Reading Reviews From Member: Roots in Water
  
430 Reviews Found

Review #26, by Roots in WaterOne of the Boys: Transfiguration and Tutors

16th July 2013:
Hello there!

I really liked how you've added an extra layer to this story. The plot line I can see developping with Chase Davies promises to be quite interesting... (And is Davies related to Roger Davies?) :P

I really, really liked how you brought the story into the classroom in this chapter. The little mention you'd given earlier in this story made it so that her talent for Transfiguration wasn't completely out of the blue (though a few more references to her academics would also be nice). I liked how you had her tutor Ryan with that one spell- it made McGonagall's offer more reasonable. I would have liked to see more details about how exactly she helped him, though - just watching her wouldn't be completely helpful if he couldn't get if before from watching McGongall. Perhaps she could direct him verbally through the actions?

Chase Davies, Chase Davies... The little scene at the end of the chapter was very interesting. So he's flirting with her... And he's known as a flirt himself. I can only imagine that he doesn't have the best of intentions, but unfortunately Ella will be stuck with him for the forseeable future. He's probably going to try and sabotage the Gryffindor Quidditch team through her... *eyes Chase suspiciously*

I liked the more active role Dominique had in this chapter. It made their friendship seem more real and more equitable, instead of Dom just supporting Ella in everything Quidditch.

All in all, I think that you did a good job with this chapter. I certainly enjoyed reading it! (And now I'm really curious to read on). Good work! :D

Author's Response: layers like a layer cake! Yum!
(i forgot to mention before.) Mr. Wood is Oliver. I figured he would've retired from Quidditch by now. And Chase is Roger's son.
Dom is definitely going to be playing a bigger role in the future, never fear. Ella's boy drama brings out the best in her.
(hands up) ahhh you got me! yesh was it that predictable?
Thanks for the suggestions!
virtual hugs and butterfly kisses,
Your Jilly
(i really hope you've seen AVPM, or that reference just sounds really creepy...)


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Review #27, by Roots in WaterOne of the Boys: Crazy Girls and Campfires

16th July 2013:
Hello there!

This was certainly a nice chapter- it was good to see them interacting outside of Quidditch. :) And their meal certainly sounds delicious: marshmellows and chocolate and all sorts of yummy candy!

As I said before, it was great to see them interacting outside of Quidditch. Reading about them having fun together, laughing and chatting and having a good time, made the bond between them come alive a lot more, made it seem more real. However, I think that you could make it even more present by having Ella describe her thoughts about them more often. Your chapters are often filled with action (very appropriately), but not quite as much with emotion. I know Dominique's more of the emotion gal, but it would be great to see Ella's more personal thoughts about the guys.

The Gryffindor Quidditch team certainly seems to have its wildly fun moments. I can't believe the things that they're allowed to get away with- a bonfire on school grounds, near the forest? What would happen if it got out of control? You'd think that the teachers would have more of a tight watch on the kids... But maybe they're just indulgent of a winning team. :P

And Al's tactics do seem to be working. I'm sure that, although they may have some tough games, no one will be able to beat them (even if they spy on them like they did to the Hufflepuffs).

All in all, I think that you did a good job with this chapter. The fun everyone seems to be having was great to read and as a "filler" chapter I think it was necessary. You had the right idea about the team bonding! Great work! :D

Author's Response: Oh i love team bonding so so much and I'm glad you do too!
lack of emotions? never fear, Ella will quickly turn into an emotional lump come chapter... 10? Yeesh there's a lot of emotional drama in this gal's future.
Go Gryffindor!
-Jilly


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Review #28, by Roots in WaterOne of the Boys: Hogsmeade and Hufflepuffs

16th July 2013:
Hello there!

Wow- the first Quidditch match of the season! I think that you did a good job of jumping right into the action and then continuing on with the quick pace. As everyone knows, Quidditch is a very, very fast-paced sport. I just wish that we'd been able to hear more details about the plays of the rest of the team. However, I suppose that Ella wasn't really concentrating on them. :P

I liked the references to characters we know and love from the books. Lee Jordan certainly was a great Quidditch commentator (quite funny) and was the Mr Wood mentioned here Oliver Wood? If it was, that would be fantastic! (Although it would mean that Oliver hadn't gone on to have a big career in Quidditch and then moved on to another great job). Perhaps it's his son.

I might have mentioned this before, but it would be great to see Ella interacting with not only the Quiddtich team but also everyone else outside of Quidditch related things, particularly because no one's life is solely about Quidditch. Even Oliver had to go to class. :P Interactions off the pitch would really help to round out her character - perhaps we could learn about her family? :)

However, perhaps a view into this team bonding exercise will work just as well. :D

The comments/insults at the beginning of the chapter were a nice insight into the competitive spirit that takes hold of Hogwarts before a Quidditch game. I'm just surprised that the Hufflepuffs were so nasty - perhaps it's another sign of how things have changed since Harry went to school. :P

I noticed one small typo as I was reading: with the phrase "while he was", "when" would work better than "while".

All in all, I think that you did a good job with this chapter and I'm now going to move on to the next! :D

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked the match! Unfortunately, Ella wouldn't be able to concentrate much on the other team members without getting whacked by a Bludger. maybe i'll add a few sentences though...
Don't worry about too much Quidditch; a stretch of relatively Quidditch-less chapters commences after this one.
oh typo. awkward. thanks for pointing that out. I type most of this crap at 2 am (night owl much?) and sometimes i don't pick stuff like that up.
Thanks for your suggestions!!
xoxo Jils


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Review #29, by Roots in WaterOne of the Boys: Spying and (Not) Studying

16th July 2013:
Hello there!

Another interesting chapter. Ella was so close to actually doing schoolwork... But then she was dragged away to Quidditch related things by Finn. Oh my gosh. How on earth will she pass Fifth Year? I picture an academic intervention in her future... (But seriously- doesn't she do things other than Quidditch? :P )

I was actually quite shocked when they went to spy on the Hufflepuff team. I mean, I can definitely understand the competitive spirit and the need to win, but I'd have thought that the Gryffindors would avoid doing something that could be seen as a "Slytherin" move. Spying on a rival team is awfully sneaky and close to cheating. Their notes didn't even look that detailed (but maybe you didn't include the juciest and most informative parts of them).

I think that you're doing a good job of building the friendship/relationship between Ella and Finn. They're spending more time together, so it's natural that they're becoming closer, and they're certainly comfortable with teasing each other. They both have a more childish and fun-loving personality, which makes it easy for them to have fun together.

Of course, the more time we read and thus are able to observe them, the deeper and more dimensional their personalities and characters will become. But right now they're just nice, humourous and fluffy characters. :)

All in all, I enjoyed this chapter. It was great to see Ella interacting more with the team, especially outside of an actual Quidditch practice. It definitely shows the bond that can grow between a team. Great work! :D

Author's Response: yay Finn and Ella!
Of course they do their schoolwork, but it's no fun to write about "The Adventures of Agent 007 and Bond Girl in Study Hall!" A secret mission to spy on the Hufflepuffs is much more amusing.
Yeah, sure, it's a slytherin move, but it was a good chance to show their relationship, and to size up the competition.
(Now that you're talking about my characters becoming deep and dimensional I'm freaking out that they aren't deep or dimensional at all. Oh dear.)
Thanks again for provoking my thoughts!
-Jilly


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Review #30, by Roots in WaterOne of the Boys: Hell Week and Hazing

16th July 2013:
Hello there!

It's great to see more insight into Ella's mind, as well as her friendship with Dominique. It's nice to see that they definitely have an understanding and that even though Ella might find some of her quirks annoying (just as Dominique undoubtably finds some of hers), she understands and doesn't argue with her friend. She knows that Dom's just trying to be helpful.

The "Hell Week" was very interesting as well. I like how you included more description of the individual activities - I don't think that I could survive ten laps around the Quidditch pitch, much less that piled on top of dozens of other physical activities. It does make sense that she'd earn at least some part of their respect through physical activity- after all, that's probably what they were really doubting her on.

My one big concern is: how on Earth does this happen during the school year? Shouldn't their schoolwork be their first priority (yes, I'm more academic than athletic :P )? How can they fit their schoolwork into Hell Week, when it sounds like their every moment is spent being physical?

Not that Ella can't handle it. She sounds like an amazing athlete. But you should be careful that she's not too amazing at everything. Like it or not, beating boys at every single physical activity/challenge when the boys are equally athletic themselves is unlikely. Surely she didn't do as well with some of the activities! Perhaps, to make her seem more human, you could add in more description of her fatigue/how she's coping with the week. :)

All in all, this was another good chapter and now I'm on to the next! Good work! :D

Author's Response: (Dom: told you- i was just being helpful!
Ella: *sticks out tongue immaturely*)
Oh Hell week. to (attempt) to answer your fabulous questions:
--Hell week itself is just a normal practice time-wise, except conditioning takes up the length of the practice. so they've still got plenty of time for school. Sorry if that wasn't clear in the chapter. (Don't worry, school will threaten Quidditch in future chapters. the story's set in their OWL year for a reason (; )
--And of course, Ella isn't as good as the boys at everything (Ella: Shut UP, Jilly! you promised we wouldn't talk about those arm-wrestling contests!) I just mentioned the specific activities in which she beat the guys because they were the points where she used physical activity to prove herself worthy to them. And i tried to use activities (ex: running, swimming, sit-ups) in which it would be more realistic for a girl to beat a guy.
--I thought that I had some exhaustion in there (???) sorry if she's coming off as a superhuman tireless robot. Maybe I'll add a scene where she falls asleep in class... (Ella: Ooh yes! I choose History of Magic! Dom: No! You can't miss the lesson on Ministers of magic from 1300-1400!)
Thank you for you're insightful, thought provoking questions! They're helping me see my writing from another perspective and have given me lots of ideas of things to improve/add!

Sorry for the constant interruptions of Dom and Ella. they do that sometimes.
Much love, Jilly


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Review #31, by Roots in WaterOne of the Boys: Princess and Practice

16th July 2013:
Hello there! (again)

Another Quidditch filled chapter- and this time we got to see how she interacts with the rest of the team!

I enjoyed reading this chapter - it was nice and light and very amusing. :) Ella shouldn't feel bad about being late - it was Al's fault for not giving her better directions. How was she supposed to know that they met in the back rooms before heading out onto the field? And to choose such a hidden location... No wonder she had difficulty finding them!

The practice itself seemed interesting. The Seeker drill had obvious use, as did all of the others, and I really liked how you used the drill to allow for conversation between her and Finn. It was nice to learn more about the team (though I can't promise that I'll remember all of their names just yet).

Their conversation also answered one of my questions, which was why she hadn't tried out for Quidditch before. I can understand wanting to practice more before trying out - but four years of practice is a lot. Maybe she also had to build up her confidence. :P

I'd say that I was surprised by her outburst at Finn, which came out of seemingly nowhere, but I think that it fits in with her personality, which is already making itself evident. As well, Finn's comment was just a little too pointed for her to ignore. Geez- what is it with people underestimating a female's athletic ability? :P

I would have been interested to see more of the practice, though. It seemed short, and I didn't get a great grasp of how a typical practice would go. it would have been great to see more of their drills and to see how Al acts and directs as their captain... But I suppose there's more time for that later. :P

All in all, this was another enjoyable chapter and now I'm off to read the next one! Good work! :D

Author's Response: (for some reason I skipped this review whilst on an answering spree this summer...) so THANKS A MILLION (again) for your awesome reviews! I hope you've been keeping up with the latest chapters, and I can't wait to hear what you have to say about them!!!

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Review #32, by Roots in WaterOne of the Boys: Tryouts and Teapots

16th July 2013:
Hello there!

Oooh- what an interesting start! Though it's not my favourite genre, I always do like a good sports story (especially those about the underdog) and this is promising to fit into that category quite nicely!

Your summary caught my eye- only girl on a Quidditch team? I can already see some of the challenges and prejudices she will face. After all, there were some slights directed towards her today based on her gender. I hope that she proves to everyone just how good of a Seeker she really is!

I think that you did a good job of writing the Quidditch scene in this chapter. Writing action scenes can be difficult (I know I have problems with it), especially since you really have to make it seem like everything is happening quickly while still giving enough detail. I think that you did a good job because, while the action seemed to happen quickly, I could still visualize Ella on her broom, zooming around the Quiddich field.

I was a little surprised, though, that the tryouts for Seeker were so short. I would have thought that Albus would release the Snitch numerous times and see who had the best capture rate - just in case the first catch was a fluke/a very lucky one. I'm curious to learn your reasoning behind the Seeker tryouts. :)

All in all, I was very intrigued by your first chapter and I'm heading right off to the second one now. Ella has an interesting, spitfire personality and I'd like to see how she acts in class as well. :P Good work! :D

Author's Response: OH MY GOD I FRICKIN LOVE YOU MAN!
this chain of huge review in my account--- it's shocking that i'm not dancing with joy. THANK YOU!
yeah i guess the whole seeker tryouts was kinda... ehh. (my vocabulary is stunning, i know.) But it was the first chapter i wrote, and it could use some editing for sure. thanks for pointing that out!
THANKS AGAIN FOR THE REVIEWS. LOVE YOU.
-Jils


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Review #33, by Roots in WaterA brand new world: Prologue

16th July 2013:
Hello there!

This is certainly an interesting and dramatic start to a story! A teenage girl, girlfriend to Harry Potter and sister to Draco Malfoy, gone missing- presumably kidnapped by Death Eaters. My oh my.

I think that you did a great job of finding plenty of interesting and dramatic twists for this story. In one short chapter we've learned that Mikaela is related to the Malfoys and that she refuses to become a Death Eater. She has even become more of a target because of this. Her attempted murder by her own brother was a twist that I wasn't expecting - I didn't think that Draco would have the nerve. However, I was even more surprised when she was revived by a kiss from Harry - I'd be interested to learn more about how that particular theory of magic works.

I think that it would be great if you could include more description in general. You have a very interesting plot line and it would be a shame if your readers couldn't understand it as well because they couldn't visualize what was going on.

Everything in this chapter happened very quickly, which works well with the frantic emotions in the scenes here, but as you write more of the story more description will help your readers to better understand your characters' feelings and actions.

I also noticed one small typo. I believe you mean "pathetic" instead of "pathic" in the phrase "My pathic sister"

All in all, I think that you did a great job with this opening chapter. It certainly caught my interest and made me curious enough to read on (should there have been another chapter already). Good work! :D

Author's Response: Thank you so much. I'm new to writting so my descriptions are not very well organized. Sometimes it sounds better in my head then on paper. You will see a better side of Draco in later Chapters. His family is a bit complicated. :) Thanks for reviewing. Chapter one is on its way as soon as they validate it.

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Review #34, by Roots in WaterAncient Wonder: Ancient Wonder

13th July 2013:
Hello there!

As a person interested in Ancient Rome, I very much enjoyed this one-shot! I particuarly enjoyed all of the fun facts Lily shared, and the amazement with which they were received by her friends. I will definitely agree that the Romans accomplished some pretty amazing things... But I wouldn't have wanted to see the animal fights either. :P

I also enjoyed how you set the stage, time wise. The manner in which you incorporated references to her grandfather, the one and only Mr Arthur Weasley, straight from the start made it clear to me that this was not Lily I but rather Lily II. Hermione's trick with the water bottle was great - I wish I had the same thing on my own vacations... Or even just when I was out for a walk. It's a pain when your water bottle finishes before you do. :P

I think that you did a great job with your characterization. The comeraderie between Lily and her friends was plain to see and the differences in their levels of enthusiasm were amusing (particularly since I've been in both their position and Lily's before). I've even done the same thing as Lily did: a little white lie about how much further there was to go in order to encourage my group to keep on traveling to my destination of choice.

Your description was also great! Lily's enthusiasm and admiration of the sights came across well in her descriptions of the streets and buildings of Rome and I could quite easily picture her enjoying the sights that there are to experience.

As a sort of side note, I'm interested to know who Alice's parents are. Was she named as a sort of tribute to Neville's mom? (that is, if she's Neville and Hannah's daughter, of course).

All in all, I think that you did a fantastic job with this piece. I really enjoyed reading it! Great work! :D

Author's Response: Hello!

Thank you so much for stopping by and leaving such a lovely review!

I visited Rome myself recently and was amazed by all the things I learnt! They were pretty awesome people if you ignore the whole animal fighting and gladiators killing each other for entertainment...

Haha I would love a water bottle like that too! Even though it was the perfect oppertunity to mention Arthur anyway, I felt it was important for the reader to know which Lily was on the holiday.

I'm glad you like the girls - particularly Lily and her enthusiasm. I think we may have all done the little white lie thing. Sometimes people need extra encouragement.

Alice is Neville and Hannah's daughter and yes names after Neville's mum. I've got more planned with the three girls - this was kind of like a test run for me with them but you're very perseptive - picking up on Alice being Neville's daughter.

Thank you so much for a lovely review!

Lauren :)


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Review #35, by Roots in Water( [ { final destination } ] ): the end

13th July 2013:
Hello there!

Wow- what an interesting story! I really liked the writing style that you used; the brackets and clarifications and little notes really felt like Snape's mind because Snape has always seemed very logical and orderly and of course his mind would follow the same path.

I think that you did a great job with your description as well. Not only does the halting, somewhat scattered approach really suit the atmosphere of the story (really create the atmosphere of the story), it also appears like what I imagine to be the fog you find yourself in after death. It really helped to cement the idea that Snape is now dead, and he is moving forwards, towards the afterlife.

The sprinkling of his memories and the mentions of the woman - of Lily? - were also very well done. Everyone guesses that you re-experience your life in flashbacks after you die and Lily was arguably the most important person in his life. What I am really intrigued by is the woman. Is she Lily? Is she a figure representing Death? Is she Death herself? Or is she more simply a guide to help people reach the afterlife?

All in all, I really enjoyed this story. The style, the flow, the characterization- they all fit together fantastically and created a story that was a pleasure to read. I think that you found a really clever take on the theme of "travel" and I'm glad that you wrote this piece. You did a great job with it! :D

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Review #36, by Roots in WaterVegas: 1

13th July 2013:
Hello there!

What an interesting story! I quite enjoyed reading it through and I liked the spin you gave to the "travel" theme.

I think that you did a great job of exploring Molly's character in this piece. Through the memories it became clear that she'd had some feelings for Teddy (perhaps had even loved him) and so had left her home. It was quite interesting to see her grab the opportunity when it came, to travel with Lucas. The memories you showed of them together did a good job of showing their growing closeness as well as his continual affection (and love) for her. What would have made this development even more interesting and realistic is if you included more of her feelings in the memories, including her shifting feelings for him. That way, it would have felt even more natural when she decided that she loved him and would marry him.

Speaking of which, I did like the way that she realized that she loved him. Not only was it a good play on the expression "home is where the heart is", it also revealed her magic to Lucas, a very important thing if she is to marry him. Keeping such a large thing a secret wouldn't be very healthy in the marriage.

I think that you did a good job with your conclusion. It does a great job of summing up the purpose of the story: the girl, once sad and lonely and heartbroken, now has experienced so much more in life and has found someone new to love and live her life with. The phrase "and best of all it was Lucas" really solidified the idea that she had gotten over Teddy, which is great and absolutely necessary.

All in all, I think that you did a good job with this story and I enjoyed reading it. My one suggestion would be to make the separation between the memories and the present time even clearer, but other than that it was great! Good work! :D

Author's Response: Thanks I really enjoyed reading your review. I wanted to make everything as subtle as possible, so I'm really glad that you caught she'd had feeling for Teddy at one point. I'm also really glad you caught onto the fact that Lucas was in fact a muggle, and she not only realized she loved him, but he also realized she was magic and it really tied everything together. I was planning on making this a novella, about 6 to 7 chapters, to make everything a little bit more clearer and realistic. So you can read that once I write it, if you'd like.

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Review #37, by Roots in WaterThe Ancient circle: The traveller

13th July 2013:
Hello there!

Wow- this certainly was an interesting story! I don't think that I've quite yet managed to grasp the whole of it, but I did enjoy reading it. It was a bit like a mystery; you kept us guessing as to what would happen to Scorpius.

The beginning of the story was certainly intriguing. A bang, followed by Scorpius waking up in a strange room, then meeting the Darkest witch still alive and free? It caught my attention and kept me interested for the rest of the story, so you definitely did a great job with your chosen beginning.

The confusion in the memories served a purpose, I know. It definitely did help to set the tone of the memories and, because the reader didn't know any more than Scorpius did, made us feel just as afraid and uncertain as Scorpius did. Moreover, the memories also helped to give us some background on Scorpius, though we're still left with questions. Scorpius, at one point in his life, worked in the hospital, but now he works as an Auror. I wonder what prompted that change in career paths...

The scene where the monster attacked the pregnant lady was quite horrible. I'm assuming the Ministry wasn't able to help and the monster just disappeared on its own... But that leaves the question: why did the monster appear in the first place? You've given us as readers so many questions to ponder, and, if I didn't know that this was a one-shot, I'd be really eager to read the next chapter.

I did notice a few typos as I was reading through that I thought I'd point out, just in case you wanted to go back and edit them. To begin, with the phrase "His eyes widening immediately", it should be "widened" and with "Odoms hand, collar, and robes" it should be "Odom's". As well, with "H+ealing spell", it should be "Healing" and with "She is died" it should be "dead". Finally, with "the British branche" it should be "branch". :)

All in all, I think that you have a very interesting idea here - I was certainly intrigued by it. You did a good job with the theme of travel. Good work! :D

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Review #38, by Roots in WaterFear and Loathing in Branson: Around the World, Wizarding Style

13th July 2013:
Hello there! It's been a while since I reviewed one of your stories... Too long, in fact.

To begin, I really liked your "disclaimer". It was funny and it fit in well with the mood of the whole story.

As for the story itself, well, I found it more amusing than unsettling or totally bizarre. It was quite amusing to see Neville drunk and talking crazy talk about his adventures as a wizard. Poor Rick... He had no idea how to handle him!

I really enjoyed how you wrote this story from the point of view of a Muggle. It made the whole story even funnier because he was unable to understand who Neville was and why he was talking about magical things. If it had been written from the point of view of another wizard, or even Neville himself, it would not have had the same effect.

Neville's confusion even in telling his own life story was quite funny as well. I felt just as confused as Rick did when Neville turned on him for "accusing" him of leaving Luna behind. The sentences about Rick not even understanding what Neville was saying because he was using British slang really added to the effect as well.

I'm actually quite curious to know what Neville was really talking about when he talked about Luna wanting to "have it off". I imagine that it was about Luna wanting to discuss all sorts of potentially non-existant magical creatures, but I'm not sure. Rick's confusion confused me!

The characterization of everyone in this story was very well done. Rick was a great narrator and both Neville and Luna were easily recogizable from their personalities in the novels. Neville's ramblings about how he didn't want some of the responsibilities that came with being considered a hero fit in very well with the Neville we know and love from the books and Luna was, well, very Luna. She's a difficult character to write but you definitely managed to capture her spirit here.

And now, to complete my method of no order whatsoever in a review, I will say that I really liked how you introduced the interaction between Rick and Neville. There poor Rick was, trying to help Neville out- he didn't know what he was getting himself into. He made an innocent and completely common remark that, unfortunately, was not so common among Wizarding folk. And it was all downhill from there. :)

All in all, I really, really enjoyed reading this one-shot. You definitely seem to have a knack for writing funny stories- for writing stories of any genre, really. You certainly did a great job with this one! :D

Author's Response: Hi, Roots!

The thing is, this is the first thing I've written since Slytherin Career Day which wasn't meant to be anything other than funny. OK, technically it was meant to earn points for the House Cup, but that's neither here nor there. If somebody got a good laugh out of it, that was all I was after.

What's with the quote marks around "disclaimer"? I don't know what things are like over in Hufflepuff, but in Gryffindor we take the welfare of Nargles and other dubiously extant magical species *very seriously*. ;)

Writing a story from the PoV of an American muggle, especially one of the southern persuasion, is something I've always thought would be really funny. There's enough culture clash there to power a small city. Drunken Neville seemed to me like a fairly straightforward extension of the Neville we see near the end of DH. A Neville who's more or less been pushed past the point of worrying about things like propriety and his own safety. This is a Neville who's seen and overcome so many dark and dangerous things -- Snape, the Carrows, Nagini, Greyback -- that being drunk in a bar in a strange city on another continent doesn't really bother him very much.

Rick was loosely based on several of my redneck uncles. OK, maybe it wasn't actually *that loose*. He rationalizes things and responds to Neville pretty much exactly the way I'd imagine my uncles reacting. He has a certain swagger, an attitude that says, "I'm going to help you and you'd better pay attention because I know what I'm talking about."
In this case, of course, he doesn't really have any idea what he's talking about. So the fun begins...

I wasn't sure what people would make of Luna. Her quirks were obviously exaggerated a fair bit for comedic effect in this, *but*, in a weird sort of way, I could actually see her behaving like this. After all, she's the girl who didn't really have any friends until her fourth year. Then the war is over and she's all on her own with this guy who fancies her and she sort of fancies him. And this is Luna we're talking about. She doesn't have the type of emotional hang-ups that plague us mere mortals. It's all just biology to her. That's the way I rationalized it, anyway. Your mileage may vary.

I'm not sure what else I can say. I'm really glad that you enjoyed the story. Oh, and "have it off" means what Rick initially assumed that it did. It has nothing to do with housekeeping. ;)

Thanks for reading and reviewing!


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Review #39, by Roots in WaterThe Motorbike: The Motorbike

13th July 2013:
Hello there!

My, what an interesting range of stories the House Cup has brought into existence! I never would have thought of writing about Sirius' own experiences that night... But you did a great job of it yourself!

I really liked your characterization of Sirius in this story. His panic at the beginning fit in very well with the atmosphere of the story and did a great job of showing just how much the war had affected everyone. His desire to leave his flat, to move about and be with people, fit in well with the Sirius we know from the books. After all, he hadn't been very happy about being locked away in Grimmauld Palace for months on end. His panic and despair when he realized what must have happened with Peter was very good as well, although I'm a little surprised his mind wasn't also consumed with anger towards Peter. Perhaps it was too focused on the devastation of his friends' and godson's deathes would bring.

I also liked how you included Hagrid in this story. It was a nice tie-in to canon and a good explanation of how Hagrid obtained Sirius' motorcycle. It was interesting to see Sirius' rational for giving up the bike. I wonder if he had a glimmering of knowledge about where he would spend the next twelve years of his life, or if he had just decided that he didn't need his bike to take down Peter (the rat).

The details you included in this piece were really nice. I particularly liked how you wrote that Sirius took the straight path that night instead of the longer routes he usually took- it was a small note that helped to reveal more of Sirius' character.

All in all, I think that you did a good job with this piece. Everything flowed together smoothly and it was an enjoyable read. Good work! :D

Author's Response: I've had a few notes about minor stuff with Peter and the idea that he might be consumed with anger is a good one. I'll definitely put some more focus on that when I do a rewrite.

Thank you for all your comments! They're all so lovely and helpful, I'm very glad you liked reading it. :)


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Review #40, by Roots in WaterFollow Me Down: Follow Me Down

13th July 2013:
Hello there!

Wow- this is such an original story. I really enjoyed reading this story- I think that you did a great job with your characterization, your description... Everything, really.

To begin, I really liked the idea for this story. There aren't too many stories centered around Rosmerta, but she's an interesting character in her own right. And to learn more about her (potential) past was fascinating. You did a good job of mixing in her memories of the past with her actions in the present.

The town she's from sounds charming, though our viewing of it was tainted by the sadness of Rosmerta's loss. I found the mystery of the wishing well quite interesting. Although it could be considered cheating, at least Jaxson didn't use it to do any harm. Instead, he used it as confirmation of his own feelings, and I can't begrudge him that. I'm also glad that Jayden didn't reveal its secret to Rosmerta. Like he thought, it would have ruined some of the memories for her.

Rosmerta's relationship with Jaxson, and her relationships with the other members of his family, were very well written. The manner in which you described them gave them a complexity that is very true to life. Although I wished that you'd have written in more of her interactions with Jaxson, so that we could better see what their relationship was like when he was alive (like why did he leave it so long before returning to get her?), you did a great job of describing everything within the word count.

The change in her relationship with Jayden was very interesting, particularly because it was a brother falling in love with his (long dead) brother's fiancee. However, you made it feel natural.

As well, I also really liked your description. It made everything come alive and your manner of writing really suited the tone of the story.

I did notice a few typos as I was reading and I thought I'd point them out. To begin, with the phrase "spending the better part", I think it would flow smoother if you added "after" before "spending". As well, with "the first to speak", should it be "first two"? And with "he dare not", I believe it should be "dared".

All in all, I think that you did a fantastic job with this one-shot. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. Great work! :D

Author's Response: Roots in Water,

Thank you dearly for taking a chance on this story and for leaving this wonderful, in-depth review! Wow. It is hard to know how to respond...

Yes, Rosmerta is quite a minor character and there isn't much written about her. My mother-in-law owned her own restaurant for years and I was always perplexed with the amount of work she had to do to keep it going. You have to be smart and work hard. It is not for the weak. To, me, Rosmerta needed to fit the personality. :)

Also, many men fancied her, which tells me she probably wasn't without offers over the years. :)

Oh, I'm so glad you liked the town and it's 'magical' wishing well. Yes, it was certainly cheating, but they did not use it for harm. And Jayden is a good fellow to not mention it. :)

Thanks for mentioning the interactions with family. In real life, we all might not agree with what to do when someone dies. People deal with grief differently. Thanks so much for thinking it was realistically written.

And oh, that word count! I struggled and butchered many details to try to get the word count down, down, down. Ugh! It was grueling and a true challenge to cut precious moments/feelings/scenes.

And thank you for saying that it felt natural. Falling in love with a brother's former love would be awkward and feelings would be restrained, perhaps never revealed.

You give me wonderful compliments to me as a writer. I really appreciate it very much.

And thanks for pointing out a few things to work on. :)

Thank you sincerely,
Dark Whisper


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Review #41, by Roots in WaterA Picnic to Remember : The Surprise

13th July 2013:
Hello there!

You know, even though I don't usually read Next Gen, I still hear things about the cliches of this time period and I was very glad that you had not gone for the more typical version of the Dominque/Teddy/Victoire love triangle.

I really liked how you wrote this piece because it was easy to sense that the friendship, the relationship, between Dominque and Teddy had grown and deepened over the past few years. It wasn't under the shadows of Victoire and her relationship with Teddy. Instead, it was something of its own and the feelings they have for each other seemed more real because of this. Victoire won't have much to complain about because not only was she the one to break up with Teddy but it's been several years since they were a couple.

Their relationship seemed very cute and fun. It was very interesting to learn that Teddy liked to take Dominique on "surprises" all the time and I liked how he continued with the tradition to ask a very important question. My one (silly) concern is this: if Dominique had not returned his affections, the Portkey back home would have been very awkward, because that would have been their only way back home. They would not have been able to avoid each other immediately after the problem arose in his declaration of his affections. But luckily that didn't turn out to be a problem. :)

In fact, I liked how you made it clearer that this wouldn't be a problem with your hints of both of their feelings before the big revelation. They definitely helped in making the end of the story more enjoyable and more believable.

All in all, this was a cute one-shot. It's kind of funny that Dominique would be okay with him just watching her as she read - I would have found that awkward myself. :P Good work! :D

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for reading and reviewing.

I am glad that you found my Dom/Teddy away from cliche.

I am pleased you could feel the relationship between Dom/Teddy. Yes, Vic can't have much to complain =)

Its good to know that you liked the little things in the story like Teddy continuing with the surprise tradition to ask her out. It was a cute thing in my mind so glad it paid off =) Haha yes the portkey back home would have been awkward though in my defines I think Teddy kind of sensed that Dom had feelings for him and then made his move xP

I wanted to show that they both felt the same before they moved on to the big step, haha. Glad it helped it make believable and enjoyable for you.

Haha my boyfriend loves watching me read and somehow I don't mind so I put that bit of me in Dominique too. Glad you liked this, thank you!


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Review #42, by Roots in WaterAccidental Apparition: Destination Destination Destination

13th July 2013:
Hello there!

This was a lovely one-shot. I really liked how you explored Lily's character in this story. Quite often she can be portrayed as someone who is perfect with her schoolwork and very charming with everyone. However, you gave her a more human side.

The war would definitely have impacted her character and I think that the consequences you explored were very realistic and believable. Of course she would start to suffer - after all of the stress she's under and all of the insults thrown her way, it would've been a miracle if she remained untouched by her surroundings.

It was interesting to have her accidentally apparate to a beach from her childhood. It made sense that she would want to seek comfort in a stress-free environment and her visit to the beach certainly seemed to do her good. Trying to reappear in cold, rainy Hogsmeade doesn't seem like a very good goal. :P

I'm glad that you had James go after her. Their interactions on the beach seemed to help her to see him in a different light, particuarly the fact that he cared enough about her to try and find her after she didn't show up at the intended destination. Your theory about how he was able to find her was also interesting - it makes sense that you're also able to focus on people and apparate to them, instead of a destination, but that would also be very dangerous during the war. Imagine if Death Eaters could find somebody simply by concentrating on them!

There were a few moments in this story where I think that you used exclamation points unnecessarily/in places that they didn't really fit. For example, when Lily says "Thank you for today!", she says it timidly, and an exclamation point does not indicate timidness. But it's a small thing in the grand scheme. :P

All in all, I think that you did a good job with this one-shot. It was enjoyable to read and I really liked this look into how Lily and James' relationship started to turn for the better. Good work! :D

Author's Response: Hi, thank you very much for the lovely review :)

I'm glad you liked my characterisation of Lily and that you found the consequences of her situation realistic and believable.

I had her Apparate to a beach from her childhood as, to her, it was a time when life was simple and carefree, a complete contrast to the way her life is at that present time. I also felt it showed the importance of Determination and Destination in the 3 D's of Apparition (Lily certainly didn't have any Deliberation in her Apparition ;)) As you said, cold, rainy Hogsmeade isn't a very good goal - especially in Lily's state.

Initailly I wasn't going to have James go after her :0 and it was going to be a completely different story. As I wrote the first part, it all changed, so I'm glad you like that James went after her and their interactions on the beach. As to my theory on how he found her - to Apparate to a person rather than a particular place, you'd have to feel very strongly and passionately about the person, as James does. Yes that would be dangerous during the war, but in my mind it is a very rare occurrence ;p

Eek! *hides* I am a great over-user of the exclamation mark, especially in texts, posts etc -.- I just can't help it! I usually try to curb this habit in stories, but a few seem to have made their way in! I totally see your point with that example and will go through and get rid of those unneeded exclamation marks. (I have had to really resist using them in this response ;))

Anyway, I'm glad you enjoyed reading and thanks again for such a lovely review! ♥


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Review #43, by Roots in WaterJust Keep Running: Just Keep Running

13th July 2013:
Hello there!

Wow! What a dark take on the theme of traveling! I haven't read an entry yet, I don't think, that dealt with the idea of traveling as fleeing, but this was well done.

I liked your explanation of why she ran. Her love, perhaps the love of her life, died, died in battle, and she blames herself for it. She's trying to outrun her pain, but she can't. She doesn't want to have to face it. The only problem is that she can't avoid it forever. At some point she will have to come to terms with her grief.

And to be pregnant! I liked the hint you gave a bit before the big revelation, because it made the pregnancy more believable, less out-of-the-blue. Trying to forget her sorrows or not, pregnancy would definitely be on her mind because it's such a life-changing event. If the hint hadn't been there, the pregnancy twist would have been a lot more of a shock and less pleasant because of it.

Your description was also well done. It suited the atmosphere of the story very well and definitely contributed to our understanding of her pain.

However, even though I understand why she's running, I'm still hopeful that eventually she'll return to England. The Weasleys would be more than happy to help her, especially because of her unborn baby. Fred's child. Molly would be very sad if she knew that she was missing out on being a part of one of her grandchildren's lives.

All in all, I think that you did a good job with this story. It was definitely very angsty, but I really hope that things will work out for her, that she will eventually become happier. She can't run forever from her problems, especially not with a baby on the way. :P Good work! :D

Author's Response: Hello there.

I wouldn't have said dark take but that is a really interesting way to look at it. I wanted to make the entry a little more unique in that way!

You've got the feelings down well as that is exactly why she ran. She doesn't know what to do in a way because she doesn't want to face reality.

Also the pregnancy! Yeah I added in the drinking hint at the beginning to throw people off because I didn't want it to seem so unbelievable at the same time.

Angelina will return to England. I have a scenario in my head for her which I might one day write as a follow up to this because I would love to write about the progression of Angelina and George but also how people came to terms with Fred's child being around!

I'm glad you liked it!


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Review #44, by Roots in WaterThe Muggle Experience: Who needs magic?

13th July 2013:
Hello there!

And this is why it's good to have at least an understanding of the language before you travel somewhere... Although some might argue that having to navigate without that knowledge just adds an extra layer of excitement to the trip.

Wow. Poor Hannah and Neville. I think that you did a great job of showing the panic that comes with realising that you're in over your head. Without knowing the language, they really had no way of asking anyone for help or checking their directions.

I'm curious to know why their bus driver just left the bus. Was there some cue that they missed? Is there some big difference between how buses work in China and how buses work elsewhere? At least they were able to communicate enough with the lady in the store. She was very nice and helpful- just what they needed after their stressful journey.

It's interesting to see Hannah and Neville's relationship, particularly because it didn't start until after the Battle of Hogwarts (perhaps much after). I think that you did a good job of showing their relationship. They're obviously close and they're able to tease each other.

One thing I do wish you'd explored a bit more was their reasoning behind going to China. Was it because they wanted to experience a culture very different from their own? If that's the reason, it also fits in very nicely with their reasoning for wanting to experience things the Muggle way.

I also noticed one typo: in the phrase "will make this worst", "worst" should be "worse".

All in all, I think that you did a good job with this one-shot. It definitely explored one of the pitfalls of traveling to another country, but luckily there was a happy ending. Good work! :D

Author's Response: Thank you so much for this review and really, sorry for the delay. It's been one crazy year and I completly let you guys down.

I'm glad you liked this story though and I'm pleased that you feel I let the emotion pass through the page.
Their relationship is one I cherish a lot. It's really up to us right? Hannah is a pretty unknown character and it's fun to play with her.

Thanks again!


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Review #45, by Roots in WaterPercy's Day Off: Down to Breakfast

13th July 2013:
Hello there!

Oooh- a story about Percy, perhaps the least liked of all the Weasleys. And you managed to capture him in his state before he returned to his family during the Battle of Hogwarts, before there even became a problem with his loyalties during the war.

I think that you did a great job with Percy's characterization in this story. He wasn't just pompous here; instead, you gave him slightly more depth. Percy has goals, ambition, and while he loves his family, he also wants to achieve something more. He's too busy for the few hours that are in the day, but he also understands why his parents (particularly his mother) act the way they do, even if he doesn't like it.

Speaking of which, I also really liked your characterization of the rest of the family. Molly's concern, Arthur's role as the pacifier, Fred and George's antics at the table, and Ginny's ability to find amusement in their antic all fit in very well with the characters we know and love from the books.

You also did a good job of setting the timeframe for this story without outright stating when it took place. The references to reports about cauldron thicknesses and Mr Crouch did a great job of letting the reader know that this takes place in the summer of the "Goblet of Fire".

I noticed one typo as I was reading. When Molly speaks, the phrase "me and your dad" should actually be "your dad and I" (unless you were using the other phrase for effect, of course).

You also did a good job with the flow in this story. Everything went together smoothly and, although Percy is quite the internal narrator, his thoughts didn't slow down the pace of the story.

All in all, I think that you did a good job with this story about Percy's (only) day off. I enjoyed reading it! Good work! :D

Author's Response: Thank you for such a long and insightful review.

Percy is a character that needed further examination, I think, and he was a bit ripe for it. I really wanted to step away from his snooty nature with this piece, and try to show that was a good son before everything went south. He might even have been the best son until his ambitions got the better of him.

I notice you didn't mention Ron's characterization, and that's a minor victory for me. I barely mentioned him on purpose, because I always felt like Ron was the in-between child. Nothing flashy or overly loud for him, and he barely gets noticed in a family where there are much stronger personalities at work. So maybe I got that one right.

The setting was important, because I wanted to catch him at his best. Goblet of Fire was an important part of the story for Percy, because it is his in-between part. In that book he went from being a devoted member of the family to someone who became more devoted to ambition. My sister always said that Percy should have been a Slytherin, but I disagreed. I think the truth about him is revealed when he finally comes back to his family, at the darkest of times.

I am glad you enjoyed it, and I enjoyed getting your review.

Thanks for the R&R

Ken


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Review #46, by Roots in WaterAn unexpected journey: An unexpected journey

13th July 2013:
Hello there!

Oooh- another Charlie story! I've always liked reading about Charlie Weasley and it's an added bonus that this takes place when he was a teenager, and not later in life.

First of all, I really liked how you set up this story. Elspeth's section at the beginning of the story really made her role here come alive. Instead of just being a random Muggle for Charlie to fall on, she became a character we could have sympathy for, a character with a little more depth. She also, however, became a character we could have a little giggle at, since we all knew what was going to land right on top of her "quiet life".

I'm really glad that she was both unhurt after Charlie's landing and that she was so nice about everything. It probably did help that Charlie was kind and apologetic himself. As for her coming up with the explanation of his entrance herself, well, I imagine that's how a lot of magical folk get away with things, since the Muggles aren't looking for a magical explanation, just a Muggle one.

I also really liked Charlie's introduction scene. He definitely fit into my mental image of his teenaged self. Slightly rebellious and impatient, he probably fits the type for most teenagers. :P I also liked Molly's little bit - you definitely caught her character in the few words she featured in. :)

My only bit of confusion is how quickly Arthur was able to track Charlie down. I wouldn't have thought that they'd be able to track Apparation, but maybe they set up tracking spells on the hopeful Apparators, just in case they went astray from their destination, just like Charlie did?

Anyway, all in all, I think that you did a great job with this one-shot. It was quite cute and I really enjoyed reading it. Great work! :D

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Review #47, by Roots in WaterA Peculiarity of Sorts: A Peculiarity of Sorts

13th July 2013:
Hello there!

Oooh- a story about how Luna and Rolf came to be is always interesting, mostly because their characters are so interesting themselves.

I think that you did a great job with the description in this story. I could quite easily picture Luna skipping along in the rain, a dash of colour on the grey, grey day, just as I could also easily imagine Rolf's appearance. They'd be quite a pair, with their colourful and unusual clothing choices.

I liked how you wrote their interactions. It was quite cute to learn that Rolf had purposefully scheduled his return so that it would coincide with hers and it's fantastic that they both are interested in the same sort of creatures - those that don't exist.

However, even though your characterization was good, I felt that there was a little bit of Luna missing. While you got her physical oddities down pat, there's something about the way she talks that also makes her seem odd to those around her. She has a different way of talking - more abrupt, less cautious of what she's saying - that would be fantastic to see more of here. To me, she seemed slightly too logical and all put together during her first conversation with Rolf... But then again she could have simply changed a lot since the Battle of Hogwarts.

I did really like the flow of this story. Everything went together smoothly and there weren't any hiccups to take a reader out of the story.

As well, I also liked your conclusion. It did a great job of setting up the beginning of the their relationship while also giving the piece a sense of finality.

All in all, I enjoyed reading this one-shot. It was well done and a nice take on the theme of traveling. Great work! :D

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Review #48, by Roots in WaterRunning Away: On the Run

12th July 2013:
Hello there!

Ah- so it's the first appearance of the infamous motorcycle! Haha- I like this version of how he comes across it.

I enjoyed reading this story. I think that you did a good job with Sirius' characterization as well as his run from Grimmauld Palace. You could definitely see why he ran here (not that the reasoning behind his decision to run was ever in question) and it makes sense that a huge fight was the event to spark his running. It's actually quite sad how quickly his mother acted against him in ensuring his separation from the family name.

I think that it was a really good choice to include Sirius' encounters with the Muggles during his journey, for, as you wrote, they cemented his idea that he had made the right choice. Imagine if he had met a rude Muggle though... Although I doubt he would have changed his mind, it would have put an unnecessary damper on his journey to James' house.

I do have a question, though: what was the diner doing open at 2:00 am, if my math serves me correctly? That's either awfully late or awfully early for a diner to be open...

The manner in which you have portrayed the relationship between Sirius and Regulus is different than what I have in my mind, though no less good for that fact. I'd always imagined that they were less friendly with each other, more resentful of the other's views and life decisions, though below it would remain an element of the affection they once carried for each other. However, their relationship certainly wasn't the focus of this story and you did well with the little appearance Regulus made in this story.

All in all, I think that you did well with this story. Everything flowed together smoothly and it was an enjoyable read. Good work! :D

Author's Response: Thanks for the read and review! I'm glad you liked this. I had a lot of fun writing it! The bike thing just kinda came to me as I was writing and I fell in love with the idea!

As far as the diner...I must admit to knowing NOTHING about London or any other country outside of the US (I know...very ignorant) but does the UK not have all-night diners? I know we do here, but if they don't over there then I messed up with that one. LOL!

With Regulus...I always imagined them to be on an amiable level at least until Reg joined the Death Eaters. Like their relationship was on some sort of slippery slope sliding slowly into a vague dislike.

Thanks so much again for reading and sharing your insight!


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Review #49, by Roots in WaterMum's the Word: Romania

12th July 2013:
Hello there!

I definitely enjoyed this "silly little one-shot". Charlie Weasley has always been such an interesting character for me and here's a one-shot with him as the main character... And it's about his desire to become a Dragon Tamer, to boot!

I think that you did a fantastic job with this one-shot. Your description was great- it was very easy to visualize Charlie in each of the situations he found himself in.

As well, I really enjoyed your characterization. Charlie's determination and love for his job was crystal clear. Furthermore, his immaturity was also present; his mother had good reasons for not letting him go (even though I agree with him that it was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity) and he shouldn't have chosen a magic carpet bought from a hag in Knockturn Alley as his method of traveling over water/high above land. He could have been hurt a lot worse than he was.

Speaking of which, the turn this story took was unexpected, but ended up working out so much better. If Charlie had managed to go all the way to Romania, the story would have had to have been much longer in order to cope with the fallout.

As it is, I really liked Arthur's role in this. It demonstrated his role as a father in a very good light and fit in beautifully with what we know of him from the books: slightly scared of his wife and more indulgent of his childrens' follies.

I think one of my favourite parts in this one-shot is the concluding line from the first section, the one about Charlie having to find some trainers before he left because the window sill was too cold. It made me laugh - it was such a well-placed bit of humour!

All in all, I think that you did a fantastic job with this one-shot. Everything flowed smoothly together and formed a very well put-together story. Great work! :D

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Review #50, by Roots in WaterThe Twenty Two: Scotch Bonnets, Cakes and Buses

12th July 2013:
Hello there!

I really liked this one-shot. There aren't as many stories about traveling on buses as there should be. For such an unreliable form of transportation, there are plenty of stories to be found on them, because of all the people you're surrounded with. I have quite a few stories myself.

I think that you did a great job with your characterization. Tibbie sounds like the average teenage girl: self-conscious, particularly around those she's nursing a crush on. I'm glad that she got the courage to actually speak with "Elbow Patch Guy", even if it was only to say "hello". It's too bad that he turned out to be mean, but at least it shut down their conversation right off... And allowed her to meet Henry, a much nicer and friendlier boy. As you said, it was a nice change on the old cliche.

Her narration (or, rather, your narration in her voice) was very well done. It definitely fit her age and made her instantly relatable. At several points during the story I just wanted to tap her on the shoulder and say that her eyesight was more important than some guy, that she was probably a lovely human being and she needn't belittle herself so. But that's the sign that you've done your job well as a writer, so congratulations, I guess. :)

I noticed one typo as I was reading, and I thought I'd point it out for when you go back for editing (which it seems you'll do, as per your Author's Note). It was, quite simply, "Muggle transport"; I think it would sound better as "Muggle transportation". But then again that could simply be personal preference. :P

All in all, I think that you did a great job with this one-shot. It was thoroughly enjoyable and it did a great job of exploring an often-unexplored area of travel. Great work! :D

Author's Response: Hello! Thank you for the absolutely awesome review! Like really awesome- full of awe. Idk, it was great. Buses are fantastic for stories, aren't they?

I really tried to show the teenagers of the world through Tibbie. I mean, we don't all get our Elbow Patches, (in fact really 99% of people don't haha). Anyway, I'm glad you thought I'd got away from the cliche!

Ugh, as I was writing about the glasses I was just thinking 'oh dear Tibbie, you're so silly' but I decided that that was the sort of effect I was going for /anyway/. Anyway wow I'm glad you think i've done my job as a writer well because like that means a lot and yeah you've made me REALLY happy!!

I'll certainly go back and edit, so thank you for pointing that out!

Anyway, thank you so much for the fantastic review, it was really a pleasure to receive!


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