some how...err...never mind.
I liked this chapter, I think you could probably give it a once over review sometime in the future, it might help fill things out.Author's Response: i was thinking exactly that. Report Review
aww...though I'm a little confused...how could both the guys find her so fast??Author's Response: harry was trying to find her...
and Draco was watching her when she was leaving the great hall.
so they were both watching her really. Report Review
hmm, I like the split views, it was a little confusing when you jumped over to Draco, maybe if you put in a Draco PoV?Author's Response: i'd figure so.
i might change that later. Report Review
well at least she's showing some...common sense.Author's Response: :] Report Review
hmm there was a word switch again.
the only thing I really have to say is the pace of this story seems very.fast...for someone who is supposed to be a very smart ravenclaw, should she have more thoughts and inclinations?Author's Response: she is smart.
she's not going to attempt anything with him, even though he's sure she will. Report Review
uh...how did Rachel get to her 6th year and not have met 'the' draco malfoy yet?
That however on malfoys view point I can believe, he is definitely the kind of guy who doesn't really notice people. Especially if Rachel was a late bloomer in the looks department.Author's Response: she didn't met him, just seen him around, but she didn't really want to meet him because he was always surrounded by big headed slytherins and she avoided them. Report Review
There were only a few minor word errors, you used too instead of two, and her instead of my.
Nothing major story wise, it seems to flow alright, albeit fast.
Are we going to get into Rachels flaws? its a good way to introduce depth into a character.
Otherwise I like the story so far.Author's Response: yeah, i changed it to first person at the last minute.
i need to edit that chapter, although i dont have much extra time.
but everyone makes mistakes, and i'm definitely not perfect. Report Review
I noticed that you had Ginny call hermione herm's, I thought her nickname was mione?
Either way, I liked this chapter, more explanation, or descriptions about hermione and ron's spat over not dating would have helped this chapter out. Things are moving a little quickly.Author's Response: thanks for the review! And I guess the name thing is just a Ginny thing. And I'm trying to get to the "meat" of the story. Report Review
I enjoyed the speech made by the sorting hat. I'm still a little unclear about the description for the rearranging of the tables, but is understandable. I would have liked a little more description about the new professors.Author's Response: yeah, the tables is hard to convey. if it helps, they are now in a giant circle instead of straight lines. The professors will come soon. Report Review
I really enjoyed your story. Your portrayed Bella well, showing her stubborn streak for her own pleasure and enjoyment. However the entire story it's self feels very long to read. I would have probably given more reviews but through out the story there is no real place to stop and restart. you have given breaks in the story where it could be a new chapter. I would have also expounded on the ending about her father. What was he like?
Over all I really enjoyed the story though, you gave insight into the characters and the way they react to certain things. What ever ended happening about the house elf? was it dead? There are a few loose ends in your story but not many. Report Review
Wow, thats a lot of information right at once. But its a good introduction. I'm curious about how they got to this point, but you'll probably explain this in the upcoming chapters.Author's Response: Thanks for so much for taking the time to read and review! Report Review
Ok...I think I see the foreshadowing, but you should read this chapter over again, Some of Ron's sentences were fuzzy, and there are spelling mistakes. like corps instead of corpse.
Anyways, I did enjoy this chapter, and I would have like more explanation on how they hunted, or Hermiones blow up at Harry...maybe a flashback in the next chapter...or delayed explosion from Hermione. Author's Response: As the chapter was already over 9000 wds, I didn't want to add anymore than was needed. I will go over Ron's sentences again. Thanks for pointing it out.
The next chapter will be much more from Hermione's POV and you'll get more of an idea about what was going on through her head when she saw Harry come down the stairs.
Thanks so much for reviewing and I'm glad you still liked the chapter. *Eli* Report Review
Interesting, I'm starting to think I start out most of your reviews like this.
The portion about Malfoy and Curicio, I felt the repeat of feeling was a bit over done, maybe if it came from someone elses perspective?
Voldemort's character is played well. But bella comes off as a crudely, slightly crazed women. For a moment I wondered if she loves voldemort...eww.
Thanks!Author's Response: Hey there Healer!
Yeah, the last few reviews have all started with "Interesting". Interesting is good though!
The repeat of the Cruciatus Curse, I tried not to go over the feelings. The first one is explained a lot more than the second one. It just says it felt like it lasted forever. Sorry if it sounded like it was repeating.
Glad to hear Voldemort came off well. Bella . . . yes, well, with the return of Snape, she's a bit more on edge. She really (and I mean REALLY) hates Snape, and is torn between yelling at the Dark Lord to just kill the slimeball, and doing it herself. Slightly crazed is the word probably put it. Snape saying Voldemort may have other favourites made Bella very upset. She always prided herself at being his favourite. A sort of love in a sense . . . very dark and evil, but she wants to have that title. Hence why she wants to prove it even more to the Dark Lord that she is his favourite by doing well at this task he sets for them.
In anycase, thank you once again for coming back and reviewing! The story starts picking up a little more in the next few chaptes, so I hope you enjoy them! Report Review
Interesting, you gave Ron depth.
Most of the time he's a simplistic character, and while he still is he has more depth then bloody hell harry.
there were some minor spelling mistakes but nothing major.
And I really liked how you tied the premonition into reality. That was enjoyable.Author's Response: Hello again Healer!
Of course Ron has to have some depth. He wants to succeed like his brothers, we get told that in the first book. He's of course upset about the Head Boy position, 'cause he already thinks Harry and Hermione will leave him behind. Of course it won't turn out that way, but those two being Heads will continue to bother Ron, at least for a while (he doesn't become jealous or an idiot about it though, don't worry).
Sorry about the errors there. My beta is still catching up, but they should be fixed once we're through. Glad it's not something major at least. :)
Yes, the dream does tie in here, but not exactly. Nagini wasn't there, but Death Eaters instead. So, one has to question if the dream was a premonition for that, or something else? Oh, I like pushing the literal buttons and get people thinking! :)
Thank you once again Healer! I look forward to hearing from you on the next chapter (we get to see Voldemort for the first time in the story!) Report Review
ack death eaters!! omg...run, duck, hide something!
Ok, I've calmed down, I really enjoyed the explanations you put in here. You're very good with creating believable answers to things like Petunia's hatred of magic, and the danger.
You left hints of what would happen, but didn't fully play with it till the end.
I enjoyed it.Author's Response: Death Eaters indeed! Harry's probably thinking about the "something" option out of those four.
It's great to hear you're liking some of the explanations going into the story so far. The first few chapters do a lot of that. WRapping up things with the Dursley's, and explaining a good number of things.
I felt Petunia's hatred was important, 'cause it was so strongly portrayed in the books, it needed to be reasoned. Her actually getting a letter, and not taking it; only to become jealous of Lily who did take it would be reason enough I think to be mad at her, and the wizarding world. Harry of course would get just as much, if not more hatred, 'cause he's even going to Hogwarts, and yet Petunia ruined it all by not accepting her real self.
I guess there are some hints here and there, and it's great to hear you liked the chapter.
Thank you again Healer! Hope you keep enjoying my story! Report Review
Interesting, a phoenix?
Its like he's becoming the new dumbledore, oddly enough.
Oh well I enjoyed this chapter, especially the wedding, I love your descriptions.Author's Response: A Phoenix indeed. Now, don't think that he's necessarily becoming the new Dumbledore, 'cause he's not. I don't want you getting the idea that Harry's going to be SuperHarry!, 'cause he won't be. I've seen people make Harry all-of-a-sudden have huge power and be able to do things he never even learned. He'll still be Harry. His patronus chaning is explained in the next chapter.
I'm glad you liked the chapter of course. Great to hear you liked the wedding and the descriptions here.
Thank you again Healer, and I'm happy to hear you're liking my story so far! Report Review
This chapter was interesting, I was confused at first as to why Flitwick forgot, I love seeing seldom used characters being used. As well, this made me wonder why Did the house have to be renamed now, but you explained that too.Author's Response: Hello again Healer! Great to hear back from you again!
Yeah, it might be a bit confusing as to why Flitwick forgot, but then you have to remember it's a Fidelius Charm, so only the secret keeper and the owner can know where the house is after the Charm is done. It erases Flitwick's memory, so he won't remember who the keeper is, or if the charm was redone.
Of course I'm happy renaming the house was explained well here. I tried to bury some of the questions brought up about secret keepers here, 'cause there are a few.
Thanks again Healer for reviewing! Report Review
I enjoyed the discussion of the secret keeper.
As well I can clearly hear the voices of your characters, I'm not positive what there is to review aside from you being a fantastic writer. There were I believe one or two spots where there was some either grammar or spelling blips, but I don't remember now.
I'll review the rest of your story slowly, I finally finished everyone else, your story by far is larger than all of the others combined.
Thanks!Author's Response: Hey there Healer! Oh, you've started my big story now, that's awesome!
I'm glad you liked the beginning here of this story. The discussion of the secret keeper was important of course, as its the focus of the first part.
Of course, thank you for saying you're enjoying my writing so far. I am sorry for the grammatical blips here and there. This chapter was put through my beta, and she caught a lot of the previous errors. This story just started being beta'd last week though, so only chapter 1 is done so far (chapter 2 is almost done being beta'd). So chances are, and I am sorry in advance for this, there will be some very minor grammatical errors. People pointed them out to me a while ago, but it's taken me a long time to find a beta (hence why I only got one last week).
Of course take as long as you want to read. I realize it's a long story compared to others you were asked to read. I'm just pleased your reading it in the first place.
I do hope that you enjoy it, and I will be coming back to review some more of your stories in the near future. Thanks again! Report Review
I loved some parts of this story but what I don't get is why didn't he set of the dung bomb? and why doesn't he recognize the older red haired men?Author's Response: Harry didn't set off the dung bomb because he just wanted to get out of there without any delays. I also wanted to show Harry as rising above his relatives and being the bigger person here. So many portray Harry as a getting even type and to some degree he is, but I also think that he understands that some poeple aren't worth it, like the Dursleys. Thanks for your reviews! Report Review
interesting word choice. I liked how you developed draco, I didnt' think it was him at first.
Other than that I enjoyed this chapterAuthor's Response: Yeah, I intentionally miss led at first with Draco. I thought it added some mystery. Thanks for the review. Report Review
awww...this was a cute one shot, the only thing I'd fix is the spacing, especially the huge one at the very end.
I love the way she was thinking about him, and you captured how busy they were about to be with the the crowd of family. And you told us what happened to everyone. It was neat and efficient explaining what happened.Author's Response: Thanks for your wonderful and descriptive review. I had lots of fun writing this. One-shots are a lot easier and quick to write. Thanks for the info about the spacing. It's been fixed. Report Review
She sobbed a few silently sobs before trying to calm herself down. ...this sentence just seems off...maybe if it was she sobbed silently for a few moments before trying to calm herself down.
at the very end, who is Ron directing that comment too?? and Why isn't Hermione or Ginny mad?? I would be.
Regardless your developing your characters well, I'm just finding Draco is a little weak, but this is only the beginning.Author's Response: Thanks for the suggestion. And Ron was talking to Hermione. It says "Before Hermione could answer, the train was stopping and she quickly exited the train with a small smile on her face. " And I didn't get the feeling that Hermione or Ginny would be mad over the statement. Especially since neither of them answered. Draco is very weak in the beginning. The one person he could open up to was Hermione through the letters and he finds out that she doesn't even want to be around him for more than a fre minutes. All in all, thanks for the review. Report Review
Alright on to the review, the first thing I've noticed is there are some small spelling grammar errors, simple proof reading, by you or someone else will fix that up.
Story wise I felt you rushed things a bit. For example you could have expanded on the notes they sent each other, putting in each others pov.
However I do like your concept of the letters. Its an interesting way to show how Draco enjoys her brain and not her blood.Author's Response: Thanks, for this really long review. Sorry the response isn't that long. I think things were a little rushed but I don't have a good excuse as to why I did it that way. But whatever. Thanks for complimenting the concept. Report Review
heh...he...ehe...Harry you never do think.
Though in his defense he didn't know, maybe the prof should have been a little more direct with her hand signals.
I've really enjoyed reviewing your story, could you send a pm when you've updated?
Thanks!Author's Response: You bet I'll send you a pm when I've updated.
Yes, I must admit that though Harry was thoughtless in his actions, Amsel does have to take some of the blame because she didn't tell him what was going on.
I look forward to reading what you think of my next chapter. *Eli* Report Review
hmm interesting... I'm getting ideas but I won't share.
I like the dialogue with Hagrid and V, you really do have a good grasp on characters...and because of the constant references to the ring I keep wondering if maybe V is going to give Hermione it.Author's Response: Aw.. you won't share? How sad.
I'm glad you like the dialogue. It took me a while to get it just right. Hmm....you think Amsel is going to give Hermione the ring? Interesting....*Eli* Report Review
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