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Reading Reviews From Member: shez
  
73 Reviews Found

Review #26, by shezEvolution: The End of the Line

24th April 2014:
Hey there! Returning the (admittedly, even later) review swap!

I decided to go with the classic Jilly and I have to say, I'm really pleased with the direction you plan on taking it, not rushing into the romance, rather letting it play out in a more organic way. That, in addition to your sophisticated diction choices, really makes this a treat to read (and I think that switching perspectives is a great idea!).

Chapter 1-- I really like the way you chose to portray James and his home-life. I personally never pictured him to be as rich as, say, Sirius, or even be in the possession of a house-elf, but the way you wrote it felt very natural and plausible to me. Likewise, the exposition [from the marauders to quidditch to Severus to his father to, of course, his emerging feelings for Lily] was very well done for an intro chapter. So of course I read chapter 2 :)

Chapter 2-- Ahh, the falling away of a friendship. It's sad but necessary, I think, for Lily transitioning from childhood to adulthood (and eventually James). I really like the attention both James and Lily give to Severus in their introspective chapters; I like that you've given him a fairly large role. He's always been my favorite character so I can't wait to see him develop! Lily's letter to him is really heartbreaking.

I think this a really unique James and Lily story (and no I don't mean Jily. I like that you've chosen to explore both characters as individuals before pairing them up). This is a fantastic beginning to a story!

Author's Response: Howdy! Thanks for the swap (and for reading two chapters not just one)!

I'm glad you like the approach I'm taking. I really wanted to delve into both James and Lily independently for quite some time before bringing them together for several reasons. First, I just don't think it's realistic that they suddenly fall for one another given their history. Second (and related), I wanted to show that both of them - not just James - needed to grow in certain ways and understand themselves better before their feelings become mutual, let alone before they begin a relationship. Third, I wanted to challenge the "soulmates" trope that seems to exist around them (more particularly with James) by showing each of them in other realistic relationships before they pair up. I think I'll probably come back and edit parts of the early portion to accomplish these goals more appropriately, because I'm not satisfied with aspects of them that come later in the story, but we'll see.

As for Snape, I'm glad you liked those inclusions too! I will confess that while he is interwoven throughout the story, he doesn't feature frequently through most of the first half (which is beyond where I've written so far) - however he does feature more strongly later, and if you keep reading, I hope you'll find I did him justice.

Thanks again for the swap! I appreciated your thoughtful and detailed review!


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Review #27, by shezClassic: Prologue

21st April 2014:
Wow, this is interesting! I was expecting some fluffy generic Albus/OC but you've really caught my attention. I'm curious to find out more about the MC and her pseaudoamorous relationship with Tom Riddle. One thing I would point out is that your summary and banner ( fairly lighthearted ) don't exactly reflect the tone of this deliciously dark chapter.

I'd like to see where this story goes!

Author's Response: Well, hello! Thanks for the darling review. I'm glad you enjoyed the prologue, and I can't say how flattered I am --you're an amazing compliment giver.
Yes, the banner/summary really is quite light, and I know the first chapter doesn't exactly match up with the sunny mood. However, the story will become happier in later chapters [yay!] :-) Anyways, thanks again for the review!
-Sam


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Review #28, by shezBirdie (Speed Dating Entry): Birdie

7th April 2014:
Review Swap!

So I went with a good ol' fashioned ScoRose and Weasely catastrophe. I loved all the reactions and characters you included in this; my favorite being Hugo's :

Youíve got my support, but you should know that the last male that was added to the Weasley family by marriage was Harry Potter.Ē


Haha, way to psyche him out there!


I also liked that things didn't go perfectly (I loved that Scorpius responded with "Yes sir" to Ron. It seems like the thing he would do.). Relationships can be tough and unconventional and though the story didn't end on a happily-ever-after note, I'm thinking Scorpius is going to be just fine in the Weasely clan.

Thoough he'll probably never bring up the house elf haha.

One thing I thought/was looking forward and you didn't have was how Rose and Scorpius came to be, well, a couple. It's pretty much assumed in most stories that they'll end up that way (You have them as best friends and then engaged) but I would've liked to see. Still, I really enjoyed this read. It was light and funny and I love reading about the Weasely clan. Thanks for writing!

:)

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for the swap! Sorry I've taken so long to respond.

I agree that Scorpius will probably end up okay:). There might be a sequel in the works between Isobel and I... not completely sure.

I would've liked to expand on how they got to be that way, too, but for the event this was written for there was a word limit (which I came very close to!)

Thanks so much for the review, I'm glad that you enjoyed it!


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Review #29, by shezLike a Rat in a Maze: Coal-black Eyes

2nd April 2014:
Here from review tag!

I expected great things from the writer of detox, but this...whoah. This blew my mind. I don't think I've read a Snape-interrogating-Peter story before but I can totally see this happening in canon. You captured Peter's cowardice,guilt,weak personality so seamlessly it's a pleasure to read. And SNAPE...oh my gosh. I love Snape so much that I can't stand any story that doesn't do hum justice. You've done him justice. That's all I can say. I can see him go mental like this when he finds Pettigrew was responsible for Lily's death.

AND THAT ENDING. Wait, is this a one-shot?


Even so, Bravo. It's been a pleasure reading this.

shez

Author's Response: Hi, there.

I always found it hard to imagine that Snape would be able to stop himself from hurting Peter during Peter's stay at Spinner's End. Peter was responsible for the tragedy that Snape risked everything to prevent. I'm really glad that you thought I did Snape justice. That was really important to this story.

This was indeed a one-shot. I'm leaving it up to the reader to decide how many times Snape indulges his desire for vengeance. Could be only two, could be many more...

I'm really please that you enjoyed it. Thanks for reading and reviewing!


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Review #30, by shezVoldemort on Broadway: Chapter 1

15th March 2014:
Review tag!

So I'm picturing Voldy walking through the subway station in NY in tourist clothing.could not stop laughing. This is BRILLIANT. This is just what the world needed. Rita Skeeter publicist for Voldy (we all knew she had a dark side)? Harry directing his own musical (egotist much)? Gilderoy getting the much coveted part (will they have to surgically remove his nose? oh boy.)???

I can see this happening.

Dude this is canon. Yep. My only complaint is that it was way too short (and that I didn't get to see the musical).


Thank you for making the world a better place.

Author's Response: Thanks a lot for the review!

I'm greatly amused by picturing Voldy in regular every day situations. And I definitely wouldn't put this past Rita.

Thanks again!


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Review #31, by shezDetox: Sobering Up

17th February 2014:
THIS CHAPTER. OH MY.

First, I'd like to commend you for writing such nitty-gritty narrative. Too often I read overtly flowery fanfic that romanticizes Draco or the dark post-war occurrings but THIS--wow. I read this twice and both stunned by and envious of your talent for such vivid visceral description. This isn't fanfic--this could be a novel, and in fact, is already better than most.

Now clearly you're doing a how Draco-met-Astoria story, but I've seen it done like this. I've never seen Draco quite like this either, how you've managed to incorporate all the facets of him into one drunken encounter. He's angsty and tormented and has a relative case of PTSD, but he's still the same Draco we from the books. The instance when the bartender kicks him out saying 'we don't serve your kind here' really demonstrates how the Wizarding world has evolved since the war, where prior, it was discrimination against mudbloods. Tides have shifted and Draco now stands on the losing end. And it sucks big time.

This line--They were a bunch of bloody fools, but still the closest thing to friends he had left in the world.-- Personally I've always seen Draco as a wary perpetrator, a coward, not quite having the guts to exercise his own resolve. Whereas his so-called-friends are still disillusioned , he atleast is able to acknowledge he was in the wrong. He's still arrogant, characteristically so, and parrots his father (I loved that line by the way).

I'm not entirely sure how I feel about Astoria yet--the fact she shows up out of nowhere is a bit deux-ex-machima. I'm not entirely sure why she wants to help him either (aside from, I guess, just being a good person). We don't know much about her, but I can understand Draco's initial fascination with her. I would think he'd feel the same for anyone that stepped up and helped him out, The tidbits of her personality--definitely pureblood ('finders fee' haha).

This is probably the best post-war Draco fic I've ever read. No. This IS the best.

*furtively slips into favorites*

Author's Response: Hi, there!

Nitty-gritty is a specialty of mine, or so I'm told. I just tried hard to think about which details Draco would be most likely to pick up on at the various levels of sobriety that we see him at in this chapter. I'm really glad that it was vivid for you.

I tried to put Draco in the frame of mind that I thought he would have been in following the end of the war. "His side" lost the war. His family is disgraced and I'd assume that they barely avoided Azkaban. An awful lot of what he was taught to believe about blood purity and the justness of the Death Eaters' cause turned out to be total garbage. Voldemort only cared about his own power and immortality; the Malfoys were nothing but an expendable tool. So I think it makes total sense that he would have been depressed and very disillusioned. The PTSD also seems like a perfectly natural outcome of having witnesses such horrors.

I think Draco did a lot of growing up between the end of OotP and the end of the war. He learned that there are some things you can't buy with money and that his father was far out of his depth in the company of true killers like his aunt. His friends didn't see the things that Draco saw, at least not firsthand.

Astoria is definitely "too good to be true" in this chapter. I'd only ask you to remember that you're seeing her through Draco's hazy eyes. Her flaws will emerge later on...

Those are very kind things to say and I really appreciate them. Thanks for reading and reviewing!


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Review #32, by shezDevlin Potter: Riddle and Rescue: Midnight Routines

14th February 2014:
Hey!

So can I just say I love your banner? Itís EPIC. IĎd favorite this story again just for the banner (your awesome story-telling makes it ten times better though haha).

Harry is quite the angry father---the fact he knows his stolen son has probably been tainted and corrupted but doesnít care because itís his son and he loves him unconditionally---Like in the books, he has a bit of a hero-complex and I wonder how that will fare for him here. From what Iíve seen so far of Devlin, I think itís really going to push Harry to the edge. (Third chapter and as you can see, Iím already trying to predict the end haha).

I don't know if I mentioned this before but I really like that Sirius is alive; that strong emotional attachment he fares with the Potter family is realistic and comforting (I like to know thereís someone there for them) and the scene of him arriving (charmingly) in his boxers adds a bit of levity this dark dark story really needs. I like Alexandria so far but I donít trust heróseeing as she is presumably the child of Voldemort she probably has a dark side to her as well. Iím also wondering if and when weíll be seeing more of Ron and Hermione.

So I feel like Iím missing something very large. I know Devlin has blood ties to Voldemort via Iím assuming Alexandra (speaking of which, how did her and Harry meet? Does he know her background? VOLDEMORTÖ CHILD??? HOW??? Ok, this definitely needs a backstory and if Iím right, I want to know who Mama Voldemort is/was. Like now).

The connect Devlin has with Geoffrey is fascinationónot-quite friend and not-quite parent but for some reason a guardian--Iím curious to know exactly how it originated and learn more about our surprisingly humane (or double-agent?) death-eater.

So I think somethingís wrong, like Iím missing something very big. I donít Voldy would part with Devlin or let himself be deceived so easy so Iím going to say heís planted Devlin there to spy on Harry. I donít know to what extent Geoffry is involved but Iíll gander that he doesnít know. You did have an auror mention that the attacking death-eaters were Ďgoing easyí on them.óso Iím going to say itís a conspiracy.

AWESOME EPIC STORY. IGNORE MY RIDICULOUS PREDICTIONS I DONíT MAKE SENSE WHEN IíM EXCITED.

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Review #33, by shezPicking Up the Pieces: Restless

13th February 2014:
Hey there! Saw your forum message and thought it would be good time to catch on my reading PUTP. And give the chappie some love :) (I also hate it when you put so much effort in writing something and people are too lazy to review).

Anyway there's so many awesome things occurring in this and the previous several chapters I'm not sure where my sleep-deprived self should start.

So I'm really loving all the developments thus far. This fic is definitely enjoyed more when read in a binge as opposed to, say, three chapters at a time. Astoria and Draco drifting apart, Draco and Ana drifting closer, Ron and Harry and Draco being...well, themselves I guess, and ANDERS (can I just say that I love him? Though I never liked Anders in DA2. But your Anders reminds me more of Varric haha. Love his relationship with Draco and the 'Nancy' comments.

ANDERS. I love the Ana-Anders sibling relationship--They have a bit of a sibling rivalry but still care very deeply for each other. Wow this chapter was action-y! Ana's transformation at the sound of Draco in danger is very scary and visceral (budding feelings there, right? right?). I'd probably make a comment on plot here but I'm sleepy and don't quite know where it's going to go (which is good thing! Keeps my interest) so I guess I'll just keeping reading. After I finish my hw haha.

I have to say the quality of your writing has definitely changed from the earlier chapters. The dialogue/banter reads really well. Description, setting, tone--it's all pretty consistent (and makes me so reminiscent of Dragon Age I want to go replay the games. again. WHY?)

I'll come back for the last two chapters at some point with better reviews. (Sorry for the lameness of this review. I'm too sleepy to be alive).

Anyway, keep writing! Don't give up on this story or Templars will hunt you down! :)

(youshouldwriteDragonagefanfictionitdbeawesome)

Author's Response: Oh gawsh, now I feel like a complete whiner, which I particularly am when I'm sick. Ugh, flu season :(

YOU PLAY DRAGON AGE? I'M BLOWN AWAY RIGHT NOW. And go replay them girl, that's what I'm in the middle of doing right now haha. Did we talk about this before? Surely I would have remembered. BONDING MOMENT.

I'm glad that you noticed my evolving writing style. I've been trying really hard to suck up all the criticisms and really change for the better. You noticed, and I completely adore your writing, so I'm actually kind of blushing right now haha. I'm editing my earlier chapters as well to read much more like these current ones. Merlin knows they need editing haha

Oh, that reminds me, if you wanna tear my chapter apart, go ahead. I'm so in need of CC. Like you said, my writing style has changed, but it's not where I want it to be yet. Any suggestions are welcome :)

Isn't Anders so sassy?! I definitely pulled more from Anders in the DA:O DLC than in DA2.

I'm so scared to write DAFF! I've read some of a friend's and it completely blows me away what she does with it, so now I'm like, I think I'll wait till my writing gets better haha.

There are so many budding feelings you have no idea hahaha. I can't wait for you to read more!

Thank you so much for providing me with some sort of validation on my writing! And thank you for taking the time to review!

--Monica


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Review #34, by shezThe Spider's Web: The Field

2nd February 2014:
Review Swap!

So I read two chapters since the first one was kind of short and the summary was really intriguing so I wanted to see where it would go. I really the Lily/Scorpius combination--especially loving Lily--how she's such an earnest and hard worker. she'd definitely intelligent but also gets a bit intimidated and flustered by other people (i.e. Scorpius). This line:

Lily would just need to work harder than everyone else. Sheíd been doing that her entire life.

^really resonated with me. I love the sincerity and sheer dedication it conveys. Makes me love characters like Lily.

Ernie seemed a bit creepy but I think you mean him to and Bridget is just thekind of horrible coworker no one wants. I think Lily and Scorpius will have a very interesting dynamic--he's kind of arrogant but she stands her own against him. And oh this is a mystery! LOVE.

Thanks for writing and the review swap :)

Author's Response: Hey!

Thank you! I wanted to make her a realistic character who is almost painfully aware of her upbringing, spending a lifetime trying to work against people's prejudices. I'm glad you liked that line, a couple of other people have commented on that too and I think it sums her up nicely!

Ernie is definitely creepy, there's more than meets the eye with him, and Bridget is so fun to write as she's so nasty. It is indeed! I'm glad you've liked this so far :)

You're welcome!


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Review #35, by shezEverto Trucido (Hidden for edits): Words, Words, Words

2nd February 2014:
Hi there! Here with your requested review from...err long, long ago hehe. AHEM.

So I think this story's come a long way and you've definitely gone and fixed some of the coherency issues that were in chapter 1. In fact, this is turning out to be one of the better fanfics I've read in my day, in that it's a. very well written b. has a unique plotline c. and compelling characters. I'm really enjoying reading about Grace and marauders and I like how you've incorporated her into their time line. Additionally, I like how you're telling about Grace's powers little by little. One thing that irked me a little (and it's a personal issue, so feel free to ignore) is that she calls Dumbledore by his first name. Also, i'm not exactly sure why she's so infatuated with Severus aside from them being "soulmates" (really like his characterization though, and their awkward conversation haha). Remus is my favorite at the moment.

I don't really have any useful critique but just a couple things to keep in mind:

you'll have to be pretty careful/skilled developing Grace/Snape (if it's happening). at the moment it doesn't seem like it's plausible.

James and Grace being siblings...a little more background on that/and sibling development. And how/why grace turned out the way she did and not James. Are her powers hereditary (sorry if you answered this. I just don't remember)? Do their parents ever make an appearance?

Of course no rush :). Tell your story the way you think it deserves to be told. You're doing a fantastic job so far :) Excellent writing!

Author's Response: Hello ;)!

Thank you! I've been attempting to keep this closely knit, to maintain some realism and cannon-relativity. She calls Dumbledore by his first name for a reason, which I believe is disclosed over the next several chapters. Her infatuation is based solely on the fact that he is supposed to be his soulmate, much in the same way Grace is infatuated with Remus because he is supposed to be her Servitor. Remus is pretty awesome ;).

Yeah, that is a treacherous, lengthy development that I have planned out... it is not exactly a romantic endeavor but, you know.

All of those questions are answered in future chapters :D. Well, most of them are answered in chapter 7 actually ;).

Anyway, thanks so much for getting back to me!

-Rumpel


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Review #36, by shezHarry Potter and the Unhallowed King: A Mad Game of Chess

14th January 2014:
This is a brilliant read and honestly deserves more reviews. For some reason mysterious action adventure stories are so scarce/underappreciated on HPFF these days (writing one myself hehe). From the very first chapter I can tell that not only do you have a magnificent idea in mind but also the technical writing skills to support it -- You're prose is flawless. I'd comment on plot but I have no idea where this story intends to go (man I love mysteries!)

I can't wait to read on and I can see this slowly becoming one of my favorites.

shez :)

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Review #37, by shezRepentance: Old Faces

14th January 2014:
Hi there! So I don't usually read Dramione's so I have no clue how you're going to carry this impossible (in my head) pairing out.

Trust me. That's a good thing.

I love it when I don't know how things are going to happen. I also love it when writers keep canon characters...well..in character hahaha. Which I think you've done superbly!

Aww I understand how Hermione feels, growing up and having to face that you're alone. I hope we get more insight on why Ron left her (I mean did he "leave" her or were they just friends? Sorry, I felt that was a little vague.)I'm glad Harry is such a supporting friend and I think you've written their friendship beautifully. I like that he worries about her so much.

Yikes that flashback was spine-tingling! I almost get the sense that Hermione's traumatized by the war and having difficulty adjusting, and then Ron leaving adds to the mix. She seems really miserable and I can't help but wonder if there's something else going on that we as readers don't know yet.

I'm not sure how I feel about Draco yet, since it's only the beginning chapter. I'm curious as to what he wants from her. The letter was kind of ominous (or maybe I'm reading into it?) I admit, I'm curious to see how you're going to portray the post-war Draco here.

This story honestly deserves more reviews.Your writing style is clear and compelling and while I don't know how you're going to go about this story, I'm excited to see :)

shez :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the lovely review, your input is really helpful :)

I'm glad you like it so far, and as you said i always think it's best to keep canon characters the same as they were originally written - it makes for a difficult read if a personality is changed from the one we already know

There will be more about Ron in a few chapters time!

I really hope you continue to read, as the letter from Draco was just the beginning and further along we find out exactly what he wants to say to her, and their relationship progresses, albeit slowly. I think some writers make the mistake of rushing things in a Dramione fic, which makes it slightly less believable

Thank you so much, I'm really grateful that you took the time to write such a detailed review :) x


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Review #38, by shezThe Girl from Slytherin : The Beginning

10th January 2014:
So I can't tell you how excited I am about this story. You said you felt it was a bit filler, but I think it's a good idea you're introducing the main players. I love Tor already; she seems like an intelligent, realistic MC and I love her relationship with the boys. I like how you've humanized all our pseudo-villianous future death-eater Slytherin characters. Holy crap the flashback with her and her sister and father was spine-tingling, but I see the elements of doubt vs. expectation being planted. It's the very subtle incorporation of things that separate good stories from really great ones and you've got a keen eye for detail so I'm excited. I also like the run-in with Malfoy (stomping on Potter's face eh?) and your very last lines about the blood tracing from his robes to hers is subtle and profound and implies so many different things. Eek! I love it!


On a side note: I love the actress you've chosen to portray Tori. She's not overtly cutsey looking--she's a got tough-girl Slytherin edginess and I love that.

(Question: Is she Astoria aka girl Draco eventually marries in epologue? Because you said Yaxley but I think she was Greengrass, so I'm a little confused. Sorry if it's a stupid confused.)

Author's Response: Hello again!

Yay! I'm glad you liked it, and are still interested in reading on. I love Tor too- she's a lot of fun to write and I love hearing readers' opinions on her. Haha yes! The Slytherins aren't just good or evil, they have a lot of motivations and dimensions to them though they certainly have their wicked moments.

I'm glad you liked the flashback! Writing about Tor's father and her past are some of the most important and entertaining (well, for me :P) parts of the story. I'm so pleased you liked the hinting of how she will change throughout the story.

Haha yes, Malfoy pops in and out! I'm really happy you pointed out the line about the blood on his robes as it was my favourite part of this chapter and really sets the tone for their future interactions in a way. :)

I'm so glad you approve of her! I thought she felt right, she's pretty, but in an interesting way, and she does have that edge as you say. Plus, the TV show she's in is quite dramatic so there are plenty of angsty pictures of her! :P

Yes! You are right on both counts, it's a little confusing. Tor goes by her mother's last name at school but her father is Yaxley. It is explained a little in chapter 5 I believe :) Don't worry, it confuses everyone and sometimes me too!

Thanks for the lovely review! :D


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Review #39, by shezEscaping the Acheron: Platform Nine and Three-Quarters

10th January 2014:
Hi, I don't know if you remember but we review-swapped a while ago and I forgot to get back to you. I'm really sorry about that, but I'm here to make up for it now!


So I think I've read an idea similar to this before (the golden trio going back to Hogwarts), I really like your writing style and your summary blurb intrigues me. You have a very Rowling-esque style of writing and yay, the whole gang is back together! I like how you introduced our other beloved characters as well--really gives it the Hogwarts feel. I'm guessing this is going to be a solo Hermione adventure (I mean without Ron and Harry) and I'm glad you mention that being made Head Girl doesn't really mean very much. I think the old Hermione would have cared but now she's seen war and I bet it just seems silly and trivial to her.

So, while this is an introduction chapter, it makes sense that you would focus primarily on characters and getting the setting established and you've done a great job with that :) Not to mention you have the technical writing skill that it flows and is easy and fun to read ;). if I may offer a bit of advice, I would suggest giving the reader a tad bit of hint in the first chapter as to what the rest of the story is going to be about. Foreshadow adventure or danger. it could be a line a character says even. Just my two cents. All in all a lovely read, and very reminiscent of the real HP story style.

Thanks for sharing :)
Happy 2014!

Author's Response: Hey! No problem with the delayed response. Any feedback is good feedback! (And honestly, I'd forgotten about it.)

You're so sweet:) I'm glad you enjoyed my writing style.

This is a mostly Hermione-centric story, but we also see a lot of Ron. George and Ginny are big supporting characters. There might eventually be one or two chapters from Ginny's POV.

That's a really good suggestion. I honestly probably won't take it though, only because I just went through edits and the thought of going through again sort of makes me cringe. Thanks, though! I'll think about that with other stuff that I write. I need to work on foreshadowing.

Thanks for the review!


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Review #40, by shezThe Girl from Slytherin : Prologue

9th January 2014:
Ok. This is so good. I don't even know what to say and that doesn't happen often. It's not often that I find a story that just clicks from the very beginning and you have me hooked. I already know I'm going to fall in love with this story. This is so evilly short and your writing is astounding and cunning and deliciously dark. I have no idea what's going on and who the MC is but she's the daughter of a Death Eater so that's going to be exciting and I love the banner so much and I can't wait to find out what happens. I'm so glad you have tons of chapters out because the waiting would kill me.

Thank you for filling that "addicting story" void in my life.

Basically, I'm adding this to my favorites. And I'll probably be stopping by again.

Author's Response: Hello!

Ah, thank you! :) I hope you continue to like it! I wrote these early chapters so long ago and they're a little rusty, but it's wonderful to get such lovely praise. Cunning and deliciously dark?! That means a lot, especially something from you! :D

Yes, there are a lot of mysteries, and I'm in love with the banner myself! This story is a bit of a beast and growing very quickly- I just put a new chapter into the queue, hehe.

I'm very honoured to fill that void! Thanks for the amazing review! ♥


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Review #41, by shezToo Good To Be True: Couldn't Possibly Be

9th January 2014:
Oh my gosh. I started reading this thinking it would be a fluffy Sirius/OC fic and it turns into this dark scary death eater thing?

Granted that I mind haha. I like dark fics and yours does not disappoint.

I like the interactions between Marlene and Sirius in the beginning; they seem very genuine, and I like that Sirius gets flustered and nervous and goes out of his messy, careless way to take her to a classy restaurant. The the background you supplied into their relationship helped me know the state of their relationship (Whoah I saw the proposal coming though haha). It's been a while since I've read a Sirius/OC anyway so I enjoyed that aspect.

Then things get dark and brutal very fast. I like how you included the whole gang into the story (A minor appearance but stil) even though the story is essentially Marlene's. Noo her sister dies (and she was a squib Nooo). But then she has to die to fit with canon--I wonder if things would've turned out the way for Sirius (I mean, Azkaban) if he had been married? Or had a wife and family? It's interesting to think about. The fact he loses his love to death eaters almost seems to fit with canon (in my head).

A very dark and spunky read. Bravo :) Thanks for the review exchange!

Author's Response: Haha, I'm glad it was deceiving :D And I'm also glad that u don't mind! Yay!

Thank u! It's the most annoying thing when the interactions seem fake! Urgh. Thank u! I'm glad u liked the background, as I maybe doing a prequel if I can be bothered ;) Thank u! :D

Thank u! The research and work put into finding out about the background for this story was more than I've ever done! I know, I wonder that too, and I don't think they would have. But, he'd probably have been murdered by death eaters instead of living in Azkaban.

Thank u! Thank u too for the review swap! Super fun! :D


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Review #42, by shezBlurring Whites: One

7th January 2014:
O_O

This was so brilliant and dark and heartbreaking. I adore brother-sister fics and James' venting was believable and tore my heart in two...I need to go watch funny youtube videos now. I can't even tell how long it's been since a piece has emotionally moved me. AND I WAS LISTENING TO SAD MUSIC TOO.

This is just too awesome for words. Thanks.

Author's Response: Hi!

I'm super excited you liked this! James venting was tough to write, because I felt so cruel doing it to him. Funny youtube videos sound great to me! Jimmy Kimmel has some stuff that's hilarious ;)

AGH, NOW I FEEL BAD. SAD MUSIC IS LIKE DOUBLE KILL.

No, no , no, no - thank YOU! You are making me blush with your words! Thanks so much for leaving such a wonderful review, and taking the time to leave it :)

- Nadia ♥


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Review #43, by shezA Man Named Neville.: The Station

24th December 2013:
Aww poor Neville :((

I really like your writing style and I hope you continue this fic. It's a very interesting premise. One minor thing I would edit, though, is the spacing --it's all uneven. All in all, good read, if a bit sad.

Author's Response: Hey, thank you for reviewing! I'm definitely continuing this fic, the next chapters are going up today; let me know what you think? On my way to fix the spacing now! :)

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Review #44, by shezDevlin Potter: Riddle and Rescue: Only Blood

21st December 2013:
O_O

Ok, so this story is seriously the checklist of all the things I love. Voldemort? check! Ultra compelling story? check! Dark, complex main character? check! While I'm assuming this chapter is a bit of a prelude to the rest of the story, it makes me very excited to see how the story develops from hereon (in regards to Devlin and Harry). Some of the lines I LOVED:


Potter was too human. Voldemort was too inhuman. The boy was too unchildlike. Geoffrey would like to know who or what chose the destiny of the powerful.

I think you've just summed up the premise of your story here. Amazing lines!


I love that you have Sirius in this story and it's interesting how Geoffrey is actually /mad/ at Harry for failing to protecting Devlin. I also loved the discussion about the word 'Lord' and how it's used with two different entities. Gahh! This is a beautiful story and I'm so glad you review swapped with me and that I'm on break now and have time to read all of this!

Oh and one more thing, you're really good at setting up cliffies. The ending --


"I warned you," the Death Eater said behind him. "Devlin was a little boy full of fear - he died the moment he was stood before Voldemort."


EVIL!

Author's Response: Thanks! I think it gets better as it goes along. Honestly I have been itching to redo this chapter.

In my review to your story I say a similar thing about your own cliff hanger. LOL

I'm glad I review swapped too - I have been meaning to get reading your story again. I am in your review thread too ;-) so you have to come back. LOL

Things start moving very quickly after this chapter.


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Review #45, by shezIn My Time: i.

15th December 2013:
Hi LilyLou! Here for the review swap :)

Wow, so I've never read a story about the (lesser known) Blacks before. This is really intriguing! I love the relationship between Alphard and Walburga; it seems like he's the only one she truly cares about in their lives, as opposed to all those distant relatives and parents that barely know their names. I like the confined aristocratic setting you've created for those two; I'm a sucker for historical stuff. Your style is reminiscent of Libba Bray's A Great and Terrible Beauty series-- I'd recommend reading that if you haven't already. Really great books. This chapter was really short but I get a clear sense of who Walburga and I'm so glad this isn't a one-shot but what will be a full-fledged story. I hate it when writers limit their creative ideas to some small abstract blurb and leave really open endings. I want resolution! I can't wait to see where this story goes and I see that you have the second chapter up so I may come back to revisit that soon. :)

Happy days!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the lovely review! I'll definitely read those books you recommended. The chapters will start getting longer after the second one. I just didn't want to put too much in one chapter. Thanks so much again, this review made me smile!

-Janelle


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Review #46, by shezThe Art of Small Talk: Introductory Measures

12th December 2013:
Hey, I'm so sorry for not getting to this story yesterday! Especially since you left me such nice reviews and gaww and I still need to reply to them :)


Ok, so I'll be really honest. I don't read fanfic very often and usually don't branch out to these sort of fics but I'm HUGELY impressed here! One, I've never read a Percy romance fic before so I'm incredibly curious to see how it's going to pan out. Most authors tend to just sweep him aside or make him out to be the pompous prick (which he is, but I'm thinking you're going to explore other facets of his personality here). Two, I like Audrey --she's SOO not how I imagine the future spouse of Percy to be haha. She's slightly goofy and awkward and endearing and the conversation with her and Draco (oh my gosh was awesome). three, the scene with her and Percy gave me some Pride and Prejudice vibes haha. Now I'm not saying Percy's Mr. Darcy, but he's got the arrogant/misunderstood misdemeanor and Audrey's like a sassy Elisabeth Bennet (If you have no idea what I'm talking about here, just ignore me). I love characters with sass.OK, this is probably going to be a really good quirky story and while romance isn't (usually) my genre, I'm excited to see where you go with it. Good writing, good writing :)

(Also, I hope Draco makes more appearances. Their scene was so funny!)

Author's Response: It's fine, I know what time can be like!

Yay, I'm so glad that you liked it because it's rather different for me too so I was a ltitle worried. I read one before and it sort of inspired me to write this because he was pompous there, but I think deep down he is a lovely person like we saw during the battle so I want to try and show that there.

Haha, yes Audrey is a bit different to the norm of how people portray :P I'm glad that you liked her conversation with Draco though because I plan on them appearing a lot together. Yes, I did have Pride and Prejudice in my mind when writing that scene and it's sort of inspiration for how two stubborn people can learn to change and accept one another, so I do get what you mean!

Don't worry, this is quite humour/drama based too, romance is more a meaning for the other two than the other two being a meaning for that if that makes sense! Thanks for this amazing review, and I do hope you read on!

-Kiana


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Review #47, by shezNot Normal: {Chapter the Second}

4th December 2013:
Review tag!

Heeeyy :) So I think I R&R your chapter 1 some time back and so here, I am, doing chapter 2 of what is turning out to be a very amusing story. Regulus is hilarious! I can't explain it but he has a very Cap'n Jack Sparrow vibe to him --maybe I'm just envisioning him as Johnny Depp. His and Ellie's conversation is a blast to read. They have such great chemistry...


Regulus does some serious foreshadowing though. Wonder what he means when he says she's in for quite a year -- or how he knows. I thought it was really sweet that Ginny gave Ellie a watch and I wonder what the engraving means. Hmmm.


Oh, and one minor thing I caught in the chapter --you use "illicit" as a verb where I think you meant "elicit".

All in all, lovely to read! Thanks for writing!

Author's Response: Hello!

OH MY GOD THAT IS THE BEST DESCRIPTION OF REGULUS I'VE HAD SO FAR. HANDS DOWN THAT WINS. I didn't do that on purpose, but now I can totally see it... Regulus would look pretty swashbuckling as a pirate too!

All the foreshadowing! Regulus is great that way because he serves all these functions in the story and he's so much fun to write, which is even better!

Thanks for pointing that out! My inner grammar Nazi is blushing in embarrassment.

Thanks so much for this fantabulous review!


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Review #48, by shezWhen They Fell: Prologue

3rd December 2013:
Hey there! You may not remember but you requested a review from me back in October and here I am.in December. Really, really sorry about. I hope you haven't given up on this story or anything and that I'm able to help. I was just going to review the opening chapter here to give general thoughts and then I'll leave a massive all-encompassing review on the last chapter.

So anyway, the review...


I can't really explain why I like this so much. It's different from what's on the fanfic archives, in that, rather than dressing up the characters (which many authors do and it gets tiresome after a while), you're playing them honest. I really like the opening, the transcendence of time as HArry's family expands. it's a very creative approach to what looks like a very promising story. All the personalities in this chapter and extremely well-executed (I can't decide who I love the best. they're all so believable to their. The way you portray them is very Rowling-esque)

Now for the plot, I forsee some major sadness coming up. The fight and upcoming divorce (right? just a guess) between Harry and Ginny and I'm wondering exactly what this story is about. Is is about a how divorce tears a family apart? Your summary was very abstract. I sense the focus will be on Lily --while creating mystery and suspense is great I recommend giving your story a tad bit more direction in the first chapter. Don't tell them what's going to happen Allude to where you intend to take it. It gives the reader an idea of what to expect and compels them to continue reading.

Your writing style is solid and fantastic to read (again, reminds me of Rowling). No grammar errors. Transitions fantastic.

I'll be back sometime soon with another review :)

Author's Response: Oh thank you :) To be honest I'd completely forgotten I'd requested a review until I'd seen this. I'm glad you like my portrayal of characters and I will go back and do some major editing eventually, I haven't given up on this story, but it is on hiatus for a bit, because adding on to the lack of inspiration I have some stuff going on in the real life. But this story will be completed I promise :).

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Review #49, by shezPicking Up the Pieces: Flashback

29th October 2013:
I was playing dragon age today and thought of your story which made me want to check it out and see what was going on. Glad I did :)This chapter was really surprising--I did not see ANY of this coming. The scene with Draco and Harry was awesome, made me chuckle when he says something --I don't remember the exact line but -- Oh we've all forgiven you, Malfoy, except Ron. I can see Ron being like that. Really liking Draco's development thus far --not the unbearable prat he was but also not some nicey-nice fellow. His dealings and attitude with everyone are PERFECT. (especially Ron, idk why, I just really liked their snarky parts).

So I really liked the darker aspect of this chapter with Ana and the beasts (My head immediately went to Dragon Age of course). Not only were they visceral and scary as hell but the effect they have on Ana (she starts having flashbacks) is very believable. The blood, the gore, the drama--idk, I'm twisted but I liked it. Actions scenes were awesome--very movie-like. I started reading faster as I went :)

Though I'm not really a romantic, I'm curious how Draco and Ana are going to end up together in the end of all this (they are, right? You're not trolling me are you?) Overall I'm glad your story branches out from just the romance aspect and you're developing Ana on her own terms, not just as the loveinterest. I like it :) Ana's like the female warden here haha

VASTLY intriguing chapter. Things really jumped here didn't they ? I'm probably going to come back soon and see what happens next.

Author's Response: Oh thanks for stopping by! I had no idea you liked my story. I stopped requesting because I thought you were getting tired of it, so this is a surprise.

And you know what's funny? I'm playing DA at the moment too! Got my pretty little human warden (duh so she can end up with Alistair because I'm in love) and everything :) Ahem, okay back to story business.

I'm glad that I'm getting the characterizations right. I'm finding that it's very hard to do that with Canon characters. And I'm trying to make Draco a developed character, one who is still a Malfoy but also not a child anymore.

I'm glad you liked the action scene! I had a fun time writing it, and believe me, you're not alone in liking the darker, twisted stuff. I do too (so much that this chapter got rejected the first time because my darker side came creeping out a bit).

There will be romance, but I refuse to let it overshadow the development of my characters and their relationships. The current chapter that is awaiting validation has the first real spark (because everything else was just kind of a hint) of romance, so that's where it all begins :)

My palms are sweating lol. Again, respect you so much as an author that it is a bit nerve-wracking for you to read my things. Thank you a million times over for the review :)

"The Make smiles sadly on his Grey Wardens, so the Chantry says, as no sacrifice is greater than theirs."

--Monica


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Review #50, by shezTime Marches On: ...tick...tock...

29th October 2013:
I love this. I love the extended time-ticking-away metaphor and the use of 2nd person and the hopeful ending and the general angsty awesomeness of this piece. You really have a knack for writing angst don't you?

Concerning grammar, you employ the use of the comma very heavily, sometimes correctly, sometimes not. Just something I thought I'd comment on. Personally, I think writers are allowed to get away with these sort of things provided it adds something to the story and for yours it does so...yeah, I would just leave it as is. :)

I don't really have anything else to say other than be proud! It's a lovely one-shot, a joy to read, so thank you for requesting :)

Author's Response: Hey, thanks for the review.

It seems that angst is my thing ;) I joke I don't know!

Thanks again!

:)


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