Reading Reviews From Member: Dalek194
  
342 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Dalek194Bedtime for Won-Won: Bedtime for Won-Won

22nd June 2011:
Nice one! A funny, well-written and insightful one-shot. I love how you got inside Ron's brain and used his worst fears to both comic and thought-provoking effect. The part with Aragog was very funny... though I had trouble imagining a spider grinning LOL ;-) On the whole, I loved it; a great piece of humour and general good storytelling that has cheered up my day immensely. Great job!

Author's Response: haha, just knowing it cheered up your day has cheered up mine. Thanks for enjoying it. :D

I don't think I'm capable of writing anything other than humor, but we'll see how my future fics are. ^^

-Lem


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Review #2, by Dalek194The smile I gave her: The smile I gave her

23rd May 2011:
Really great one-shot! I loved the concept, it was really well written, and was just generally a really lovely, cute little story. You wrote James and Lily perfectly, and the idea of James making her smile without her knowing (plus the fact he realises how in love he is at the end) is just marvellous; bravo!

I spotted one tiny grammar thing, though it was very small;

- "than to let Alice and Marley in charge" (should be than to have left)

Appart from that, really good work. Great job! :-)

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad you love it. It was really hard for me to come up with a way to make a smile secret for the challenge, and make sure they were in character. Thanks for letting me know about the spelling error, I'll change that when I can.
(pulls out pan full of cookies) thanks again! :)


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Review #3, by Dalek194Two Mad Hatters and an Invisible Lover: The One and Only Chapter

13th May 2011:
A very enjoyable-to-read, wonderfully descriptive piece of fluff. I like how you personify the air and the day at the beginning. The description and detail is rich throughout, Fred and George are perfectly in character, and the twist at the end revealing that the whole thing was actually in first person was clever; it explains why Fred and George are exactly identical, not even a wild strand of hair to tell them appart (to Lee's eyes), and why the girl is described as so beautiful.

Who was the girl, by the way? Was she an OC? But it kind of worked not giving her a name. The only other thing I would say is that it seems very odd when the POV suddenly is revealed as Lee's; maybe you could link that part a bit better.

However, overall, this story was a rich-in-detail, enjoyable to read, cleverly done one-shot, good work!

Author's Response: Hey thanks heaps! I was originally writing it in first person but I somehow felt it was like someone was commenting so I changed it :P. I don't actually know who the girl was. It could have been an OC, it could have been someone in cannon. My muse just demanded that I put here in there :P. Thanks again!!

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Review #4, by Dalek194Fred & George Vs. The Marauders: Prologue

9th May 2011:
Interesting start... though it was short, it draws you in and I am now very intriuged about what happened "at school"...

Loved the references to Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and Doctor Who ("Spoilers!" LOL River Song would be proud) and the idea of introducing a new character in Zara works well. LOL with the part about jammies! ;-)

The idea of incorporating the Golden Ticket into the twins' plans was clever and overall this is a very solid start. The grammar is good but not perfect (mainly punctuation; spelling is fine) and the start is slightly lacking in flow. For example, when you introduce Fred as George's twin brother, you've already mentioned Fred, so it doesn't quite seem right. Careful not to repeat yourself (like with the Golden Ticket thing, you say they were planning it twice)

- "their products,giving the winners" (need a space after the comma)

- "“Wish we could say the same about you…”. Making Zara snort into her water" (don't need a full stop after speech marks, and "making" doesn't need capital "M")

- "golden tickets in their products- but anyway" (need a space in between "products" and "-"; this happens several times later on too)

But these are very small things; overall I am enjoying it so far and can't wait to read more! I like the idea of Fred and George being the central characters in a story... add in the Marauders, and it's a fun fest! :-D Please update soon.

Author's Response: Thankyou for such a lovely review!
Yes- I have grammar issues, lol. The next chapter is in the queue, though, so after that, I think I'll go over this chapter and sort the grammar out :)
Thanks again
Leanne


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Review #5, by Dalek194A Girl Can Hope...: Can't she?

5th May 2011:
Very interesting idea :-) I've seen one or two Minerva one-shots, but the idea of her being friends with Tom is one I have never considered. It even works in canon terms, too, as they were at school together. A very clever idea and pairing that hypothetically shouldn't work, but it does.

I found no grammar flaws and the storyline keeps the "real" feel (so it still feels canon) as we know Tom is turning evil but this way, we get to see another side that never got the chance to develop - a side that was left out of the evil being that became Lord Voldemort. I like it at the end, too, where McGonagall knows that she shouldn't be wishing those things (again, keeping it real ;-) well done) but can't help but wonder. Great work!

Author's Response: Thank you very much for taking the time to do this! I was always conscious about this Tom/Minerva fic. For some reason, I'm never sure that I get the characterisation right. Thanks again for the lovely review :)

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Review #6, by Dalek194Masterpiece: the artist

4th May 2011:
Great job! I read the first chapter of Splinters and enjoyed it so much that I decided to take a look at some of your other stories... and I'm glad I did! Another clever storyline involving a not-so-main character - I've never speculated how Fleur's parents met, but it could be a fascinating story.

I like how your stories can stay within canon while still having a completely new story of their own. Your writing is elegantly done and really enjoyable to read - it flows from word to word perfectly. The perfect grammar helps complete the experience too ;-)

A really original idea - the thing of having Henri as an artist, as he is French, is really clever... I hope to see him grow out of his heartbroken, enclosed shell and meet Fleur's mother. Can't wait to read more! :-D

Author's Response: (I'm having really weird deja vu here. I could swear I've replied to this review before... Oh well.)

Aww thank you so much for reading this too! I'm glad you enjoyed both this and Splinters! Haha, minor characters are favourites of mine, it makes me sad when they're ignored xP

I like doing things with a "well, there's nothing to say it couldn't have happened, so there's a chance it did..." kind of attitude, so they're kind of canon-ish while not being canon at all :P Oh good I'm a bit of a grammar Nazi, so I'm very glad it was all ok.

Thanks, I rather like the idea too! On the on hand it's a bit cliche I suppose, having a French guy as an artist... I'm sure I'll throw in some berets, baguettes and garlic in there as well x) Thanks so much for this review and I'm really glad you enjoyed it!


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Review #7, by Dalek194Tugging the Dragon's Heartstring: Chapter 1

4th May 2011:
Wow. I... I don't know what to say, except wow. What an amazingly insightful, well written, clever and enjoyable one-shot - pretty much the whole story of Charlie's love live told in just short of 3000 words. It's so real, and yet it still keeps brilliantly in with canon, proving you can do seemingly non-canon pairings in a canon story. It flows so well, the style of flashbacks and changing timelines works perfectly, and it was just a joy to read. The grammar was spot on, too, which adds to the experience, though I did spot this;

- "won’t be about defending it ourselves" (no need for an it in between defending and ourselves)

But this is a very tiny and insignificant thing. You've got pretty much everything in there - Luna's understanding of how he felt was so much like her. I've never read Charlie/Luna or Charlie/Tonks before, but this works just so well. Bravo!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the very kind review. I adore Charlie/Tonks pairings, but I generally like to keep it canon, which means it can't end with them together. I also had been dying to write a Charlie/Luna piece and I finally felt this would be a good opportunity to do it.

I'm so glad you liked it and the flashbacks and flow. I have trouble writing flashbacks well, so validation of having done okay with it feels great.

Thanks for pointing out the typo and I've already fixed it (benefit of being a TA).

It had been a while since I had a review and your kind words made my day. I guess I've got to get back to writing. Haven't been doing it much lately.



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Review #8, by Dalek194Oranges on Friday: Nickers

2nd May 2011:
Hi DB, I saw your status update and decided to review... and I'm really glad I did! It was really refreshing in every way - for one thing you had Scorpius with Dom rather than Rose, which makes it more interesting. Love the banner, by the way... I often see Karen in banners, but I've never seen her with Matt! ;-)

The grammar was very good, but (as I'm really fussy - sorry LOL) I spotted a few tiny things;

- "I'm technically aloud to start dating" (aloud should be allowed)

- "we she began to read" (we should be when)

- At the start, you have Dom reading Witch Weekly magazine. Then Rose gets out her copy, but then Dom yanks it out of her hand as if she hasn't seen it yet; hasn't she got her own copy?

Sorry, I'm really fussy LOL These are only tiny things, and the story as a whole is really great work. I'm lovin' the humour side to it (Batman and Robin! Ha ;-D) and the end is just too funny.. great work! I feel this could be a potential platform to a whole story, or at least another one-shot, but if you want to leave it here it still works fine. Really good job, well dome!

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Review #9, by Dalek194Getting My Letter: Rainfall

2nd May 2011:
Aww; a nice little one-shot that made me smile ;-) It's a good concept, and one you handled well; James's enthusiasm, disregard for any sort of rules (LOL ;-D) and sheer childish (in a good way) wonder and joy at getting his letter. Nice job.

Your beta did a very good job, but I did spot one tiny thing;

- "Didn’t you have enough sense to clean yourself off before tracked mud every where!" (shouldn't it be "before you tracked mud everywhere"?) I haven't heard of the expression tracked before either, in this context... but that's probably just me. Also, there's a massive gap between the words "School" and "of" in the start of his letter.

On the whole, a nice little one-shot that captures the excitement of recieving a letter perfectly, as well as giving a nice and realsitic portrayal of a young James's personality. Nice work! ;-)

Author's Response: Aw thank you! :) I'm off to fix those things right now :)

I really wanted to make him true to character as possible and I'm glad you think I did it.
Thank you :)


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Review #10, by Dalek194Raven Black and the Temple of the Night: This Is Who We Are

2nd May 2011:
Great start! The tone is very atmospheric and dark, and that works really well as we never usually get to see inside the world of the bad guys. It flows well and the idea of the Fire Eaters being made up of werewolves is very clever - it adds something new, rather than just copying the Death Eaters.

The grammar was very good; I only spotted one small thing;

- "Vanessa winkedat Raven" (winkedat should be winked at)

Aside from that, the only thing I would say is that at the beginning, you use Raven's name quite a lot (I know this is as you are introducing new characters and to tell the reader who's speaking, but it just sounds a little odd). Finally, how can Raven know that the captured man's parents died at the hands of Voldemort, when she was only told they were members of the original Order? She wasn't told they were dead.

But apart from these (very small) things, the story has started really well! The cliffhanger, though the reader knows it was coming, is perfectly handled. Good work on the red herring (with the first Order member who was captured - I thought it would be Teddy!). On the whole, an impressive start, and I am hooked! Can't wait to read more ;-)

Author's Response: I have some different comments on this, but I'll message you on HPFF. Thanks for reviewing :D

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Review #11, by Dalek194Within The Heart Of The Battle: Detention With A Difference

25th April 2011:
Wow - a real way to "pack a punch" in this chapter, if you'll excuse the bad pun LOL. I feel sorry for Ginny and Neville, but know at the same time that they don't need sympathy - they can fight for themselves, as I hope further chapters will prove...

You've got the characteristic cowardliness of Death Eaters spot on in Alecto; it was a horrible, wicked thing of her to do and you handled the concept really well. Oddly enough I'm feeling releived that it wasn't worse - both Ginny and Neville will take more than a few punches to sink them.

It was clever to use the Imperius curse, as it both proves the Carrow's formerly illegal intentions and immediately gives you a topic to cover in the DA - how to resist the Impreius curse (though it would probably be taught verbally; I wouldn't have thought that the DA would use Imperio on eachother, even for training purposes). If only Harry had taught it when he ran the DA (he knew from experience with the fake Moody); then again I suppose he didn't think any of them would be facing magic that dark while they were still in school.

Impressive job, I am really liking the story so far. Great work ;-)

Author's Response: Wow! What a way to start a review! Or a response for that matter ;) Thankyou!

They certainly don't need the sympathy! This has geared them up for action indeed and you'll see that in the following chapters.

I seem to have some sort of affinity with Alecto, I just understand how to 'write' her quite instinctively, what that says about me I have no idea!

Another brilliant review from yourself which has made me smile from ear to ear! Thankyou so much, and I look forward to reading more from you!


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Review #12, by Dalek194Within The Heart Of The Battle: The Battle Begins

25th April 2011:
Once again, more good work. You do a good job of Alecto and her hatred of Muggles, and also of Ginny and Neville's early rebellion. I'm glad to see both Ginny back as her usual feisy, fiery self and also the students beginning to fight back.

However, the atmosphere in Hogwarts seems to change very quickly; early on you say that they had "settled happily back into life at Hogwarts", but then mention that the Carrows had threatened the Cruciatus curse. It's all very sudden. Have the Carrows already used Crucio in detentions or are they taking it slowly... for now? And how does this affect the students and teachers?

Also, in the Muggle Studies class, I'm surprised that other Gryffindors didn't stand up to Alecto too; remember that though the Silver trio (as I'm now calling them LOL) are the ringleaders of the DA, Gryffindors are brave by nature and would probably also speak out.

Can't wait to see the DA in action soon, but am worried about Ginny and Neville's detention with Alecto... you always manage to end them with an intriuging sort-of-cliffhanger, so well done! On the whole, another solid chapter, can't wait to read the next one! :-)

Author's Response: Thanks again! I must confess, I actually LOVED writing for Alecto! I think it was quite nice to explore my darker side ;)

The atmosphere I fully appreicte your comments! I have struggled! You can see from the dates on the chapters that there are huge gaps, and I was quite young and naive when I first started writing this story, that's all changed now though, so hopefully you'll find some better consistency as it progresses. The Cruciatus Curse will make an appearance, but not quite yet!

I did debate the Gryffindors reactions. We know they were severly depleted in their numbers, and I kinda felt as though they would be watching their backs so to speak, as they would be the first ones to become a target to the Carrows and Snape.

Ooh! Detention with a Carrow. I love that part of the chapter, a nice twist!

Glad you're still enjoying and still reading away!


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Review #13, by Dalek194Within The Heart Of The Battle: A Quiet Breakfast

25th April 2011:
Another good chapter. Though it is quite short and not much happens, it's always good to not rush into action and miss out everything else, and this chapter sets the scene well. The calm before the storm, as such...

Good work on the glimpse of Snape's personality you give us; it reminds us that he's both still the same sneering man he was, but he's also still on our side. That is to say, the Carrows annoy him just as much as students do. The point I was trying to make in the last review was that though he is on the right side, Snape a) had to keep his cover up, so probably wouldn't be so welcoming and b) even if he is on our side, it doesn't mean he's neccesarily nice to everyone - he'll be the same as he was before. I will keep reading to work out what you meant in the response ;-)

Overall, a good chapter with good description and realistic characters. I am really enjoying this so far, keep up the good work! :-)

Author's Response: Thanks once more for both reading and reviewing!

I found this chapter to be all filler, it just carries along to the next chapter, but doesn't split nicely to the end of ch1 and the beginning of ch3!

Snape's been so hard to write, it's unbelievable, whenever my muse abandons me you can gurantee there's something of Snape's to write next! I think as I get further through the story I seem to get him more on the nose, but it's a work in progress!

I'm glad to hear you're enjoying and look forward to reading more of your reviews in the future!


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Review #14, by Dalek194The Many Charms of Gilderoy Lockhart: The Many Charms of Gilderoy Lockhart

25th April 2011:
Nice work! Your portrayal of Lockhart is spot on; he is instantly recognisable as the full-of-himself, hopeless show off from the Chamber of Secrets, though (crucially) you don't portray him as a nasty person - just someone completely pathetic. I've never thought Lockhart was a nasty guy - he just went too far to ensure his sucess.

One thing I would say is that I think Lockhart was in Ravenclaw (rather oddly, seeing as he couldn't perform even the simplest of spells) rather than Slytherin. I think this came from a picture seen hanging in the second film, in which he was wearing Ravenclaw quidditch robes; Lockhart never came across as a Slytherin personality (I'd have thought he'd have been Hufflepuff, but there you go).

A very humourous and clever way of explaining how Lockhart achieved his "Outstanding"s; the part with the cat was particularly clever. Well done!

Author's Response: Thanks so much! It's wonderful getting such a lovely long review. I had a lot of fun writing Lockhart- I know he's a bit of an idiot, but it was interesting to try and portray that kind of character. I agree that he wasn't nasty as such- just too selfish to realise what he was doing. I think you mihgt be right about the Ravenclaw thing- other reviewers have pointed it out too. But when I wrote the story I had no idea, and I quite like him in Slytherin- he has a sly sort of cleverness and ambition.
Anyway, I'm really glad you liked it. Thanks again! :-D


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Review #15, by Dalek194A Series of Life Altering Events: Part One: Living a Dream

25th April 2011:
Interesting start. It's an interesting idea, Muggles going to Hogwarts, and whenever I've read it in other stories, just like this one, it's always American Muggles. No idea why.

So far it's pretty good - you're writing is clear and easy to read. However, the three girls are very... over the top (high fives, "sweetness", shouting, etc) and a lot is left unexplained (e.g. what about saying goodbye to their families, etc? Surely they can't just disapear for a year with no explanation?). Also, witches and wizards are born, not made; Muggles can't just be given magic, not even by Dumbledore. Still, it's an interesting concept.

Oddly enough, this story is so far very similar to another one I've read (three excitable American muggles come to Hogwarts, both the books and the story are real) except that this one was written a few years earlier than that one. I'm pleased that you didn't go with the whole "here to save the wizarding world" cliche, so good work on that.

On the whole, it's a good start, but you need to add more detail into things that happen - e.g. explaining how both the books and the Harry Potter world can be real. LOL on the Order of the Pheonix quote though... :-D

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Review #16, by Dalek194Samara Trinity: creature of the night: chapter one

25th April 2011:
Woah - a very creepy but good start. You get the gothic air of the chapter going right from the start, and maintain it throughout. It's horrible and chilling how Voldemort kills Samara's family, but in a good way as far as creating a scary story goes. I've never been a vampire fan, but this story has hooked me straight away with it's merciless shockingness, right from Voldemort's murder of Samara's mother and poor Andrew to her greif-driven attack on the hooded figures (Death Eaters?) and the revelation that she's a vampire.

Your grammar is mostly good, but remember to put a new line when someone else starts talking. Overall, a blood-chilling start, but in a good way. Nice job!

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Review #17, by Dalek194Incomplete: Incomplete

25th April 2011:
Nice fic ;-) It was really enjoyable to read, and despite it's shortness you got the message across well. I feel very sorry for poor Harry, but wonder why he didn't tell her he loved her in the first place...

I like you're writing style, it engages the reader (e.g. He tried, and tried, and tried, and…you guessed it…tried) with humour, while the story is still about heartbreak and pulls it off. The grammar is mostly good, though I spotted one small mistake;

- "he decided to write Ginny " (should be "he decided to write to Ginny")

Also at the beginning it says that he already writes to Ginny but later on it gives the impression that she is angry with him so he doesn't usually write to her.

Aside from that, this was a very good fic about heartbreak and possible redemption... any chance of a sequel? Nice work.

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Review #18, by Dalek194They're Harry and Ginny and This is Their Life.: Kissing by the Lake

25th April 2011:
Another excellent chapter! You write all of the characters really well, as JK would have done, and you also handle Harry and Ginny's reunion very sweetly; not too long and dragging, but just them relieved to be with eachother again. It could have been more detailed, but it didn't have to be and you proved that well.

So far this is one of my favourite fics from this period, and it's only been two chapters! The part where George surprises everyone and decides to move on is excellently handled - true to the characters and both heartwrenching and relieving at the same time.

Brilliant job, on the whole. Very impressive so far, I look forward to reading more!

Author's Response: Thanks so much! I just logged on to nine unanswered reviews, it's all kind of overwhelming! :)

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Review #19, by Dalek194They're Harry and Ginny and This is Their Life.: Teddy Lupin

25th April 2011:
Excellent start! You've got the entire atmosphere and feel of after the battle perfect, and it's refreshing to see an After the Battle fic that starts differently. It may have been short, but I think it works better that way in this case, and it's just generally a joy to read. You really portray the characters well and the twist, with Teddy being left in Harry's care, is very well handled, and I can't wait for the nexy chapter!

The grammar is almost perfect, which adds a lot to the story's flow. I only spotted one tiny thing;

- "Oh not, it’s not a problem" (the first not should be no)

But aside from that, this is a very promising and enjoyable start to the story; I can't wait to read more and how you handle Harry and Ginny's relationship ;-) Nice work.

Author's Response: Thank you! Sorry about the spelling thing, I write a lot of chapters at night and my brain's a bit dead by that point! Thanks for the feedback! :)

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Review #20, by Dalek194We made it through, but what’s next is a mystery: Good Morning

25th April 2011:
LOL! Typical Weasley brothers... very funny and well-handled. You got Ginny's anger spot on as well, and on the whole the grammar wasn't too bad in this chapter compared to the other either. However, it still needs some work.

Some spelling mistakes I caught were;

- "bat boogey hex him" (boogey should be bogey)

- "wrap there heads around" (there should be their)

- "answered a quite Mr. Weasley" (quite should be quiet)

- "all the Luna and Dean" (the should be that)

- "to hear the this story" (can use the or this, but not both)

It was very funny, particularly Harry's comeback to being called a loon and the fact that Mr and Mrs Weasley had been listening :-D Also well done for picking Bill and Percy as the ones who flip out the most at Ginny being in the same room as Harry most as they are the two who don't know him as well so would be less trusting than Ron and George, etc. Charlie is quite mature so good work on him being the peacekeeper. LOL with Ron when he comes down!

Overall a good, funny chapter. I look forward to seeing what will happen next... but I'm not sure why Harry would tell the entire teaching staff of Hogwarts, seeing as some of them (e.g Professor Vector) have never even taught him. All the same, more good work - the story is progressing well!

P.S. Thanks for the review on War is Over ;-)

Author's Response: Thanks for the corrections i have to fix those:) I'm glad you liked this chapter it was really fun to write. I didn't mean the whole teaching staff just those teachers Harry new and trusted. Your reveiws are amazing so Thanks!
p.s welcome for the review loved your story


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Review #21, by Dalek194Within The Heart Of The Battle: The Station

25th April 2011:
Good start! I've always felt intriuged about what happened at Hogwarts when the Golden Trio were off on their adventures (I suppose you could call Ginny, Neville and Luna the Silver trio LOL. Thinking about it, there are lots of trios in HP; Dumbledore, McGonagall and Snape, then Ernie, Hannah and Justin... sorry, off topic LOL) and this story looks like it is going to be an excellent account of that.

The one thing I would point out is that the return to Hogwarts all seems very... normal. What Snape says is pretty much the same as Dumbledore used to say but with less random moments, yet Snape speaks very differently to Dumbledore - I can't imagine Snape saying "enjoy the feast" without an air of sarcasm or sneering. Also, in the compartment, all three of them seem very relaxed considering what has happened since the Ministry has fallen.

Aside from that, though, it was very good. I like your writing style; it is easy and enjoyable to read, and I can't wait to read more! Yay, I just noticed - I get to be the 50th review! It is testament to your great work that you have recieved so many, so great work! Keep it up ;-)

Author's Response: Firstly, welcome to the story :)
Secondly, thankyou for taking time to both read and review, I really do love to find unanswered reviews when I log in!

I appreciate what you're saying about it being very normal. I think, on reflection (I wrote the first chapter about a week after the release of DH) that I am a little kind to Snape, but I have tried to correct that, or at least explain it better throughout the story. If I explain too much here it will spoil the rest of the chapters, but as a hint, all I can do is point you to the memories Harry receives from Snape in the final parts of DH! Hopefully this will explain itself lol!

Anyway, enough of my ramblings, many thanks for your review, I'm very glad you like my style and congratulations on being the 50th review!

Hope to hear from you soon on another chapter!
Thanks again,
Lily


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Review #22, by Dalek194Awake: In Dreams

25th April 2011:
Another great chapter! I like how you have a bit of everything in there - there's a hint of Harry/Ginny, a JK style of writing, a slightly creepy air... that worked really well for this chapter. The start draws in a reader immediately, and is very shocking and creepy, and though the reader always suspects it's a dream, the similarities between how Harry was acting and Voldemort are seriously creepy.

The part where youn say "He, Harry" is very JK, so good work there. I spotted a tiny grammar thing;

- "were seated father down" (father should be further)

Also, maybe the dream sequence could have been separated from the rest of the story with a bigger gap after it finishes (before "Harry sat bolt upright in his bed"). Finally, I think (as Madame Pomfrey says in the Chamber of Secrets that she can fix broken bones in a second) that as it is now the next day, Ginny wouldn't need to wear a cast by now.

But these are only small and insignifiacant things, and the chapter as a whole is excellent. Also, a quick thanks for submitting War is Over's 50th review (sorry, I forgot to mention that in the author's response) and, oddly enough, this review happens to be my 333rd LOL. Statistics galore.

Keep up the good work, I am really enjoying it! This era (just after Order of the Pheonix) is widely covered but so far your story is definately a unique idea that is working well. Great job!

Author's Response: I love your extremely thorough reviews! They make me feel so special!

I love writing my HPFF around the fifth year. I know there's a lot of writing around that time, but the fifth book is my favorite, and I have so many little "what if's" based on that story. My first full length stories, I actually wrote before HBP came out, so they are set in 6th and 7th year. I feel like that is when a lot of other people started writing too.

Oh thanks for finding my errors, too! I don't proof read very well, lol.


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Review #23, by Dalek194We made it through, but what’s next is a mystery: Always have Always will

24th April 2011:
Good work on this chapter; it was powerful, very powerful. The emotion in it that you use to such great effect speaks volumes, and this was a much better chapter than the last. The passion and meaning behind Harry and Ginny's words really hit home and you have shown true understanding of them, particularly when Ginny said about trying to be brave (which is exactly what she usually does).

The part at the end is very funny and yet very real at the same time... good work there to use the humour laced with threat (or the other way around LOL) to good effect. I still see elements of a classic "After the Battle" there but this chapter you have really made the story and characters your own - a really powerful (emotion-wise) chapter.

The grammar still isn't perfect though, and this detracts from the experience. You need capital letters every time someone starts talking as well as at the start of normal senetences (e.g. "we do have rules though Potter" - the "we" needs a capital "W") and maybe more commas. Careful where you do put commas; put in the wrong place they can make a sentence sound odd and awkward.

Appart from the grammar, though, this chapter was a good one. It had progressed well since the last one and the standard is definately higher. I like the moments you create, such as the first 2 paragraphs, Kingsley's short conversation and Ginny's feared Bat-Bogey hex!

I am interested to see where you go from here so I will keep reading; keep the good stuff coming! It would be much appreciated, if you had the time, if you could take a quick look at my story War is Over - it is also set After the Battle and I'd love to get the opinion of a writer who also writes the same type of story. Thanks in advance, and good work!

Author's Response: Your reviews are wonderful:) I love Harry/Ginny so writing them usually comes so easy. Agian I know my grammar is horrific I really need a Beta.
p.s im going to read your story right now:)


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Review #24, by Dalek194We made it through, but what’s next is a mystery: The Morning After

24th April 2011:
Not bad - I like the way that you had Harry confiding in McGonagall. Also, unlike many "After the battle" stories, you don't have Harry reconciling with Ginny straight away, in the first chapter, so good decision using it as the base for a sort-of cliffhanger instead.

That said, the punctuation isn't perfect and that has the effect of making some sentences seem too long, which stops the story from flowing. The chapter title could have been more original (then again, it's not part of the story so doesn't really matter) and I recognised elements of other stories in the beginning. That said, stories set after the battle will usually have similar beginnings, as (unless you do something unusual and drastic) there's not much else you can do.

On the whole, though, it looks interesting and there are lots of encouraging signs. Maybe sort the grammar out a bit (it's more lack of commas and capital letters than spelling) but besides from that, a good solid start. I look forward to reading on to see how you build on that.

Author's Response: I know my grammar is horrid i really have to work on it when i get the time
Thanks for the review


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Review #25, by Dalek194Awake: The First Signs

24th April 2011:
More great work! I am really enjoying this story, and the chapter length so far is adding to the atmosphere rather than detracting from it.

It's written really well, with as much detail and description as JK would use, and the slightly atmospheric, creepy feel of this chapter when Harry feels the surge of anger is perfectly handled. Harry's typical sense of self-blame is spot on, and the whole story itself just feels like part of the whole Harry Potter story. Once again, fabulous work. Keep it up!

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