So interesting! These chapters that you have in between the action filled rounds are chapters I find really intriguing.. it really makes me wonder why you've written them and makes me think all the more about the characters and the life they're now 'living'.
Ahh Remus/Tonks are so perfect here, and I feel like I can really believe in their relationship - you portrayed it so well and they're so sweet to each other! I also feel really quite curious about what Lily Potter knows!
Another great chapter.. forever envious of your characterisation skills and the way you can portray someone so absolutely right, if you know what I mean.. ♥Author's Response: The duels were exciting to write, but the real meat is in the in-between chapters where I get to show how people are getting on with their lives. Or afterlives, rather. :P
Tonks and Remus are rebuilding their lives in a way that some of the other characters who've been here for a lot longer still haven't learned how to do. Even though Tonks is in the tournament and wants those 24 hours, she's slowly preparing herself to let go of Teddy. She can't thrive here if she's still got her heart on earth, after all. Voldemort has fallen, the war is over, and her son has a bright and prosperous future now. Even though they can't witness it, they made that possible.
Aww, thank you. :) ♥ That is so lovely to hear. Report Review
It's Valentine's Day so I thought I'd spare a little time today to come and give this story some more love ♥ :D I feel like I was mostly expecting the awkwardness that was going to come in this chapter, but it's always so interesting reading it! It feels so strange to relate to Hermione/Ron when they're so much older than how i know them to be.. but I thought Ron's characterisation was particularly great - the man's ability to deny reality was astounding, but also Hermione's understanding nature towards Rose.
The only thing I was a bit iffy about was this part: Hugo was right. Facing her parents was nearly as bad as she'd expected, at least not at first. You kind of completely skipped over the part of Rose actually seeing her parents for the first time after the incident and a part of me really wanted to see exactly how awkward it would be! :P I guess I just found the transition from Rose/Hugo's conversation to in the middle of Rose's conversation with her parents a little abrupt.
And of course, you once again leave me with a big WHY? stuck in my head. Regina McFey hmmm.. :) Great chapter!!Author's Response: What a wonderful Valentine's Day surprise!
I know this chapter wasn't full of surprises, but hopefully it wasn't too disappointing or anticlimactic. I'm glad you liked Ron's characterizations. I wanted to try and make him feel as canon as possible but also knowing that he'd mature and mellow a bit with age.
Hmmm... I can totally see what you're saying about that transition. In my head, I mostly just saw Hermione fussing over Rose until the moment where they all sit down in the living room, but you're right. Looking back, it does feel like I might have skipped over something important there.
Thank you so much for stopping by with another review. I hope you had a lovely Valentine's Day! Report Review
i don't generally read dramione but this was a really great one shot for that pairing! i think you can never make it 100% realistic and believable in the hp world that we know but i really love that this came quite close to that and how canon you kept it. as in, i will never think draco had a secret obsession with hermione, but everything else seems like it could happen.
i really liked draco's characterisation. he wasn't mean but he still felt like the draco we know. especially the tormented draco in the 6th year. i think you did a terrific job with the dialogue scenes with hermione - it felt plausible for draco to say something like that. the ending was also brilliant - i like how he never gets his happy ending, because then that would make it unrealistic.
i also liked the structure of the story - it worked very well for this! well done :)
- charlotte Report Review
*trying to catch up on chapters to match your awesome speedy updating skills but failing miserably* ahem, anyway, another great chapter! you know, it's always a very enjoyable and interesting read :)
First off, your response about Rose being more insecure and not really needy makes a lot more sense, especially considering how much she needs Krum also for her book. Their relationship went a bit further than i was expecting.. (you know, staying together over 2 days) but I think I can start to understand Rose's feelings through this - she's starting to loosen up a bit. It was a little reckless of them, especially for Rose professionally, but I definitely did not expect that news article!
It also presented a slightly different side to Heart, who I've always thought of as this overbearing boss, but actually, he also has a softer side, so I liked how nice he was to Rose about considering it an early holiday (after he kind of told off Rose :P) His suggestion seemed reasonable - going to live with her parents. I can't wait to hear her parents' reactions to the news article!!! Both Hermione and Ron, aha!
There's a lot of dialogue in your chapters, more so than most people write, but even though it's a lot of conversation, you manage to make it flow and comfortable to read. I also liked that little bit with Albus. :DAuthor's Response: Wow, it's so nice to see you back again so soon! If it helps at all, I only have three chapters left to write, so pretty soon their won't be any more updates at all.
Two days together is a long time for sure, but I guess I see Krum as very intense, like Liddy described him -- that sort of flame that burns bright and then dies. So I see a lot of it being all or nothing with him, and Rose as just sort of along for the ride at times. And I'm glad you liked this slightly different side of Heart. He really does like Rose a lot, in his own way. Hehe, writing Ron and Hermione in the next chapter ended up being a lot of fun, so I hope you like them.
I started to notice about the dialogue as well starting around chapter 16 or so, and have been trying to break up the chapters into several smaller scenes as opposed to 2 or 3 really big ones. If you read that far, you can let me know if it's a little less overwhelming.
Thanks again for the lovely R&R. I super, duper appreciate it :) Report Review
Ooh another chapter full of surprises! I love plot twists and this story has a lot of them :P Starting from the beginning - it was pretty much what I had expected to happen, though I was uncertain what would happen after it. I'm surprised by this: "She didn't believe him but she had no interest in spoiling their perfectly good night together by getting into a row.", surprised that Rose doesn't seem to really show any regrets or concerns, and doesn't want to fight for answers at all? She also seems surprisingly.. needy, with the "Shall I come back later then?" but I guess that could be more for the book than the relationship..
Onto Liddy.. a really surprising character. I wasn't sure why she would be attracted to Krum, but I'm glad you explained that to me with the money and with this absolutely perfect analogy: "Viktor is... like a flame. He burns bright and hot - drawing you in, filling the darkness. And then suddenly, it's gone... the warmth, the heat. And you're left in the black, cold and alone." However, I'm still a little dubious about Krum's intentions - it's strange to think that he would go for someone like Liddy, but then again, it's also strange that he's with Rose.. so again, dying to get in his head!
I found all those new family relationships a really curious revelation.. and I too, like Rose, am full of questions :P Especially about Gigi McFey - Krum has a second wife? Shock. I would have thought how many wives Krum has had (and even who they are) would have been common knowledge?
Anyway, I had a lot of thoughts on this chapter, but I did really, really enjoy reading it! And yet again, you end with something that leaves me wanting to know more - why is Krum at her home? :P
By the way, yay on 100 reviews! :) I'm sure the number will continue to grow. This is such a terrific story. ♥Author's Response: Gah, thank you a thousand times over for being my very first 100th review!!
My intent with Rose's behavior in the beginning of the chapter was to show her less as needy and more as insecure in this relationship. She doesn't want to run Krum off by nagging him, so she let's things slide. This becomes a pattern for her throughout the rest of the story. But I can totally see how that one line for sure comes off as needy. She/I meant it to refer to coming back to work on the book, the same as they'd been doing all week, but I can see how it comes off the other way, like she can't stand not to be with him.
Liddy is an odd duck, for sure. Krum was someone she loved when they were both very young, and also someone she saw as a ticket to a better life. They were together way before his troubles really took off, so I think she thought life with him would be all glitz and fun. I mentioned in one of the little book snippets about Krum being married twice, and though I imagine Rose saw the name Gigi during her research, the last name would have been different since McFey is the name of Regina's second husband. So that's why she never put two and two together.
Thank you again and again for the R&R and pushing me to 100!! Report Review
Woah - brilliant again! I really liked everything leading up to that moment... the moment when Rose had to make a choice. Throughout the story you've managed to make such a crazy relationship actually believable, and I think it was a good choice on your part to develop it over the 10 chapters.
Ahh I find Krum a little bit of a creep (partly due to all his hidden secrets that he doesn't want to reveal!). I want to know what's going on in his head, and of course, I want to know his whole back story! I like how Rose also wants to know, and it's kind of like both the reader and Rose are on the same journey, finding it out together. Even though Rose seems quite uncertain... I can imagine how this really strange intimate feeling might cause her to choose what she did.
Ooh I say this all the same, but I really can't wait until I read the next chapter! :)Author's Response: Thank you so much for stopping in again. I know you're short on reading/reviewing time these days. And I'm super happy you liked the chapter.
Krum is a bit creepy at times, in that sort of way that overly-confident men can be (at least in my head). And I think Rose is definitely swept up in the intimacy of the circumstances. She's with him around the clock, he's obviously interested, he knows just what to say to get to her, etc. Anyway, I'm glad you think the pairing is believable, at least to some extent.
Thank you again for the lovely review :) Report Review
First off, a big congratulations on the TWO dobby awards that you won! This story is most deserving of it - I'm enthralled chapter after chapter and the action in this was definitely top quality.
YOU ARE SO CREATIVE! I loved the memory, the setting and the rules of this round! I think the thing I actually loved most was all the different individual approaches to winning and all their different motives. I thought Tonks hiding her flag in a tree and Fred transfiguring it to a ring was really clever! I also loved how both the people who were actually eliminated were eliminated kind of accidentally.
Your plot is actually quite complex and it all interweaves so well together! I loved Tonks using her metamorphmagus abilities, how Fred thought it was George… aww. And the James/Severus battle was intense! Poor Vincent disapparating and leaving his hand with James' cloth on it! Hehe. There was only thing I didn't understand - why Peter didn't put up a fight against Tonks? and i'm not quite sure why he was laughing manically at the end as well - is it because he knew Cedric had not eliminated Tonks but himself instead?
Apart from that, everything was completely perfect. ♥Author's Response: Thank you!! I'm still over the moon about the Dobbys. :) :)
My favorite part of writing this chapter was the individual strategies - they were all different types of crafty. I wanted to keep readers guessing about who would win and lose up to the very end.
Good question about Peter! He didn't put up a fight because he secretly wanted to be eliminated. He's a coward at heart, and the only reason why he's in the tournament at all is because he was bullied into it by Remus, Sirius, and James; so he's using this as his ticket out. At the same time, he's all about the self-preservation, so that's why he was sitting there hiding in disguise. So when he found out that Cedric thought he was eliminating Tonks but was actually eliminating Peter, he was nothing short of delighted.
Thank you for reading and reviewing! Report Review
Ahh! My time to read HPFF has been very sporadic and when I come back to this story I find it completed!! Congratulations by the way - and I can't wait to read to the end and find out all of what's in store! That being said, I really, really loved this chapter. I really do repeat myself every time, but you're an absolutely genius writer!
YOUR CHARACTERS ARE ALWAYS SO FLAWLESS. I loved the parallel situation with Salazar/Vincent and Dumbledore/Colin and the completely different things they were saying. It feels like there's a lot of plotting and planning from the individual contestants, and it'll be really interesting to see how they will all fare in the next round, especially when they have to actually face each other.
Tonks preparing her fighting skills was also a fantastic scene. OH I LOVE MOODY! - "Flagrate?" Moody barked. "Are you an Auror or a unicorn, because I really can’t tell the difference!" I'm glad that Tonks is trying to stay true to who she is - it makes her seem so different to Lily Potter (even though they are so similar in so many ways). Loved this chapter! Can't wait for round 2! :)Author's Response: Hello again!!
Thank you. :) It's such an awesome feeling to finish a WIP. Switching it to 'completed' makes me feel like I've accomplished something.
Dumbledore's methods are very different from Salazar's, as you've noticed. I do feel a tad sorry for Vincent that he has such a slimy guidance counselor.
Moody! I neglected him a lot in this story, so I tried to squeeze him in wherever possible just to show how he's getting along. Still being bossy, still being paranoid. XD Tonks's determination not to lose herself is exactly what separates her from Lily, who thinks she has to be ruthless to get by.
So glad you loved this chapter! I hope you like the next one (which is round 2!) Thank you for reading and reviewing. :) Report Review
Ahh this was a fantastic and so well written chapter! It really felt like the story was moving along, from Part I to this part (I'm not explaining it very well, but the transition was excellent). It was great to see a glimpse of the writing production/publishing process and to know that we're getting closer to discovering all of Krum's secrets!
I liked how you explained what had happened to Krum in his trial and everything, and it was interesting that the news came via Joseph Heart and the newspaper. A small part of me is kind of surprised that Brooks didn't contact Rose at all about it, considering how he was a rather important driving force behind the book and wanting Rose involved?
The quidditch info and some of Krum's history was great! It's already starting to give me a better idea of Krum. Interesting to see where he lives too.. well I really, really enjoyed this chapter! Looking forward to the questioning and I'm definitely intrigued by how the romance will come into play! :)
- CharlotteAuthor's Response: Thank you again for another lovely review. I'm so glad you thought the transition worked well. I felt that some time needed to pass between their first meeting and what happens in the next chapter, but I worried about all the narrative and backstory reading too bland. Hopefully it worked all right in the end.
As to why Brooks didn't contact Rose directly, I hope that becomes more clear in future chapters too...about how he really fits into all of this.
I'm so happy you liked the chapter. If you get a chance to read more, I'd be interested what you think of Rose and Krum after they finally "get together." Thank you again for continuing to read and review. I really appreciate it so very much.
So my reading HPFF time has been very sporadic and I can't believe I'm only just reading this chapter now! It was worth the wait though, your writing is as brilliant as ever and I love how each chapter just flows and continues where you left off from the previous chapter.
There was only one thing that I found kind of questionable? From the previous chapter it seemed that Krum was extremely insistent on talking only to Rose, but in this chapter I felt like Rose and Krum didn't really put any focus on that, and it wasn't really completely explained why.. I mean, he's only known Rose for like a couple of hours.. and when asked by Rose why he had wanted to talk to only her, he kind of diverted the attention to something else.. and acted like there was no real reason.. “Vhat ever shall ve talk about?” but I guess it all kind of reflects on his mysterious character - Krum is such an enigma! His actions and changing moods are leaving me baffled.. he's suggestive/cheeky, philosophical, creepy, unconcerned.. basically I can't wait until Rose finally starts to interview him and to get the full story of his weird behaviour and thoughts!
I really liked that Rose finally realised/came out with wanting to write the book about Krum. I'm wondering who told Krum? and if he knew about the book why was he so surprised with Rose's intentions - you vhat? By the way, I think I may have said this before, but kudos for acing Krum's accent every time in his dialogue! I don't think it would sound as realistic without the v's!
It was a great continuing chapter though! Always enjoyable to read. I hope to read the rest of what you have up so far and the rest of the story! :)
- CharlotteAuthor's Response: Thank you, Charlotte. I'm flattered you'd use any of your limited HPFF time reading my story. It makes me feel very warm and fuzzy on the inside :)
Hmmm...I had to stop and think for a moment on your comments. I didn't really mean to leave the issue of why Krum was so insistent on talking to Rose just sort of hanging out there unanswered, but I guess I sort of did. I think it becomes obvious as the story progresses, but thinking back, maybe it would be more realistic if she pressed him harder for an answer, even if he refused to tell her the whole truth. How Krum knows about the book though is definitely covered in a future chapter!
I'm glad you like the accent (though I do tone it down a bit moving forward as Rose adjusts to the sound of it, just so as not to drive the reader nuts), and I'm so happy you liked the rest of the chapter too. Sorry it took me so long to reply to your review. Thank you so, so much for leaving it!
Whoo! Another awesome chapter and another cliffhanger-y ending! :P I would have read this sooner, but exam weeks don't really let you have any fun.. I really enjoyed this yet again! Krum seems kinda.. bipolar in the way he's behaving to Rose, and definitely very perplexing. I'm not sure why Krum would act like that to Rose then get arrested and not even talk to his lawyer! (but want to talk to Rose?) Hehe, you always leave me wondering at the end of every chapter and going WHYY? Of course, I'm also really eager to see what happens with Krum's arrest at the Ministry and how Rose will respond to all this!
I think it's all moving on well, and it's interesting to hear about the three parts of the story, and I can't wait to see how their relationship will start to develop while Rose is writing the book! And it was also cool here to get a look at Hugo (and more insight into the family). I was surprised to find out about the slash, but for me, it's believable and even nice for such a change. It was also sweet to see such a good relationship between Rose and Hugo.
You know I enjoy reading this, so I'll be looking forward to the next chapter! Writing: you have the right balance between description/emotions/action/dialogue/moving the story along; everything just feels really right. Your writing is awesome and telling such an interesting and engaging story :)Author's Response: Thank you so much. I'm so glad you're still enjoying the story. I'm having some trouble with this next chapter but it gives me a lot of motivation to read such encouraging words.
Bipolar is a good word to describe Krum. He'll keep Rose on her toes, so by default, do the same to the reader (at least I hope that's how it comes across!). The Hugo slash was a bit of a surprise for me too. It just came to me that way and seemed to feel right, especially thinking about Ron. I don't see him as prejudice at all but I don't imagine he'd take the news in stride.
Thank you again for continuing to read. I hope your exams went well!! Report Review
Aww this was so cute! Haha I couldn't resist the chapter summary when I saw it - Hermione and a shirtless Ron? And it was awesome how you linked it to that amortentia quote from Hermione! And your characterisation is so wonderful. Especially Ron. But I loved Ginny laughing at Hermione, but not making fun of her. Hehe, this was just a nice enjoyable one shot to read :) I really liked how simple, short and sweet this was!
- CharlotteAuthor's Response: Ginny was making fun a little bit ;) I'm sure she would have stopped and stared if it was Harry, but this is her brother after all, she's going to mock Hermione for it. lol. I had fun writing this, so I'm really glad you liked it! Thank you so much for reviewing, I appreciate it! Report Review
Hey! :) Pass the parcel~
I've been meaning to read the house cup entries, so I'm glad I get the chance to read yours! It's been really interesting seeing what Hufflepuff have done with Susan and the prompts. I think she's the most OC out of all the house champions, so there was quite a lot you could have done with her. The plot idea you had here was really interesting and quite original.
I'm not quite sure I understand the purpose of the bag - it feels slightly like a prop for the story without any real reason behind it? You mentioned there was a foe-glass, a sneakoscope, a sleeping draught and a jacket in the bag, yet the story you told only had the snippet about the jacket! I think there's even more potential with this story - you could write a moment about the foe-glass, the sneakoscope and a sleeping draught - moments from Susan's lives to really tie the story together more (and help me understand why these four items are in the bag).
I really liked the bit with Cedric though! He's the champion, but he was so sweet and kind enough to care about Susan and lend her his jacket! I thought that was great. Again, with the 5 years later scene - I want to know why Susan has a dragon! It seems very random, and it's not every person that can have a dragon if they want to. So all in all, it's a good story, but I think a bit more development could make it even better. Nice writing! :)
- CharlotteAuthor's Response: Hey, thanks for reviewing!
I'm glad you liked the plot idea, I wasn't sure where it came from it just sort of hit me!
I'll go back and see what I can do about the bag and also try to put in some more information between her going to sleep and the five years later part.
Again, thanks for reviewing and I'm glad you liked the part with Cedric! :) Report Review
Hey! Pass the parcel~
This was really great. I really loved how different this was - especially with the Lily/Scorpius pairing that I was not expecting! The first thing that comes into my head is that Scorpius is a jerk. I don't understand why he'd send her an owl and then apparate after she had just gotten in (hypothetically he wouldn't know exactly when she would receive the note right?) And that note was harsh. You made me feel really sorry for Lily, since she's so heartbroken, especially because of what she gave up (quidditch and family) and what was going to happen (week at the manor). The way Scorpius was talking to Lily.. well it made me think that Draco might've played a part in his sudden change of heart.
I thought the story started really suddenly, without much of an introduction but it still works as a first chapter. There's some great writing here, and it'll be interesting to see where you take this. I did enjoy reading it though :)
- CharlotteAuthor's Response: Hehe I know right! The letter thing was a bit stupid. But you'll see why ;) Hehe Draco *shakes* Oh dear Draco. Seems like him doesn't it? I love to see the way you interpret present and predict the future parts. really gives me ideas :D And hmm... Is it Draco? We'll see ;)
Thanks Charlotte. I know, as a single chapter this says nothing. But there's a huge story coming. I'm working on it. So the next chapters should clear out all doubts :D Hopefully.
Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. It gives me so much energy to carry on :D
*Hugs* Report Review
Hey! Pass the parcel~
So I've read quite a few pregnant Rose fics, and usually they are pretty good, even if slightly cliche. This is just a first chapter so I have no idea where you're going to take it, but so far it seems pretty intriguing! Of course, I can't help but wonder who the father is - I see Scorpius in the character and pairings list so I'm strongly inclined to believe it's his. Also, it'd be interesting to see how Hermione and Ron will react..
Rose's denial feels like such a realistic reaction and I really liked that you showed that. Also the idea of dirty and pregnant really worked here. An interesting first chapter. Nicely written :)
- Charlotte Report Review
Hey! Pass the parcel~
Aw I really liked this! I've never seen a story like this before, so it was really fresh and unique. I wasn't sure what to expect with the summary - three little pigs meeting Harry Potter, but I love the parallel between the tale of the three brothers and the three little pigs. The way you wrote it was really fantastic and so cleverly done too. I loved how Voldemort was the bad guy and how you pretty much stuck to canon with this story. It was so clever of you to combine their three hallows with the houses - so, having a wand make the house, the stone make the house, and the invisible house. I also really liked how Voldemort says the same thing each time - just like in the fairytale we know and the repetition of wave and curse was really effective.
A really clever idea for a story and executed well too! Nicely written - I enjoyed this! :)
- CharlotteAuthor's Response: Hey, I'm glad you liked it!
I tried to keep the bare bones of the story the same so I'm glad you thought the repetition was effective.
Thanks for reviewing! :) Report Review
I'm back again and really happy about it too! (Pass the parcel~) I'm glad I had the chance to read the next chapter of this! I found it just as good as the first - the same high quality. To be honest the chapters are a little long for my taste, even though I do find it really enjoyable and engaging to read throughout. I especially loved the idea of the duelling range. I think it's such a cool idea and I can definitely see the appeal/fun-ness of that!
Again, James/Gwen's relationship is just so close and it's highlighted even more in this chapter. It makes me realise just how strong Gwen is for just being able to be James' best friend even though she wants so much more.. I can really feel for her. I wonder how the dynamics in their relationship would change if James found out, or if he fell in love with her.. the possibilities could really go anywhere!
There's a lot of good stuff here - the dialogue, writing, everything is perfectly balanced and it really does make for a great story. Really well written :)
- CharlotteAuthor's Response: Heey ^^ I'm glad that you got the chance to read the next chapter!
And yeah, I know. They are quite long, aren't they? I can't seem to write shorter chapters d:
But I'm happy that you still enjoyed it and liked my Duelling Range idea ^^
Haha, you'll have to read forwards to find out (;
But thank you for such a lovely review! Report Review
Hey! Pass the parcel~
This is fantastic! I know this isn't your most recent work, so maybe you would have preferred a review on your WIP instead, but I read the summary of this and couldn't resist! What an interesting idea for the plot - and one that makes me genuinely intrigued to find out more! I really loved this first chapter - the way you characterised Moody was absolutely brilliant and it all just felt absolutely real. There's a lot of heavy paragraphs here - but the way you wrote it made them compelling to read, I was really drawn in. You were kind of just telling us all about Moody, and lots of people do that in a boring way, but the way you told it was just so fascinating. And Moody is a really great character to explore - and I love what you've done with him.
Even in what is a more serious kind of fic, I still found bits amusing, such as Moody looking in magazines and newspapers for secret codes! He read them backwards, read them upside down and sometimes he only read every second word or the first word or letter of each line. Haha lol. And even more so with this! But he thought Lupin knew, Moody had given him a super-sensitive, highly advanced, limited-edition Sneakoscope for his birthday and if that didn’t say: you’re my friend, I care, Moody didn’t know what did. That definitely made me laugh a little. I really loved the interesting insight into Moody here - how he retired, (silly Scrimgeour!), the good stuff about Tonks and Lupin, and just how his life was at that time. Really, really well written and I'm definitely going to check out the next chapter of this when I have time! I really want to know what happens! Absolutely brilliant! :)
- CharlotteAuthor's Response: Hi there - no, you're grand, I am so happy you picked this story to review (just because no one really reads or reviews this story, I dunno if it's because Moody isn't a popular character to what, but there you are).
I am glad you liked this first chapter - it's more of a prologue really though. Originally this fic was just a one-shot, but it was nearly 8,000 words and I thought that was far too long for a one-shot so I split it into prologue and story.
I am glad you liked Moody's characterisation, he's my favourite character (after Lupin obviously, Lupin holds top spot because he's awesome!). I know there are a lot of heavy paragraphs and I'm sorry about that (but if you think they are bad now, you should have seen the first draft, the paragraphs were MONSTERS!) - it's not as bad in the next chapter. I just saw this as giving the reader an insight into Moody's mind and I tried to write it using his voice and the paragraphs just came out like that!
I am glad you liked the little bits of humour thrown in. I was going for that sort of mad genius idea, whose pure insanity is hilarious at times, so I am glad you liked that. Also glad you liked the comments on Lupin and Tonks too, I liked trying to view those two characters through Moody's eyes.
All I can say is thanks so much for such a lovely review. If you do indeed get around to chapter two, I hope you enjoy it!
TLM :-) Report Review
I really liked this! It was a really great prologue - especially the first section. I really loved the drama, mystery and intrigue there. I am obviously sad with the implication that Thorfinn ended up killing Elizabeth.. I think.. I don't think he killed her daughter.. but the whole atmosphere of that bit was really tense and building to a climax.. the patronus thing was a good idea and Elizabeth being so tender with her daughter before brought a really sharp contrast to Thorfinn and what he means.
As for the second part, Fred/George are definitely two of my favourite characters. I loved how confident they were and still funny - I loved it with the giant squid when Fred tried to poke it with his wand. Something I also liked was the sorting - it was different to others because you highlighted how close they were and how much they wanted/needed to be in the same house. And the appearances of Charlie, Angelina, Lee were great.
Okay, Katherine Rowle. I am pretty sure that this means Thorfinn has taken Elizabeth's daughter and brought her up as his own? Intriguing and curious.. why would he? Unless this is all just a massive coincidence and my brain was connecting the dots in an invisible line. All in all, it was quite a nice prologue - the juxtaposition between the first and second part really make me as the reader interested to see how they'll join up into one story and where you're going to take this. Well-written! :)
- CharlotteAuthor's Response: HI! :)
I'm glad you liked this :) We find out that later what truly happened on that night.
I love the twins which why they are part of the main cast in this story :) Besides the fact that I want to lighten this story up and they are perfect for it :) (I love Charlie, Angelina and Lee!)
Ahhh You learn later of Katherine relationship with Thorfinn, I'm happy you enjoyed the prologue :)
Thank you for the review Report Review
Pass the parcel~
Wow! This was utterly brilliant and so, so enjoyable to read! I have to admit that at first I was kinda deterred by the 6000+ word count. I was afraid it would be the typical introduction of characters and unnecessary dialogue/biography of the character. But I am so, so glad you've proved me wrong! I really enjoyed this chapter - Gwen is such a fun easy character to straightaway feel so connected with. And this is a testament to your brilliant writing! You aren't the first to do the "girl in love with her guy best friend" plot, but I really love how you've characterised Gwen and James here and I think it'll be super interesting to see where you're going to take this.
From the beginning I was hooked - everything you said about love is so true and I could really relate. You managed to give me such a great sense of Gwen and James' relationship throughout this. The quidditch training was engaging, and the general friendship-ness of them was so sweet. And the end - I had a slight feeling that it might be Victoire/Teddy being engaged and it was really nice to get a sense of the Potter-Weasley clan here. It was really sweet to see how much Gwen was loved by them - and although there is so much in this first chapter, it still leaves me with questions about her past. I am already rooting for James to have been secretly in love with Gwen for the past few years.. or for him to gradually fall in love with her. Though it is probably cliche, I just love happy endings.
By the way, english is not your native language?? It is not noticeable to me at all, and I am so, so impressed - this is definitely quite a well written story and I really liked it! Fantastic first chapter! :)
- CharlotteAuthor's Response: I'm glad you liked it ^^
Yeah, I know. The huge wordcount sometimes drives some people away, but I'm glad you gave it a shance anyways (:
I know what you mean! I always try to sprinkle all that information throughout the first chapters and not shove them all into the first one. I think it makes it more interesting (:
Haha, yeah. The basic plotline isn't the first one out there, but I hope all the other things make my story not so cliched. At least I hope I've succeeded (:
Aww, thanks ^^ I'm glad you think that. I know I'm not perfect, but I'm glad that you think it isn't showing (:
Thank you for such a lovely review! Report Review
Pass the parcel~
This was really great! I've been meaning to read the task one stories so I'm glad I've got the chance to read yours! What I really loved was the unique plot idea and the setting of the Ministry. It made for a really interesting story that was a bit more different to the others, which was really great. I really loved the idea of a guard of the Ministry of Magic, allowed to do anything - it makes sense after the war and I really liked how Neville was the Auror this night round.
I really liked how Neville has grown up, strong enough to stand up for himself so well when he was against Harry. I found it really surprising that Harry had become a man of hate and anger. I can see it happening, but it's just a very surprising idea. Neville's behaviour and actions after that also felt slightly strange to me - it didn't quite capture Neville's character for me - the way he spoke made it seem like he was the boss, he was in total control. Especially this: Harry was thrown back against the stands. It just seemed a bit too forceful for my taste. However, I guess both Neville and Harry's character could just be highlighting the fact that both are changed men.
The plot was interesting - going to the Department of Mysteries and the prophecy.. and the flashback was nicely written too. The way you incorporated all the prompts was really well done - they all fit in so well. All in all, a great story with a different but really well thought out plot! :)
- Charlotte Report Review
Pass the parcel~
I really enjoyed this prologue! It had such a unique plot in this opening chapter that I have not seen before - and it was written so fantastically. I found Sera's mum's situation really intriguing, though her condition just made me so sad. But it's something really interesting to read about because I haven't seen it before. The way you wrote this was really well done - it really made me feel for Sera, especially when her mother could not tell who she was, and what she thought was fact was not true.
The characterisation of Sera is established really well - she's such a caring daughter, and the love she feels for her mum was conveyed really well. Jonathan was a great character too and he seems really nice. It'll be interesting to see where you take this next - it was definitely an engaging and thought-provoking prologue, which is what a prologue should be like. Really nicely written! :)
- CharlotteAuthor's Response: Aww thanks ^^
I'm glad that you found it interesting! First chapters are always the hardest!
It's nice to hear that you liked all that (even if it made you feel sad but that was kind of the point d: )
I'm glad you liked my characters too and everything else. Hopefully you'll get the chance to read more once I update this (:
Thank you for your lovely review ^^ Report Review
Pass the parcel~
Ahh this was really lovely! I thought this was a really well written response to the task prompts, and the way you incorporated in all of them was extremely well done, really. The way you included the list of dragons, dragon blood uses and dark detectors were especially well done. I've been meaning to read through all the house cup task one stories, so I'm glad I get to review yours. There are a few dragon keeper stories but I really liked how in yours there was the gender discrimination that I didn't really see in others. It makes me think that at that time, there still could be discrimination, especially in a field like dragon keeping which I can see as being male dominated.
Not sure if you were aiming for it to be 100% realistic, but the actions of the men were a little too much maybe? I can't really picture any men doing this.. followed their leader to where Susan stood. Once they’d completely surrounded her, the men all started yelling insults either at her or about her. It just seems like something that wouldn't happen, even if the men were displeased - and it also feels a bit unrealistic that Susan shouting at them would not get their attention when she's in the middle of them. However, I suppose you needed that part for the plot. Along with those lines are the two insults: “Look at her hair!” one of them called. “It looks like she ran up on the bad end of a Blast-Ended Skrewt!”
“Someone hit her with the Cruciatus Curse!” another yelled. “That’ll scare her off!” Again, two insults that did not feel like something any man would really realistically say. One thing I did like was this: Mr. Jeffries said and did nothing; he simply stood to the side and smiled as they harassed her. He's so mean, and that line really highlighted just how mean he was from the start. Another thing was what Susan exclaimed to get their attention: “Merlin’s beard!” To me, it felt like an un-Susan-y thing to say, but that may just be my opinion. The only other thing that I questioned was why does Susan want to be a dragon keeper? It's at the very core of the story but I don't understand her passion for the job.
It was curious that Charlie had gone completely missing - but that's completely minor to the story. Anyway, I really enjoyed this - it was a really nice story to read, and I loved the positive way you portrayed Susan, staying strong through the men's harsh words and persevering in such a tough job. Nice story! :)Author's Response: Wow. I really, really don't even know how to begin to answer this amazing, thoughtful review! Let me start off by saying Thank you, Thank you, A million times, Thank you!
I'm really glad that you thought this was a well-written piece for the challenge; I worked on it really hard to get it done on time.
You're absolutely right about the men's actions; I know it isn't completely realistic, but as you said, it was sort of necessary for the plot. I was trying to get all the pieces to fit together while still having the required prompts, and unfortunately that's the only way I could think of to make that happen at the time.
And you're right, Mr. Jeffries was VERY mean in this... I really didn't intend for him to be, it just kind of... happened, you know? :D And I agree; I have a HORRIBLE time deciding which exclamations to use!
I really should have given more information about why Susan wanted to be a Dragon Keeper, it would have given the story a lot more depth. As for Charlie going missing, I've just started a novel (Keeping Secrets), in which Charlie will eventually 'disappear' for a while. Since I was already writing a Charlie fic, I figured I'd just make this challenge piece fit in with it, sort of as a companion piece almost. :)
Again, thank you SO much for your thoughtful review and the Constructive Criticism - I can't tell you how much I appreciate it! Report Review
Pass the parcel~
Wow, I really enjoyed this fic! It was kinda short, but it felt like such a lot was conveyed during it. I really loved the ambiguity of who the girl/guy is from the start - it really drew me into the story. Another thing I really liked was how it feels so happy and light at the beginning before going into some history and some past more unhappy memories - they were really interesting and well written. You made me feel really sorry for Georgia. And the tangent about love felt really realistic between an adult and child - that thing about children not understanding but they will when they're older. The thing I really liked was this: A ping of a coin hitting the ground startled her out of her daze. That line actually made me feel like I had been part of that daze and I was like, what? oh! where were we before then? So I think it was fantastic that you really drew me in so well.
Just a couple of things I noticed: a desparate woman, convince she was in love. spelling - desperate, and I think it should be convinced.
You keep telling yourself that, Honey Not sure why it's capitalised? Same with Mums face, and an extra apostrophe should be added for possession (mum's face). Also, with out should be one word - without, and did you mean inkling for inking? The only other thing I wasn't sure of was the ending where Lily tapped her nose. I thought that was a slightly odd movement - was it to indicate something to do with a flower and how you smell flowers?
Other than that, I really liked this story! The memories and the past really tied in well with the ending - that was just so sweet. It makes me curious to wonder how the guy and Lily both recognised that the other was magical. Okay, so I wasn't too sure on who the guy was so I had to check the ship in the story summary but James/Lily makes it even cuter. It was just a really lovely one-shot all around! Nicely written :)
- Charlotte Report Review
There are just so many things you bring up in this chapter that describe something absolutely perfectly!! The relationship between James/Lily! and Fred looking for Cedric. Ahh but the beginning with James/Lily was just so perfect. All the thoughts, emotions, everything came through so believably THEM.
At this moment, she couldn’t bring herself to hate him, no matter how much she wanted to.
She would be honest, of course. They did not lie to each other about important matters. Isn't this what real love is? ♥
Oh my goodness, Snape! It was surprising to find out James knew that Snape loves Lily - but it shouldn't be. I think it's surprising to see James so mature, but it's absolutely wonderful too.
“We’re living in forever here, and forever is a long time to be with one person and one person only. Don’t you think I realize that?” Aww James.. whilst Lily's feelings are kinda mixed inside (understandably) I hope she doesn't ever break James' heart because I couldn't bear that for him.
I was following you around most of the time we were on the ship. I saw that slippery snake try to talk to you and I just lost it.” I'm curious, how did James know which one was Lily and Snape? Might've been interesting to mention!!
Fred/Cedric's discussion was well written too. You just really get their characters (all characters in this fic!). I don't even know how Fred would be feeling, coming from a family of 8 others and finding himself all alone here. But gahh, the James/Lily relationship moment was just so special and I really loved this chapter like every chapter! :)
- CharlotteAuthor's Response: And the James/Lily/Snape plotty bits thicken!
Heee. I love everything about James/Lily/Snape, exploring their various feelings, good and bad alike, towards one another. I'm a strong Lily/James shipper but with Severus all angsty on the side with his unrequited feelings, and the whole thing is like a treasure trove for me to dig into, poking at all the parts that hurt. Poor Severus. :(
Oooh, good question! Remember on the ship when Lily was talking to the man with the little watch at the table, and they were sizing each other up? That was James. ^ ^ He recognized her very quickly, and she realized it was him, too, eventually, but then the boat began to tilt downward under the ocean's surface and Lily lost contact with him. But evidently James kept an eye on her after that.
So, so happy you're still reading and enjoying! You've got one more transitional chapter before Round Two. ;)
Thank you for reading and reviewing! Report Review
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