awwwawww!!! That's so sweeet! I was always so sad that Colin died, and this makes me feel so much better.
10/10Author's Response: Awww thank you so much! Colin's death always hit me hard whenever I read it so I thought writing this would help my sanity:) Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! Report Review
Just read this story from cover to cover, and I love it! (Got it as a recommendation from jynx)
Pandora is a great name choice! I know a bit about Greek mythology, and how Pandora breaks and opens the box mirrors how the girl breaks and becomes a death eater... Just my thought. jynx had said something about a lightbulb... I can't quite remember now, but she's been reading over my shoulder and she says she likes Pandora alot too.
10/10! (jynx's new vote is 10/10 too) Report Review
lovvveee it! I'm still cracking up because you named the snakey Earl. LOL
10/10 keep on goin'! Report Review
Wonderful chap, love how you kept the twins together!!! !
Tiny note, the little part about Harry's family right after he gave her a hug, isn't that a little superfluous? I mean, no offense, we all kinda know about the Dursleys and Sirius, cuz, well Harry's the main character and all.
And another note;
"(All the Weasley brothers were at home because Charlie..." that part's more of a thing to put in the A/N section. cuz it's not dialogue, and it's just like giving us a little too much info. Or maybe you could find a way to slip the fact that's they're all home into some dialogue.
it's gettin' good, write more!Author's Response: well ya I agree with that charlie thing.
I was going to put up a dialogue for that but i was in a hurry so dint elaborate much.
Il take care of that in further chaps...
N plz check ur mailbox...there is a request
thanks for the review.;) Report Review
I really love your writing style! Keep it up, I wanna know what happens to 'mione! Report Review
Very interesting chapter! Your descriptions are a little brief, so for people like me who read fast I tend to skip over little bits and get confused.
I'm a little confused on whose POV it is. Steve, McG, or general, cuz it seemed like we got into a little bit of everyone's brain, or was that just me?
all in all, I'm likin' it, and keep on writing!Author's Response: Hi Sev, thanks for the review. I'll go back over the story and see what can be corrected. Report Review
Me likey! once again it's really good how you put little bits of summary but not too much, its a really fine line to walk and I always have trouble. You've got it down! One tiny thing, I wanna know a little more character outa Riya. She's sweet and all, but I don't so much beyond that because everything's been about expliaining the witch thing. Has she ever been on a plan before? Is she scared of heights? Does she like cracking jokes, the little "knows" all add up into character (totally quoting a friend right there lol)
I really like, but don't forget to tell us what Riya thinks of everything! (and a few extra spaces or forgotten letters here and there, but not much of a problem, everyone has a few of those)
can't wait to read more!Author's Response: Thanks for the review!
I am almost done with the next chap and it includes quite a lot about Riya...
I have put up a song fic too ...
hope you like the next chap too.
keep reading :):):) Report Review
I have this funny feeling he's gonna go into Gryffindor, am I right? :D I see it's a crossover of some sort? You were talking about the tomorrow people in your other review. not a bad chapter, but please update soon.Author's Response: I'm not saying at the moment about the house. But what I'll say is this (since you appear to know about the tomorrow people) the person concerned has been sent to find a fellow tomorrow person who is about to break out and also has extraordinary powers (which I will not go into just now since it would spoil the story). Thanks for the review. I'm working on the next chapter just now. Report Review
dun dun dun! What's harry doing now? Can't wait for the next chapter!Author's Response: Thanks for the review. I will try and update soon. Report Review
oh, sounds interesting! I once watched a crappy movie about a dude living the day over and over again. V cool!
PS: u asked me about jynx in your last review. what about her?Author's Response: I think the film your refering to is Groundhog Day. In a way I got the idea for this story from it.
The reason I was asking about Jynx was because like yourself I have not heard from her for sometime. And I do like to hear from my first reviewers every now and then. Thanks for this review. Report Review
Yet another nice chapter. Riya's mother's dialogue was a little long and unnatural. (Imagine if that would ever happen in real life), but I think that's easily fixed by including Hermione in the conversation. I see how your trying to give all of Alice's history, so we understand, but leave us some work to do! Let us gather some clues and piece a few details together our selves.
A few factual errors; the Potter family was pureblood, never divorced (it was unheard of in the 60's), and we know for a fact there was only James (and Sirius stayed). But of course, this is a *fanfiction* so do whatever you want. And I guess the part about talking with McGonagall is okay... Hermione's a good enough person to introduce the Swans to the wizarding world. (But patronuses were usually reserved for emergencies, and owls aren't hard to find.)
Personally I thought the part about the sketching in her sleep was a little "stetchy." (eh heh heh heh). Performing actions while asleep don't involve such intimate actions, people asleep perform actions they barely think about when awake. eg; walking down the stairs, turning on the car. drawing in your sleep is a pyschological no-no; impossible. Your motor controls aren't so closely mapped out by your dreams, and even if it could happen, then Riya would have noticed she's having an awfully lot of art dreams.
Common sense plot hole; if Alice said she hid the sketches from Riya all this time and Riya never knew of them, why would she reveal them now? More importantly; why in the world did she hide them in the first place? Let Riya know she's magical instead of forcing her into muggle habits.
Another factual error; parents don't initiate contact with Hogwarts. Hogwarts will send the child a letter when they are eleven. And owls are easy to obtain (the Swan's must *surely* know some wizards!)
and lastly, some confusion; you do state that Alice takes Hermione upstairs to the photo albums, but you say it so briefly at the beginning that the reader forgets where they are and start to wonder what Riya is thinking of this conversation, because wasn't she just in the living room? Easily fized by occasionally adding what people are doing with their hands, did they stand up, from where, etc...
All in all, a nice chapter (I just go over board in my reviews :D)
Write more, I think this will be an interesting story!Author's Response: hi,
thanks for the suggestions.This is the first time I have ever written something and i guess, i haven't executed my idea well.
And yes i know the potter family was completely pureblood but i just made a small change its not much mentioned about James parents in JKR's book..
The sketching part,well i guess i wasn't successful in executing it well though.My actual meaning was that she makes dark sketches which are rough.Well Riya is a bit weird much more gifted than a normal witch the reason for this will be revealed in the later chaps, thats what makes Alice worried.Alice hid the sketches because Riya herself was scared of her dreams,Alice didn't want to scare her more.Now that she will be going to hogwarts,Alice will tell her about the sketches, which is included in my next chapter.. And Alice had left all her connections with magical world so she was not sure if anyone from hogwarts will contact her,she herself wanted to contact someone as soon as possible.And Albert is a muggle according to Alice (which is not the truth though, you will get to know that later).so they don't have wizard friends.
I guess i have cleared your doubts. I will try my best to improve next time.
i still need suggestions.so keep reading.
thanks for reviewing.:):):) Report Review
Cool so far, I like your writing style a lot, you summarize a little so readers get a grasp, but not too much that there's no action in the story. Really good!
Funny thing; there's another user here; Riya Potter, and she's from India and names all her main character's Riya too, I think that's so funny! (Maybe it's just me that finds that amusing)Author's Response: well she is a very good friend of mine. The name of my character is Riya because i like this name a lot and Riya potter has no objections so far.
well i am happy you liked this chap. please keep reading. hope you like the next chap too.
thanks again :):):) Report Review
berry' berry' good! I love a nice long chapter. Now give me more. Now. Before I eat your emotions. :D
10/10Author's Response: Ahh! But then I'll be too depressed to write and it'll take even longer for a new chapter! (But I LOVE LOVE LOVE the fact that you made a reference to my story! That makes me feel FANTASTIC)
Thanks for the best review I've recieved in ages!
~TFM Report Review
your chapters aren't near long enough (pouts)
go sybil! don't forget to check for errors (those stupid sticky keys), and everything is going awsome! update soon please!!!
omg I need to get some sleep.
10/10Author's Response: Hi again. I know, but I fear that if I put in to long a chapters all the time I might wonder a bit from the main story and people will lose interest. But I'll see what I can do about a long chapter every now and then. I'm glad your still enjoying the story. Will try and update soon. Report Review
Hello, an avid reader of yours - jynx - who I know in person, has commanded I make a banner for your story. I've read it all, and I must say, it's very well written. black moon 1209 @ hotmail . com
email me, and we can discuss the banner, if you want me to make it.
PS; 10/10 for the story, very very very nicely done. Report Review
Me likey! It's really getting good. Telawney is going to be a nutter like usual, right?Author's Response: Hello my friend, long time no hear. Sorry your going to have to wait a day or two. The next chapter is already going through validation. Glad that your still enjoying it. Thanks for the review. Feel free to read some of my other stuff. I've added a story or two and also chapters since I last heard from you. Report Review
It's cute, but brief and I want to know more!Author's Response: thanks...
I know it's brief but I have no time to write more. Already my two stories are ongoing... anyways, I'll think of writing more.. thanks for yet another review... reviews make my day.
Keep reading... :) Report Review
McGonagall's "your powers" dailouge was a little choppy and unrealistic. I think the term for talking without moving your lips is called being a ventrilaquist (spelling not right); McGonagall is a very smart woman, she would know this term. Also, since M is saying such a surprising and controversial thing, this stranger would naturally interupt with the usual "thats impossible" (at least, I know *I* would do that). And also... I think that spell's a little unrealistic but thats just a side note.
I really like this chapter (and how you've tied in James) and hope you right more soon!!!
PS: check your latin, that name is... a tad english sounding, you could make it sound a little more scientific sounding with maybe an alternate more latin-y sounding word for superior? Food for thought, your chapters are food. Feed me.Author's Response: Hi again. There was a childrens programme on in the 1970's and also in the 1990's called the tomorrow people and the powers that they displayed were the same as the one's that I mentioned here. And the name Homo Superior also comes from that programme. If you like sci fi programmes there is a tomorrow people fanfiction site. Just google tomorrow people. And if you get a chance watch one or two of the programmes on youtube. Thanks agfain for the review, I'll try and update soon. Report Review
A very good chapter, with a very nice plot thickener, but I have a few comments. You write your action very breifly. It would be clearer to us the readers if you somehow try to elongate these segments, such as with the thoughts of characters, or more detailed descriptions of the surroundings. :D
Great story!Author's Response: Hello stranger. I see what your saying. I'll maybe go back over it later and expand on what's already there (watch this space). Many thanks for the review. Report Review
That's so sweet!!! You've deviated from the canon plotline a bit, but that's just fine. I LOVE THIS!Author's Response: Thankyou so much... I'm glad you liked it. Please R/R my other stories too... reviews like your's make my day.
Keep reading... :) Report Review
Lovely chapter, and I can't wait for more!
I'm pretty sure it's spelled 'Auror' not 'Aura'.
You didn't mention Ade's house. Don't tell me your saving the surprise for next chapter! *(gives stern look)* They would have seen Ade being called up, last name, and house. Personally, when I make a new friend, I keep track of them. I want to know where you've put him!
Keep writing!Author's Response: I'll edit and correct the mistake at once my friend. Glad you enjoyed the chapter. Next chapter going through validation as I type, posted it yesterday so should be up by the end of the month. Report Review
The gaps are still there, but it's another great chapter and keep it up! Report Review
A good start! I always love the vamp-ish stories, so keep it up!
Oh, and btw, you have these HUGE spaces between every paragraph. Is that intentional?Author's Response: i don't know what happens to it, every time i put it in with 1 or 2 spaces, it adds in about 4 more . i will try for the next one to fix it :) Report Review
Update soon. Very interesting! 10/10Author's Response: Hi Sev. Thanks again for reviewing I'll try not to dissapoint you. Will update soon. Report Review
Dean? But Dean's back story is that his father was killed by Death Eaters and lives with his muggle mother and her new hubby!
Neville's a pureblood though...
Just food for thought.
10/10Author's Response: You have to remember Sev that this is an alternative reality fdor Harry and the others. All will (hopefully) become clear later on in the story. Thanks again for the rating. Report Review
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