Reading Reviews From Member: charlottetrips
  
607 Reviews Found

Review #1, by charlottetripsEvent Three: Irreparable: Irreparable

10th July 2014:
I think I'm just going to enjoy the influx of minor characters that the House Cup prompts are producing. Hi name twin by the way! I hear you on just writing for the House Cup. I seem to only make my way over to the forums during the HC.

Now onto the actual review of this story. To be honest, the criticism I have on this piece is that it's so short. You do well in giving us a glimpse as to who Marietta is and the quick orientation to who you're talking about (because honestly, who exactly remembers the name of the girl who tattle-taled? but put the word "SNEAK" on her face and we're instantly oriented). There's a distinct before-and-after shift that's delineated by the moment she realizes her face has changed.

The paragraphs that go over the changes in her life since got me interested, because knowing that you're scarred where everyone can see can be so introverting for someone, especially a teenager who wanted to just be known for what her body contained - her intelligence.

I wish there could have been more on the effects of the war and how seeing the aftermath affected her. The change to accepting her scars seemed a tad abrupt to me.

But, all is not lost here, as what you did write was enjoyable to read and I enjoyed your use of language and the descriptions of what the war brought in Marietta's life.

Char
House Cup 2014 Review

Author's Response: Hey Char! yay name twin~

Haha, the House Cup always draws me back in to writing, and I'm glad it does the same for you on the forums! I love minor characters so I'm glad to hear you do as well!

Thanks so much for letting me know. I do agree that it's a bit short in some places, and I'm not going to lie, I did rush this a little bit just to finish it quickly. When I next revise/update this story I'll be sure to consider extending it a bit, especially with the war effects, because I can completely see where you're coming from. I'm glad that you could see the change before and after though, since that's a pretty important part to the story.

I'm so glad you enjoyed reading this - thanks for reading! Thanks so much for leaving me such a lovely review!

- Charlotte


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Review #2, by charlottetripsMy Brother: The Stages of Grief

9th July 2014:
Um hi wow. I read through this whole thing with goosebumps forming all over my body. I'm not sure if it was because of the repetition of how long it's been since he buried his brother or what, but the power of the words really just had me THERE.

The Creevey brother story is always and will always be a tragic tale to tell. I can't even imagine losing a brother so young and in such a trying time. That you would be willing to delve into it, just to tell Dennis' side of things, that to me is a writer. Just someone willing to get the character's story out.

The different stages of grief, the anger, those are things that I felt I could relate to. The initial glimpse you gave us of the dad forgetting that Colin wasn't going to be at dinner made me choke up a bit.

I could feel my own emotions move as the story unfolded, how I would go from grief to honoring his memory, just like Dennis did. Well done.

Char.
House Cup 2014 Review

Author's Response: Hey Char!

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! This really made my day. I'm so, so happy that you liked the story and thought it was well-written. I really wanted to delve into Dennis and see how he'd be feeling. For me, the anger was the strongest to write. His hatred of everyone calling Colin a hero was really important to me. I wanted to know how someone would feel when they didn't think their relative should have died. I'd never tried to write for either Colin or Dennis before, so this was tough. I'm really happy you liked it, though. Thank you so much for all your comments and compliments!

--Emily


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Review #3, by charlottetripsSmell the Roses: Smell the Roses

9th July 2014:
This was actually really adorable. I like finding a quiet moment in the hustle and bustle that is known as the magical Wizarding world. So many times, the stories we tend to focus on telling are the ones with all the whiz-bang and excitement of "all those things that we don't have" that we forget that the Wizarding World would also have the quiet moments of nothing that exists in our world.

Is the golden snidget an actual bird in the HP lexicon?

The whole behavior of the bird was fun to read about, but I would say my favorite line was:

"The golden snidget was not, it seemed to Lucy, really big enough to be eating a dried cranberry. It clearly came to the same conclusion, because after that first failed attempt to pick up that cranberry, it focused on the flax seeds."

Just because you gave it so much life in the way its "eyes were bigger than its stomach" (to quote my father).

All in all, just a lovely way to end my night!

Char
House Cup 2014 Review

Author's Response: The golden snidget is in the HP lexicon! It's almost extinct at this point, though, because it used to be used instead of a golden snitch in Quidditch games. :(

I'm so glad you liked this. Thank you for the lovely review!


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Review #4, by charlottetripsA Promise: Don't leave

9th July 2014:
I really love 2nd person POV for some reason. I'm surprised that I'm finding so many as I go along on my reviewing spree, but I'm not complaining at all about it.

What I enjoyed about this piece was the alternating periods of time that you addressed. These were the missing moments that we didn't get to read about in the books, and is a story that could easily slip into the missing cracks. Without rehashing the same story, you gave more depth to what we remember from the books.

The way you kept bringing the reader back to the ticking clock kept the story cohesive for me - like I wasn't just reading some rat-a-tat account of Tonks going after Remus, but it grounded me in the scene.

It's always painful for me to read the moments when Remus doubted his ability to be a father, the life he felt he was giving his child, and his future with Tonks. The emotions, as you wrote them, felt real to me, like this is what they would be going through. The feelings that Tonks had to struggle with to go through to make it to Hogwarts were also something easily identifiable with.

Obviously the death of Remus and Tonks were hard to have in the first place, but to have Tonks' last thoughts be about Remus promising to not leave her and feeling like he had...that was a bit hard to swallow. But I respect the story you tell, and I do think you executed it in a way that did these two characters justice.

Char
House Cup 2014 Review

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Review #5, by charlottetripsIf You Asked Me Now: Who Is It?

8th July 2014:
Okay, so this was short and sweet.Like really sweet. I love stories about mothers and daughters, especially about the love that is shared between them.

I have to admit, I totally went into this story thinking of Luna Lovegood for some reason - maybe because I'm reading late at night or I think there's a username on the forums of Lily Luna Lovegood, or whatever - in any case, I was confused initially thinking that Luna was saying that her mum was her best friend because her mom wasn't around when she was growing up. Once I cleared it up for myself that we were talking about little Lily Potter, it all clicked!

I do feel that you captured the motherliness of Ginny and the way that a relationship between a mother and a daughter can develop over the years. My only critique would be that I would've liked a little more details, maybe taking one of those sentences of her mom encouraging her to be a healer and turning it into a couple paragraphs in its own right, like an anecdote.

Hopefully this made sense because I'm getting a little tired and I feel like I'm rambling!

Char
House Cup 2014 Review

Author's Response: Hey hon!
Thanks so much for the review! This story was so much fun to write, and I'm glad you liked it so much!
xoxo Sarah


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Review #6, by charlottetripsEvent Three: Broken Noses and Percy Shelley: Broken Noses and Percy Shelley

8th July 2014:
My two immediate thoughts when I started reading this:

"Yes! Minor characters galore!" and "Yes! Second Person POV!"

I have to admit, I nearly laughed when I read that he liked poetry, but then I kept reading and I appreciated how that fit in with the character you were describing. Gregory was taken at face value wasn't he? I like that you made it seem like a choice, yet not, how he decided to follow Malfoy. Just because it was in his heritage, he felt it was inevitable. It's a bit Slytherin of him, isn't it? Following tradition.

The description of the effects of the war on Gregory was nicely done. Subtle, yet I do get a sense of the horror that dogs his life. Losing your best friend so young, that's horrific and I like that he honors him in the end.

The way you wrote about these two boys bonding was just...sweet. There really isn't any other way to describe it, which is funny considering that these two boys are "tough guys."

Well done on making people who really have no depth in the books a sympathetic character.

Char
House Cup 2014 Review

Author's Response: Hahaha, I like your reactions to this! :D

Yeah, it's quite laughable to imagine Gregory Goyle enjoying poetry, but I wanted to mix things up a bit! I'm glad you thought it fit in with the rest of his character as I've described him. Yep, he's a tradition follower, just like a lot of other people. He knew that he had to become Malfoy's henchman in order to maybe move ahead in the hierarchy of the regime.

Thank you! Having never experienced a war, I am not exactly sure to what extent the characters would be effected, but I know that there would be some effect. PTSD, survivor's guilt, depression--I think that Gregory would've gone through all or most of those because of what he went through, just like the other survivors of the war. The honoring of Vincent Crabbe was a way to ensure that their friendship could withstand time, distance, and death. :)

Aww, thanks! I don't write many "sweet" things, so it's nice to hear that I wrote this in that manner. (Although it was really an accident...) But tough guys can have vulnerabilities, too! And everyone needs a confidante. :) I guess that if Vincent hadn't died, I might ship them in the end... Who knows?

Thanks for your stellar review!!

~UnluckyStar57


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Review #7, by charlottetripsEvent 3 ~~ I believe you.: I believe you.

8th July 2014:
Why was this unexpectedly angsty for me? I don't even know. Considering the fact that I started out reading the story knowing that Ernie was going to see Stan in jail, I don't even know. I guess I didn't have any expectations really.

I mean, you set out to write a story about two very minor characters and in just a few thousand words, if that even, you give them a background, a relationship with genuine affinity and some tension and hope. It was brilliant reading this.

The way you interwove Stan's viewpoint with Ernie's - from the viewpoint of Ernie's disappointment in finding Stan in prison with Stan's viewpoint of just wanting a little bit of life from whatever bigwig was visiting now - that was well done.

Then their whole interchange...man, I feel like it's the same sort of conversation that happens between brothers when the young brother gets in a bit of a spot and the older one is disappointed, but also wants to be there for him.

Really, well done with this! Go 'Claws!

Char
House Cup 2014 Review

Author's Response: Thank you!!!

I never considered Stan and Ernie really until the plunny jumped into my head and I started writing it. Minor characters I absolutely adore writing, and these two were lovely obscure characters for whom I had just enough from canon to get a basis of characterisation.

I love your likeness to two brothers. They do feel like that - they're certainly way more than boss and need-to-get-a-job-somewhere-with-barely-any-OWLs employee (Stan does feel to me like he'd have been at the bottom end of the class at school, and he's been lucky enough to find himself in the perfect job). They're really good friends - well, they spend an awful lot of time together, for a start - and yeah, kind of like brothers.

Thank you so much! Really glad you liked it :D

~ Leo xx


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Review #8, by charlottetripsA Picnic to Remember : The Surprise

26th September 2013:
I started reading this totally not realizing it was about Dominique and Teddy, not Victoire and Teddy. It was good that you brought me up to speed on that in the beginning. I have to admit the "friends to more" trope is one of my favorites and one that I'll read every time. I only increased my pleasure at reading this cute one shot.

I like that in just one little one shot you gave a history of how they became friends and how they've held off on going further than that. You somehow managed to convey the viewpoints of two people in this. Now, as a warning, that can sometimes get distracting, but it worked out fine here.

There was some formal feeling to their words with each other sometimes, like when you didn't use contractions in their speech, but otherwise you were able to convey a comfortable friendship. This was especially obvious following the start of the picnic.

Teddy was so sweet in this. I loved how he went through so much effort to communicate his evolving of feelings for Dom. I get that it was partly to "get her in the mood" but I also see that it was mostly for her, getting her away from the stress of life, etc.

Very sweet overall!

Char

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for reading and reviewing.

Haha I am glad the beginning got you cleared up on the pairing. I love "friends to more" too so I am pleased you liked it.

Yeah I know it can get confusing and distracting with two viewpoints but it's a relief to know it worked okay.

I need to brush up on my dialogue yeah, i'll look into it =) Thanks for the tip.

Yeah, Teddy is a sweet darling. I wish he was real xP

Thank you!


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Review #9, by charlottetripsThe Joker and Her: The Dementors on the Train.

23rd September 2013:
Aw, just mid way reading this chapter, I realized that I haven't read a story set in the Hogwarts-era in forever! Actually, I'm not sure I've ever really read one in this era. I think that I feel I'm being somehow disloyal to JKR or something. I can't quite pinpoint my thought on that, so we'll just leave it at that, eh?

I do know that I don't feel disloyal in reading this chapter because you incorporate the familiar so well with the new person you're introducing me to. Luna is so Luna here, friendly but disassociated. We have our "spoiled princess" in Draco, and Remus coming to take care of the kids. It made me smile to see him.

I was pleasantly surprised by the way you wove in details throughout this chapter. You didn't blatantly tell me that Brienne was short and a little chubby, you waited for the right moment and introduced her naturally. Your comment on her having the complexion of an invalid was intriguing. I also liked the observation you made of her French accent fading once she'd spoken English longer. I have friends who live between England and America, and when they visit their families in the UK and come back, their accent is always more pronounced. Then it fades over time.

So you've given me some tidbits to think about (why is she coming to Hogwarts, what was making her an invalid, etc.), but also introduced me a bit to Brienne. Nicely done so far!

Char

Author's Response: Hi!

I'm glad you think I incorporated this well into the canon, that's really important to me. And I like that you recognised the canon characters in the background xD

About the 'invalid' thing, Brienne is very very stressed and depressed in this chapter, so that contributes to her naturally pale complexion xD

Thank you for the lovely review and I'm glad you liked it over all!


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Review #10, by charlottetripsDefining Astoria: Pride

18th September 2013:
Hello, doing the Review Exchange from TGS!

I don't normally "judge a book by its cover," but I was struck instantly by the presentation of your story from the title, the beautiful banner and your summary. While it isn't necessary, I appreciate the care you took in presenting your story on the archive.

The premise is also interesting and so I'm already looking forward to reading this.

I would watch out for redundancy in the beginning here. All the sentences start with "she," when you could vary it up as otherwise the descriptions within the sentences fit well. There were a few grammar points, but overall it did not detract from the chapter.

Having read the whole thing through, it's interesting to see the take you are putting to a story of the seven deadly sins. I thought we'd start out with Astoria being someone hard to relate to and exploiting these, but she isn't. She needs boosting up from her grandfather with the encouragement to take pride in herself. I love the exchange she has with her grandfather. Though his speech is formal with her, the affection and love is evident in his words and the gestures.

It was interesting that you had Draco being someone who tortured and teased Astoria when she was young, as opposed to someone that she would idolize. We know, as we read the HP books from Harry's POV, how much of a cruel person Draco can be, but I feel from a Pureblood's POV, his actions would be looked at as justified or as his due. I guess being a fellow Pureblood, perhaps even purer than a Malfoy, would have Astoria thinking differently. However, she is also just an empathetic and sensitive seeming character already.

The introduction of Colin was so readily identified by me even before he pulled out his camera that I don't even really know what tipped me off to it, but nicely done. He was surprisingly astute for a 10 year old in that he recognized that Astoria was just parroting her parents as opposed to voicing her own opinion. Astoria reaction to this Mudblood was unfortunately expected.

Asthma, that's interesting. I wonder how you'll/if this will be incorporated into the rest of the story.

Are you planning on keeping this canon? If so, it'd be interesting to see how this ties together!

Char

Author's Response: Hi Char! Firstly, I'd like to apologise for the unacceptable length of time it's taken me to respond to this review, and I assure you that it won't ever take this long in future.

I understand -- I value the layout of stories on the archives, and while the layout wouldn't stop me from reading a story, it's a nice bonus to see the effort an author puts into their presentation. Ergo, I strive to do the same thing myself.

Woo, thank you! I was inspired by the one-shot A Multitude of Sins by Rachel/TenthWeasley, and that led me to wonder how the seven deadly sins would define other people, such as Astoria.

Ooh, thank you for the heads-up. I will take a look at the chapter again and make the changes you suggested. I think it's down to the fact that this was originally intended to be a one-shot, and originally Astoria's identity wasn't intended to be revealed at first.

Thank you! I wanted to create something unique, but at the same time portray a character who is above all, /human/. I wanted Astoria to be unconfident until her grandfather's speech about pride encouraged her -- and took the pride a little far in the end. Caspian definitely loves her, and he would do anything to protect her.

I think before Hogwarts, Draco picked on those weaker than himself. He targeted Astoria because she was younger, because she didn't fit the definition of perfect, because she wasn't brave enough to stand up and fight back against him. I don't think, despite her sensitive nature, Astoria would have reported his behaviour to the adults. The pure-bloods tend to focus on their children's positives, and I'm sure that in the late eighties, Lucius and Narcissa wouldn't have reacted well to being told that their beloved only son was a bully.

It's strange, because not everyone picked up on Colin's identity at first, so well done to you! At the time, he was 12, and I think that after a first year at Hogwarts where he was Petrified and heard the tales about the Heir of Slytherin, he would have understood a little more about young first-years. Not to mention that in my headcanon, Colin likes to believe the best of people where possible, and considering that Astoria's parroting her parents is better than the prospect of her being genuinely a narrow-minded purist.

Asthma definitely will be incorporated into the story -- it's part of a bigger storyline that appears in later chapters.

I definitely plan on keeping this canon -- there may be some things that initially appear to be non-canon, but I've checked my plans and nothing explicitly states that it's canon or didn't happen in canon. ;)


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Review #11, by charlottetripsThe Fall of the Town : The People of Hamlin

18th September 2013:
Holy Shamoly!!

It's been a long while since I've been taken with the prose of a story, but you've succeeded here! I really love the lyrical and fairytale quality you've put into this story. The way that the words flow together and the manner in which you've written it, really calls to mind a whimsical tale that one would get told around a great hearthfire.

I love that you took it upon yourself to write a little song in the beginning.

The omniscient viewpoint you've taken on this works very well. I get a glimpse of everything and even am able to pick up bits of the characters without being limited to just one point of view. I know that sometimes this doesn't work for others, but it does for me, and especially in this type of setting: a fairytale setting.

I think you've done a wonderful job of setting up your story. You string me from the present(ish) on down to the past, inviting me to be a part of the story with the questions of "Can you see it?" etc. that you have woven throughout.

Really quite excited to keep reading this so am putting it on my nifty new "currently reading" list!

Char

Author's Response: Hello! :)

Ah, thank you so much! This is one of my favourite stories to write, so I'm really excited that you liked it. I'm pleased to know the fairytale-like tone of the writing came across, and I liked imagining this story as a sort of legend that would be passed through the generations. Your idea of the hearthfire is perfect!

Haha, the songs were just fun to add!

It's great that you liked the point of view of the narration. I was a bit worried that readers might not engage with the story as well as with first person (which is my normal go-to) but it seemed to fit the fairytale quality and of course add to the idea of it being a story or legend being re-told.

I'm glad this story pulled you in and took you on that journey back in time! Like I said, this story is kind of my baby, so knowing someone else likes it is so lovely.

Thank you for leaving me this excellent review! :D


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Review #12, by charlottetripsThanatophobia: Falling Asleep

9th September 2013:
SO...I'm like crying now, thanks.

No really, well done. I feel like you handled that subject with the terror that would accompany a young person facing death so soon in their life. You also handled it with grace, with a bit of perspective in that dying wasn't horrible. Of course it's not wonderful or great, but it is a part of life and something that can be faced.

To be honest, I was going to nitpick run-on sentences. As I continued reading and getting into the story, I feel like those sentences just matched up with Hugo's train of thoughts as if he was couldn't stop thinking of all the scenarios of how he could die, what it would feel like, and who would be with him.

I'm very glad you had his family with him in the end. I feel like it's very true that someone knows when they are going to die. (I mean, one knows that with a fatal disease; it's kind of hard to know this when you're in a car accident or something.) I LOVE that you had Harry be all bittersweet in passing on his advice from Sirius (Right? Or was it his dad.).

I also want you to know that this one-shot showcases how much you've improved in your writing. The first couple chapters of A Minor Setback are not as smoothly written as this one. I haven't read the later chapters (yet), but thought that this was worth mentioning :)

Char

Author's Response: You're very welcome, it has been my pleasure to make you cry (I was hoping this would be a bit emotional).

No matter how many times I hear it, each time it relieves me a little bit to know that everyone thinks I handled the topic of death well. I was so scared that this would be a total flop and that no one would like it.

Yes, that was him passing on the advice that Sirius gave him! I'm so glad that you recognized it! I thought it would be something that would be nice to hand down as a word of comfort.

Oh my goodness, thank you so much, that means a lot to me. It means a lot that you think I've improved on my writing (something that I'm always trying to do).

Thank you so much for this wonderul review!


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Review #13, by charlottetripsA Minor Setback: The Second Chapter

8th September 2013:
I'm here!!

I remember this :D

I don't remember that Seraphina was in DOYLE's family! As in Crabbe and Doyle? Or am I just mixing that up in my head. *is too lazy to google*

I like the awkwardness going on here. I liked that I got a peak into Seraphina's somewhat sarcastic thoughts. There were times that she had me smiling, like when she thought that she was obviously not good at searching.

I did not enjoy the hyperbole of her accusing Albus of kidnapping her. It's just a bit much considering that they're still at Hogwarts and she's in her House tower...

I enjoyed the exchange between the two, though I think that his reactions and the segue into being friends could've had a little more detail in it as it was slightly abrupt.

How come she didn't know who Lysander was if she's been at the school for 7 years?

I like that Lily was there to catch her out! You just took the story to the moving bits of the story as Phina will stop prevaricating and avoiding and face the whole thing head on!

Author's Response: Hey there!

Nah, it was Crabbe and GOYLE, I confused myself there for a second and I started panicking because I thought, "Oh my God, did I accidentally make Seraphina a relative of Goyle!" But to answer your question, no, she's not related.

Well I'm glad that she's amused you in some way, I feel like her character is too serious and that the story is way more serious than I intended for it come out as.

As for her not knowing Lysander, I could see it happening. I mean, Harry was at Hogwarts for six years and even he didn't know everybody in his house so it made sense to me that Seraphina didn't know Lysander.

Anyway, thank you for your feedback and I'll keep some of these things in mind for future chapters so that I don't do them (and if I do I hope someone points them out to me).

Thanks for reviewing!


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Review #14, by charlottetripsRubber Ducks and Eckeltricity: Rubber Ducks and Eckeltricity

31st July 2013:
So freaking adorable, seriously, too adorable!!

Arthur's love for the Muggle world was such a cute thing throughout the books and I really appreciate the various winks and nods in this story to that. I loved how Professor Bumble didn't even know Muggles too well and made his own assumptions or mess-ups over various things (though he was pretty ace on the transport descriptions).

Loved how motorcycles got the boys' attention. No matter what race or magical class you're born too, if you're male, you're going to love motorcycles. I think it's a scientifically proven fact. In fact, I'm sure that it's actually written into the male genome so as to continue the industry of motorcycles!! But I digress terribly...

Overall, such a cute one-shot and I loved the references to such 70's/80's type stuff in the beginning of the story. ETCH-A-SKETCH!!!

Char

Author's Response: Hello!

This was such a fun one-shot to write! Arthur's such a cute character and I really enjoyed including his love for Muggles in this story. I'm pleased that you liked Professor Bumble as well. He did make his own assumptions at times but he was pretty ace on transport (I found myself quite impressed with us when I was writing those bits!).

Haha yes, I think that there's got to be something in boys' brains that states they will love motorbikes, no matter what!

I had fun with those references ;) You're the first person to pick up on what some of the toys were, though! Thank you for the lovely review!

Sian :)


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Review #15, by charlottetripsDiamonds into Coal: Vanity

31st July 2013:
Geez Venn is not likable to me. He's pompous, self-centered and insecure and altogether too concerned with appearances and himself and getting the most/best he can out of anything.

This was an interesting exploration of the dynamic between Venn and his mother. He seems like a mama's boy to me.

Author's Response: Hey Char, thanks for the review :)

Ouch! -massages Venn's feelings- Just kidding, he's meant to be perceived as a bit of a jerk. It would have been really OOC, I think, to make him into some charming suitor right from the get-go when we know what eventually happens between him and Helena. Hopefully your feelings about him will become a little murkier as you get to know him better.

Well, on the one hand, he does rely a lot on his mother because his father isn't around. I think you're definitely right about him being too old to be so attached to her at this point, though, and eventually he'll start to figure that out. Hopefully you end up liking Edeline; I think she's one of few reasons why people even give Venn the time of day in these early chapters.

Thanks again for your lovely review! I'm so glad you're continuing to read this post-Cup and I really do hope you enjoy the story!

-Amanda


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Review #16, by charlottetripsVictoire Weasley's Cooking Capers: Victoire Weasley's Cooking Capers

30th July 2013:
Oh Zes, Zis was funnY!

I was already giggling by the time I got through the first paragraph. Loved how you went through all that just to really describe how half French and half British she was.

Throughout the whole story her perfection could not be described enough though one could hope she would've been smarter, but alas, one cannot have everything.

Teddy was such a boy about the whole thing, but because he too is perfect, of course he can get away with it all.

I absolutely loved the reactions of their family to the food with Bill and Arthur chowing down regardless of the fact that it's turkey with tabasco and lady fingers!

The whole thing was actually kind of sickly fascinating because Teddy was so one-track minded about what he wanted and how he was going to get it. Goodness, I would've given my husband the smackdown had he tried anything like that with me!!

Char

Author's Response: Hi Char! :)
I'm glad you liked the intro. I put a lot of thought into it, so it feels great to be appreciated!
I think that if Vic was smarter, this whole story would have gone rather differently, I only made her stupid to take the parody along! But, as you pointed out, one cannot have everything :P I see a bit of marauder like mischief in Teddy here. He's sneaky, but nobody can deny that he is charming either! :P
I know. It's rather ridiculous, right? But oh well. Men will be men, I guess :P
Haha! It's a good thing you aren't married to Teddy then! :D
Thanks for the review, Char! :)


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Review #17, by charlottetripsThe Steep and Thorny Way to Heaven: Act VI

30th July 2013:
Argh, I wanted to leave you three reviews to get you to a nice even number but I find that I've read all of them except this one! Tarnation.

There was some good movement in this chapter with Sirius and Cissy at least.

Sirius' bewilderment at having to rough it while still keeping his pride melds the Sirius that I have in my mind with the prince that you've placed in front of me. He is humbled by what he's experienced but is still a little boy, alone and afraid.

I did feel that Remus dropped his tough act a little quickly in their walk to the village. I know overall that Remus is a softie but I felt that he wouldn't be so quick to trust this rich kid that they found. I know he hasn't told Sirius his full story yet but the whole "wanting a friend" but felt slightly off. Sorry if that's a bit harsh or anything, I just wanted to communicate that. Barring what I just said, I did like how the exchange was written and would otherwise have fit perfectly for me.

Now that I have my criticism out of the way, I just want to say that I love your attention to detail and getting into the heads of our characters that we are reading through. When Cissy noticed Bellatrix didn't have any shoes it made me smile because Bella is still crazy no matter what form we put her in.

The end scene was particularly well done to me. James is being the alpha in the group of boys, watching out for his men but also not being exclusive and being open-minded and kind. He is fierce about family and that's a sentiment that I can get behind.

Char

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Review #18, by charlottetripsMemory Lane : Bad Dates, Hangovers and a Nightmare.

30th July 2013:
You actually got me interested in what looks like is going to turn into a fluffy Dramione story. Ok, maybe not too fluffy but the way you write makes it seem light and fun. You've got a thread of humor that is very evident throughout this chapter that I like. It's dry but not so subtle that I'm going to miss it.

I appreciate that you just waved Ron into being with someone else instead of making this a whole unnecessary love triangle or making Ron out to be the bad guy. I will literally stop reading Dramiones that do that since most of the time it isn't believable. It's very rare for it to be so.

Hermione always seems to end up in law or something that is precise. It's so in keeping with her character. Though the going out and getting so drunk she doesn't remember what she did seems a tad out of character. You did make it a point that it isn't something she does all the time.

I think I might pop back in sometime soon and take a gander as to where you've taken the story as a whole since this didn't really touch upon the plot but was very good as a set-up.

Char

Author's Response: Hi Char!

Sorry it's taken me so long to respond, and thanks for the swap-I really enjoyed your story.

I do enjoy light and fluffy stories, I have a bit of a soft spot for them. Though this one will have some darker chapters, overall if you continue reading you should expect fluff :D

I absolutely agree with you about Ron. I never read fics where he is abusive or violent or a cheater, I just couldn't imagine him doing it. He's a prat at times but never malicious. I think it's so easy when writing dramione's to have him and Hermione split in an awful way because then she can seek comefort in Draco (which never really makes sense to me) but I prefer not to do it.

I couldn't imagine Hermione doing anything other than working in magical law, it's just so her. I admit her drunken night out may have been a little OOC, though we have to remember she's a 23 year old in this, but yeah as you said, it's not something she'll make a habit out of.


I do hope you'll come back and read more. The first few chapters are never particularly exciting ones but the rest are :P

Thnaks again for the swap and the review!


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Review #19, by charlottetripsAll The Tombs of Egypt Are Empty: Long and blue and forever is the Nile

27th July 2013:
I absolutely love what your mind has conjured up here.

I am sure that many other reviewers have commented on your choice of characters, but I'm going to chime in with my own two cents.

First of all Filch? I laughed at the fact that McGonaggal got him to get out of Hogwarts by using his love for Mrs. Norris. Also hilarious all his smoochy loving talk to his cat.

Next Fletcher: brilliant use of his character. Of course he'd be after one thing while lying about what he was after. And the fact that he was going under a fake name. Also I was impressed at you keeping in his speech patterns.

What really got me was Dennis. Oh man, when Filch mistook him for his brother and then was actually feeling bad about it...that got me. Dennis' continued thoughts on the subject was also a good hark back to where we left the family in the books. I really felt that this is where Dennis would be at as a person and so enabled me to connect with him.

Overall, loved how you brought the three together and how Dennis wanted to continue to treasure hunt in the end.

Char

Author's Response: Hello there, Char!

What a lovely surprise review! Thank you for taking the time to read the whole thing; this is certainly not a short piece (for a oneshot), and I'm incredibly grateful and happy that you did, and left me such wonderful feedback as well.

Bahaha! My mind was not spinning on the right axis when it conjured this ridiculous block of text up. I'd say it was the House Cup stress.

Ah, yes. The characters. They were indeed random. Originally, this fic wasn't even meant to be a serious one; it was supposed to be some frivolous treasure hunt involving only Filch and Mundungus, but unfortunately Dennis Creevey stepped in. (I'm currently going through a bit of a phase in which I'm obsessed with Dennis Creevey; he's been popping up in my plunnies and stories a LOT. :O ).

This story does have its sober bits, because after all, it's still a post-Hogwarts fic, set not too long after the final battle, in fact.

Thank you for this lovely review again! It's absolutely made my day! :D

-teh


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Review #20, by charlottetripsCrossing the Borderline: Aaliyah: The Meeting

25th July 2013:
Ooh, good start! You've got the set up for a good ol' teenage love story.

Aaliyah seems like a girl who knows her own mind and I appreciate the close relationship she has with her sister. Aaliyah at least doesn't seem stuck up and someone who will stick by her friends and family which always endears me to a character. She does seem a tad judgmental with Albus. I mean, if she's childhood friends with James, how is it that she doesn't know or at least observe Albus a little better?

I do have to say that the writing came off as a little formal or I guess not as flowing as it could be. I think you're focusing a little too much on the extremely little details (like how it took her two minutes to walk down the corridor) but keeping in the details about the rusty doorknobs is pretty good.

I'm interested in Albus. You did a good job of making him out to be all dark and mysterious and I'm interested in seeing how his character develops. Also what is motivating him to do this fake couple thing. I know what he's saying but does he actually feel that way? Etc.

Char

Author's Response:
Char!!
I'm glad that you like Aaliyah. She was a little judgmental but she has her reasons. I know it is a bit weird that she didn't know Albus at all. I think it probably since back then she was different and less observant than now.

Too formal? Gotcha. I didn't want come out too outrageous so that may be why it came a little too formal. Hopefully I'll be more free in coming chapters. :)

Hehe, Albus is confusing. He does have another reason though I won't release it 'til later in the story. But yes he does feel guilty in a way. In his opinion, James didn't have to try and be the protector. His character will develop though and his secrets will come out.

Thanks for the lovely review.
I had a great time reading it.
~Sama


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Review #21, by charlottetripsDiamonds into Coal: Of Wit and Learning

16th July 2013:
I have to say a couple of things:

So far I've been impressed with your keeping to the more formal language that ruled the day. No "Wassup?" and "nah, it's cool" filtering into this story! I don't know if you mean to keep it so formal between family members though. Rowena and Helena actually seem closer in this story as opposed to others where I've seen Helena being a brat to her mum.

I smiled when you wrote about the secondary reason Helena looked forward to her Thursday visits to the village ;) Haven't we all been there at one point or another.

And the other thing I wanted to mention, before I forget and completely tangent off, is the tradition that JKR had of making people's names be something significant. This is really only something I've been able to appreciate now that the books are done and we've dissected them to no end. How do you come up with these names? It's really interesting to me.

Looking forward to the rest!

Author's Response: Hah, yeah, no YOLOs here. I'll be honest, I haven't looked at this chapter in a long time, but the language probably does sound a bit formal. I do think you'll see it deconstructed a tiny bit in the more emotional mother-daughter moments to come. I'll glance back at it now that the story is going to be completed and see if I find places that need more editing.

Honestly, I just look for lists of English male/female names from medieval times (closest I can do, really) and try to choose names that reflect something significant about the character. Venn, for example, is a variant of Fenn, which is where Salazar was from. I don't really search thoroughly enough to make sure the names really encapsulate the characters or reflect their most prominent traits, but I don't pick them willy-nilly, either. I'm glad you can appreciate those details!

Thanks for your lovely review!

-Amanda


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Review #22, by charlottetripsThe Twenty Two: Scotch Bonnets, Cakes and Buses

16th July 2013:
I'd read this earlier and for some reason never left a review! I wanted to let you know that you had to make me look up "scotch bonnets" because I am no way familiar with them. Is this common in England? Because its not on the other side.

Overall, loved Tibbie. She's not perfect, she's not arrogant and she's self-deprecating. This is something that immediately inures me to someone. I also enjoy the fact that she names people in her head and is a bit of a creeper.

You had me laughing to myself at various parts and I couldn't believe that you had Elbow Patch be such a jerk as I was expecting them to meet and fall in love forever. But you had better things (I mean, a person, a boy, not an object of good lookingness) waiting for her so I was okay then. ;)

Char

Author's Response: Hello! It's funny I actually thought you'd reviewed this- huh, oh well! Thank you so much for the review! Anyway, calling hot people a 'scotch bonnet' isn't common in England I don't think (I've never heard it, anyway!) but they are a reasonably well known thing in their Chilli guise (I don't know why? The English don't exactly do chilli-hot food haha).

Anyway, I'm glad you like Tibbie! I also like her- I mean, I wouldn't want to be her because she's even weirder than I am, but I do like her!

I'm glad you laughed! Elbow Patch wasn't actually originally meant to turn out to be so nasty, but when I finished the first draft I was like 'yeah, nah' and I changed it so Elbow Patch was not so nice, and Henry arrived!

I'm glad you liked the story,
Charlie
(internet international name high-five, my Charlotte-y friend!)
xx


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Review #23, by charlottetripsDate Night: She's the Boss

16th July 2013:
Well I enjoyed reading it. It's always amusing to me to see how someone chooses to break the 'fourth wall' so to speak ;)

Throughout the whole FIC, I could totally feel Ron being channeled. House as 'his Hermione' is such a girl, HE is such a boy. From his thoughts on how to keep Hermione happy by being silent and smiling, to his being distracted like no good food or pretty girls had done to him, you had me smiling. I really liked the analogies throughout the story because they were something I could relate to and honestly feel how a boy thinks sometimes :P don't tell my husband

Overall, the flow and pacing was good. I didn't feel rushed and didn't feel like you dragged it out too much either. The bit with the guy dressed up as a wizard in the middle was good foreshadowing. The little bits where Hermione knew without asking to get food for Ron just illustrates how they know each other (on top of all of Ron's grumblings in the beginning).

I did see some typos so you might want to revise a little more but like I said, this was cute and enjoyable. :)

Char

Author's Response: I am certainly going to be revising this thing soon as I've seen tons of errors. This story was just such a chore to write that I'm not ready to look at it again. You know how it is to have an idea that hounds you, even if you want no part of it?

I am glad though you liked my characterization of Ron though, and the overall premise. The only thing I enjoyed about this piece was writing as him and the research I did on the the square. I tried to be as accurate as I could to both, and I hope I succeeded.

Thank you kindly for the R&R

Ken


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Review #24, by charlottetripsBubbles: Bath time

16th July 2013:
THIS. WAS. TO. ADORABLE.

How could you do this to me so early in my morning? I can't actually believe it, but you caught me in nostalgia mode now with your writing of Louis in his little four-year-old point of view.

He tried to remember how many fingers twelve made, but he had forgotten. - KILLED ME. I can see this little toddler sitting on the floor of a broom closet just trying to count. Too too cute.

Also, the antics of these two kids, believing their big sister (who is adhering to the sacred duties of older siblings by getting their younger siblings into trouble) was so so just fitting for young children. I have so done that to my little sister (making her think something was worthwhile) and I have a mixture of feeling guilty and yet pleased at the same time right now. I don't know if you're an older sibling, but the feeling of pulling a once over on your siblings is quite satisfying :) Though Victoire did get it in the end didn't she?

And poor Mimi! They always seem to get it in the end, don't they?

Overall, impressed with the young child's point of view and just bubbly because of fluff (eh? see what I did there? *nudge nudge*)

Char
(reviewing your one shot to get us going on our carpet because you're a 'Claw and you're awesome)

Author's Response: Hi Charlotte!

This review has me jumping about squeeing, especially considering I wrote this one-shot at two in the morning and never expected to get so much positive feedback on it.

The sacred duties of being an older sibling quite sums it up, yes. That's what everything is about: getting your younger siblings in trouble and looking innocent. (To be honest, I'm really not like Victoire -- my siblins get into enough trouble on and I usually try to save them).

Mimi's adventure is very much inspired by the game my brother and I used to play when we were younger: let's prowl around the house, find the cat, and turn on the hose. I'm not proud.

I see what you did there, yes! Thank you so much for the review :)


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Review #25, by charlottetripsReason to Fight: Le Phare

16th July 2013:
Wow, I continue to be impressed at the depth that you've taken with this story and the premise on which it is based. This is like reading an Original Fiction because there are no known HP characters to fall back on. While there's magic evident here, it's also woven in such a way as to seem like we DID use magic during WWII.

You handle the varied characters here well. I was impressed at how you switched between POVs but in a way that wasn't confusing to me as a reader. You left off at natural points and even threw in a flashback that didn't feel random!

The past baggage of Camille and Xavier is intriguing. I think relationships based off of friendship are the best and they last the longest as there's always this underlying affinity there (no matter who says what on the matter *cough*Camille*cough*).

Jean and his uncle seem to have a pretty messed up relationship. I mean, the way he plans on assassinating him! That's pretty grim.

Since we keep cutting back to Simon, you make me wonder how he's going to break out and join the rest of the team!

Why must you make me want to continue reading?

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