I like the idea/plot of the story. It's good and the your writing style is nice. But I feel like there are some spots that are not detailed enough. And don't give the reader the information they need. Like what exactly happened with her and Lysander.Author's Response: Thanks for the compliment! :)
Well, it wasn't supposed to be very clear... But I could rewrite it I guess...
Thanks anyways :) Report Review
This was really good. The mood that was given by the words you used, was brilliant. And the character's personality, was nice, because she seems strong yet vulnerable. The only problem was a think you needed to spell check it one more time, because there were a couple, awkward sentences, and random words. But that usually happens to me too, so it's not the end of the word!!!
9/10Author's Response: Thankyou! I tried really hard to get the mood right! so I'm glad I succeded!! Yes! Caroline's character was sooo hard to do without making her seem mary-sue! Thankyou for your lovely review made me smile! Report Review
I really liked it. The part in italics was a little puzzling, I wasn't quite sure at what time it was suppose to be taking place. But over all it was unbelievably cute!!
9/10Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it! The part in italics was just a mistake, I think, I didn't type it like that. Thanks for pointing that out! I'll fix it as soon as the queue opens back up! :) Oh, and it takes place in Next Generation. James is Harry's son. Report Review
Wow, I really like it so far. I was a little confused on who the main character was though. Maybe you could make it a little clearer. But I'm excited to read chapter two!Author's Response: Thanks so much for both taking the time to review my story and for the constructive criticism. I really appreciate it! - Hugs&squeezes, Puffle. Report Review
Cute and so Ronald!!! Report Review
I love it! The POV switching this very well done. And you use the BEST similes and metaphors! I'm about to read the second chapter and I'm so excited!
Author's Response: Aww thanks. I'm glad your enjoying your reading. Hope you like chapter two just as much. Report Review
Beautiful. I loved it, that's about all i can muster to say! Author's Response: Aww, thanks! I was actually not very happy with this story when I wrote it, I definitely didn't think it was living up to it's potential, and I was actually thinking of going back and rewriting it all. It means so much that people like it, especially because of that. Report Review
i loved it! its really cute and sweet and the characters are very good! can wait for the next chapter!Author's Response: Ahwee, thanks !
I'm working on the next chapter - it needs a bit of work though haha.
Thanks for the review !
-Lilly Report Review
I think that Lily and James is perfect, and I, personally, think that the piece where Lily is leaving is fine and the way James acts is true to his character.
There were a couple little bumps such as:
"Lily brushed [as] comb through her hair and stared at herself in the mirror." Do you mean "a" comb?
"...it pained Lily that she could not truly say goodbye to her infant [song]." Do you mean "son"?
Just watch out for those little typing errors, they can make sentences confusing and a little puzzling. Other wise I think the plot is solid and the characters are strong! Report Review
This was really cute and a very nice brief look at a small unheard of moment. I loved it, you have a very nice writing style!Author's Response: Thank you so much!! That made me smile! I hope you'll read my other shot's that I plan to have up soon. Report Review
This was a very sweet, true moment of emotions. I loved their characterizations and the way they interacted with each other, it seemed real and very deep.Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review! It's my goal to make every story I write feel real, to make the emotions pop out of the story, so it's good to hear that I can accomplish that every now and then. I'm glad you enjoyed it. =] Report Review
I noticed one little grammatical error:
"We got notebooks for our last birthday that was magical and allowed us to talk." It should be "are" magical instead of "was" magical.
Other than that the grammar was fine and the plot line was moved along pretty well. But I do feel like the part when they're in the Great Hall needs more description and explanation.Author's Response: Thanks. I'll fix that grammatical error and try to be more descriptive. I'll probably rewrite some of it. Thanks for the insight! Report Review
I like this. It gives a good opening to the story, and sets up a strong plot line. You have a very nice writing style, that I enjoyed reading and good character introductions!Author's Response: Thank you for the review! Glad you liked the story! Report Review
The plot so far is going at a nice pace. And the characters have a steady and continuous feel about them, like they aren't having mood swings or anything! But the mission thing is a little confusing towards the middle of the chapter. But I love Love LOVE the beginning of the chapter and the description, it's very well written! I'll review more when I have time!Author's Response: I'm glad the pacing is good and all the characters manage to be in-character.
As for the confusing aspect, things do tend to get muddled in the missions, but that's mainly because you don't yet know much about them, I think.
I'm glad you liked the description. I've been doing my best to make sure that it's on par with the things a spy would notice. Report Review
Love the way the story's unfolding. It has a good pace and doesn't seem rushed, I like that and their personalities remain the same as before there aren't any weird jumps or anything. But there is one spot I noticed where you made a tiny little mistake. "Nicholas breathed heavily, glaring at Nicholas." Just some little spots like that, but not to many, I love the story and please do write more!Author's Response: haha ooh I just spotted that. my bad :) thanks for reviewing! Report Review
The idea of the story is good, and I love the way you introduced the characters and their personalities. There are some grammatical errors and weird sentences that seem out of place but only like two or three, so it's not bad. Sorry it took awhile for me to review! It'll take a little time but I'll review all your chapters! Love the story and hope that the plot that follows is good!Author's Response: Thanks so much! And don't worry, I'm just glad you're reviewing in the first place. :) Report Review
I loved it!!! I didn't see any grammatical errors or awkward spots that need fixing. I think their personalities were spot on, or at least the way I pictured them to be. Also the setting and mood of the whole story was beautiful and almost had a dreamy quality, that I really enjoyed! Please keep writing other stories! I'd enjoy to read them.Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'm glad you enjoyed this. And I have many more stories that you could read. :) Report Review
Wow that was intense! I really need to know what happens next, so please don't like those losers, who like randomly stop writing something awesome!!!Author's Response: Thanks. I promise to keep up with this story. Report Review
I loved it. It was very real to their characteristics and I liked when Ron woke up to find Hermione sleeping on him. UBER CUTE.Author's Response: haha thanks! yes, i'm a sucker for Ron and hermione... Report Review
That was cute and slightly outrageous, just like me. :PAuthor's Response: Thanks. Glad you liked it. Report Review
I think they way Draco acts is spot on but Hermione should say something, nasty as well and kind of be stand off-ish. Report Review
Um, a couple of things. First off I love it and the plot and the characters are pretty straight on except I thing Hermione needs to be a little more hot tempered. Just a tad. ;) and they should put more, like bodyguards on her I think. And than she sneaks into the library and stuff. I just think that's a little more Hermione. But whatever it's well written. Sooo.yes.Author's Response: Thanks for the review. I'll definately think about your suggestions. Report Review
I like Blaise he's very accurate, from what I know of him. And Pansy isn't as infuriating as usual, but that's not a big thing. I like the plot line so far. Keep writing! Report Review
I would love to beta for you. :)! Because I like the plot so far and the idea, that I'm getting from your description. Report Review
It is absolutely creep, and frightening, and horrid. I LOVE IT. You write so amazingly. It's fluid, I can't think of one choppy spot and your descriptions make it have that, scary factor! Please keep writing! I NEED to know what happens. Report Review
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