Reading Reviews From Member: shez
  
69 Reviews Found

Review #26, by shezA Moment of Fear: Sirius

13th January 2014:
Hey Rose! Here for the Sirius (no pun intended) chapter.

So I knew this would be sad, and way, way sadder than all of the other ones. I kind of feel like you're going down in time with all the characters (You started with Lily on her wedding, then Voldy planning their deaths, then Snape witnessing their deaths, and now Sirius hunting down Peter for causing their deaths. I don't know if you meant to do that but it's kind of cool). But anyway, this was hands down the saddest one yet.

THOSE FLASHBACKS HOW COULD YOU DO THAAT TO ME AND JAMES AND SIRI BROMANCE GAH. YOU JUST CAN'T GIVE ME A HAPPY FRIENDSHIP STORY CAN YOU???

And poor Sirius is going mad in prison, hearing his voice. Again, characterization is spot-on. I especially liked their younger bits and retorts back and forth (haha casanova Sirius).

I also really liked this part:

Maybe he wasn’t being impacted like the other prisoners. They still had hope. Sirius had felt that emotion leave his body when he bade farewell to his best mate and godson.

Not only are you showing how much James meant to Sirius but the impact of his death was so severe that Sirius sees no hope for himself, (and thus this mind set, ironically, helps him survive amidst the dementors)

I really wished Dumbledore had helped him.

I also really like your sliver of hope ending. Sirius slowly regains his will to live by turning to his dog counterpart, because he knows that he has to protect his godson, the only living connection he still has to James.

This is an amazing and profound character study of Sirius Black and I'm not just saying that. It's probably the best I've ever read. The way you handle tone and emotions is astounding, going from happy-school day flashback to hopeless prison setting. basically it's amazing. I'm totally jealous.

:p

Author's Response: Shez!!! I'm so glad you got to the Sirius chapter. :D

I am going through time chronologically - it was a thread I wanted through the stories but didn't want to shout about it. So, having people catch it makes me all sorts of happy. This might be the saddest chapter (at least people have been telling me that).

I'M SORRY - HAPPINESS IS HARD FOR ME TO WRITE! If I ever do write a happy friendship story, I'll dedicate it to you. Oh, wait, I do have a fluffy/happy friendship story between James and Sirius!

It was hard to write Sirius in prison - his mind is detiorating a bit but I still wanted it to sound like him (just a touch crazy). James became a key part to the plot. At first he was useful to break the story into interesting parts (and not have it all be narration). He turned into my explanation for Sirius keeping his mind and having a path forward.

Dumbledore was frustrating here. CambAngst put it best when he reviewed this chapter - he said something along the lines of Dumbledore was all about getting inside Voldemort's head and taking pictures but he passed up the opportunity to see how he got one of James' closest friends to turn on him.

I had to give the reader (and myself) a bit of hope at the end. I really wanted to draw the connection between Harry and James in Sirius' head - I'm glad that came through.

Can I just give you a cake as thanks for your last bit of the review? I am a bit speechless at that. ^_^

Thank you so much for such a lovely and shout-y review (I like it when I get shout-y reviews).

-Rose


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Review #27, by shezThe Girl from Slytherin : The Beginning

10th January 2014:
So I can't tell you how excited I am about this story. You said you felt it was a bit filler, but I think it's a good idea you're introducing the main players. I love Tor already; she seems like an intelligent, realistic MC and I love her relationship with the boys. I like how you've humanized all our pseudo-villianous future death-eater Slytherin characters. Holy crap the flashback with her and her sister and father was spine-tingling, but I see the elements of doubt vs. expectation being planted. It's the very subtle incorporation of things that separate good stories from really great ones and you've got a keen eye for detail so I'm excited. I also like the run-in with Malfoy (stomping on Potter's face eh?) and your very last lines about the blood tracing from his robes to hers is subtle and profound and implies so many different things. Eek! I love it!


On a side note: I love the actress you've chosen to portray Tori. She's not overtly cutsey looking--she's a got tough-girl Slytherin edginess and I love that.

(Question: Is she Astoria aka girl Draco eventually marries in epologue? Because you said Yaxley but I think she was Greengrass, so I'm a little confused. Sorry if it's a stupid confused.)

Author's Response: Hello again!

Yay! I'm glad you liked it, and are still interested in reading on. I love Tor too- she's a lot of fun to write and I love hearing readers' opinions on her. Haha yes! The Slytherins aren't just good or evil, they have a lot of motivations and dimensions to them though they certainly have their wicked moments.

I'm glad you liked the flashback! Writing about Tor's father and her past are some of the most important and entertaining (well, for me :P) parts of the story. I'm so pleased you liked the hinting of how she will change throughout the story.

Haha yes, Malfoy pops in and out! I'm really happy you pointed out the line about the blood on his robes as it was my favourite part of this chapter and really sets the tone for their future interactions in a way. :)

I'm so glad you approve of her! I thought she felt right, she's pretty, but in an interesting way, and she does have that edge as you say. Plus, the TV show she's in is quite dramatic so there are plenty of angsty pictures of her! :P

Yes! You are right on both counts, it's a little confusing. Tor goes by her mother's last name at school but her father is Yaxley. It is explained a little in chapter 5 I believe :) Don't worry, it confuses everyone and sometimes me too!

Thanks for the lovely review! :D


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Review #28, by shezEscaping the Acheron: Platform Nine and Three-Quarters

10th January 2014:
Hi, I don't know if you remember but we review-swapped a while ago and I forgot to get back to you. I'm really sorry about that, but I'm here to make up for it now!


So I think I've read an idea similar to this before (the golden trio going back to Hogwarts), I really like your writing style and your summary blurb intrigues me. You have a very Rowling-esque style of writing and yay, the whole gang is back together! I like how you introduced our other beloved characters as well--really gives it the Hogwarts feel. I'm guessing this is going to be a solo Hermione adventure (I mean without Ron and Harry) and I'm glad you mention that being made Head Girl doesn't really mean very much. I think the old Hermione would have cared but now she's seen war and I bet it just seems silly and trivial to her.

So, while this is an introduction chapter, it makes sense that you would focus primarily on characters and getting the setting established and you've done a great job with that :) Not to mention you have the technical writing skill that it flows and is easy and fun to read ;). if I may offer a bit of advice, I would suggest giving the reader a tad bit of hint in the first chapter as to what the rest of the story is going to be about. Foreshadow adventure or danger. it could be a line a character says even. Just my two cents. All in all a lovely read, and very reminiscent of the real HP story style.

Thanks for sharing :)
Happy 2014!

Author's Response: Hey! No problem with the delayed response. Any feedback is good feedback! (And honestly, I'd forgotten about it.)

You're so sweet:) I'm glad you enjoyed my writing style.

This is a mostly Hermione-centric story, but we also see a lot of Ron. George and Ginny are big supporting characters. There might eventually be one or two chapters from Ginny's POV.

That's a really good suggestion. I honestly probably won't take it though, only because I just went through edits and the thought of going through again sort of makes me cringe. Thanks, though! I'll think about that with other stuff that I write. I need to work on foreshadowing.

Thanks for the review!


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Review #29, by shezA Moment of Fear: Snape

10th January 2014:
So I had to do Snape because Snape is Snape and Snape is awesome.

I've said this before but I think you have a real gift for getting canon characterizations right. It's not something I think I could ever do but the way you wrote Snape here very Rowling-esque. I personally find him the most compelling character in the HPverse. I like that he hides behind his mask of cool indifference and that you show how much he loves Lily despite everything and its not as much from a romantic perspective as he feels he's losing his dearest friend. Haha James is spoiled and Black is arrogant and I liked the "there was a worm in the midst" reference. It's fascinating to see James and Lily's deaths from Snape's perspective. You did really well here. I don't know if I can face Sirius in the next chapter as I'm sure it also has to do with James and Lily's deaths.

Great Job like always :)

Author's Response: Hi Shez!!

I like getting Snape fans to review this chapter - just because it's best to get an opinion from soneone who is rather passionate. Thank you so much for saying I do characterizations well!! I think some characters just come to me. I was worried that Snape was too extreme in his dislike for James and Sirius. You'll do okay in the Sirius chapter. It only touched on James and Lily's death. it's kind of the weirdest chapter in the story.
Thank you so much!
-Rose


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Review #30, by shezThe Girl from Slytherin : Prologue

9th January 2014:
Ok. This is so good. I don't even know what to say and that doesn't happen often. It's not often that I find a story that just clicks from the very beginning and you have me hooked. I already know I'm going to fall in love with this story. This is so evilly short and your writing is astounding and cunning and deliciously dark. I have no idea what's going on and who the MC is but she's the daughter of a Death Eater so that's going to be exciting and I love the banner so much and I can't wait to find out what happens. I'm so glad you have tons of chapters out because the waiting would kill me.

Thank you for filling that "addicting story" void in my life.

Basically, I'm adding this to my favorites. And I'll probably be stopping by again.

Author's Response: Hello!

Ah, thank you! :) I hope you continue to like it! I wrote these early chapters so long ago and they're a little rusty, but it's wonderful to get such lovely praise. Cunning and deliciously dark?! That means a lot, especially something from you! :D

Yes, there are a lot of mysteries, and I'm in love with the banner myself! This story is a bit of a beast and growing very quickly- I just put a new chapter into the queue, hehe.

I'm very honoured to fill that void! Thanks for the amazing review! ♥


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Review #31, by shezToo Good To Be True: Couldn't Possibly Be

9th January 2014:
Oh my gosh. I started reading this thinking it would be a fluffy Sirius/OC fic and it turns into this dark scary death eater thing?

Granted that I mind haha. I like dark fics and yours does not disappoint.

I like the interactions between Marlene and Sirius in the beginning; they seem very genuine, and I like that Sirius gets flustered and nervous and goes out of his messy, careless way to take her to a classy restaurant. The the background you supplied into their relationship helped me know the state of their relationship (Whoah I saw the proposal coming though haha). It's been a while since I've read a Sirius/OC anyway so I enjoyed that aspect.

Then things get dark and brutal very fast. I like how you included the whole gang into the story (A minor appearance but stil) even though the story is essentially Marlene's. Noo her sister dies (and she was a squib Nooo). But then she has to die to fit with canon--I wonder if things would've turned out the way for Sirius (I mean, Azkaban) if he had been married? Or had a wife and family? It's interesting to think about. The fact he loses his love to death eaters almost seems to fit with canon (in my head).

A very dark and spunky read. Bravo :) Thanks for the review exchange!

Author's Response: Haha, I'm glad it was deceiving :D And I'm also glad that u don't mind! Yay!

Thank u! It's the most annoying thing when the interactions seem fake! Urgh. Thank u! I'm glad u liked the background, as I maybe doing a prequel if I can be bothered ;) Thank u! :D

Thank u! The research and work put into finding out about the background for this story was more than I've ever done! I know, I wonder that too, and I don't think they would have. But, he'd probably have been murdered by death eaters instead of living in Azkaban.

Thank u! Thank u too for the review swap! Super fun! :D


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Review #32, by shezBlurring Whites: One

7th January 2014:
O_O

This was so brilliant and dark and heartbreaking. I adore brother-sister fics and James' venting was believable and tore my heart in two...I need to go watch funny youtube videos now. I can't even tell how long it's been since a piece has emotionally moved me. AND I WAS LISTENING TO SAD MUSIC TOO.

This is just too awesome for words. Thanks.

Author's Response: Hi!

I'm super excited you liked this! James venting was tough to write, because I felt so cruel doing it to him. Funny youtube videos sound great to me! Jimmy Kimmel has some stuff that's hilarious ;)

AGH, NOW I FEEL BAD. SAD MUSIC IS LIKE DOUBLE KILL.

No, no , no, no - thank YOU! You are making me blush with your words! Thanks so much for leaving such a wonderful review, and taking the time to leave it :)

- Nadia ♥


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Review #33, by shezA Man Named Neville.: The Station

24th December 2013:
Aww poor Neville :((

I really like your writing style and I hope you continue this fic. It's a very interesting premise. One minor thing I would edit, though, is the spacing --it's all uneven. All in all, good read, if a bit sad.

Author's Response: Hey, thank you for reviewing! I'm definitely continuing this fic, the next chapters are going up today; let me know what you think? On my way to fix the spacing now! :)

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Review #34, by shezSubjugo Sempiterne - Forever Under the Yoke: Part 1: Friendship and Betrayal

21st December 2013:
So I decided to try another story of yours and this one looked really interesting :)

Whoah, I've never read a story about the origins of elf subjugation. This had a very LOTR (Lord of the Rings) feel to it. So lovely! I honestly can't believe an ancestor of Hufflepuff would be so cruel. I really liked Winifred --it seems that elves are more rational about the use of magic while humans are more power hungry and a tad bit ( Hywel ) insecure. I suppose that lends itself to the rift between them.

I really enjoyed the discussion about whether there out to be limits to magic or not, and its interesting how Winifred and Hywel deviate on it. I think this line is a perfect prelude to the eventual conflict between them.

“You don’t deserve to do magic if you’re going to stick with what’s natural and balanced! You’ll always be the weaker race!”

THEIR FRIENDSHIP FALLS APART NOOO. I LOVE FRIENDSHIP STORIES HOW COULD YOU DO THIS ASDFGHJK.

(But seriously, really unique idea! Loved it!)

Author's Response: Hi Shez!

I've cranked out quite a bit since October. I'm glad you picked this, I thought you'd like it!

Um, my brain can't quite compute my writing being compare to LotR. I'm a bit :-o about that. :D I've gotten that a lot about Hywel - I'd like to think of him as the bad seed in an otherwise lovely family. Winifred, and elves in general were more moderate when it came to using magic. I relied a bit on the darker aspects of human nature for this. :-/ it's not the most pleasant lines of thought actually.

^_^ My foreshadowing was a bit heavy-handed. It was an interesting philosophical debate though.

Because I'm mean. :P But, really, they couldn't remain friends for the story to continue on. I feel that in slightly tweaked circumstances, they would have been really great friends.

I'm really glad you enjoyed it! I'm working on the second part and it should be up this weekend!

Thank you for an incredible review!!

-Rose


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Review #35, by shezDevlin Potter: Riddle and Rescue: Only Blood

21st December 2013:
O_O

Ok, so this story is seriously the checklist of all the things I love. Voldemort? check! Ultra compelling story? check! Dark, complex main character? check! While I'm assuming this chapter is a bit of a prelude to the rest of the story, it makes me very excited to see how the story develops from hereon (in regards to Devlin and Harry). Some of the lines I LOVED:


Potter was too human. Voldemort was too inhuman. The boy was too unchildlike. Geoffrey would like to know who or what chose the destiny of the powerful.

I think you've just summed up the premise of your story here. Amazing lines!


I love that you have Sirius in this story and it's interesting how Geoffrey is actually /mad/ at Harry for failing to protecting Devlin. I also loved the discussion about the word 'Lord' and how it's used with two different entities. Gahh! This is a beautiful story and I'm so glad you review swapped with me and that I'm on break now and have time to read all of this!

Oh and one more thing, you're really good at setting up cliffies. The ending --


"I warned you," the Death Eater said behind him. "Devlin was a little boy full of fear - he died the moment he was stood before Voldemort."


EVIL!

Author's Response: Thanks! I think it gets better as it goes along. Honestly I have been itching to redo this chapter.

In my review to your story I say a similar thing about your own cliff hanger. LOL

I'm glad I review swapped too - I have been meaning to get reading your story again. I am in your review thread too ;-) so you have to come back. LOL

Things start moving very quickly after this chapter.


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Review #36, by shezIn My Time: i.

15th December 2013:
Hi LilyLou! Here for the review swap :)

Wow, so I've never read a story about the (lesser known) Blacks before. This is really intriguing! I love the relationship between Alphard and Walburga; it seems like he's the only one she truly cares about in their lives, as opposed to all those distant relatives and parents that barely know their names. I like the confined aristocratic setting you've created for those two; I'm a sucker for historical stuff. Your style is reminiscent of Libba Bray's A Great and Terrible Beauty series-- I'd recommend reading that if you haven't already. Really great books. This chapter was really short but I get a clear sense of who Walburga and I'm so glad this isn't a one-shot but what will be a full-fledged story. I hate it when writers limit their creative ideas to some small abstract blurb and leave really open endings. I want resolution! I can't wait to see where this story goes and I see that you have the second chapter up so I may come back to revisit that soon. :)

Happy days!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the lovely review! I'll definitely read those books you recommended. The chapters will start getting longer after the second one. I just didn't want to put too much in one chapter. Thanks so much again, this review made me smile!

-Janelle


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Review #37, by shezThe Art of Small Talk: Introductory Measures

12th December 2013:
Hey, I'm so sorry for not getting to this story yesterday! Especially since you left me such nice reviews and gaww and I still need to reply to them :)


Ok, so I'll be really honest. I don't read fanfic very often and usually don't branch out to these sort of fics but I'm HUGELY impressed here! One, I've never read a Percy romance fic before so I'm incredibly curious to see how it's going to pan out. Most authors tend to just sweep him aside or make him out to be the pompous prick (which he is, but I'm thinking you're going to explore other facets of his personality here). Two, I like Audrey --she's SOO not how I imagine the future spouse of Percy to be haha. She's slightly goofy and awkward and endearing and the conversation with her and Draco (oh my gosh was awesome). three, the scene with her and Percy gave me some Pride and Prejudice vibes haha. Now I'm not saying Percy's Mr. Darcy, but he's got the arrogant/misunderstood misdemeanor and Audrey's like a sassy Elisabeth Bennet (If you have no idea what I'm talking about here, just ignore me). I love characters with sass.OK, this is probably going to be a really good quirky story and while romance isn't (usually) my genre, I'm excited to see where you go with it. Good writing, good writing :)

(Also, I hope Draco makes more appearances. Their scene was so funny!)

Author's Response: It's fine, I know what time can be like!

Yay, I'm so glad that you liked it because it's rather different for me too so I was a ltitle worried. I read one before and it sort of inspired me to write this because he was pompous there, but I think deep down he is a lovely person like we saw during the battle so I want to try and show that there.

Haha, yes Audrey is a bit different to the norm of how people portray :P I'm glad that you liked her conversation with Draco though because I plan on them appearing a lot together. Yes, I did have Pride and Prejudice in my mind when writing that scene and it's sort of inspiration for how two stubborn people can learn to change and accept one another, so I do get what you mean!

Don't worry, this is quite humour/drama based too, romance is more a meaning for the other two than the other two being a meaning for that if that makes sense! Thanks for this amazing review, and I do hope you read on!

-Kiana


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Review #38, by shezNot Normal: {Chapter the Second}

4th December 2013:
Review tag!

Heeeyy :) So I think I R&R your chapter 1 some time back and so here, I am, doing chapter 2 of what is turning out to be a very amusing story. Regulus is hilarious! I can't explain it but he has a very Cap'n Jack Sparrow vibe to him --maybe I'm just envisioning him as Johnny Depp. His and Ellie's conversation is a blast to read. They have such great chemistry...


Regulus does some serious foreshadowing though. Wonder what he means when he says she's in for quite a year -- or how he knows. I thought it was really sweet that Ginny gave Ellie a watch and I wonder what the engraving means. Hmmm.


Oh, and one minor thing I caught in the chapter --you use "illicit" as a verb where I think you meant "elicit".

All in all, lovely to read! Thanks for writing!

Author's Response: Hello!

OH MY GOD THAT IS THE BEST DESCRIPTION OF REGULUS I'VE HAD SO FAR. HANDS DOWN THAT WINS. I didn't do that on purpose, but now I can totally see it... Regulus would look pretty swashbuckling as a pirate too!

All the foreshadowing! Regulus is great that way because he serves all these functions in the story and he's so much fun to write, which is even better!

Thanks for pointing that out! My inner grammar Nazi is blushing in embarrassment.

Thanks so much for this fantabulous review!


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Review #39, by shezWhen They Fell: Prologue

3rd December 2013:
Hey there! You may not remember but you requested a review from me back in October and here I am.in December. Really, really sorry about. I hope you haven't given up on this story or anything and that I'm able to help. I was just going to review the opening chapter here to give general thoughts and then I'll leave a massive all-encompassing review on the last chapter.

So anyway, the review...


I can't really explain why I like this so much. It's different from what's on the fanfic archives, in that, rather than dressing up the characters (which many authors do and it gets tiresome after a while), you're playing them honest. I really like the opening, the transcendence of time as HArry's family expands. it's a very creative approach to what looks like a very promising story. All the personalities in this chapter and extremely well-executed (I can't decide who I love the best. they're all so believable to their. The way you portray them is very Rowling-esque)

Now for the plot, I forsee some major sadness coming up. The fight and upcoming divorce (right? just a guess) between Harry and Ginny and I'm wondering exactly what this story is about. Is is about a how divorce tears a family apart? Your summary was very abstract. I sense the focus will be on Lily --while creating mystery and suspense is great I recommend giving your story a tad bit more direction in the first chapter. Don't tell them what's going to happen Allude to where you intend to take it. It gives the reader an idea of what to expect and compels them to continue reading.

Your writing style is solid and fantastic to read (again, reminds me of Rowling). No grammar errors. Transitions fantastic.

I'll be back sometime soon with another review :)

Author's Response: Oh thank you :) To be honest I'd completely forgotten I'd requested a review until I'd seen this. I'm glad you like my portrayal of characters and I will go back and do some major editing eventually, I haven't given up on this story, but it is on hiatus for a bit, because adding on to the lack of inspiration I have some stuff going on in the real life. But this story will be completed I promise :).

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Review #40, by shezA Moment of Fear: Voldemort

2nd December 2013:
Hey there! You requested a review for me back in October and here I am...in December.

Ahem. Anyway. To your Voldy..

So I LOVE Voldy fics. I take a lot of time to find good ones and when I do, I get really excited so I'm really glad you requested this. I think his characterization is spot on (Although the part about him unable to experience happiness. He would perceive it as a weak emotion.) You touch on so many facets of his sociopathic personality: the arrogance, cruel treatment of other (Peter), prejudice, aversiveness to emotions, manipulative tendencies, and then...wait, fear? The dark lord doesn't fear! Oh yes he does and it's a baby! LOVE the ending. I think this chapter, in regard to your last two, is definitely the most poignant and prominent (although all three are fantastic!). Well done! Once again, I have failed to come up with any criticism!

shez :)

Author's Response: Shez!! I haven't gotten a lot of feedback from Voldy fans - so your input here is extremely helpful!

I'm really extremely happy I got him right. It was a bit of a trip down ego lane when I was going through is thought process. A scary trip. o.o

I laughed out loud when I read this "The dark lord doesn't fear! Oh yes he does and it's a baby!" My husband asked if I made someone cry. but then I read your review to him.

This chapter is quite the turning point for the story. Everything past here is darker. Much darker. :D

Thanks for an awesome and helpful review!

-Rose


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Review #41, by shezThe Things that Haunt Me: Live with My Mistakes

29th October 2013:
I'll be honest, I've never read a story about Peter as a sympathetic character. It's really refreshing! I really liked how you told this with the time jumps from Harry's first year to his sixth and on.And Peter's personality was quite excellent, not heroic but not absolutely tainted either. I like that he retains a smidge (ok, more than a smidge) of remorse for betraying his friends. It really fits into the context of how Rowling portrays him. I liked you last lines:


"Peter was not a man of only good or evil. He was a man of survival."

Wish I was half as coherent as you 3 AM in the morning ;) excellent work!

Author's Response: Hehe, ah wow! Thank you! I was really hoping I did well with his character because even though I honestly don't care too much for Wormtail, I still feel a lot of sympathy for him. So I had put my all into this one. :D

Thank you for the awesome review! And thanks for reading! :)


- Asphodel


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Review #42, by shezPicking Up the Pieces: Flashback

29th October 2013:
I was playing dragon age today and thought of your story which made me want to check it out and see what was going on. Glad I did :)This chapter was really surprising--I did not see ANY of this coming. The scene with Draco and Harry was awesome, made me chuckle when he says something --I don't remember the exact line but -- Oh we've all forgiven you, Malfoy, except Ron. I can see Ron being like that. Really liking Draco's development thus far --not the unbearable prat he was but also not some nicey-nice fellow. His dealings and attitude with everyone are PERFECT. (especially Ron, idk why, I just really liked their snarky parts).

So I really liked the darker aspect of this chapter with Ana and the beasts (My head immediately went to Dragon Age of course). Not only were they visceral and scary as hell but the effect they have on Ana (she starts having flashbacks) is very believable. The blood, the gore, the drama--idk, I'm twisted but I liked it. Actions scenes were awesome--very movie-like. I started reading faster as I went :)

Though I'm not really a romantic, I'm curious how Draco and Ana are going to end up together in the end of all this (they are, right? You're not trolling me are you?) Overall I'm glad your story branches out from just the romance aspect and you're developing Ana on her own terms, not just as the loveinterest. I like it :) Ana's like the female warden here haha

VASTLY intriguing chapter. Things really jumped here didn't they ? I'm probably going to come back soon and see what happens next.

Author's Response: Oh thanks for stopping by! I had no idea you liked my story. I stopped requesting because I thought you were getting tired of it, so this is a surprise.

And you know what's funny? I'm playing DA at the moment too! Got my pretty little human warden (duh so she can end up with Alistair because I'm in love) and everything :) Ahem, okay back to story business.

I'm glad that I'm getting the characterizations right. I'm finding that it's very hard to do that with Canon characters. And I'm trying to make Draco a developed character, one who is still a Malfoy but also not a child anymore.

I'm glad you liked the action scene! I had a fun time writing it, and believe me, you're not alone in liking the darker, twisted stuff. I do too (so much that this chapter got rejected the first time because my darker side came creeping out a bit).

There will be romance, but I refuse to let it overshadow the development of my characters and their relationships. The current chapter that is awaiting validation has the first real spark (because everything else was just kind of a hint) of romance, so that's where it all begins :)

My palms are sweating lol. Again, respect you so much as an author that it is a bit nerve-wracking for you to read my things. Thank you a million times over for the review :)

"The Make smiles sadly on his Grey Wardens, so the Chantry says, as no sacrifice is greater than theirs."

--Monica


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Review #43, by shezTime Marches On: ...tick...tock...

29th October 2013:
I love this. I love the extended time-ticking-away metaphor and the use of 2nd person and the hopeful ending and the general angsty awesomeness of this piece. You really have a knack for writing angst don't you?

Concerning grammar, you employ the use of the comma very heavily, sometimes correctly, sometimes not. Just something I thought I'd comment on. Personally, I think writers are allowed to get away with these sort of things provided it adds something to the story and for yours it does so...yeah, I would just leave it as is. :)

I don't really have anything else to say other than be proud! It's a lovely one-shot, a joy to read, so thank you for requesting :)

Author's Response: Hey, thanks for the review.

It seems that angst is my thing ;) I joke I don't know!

Thanks again!

:)


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Review #44, by shezRabbit Hole: breathing.

27th October 2013:
This was so depressing and awesome and human-like I love it! The way you convey James' thoughts in runons! The part about his parents really got to me. How amazing to see non-perfect teenage boy James!

Thanks for writing this ;)

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Review #45, by shezEffortlessly Dead: In the Nest of Shrikes

26th October 2013:
I really like the premise of this story. There's a very chilly feel to it and your writing is spectacular. I hope you continue it :)

Author's Response: Aww, thanks! I'm really glad you liked it! I'm happy that the mood I was aiming for shows. As for the continuation, next chapter should be up sometime in November.

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Review #46, by shezfleshwounds.: we found each other hungry.

23rd October 2013:
Review tag!

This was an excellent, 'monstrous' one-shot. Your use of different elements (parenthesis, italics, disjointed prose and onomatopoeia) really makes for an entertaining read--I didn't know it was Tom/Minerva until the A/N. Some of the metaphors struck me funny (in a good way haha)--like the part about the apple (A/N explained the significance though). I don't know how to explain my feelings for this one-shot; it's very different from anything I've ever read. I had to read it twice to get it. I like how you portray Tom as a destructive, distorted entity (in so many different ways) and Minerva's inherent fascination with him, and further on his annoyance with her.

"She does not see.)

His mouth curls up around the edges, disgust."


Can't believe you wrote this in an hour. Impressive work!

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Review #47, by shezCorbeau: Raven

23rd October 2013:
SO I've been taking French for five years and was thrilled to find how you've incorporated it into this fic. It gives the story a very poetic element, which in conjunction with your sparse prose, was refreshing to read. What I don't understand, however, is why you chose to make this dark angsty fic about Cho and Cedric. I personally don't see Cho pining for Cedric for 42 years (but to each his own, I suppose). Overall, the prose was excellent. The pairing, I question. I feel like it would be better suited for a darker, more tragic couple (Lucius and Narcissa? Bellatrix and herhusbandguywhat'shisface?).

Still, thanks for requesting this! It was lovely to read!

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you liked the lyrics:) Yeah, you're right about her pining for that long for Cedric. I am planning on going back through and changing that last bit a little to keep it from being too.. whiny? (not sure what word to use). Those pairings would definitely work for a one-shot like this. I wanted to try writing from Cho's perspective, so I hope it was ok:)

Thanks for your review!
-LumosWealey


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Review #48, by shezDevlin Potter: Riddle and Rescue: The Informant

23rd October 2013:
SO.I love this. I really genuinely love this.

The inherent problem with fanfiction, I think, is that most people gravitate towards the lovey-dovey fics and gems like these go unnoticed. Seriously though, the writing is PHENOMENOL, the plot--I can't even...I'm hyperventilating right now because it's so D*** exciting! I love the darkness and mystery here and the way you ended this is, whoah. LOVE IT. I have an affinity for dark, twisted characters like Devlin. I'm writing one myself.

I don't know how I feel about Devlin right now. I want to see him grow up and develop into a monster (or not haha, your story, your choice) and I want to see what happens when Harry finds him. I want to see what you make him, because he already seems to be a rather *demented* six-year-old. It's almost without rhyme or reason but I'm sure you explain it later. I wonder if he's Harry's son at all, actually.

I want to see how the relationship between him and the Dark Lord will develop. What I will recommend however is that you revise your summary a bit so that readers are more apt to click this gem of a story. You need a bit of a hook (Don't give away major plot points in the summary!) PM me if you need help with that. I see major potential in this story and I sincerely hope you re-request. Maybe we can brainstorm our macabre storylines together haha.

Author's Response: :D Glad you loved it! I do agree about the lovey-dovey thing and totally grinned when you called this a "gem". Most people who read it seem to like it, but it still makes me grin whenever I hear it.

You obviously need a paper bag to breath into if you're going to survive the next couple chapters then - I'll make sure to remind you when I re-request. ;-) It's a horrible, terribly, electrifying roller-coaster up ahead. This was the climb - wait until we drop.

I was purusing your story. It's on my bookmarks to read when I fly to Germany in two-weeks. I will probably save it to my iPad and bombard you and others with reviews when I am back.

Devlin is definitely a Potter. He is definitely on his way to becoming a monster. I don't think he will be another Voldemort (from Rowling's standpoint because part of Voldemort was the conditions under which he was conceived), but I do not promise a happy ending (which might incidentally make you happy). There is reason and some of it is hinted at in this chapter if you read between the lines enough.

I totally need to redo my summary and would be glad for any help at all - I suck at summaries...so expect a PM from me. I actually have 23 chapters of this written off this site (I'm bad about re-entering the "waiting line" when one chapter gets accepted) and this is a rewrite of a completed story (although there is a sequel - also partially written), so I know it's here to stay and I won't drop it - sorry that probably wasn't your question but it's something I always consider in the potential of a story.

I do love brainstorming! I will give your story a head-start before the plane - but if I love it I forewarn you that I'm saving it (or will try to), because I really need good stuff to read on this flight!

Let me see if I can catch a space in your review thread. :)


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Review #49, by shezThe Worst: Reflecting and Brooding

23rd October 2013:
So let me just say I haven't read a werewolf story in a LONG time and yours does not disappoint! I'm loving the pace of the first three chapters--right off the bat she's bitten, hospitalized, and now has to come to terms with her condition. It's excellent pacing, not too slow that the readers gets bored. Now, since you've covered all the background story and other general plot points so efficiently , I'm curious as to where you intend to take this story. It's only chapter 3, so I can't make a call on characterization yet, but Dom seems to be well-drawn character :). I don't know how I feel about teddy yet but I like her boss. She seems very work minded haha. Your writing and description is solid. You asked some pretty general feedback so let me see what I can say.

Overall I can you've put a massive amount of work into this story, so be proud :) The selective incorporation of details (how she was a Ravenclaw, her relationship with her sister and Teddy) is phenomenal. I'm very impressed.

There are a few grammatical discrepancies though. I won't go into detail but if you're looking for something to improve, I would suggest combing through the chapters and catching the awkward phrasing and missing words (not very much, though).


Werewolves are a compelling read so I can't wait to see where this story goes :) Dom's going to change a lot, isn't she? Are we going to find out who bit her and why? I'm sensing her life's only going to get worse from this point and am intrigued to see how you balance the human and 'beast' elements of her identity in the future. Remus had a lot of trouble with it.

Keep writing and feel free to rerequest!

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for reading and reviewing =)

I am pleased that my werewolf story didn't disappoint you so far. I was worried about the pace so I am glad you think it's okay. Dom is pretty confused and frustrated at the moment thus you didn't get to see much of her real character yet, but now that she is getting a grip on herself, you'll see what she's really like further. As for where I intend to take the story, you'll have to wait and read xP The boss is not a very appealing character so I am surprised you like her, but haha good! As for Teddy, we'll be seeing more of him further so I am curious to see what you'd think of him.

It's so great to hear that you're actually impressed with all the little details and such. I did put in a lot of effort into this story so it's really nice to know it seems to be paying off.

English is not my native language so I do tend to have grammar problems at times but I'll try to polish the chapters later on.

We will find out who bit her and why. Her life will definitely take a turn for the worse, but in the end it's all about finding hope isn't it, and we'll explore that journey of hers =) It will surely not be easy.

I'll surely re-request! Thank you!


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Review #50, by shezEverto Trucido: The Big Bad Wolf

17th October 2013:
LOL Way to leave it at a cliffie
!
So, I suppose I don't have to tell how confused I am right now. It's probably what you wanted, after all haha.


I really like the different magical realms you have intermingling here --and Grace shifting from one to the other. So lemme know if I have this straight--she's a witch, demon slayer, JP's twin , AND has premonitions (that her blind seer friend helps her understand) about the future. In combination with her near-primal nature and inherent lack of social skills (Yes, because it's TOTALLY ok to pick someone up and move them out of the way. Ahh Grace trying to make friends haha), you've woven a very interesting character. That being said, I hope you manage the different elements you've embellished this story with VERY carefully. Oftentimes, in an attempt to create interest, writers will convolute things. (not saying that this is convoluted, of course! But its a trap I see writers fall into waaay too often).

Your language is exquisite and very easy to follow in this chapter so good job! I haven't seen enough of Grace to pick her apart yet, but what I've seen I like! And marauders are fairly in character. One thing I will mention is that James seemed to be TOO calm with the idea of having a twin sister. I get that someone told him but I feel like that detail could be worked in a little better. Still, I'm excited to see how you manage their sibling dynamic :) I have to say, this story has the potential to be seriously awesome ^^ you're not going down the OC-falls-in-love-with-Mainchar route and loveydoveyblahblahblah so I'm really happy about that. I can tell you've spent a lot of time formulating the plot (YAY THERE'S PLOT!) so I hope you continue writing this ;)

So, that's all I have to say right now. Hope that some of it can be of use to you. Feel free to re-request :)

Author's Response: Ah yes, James Potter. He's my arch nemesis as a character at the moment, I'm working on fixing this by writing chapter seven and then I can go back and fine tune his reactions :(.

Uhm, yes that's Grace in a nutshell :). I've spent a lot of time on her character so hopefully it doesn't go awry! She definitely has some social skill issues that will slowly get ironed out through time :).

As it turns out, this story get very complex. I am trying to pepper information throughout the plot so that I don't overwhelm the readers with a ton of information all at once...hopefully that doesn't just create confusion!

Thank you so much for your review!

-Rumpel


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