I've finally found some time to read this.
It's really beautiful, the way you showed her thoughts about the dead and her own involvement and fear, or what she could or should have done more. I adored the analogy to the penny you kept throughout the narration.
Also, I really liked how you portrayed her view of Percy beside his dead brother, and the understanding of love despite the teasing and arguments between the siblings. Too often, Percy's portrayed as if witnessing Fred's death wouldn't affect him at all.
I always wondered why JKR paired Percy off with another woman, and not Penelope. This would certainly explain why, and gives a face to another one of those "fifty dead bodies" that Harry spots in the Great Hall. Poor Percy, and poor Penny!
Nothing much to comment on grammar-wise, so great work there!
All in all, a good piece from another POV during the final battle. It may have been your first try at angst, but I defintely found it worked.
xox LeoAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for taking the time to review my story! It's very good of you! Report Review
Just wow! I really, really love this story!!!Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'm glad you're loving it and stay tuned...there's a lot more to come. Report Review
Another beautiful chapter! I really feel for Scorpius and Rose; they really can't catch a break. And now Hugo seems to get involved too ... Report Review
Yay, the next instalment is up :)
I can dive right back in with Greg, and hope there's more soon. And the boys get to explore Hogwarts all on their own, though it looks like Josh is really taking the events from their last year hard.
Good start, and as I said, I'm looking forward to the next chapter,
xxx LeoAuthor's Response: I still haven't quite decided whether I'm writing this year or 2017-2018 next, however having written 15,000 words and five chapters of each of them, I figure I'm not going to make that decision so I'll just publish both and see what kind of feedback I get.
Plan is to publish alternate chapters over the next couple of weeks, then take stock and see what's going down best. Odds are I'll just end up writing both anyway as it keeps my brain from frying on one plot.
I figure it'd be difficult for Josh to react much different to this... although I can't say more as it'll spoil the backstory coming up in Ch2...
Thanks for reading, as ever!
Sheriff Report Review
I haven't read anything like that before; and I really like the idea. Especially since it deals with a rarely explored character. Looking forward to the next chapter ;)Author's Response: Thank you very much! :D
I just thought that one of them had to be a squib :P
Thanks for the review :) Keira Report Review
I loved the ending, just as much as I loved the story!
The Quidditch scenes were original, and the conflict with the Hunt was an exciting and clever highlight. The main characters from Slytherin grew on me, the four first years just as much as the fourth years. I think I told you that already, but I really like Ossy. Also, Seb intrigues me somehow, which may be because of the hints you gave about him on the train ride and what Ossy said about him, and then wasn't picked up again.
Great story all around, and kudos to you for completing it - something that's not necessarily a given with fanfiction.
You mentioned a sequel? I find both ideas - following Greg and his friends through their next year or next gen - very interesting. Having said that, I'd really miss the Beretta/Buckley duo - they were sixth years here, right? - if you opted for the next gen. Next gen might also garner more reviews, but the years in between haven't been explored that much. (haha, and how cute was it to see Harry with his new family?!)
Having said that, it's really only down to you if and what you write; I'd read both ;)
Once again, thank you for a great story, and for sticking with it!Author's Response: Thanks very much. Once I got started, I was never giving it up... think that's my Hufflepuff streak.
I am pleased that Seb comes across as intriguing rather than unfinished! I never quite got a channel to bring enough of his backstory into this, consequently I never thought of it much and he never got much screen time. Seb, of course, must be a prefect next year, which might give him some potential development.
Beretta & Buckley were indeed sixth-years, so they would definitely be back in the commentary box for the next year if I went that way... although one of them might be in contention for Head Boy - I'll leave you to guess which!
Possible plots, characters and ideas are still bouncing around in my head right now, so we'll see where it goes - I'll drop you a message on the forum if/when I post something!
Sheriff Report Review
You had me with the first paragraph, with the description of the winter scene.
I've read McGonagall's backstory on Pottermore, and I've been wanting to see it written out since then. Her reminiscing like this was a good take on it; brilliant thought to tie in the Ghost of Christmas Past like this.
Out of character, but certainly believable that she might let loose on an evening like this; just like Harry's behaviour reminded me of the moment in the Ravenclaw common room where he Crucio-ed a Death Eater for insulting his Head of House.
I love the details and descriptions, it's really a great HP Christmas tale.
Merry Christmas x Report Review
I love this story to bits! Especially the beginning, when Harry and Hermione share their 'woes' about their respective other halves. I couldn't picture them any other way than the brother/sister the other never had, which you pulled off so well here. And the How To Cope With Your Weasley group was brilliant!
I love that both twins are alive in this. Very nice idea for a prank, nothing too forced.
And Molly?! "Arthur, what have we unleashed on the world?" and "I've got five Galleons on Ginny." No doubt where the Weasleys get it from, I can just picture her saying that.
Great chapter, really well done :D
Merry Christmas! Report Review
Oh wow, that's quite some cliffhanger! It seemed to good to be true to have them be from Scorpius!
Great chapter! Report Review
Oh, that's the first entry for that challenge I've read. I have James Potter/ Prongs, and I found this very interesting.
I've always wondered what it would have been like if Remus and Tonks survived. Though, having only one of them somehow never crossed my mind, maybe because I couldn't imagine one without the other. Your take on this possibility seems fittiing, that he'd blame himself for not protecting her better.
I loved little Teddy, and how he can make his father smile despite bringing forward those memories.
Grammar and spelling were excellent, all in all, it was a really enjoyable read :)
Cheers, LeoAuthor's Response: Thank you for the review.
I never could imagine Remus without Tonks either but as I got given this for a challenge I tried to attempt it which I hope I did well.
Thankyou for liking my characterisation of Teddy. I've always imagined him more like Tonks than Remus in a way so I'm glad you thought he brought out memories.
For me, you achieved your goal pretty well; I could see it all unfold in my mind. It was intense, as such a scene should be, and had just enough details without being too gory.
I couldn't help but picture Bellatrix, even though you didn't name her, nor did you intend to.
No foreplay and no aftermath, but it worked as a glimpse of the cruelty the Death Eaters were willing to display. Well done!
Cheers, LeoAuthor's Response: Wow! Thank you!
I guess everyone imagines Bellatrix, but I only had two female Death Eater's to base her on (the other being Alecto Carrow) so I guess that is the impression that got built up.
I'm planning to write more stories centered around the Unforgivable Curses, so thanks for the feedback! :) Report Review
Once again, the moments you picked are perfect. The Dumbledore bit was brilliant.
I love how you show that side of Augusta, I've never seen her like that.
Oh, and I'd defintely want to read more ;) Report Review
Poor Augusta! To watch her husband get murdered, and to think it's not the last tragedy that will strike her.
It's also the first story I've read about the war Grindelwald waged on Europe. and I'm really impressed with it. There's a whole new era, although I can see why it's so difficult to write.
Good writing :) Report Review
Augusta is only ever mentioned as Neville's Gran, but I love the way you manage to show what she could have been like as a student. I can see her as you painted her, it seems fitting.
Great start! Report Review
I love the idea behind this, and how much thought you put into it! You now put so many 'Choice Dimensions' in my own head, it's not even funny. Usually I only do that with published original fiction, but this was just too good. That's just where it stays, though, little what-ifs scenarios in my head, I cannot probably try and copy the idea because it wouldn't end up like this.
Hoping you're alright, and busy publishing or copy-editing :) (even though I wouldn't mind an update ;) )
Thanks for an amazing story! Report Review
Matt wasn't kidding, was he? Greg just won't be deterred from his goal :)
I feel bad for Ciaran, he's found himself in a situation where he just can't win, whether he sticks with the Gryffindors, or starts talking to the 'enemies'.
Well done so far!Author's Response: Matt's known him for long enough to have a pretty good idea of how his mind works!
You're right about Ciaran, too: stuck between a rock and a hard place and much too afraid of what might happen if he tries to move... Report Review
Ah, there's a lot of tension. Though sports can sometimes do that, and with the added Slytherin-problem ...
I liked the glimpse into Ossie and Matt's friendship; Ossie's one of my favs :)
Looking forward to more!Author's Response: Sports *do* do that. I've been in that kind of changing room enough times to know what it feels like. Particularly when you don't take losing as well as you might...! Report Review
Thank you for the update *squishes*
I cannot believe that Zabini woman! I can see a whole lot of heart-ache ahead, maybe Jade and Chad using Rose to hurt Scorpius?
However many chapters there are left, I hope we get to 'accompany' Scorpius, Rose and Leo a little longer. xox Andrea Report Review
I loved this chapter as well, everything from the tension between Rose and Scorpius, and how Ron's much more astute than people give him credit for. And Leo of course :)
Thank you for posting this! Report Review
I've only found this story today by browsing the recently added stories. I wish I'd clicked on it sooner to let her know that I've read this story up to this point like I read my most favourite books: back to cover.
RIP Alicia, thank you for sharing that story with us. Report Review
I simply love your OCs, and the idea behind the story! And the Quidditch commentators really took the cake, I think they're hilarious. I can get easily bored with Quidditch-centered plots, but your way of narrating the match through Dan&Dan was a nice twist :)
Great story so far; reading on now. xxxAuthor's Response: There's not much worse to read than a dull Quidditch commentary, is there? I can't imagine how bored I'd get trying to write a play-by-play!
Glad you're enjoying it and hope you keep reading... I'm busy making painfully slow progress as I try to work out how to tie everything together in the climax! Report Review
Hey there, back for another review!
Lol, it has daffodils :D
But seriously, I thought you did a wonderful job with the prompt. Slash or not, it was a nice affectionate gesture.
I liked the way you characterised Helga, from the way she deals with the house-elf to her thoughts of the other three founders. Nice thought that she might have cooked for the first students herself; that's something I can imagine from how she chose her students.
Especially the first paragraphs were really impressive, they painted the scene for me quite nicely.
This line made me chuckle:
"Onions and Rowena's diadem were notably absent as well."
I love it when some canon detail is woven in so casually!
Really great story, it really deserves the Dobby nomination!
Cheers, LeoAuthor's Response: I know right! Daffodils bring about great stories haha!
Thank you very much for the kind review. *blushes* it means a lot to me that you thought I deserved the nomination. I was so shocked when that happened!
I'm glad you felt that this piece was so canon-compliant and great! This is always something I strive for, canon correctness.
THANK YOU SO MUCH, LEO!
--Ellie Report Review
I figured out one of them had to be Lavender maybe halfway through, and the other is Parvati, yes? An unusual pairing which I haven't read or seen before, but it could have happened. There's just little enough about them to imagine it, even though LavLav at one point went out with Ron.
I liked how you used those five words here, as a pick-up and to wrap the chapter up; a nice circle. Lol, I didn't stop to look whether this is a one-shot - just a peek into the narrator's mind and the outcome to be left to imagination - or whether there's more to come.
Either way, nice chapter, and well done on all accounts!
xox LeoAuthor's Response: Hi! Sorry for being bad and not respoding to this sooner :(
Yes, that is the pairing haha. at one point it was a one-shot, but I hope to one day continue this story and delve into the LavLav/WonWon aspect of the story. I particularly like this pairing and stand behind, it's a shame there isn't more on HPFF with them.
The five words were actually written a LONG time ago, but somehow to me they really expressed a coming out occassion and bam! this war scene popped into my head by chance. Nothing planned or organization...anywho rambling done, thank you so much for the review! I'm glad you found it well-done ;)
--E Report Review
Another excellent chapter, as far as grammar and spelling is concerned. Flow as well, although I got a little stuck which dream you were talking about, I thought it was the crash that made her think of an attack? But it's only a small detail, doesn't really distract. I thought I'd mention it :)
Haha, I can totally imagine James being a lot like Ron! And then have him boss around his younger siblings, because unlike Ron, he's the oldest. I liked Albus and Lily too. And Albus' nickname, haven't heard that one yet :)
And Ginny feels torn about accepting a promotion. I hope she talks it over with Harry, and goes for what she wants.
I like your take on the nineteen years later, that there are no problems that equal those during the two wizarding wars, but that they, too, have to deal with everyday problems. And as it seems, it's not going to center on the kids at Hogwarts, but Ginny (okay, that was an assumption on my part; so I might be wrong about that). Let's see where it goes ;)
Well done so far! ~LeoAuthor's Response: This story will indeed focus on Ginny-after I write some more of it *sheepish grin*. The story will hope all over the place because I'm an inconsistant and bored writer with nothing better to do than hop around the timeline to keep myself entertained :P
Anywho, I'm glad you are enjoying this "19 years later" spin that's going on here and will continue to enjoy it in the future. Thanks a bunch for calling it an "excellent" chapter too.
Ellie Report Review
So, I never stopped to think about Ginny in her role as a mother, and what it would mean to her having to give up Quidditch. But I can see the picture you painted very well, asking herself where the years have gone. Or that she might have resentments against her children's names. It makes sense though, and especially the way you wrote it.
Another very relatable thing was when you described her wirter's block.
Kudos to you and your betas, it was easy following the flow and just concentrate on Ginny's thoughts.
One sentence though I didn't get: I can't be young all the time anyone.
Apart from that, it was excellent :)
Good idea, from what I've read so far, and it should be interesting reading Ginny's memoires.
On to the next chapter :) ~LeoAuthor's Response: Hi! Again I apologize for the review response delay :( Sorry.
I'm glad you were able to get a clear picture and sense for the Mother!Ginny that I have shaped here. I'm glad to see that venturing outside my comfort zone worked out so well ;)
But seriously, you see all my plot before it's even written. I might have to PM you so you can help me be more unpredictable in the future haha.
Haha, oops, I meant to write "anymore" not "anyone" -great catch there!
--Ellie Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection