things selectively and maybe a bit randomly. Like the "conversations that need not repeating out of context" and Bea befriending the floor.
And the foreshadowing. Green carpet! So very Slytherin.
And all the flirting. "Don't call me darling." "what instead? Cupcake?" ...a surprisingly appropriate nickname. "Are we going to be like this now?" Scorpius when purposely flirting is trying to be all suggestive and flirty but just comes off as cute.
Ahh and so many more sad feels. I am all "I am sorry babies!" Like they act like they are old and capable (and they are mostly) but then there's this where Draco is dead and Scorpius gets beat up and Bea is crying.
Again with the lovely, funny narration. "But it was misleading, like calling the Head Auror a man with a head injury and no fashion sense. There were a few important details missing."
And then the escape which is quite the caper. The Malfoys are rich! I mean who has an underground river in their catacombs?
Bea's all grown up! I feel like her ability now to recognize the stakes and destroy her invention show that. It's a nice contrast, even though the two times that she has to destroy it aren't so very far apart.
Ooh, more magical transport cliff hangers. IN this case, perhaps somewhat more literally. So Scorpius apparates them (illegally) to somewhere off the ground. And they fall into water. And he is sort of unconscious. Well, at least I don't have to worry too much. I very much doubt that you would kill him and/or Bea after they just escaped :P
Well, this was a pretty fantastic chapter so well worth the wait. And I can't believe it's almost over! Also. Coming up with the Draco twist last minute makes it all the better I think. It's totally utterly shocking because you hadn't foreshadowed it at all. And, the "he's d-d" line works perfectly for Draco, it's also a bit shocking in retrospect because at this point no one's really thinking about Draco.
Anyhows. This review is really excessively long and full late night randomness. Hopefully it doesn't take you too long to sort out everything that I wrote here xD I always feel like I have to apologize because, really, I should edit my reviews. But I don't.
♥ HaleyAuthor's Response: AAaa Haley c:
I just lazied up a CI from my tumblr gifset xD I knew I wouldn't have time. Weird thing I noticed is that it's like twice as fast on Chrome than Firefox.
RUNNING REVIEWS are the best. The only kind I leave. Like running review responses.
IT'S CUTE AND LOVEY DOVEY WHILE BEA IS A GERBIL AND SCORPIUS FLOUNDERS. This is how I write fluff while people are dying and kidnapped. Ofc it would be at the end and in a pantry where they start making out.
Bahaha, that is mostly Bea's random thoughts making commentary. It was indeed stony.
THEY ARE REALLY JUST CUTE. I remember you thinking that I didn't intend Capers to be romancy and stuff, but the truth is I've been shipping everyone like crazy and I've been holding it all in until the very end :'D IT WAS VERY DIFFICULT.
Malfoys have /everything/. I was so happy when Julia gave me the snippets about them from Pottermore because they are actually really ridiculously rich and had a history of business WITH MUGGLES no less. Semi-canon is working for me!
Babies are all grown up ;-; time to kill them. kidding, kidding. probably. I've almost killed/actually killed enough people eh? I wish I had time to develop Draco a bit more. I would've "in the future" had I not well, killed him 8D Alas.
♥ Heee I feel like I reread the chapter by reading this review. Much much love. Report Review
Hehe it's so funny that you posted this like a second after I left my review on the previous chapter. (So you know, extra double bonus points for "updating soon" :P ) And then I read this and promptly forgot to write a review for this. But here I am. *tada*
Poor Bea, in that first scene, I really feel terrible for her. I feel like you managed to make Fred's reaction work well--he can't believe it, for one. And he can barely bring himself to tell Bea the truth.
But here's the big reveal--it all makes sense now why people would want the invention. And that makes it all the more realistic--cause aren't there a lot of things we use now that were developed by someone trying to make something totally different (maybe tape and velcro?). Anyways, that really ups the stakes--no way the people stealing it just want to get rich...
And then they woke up! That's the problem with spells, isn't it--you have no idea if the person could just fake the reaction cause you don't see the same physical signs as say, punching someone.
And this really shouldn't be funny, but Cato not understanding an eye for an eye makes me almost laugh. Like that's so subtle, but it really illustrates how stupid he is--he doesn't go for Fred's finger, but tries to take "eye for an eye" in a completely literal way.
Eeee and then that ending--so much action in like three sentences. But actually, I had to go back and reread this scene because who actually goes along with the Portkey felt a little clear--you mentioned before (when Cato grabs Bea and Scorpius both) but between Draco being dead(what?!) and the Aurors arriving and Scorpius waking up, I had forgotten that part.
And of course I should say that it's a good thing Scorpius isn't dead. (And reading your artblog/tumblr notes on this chapter I see that my theory about the now-defunct chapter image didn't matter after all :P ). But anyhow, Draco dead--that I could see as real. Honestly that would make things easier--the "bad guys" are clearer, and there's not the same angst-of-betrayal for Scorpius (instead he gets the my-dad-was-killed-by-people-who-betrayed-him-and-then-almost-killed-me-too-angst).
And the sobbing to practice dialogue story is actually kind of perfect. Like, i would never have thought to do that, but it probably helps a lot in making it realistic. Cause you do talk differently when you're crying. Hee, whenever I try to write anything sad, I put on the depressing classical music playlist and preferably write at night, so that it's all crazy and full of ridiculous over dramatization ("oh the humanity"). And then the next day I sort of gag at it all and edit it.
Anyways, I don't even know what I'm saying anymore...(seriously what is it when I review yours stuff...such rambling).
The next installment should be fun, it'll be interesting to see how Scorpius takes being almost-dead. And also maybe to find out why they tried to make him look dead...(did they think that Narcissa would ransom him if Draco was dead? or some other devious thing).
♥ HaleyAuthor's Response: Minutes apart! xD Maybe your review was actually magical and triggered the update.
The beginning was definitely the hardest part by far. Not just balancing everyone's reactions and the angst and all, but knowing that in the end, Scorpius is alive. And I didn't want to dwell on the effects of his death too much, because that all gets reversed 2000 words later.
it all makes sense now why people would want the invention
Indeed! Plus, a lot of modern items (development of radio, appliances, etc) came about because of research that was heavily funded due to war. Basically the byproduct of making weapons.
lololol I hadn't intended much with Cato's line. For some reason it felt natural that he would say that and then go for the eye, it being the more vital organ. Unconscious funny!
I've wanted to write that wham bam kablam ending for two months, everything happening at once 8D Draco's death was actually more of a choice to allow Scorpius a proper storyline that could be set in the timeline of this fic. I had other ideas, but they didn't fit well with the rest of the story. Also I was telling my friend, 'I can't actually kill Scorpius. This is /his/ arc.'
OH THE HU-MANATEE. sorry. This is also why when I edit my stories I adopt a British accent :'D
♥ the next installment IS fun, well for a while at least (I sound so ominous). There is still much deviousness a foot! I'm sure that passed through their mind; what isn't as apparent yet is, how much of this did they even plan? Report Review
I am ridiculously late on reviewing things. But here goes. So first, I feel like the first part of this chapter perfectly embodies the title of the story. Like this is capers at its best--there is action, adventure, comedy, and just the right amount of danger. Of course, as Fred says, they're in the "real" world now, but still, the comedy makes the little things that go wrong seem not so serious. Even Anjali showing up doesn't change that, probably because Albus works to contradict her schemes-- if she's the most guarded person, he's the most transparent.
Fred gets a pretty big part in this chapter, which is great, because he's at his best when he's planning (rather than watching/stalking). Seriously, he has definitely taken the mantle from Fred/George.
Up until the end, this was a -fun- read. Like, Bea as a granny, and Fred's fake name being James (literally perfect). And his plan for getting in works well and shows why Bea really counts on him.
And then there's the end. What is Anj talking about--she knows these guys? I feel like it's bigger than what Bea thinks it is. Intrigue!
Lastly, I'm sure you've gotten every possible reaction about Scorpius's death. Is he dead? Is he fake dead? Is he fake fake dead (aka real dead)? I think I said this to you before, but the whole fake dead thing seems to have become all twisted up. Like fake-dead used to be a surprise, but now it happens so much that having someone be really dead is more unexpected. I will join the rest of your reviewers in saying I hope he isn't really dead. But also I have my own theory--you have that chapter image of Bea and Scorpius dancing together in your gallery that says "Chapter 30" so that means he -can't- be dead, right? Right, cause it would be weird for her to be dancing with a ghost/dreaming/maybe you planted that to confuse us all/this is just a ploy for you to torment your readers that you set up months and months ago knowing someone would see the chapter image and assume he lives when really he's dead and that's just Bea dancing with Fred in Polyjuice potion or alternately Scorpius's evil twin. But actually. You know. It's plausible.
Anyhow. I most eagerly await an update. Thanks for putting up with this review that I swear I started out as serious but that degraded into some random worst case scenario musings.
This story is the bestest, as are you. ♥ ♥ HaleyAuthor's Response: HAAALEY :3 Aaah, I love how you see Albus and Anjali. I mean, they are the super-odd couple for many reasons, but guarded vs transparent is such a good way to describe it. And appreciating the caper too ♥ they've been getting bigger and ~realer~ with every one.
Fred got to /shine/. I've been waiting for this moment for so long :'D BBs. YOU'RE ALL GROWIN' UP.
I really don't know why I write chapters that are really happy then really sad or start out happy and end sad. It's probably not the best technique (I'd put my bets on the serial updates), but I hope people don't mind xD
Bahaha, that chapter image, oh man, THE THEORIES IT HAS SPAWNED. But actually that isn't in the story anymore. It might be tweaked, because I do have actual stuff written for a ball already. The scene was written. It just doesn't fit now xD Or you know, maybe HE WAS A GHOST ALL ALONG ~twist and shout~
AND I wouldn't be smart enough to confuse everyone with a year-long set up, but I would take credit for it anyway :'D It's Scorpius' evil twin, Ronaldo.
♥ I UPDATED LIKE, TWO MINUTES AFTER YOUR REVIEW XD you are the besttt...er. Report Review
Oh Albus. I didn't even think he could manipulate people, but there he goes, tricking Harry Potter xD
I love the description of the transistor--I feel like I get the sense of what it looks like, and it seems very cool. After seeing your art blog/tumblr, that makes me think that you should draw a picture of it, it's such a vivid description :D Also, I realize now that parts of the description are, perhaps, a bit ominious, foreshadowing what's to come. Inanimate objects that "breathe" and alter colors are definitely things to be careful with!
Lucy and Rose's bickering is rather funny. It's a bit funny actually, because Rose acts so much like how I'd imagine Percy would (though with a touch more crazy), so maybe that's why Lucy can't seem to agree with her.
"That rhymed a lot more than I'm comfortable with." Ha. Oh Verona...
Also, I love the idea of wearing those shoes to get up the stairs--genius idea.
Aw, Bea and Fred. The whole conversation is a bit sad actually. I guess what they both said is true, but it's not a happy moment, because even if Fred has always tried to reign in Bea's mistakes, he isn't willing, right now, to help her with this.
Hee. Bea can be such a little kid when it comes to cupcakes. I don't often get people baking me food, but I can sort of relate to that. I have definitely done really stupid things when I'm sort of panicking in a situation. Though the results don't normally end up like this: "Now they were staring at each other and she had frosting smeared all across her face." This is probably funnier. :D
Finally, that disclaimer at the end of the chapter that 'artiste' doesn't mean 'deranged' made me laugh, as did the idea that someone would believe it, since Lucy said it :PAuthor's Response: XD I never even thought of it that way. Ahh, Albus used to be so pliable, back when he just wanted to follow along his friends. He's come a long way :3
I drew like a half-picture of it xD I never wanted to draw the whole thing in case I wanted to change my mental image of it one day. It's just always been this half-sphere... thing... insert description here.
Bahaha, Lucy, in essence, living with her father. Oh Merlin!
A few days ago, my friend wore her running shoes and they had pink soles, and I immediately thought of the Feminine Feet soles 8D
I have this story (that I'll probably tell elsewhere one day, perhaps next chappie, but for now, I'll tell you), that I actually resemble Bea and Scorp a lot when it comes to apologizing. In that I don't know how to apologize, except by shoving things (emoticons and kitten gifs and well, cake) in front of people and hoping it makes them happy 8D
♥ eeek, so much love for all your backwards reviewing. I had a blast remembering all these old scenes. Report Review
"You said there'd be kittens." I feel like saying this all the time, when someone tells me to come see something cute. Cuteness=kittens, and according to Albus also equals compromise xD
Rose: "This seems complicated." That's a bit rich coming from the girl who memorizes old rule books. Though maybe she can find rule that makes what they're doing okay :P Poor Rose in general. She is a bit neurotic at times, isn't she. It's like she like Hermione, when she was obsessive and before she had a purpose greater than school but also like Ron in social ineptitudes.
House elf speach makes me laugh. "Chick'uns!"? I don't even know how to say that :P And them being mad at Scorpius, it's cute.
Central storage is the coolest concept ever. I've seen random closets in school before and even those are many kinds of awesome.
Scorpius saves the day! Hee, it's cute that at this point, despite all the cupcake making and such, she's still threatening him. Things have (will?) change. I don't even know how to word that. How do you say they have changed in the future, haha? But still, when a guy refers to your friends as "Killjoy, Potterpuff, and Mad-Eye Weasley" you've got to be at least a little mad at him! xD
One last note, all your little pop culture references that you turn into wizard pop culture references are so funny to read :DAuthor's Response: my bio says I have a love of banter, puns, and kittens, and they are quite prolific in all of my fics 8D
Rose gets the worst of both worlds, sadly. I don't mean to be terrible to her! Personally, I blame Julia. I stole my Capers Lucy and Rose from her Starving Artists Lucy and Rose. (as a general rule, all Lucys are raving drunks)
chikUNS??? is how I tend to pronounce it in my head 8D
I knowww! All those jars! :3 *Organized* jars. Makes my curious soul go all a flutter.
Let's be real, she never stops threatening him 8D she just means it less as time goes on. kind of. that's really subjective, heh.
(BUT NICKNAMES ARE THE BEST!)
bwah, I'm glad you appreciate my wizard pop culture ♥ most of the time I think Im just being lame. Report Review
So, trying something different this time, a running review, so likely it will be very random xD
Flitwich is the coolest headmaster ever. Even Dumbledore didn't have dancing cupcakes. Bam. Also, Rose: "Bea, some of us have lives." As long as she isn't talking about herself in that, she's all good :P
Oh Bea, get to the point. It is slighlty painful to watch you try to explain. Though I get that. Like you said, the girl isn't an orator--you can't have everything.
Lucy and her fortune cookie fortune stealing. That sounds like a very bad crackfic spinoff. Also, that is quite the melodramtic fortune cookies fortune. I used to think that they all had to be happy and positive until I got a fortune that told me I was going to experience failure soon. I guess they throw in one bad fortune, so all the ridiculously happy ones don't seem overly positive xD
Bea and her shop. I feel a bit sorry for her, actually. I mean, having your own shop at 17 may not seem probable (as the others point out, never mind that their own demands -cough-themepark-cough- are silly) but she's got a blank contract, which isn't the most probable thing in the first place! She should take chances! Scorpius wouldn't dissuade her. He would be right there, helping her figure out to run the shop.
Also, did I see she has a goat patronus? Seriously, I missed all the best little jokes the first time I read this chapter!
Yay, after all that, they do get Bea sweets and cheer her up.
Fred reading the paper has become a fixture. Apparently the Prophet does have some important news after all, even if it is of the semi-scandalous sort. Hee, the engagement news isn't a surprise for me now, reading backwards, but I remember being very surprised by it all when I first read it.
For some reason, the title seems to have a double meaning in this case for me. It feels like it's asking how would you solve a problem like Bea would -and- how do you solve the problem of Bea. I don't know which you intended, but they both sort of seem to fit.
Anyways, I will keep leaving backwards reviews, when I have the time. Hopefully they will have more structure than just random observations. But you never know xDAuthor's Response: ikr. Pottermore actually said Flitwick had a cupcake troupe. I DIDN'T EVEN MAKE IT UP. that is how awesome Pottermore-canon is.
lolol you totally reverse-burned Rose. ♥ and YOU GOT A BAD FORTUNE ONCE?? all mine ever have are terrible lotto numbers.
I had the weirdest time juggling real life lessons and the fact that Capers has a foundation of crack and improbability xD I still am not sure if I'm doing it right, but I did want Bea to get a bit of responsibility, so I went ahead with that route.
SHE DOES HAVE A GOAT PATRONUS. SHE EATS EVERYTHING SHE SEES 8D
yush, Fred has fixtures. Like ties and scary girls.
aha, I did not intend that in the title! (one level of cleverness is all I aim for) but hee I like how it fits :3
♥ ♥ ♥ Report Review
So, first let me say that George gives the best wisdom. "I'd wager that Malfoy's about as nutty as you are." I feel like this sums up why Capers works. Sure, Bea can be sugar crazed, absent minded, and doesn't think through consequences, but Malfoy isn't all that sane either. He pretends to be sophisticated, but he isn't as collected as Anjali is--she's got much more composure. I mean, Anj would never consider people's feelings enough to bake them cupcakes.
I guess the one disadvantage to reviewing backwards is that I know what happens next, so revelations in this chapter aren't so shocking. But still, I can't help but feel a bit sad about Scorpius and Anjali's relationship. I'm sure they would both beat me for saying that, but neither of them are that old. And maybe they could have worked out, but their families are putting lots of pressure on them that can't be good.
Now, onwards (or rather, backwards xD)Author's Response: Bwahaha, indeed. That really is key - that Scorpius and Bea's core beliefs and nature are actually rather similar, despite their different backgrounds. I was mindful not to make it something that Bea changed in Scorpius, but rather that his silly-goosedness and big dreams are things that've always been in him, but stifled because it wasn't encouraged behavior for him.
It really is quite sad, and one-sided :c I think Anjali could have grown to love him, but never as much as he would love her, and I actually think she knows that she would end up taking advantage of him if it lasted too long, and stops it so it never gets to that point. In truth, they have one of the most understanding relationships of the whole story, especially considering their lot. Even the hurtful things they do are meant to help the other, or done with great reluctance.
♥! Report Review
This is the next (hopefully enjoyable) installment of me reviewing Capers backwards.
There are so many things that I pick up on when rereading that I didn't before. I remember seeing somewhere that Verona and Vincent are Rona and Oliver's children. And while that in general makes me happy, Verona's personality makes me laugh too. She is so both of her parents.
I will refrain from going on about how genius your version of Albus is. Because I've done it plenty before. But his name dropping re:HP is presh.
I have to say that I think Fred is under appreciated. He has some of the best moments. They aren't laugh out loud one liners, all the time, but the situations he ends up in and the way he justifies them are always memorable. Another Fred note: he thinks he's prying into Anj's life by reading the paper. Also, his family apparently lurks in the Daily Prophet. Though the Potter/Weasley clan is rather extensive.
"It's just science, Smarmy." You tell him Bea! Funny as it was (and satisfying as it was to see Scorpius put down a level) it really does prove that Bea is really, really smart. She acts the part of the slightly eccentric inventor at times, but she's got a lot of sense to be able to figure out what she does.
Thus ends my assortment of comments on chapter 13. Hopefully you see something vaguely cogent in them that constitutes a proper review. Or something XDAuthor's Response: Hee, yes. They're the easter eggs for anyone who's read Game, and I also have this weird thing about connecting my story universes (I swear that etc and Capers universes will collide and have an epic battle one day).
There are a million ways to write a dark celebrity family, but I love that in Capers, I just get to write the Potter fame in such a light manner 8D Just your neighborhood wizarding hero, got rejected by a girl once whose daughter is now using his son as a footstool, etc.
Fred is like the ultimate observer. He doesn't really get his own major subplot in Capers, but he's so pivotal in interfering with and observing everyone else's because he's the wise hold-it-all-together one. And the best part is that he's terrible at being subtle 8D
YES. This was really the first time Bea got to *show off* her intelligence, which I was waiting for 8D
♥ eee loffs! Report Review
So seriously, I'm really glad I'm rereading parts of Capers. I keep picking up on funny lines that I totally missed before that are pure genius. Seriously, each chapter just helps me reaffirm why I love this story. And one big reason is Albus. Everything that comes out of his mouth is so unfiltered that it is hilarious. So, now it's time for an Albus quote montage (let's pretend there are pictures so it can be called a montage...) "James used to joke that a Kneazle kitten would die every time someone stood in the way of fun, and a tiny part of Albus still believed it; he could never be too certain." ["You can't tell anyone, it's -- " "Creepy?" He glared sternly underneath his fingers. "Easy to misinterpret."] "I'll write you a strongly worded message." "My dad died." You say that Albus proves he's the best in the next chapter (and since I'm reviewing backwards I -know- what happens next) but I'm inclined to say that every time Albus speaks, he proves he's the best. :D
Again, in contrast, there's the Anjali/Scorpius side-plot. I know that Anjali can handle everything herself, but there is something about that scene that is sad. Even knowing what she'll do next, and how awful that is, it's hard to hear her say "You choose to believe in her over me." I don't pity her, but her relationship with Scorpius is not what most people would call healthy...
Other random thoughts: that chapter image is beyond awesome. albus and fred have the best sort of bromance going on, maybe scorpius calling physics psychics is sort of reasonable...i took both physics and psych and still have think about how to spell each one (also, sometimes i put a "y" after the "p" which spells neither word).moving on.Great job as always. And I'm off to see what other chapters I've neglected to review!Author's Response: Eee ♥ you are terrible too kind. Albus has long let go of his shame, which is truly the secret to life. His cheeks can never go unpinched :3 Strange to think I never planned this route for Albus; he was just a minor character, once upon a time!
Sometimes I wonder about how coldly other people see Anj. She doesn't love Scorpius, but he still holds onto some hope that she'll come around, and I would say that she's been trying to gently put Scorpius down for some time now. But it's never that simple at the same time. As much as it seems that way, she can't always just turn off her feelings either.
Hee ♥ it's so fun reading your trip backwards 8D Report Review
So this is the first of my reviewing-Capers-backwards reviews. (or second if you count my review on the latest installment). Anyways, I actually think it's interesting to reread some of this, because I've forgotten some of the little details but also because the foreshadowing is perhaps a bit more obvious.
Anyways, this chapter was an interesting mixture of seriousness and humor. The scene with Scorpius and Anjali actually made me feel bad for both of them. Despite how much they fight with each other, and despite Anjali's betrayal (which might be categorized as childish, or rather teenager-ish) what they said to each other was much more mature. If Scorpius is telling the truth when he said that he loved her enough to have married her, even if she didn't love him, that shows a lot about his feelings, how much Anjali means to him. And it makes her betrayal even worse. I know that they have a fight and make up relationship, but this isn't the sort of thing you can get over easily.
But in contrast to that scene was the one with Albus and Fred, in which Albus gives out lots of wisdom. "Fred, you're projecting." "You ought to be her friend. It'd make your stalking less weird." "It's a shame that caring isn't cool anymore." It's funny, because he isn't trying to be wise, that's just how he sees the world.
Again, great job with this chapter. The nice thing about having such a large ensemble cast is that you're able to have funny scenes and sadder ones in the same chapter and not have to have time pass. Different characters can contribute to the mood in very different ways.
Now, on to another retroactive (is that even the right word...) review. ^^Author's Response: I'm also a habitual editor, so chances are, you're reading something slightly different xD
I love that you sensed that about Scorpius and Anjali. I have a bit of a soft spot for them, simply because I know how much Scorpius cares about her, and it's always been these scenes where Scorpius is most vulnerable. It foreshadows a bit, I think, about the extent he'll go through for his loved ones.
I really liked that bit of wisdom Albus put forth; it's something that's frustrated me a bit, the fact that people often get made fun of for liking things or caring about things that others don't. It's such a discouraging attitude.
Eep, thank you so much! ^__^ The scenes have been quite a struggle to juggle. Report Review
I'm here from the TGS review exchange, though I totally should have reviewed this chapter earlier...anyways.
I just reread this chapter, so that I could remember a few things from when I first read it, and what struck me was how cinematic it all was. I know you've said before that you see the story as if it were a TV show (or something) but again, that really came through. And what an ending to the second act this was. It definitely had a "season finale" sort of feel--one where you *can't wait* those few months to find out the aftermath. Luckily, this isn't a TV show, for that reason, but you get the point...
It seems like Bea has a little crush. "Those fanciful thoughts were crawling over the wall again. Ever since she started noticing things she couldn't stop noticing things." I definitely know the feeling she's talking about, where you didn't pay much attention to a guy before, and then suddenly, you seem to see them everywhere, all the time, because you suddenly started paying attention and as Bea said, noticing things. You've done a good job introducing a potential romance because at first, I really wasn't sure if I was just imagining things. But when Bea thought of how Scorpius reminded her of James, that was definitely more solid evidence (because Bea isn't exactly denying her little crush on James, even if she is denying something about Scorpius).
Even with all the drama, you definitely got in some very funny one liners. "Statue of Secrecy" made me smile, as did "inflammable" partially because I remember a Chemistry teacher once having that discussion with my class. It does seem rather counter-intuitive...or at least counter grammatical rules...
Of course, all the action really began when the prototype when rogue... That was quite the dramatic way for things to go wrong. And as Bea realizes, things could have been a lot worse. She finally did a lot of real damage, despite all her careful preparations. I honestly feel bad for her. It's not that she just lost all that hard work, but she was so close. And she didn't just make a mistake, she almost created a disaster. I'm glad that Flitwick wasn't too harsh and seemed to understand. Maybe it's because he's a Ravenclaw, but he seemed to see that losing the invention was probably the worst punishment Bea could have gotten. depressing stuff :(
In the last part, I didn't realize that it was Anjali talking until the very end. Perhaps I should have known by her description of Draco--it sounded like she knew him well--but I was so caught up in Bea's perspective and all that had happened that I didn't notice right away. Still, that scene made for quite the ominous ending to this chapter. Anjali is quite the schemer. She just lies waiting, knowing that she'll be ready to step up when someone else fails.
So, hopefully you've gathered this from my review, but this was a phenomenal chapter. I'm completely happy with how everything has turned out so far, and rereading this chapter makes me anxious to read more. If this is just the beginning, I can't imagine what's coming next!
p.s. (I feel bad that I can only review the latest installment. I think I've already reviewed 17 & 18. But I'm pretty sure that there are a few chapters before that that I've read but not reviewed. So I will try to leave a review on a few of those as well!)Author's Response: Bwah, but I love all your reviews ^__^
I think Capers is definitely getting more cinematic as it goes on, because all the action scenes are piling up now. It's so hard to juggle everything I want *___* Guh, I'm trying to update as fast as I can but the writing is just molasses-speed sometimes :c
Hee, I remember when you were convinced there would end up being no romance because I had pushed the point too much, but erm surprise! HERE IT IS. I really wanted it to emphasize the relationships in Capers rather than the romance, because it's really my only cast where everyone has such heart and things at stake, and everyone cares so much about one another.
Alas such hard word gone ;A; I was wondering if it was too much of a wham bam, but it was what I intended all along. There is a lot more about sacrifice and hard work in Capers than I first planned, but I really like the running theme! I like to think that Flitwick hugely fosters creativity, and I think he sympathizes with the idea that to be creative, one has to push boundaries, and there are - as Scorpius has said - so few willing to risk that.
Hee I hope it wasn't confusing. I wanted a bit of the reveal, because Anj's scene really doesn't fit into this chapter, but neither would it fit into the next one.
♥ thank you so so much ^__^ Report Review
Hi! I'm here from the Review Exchange (and I'm so sorry this is a few days late!)
Anyways, this chapter. I understand that this is a sequel, and I haven't read Wildflowers, so I do feel a bit behind. While you do a good job of telling why Elsa is upset (she thought her dad was dead, and her boyfriend died) I couldn't appreciate the depth of her emotions because I didn't read the story in which they happened. Not that that's your fault, at all.
I think that you start out with wonderful description, though a bit of that is lost later on. I know that as the pace picks up in a story, less is described but what you wrote at the beginning was so evocative, seeing more throughout would be nice. :)
You do a good job showing who characters are by their actions. For example, Evander knew his daughter has gone through a lot, but he's still angry about her having a boy sleep in her bed. That tells me a lot about him and his wish to protect his daughter.
This is only the first chapter, but I already see a lot of emotional conflict that you're setting up, which is good. Elsa loves Sirius, but she's upset because her boyfriend is dead. That's a lot for anyone to process. And of course, there's the danger she mentions (again, I'm not entirely sure what, just because I didn't read Wildflowers).
Overall, you did a good job. :) I didn't feel totally lost, and got a sense of your characters and who they are right away. I feel like you've started to set up a compelling plot. And while I do want to read more of this, I also want to go back and read Wildflowers first, because this chapter makes it sound very interesting! So great job :D Report Review
Hi! I'm here from the blue/bronze review tag!
This is a nice start. A lot of things happen in this chapter, and I think you have the pace right for the beginning of a story like this one. I can already see where Lucy is going to be overloaded: wedding, head girl, family, friends. That sounds like lots of stress!
Anyways, I like your portrayal of all the family relationships. Molly and Lucy seem to get along well. And Percy is a proud, but a bit over protective father, which seems to fit with his character as well.
Just something I thought about, do Hugo and Lily have the same birthday, or just close ones?
Anyways, great start to this. There's a lot of energy to this story, and enough momentum to make me feel like reading more. :) If I have time, I will definitely try to do that, at one point or another. Good luck!Author's Response: Hi, there! :) The blue/bronze review tag is amazing, right? So many lovely stories to read and review, and I'm glad you reviewed this one. Ha, you're right, poor Lucy! So much things to do, so little time to do it all. Percy was hard to pull off - he must have been more relaxed after the war, but it was hard /not/ to make him kind of uptight and stuffy, but I'm glad I pulled him off and struck a proper balance. And hey, all Weasley dads are overprotective ;)
As for your question - no, Hugo and Lily just have really close birthdays - according to my handy-dandy next gen birthdate chart, they were born two days apart. I think Hermione and Ginny in a hospital about to give birth at the same time would make it explode :p
Thanks so much reviewing, and it was an absolutely lovely one, too! Good luck on all your stories :)
- Linn Report Review
This is beautiful!
I love the metaphoric feel of the whole piece. The dust that permeates everything. And the sheep that know who their shepherds are. This is dense with symbolism and figurative language, and I had to read this piece several times to get a sense of it all.
The use of second person works very well here, because there is so much description. It really transports the reader to where Sybil is. That is enhanced greatly by your lovely descriptions, which all seem to fit with the setting and mood of this piece. You observe these fragments of her life, snapshots and images which all have a greater purpose to this piece.
And don't get me started on the last paragraph: "Your skin mingled with dust here, that had mingled with other dusts and other skin and other lives" It feels so profound to me. With the last sentence you really tie the whole experience of Sybil together.
I really am having a hard time saying how wonderful this is. Stories like this are gems that can be hard to find on this site. And I definitely feel that the way you created atmosphere in this is a testament to your skills as a writer!Author's Response: Wow, thank you for the review! This is one of those stories that came out of a haze for me: I wrote without clear direction and because of that I think things work much more fluidly and with much more efficacy as metaphor and symbol than I could have ever intended.
Also glad that you appreciate the second-person, here. That always seems like it could look like it's done for show, and it certainly wasn't in this case, at least, not on purpose ;)
Thanks again, this was such a lovely surprise and I appreciate you letting me know what you think! Report Review
I've seen this story around, and never had a chance to read it before now. But I am so glad that I finally decided to read it :D This chapter and the style you wrote it in was simply fantastic.
Your portrayal of the Baron is perfect. He thinks fondly of Helena still, but feels regret for what he did. You seem to capture his personality the way I imagined him to be.
This quote was one of my favorite: "she became was not who she was meant to be." It's so beautiful and says so much about who the Baron is.
The whole concept of this chapter: a ghost looking the in mirror of Erised, is perfect, because just the act of looking in the mirror shows much about who the Baron is.
I will definitely try to read more of this soon! It's got me intrigued!Author's Response: Hey, thanks for coming by!
I'm so glad you like the Baron - I've had fun playing with his personality (and Helena's, too) in terms of developing it and really making him my own. He really did have a different future in mind for Helena, and it's sad to think that he prevented its existence (at least, in part, right?).
I'm sorry this response took ages, and I do hope you stop by again to read more of this story! Thanks again for your lovely review!
-Amanda Report Review
Wow, I just happened upon this story, and I am completely intrigued! This prologue really makes me want to hear more of Diana's story.
In just a few paragraphs, you managed to create a voice for your narrator, one that seems to speak to the reader with words that are rather chilling. There is a weight behind the words, of inevitability or a loss of innocence (I don't quite have a word for it) that is absolutely compelling.
I honestly cannot wait to read more! Wonderful job!!Author's Response: Oh, thank you so much! :) I'm really glad you like it - I'm always a bit nervous with prologues. I don't like to make them too long, but it's always difficult to communicate everything you would like to in a short amount of time.
Thank you again. I'll have the next chapter up asap. :) Report Review
Hi! I'm from the 'claw review battle!
Anyways, I thought since this month is Curiosity month, I should start reading it : You've definitely created a very interesting character, so far. Cas is a bit strange, but really more intuitive than anything. I'm not entirely sure it's a 'normal' thing to be able to sense magic as she does. But the way you describe it, for her, she doesn't know anything else. Just the description of the house, and of her moving tells a lot about her and her relationship with her father.
Despite not knowing much about what Cas looks like, or how old she is, there is something intriguing about this story. So good job withholding that information. :)
Anyways, I'm glad I got a chance to start reading this! I will definitely try to read more soon. I'm intrigued! Report Review
This is a lovely piece. I think the style of it is beautiful! It's in second person, which I think is hard to do right, but you manage it well here. What Rosemerta is thinking is all the more clear and relate-able because of it.
I love the first paragraph especially. It creates wonderful imagery for what Rosemerta has heard about Dearborn and it tells us so much about her character and how she sees herself. I also think that including the phrases in parentheses really enhances this piece. It's almost as if they are more personal thoughts than the rest of the story, though that's just me guessing.
From reading the snippet of the poem at the beginning, I see where you get your inspiration. I really liked that quote and it's mood and style are apparent in this, though you've made this story your own.
I'm so glad that I got to read this! I love stylized pieces. They can be so poetic and a nice contrast to other pieces, because they're so lyrical.Author's Response: Oooh. Tag much appreciated!
I was feeling really cramped with the narrative style of WAT and have been looking to do something more stylistic for a while. So this was a bit of an experiment. oooh!! That's an interesting assessment of the parentheticals. I actally suppose in part there are a more private bit of narrative, but I initially started using them to mimic the style of ee cummings' narrative in his poem. BUT YOUR THEORY SOUNDS WAY COOLER. I may adopt it. :P
Thank you so much for this review! I hope you'll continue reading when the next chapter goes up. Report Review
This was wonderful to read. I'm so glad that George decided to go visit his family, and laugh a little bit. It's good to see him finally starting to consider moving on.
You wrote the scene with the Weasley's at dinner wonderfully. It sounds just like the banter that was present in the Harry Potter books. Of course, Percy is awfully easy to make fun of. Also you managed to keep all the Weasleys in character, it seems, which seems like it would be difficult. For example, Ron's poor manners, Percy's pompousness, but also his talk with George, Molly's maternal nature. It was wonderful to see George joking too.
Hopefully visiting his family will really help George. He'll finally decide what to do with the shop and perhaps will visit his family again soon. I'm definitely interested to read more to find out what happens!Author's Response: Hey!
Thank you so much for this review! I really appreciate all of your support of this story so far. I think this chapter was a huge step for George. Family is very important to him and he wouldn't be able to continue to heal without them. I adore writing the weasley family and so I sort of took a lot of liberties with this chapter. lol. I'm glad to hear the characterizatons worked out!!
Thank you again! Report Review
Review Tag! :D
This chapter is much lighter, as all of Angelina's are for the moment. I'm impressed that you manage to write teenage excitement and happiness as well as you can write sadness. The scene with Alicia, Lora and Angelina seemed very realistic and light hearted
I have to say that I was wondering the same thing as Angelina: had George actually wanted to ask her? It seems like something that's very possible, considering. And Fred would be one to stick to his work (to ask Angelina if George didn't). But then, I'm glad that Fred decided to let George dance with Angelina.
Overall, you described the Yule Ball scene well. I feel like you've opened several possibilities for characters, without actually showing what will happen, which makes this very interesting. Already, I'm trying to guess at the threads that connect Angelina's 1994 plotline to George's 1998 story.
As always, I very much enjoyed reading this. I'll try to make time to read more, hopefully before the next review tag opportunity comes along. :)Author's Response: Hey again!!
Honestly, I'm surprised that I managed that too. :P These early Angelina chapters have a fantastically fun cast of characters to write, so everything came together really naturally.
Ah, yes. Even though George had never said anything, Fred knew he had a thing for Ang and encouraged him to ask her to the ball. George didn't make good on his ultimatum, and so Fred ended up taking her to the ball. (my yule ball head canon :P )
thank you so much for this review. Report Review
This piece is rather sad. I've always found Remus and Tonks' deaths to be very tragic. I think that the happy memories you describe throughout this piece, as Remus relives his life, are a good snapshot of who he was. His wife and son, and the Marauders are featured in these memories. He gets to see all the good he's done in his life.
I think that at a few points, the description and wording might get a bit heavy. Perhaps you could just read parts of this outloud, to get a better sense of the flow of the words.
Again, this was definitely sad. Remus tries to protect his wife, but in the end, he can't. You end this story on a poignant note.Author's Response: I hope you didn't get too depressed ;) I wanted to give their tragic deaths more attention and depth, so I'm glad you liked the way I did it. I really wanted to get his characterization well and am relieved you found it accurate.
I'll read it aloud, thanks for pointing that out and for reviewing! Report Review
An update! :D And within two weeks, when you also updated Capers in that time span, and then you have exams coming up? You must be studying/writing non stop!
Anyways...this chapter... I'm agreeing with Pickett that Clemence is in some serious denial. Even she knows it. I mean "extremely chronic problem" is just a code word for having "feelings." :P I suppose I don't blame her for being in denial though. She writes about relationships, but doesn't really know much about them, other than that they create gossip. She's smart enough not to agree to a no-strings-attached thing with Albus, though that might just be because she realizes, to some extent that she wants more than that. Or perhaps I'm going too far there. Anyways, let it suffice to say that there was some serious sexual tension in that scene.
All the team-Dom/team-Rose business is funny. I'd say it's unrealistic, but it's really not. If people do it for fictional characters, why not for real life. And even in the Harry Potter books, there was Team Harry and Team Cedric, basically, during the Triwizard cup. What's even better is that Scorpius doesn't like either of them, and Rose and Dom know it (or at least Scorpius says they do, he doesn't seem like the brightest, so maybe it's not quite clear). Also him as a "chiseled-cheeked goldfish" that's such a derisive compliment, like much of what Clemence says, haha.
And the ending. Leave it to Albus to be right there when she sees the posters. Maybe he just follows Clemence around so that when the opportunity for bantering arises, it can happen. You know, it could be possible, haha.
Now it should be exciting to see just what that plan is. And now Clemence has an actual reason to be with Albus, which will result in those hot planning sessions you mentioned. The question is, will they still have time to scheme between all that witty banter and "involuntary" snogging?
Great job with this chapter. And I can tell you had fun writing that first scene. Writing witty lines can be quite amusing, no? Good luck on your exams! Obviously you don't have time to write more now, but I have to say that I'll be looking forward to your next update! ♥Author's Response: I clearly have found a time turner of my own, cough 8D (but really the secret is just to procrastinate a lot)
Ooh code words. My characters would totally love code words. They all seem to like nicknames, all across my stories xD Definitely something I try to get across is that Clemence knows far less than she believes. I think she's very observant and practical, but also rather close-minded. She thinks what she knows is most of the facts, but her views of the world applies only to people who ALSO think like her. She's kind of terrible at understanding people who are different from her, and if you notice, she surrounds herself with people who are like her, so she never really notices. Anyway, that was a long ramble xD
Hah, Team Dom and Team Rose is EXACTLY supposed to mimic a shipping war. Like, that's literally what I'm going for. A blown up shipping war. It's going to get crazier and I'm going to love writing it 8D -pats Scorpius goldfish- etc. has no sympathy for the slow, sadly, even if I do.
(The number one rule is that the guy needs to show up at the exact opportune time to make a witty comment, obviously. etc. would not exist without this rule lolol)
♥ thanks so much, Haley! ^__^ Report Review
This chapter was very interesting. I liked the opening with Vincent and Slytherin. I like that your Slytherin is more cunning than evil, and that he's exasperated with what his house has become. It's interesting how the sorting hat has changed then, I suppose. Also, I thought it was funny when he started getting happy by the mention of Colin being Petrified by the Basilisk. He may not be the most likable guy, but he's not evil or traitorous at all. Very much like a more restrained and proper Slughorn.
Seeing Dumbledore was interesting. As always, he has his interesting quirks but is extremely intelligent and manages to see the situation with surprising clarity. He can say the right things to people, and almost, it appears, read their minds. His comment about what happens if you lose the duel is interesting--everyone assumes that there is nothing after, but no one knows until it happens to them. He's very astute in that manner.
The final scene, however, was my favorite. I like seeing Remus and Tonks interact. I'm glad that Remus is being supportive and trying to help Tonks win, or rather survive the competition. It was wonderful to see Moody there as well. To some extent, here, he's being even more cunning than Dumbledore, with the questions he raises. I mean, it's deep stuff--like is your death known at your birth? is your fate predetermined? is the winner of the duel known? In a world where a quill rights down names of all magical children and where people see the future, it's quite possible and that's more than a little scary. Again, you did a wonderful job taking a canon fact and using to enhance your world.
But what Moody says after that is really even more chilling: why is it necessary? Honestly, that's a good question, and one that I didn't think of until he said it, and one that most people probably don't think of, because when they come to Cliodna's clock, this is the way it is, and since they feel disoriented when they arrive, they just accept it. Moody's utterly right: why couldn't everyone have a chance at 24 hours? And why is it so crowded if they could expand with just more magic, after all, Cliodna created the place at some point. And also, losing 1 person a year is definitely not going to slow population growth--more than 1 person comes to Cliodna's Clock each year, I would say. This is almost starting to sound like a conspiracy of sorts. Perhaps this place isn't as much of a utopia as it sounds like. Honestly, this really surprised me, and I'm not sure why. It's like a really good, shocking twist in a suspenseful movie. I was so willing to accept that this story was only about the competition and was set in this idyllic world of Cliodna's Clock. But now you're doing a wonderful job of seeding doubt, in both characters and readers. I didn't see this coming, at all, and that makes it all the more of a shock.
Honestly, I don't know how you come up with this stuff. This feels so original, like a novel but not. And perhaps it is, because fanfiction sets you up with more options. You have already known characters to populate your world with, and it's already established that there is some sort of existence beyond life. You don't need to spend lots of time explaining that, or who the characters are, you can just create this amazing plot. Your ability to write sentences that inspire so much emotion is incredible. You pick words that make me feel what the characters who listen to them feel. The style you right in offers bits of humor, action and even philosophy, which is probably why I write these super long reviews--I'm trying to work through the questions you pose to characters, because they're so compelling.
I just cannot praise this story enough! It needs to receive absolutely every award this is out there.
P.S. Did you ever mention the resurrection stone in this? Were Lily, James, Remus, Sirius--all the people Harry sees--suddenly transported, or were they aware that they were interacting with Harry? Just something I thought of.Author's Response: Oh my goodness Haley, how am I going to begin to do this review justice?! Seriously, this made my MONTH.
I feel like Slytherins always get pegged as being evil and villainous, and stupid like Crabbe and Goyle and Marcus Flint, so it was nice to be able to show the more cunning side of Slytherins. I picture him to be almost flamboyant in his broody-ness, going out of his way to ignore those he deems to be beneath him. It causes him pain to have to speak with a simpleton like Crabbe. XD And I'm glad you liked the Dumbledore bits, too. Dumbledore is such a flawed character, but it's so easy to see past that because he's wise and friendly and genuinely has everyone's best interests at heart. I really admire him.
Moody's noticed a fair share more than his fellows because he's so used to having no choice but to imagine the worst case scenario in everything. He's paranoid, but here I don't think his paranoia is at all unfounded. Cliodna's Clock is not a normal place. Some people have forgotten that, and have gotten used to it, but someone like Moody isn't going to just trust the world and let all of his suspicions go. And you're right, that is a bit scary. It's like...how much control does one really have in their own life?
I love what you said about people coming to Cliodna's Clock and just accepting their fate and the way that things are because they're disoriented and everything's new - that's exactly how I see it, too. They accept it because that's just how it is. But then a small suspicion sparks a question, which prompts another, and before you know it, you're like Mad-Eye Moody and you're leaning toward a full-on conspiracy theory.
skdjfksjdfdsj You are so kind! So many warm fuzzies right now. It's so, so, so encouraging to receive a review like this, and to know that I've got you asking questions, and to have it confirmed that I'm offering a little bit of variety in this story. I like philosophy, so that's particularly rewarding to hear.
Ooo the resurrection stone. I was a tad bit vague and didn't state explicitly, but it did crop up in Chapter Two. When Remus disappeared right after he and Tonks found themselves in the water outside the depot, that was because Harry called him back with the stone. ^ ^
Thank you so much for the long, thorough, lovely review!
- Sarah Report Review
This is really a wonderful piece. I'm very impressed by your writing talents :)
Normally, I have to say, I don't tend to like Remus/Sirius pieces, just because it seems hard to account for Tonks, later on, however here, you don't just ignore that issue, you use it to make your story stronger and more powerful. Your reasoning for why he married her, and for Teddy's name, seems to explain it all perfectly.
Your style of writing in this story adds an emotional layer that is really heart breaking. The imagery of the veil, and of the transformation really helps create those emotions. And the repetition of that imagery also adds structure to this piece.
Overall, I'm very glad I was able to read this! You did a wonderful job!
I really enjoyed reading this.Author's Response: Thanks so much for stopping over here!
Yep, it was a little dicey to fit Tonks in there, but I did feel like it needed to be done. Like you said, I tried to think how she would fit into this ship and what would have made it so that Remus gave into her desire for marriage. I'm very glad that she worked well for you.
The imagery of the veil was powerful, and it was one of the earliest parts of the concept for this piece. I really love writing imagery, and although it was challenging here, I'm glad the final product helped to augment the story.
Thanks again for your lovely review :)
-Amanda Report Review
I just realized that I hadn't reviewed this chapter yet, but I did read it a bit ago. I meant to review then, but I think I just forgot to.
Your descriptions of Hannah's emotions feels both lyrical and clear in this chapter. Her sorrow is painful and isn't perfect. But the way you describe it has a certain beauty in the words.
Just in general, the mood in this chapter is very vivid. I feel like I get a very strong sense of what Hannah is feeling, from how you describe her emotions but even from what she sees in the room and what she notices.
Beyond that, this is also a big step for Hannah and Neville, in terms of their relationship. Hannah is willing to trust him, and talk to him about her father, and all her worries and guilt. That says a lot about what she feels for him. You've written them to be such an adorable couple--reading that just now, that phrasing sounds a bit shallow, but I just mean that I'm so glad that they have each other, and they both seem to help each other so much. The last, long paragraph describes this well. Much of the world may be broken, but for Hannah, two important parts are being set right, and that's making all the difference for her.
Hopefully I made some sense in this review. It's getting late here and I'm afraid I started drifting towards incoherence. But again, I just wanted to say that I really loved this chapter!Author's Response: I really wanted this chapter to hit home with the readers and I hope I managed it. I wanted her emotion and her feelings to just come off the page and to show that through the way she sees this massive room get smaller and smaller around her until she finds what she's after.
The trust is coming in, especially after it dipped a bit a few chapters back. I completely understand the 'adorable'. It's not a relationship really based on lust or a great physical attraction, it's very much built slowly up from the foundations (trust, loyalty, respect etc.). This is probably an important turning point for Hannah as a character and I want to try and bring the difference in her personality out a bit more in later chapters.
Thank you so much for taking the time to review this! I'm so glad you're still enjoying it. It means the world to me.
Thank you! Report Review
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