Review swap! Sorry for the long wait but it was quite late yesterday and I had to make my homework today.
I found it really interesting to see this was a Helga/Salazar as one I love minor pairings and two I recently wrote an Helena/Salazar. A different pairing I know, but I was curious how you portrayed Salazar Slytherin.
I loved the fact he acknowledged she wasnít the most beautiful woman around, as in a lot of stories the main characters Ďloveí is the most beautiful woman he has ever seen and I liked the fact he said it was the same in her youth. So I was quite surprised to see he has a wife, but it does make much sense for that time period. So kudos on that!
To be honest with you I found the style of writing a bit annoying, with you cutting things out and such. Iím sure others would love it but it isnít something I personally enjoy much. So you shouldnít behave it on my behalf or anything haha.
Well done! A tip for you though would be to get a banner.
CleopatraAuthor's Response: Hi Cleopatra! Thank you so much for the swap!
I'm a huge Founders fan, and it's the genre that comes most naturally for me when I write. So I've been playing with this pairing a lot. I might have to look at your Helena/Salazar sometime; that seems like it would be really interesting.
I didn't find it realistic for Helga to be beautiful, honestly. I mean, Rowena was described as the beautiful one, and it's like you said; all women can't be attractive. I figured that their love would be based on much more than looks. And I included their spouses to show that a happy ending is not possible for Helga and Salazar as a couple.
I mean, I figured the style might not be everyone's thing. I wanted their thoughts to complete each other, so I wrote part of a sentence from one point of view and finished it from another. It's just the way it flowed while I was writing. I really appreciate an honest opinion, because I wasn't sure how it would go over.
Thanks again for coming! I appreciate your time, and I'm so glad I got to read your story as well :)
--Maggie Report Review
So you decided to write a story about a ghoul? Well if that isnít unique I wouldnít know what is so I knew I had to definitely check it out to see how you would make it work.
You know us ghoulís are often over looked; those imbecile humans always thinking we have inferior intelligence to them, always underestimate their reliance on us.
I thought you started epic. I really loved your first sentence. I mean it is truly a human thing to think we are more intelligent than other creatures and it is something we are able to see in the Harry Potter magical world. Look how Umbridge for example treats Hagrid or the treatement of goblins. So kudos for that awesome sentence.
I thought this was quite funny but I did find the part ď I was on course to win Best Actor at the Academy AwardsĒ unrealistic because correct me if Iím wrong but that is a muggle thing and Iím sure a ghoul would not know a thing about that. So perhaps I should change the name around a bit. Something a bit more magical. But it seemed like a funny thing to me. A ghoul who wanted to became an actor. But you never know. I never gave them much thought so I loved the fact you wrote about something so minor and next to that it fitted the idea perfectly. After all, otherwise it would be quite difficult when the death eaters and such would come to see what exactly going on with Ron Weasley.
A really unique idea. Well done! Though I would recommend a bannerAuthor's Response: Ha yeah, a lot of people have been saying it's an unique idea, which seems strange, as someone else must have written about before, oh well I'm glad that you found it unique, as I do get bored of repititive stories!
I'm glad that you loved the first sentence, as I find that's the key thing about a story! Umbridge is a great example, on how badly treated magical creatures are, as Hagrid and goblins and all other magical creatures really are awesome!
Yeah it is a muggle thing, but I put it in as I figured that there was really no acting equivilant in the wizard world, and he really wanted to crack the muggle world, so I thought it sounded ok, but your suggestion is good, and I may change it:)
Yeah I always did think the ghoul must have been a pretty good actor to convince the death eaters, so I guess having his life long dream of becoming one, made the death eaters believe it was Ron!
Thanks for the lovely review, I have actually requested a banner in the dark arts, except no ones agreed to do it yet :( So one should hopefully be on its way soon! Report Review
Hi Siriusly89! This is Cleopatraa here with her review swap :D
Well first thing first I would recommend getting a banner at TDA as a lot of people donít tend to read stories without a banner. Next to that your there isnít a gap between your first and second alinea.
I could see Oliver Wood definitely do this later on in life. The job fits him perfectly and this is the first where I read a story where the main character has this job.
I like the fact you have chosen to write about a character like Oliver Wood, who is a minor character, though a popular minor character, still a minor character.
The story seems pretty sweet to me! Keep up the good work!Author's Response: Thank you so much! :D
I have posted a request for a banner, but I kind of mucked it up, so I don't think anyone will fill it for me. . . . .ah well! I can always try again at a later stage! :D
I'm glad you like the concept of the story, I was worried people wouldn't take to it :D
Thanks again! Report Review
This story sounds really interesting. It was quite different and a very enjoyable read. I am now wondering what just happened to your character and who she exactly is. Interesting idea that you let someone replace someone else, instead of just getting a new girl. I really liked Charlieís character. Your characterization of her was wonderful.Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I'm super glad you think it sounds interesting and different, and that you liked Charlie's character!
Courtney:) Report Review
Iíll admit Iím not a huge Lily/Snape fan, but I have no problems with them if they are written well. So why would I decide to read this you may wonder? Well I liked your summary and afterwards I took a glance at your characters and decided to check it out despite the pairing. I really thought this was excellent. Like you I never was a big fan of Lily. Perhaps like you said because she was the perfect mother/wife/girlfriend. Writers always made her seem to perfect ( or always screaming at James Potter before she falls in love with him). While I admit Iím not a huge fan of Snape either. I do respect him in a way. Well who canít respect him if we are going to be honest. You wrote this really well and the emotion in this piece was just perfect. I also liked the way you portrayed her. The fact she would want to take revenge. The fact she wanted power. Their friendship would make more sense. I mean they were friends for so long. Neext to magic there must be other things that bonded them. As you can see I liked this, which says a lot as Iím not a fan of this ship. Well done!Author's Response: hey there!
I always get really fuzzy inside when I manage to attract readers to something they would usually avoid :3
Thank you for giving the story a chance despite your doubts! I actually removed the Lily/Snape from the pairings now, because, well, it's not really a ship, is it? I guess the story is more about Lily and also about Snape. I tried to define them against eachother, sure, but it's just not a romance. I guess it sort of worked, so thank you for the encouragement :)
Thinking about it, I'd probably say my spin is not all that canon-realistic because, as I got from the books, Snape was attracted to Lily specifically because she was so different from him. And as tragic as that is as a story, I find it more interesting if people become friends because they actually have something in common. And also, I find Rowling's take on Lily to not be very, uh, well - feminist. Her death basically defines the character arcs of two male characters and we never do find out anything else about her except that she was nice and that she really, really loved Harry.
Thanks for the swap and for such a wonderful review! Cheers!
I find the idea you have here unique. I mean I have seen stories where authors speak directly to the readers but this is really unique. To me atleast. I havenít seen anything like it yet. I like the fact you gave every one of them their own piece and their pieces were fitting. But for some reason I wasnít fond of Lilyís piece. I mean you didnít make her perfect or anything, but I liked her piece the least. No idea why. Perhaps it wasnít really my thing. Anyway I wanted to say I liked the fact you gave them all faults and virtues, as a lot of people have to tendency to portray the death ( even in literature) different. I noticed a steady line in this story. Each story became better and better in my opinion. Peter had my favourite piece followed by Sirius , which was quite strange because I have no fondness for him. I liked the fact that you mentioned that he was a marauder and the parts about the true Peter.
So anyway I liked this one-shot. I would not wish to read a novel in this style of writing though. But for this one-shot and topic it was really fitting. You truly did make it work and I want to applaud you for that because it must be extremely difficult to do so. I would never be able to get such a result ( if a result at al haha).Author's Response: Hi m'dear! I'm so happy this felt unique to you. I just... I have these moments when I think about it and i get so sad. And I know it's silly because they aren't real and they never were but it doesn't feel like that. I guess I just wanted to tell everyone else what I was feeling, and make them feel as sad as I did, hahah.
Maybe Lily's was too much on the descriptive side? Hers has the most imagery, and sometimes that can get sort of annoying. If you ever figure out just what you didn't like about it, I'd love to know so I can figure out if it's something I don't like either!
Peters piece felt the best to write. He doesn't get his chance often and he's ignored too much. But he *was* one of them, and him and myself have made our own bit of peace with what he did. I'm so happy you liked his section ♥
I don't think I would ever want to read a novel in this style either. It would be exhausting, wouldn't it?
Thank you so much for this wonderful review ♥ Report Review
Iím not really a Lily/James shipper, donít care much about the pairing to be honest, but Iíve read your writing in the past and I know for a fact that you are an amazing writer so I thought why not. If someone can make me like a story with this story the obvious choice would be you, especially considering the fact your summary intrigued me and I must say you didnít disappoint.
I liked the way your character saw hatred it was such an unique take on it and in a way quite Gryffindorish. But the same went for all of Lilyís believes. It was rare to see her portrayed this way or the mention of things, like Petuniaís normality stuff, while are still canon are yet never mentioned. Atleast in the stories Iíve read featuring Lily. So bravo on that. You made Lily ( and James for that part) truly stand out among the others. It was canon yet unique. The both of them were quite fascinating.
This was a rather long one-shot but yet I didnít really notice it. You did an excellent job and to be honest with you it is too bad there was not more. Once again wonderfull!Author's Response: It's not really a Lily/James story, rather more of a pre-Lily/James story, a way of slowly bringing the characters together. Writing this has helped me see the ship in a better light, as something plausible and natural, the very things fanon often neglects to take into account. Thank you so much for the compliments about my writing! It's lovely of you to say that! And it means a lot that my stories work for those who don't necessarily like the ships or the characters. I really enjoy being able to depict these things in a new way and making readers rethink their expectations about them. :)
*blushes* That's exactly what I wanted to do with Lily in this story! Well, it's not what I originally set out to do, but after writing that first section, I knew that the focus would be more on Lily than on the ship. It's about her psychological development and her navigation through the strange ambiguities of her life as a Muggleborn, a teenager, and - if you want to take it a step further - her role as the object of two wizards' desire. There's still so much that can be done with Lily's character, if only more authors would take a chance.
Thank you again for your lovely review! ^_^ Report Review
Such an interesting idea you have here. Iíve not read anything like that before and it is rather a shame. You always see how the main characters deal in this period so it is nice to see how someone, who isnít in the order or a death eater, wants to contribute in a way. Especially the way it happened. After the death of her son. Her motives are different yet I think most people would contribute after such an event like this would happen . Not everyone is as brave as the Weasleys. I like the way your characterized her. Especially when she didnít want to send her daughters to Hogwarts. My own mother would have probably wanted the same. I also thought this was rather realistic, even though they have connections to several main characters, it still seems realistic. After all Harry would not know all of the Weasleys friends. I liked the way the Weasleys supported them. Its such a Weasley action. As you can notice from my review I really liked this!Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it. I don't see a lot of these sort of stories either. This one is part of a larger series, so these characters are ones I've written before, especially Hattie. I created her to be Molly's best friend when I was writing The Unsinkable Molly Prewett (Molly and Arthur's 6th year at Hogwarts). Hattie's not as brave as the Weasleys, yes, but she was a Gryffindor after all. Sending the kids to Hogwarts must have been very scary that year, I would've wanted to keep my kids home. They are connected to main characters but it's a bit peripheral. This is Molly's friend from school, not someone that Harry is going to interact with really. :) Anyway thank you for reviewing! Report Review
Well seeing Iím a huge Harry Potter fan (obviously) and a huge Percy Jackson fan it makes perfect sense I had to read this. ;p It is a scary thought Kronos and Voldemort working together. Though it would make an epic tale. So I like the idea you have here.
I like the fact he said that those wizards on brooms were Hecateís children, as that would be the most obvious thing for him to think and in my opinion it gave this story more dimension. It made it seem more real.
I also liked the comparison with Harry Potter, because when I was reading the books I thought the same. I mean they are both completely different characters but in that aspect they are the same. I like the idea of Firenze and Chiron being friends.
I really liked this far and I didnít think it was clichťd at all, which is kinda difficult with these kind of stories. You did an excellent job. Report Review
Aww how adorable. Seriously this was one of the most adorable stories Iíve read and I liked the fact it was about Percy. As from all the brothers he seems to be the least favourite in fanfiction. Even though this played many years ago both of them were rather in canon. So kudos for you on that. This could be put in the books. So canon was this. Yet I like the fact you still made him childlike, as Iíve read stories before wherein children are basically portrayed as mini adults. I liked the fact that at the end Percy still kept the door open. That gave this story much more depth in a way. You really did a fabulous job with this!Author's Response: Percy's a tough one to make adorable, but I like a challenge. :D I love the Weasleys - all of the Weasleys - and getting the chance to write a fluffier story about one of the kids when he was younger (in the happier days when they thought Voldemort was gone forever) was such fun. Thank you for reading and reviewing! Report Review
I really liked the letters at the beginning. It msut be rather difficult for her so I could imagine her trying to write several drafts. I like the fact what they are showing us. The way she thinks. I could imagine Percy being that way and I liked the fact she told us throughout the story about the changes. The fact you wrote about a character, who was basically only a name in the books, is really great seeing I love minor characters. I like the idea that after Hogwarts they were still dating because tob e honest with you I all had forgotten about her. I mean I knew of her existence but I never gave her much thought. ?I like the way you portrayed her. So overall you did a nice job!Author's Response: Minor characters have always been one of my favourite types of characters from Harry Potter and I love to write about them. Despite the fact that they are only mentioned several times in the books, Percy and Penelope are also one of my favourite couples. As there isn't much known about them I really wanted to write about their relationship and what they were like together.
Thanks again for your lovely review. :)
Charlie Report Review
This seemed like an intriguing idea. A crossover with Peter Pan. I can imagine she was terrified. I would probably be. I liked the fact no one believed her and the different reactions to it. I really liked the fact she was the onky one who was able to see him. Iím intrigued. Why is she the only one who is able to see him? In a way this is rather disturbing, but disturbing in a good way. That sounds strange but I mean. I get the fact they, her parents, send her to Mungos and I like the fact her mother was able to see him several times. The fact he had magic in a strange way and it was wearing off is just so great. I know this is not really a decent review but I really really loved this and Iím still shocked by the amazing idea you got here. Iím so curious what you are going to do with this. Report Review
Your summary is really great and Iím rather curious about who the story is going to be. Also your banner is fantastic! I like the fact you didnít give us a name. I thought this was really beautiful. It really made me think. Even though it was short, all the points were made. For some reason I thought about Andromeda Tonks, though it didnít fit her. Like the fact she was not divorced and such yet I still I though of her. I liked the fact you showed that persons life cyclus and I thought this was rather unique. I have not read something like this before. I really really liked this and Iím going to put in my favourite list. Report Review
As Iím an huge lover of anything to do with pureblood society and of Bellatrix and Rodolphus I knew I had to read this. Who is the girl in the banner? She looks like how Bellatrix could have really looked like in my mind. I liked the fact you showed this side of Bella as I for one did not believe she was crazy before Azkaban. In my opinin she was just a normal person who also had feelings , wishes and dreams, yet was a pureblood supremist. Though perhaps not an extremely nice or decent person and only with does she loved or was fond of. Iím sure she changed along the way but their was already a seed in her. If you know what I mean otherwise ignore it. Though in my opinion some parts were a bit too mushy. But overall I liked this. Report Review
First of all I want to say I love your summary. It lured me in. Next I want to say lovely banner. Did you make it yourself? Your first sentence of this chapter was really great in my opinion. She really reminds me of a little girl I know, who was and is the exact same. With the same passion for fairytales and such. Thouigh so far I know James does not have green eyes. Only Albert does so far I know. I liked the idea of a preschool for magical little children. Though it would be quite unfair for the muggleborn children if such a thing existed. Iím rather curious to what will happen next so you did a great job with your first chapter. Report Review
I thought this was great. It was nice to see a side of Slytherin I almost never see. Them being not perfect, death eaters or abused. Them being normal kids with problems, insecurities and such. Yet it was still Slytherinish. Calculated and not showing any weaknesses. Poor Tracey! She must feel gutted to see Theodore kiss Daphne. I liked the fact she wanted to become someone. She is a rather likeable character. Though is Daphne by chance a lesbian? If that is the case it would surely ruin her. Overall a great beginning to a story!Author's Response: With this story I really just want to show another side of Slytherins. They weren't all death eaters, and I'm sure other than those things they had other real life problems on their shoulders so I wanted to show them in a different light without touching on the death eaters or the war. I'm glad you liked Tracey, I wanted her to be liked by everyone even though she is an unknown character really! Thanks so much for taking the time to read and review!
~Slytherinchica08~ Report Review
I really think your summary is brilliant. Just brilliant! But I would recommend a banner seeing lots of readers donít even tend to look at stories without a banner.
Like the summary I found this story brilliant. I never thought I would feel bad for Severus Snape. Aww poor guy. I can imagine it would be hard on that specific day with spoiled pureblood children. What I noticed was that you skipped two students: Theodore Nott and Milicent Bulstrode (SP?).
It was kinda scary that Crabbe had a sister who he apparently killed and Snape didnít hear of. Makes you wonder what happens in those pureblood families. I really could imagine Pansy saying that. I think her goal/career is going to be marrying a rich man who can take care of her so I liked the fact you had a similar idea. I liked Dracoís idea and the fact he thought it was mental. After all everyone wants something or does something other people could find plain weird. Whaha poor Snape. He had a student who had a career in mind and he ruined it. Though I always had the idea Daphne was more ambitious and smarter but for this story it works.
I really liked this!Author's Response: Hi, there!
I already have one banner request in at TDA for a different story, but I'm planning on requesting for this one when that's complete. I don't completely agree with the notion that people ignore stories without banners, though. I only added banners to my main story very recently and I didn't notice any difference in the rate at which people read it.
I'm not sure I want you to feel badly for Snape, but I'm not upset if you do. He's not generally a sympathetic character, but you have to feel for him a bit in this situation. The students in his house don't have much of an idea what it means to work for a living.
I didn't include Nott, Millicent or Tracey Davis because honestly I couldn't think of anything funny to write about them. They're non-entities in the books for the most part. So is Daphne, actually, but since her sister marries Draco I do have a bit of headcanon built up around her.
I'm glad you liked the way I characterized the different students.
Thanks for reading and reviewing! Report Review
Well seeing I like the song and the fact itís about Sirius Black and a humour fic I had to read this. Oh my there were moments I seriously giggled. Sirius with a perm and zebra printed trousers. You can feel the confidence and the rebellion against his dark pureblood heritage. ( wonders how his mother would react). I liked the fact James was completely blasť about his attire. I can imagine if you have a crazy best friend you will get used to their crazy antics and wouldnít find it strange. There is one thing I thought wasnít realistic at all but it doesnít really matter concerning the fic itself was when he said he was rocking the MJ look. I really liked the end. Great one-shot!Author's Response: Aw thank you so much! It wasn't meant to be realistic, I just wanted to chuck that it in there. :p
I'm glad you liked it, though. :D
Thanks for reviewing! :D Report Review
The first thing I noticed was the fact that the summary was above the banner. In my opinion ( and you donít have to agree with me) it looks better if a summary is beneath the banner. It gives a story something more sophisticated, while this seems a bit unruly. I really like your summary and by chance this is a pairing I rather enjoy. Iíve always been interested in the so called pureblood nobility.
This was very interesting. I liked the fact you took another point of view concerning their marriage. Most people ( after DH) write them having a happy marriage. So itís nice to see a story where he had an infidelity and seemed quite archaic about it.
I liked the fact Bellatrix found the whole family thing more important than her sister. That seemed rather in character to me especially after the fiasco with Andromeda ( I liked the fact she mentioned that) Was there a possible hinting Rodolphus hit Bellatrix? Also you spelled Rodolphus wrong. Itís Rodolphus and not Rudolphus . ( I looked it even up to be sure)
I thought Draco was very adorable and I thought this was a good beginning for a story. Well done! Report Review
Such an interesting idea to make Bellatrix the first Slytherin head after Riddle. I thought you really wrote this well. You have a nice writing style. The characterization was perfect in my opinion. I thought the way you portrayed was really nice. I liked the fact that Snape was the only one who dared to ask her name and her reaction to him ( especially the part about his hair). Itís nice she was 7 years older the only thing I did notice she didnít have any reaction about Sirius not being a Slytherin you would think that would be one of the things she would think about seeing he disgraced the Black family. Next to that I liked the parts when she was thinking about Slytherin. I always felt that a house was perhaps a bit more important for Slytherins. Nice job!Author's Response: Thank you!
I am really glad you thought that, Bellatrix is one of my favourite character and I really wanted to do justice to her.
I did actually have that. This was going to be a short story but when I came back to the site I didn't know where I was going with it and deleted the last 300 words which lead onto the next chapter. Which was also where I brought the Marauders into it. I am going to write that back in now. Thank you for pointing it out!
Thank you again for the review :)
Emma Report Review
I really like your banner and summary I must say.
So in the end, wolf tended to bite at our legs and scratch with his claws until there was blood as a punishment for not letting him do what was natural.
Hmm I think there is a mistake here. The part with the wolf sounds a bit strange shouldnít it be the wolf or something.
Next to that I really really liked this. I don't think I've ever read a story wherein Remus transformers into a wolf before and I really like the way you wrote it. The duality he had was brilliant and that moment when he was transforming was truly sad ( for Remus)
Your characterization was great but the part I liked the most was the descriptions you almost felt like you were there yourself. The thing I would really love to know is how did they ( the marauders) find out and how they kept it a secret from him ( their finding out and the animagi part) I liked the way you presented it in this story though, the finding out.
It was a really lovely beginning!Author's Response: Ah, can't really take credit for the banner! I just picked the kid, colors and then magic was done. Haha! Wish I had the patience to do cool banners like that.
Anyway! You know, that line never really sit well with me. No matter how many times it was changed, it never felt it worked. I'm going to have to re-read that and see what can I do with that.
I'm glad that you liked the transformation. For me, that was the hardest. Trying to bring forth the change, making it sound terrible and hope that people cringed a bit. Remus, in PoA, did point out that the transformations were harsh on him and rather painful so I was trying to bring that here.
I'm thrilled that you liked the descriptions! I'm a detail oriented person and it was hard for me to pull back a bit without feeling like I was over-describing something. You get to know how the Marauders figured it out on the next chapter. And you might get a laugh out of it. Hahaha.
Thank you so much for your kind review!!
The first thing I noticed when I was reading your summary is the fact that you Gryffindor wrong instead of Gryffindor you wrote Griffindor. Well I noticed the fact you also had several other mistakes in your chapter I would suggest getting a beta. I think the story has much potential and I like the idea you have here but I would sincerely suggest getting a beta and to request a banner ( many people donít read stories without banners).Author's Response: Thanks... :) Report Review
So Iíve seen that this story had been nominated in the Dobby Ďs and thatís why I decided to check this out.
She saw them through the large front room window, casting the spells around her house, making it impossible for him to apparte.
I think you made a mistake here ( apparte). But next to that I think you did well. You portrayed the things that were going one with Astoria well. Even though she was a victim she had a hidden strength. Glad you made her complex character with depth and problems. I liked the connection between Astoria and Draco, especially considering the fact they got married in canon. The story wasnít my cup of tea but even though it wasnít my thing I could see you wrote it well ( characterization, description and such)Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review! Child abuse definitely isn't everyone's cup of tea and I'm so happy you told me that as opposed to just CCing things because you didn't like them.
Thanks again for stopping by and your wonderful compliments.
Jami Report Review
I actually liked your title even though it was really simple. It caused me to want to read this. I liked your characters in this story. They were rather likeable and you could notice the fact they were teenagers. I liked the fact Teddy couldnít control his abilities and the way he thought about this parents ( him liking undercooked meat and Tonks ability). The descriptions were great and I liked those little irrelevant details, they made the story more realistic. It was also nice that it was from a guyís perspective as most of the time itís from a girl. So that made your story more unique. It was an adorable one-shot and your chapter image was beautifulAuthor's Response: Hi! Oh, thank you so much! I'm really glad you liked it and thought that the title wasn't boring xD Thanks again for your review! Report Review
Well so far I know I havenít read an one-shot solely from the point of view from a portrait so this seemed interesting to read. Especially because itís from the point of view of this so called character. He was rather interesting in the books and I have a soft spot for minor characters.
I liked the comparision you made between the two Blacks and the fact that Sirius id have some Black tendency. I agree with Phineas atleast he had some freedom when compared to Sirius. I never thought about it but a portraitís life is rather boring. You are stuck and a former shade of yourself and in Phineasí case are forced to do the bidding of others for eternity.
I liked that little part about Peeves, him being an assistant and being quite responsible. A very unique idea if I may say.Author's Response: Hi!
Thanks for reading and reviewing. I am glad you found this an interesting piece. And that you liked the whole two Blacks, being stuck, thing, and also found Peeves' idea unique.
Thanks a lot! Report Review
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