Oh well, I didn't mind the little adjustments to the werewolf paradigm. xD It fitted your story well.
I am glad that Kylie is so sweet and didn't hate Remus because he was a werewolf or something of the sort. Otherwise, awesome chappie as usual. :) It was a bit more serious, but your wonderful humour still came through at moments.
Waiting patiently for the next one,
KaileenaAuthor's Response: Thanks for the review!
Hey, I'm glad you didn't mind it too much - I know it was kind of weird, but yeah!
If she was that evil, then no one would like her, and it would kind of defeat the purpose of having a b.a. main character, yeah? I'm glad you still got the little bits of humor that were there! Report Review
I loved this! It's strangely beautiful and haunting and your writing is amazing. :) Also, the whole idea for the story is very original. I cannot wait to see how this goes!
10/10Author's Response: Thanks!
-Vi. Report Review
Wow! I've never read a Scorpius/OC story but I've got to say that I totally enjoyed yours! It was well written and the whole internal debate about being "in the middle" is a very good angle. My thoughts about middle parts are exactly the same.
And from the short things we hear about Charlotte, she is an awesome OC. I think it's rare for me to like a character from only a one-shot, but you've done it. She's mah kind of girl. :DD
Oh, and the end was super sweet of course. You've described the dancing scene very vividly and I just love kisses in the rain.
All in all, a very sweet and well-written one-shot. I love it!
HarleyAuthor's Response: Yeah, I chose Scorpius/OC because I am really not a Scor/Rose fan. (I think I'm the only one!). I'm glad you like Charlotte! She's a special kind of girl who could probably get on the nerves of quite a few people so it's a relief you like her. :)
Kisses in the rain = Report Review
Hey! I finally got around to reading this and it's awesome! I really like Charlotte's sarcastic voice - you've made her a very believable character! And she's quite intriguing too, I am really interested what is about to happen to her.
Gaahh! Update soon, hun! :) You've got a really nice start and a wonderful story on your hands, good luck with it!
Maya ;)Author's Response: :D Oh my, I read this very quickly this morning and I honestly forgot about what was written! Now it feels like I'm reading it for the first time and it has just made me smile all over again! Thank you so much dear!
I'm so crazily happy that you think Charlotte is a believable character, and that she's intriguing!
I will, I will :)
And thank you again Maya, it means alot!
Lots of love
xoox Report Review
Jenna, this was an awesome read! You know, I am not a big slash fan but the way you described Sirius and Remus' lingering emotions may convert me to a Sirius/Remus fan.
Your writing was also awesome, in fact it's so good that it makes me want to crawl into a hole and click on the delete button of my Sirius fic for the same challenge. Eeek! Fantastic work! And the last scene when they realise about what happened to Dorcas? Heart-wrenching.
P.S. The steamy scene b/n Remus and Sirius... the temperature in the room went up a few degrees or was it just me? >_>Author's Response: *hands you a Remus/Sirius shipper button*
We'd be very happy to have you aboard. :D
Thank you so much for this. ^^
Don't delete! Your stuff is awesome. I gotta see what quote you got now...I'm nosy. Lol.
Yes, I'd say it went way up. ^^'
Thank you again! --Jenna Report Review
Wow! Amazing last chapter! You've written a wonderful fic and your chapter images (I saw them before on tda) are awesome. :)
I am so glad that you're making a sequel because I definitely don't want to say goodbye to Rona and the other characters. They are all so lively and colourful. xD
Anyways, good luck with the sequel (I will be stalking your author's page for it xD Muahaha!). I'm sure it will be amazing. :)))Author's Response: Heey again :D And thank you! :)
There's definitely a lot of stories about all these characters floating around in my head and I want to write them all down. I'll probably be writing snippets about them for a looong while.
The sequel's going to be in a bit though. And Capers Ensue comes first! At least until a few chapters get up :) Report Review
Ohh, this chapter was amazing! I loved everything - the wonderfully used Lennon quote, the joke about Sirius' people reading skills, the sweet dance between James and Lily. And the switching between James and Davey - you really managed to get out of the cliche, I applaud you. Good job, I thoroughly enjoyed it. ;)Author's Response: Thank you so much. :D Hearing that it isn't cliché means a LOT to me because I know I was heading into sketchy territory just having a Masquerade. :) You're so sweet, thank you. --Jenna Report Review
Oh, I really love the beginning of the story. Somehow, few next gens concentrate on Louis and he seems (at least here xD ) so interesting. And I like how he is friends with Scorpius (who seems to be a funny and good guy here).
Btw, can I make a small remark (since I am a canon nerd) - you say that Aunt Audrey was a Head girl, but JK says that she is a Muggle. But's it's really insignificant. I really like your start and I am adding this to favourites. xD *waiting for an update*
HarleyAuthor's Response: The update is coming really soon, it's been in the queue for a few days, so it should be out either late today or tomorrow. Maybe even the day after, the queue is so unpredictable! :)
And I really should have checked that out about Audrey. Let's just say that she was Head Girl at her Muggle school. I'll edit that in as soon as chapter 2 is up.
Scorpius, as you'll see in the rest of the story, has been influenced by a certain someone, who was influenced by another certain someone himself, but I won't say who. That'll be clearer in the next chapter.
Thanks so much for pointing out my mistake. I'm so ashamed XD
Fleur Report Review
Wow! Worth the wait, I am so glad that the queue is open again :)) I am also sorry that your last chapter got rejected, it happened to me too and it's just so distressing. >_>
Anyways, great chapter as usual. It's so... Kylie of her to first assume that Sirius and Remus were gay. xD But curiosity killed the cat as they say (I hope not). But she fought very bravely, that was an amazing scene you described. I was on the edge of my seat!
I wonder how you will write Sirius and Kylie's escape from the situation and then how Jaz will take the news of Remus being a werewolf. Ahhh! I always want more. >_>
KailAuthor's Response: Thanks for the review!
You and me both! It really is one of the worst things that could happen - it's like your stomach kind of sinks to around your toes, right?
Yeah, I had to throw that bit in there - it just wouldn't stay out! She did her best, and we'll have to see just what happened in the next chapter, won't we? Hehe...
Well, I hope the way I wrote it won't be too disapointing - maybe a wee bit anticlimatic, but I hope not! Thanks again!
Oh, Lottie, how can you say you don't like this story! It's wonderfully written, a very strong piece.
Personally, I think you did really well with showing the reader the emotion of fear. The first person, present tense really give out this feeling of imminent foreboding danger and I swear at one point of the dream I was reading almost breathlessly.
This sentence - "I am living my worst nightmare, because I am not in control of myself, of my mind and of my body." is really strong because the deepest fear of most people is exactly that - total and absolute loss of control.
I don't know what else to say - your descriptions of the action and the flow of the story are really amazing! Fantastic work!
MayyaAuthor's Response: Hey Maya! :D
Awwh first off, thank you so much for reading this so fast & reviewing it too! LOVE LOVE LOVE!
Thank you so much! I'm glad you thought I did a good job :)
THANK YOUU! For reading & the lovely review! :)
*big smile on my face* Report Review
Heeey! I saw Krushuna in your description and since I'm partly (mostly) Bulgarian, I knew I had to check it out. :)
First - I've got to congratulate you on choosing the Krushuna falls for a location - it's one of the most picturesque parts of my country. And you mostly chose very well the Bulgarian names (though some of them sounded Russian, for example Vladmira is Vladimira in bg, but that's minor, just mentioning).
I also like how you explored the sinister part of the veelas for the story. Since they are based on the Bulgarian's samodivi, which are known to ensnare travellers and kill them, you weaved it excellently into the plot!
Overall, a well-done one-shot! I wish you first place on the challenge! (but yet again, I am a bit biased about the Bulgarian thing :D)
Harley from the forumsAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! I did my research haha! Report Review
Such an amusing chapter yet again!
I have just one question:
"The straw sun-hat I was currently wearing was my favourite of the new designs. It felt very summery, and could block any 'amusing' hexes your little brother might try on you while you were sunbathing in addition to stylishly protecting you from potential psychopaths while on the job." - where can I find one of these hats. :D Sounds very convinient (and stylish of course, god forbid that we, women, go out in unstylish hats xD)
And this quote - "Nothing brings two people together like hiding the evidence where a male stripper had hog-tied one with her own fishnet hose and ripped her top off the night before her wedding." Just awesome. Sorry, I feel the need to quote lines that made me smile/laugh. ;)Author's Response: Ah, Victoire's hen night. mwahahaha
Weasley's Wizard Wheezes, home of witchtastic fashion items that double as defensive weapons and armor. Nice. Thanks for the review! XD Report Review
Ok, so I couldn't stay away from this fic. My poor work - forgotten and discarded. But it's just addicting.
Lovely chapter again. I love the tongue-in-cheek narration you use for Rose's voice. She sounds a bit like me and therefore I cannot not like her - I am a narcissist by nature. :DD
So many good lines - this one had me in stiches:
"Guess I don't look like a bounty hunter. Maybe I need some tattoos or something. Or a t-shirt that doesn't have a pink unicorn on it." - hear, hear. :D
And the joke about Draco being so glad that his son was not gay that he would overlook the fact that he is living in sin with a Weasley - priceless! :))Author's Response: Rose is very silly and fun to write. I really love her character, I have to admit. Wait til you get to chapters with cousins. Louis is a party on a string. lol
She does love her girly pink t-shirts! Baby hippogriffs, glitter, unicorns... Ah Rose.
I think Draco wouldn't disown his son, but he's certainly not happy about it. He's not very nice to Rose.
Thank you so much for reviewing! Report Review
Aw, I get first review! (which is quite natural, since I am stalking the queue right now)
A-anyways, awesome chapter as usual. I totally didn't suspect that Sirius was impersonating Cargan. xD It was such a funny scene. Nothing much else to say. Ahh... I wanted to mention that the chemistry you've written between Nora and Sirius is great. Good job!Author's Response: Stalking the queue - I know the feeling! I've already submitted chapter 11 because I couldn't resist not taking advantage of it being so much lower than usual.
Thank you for reviewing and saying it's awesome and they've got great chemistry. The word chemistry wants me to think up a cheesy Snape/potions pun, but I haven't had any coffee today and I'm not at my brightest. So just pretend I said something marvelous, alright?
:D Report Review
Wow :) Here for the almost dead snowball fight. I don't know why I didn't start reading this story earlier since I just love action/adventure stories! And yours is certainly gripping. Plus, it's completely original.
Anyways, I love it and when I get more time from work I'll read the whole of it + the sequel. I quite like Rosie's career of choice and her devil-may-care attitude. Oh, I absolutely could identify with this line:
“Rosie! What's wrong, do you need money? You want to move back home? Are you finally leaving that no-good layabout?”
My mother is always pestering me to move back home (I'm a grown woman mum) and I could certainly feel Rose's unwillingness (is that a word?) to do so. Oh, I really like her in this fic. And the fact that Scorpius is the one to cook in the family - quite amusing if you ask me. :)
Great fic and I'm looking forward to read more of Rose's bounty-hunting. :)
HarleyAuthor's Response: My mother would also love me to come back home and live with her, even though I have a husband and two kids haha. Like Rose, I do not want to live with my mom again. Love her, but no.
Thank you for the review! I'm glad you're enjoying it thus far. *snowball* Report Review
Hey! HarleyQuinn from the forums here :))
I have to tell you that I've never read a Padma-centered story before but yours look very promising. I think it was a well-done introductory chapter for an unusual story. I love how you made Dean a wizard artist - it's an original concept and the way you described the moving paintings was brilliant! I also quite like the idea of Padma teaching at Hogwarts, it suits her well. And you're right for Dean - he always seemed too nice!
So, all in all - characterisation is perfect. As for flow, I also think it was good - everything fit together well and I didn't notice any "breaks" in it. And I assume that for believability you were asking about this citizenship law. I don't find anything wrong with it - I think that in legislation, the wizard world is somehow similar to the Muggle one, so why not?
Just a teeny tiny correction - you spell Parvati's name Parvarti and Pavarti at some places. Of course it's not very noticeable but I am a bit of a canon freak for names. :DD
Nevermind that, I enjoyed the story and it's interesting how will things go for Padma and Dean. Good luck with it!
HarleyAuthor's Response: Hey Harley!
Thank you very much for the review! I really appreciate it :) I'm glad characterization and flow seemed appropriate and good. I tend to make transitions that aren't so smooth, so I'm glad I didn't seem to in this post.
Ohhh somehow I always fail with names. Thank you for catching that!! I will be fixing it the moment I can haha.
I was also thinking 'why not' in terms of Ministry law myself haha. So I'm glad that worked out/seemed believable too.
Thanks again! I'm excited for Padma and Dean too.
Awww... I really enjoyed this. You've written the Marauders and Lily exactly as I imagine them. I am also glad that you didn't write Lily as stuck up as people usually make her.
I cannot believe that Lily mistook the Marauder's map (that's what is in James' pocket, isn't it?) for studying material. xD She has noo idea what James is up to. :DD
Anyways, your writing is really nice and I am wondering what exactly Lily will "investigate". I think that after the snowball fight I will be coming back to read it all. I am definitely interested. Good job!
HarleyAuthor's Response: Sorry for the late response time, Harley. Thank you so much for the nice review :)
I'm definitely trying to show a different side of Lily and it's great to get some feedback on her. You're right, it was the Marauder's map (and the cloak), I'm glad that was obvious because I wasn't sure. Thanks again for reviewing! Report Review
That was positively awesome! Such a wonderful Christmas-y one-shot - it put a large smile on my face. :)))
I like the idea that George persuades Hermione to do a prank very much - she really needs to loosen a bit. :) And Hermione/Charlie is a pretty offbeat couple, I've never thought about it, but I think you did it sweetly. I really enjoyed their little moments together. :)) Actually, I think I may try to find some more fics of them. D'awww... that scene in the snow just melted me, it was precious. :)))
All in all, an excellent one-shot! It was funny, it was well-written and it was infinitely sweet. Wonderful read for the holidays :)))Author's Response: Your review put such a large smile on my face! I'm happy you liked it and also that you chose to read and review this one of my stories as it doesn't yet have many reviews!
I haven't actually read that many Hermione/Charlie fics myself either, more talked and thought about it. Though there are some really good ones out there. But it's one of my favourite pairings anyhow.
Once again, thank you for the lovely review! Report Review
That was absolutely wonderful :)) I love reading sweet fluffy one-shots. You also incorporated the consequences of the war pretty well.
I've actually never read a Neville/Hannah story, but I am glad I chose it. It's short, to the point and beautiful. The last lines - "Something that needed no sun, or water, or soil rich in nutrients to grow. Love… " were amazing! :)))
And the whole story is so mellow that it flows seamlessly. I didn't feel how I've finished the one-shot. Maybe you can do some more Hannah/Neville ;)Author's Response: That's very kind of you to say. I enjoy fluff as well, but I have trouble writing it so the consequences of war was my way of making it less fluffy. XP Though in the end, I did manage to write a fluffy ending. Yay!
I don't read too much Neville/Hannah, either. It doesn't seem to be a very popular ship, but it's a very sweet one. Maybe that's why my story turned out so well - I had no idea how to write the ship! Haha. But I really got into all the plant references. That's how that last line came about. And if I may say so, without sounding too conceited, it turned out pretty great.
More Hannah/Neville? I dunno, I haven't really thought about it. But who knows? Maybe I will - it's becoming one of my favourite ships! :)
Thanks for the review dear!
Liz Report Review
Hey Charlotte, I am here for the snowball fight! :)))
When I looked at your author's page, I just knew I had to read the Sirius story. >_>' I am weak like that. Anyways, it's cute and fluffy and for what's it worth - for a one-shot OC, Sienna is pretty likeable. I don't want to repeat other reviewers, but I, too, wanted to see the middle part. But otherwise, I enjoyed it pretty much. Especially the description at the beginning when she was watching Sirius. I think you got the thoughts that pass through a teenager's head when watching her crush pretty well. It was realistic.
And friends that betray your trust are the worst. I, too, would have been very angry if my friend did this, so I understand her reaction and scheming with James.
All in all, it was pretty entertaining. If you decide to expand it one day or add "the middle", tell me so I can reread it. ;)
Harley/Kaileena/Maya (multiple personalities disorder much xD)Author's Response: Hello Harley/Kaileena/Maya! XD
Haha personally this story is not my favourite, even though I love the Marauders. It makes me cringe at how bad it isÃ¢Â€Â¦ anyway, thanks for saying it's cute + fluffy, I'm a very insensitive person, so it's good to hear I can at least write fluffy on paper :P
Hey - don't worry about being repetitive. I'm just so lazy I haven't yet been bothered to change it, but all these reviews are definitely having an effect on meÃ¢Â€Â¦
Thank you very much for everything; for reading + for the nice review! :) Report Review
Oh my god! Your writing never fails to amase me! That was so... funny and ridiculous. I love June - she's the most dedicated slash fan out there - I salute her, too! :DDD
Anyways, this was brilliant! You've got so many funny lines out there that I just cannot quote them all.
"Come on, you don't honestly believe I'd let you take the reins. You're far too hesitant. Maybe once in a full moon—" xD Good one, soo good :DDD
I really don't know what more to say except that you just made my day. That was so amusing. Maybe someday you can write more of Junebug, such a quirky girl. xD
HarleyAuthor's Response: Haha hello again! :D Sometimes I wonder if my true calling is to write crack fic by the bucketfuls. I'm a nutter if there ever was one ;)
And Sirius and Remus, I could squish them both. As dark as their lives were, something about their fandom personas just make me love the S & R sitcom.
I haven't got any other plots with Junebug, but rest assured, I have plenty of kooky characters in store in other fics! Thanks for the review :) Report Review
Hey, HarleyQuinn from the forums with your review!
Answering your questions:
I would definitely continue reading this story! I like stories about Merope Gaunt and the reasons she had to make such a desperate move (use love potion to make someone fall in love with her). The way you are setting things up is very good - Merope coming out of such a cold family is certainly an explanation of her less than perfect social skills.
Also, your writing is very good. You have nice descriptions, it's certainly enjoyable to read and the flow of things is perfect. My overall opinion is that this is a strong beginning for such a kind of story.
The only thing you can do to improve is break up the paragraphs a bit. Otherwise, it's excellent! Good job.
Harley Report Review
Oh, nice. The plot thickens! I like all the action in this chapter - the locket, Rosie being Quidditch captain and especially the end - when a big confrontation between families arises. xD
Now, a few suggestions:
1. The chappie title - it's Intuitive, I am sure it's a typo but I deemed necessary to point it out.
2. Again, fix the formatting.
3. At the end Harry calls Draco by his first name - even though they are not mortal enemies anymore, I still think he would call him Malfoy.
All in all, it's a pretty entertaining stories and after you fix up thing a little bit, I think it can be great!
KaileenaAuthor's Response: Thanks for once again pointing stuff out. You've been a big help :)
Thanks for all your reviews :) xoxo Report Review
Oh, chapter 2 is a massive improvement from ch 1! The pacing is much better and you've managed to get the hang of the HPFF formating :)))
I liked this one. It was fun. I can almost imagine Molly yelling at Ron and setting him straight for the whole Scorpius/Rose affair. :DDD
A little suggestion from me - Lily is 2 years younger than Rose and since Rose is still at school that means that Lily is underage and cannot perform magic out of Hogwarts. You may want to revise that. Otherwise - a good and fun chapter :))Author's Response: Thank you :) I certainly hope I've improved haha.
Yeah I could almost see molly yelling at him as I wrote that part.
I'm actually quite surprised I didn't pick up on underage wizardry with Lily. I'm usually pretty good at picking those kind of things up. Thanks for pointing that our :)
Thanks for reviewing :) xoxo Report Review
Hey hun, here is HarleyQuinn from the forums with your review!
First, I have to say that I am not a big fan of next gen, but I think your story with Rose and Scorpius is very sweet :) Now, let me make a couple of suggestions to you:
1. The biggest problem in my opinion is purely esthetical - fix the formating a bit. Put spaces between each new line, change the 'single' quotes for dialogue with the more standard "double" ones. I know that the HPFF editor is not the friendliest tool in the world, but play with it a bit until everything looks pretty. Of course, that may not seem like an important thing, but it's better for the readers that the story is easy on the eyes.
2. I see that some people have commented on this, but I'll still say this - don't rush things so much. Your story is really nice and adding a bit more descriptions between dialogue and slowing down the flow of events will do wonders for it!
Otherwise, it's fun and sweet, you have excellent humour at some places and it's enjoyable. I normally review 3 chapters of longer stories, so I am on to the next one. :)
KailAuthor's Response: Thanks so much for the review! I definitely need to set aside to a time to work on chapter one and will do so soon.
And I'm glad you like the humor as its not a strong point of mine so I'm glad I got It right :D
Thanks so much for reviewing :) xoxo Report Review
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