This is so good. I love the format, the way that it's written so that it's in the present and is just like a stream of thoughts. And also just the subject - it was beautiful to read. I loved reading the first half in particular.
Don't know what else to say. :P
I enjoyed it very much.
-EllieAuthor's Response: Well, this was fun - and really intense - to write. And I'm glad you liked my Tonks, because she's one of my favourite characters.
Thank you so much for your review! :) Report Review
I think this is a good start. :)
I love the bit about flobberworms haha :PAuthor's Response: Haha thank you!! Hope you enjoy the rest Report Review
This is so good. I am sobbing inside. I've never really been a Harry/Hermione shipper, but I thought I'd give this a go anyway and blimey. You've converted me. I could go on for ages about how beautiful this story is but I don't have time and I don't have the words so I'll just say asdfghjkl;lkjhAuthor's Response: ajashskdldnd thank you so much. I'm so happy I've converted you heh. They're great, those two. Thank you so much for leaving a review. This really means a lot. Report Review
OK, I just realised in my other review that I said Snape/Nora, which is such a fail haha. I meant Sirius, but you probably knew that ;)Author's Response: ...For some reason I read it as Sirius/Nora, anyway. lol, just goes to show that I see what I want to see! Thank you for loving Nora and Sirius!! Report Review
I just wanted to review this to say that this is my favourite story on HPFF ever. Snape/Nora is like my OTP haha.
It's just so well written and gah I love it so much and I love you so much for writing it asdfghjkl;lkjhgfdsajk;lAuthor's Response: Aww, thank you!! No one really reads this story anymore, since it's been finished for ages, so it's a treat to see people crop up randomly and tell me their opinions!
So happy you enjoyed! Report Review
Hi, I'm the person who made your banner for you :)
I tried to message you on TDA but you were offline before I could get to you. So what I wanted to say was could you credit me please? You've put the banner up but forgotten to credit.
It's enchantress @ TDA.
(good story btw)
EllieAuthor's Response: Oh, I'm so so so so so so so so so so so sorrry! I must have forgotten, I'll do it right away. Report Review
I like this story! I like your style! :D Unfortuanely I do not know the song this chapter was after D:
And if you wouldn't mind me pointing out the banner's by enchantress not enchanted. :)Author's Response: thanks (for the compliments, review, and pointing out my mistake)! whoops about the miscredit. the song's pretty good, but not too well known. if you've ever been to an ice hockey game, you might know it, but...
anyways, please keep on reviewing in the future! Report Review
Hello. I just thought I'd read this as I made a banner for it and thought I should. :) It's a really beautifully written story, btw. It's nice to hear about Severus' life once in a while, knowing that he wasn't lonely through all of it. :P I'm glad I made a banner for the story, anyway, because it deserves one!
P.S. remember to credit me as enchantress @ TDA for the banner!
P.P.S are you on the forums? I think i've seen you around there before? do you happen to be in hufflepuff? if you are, you might know me. i'm NARIS :DAuthor's Response: Okay in accordance to your review
1) Thanks for reading it
2) Crap! I forgot! I'll put it on there ASAP
3) Yeah I'm webeta on the forums(Hey NARIS!) Report Review
please update soon, I really like this story! Oh, and merry christmas! :)Author's Response: I will submit my next chapter for validation as soon as the queue opens up after Christmas break :)
Thank you for reading and reviewing!!
Merry Christmas to you, too. :) :) :) Report Review
Review you requested on NARIS's reviews over at the forums.
I really enjoy your writing style, it reminds me a lot of my own: saracstic, one word sentences and one line paragraphs.
I do love those one line paragraphs.
What could be better is that nearing the end when you were describing Laney's friends you sort of just dumped the information on us. Perhaps you could think up a more subtle way of introducing them.
All in all, a very wonderful start! *Goes and adds to favourites*
EleanorAuthor's Response: Hi Eleanor! (Wicked name by the way!)
Sorry it's taken me forever and a day to respond to your review! I really appreciate your time! And who couldn't adore those one-liners? They're so wicked. I just love 'em. And yeah, I need to revise this first chapter! Thanks for your time doll!
ash Report Review
For your request on NARIS' review thread.
Not much happened this chapter, and it was also quite short, but none the less, the twins' mischevious character is showing well and I like how you showed how Alicia and Katie are the more serious ones, whilst Brienne and Angelina are the opposite.
The grammar, sentence structure, and all the rest of it is great, you just need something to happen.Author's Response: :D Thanks! I'll take what you said in mind about trying to spice it up a bit. Perhaps combine it with the previous chapter. Thanks again! Report Review
Hello, it's NARIS doing your requested review from my review thread :)
There's not too much grammar mistakes at all, apart from in this sentence 'However Fairy Tales and happily ever after doesn’t exist.', where it should be don't instead of doesn't, and I don't find the capital letters on the fairytales completely neccesary. Fairytale is also one word.
Present tense, when used correctly and well, can be interesting to read. Fortunately, you seemed to have mastered the art of telling a story in the present tense, so well done.
The punctuation in the writing is wrong in some places, I suggest you take a look in the forums, in Writer's Resources, in Grammar Guidelines, in Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Dialogue. (I would have posted a link but you're not allowed to do that in reviews)
It really helped me when I had problems with dialogue, so do tell me if you found it helpful too!
Your character names are different, and I think that having unique names is good at giving your story a certain standing out there. If two friends had both read your story, along with other stories, they would immediately know what the other was talking about just by them mentioning the name of the character.
Over all, a very good start. Well done!Author's Response: Thanks! I'll fix that in a jiffy..
I'm glad you think I can do present tense well, I'm never too sure about it. I just noticed that I switched around a lot so I figured I had to choose one and present won out.
I'll check out the forums. I'm sure they will be very helpful-Thanks
I like unique names, or ones that stand out at least.. Fionn just happens to be the name of a favourite singer of mine so I just went with it.
And again, Thank you for the review and advice : D Report Review
Okay... a bit random... but good. Still good. Apart from a lot of spelling mistakes, it was enjoyable to read!
Eleanor :)Author's Response: Oh ok. Yer i know about all the dodgy spelling. You wernt there when we wrote it because you were on the ohter coach but it was fun!!! Thanks for your advise. I might spell check it later when the valadation time is very low.XXX Glad you enjoyed reading it because there going to be loads more magicpuffle stories coming out! YAY.
Love magicpuffle Report Review
It was definitely unique. No one else has ever written about Luna's parents, so it was good to read something new. There are a few mistakes but none of them really put me off of the reading. You have a good writing style which is interesting and engaging.
I might just go and check out some of your other stories!
Review for your request on NARIS's Reviews.Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I'm glad you thought it was good and unique! :) Report Review
You really have put Snape in a different perspective, which I really love. At first, when I saw on your pairings that Snape/Hermione was listed I wasn't looking forward to reading your story because I'm not that fond of that ship.
But, actually, you've got me pleasantly surprised! The flow was good, the plot left you guessing and the characters were well in character.
Review for the one you requested on NARIS' reviews.Author's Response: Thank u so much. I love it when people give my fic a try, despite it being a Sevmione. Thanks for the awsome review! *hugs* Report Review
This is actually pretty good. I was put off of it because the title is a bit plain and the summary doesn't really draw you in. I was pleasantly surprised! I hope you continue, but perhaps you could sort out the thing with the paragraphs starting a few spaces ahead? It's a bit off-putting.
Update soon!Author's Response: thanks so much! haha, i know what you mean about the title - i was never all that creative with titles! as soon as i come up with something a little more exciting, i'll change it! Report Review
It's very short, however, the emotion is coming out, which is awesome!
I loved the last bit as well!
NARISAuthor's Response: :D Thanks very much! Report Review
I wasn't really into the story so much for the previous chapters, but I've finally gotten into it this chapter! The twins are well characterized, and some of your descriptions are pretty good. I, as a reader, am not feeling a very big connection with Brienne at the moment. You need to make Brienne connect with the reader, emotionally.
Review for your request for NARIS.Author's Response: Hi! Thanks very much for taking the time out to review! :D Report Review
The idea is definitely original. Not many people have written about relationships with Peter, often going for the more handsome of the Marauders.
For a prologue there's a lot of stuff happening, which is great.
The grammar, flow, and characterization are all perfect!
There really is nothing I can say bad about this except that it's not really something that I would be drawn to read since Peter has never really sparked any interest with me.
Review from NARIS.Author's Response: Hi, thank you for leaving a review! My old story barely had any Peter stuff and I remembered getting reviews wanting people to stop discriminating against Peter... He did royally mess things up in the future, but he was their best friend meaning he must've been a great guy back in the day. I really want to show a different side of him in this story, why he's the way he is and I already know what's going to happen in the Epilogue. Anyway, I'm glad you liked it! And I'm sooo glad my grammar and such was fine. I had no beta for this so I was really worried about that. Oh, and Peter is a big part of this story, but the rest of it will be in Deora's POV and there will be some lovely Sirius/Deora action so maybe keep a look out for Chapter 1? ;-) Hehe, I'm shameless! Anyway, thank you so much for this review! I'm so glad you think it's original!
x Report Review
I LOVE your chapter titles. They are possibly the most AWESOME chapter titles I have ever heard. Perhaps you could help me out on my next chapter title. hint hint. And I mean it, A. See you tomorrow.
And the story's goin good, too. A lot less mistakes. I'm proud of you. (Am I allowed to be proud of you xD)
Eleanor xx Report Review
Still gaps! Oh, well, I can get over it.
Ypur writing style is great, you use personification, simales and metaphors without making it seem like you're trying to hard to include them.
Everything's fine and dandy concerning the plot but I really hope something actually happens in the next chapter, like Rachel runs into some moody Slytherins or something.Author's Response: Thank you! :) I know, the gaps... But they're fixed in later chapters. It bugs me too, trust me!! Thanks for your review! Report Review
Okay, first thing I noticed was the HUGE gaps between the paragraphs. I'm sorry, but that is one of the things that annoys me most in the whole entire world. xD
The first paragraph is great, though, with all of it's describing thingies, and in terms of flow, characterization and speech, it's absolutely fine!
The helping her up thing - cute, but kind of cliche.Author's Response: Oh, I know! :/ I JUST figured out the formatting and I'm wanting to get all the chapters up before I go through the validation process of fixing anything. But thank you for reviewing!! Report Review
Your descriptions are excellent, the flow is OK, though it could be an eeny bit more better, and it is almost written like it is a one-shot, which is fine, it makes it seem sort of prologue-y.
The final sentence is greatAuthor's Response: Thank you! I did originally write it as a one shot and kept writing and writing and writing. So I broke it down into chapters to make it a short story. Report Review
The story of the butterfly coming back to life was a unique thing, in other stories the signs a muggleborn has of magic are usually not original ideas, like blowing things up or something.
The flow was perfect and some of your descriptions were great, I particularly liked 'I fanned the flames'. That is a great simale (or metaphor? I get confused with them both) to use.
The ending paragraph was great too.
~NARISAuthor's Response: Thanks so much for coming by and for the great review Naris :) I'm glad you like the butterfly story. I wanted it to be different :)
Thanks again! Report Review
This is getting sort of addicting...Author's Response: Thanks(: I'm happy you like it so much.
~LilyFire Report Review
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