Heya! I'm here to review this little one shot if I may ^^
First off let me congratulate you for pulling off a believable 1st person story. I'm not used to reading in first person, so I'm usually wary when stumbling upon stories like this. But you managed quite nicely. Even though there was not that much plot to go on, the story flowed pretty natural.
Second, I commend you for keeping Lucius in character. I always felt that when he was younger he was even more arrogant than when we meet him in the books. Youth, a wealthy and noble background and parents like his can do that to a child. So I was very happy that you captured his essence and took it a step further, exaggerating his traits that mature with time.
I don't know what to think about Narcissa though. After the scene in DH when she saves Harry by not exposing that he was alive to Voldemort I changed my opinion about her. She seemed very tight with her family. So that's why I'm wondering if she was not just lying to Lucius about burning Andromeda's letters and never replying to her. I can't really see her do that to be honest. Or if she does indeed not respond to her sisters letters, I don't think she is that indifferent to Andromeda's well being. I actually think that of the three sisters, the two of them were tight.
Very nice story! Report Review
Hai there! Well this was certainly...interesting and odd at the same time. I am pretty amazed that you made something this strange work, thus resulting in a very amusing and light-hearted story.
It was funny reading the rather 'mute' conversation between the two hats. It was a bit hard at times to figure out which hat was speaking, but that didn't change the appeal of the story at all. Do hats even have feelings? It seems like an odd concept but hey..it's Harry Potter where even inanimate objects have a voice and a minimal consciousness of their own :P Report Review
Heya! I must say I loved the feeling this story gave me. It was very light-hearted and yet insightful. I was very interested in the part when Neville explained to Rose the difference between courage and bravery. I thought the explanation he gave her made a lot of sense and it was very deep. They're usually used as synonyms but reading the way you put it is actually amazing. I'll have to remember that one :D
Also, I appreciated how you made a parallel between Neville's story and Rose's. How he helped her come through with his own example. That's very inspiring in life, meeting and sharing experiences with someone that can truly understand how you feel because they've lived the same thing.
The only advice I can give you is to take more time to explore the characters. The interaction between Neville and Rose felt a bit rushed and not developed enough to make the impact it made on Rose. I read somewhere that this story is one that you've wrote when you were still new to the universe of ff and I totally understand how that is, but maybe when you have time you could edit it to correct the spelling mistakes. It would greatly enrich the story ;)Author's Response: Awh! I'm glad this review gave you a good feeling inside, because I love it when novels, or one-shots do that (and to be told that I evoked some sort of reaction with one of my pieces is really great!)
Ah yes. . . .the dastardly grammar mistakes. This was one of my earlier pieces, and shamefully, I am yet to iron out all the kinks (I will get round to it! I promise!)
And you're right, it seemed like a short amount of time for such a powerful reaction, but I felt that because Rose knew Neville outside of school, maybe that would balance things out, though I will definitely go back over it! Thank you for pointing that out!
Thank you for the lovely review :D Report Review
Hey there! I don't usually read stories about Pansy but your summary caught my attention. Felix Felicis in her hands was bound to be an adventure :D
What I was very, very happy about is your decision to make her fall in love with Blaise who has constantly been there for her throughout the entire chapter. I suspected he had feelings for her since he first appeared in your story. It was incredibly fun to read Pansy's so oblivious to the fact that Blaise liked her, when usually girls are very perceptive to these kind of things. But this happens in real life all too often. When you're in love with someone that much, you're blind to everything and everyone else that surrounds you. Which is a shame because you could discover really precious people if you just pay more attention to your surroundings.
I'm not sure what to make of her personality though. She is a true Slytherin of course what with her going about the school after curfew, hexing teachers (that one is particularly dangerous and I don't know if even she would risk it), threatening younger students. I don't know what's missing to her but I felt her a bit shallow. I would have liked her to have more depth than her crush for Draco. I know it's hard to add too many details in a one shot but it would have helped us a lot more to root for her. You know?
Very funny and sweet piece nonetheless! Good job ;) Report Review
Hey there! I'm always excited to read more about Theodore. He's one of those minor characters that you can't help but be interested in (is it because the name? :P).
First off let me congratulate you for the fact that you chose to portray Theodore in a more positive light. I do believe he was not the stereotypical Slytherin so reading stories that show more sides of him (a softer side especially) is always welcoming. It greatly enriches his character. I like that you went even further and gave him some personal quirks like his obsession for strange food combinations. It's these little details that really help form the personality of a character.
I also like that despite he retains many of the Slytherin characteristics, they are toned down and sometimes even vastly different. He thinks of others kindly, he is not really that crazy about Voldemort, he doesn't go out of his way to insult other people or potentially hurt them. However, I think it was more than a bit reckless of him to inform Dumbledore about Voldemort's plans involving Draco and even more unrealistic that Dumbledore would reply what he did. While I could understand that Mr Nott isn't You-Know-Who's biggest supporter, I can't actually believe that he's not at least a little afraid of him, especially considering the fact that his family is deeply involved with the Dark Arts. I like his rebellious side but maybe if you toned it down a bit it would feel even more real, you know?
A very enjoyable story nonetheless. I really liked it :) Report Review
Wow! Just...WOW! You have surprised me SO much in this chapter. I was amazed by the level of detail and attention you put into the wand analysis. The core combinations, the wood that was used, the animals used, everything was incredible. I was in awe at how talented and creative you are. I mean, I expected it but this was really on a very different level than my expectations. I don't even want to imagine how long it took you to research stuff for this chapter, not to mention the story as a whole. Mystery stories are not easy to write.
Yay! We got to see more of Scorpius and Rose interaction. I am very happy that they're finally getting along and working alongside to uncover the identity of the criminal. I don't know if you have any romantic plans involving them, but the vibe I got from the two of them is a very positive, more brotherly like one, you know? I'd love for them to be best friends and just be there for one another even if love doesn't occur. I'm fascinated with stories that explore other kinds of love, apart from the romantic type.
The plot is evolving very very well. You are really skilled in keeping the line straight, not getting lost in details or plots. Another general note I'd make is maybe think of some sub-plots as well. Something that can drive the story forward, give it more depth and offer the characters opportunities to show more sides to them. I like the Rose-Hermione subplot a lot. I hope you have the chance of developing it or if not, maybe make a spin-off of it ;)
You are doing an excellent job honey!Author's Response: I waited ages to get that on paper! Sometimes I would just scribble the scene down and gather all my elements.
As for the sub-plots, they're coming. I think you stopped reading right before they came. The Rose-Hermione relationship will be explained and more stuff starts happening as far as plots, sub-plots and sub-sub-plots go!
Thank you again for reading this and reviewing, since I know NextGen is not your thing, and the fact that you took a leap of faith and read this means more to me than you'll ever know! *huggles* Report Review
Hello again! I am grateful for the fact that this chapter was focused more on some of the character's feelings. I think that that is your biggest obstacle to overcome when it comes to writing.
I loved reading more about Scorpius. He is one of the few Next gen characters that I've always been intrigued to how people see him and portray him. He is the son of Draco Malfoy and belongs to one of the oldest and noble families that are alive, who happened to have been right in Voldemort's inner circle. How would that affect him, his day to day life, his future and relationships. I am SO glad that you made him as a down to earth man. Someone who is still ambitious and driving like Draco but lacks his arrogance and self-centred personality. I think he fits perfectly with all the plot and I want to see more of him. I want even more depth out of him, if possible. I'm surprised that he calls his boss Potter and Weasley :O I would have thought he'd go for sir or I don't know, a less personal approach.
Rose. Rose is a mystery. I am very curious at this point what's her story. What's behind the semi cold relationship she has with ehr mother and why is Ron SO protective of her. I can't decide what to feel for her. We need to see more layers of Rose before I make up my mind about her. Maybe a more vulnerable side? Because evidently she is a strong character. She is fierce, powerful. A true Weasley. I'd love to see a softer side of her now ;)Author's Response: Oh, you'll be seeing plenty of Rose, don't worry about that! She is central to the story and I have a lot of love for her. At this point, everything is slowly unfolding and we're getting there.
Scorpius is an overachiever, but I think that Ron wouldn't have been very warm towards him. So, as a response, Scorpius doesn't have love for Ron either. I don't see Scorpius addressing Ron or Harry with Sir and addressing them by their first names is out of the question! Report Review
I haven't laughed this loud at a fanfiction story since forever. It's so hilarious and brilliantly written that you just can't resist it's charm. You were amazing in conveying such a comedic scene in less than 1000, words while keeping all the characters SO in character. I mean we're talking about Dumbledore and Minerva here. I don't know about Mc'Gonagall but I am sure that Dumledore is udner the classification of "one of the hardest characters to write". His speech, his mannerisms, all were his own and it was a true delight to read him. Now you made me want to eat something sweet haha
The idea behind of the story is to die for. I just can't imagine being in McGonagall's shoes when she opened the kitchen door and stumbling upon that scene. Genius I tell ya! :)))Author's Response: Hi!
Thanks so much for the fun review! I am so excited that the story actually made you laugh out loud! It's such a tiny little thing, as stories go, and I wasn't really sure if anyone else would find it funny or not. Nice to know someone shares my sense of humor!
I actually love writing Dumbledore. He was one of my favorite characters. So child-like and unasuming, completely genuine. And then, when he needs to, he shows exactly who he is and why you shouldn't mess with him - all while offering you lemon drops. It is a great honor, though, to have you say I did him justice! That makes me blush!
Thank you so much for reading and for your kind review! Made my day! Report Review
Hey Ral. Back again for this roller coaster of a story. Why roller coaster? Because when you think you've got an edge of something, when you think you figured out a clue, something comes along and completely turns the events upside down.
On a general note I must say that I more drawn in to the story with every passing chapter. This chapter was half action - half emotion. We got to see the Weasley's and Potter's reunited (how BIG is Molly's kitchen for all of them to fit in it haha) and there were some really emotional scenes there. I especially liked when Teddy arrived and you shared something that I had forgotten from the books: how Lupin promised Molly that if she or Arthur or both of them died, he wouldn't abandon the Weasley children. I am such an easy crier that I teared up instantly. I can't shake off the feeling that Lupin and Tonks should have stayed alive :(
What I would like more from you is to find a way to fit more description in the story. Your dialogue is great. It flows naturally and your action tone of the story is excellent as well. The only thing I can think of suggesting you to improve on is description. They are living very difficult times what with this difficult to crack case and now the attack on their family. It must be nerve-wreaking to say the least. Take a bit more time to explore the feelings that the characters are experiencing. Have a chapter or two focusing solely on the relationships between the characters. It would boost the story so so much!Author's Response: Sorry for taking so much time with the reply!
I loved writting the Burrow scene. It's something about all of them getting together in one room and just being a family that makes my insides all warm and fuzzy. The bit about Teddy and the clock was some headcanon that I picked up somewhere and I just had to use it! It's so fitting for her.
I understand your comments about descriptions. I have this all in my head and when I'm writting, I know what everything looks like and what everybody's doing so I have to find a way to get that across.
As for the roller coaster, that's basically the best description I've heard for what goes on in my head when I'm writting. They corner me and make me do what they want! Most times they win! Thank you again for all the amazing reviews! Report Review
What? Seriously Ral I would die if you would've left me with these cliffhangers. They're to die for! I'm not complaining of course, I love cliffhangers. But just imagining that I'd have to wait a week or more to find out what happens next is hard :P
I had such a surreal experience while reading this chapter. It's amazing how the perspective you read a story through can change so much when you recognize places and people the writer writes about. It was amazing recognizing the Palace of Justice and the old part of town (Centrul Vechi). I visited Bucharest once or twice and my memories are still alive with images from these places. They're beautiful! Thanks a lot for doing this /hug
I must say I already love Rose. She's so perky and just pops every time she has a line. She's so full of life and joy and dreams and plans that it'd be a wonder if people didn't enjoy the character you've given her. You are quite talented at creating original characters missy :D because basically the next gen characters ARE original since we know next to nothing about them. And she does seem to know her thing! You must have had quite the work when planning all this wand knowledge because it feels like you put a lot of thought into it. It's details like these that make a story so so interesting ;)Author's Response: I was so excited to see Scorpius in Bucharest! And now, everytime I pass the Palace of Justice, I think of him there! Also, the Palace is my favorite building ever. Is it strange to have a favorite building? I don't care! First time we're in town I'm taking you to see the inside and tell you all about the place. It has a "Hall of lost footsteps" like the University Palace is Iasi.
Anyway, I'm done fangirling over a courthouse. Rose has many layers to her character and we will get to see them as the story unfolds. She is so much like Ron but also like Hermione, yet in my mind, she isn't a copy of her parents, but her own, unique person! I'm happy you liked her and most of all, I'm happy you like the details! Report Review
Hullo m'dear! I never expected to like this story SO much. I mean, the summary was definitely interesting but I never imagined such a cool plot was behind it. I love me a gripping plot :D
WOW! Before you mentioned it in the story, I didn't remember that Hestia and Dedalus were the ones to escort the Dursleys to a safe place in DH ( I REALLY need to re-read the books). Now I can't stop thinking if everything that's been going on has anything to do with them? I think I'd drop off my chair if at the end of the story the killer was Dudley or Petunia haha. I'd be surprised then laugh a whole day at the brilliance of the idea!
I feel so warm and fuzzy at the thought that you included some our culture in the story. I think it's the perfect opportunity to showcase some of our own sights in Romania and our culture. I'm very excited about Scorpius's meeting with Vasile and Rose. What I'm even more curious about is why is Ron so protective of her. What happened to Rose that he feels the need to be so...fatherly? I'm intrigued beyond words at this point.
I simply adore how you're handling the plot. With every chapter we learn something new and we get deeper and deeper into the story and the killer's identity. I know it must be a lot of hard work to juggle with a mystery case plot but I can assure you you're very talented with it. I sometimes forget it's fanfiction :))Author's Response: The fact that you might forget it's fanfiction is such a huge compliment to me! You have no idea!
I wanted Rose gone from the picture in the beginning and I figured where could she have gone off to? Romania! I wanted to incorporate some of our history and places in here, because I can and I can't help myself!
The Rose-Hermione-Ron story is ... well. It's complicated and it'll be something that gives Scorpius a lot of headaches, as you know by now since you read on. But there is a reason why things are the way they are and it will all be explained when the time comes. Report Review
And I'm here again for another roller-coaster ride with your story :D My reviews tend to be all over the place when I'm very excited about something so I hope you will make any sense of what I write here...
Another body! Oh my...this killer moves fast doesn't he? If I'm not too wrong not even 24 proper hours passed since the first body was found and now Hestia Jones is dead? That kind of makes you want to question how the killer works. I'm sorry but I can't stop the psychologist in my from trying to figure a pattern of action for the killer or try and make out some of his personality traits :P
I love the fast pace of the story. I think it fits perfectly well with the overall theme of it and it helps readers remain hooked with the plot. I for one am a sucker for fast paced novels that almost seem like movies. I always like to imagine scenes in my mind while I read them until they form a film of the story. It's an amazing experience and you're very skilled in providing visual images to help me create my movie ;)
I may have read too much Game of Thrones and I think it started to rub off on me but I cant shake the feeling that someone on Harry's team knows more than they're saying. Call me paranoid but if it's one thing mystery stories have taught me is trust NO ONE! I'm already picking every character's actions and gestures apart lol. I am craaazy :))
I'm nor sure about Mr Malfoy yet. He seemed very well versed with reading human body language and that's not always easy. It seemed a bit odd for him to be able to figure out so easily that she wasn't the culprit. I mean, for all he knows, she could have been a very very talented actress. He didn't know her from before like Harry or Ron. If I'm allowed to make a tiny suggestion about this, maybe when you have time you can go back and add a bit more dialogue between them or show more of Scorpius' s thoughts and doubts. That would greatly enrich both the scene and Mr Malfoy's character I believe. Just take your time and focus a bit more on the scene ;)Author's Response: Hehehe! The criminal profiling is something I thought about when constructing the antagonist of this story. I hope it'll be something that will make your jaw drop. I guess I just can't help myself, I have all this legal training in areas such as forensics and I'll never use it in RL ('cause I'm too much of a girl to do that) so I might as well use it here!
Oh, and you MIGHT be on to something, but I'll say no more, you just have to read on and see if you pick up the little signs I leave along the way.
As for Scorpius, I tried to place myself in Harry's shoes. If you had to work and trust the son of the one person who was so mean and cruel and in the end, downright evil to you, that kid needs to be something special. In this case, he's a good judge of character and an accomplished student of the theory of Charms.
I agree with the dialogue and the body language in that last part and I will, hopefully, one day, go back and edit that. It felt a bit rusty but I've passed that stage (again, I hope!). Thanks again for the lovely comment! Report Review
Ral! Why have you kept this jewel hidden from me for such a long time? I barely finished the first chapter and am already irremediably hooked! Although it's not the first genre I will go to, mystery is definitely up there amongst my favourites. Mix that with Harry Potter and you get gripping stories like yours :D
I am happy that I finally decided to visit this story. I've been putting it off for too long. But now with all the Gryffie/ Slytherin battle review thingie I had an extra incentive. And boy am I glad I did! I don't even know where to begin.
Characters! I am simply proud of you of how you managed to keep the known characters IN character despite them being older than in the HP books. They felt really mature but still kept a lot of their individual feel from when they were younger. Not to mention the next gen characters. In just a few words and fewer scenes you already established a believable personality for them. Eager to help Teddy is just adorable! I can already imagine him red faced and sweaty running around the Department trying to prove himself haha. The analytical and willing to break the prejudice against his family Scorpius. Always the one to be in the heat of battle and always well informed. Smart and jumping. GRATS!
And oh my gosh...Parvati's wand?? What?! My jaw literally dropped when I read that. And that doesn't happen unless I'm truly surprised. What a way to end the chapter...just wow :O Can't wait to read on!Author's Response: Oh dear! I'm so happy you enjoyed this story since it's my baby and I'm so proud of it!
Oh the characters! I love Ron! He is amazing and I can relate to him so much, in terms of saying the most inappropiate things at the wrong time and I really wanted to have him in here, with Harry, being themselves but also older and somewhat wiser, because they have families and more life experience.
I love Scorpius. In terms of fanfiction crushes, he's right up there with Sirius. He is such a complex character for me to write and I love being able to explore all the different sides to his persona!
Thank you so much for all the lovely and detailed reviews! They made me so happy, you have no idea! Report Review
Aand I'm here again! Sorry it took me so long to review this chapter Mel. It was worth the waiting in any case :D
Oh my...where to begin? Every time I read a chapter of this story I feel the same urge I always have when reading dark stories to continue my re-read of the Harry Potter books. Your story has the same feeling I got from Order of the Phoenix and onwards. That feeling that danger is looming around everyone's heads and is slowly materialising. A sense that you can't really trust anyone any more. Which is no mean feat I might add!
Should I feel bad for getting overly excited when you write Snape? I mean, I know he's not particularly your favourite character but I'm very interested in your portrayal of him. I really like the sense of duality that you gave him right off the bat. It helps that we know how he was and whose side he was on in the seventh book but you still managed to keep him, even in just that scene, neutral. Not too nice but not too evil or malicious as Neville expected him to be either. Seeing how their relationship will evolve and how they'll interact is literally making me jump up and down with excitement haha
You actually composed a song for the Sorting Hat...you really did it. You're my new hero! I can't even imagine how much time you spent on it. I know it would have taken me ages to come off as great as yours did. I can almost image the Hat's brim opening up like a mouth and singing this song at the Feast. It's amazing!
I liked that it was Luna that proposed to start the DA again. It feels just like her to randomly suggest that. Oh I can't wait to read more of this Mel. It's going to be SO much fun!Author's Response: Ah, Debra, I have taken forever to respond to your marvellous review so don't feel bad. I'm just happy that you read it. :)
Anyway. I'm really pleased that you think I am getting that sense of foreboding that the HP books had pretty much since OotP (which I only just finished re-reading so hopefully I can get another chapter written in the next month or so). So thank you! *breathes sigh of relief*
As for Snape, well I am trying hard to get him right. I have much less trouble with the teenaged Snape than I do with the adult version: I think it's to do with his emotional state being much easier to guess when he was younger because he was less practiced at hiding everything. But if I got that sense of duality then that's a good thing, because while he oversaw a reign of terror he was, in fact, acting for the good guys. I'll see how I keep going with that one, but thanks for the encouragement. :)
Ah,the Sorting Hat song. I actually borrowed a couple of lines from one I wrote for one of the Gryffie collaborations a few years back, so it wasn't all new work, but then it is all my own so it counts. I write poetry occasionally so it wasn't too hard, but it was a little tiring as getting the syllables and the beat right can be tricky at times.
Thanks again for the feedback. I think you're my new favourite reviewer. :D
cheers, Mel Report Review
Wow...now this was a powerful story. Not only because of the themes that you chose to write about (domestic violence if I caught it well and murder) but also the way you wrote about it, without going into too much detail. I know it's mostly due to the site's regulations that many authors don't go deeper into these kind of problems but if it's one thing that HPFF has taught me is that showing less can have a bigger impact on the reader. Not offering the whole image, but giving just enough for us to form our own ideas is a great, great way to capture an audience. So in regards to that kudos for this story!
I liked that you chose an OC and that you gave her a voice of her own. What I was most impressed is that even in less than 1000 words and with only one scene you managed to give her depth and personality which is amazing if you ask me! Her determination to finally break the chain that attached her to this man who continually drinks and breaks her dreams and his promises to her, her strength to finally stand up to him is empowering. I've witnessed situations like this and it takes a great deal of courage to say the final "no". It's a delicate subject and I sincerely commend you for capturing it's essence and sending a positive feedback in such a short story :) Report Review
Susan, what have you done with my heart? After this chapter it's shattered in thousands of different pieces never to be whole again. You can't imagine how I cried during this chapter. What I said may not be the most original line, but I did cry until my vision was so blurred that I couldn't see the letters any more! I can't imagine what's to happen next after this heart wrenching chapter.
Seriously, I think I only cried like this when Snape and Dumbledore died in HP and when characters from Game of Thrones die. Your Moody is up there with the best characters from my favourite two book series ever. It's fascinating how even though I KNEW he dies, and have read in Deathly Hallows that he dies, a scene like this can bring forth such emotion.
How much more is Lily going to go through? In only a day she lived more than some people live throughout their whole life. It's almost a cruel joke that this was what got her out of her boredom. I commend you for being able to transmit the feeling that between the moment we were first introduced to Lily, the crippled, bored girl and this moment, almost thirty years passed. It's not easy to convey that but you pulled it off so well!
Also, WHO IS THAT WOMAN IN THE PORTRAIT? It's driving me crazy haha. But more than ever I suspect it's her. I may be awfully wrong but I can't help but think that it's Lily. A Lily from the past that would have chosen to stay with him, surrender sense to feeling and forsake the perils of time. Another hint to her being Lily is that half of the woman's face is burnt. And I have a terrible feeling that the flame spell Lily cast bounded on her. That the winds were so powerful that they turned her flame towards her direction. I'm already dreading the next chapter if my hunches are right...Author's Response: Ah, this chapter. Of a story of sad chapters, this is the most sad. First of all for the obvious reason, but also for its effect on Lily - she survives and goes on, but it can never be the same for her after this point, no matter what happens. I'm so sorry that this chapter made you cry, though! Yet it's also wonderful that the chapter was successful, that it did what I hoped it would.
What I liked about including this chapter is that, while it occurs only hours after chapter 2, it feels like so much more time has passed - thirty years, like you've said. And Lily has lived those years in fragments, transforming from that bored girl who had given up on her life into a hero. I don't want to say that she's grown up, but she has developed in other ways, and by having her return to 1997 - the first time she travelled to - we can see that development and its effect upon her decisions. By this point, she has found the answers to nearly all of her questions, even if she doesn't always tell her audience what those answers are.
The foremost of these omissions is the identity of the portrait. She has seen its face, but it's not clear whether she's repressed the knowledge out of fear, or whether she just doesn't want to tell anyone, even her audience.
Thank you again for reading and reviewing! I really look forward to seeing what you think of the next chapter. :D Report Review
Hullo! I'm back for more of this wonderful, wonderful story. I believe that this chapter marked the middle of the tale and from now on, we'll go back in time, to Lily's own time.
Moody was SO sweet this chapter. When he rand and brought Lily a lily I positively "aw-ed". He is adorable! I really enjoyed reading him through all of his ages and this one, oddly enough, is my favourite. At this age he is still pure, still a child with all the innocence and easiness of spirit that childhood brings. He's still hopeful, he's still happy, he's still optimistic and curious. He doesn't know the atrocities of war yet, he doesn't know betrayal, he isn't hurt, damaged yet. It really makes me feel like crying imagining that this happens to real children in real life. When you bring them into the world, watch their serene faces and watch them grow, how can one imagine what they will become? The course they will take in life? Will they invent something grand? Will they make a breaking discovery? Or will they die prematurely or follow a self-destructing path?Author's Response: Hello again! :D It's great to see you back for more!
Yes, Lily will head back toward her own time, though things get more complicated from this point, as you'll see.
Oh, I'm so glad that you liked the young Moody. He was a joy to write at this age, before any of the bad things happened - before he had to grow up in the midst of a world war. It's interesting that his youth here made the chapter more sad because we've already seen how he'll be at the end. It's not something everyone gets to see with a single person - it's rare to know a person from birth and live beyond their death, and even harder for a wizard, since they live longer. Like with Dumbledore, for instance, it's much harder to imagine his youth because it exists in a more distant past. And you can never be sure if the sparks of the future are there from the beginning, either. With Moody, there's little relation between the boy and the old man, and I can see how that's painful, for both you and Lily.
Wow. Thank you again for reading and reviewing! You've given me a lot to think about with this story, things that never occurred to me when writing. I love it when that happens! Report Review
This chapter was too sad for it's own sake. The whole story is too sad for it's own sake. Seriously, how do you do it? How can you write different genres so well? Your stories pertaining to different genres are always a wonder to read because you handle each with such care, suck skill that one can't help but feel a bit envious (of the good kind!).
Lily and Moody. This is all I have stuck n my head right now. And the aching feeling that comes with this pairing somewhere in my chest, near where my heart is. I'm much in danger of falling more in love with Moody as Lily is. He's just so perfect! Well, that's delusional of me! No one is perfect of course, but there is something in Moody, so fascinating, that you can't resist his charms. I've always admired men with a strong character and a stronger mind and Moody has both, in equal parts. He has qualities I am unconsciously but actively seeking in a partner, qualities that I couldn't do without so excuse me if sounds ridiculous that I feel such a connection to a fictional character but it's true. Of course, he has faults as well and I'm not denying that, but his qualities are like a magnet...HE in his entirety is a walking magnet!
And Lily! Who would have thought she had such a strong, unbending will? She's such a multi layered character! Every chapter you see different facets of her personality, with each thought she puts forth. I'm glad that she didn't give in to her desire, although that doesn't make me happy. You know those real life moments when you are relieved that someone has done the right thing even if breaks them? When YOU feel miserable for being happy they chose the right path? What is the right path anyway?Author's Response: I like writing sad stories. :( Even worse, I like reading/watching them. If it doesn't hurt, then it can't be good, right? (Not that I actually believe that last bit, but that's what it feels like sometimes - I just have a stronger emotional connection with characters dealing with things, perhaps because my own life is boringly untroubled). Thank you for the wonderful compliment about my writing! :D I like to think that I can write different genres because I read a lot and watch lots of movies/TV. Humour is still hard to do, though - writing something like this story comes more naturally.
Moody is particularly smoulder-worthy in this chapter, where the intensity of the 1971 scenes is already in place, but he's psychologically stable at this earlier point in time. He's at a peak because he's just finished his training and is ready to put it into practice, and as a bonus, he's already in love with Lily - he's has the last ten years to foster that feeling. It's an ideal moment for them to be together... but it's just a moment. There are no forevers in this story because, no matter what, something always has to end - time always puts an end to it.
Moody is a walking magnet. Yes. I'll go for that. :P
One thing I wanted for Lily from the beginning (but particularly during the second 1971 scene) was that she be a strong character. The only way a person could survive this story is if they are strong - they need that iron will because it's both a story about resistance and acceptance. She has to constantly resist attractions and temptations while she must accept the demands of time and history. That kind of push and pull takes a heavy toll, even on the strong.
Unlike the previous time, though, this 1940s scene allows Lily to leave with less guilt. Even if she stayed with him, it could only be for one night. She's not resisting as much here, so I don't know if there even is a right or wrong path in this instance. It becomes murkier and murkier as the story continues.
Bah, my responses are no longer making sense. Anyway, thank you very much for reading and reviewing this story! I look forwarding to seeing what you think of the coming chapters! ^_^ Report Review
Great chapter, as always! I'm starting to not know that more to say to assure you of my great love for this story. It feels like I've given all the possible praise in my previous reviews, and now I'm left with empty words. However, I do want you to know that my enjoyment of this story is much the same as it was in the beginning. Only it's growing with every chapter, with every new puzzle piece reveal.
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban is a very confusing book to me in terms of the time travel business. I know Jo explained it the best she could but I never really understood how it worked. Every time I read about Hermione and Harry going back in time to save Sirius my head is filled with fog lol. I can't get it! I did however understand (and that was pretty logical) that you do not meddle with time. You don't mess with it, you don't change events or else your history and that of other people will be altered forever, triggering a frightening chain of reaction. Since this is not canon, and it's Next Gen, I fear for what Lily might do, knowingly or not. We have seen enough of her in the past chapters to know that she won't give in to her feelings for Alastor, that she is conscious of the dangers of playing with time and space, but she is also still a human being. How MUCH can someone handle before losing their mind, before throwing themselves in the abyss thinking it's the most beautiful thing in the world? My heart is crying for her and reaches out to her each time she is put to a cruel test, but she's mustn't give in to her feelings! Even a tiny little change in the past could rewrite history...and not always for the better. Things happen for a reason and Moody must become what we knew him to be: a brave, fierce, damaged war hero. That sounds so sad more so if it's the truth :(Author's Response: No worries - I've had the same thing happen to me when reading longer stories because you get to the point where you just want to keep reading. Your words are certainly not empty, no matter what they feel like! I'm very glad to hear that you're enjoying the story!
Time travel in the Potterverse is a strange thing. What happens in PoA would, in science fiction, be a paradox. If Harry and Hermione successfully changed the past, then how do they remember it? How does anyone? Did Buckbeak ever die, or was it only that they thought he did? The movie version represents it in a better way than the book - at least, it made more sense to watch than to read the time travel scenes.
Lily knows about her father's time travel adventure, and she's close enough to her Aunt Hermione to know about the rules of time travel (and the rules of everything, I expect :P). Once she realizes that she's back in time, she can't forget that, by being in the past, she is posing a threat to the outcome of the war and thus to her own existence. The great paradox of time travel is much too clear for her - if she accidentally prevents her own birth, what will happen? She understands that she is the cause of Moody's madness, but she doesn't know enough of the rest yet - there's still so much of his history that eludes her. Not necessarily because she hasn't gone far enough back, but because she has missed too much in between. And her consciousness of time leads her to sacrifice, once and again, the connection she has with him. I wouldn't call it selfless, but it demonstrates a strength of character that she can let him go. More strength of character than I think she ever admits to having.
But as you've said, it's taking its toll, and that will only become more obvious as the story continues.
Thank you again for reading and reviewing this story! ^_^ Report Review
I'm just going to sound like a broken record and mirror my previous feelings: I love this story! See, now tell me honestly, how original was that? :))
This chapter we didn't see much of Moody, but the little we did see was enough to send my stomach in a fluttering uproar. I've always found it amazing how well written characters can make you experience the same feelings you'd have for real, flesh and bones people. The conscious and unconscious mind makes no difference in terms of who's real and who isn't, it just sends the same pleasurable impulse.
Now I'm really curious to see what will happen next. Until now Lily has always landed in the worst possible times and this was the first chapter when she is in the right time and space dimension. I can't wait to see how their bond forms, how he ends up falling so deeply in love with her and one of my biggest curiosities, WHO is that woman in the portrait???
I think the saddest and bitterest line is definitely "It would not last - how could it? - but for this time, however short, I would be that one thing he could never forget". How heartbreaking must it be to be forced to live in a reality that is not yours, that you know you don't belong to and be in the presence of the man that has made you more alive than anything ever did, knowing that at some point you will have to leave? To abandon him to his mortifying thoughts and flaring feelings. She is more a Potter and Weasley for doing this than she could possibly imagine. I would have broken by now :(Author's Response: Thank you! I love that you love this story! It means so much to hear it. ^_^
I don't know what to say about this review! It makes me glad that I had Moody take a short break from the story because it makes his reappearance more meaningful. Wow, it's incredible that you like this characterization of Moody as much as you do. It makes me very happy to read your response to this story.
What you've mentioned in the final paragraph is the tragedy at the core of this story, and of course the story behind the title. Even when she finds the "right" time, she recognizes that she won't have enough time there. She's constantly out of time, in both meanings of the phrase. By this point in the story, she's already traumatized by what she's experienced, and it's only going to get more difficult as she continues.
I'll leave it there for now because otherwise I might say too much. ;) Thank you again for reading and reviewing this story! Report Review
I really reached the point where I can't read a chapter of this story without a box of tissues by my side. It's too heart-breaking to bear!
Here is me trying to make some sense, once again, of a review. Hope I won't forget anything this time. First off, I wanted to take a moment and express my mixed feelings about the woman in the portrait. In my review from last chapter I said that she reminded me of Bertha from Jane Eyre, loved by all but hated by him. And yet, thinking about it a little longer and reading some small snippets from this chapter I have the impression that the woman in the portrait is herself. Lily. There are of course some hard objections against this idea. For example, when Lily stumbles in the same house last chapter she notices the rotting flowers, the intoxicating smell in the air and the prickling sensation of death surrounding the room. But all of this could also mean a symbolical death, not an actual flesh-dies death. At the moment I'm groping in the dark since I haven't yet read the rest of the story but maybe Moody felt like she died in his past, and thus decorated the room as a funeral space. One can only guess for now :)
There are also moments when this story resembles a stream of consciousness piece. How Lily is lost in her ghostly images of what might have happened in the past between her and Moody, of what might happen in the future if she dared stay. A found it a very suitable technique to use for the story, especially since it's first person.
This chapter deepened the semblance to Jane Eyre. While reading the scene where he is almost a living flame that tries to stop her from leaving him and she, Lily, pondering for just a second what would happen if she gave in, if she dared remain and be the healing balm of his inner scars, forever forsaking her true self, I was vividly reminded of the most powerful scene in Jane Eyre. The chapter when she spends a few hours with him after she finds out about Bertha and decides that she will not, she cannot, be the other, be his wife while his real bride was alive. That she could not forsake everything she was despite loving him more deeply than her own life. But also knowing that she couldn't bare staying by his side any longer and flees. I shuddered while reading your scene as I shudder every time I read the scene from the novel. They're perfect! The love between them is so profound and painful that you find your breath caught and your stomach a tight knot at every sentence when they share a moment. Albeit being a tormenting love, few are privileged to knowing this kind of deepness of feeling in real life. It's a shame that love as powerful as this is so hardly seen these days :(Author's Response: There is this fascinating article (or more than one, I can't remember) about "Jane Eyre" which argued that Jane and Bertha are mirror images of each other. For instance, Jane hears Bertha's laughter only when or after she has particularly rebellious thoughts. They are very similar in their depth of emotion, but Bronte idealizes her Englishwoman at the cost of demonizing the Creole woman. Yet, there's still that question of whether Bertha was mad before she was confined in Thornfield, or whether it happened as a result of that confinement - Rochester's word can't be taken as fact by any means. And this is where I built the strange relationship between Lily and the portrait-wife. The portrait's mocking tone, though, comes more out of "Rebecca" with Mrs. Danvers's treatment of the narrator.
I like the idea of the symbolic death, that he mourns her loss in the distant rather than immediate past. The answer is yes and no. :P The whole story is about mourning the past, a lost past that, even with time travel technology, can't be regained because, no matter what, the memory of it still remains. Even if one goes back in time to change something, one will always remember the change, and the reason why it needed to be made. And so one is trapped in perpetual mourning and loss.
Ahh, even better that you see the stream of consciousness style coming through! This story and Lily's voice flowed naturally. I don't quite know why, but as I wrote, I tried to maintain a rhythm of iambic pentameter. It gives the narrative an interesting quality, and I'm glad that you picked up on that.
What's interesting about this revision of that scene in "Jane Eyre" is that there's more at stake for Lily. Her choice could change history, and she doesn't forget that, no matter how much she yearns to be with him. The loss for her is minimal... mostly (there is the worry that the intensity of his passion would overwhelm and consume her). Rather her thoughts are for the people she loves - she sacrifices her newly discovered love so that history will run its course. It reveals an important similarity to Harry and also to the first Lily.
It's wonderful to hear how much you're enjoying this story and the effect that it's having on you. I'm glad that it's not only me who was overpowered by the emotion in this chapter. It was extraordinarily painful to write because I too wanted to stay with this Moody, even though I know that it's wrong, that he's "wrong". Writing hasn't been the same since this story, either. *sigh* But thank you again for reading and reviewing! It means a lot to hear such compliments from you! ^_^ Report Review
SUSAN, OH MY GOD!! I never intended to start my review like this, so random, but I have to tell you...I have to! I was right!!! Moody feels like Mr Rochester. Oh my dear Susan you can't even imagine how I felt when I realised this. It made me love your story ten times better. Jane Eyre is one of my favourite love stories ever and to see Charlotte Bronte's style so flawlessly reproduced AND adapted to your Harry Potter novella (which is far far away from the time Charlotte Bronte lived :P) is just amazing.
My heart is still racing from the surge of emotion that hit me when I read your author's note. It's final...I am in love with Moody. With YOUR Moody! And I will never ever be able to imagine him other than how you wrote him. His passion, his fierce yet collected love (barely collected), his whole appearance, his movements, how he leans on door frames, mantle pieces with such an elegance and composure, these images of Moody will live in my memory forever. It's like I'm seeing Mr Rochester only better, because you've added your touch of originality to his character. And of boy does his wife remind me of Bertha Mason, the woman loved by all but despised by him. Please allow me a very big and silly fan girlish scream because this is too much!
I am absolutely mesmerised by your description. It's simple enough but with just the right touch of visual images to recreate what must have been your image of the house, the rooms, the smells and the sensations. It blends perfectly with the characters bringing them further to life.
Wow! I never imagined I'd stumble upon this kind of story when I first clicked it this morning. I'm not out of my trance yet...please slap me because now I want to BE Lily, to LIVE what she is living. Is that bad? :(Author's Response: Moody became most like Rochester in these two chapters - this and the one that follows - because by that point, the similarities between this and Jane Eyre were too difficult to deny. The story drifts away from Bronte's novel later on, but here, the Gothic atmosphere of the cottage and its crazed owner at their peak. These chapters were amazing to write at the same time that they were utterly painful. The amount of emotion in them made it hard to breathe.
The corresponding scenes in Jane Eyre are strangely less popular in adaptations and discussion about the book than I'd expect. When Rochester begs Jane to stay with him is perhaps one of the most passionate and extraordinary scenes in literature - it is Jane's strongest moment, yet it's also her weakest because she feels so much for him, and is utterly powerless to help him.
What's funny is that I originally had "Rebecca" in mind when writing this chapter. The whole scene with the closet and Lily's interaction with the malevolent spirit of the wife more closely align with Du Maurier than Bronte. Whether Moody is like Maxim de Winter is less certain, though - like you, I see Moody as being more comparable to Rochester. There's too much of him, and it bursts out like a flame to consume everything in his path.
I don't think I've ever written a story where the setting was so integral to the plot as the cottage (and wardrobe) are important to this story. It had a significant influence on the atmosphere - the OF version of this story, which I came up with first, takes place in a theatre, so that story is filled with colour, light, and chaos, but in this isolated cottage, there's only darkness and dissatisfaction. Not always and not for everyone, since Neville seems happy enough living there, and once you get to the last chapter, you'll see how different the cottage can be when viewed in the right light. But here, it might as well be a Gothic castle, it's so gloomy. I loved writing the descriptions for this story... as you can tell from my excitement to discuss it... *hides*
Thank you again for reading and reviewing this story! It means a lot to hear from you! ^_^ Report Review
Oh...my...dear...Merlin. Words fail me miserably at this point, or rather, the appropriate words that could hold testimony to how this chapter made me feel haven't been invented yet. And never will! I will try and explain my feelings but I think the words I WILL choose will not come even close to how I really felt.
I made some mental notes of how to structure, at least a bit, my review so I will follow these while I'll squeal between the lines. First off, did Lily say she wasn't brave enough in the last chapter? I think she was VERY brave considering she had the courage to go to the attic door, ask who was making thumping noises and descend the steps. Knowing myself, I would have been in fits of panic by the time I heard someone going up the stairs when I knew for a fact that moments ago my house had been empty! So yes Lily, you are a Potter and a Weasley!
Next off Moody. Oh my GOD MOODY! Seriously Susan, did you write this story to make me fall in love with him? Because you are very close, an inch close, to making that happen. If the story had stopped here, with only two chapters it would have been more than enough to flesh out a Moody that not even the books could. You gave him more depth in almost 3000 words than all the moments we have seen him during Goblet of Fire (although his presence in this book is questionable since it was actually Barty Crouch Jr but still) and Order of the Phoenix or Deathly Hallows.
My heart is aching for him. Like, literally HURT for him. I positively burst out crying when I read this "He reached for one of my hands. His was warm, roughened by the elements, as scarred as his face." and I couldn't stop until I had finished the chapter. Even I don't know the magical effect this sentence had on me but I couldn't resist the urge to cry out and send my heart to Moody. I have a soft spot for tragic characters and Mad-Eye always seemed like one to me. He was like an unwritten canvas in Harry Potter and you helped me shape more of his story, beyond his battle or detective prowess, beyond his immensely courageous guts. You gave light to those hardened eyes. You gave softness to his rigid countenance. You gave warmth to his toughened heart. I was startled by the fact that I remembered Fairfax Rochester from Jane Eyre when I read his physical description (and yes, I LOVED Mr Rochester as well!).
Oh man I'm not making sense any more. I always know that I'll find quality stories when I access your profile but this is beyond what I had expected. And don't say I'm exaggerating! Because I'm not. To me this chapter is downright ripped from some classic, yet undiscovered novel that is just waiting, somewhere on some dusted shelf to be picked up and loved to bits. I will make the "sacrifice" of loving it!
I haven't done the maths but how old is Lily here? Because she is coming off like one of the most mature characters I ever read on HPFF. How she handles the notion that she went back through time and found a War hero, as she herself says, waiting for her, almost breaking for her is a pleasure to read. A sad, sorrowful pleasure but a pleasure all the same.
I could gush about this story on and on and on but no amount of words will ever sum up the same amount of feelings that passed through me when I read it :)Author's Response: Whoa, a long review! This chapter has certainly elicited an exciting response from you, and it's still early days for the story! *evil grin*
Lily is a great example of an unreliable narrator. :P Her injury had a detrimental effect on her confidence, and I also think that she constantly compares herself to her parents, only to see herself as coming up short. I'd be cowering in that chair all night if I heard any strange thumping noises! Now the question is whether Lily goes upstairs because she's genuinely curious, very bored, or somehow wants to prove herself. It could be either, or even better, a combination of the three.
It's only chapter two! How can you already be in love with him?! I didn't think my descriptions were that powerful, though I remember that, while writing, it was difficult to not feel something for him. There's so much emotion tied up in his character - every little action has multitudes of meaning, things that Lily can't even begin to understand until she experiences the past for herself. I'm squeeing over your compliments, though! It's wonderful to hear that just in this chapter, I fleshed out Moody's characters with such success. He's a strange cross between a Heathcliff and a Rochester, and while he has a clearer sense of morality, he still possesses that wildness and tragedy that defines the romantic hero.
You're making perfect sense! I can't get over how much you like his characterization. There's always a danger when one expands upon a canon character in this way of veering into OOCness, so it's actually a huge relief that you've had this kind emotional response to him in this story. That generation of Potterverse characters - the older Order members, that is - have their own tragic stories, but they're too often lost in the popularity of the Marauder-era and Hogwarts-era characters. What surprised me in the creation of this story was how much I went back to the books to pick up on as many details as I could. Some didn't make it into this story - for instance, the scene in OotP when Moody sees Harry (for the actual first time), his eye malfunctions. And I say that it's because he recognizes Harry and Lily's father, but he has to hide his knowledge of this, so he makes an excuse about Barty Crouch's contamination of the magical eye.
Lily's age is about 20-21. Later in the story she makes this clearer, but my guess is that she spent at least 2-3 years after Hogwarts as a Quidditch player. When the story begins, it's been less than a year since her accident. Part of the reason why she sounds so mature is that, when she narrates the story, she is older... and that's all I say about that. :P
Thank you again for your phenomenal review! It's so much fun to return to this story and discuss it with someone. ^_^ Report Review
Hey Susan! I'm here from the Review Tag :)
This is a very intriguing start of a story I must admit to that. Not only intriguing but also enthralling. There is something about the simplicity of the prose and the way you portrayed Lily that is simply captivating.
I must confess that I am not the most avid reader of Next Generation. I don't know why but it hasn't been the Era of my choice when reading stories. However, your curiosity peeking summary and the characters listed (points at Moody excitedly!) have made me click your story. And I'm so glad I did. It was an amazing start to a time travel story. Vanishing cabinets are not often the preferred method when trying to write a story of this kind and I don't know why. Without enough imagination and a touch of fantasy-like twist it can go many ways, as shown above :D
I appreciated your characterization of Lily (II) very much. In most stories I looked over, authors tend to add her to the Squib category and while that is a great spin, it gets tiresome after a while. I love the natural feeling I got from her. The little we know about Next gen characters doesn't always provide authors with enough material to base their characterization off and the attempt sometime ends with overly-exaggerating some traits or flaws or they just don't seem human enough.
I LOVED Lily's state of mind. I didn't expect to see a first story person written story, but now I don't think it could have been any other way. Her boredom towards her current living conditions were a very clever foreshadowing for the events she was about to live. Can't wait to see what they are (I must once again take this opportunity and swoon over Moody...*swoon*...there, now that that's out of the way...).
Thanks for providing a better morning than I had until now Susan. It's almost 5 AM here and I've been awake since 4:30 AM reading your story and leaving this review which has made my insomnia a lot more pleasurable than it would have been otherwise :)Author's Response: Wow! It means a lot to hear how much you like the style of this story. I've edited it a bit, but there's something in Lily's voice that is unlike what I've written before - there is this ethereal, even spectral quality about her narration. Much of it at the time had to do with all of the Victorian literature I was reading, but quite a bit has to do with her personality, and the way that she recalls the details of her story.
What's strange about this story in comparison to most others, both on the archive and my author page, is that it resists the traditional classifications. It's about a next-generation character, but it's also distanced from that era. A romance plays a central role in the plot, but I have trouble seeing Lily and Alastor as a "ship" - it could have just as easily been Roxanne and Sirius, Rose and Elphias Doge, Victoire and Caradoc Dearborn. But I am really glad to hear that you were excited to see Moody in the cast list - he's a fantastic character to write, and I enjoy adding depth to Rowling's sketch. :D
One of the reasons that I chose Lily for this was to escape the negative characterization I'd given her in "Winner Takes All". But she became much more in this story than I ever anticipated. There's not much more I want to say about her here, due to spoilers, of course. There's a lot of potential for each of the next-gen characters, and I love being able to interpret them in various ways. The Lily here feels like a big disappointment - I can only imagine that the world had high expectations for each of the Potter children - and it increases her frustration and bitterness. At the same time, she's always been the odd one - slightly distant, not dreamy, but quiet. She's a lot like her father when he's in his pensive moods.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and reviewing this story! I look forward to following your reactions to each chapter! ^_^ Report Review
Hullo! I know I promised to review "Yello" but this caught my attention almost as soon as my eyes fell on it and since I am such a die hard fan of sad, angsty stories I couldn't pass the opportunity of reading this :)
This was a truly sad story. Not the incredibly heart wrenching kind of sad but the more settled, composed and yet deeply scarred kind of sad. I think this is due to the character you chose to portray as living these events because we all know that Molly is a very strong, stout woman.
I loved the mix feelings this story transmitted. On one side you have the heart breaking upcoming death of her husband and her painful recollections of Fred when she tries and fails to prepare his bed for Arthur, and on the other side you have hope. Her other memories, the happier ones of the pregnant girls, her joyous pas moments with Arthur and how they waltzed in the living room laughing, enjoying each others presence and love helped shed the light of hope on the dark events that she was currently living. I can't even begin to imagine what someone must feel to have a loved one forget who you are, what his or her life has been like...that they have a loving family who hurt every time they have to bear his/her question of "Who are you?". I never had anyone close live this dreadful experience but I know of someone who did and it's just terrible.
Molly's characterization was very spot on in my opinion. You can feel how strained she is, how very tired and exhausted her body and mind feels and yet, despite all of this, you can still see her struggling, grabbing hold of the bull as one would say and wrestling it. She has lived through too much even during the time the books unfolded (her brother murdered as well as her son, the constant danger they were in) and you can see that that took it's toll on her. Every time she pushed her dark thoughts to the back of her mind she reminded me of Scarlett O'Hara from "Gone with the Wind" because she too used to say something along the lines of "I'll think about this tomorrow", which in itself is a very useful defense mechanism.
All in all, a very sad (in the good way) piece. As always, I love your stories :)Author's Response: Hey, no worries! Thanks for reviewing :)
I really wanted to put Molly's strength to the test in this story, in terms of her having to deal with the coming end of her life and the loss of the memories she holds so dear. I thought it would be incredibly difficult for her to witness this happening to Arthur, not only because she loves him so much but also because it's almost like foreshadowing for her. I couldn't give her a tragic end, though, because Molly just seems so resilient. Instead, I focused on her pulling together and continuing to press on for Arthur's sake.
The thing that bothers me most about death, on a deeply personal level, is having to lose everything I've gained from life and not being able to spend one more moment enjoying it. Molly's sense of panic stems from my own, which is why I don't think about it very often! Of course, on top of that, as you mentioned, she has to deal with Arthur barely remembering her and their children and grandchildren. Maybe she needs to hold tight to those memories for both herself and him. It's great that you found her to be in character. I'd wanted to write her and Arthur for some time, but they're so iconic and important that I wanted them to be perfect.
Thanks again for this truly lovely review :)
-Amanda Report Review
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