Reading Reviews From Member: ob sessed
  
85 Reviews Found

Review #1, by ob sessedFor the Love of Wood: orange

18th December 2012:
Tag (preeah from the forums)!
Okay so that was undeniably the cutest thing I've read in a long time and I'm not just saying that because I adore Oliver... but seriously, Prosper is the cutest OC and your characterisation of her is amazingly well done in a short amount of words. It was fluffy and humorous and I adored it! So well done to you ;) I'm so happy I read this!! Thank you for an awesome one shot! Sooo favouriting this! :P

Author's Response: aw, thank you so much! I'm glad you found it cute and not annoying XD Much appreciated love, thanks for taking the time to review! xx

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Review #2, by ob sessedAnthology: Chapter One

17th December 2012:
Hi it's preeah from the forums! and what caught my eye about this particular story is the whole plot, it sounds like it would be such good fun. Anyway as I tend to do, I picked up on a few things..

In this: "meet her eye..." it should probably be 'eyes' as she has two ;)

And in here: "ask question that stupid." - it should be 'ask a question' because it's singular.

Also: "to revoke against our " - i think you meant 'revolt' because to revoke means to take away so to revoke against doesn't make sense. :P

Anyway, onto the story, I reaally really liked which is a surprise because I'm not normally a Dramione fan... but I don't know, the whole concept of this story is really interesting and I'm definitely favouriting this story! I really want to know what happens next! Also, can I just applaud you on your ability to perfectly characterise all of JK Rowling's characters? The way you depicted Harry, Ron, Hermione and especially Draco were spot on.. actually, you made Draco so much more sympathetic to the readers! Like for a non-Dramione fan, you made me root for them! Although your language is more narrative than descriptive, you are still able to make use bond with your characters. The flow is wonderful as well; not too fast, not too slow! So yay!

Anyway, you better keep writing because now that you made me root for Dramione, I need to know what happenes next!! :)

Author's Response: I love you so much for pointing out those mistakes, seriously. I'm submitting the edited version now.

Thank you for the compliments on characterization and everything else. I really appreciate your favorite.

I can't think of much else to reply to because I'm so excited that someone pointed out mistakes. Gah, I can't get over it :D


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Review #3, by ob sessedMoments of Impact: Prologue

16th December 2012:
Hi it's preeah from the forums and I'm here with your review! :)

First off, just a couple nitpicky things...

In this sentence: "I never understood how important it is to keep your loved ones..." - it should be 'how important it WAS to keep..' just a tense thing.

Also: "When it eventually dawns on you exactly what went wrong..." - with the context of that paragraph, I think it would flow better if you added 'but' just at the very beginning.

Okay, so onto the review, you gave me goosebumps!!! No, really, you did. From the first paragraph to the very last, the sadness poignant in your words just completely reel in your readers. It wasn't overwhelming but it was enough to make us feel for a character we're yet to be introduced to... and then when you go 'my name is Remus Lupin' my heart just breaks... because we all know exactly what he's talking about and that's the worst part. It's just so depressing haha but in a good way. It's a wonderful prologue! You asked me to look at flow and characterisation, and I've mentioned it a bit already but the flow is perfect. It's a slow tempo but for a prologue that's based on his emotions, it's perfect. The characterisation, I can't quite comment on since there isn't much to go on yet but with what we already know about Remus and what you've written, you've definitely got us empathising with him.

Anyway, please do come back and re-request! I definitely want to read on but I've got a pile of reviews to get to so I might forget.. so do come back :)

Thank you for a lovely read!

Author's Response: Thanks for the review!

I'll get around to changing the tense in that sentence (hopefully soon).

I'm glad you enjoyed the prologue. I wasn't sure if his emotions were a bit extreme, but evidently not. Remus happens to be my favorite character, and I haven read many fanfictions from his point of view, let alone ones that talk about James' and Lily's deaths.

Thanks again,
Voldy Needs a Hug


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Review #4, by ob sessedUnexpected Expectations: A Day in the Life of Sin

14th December 2012:
Hi there! Stumbled on your story from the Review Thread :) so here I am and I have a bit of picking up on grammar and such so I'm just going to be a lil nitpicky for a second...

In this: "Shuttering she took another peek at the clock" - I think you meant 'shuddering' haha ;)

Here: "...that started coffee" - I think you're missing a word. I think it should be 'that started 'the' coffee...'

Also, in this sentence: "every morning when she walked into her closet she seen the dress bag" - grammatically, it should be "she would see the dress"

Also, you did this a few times.. "...accept the Malfoy’s back" - Malfoys should be with no apostrophe. It's not possessive, it's talking about more than one Malfoy, see? :)

Okay righto, sorry about that. I can't help myself. I studied English for 3 years so... But anywhoo, onto the main thing, your story! It's a lovely beginning! It's really interesting how you introduced all your characters because it was done so flawlessly. A lot of stories shove the characters in your face but you eased them into your story - like with Hermione being missing, that was sooo perfectly well done, I sat back for a bit and thought 'wow, wonder where she went!' Also, your OC is very likeable, and with her memory loss, you really made us want to know more about her. Although, I would suggest adding more self-reflection... ehh.. I don't know if that's the right word, but show more of her feelings. At the moment, your story is quite narrative and your language is just lovely, but to really reel in readers so they start to feel something for Sin, you might want to add more of that kind of self-reflection. You did it at the end of the chapter actually and I really liked it! But then again, these are just suggestions and might be a personal preference thing so feel free to ignore me anyhow :D

I'm rambling.. sorry. Really though, it's a great start! I am genuinely very intrigued to find out what happens so keep writing!! :)

Author's Response: Thank you for your review. :) Would you, by chance be interested in being my beta for the next chapter? It has been a while since I have been in school, let alone an English class. Grammar has never been my forte and I apologize. Happy Reading~ Lady

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Review #5, by ob sessedBetrayed: Betrayed

14th December 2012:
Hiii it's preeah from the forums! I'm so so sorry
that this review is so unbelievably late but... better
late than never, right? Ha ha. Sorry again!

Anyway I'm just going to make some notes while I
read so here goes:

You have a great opener, truly. It really brings in
the reader and makes us wonder just what this
little white lie was - not to mention, your language
is just sublime. I really can be the most nitpicky
person when it comes to language and grammar
and the likes, but reading this story, I found
nothing to nitpick about! It was a breath of fresh air
;)

Oh, and your imagery is wonderful, especially with
the paragraph about the rain and the tears. It was
so poignant and I could really visualise this
moment.

And even more impressing was your dialogue; all I
can say for that is that it was gripping. There's a
flawlessness in the way you write these characters;
well-rounded in such a short amount of words and
incredibly believable. I love the archaic way they
spoke as well.

And the flow was wonderful. Not too fast and not
too slow. God, I feel like such a fangirl because I
have nothing to criticise you for! Haha... It's a
great story. I really enjoyed it so thank you for
requesting a review! Please do keep writing!

Author's Response: You feel like a fangirl? What does that make me?!

I have no idea how to respond to this review, to be honest. It'd be repetitive and blubbering, so I'll just stick to one phrase that sums up everything I feel right now:

THANK YOU. YOU ARE AWESOME. :)

Fine, that makes two, but you get my point! And yes, I''m definitely planning on keeping writing!


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Review #6, by ob sessedLeave the Pieces: My Heart Can’t Tell You No

12th December 2012:
kristina!!! i told you i'd get around to it and boy, you did not disappoint! this first chapter was so sad.. but in a rather bittersweet sense. and ugh albus, stupid albus!! you know i'm team james all the way! ;) going to go read more now!

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Review #7, by ob sessedYou : You

11th December 2012:
This was one hundred and twenty percent one of the saddest most beautiful one shots I've ever read. Thank you whole-heartedly for this (also slightly disliking how sad you just made me haha) but congratulations though. I loved this! Love everything: the flow, the characters, the style, the heartache... So carry on writing!!

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Review #8, by ob sessedHurricane Eyes: One of a Kind

18th September 2012:
Hi Jess, it's Preaah from the forums! :)
I'm here with your review! So I'll begin with the nitpicky things, okay?

In your very first sentence, I find this bit a tad awkward: "His breakfast is unceremoniously interrupted when a package lands in the middle of his plate, scrambled eggs soaring through the air like shrapnel into the faces of those seated around him." It's more of the way the first half doesn't connect with the second smoothly. Maybe if you worded it like "...when a package lands in the middle of his plate causing scrambled eggs to soar..." I think it would sound better like that.

Similarly, this sentence is also lacking a connector: "Shaking his head, he allows his gaze to drop downwards to where his meal had previously been, now replaced by a lumpy package of sorts." Maybe add: "...had previously been, which has now been replaced by..."

Oh this isn't anything nitpicky but I love LOVE this sentence: "He is indeed not his own person, but rather an exact copy of another." Actually I love that entire paragraph. It's so beautifully put together and so poignant. Right, moving on though hehe...

In this sentence: "The more he thinks about it, the more it comes clear to him" the word comes should be 'becomes'..

In this sentence: "This was only to be made worst when the pair was eleven" the word 'worst' should actually be 'worse' and grammatically, it's a bit awkward. I think "this was only made worse when the pair were eleven..." sounds better.

In this one: "for the few moments in sat atop his head" I think you meant 'it' not 'in'.

And I'm not too sure about this sentence "fall in love with the infinities of courage and pretty girls it leaves at their very fingertips." I think the 'infinities of courage' sounds a bit awkward. I understand its place in the whole scheme of things but maybe rewording it?

Okay, now onto the meat of things! You said you've never written angst before? Well believe you me, that did not come across in this at all! There's a perfect amount of angst and light-heartedness in Lysander's voice that doesn't overwhelm the readers. You have a great way understanding of your character and it translates well into your writing because Lysander, although he's very down on himself, is actually a really loveable character. It makes me want to know more and cheer for him! And no, you definitely don't need dialogue. I think the style you've written this piece in works better without it actually. I think it would've detracted from the story so don't worry ;) So aside from the nitpicking above, I really love this story! Enough to favourite it ;)!

Hope this helps! xx

Author's Response: Hi there! Thank you so much for stopping by!

Thank you so much for all the "nitpicky" suggestions; they're really helpful and I really appreciate it! (I might just keep the first line as it is though just because I'm kind of partial to it...I suck, I know haha - but the others I will take!) Sometimes I just don't realize that I'm using the wrong word or something like that so it really helps to have it pointed out to me :)

And thank you so much! I feel like that whole paragraph was a great moment for myself and Lysander; it was really the point in the story where I got to know him. I really got into his head right there and I really wanted to get his feelings right so I spent a lot of time on those lines. So I'm so unbelievably glad that you liked it! Ah!

I think the "infinities of courage" was probably one of those moments where I knew what I meant and then probably didn't translate well haha. I'll see what I can do; if I can't think of a better way to express what I meant, I leave it be but otherwise I'll change it :)

And I haven't written angst before! (But I will more often now haha). You're so very sweet ahhh thank you so much! :) I really had such a wonderful time writing this so I'm so glad that you enjoyed it! And that you favorited it! Thank you!

Thanks once again!

~Jess :D


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Review #9, by ob sessedI do: I do.

26th July 2011:
Okay I'm here!! it's preeah from the forums btw :) again, i am super sorry for being such an idiot!! anywayyy here's your review!

Firstly I'm just going to talk about some critiques so I can later gush over your story :)... it's nothing major, but there were a few little errors, like missing a letter in a word or some grammatical errors. So a comb-through the story would just fix those right up. Also, it's not a huge deal but apparently you're supposed to always capitalize words created by JK Rowling... so like Pureblood should be capitalized but seriously not a huge a deal, haha. Err... yeah, I think that's about it there... now to gush :)

I absolutely adore this story even though it makes me so sad! Stupid stupid parents!! I thought it was so tragic and the way you narrated was great for this story... it had the right amount of emotion and properness, which reflects their situation perfectly. It's contained but you can definitely feel for your characters. But I think the best part is the flashback to when they were six... absolutely adorable!! I even made a note to tell you how adorable that was when I was reading it. I think Daphne is such a cute kid and it's tragic how she never got her perfect wedding... but at least they have that memory together, right??

It was so sweet. I really really enjoyed it! so great job, hun! xxx

Author's Response: Thank you for the critiques and gushing, this helps immensely because I'm not used to writing fanfiction, just yet. Memories do last a lifetime, or the ones that matter anyway. I'm glas you enjoyed it :)

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Review #10, by ob sessedHugo's Big Day: The Wedding

22nd July 2011:
Hi it's preeah here from the forums!! sorry for the delay but here i am so on with the review! this was sweet! it really was, because of how it didn't try to be overly fluffy or romantic. it was just plain cute how hugo tries to do all of that, but ends up falling on top of his bride. i thought that was adorable soo very well done with that! you defo got a smile out of me :) but with that said, i feel like you could make this so much better if you added a bit more detail and emotional emphasis to the story. i know it's a one shot and it's hard to convey everything in such a short space, but i feel like it would make an already cute story that much cuter :) anywhoo, good job either way!! xxx

Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing. I'm glad you like it and that it made you smile. I will work on making this more detailed in the future. Thank you for the challenge :)

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Review #11, by ob sessedUndisclosed: Undisclosed

22nd July 2011:
Hiii preaah here from the forums! sorry for the super delay but here i am so onto the review :)

...and blimey, all I have to say is you nearly made me tear up, which is a feat on its own! I never cry so therefore tearing up is the equivalent, and you did it! This was truly an honour to read, because it was just a stunning melding of so many different elements... your writing is so easy to read, it flows and transitions so nicely into the next part. But most of all was how realistic the emotions were, how it completely reaches out and prods the reader to feel something for your characters... you did a superb job with that. I think I'm gushing a bit too much here, haha.

But enough about your ability to write because you clearly CAN write. Onto the story itself, I loved it as well. I loved the premise of the story, of how it began with Sirius' last moment of life, and how it flashbacked to his wedding day, then again back to his final thoughts. I loved how you didn't overdo Win's death, it was simple yet powerful. But most of all, seriously the best part of this whole story, was Sirius' final thought: about teaching Harry the lesson of accepting death when it comes. It is sooo perfect, because of how it relates to the actual story, of how Harry really did have to accept death and how Sirius had been there at that time as well. Brilliant, this was just utterly brilliant.

Great job!! xxx

Author's Response: HI!

Thank you so much for the lovely gushing review!! Those are my faves!!

The ending, especially after seeing DH2, is so appropriate in my universe now. I'm so happy that it didn't come across pretentious or cliche!

xChar


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Review #12, by ob sessedWedding of the Year: The Wedding

22nd July 2011:
Alrightey, here I am again! :) Round two!

Right, that was a cute story.. I liked how it was such a big event for everyone, bringing in the new year and the papparazi and all of that. It's like every little girl's dream to have a wedding that spectacular, you know? And I liked how it tied in with why I created this challenge to begin with (the royal wedding with Prince William and Kate Middleton).. don't know if that was your intention, but I liked the glitz and glamour of it all :)

As for other comments, I'd just like to say that although the glitziness of the wedding came across perfectly, there was a lot of listing of details, you know? You had so much to say on the outfits, which is great... but you lacked an emotional connection with your readers a bit. If you added a bit more of how your characters felt, it would've just made your story that much better. I mean this is their big day! How did Marcellus feel when he saw Penny walk down the aisle... how about her parents... and Penny? Just little additions like that would help, but in any case, I enjoyed this!

Good job, hun! xxx

Author's Response: Thanks for your constructive criticism, I'm glad you enjoyed it. I'll add more to it on what everyone was feeling. I did want to make this a glitzy wedding. The Gamps are rich, and while they are not showy they can have a big wedding like this, so why not? I did want to give it a bit of a Kate/William feel.

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Review #13, by ob sessedWedding of the Year: New Year, New Beginning

22nd July 2011:
Hiii it's preeah from the forums here with your review!! super sorry for the late delay, but anyways, onwards to the reviewing!

I enjoyed this first chapter and how you began it with Percy and the Weasleys. It's great to have a diff POV on the couple, and I think my favourite part about this chapter is Rita Skeeter! I loved the insanity that is her... and how she blew something so tiny so out of proportion. I thought that portrayal of Skeeter was quite spot-on. As for characterisation, I have no clue really on who Penelope Clearwater is in the books themselves (since she's not a huge character) but she, in your story, seemed a very amiable character. I thought your portrayal of Percy was... well, he's a lot more likable here than in the books, because to me, he's just such a rigid character. However, I'm not criticising you for that since this is post-war and I reckon it must've changed him quite a lot. Anyyywaay, I am totally rambling! I liked this beginning and now onward to your chapter 2 :)

xxx

Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed this, it was fun to write. I just had to have Skeeter in there. What's a big story without her getting her claws in. She's nasty but fun! Percy, I think, did change post-war. I still thinkhe's serious and stuffy but has developed a sense of humour and can enjoy a laugh at his expense. I don't know what Penny is like, but I do see her as a bit more flexible than Percy, and she too has also matured.

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Review #14, by ob sessedBeautiful Dawn: High

21st July 2011:
Hi yoouuu! of course it's me, preeah from the forums, duh :) here finally with your review (sorry for the super long delay) and I have to say wow! I absolutely one hundred and ten percent loved this story, the characterisation, the pain, the feelings; they were all so realistic! I can't even began to gush over how much I adore the premise for this story because as much as I love ScoRose fanfics, the cute fluffy ones, this is much more realistic... and if JK Rowling ever wrote a sequel about the next-gen and about ScoRose, I would imagine this would be how their love would have turned out. It makes me want to read your other fanfic too! I have nothing to critique you on and all I can say is thank YOU for writing something wonderful for me to read (and love). Amazing, great job, luv!! xxx

Author's Response: hi! awww thanks so much preeah, what a lovely review! I'm really glad you liked it :D xxx

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Review #15, by ob sessedYou're not alone: The wedding that finally happened

21st July 2011:
Hiii this is preeah from the forums, sorry for the delay but here I am with your review!!

Alright.. let's get started! First of all, kudos to you for putting the AVPM song quote at the end ;) Loved that tidbit! But to the story, I really enjoyed that you introduced the story with Dom and Victoire sharing the wedding dreams then showing us their current reality. I especially loved Dom being a lesbian, I think that was a nice twist! :P As for Victoire and Teddy, I liked that you didn't make them marry right after Hogwarts... I liked that they had hardships too, not the ideal fairytale romance. And I really liked the vows... I think those were my favourite parts :) Overall, I enjoyed this! Thank you :) xxx

Author's Response: I was a bit afraid people wouldn't understand my views of this group of Weasley next gen kids. I have always thought that this would be how the would turn out to be. I'm glad you liked it and can't wait to find out the results! Thanks for being my first review in like 3 months too : )

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Review #16, by ob sessedLily the Unexpected Bride: Lily the Unexpected Bride

21st July 2011:
Hi it's preeah here from the forums! Sorry for delay, but here I am with my review.. as I am reviewing from the standpoint of the judge for my challenge, I just have to say that the rules of the challenge had stated no slash pairings... it's not to be discriminating or anything, but those were the rules. Nevertheless, I'm here anyways.

Review time! It was sweet, really really cute, and I loved how you built the story upon another wedding before getting Lily to her own wedding. I enjoyed how you characterised Lily a whole lot, it's not something that's normally seen on next-gen fanfics... this angsty Lily that doesn't seem to fit into the Potter ways.

I think to critique it is I don't personally see Harry or Ginny being that harsh if Lily was a lesbian, you know? The Weasley-Potters are the least hateful group of people especially considering they fought in a war against people who judged others based on blood... I doubt they'd judge their own daughter based on her sexual orientation. However, that's just me loving canon :)

Disregarding that, your story is well-written and flows smoothly, your characters are well-rounded and it was supremely cute... soo good job, hun! :) xx

Author's Response: I'm not saying Harry and Ginny would be like that, but I think any parent would be a little shocked or worried about prejudice. Also, you have to remember that this is Lily's point of view.

Thank you for the review, I guess I didn't read the rules thoroughly


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Review #17, by ob sessedRed Hair and a Beater's Bat: Ickle Prefect

12th July 2011:
Hahaha, Ickle Prefect. Funny, I like it :) The dialogue once again was very realistic and humorous, and it all flowed very nicely. Although I wish the chapters were longer!! But only cause I enjoy reading this. Right, onto next chapter! xx

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Review #18, by ob sessedRed Hair and a Beater's Bat: Just Quidditch?

12th July 2011:
Teeeheeehee, I really liked this first chapter. It was well-written without trying too hard and it flowed very nicely. Easy to read, humorous and completely entertaining. I loved it! It's hard to write a fanfic in this era because of the HP books and how anal people are about the portrayal of canon characters, but I think you did a really good job! The dialogue was also very believable! :)

Reading on now... :P xx

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Review #19, by ob sessedThe Time of Cupids: Bombshell Common Rooms and Territorial Dogs

5th July 2011:
you make me happy!

you do. when you update, i get all happy because i absolutely adore james/victoria... more so than the pair of them, i adore james potter. it's hard to be completely original now on the archive as so many versions of these characters have been written and it's usually an author's spin on stuff that makes things unique... but i can honestly say your version of james potter is truly one of a kind on here. i mean he's still the hotheaded quidditch captain we all know and love, but it's his resistance against commitment and how even in his POV he's still kind of a prick... but still in a lovable way ;) haha. did any of that make sense???

in any case, I LOVE THIS STORY AND ALL YOUR CHARACTERS!! AND LAYLA AND DESMOND NEED TO GET IT ON NOW AND YEAH... :)

you better update when the queue opens again ;)

xxx

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Review #20, by ob sessedMeasure of a Man: Under Pressure

25th May 2011:
Hi!! Yay you updated!! Okay I'm a bit tired so I won't talk your ear off, but I really liked this chapter!! I can see you building up to their first meeting and I'm so excited for that! I couldn't see any mistakes so kudos for that ;) Annnd I'm also liking the backstory to Willow's life. I can see why she is the way she is already ,but can't wait to find out more! Update faster, please :) xxx

Author's Response: Ahh yes, the first meeting. ;D
Gahh, I know! I am so bad at updating, I have four WIPs that I am updating in sequence, but I am just so in love with Draco and Willow's story I may have to cheat a bit.
Thank's for the review, and I am so glad you're enjoying the story!
:D Candace


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Review #21, by ob sessedHomeless Heart: Professors and Predictions

26th April 2011:
Hiii... you read so much of my story that I thought I had to read some of your other WIPs and I'm so glad I did!! Well I can honestly say I have never come across a story like this before! Is it a Neville/OC?? I assume with the banner, haha. I love Neville, one of my favs so I'm glad to be reading this. I reaally like your concept of this vampire. She's SO AWESOME! Literally, her remarks to the teachers like.. well she's definitely got some balls but I suppose it's the fact she's lived for so long. I mean if you're 400 something years old, would you take Snape's insults? No way! Haha. I love this! and your plot flow, your characterisation, as always is great! This chapter has definitely peeked my interest and if I weren't so darn sleepy right now, I'd read on... but I'm favouriting it! :P Sorry rambling... Keep up the awesome work!! xxx

Author's Response: :D You like it? I'm so glad. There is a sequel in the works. To be honest it's not my best work, but it is my first and so I suppose I am proud of it.
I was rather pleased with Isbie when she so intelligently put Snape in his place. (oh so modest! Your praise is giving me a swelled head) Only joking!
Thanks so much for reviewing and I can't say how glad I am that you enjoyed the stories!
-Candace


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Review #22, by ob sessedBetween Psychiatrists and Psychopaths: Ariadne's Web (Of Mentality)

26th April 2011:
Heey its preeah from the forums! I really liked this, you have a great sense of humour... and Ari is quite the OC, isn't she? I love her. She's such a spitfire and the whole concept of your story is quite intriguing... although I was a tad confused about the whole Arlene telling Ari about her great scheme of making Al fall for Ari thing... cause I kind of thought that flashback was a recent one, but then you later said it was back in fifth year. Sorry, I got suupeer confused. Haha okay let me figure this out... Ari is a sixth year, she just got back from the Christmas holidays and that flashback was all the way back in fifth year. Right.. but you also said Arlene was excited from a 2-month seperation and Christmas holidays are usually 3 weeks long. Anyway besides for that which you can clear up easily, this was a great first chapter. A tad long, but who cares? It was full of interesting introductory details and lots of great dialogue and humour. Your characters are very distinct and unique and I think people are really going to love them once they start to get to know them a whole lot better :) I love Althea, I think she's hilarious - cause she stalks Al and wears lots of pink.

As for grammar, etc. I didn't see anything that was glaringly off. I found only 2 mistakes:

"the Christmas Holliday" --> i think you meant 'holiday'

"hits just that he’s annoying" --> and 'it's just that he's annoying...'

otherwise, great job!! keep it up!! xx

Author's Response: Hello preeah, or ob sessed :D YAY you liked i! :D oh, of COURSE she is. I love her too. She's completely amazing! Its actually taken (sorta) from real life. My sister's boyfriend has a brother whose one year older than me, and she was all like "you two should date!" but like, ew, no :D still, I begun thinking about the whole concept and it made a great plot! I had it running through my mind for so long and finally got the bunnies running :D oh,i thought i fixed that ;/ you see, This was first set at the beggining of sixth year, but since my other novel is set at the beggining of sixth year, i wanted to change it a bit. Besides, it seemed to work better after Christmas Break. Those little things you noticed were details I overlooked :7 got to fix them ASAP! but its great you noticed :)

but im glad you liked it! i hadn't really noticed it being long :) but that's because writing Ari is so fun I just kept on going. When I noticed, I had written three chapter's worth of Ari on one sitting, with 27,000 words. :/ so I had to split into three! im veeery you happy you like the characters, and yes, Althea is my fave too :D althought Arlene is comming a close second!

Ugh, grammar. Not my best school subject :/ bull ill have them fixed!

hehe, thanks so much!


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Review #23, by ob sessedMeasure of a Man: Garden of Exile

26th April 2011:
Hi once again.. btw I never mentioned it's Preeah from the forums, lol. Anywhooo, I love this chapter!! I love Draco more and more. His stupid vanity and just how vulnerable he really is... and once again, your depiction of the canon characters seems spot on. The way you portray Lucius' detached nature and Narcissa's loving one (although she can't quite show it cause of Lucius). I also really like the idea of the two-side mirror, how Draco can watch the girls practice and I bet that's how he'll fall for Willow, right ;)? Hehe. Well I guess I'll have to wait and see. Please don't abandon it!! I'm totally favouriting this and promise to review every chapter!! You're an amazing writer and as I said, you have a great ability of conveying so much in a very concise way. If that made sense... Haha.

I only picked up on a few things this chapter...

"and head for the stares." --> think you meant 'headed for the stairs' :)

"I saw her wince she see saw my face" --> 'wince as she saw my face'

also, there was one bit where you said something like "all sixteen years of him" and then said he was 17. So was just wondering how old Draco really is supposed to be... I'm assuming this is the summer before seventh year right??

Anyway, great job!! Keep writing!! xxx

Author's Response: I am so glad you think I stayed true to the characters. OOCness is like...my biggest fear as a fan fiction writer. It's really reassuring to know that I am not a complete mess!
(my spelling however...wow!)
Once again, thanks for the pointers!
I've written them all down and am going back to correct them. :D
-Candace


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Review #24, by ob sessedMeasure of a Man: Tiny Dancer

26th April 2011:
Hiii again!! I loved this chapter too!! I don't know how you do it, writing these short chapters and still manage to tell a story. Haha. :) Anyway, Willow sounds like such an interesting character. You obviously know a great deal about ballet and it really comes across in your character. She seems tough and kind, a very original character I think as well. And I think I'm really going to enjoy getting to know her... plus... you have Luna in this story!! How could I not! Luna's my favourite!! :P Anyway... I'm guessing next chapter's about summer starting?? Can't wait!! Woooh!

As for mistakes, I only picked up on two :)

"I straitened my back" --> do you mean 'straightened'? because 'straiten' means to make narrow. Hehe sorry, I'm an English nerd.

"in Britan in her prime" --> I think you meant Britain. xD

Otherwise, grammar, punctuation, spelling, etc. was perfect. Great job once again!! xxx

Author's Response: I have an easier time writing Willow because I was a dancer for 10 years. Starting of course with the youngest class, where we put on skirts and ran around to silly music. I had to quit because I got 'bad feet'.
Willow is kind of my alter-ego in a way.
THANK YOU FOR BEING AN ENGLISH NERD!
I cannot believe I misspelled "Britain".
*face-palm*
Thanks for being so helpful!
-Candace


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Review #25, by ob sessedMeasure of a Man: An Ugly Turn of Events

26th April 2011:
Wow! I read the summary for this and was sooo incredibly intrigued by it. It sounded a lot like Beastly (Beauty and the Beast-esque) and so I had to come read it. I really love how you didn't try to change Draco's demeanour. I mean we all know him from the books as this obnoxious smug boy and you kept him like that, and I loved that! I mean he's so arrogant, but he's lovable in the same way we love Draco from the books :P. Okay I'm totally rambling... umm so plot flow was perfect. It's a short chapter, but it gave us enough to make us want more and enough to be interesting. I can't wait to read more!!

As for mistakes, the grammar, etc. seemed pretty spot on. There were just a few spelling mistakes... like this:

"I had sexiled my dorm mates" --> did you mean exiled? or was 'sexiled' on purpose cause if it was that would be incredibly hilarious! :)

"Besided, I'm not arrogant" --> I think you mean to write 'besides'

"It was horrable." --> and 'horrible'

other than those three things, your spelling was perfect. :) Keep up the awesome work! xxx

Author's Response: Can I just say that you are an amazing reviewer? I was laughing at myself and face-palming nearly every misspelled word.
It was inspired by 'Beastly' I tried to make it a bit different so it wouldn't look like I simply plugged in Harry Potter names in place of the ones from the movie/book.
It just seemed so fitting and I got a bad case of the plunnies!
I'm so glad that you're enjoying the story! I am planning on finishing up chapter 4 tonight before bed.
Sexiled- The act of being shunned from one's room so one's roommate may indulge in intercourse. xD I heard the term somewhere and I love it!
I really need a beta for this story. The last one abandoned me. D:
Thanks so much for the review!
-Candace


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