I don't blame you. It's all the flaws in typical Draco / Hermione stories. (I respect the separation of names unless it sounds really awesome or is completely crazy i.e Dumble-Trix or Hermi-Mort)
This is why I got into Draco / Hermione romance. To challenge myself and prove to all the doubters that a realistic Hermione / Draco romance could exist without most of the typical and overused / unrealistic things that happen.
(Head boy / girl with Ron cheating on her just as she finds out she is really an adopted pure blood. Oh ... and is totally hot now)
But I do plan on writing one with the head boy / girl in it to see if it could happen or will it be all whistful looks and torn hearts with Hermione choosing Ron in the end.
In any case, a brilliant job, but really. you should have added a much longer description of just how much those tight, matte black leather pants emphasized Draco's strong and slender legs as the silvery light shone onto his tears, making them the same colour as his stormy grey orbs.
Brilliant work. I love it
Love PepperAuthor's Response: I can respect that, that's why I personally normally write minor characters; in order to challenge myself.
However some of the cliches in dramione make me want to throw myself off a cliff.. you know?
You're right! I should have added more to slender legs and grey orbs!
Glad you liked it! Report Review
Oh my goodness.
This is really non-sensical, overly descriptive and way too long.
It is AWESOME!
Definitely a strong contender for the "Worst Story Ever" title.
Love PepperAuthor's Response: Hahah thank you! I am glad you enjoyed it. I had fun writing it for sure :] Report Review
Rolled of into the sunset, nice.
This is pretty bad, but I think your descriptions let you down. They let you down because they are actually good.
Good luck in the challenge.
Love PepperAuthor's Response: Every great love story has to end with the couple rolling off into the sunset. ;)
It's hard making everything so horrible- I might go back and edit that eventually, make it a bit more cheesy and ridiculous and all that. But I tried my best with this challenge. :)
Thank you for reading and reviewing. Report Review
This is pretty bad. But It is grammatically correct and spelled well. I like it but I think it could have been worse, the descriptions are just too good.
I know, it is a sad day when a compliment could actually be an insult.
Good Luck in the Challenge!
Love PepperAuthor's Response: Indeed it is a sad day. It's weird to be happy about people saying your story was terrible :P
I'm glad you liked it. I did originally want to make the grammar and whatnot terrible as well, but I just couldn't do it. It made my eye twitch :P Report Review
This is pretty bad, but I've seen worse. Good luck with the challenge!
Love PepperAuthor's Response: Hahaha..I don't think I could go worse..it was hard enough doing it this bad =P Thanks =D Report Review
This is terrible, I mean really terrible.
This is a shoe in for at least top 3 of the worst story ever challenge. Hope this inspires you to greater things.
Love PepperAuthor's Response: Haha, aww, thanks! While it would be nice, I don't want to get my hopes up--there's some REALLY awesome stories for the challenge! Report Review
Ummm theres not much actual narrative here, just plot paraphrasing, but that is pretty bad. I might need to make some adjustments to mine.
Love PepperAuthor's Response: Lol I know! I was reading over others and I was like Oh! Mine has like no dialogue. So then that's how it became a short story (:
(But I wonder if in a way that makes it even worse... hmm... *scratches invisible goatee*)
Thanks for reviewing though Pepper! Report Review
Oh it is wonderfully trash-tacular! I'm going to have to step up my awfulness game to beat you!
Love PepperAuthor's Response: Haha oh thank you! Some of them are even worse, so I wish I'd made mine even more of a trainwreck! :) Report Review
I like the story, but I feel somewhat unresolved by the ending. Does she realise she loves him? Does he care for her? Or are they two friends finally glad to see each other again after a long absence?
But that is also part of the appeal, you can interpret it any way you like.
Excellent spelling and grammar, nice flow, I enjoyed it.
Love PepperAuthor's Response: Hi there, and thank you for the review! I actually meant for the ending to come across as vague and unresolved that it did. Like you said, part of the fun is being left wondering whether or not she loves him? Does she know it?
Thanks again for taking the time to stop by and review! Report Review
Hello and Merry late Christmas! I've been away for the past few weeks with the only internet that I had acess to being my iPhone. anyway on to your review.
The story seems cute and I like the spelling and grammar. I can see where this is going and hopefully how it will end up. Just a few side notes for you:
I really don't think a person would be famous in both the magical and muggle worlds (as the muggles would inevitably follow them and then catch said person doing magic at some point thereby breaking the statute of secrecy)
Also Albus seems to swing from shy loner, unsucessful with girls to confident stud (or at least the persona of one) and makees believing him as a character a bit more difficult. Perhaps if you spent some time in his thoughts like "I'll try what Scorpius / James does, they seem sucessful with the girls." or Because they aren't good at showing their "real" self they become a bit of a sleaze because they don't wish to show the real them and risk getting hurt. If they get rejected then its the persona not them that is rejected.
I like Kris though, she seems confident, quirky and interesting.
Keep up the good worl, Love Pepper Report Review
Hi! Thank you for participating in my challenge! Here is A Pepper Finn Review for you!
Pacing: Seems nice and steady, I can see where this will lead.
Spelling and Grammar: Nothing I spotted, good work on that front.
Characterisation: Seems ok, we didn't really get a look at anyone from this brief chapter
All in all not a bad story - I'm fairly sure that this will end up in a triangle. But a big point of my challenge was to avoid cliches and you have got two of the biggest in here: Hermione / Draco Heads and Draco / Hermione sharing a dorm.
Also on an acuracy point: DVD players had started becoming popular around 1997 so Hermione may have had one, but regardless, electronics do not work at Hogwarts. The magic interferes with it. Even if it did, there are no plugs for them at Hogwarts. And if Draco watched 4/5 dvds (assuming each goes for an hour and a half and he came back to the room after dinner at about 7), it means its one or two in the morning when Hermione comes in.
I hope I'm not to harsh (But I do strive to be accurate). Good luck in the competition!
Love PepperAuthor's Response: Not harsh at all. The prologue was a little hard for me, because I knew where I wanted it to go, and it was getting there that was hard. And I'd already kind of written this out when I took on the challenge, so I used that sort of as a motivation if you want to call it?
Anyway, thank you for taking the time to review, and, as bad as this sounds, I'm not expecting to win. I mean, started the story before it was a competition, and now, I have motivation to finish it, and whenever it finally gets finished (its going on much much longer than I originally thought) I will just be happy to have finished a fic that is this long.)
Thanks again! Report Review
This totally reminds me of a mid ninties Australian romantic comedy called "Dating the enemy" with Guy Pearce and Claudia Karvan. What will they do to keep up appearances? How long til they switch back? Will they get a better understanding of each other? So many questions.
Love PepperAuthor's Response: Oooo I like guy/girl switchy movies and I haven't heard of that one so I might check it out, thanks! =D Ahah, questions indeed, you shall have to read to find out! Muhahaha! Thank you so much for your review!!! Report Review
I LOVE it! It really makes me laugh at all the fantastic describtions of the cliches we Draco /Hermione writers are guilty of (I am guilty of extensive descriptions and Hermione looks elegant but not out of character hot.)
Thanks for the healthy does of humour and self reflection.
Love PepperAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! I am guilty of extensive description too, most of us are ;). Report Review
Pacing: seems ok.
Spelling and Grammar: Nothing I spotted, good work on that front.
Characterisation: Maybe I'm not clear or haven't read something but why is her last inital F? doesn't she take on her husbands name? Has he changed his name?
Flow: First chapter - no comment
All in all not a bad story - but if you hadn't described where you got your idea from I would ot know where this was going. Not bad - keep up the good work
Love PepperAuthor's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing so quickly! Glad to see that there weren't any glaring issues. I guess I'll just have to keep doing what I'm doing then? Hahaha thanks again :) Report Review
Pacing: Great, I was enthralled the whole time I was reading, never waiting impaitently for the next part or missing anything because it jumped too fast. Great job!
Spelling and Grammar: If there were any I was too wrapped up in reading to notice!
Characterisation: Not so sure about Bellatrix - would she dare contaminate herself with a muggle so close? but She isn't Bella - Trix for no reason. Could this new muggle be her new trick?
Flow: Seems to fit ok - was the battle near the leaky cauldren?
Wow. Just wow. It was dnagerous, action packed, dark and a little bit well sexy. I'm in love. What an amazing piece of work. Will this be your tour de force? maybe!Author's Response: Thanks for the review, Bella just isnt quite right to me just yet. Still tweaking. Thanks for the great review! Report Review
Pacing: Good pace - I can feel where this is going yet I'm not too impaitent to rush there, I want to see where you are leading me.
Spelling and Grmmar: I can not fault it. No akward sentances, no visable spelling mistakes. well done!
Characterisation: If Valentina is a Slytherin, why is she helping her squib sister? I get a feeling that she is more than meets the eye. I'm not really getting too much of a feel for either as this was more of a set up chapter than a big showy action chapter. But I can feel like they are still waters - running deep.
Flow - it seems to flow quite naturally from the previous chapter.
All in all a great start but it leaves me curious and wanting more and waiting for the next chapter. congratulations!Author's Response: Yay, thanks for the review. From what you're saying it seems that I am making the general impression that I want to make.
Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing! I may be back at your review thread once the next chapter gets validated ^^
/Jolly Report Review
Pacing: Pacing seems to go ok. I'm a little shocked she slapped him, didn't see it comming (to be fair I only read chapter 4 and 5). I'm kinda sure what this will build to but I'm not exactly sure what steps will happen to get there.
Grammar and Spelling: Spelling seems ok. A few awkward sentances (mainly the words used, example: "I wonder where my dad is…not…the only time of day when you can find him in the kitchen is when the food is ready for him to be devoured. He is probably currently launching on the sofa in the living room watching Quidditch" (Possibly you meant Lounging?"))
Characterisation: I felt the character we are in (Rose) seems a bit vain and egocentric, very much a teenage girl (we all were :).) Due to the limitted interaction with other characters it is hard to see how everyone is and how they are developing. With mixed dialogue scenes featuring more than two people you need to interject who is saying what occasionally to help the reader keep track of who is saying what to who.
Flow: It fits in well with the previous chapter, I can see a triangle forming (you know what I mean) nice set up.
Details: In "Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them" (Extra Harry Potter related book) people can't use electronic devices because magic interferes with it too much, so no big screen tv. Also the dialogue feels Americanised and Harry Potter and company live in the UK.
From reading this story I get the feeling you are a new writer. I like what you are putting together, just be mindful of the setting you are using and try to really let us get to know your characters. But will things hot up between Rose and Juan? Will mini Malfoy get jealous? Only you will tell (or write more acutrately)
Love PepperAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for your detailed review =) I really need the criticism to improve my writing.
Yes, I am a new writer and also neither american nor english, but german, thus my english is not very good :S
The lack of interaction came to my attention as well and I am really trying to change that in the oncoming chapters.
xoxo Sara Report Review
I like the idea of it, that Draco and Hermione aren't in love (yet) and will have to get to know one another and find small things to pretend to be in love with.
A few minor spelling and grammatical errors pulled me out of the world you had created, but all in all not bad. Also according to JK Rowling one galleon is the equal to 3 British pounds (Quidditch Through the Ages as source material)
Its a good and original set up. I can't wait to see what you do with it.
Love PepperAuthor's Response: im glad that you like the way the story has started out, and thank you for those minor corrections.
hope that you continue to read and that you like it even more :)
-WP Report Review
I want to say I'm really enjoying this story. I'm writing one at the moment and know how hard it can be to find the right flow. You have the idea of where it will end up but getting there is a little more difficult. You however have a really great flow and are doing an amazing job and I want to "Thank You" for sharing your ideas and vision with us here.Author's Response: Dear Pepper Finn,
It is me who says Thank You for the great review! Reading such a review I feel it is worth writing :)
I'm so glad you find the story entertaining :)
I've seen you have two Dramiones, I'll read them when I have some time!
Hugs xxx Report Review
I loved it and I can't wait for the next part. I especially like how you allude to his having loved her before. keep up the good work Report Review
Interesting concept, nicely executed. I would have loved to have a bit more depth to the characters but when you think about the actual HP series, how much depth has Ron got? Waiting paitently for the next installment. Report Review
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