Reading Reviews From Member: caomoyl
54 Reviews Found

Review #1, by caomoylSynergy : Synergy

8th July 2014:
I loved that you wrote this from Buckbeak's point of view! It really gave a whole new twist on the scene. I love it when people show things from a different perspective and an animal's perspective works really well with this!

(I can't believe Stormswift got the butterfly. I hope Buckbeak finds another one and gets there before Stormswift.)

The way you wrote Hagrid was perfect; both his dialogue and how you described him as speaking with more fear in his voice when addressing the class and how he returned to normal when it was just Harry.

I adored the beginning with Buckbeak's love for Hagrid. It was so sweet and it's not often that Hagrid loves a creature that isn't out to kill him and everything else around them. That's one reason I've always loved Buckbeak.

It was also really nice to see how much Buckbeak enjoyed the flight with Harry, and how he was doing things in the flight to see if Harry liked them too.

Overall, this was really amazing! Great job!

(House Cup 2104 Review. Educational Decree #4)

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Review #2, by caomoylDestiny: Destiny

8th July 2014:
Oh, this was so sad! You nearly had me in tears. It never really occurred to be before that Hagrid would have been so attached to Fluffy or what he went through to get Fluffy to how we saw him in the books. I had always assumed that it was just in Fluffy's nature to behave like that and Hagrid had had a similar situation to the one with Norbert where he was fine at first and then got to hard to look after.

I loved that you showed how caring Fluffy was to Hagrid. It's true that dogs love their owners and I'm glad that Fluffy still did even after all that Hagrid was teaching him. It was so painful having to read about Hagrid saying goodbye to him twice!

I now really want to see Harry playing with a baby Fluffy outside Hagrid's Hut. That would have been so adorable rather than him just getting slobbered over by Fang!

Great story!

(House Cup 2014 Review. Educational Decree #4)

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Review #3, by caomoylA niffler of a trick: Some ravenclaws and some Nifflers

8th July 2014:
I loved this little one shot! It was definitely something I can see Fred and George doing to their fellow students.

I felt that you characterised them all very well so it fit with the images in my head of them. It's one of the things I find hardest with writing but you did a very good job with it.

I did notice that on two occasions, you used the incorrect form of 'their'; once right after the split and and the other time is when you said about Fred and George having tears down their cheeks. You also seemed to only capitalise Gryffindor when Ravenclaw also needs to be capitalised.

One last thing is your use of apostrophes. You've used them quite a bit when using the plural form of the word (such as "he rounded on the Gryffindor's.") which doesn't require the apostrophe. You only need it when contracting a word or if the word is possessive (i.e. The Gryffindor's gold, because the gold belongs to the Gryffindors)

All of that aside, I really did love this! Good job with it!

(House Cup 2014 Review. Educational Decree #4)

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Review #4, by caomoylRomantic Flight: Romantic Flight

7th July 2014:
Hi! I loved this little one shot so much. You created so much in so little words and it worked perfectly.
I love the that Madeleine went from being so nervous at first that she was sweating, not from the thought of a date but from the thought of flying, to loving every second of it. You really showed how being with the right person can eliminate your fear of something else, especially when it leads to something beautiful.
I love the way you described the view with the way the colours were and how to lights lit the grounds and the rest of the surroundings; you really made the whole thing sound magical!
I just had a listen to the song and now I'm wishing I could read the ending for the first time again but with this playing. You made the story fit it so well and I can picture the two fo them flying around the grounds with this in the background, and as the song builds, Madeleine's fear starts to disappear and she sees the beauty around her.
Amazing one shot! I loved it!
(House Cup 2014 review)

Author's Response: Hey hon!
Thanks so much for the review!
xoxo Sarah

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Review #5, by caomoylAlone in a crowded room: Taking chances

18th July 2013:
Hello once again! (You're going to be fed up of seeing my name in a minute ;))
This was a really sweet way to end this story. I'm so glad that they got together in the end. I was worried when Ron came around the corner and said that first line, but I'm glad he was cool with it too! It does make me slightly sad to know what they are about to come to with the Death Eaters and knowing that Harry and Ginny won't be able to stay together once things get worse, but as least they get their piece of happiness for now and they also get it later in life.

Onto the grammar of the piece (I hope you don't hate me for picking so much. I just feel like the more you know that you aren't doing right, the better you can fix things to improve your writing.)
One thing I noticed in quite a few of your chapters is when you use a pause, you tend to use a lot of ellipses (...). No matter how long the pause, you should always only use three dots, since that is what makes the ellipsis. If you feel like that doesn't convey the length of the desired pause well enough, you can always put a sentence in stating that it is a long pause instead.
Another thing that I noticed (and I think I mentioned something to do with this in another review) is that you have a few misspelt words (for example, in this chapter, you have 'wont' without the apostrophe and in a previous one I think I mentioned a missing s from Hogwarts). Do you check through your chapters before you post them? Even if you do, it can always be helpful to get yourself a beta since, when you write something, you generally know what it says so you tend to not notice some mistakes. Having a beta (someone who checks over for you) can help to eliminate most of the mistakes. If you're on the HPFF forums, there is a section for this. If not, you could maybe have a friend or relative look it over for you. It doesn't matter who, but they will help. A lot of the time, they will point out the punctuation errors as well as the spelling errors so you can improve those too.

I hope that everything I have mentioned in my reviews is of help to you and that you are able to become a better writer because of it! Keep up the good writing and I may have to go and check out some more of your story!

Great story! Nice job with it!

Author's Response: No, I don't hate you at all, your reviews have been very helpful and encouraging. Thank you so much :) I would love to hear your thoughts on some of my other stories too :)

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Review #6, by caomoylAlone in a crowded room: It takes two

18th July 2013:
Hello again! Another great chapter, with that suspense running all the way through. You spend the entire chapter wondering how it is going to go and how they will each react under the situation. You left it on a cliff hanger and I can't wait to see if you answer that final question in your next chapter! I really feel for Ginny in this because she didn't realise the reason why Harry had pushed her away and she had convinced herself that it was because he hated her which was so far from the truth. I'm glad that she now knows that he loves her and this wasn't a one-sided feeling from her part.

One of the biggest things I'm noticing with this story (not including the plot) is punctuation errors. I know how hard they can be to get your head around and learn, but it is definitely worth sitting down one afternoon and having a search around the internet to find out more about how to use the different punctuation in the right places, especially around speech and when using commas. With a lot of your commas, I notice that you use them where there should be a full stop/period. Sometimes, whether you use a full stop/period or a comma is up to you, but in a lot of instances, like quite a few in this chapter, a comma doesn't make sense. For instance:
"What I don't understand is why you kissed me in the first place, if you hate me so much!", she burst in to tears as she said it.
With that line, you shouldn't have had the comma after the speech since the 'she burst...' should be a new sentence. Like I said, just have a look around on some websites. You'll find a lot out there that teach you how to use punctuation properly and it will help to develop your writing and make it easier for those reading!

There was one instance of using the incorrect form of there/they're/their but that will come with practice and you only made one mistake with it in the second to last paragraph.

Good job with this! Can't wait to find out what happens in the next chapter!
Also, sorry if this sounded a little harsh. It really wasn't meant to!

Author's Response: Thanks again for all the tips and for reviewing, I really appreciate it! :)

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Review #7, by caomoylThe Power of a Single Word: Suffering.

17th July 2013:
Wow, Scott, just wow. I'm finding it hard to think of words after reading that. It was such a short piece but it was written beautifully! The way you describe the whole scene and the actions was amazing. The pure hate from the death eater and the way that she showed no care and no mercy was so perfect.

I love how you showed the victim going from twitching around in pain to feeling nothing even though her body was still twitching. I really felt for her the whole way through. At the end, I really thought she would continue to feel nothing but it kind of hurt me inside when you said that she screamed because she must have suddenly become aware of what was happening to her just when she thought it was all over.

I adore the simplicity of this and how you made it so powerful! Great job!!

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Review #8, by caomoylAlone in a crowded room: Last first Kiss

16th July 2013:
Hello again! Spacing issue once more so my comment to ignore the comment on my first review should be ignored! Paste as plain text! It fixes all of your problems!

Ah, we find out the reason that Harry was sorry and it makes so much sense! If only he knew that not being with her and doing what he did was hurting her just as much. And even if he did die and they weren't together, she would still hurt.

Apart from the punctuation issue I mentioned in the first chapter, the only other thing I noticed with this was that you use a comma where you should probably have used a full stop (or period. I don't know what you call it).
"Harry, Harry. Its your move", he barely heard Ron's voice over his own thoughts.
That's where I would have put it. Also, the 'its' should have an apostrophe because it's a contraction of 'it' and 'is'. That is a horrible word because it does seem to break all the rules!

Can't wait to read more!

Author's Response: Yes but hes a boy, and boys rarely over think into things like that, tho some that I do, overthink a lot, typicaly they don't. Thanks for all the punctuation tips, and for taking time to review again :)

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Review #9, by caomoylAlone in a crowded room: A kiss is a terrible thing to waste

16th July 2013:
Hello! Another great chapter! You seem to have fixed the spacing issue that I just mentioned in my review of the first chapter so you can disregard that comment!

The way you portrayed Hermione and Ginny seems very realistic. How you had Hermione trying to come up with a logical solution to what Harry had done, but all Ginny could think about was him and the moment itself. You did, however, miss out a word in the first line, but I didn't even notice the first time I read this through so don't worry too much about it. I'm sure we've all missed words out from time to time and not noticed it.

I am curious as to what dorm they are in considering Hermione, Ginny and Katie are all in different year groups, unless you've put Katie in with one of those two. I am also intrigued as to why Harry said he was sorry so I can't wait to find out the reason behind that!

Good job!

Author's Response: Thanks again for taking time to review my story :) See I needed them to be in the same room, so I kind of used artistic license to have them in the same room :P

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Review #10, by caomoylAlone in a crowded room: The story of us

16th July 2013:
Hello! I liked this! Ginny daydreaming over Harry and not being able to focus seems realistic to me! Also that she was kind of bad at hiding it and was quite embarrassed.

One thing I did notice that made it hard to read was that you had several lines of dialogue in one chapter. The rule with it is that when a different person started speaking, you put it on a new line. It just makes it easier for the reader to follow what is going on and so that they know when a new person is talking. The other thing about the speech is that the punctuation at the end of it needs to be within the speech marks. Very good try with it though! Speech rules can be hard to get used to.

Can't wait to read the next chapter!
(Side note: when you paste in your chapter, paste it as plain text and it should remove your spacing problem!)

Author's Response: Hi sorry that I am only replying to this now, but I haven't really posted my newer stories on this site, I post on fanfiction now, so I havent loggged in here in a while, thank you so much for taking the time to review my story :) the plain text thing is a helpful tip thank you :) MY layout has gotten much better in my later stories with dialogue now thanks for the tips tho :)

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Review #11, by caomoylMudblood: Chapter Three

16th July 2013:
Hello once again! Ella seems to be struggling a lot in muggle school just like I thought she would. I really do hope she finds it easier as she goes along. Throwing her straight into a game of dodgeball is really mean but still made this chapter funny.

her homework questions did seem really odd considering this is in the UK and they would never ask about America but then I guess it does depend on what the lesson is. The P.E lesson seemed fine to me for a British one (me being British) so good job with that! I suppose there isn't really a way it could be too different from other countries though.

I am very curious as to how the ball was flying but my only theory is that one of them is a witch, but you said in your A/N that she's not so I can't wait to find out what happened there!

Good job!

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Review #12, by caomoylMudblood: Chapter Two

16th July 2013:
Hello again! I can't wait to see how Ella's manages in a muggle boarding school where she is totally cut off from any magic she may still have had access to around her family. It did surprise me that she had had no education up until this point, but then I don't recall any education mentioned for young wizards and witches. I always assumed they were home schooled for the first part of their life.

Sending her to a boarding school matched up to what I think her parents are like going by their life plan for her. They seem to be strict and want her to do really well and boarding schools normally encourage that. It also is most like Hogwarts so it fits that way too.

There were two spelling mistakes that I noticed ('Hogwart' instead of 'Hogwarts' and 'ate' instead of 'are') but the rest was good!

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Review #13, by caomoylMudblood: Since When

16th July 2013:
Hey! I'm quite interested to see where this goes in future chapters! I've never read anything about a squib before and I have always wondered what it would be like for someone who was one when they were growing up.

I did notice a few grammatical errors with your where/were and there/their but other than that, it was very good! The bit about the frowny faces had me scratching my head in confusion but then I realised that this is set in the future and her aunt was possibly part of the generation using them. Still seems a bit weird for her to be using them in a letter to the headmistress, but it still made me giggle! I did also notice that you said the train left on 25th September which is very late for British education which normally starts at the beginning of September and, if I'm not mistaken, the train for Hogwarts is normally 1st September, but I guess it could have changed in future years.

Can't wait to read the rest of this!

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Review #14, by caomoylPhotographs: one/one.

15th July 2013:
Hey! I love the similarities that you showed in Dominique's behaviour at the different points in her life that she had to leave behind. Hogwarts is such a magical place (no pun intended) to a lot of people and so leaving it behind must have been hard. I have always felt like those raised in wizarding families will have felt less of an attachment because, to them, it was just a normal school. But then you do get those who still get attached -like Dominique- and I think you wrote it in a very believable way.

Her thoughts towards the future are something that I think goes through everyone's minds when they are finishing school. That feeling of dread that she had wasn't what most people have, though. She was more worried about having to leave all of that behind, rather than having to actually do those things. I really liked that!

Great job!

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Review #15, by caomoylHues of the heart, house and home.: Colours

15th July 2013:
I had never given any thought as to how the colours were chosen for the houses but I really liked this despite it being short. Your characterisations were good and I love the banter from Gyrffindor towards Slytherin. I can see how Slytherin would have wanted to be rid of him and why he left the school.

The reasons you gave for each of the house's colours really showed the characteristics of the houses and made a lot of sense. I also like how you started with them just choosing one colour, but then they all progressed to having two when Hufflepuff wanted a second. I like how you showed the two colours as having two different reasons and showing that they both had different meanings and, therefore, that the members of the house had more than one side to them!

Great job!

Side note: I really love the banner you have for this! I'm jealous! ;)

Author's Response: why thank you :) The banner is astonishing.

Thank you for your praise. It has been a long time since I have checked in on my account here and it is lovely to see a nice review. I hope you enjoyed it and any other works of mine you have read.
As to the colours, I wanted to show that everything has meaning.

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Review #16, by caomoylGrave Love: Death and Love

15th July 2013:
This was so heartbreaking! Whenever I think of how George must have been after Fred's death, it hurts me inside, but this really made it all so much worse (in a good way). The way that he wanted to be close to him; how he was on the ground and saying how it was the closest he could get made me feel so sorry for him. He had lost the one person who knew everything about him and who he spent all of his time with.

The line you gave Angelina was so powerful and I can really see it bringing George out of his sadness a bit and being the first step to feeling somewhat okay again. He must have felt like he had nothing left to live for, but she gave him something to live for. I have always thought that Fred's death was what brought George and Angelina closer and I love how you used her to bring back that smell of Quidditch which then brought back the memories of Fred. It really showed how it's the simple things that have the most impact.

Great job with this! I really liked it!

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Review #17, by caomoylKnowing: true or not

15th July 2013:

It has never occurred to me how Remus must have felt to be accepted by people when he lived in a world of people who hated those like him. Just a small 'we don't care' must have meant so much to him. It meant that they weren't scared of him, that they accepted him for who he was, and, possibly, would stand by him no matter what. That is something that he probably didn't get often.

I like how you showed Remus' love for Lily. It wasn't really jealousy of James or even hatred. He was happy for them and loved her in his own way, happy that she cared for him and accepted him rather than have a romantic type of love, but he still wished there could be more but just didn't show it.

Loved this! Great job!

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm so glad you liked it :) I really tried hard to communicate how Remus might have felt toward the woman he described as "uncommonly kind" so I'm glad it worked!
Thanks for reviewing!

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Review #18, by caomoylHermione's Bag: Hermione's Bag

15th July 2013:
Despite being short, this made me smile! I like how you said about Harry and Ron thinking Hermione was silly for bringing so many books with her, but her not being able to leave them behind, even if she was only taking them for sentimental value. After all, who knew how much of their stuff that they didn't take with them would still be there when they got back.

The line 'After all, it's not as if the most evil Dark Wizard in history will give us half an hour to do some research.' made me giggle at bit. The thought of it is very amusing and I really wish it could happen ;)

Her annoyance at Ron was also good and in-character. I can really imagine him leaving socks lying around and not caring about it. I also like how you mentioned some muggle books that she liked since you don't really see any of them mentioned in the series but, being a muggleborn, it's what she would have had most access to!

Great job with this!

Author's Response: Aww, thanks. I like that it made you smile, because it made me happy writing it. Yep, Harry and Ron don't really value books, but I'm sure if they could, they'd bring Quidditch gear, also for the sentimental value.
I can just imagine it. Voldemort: "Avada Keda-" Hermione: "Hang on, Voldemort, I just need to look up the counter curse for Crucio!" Voldemort: "Oh, of course, Miss Granger. I'll just sit here." *FOUR HOURS LATER* "Is she always this absorbed in books?" Ron and Harry: "Yep."
I think any girl would get annoyed at Ron's general uncleanliness in his room, so I put that in, plus it works with the character. The muggles books were a must, because after all, Hermione lived half her life in the Muggle world, so she must have had at least a few non-wizard books.
Thanks for the feedback!
Cheers, Phoenix Quill :D

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Review #19, by caomoylFull Marks: Full Marks

15th July 2013:
I loved this so much! Out of all the students at Hogwarts, Luna is definitely the one least likely to be intimidated by Snape. The way you talked about her mum using only natural ingredients seems so realistic despite us not knowing that much about her. I guess the way Luna is shows it.

Snape faltering over not intimidating Luna made me giggle a bit. He is so used to people being scared of him and following his every word just so that he doesn't single them out. This is exactly how I imagine he would react when faced with a student like this.

I have never really thought of how Luna would do in her classes, but the way you wrote her seems so perfect. I love the end where she seems so confident that her potion would get full marks because I can really see her having so much faith in her mum's methods!

Great job!

Author's Response: Thank you! Luna was always totally oblivious to social norms in the books, stating the awkward obvious all the time. She was a Ravenclaw, so I always imagine she was extremely bright. Most of the brilliant people are really odd. As a teacher, I know we all have that one student who pushes all of our buttons for one reason or another, and I imagine Luna pushed every button Snape had. Thank you so much for the review!~GW

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Review #20, by caomoylAcceptance: Memories

15th July 2013:
I am nearly in tears! That was so beautiful! I have never thought of Thestrals that way but it is so in-character for Luna to discover it and want to share it.

I've never thought about how many people would be able to see Thestrals after the war, but you're right, the majority of people there (if not all of them) will be able to see them. Going on what you said about them being there to remind you of how they lived, it makes me sad to know that so many people would have avoided them or been scared of them because of how they looked. Though, in a way, I feel sort of glad that the majority don't know what Thestrals can do because it could turn into a kind of addiction.

Great job with this! It was truly beautiful!

Author's Response: This review just made my day, you're so kind. Calling my story beautiful is really the ultimate complement that you could give it. I wanted to give the thestrals a really good reason to be living at Hogwarts, not just for people to be afraid of them all the time. I thought that they deserved more than that. Again, thank you so much for reading and then reviewing, I loved your response to my story.


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Review #21, by caomoylLilyís Love: Lily's Love

15th July 2013:
Despite being short, this was such a powerful one shot! I love the way you used the italicised sentences; it really made them stand out. It felt like those parts were the statements and the rest were the thoughts and feelings, but those started to mix together towards the end.

Lily's longing to be with Harry but also wanting him to live was heartbreaking. How she watched him grow up without her and James and wishing so much that she could have been a part of it.

The lines 'I died because I couldn't move. I couldn't live in a world without him.' really tugged at my heart because she died not wanting him to die but then had to watch him live without her which couldn't have been any easier for her. I just want to reach in and give her a huge hug.

Great job with tearing me apart with this!

Author's Response: I did feel as though it concluded itself very quickly- but I didn't want to shove in fillers, y'know? Making it longer doesn't necessarily make it better. Oh, yeah, the conversation she'd have is italicized, but what she means is normal. You've hit it on the head :)
I think any parent that really loves their child would feel that way- at the end of the day, she has a responsibility to Harry to look after him and some ways, I think she'd think she failed him.
Thank you so much for the lovely review, you're very kind :)

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Review #22, by caomoylWhat It Is To Love: What It Is To Love

15th July 2013:
Hello! I love the contrast you have in this story between the beginning and the end. The start was very sweet and lovely showing the nice side of life, of being parents, but in the second half you entered the side of the war and the thoughts of the war, which really showed that even though you have good things going on, there is always that thought in the back of your mind about the bad things.

I love the way you included all the little things about the characters; Charlie's love for dragons, Percy having a scowl on his face etc. I also liked how you put in the thoughts of Molly wanting a baby girl!

Apart from a two(?) typos towards the beginning, I really liked this! It was a very nice read and very deceiving at the beginning when you think you're going to ready something fluffy but ends with you wanting to give Molly a big hug!

Great job!

Author's Response: Hi there!

I'm glad you liked the contrast and the characterization I had for each of the characters. Thanks for pointing out the typos! Also, thank you so much for the review! I really appreciate your feedback!

All the best,

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Review #23, by caomoylHe Hopes: He Hopes

14th July 2013:
From the first line you had me engrossed. I didn't want to look away throughout the whole story. I love the way you used some of the smaller sentences set apart from the larger paragraphs. It gave them more effect and left an impact that worked really well.

I've never thought much about the process of Regulus leaving his house for the final time and how he got there. I had assumed that he would have just apparated but the way you wrote it makes a lot more sense since he was trying to hide and, as you mentioned, magic is tracable.

Throughout, I could really feel how hard it was for him not to be able to talk to Kreacher and how frustrating it could have been to know that Kreacher had no idea what was going on but still didn't ask questions!

Only thing I noticed that wasn't right was one missed word (I think) but you mentioned that in your AN!

Good job!

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Review #24, by caomoylMagic Carpets in Goblininstan: A Magic Carpet Ride

14th July 2013:
Aww, this was so sweet! I love the idea of this. I can really see Ron thinking Neville was boring for only caring about plants and giving him some wild idea of how to propose. Neville being scared of being up there seems so true too and having both of them scared just added a nice bit of humour to it which I liked!

I like how you had some of Hannah's side thoughts in brackets. They also added humour and are things I can really imagine her thinking, or anyone who is in love really. I thought the proposal itself was sweet and Neville being all nervous and writing it out first was so cute!

Loved it!

Author's Response: Hi! Sorry for the late response! Yeah, I think Ron probably would give poor Neville a hard time about being boring--I guess Neville is lucky he has such a kind and patient girlfriend, haha. I'm glad you think the side-thoughts in parentheses worked; sometimes I'm leery of doing things like that in case it seems overused in the story itself.

Thanks again for the great review!

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Review #25, by caomoylSoaring through the clouds: The honeymoon

14th July 2013:
Hey! I really like the idea behind this! I've never really thought about Harry and Ginny's life between the war and the epilogue so them going on a honeymoon was something that has never crossed my mind. It's nice to see them enjoying themselves freely; something which they didn't really get to do during school or the war.

I like that you thought about a lot of things. You included the precautions from muggles and falling off as well as talking about caring for the carpets, the brands of carpet and how control it. It really did seem like an actual tour so well done on the realism.

There were a few missed words and wrong words in there but it was easy enough to fill in the blanks and read smoothly! Great job!

Author's Response: Hi! Thanks for your feedback.
It was fun to write about them having fun together, it's overdue for them.
I've often wondered about magic carpets in Potterverse, so this was a great opportunity to explore it.
Thanks for the feedback!

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