Reading Reviews From Member: writeyourheartout
190 Reviews Found

Review #26, by writeyourheartoutSeized: Could the Timing be Any Worse?

25th January 2015:
Dee! I'm back for more! Happy Hot Seat Day! ^.^

Aww. This really is a sweet opening - or maybe bittersweet, considering what happens to them soon enough. But still, it's really nice to see you give them a real chance as a couple, who fight and make-up and try to move forward. Hermione choosing to cook Ron's favorite meal for him, followed by his actual acceptance of the gift just goes to show that they really don't walk away from this relationship without having tried hard to make it work first. I really love that choice. Oh! And I read your review response that talked about wanting Ron and Hermione's break-up to be entirely about them and not influenced by Draco at all, and I think that was just a brilliant choice that's reflected in every Ron/Hermione scene. :)

I love seeing Hermione thriving in her work environment and truly making a difference. She's so great, and your version of her always feels so authentic.

I have to mention as well that your minor original characters are all so great! If I remember correctly, Loretta Fleets and Corrigan Riggs are really only briefly seen throughout the story, but even so, you've made them both so three-dimensional in this chapter alone.

Hermione flooed straight back to the flat, intent on spending the rest of the day cleaning the flat by hand rather than magic, it was so rare for her to have the time to do it. - Bahaha! Finally a decent amount of time off in which she doesn't plan on devoting to additional note-taking and planning AND SHE WANTS TO SPEND IT CLEANING MUGGLE-STYLE? And she actually sounds excited too! LOL Crazy girl. (I hate cleaning, in case you couldn't tell! :-p)

Oh, Draco and Astoria... Such a lovely, ridiculous, excessive wedding announcement. Especially considering... Well, seeing as I know where this leads in the most recently added chapter... hahaha Let's just say there are a lot of things I could say right now, but... yeah. Just imagine me throwing shade their direction. ;)

So I've said this to you a lot, but I'm gonna say it again because I can't help it: I just love the way you so slowly build the Draco/Hermione relationship. And even though he's not really even in this chapter, you still lay a foundation here that makes me need to mention it again. For example, the fact that they actually both went back for '8th' year to graduate Hogwarts properly, but they didn't have any sort of relationship there. Or the fact that when she sees his face in the paper, there's no mention of, "Oh, he's sooo preeetty!" haha And also that she works in the same building as him, but they have no relationship. I just think all of that's so great because it feels the most realistic that neither would try to grow closer without a reason too; that it takes being forced to work together on a case to get them to progress.

Gah, the fight! I can so imagine that going down the way it did. I really understand Ron's frustration, although I understand Hermione's reasoning as well. Neither are wrong in the way that they feel, but that's kind of why it's such a bad fight to be having - especially when neither wants to budge on their side of things. Again, just gotta comment on the complete plausibility of this story. ^.^

Side-Note: The Floo Network is so invasive! LOL I mean, you can literally land inside someone else's house without even knocking! But congrats to Harry and Ginny and their excellent timing! :-p

Another wonderful chapter, Dee! ♥


P.S. I hope this review puts a smile on your face. Especially because I need it to soften the blow when I tell you that LJ6 will not be posted today. DON'T YELL AT ME! IT WASN'T MY FAULT! My brother is in town and I forgot he was coming and so I haven't even been home since Friday morning... That's a pretty valid excuse, yeah? hahaha LOVE YOU. (And you love me, too. Don't forget that. ;))

Author's Response: Tanya! I think it's taken me as long to reply to this review as it has for you to update LJ :P I JEST! (though that little comment at the bottom about your brother has only reminded me how long it's actually been. Sigh...)

Anyway, on to this lovely review! I always absolutely adore your reviews, your enthusiasm for this story always abolutely baffles me but makes me so happy because I know you are by no means a Draco/Hermione shipper.

I try really hard to keep the trio in character, I think they're my favourite to write becuase we know them all so well but that makes them more difficult because as soon as they act out of character it gets picked up on. A bit part of that is making Hermione not totally swoon over Draco, as you commented on. I definitely wanted to give them a realistic situation that made them spend time together, but including Harry and Ron in it means it drags it out even more. I'm so so so pleased you think it's a plausible story :D

This review certainly did make me smile, even though I'm sad about LJ6 now :p And yes, I do love you too! ♥ You are a wonderful human being.

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Review #27, by writeyourheartout(Who) Needs Horcruxes?: Legend

24th January 2015:
Hello Karen! Happy (Belated) Hot Seat Day! ♥


‘The legend is that this individual is capable of time travel without the use of a timeturner. He also carries a metallic wand perhaps far more powerful than the fabled Elder Wand. And finally that he holds the true secrets of immortality, able to regenerate when he is close to death.’ - I love this. I love the parallels and comparisons and connections you drew between each item of the Doctor's and how exceedingly helpful they would be for Voldemort. I mean... I can't believe how perfectly the Doctor's abilities and items fit into Voldemort's desires for world domination! It's absolutely brilliant!

I also love the point in time you decided to write this in - while Voldemort has realized all but one of his horcruxes has been compromised and his so-called immortality has considerably waned. He's now desperate for a back-up plan, and the Doctor, with his ability to regenerate, is just absolute perfection.

INTO THE TARDIS! Vroom vroom. ;)

To be entirely honest, I'm not actually caught up 100% on Doctor Who at the moment, and have only seen the first Clara episode, so I probably can't offer too much input on her character, but... MATT SMITH. ELEVEN. Love him.

And I think you did him fantastically! You really captured his quirkiness and oddities and I could hear every line of his in Matt Smith's voice and picture all his little mannerisms perfectly. The whole Rubik's Cube ordeal is too funny, and something I could definitely see the Doctor partaking in. Really well-done!

Why must he always do this ‘do it now and ask questions later’? - Bahaha! Yeah, he totally does that. :-p

I LOVE that you chose to acknowledge Harry Potter and all subsequent HP related things to be an actual book and a fictional scenario they've been sucked into! Too much fun!

Before I wrap this review up, I wanted to tell you that I do see an improvement in the technical details from the first story I read of yours to this most recent one now, which is great! I would say concentrate on comma's - those seem to be your greatest weakness. You tend to under-use. I would maybe suggest that the next time you're writing/editing a story/chapter, that you read it slowly out loud to yourself and listen for the natural pauses and throw a comma in! Then, instead of, "No Clara you’re not.", you might hear yourself speak it more like, "No, Clara, you're not." But it was still really a great improvement overall! Congrats! I know you're working hard on it and it shows! ♥

Anyway, this is an excellent start to your story! I can't wait to see what happens next! It sounds like you have a really great plan for the future of this story and I'm very excited to see how it all plays out! Yay!


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Review #28, by writeyourheartoutWolf Like Me: O here comes that moon

22nd January 2015:
Oh, you know, was just passing by... figured I ought to review a lovely person such as yourself on this fine night. ^.^

(Plus, when I saw you'd written a Remus/Sirius fic, I was clearly done for, cause looove them.)


And not just wow, but WOW.

This is just... beyond gorgeous. It's stunning, really. It's so poetic and articulate and poignant and just... truly masterful. This review stands no chance at doing this story justice. Apologies in advance.

I loved this. I love the way you describe each of the characters, the way you explain their actions, the way you make even something so simple as walking - Each step cracks twigs and dry leaves, but this forest has learned our names. - feel like the most beautiful, heavy, and significant of things.

I'm fighting myself very hard not to just copy and paste this entire story into this review and yell, "THIS WAS MY FAVORITE PART." Although it would be true. But I'm gonna show the tiniest bit of self-control and limit my quotes to only a select few. *fingers twitch anxiously*

This paragraph:

Years. Years of stolen hours, dust-sticky potions bottles, spent learning to mirror my malady. They cracked their bones and carved their bodies into beasts, until that Curse just blinked down at empty fingers. They’d ripped my tragedy from her grip, transforming it the way that she transforms me. We stole back those swollen-moon nights, and avenged every scratching, howling hour.

Wow. It is just perfectly stated. I love this idea that they stole back the full-moon nights; that they took what was a terrible tragedy, an imprisonment, a life-sentence of cruel obedience, and just recaptured it back for themselves, refused to let it win, to let it steal anymore of Remus' freedom. It's a beautiful thought. So many feels.

And then this guy here: No one's nightmare more than my own. - Gah. This line kills me because it is so, so true. I love Remus so much, he's my absolute favorite character, and it never fails to break my heart knowing that he feels this way about himself.

And I can't finish this review without mentioning my absolute adoration for the way you depicted Remus and Sirius as a pair here. Honestly, I can't even articulate what I want to say about it, so please forgive me. Just... yes. Yes to it all. Yes, yes, yes. ♥

Absolutely brilliant, Roisin.




And especially for pointing out that one paragraph, it was actually the one I felt least confident about, so THANK YOU!

I've written some poetry over the years, but never been super keen on any one piece as a whole. But they all had little phrases or sentences I liked, so I basically shoved them all together here because I discovered my love for WolfStar and needed to write it.

And I'm really glad that, as a Remus fan, you liked this story! I realize I went kind of OOC, at least considering the language here, but I thought I could hand wave it with WOLF MIND!

Anyway, AH, thank you so much for this review!


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Review #29, by writeyourheartoutRed: She Did It

22nd January 2015:
Hello Maelody! ^.^

I couldn't help but notice the incredible number of reviews you've been leaving people lately, and so I just wanted to return the favor! It's honestly so kind of you and I know you've made a ton of people just beyond happy with your generosity and warmth! ♥

This is so adorable! I love James/Lily and I think you did an excellent job showcasing how they might have finally come together!

I think your choice to write the story in this setting, where they're on rounds together, was a really clever decision. It allowed for a slow build between them; a tale in which we weren't thrown head-first into massive amounts of fluff and flirtations and sugary-sweetness that just always feels like too much right at the beginning of a fic. Instead we get to see them interact almost like a normal pair of friends, with just small moments of cuteness here and there that slowly built towards the ending (WHICH I SHALL SQUEE ABOUT LATER IN THIS REVIEW. OMG.)

I'm also really glad you included the effects of the war in this story, too. A lot of Marauder stories - James/Lily fics in particular - tend to gloss over the fact that horrible things are happening around them because they'd rather write something strictly fluffy or funny, but the inclusion makes their relationship and the fact that they're drawn more towards each other now feel all the more authentic and purposeful.

Omg, this Forbidden Forrest date between Sirius and Alice sounds hilarious! I can only imagine what in the world they got up to in there! You could totally write a companion piece to this about the date, you know... ;)

THE WAY SHE ASKS HIM OUT IS JUST TOO FLIPPIN' CUTE! *SQUEE* It was totally unexpected, too! Well, I mean, I assumed something would happen between them before the end of the story, but I was not even somewhat expecting it to be that or to have been done in that fashion! hahaha It was adorably awkward and entirely perfect.

And then James is such a little twerp about it! Bahahaha Too funny. "I dunno." - LOL

Awww! The ending is just beyond squee-worthy! When he shouts it out in the hall that she asked him out... hahaha So many feels. I'm all smiles now. And the fact they stayed up all night talking and sharing memories is so sweet. I'm all giddy, Mae. I love these two together. ♥

So, my only critique is that I noticed you change tenses rather often between past and present. Here's a good example: “Hey, cheer up now.” James awkwardly *nudged Lily’s side, not sure of what else to do. She **sniffles and looks up, putting the summer in the past. Nothing good ever came out of worrying. James ***was right. This ** **is their seventh year, and they had to make the best out of it. James *** **continued once he figured it was safe to do so. - *past tense **turns to present ***turns back to past ** **turns back to present *** **turns back to past - I think the majority of the story was told in past tense, so if you decide to go back and edit, I would keep an eye out for any present tense words/moments! But even with those little details, the story was still a complete joy to read!

You did a really great job with this, Mae. I thoroughly enjoyed it! And thank you again for the massive amounts of incredible reviews you've been passing out. I know you've made endless people's day with your kind words, and I hope my review does the same for you. ♥


Author's Response: Tanya! You're the sweetest! *hugs*

Just so you know, you came just a tad bit too early! I already have this back in the queue because I read it through when it was validated and edited it once more. So hopefully, if you come back to it ever, you'll notice I already made those changes! But thank you for pointing them out. I've grown way more conscious of them, but they're still my weakness! :)

Really, hun. You're too sweet. Honestly, I just wanted people to get reviews they deserved. I've decided from now on, there will never be a story that I read where I don't review it. I'm not really all that helpful with my reviews, but I like to make their days. Even if I do sort of leave slews of reviews for people to read... ;)

I'm glad you like it. :3 I sort of worried about this installment because I think it's the weakest of the four (it took a lot more thought of what should go in it than the others did) and I was worried how it would come out to others.

I have a theme that I want to follow with these four installments when they're all out. I won't spoil it now, but the rounds just sort of fit in perfectly with it. I didn't want to show the moment where she finally fell for him, or what she would do if he did something romantic. I wanted to show something where a lot of that has already happened, and this is just the time that she decided: "You know what? Now is the time I think we can go on a date."

Yay! I'm so happy you liked that, too! I (again) worried about that for the exact reasons you stated. People like the fluffy, funny side of the marauder era. Sometimes, it's almost like people forget Voldemort was really taking ownership here. There were giants rampaging. Lily and James defeated him three trice before the tender age of 21.

Oooh, that'd be fun! ;) Maybe, one day. If I ever find time after the other billion fics I want to write! xD

I like adorably awkward Lily. I mean, she was friends with Snape, who was always awkward. So she couldn't have been totally put together in the sense that she didn't have an odd thought here or there. I hate always mad Lily, though I know she has a temper, but always for good reason. She's just one of those characters I totally want to get to know better, because I think she would do something like this. This little short story is something that'll end up being sorta like what my head-canon between the two would have been like. :3

Ahhh, James. He couldn't let her get by with a casual asking out, now could he? There's gotta be something that causes a bit of a challenge in there. ;)

D'aaw. I'm glad you're all giddy. Thanks! :3 I'm just incredibly happy you enjoyed it! I love your writing, so it sort of makes me squee over here too that you read something of mine. :3 Thank you so much, Tanya! Honestly, you're such a doll for coming over here! *hugs*


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Review #30, by writeyourheartoutLike Clockwork: Antiquity

21st January 2015:
Hello again, Leigh! And Happy Belated Hot Seat Day! ^.^

I love the way this begins! It's immediately intriguing! Must. Know. What's. Happening. O_O

Oh wow. Witch-burning. That's crazy. You write it so well, though. I can feel her panic as well as the haste and disgust and fear of the crowd trying to rid themselves of her 'evil'. The action is great, palpable. And the way we slowly come to realize that this girl, who truly believed she was not a witch and would of course wrongfully burn at the stake, is actually surviving it and is in fact a witch after all.

I also love the way you write this - the more formal, old-fashioned feel of the story carries itself really well here. You capture the era of burning witches really well. Although, I have to admit, I am a bit confused, because isn't this a Sirius/OC fic? But maybe it's AU and I didn't notice... Or perhaps there's simply more to this story than currently meets the eye... Interesting... *continues on*

The way you weave her belief in God and Satan and Heaven and Hell into this is flawless. And the struggles she faces because of her beliefs, because of her fears of what witchcraft implies, was such a clever choice to include, and it really adds a whole other layer to this opening.

The further I read into this second section, the more confused and curious I become! Who is this girl?? If she's only eleven, how can this be her return to the castle? And what did he mean by one too many spins? I feel like I'm missing a big piece of the puzzle! hahaha But I assume this is your intention - to slowly let us in on the secrets surrounding Cecily. And it's working brilliantly, I must say. I am beyond intrigued.

“You see, Miss Mason, this is not our first turn in this scene of your life.” - Whaaa'?!?! This is so crazy interesting! And now my questions from earlier regarding the writing style of this story versus it being a Marauders-era fic makes a lot more sense. Very cool! What a neat idea!

Also... WHAT'S THE THING SHE CREATED?? Dude, I am so hooked. hahaha

“Let us imagine I send you five minutes ahead of now. I tell you that I rather enjoy singing. Then I send you back to now. ... You would not remember the words I told you. Until five minutes pass, and you experience the moment I once sent you forward into. Then, while we may hold a different conversation, you will remember the words I told you.” - Well, this is a neat concept! But he wouldn't remember?? This is crazy and I love it.

And way to leave us on a bit of a cliffhanger. :-p

A few minor details:

The flames flickered up into my throat, my tongue aflame and teeth burning, flames flicking through my pinched lips. - There's a lot of 'flame'-age in this sentence and it feels just a little heavy-handed; too repetitive. Sometimes this sort of repetition can really work for a story, but I think in this case it's taking away from what is otherwise a great opening. Plus, in the sentence that immediately follows this one, you use the word again. And in the paragraph following that sentence, you repeat the word 'aflame'. It's just a bit too much of the same thing one right after the other, is all. I'm definitely not saying get rid of them altogether, only to be a bit more selective about which ones to keep.

They pulled me tight, digging nails into my flesh, *knifes and pitchforks puncturing the skin on my back, throat, arm. - *the plural of knife is knives

Where I came from, men were anything but to a lady, especially a young one such as *yourself. - *Whoops! Switched to second person here. Should be 'myself'.

And that's it! This is brilliant. It's incredibly unique, endlessly intriguing, and very well-written. You're off to a fantastic start with this story and I look forward to seeing how it all plays out! Great job!

Tanya ♥

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Review #31, by writeyourheartoutMy (Fake) Wedding: Welcome to my Crappy Life

21st January 2015:
Hello again, Aimee! And Happy Belated Hot Seat Day! ♥

I really like how this begins with a bit of mystery - with you dangling some hidden information about Elle's dad right in front of our eyes, but refusing to let us in on the secret. Super intriguing! I must know all the things. :-p

HAHAHA A ONESIE TO DINNER? I shall marry him at once. ;) I really enjoy the little touches of comedy laced throughout the story. Makes for a very cute, fun read!

Ruari! That's a cool name! Never heard it before, but I'm really quite loving it. Did you come up with it yourself?? Ruuuaaariii. ♥

I like that we're learning about your OC through her actions and interactions with her family, rather than simply through a list of things you tell us about her. I always find that when people write sentence after sentence - and sometimes paragraph after paragraph - about who their character is as a person, what their past was like, what their present is like, etc. etc., it just becomes sooo explainy and rather boring, too. Throwing her into this hectic environment where she's kind of down on her luck and stuck living with her sister's family was a really great decision. And then we get a bit more of a glimpse into her more socialized personality when she goes out with her friends. I'm liking Elle so far; she seems like a good OC to base a story around. I look forward to seeing how she develops in upcoming chapters!

ALSO! She's a Hufflepuff! I love when I read characters from our beloved House! Excellent choice, if I do say so myself. ;)

Oh ho! What have we here? “Honestly, he’s *being going out with this ‘girl’ for over 2 years now and he didn’t think we’d like to meet her? I’m starting to believe she’s not real.” - *been - I think I can see where this plot may be heading... hahaha Very nice. ^.^

A few minor notes:

“Can anyone else *here that tapping?” - *hear

Something I notice you don't do is type out your small numbers, which is something that I'm sure a lot of people don't care about (and please ignore this entirely if you prefer it as is), but that I also know is a general rule of thumb when it comes to grammar guidelines. I've read one rule that says it should be applied for all numbers ten and under, and others that say twenty and under. I prefer twenty and under because, in my opinion, it just makes the writing look more formal, more advanced, and of higher quality. I just think that when they aren't spelled out, they tend to negatively stick out - draw my eye in an aesthetically displeasing way.

For example: I’ll just say this, my Dad didn’t speak to me for 2 years after it. - I would consider changing it to: I’ll just say this, my Dad didn’t speak to me for two years after it.

And, in case you do decide to apply those edits, here are some other places I noticed them:

- I got kicked out of my apartment last week because I couldn’t pay the rent for the last 3 months so I’m basically hopping from house to house.
- “Honestly, he’s being going out with this ‘girl’ for over 2 years now and he didn’t think we’d like to meet her?
- It was lovely, roomy even, but it wasn’t ideal because she had two children that were 6 and 3 respectively and both of them were already showing signs of magical capabilities. - In this example, you actually use both types: two, 6, and 3. If you decide to stick with the non-spelled out versions, I would at least suggest changing 'two' to 2 here, simply for consistencies sake. (But none of it's actually a big deal, so I wouldn't worry all that much if you don't feel like editing at all. :-p)

I would also say watch out for comma's. You tend to use them a little too often in a sentence where it's not needed so that it makes the sentence read a bit bumpy and a lot less fluid than it would otherwise be. Comma's are the worst, though. I don't think anyone ever gets them right all the time. *glares at own writing*

Anyway, all minor details, and please feel free to ignore them! ^.^

Overall, this was a very enjoyable and intriguing opening chapter! I expect I'll be back here very soon! Good job, Aimee!

Tanya ♥

Author's Response: Thank you, Tanya, for giving me some good constructive criticisms. I think definitely the numbers thing is something I need to work on in the future as I seem to chop and change between the two different formats a lot. I think I need to just stick with one way. And the comma's are definitely something I struggle with, my brain automatically just inputs them and then I read it through and think that there's too many commas. I hate it!

I'm definitely gonna edit this eventually and fix any spelling errors because it makes me cringe when I read it through again -.-

Anyway, thank you for a lovely hot seat review! And I'm sorry for not replying to it sooner! :)

~Aimee xx

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Review #32, by writeyourheartoutAlong the Astral Plane: Autumnal Point

20th January 2015:
Hiya Maggie! Happy Belated Round Two Hot Seat Day! (That's a mouthful, huh? :-p)

Well sheesh, Maggie. Your writing continues to surprise me in the greatest way imaginable. This was fantastic!

First of all, the way you handle writing this era - jumping back in time to the language and customs and everything else - is just incredible. It feels so authentic. You very clearly have an excellent grasp on the life and times of this day and age, because it's reflected in every turn of phrase. I can't even imagine the amount of effort it takes to accurately tackle this type of story, but you make it look easy. Really phenomenal job.

Your characterization is something else I just adore! I love each person we were introduced to - even if only briefly - and how they all felt so real, so three-dimensional already, even in these small glimpses. It was particularly interesting to see how different many of the Founders kids are compared to their parents. Helena is obviously very different from her mother, regardless of their sharing the same House, and therefore some basic traits. Then all of the Gryffindor's clearly have some differences between them, each just as fascinating as the next. I do hope to see more of Belden in later chapters! He sounds like a blast. :-p

(Side-Note: Is Godric dead in this story??)

Also, I got super excited when Helga entered the picture. *high fives Head of House* :-p “They will think I am a sentimental old woman,” she replied, and Helena’s arm received the expected swat. “Oh, but this is just my bliss overflowing, my loves. You are all home once more, and my heart is full.” - Dawww! She's so sweet. Especially compared to the harshness of Rowena! haha

Gareth is a great character so far, too! I can't decide between him and Belden, though, as far as who I want to ship with Helena! hehehe I guess I'll have to make those decisions as the story progresses... Although this one line here really did have me pulling for Belden: Belden Gryffindor, his shaggy red hair gleaming in the candlelight, was showing off for one of the village girls. Helena laughed aloud at his gallant bow, so at odds with the loud, unruly boy she had always known, and vowed to tease him about it later. No doubt Belden would have an impossibly witty counter in mind; there was no one in the castle better suited to a meeting of the minds. - hahaha They just sound pretty great together, but maybe just as friends! We shall see, huh? ;)

Either way, whichever path you choose, I am super excited to see how this all unfolds! I can't deny that Gareth and Helena definitely had great chemistry, though. You write them really well together. And this line was really sweet after she mentions her looks: “That is not your only quality. It is simply the easiest to notice.” - Dawww. ^.^

I love that this chapter ended with a bit of mystery revolving around the black-haired man. And she already danced with him! Uh oh! I suspect we'll be seeing more of him in upcoming chapters. (I just had a random thought: Is he the Bloody Baron, who ends up killing Helena?? ...Is that even how her canon story goes? I'm grasping at some vague memories, to be honest... hahaha Can you tell I'm not that familiar with the Founder's era? :-p)

Another brilliant beginning to a story, Maggie! I'm really glad the Hot Seat continues to bring me around to your writing, because you're swiftly becoming a favorite of mine! ♥


Author's Response: Oh my goodness Tanya, how do I even respond to this wonderful review? Thank you so much for all your detailed thoughts and lovely kind words. I am still working on this, and I hope to keep building on all those characterization points that you mentioned. I'm thrilled that you like the characters so far! Helga is always a favorite of mine too :) And I never thought about anyone shipping Belden and Helena, but now that you mention it I kind of like it too!

Your guesses are good :) I can't wait to see what you think of what's to come!

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Review #33, by writeyourheartoutCarpe Aestatem: I Reckon

20th January 2015:

James Potter didn’t fancy blokes. - MUAHAHAHA! JUST YOU WAIT, SIR. *SQUEE*

And yet. - Nailed it.

Oh! Love that Sirius is gay as well. I wonder if that means Remus will, in the end, be with Sirius? Love me some WolfStar, too. Dude, if this is James/Remus that eventually leads to even just implications of Remus/Sirius... I may die of happiness. There may be too much amazing in one story for my heart to handle. My palms are sweaty. SORCERESS! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME ALREADY? I'M LIKE FIVE PARAGRAPHS IN. (Although, a few paragraphs later and it looks like they might not be a good match after all. Either way, I'm beyond ecstatic about this story! :-p)

Your dialogue is just brilliant. I love the way James and Sirius interact in this scene by the lake. I can't quote most of it (because M swears!) but it's just spot on how I imagine them. ♥

GAH. AWW. WHEN SIRIUS SAYS REMUS DOESN'T LIKE... -le cough- AND THEN JAMES ASK IF HE'S A... -le double cough- MY HEART HAS MELTED. (Also, I may require a lozenge.)

Dawww, he's gonna quit smoking for Reeemus. ♥

He regretted it almost the moment he said it – it was fine to joke around when it was the four of them, and the sort of banter that would border on flirtatious to the uninitiated was par for the course – but it was a different story when it was just him and Remus and they skirted too close to truth. - Ugh, I just love your writing. ♥

Hahahaha Omg. Again with your dialogue - this time between James and Remus. *squee* It's so wonderful.

I'm trying really hard not to just quote this entire story back at you, BUT PLEASE FORGIVE THIS ONE BECAUSE I CAN'T NOT: Remus put down his quill. “All right.” His face was impassive, his voice toneless. It was one of the worst things about him, his ability to mask any emotion and tuck it neatly behind some façade or other that suited his needs (and one of the most alluring, because there was some primal part of James that wanted to strip him of that ability – maybe for a moment, maybe for an eternity; he wasn’t picky). - ♥

AND THE KISS. Gah. It's perfect. All of it. Everything. This is phenomenal. I am so happy right now, I can't even. Like... I don't have any more articulate words to offer, because my brain has disconnected. Seriously, this is... I'm so beyond happy with what you've done with my prompt. I knew you were the right person to give it to.

And on that note... I just have to thank you so, so much for writing this story for me. And I can't even begin to fathom how quickly you were able to run with the inspiration and still create such an incredible chapter in so short a time! Teach me your ways. You are just so wonderful. I am in love with this and I cannot wait for chapter two! Eep!


Author's Response: TANYA HI i'm finally responding to your review i'm sorry it took me SO EMBARRASSINGLY LONG i'm terrible

i have to thank you for two things - number one, for this review because it made me SO HAPPY when i received it and your excitement over it and all the quotes and everything is basically every author's dream and you give the BEST reviews honestly, and number two, for the request in the first place because i never would have thought of this pairing if you hadn't

i'm very sorry that i didn't update this but it IS on my list that's ever-growing now that i'm going back through old reviews and old stories, and i promise i will finish this one! even if there's a year between chapters one and two oops

thank you thank you thank you for this phenomenal review

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Review #34, by writeyourheartoutIcarus: Prologue

20th January 2015:

What in the world is happening in this story. O_O

I feel I should state that I mean that in the best way possible! :-p But seriously, what is going on!?! hahaha

That opening is just beyond intriguing. Everything about it is a mystery to me at the moment - one I'm pretty desperate to figure out! Like... who's the Captain?? And if the majority of this story is from Lily's POV, WHAT DID SHE DO TO CAUSE THINGS. This line: Lily tried to change history and see what could have been, and only burned in the end. - UM WHAT?!!! Must know more.

Remembrance Day ♥ And what you said about how days like that do fade as time passes... Too true. It's so much sadder when you put it into this perspective for me, as well. Doesn't seem right we should forget or stop caring so much about such important days where the lives of so many brave people were lost. :(

HAHAHA The names thing is hilarious. You're always so brilliant with humor.

And details, too! (I mean, really everything - let's be honest - but humor and details are what I'm focusing on at the moment, so there.) Like the way you introduce us into her home-life via small glimpses of her roommates - a social life, what's that? - and how Arthur has influenced Albus to start up a plug collection! hahaha Already your characters feel so three-dimensional to me.

Lily, naturally, stands out above the rest. I love the comparison to her namesake and how people expect that she'll magically take after Lily Evans simply because she was named after her, when in reality she's quite different - and in a way that seems to not be ideal. Poor thing. But I love it - she feels so authentic and substantial as a person, and her dry humor is perfection. I'm really loving being inside her head and following her narration. You've crafted an excellent version of Lily, my dear. ^.^

AND THEN THE ENDING. HELLO! I see what's a-brewing here now! AND I'M VERY EXCITED ABOUT IT. Well... except clearly something goes terribly wrong, doesn't it? hahaha I have no idea what's in store for this fic, and that absolutely thrills me. I'm very excited to see where it all goes.

This is a great first chapter, Kristin - just like everything you write! Stahp being so amazing. (Just kidding, don't stahp.) - I learned that trick from your Lily. ;)


Author's Response: Aw! Your reviews always put such a smile on my face!

Um, yes. This story is weird. I feel like there needs to be a warning for that, or at least I should put in a disclaimer or something so people know what they're getting into. ADVISORY: BIZARRE. :p But yeah, 'what is going on?' is pretty much the reaction I was going for :p

MUAHAHA. Things that will be explained later. Much later. :P

I'm so glad you like the idea of a Remembrance Day. It is sad when you think about it, how a lot of today's holidays are just days, and there's no longer as much attention put on why it's a day off work and such.

Haha, glad you liked the bit about the names. The names in the epilogue were my least favourite thing about the HP series. :p Sometimes this story is less of a fanfic and more a chance for me to comment on things under the guise of a fictional character XD

Thank you so much! I'm so glad you like the details as a way of introducing characters, as well as the glimpses into her life, family and friends.

I think having the same name as someone does invite comparisons, and in Lily (II)'s case where her namesake is such a hero, Lily doesn't really compare favourably - at least not at the moment when she's unemployed and kind of jaded. I am so glad to hear she feels like an authentic person! Thank you!

Ehehehe. If everything went well, there would be no story! :P

Aw, thank you! Stahp making me blush with your amazing compliments! :P

(10 points to Hufflepuff if you can actually understand me.)

♡ ♡

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Review #35, by writeyourheartoutA Tulip and a Weasley: Tulips, tulips

19th January 2015:

I am so far behind it isn't even funny, but I wanted to make sure that I got one delivered to you before I fall too far behind on Round Three as well! (I've not exactly been rocking the art of Time Management since maybe Christmas... :-p)

Hahaha! This is too funny. Oh Percy, you ridiculous fool... :-p I love how even though this is a parody, it still captures the essence of Percy. He's almost a caricature of himself at certain points in the books, with his over-dramatics and arrogance and the way he speaks so formally. You really can't help but make fun of him a bit, right?

No one saw fit to tell him that the old Archie Holmes was mostly deaf and was probably sleeping with his eyes open. Percy, in his eagerness to share his views about the Ministry's proposal for next year's budget, failed to notice this. - LOL Don't lie to me, Emmi: you enjoyed torturing him, didn't you? ;)

To him, the tulips were family, like his own children. He knew each of them by name and wept for every wilted flower. - HAHAHAHA Omg. ♥ Too funny. And pretty darn sad as well. Methinks Percy needs to get himself a girlfriend. hahaha

Omg, his disguise!!! LOL Wow. That's some subtle Muggle-wear, Perce. Nailed it. hehehe

The images this story is conjuring up in mind are just so hilarious. This right here: They would understand if he told them he had spent sleepless nights worrying about whether the fertilizer he had used was too strong for his tulips or that repotting them was one of the most exciting phases in growing plants – because his babies were all grown up now – or that he had wept for two days when one of his favourite tulips, named Muriel for his formidable great-aunt, had finally lost the battle to old age and wilted. - HAHAHA *wipes tear*

AND THEN THIS: Percy was certain that Voldemort would have never tried to take over the wizarding world if he had simply directed his excess energies into repotting and fertilizing flowers. - Yep. Totally, Percy. That's EXACTLY what good ol' Voldie's been missing his whole life! A little therapeutic gardening! hahaha So funny.

Side-Note: Sorry to keep quoting things back at you, but they're cracking me up! :-p

What would happen to his family if someone found out – or, more importantly, to his precious flowers? - MORE IMPORTANTLY? REALLY, PERCY? COME ON.

LOVE how Penelope Clearwater shows up! AND THE WAY HE LIES TO HER. Innocentius Moreton! LOL And now all that's left is for Percy and his tulips to take on the world. For it is their destiny. Great things and all that. :-p

This was so funny, Emmi. How versatile an author you are! I sincerely enjoyed it! Great job!


Author's Response: Hey Tanya!

I'm so glad you liked this! This was my first attempt at writing a parody, or humour as a genre, so I had no idea how well I had done. I was worried I had overdone the parody (I suppose that's the whole point of the parody, but still).

Percy was surprisingly easy to turn into a parody because he's so pompous and self-important. He almost begs of being put into a humourous story! And yes, I did enjoy every second of it. :D

If you asked him, he would say he doesn't need a girlfriend. He's got his flowers to fill in that void. :)

I had so much fun coming up with a disguise for Percy. I suppose that, in reality, he is more up to date about the Muggle fashion - but where's the fun in that? I'm glad that you enjoyed the images as much as I did when I was writing them!

I'm almost certain that gardening has a positive effect on people but I'm not sure - I try spend as little time doing garden chores as possible... What I'm absolutely certain is that if forced to choose between his family and his flowers, Percy would choose the flowers. In a heartbeat. Yep.

He lied to Penelope because he didn't want anyone to find out he was going to a plant competition but I'm afraid that by now everyone knows... Rita Skeeter's Quick-Quotes Quill died of happiness. But mark my words, soon every student at Hogwarts will have to take a course to learn to raise tulips. It's all for the sake of the future of wizarding world, after all. :D

Thanks for reviewing this!

- Emmi

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Review #36, by writeyourheartoutCinnamon Rolls: The Legacy Lives On

15th January 2015:
Hello again Freda and Georgina, and Happy Hot Seat Day! ^.^

This was such a sweet story! I love the concept of it: a prank passed down from generation to generation (with slight alterations along the way).

"We made the orange juice look like milk..." HAHAHA! This cracked me up because I'VE SO BEEN THERE BEFORE! I once took a sip of what I thought to be water, but what turned out to actually be orange juice, and let me tell you... that is a SERIOUS blow to your mind and to your taste buds! I LOVE the brilliance and simplicity of that being the basis of a prank! Harmless, but extremely effective. This is why Remus is the greatest ever. ♥

"We Hufflepuffs are really spoiled being next to the kitchens, aren't we?" - LOL I'm not gonna lie, this is definitely something I considered when I chose to be in Hufflepuff. Easy kitchen access is the bomb. ;)

I really enjoyed all of the characters we saw, and how little details shown through - like Tonks' flowers, Teddy's clumsiness, and of course all the food-related gags and the way they each celebrated after a successful prank - with cinnamon rolls.


Really good job, you two; I enjoyed this very much. :)

P.S. I am absolutely craving cinnamon rolls now. *drools*

Author's Response: Hello Tanya!

Thank you for the review! We wrote this for Clare and included things only she would understand what we were nodding to and I (Georgina) was personally worried that others wouldn't understand it. But you did! Yay! I love all of the stuff you said here, reviews like yours satisfy the soul.

Little fun fact, we met Clare through cinnamon rolls. For the Yule Ball she posted a picture of them, I commented on how delicious they looked, she messaged us, and this story was the result.

Glad to hear how much you loved this story!

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Review #37, by writeyourheartoutLove is for Fools: Not a Fool

12th January 2015:

(Allow me to apologize ahead of time for the ridiculous amount of caps lock, squeeing, and quoting of your amazing story that will take place in this comment. Cause those three things make up about 99.9% of this review. Zomg.)

First of all... I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WROTE ME A STORY! YOU INCREDIBLE, AMAZING, SNEAKY THING, YOU! Honestly, I'm blown away. What a truly wonderful surprise. I am just beyond touched. ♥

Friends, that’s what you were. Great friends; the best. He knew, of course, you both did, knew that there was something more and unspoken between you. It was there in his looks when he caught you staring as he laughed his carefree laugh. Just a look as if he was saying to you, ‘I know'. Knowing was never enough for you, nor for him, but neither of you ever acted upon your feelings. - I AM DEAD. OMG. Dee... omg. I can't even. I CAN'T EVEN IT'S SO PERFECT.

My heart. Like... Omg, REMUS! WAH! I just want to hold him forever, my little dumpling. ♥

Quietly you suffered, though you knew he was suffering too, but your friendship would suffer more should you ever act on the feelings. - THOSE DAMN PROUD FOOLS. YOU COULD HAVE HAD IT ALL! *sobs*

I'm so sorry to just be quoting back at you this entire story, BUT I CAN'T HELP IT. I HAVE NO CONTROL. Real suffering came when you discovered what he had done, what you thought he had done to James and Lily for thirteen years. Still you loved him, you would love him no matter what, and that is when you knew he had been right: love is for fools. - *sobs more* MY HEART, DEE.

“Zonkos,” Sirius once told you, “if there is a heaven, I hope it’s exactly like Zonkos.” - And you hoped it was too. - SO MUCH SOBBING, OMG. That last line... Perfect. Like being kicked by someone wearing steel-toe boots right in the feels. I am dead.

Dee. I can't even. I can't even articulate.


Can we talk about how you also managed to squeeze two really difficult challenges into this as well? And you did it SO RIDICULOUSLY WELL. The ABC Challenge in exactly 500 Words. WHAT?! STAHP BEING SO TALENTED. (Just kidding, never stop. ♥)

In all seriousness, this is such a gorgeous story. It is stunningly written, beautifully descriptive, and it just wraps its little hands around your heart and squeezes the living daylights out of you. And the fact that it's dedicated to me... Honestly, Dee, I don't even know what to say. I'm blown away by your generosity and kindness every day, and no more so than right now. You are one of my absolute favorite people and I sort of want to book a flight to the UK, hunt you down, and just hug-attack you with love.

...This took a slightly creepy turn, but I stand by it. ;)

You are the absolute best. Thank you so, so much.

Tanya ♥

Author's Response: It's about time I answered this, isn't it? I've been reading it over and over so much in my unanswered reviews that I pretty much know it by heart now. I'm not even sure where to begin with a response, other than:

"You're welcome, friend-o." and "Luv U 2, Betch." (Seriously hoping you remember our conversation on twitter when I first wrote this :p )

I'm sorry for killing you with the feels, even though that may have been my intention :p I considered writing a happier WolfStar but it just wouldn't happen, Remus has such an angst-filled life.

I felt like I cheated a little bit by combining the two challenges, but you try writing a story with more than one sentence that needs to start with the letter X. One is near impossible! :P Though having said that, I'm sure you would be able to do it, because let's face it, the talent fairy is your BFF.

I've never felt relief like it when you left this review, I was terrified that you would hate it. I cannot express in any way how much I loved this review, it will always be the most amazing review anyone has ever left me.

And FYI, I would be 100% okay with you booking a flight to the UK and hunting me down! I'd even buy you the ticket ;)

Thank you a million and one times for just being you ♥

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Review #38, by writeyourheartoutSeized: Who Ever Said Relationships Were Easy?

9th January 2015:
Dee Dee Dee ♥

I'm having a lot of fun rereading this story and finally leaving some proper reviews for it, too! ^.^

I love your Ron and Hermione. They are so plausible as a couple here, with a fight I can so easily imagine them having. The dialogue between the two of them, the hot-headed banter, the dramatic storming off after Hermione's singular attempt at kind and rational doesn't exactly go over well - it's all just spot on. What I think is even more exceptional about your writing of these two here is the fact that they're actually having a relatively common fight, and so it would have been easy to make them sound like any old generic couple, but you were able to make them feel so authentic - like Ron and Hermione in this fight and not anybody else.

What I love about their story in this is how believable it is. You cover so many fundamental topics that couples really should agree on if they plan to last without any of it feeling like simply a ploy to separate them and make way for Draco. It's all rooted deep in realism, so that I never question why things happen the way they do.

Oh! And bonus points for not making Ron some horrible person who treats Hermione poorly or is an awful boyfriend, but simply just not the right fit for Hermione. Love that.

I love the job you've given Hermione, by the way. I'm pretty sure she ends up working in law in canon as well, but the Dobby's Law thing is just such a spectacular branch off of that - regardless of what Ron thinks. ;) And I love how her beaded bag trick comes into play and basically improves every office worker's life! You're so clever and creative. ^.^

Aww... the proposal sounds pretty hilariously charming... almost makes me sad they're having such issues now. But, luckily, I've never been particularly attached to the Ron/Hermione ship, so... I think I'll be alright. ;)

Your attention to detail is really great. For example, when Hermione is doing the dishes by hand and it's mentioned how once upon a time Ron woke poke fun at her and she'd throw bubbles at him, but now he just rolls his eyes... Such a smart choice to include that sort of then versus now comparison to showcase how their relationship has changed. Not only that, but IT'S SO TRUE THAT THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS! Things you used to love about someone can eventually start to just annoy the crap out of you! hahaha

Harry's proposing! Daww. Sweet. ^.^ I think it was really clever of you to include a Harry/Ginny subplot that focuses on how happy the two of them are in comparison to Hermione and Ron. It just sort of solidifies the fact that things are not the way they should be between two people actually in love, and not just together out of habit or convenience or for any other reason.

Great chapter, Dee. Like I said, I'm really glad to be rereading this story. Maybe by the time I reach chapter 22 again, there will be a chapter 23! ;)

Tanya ♥

Author's Response: Tanya Tanya Tanya! ♥

I can't believe you're going back over this and leaving more reviews. The last lot you left me were beyond lovely, now I get more! I am not worthy *bows*

I know a lot of authors on here shy away from writing the trio because readers know them so well and can be so critical if anything it OOC, but I actually find them the easiest to write BECAUSE we know them so well. I wanted to keep their essence but still show that they were older, their little domestics definitely helped with that. And I really wanted to make their break-up totally about them, which is why I didn't have Draco have any involvement with Hermione until after her break-up. I definitely couldn't make Ron horrible, he's petulant and childish at times but not horrible, and never a cheater! I'm so glad you commented on the proposal, it took a lot for me not to get carried away and make that a bigger scence. I actually love Ron and Hermione, and they're definitely one of my favourite canon ships, but Draco/Hermione will always be my preference :p

*blushes* I'm thrilled you liked the job Hermione has, the Dobby's Law thing just seemed like something she would do, it's a step up from SPEW but I think Ron ruined that name for her ;)

I'd be lying if I didn't say my own relationship disagreements played a big part in this, and you're so right about little things going from endearing to just plain irritating, don't tell my bloke I said that ;)

Hah! MAYBE there will be a chapter 23, I seem to have distracted myself writing other things but I have the end of this story all planned so I will be finishing it...soon ish.

Thank you so so so so SO much for another amazing review. You are just the best. Love love love!! ♥

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Review #39, by writeyourheartoutEffortlessly Dead: Gone

4th January 2015:
*waves* Back for more!

Actually, I should confess, I read this last night, but was too tired to write out a review simultaneously or even take notes, so I'm working a bit on memory for this particular review now, so please forgive me if it's slightly less detailed than usual!

The first section was so freaking intense, Emmi! I mean, omg... the tension in that room with the family was just crazy ridiculous. And I sort of felt torn while reading, because I understood everyone's perspective on the events that had just happened - Menna's anger towards Ifan, Ifan's guilt about Aled and - for once - silence during the majority of that scene, and Rhian's anger and blame towards Menna, plus everyone who was just trying to be comforting. A lot happening at once and it made for an excellent read.

One thing I love in particular about you and your writing style is that you so clearly understand who every one of your characters is - even the more minor ones who don't spend much time in the spotlight. For example, the glimpse into Nia's past... ugh, that was so sad. But, again, it shows how three-dimensional you characters are - how each of them has a story of their own within the Shrike clan, and it makes me all the more inclined to root for them - for all of them.

What a twist when Menna disappeared! Honestly, I feel like I should have expected it by this point, seeing as she's always doing irrational things to make up for a mistake, but I truly didn't see it coming. I thought that after her break down and after being scolded by the one and only Rhian, that she was down for the count for the rest of that day, at least! But nope! She disappears right underneath their noses, yet again. hahaha She's the best, but I also kind of want to slap some sense into her. :-p

And then off to Galen! I love his POV so much. He's got this humor about him that I didn't really pick up on as much before, but that really shined through in this chapter - both when he was talking to Joseph and when he was being threatened by Menna.

BY THE WAY: If I thought Vance was annoying, this Joseph character just blew him out of the water. Holy cow, did he need to be slapped. Poor, patient Galen, stuck being - mostly - nice to him. I don't think most people could handle that level of stupid quite so well. :-p

AND THEN THE MENNA AND GALEN SCENE! Is this the scene that started off the entire Effortlessly Dead universe? I have a sneaking suspicion it might be... Either way, I just loved it. I'm not sure I can even quite articulate what I want to say... Just that I love the way Galen reacts to her hostility - not so much with fear, but something closer to amusement. They definitely have an undeniable chemistry.

My favorite moment was right at the very end when he grabs her and they apparate away! Gah! Why did you have to end it there?! You horrible, mean, cliff-hanging person, you! hahaha I hope chapter nine will be out soon, because I am dying to know what happens next between them! Hopefully chapter nine includes one of their perspectives too, or else I might have to wait even longer to find out! Eep!

This was excellent. As always. Can't wait to read more! ♥


Author's Response: Hello Tanya!

Can I have your memory? I don't think I could have managed this amount of detail based solely on memory!

I'm so, so happy you liked the first section! I was a little worried there would be too much going on and the reader would be confused about who this person is and what they're talking about. I'm glad that this was not the case!

There is so much information about each of the characters that I think only a fraction will actually end up being mentioned in the actual story! I enjoy creating characters (so much so that at some point I have to stop and focus on writing the story! :p) and giving them their defining quirks. So glad that this shows in the writing and you like the characters! I was a bit worried that Nia's back story would seem redundant and unnecessary, but gladly it had the intended effect!

Yay! I managed to catch you by surprise! That makes me so happy! I kind of expected her disappearance would be predictable, given how she's always doing her own thing, but this was a pleasant surprise! She does need someone slapping some sense into her, though, and I've got just the right person for the job in mind. ;) Whether he's successful or not remains to be seen...

Galen's humorous side came as a bit of a surprise to me as well, I have to admit (just like Ifan's disinterest in magic). Then again, we've only seen interact with his colleagues in chapters one and seven; the rest of the time he's been with his family with whom he has a slightly strained relationship. It seems like he can be himself when surrounded by the people he works with.

Oh, Joseph. I wouldn't tolerate him a second in real life (and I don't think Vance would either!), but he's so, so much fun to write about! Thankfully we won't be seeing much of him. ;)

Yes! That is the very scene that started everything and I'm so glad you liked it!

I ended it at that scene because cliffhangers are the best way to end a chapter! ;) Hopefully I'll have chapter nine out by the end of January (preferably earlier...) and don't worry, Menna and Galen will appear in it, so you'll find out what happens to them next. I wonder if I manage to catch again you by surprise. We'll have wait and see!

- Emmi

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Review #40, by writeyourheartoutEffortlessly Dead: Two for Sorrow

3rd January 2015:
And I'm back again immediately because I was too intrigued to walk away. So hello again, Emmi! ^.^

AHA! IT WAS MURDO! Although he was expecting someone else! I wonder who... O_O I predict he will be very sorry very soon that it was Menna he got instead. I know my girl is gonna put him in his place... or at least I very much hope so! *fingers crossed*

Oh boy, Murdo. Not only is Menna hopefully going to own you, but you seriously dissed your girlfriend. Trouble, trouble, everywhere. But aww... the way he thinks about her in the aftermath of the fight is really quite sweet. That first impression I got of him really wasn't too far off, I suppose - at least in regards to Gry. It's nice that you have these assassins and murderers who aren't like Voldemort, but who actually care for and protect the people in their lives, regardless of their activities.

I love that you tied in little reminders of the past as Murdo attacks Menna - the eyes in particular really made an impact as he sort of struggles between the then and the now. AND THEN MENNA TAKES HIM OUT WITH A HEADBUTT. THAT'S MY GIRL. Well, 'takes him out' is a bit of an exaggeration, but still. I love how after attacking her, he's now trying out smalltalk. hahaha I also love that as of right now, I still have no idea what his intentions are! Does he really just want to talk? I'm about as suspicious as Menna. I love their back and forth, though.

AH! MURDO IS THE ONE WHO FRAMED MENNA! CRAZY! Ugh and he's so nonchalant about it! Guilty as charged. This scene is so intense! It takes a lot to shake up Menna, and seeing her clearly frightened and being backed into a corner is really something. Although now I'm thinking perhaps even that was a facade? Like how the way she held the knife was meant to be misleading - to make her look like an amateur - perhaps her demeanor was the same? Eep!

THIS LINE: "Oh, I didn't miss," she said, smiling nastily. "I hit you right where I wanted to." - DID SHE? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? WHAT EXACTLY DID SHE DO TO HIM? AND NOW THEY'RE ATTACKING HER. WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN?

...I suppose that will have to be answered later. Hello Galen, my love. :-p

Daww, he and Rosie are so fun together - even whilst working on dead people. hehehe And I love that Galen talks to them when no one's around. He's the best. ^.^ There's so much humor in this chapter, and you write it just as well as you write everything else.

CRUP CHASE! CRUP CHASE! SOMETHING CRAZY'S ABOUT TO HAPPEN! *holds breath* OMG OMG OMG SO MUCH IS HAPPENING. (Is it weird that even in all this chaos, I was a little giddy when Galen and Menna locked eyes? Aww, and then he wants to help her! ♥ I will continue to ship them regardless of what happens.) MURDO JUST SAW ALED FOR THE FIRST TIME IN YEARS. OMG THIS IS INSANITY AND I AM LOVING IT. (Though, fingers crossed all of the Shrikes get away unharmed - or at least alive!) EXCEPT OMG ALED! WHAT HAPPENED? AND WAS IT ACTUALLY IFAN'S FAULT, LIKE GALEN SEEMED TO THINK IT MIGHT BE? EMMI THIS IS CRAZY!

Oh, thank goodness for Galen! Aled's alive! Eep! Yay! Phew! And Galen... I didn't think it was possible, but he continues to grow on me more and more! I mean, he kept her knife and hopes to return it to her. They're both so awesome, I need them to be at least a small thing together. :-p

This chapter was my favorite so far. It was just incredible. So much happened and I really can't wait to read more. And if chapter eight is your favorite, I can only imagine the sheer amounts of amazing it must contain, because this chapter was so phenomenal. I should definitely try to sleep, because it's really late here now, but I have to keep reading. I can't promise a review tonight, only because I'm sleepy and might soon be incoherent, but expect it soon! :)


Author's Response: Hello again Tanya! :)

Yes, it was Murdo the Magpie! He wasn't expecting Menna because he had been certain they'd keep a close eye on her after her previous blunder and wouldn't let her wonder off on her own... Shows how little he actually knows. :)

Murdo has trouble relating to other people since he didn't have many chances to interact with others when he was younger. However, he's very protective of Gry and would do basically anything for her (anything except let go of his obsession with the Shrikes, of course). I've done my best to show that these people are humans, not monsters, and despite what they do, they do have a heart.

As you've probably already surmised, Murdo has trouble letting go of the past. Anything and everything that reminds him of that night is bound to get a reaction out of him. Like Menna's eyes, for instance. And you're quite right to be suspicious of Murdo. I very much doubt he wants to just talk...

Menna was genuinely frightened at that moment, true enough, but she wouldn't show it that easily. So that part was an act. :) She has an excellent aim and that strike was meant to show to Murdo she was not to be underestimated; sort of "See? I can hit you anywhere I want."

Cliffhangers are the best, don't you think so too? ;) I'm pretty certain the job description for medical examiners requires them to have a sense of humour; otherwise it would be too morbid down in the morgue.

When I was writing that part, I was wondering if it was ever going to end. o.O It was insane! So much was happening! And no, it's not weird at all you were giddy when their eyes met. They do make a pretty cute couple. :) And I don't think anyone knows for certain if it was Ifan's fault or someone else's; I think it was more than one spell that hit him.

Galen and Menna will cross paths soon; I wonder if I manage to catch you by surprise this time. :) Hopefully you'll like chapter eight as much as I do!

Until next time!

- Emmi

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Review #41, by writeyourheartoutEffortlessly Dead: Trouble Arising

3rd January 2015:
Hi Emmi! Back for more! ^.^

Another fantastic chapter, of course!

I really loved getting to see things from Gawain's perspective! It's so much fun reading through his theories and understanding his thought process while knowing the truth - or at least a good amount of it - already ourselves. Part of me wants to grab him by the shoulders and shake him when he's on the wrong track and give him meaningful looks when he's on the right one! But alas, I don't think this story is interactive, huh? :-p

The end of his section was so thrilling! Like, I'm half-excited that something crazy might be happening, and half-nervous that my darling Menna might be in trouble! You're so incredible at building up tension and suspense; it's what I love about this story - you always keep me on my toes with these little surprises!

Side-note: I'm still wondering exactly how Cosmas Fawley ties into this whole Shrike/Magpie thing! It's super intriguing. That man is a mystery unto himself right now.

Aled's section is just as fascinating, and for very similar reasons - me knowing what he doesn't quite understand yet (or at least in the beginning of this section). I love the slow build to the truth, though, with the cat's appearance striking him as odd to remembering the promise that of course Menna was bound to break from the beginning. I also really enjoy it when Aled and Ifan have scenes together, because they're brothers, but they're so different from each other and it always makes for an interesting read. Aled does tend to be more of a worry-wart than the rest of the family, but when Ifan worries, you know it's something serious.

Also, before I wrap up this section, I just have to ask: is Aled the one letting the cat into Ifan's room? Bahahaha! Either way, your little sprinkles of humor throughout the story are always such a nice touch.

And now... MENNA! ♥

...the thigh-length, thick cardigan had one advantage: it completely hid the thin knife she had strapped on her back hipbone. - Gah! She is crazy bad-ass. Your descriptions here are really wonderful, with her stuck in the cold, contemplating her options.

Hmm... I wonder why her birthday this year matters?

OMG. SOMETHING'S HAPPENING! Not gonna lie, I definitely was not expecting her to run into trouble just then! Excellent twist there, right at the end, and quite a cliffhanger, too! Eep! The first second she bumped into the guy, I actually thought it might be Galen, but as it continued - obviously with her not recognizing this person - I quickly ruled him out and now I'm thinking it's Murdo! Does that mean he thought her to be the weakest link, though?... That doesn't seem right... Unless he's just terribly uneducated in the awesome that is Menna. So maybe it's Vance? Or... someone else completely? LOL Clearly I have no idea, to which I say great job! Nothing better than an unpredictable story!

Some minor details:
- No matter how hard he looked, he couldn't find any reason for Cosmas Fawley to have *so vicious enemies that they would **sent the Shrikes after him. - *such, **send
- ...that would throw the suspicion *of off him. - *off of
- Why *where the Fawleys chosen as a target? - *were
- Why *sent that to us and not to the Department of Magical Law Enforcement?" - *send
- He said *us much to Ifan. - *as
- Menna contemplated her attire to get her mind *of off the cold. - *off of
- He was faster, though, and snatched her wrist in a *wise-like grip. - *vice-like grip

As always, this was brilliant. I'm going to at least start the next chapter/review now, but I might not finish it today because it's a long chapter! hehehe I'm excited to see what it holds, though! Oh! And then chapter eight! Your favorite! Eep! I'm closing in! :-D

Great job, Emmi. You and this story are just phenomenal. ♥


Author's Response: Hey Tanya!

Gawain Robards is slowly sneaking his way into my list of favourite characters. I have half a mind to write a story about him... No, unfortunately this story isn't interactive so you can't give clues to the characters. ;) That would be fun, though, if that was possible!

Of course Menna is in some kind of trouble. Trouble is her middle name (well, no, not really; it's Angharad... but it could be). So glad you like the tension! I have always so much fun writing those parts.

I'll never tell! ...No, wait, yes I will! Just not right now. ;)

Aled really is such a worry-wart. Ifan is both amused and exasperated by it. Writing those two together is so much fun (really, what isn't?) because it guarantees some funny moments, like with the cat. Aled is indeed the one who keeps letting it into Ifan's bedroom. He thinks it's hilarious but he'd rather his big brother never finds out about it...

Yes, Menna! That was one of the hardest parts to write in the whole chapter since I had to write and rewrite that scene several times till I got the description right, so I'm glad you liked it! Don't worry, you'll find out soon enough why her birthday matters. :)

Yay, I managed to catch you by surprise! I really enjoyed writing that part so it's great to hear it had the intended effect! And double yay for you trying to guess the identity of the person! You'll find out soon enough...

Thanks for pointing those out to me and for all of the compliments! They always put a huge smile on my face!

Until next time!

- Emmi

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Review #42, by writeyourheartoutBackground Noise: The Curse of Carkett Close

2nd January 2015:

Omg. This is... hilarious. And ridiculous. And hilarious. And I can't even think straight because what did I just read? hahaha

...I honestly have no idea how to review this. LOL It's so... bizzare! And perfect! And hilarious! (Have I mentioned?) Seriously, what is happening?

Alright, allow me to gather my thoughts and attempt some coherency.

*takes many a deep breath*


The Carkett Close. Omg, how in the world did you come up with that? The story behind it is just... ahahaha! Seriously, it's so great. So funny and weird and this review is just me talking in circles. What do you want from me? You've unscrewed my brain.


James Potter II - what are you doing with your life, kid (besides hitting up a pub)?! Sentient, telepathic mould?! Bahahaha - Lizzy. AHAHAHA CREEVEY - OF COURSE HE GETS A CAMEO. ♥

I'm sorry this isn't a better review, but nothing I write will live up to this epic opening chapter. So I'm just going to tell you that this is sincerely phenomenal, hilarious, ridiculous, crazy, hilarious, strange, so so weird, bizarre, hilarious, wacky, splendiforous, nonsensical amazingness and I laughed throughout the entire thing.

You are a brilliant. And my sincere apologies for the level of stupidity that is this review.


P.S. No, seriously, I adored this, it is brilliant, you are brilliant, and I again apologize for the amount of stupid I've left for you to clean up. G'day, sir.



jk jk

You've asked all the right questions with this fic: "what even did you just read?" is a very fitting question. Because I myself don't know the answer even though I wrote all this rubbish. You would think that I have better things to do.

I can't believe I actually used that crazy prompt. :P And um, of course the whole story had to fit around that prompt. As for James II, did I say that he was 'hitting up a pub' or 'hitting a pub'?

Creevey is everywhere. He's like a cockroach. :P An adorable one.

This review gave me all teh lulz. I don't deserve reviews for this fic, really. But I LOVE ALL OF THEM ANYWAY. ♥

THANK YOU MY DEAR. Oh, wait, you forgot this. *hands over unscrewed brain to Tanya*

♥ ♥

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Review #43, by writeyourheartoutAll or Nothing: there is a light that never goes out

2nd January 2015:
Hi Kristin, my love, and Happy Hot Seat Day! :-D

I love the way this begins. That opening line's description is just phenomenal.

The entire first section - little shadows - is just brilliant. Even at ten years old, Bellatrix is just awful. The use of the bug was an incredible reflection on all three sisters and who they turned out to be as adults: Narcissa a bit prim and squeamish, Andromeda brave and merciful, and Bellatrix... who laughs at this helpless, half-dead beetle, garnering some sick pleasure to see it suffer. Brilliant.

And then when this section wraps up and speaks about how each of them truly did turn out, I felt it was so spot on the way Bellatrix would have seen both of her sisters regarding the paths they'd chosen. It's clear that you have a great understanding of who each of them is, both as children and adults. Plus, the way this section ends is ridiculously intriguing. ^.^

Section two - light and dark - is immediately compelling, because right away we learn that this person who Bellatrix loved (loves?) is not only not Voldie - the only person I'd have thought Bellatrix could offer anything close to affection for - but that it's a woman! And I love this idea of Bellatrix being attracted to this woman's power, because that is just so who she is. It's all so plausible, is the thing - because you stretched the boundaries of who Bellatrix is in the books, but you made it believable by keeping the parts of her that would most likely be unshakeable. For example, the woman being a pureblood, as I don't know if I would buy Bellatrix falling for someone with any sort of Muggle lineage. And then it expands into someone who actually supports the Dark Lord too! When you were describing her bright color choices, I was sort of the opinion that she might actually be a decent person - possibly even in a different House than Slytherin - but this woman is actually a lot more like Bellatrix than I originally thought! hahaha It makes perfect sense that Bellatrix would fall for this woman, because I'm pretty sure she's actually in love with herself. So... next best thing! ;)

I love how easily this could translate into canon! She still ends up married to Rodolphus - and the reasoning behind it is just spot on - she doesn't have children, and she's still an awful, awful person, who's love for this woman doesn't bend her out of character at all!

And finally, part three - ash and embers - gah! These lines: Power was intoxicating and left me breathless with glee, and I never wanted to leave the Dark Lord, for the powerful shadow he cast enveloped me as well. There was still you, my love, but in comparison to the Dark Lord, you were no longer the striking majesty you had been; now you were only my equal. - Just... yes. So much yes.

This entire end section, really, is so much yes. The descriptions here are to die for, Kristin! Like... I'm in awe of the details of your writing in this final bit. Just wow. And it was really quite a twist when you mentioned the woman - who remains unnamed, and I rather love that - was set free by claiming she'd been under the Imperius Curse all that time. Is it weird that I almost respect Bellatrix for her loyalty? hahaha

I love the way it ends, with those questions about the Woman Who Was. I wonder, too, what became of her. I suppose neither of us will ever find out, huh? :-p

Anyway, this was really phenomenal writing, Kristin. You're just too good. Stahp it. ♥


Author's Response: TANYA ♥ You are so wonderful! I've left this review for a while because it kind of left me speechless and I had no idea how to do it justice in a response!

It is so lovely to hear that you liked that opening line description, thank you! And I'm really glad you liked the insect analogy and how it reflected on the sisters' personality, as well as the way Bellatrix saw them as adults. I really like Andromeda and Narcissa as characters so this was so weird to write from Bellatrix's POV :p

I'm thrilled that you find this all to be plausible and that it stuck to the aspects of her character that are too solid to change. As I saw it Bellatrix really loves power and is so drawn to it, so what would happen if that came in the form of another woman? And really I wanted more gender equality in the Death Eaters :p hah, I really appreciated that you said the woman initially sounded like she might be a really decent person - and as Bellatrix sees her, of course she is :P I love what you said about them being so similar that it's almost like Bellatrix is in love with herself. Probably an element of that in here as well! :p

I'm really glad that you see this fitting into canon as well, that this is all possible as behind the scenes, that's exactly what I was hoping for.

Those lines I think sum up a lot of who Bellatrix is and I'm glad they stood out to you! And I'm thrilled that you liked the descriptions in that last bit - that was some of the weirdest writing I've ever done as she's insane and essentially shrieking at a wall but she sees it as this beautiful thing :p

Ahaha, yess, I'm really happy that you mentioned you almost respect Bellatrix for her loyalty as that was definitely part of my goal, to maybe put readers on Bellatrix's side if only for one second, while still fully recognizing how evil she is. :p

A mystery left unsolved, indeed. :p Yeah, I don't know what happened to her either!

Thank you so much, Tanya! Reviews like this are why I keep writing. ♥

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Review #44, by writeyourheartoutEffortlessly Dead: In Motion

30th December 2014:
Oh my dearest darling Emmi... I know I shouldn't be surprised by this at all, but wow - what a great chapter! Just like always. How do you do it? Give me you talent right meow! :-p

This first section was great. I love that we pick up bits and pieces of the Magpie slowly over the course of the story, so that I never quite feel like I know enough to satisfy my curiosity; I am always left wanting to know even more!

I love the moment shared between Menna and Aled. It was pretty great seeing her dad really stand firm and be a bit harsh towards Menna, and even better was seeing Menna show some actual signs of guilt! I mean, I knew the second she made that promise to Aled that she was just feeding him what he wanted to hear, but it was sweet to see her actually care about her father's feelings, as different as they may be from one another.

And then the way you ended that section! Gah! You've got me all nervous, now, leaving the last line at "...she couldn't quite silence the nagging feeling that told her she was making a mistake." I mean... something's bound to go wrong, isn't it? Eep! I hope she stays safe! And, assuming she runs into Galen again while there, I hope he stays safe too! You know they're both my favorites. DON'T YOU HURT THEM! ;)

And then this second section. Your description during the dream is to die for. Really beautifully done. And what a surprise that it's big, bad Murdo having this nightmare! And OMG MURDO IS DEFINITELY THE MAGPIE, YEAH? ...We didn't know that for sure before now, did we? It's been a little bit since I read the last Murdo scene, but this definitely feels new, and OMG. CRAZY. I think last time I wrote about Murdo, I said that he actually seemed kind of sweet because of the way he interacted with Gry, but if it's between him and Menna, you know whose side I'm on! :-p

Sheesh. Vance sure is annoying, isn't he? hahaha He seems super sleazy, and I definitely don't blame Murdo for his distrust. That was why Murdo had resolved to dispose of him permanently as soon as he was no longer useful to him. - Can't really blame him for that either... LOL Not that I'm condoning murder, of course. hehehe I still can't get over how casually cruel your characters can be. It's endlessly intriguing.

And then the ending...


I suppose we'll find out soon enough, yeah? Gah, this is still so great and exciting and I hope I get the chance to pop over to chapter six soon! As always, you are brilliant. Really great chapter, Emmi, and I'll be seeing you soon. :)


Author's Response: Hello Tanya!

Unfortunately I don't know how I do it! I just do my best! (And I see what you did there! :))

That's the whole point! :D So glad that's how you feel since that is what I'm aiming at! That moment between Menna and Aled was one of my favourites to write so I'm glad you enjoyed it. And of course things will go wrong since that will only make things more interesting! I can't promise I won't hurt Menna and/or Galen; they both have a tendency to poke their noses where they don't belong, after all. ;)

It makes me so happy you liked the dream scene! I had to rewrite big chunks of it since the first version was rather awkward... And yes, Murdo is the Magpie! I don't think I ever explicitly stated it before, only hinted at it.

Vance has to be one of the most annoying people ever. He's fun to write about but I don't think I'd be able to tolerate him for long periods of time. Murdo's quite right not to trust him, although his dislike for Vance is partially fuelled by the fact that Gry can't stand him.

LOL, not telling! ;) And yes, you'll find out soon enough!

Until next time!

- Emmi

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Review #45, by writeyourheartoutCampfire Stories: Once Upon A Time...

28th December 2014:

What a cute little story! I really enjoyed it and thought it was an interesting choice to write about not only minor characters, but children of minor characters. I don't generally read too many stories that feature minor characters, to be honest, but I really enjoyed this glimpse into the lives of people we really only knew a bit about. I also thought it was really sweet the way you paired off the adults - it's good to see them having survived the war and moved on to being happy and raising families of their own.

The first section of this story was really great because you created an extremely authentic group of kids - always interrupting and interjecting their thoughts while the older people try to be patient... Poor, poor Dylan. hahaha Good on him for trying to incorporate their requests, though. :-p

This part made me chuckle: "Why aren't the unicorns in a field of butterflies?" - "Because it's a campfire story!" - LOL And then the repeat of Alice's "I don't like carrots!" was great as well. ^.^

I also like that while this is mostly a fun, humorous little fic, you added the bit about how even with the war over, danger is still out there. It was a sobering moment in an otherwise lighthearted post-war camping trip.

Small typo: "Stand up and face me, you're no* fooling anyone." - *not

Overall, this was very enjoyable! Good job, guys! ^.^


Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review!!!
I/we really enjoy writing fun stories about kids interacting with each other and stuff. We enjoy writing it so much, this was the third story (eighteenth chapter) of this type of story, by only the second with a sober moment. I'm glad it didn't take the mood down too much.

Anyways, I just love writing these, and it makes me so glad to hear that people enjoy reading them too.
Thanks for the review!!!

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Review #46, by writeyourheartoutof monsters: Tap, tap, tap.

28th December 2014:
HAPPY (slightly belated) HOT SEAT DAY, EMMI!

Ahh, this was so great! Sinister and kind of creepy and somehow even almost poetic with the repetition of Tap, tap, tap. that you weaved throughout the story! Great choice and really effective.

I love the way this opens and how you set the scene for us. You're always so great with description and imagery and this story is no exception. You really painted a picture of young Tom's surroundings for us in just those first few sentences and it paves the way for the rest of the fic by giving us a solid foundation to imagine him in.

This moment you chose to write about was such a cool one. I've never read a story about the Chamber of Secrets before Harry's time, and it was really awesome to sort of compare the two in my mind. Harry, of course, is sort of forced to figure it out to save Ginny and other Muggleborns, whereas Tom actively hunts it down to unleash the beast within. I also love how it's from the first time the Chamber was opened, as it just offered a really fresh perspective. I can totally imagine this being canon.

You did such a fantastic job of getting into a young Tom Riddle's head. You understand his voice and his thoughts and his justifications and motivations and he felt very authentic here. The way you touch upon his parents and his resentment towards them both for varying reasons was so spot on, and it really lent itself to his actions.

That last line! Ah! So perfect. I think a little chill ran down my spine at the words. It was the perfect way to close the story.

The whole thing, top to bottom, was just really great, Emmi, as always.

Also, in case you're wondering why I'm reviewing this story over the next chapter of your amazing Effortlessly Dead, it's only because I already have plans to review the rest of that guy and figured I shouldn't spend a Hot Seat day on a story I already plan to review! :-p I swear you'll see me over there soon! Sorry for the delay, but holy cow, have I been swamped! Now that Christmas is over, though, I'm finally catching up again! Yay! :-D

Anyway, you're amazing, this is amazing, everything you write is amazing, and don't ever stop. ^.^


Author's Response: Hello Tanya!

Aw, thanks for the compliments! I do my best. :)

It is a very interesting moment since we only really know about the end-result, but not about how what went on in Tom's head before and during he opened the Chamber. It seemed like such an interesting topic that I just had to write about it.

I'm so glad you find my portrayal of Tom to be authentic. I did struggle a bit to keep him in character but I see it really paid off! I had to include a reference to his parents since they are such a driving force behind his actions (whether he likes it or not...).

So happy you like the ending! I'm rather fond of it myself. ;)

Thank you so much for the review and the compliments! I'm looking forward to your next review, whether it is on Effortlessly Dead or one of my other fics!

- Emmi

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Review #47, by writeyourheartoutLying to You: Lying To You

28th December 2014:

This was beautiful. Raw and poignant and painfully honest in its harsh reality. You made me feel so badly for Snape, and as an avid James/Lily shipper, that is a very difficult thing to do. It's just that some of these lines are so open, so pure in their truth, that it catches me by surprise and leaves me nearly breathless. It's just gorgeous writing.

I love that you chose to write this in sort of a first-person/second-person mix (I'm not sure what it's called when the protagonist is referred to as 'I' and they're speaking to someone else referred to as 'You', so forgive my lack of technical terminology), because it felt all the more personal, all the more intimate.

There are so many quotable lines here, and I just have to showcase a couple of my absolute favorites:
- I wish you were lying to him because you're sitting there thinking that for all his posturing and dotage and extravagant claims of love, he'll never love you like I can.
- That's what it is to love you. A lost cause. A curse. A sickness for which there is no cure.

The section in which you talk about the lilies versus the daisies was just fantastic. I love the idea behind Severus sending them not to represent Valentine's Day or to even necessarily try to win her over, but to almost throw it in her face that he knows her better; he knows her favorite flower while James doesn't seem to (or simply doesn't bother to choose it over the pun) and she'd better not forget that. You capture perfectly the way Severus thinks, because that is so something I could see him doing.

And then this idea that Snape loves too powerfully, feels too much, so that it is an obsession rather than something more pure... Gah, so good. You really delved into Snape's mind and showcased him perfectly; he felt so very authentic. Really well done.

A few minor details:

I wish you were doing * because you like the thrill of keeping it a secret. - *missing a word here - maybe 'it'?

How I’ve loved you since the moment I laid eyes on you when we were just a pair of oddball *nine years old? - *nine year olds

And yeah, that's everything! I loved this; I really did. You're very talented and I'm very grateful that the Hot Seat brought me to your stories. I'm definitely going to have to check out more of them. :)


Author's Response: Hey Tanya,

Thanks so much for reviewing. I really wanted to get into Snape's psyche here so I'm glad it's come across effectively =)

I will be sure to fix those mistakes as soon as the queue opens. I must have missed them when I was editing. Somehow, no matter how many time I edit something, I always find more mistakes when I next read it. Does this happen to anyone else?

Thanks so much for reviewing. Totally made my day =)


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Review #48, by writeyourheartout"Love you Teddy": "Love you too Lil"

27th December 2014:
Hello, Emz, and HAPPY (super duper belated) HOT SEAT DAY!!! :-D

This was so sweet! I absolutely adore the bullying theme you wrote about, and how Lily is nervous because of Teddy's experiences with bullying in the past. Instead of allowing those hard times to turn him bitter or resentful, however, Teddy uses his troubled past to remind Lily that no matter what, he'll be there for her and things will be okay.

I also love the song choice you used. It fit the story perfectly. And the way you divided up the parts was really well done; the placements of each song snippet was clearly thought out and made a real impact.

It made me so sad when it came out that Teddy once believed his parents had abandoned him, rather than they had died fighting a battle to save his and others lives and futures. Thank goodness he understands the truth now! And good on Lily for making sure he knew better! *high fives Lily* ^.^

"It sometimes changes due to mood, (either period or semi-colon here, not comma) I still haven't quite got a handle on it's (its, not it's) change when I get into" - This sentence/paragraph ends very oddly here, and so I think you're missing a whole section of this, maybe? It feels very much like an incomplete thought, and there's no punctuation either, so I'm assuming something accidentally got deleted when you posted.

Also, I noticed a lot of little technical errors - most specifically in regards to grammar and punctuation. It ends up disrupting the flow of the story and making it read a bit choppier than it otherwise would. You have such a touching story on your hands, but it's a bit compromised by the lack of finesse, so I would consider a nit-picky edit or even a beta, if you feel those things aren't your strong suit. I think the quality of the story would exponentially increase with just a small comb over of the fine details!

Otherwise, this was super enjoyable! Again, I love the topic you tackled and I love your version of Teddy and Lily and how sweet they are; how willing to protect the other they are and keep one another from hurting. Well done, Emz!


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Review #49, by writeyourheartoutEvent Three - The Elder Song : The Elder Song

24th December 2014:
HAPPY (really quite belated) HOT SEAT DAY, KYLE!!! :-D

What a great story! I really enjoyed it! I've never read a fic that focused on Rolf before, but I really found myself drawn to your version of him! The way you described his love and connection to being outdoors and discovering nature and the world was so vivid and set up a really great background for him. Also, I can totally see Luna ending up with him just based on the small insight provided by you in this short one-shot. You really captured a lot of who he is in just a small amount of time. Kudos, dude; that's a hard thing to pull off. ^.^

I have to say it: I don't know if J.K. Rowling ever actually stated Rolf's real House anywhere, but I love that he's in Hufflepuff (of course)! ^.^

I love this part here: "We may wave our wands, and cast fancy spells, but true magic lies in our hearts. Music is powerful magic Rolf. For chords of music can bring a man to tears, and bring happiness to many people. Remember that my boy, with music in your heart, the angels will accept you with arms wide open." - Such a beautiful sentiment! And I love that you chose to include Newt Scamander in the story as well with this small moment. It was really lovely. And then this bit here that follows shortly after: It was a slow song, with drifting chords. Some may call it a lullaby, but it is more than that. While it does make you feel a sense of calmness, something in the melody beckons you to be more alert of things around you. Like the world is awakening from its deep slumber, and calling for your attention. - Love this as well! You speak so beautifully about music; it really moves me. :)

And then the change hits! The tone of the piece becomes suddenly very tense and suspenseful! I think you handled that really well by introducing those small changes to the world around him - the fire with no heat, the silenced crickets, etc. And then this lady-creature thing! Ah! Just like Rolf, I can't tell if she/it is dangerous or not! But I'm definitely feeling on edge... *must get answers* *keeps reading*

Oh, yay! She/it is good! And I just have to say that this story is unraveling in such a cool way. I mean, the pipe he played called her to him, and he's all pure of heart, and his grandfather mentioned these creatures earlier in that beautiful speech I quoted, and with every new reveal and connection to the first half of the story, I get all excited to see it piecing together! Eep, this is so great!

I have to ask: Did you create this magical creature yourself?? It's so cool. If you did, that's absolutely amazing. And if you didn't, well, you still handled writing it in an awesome manner.

I just love the dialogue of this piece! The exchanges between Rolf and Adarmam are so... poetic, almost. I really like how the ending section was almost entirely dialogue, because you write it so well.

There are some little errors here and there, and I just picked out a few below:

Nestled in a grove of particular* ancient oaks alongside a small lake, was a camp. - *particularly

Even then, the cozy Hufflepuff Common Room,* and the vast grounds where** enough to suffice for his affinity for nature. -*no comma needed here, **were, not where

"Yes, but though a wizard you may be. You are still a creature of flesh and blood, and you wield with you the power of spell craft." - The structure of this sentence is just a little wonky. I would consider changing it to: "Yes. But though a wizard you may be, you are still a creature of flesh and blood, and you wield with you the power of spell craft." - There are a handful of other places where your sentence structure is just a bit off as well, so that it disrupts the otherwise gorgeous flow of this piece. I punctuation and sentence structure - like so many of us - are your weaknesses. Just something to think about and maybe concentrate on as you continue to grow as a writer, is all! ^.^

"For while we live off of hope;* hope cannot survive without trust." - *comma, not semi-colon

Minor little errors and typo's aside, this really was a wonderful story. Creative and original and just so, so lovely. The tale honestly left me with a sense of wonder when it ended. I'm really glad the Hot Seat brought me to it. Keep up the great work! :)

Tanya ^.^

Author's Response: Hey Tanya!
Thanks for the review!
I think this is only the second time I have written a non- second gen character based story. and I loved to write Rolf.

I don't think she stated it either, but since his grandfather and presumibly father (if their family follows the thing where family ends up in the same house) I can really see him being part of the Puffs.

I love music, and I honestly think that music is one of the closest things us muggles can call using magic. :)

I did invent them :) I really wanted to describe angels as if they were real. and I loved how they turned out. And she is good! though not always, the legends I did mention were slightly true. As I think if you were to hear something so pure, and not be pure yourself, you would always want to hear it again and would eventually drive you mad.

Thanks for the Grammar help :p I'm still at war with my Anti-Grammatical personality.

Thanks again Tanya! Glad you enjoyed :)
Merry Christmas!

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Review #50, by writeyourheartoutAlbus Potter and Slytherin's Office: The Rising Wizard

20th December 2014:
HAPPY (slightly belated) HOT SEAT DAY, FELLOW PUFF!!! ^.^

I love the way this begins, with such a strong setting of normalcy. It's actually a bit reminiscent of the first HP book! Did you do that on purpose? Either way, I thought it was a very clever way to begin the story!

And then, of course, we're introduced to the real scene beneath this mask of oh-so-ordinary, with these two seemingly invisible men dressed in all black and clearly up to something... I love the way you build them up, slowly, secretly, unveiling only small bits of information about their appearance and demeanor, but holding off on the reason they're doing whatever it is that they're doing! It really creates an excellent sense of suspense and tension and build up.

OMG. Wow. I was not expecting the easy, simple, spur-of-the-moment murder of an entire group of children! WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE AND WHY ARE THEY SO EVIL?! O_O

Oh man. This exchange here: After a long pause, the elder man broke the silence by saying, "That was quite unnecessary." - The younger man replied, "True. But I wanted to try out the new mass- killing curse." - Gah! So casual in their cruelness! And I was wondering what spell could take ten people out at once, and wow... A new mass-killing curse? Sheesh. You've really created some seriously intense bad guys, which is brilliant for a story like this. AND THEN THE BUNNY. And the reference to Tom? And actually calling him Tom? I assume they're referring to Voldemort... And this totally nonchalant conversation about not understanding why more people don't just murder people to let off a bit of steam? Crazy. They're crazy.

I have to admit, I very badly want to know who exactly these two people are. What was the older man's connection to Voldemort back when he was still just Tom? Is Zac a canon character from the books - possibly even Zacharias Smith? Someone you thought was at least mostly decent, but was actually evil? He was a Puff! Omg, if it's him, that would be crazy. haha

The way they idolize Tom and aim to both follow his lead and then become greater than he was is just bananas. They're so twisted. And just like Voldie, they're making plans to kill a Potter child at just eleven! I hope Albus does prove to be as invincible as Harry sometimes seemed to be. This line especially makes me worry for him, though: "Tom's big mistake was that he was constantly underestimating Harry Potter." - Eep! Not to mention, Albus doesn't have a mother's love/sacrifice to protect him, or - presumably - a shared connection that helped protect Harry from Voldemort, which makes him seem like a much easier target. I'm not a huge Next Gen fan, but I really do have a sweet spot for Albus, and I sincerely hope he survives whatever these two have planned for him!

Anyway, this was a really good first chapter. You've done a brilliant job at creating a new threat to the Next Generation with these two, and I'm already strongly rooting for Albus! Needless to say, I am certainly intrigued! Very well done! :)


Author's Response: No, I didn't do the "normalacy" scene because of the first HP book... But now that you point it out, I can definitely see some allusions! It was my subconscious mind. ;)

Writing suspense if fun. *evil grin*

So first question: Who are they? Alas, the first question you ask I cannot answer, unless you'd prefer a lie. (THAT little quote was on purpose. And I apologize if the wording is slightly off; I did it from memory.) Now onto the next question of why they are evil. I'd have to give you a full biography of each of them for you to understand that. I actually do have a full biography of them in my head, incidently. But that won't be shared for a long, long time.

Yes, the bunny died. I didn't care at all when I wrote that death. Does that make me a monster?

Yay! Crazy people! *claps hands* Okay, they might have gotten inspiration from me...

How dare you accuse a puff of being a dark wizard! *gasp* Hufflepuff doesn't have dark wizards! It's okay, you have good reason for being suspicious of Smith...

Zac is the crazy idolizer of Tom. The older fellow is more of a mentor-like person.

Hooray for team Albus! I'm rooting for Albus as well; I hope he doesn't die! Well, since I'm writing the story, I guess I decide what happens. Yeah, Albus doesn't have any superpowers- but we didn't know Harry had any during his first year, did we?

Thank you so much for reviewing!

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