In the dungeons, eh? I liked that little interaction you had between Remus and Tonks, though I did wonder if Remus would have been more shy at Tonk's temper. Slowly we're learning more and more about Ashley, and the piece about the scarf is very revealing, I think. Our trio are plotting again, aren't they? They are obsessed about Draco! Nicely written once again.Author's Response: Ah, the Remus and Tonks scene. I worked and worked on that but I don't think I was ever convinced I had both of them completely in character. So I see what you are saying about Remus. The scarf, huh? Well I suppose yes, it was supposed to be a little revealing. The trio are always up to something but I think this time they are not even sure what. But Draco is going to do a little plotting of his own in the next chapter. Thanks so much for coming over to check it out! Report Review
Wonderful portrayal yet again of McGonagall and the line â€śPotter and Black, you should be ashamed of yourselves, leading Pettigrew astray like this. And you, Lupin, ought to know better!â€ť sums up the group well. Jamesâ€™ boasting, and then thinking better of it, is how I imagine him to be.
The girls have a good rapport in the scenes, and the teasing of Lily works well. Lily had thought Professor Nerl had actually been rather good, but she could never expect someone like Marlene to think a female teacher better than a relatively good-looking male one. That line, and the ones following it made me laugh. There seems to be a lamb to the slaughter here! Will he survive Marlene? Lol. A fun touch.
I like the way Remus checked himself when talking to Lily in front of James, because it shows his sense of maturity that James and Sirius lack. The classroom scene flows well, but the Slytherin common room is more powerful somehow. I loved the position of power you gave Severus here, in his link to Lucius. And then this intriguing connection between he and Narcissi - is this the power she craves? Perhaps very canon, wanting the male superior to the group. â€śYou thought wrong,â€ť he said cuttingly, continuing, alone, to his dormitory without another word. Loved that. Iâ€™m certainly intrigued to where youâ€™re leading me to with that ship. Is she really his saving grace, and how he finds love? Hmmâ€¦Iâ€™ll try not to leave it so long next time.
Author's Response: hmm I don't know what happens to your reviews, this time there's a whole chunk of blank space uder it *blink*. Anyway, I'm glad you liked that line, it actually was for the intention of summing them up and I htought McGonagall was pretty perfect for saying it :D .I love writing the girls, well i like wiritng the guys too but I know the girls better, and you'll have to see about him and Marlene, planning some stuff there :D .I am so happy you liked the Slytherin common room scene, I was unsure about that part when I wrote it. I liked setting up all the levels within Slytherin and the characters make a nice change from the Gryffindor lot :D . I'm not saying anything about Narcissa and Snape, you'll have to see ;) . I'm glad you liked that line, I think it was probably my favourite in this chapter, the scene was really built around him saying that. Thanks for another lovely review :) Report Review
I thought in the beginning you built up the tension well. The Aurors heading to court with Draco did so with the built up anticipation, helped by lines such as His footsteps, and that of the two aurors escorting him, bounced off the rough stone walls and down the corridor. I also liked the way Draco gave them a contemptuous look still in defiance even then.
And then we get to finally hear his version of events, which is written well, and your dialogue flows nicely. I loved Asley suddenly leaping in to this drama, and adding to it, as well as Lupin. What will Harry think now as he sees this unfold, I wonder. And that triumphant smirk? Is he so like his father, or not? Great chapter.Author's Response: Thanks so much! I tried so hard to get the build up right for this. I spent a particular amount of time on Draco this chapter with trying to show his mixture of feelings. I thought that it was important to go through Draco's view point for "that night" but I hoped that it wasn't too repeative (from the book). Ashley's decision to appear at the trial was important for a variety of reasons that will with time unfold. ( Hopefully =) ) I think you will learn a little bit more about the Trios' thoughts on the trial in the next chapter. It is submitted and should be up soon but I will be sure and send you a note. Thanks again. Report Review
Poor James. You know I don't really like him very often, but you've made me feel for him!
So this centred mainly around the dynamics of the Marauders and it works well to establish that circle into your story. The Rinku was well thought out and described, as was the Trelewgua tree and its defences. I liked how you were able to use Peter as the instrument in obtaining these berries. That, I thought, could be taken two ways - in that Sirius and James include him in the prank in a friendship sort of way, or that they do so to use him and his abilities purely for their own amusement. It' a way of showing well how both sides (as adults) could see that relationship eventually deteriorating.
As for the way this prank unfolds, it's very good, and a fun read. Your McGonagall is excellent, and James being bitten is just desserts. How does he ever find this new found responsible side, or Lily's heart? And I'm also wondering about Jasmine, your OC, who I look forward to reading about in detail soon. Again a good chapter.
Author's Response: lol, well then I take it as an accomplishment :D . I have to say, personally I like this chapter the least of all my chapters. If I'm honest, it doesn't take the story much further, but I needed to get into the group and into pranking generally.Yes, this chapter was good for showing the dynamics of the group, and i did like thinking up the new creatures and that. I've had to do quite a bit of that in this story and often it takes longer to think somehting up than the write the entire chapter once i know what it's supposed to be. I like the 2 ways you've seen to interpret it, I wanted it to reflect something Sirius (or it might have been Remus) said in PoA, about who they'd go out on full moon and Peter as the smallest would press the knot on the tree; I needed Peter to have a role, something to bring to the group and for this chapter at least it was his size as a rat.McGonagall is someone I've always liked writing for some reason, I find her an easy teacher to write, but she doesn't come into this story much. You'll have to see about that in future :p . And Jasmine, I love her character now, you'll be seeing a lot more of her don't worry :) . Thanks again for reviewing! Report Review
I enjoyed how you showed Lily's reaction to James being made Head Boy, and her feelings of James versus responsibility = disaster. It will be interesting to read how you transform her feelings to positive ones through this story. I also thought the idea of James and Sirius refusing to go to Slughorn's club without Remus and Peter was a good one. Though you have Peter more on the outside of this group, this subtle gesture showed that he was still integral to the Marauders, even if perhaps they never showed it in a way as, say, they did to Remus.
Severus was suitably gruff in this Potions scene, and not exactly enamoured with having Lily as a partner. It's always tempting to make him in awe of her from the beginning, but I think you had this paced right. Of course poor James is devastated, and you showed this well.
The Transfiguration class was great! James and Sirius would certainly use themselves and their friends in that way - for surely two boys as arrogant as they would care about their looks and credibility. I also liked the way you made sure Sirius had a reaction to and from the girls in class. The quip from Remus â€śYou know, I think I ate that sheep once,â€ť pulled me up as I read this because I suddenly thought 'Would he really say that?' To be fair though, in that sort of jokey situation with his friends I think he probably would, because it's probably the only time he can. Remus must surely have a good SOH hanging around with James and Sirius.
The other line that made me think was this - â€śOh, yeah,â€ť James said, and tried to fight the foreboding feeling that had set upon him at the thought of having to face Lily alone.
Yes, yes yes! Absolutely! James on his own would be absolutely quivering at the thought of Lily. All the bravado in front of his friends would be no good on a one to one meeting. Not many people pick up on that, and you did this so subtley again it was almost blink and you miss it. But it did step in seamlessly to the ever so gentle 'growing up' of Mr Potter, and his meeting with the fair Lily.
Good chapter, because though at first there appears to be little action occuring, you have started to weave a few threads that will come to something more, I'm sure.
Author's Response: :D I liked writing that part, Lily was easy to deal with when she still disliked James, but it was challenging to say the least to evolve that into something more positive. I tried to make it gradual and hopefully you will find it believable. It made sense to me that Slughorn would want James and Sirius but not necessarily the others. Slughorn has his own agenda and he probably wouldn't care about asking them all, though it would have got him James and Sirius. He was an interesting character to write.I love wriitng Severus in this, and I'm glad you think he was good in this chapter, you write him so well yourself. Hmm, awe? I'm not sure how much that's really going to come into it, grudging admirations, eventually, perhaps ;) .I'm very happy you liked the Transfiguration class, I wrote it in the hopes of showing them interacting together more and getting used to their characters, but it seemed a little silly after I was done. I honestly nearly cut the class from the chapter and wrote something else. That quip also bothered me, I was undecided if Remus should say it or not, but in the end I left it, deciding he needs to relax when he can and as they're in 7th year by now, he should be relaxe din their company at least.lol, oh yes, James cannot have the safety net of his friends to face Lily, where would be the fun in that? :D . Some time alone had to be forced upon them sooner or later anyway, and James doesn't strike me as the comfortable with really talking to girls type.Yes, i hope this story doesn't play out too slowly, but the pace was necessary to write about everyone I have in here and keep the separate storylines going at the same time. I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter, and thanks for the amazing review! Report Review
At last I get here!
So, a great chapter for characterisation and dialogue. As soon as I started reading this and came to It took another fifteen minutes before everyone was completely ready to go, by which time Siriusâ€™ patience had all but run out. However, everyone was used to that; he never did have much to begin with. I knew I would enjoy this. The passage about Sirius' relations with the Potters shows that closeness well, and sets the scene for their return.
The flashback to the prank is good, and I especially liked the way you had James call Sirius by his given name to convey the seriousness of the situation - much like a chastised child. I was interested in the way you had James rescue Severus. Too often I've read that scene in other fics where it's overly dramatic, and Severus is almost duty bound to be thankful. In your piece you've done it in a subtle way - almost as if Severus could have rescued himself. This gives more weight to the idea of Severus despising James for playing the hero when he didn't need to. Well done for that.
Indeed, the whole half-day he did manage it was something of a record for him. But the holidays were upon them before he could do anything else to him. You have several humourous lines in this chapter, but that one made me smile. It's a good mix of humour and seriousness, and hints of angst with Severus. I enjoyed how you painted the jovial goodbyes of the Marauders and Lily's greetings to her friends compared to the stilted awkwardness of Severus, and his relationship with his mother. So cold and full of disdain, and so true to character. I thought Severus privately vowed never to allow anyone such a hold over him. that line was very good, and so true of the character we know.
In fact I enjoyed the brief glimpse of Severus you gave us a lot.He could understand Siriusâ€™ cowardly attempt on his life, and took satisfaction in plotting some revenge, but what James had done was not repayable and was unforgivable. You showed his twisted logic well in that line - that he is more bitter about James' momentary compassion rather than Sirius' stupidity says so much. All in all it was a good read, and the dialogue between the girls group, and the boys, is fluid and natural. The prank at the end is all it should be to round off a very good chapter. I will endeavour to be a little quicker with the reviews!
Author's Response: wow, long review! I'm very happy you did get here :DI loved writing this chapter when I did. I was so excited about having finally given in to the plot bunny and starting my marauder fic, and then all the characters came so easily (at least in this chapter, I have had to work at them in others of course :D ). Sirius is just fun to write; I didn't really appreciate his character until I began writing this.yes, I felt Sirius should have some indication of how serious what he had done was. As to the way he saved him, I've always thought the way i wrote it in here was how it happened. I don't think there was some huge wrestle with remus as a werewolf or something, james would have been killed. But besides this, there is the wuote from th ebook about Severus glimpsing Remus down the tunnel and knowing what he was. Glimpsing is the key word for me,it made me think there was still distance between them and all. I also didn't want Severus being thankful, definitely not, so this was how it turned out :) .I can't not write fics without a few lines like that. I don't like trying to write outright humour (it's just not something I'm good at I don't think), but there must be some humour somewhere in my fics. Report Review
Powerful first line, and a great snippet of what appears to be a great story unfolding here.
From the little pieces of information you reveal (slender,white fingers and the way the other woman with the dark hair acts with him) I'm guessing that's Voldemort and Bellatrix in this scene. There's a lot of power play going on here between the characters without too many words, and it's got an almost religious feel to it when the woman says â€śOne day, the phoenixâ€™s wings will be free to open on a world untainted by you,â€ť The line The future is no longer yours to worry about,â€ť he said coldly. is truly chilling. A wonderful way to begin a story.
Author's Response: :) hey! *resists urge to make terrible pun on 'great story unfolding' and As Wings Unfold* ;).yes, that is exactly who it is, I'm not sure why I never mentioned their names, but I thought it added something, and you can work it out from what I say, though some people didn't get it *was puzzled there*. I didn't want it to get overly wordy this quickly, it's a prologue, and a lot shorter than my chapters and i wanted it that way :). I'm glad you like those lines, they were my favourites when writing :D. especially the future one; the phoenix one was just to elaborate ont he title a little. I'm so glad you like this introduction, though the story doesn't head this angsty until much later on, it's a warning of what's to come really, a rmeinder of what's going on outside of Hogwarts. Thanks for your reivew, I really appreciate it :) Report Review
Graet tension between Ashley and Snape and intriguing hints about a past connection there. I like that they are equally defiant, givng nothing away. The trio work well, and that ending is very good, with what Harry said seemingly very different from what he does. Great work and keep in touch for the updates.Author's Response: I am so glad you think so. There were definitely some hints dropped during both the conversation between Ashley and Snape and the trio. I am trying to speed up my updates and hope to have another chapter submitted soon. But I will definitely let you know. Thanks so much for all your support! Report Review
Again such a twist at the end with Ashley. I was surprised by Remus' anger, but it is refreshing to have him being slightly more firey. He would surely be frustrated, as might McGonagall be, being out of the loop betweeen Harry and Dumbledore. Again well written and I look forward to reading more. Be sure to give me a nudge when the next chapter is up. Author's Response: Oh I was afraid Ashley's decision to take the defense post would be too obvious. Glad to hear you were surprised. I really struggled with how I wrote Remus this chapter. I knew that what I was doing was out of character for him but that was what I needed. He is really being affected by all the pressure of having to take care of Ashley, Harry and everything else for the Order. The next chapter has been submitted and is just awaiting validation but I will be sure to shoot you an email when it does. Thanks again for all your input! Report Review
I thought the chemistry and banter between the trio was good in this,especially Ron and Hermione. the action is a big burst of energy, which had a good mix of dialogue and direction. Then you throw in that twist with Hermione, after they had narrowly succeeded! *gasps* How coudl you? Lol. Great chapter.Author's Response: I just love the little fights that take place between Ron and Hermione. They are such fun to write. Action is very hard for me to write, so I am glad that I pulled it off. It is good to hear from you again. Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
Dreia is so cool and unwavering even with the challenging Potter. I especially liked the 'Oh I never said it was Druid magic', which just knocks Harry down enough.
Harry himself is suitably bristly and that carries over well from your previous chapters. The descriptions of the bathing were good, 'He inhaled deeply the scents...' creating a sense of the sights and smells he's experiencing, transporting me as a reader to where Harry is.
Again you do this in the blindfolding and runnign ceremony. I feel as if I am running with Harry and the stag as they twist and turn this way and that. You've certainly built up the anticipation for the next chapter, which I will wait eagerly for. Report Review
Aww, what a nice L/J fic. I enjoyed the fact we didn't have the planning of the pink hair scam because it put the focus more on Lily and James. The boys v girls attitude is fun, with both of them planning to outwit the other, and the girls always one step ahead.
You gave Lily a determined streak by wanting to shape her own destiny, which is good. The voice you gave McGonagall was excellent, and her voice carried through in that whole Transfiguration passage as if it was actually in one of the books.
Lily's little acts to get James flustered are great fun, as are the reactions from the boys when they hear all he said was â€śUnnggghnn,â€ť
But it's the last scene that was just wonderful.And to his immense surprise he found she was kissing him back. It was times like these he wished he had something like a timeturner so he could go back to this moment, make it last forever That's a lovely line to use. Very sweet.
Really it was only reflex to kiss him back, she reasoned That is good because it still gives Lily that independance and reasoning. Finally though it was this line that had me giggling. â€śNo, wait yesâ€¦I donâ€™t know, would you like me to believe in destiny?â€ť he ventured. That's just all too true in my house! Wonderful writing.Author's Response: lol, this was a fun fic to write, not my best work but I still kinda like it :). never had such a thorough review on this fic, lol, it's more one of those 'hey you're fic is so cute!' fics. :D I liked planning this around the whole girl vs. guys, it was very fun to play off.I feel Lily is that type of girl, needing to know everything is her choice, refusing to be controlled and that, but sometimes i think I may get a little off with her character, she's the one i find hardest to write.lol, the last scene is probably all I wrote this fic for, I had imagined that scene before I started and everything built up around it. I always wanted to write their first kiss, but at the time I didn't have the determination to write a full length L/J story (am doing so now).:D that's my fave line too, the one thing I had written in notes before starting. I could just see james saying it you see, guys aren't cut out for the questions we spring on them ;). Thanks so much for the reviews! Lovely to hear your opinions :). Report Review
The best day of my life was the day I died.
What a great first line! An instant attention grabber, given more depth by an excellent first person voice for Remus. You weave the James Blunt lyrics in well.
I sat and watched the dawn as it filled the world with a new hope:... I like this passage because not only is it beautiful and fits with the lyrics, but it also shows the selfless side of Remus well.Life seemed determined to isolate me; I thank Merlin for death. Such a sad line but so true of Remus. The lyric that goes But now I'm high; running wild among all the stars above. is just perfect for the duo. The star reference could be both for Sirius and heaven, and the running wild their animal selves.
I enjoyed the build up to their relationship because you kept them in character whilst weaving in a few excellent lines such as Iâ€™d become angry and lost control. I hated that he could make me do that. and â€śRemus,â€ť he said, correcting himself. He hardly ever called me Remus That last line shows the shift in the relationship well. I liked the lack of small talk, which made it more realistic.
I tried to look for small errors to contrast the gushing of my review but to be honest there are none, or if there are they are invisible to my eyes! You had a great last line and this was enjoyable throughout. On the whole I'm not a huge fan of sonfics, but you carried this off well, and used the song for the piece rather than vice versa. Well done!
Author's Response: hey! wow, completely unexpected lovely review, thank you! Now I can't take credit for the grabbing first line as that was firefawn's prompt for this challenge, but I am glad you think I've used it well with Remus's voice. Someone else commented they felt his voice was a little off but good to hear you don't share that opinion! :DI liked writing that beginning part, it was while I was impatient to get to the main bit that I'd imagined and I wasn't thinking too hard, I always write better if I don't think too much about it, things flow nicer.I love the lyrics to this song, I thought they fit Sirius so well and although I planned the fic itself before finding the song, the song gave me the inspiration of where I was going to set this (in the stars).Everyone seems to like the 'he hardly ever called me Remus' part, it has to be one of my favourite lines too :D. I wrote it, and I could just here Sirius saying it and Remus thinking it and the panic setting in as his breath caught in his throat. I rarely have a lack of small talk so it is good I managed to get to the point ok here :).lol, I've personally gone over this fic about 4 times and had it beta'd twice so all those small errors are already zapped :p. Very happy to hear you couldn't find any ;). I am really not a fan of songfics either but I was already out of my comfort zone so I thought why go a little further? turned out all right I htink too. I am really pleased you enjoyed reading this and thanks again for the wonderful review! :) Report Review
Trixytonks I am in awe. If this was one of my pieces I would be feeling incredibly proud right now. Alas, it isnâ€™t, so Iâ€™ll review it instead. Lol. â€śThe wind was still except for the whipping branches of the Whomping Willow far away. His sensitive ears picked up each crisping leaf, each lifted branchâ€¦and now, a new soundâ€¦ and with it, a smell.â€ť That is great. I love the reference to the crisp leaves being heard so that we get an idea of those sensations going on around him and within him. â€śThe aged dwelling of Grimmauld Place was not yet accustomed to having such an amount of people between within its walls and Remus smiled wryly at the houseâ€™s moaning protests for their evictionâ€ť Now I donâ€™t know whether it was meant that way or not, but I get the feeling the aged floorboards are each making their own verbal protest as well as dear Mrs Black. That is fantastic. The â€śno sugar-coatingâ€ť reference to Remusâ€™ solitary situation is good too and just reiterates things in a subtle way. The use of the flashbacks is very good too. It gives atmosphere where flat explanation could not give it depth. The reference to his scars which can be taken as both the physical and mental ones, the way he looks in the mirror that then brings back the Sirius flashback at Hogwarts is superb. And huge applaud from me personally to only let him lose it with the F word under extreme pressure. Itâ€™s one of my pet hates when Remus is written, and Iâ€™m pleased to see you used it in the way I imagine him to be. Sirius is so oblivious to what he has done Remus had every right to be so angry. Excellent character portrayal. And finally to the last paragraphs and the drinking accompanying the posturing between he and Sirius in those final hours. Sirius continues his utter defiance, Remus tries to make him see sense. â€śThe dregs of its contents trickled from its prison, spreading between the crevices of the ceramics.â€ť Such small detail that could be missed by lesser authors. Iâ€™m sorry Iâ€™m coming across like a big girly fan girl but when I see writing like this I tend to ramble. I canâ€™t find fault with it. CongratulationsAuthor's Response: o_0
Holy cow. I'm like -- okay let me gather my thoughts.
thank you SO much for this review. I love it when people can see the smaller details. I try to layer things without making it too obvious, and I'm so glad you picked up on them. Remus and Sirius are my favourite characters to write, I just think they have obvious chemistry. I have never let a character curse in any of my stories until now. I just think that Remus deserved to totally lose the plot since he's always so calm. He was betrayed in the worst way, so he needed that release. I'm always torturing the poor guy, so I'm working on one that has a somewhat happier ending for him.
And lady, I dunno how many times I've said this now but I really don't deserve fangirls! Thank you all the same though, really, it means so much to get such a comprehensive review. It reminds me why I write in the first place. Thank you -- a million thanks! ^_^ Report Review
*claps excitedly* Perfection! I loved the way she went in to Tonks and Remus, almost bonding them with her words. I loved the silver haired man on the train and her connection to him. She will move on and I would love to know exactly how she uses her connections there to assist in the end. Ah well one day eh?Author's Response: *bows* and you know what a hard road it was to get here. It was so difficult to keep going but I'm glad that I saved Felicity and put her on the path to ever help. Remus will be happy and so will Tonks. We'll hold our breath for Severus. Now, I will await what you come up with to save Silvana. The OC's must live and yet be canon. Thank you for all your wonderful reviews. I looked forward with glee to every last one. :---) Onward and upward! Pru Report Review
Now if JK had done that i may have been able to swallow the bitter pill that was Tonks/Remus a little better! That was nicely fitted in and written. Of course the snarling Snape was superb, especially when she went back to Hogwarts *fans self* Very good seemless tie in with canon too.Author's Response: I wrote this whole last several chapters just to get to this bit. I soooooooo hated the Tonks weeping all through HBP when I see her as so much more. Them together is very logical and the grief they both felt in losing Sirius WOULD have brought them together. JK couldn't write it that way though, because the story is from Harry's POV. Maybe after everything's said and done, she'll do a little fanfiction of herself from Remus' POV. *smiles at the thought* And yes, always, the snarling Snape!!!!! Huzzah!!!! Report Review
*sniffs* You know it's coming but it's still sad. Is it worse because he seems so innocent or worse because she is so educated about it? whatever it is a truly sad but beautiful chapter. Author's Response: You're afraid that I'll ruin it. I know you. Hugs, Pru Report Review
I really like that ending - how Snape's parade is rained on by Harry. You have all the dynamics of the relationship between Snape and McGonagall expressed in the right way - there is a certain understanding there I think. But I did enjoy the scene between Umbridge and Snape. You can't help but smile when you read that he is getting some perverse sort of pleasure out of annoying her. Excellent.Author's Response: It was exhilirating writing that same from the other side of the room, so to speak. That's the single thing that I most enjoyed about writing a parrallel story. Harry is so self absorbed all the time that he misses a lot of the obvious. Thanks for reviewing. Pru Report Review
I can't believe it's been so long since I reviewed this. *is ashamed* So the pairing of Bella and Fenrir is good because he seems to have his own agenda and she is so devoted to her Master so that comes across well. The 'Geekindor' comment is just wonderful, as is your hints at Tonks/Remus while keeping the Felicity/Remus going. Now I'm intrigued to see how you switch this around.Author's Response: You were just afraid of my will to write canon. I know. You won't be disappointed...I hope...:--) Thanks for finishing, dear. Pru Report Review
Ashley's background grows ever more interesting and her rapport with Snape is fascinating. You show his nature well. I've often wondered why wizards don't just apparate out of trouble so you covered that one well in this! Now I;m left wondering what Ron and Harry are planning. Well done.Author's Response: I am so glad that you are still enjoying it. Snape is one of my favorite characters to write. I can't really explain it but he intrigues me. I also have wondered about the apparation thing and this possible explanation suddenly came to me while writing this. Big plans for Harry and Ron next chapter! Thanks again for taking the time to let me know what you think. Report Review
A good chapter again. I thought the detail you went into about the wedding was excellent (love the dress btw). I liked the enchanted harp and the fact it was at the Weasleys. And then drama at Draco beign found and Ashley is a part of that too. Intrigue again...and another cliffhanger. Does Tonks know about this close relationship Remus has with Ashley, I wonder?Author's Response: Thanks, I spent a lot of time on this chapter and particularly the dress. I wanted to make sure it had an authentic feel. Tonks huh? Yes that is a good question. What exactly does she know and not know, hmm??? Well back to work! Thanks again for reviewing! Report Review
Such intrigue in this again with her caught between Severus and Remus. The action sequence with Draco and Narcissa is very well written and exciting to read. This is coming along so well.Author's Response: Thank you so much! It was a lot of fun to write this chapter. I should be putting up the fifth chapter sometime this weekend. It has been a lot harder to write than I thought it would. Well thanks for reading again! Report Review
I was so pleased to see another chapter of this because it's always a pleasure to read adn flows so well it didn't feel like a lenghy chapter. Anticipation, suspense and a little splatter of humour in this - just the right mix. I really like how she found Moody and the flashbacks work well. This link with Snape and so many hints make this a story to keep up with. BTW Snape wasn't too emotional and the song is a good'un!Author's Response: I'm so very glad that this chapter worked out. It was certainly a gruelling one to write, especially with all the drama and emotion I wrote into it. There was just so much I wanted to put in that it kept getting longer, and longer... ;-) But anyway, thank you so very much for all your support throughout the writing on this, BJ. =) Report Review
I wouldn't worry too much about Ye Olde Englishe because this reads quite well as it is. I love the idea of starting at the very beginning and this is a refreshing start. I hope you can continue this. Author's Response: I am truely relieved to hear that the english doesn't matter that much coz I was really worried about that. Yeah, I thought it would be best if I started from the beginning. Thankx for your review! Report Review
Nice beginning and good descriptions. A bit of advice though- don't feel that you have to describe all that the characters are wearing. Sometimes it gives more atmosphere to let the reader imagine and for you to describe more about their actions and facial features rather than their clothes. It is a very good piece though, if this is your first chapter and first fanfic.Author's Response: Oh thank you so much! ^-^ Perfect I will keep your tips in mind when I am doing the next chapter! Yeah, with fan fiction it really is something you have to slowly get used to and learn how to do. Lol But I am happy my first try wasn't too bad! ^___^ Report Review
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