Reading Reviews From Member: lumos_
  
45 Reviews Found

Review #1, by lumos_Werewolf Academy: XV: Kiara

30th July 2010:
Yay! They're finally leaving :) I really want to find out who JP is (and if he's who I suspect he is...) and what's going on in the Werewolf Academy! Can't wait til the next chapter! x

Author's Response: Haha, there's a long way to go yet. I've got four and a half more chapters written, and there are three or four after that needed to truly wrap things up. I'm hoping to post chapter 16 when the queue reopens. Thanks for taking the time to review.

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Review #2, by lumos_Sometimes Things Are Meant to Be: What will it be?

29th July 2010:
This is good :) I'm just worried that it's not really going anywhere... I think you need to keep introducing little hints of things coming in the future to keep the reader intrigued. I like how the whole family interacts with each other though, you really get a feel of their closeness :)

Author's Response: I know...heh. The next chapter ( I have it written) really starts to get things in line. I think I may need to bring Percy in a little bit. I need to throw more Bill into, but I love Fred and George. Thanks!

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Review #3, by lumos_The Life and Times of Perseus: The Rescue

27th July 2010:
You've made me sit here smiling at the moniter like an idiot. Thanks.

Author's Response: Thank you. I'm glad you're enjoying the story. I'm sorry that it's so hard for me to respond to reviews.

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Review #4, by lumos_The Life and Times of Perseus: An Unobvious Hero

27th July 2010:
This is great! I like your style, kid ;)

You have a way which manages to make even simple sentances seem fab, for instance: 'and his face, although friendly, rarely inspired a second look.' CUTE.

Going on to the next chapter...

Author's Response: I tend to write like the things I read, and I love books written in that old fashioned style. Thank you for the reviews!

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Review #5, by lumos_The Answer To Life...Weasley: The Aftermath Part I

21st July 2010:
This is really sad. The last paragraph, and last sentance altogether is particularly haunting.

Hate to sound really stupid but I don't understand the sentance:
I thought you were never supposed to trust a Weasley twin, what about you Fred?

Keep writing! x

Author's Response: haha, you don't sound stupid at all! I have really been meaning to fix this chapter. I wrote it when I was fifteen so it needs some work. I HATE that sentence. :) Thanks for the compliment though!

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Review #6, by lumos_Bad Habits: Bad Habits

21st July 2010:
This is hilarious! x

Author's Response: Thanks for the review ;)

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Review #7, by lumos_Werewolf Academy: XIV: Rolf

21st July 2010:
Oh my gosh! JP is absolutley ruthless... I can't believe he'd just kill like that! You're certainly making it seem like a lot is at stake from this academy... can't wait for the next chapter! x

Author's Response: Thanks for the review. And I can believe he'd just kill like that. :P

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Review #8, by lumos_Raindrops: Raindrops

21st July 2010:
This is fab :)

I like how you describe the beach in detail then introduce your character by saying 'He does not notice any of this as he walks along the beach'... it really shows his preoccupation!

Only a few things though- you could maybe try editing some of the sentances at the start so they're not so long? Editing your sentance structure would make the longer sentances seem more dramatic and vivid.

Also, the sentance "A swift wind has picked up; taking with it small leaves and plant debris as it rushes across the white sand" does not need a semi colon.

I know I'm being picky, but I think a story as beautiful as this deserves some editing to make it perfect :)

I've always wondered why Charlie never had children, and as little as we know about that Weasley lad, this seems to suit him perfectly :)

I love this.

10 / 10

Author's Response: I agree with you about the description in this. It is really extensive and I know that it needs editing. All in time! Every time I try and edit this, I get so preoccupied about the grammar (and, believe me, there are a lot of grammar mistakes that I have found, and there are probably a lot that I have missed!) that I forget about things like sentence structure. But it means a lot that you think this is "beautiful" enough to deserve some editing. I will try my best to find some time, soon!

Thank you also for the grammar error - I will definitely edit that in if and when I get the chance to edit this.

Charlie's story seemed so unfinished. I never really got closure for his story like I did with the other Weasleys. I know that this is quite dramatic, but I still hope that I managed to keep him somewhat in character. I worked hard on his story and character and it never fails to make me smile (and give me a sense of relief!) when someone says that I managed to do him justice, like you did.

Thank you so much for your review,
Joop :]


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Review #9, by lumos_Last breath taken by the wind: Chapter 3

21st July 2010:
I WANT LONGER CHAPTERS!
Please? :)
x

Author's Response: Longer chapters coming up!
thanks for reading and giving me these tips! means i can improve and attract more readers! thanks :D
x


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Review #10, by lumos_Last breath taken by the wind: Chapter 2

21st July 2010:
'It's a castle full of bricks. Sirius being the thickest" - HAHA! This made me chuckle.

Another bit I liked was:
"So that why you've been moping-" started James
"Snappy" said Remus
"Moody"
"Silent"
"Unconversational"

Bit... That's exactly how I imagine them joking along and bouncing off each other!

Again though, it would be a better read with some of the grammar and punctuation issues sorted... maybe you should get yourself a beta?

x

Author's Response: hah! thanks i was quite pleased with that myself!
although im not quite happy with this last chapter so i will probably be making a few changes before i carry on with the next few chapters :)
Thanks for reading though and ill get those issues sorted out!
x


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Review #11, by lumos_Last breath taken by the wind: The beginning of the start.

21st July 2010:
I like this!

One of my fave things (I know this is little) but is the idea of Remus seeming the most intellegent because the others behaviour overpowers their smartness. That's exactly how I imagine the Marauders too!

Just a few things though, mainly give it a good proof read. Only a few things like it's 'vain', not 'vein' and some of the punctuation needs adjusting. But apart from that I'm intrigued! x

Author's Response: im glad you enjoy it!
Thanks for the tips!
I have the next few chapters in motion so i'll get them up a.s.a.p!

Thanks again! x


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Review #12, by lumos_Dusk: Chapter I

18th July 2010:
This is certainly a dramatic beginning! I like this, and can't wait to see where it goes :) (loving the name, 'Don't ingure the ginger' btw!) x

Author's Response: Thank you, darling! I hope you stick around for more! There will be plenty more drama in store! ;)

And thank you! Hahaha, the name seems to attract people like flies. XD

x Aoife


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Review #13, by lumos_Jane Clemmons: A Meeting of Sorts

17th July 2010:
This is good :) Well done for thinking of more WWW products! Only thing I'm slightly confused about is when this is set... Harry's still at school but Fred and George have set up shop? I think this needs to be made slightly clearer, and what's going on in the Wizard world. x

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Review #14, by lumos_My Corner of Heaven: I.

17th July 2010:
This is absolutley beautiful :) Boo you for making me cry at a fanfiction though! x

Author's Response: Thank you for this review. I'm sorry it made you cry.

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Review #15, by lumos_Of Love and Firsts: ;)

16th July 2010:
These were good! I think you could expand these into a series of one shots to create a short story collection... I felt like you didn't have enough space to fully exapnd on the emotions and nerves! Especially the Draco one, the mysterious pen pal turning into someone you know idea is seriously cute. Cinderella story anyone? Keep writing :) x

Author's Response: Oh! thanks! I may just do that! I'm glad you liked it.

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Review #16, by lumos_Fighting: Fighting

16th July 2010:
This is really cute :) I don't usually like Ginny/Draco pairings but this seems to work :) If I had just one criticism though I'd say the distancing between Harry and Ginny should have been expanded on a bit, but that may be just me. Well done!x

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Review #17, by lumos_Simply Beautiful: Simply Beautiful

14th July 2010:
This was so cute! I love seeing a different side of Draco :) Good work! x

Author's Response: Thankyou very much

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Review #18, by lumos_Werewolf Harry: Chapter Two: The Leap From Dream To Reality

14th July 2010:
Certainly one of the more original fanfictions I've read! I'm waiting to see where you go with this before I can give a better review... good writing though, and as long as you actually take this somewhere instead of just brutally killing off all the main characters then I'm intruiged about the rest of the story x

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Review #19, by lumos_Raven Boy.: Never Look Back

13th July 2010:
This is SO CUTE! I absolutley love Scorpius in this. he is perfect :) I wish Rose would get over Teddy soon :( Keep writing! Favourited! x

Author's Response: thank you so much! ahh, dont worry she's on her way:3 x

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Review #20, by lumos_Dream Come True: Two

11th July 2010:
This is going well :) If I were you I'd do a final proof read before you post it up though, there are some grammatical and spelling errors which could be easily sorted out to make it a smoother read. Well done though! x

Author's Response: yeah i read it over and found those XD i was in a rush with chapter two. but other than that i know :// im not the best speller. when my friend heard i was putting it on he said "please use spell check for the readers sake!"

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Review #21, by lumos_Love Story: Love Story - Taylor Swift

10th July 2010:
This is cute, though it makes me think James is horrible! Good work :) x

Author's Response: YAY! :D thank you so much for your review :)

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Review #22, by lumos_A Spark Ignites: Take No More.

10th July 2010:
Awww! That's really beautiful and I love the image of the spark reigniting :D xx

Author's Response: Omg! thank you so much! I haven't had a review in so long and this totally made my day!

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Review #23, by lumos_An Object of Interest: Of Lipsticks and Jelly Slugs

8th July 2010:
Awwh! I have literally just been sat here reading this, and I got annoyed when I realised this was the last chapter. Living for an update!

Author's Response: I will update soon, I promise. Thank you very much for the review. I'm glad that you've enjoyed it so far.

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Review #24, by lumos_An Object of Interest: Of Cookied out Clothes Stealers

8th July 2010:
AWWH! This is absolutley adorable! I'm squeeing with Georgie!

Author's Response: Thank you very much! I will update soon. Georgie thanks you for your squee!

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Review #25, by lumos_An Unexpected Field: Girl Meets Boy

8th July 2010:
Awwh! This is sooo cute :) I like all your descriptions and how you capture all the senses. Well done!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for your review, seriously, i live off reviews. Cute is what i aim for :) and i was really trying to work on the descriptions and express all the senses (my english teacher would be proud!) Thanks so much, your review made my day!!!

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