Reading Reviews From Member: maskedmuggle
  
1,169 Reviews Found

Review #1, by maskedmuggleA Vision In White: From The Beginning

24th April 2014:
Hey!

AHH! This was just so amazing and lovely and romantic and aww! I really loved reading this so much, it was just absolutely beautiful. I was hooked from the very beginning and the way Roxanne recounted their story was just so mesmerising. All the detail you had in the story was written so beautifully: even small things like I'll never forget the look on your face when I asked if I could sit with you, and then ten of my cousins proceeded to cram into the tiny little compartment and the way their relationship slowly evolved into something so much more made it so compelling to read.

I loved how romantic the entire story was and how clearly in love Roxanne and Aoife (really gorgeous, interesting name btw!) were - every moment that was recounted to me so clearly depicted this. I'm also glad that both their parents were so loving and accepting, as this was just such a happy sweet one-shot that any conflict would have upset the blissful mood - although it's sad to realise that it isn't like that for many people in real life today. I also want to commend you for your use of the flashback - you did it so tastefully and in a way that really made the whole story fit together. A really beautiful and lovely one-shot, written really well, and I loved reading this! ♥
- Charlotte

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Review #2, by maskedmuggleProposal: Proposal

24th April 2014:
Hey!

Aww this was such a wonderfully sweet one-shot and I really liked your portrayal of Ron throughout this. I loved how you started this fic about Ron wanting to marry Hermione for a long time, and then giving some background info about what happened to Ron after the war and what he ended up doing - I personally always find it interesting to see how writers portray Ron after the war, and I felt like your characterisation of Ron was realistic and great.

Aw I loved the little moment with Harry/Ron - their strong friendship was clearly evident there, and I also really liked how you characterised Ginny (this was basically 100% Ginny: Ginny rolled her eyes and nodded, walking off as she muttered about boys being useless and having to do everything for them.). One important thing I sensed from all the characters here and the way they interacted was how close all of them were to each other, and I just really loved how you made that come through.

The proposal itself and the whole scene was simple but perfect, and really romantic. Beautiful way to end the one-shot! So I think you did such a lovely job with this, and I really enjoyed reading it! :)
- Charlotte

Author's Response: Thank you so much! Your comments all mean so much to me! I'm glad you liked the characterisations, I know I personally hate the way some people portray the characters. The Harry/Ron friendship is so important to me as well, so I'm glad that you liked that moment.

Your review means a lot! Thank you so much! I feel welcomed into this community!


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Review #3, by maskedmuggleThe Fred Weasley Memorial Scholarship: iv. the secret weapon [or] well, i didn't see that coming

24th April 2014:
Hello!

AHHH! Can I just say first of all that I loved loved LOVED all the Albus/Scorpius in this chapter! So, so adorable and ahh this may just be my new OTP! I've never even really thought much about the Albus/Scorpius pairing at all or even remember reading any fics focusing on it, but the way you've written it makes me feel like they're absolutely perfect together! The moment they came out was just so beautiful I was literally reading that with the biggest grin on my face going awww!

This is such a small thing, but I completely LOL'ed at the Quidditch shirts Rose and Holly were wearing, haha! I'm also really liking the inventive pranks you're coming up with. I've read my fair few of prank fics, and I've got to say that all your pranks so far have been really original/pranks I have not read before! I do have a question though: why did 'the enemy' target Holly - how would they know it was specifically her? And wow, their attempt at retaliation really was pitiful - way more embarrassing for Sean than for Holly!

And woah do I love the way you ended this chapter! It's like another cliffhanger (hoping I won't have to wait too long though :D) and I'm dying to know what the enemy is going to do with all their luck! (I love the idea of the enemy getting Felix Felicis btw!) This chapter was even better than the one before (especially with all the Albus/Scorpius!!! ♥) and I'm really loving your fic! Definitely keep writing it!
- Charlotte

Author's Response: I'm grinning so hard right now! I love Albus/Scorpius and this chapter is my favourite of the ones I've written so far because of them and their dynamic - I just love them to bits and I'm with you on that one - I think they're my new OTP as well!

Rose and Holly have a very special place in my heart, and their sarcasm and sense of humour definitely have no small part to play in that. I'm glad you're enjoying the pranks! I'm very much like my characters in the sense that I've never been a prankster and I struggle to think of good ones, so I'm really glad my efforts are paying off! And the enemy knew it was Holly because of her winking at Sean - they had an inkling it was that group anyway, and it's not a difficult leap to make considering Rose and Holly are so close. I might make that clearer in edits though, so thanks!

I feel like that attempt at retaliation may have been a decoy of sorts - they do have the Felix Felicis, after all, and they've got some big things in the works.

Thank you so much, again, for the review (and especially for being as enthusiastic about Albus/Scorpius as I am. I love those boys so much) and I can't wait to see you back for Chapter 5 (it will be a few days away because I'm going on holiday, but hopefully the wait will be worth it)


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Review #4, by maskedmuggleThe Fred Weasley Memorial Scholarship: iii. the order of the raven [or] our reputation precedes us

24th April 2014:
Hey!

You are absolutely awesome for writing and updating this so quickly! I really liked how realistic everything was, with Vector talking to Rose/Scorpius as prefects about the incident, and I especially loved the bit after, where Scorpius bows to her and says We're committing treason, Rosie. I just found that humorous, haha.

The moment where they revealed themselves was set up well, but I have to say I'm a little doubtful about everyone's reactions -- it seems a bit contradictory that there was a lot of intense chatter about who the Order of the Raven was in the common room and once it was revealed - nobody seemed to care. I felt like a more natural response everybody might have had was to question them (they're model students, why would they be doing this?) or even to completely not believe them and go on discussing theories about who it was :P

Once again, I loved the chemistry between all the main characters, and the witty banter/conversations! And I liked that despite how Rose and everyone are obviously excellent students, they've also got weaknesses - and I think you portrayed that really well with the prank the 'enemy' did on Rose -- seems like this'll be quite the intense prank war as both sides know exactly who to target and how :P Most of all though, I'm really excited by the ending lines (it's almost a cliffhanger of sorts although I"m cheering because I see the next chapter up already and can read on straight away) and I'm really eager to find out what Holly's idea is! Fantastic writing, and continuing on~
- Charlotte

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I am trying to keep things realistic, and I certainly think the teachers getting involved is part of that - no Head of House is going to turn a blind eye to the beginnings of a prank war (plus I just like having the juxtaposition of Rose/Scorpius as prefects and overly guilty prank masterminds, and anything that emphasises that is all good for me)

That is a good point - my main purpose behind that was to show that their dreams of eternal pranking glory are somewhat unrealistic - they all have these ideas of what hedonism and "fun" should look like, and in a very real way it's not all it's cracked up to be. That and I think speculating about jilted ex-lovers seems a lot more interesting to the assembled crowd than a (to their minds anyway) one-off prank between Weasley-Potters. But you do have a point, and thank you for bringing that to my attention!

I actually really enjoyed writing this chapter because it gave me so much insight into Rose - how she thinks, what makes her tick - and as a result I think I felt her pain entirely //too// much. But exploring those weaknesses made her feel a lot more real to me, and I hope that comes across to the reader as well.

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing, your reviews honestly make my day! Can't wait to see what you think of Chapter 4, and I hope you enjoy :)


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Review #5, by maskedmuggleThe Fred Weasley Memorial Scholarship: ii. the initiation [or] five thousand galleons justifies everything

21st April 2014:
Hey again!

Hehehe, definitely enjoyed reading this chapter, and I'm so glad you got this next chapter up so quickly too! :D I really loved the way you wrote this chapter - especially how you didn't just straightaway reveal what Rose's plan was, but let it slowly unfold. I can just imagine the whole line of pygmy puffs following Louis down as he walks (actually it seems like it'd be such an adorable sight :P), though his frustration is clearly evident!

Once again, I loved the dialogue you had here, especially in their beginning conversation. The banter between all of them is just terrific, and I really like how you've also developed all of the characters more, such as explaining more about those that are "the enemy". I find it really interesting that you've got "the enemy" as a mix of Gryffindor/Slytherin that also have a Weasley and a Potter, because for some reason in a lot of next-gen fics Gryffindor and Slytherin are still portrayed as rivals and all the Weasleys/Potters are (mostly) in the one gang, and I love how this is so different in your story, and how you've kinda got Ravenclaws against Gryffindor/Slytherin instead.

So, I'm really loving your story already, and am looking forward to the next chapter! I can't wait to see how "the enemy" will retaliate and how all their pranks will wreak havoc at Hogwarts! ♥
- Charlotte

Author's Response: I'm glad you're enjoying it! As I said yesterday, this story is top of my priority/writing list at the moment so updates are coming pretty fast at the moment. Rose is a bit of a drama queen, and as the year goes on I think she'll become more and more addicted to springing pranks that nobody sees coming. The Pygmy Puffs would be adorable, I know! Shame on Louis for not appreciating the finer things in life.

I'm glad you're enjoying the banter because I'm honestly having so much fun writing it and developing everyone - they have such a natural friendship that I can barely take any credit for - they write themselves really. Most of my stories have an element of "see what everyone else is doing in this genre and then do the opposite" so that partially explains the rivalry between the Claws and the Slytherin/Gryffindors - also I think both houses would attract similar personalities - the kinds who seek glory and fame and attention, and the enmity between them was a wartime thing rather than a consistent one.

Thank you so much for the review and I'm really happy to have you as a reader! The next chapter shouldn't be too far away at all, and I hope you enjoy it!


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Review #6, by maskedmuggleThe Fred Weasley Memorial Scholarship: i. the plan [or] five nerds face a life of hedonism

20th April 2014:
Hey!

I was really intrigued by your summary and thought I'd give your opening chapter a read - and I'm so glad I did, because I'm already in love with your story and want to read more! :D I love the whole concept/plot idea so far, and I already want to know what happens next! I feel like the plot is actually something really realistic, and also unique - I love the idea of a Fred scholarship!

Characters - I'm also already liking them all, and I think it'd be really awesome to get to see more of each of their individual personalities in future chapters. There's a lot of dialogue in this chapter, but it was written so well and flowed very very smoothly. Not to mention you did such an awesome job incorporating the humour into this -- I was greatly amused by the ending lines where Holly asks Who does the average student want to see get their comeuppance? and the answer was Us. Haha! Their hopeless brainstorming on ways to 'prank'/not be excellent students was just so funny to read.

All in all, I'm honestly loving your story already, and really hope you update soon and get the next chapter up because I really really want to read it! :D Fabulous writing!
- Charlotte

Author's Response: I'm honestly just sitting here in my onesie clapping like a lunatic because this review made me smile so much, thank you! This story came out of nowhere less than twelve hours ago, and I'm really excited to keep writing it - I'm already attached to the characters, and there will definitely be more individual characterisation in the chapters to come - characterisation is my jam, and I'm really looking forward to developing everyone further. I'm honestly so in love with these five and their banter and their bookishness already, and I'm glad you're enjoying it as well! I'm on Easter break at the moment and the muse is strong for this story, so the next chapter should be up in less than 24 hours, I hope to see you back for it!

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Review #7, by maskedmuggleThe start of something...waif like: Chapter 1

17th April 2014:
Hey!

Aw, this was a short but sweet fic! I really liked the plot here. You've used so few words, but said so much with them. I got such a good sense of Harry's background and the context of where this was taking place. I felt so sad hearing about Ginny's wedding to Dean Thomas, and I really got a sense of Harry's isolation, particularly with Hermione/Ron's absence. I thought him stumbling into Luna was a really nice coincidence, and I particularly liked how you characterised Luna so realistically. I can just imagine Luna hunting some other oddball creature, and I really loved her bemusement and the line "you have merely stated something; you have done nothing to substantiate it!" because I can so imagine Luna saying something like that! To be honest, it seemed a bit abrupt that Harry would straightaway declare his feelings for her and then go and kiss her, but the spontaneity did make this fic very fluffy and enjoyable to read. Nice job writing this! :)

- Charlotte
(for the Huffleclaw-Ravenpuff Eggstravaganza)

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Review #8, by maskedmuggleSabotage: The Three Broomsticks

17th April 2014:
Hey!

Ah, this was such a lovely fic to read! I just finished reading Kayla's version of this story, and I really loved how well the two stories connected! I'm really impressed by how well the scenarios match, particularly with the dialogue (which is written really well by the way) - I felt like everything just flowed so well and smoothly. It was so interesting reading about the moment from Lily's perspective, and I felt like you really did her justice in her characterisation. I found it really realistic that Lily would be so aware of all of James' habits and really know him and read him so well. I also loved how Lily was so considerate - going to the Three Broomsticks despite it not really being her cup of tea, and also not teasing James after the spilt drink. All in all, I really enjoyed reading this, and I think you did a lovely job writing it! :)

- Charlotte
(for the Huffleclaw-Ravenpuff Eggstravaganza)

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Review #9, by maskedmuggle'Favours': 'Favours'

17th April 2014:
Hey Kayla!

Aw, I really enjoyed reading this fic! I loved the plot -- about how the Marauders made a deal with James where he'd just keep looking stupid until he asked the question. I wasn't sure how the Marauders would manage to do that, but I loved all the creative ideas - the drink spilling over and James running after the snitch! I also particularly liked how Lily could tell something was wrong with James/sense his nervousness, and how she was also aware that the Marauders were there bothering James. It just felt like such a realistic portrayal/characterisation of Lily because I do feel like she's a very observant person!

I loved how sweet James/Lily was here, particularly when James finally asked the question. I also really liked how you characterised the Marauders at the beginning - I feel like it's always so important to make sure you portray the camaraderie that the boys have and I felt like you did that really well! All in all, I just really liked this fic - I thought you did a really great job in writing it!

- Charlotte
(for the Huffleclaw-Ravenpuff Eggstravaganza)

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Review #10, by maskedmuggleRed Silk: The Wedding

17th April 2014:
Hey!

Aw, this was a really nice way to finish off the story! I loved how here the portrayal of Parvati/Padma's relationship seemed a lot closer than it was in the first chapter -- I feel like siblings have their good moments and their lousy moments, and when Parvati pointed out Padma/Gautum, I thought that was a really sweet moment. I also forgot to comment before in the first chapter about how I really like the Parvati/Seamus pairing you've used here. It's definitely really unique and a pairing I don't think I've ever read before!

I loved how beautiful the wedding was, and I think you did a really great job writing this fic - particularly the ending. The ending felt so perfect -- you could really sense Padma's hesitation but also how intimate and genuine that moment felt. Really lovely fic, and I enjoyed reading it!

- Charlotte
(for the Huffleclaw-Ravenpuff Eggstravaganza)

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Review #11, by maskedmuggleRed Silk: A Failed Chai Exchange

17th April 2014:
Hey!

Ooh I really enjoyed reading this first chapter/part! I loved how this story focuses on Padma Patil (and a bit on Parvati Patil), because I've never read a story about her, and she's such a minor character with so much space to explore. I really liked how you characterised her here - it was actually a bit surprising seeing her feeling so down on herself at times, but I can also understand how Padma is the person that she is, and the reasons why she feels that way about herself. I feel a bit sorry for Padma, especially with the way everyone else seems to treat her, and particularly her mother. I also find that Gautum is a really interesting character, and I'm so curious to see how he and Padma will turn out!

I also thought the plot was really interesting. I particularly loved how strong you portrayed their cultural background in this story, because I think their culture would definitely be really important to them on such an important occasion. So I definitely found this chapter really unique, and I thought you did a brilliant job writing it! Really curious to read the second chapter now!

- Charlotte
(for the Huffleclaw-Ravenpuff Eggstravaganza)

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Review #12, by maskedmuggleMurphy's Law: Reality

17th April 2014:
Hey!

I'm so glad I finally got a chance to read this, because I love the idea of Yhprum's Law and Murphy's Law. Having just read Singularity's piece, I really love how your piece works as such a fantastic companion/sequel. I loved how the two pieces were very similar in plot line, but also completely different.. if that makes sense!

I was hoping the date wouldn't be completely disastrous as I've got a soft spot for James/Lily and wouldn't really like to see a date where Lily storms off angrily vowing to never again date James.. so I really enjoyed the plot you had here. I liked how they ran into all sorts of problems, but everything still kinda managed to work out in the end! The kiss at the end was so sweet, and I just went awww.

I really loved how you characterised both James and Lily here! I particularly loved Lily at the beginning - I can so imagine her telling James he's late :P And I also liked that bit where she commented about James' habit of touching his hair - it just felt very realistic that Lily would be so observant about things. All in all, I really liked your fic - it was written really well!

- Charlotte
(for the Huffleclaw-Ravenpuff Eggstravaganza)

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Review #13, by maskedmuggleYhprum's Law: Expectation

17th April 2014:
Hey!

I've been meaning to read this for quite some time, and I'm really glad I finally did! First of all, I love the concept of Yhprum's Law (and Murphy's Law), and I think you did such an awesome job portraying your side of how everything could work so perfectly for James/Lily!

I really liked how cute and fluffy it was from the start, and it was just so romantic all the way! I thought the pastry thing was a nice touch in the plot - something a bit different from typical lunch dates! The snow globe, and the carriage at the end was also so adorably sweet. I loved how much of a gentleman James seemed to be!

Whilst I was reading it, I felt a bit doubtful about Lily's portrayal - her giggling and 'peal of surprised laughter' - but it all made completely sense in the end! The ending was definitely completely unexpected, but I did like it - added some amusement to the fic! All in all, I thought you did such a lovely job writing this, and I really enjoyed reading this!

- Charlotte
(for the Huffleclaw-Ravenpuff Eggstravaganza)

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Review #14, by maskedmuggleThe Interluding Years: The Interluding Years

30th December 2013:
Hey!

Here for the 12 Days of Reviewing but I'm really glad I had a chance to read your fic. I'm not sure what I was expecting, but the whole situation here was really surprising/unexpected to read about. I think this is definitely one of the more unique interpretations of the interluding years and your take on it is definitely really interesting.

I really liked how you wrote the scene of Remus mourning James/Lily. I also thought Remus was characterised really well throughout the story, particularly when he ponders the afterlife and doubts that he'll experience the same because he's tainted. Such thoughts just felt so realistically Remus.

I've never really given much thought to what Remus would have done immediately after the end of the war, but I can actually imagine Dumbledore making him promise not to interfere - such an idea seems very Dumbledore and believable. The other thing that really came through quite strongly in this was a sense of how isolated and lonely Remus was - his friends were all "dead" and he wasn't allowed to visit Harry.. it does make me feel really sad for Remus. All in all, I quite liked your interpretation of Remus' interluding years here, and I enjoyed reading this fic - nicely written as well! :)
- Charlotte

Author's Response: Hi Charlotte.

Thank you for the review and I'm glad I surprised you because I liked writing Remus a lot so it was fun to do it. I thought the request from Dumbledore would make sense and it just makes his story even sadder because Harry is everything to him. Thank you for the great review, Maia xxx


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Review #15, by maskedmuggleThe Girl and the Fey: A wizarding Bedtime story: A Wizarding Bedtime story

30th December 2013:
Hey!

Here for the 12 Days of Reviewing but I was also really intrigued by your story summary and of the idea of a wizarding creation myth - there's so many imaginative things you can do with that, and I was really eager to read an interpretation of it! This is actually probably one of the first wizarding bedtime stories that I've read, and I'm surprised I haven't come across/read more stories like this on the archive (although there probably are a few more out there).

I really liked how magical the whole fairytale felt. I also loved how unique/original I thought this one-shot was. I really liked how there were 2 groups of people: the human and the Fey - I thought the idea of the wall worked really well. I also really liked the idea of a girl and a boy, both who felt confined within the walls - such an idea feels really realistic and believable.

I was a bit confused between these two paragraphs: "..but for all the effort, power, and magic of the Fey, they could not make her forget." and "Each night, as the moon was rising its high arc up into the sky, they would meet back on the wall sharing stories of their life on the other side, and each night the people from both sides grew more and more suspicious of their disappearances. The reason is because the first "they" refers to all the Fey whereas I think the second "they" refers to the boy and the girl. Maybe you'd like to just clarify that, because it took me a few seconds to understand what was happening there.

Once I understood that though, everything made sense, and the idea of magic being given to a human thus leading to the creation of wizards/witches actually made some sort of sense/was believable. Also, although the dad/daughter's relationship wasn't that integral to the overall fairytale story, I did like how you portrayed them to be - I liked how close they were and how caring the father was. All in all, really interesting fic/story and well written too - I really enjoyed reading it and basically loved your creation story!
- Charlotte

Author's Response: Thanks, it was really fun to write and I love hearing feedback like this. I've noticed a few spots that need fixing in this story as well but I haven't gotten around to editing it yet. This is actually an earlier story of mine (my first HP one shot) that I posted on another Fanfiction site so it's not as good as I would like really. I would have responded sooner but I haven't been on since the staff when on that break they had, leaving me with a Christmas one-shot I couldn't upload. So here I am about to upload it and I see the review. Thanks for making me smile there and thanks again! :]

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Review #16, by maskedmuggleCryptic: Cryptic

30th December 2013:
Hey!

Here for the 12 Days of Reviewing but also because your story summary sounded super intriguing. I quite liked this little one-shot - the secret was definitely something I wasn't expecting at all!

Your title is also spot on - the whole situation definitely feels really cryptic and at the end I was left wanting to know so much more about Remus/Narcissa and how it happened (because the pairing is really quite strange and hard to believe, although I'm open to the idea of it and believe it could work if put in the right situation/context)! (I almost feel like you could do some follow up chapters/another one-shot acting like a prequel to this or something!)

Despite the idea of Remus/Narcissa I thought it was great how it still felt quite canon, with the mention of Harry and how it was hidden in Grimmauld Place before the Weasleys started cleaning it. The one thing I might mention, not sure if it's personal preference or not, but I'm not really fond of the way you've got sentences starting on new lines, but without spaces in between? I personally find it a bit disruptive - as in, I tend to like paragraphs or sentences with empty lines in between. Hope that makes sense!

Disregarding that though, this story was really interesting to read. The secret was definitely something really surprising, but it leaves me wanting to know so much more! :P A cool idea for a fic though and written well :)
- Charlotte

Author's Response: Wow... I'm sorry to only respond now. Thank you so much for your thorough review! Thanks for your advice, I'll make sure I will do so next time. I will work on a prequel. I was planning to, but I didn't know if people would like this, so I didn't at first. This is my first fanfiction ever, so I really must thank you again for your support and your wonderful review. :)
Love,
Tatia


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Review #17, by maskedmuggleHis Entirely Unbiased Prerogative: His Entirely Unbiased Prerogative

30th December 2013:
Hey!

Hehe, I really enjoyed reading this little one-shot so much! I actually found it really quite humorous and I just loved this insight into Dumbledore/McGonagall and the "behind-the-scenes" of James Potter becoming Head Boy. Of course, I've often wondered Why indeed? in response to why Dumbledore made James head boy, and although you didn't explicitly state Dumbledore's reasons here, I loved all the intrigue and staff opinions about it. I'm here for the 12 Days of Reviewing but I'm so glad I got a chance to take a look at this story.

I loved the way you characterised Dumbledore: He was quite the picture of contentment and tranquillity, even as the staff room erupted into chaos around him. that just describes him so perfectly! I also love how realistic everything felt: The problem was he never quite made clear his reasoning behind the decision. ..whenever asked.. he would always make some vague, sweeping gesture with one hand, ..on one memorable occasion, through Professor Merrythought's blancmange.. hehe I can just imagine Dumbledore doing that. So I also loved all the humourous moments/comments throughout this!

I'm a little bit hesitant about the believability of the idea of a staff pool on James/Lily but disregarding that, I loved how the staff were aware of their antagonistic relationship: "She'll kill him within the week!" lol. All in all, I thought this was such a well written one-shot and something that was really amusing and fun to read.
- Charlotte

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Review #18, by maskedmuggleJournalist's Roots: Startled

30th December 2013:
Hey!

I really enjoyed this one-shot! It had so many emotions in it, from sadness to hope and even to happiness. Here for the 12 Days of Reviewing but I'm really glad I got a chance to read this :)

I loved the whole situation you came up with following on from the Writer's Duel prompt. I really loved how you characterised Gwenyth and the way both James/Albus Potter were involved in the story. I also really liked how in the end the Potters invited Gwenyth over - it was just such a nice way to end the story and reiterates all the good stuff about how welcoming and openhearted the family is.

Despite how serious the situation kind of was, I also really enjoyed reading some of the more humorous moments: the discussion about the new department "Its acronym is DUMB." and the way Ginny sent them a howler (perfect characterisation of Ginny through the howler dialogue!) - and I found this so, so realistic/true because I can just imagine it - "She treats us like we're still kids," James muttered.

Even though this is a one-shot I actually really feel like I want to read a follow on chapter/s about whether the mother really is the herbolist, and why she left Gwenyth/how they came to be separated. I feel like this could actually work super well as the opening chapter for a short story as there's still some unanswered questions :P Overall though, I found this to be such a great one-shot, and I thought it was really well written. Really enjoyed it immensely! :)

- Charlotte

Author's Response: Wow. Thanks for the wonderful review! I'm so glad you enjoyed it. I was also thinking about turning it into a short story. The same questions you brought up also captured my interest. I hope to, in the next few weeks, begin to add chapters. I'd love to hear your continued input, if you stick around. Thanks again for reading it!

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Review #19, by maskedmugglegone.: he wasn't gone.

30th December 2013:
Hey!

NO (that was my first reaction), because I'm such a sucker for happy endings and this was anything but that :( It was so, so tragic, and despite how incredibly torn and heartbroken I am for Emily this was a really well written one shot that utterly captured my attention. Here for the 12 Days of Reviewing but I'm so, so glad I was able to read this one-shot.

I loved your use of the :: Sometimes when writers do that it feels a bit unnecessary but I think you used it to a really great effect here. This whole one-shot had a lot of focus on emotions, which I thought you really conveyed so so well. Emily's emotions and feelings were conveyed so strongly (her grief, desperation and denial in particular) and you made me, as a reader, so, so sympathetic.

Despite the quick change of scene from Emily to Alastar/Hestia it didn't feel abrupt to me, it actually felt like you had a really good flow going on. I also liked how you mentioned little things like how everyone was scared at times like this, and the dementor and how the man was a muggle - it made everything feel believable, realistic and established the time/context of the story. The whole ending was just so sad, especially with the whole engaged thing going on! So I thought this was a really well written piece - also I really loved how you developed from the original Writer's Duel prompt. I really enjoyed reading this, even if the ending made me super sad for Emily/the man.

- Charlotte

Author's Response: Hey!

Who's Emily?! That's my name! :O Did I say Emily somewhere I didn't mean to?

Ah I'm sorry! But you know, since it was my goal I'm glad you're heartbroken hehe. And thank you for the amazing compliment, I'm so glad you think this is well written.

Thank you! I was really worried about that stylistic choice, but so far it seems to have had a positive reception and I'm glad you think I used them well. Yes, I definitely meant for the oneshot to focus a lot on her emotions, so I'm glad you noticed that. And I'm glad that you were sympathetic!

Ah good, I was worried about the flow (especially with the bracketed sections) so I'm happy you think my flow was good. And yeah, I think that the war would have affected the Muggle world, even if they didn't know what was going on. It's good that you felt that the story was realistic and believable. I actually added in the engaged thing after finishing the piece so that I could add Hestia's little part in, I'm glad you found it sad! Ah thank you, I'm happy you found it well written and that you liked my development from the beginning, and that it made you sad hehe.

Thank you for this amazing review Charlotte!


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Review #20, by maskedmuggleUndertow: Chapter One

30th December 2013:
Hey!

I really enjoyed this opening chapter! I'm here for the 12 Days of Reviewing but also because I've been really excited to start this sequel ever since I finished Over the Edge and enjoyed it so much.

I wasn't sure how well their lives would be, constantly on the move, and whether it would actually work.. so I'm super glad that you put up a sequel. Seeing it written out like this makes me feel that this can work for Rose/Krum and that it is possible for them to live a life of love and meaning. Although now I'm left wondering and really eager to find out what's going to separate Rose/Krum - right now it seems like everything's working fairly well but your story summary suggests that somehow everything's going to be turned upside down soon - and I really want to know how! :P

I found this to be quite thought-provoking as well with how Rose has changed - I really loved how you characterised Rose here - she feels so natural, and how you mentioned that Rose wouldn't be able to escape those memories no matter how far they ran, because that feels so realistic. So I really enjoyed this opening chapter - I'll definitely be reading on - and hopefully you'll continue writing the story of Rose/Krum :)

- Charlotte

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Review #21, by maskedmuggleThe Story of Argus Filch and Mrs. Norris: Isabelle's Despair

30th December 2013:
Hey!

It's been a while yet again but I'm still reading this (albeit very slowly) and really, really enjoying it! I'm here for the 12 Days of Reviewing (a challenge from the forums) but also because I'm still eager to find out if Isabelle and Argus will meet again/what happens to Argus!

I really loved this bit: But since when did I care about Argus so much? Nevertheless, another answer came that instant. Since I found out he cared for me.. -- because it's so realistic and actually something very relatable for me, personally.

Love/heartbreak is something everyone deals with differently so I really love how this young Isabelle is so torn and angry, and how she made that ending declaration about never loving anyone else - you conveyed her emotions across so well! Also, despite how different she is from when we first met her (kind of snobby towards Argus), Isabelle still feels perfectly characterised - so the transition in her character's attitude/outlook has felt so natural. The other thing I really liked was how strongly a sense of youthful naivety was prevalent throughout the chapter - because it made Isabelle's feelings feel that much more realistic and spot on.

A really great chapter! & now that I've got some spare time I'm really looking forward to reading to the end :D
- Charlotte

Author's Response: Hello again! I'm glad you decided to come back! It's been a while since I checked my account and I was very happy to see your reviews! Hope you enjoy the rest of the story :)
- TheRandomGurlz


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Review #22, by maskedmuggle{insert evil laugh}: two. moose poop

29th December 2013:
Hey again Sankavi!

First off, I have to apologise for the super long wait.. I was sick and just ended up taking a break pre and during christmas from reviewing.. but I'm back now! Aside from that though, I was definitely looking forward to reading chapter 2 and finding out more about Laila! :)

Plot - I'll be very frank and say that I've probably read a chapter like this many, many times before, (traveling to King's Cross, boarding the train, meeting the other characters, etc), but I guess you can't really avoid that if you really want to start right at the beginning of the year. However, I did quite like how you wrote it here. You managed to keep it quite interesting to read though, it flowed well, and I particularly liked how bits of it was quite comical, such as Laila waking Scorpius up with the horn. (I can just imagine how amusing that would be!)

Characters - I'm getting more of a sense of Laila as a character which is great! The one thing I'm a bit doubtful of is how her friends just happens to be 3 males - this kind of thing seems to happen quite a lot in fics that are similar to yours, so if you were concerned about how 'cliche' or unique your story might be, this is probably something to be aware of. As for the other characters - I like Al, Zabs and Jasper - kudos to you for their cool names (I really like how unique Zabs is in particular, without it going overboard). I definitely felt a strong sense of friendship and closeness in their OWL conversation, which is great. I'm not sure if I ship Al and his camera just yet :P (probably need to see a bit more of that before I do), but I do really like it - I don't actually see cameras featuring that much in hpff at all, apart from with Colin stories! Oh, and Penderghast sounds really delightful :P I'm looking forward to reading the potential conflict in Laila discussing her schedule with him (assuming this might come up in the next chapter).

I only picked up 2 little things throughout this chapter: In "Scorpius.. is total bore" it's just missing and 'a', so that it reads "is a total bore". Secondly, you're missing the capital on the second time you mention "Kings cross" ;) So yay this was a well written chapter!

Overall, the main issue I'd have with this chapter/your story is that the first 2 chapters bear quite a strong resemblance to many other next-gen fics that I have read. I guess there's not too much you can do about that unless you completely restructured your fic.. which would take a huge deal of effort (and I'm pretty sure you probably don't want to do that), but disregarding that, this is a solid chapter. It does feel a bit dull because I'm not reading anything super new.. I would say that I'm engaged in this story, but I probably won't find myself super hooked until the "main plot" comes into play - as in, when Laila starts proving that she's not the Malfoy everyone thinks she is. So your opening chapters both feel quite introductory and "filler" type chapters before I reach the main plot, but nevertheless, they are interesting to read through and they do serve its purpose well in introducing the characters and the situation for the rest of your novel :)

So I really hope that wasn't too harsh - I do think you're off to a good start for the rest of the novel - my main critique was that if your main aim was a super original or unique novel with this, then you should probably be aware of the stuff I pointed out.. but if your main aim is to write a great fic to read, then so far you're well on the right track! :) Let me know if there's any problems/feel free to discuss anything further with me, etc. I did really enjoy reading this though and I hope this helps!
- Charlotte/maskedmuggle :)

Author's Response: Hi Charlotte! I hope you got better and had a wonderful holidays :)

Ah, yes, the plot. I may have been going for original when I first started writing this fic, but now it's like you said, just writing a good fic to read. The beginning won't be changing abytime soon (as I have no idea how else to start this story XD ) but maybe sometime in the future I might edit it into something different :)

I wasn't aware that the 3 males thing happened a lot. :P (well, now that I think about it, i kind of see it) For this story, and you'll probably notice as you read more, it's laila and al who are the closest and then the 'trio' is scorpius, zabs,a nd jasper. Zabs and Jasper are more like family to Laila (and i don't think i've mentioned it yet and it's not really a big fact but jasper is pansy's son). I'll keep an eye on it though and make sure it stays pretty realistic and not too much like other stories.

I'm glad you like the characters and their friendship! I loved writing the train scene because that was their first interaction you got to see and you get to read about the different dynamics and stuff. I put a lot of thought into how the five of them would be with each other because I wanted each person to kind of bring something different to the group with out making all of them follow a certain stereotype or have them be too extreme :P

I'm suprosed that the camera doens't get featured more often in stories. I find it really interesting that in this world that is so magical, you have this device that's just super muggle-y. You will ship it. Eventually, you will. THAT IS MY CHALLENGE >D. Yup, Penderghast comes up in the next chapter!

Thank you for pointing out the grammar mistakes. No matter how many times I read it through, i still miss things . . .

Yeah, not much I can do about the beginning at this point . . . but hopefully it'll get better? The next chapter should start getting into the plot a bit, or at least get the ball rolling a little.

Thank you so much for this; it wasn't harsh at all! I like how you tell it as it is (it's what I prefer). These reviews are very insightful and helpful for me, and totally be on the lookout for a request ;)

-Sankavi ^_^


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Review #23, by maskedmuggleObsessed: Part I

14th December 2013:
Hey there!

Here from the forums for your requested review. First off, I really liked this opening chapter and your portrayal of Pansy! Also, just as a note: I haven't read your one-shot Psychopath so I'll be reviewing this chapter as a complete stand alone fic.

Plot - so far, I'm actually pretty hooked to find out what Pansy tries next to get closer to Draco. I think the bar setting was written well, and all the interactions and dialogue between Draco/Pansy and Draco/Hermione was really interesting to read about. I especially loved Draco's disbelief when Pansy brought in breakfast the day after.. that moment just made me lol.

Characterisation - I think this was your main concern, but I'm here to reassure you that your Pansy is actually great, and that I definitely get a sense of the possibility that she's going to become psychopathic! You conveyed this really well to me through her utter seriousness in bringing Draco breakfast and her repeat attempts to try and see Draco again. Although you said you weren't really focused on sticking to Pansy's true character as in the books, I actually feel like your Pansy is very canon, so I guess, well done to you for managing that even if you weren't intending to! I feel like you nailed Pansy's internal thoughts and the way she talks.. she feels a bit fake, self-absorbed and still prejudiced, and I find that her character/mind in this chapter is all around just really realistic.

As for Draco and Hermione.. both who are arguably harder to characterise perfectly than Pansy as they're very prominent characters in JKR's books.. I also thought you did a really great job of it. I found the way that Draco was initially friendly to Pansy then quite aloof extremely believable. The only thing I'm a bit iffy about is how you characterise Draco at Hogwarts as a 'player' of sorts - "when he kissed another new girl in the corridors." which is not really how JKR portrays him to be. That's the only negative I have for Draco's characterisation. I can also imagine Hermione rising over all the events of the past in treating Draco as a fellow co-worker. Normally my main critique of Dramiones is the unbelievable characterisation of Draco and Hermione, but honestly so far in this chapter.. their interaction/dialogue/characterisation felt quite believable, so I really have to commend you for that!

You already noted that you've found several grammar errors so I avoided copying and pasting them here - mainly it was just a few sentences here and there that could probably be reworded so that the whole story flowed better. In some instances, you tend to join clauses together without a connecting word/s, such as in "I looked around, a lot of familiar faces and one I did not expect to see around here." As a sentence, it sounds a bit strange as if it's missing something. Consider rewriting it to something like "I looked around and saw a lot of.." Similarly in the sentence: ""Draco Malfoy" I smiled, the blonde man turned around and faced me." However, in this case maybe splitting it into two sentences might work better? Another thing: the name Margret is usually spelt Margaret, although if you intended for the secretary to have the strange spelling name, then ignore me! Also, in Draco's dialogue "I knew where to find you" I believe you meant I know where.. Lastly, there's a little inconsistency as you use both "Fire Whiskey" and "firewhiskey". I believe firewhiskey is one word.. so maybe just make it all consistent. All in all, I'd probably recommend just reading through the chapter (perhaps out loud) to ensure that every sentence makes complete sense.

Okay, so despite my nitpicking of your spelling/grammar/punctuation/etc (all of which can be easily fixed) I really enjoyed reading this first chapter! It did precisely what I believe a first chapter should do: introduce the characters, establish what's happening and interest the reader to continue reading. I apologise for the essay length of the review - I find it really easy to say so much.. but hopefully it helps! Feel free to contact me on the forums if you have any further concerns/questions! So basically, I really liked the plot/characters in this chapter and you wrote it well!

- Charlotte/maskedmuggle :)

Author's Response: Wow, thank you so much for your review! That was just what I needed!
Funny I tried to write her OOC but ended up being Canon, haha :D Well, maybe my picture of her isn't far from the books afterall.
I was actually thinking of changing that part with him being player, so good point.
And thank you for finding those errors, I'll fix them as soon as I can! There are some phrases and sentences I still need to learn how to write, or... a lot actually.
It's nice to know that I did well in the first chapter, then I can calmly continue writing chapter two :D
Thank you so much for your review! It truly helped a lot.


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Review #24, by maskedmuggleCloser In Winter: On The Express

12th December 2013:
Hey there!

Here from the forums for your requested review. First off, I quite enjoyed reading this opening chapter and I actually think that the way you wrote this was great as it made normal events like Hermione feeling sick and a journey on the Hogwarts Express feel like a different experience.

Plot - like I said above, I feel like you really made the Hogwarts Express trip feel like something different, which is really awesome. I quite liked your use of the frequent Tadadak-Tadadak-Tadadak. as it encapsulated the feeling of a train really well, although I did find that it was a bit disruptive in some places. One instance where I found that it worked really well was before and after the phrases: "Her nose felt itchy." and "And her throat was dry.".. while the last 4 Tadadak lines feel unnecessary/a little tiresome, as if you've overused the line too much in this one chapter. Also, I found that it disrupted the story you were telling of Hermione making her way to the door. I really love how even in this chapter it felt like there was a climax, and I really must commend you for how you managed to make a toppling tower of suitcases into a cliffhanger :P - I actually really want to know what happens next and to read on the next chapter, which is precisely what an opening chapter sets out to do - so awesome work!

Characterisation - I find that the trio/Draco are all really difficult to characterise perfectly given that we all know them so well through JKR's writing, but I think you've managed to do a really great job with them! They didn't feel OOC (out of character) to me at all in this chapter and the dialogue all felt very genuine - the banter between Harry/Ron, the boys' concern for Hermione, and also the interaction between Hermione/Draco, so really well done on this!

I found no major spelling or punctuation errors (yay) but there were a few phrases that could probably be better worded. This line is a bit too long and gets confusing: "The rhythmic noise coming from the metal wheels of the train rolling over the joints in the rails had rocked her.." I think it would sound better if you just got rid of "rolling over the joints in the rails" as that bit isn't really that necessary anyway? Similarly, this line is also a bit too long: "Fixing her dazed gaze on the colourful blur, she could feel every curve in the rails tighten that knot in her stomach and she could feel every drop of her blood pumping through her forehead, temples and neck." Maybe consider breaking that up into two sentences? With "She got slowly got up" the first "got" isn't necessary. This is another long line: "But the hubbub of conversation and discussion pierced with laughter flowing out of the overly crowded with joyous students was almost as deafening as the trains echoing roar in the hallway." I think having both conversation and discussion is a bit tautological and getting rid of one would make the sentence shorter/flow better. I believe trains is missing an apostrophe: "train's, and that you're also missing a noun after overly crowded: maybe compartments? Last one: this sounds a bit strange: "Everything okay Hermione? You look a little pale." asked Harry. because you've got the question first, followed by an observation, and then the verb asked. It'd make a lot more sense to switch the two phrases so that the question is immediately followed by asked. So all in all, just a few things here and there. For the future, you could try reducing things like this by reading aloud the chapter to yourself to see if every sentence flows as you read it and isn't too long?

One other thing is the multiple gaps between every line that you have in this chapter. This might just be a personal preference, but it feels a bit distracting to me? Maybe consider reducing the gaps to a one-line gap? This isn't much of an issue, just pointing it out (not sure if other people feel this way too or not). You mentioned the story summary reflecting some of your concerns but I think you've changed that since then? All in all though, I think this is definitely a really solid opening chapter for a novella. The plot of the overal novella hasn't quite been revealed yet but as a reader I'd be intrigued to keep on reading, especially to see how the Dramione will turn out! I'm sorry for the essay length of this review but hopefully this helps you somehow! Feel free to contact me on the forums if you have any questions/further concerns! I really enjoyed reading this - quite a refreshing account of a train journey.

- Charlotte/maskedmuggle :)

Author's Response: Charlotte/maskedmuggle,

Thank you so much for reviewing so quickly!
You covered every single worries I had about this chapter just perfectly! I'm applying a few changes here and there already.

I'm really glad I managed to step over the easy OOC, especially since I plan on having a slightly different Ginny (I wish I wouldn't have to, but it's a necessary adjustment for the progress of the plot.)

Reading aloud the next chapters helped me realize I need to re-write them rather quickly since I was more focused on the story and plot rather than the words themselves. So thanks for the tip!

I'll definitely watch out for those gaps you mentioned (I found them useful while re-reading what I wrote but as a reader, they do indeed tend to distract).

I'm pretty sure I'll beg for your opinion soon enough (I seem to be extremely blind to some obvious flaws when it comes to what I write) but I'll go over the next chapters and maybe bring out the fifth before re-applying :)

Again, thank you very much for taking the time to read and review. :)
(And I'm glad you liked it!)


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Review #25, by maskedmuggle{insert evil laugh}: a beginning of sorts

12th December 2013:
Hi Sankavi!

Here from the forums for your requested review. Sorry about the week long wait, I hope it wasn't too much of a bother! Firstly, your opening chapter definitely does a good job of introducing Laila to the reader. I think I do get a good sense of who she is as a person which is awesome, and I do feel quite intrigued on reading on and finding out more!

There's not really that much on to comment on, plotwise, as this chapter is quite short and generally focused on Laila's personal thoughts/narration. You do set up a vague idea of what the plot will be for the novel with how Laila has decided to show everyone "that I'm not the Malfoy everyone thinks I am." as she enters sixth year, with is great because it gets readers interested! I do hope that somewhere in your story you mention why it is in her sixth year that she has finally decided to reveal her real identity and what has influenced her to decide this. Hope that makes sense!

Characterisation... I have to admit that Laila does seem like a character that I've probably read about in other fanfics before.. but this is only the opening chapter and this small glimpse probably doesn't reflect her whole personality. However, I have to say that her personal voice in this chapter is definitely very strong and interesting to read - and she seems like quite a likeable character. The thing that made me feel as if I've read about a character like Laila before is how I've read plenty of other fanfics starting out in a very similar way: a personal narration introducing the character/family/background, etc. So to specifically answer your concern about whether it seems like you're just telling facts in this chapter.. it does seem that way to me, but there's nothing wrong with a chapter of facts and minimal plot if it's written well enough - which I think yours is. As such, despite how there's a lot of facts and how I feel like I've read this type of introduction before.. I find this a solid opening chapter that does the job well enough in convincing me, as a reader to read on (which I personally think is the main aim of an opening chapter).

A few quick spelling/punctuation/grammar errors: I believe death eater and quidditch should both be capitalised to read Death Eater and Quidditch. With the phrase "a charmer among girl" this would make better sense with the plural girls. With "...bullied.No", a space after the full stop is missing. Lastly, I think "But my eyes, those were Malfoy." sounds a bit strange as following "those were.." you'd be expecting an adjective but instead you've got Malfoy there - a noun. Maybe it might sound better reworded like this? But my eyes, those were of a Malfoy.

Lastly, this might be just a personal preference.. but I found that the multiple gaps between every line was a bit distracting. I feel like you could perhaps group two or three of the lines together sometimes? Or maybe reduce the two-line gaps to a one-line gap? This isn't really that much of an issue, just pointing it out (not sure if other people feel this way too or not). Overall though, I found this to be an interesting first chapter and you've written it quite well! One phrase that I absolutely loved was "I was a snake in red and gold robes." I never intend to write so much in my reviews but I hope this helps somehow! I enjoyed reading this :)

- Charlotte/maskedmuggle :)

Author's Response: That's fine! Sorry about replying to this so late :S

Yup, this isn't really a plot chapter as it is a prologue to get the ball rolling! I get what you mean. Her reason for doing it in her sixth year is kind of explained in the third (i think?) chapter.

I wrote the beginning to this a couple years back, hence why it may not sound so original (i was a 7th grader who was super into the cliche next gen stories(not that they were bad, but they were kind of repetitive)). I've just never been able to find a different way to start the story, which is why i'm keeping it like this for now, Hopefully I'll be comfortable enough later on to edit it because I feel the same way as you do about it.

Thanks for spotting the grammar error, will fix that ;)

Thank you so much for writing this review. I can tell you put a lot of thought into it, and sorry for being so late with my response >.<

-Sankavi ^_^


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