Reading Reviews From Member: writeyourheartout
  
175 Reviews Found

Review #26, by writeyourheartoutLying to You: Lying To You

28th December 2014:
HAPPY (belated) HOT SEAT DAY, WOLFGIRL! :-D

This was beautiful. Raw and poignant and painfully honest in its harsh reality. You made me feel so badly for Snape, and as an avid James/Lily shipper, that is a very difficult thing to do. It's just that some of these lines are so open, so pure in their truth, that it catches me by surprise and leaves me nearly breathless. It's just gorgeous writing.

I love that you chose to write this in sort of a first-person/second-person mix (I'm not sure what it's called when the protagonist is referred to as 'I' and they're speaking to someone else referred to as 'You', so forgive my lack of technical terminology), because it felt all the more personal, all the more intimate.

There are so many quotable lines here, and I just have to showcase a couple of my absolute favorites:
- I wish you were lying to him because you're sitting there thinking that for all his posturing and dotage and extravagant claims of love, he'll never love you like I can.
- That's what it is to love you. A lost cause. A curse. A sickness for which there is no cure.

The section in which you talk about the lilies versus the daisies was just fantastic. I love the idea behind Severus sending them not to represent Valentine's Day or to even necessarily try to win her over, but to almost throw it in her face that he knows her better; he knows her favorite flower while James doesn't seem to (or simply doesn't bother to choose it over the pun) and she'd better not forget that. You capture perfectly the way Severus thinks, because that is so something I could see him doing.

And then this idea that Snape loves too powerfully, feels too much, so that it is an obsession rather than something more pure... Gah, so good. You really delved into Snape's mind and showcased him perfectly; he felt so very authentic. Really well done.

A few minor details:

I wish you were doing * because you like the thrill of keeping it a secret. - *missing a word here - maybe 'it'?

How Iíve loved you since the moment I laid eyes on you when we were just a pair of oddball *nine years old? - *nine year olds

And yeah, that's everything! I loved this; I really did. You're very talented and I'm very grateful that the Hot Seat brought me to your stories. I'm definitely going to have to check out more of them. :)

Tanya

Author's Response: Hey Tanya,

Thanks so much for reviewing. I really wanted to get into Snape's psyche here so I'm glad it's come across effectively =)

I will be sure to fix those mistakes as soon as the queue opens. I must have missed them when I was editing. Somehow, no matter how many time I edit something, I always find more mistakes when I next read it. Does this happen to anyone else?

Thanks so much for reviewing. Totally made my day =)

xx-Ellie


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Review #27, by writeyourheartoutThe Ruins of Hogwarts: Ruins

27th December 2014:
HAPPY (seriously belated...) HOT SEAT DAY, ILIA! :-D

Wow. This was fantastic.

Bodies were laid on the floor, lined up in the center of the room like dominoes. - Gah, what a powerful image.

I love the way you take us back to the days when the Great Hall was a beautiful, magical safe-haven of a room, only to compare it to the devastating mess it is now. You struck up a perfect balance between then and now, so that the wreck and ruin hit even harder. This line in particular really lays into that terrible change: Each morning he drank out of a pewter goblet and ate with ornate silverware. The poise necessary for this room was now buried in the dust, replaced with a raw sense of survival. - Really well done. It makes everything all the more poignant and heartbreaking.

Your descriptions are just phenomenal. I can see it all so clearly through your eyes. I'd give specific examples of this, but it's showcased stunningly throughout the entire piece. I think the best I could do for you is to copy and paste the entire story into the review and say, THAT PART THERE! :-p

Omg. This whole Lucy/Christopher section is just so terribly upsetting. I love that you chose to feature two people who we know nothing about - who are just names to Harry and to us readers - and then created this whole potential great love story they might have had, only to remind us of what most likely happened to them both in reality. I love how they meant nothing to me before, but now you've made me feel so strongly for them, for their future, for their happiness. I hope Harry's wrong and they managed to survive...

Speaking of Harry: Writing him has to be one of the most difficult things to do, and I have actively avoided doing such a thing for that very reason, but you handle him so well. You understand who he is and how he thinks and how he feels, and it makes for a terrific and authentic read. I'm so glad you chose this moment to explore, as well, as we never really get this sort of immediate afterthought in the books once he defeats Voldemort. It's both wonderful and terrible to see it expanded upon, and you did a fantastic job at making it believable.

Lastly, I'm not a big fan of Harry/Ginny, as I was really rooting for Harry/Luna after book five's ending and I've also never been a big fan of Ginny, BUT I really love the way you wrote them together. I think you gave them more weight and meaning as a couple than I ever felt while reading the books. And the way that you spoke of them starting over as two broken people who would simply try to be okay together was so beautiful.

I thoroughly enjoyed this, Ilia. It was deep and powerful and sad, but still hopeful right at the end with that, "I will be." I'm very glad the Hot Seat brought me here, and I will definitely have to make time to read through more of your stories. Really well done.

Tanya :)

Author's Response: Tanya! Wow, how do I even begin to respond to this amazing review? Thank you!

I'm so glad you like this story. This one was tough to write because there was SO much going on beneath the surface, because of all that was right in front of Harry, you know?

This story features how I feel about the Titanic--the ship was so beautiful and ornate, and everyone on the ship was so happy to be there. They didn't suspect anything and they shouldn't have! And then for that amazing ship to meet such a rough, cruel end seemed like such an unbelievable juxtaposition. I wanted to bring that sensation into this story because I think that's how many of the students would feel, especially Harry who had such strong feelings of home for Hogwarts.

It seriously means the universe to me that you commented on my descriptions. I have been struggling with that recently because I have been leaning toward writing plays and screenplays, which are essentially void of description =P So it was tough for me to get back into the prose style, so I was very happy to see that you enjoyed my descriptive writing here. Thank you!

I'm glad you like the Christopher/Lucy scene! You got exactly what I was hoping the readers would get, so I can't really ask for anything more. That makes me so happy! Thank you!

Wow, it is amazing that you think my writing of Harry is good. I definitely think he is a very interesting character, especially after he defeats Voldemort, so I wanted to explore the moment after. I'm so happy you think it is good!

Secret: I HATE Harry/Ginny! =P I wanted to write this scene of them to challenge myself, and also to expand on the Christopher/Lucy storyline I'd created. I actually can't even get my head around such an amazing compliment: "I think you gave them more weight and meaning as a couple than I ever felt while reading the books." Thank you so much.

Thank you so so much for this incredible review. It totally made my WEEK! You are so sweet, and I really appreciate your feedback.


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Review #28, by writeyourheartout"Love you Teddy": "Love you too Lil"

27th December 2014:
Hello, Emz, and HAPPY (super duper belated) HOT SEAT DAY!!! :-D

This was so sweet! I absolutely adore the bullying theme you wrote about, and how Lily is nervous because of Teddy's experiences with bullying in the past. Instead of allowing those hard times to turn him bitter or resentful, however, Teddy uses his troubled past to remind Lily that no matter what, he'll be there for her and things will be okay.

I also love the song choice you used. It fit the story perfectly. And the way you divided up the parts was really well done; the placements of each song snippet was clearly thought out and made a real impact.

It made me so sad when it came out that Teddy once believed his parents had abandoned him, rather than they had died fighting a battle to save his and others lives and futures. Thank goodness he understands the truth now! And good on Lily for making sure he knew better! *high fives Lily* ^.^

"It sometimes changes due to mood, (either period or semi-colon here, not comma) I still haven't quite got a handle on it's (its, not it's) change when I get into" - This sentence/paragraph ends very oddly here, and so I think you're missing a whole section of this, maybe? It feels very much like an incomplete thought, and there's no punctuation either, so I'm assuming something accidentally got deleted when you posted.

Also, I noticed a lot of little technical errors - most specifically in regards to grammar and punctuation. It ends up disrupting the flow of the story and making it read a bit choppier than it otherwise would. You have such a touching story on your hands, but it's a bit compromised by the lack of finesse, so I would consider a nit-picky edit or even a beta, if you feel those things aren't your strong suit. I think the quality of the story would exponentially increase with just a small comb over of the fine details!

Otherwise, this was super enjoyable! Again, I love the topic you tackled and I love your version of Teddy and Lily and how sweet they are; how willing to protect the other they are and keep one another from hurting. Well done, Emz!

Tanya

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Review #29, by writeyourheartoutEvent Three - The Elder Song : The Elder Song

24th December 2014:
HAPPY (really quite belated) HOT SEAT DAY, KYLE!!! :-D

What a great story! I really enjoyed it! I've never read a fic that focused on Rolf before, but I really found myself drawn to your version of him! The way you described his love and connection to being outdoors and discovering nature and the world was so vivid and set up a really great background for him. Also, I can totally see Luna ending up with him just based on the small insight provided by you in this short one-shot. You really captured a lot of who he is in just a small amount of time. Kudos, dude; that's a hard thing to pull off. ^.^

I have to say it: I don't know if J.K. Rowling ever actually stated Rolf's real House anywhere, but I love that he's in Hufflepuff (of course)! ^.^

I love this part here: "We may wave our wands, and cast fancy spells, but true magic lies in our hearts. Music is powerful magic Rolf. For chords of music can bring a man to tears, and bring happiness to many people. Remember that my boy, with music in your heart, the angels will accept you with arms wide open." - Such a beautiful sentiment! And I love that you chose to include Newt Scamander in the story as well with this small moment. It was really lovely. And then this bit here that follows shortly after: It was a slow song, with drifting chords. Some may call it a lullaby, but it is more than that. While it does make you feel a sense of calmness, something in the melody beckons you to be more alert of things around you. Like the world is awakening from its deep slumber, and calling for your attention. - Love this as well! You speak so beautifully about music; it really moves me. :)

And then the change hits! The tone of the piece becomes suddenly very tense and suspenseful! I think you handled that really well by introducing those small changes to the world around him - the fire with no heat, the silenced crickets, etc. And then this lady-creature thing! Ah! Just like Rolf, I can't tell if she/it is dangerous or not! But I'm definitely feeling on edge... *must get answers* *keeps reading*

Oh, yay! She/it is good! And I just have to say that this story is unraveling in such a cool way. I mean, the pipe he played called her to him, and he's all pure of heart, and his grandfather mentioned these creatures earlier in that beautiful speech I quoted, and with every new reveal and connection to the first half of the story, I get all excited to see it piecing together! Eep, this is so great!

I have to ask: Did you create this magical creature yourself?? It's so cool. If you did, that's absolutely amazing. And if you didn't, well, you still handled writing it in an awesome manner.

I just love the dialogue of this piece! The exchanges between Rolf and Adarmam are so... poetic, almost. I really like how the ending section was almost entirely dialogue, because you write it so well.

There are some little errors here and there, and I just picked out a few below:

Nestled in a grove of particular* ancient oaks alongside a small lake, was a camp. - *particularly

Even then, the cozy Hufflepuff Common Room,* and the vast grounds where** enough to suffice for his affinity for nature. -*no comma needed here, **were, not where

"Yes, but though a wizard you may be. You are still a creature of flesh and blood, and you wield with you the power of spell craft." - The structure of this sentence is just a little wonky. I would consider changing it to: "Yes. But though a wizard you may be, you are still a creature of flesh and blood, and you wield with you the power of spell craft." - There are a handful of other places where your sentence structure is just a bit off as well, so that it disrupts the otherwise gorgeous flow of this piece. I punctuation and sentence structure - like so many of us - are your weaknesses. Just something to think about and maybe concentrate on as you continue to grow as a writer, is all! ^.^

"For while we live off of hope;* hope cannot survive without trust." - *comma, not semi-colon

Minor little errors and typo's aside, this really was a wonderful story. Creative and original and just so, so lovely. The tale honestly left me with a sense of wonder when it ended. I'm really glad the Hot Seat brought me to it. Keep up the great work! :)

Tanya ^.^

Author's Response: Hey Tanya!
Thanks for the review!
I think this is only the second time I have written a non- second gen character based story. and I loved to write Rolf.

I don't think she stated it either, but since his grandfather and presumibly father (if their family follows the thing where family ends up in the same house) I can really see him being part of the Puffs.

I love music, and I honestly think that music is one of the closest things us muggles can call using magic. :)

I did invent them :) I really wanted to describe angels as if they were real. and I loved how they turned out. And she is good! though not always, the legends I did mention were slightly true. As I think if you were to hear something so pure, and not be pure yourself, you would always want to hear it again and would eventually drive you mad.

Thanks for the Grammar help :p I'm still at war with my Anti-Grammatical personality.

Thanks again Tanya! Glad you enjoyed :)
Merry Christmas!
Kyle


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Review #30, by writeyourheartoutEvent Horizon: Infinity.

22nd December 2014:
HAPPY *cough cough belated cough* HOT SEAT DAY, TAWI!!! :-D

Omg.

I need to apologize now, because this is going to be a shorter review than I normally leave, merely because I don't know what to say. I don't know how to put into words how stunningly this was written. I honestly think the biggest justice I could do for this story is to copy and paste the entire thing into this review and yell, THIS WAS MY FAVORITE PART. Because my goodness, from start to finish, it was just phenomenal. Every sentence is a poem unto itself; every word is carefully chosen and placed and given weight and significance. The imagery is to die for, the delicacy, the beauty, the... gods, everything.

That's the problem with this review, is that it's always going to come back to me saying that everything was perfect, everything was the best moment, everything makes me so jealous of your ability to write so gorgeously.

This is art. It's so pretty. It's like a poem and music and a painting somehow all co-existing within a story, and there's probably fireworks and rain and ice cream and fireflies and sunsets all happening at once, and nothing makes sense, but nobody cares because everything is so wonderful all at the same time that it's just surreal and... I don't even know what I'm saying. You've blown me away such a ridiculous amount that my brain has stopped forming logical thoughts. LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE.

Time is slow in your arms. It is the infinity I think of when I dream of demons. - If I have to choose, this might be my favorite of all the favorite moments. I mean, my heart just clenched in my chest when I read it; I want to gasp at the beautiful sentiment and at the simplicity in which it's stated compared to the more complex lines. Such a poignant moment, it just stays with you. The whole thing stays with you, if I'm honest.

This is going to sound terrible, but I am so happy I found this small oversight here, because it makes me feel slightly better about myself knowing you are not in fact perfect: I rise to hold *it him ** my arms. - *remove 'it', **add 'in' - TAWI HAS A TINY FLAW EVERYBODY! SHE IS A MERE MORTAL LIKE THE REST OF US! ;)

...was that just horrible of me? hahaha Sorry, the bitter and jealous monster on my shoulder gets out of control when I read such impressive work. :-p

Seriously, I don't know what else to say. This is brilliant. You are brilliant. Stahp being so amazing at everything!

kthanksbye.
Tanya ^.^

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Review #31, by writeyourheartoutAlbus Potter and Slytherin's Office: The Rising Wizard

20th December 2014:
HAPPY (slightly belated) HOT SEAT DAY, FELLOW PUFF!!! ^.^

I love the way this begins, with such a strong setting of normalcy. It's actually a bit reminiscent of the first HP book! Did you do that on purpose? Either way, I thought it was a very clever way to begin the story!

And then, of course, we're introduced to the real scene beneath this mask of oh-so-ordinary, with these two seemingly invisible men dressed in all black and clearly up to something... I love the way you build them up, slowly, secretly, unveiling only small bits of information about their appearance and demeanor, but holding off on the reason they're doing whatever it is that they're doing! It really creates an excellent sense of suspense and tension and build up.

OMG. Wow. I was not expecting the easy, simple, spur-of-the-moment murder of an entire group of children! WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE AND WHY ARE THEY SO EVIL?! O_O

Oh man. This exchange here: After a long pause, the elder man broke the silence by saying, "That was quite unnecessary." - The younger man replied, "True. But I wanted to try out the new mass- killing curse." - Gah! So casual in their cruelness! And I was wondering what spell could take ten people out at once, and wow... A new mass-killing curse? Sheesh. You've really created some seriously intense bad guys, which is brilliant for a story like this. AND THEN THE BUNNY. And the reference to Tom? And actually calling him Tom? I assume they're referring to Voldemort... And this totally nonchalant conversation about not understanding why more people don't just murder people to let off a bit of steam? Crazy. They're crazy.

I have to admit, I very badly want to know who exactly these two people are. What was the older man's connection to Voldemort back when he was still just Tom? Is Zac a canon character from the books - possibly even Zacharias Smith? Someone you thought was at least mostly decent, but was actually evil? He was a Puff! Omg, if it's him, that would be crazy. haha

The way they idolize Tom and aim to both follow his lead and then become greater than he was is just bananas. They're so twisted. And just like Voldie, they're making plans to kill a Potter child at just eleven! I hope Albus does prove to be as invincible as Harry sometimes seemed to be. This line especially makes me worry for him, though: "Tom's big mistake was that he was constantly underestimating Harry Potter." - Eep! Not to mention, Albus doesn't have a mother's love/sacrifice to protect him, or - presumably - a shared connection that helped protect Harry from Voldemort, which makes him seem like a much easier target. I'm not a huge Next Gen fan, but I really do have a sweet spot for Albus, and I sincerely hope he survives whatever these two have planned for him!

Anyway, this was a really good first chapter. You've done a brilliant job at creating a new threat to the Next Generation with these two, and I'm already strongly rooting for Albus! Needless to say, I am certainly intrigued! Very well done! :)

Tanya

Author's Response: No, I didn't do the "normalacy" scene because of the first HP book... But now that you point it out, I can definitely see some allusions! It was my subconscious mind. ;)

Writing suspense if fun. *evil grin*

So first question: Who are they? Alas, the first question you ask I cannot answer, unless you'd prefer a lie. (THAT little quote was on purpose. And I apologize if the wording is slightly off; I did it from memory.) Now onto the next question of why they are evil. I'd have to give you a full biography of each of them for you to understand that. I actually do have a full biography of them in my head, incidently. But that won't be shared for a long, long time.

Yes, the bunny died. I didn't care at all when I wrote that death. Does that make me a monster?

Yay! Crazy people! *claps hands* Okay, they might have gotten inspiration from me...

How dare you accuse a puff of being a dark wizard! *gasp* Hufflepuff doesn't have dark wizards! It's okay, you have good reason for being suspicious of Smith...

Zac is the crazy idolizer of Tom. The older fellow is more of a mentor-like person.

Hooray for team Albus! I'm rooting for Albus as well; I hope he doesn't die! Well, since I'm writing the story, I guess I decide what happens. Yeah, Albus doesn't have any superpowers- but we didn't know Harry had any during his first year, did we?

Thank you so much for reviewing!


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Review #32, by writeyourheartoutLike Never Before: Prologue

19th December 2014:
HAPPY HOT SEAT DAY, MAGGIE!!! :-D

As soon as I saw the title and the lyrics on the banner, I knew I had to read this story. I adore Songbird by Fleetwood Mac. It is so ridiculously gorgeous and poignant and heartbreakingly lovely, and I just had to see what sort of story it influenced!

And... wow. This was just phenomenal. I sincerely adored it. It's got a fairy-tale sort of feel to it, which I absolutely love, and I'm so intrigued by it all that I must insist you bring this story back to life immediately! ;) Seriously, though, this chapter alone has me hooked, even though I see you haven't updated since 2012. I hope that doesn't mean the story is abandoned! It's so, so great, and I hope this review might reignite the spark on this story! There is all the potential in the world here to create an incredible novella, and I sincerely hope you'll continue! Either way, I am definitely favoriting this. ^.^

Okay, enough of me semi-begging you for an update! Let me actually review the story more! :-p

I love how this was reminiscent of the Peverell brothers tale without actually being very much like their story at all. It honestly sounds like a story that belongs in The Tales of Beedle the Bard!

I also love the description of each of the brothers. The details were so specific and each brother was so distinct, and the way you wrote about said distinctions was so well done. Like... just so pretty! The writing in this is pretty! I don't know how else to describe it! haha This line in particular really stood out to me: He preferred academic pursuits over those of a warrior, and did his fighting with words rather than swords or even wands. - I mean, how could any person who writes not take pause at the power of that sentence? It's brilliant.

The third brother definitely stands out most of all, though. As fantastic as the first two seem in all their glory, the third brother is immediately the one you want to root for. He's the underdog, with his quiet demeanor and overlooked potential, and that's exactly the sort of person whose progress you want to follow in a story. I really hope this gets an update soon, because I'm so excited to see how his story plays out, both in his individual growth and with his upcoming relationship with the girl. And then of course that line about him having some sort of defining quality that you only allude to and don't reveal yet just has me so ridiculously intrigued! I must know what it is! hahaha

I don't know what else to say! This was just a really beautifully written, incredibly compelling prologue, and I am not above begging for an update. Please don't break my heart and tell me you've given up on this guy! I truly mean it when I say it has the potential to be one of the most phenomenal stories on this site. It has such a distinct voice and I know that must be hard to tap into sometimes, but I hope you and your Muse are able to pull a new chapter out of this sometime! Either way, congratulations on such a fabulous start, Maggie. I'm so glad the Hot Seat brought me here. :)

Tanya

Author's Response: HI TANYA!! Welcome to Maggieland, so glad to have you! I'm so happy you picked this story to review, because now you've inspired me to get back to work on it! I do have plans to continue. It just got pushed to the back burner :( But I'm really happy you enjoyed this first chapter!

You know, I saw that banner in the Up For Grabs section at tda, and as soon as I saw it I knew I had to have it for this story. Another reason I feel pretty guilty about letting it slip through the cracks for so long. But adlakfewjoaf, I'm just so floored that you were drawn in and that you liked the chapter! I wanted this prologue to feel like a legend or a fairy tale, so I LOVE that you mentioned Tales of Beedle the Bard! That's exactly the feel I was going for :)

I knew I wanted this chapter to be short, so I worked pretty hard at fleshing each brother out as fully as possible in just a few words. I'm glad you liked them! And oh goodness, it makes me so happy to hear that you like the style. Pretty writing is a great compliment :)

Yes, the third brother! I have big plans for him, even though I've let him gather dust for so long. I'm happy that you would want to read a story about him, because he does have a journey ahead :)

I have definitely not given up on this story, and this review has kickstarted my motivation to work on it! Thank you so so much, Tanya. Your kind words have absolutely made my day!! :)

--Maggie


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Review #33, by writeyourheartoutKeeping Secrets: After the Battle

18th December 2014:
HAPPY HOT SEAT DAY, JAYDE!!! :-D

Ugh, what a sad opening chapter! Why was there no warning of the Fred feels that would happen?! Bad Jayde!

hahaha I tease, I tease. Really, though, as someone still in denial of Fred's death (outside of writing it myself, because I am a walking contradiction), this chapter really hits hard. I liked seeing this from Charlie's POV, though. Normally I see stories about the aftermath of losing Fred from George's POV - and once from Percy's - but I've never read one based around Charlie's reaction, and it was really emotional and opens up the fact that while George probably feels it the most, the rest of the family is heartbroken as well, and that counts double for Charlie, I think, seeing as he's really the least featured of the Weasley kids in the books.

I really liked the relationship you created between Charlie and Bill. Being the two oldest, it makes a lot of sense that they would be close and that they would understand each other the way we see them do here.

This part here just about killed me: Bill had always known how to comfort Charlie, and Charlie knew that Bill would be able to comfort him now... but Charlie didn't want to be comforted. A part of Charlie somewhere deep inside wanted to keep suffering in silence, to continue punishing himself with seclusion and guilt. - Gah, that's so, so sad and painful and raw and true. Survivor's Guilt is a very real thing, and it's reflected perfectly here. It's so hard to be the one who's left behind with nothing but these 'If only...' scenario's running through your head. You always think if you'd done one little thing differently, then things would have ended up differently, and that turns into blaming yourself. It's a deep, dark hole to dig yourself into, and I hope to see in later chapters that Charlie doesn't dig himself too much deeper into that abyss, because it is hard to crawl out of. Poor guy. :(

Ah, and then this line! Looking into the eyes of Ron, Percy, and Ginny would only cause him to wonder if they realized, as he did, that Fred's death was entirely his fault. - No, Charlie! It's not your fault! Gah! I just want to grab him by the shoulders and shake some sense into him! And that feeling of wondering if other people might blame you, too... Oi vey. You better be nicer to him later in the story, is all I have to say! ;)

The ending line was really powerful. That apology really makes an impact and hits you right in the feels. It was an excellent way to end the chapter.

I really enjoyed this, Jayde! I think it's a great, albeit terribly sad and heavy, opening chapter! I look forward to seeing where it goes from here! Good job! ^.^

Tanya

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Review #34, by writeyourheartoutSeized: Prologue

18th December 2014:
Well, seeing as I have so sporadically reviewed this fic in the past, it's about time I go back to the beginning and start filling in the blanks!

Oh, and also... HAPPY (slightly belated) HOT SEAT DAY, DEE!!! :-D

I love that opening line: They came in the evening. - It really packs a punch and I remember when I first starting reading this story how that line immediately pulled me in then and still does today.

The pace of this chapter is so spot on. I love the action-packed tension and how mysterious it all is. You give us the bare minimum, so that we have no real idea about what the heck is going on, but are still desperate to know what it all means! It's the perfect balance and it's why I started reading and loving this story in the first place. I just needed to know what happened next! ^.^

Ah! It's so crazy coming back to the beginning of this story after having read your most recent chapter! But I love how I still actually have questions about what some of this stuff means!

And on that note...

WARNING: Some of this upcoming section's speculation may have already been answered or explained or whatever and I'm just an idiot with a poor memory who has forgotten future details, so bear with me if I'm talking nonsense! ;)

She sat up in her seat and took a deep breath in, thinking of the man she loved and how it was entirely his fault that she was in the situation. - The man she loved... That can't be Draco, can it? I wonder who this is referring to, then! There are actually a lot of small things in this chapter that I look forward to seeing the truth unravel around, like this: They had come for her, as they warned they would and trying to escape from them would be impossible. Her best hope was to show no signs of futile resistance and pray that the life she had worked so hard for would not be taken from her. - She still sounds so much like a victim even though we now know it was her plan all along! Eep! How can I have read every posted chapter so far and still be so lost?! LOL I seriously look forward to the next few chapters, in which I assume we'll be getting some explanations that show the double meaning of these words and how they don't apply at all the way you think they do when you first read it (if that made any sense... haha)!

He chucked* manically before shouting, "She's here!" - *chuckled

Anyway, this is just a short little intro chapter, so I don't have much more to say about it other than I loved it, I love what follows it, and I will try to be back with new reviews as soon as possible! *hugs*

Tanya

Author's Response: Tanya♥

I have THREE lovely reviews from you sitting in my unanswered reviews and it's about time I fixed that!

How you manage to leave such a lovely long review on this barely-even-counts-as-a-chapter is beyond me! You're the best. Siriusly.

Bare minimum is definitely what I was going for in this chapter, this is the first mystery I've written and I was a little worried I've overdone it with the giving nothing away. It's a relief you don't agree!

As for your questions, there are definitely answers coming in the next few chapters. Astoria's side of things should clear it up for you ;)

Ah, the dreaded typos, I need tips from you about how to be so scrutinous with editing :p

I'm so glad you came back to this story, your reviews are giving me the much needed kick up the rear end I needed to start writring the next chapter.Thank you a million and one times for this gorgeous review ♥


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Review #35, by writeyourheartoutSeven--Four--One--Nine--Eight--Two (Am I a Good Man?): Chapter 1

16th December 2014:
HAPPY HOT SEAT DAY, KAREN!!! :-D

This was really great! I've never read a story from Barty Crouch Sr's perspective before, and I really loved it! I always forget how exceedingly complicated some of these minor character's are, and this one-shot did a really wonderful job at showcasing such a crazy part of Barty and his family's life in so much more detail than we get in the books!

That opening scene was set up really well, and your use of the thunder and the rain to build up the suspense and tension was extremely effective. I felt like something awful was going to happen, and it kept me right on the edge of my seat! Very cool. ^.^

The Winky flashback was one of my favorites. I was so happy to see you feature her in the story, and it really made me sad all over again thinking of how much she adored that family and how terribly she was treated in the end; cast aside over something that was not at all her fault. Poor thing. Seeing her actually in their home, taking care of them, just makes it hit home that much harder.

I just adore this line: The thunder seemed intent on guiding him along down this proverbial road - I love the way the thunder moves the story along, almost as if it's forcing him to think back on all of these moments - devastating though many of them are.

The Barty Jr flashback was another favorite of mine. Seeing him as an innocent child, excitable and kind, was such a stark contrast to who he grows up to be, and it really emphasizes just how much a person can be influenced by the people, situations, and opportunities around them. I also love that during this flashback, Barty Sr struggles with the idea of his son having potentially murdered someone. That's such a fatherly internal battle to be having - knowing that your son is evil and has done terrible things, and still wanting to give him the benefit of the doubt, still wanting to hope for the best in them.

This second Winky scene was just fantastic! Your version of her felt so spot on. And when he asks her if he's a good man, I just love how it wraps around to the title, too. Oh, and then he's nice to her and treats her like more than just a servant, and she's so grateful! Gah! Great scene. ^.^

The ending was really awesome, as well. That internal struggle was so palpable, and you actually made me feel for a character I didn't really like at all in the books (which is funny, seeing as in your Author's Note you don't seem to like him either)! The whole story was very intense and I thoroughly enjoyed it, top to bottom!

My only bit of criticism is that there seems to be a handful of little technical issues - those nitpicky details that even a week's worth of editing can still mean you don't find them all. (Believe me, as an extreme over-editor who always finds mistakes after posting, I understand this all too well. :-p)

Here are a few examples:

- He decided to wait a* for a few moments to see if it was going to do that again but ** nothing but rain as it continued to fall. - *Stray 'a', **I think you're missing the word 'heard' here
- What could this one could* possibly be about? - *Stray 'could'
- "Unrelenting.*" his wife finished with a grin. - *comma, not period
- He reached up and ran a hand along the edge of the box feeling its'* smoothness. - *No apostrophe
- He reached in to lift it gently from its'* pillow... - *No apostrophe

Also, you seem to start a lot of your sentences with the same few words so that it becomes just a bit repetitive in places. For example: He shook his head again as he threw the scroll down. He rested his elbows on the desk and ran his hands through his hair. He glanced up toward the date on the parchment: - All three sentences in this paragraph begin with the word He. This is something I used to struggle a lot with, especially when writing in first person, where every sentence seemed to start with 'I'. It's just one of those habitual writing things, but you can easily break it! Variety is the spice of life, and I think your already great story would be escalated to a whole other level with just a little tweaking!

Anyway, I know these are the tiny things that seem so insignificant, but can actually make a huge difference in quality and flow of a story by being tidied up, so just something to keep in mind should you ever feel like doing a quick edit! But, again, the story was still overall really fantastic and I'm so glad the Hot Seat brought me to your story! Really well done, Karen! :)

Tanya

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Review #36, by writeyourheartoutUpping The Ante: Immortal

15th December 2014:
-LE GASP-

Okay, so I was right about the Alex thing! EXCEPT OH MY GOD IT WAS SO UPSETTING SO QUICKLY. POOR ALEX! HOW COULD YOU, ALEXANDRA/LO! *pets Alex* Ugh.

Although, having said that... I'm not as attached to the idea of Alex/Alexandra as I was last chapter. In fact, I've actually been swayed back to the side of being glad they're just friends. I hope this kiss doesn't ruin things for their friendship, though! I mean, I've been in Alexandra's shoes before with my best friend, and things changed a lot after that for us, and I don't want to see it happen to these guys too! Eep! I still love Alex as a character and I want him to be happy! I hope he gets over this and finds a new girl to love even more... PROMISE ME YOU'LL GIVE HIM A NEW GIRL AT SOME POINT! :-p

Okay, moving away from my slight obsession with the well-being of Alex...

Wow, a lot of crazy stuff happens this chapter! Sirius is such a little stalker with that map (but who am I kidding, wouldn't we all be? :-p), and I've decided that he seems to genuinely care about Alexandra. I'd love it if at some point in a future chapter we could hear about the extent of their relationship before this story began. Were they friends? Acquaintances? Competitors? I think a little more background info would really push me entirely onboard the Sirius/Alexandra ship. *lets go of Alex/Alexandra dream* ;)

Omg, Frank! No! That's so upsetting. And wow, did it come at a crazy moment, just after the almost kiss and the awful burn. That room was just total chaos. I love that you are able to handle scenes like that with such ease, though. Big scenes in which a lot of things happen are the types that I always feel like I'll drop the ball on (which is why I don't think I have any posted yet...), but you juggle all of the chaos with ease and I never lose track of what's happening, nor does the scene lose its pace. TEACH ME YOUR WAYS. (Seriously, I have a war scene coming up in Lying Josephine and I have no idea what I'm doing. Save me.)

As devastating as Frank's news is, I love the choice you made to include it - particularly because it brought a whole new layer to this story by including the war. More than that, I love the paragraph that talks about how Frank's father's death was the first pureblood life to be lost and the fear that idea seemed to instill in everyone. It's moments like that which remind you of how no one is safe during this time.

*pointedly ignores the fact that Hufflepuff is always labelled as the House with the laughable Quidditch team, but only because Amos Diggory is on the team and he was pretty awful, so I'm okay with him losing* :-p

I love the description and small details in this paragraph: The air was brisk as it usually was in November. Small patches of frost crunched under our feet. The beater's bat in my hand was cold, as was my Shooting Star, and I was glad for the fingerless gloves I had that offered some protection from the winter air. - So lovely. :)

So much awkward in the changing room after the game. Poor Alex. MAKE HIM HAPPY AGAIN, LO! hehehe

The ending was so sad, but really well done. I think Dumebledore's speech was perfectly in character, and his words were really moving and powerful. That last line about Charlie was a great way to finish the chapter off, as well - really gripping to put into perspective how close to home these attacks are, having to worry about your closest friends and their safety. I wonder if the attack on Hogsmeade will throw a wrench in the plans of Sirius and Alexandra's date? (I liked seeing the slightly more vulnerable side of Sirius when he asked her out, by the way. ^.^)

And now for another round of nitpicky thingies! :-p

But I couldn't shake one face from my mind as *I hard as I tried to. - *Stray I

(bloody hell* he was a phenomenal keeper!) - *comma

"No* don't be sorry." - *comma

...and little Tom seemed *to distressed **too tie up his gear properly. - *too, **to

And that's everything! Another great chapter, Lo! I really love that this story focuses on a wide spectrum of things; it makes it all the more enjoyable. And I do insist that you update soon. ;) Keep up the great writing! :-D

Tanya

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Review #37, by writeyourheartoutUpping The Ante: Upping The Ante

15th December 2014:
FIRST OF ALL: I definitely referred to Alexandra as Alexandria all of my last review, so my sincerest apologies for that! I vote we blame it on the late hour of my reviewing. :-p

Anyway, onto the actual chapter review! Yay!

Ahahaha! A true Ravenclaw, she is! I was confused at first as to her tactic, but when Alex said, "Can't touch your opponent's glass," I was like OH SNAP. That was a great moment.

I can't tell if Alex has feelings for Alexandra or not. There was mention in chapter two, I think it was, of a Daisy (I think?) that Alex seemed to maybe have a crush on, but sometimes he acts like maybe it's Alexandra he actually has feelings for... *ponders* Either way, I quite like that I can't tell. Always fun to have a bit of mystery in a story! ^.^

Speaking of Alex, I'm really loving his character. He's incredibly three dimensional and I think you have an exceptional grasp on who he is as a person. And I love when we get to see these perfectly Ravenclaw moments pop up, like when he talks about the science behind alcohol and its effects on the body. And is it weird that I love the fact he plans to become an Investigative Coroner? hahaha He's quickly becoming one of my favorite characters, I must admit. Of course, I do have to wonder how he plans to be around dead bodies if he's so afraid of blood... But the leech incident was pretty adorable. Have I mentioned already how much I like Alex's character? :-p

I love the way you described the potion-making. The details here were really fantastic, and the decision to use so many terms and objects that us Muggles are actually somewhat familiar with was great, too (though, arguably not the most canon, but it doesn't bother me at all, so there!). I think describing events and activities is your strong suit - you write those scenes flawlessly, and I'm totally jealous, cause they aren't my forte at all.

Bahaha! The Shrinking Solution on Snape's nose! Too perfect. Imagery is a beautiful thing, is it not? hehehe

OMG SHE KISSED ALEX?!?! Ah! I feel so torn! Cause, I'm going to be honest with you, I currently much prefer Alex to Sirius. Sirius is a little... smarmy so far. He's all rehearsed lines and arrogance and charm and not a substantial, true, honest person yet. But Alex is awesome - as I've mentioned (a lot) earlier, and now I'm sad, cause they're of course not going to last! Also, because it's now past midnight and I have to go to bed before knowing what results of this kiss! Quite possibly nothing at all, cause maybe my earlier inkling of Alex having feelings for Alexandria was just you being a tricky author... I WANT TO KNOW BUT I MUST SLEEP CAUSE WORK IN THE MORNING. But I will be back after work for your final review! ^.^

Some more nitpicky details before I go:

"I was an idiot last night," I groaned, my head pounding from the million little hammers that seemed to be hitting it. - Alex, who sat across from me, smiled. "Yes, you are*..." - *were

"It'll be okay. Just get back quickly or I'll flaw* you because I am not botching this potion." - *Flaw doesn't seem to work here, but I'm not sure what you meant to say, either. Flay, maybe?

Anyway, I'm seriously enjoying this story, Lo. I can't wait to see what happens next. Damn you, responsible adulthood! *shakes fist*

See you soon,
Tanya ^.^

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Review #38, by writeyourheartoutUpping The Ante: Live A Little

15th December 2014:
'lo, Lo! (Do people do that to you all the time? hahaha) I'm just gonna jump right into this review! ^.^

"We need to start a Charms club," I said as I burst into my dormitory. - Hahahaha! Omg, that is the perfect line to start this chapter after the way the previous one ended! I legitimately laughed out loud at this. Too funny.

Omg, this entire first section was just brilliant. I have to tell you, as someone who is in love with Remus Lupin, the girl talk surrounding him had me giggling so hard. I swear to God, that was such a realistic scene, I felt like I was right there with them freaking out over this adorable boy. Eep! I love him so much. And even though we've only had a glimpse of Remus' character thus far, I am loving your version already. ^.^ Oh, and the way the ending couple of lines looped back around to the Charms Club thing made me chuckle as well. Such a great opening section to this chapter.

I love that you introduced Amos Diggory as the boy Alexandria is first interested in. I mean, this is obviously a Sirius/OC fic, but I love that so far their interactions have been pretty mild. He seems like maybe he's interested in her, but he might just be a flirt at this point? It's hard to say - which I like! - whereas she hasn't shown any actual interest in him, especially compared to how quickly she was taken with Amos. I love that choice, because it adds such a great layer to this story that a lot of Sirius/OC's don't include - they tend to be completely Sirius-centric - and throwing Amos in adds believability and a fun subplot, even if Amos doesn't come back into the picture after his little face-sucking incident. haha

The friendship dynamics you've created are really great. I'm loving all of your OC's and how they're each distinct as individuals, but still make sense as a singular unit. In only three chapters, you've introduce a lot of new characters, and have somehow managed to make me care about them all. I think that takes exceptional talent to pull off, so some serious kudos to you.

Hahahaha! Can we talk about how much I LOVE that you made McGonagall a former bombshell? I can totally see it. :-p

You do a fantastic job at writing the action of a Quidditch game. By far one of the best telling's I've read, to be honest. You know how to highlight the right information so that we understand what's happening, while still keeping a quick pace to the action and building up the final moments so that I was on the edge of my seat waiting to see what would happen. And I felt the excitement that Alexandria and the others felt too at Gryffindor's win. Really wonderfully done, Lo.

EXCUSE ME WHILE I SQUEE MORE ABOUT REMUS. (Charlie is so lucky. Ugh. :-p)

I love the way this chapter ended. The whole section was great, but those last lines were an absolutely perfect way to leave it. And I have to admit, I am super excited to see what happens next chapter, because I'm taking an educated guess and thinking that maybe Alexandria's first foray into living a little may hold some fun consequences. hehehe

A few nitpicky little details:

"What did you talk about in the library,"* I asked, leaning forward on my knees. - Kendra** shrugged. "School stuff mostly..." - I think *here you want a question mark rather than a comma. And **here, did you mean Charlie? It makes it sound like Kendra is the one who was talking to Remus in the library, not Charlie. I was confused a bit about who it was that got asked out after that sentence, is all. Hope that makes sense... :-p

For years, it had been a back and forth between the two of them of awkward sexual tension. - This sentence is just a little wonky.

Red and green raced around the pitch and it was just barely possibly* to see Black as he zipped about on his Nimbus. Even Thomas began** enraptured with the Gryffindor beater's new broom. - *possible, **became

Anyway, I'm truly loving this so far. I sincerely look forward to seeing how this story continues to unravel! I'm gonna have to add this to my list of favorites, too, cause I am invested! Great job so far, Lo! Yay! :-D

Tanya

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Review #39, by writeyourheartoutlow tide: a meditation

14th December 2014:
HAPPY HOT SEAT DAY, KRISTIN, MY LOVE!!! :-D

Okay, so, I have to admit, I've been actively avoiding reading this story for a long time now. It's just that I love your comedic writing so, so much, and I know you're going to be amazing at serious fics too because you're awesome like that, but this story clearly deals with Fred's death, and... yeah, it may sound hypocritical considering my novel, but outside of Lying Josephine, I'm still very much in denial over Fred's death! LOL But I'm finally going to bite the bullet and read this story, so here we go...

*some amount of time later*

...Wow.

That was really beautiful. I mean really, really beautiful. *is definitely not teary-eyed right now* *sniffs*

I love how - what's the word I'm even looking for? - easy it read. What I mean by that is it was obviously very sad and a difficult moment to portray, but none of it was forced, none of it felt tortured; it was written in a simple way that didn't tell the reader exactly how George was feeling about the loss of Fred, but still made us feel that loss just by his breathing in and out, by his decision not to join in on the castle building, by these small moments of thought and action that were a reflection of his feelings and built the emotion for us readers without telling us about it. I love that.

Your imagery and description in this story is to die for. I felt like I was there, sitting in the sand with him and Angelina and Lee, eating fish and chips, trying to find some semblance of normalcy and happiness amongst these simple pleasures.

This line hit me hard: Focus on the waves to numb the memory of that jarring impact on the castle wall, the tumbling stones, Fred laughing, Fred motionless. - It perfectly rekindles that moment in the books when Fred dies with "the ghost of his last laugh" still on his face, and makes it even more impactful when you gut-punch us with the words "Fred motionless." Ugh. So powerful that it makes me hate you a little cause THE FEELS. THE FEELS, KRISTIN. STAHP IT.

I love this line, too: And so the wheel turns. - because yeah, it does. I lost my dad in a very tragic way, and those moments are so crazy, so life-altering, and it feels like everything is done, is over, but it's not, cause life keeps going anyway, and you just try to find a new normal for yourself. It's a surreal moment, realizing that the wheel continues to turn. You captured it beautifully.

I don't know what else to say, to be honest. This was phenomenal. You are brilliant. Don't write any more stories like this or I might die. ;)

Tanya ^.^

Author's Response: Aw. Honestly, I completely understand about being in denial of Fred's death. How could JKR separate the twins?! Why?! I just... ugh.

Gah, thank you so much! *hands over tissue* I am really glad to hear it flowed in an easy and simple way - I was going for a sense of clarity through simple things as George begins to recover a little bit at a time, and how being in the presence of the power of nature reminds him of how everything moves on - like taking a step away for a moment. I'm glad to hear that the emotions were effective in being mostly implied, thanks!

ahh, thank you! that is so wonderful to hear about the descriptions, and gahh sorry for the punch in the feels line about Fred, but I am glad to hear it was so powerful, that means a lot to me.

Wow, thank you, I really appreciate that that line about the wheel resonated with you. I am so sorry to hear about your dad :( but yes exactly, it hurts, and it goes on. This story is the most honest piece I've ever written - really it's half about George moving forward from Fred's death, and half about my coming to terms with the death of my cousin.

Aaah, thank you soo much! You are too nice! ♥ Thanks for your incredible review!


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Review #40, by writeyourheartoutFour: Four

13th December 2014:
I'm a couple hours late, but HAPPY HOT SEAT DAY!!! :-D

This was so beautiful; I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Part one I just adored. You set the tone of the fic perfectly from the first line, and I felt transported to this big, empty mansion, silent except for the sounds of a lone piano to comfort a young Blaise. The way this tied into those last lines - There was no piano playing that night, nor the nights that followed. I never could sleep quite right after that. - ugh, so powerful. I also loved how you brought in Blaise's revolving door of father figures and his mother's casually cruel way of explaining it to him. I honestly think this might be the first Blaise-centric fic I've ever read, and you really made me feel for him here. Beautifully done.

Part two was lovely as well. I'm sure most of your readers feel at least somewhat similarly to Blaise as far as their relationship to reading goes. I know I do. There's something so comforting about loving to read and the joy it brings wrapping yourself up in this completely different world and knowing it's there for you always. I always get lost in good books that suck you into their world, and it's fantastic, so I could definitely understand Blaise's point of view here. I really liked the introduction of Hermione here, as well. Because of the structure, I just sort of assumed we wouldn't hear a word about Hermione until part four, but I like that she got a moment before then - it created a greater foundation to root for them from.

Part three, my first thought was, YES! After this line: The third love of my life was Hogwarts. Wasn't that the love of most children? hahaha And I just loved this paragraph: The towers of books shielded me from the horrors I had to face from the people I associated myself with. The words on the paper kept me in my own world, if only for a little while. The peace was a calming factor that I hadn't felt since my mother's nimble piano playing. The smell was a solace, a reminder that not all was turning dark. There would always be the smell of books, no matter what the circumstances. - So beautifully stated. What stands out to me most about this section is the internal struggle that we see Blaise face as he's torn between the two sides of the war for various reasons. And I loved the way this section ended. Just lovely.

And finally part four. I actually really liked that it started off in a different format than the other three, because it's the most important one; the one where he finds peace and happiness in all of his previous loves and now a new one as well. This line is fantastic: I didn't see a way out, so I dug deeper in. - Perfect. Sorry, I feel like half of this review is just me quoting things back at you, but the writing in these places was just too good not to repeat! haha I like that the ending of this is actually somewhat open to interpretation as far as he and Hermione go. Like, does he love her from afar, or are they actually together and in love? Really lovely, either way, because he seems to have some closure.

I thoroughly enjoyed this and I have nothing bad to say about it! It was just really, really great. :)

Tanya

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Review #41, by writeyourheartoutFive and a Half: Five and a Half

13th December 2014:
I'm a little late with this review, but HAPPY BELATED HOT SEAT DAY! :-D

This was so, so, SO cute! I sincerely enjoyed it, start to finish!

I've never read a Teddy/James fic before - mostly because I'm just not a big Next Gen reader in general - but (slightly inappropriate age difference aside) I really loved them together. Poor Harry, though! hahaha I can't even imagine... That beginning section was so awkward in the best way. I'm just trying to imagine if I had a son and a godson and found them making out in the shed together... That's gotta be a shocking thing to walk in on. LOL But he handles it well, all things considered. The end especially, with these lines: "It gave me a reason to ground you until you're conveniently eighteen." and "Teddy's still welcome to visit and write, but the bedroom doors are open for another two years." hehehe

The middle section was really wonderful, too. It was great being inside Teddy's head as he goes through this internal struggle in regards to his attraction to James. And I love how James ends up sort of luring Teddy into the shed and away from Albus to steal himself some privacy.

I love, love, love the way the title tied in. Such a great moment in the story, too, and you built up the tension between Teddy and James so, so well. Even though we knew from the beginning of the chapter they end up kissing, I was still on the edge of my seat thinking, KISS! KISS! OMG KISS! hahaha And then the last line! Gah! So perfect! :-D

Some of my favorite lines:

Harry just talked to Teddy about what happened, gave him advice, and laughed it off saying he did the same thing when he was in Hogwarts, except he fought a troll, too. - LOL Yep, the Golden Trio will probably always have a one-up on their kids trouble-making with that story alone! :-p

"So, let me get this straight," Harry started, momentarily overlooking the snort from James at his word choice. - HAHAHA Omg, I legitimately laughed out loud at this. Too funny. I love the moments of humor you snuck into this. The one-shot has a great balance of awkward and tense and funny and sweet all wrapped into less than 3k. So great. ^.^

A few minor, nitpicky details:

Okay, stop!" Harry interrupted, bringing his hands around Albus' ears. - You're missing the first quotation mark here.

The wall was lined with cheaply made Beater's bats, as no one in the Potter family *every played the **positon. - *ever **position

My only bit of criticism is that I think you may have made Albus seem just a little too young for his age in certain moments. He sounds a bit more like a six year old than a twelve year old in a few places. Like this line: "Da-ad!" Albus whined, "Don't say it like that! That makes me sound like a baby!" I think something a bit more bitingly sarcastic would have made him seem more age appropriate, maybe? Or when he doesn't understand what the hand gesture (which I'm assuming to be the most common of these types of hand gestures) means; I think at twelve with at least one - possibly two? - years of school under his belt, he'd know about it by now. But, that said, I'm not really the most trustworthy source on kids of any age and am really just comparing this to Harry, Ron, Hermione, and others in their year from Chamber of Secrets and think they never felt quite so young there, is all. But it's a minor detail in an otherwise brilliant story, so absolutely feel free to completely ignore this (especially cause I could be totally wrong. :-p)!

Anyway, overall, I absolutely adored this! AND I see you have a sequel of sorts to this fic, too! I'm excited for your next Hot Seat day, cause now I know exactly where I'll be headed! I look forward to reading more about them, cause you really did an excellent job! Thanks for the great read! :-D

Tanya

Author's Response: Tanya, omg, I don't even know how to begin replying to thiss♥ (which may be why I have been putting it off? Maybe? Who knows!?) lol

Haha! I don't know if I feel worse for Teddy, or for Harry here, but in the end, Teddy gets what he wants, so my sympathy vote goes to Harry. I can only imagine what he was thinking after finding Albus.

I have these ridiculous headcanons about Teddy. Like so bad. So I love writing about him, and I really loved putting James there to just sort of thwart his demeanor for a few moments. James is definitely a terrible influence.

Haha! Harry one upping Teddy :D I almost feel like it may be more of a Ron thing than a Harry thing, but it still may rub off a little.

And, thank you for pointing those errors out! I'll definitely give that another look and fix those asap!

As far as Albus, I definitely understand what you're saying. I think part of the reason he sort of molded into the characterization he got was that he wasn't one of the main two (James/Teddy), so I sort of maneuvered him to be what I needed. I also read somewhere about broken bones (never having managed it myself) that there are different pain tolerances for everyone (like, someone could compound fracture their leg and hardly notice, and then someone could break their pinky and bawl their eyes out) SO, I think he was acting a bit younger in that aspect. So yeah, reasons aside, I definitely appreciate the input!

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing, Tanya! This was super helpful, too!

Julie


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Review #42, by writeyourheartoutchristmas eve.: spending time with family.

12th December 2014:
Technically I'm a few hours late now, but I'm gonna say it anyway:

HAPPY HOT SEAT DAY! :-D

What a cute chapter! It was so sweet and just a bit sad and really was the perfect little Christmas fic to get you in the spirit!

Your OC's were all extremely enjoyable - Betty in particular stood out to me! She was so adorable and obviously kind to offer comfort to Brooklyn as she waited to see her granddad. The knitting thing was really nice, and I love the way it tied into later parts of the chapter. I hope we get to see Betty again!

The end of the chapter was so, so, so cute! I love how happy and proud her Granddad was about the scarf! That last line seriously made me 'Aww!' hehehe Really well done. ^.^

The chapter itself was great, but more than that, I love the idea behind the structure of this story - the Valentine's Day/New Year's Eve type set-up - and look forward to new chapters and seeing how you tie upcoming characters in with the ones we met in this one! It's a really great format to try and follow, and a big goal! A lot of moving parts, but I look forward to seeing how you tackle it!

A few minor details:

Our family had an argument about some other stupid, unrelated issue *when then later segued into me finding out that I was adopted. - *I think you meant which then here.

"...It doesn't even matter that we're in a hospital, at least I'm with you." *his blue eyes started welling up... - *The 'h' in 'his' should be capitalized here.

I think there are maybe a few other little things in the chapter, but they're all very small, nitpicky details, so I wouldn't worry about it. Just wanted to point a few out in case you're a perfectionist like me who tries to nab every typo! (Somehow, no matter how many times I edit before posting, I always end up with a plethora of typo's! hahaha)

So, my only suggestion for this chapter (and potentially the story as a whole, depending on what/who's to come) is to be careful about being too explain-y in sections. It's hard with OC's, because you want the readers to understand them and who they are the way that you do, and you generally want that understanding to happen right away, but be patient and trust yourself as an author and trust your readers to be able to follow the story without feeling like you need to explain who your character is immediately. You want to show, not tell, and it just felt like this chapter had a bit too much telling rather than showing, is all. But hey, I do the same thing too with OC's without realizing it until someone points it out - it's such a hard trap not to fall into! *shakes fist at the writing gods* :-p

I really enjoyed it overall, though! I hope you have chapter two out by your next hot seat day! I'd love to see where this goes! Again, I think you've struck gold with the structure idea of this story. It's going to be really cool being introduced to even more people and seeing how things tie together! Congrats on a great start! Yay!

Tanya ^.^

Author's Response: Hey Tanya! :)

Betty was actually based on my own grandma, i just copied all of her mannerisms and how she spoke and tah-dah Betty was formed.

I recently watched New Year's Eve to get me in the mood for Christmas and New Year's but then I took part in the Christmas challenge and all these little one-shots started bubbling around in my head and I knew I wanted to write all of them, I couldn't just write one. So I decided to do it in that structure so they all sort of relate and let's hope it all fits together.

Yeah, I was in a haste to get the chapter up in time for the deadline so I definitely will have to go back and fix up those errors.

~Aimee xxx


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Review #43, by writeyourheartoutWaiting on You: Waiting on You

10th December 2014:
Happy Hot Seat Day, Erica! :-D

This was so sweet. I really love your version of Albus. I think you really justified his flaw of almost complete lack of patience with the background information you provided about growing up as Harry Potter's son. Made it completely believable.

The second paragraph really stood out to me. I love what you wrote about Albus having grown up in this suppressing box of a life. That was a really stand out moment and a great comparison as he stares out at the empty classroom before him. And these lines were just fantastic: "He did not care if Albus was a Potter; just as much as Albus did not care that he was a Malfoy. It was different and refreshing to ignore last names, rather than dwell on the complexities that came with them." - I love that! It's such a small moment in such a short little one-shot, but it creates this desire in me to root for these two. I'm not a big Next Gen fan, so I came into this fic and these characters without any sort of pre-determined feelings or expectations, really, but those two lines make me want these two to end up happily together.

I love the way this third paragraph touches back on Albus' main flaw showcased in this story - his impatience - but that it flips it in a way to show how Scorpius would be his exception. It's very sweet. Did I already mention how I'm rooting for them? ^.^

Daw! What a sweet ending! Yayz!

I really love how this story isn't just a short, fluffy one-shot, but that it touches on deeper things, like the delicacy and fear that comes with making the decision to come out. The fact that they get to do it together, though, makes it even better. I like to think that their families - even the Malfoy's - would accept them both without much fuss at all. :)

Oh! And I thought Scorpius as a sweet, shy, insecure character was a really nice choice and not one I've seen before!

Anyway, really sweet story, Erica! And double kudos for your first attempt at slash! Really well done.

Tanya ^.^

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Review #44, by writeyourheartoutEffortlessly Dead: A Chance Encounter

7th November 2014:
Hi Emmi! Congratulations on completing the first fifth of your NaNo!!! I'm such a proud momma! *hugs* Thought it was only appropriate that I celebrate with a review on this brilliant chapter! Yayz! ^.^

Ah, Menna! She's so cool! I mean, she's also a murderer, but she's so awesome! Climbing trees, jumping through windows, snooping around; just basically being a boss. Her attitude cracks me up, too. When she gets annoyed and almost slams a door when she knows she needs to keep quiet sneaking around... hahaha Too good.

Eee, she was framed!!! And that letter was from the Magpie?!?! Cause they're still alive! I mean, I sort of assumed considering the premise of the plot, but still! Such a great moment when she realizes and accepts its truth. But oh man, did Ifan really know she was framed and still give her all that grief?? Rude.

I think it's so crazy how Ifan and Menna both seem almost disinterested in magic. They're such unique characters. It's a distinct trait to give them. I love it, even if part of me wants to grab them by the shoulders and yell about how lucky they are to have magic and why would they not want to utilize its awesomeness. Such a Muggle reaction. ;)

OMG SOMEONE'S GONNA ENTER THE ROOM. I have 10 bucks that says it's Galen! *fingers crossed, cause I totally want them to have a scene together, although if it is him, I'm little afraid of what Menna might do*

Daww, poor Galen and his judgmental family members. I say whatever to them, cause Galen is awesome-sauce. Side-note: If I knew someone who worked in a morgue, I would totally behave just like those cousins asking crazy questions. hehehe

"After hearing the boy's exclamation he was more positive than ever that television was only a step away from dark magic." - LOL!!!

Okay, I'm solidifying the comment I made last time: I totally ship Galen/Menna. hehehe Not that they got much screen time together just yet, but I don't care. They're both just my favorites, so it can't be helped. I love how the shrike tattoo came into play! I remember it being hinted at in an earlier chapter and it was fun seeing it and having Galen recognize Menna for what she was. And that little smirk she gives him before jumping out the window - classic Menna. :-p

The ending section with Ron was great too! It was nice getting his perspective and I think you handled him really well! I particularly loved the way he was able to read Harry's expression and ascertain that they were both feeling suspicious about the circumstances surrounding the break-in and Cosmas.

A few tiny details:

"Menna grouched (crouched, not grouched) behind a waist-high hedge growing a few foot (feet, not foot) away from the manor and gazed at the building thoughtfully."

This wording is a little wonky: "Didn't they trust her after all?" - I would rephrase to maybe say, "Did they not trust her after all?"

"Besides, she mused, tapping her wand idly against her thigh which caused green sparks (to) erupt from its tip..."

"As he turned to glare at his elder sister she shot him a warning look that made him swallow any and all protests that had been threatening the (to, not the) spill from his lips."

Oh, Emmi. How do you do it? Another phenomenal chapter! Your characters are amazing as ever - even the ones we get only small glimpses of, like Annabel (I like her quite a lot ^.^) - and your attention to detail and talent regarding description is just the best. I love this story much! Eep!

Congrats again on 3k! And 6k is right around the corner! Woot woot! *cheers*

Tanya

Author's Response: Yay, another review!

I love the fact that you love Menna even though her attitude could definitely use some improvement - but then again, she wouldn't be the Menna we love if she changed too much, would she? Her attitude amuses me too, but I think the people who have to deal with her on a daily basis don't always share my sentiment :)

Ifan's ideas about raising children are rather skewed, indeed... Maybe it's a good thing he's childless himself!

Yes, the Magpies are indeed very much alive... or rather, one Magpie is alive. You've already met him ;)

Y'know... I never really planned to make both Ifan and Menna so disinterested in magic. It just... sort of happened on its own. I swear sometimes these characters are writing themselves.

Galen's family does give him a hard time for the choices he made, but I dare say he can be plenty difficult himself when he puts his mind to it... Also, I think I'd be asking stupid questions too, if I knew someone who works in a morgue :)

Just to let you know, Galen and Menna are both horrified at the thought of being paired together ;) And yay, you remembered the mark being mentioned! *does a little happy dance* It's the only sure-fire way to recognise a Shrike, so Galen has been told his whole life. I'd imagine that as a boy he sometimes had nightmares of those marks and the people who bear them... Not that he'll ever admit that.

I'm glad you liked Ron! At first I thought about writing that section from Harry's POV, but Ron kind of usurped his position :) I was a little concerned he sounded too much like Harry, though; I'm happy that that was not the case :)

As to how I do it... I honestly don't know ^.^; It just... happens, I guess. Thank you so much for the compliments!

As always, thank you for your help with the language matters (and with everything else, too)! And thank you for the review too, it really made my morning!

- Emmi


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Review #45, by writeyourheartoutEffortlessly Dead: Secret Plans

27th October 2014:
Hello again, Emmi! ^.^ So sorry it's taken me so long to get around to reviewing these newer chapters, but I swear it does not mean my love for this fic has worn off at all (only that I'm a lazy procrastinator)! Also, side-note: I'm so excited to see you're working on this for NaNo! Yay! (Also, I may or may not be continually flipping through your character boards as I read cause I've been sucked into your world!)

You're such a detailed and descriptive writer without ever sacrificing pace and fluidity. The sense of environment you create is something I just love about your writing, because wherever the characters are, I feel transported there with them. At the coffee shop, for example - you never forget the location and how it impacts your characters and their actions/reactions. I love when Murdo says, "Disgusting" just as the waitress passes by. hahaha Things like that, those little details, really fill the story out in a way not every author utilizes.

I've said this before, but I love your OC's. Gry and Murdo are really fantastic. I like that Gry is different to Menna - softer and more caring, while still being self-preserving. I'm remembering the egg scene and comparing it to this, and I can't imagine Menna would smile apologetically to the insulted waitress. hehehe And Murdo is a really fun combination of nonchalant and sweet. I also love the way they talk about their line of work so casually, as if they aren't assassins with deadly hopes and dreams. haha It's really great.

This Vance guy sounds super interesting! Can't wait to read more about him! - "We have to wait for Vance to complete his part, and for them to take the bait. Then, well..." His eyes hardened and his voice became a malicious whisper. "Then it is only a matter of time before they have to leave their sanctuary." - Eeee, what are they all up to?? haha Am I meant to be on Team Shrike, cause I'm leaning that way for now, as much as I like these new characters! I have no idea what's going to happen, and I absolutely love that. Also, I LOVE the way you incorporated the rhyme into this story! I was hoping we'd see it somewhere! :-D

Menna again! I love her. She's such a great OC. I just love how fierce she is. She's got such a vindictive, terrifying nature to her, and is so impossibly proud, but she's so fun to read! And her potentially sneaking into the morgue! I'll be so excited if that happens. I hope she and Galen meet! They're my two favorites at the moment. And the body!!! Is that what's happening? It was a fake?? Eep!

The moment when she hugs her grandfather was really sweet! That's definitely the nicest and most genuinely cheerful we've seen Menna thus far! hehehe The family dynamic is just phenomenal, by the way. Everyone is so distinct, and there's that perfect balance of irritation and genuine love for one another that most families seem to have. Oh, but wait! New mission! And it involves the Fawley's!! Dubious letters indeed... I wonder what's in them!? And who was the unreliable source? And is Cosmas Fawley a Magpie?? Or at least evil/somehow involved? And what's her grandfather hiding? So many questions! haha

Galen! I know I said this already, but he's my favorite alongside Menna. His relationship with his father seems really complex, and I can only imagine that will continue to gain tension as this mysterious letter business unfolds, because I get the feeling Cosmas is not a good guy while Galen is, and Galen doesn't even know his father's (presumably) dark secrets yet, it looks like. Maddie was a fun character, too! I kind of like that she's air-headed in a family full of Healers. hehehe And who is this Elinor Swift lady? Is it weird that I'm sort of rooting for a Galen/Menna thing to happen? LOL Whatever, I stand by it (for now). ;)

"Funny how your words seem to be contradicted by your actions..." - Love this line.

"Life and death go hand in hand. A healer knows this better than anyone else. They also know that sometimes the death of one means life for another. The question is: Who dies and who lives?" - Um... Holy cryptic message, Batman! hahaha I have so many questions about that note that I'm not even gonna try to list them all here. I'll just sum them all up in one word: WHAT?!!? O_O

Few minor things:
"She wasn't entire (entirely, not entire) certain if she could perform that kind of magic..."
"Time was of (the) essence, though."
"Well, it (there, not it) was no point in arguing about it."
""You want me to find out the contents of those letters," Menna said as her uncle's plan dawned to (on, not to) her."
"Then something dawned to (on, not to) her."

This story is excellent. It's hands down one of my favorites on the site. And I promise you'll see me soon in the next two chapters! Keep writing and good luck with NaNo! (Oh yeah, I'm your mom, aren't I? I'm totally going to pester you out of love for this fic. Muahahaha!)

Tanya ^.^

Author's Response: Hey Tanya! Thanks for stopping by! I'm always looking forward to your reviews, they are always so detailed and reading them puts me in such a good mood.

I'm really happy to hear that you think the description in this story is enough to give a mental image of the places a scene is set in. I think I've said it before (possibly somewhere else) that I don't like to use many descriptive words because it's easy to go overboard with those and flood the reader with adjectives and adverbs they could do without. At the same time, however, I'm a little worried that I'm not describing things enough and the reader is left confused. Glad it's working for you!

Ah, Murdo and Gry. They're so much fun to write about. Gry isn't intended to be an exact antithesis to Menna but they are very different in personality. I don't think they would come along very well even if they were on the same side!

Also, I find it funny you described Murdo as sweet, since that's not the way I would describe him ;) Or perhaps he's showing his softer side to Gry alone. Hmm...

Look forward to meeting Vance properly in chapter five! As to what is everyone up to and what side you should be in... well, I guess you'll just have to keep on reading to find out ;)

I'm so, so glad you like Menna! I really like writing about her (she's my favourite even though she can be a handful), but at times I'm worried how readers will react to her, since she's not exactly the most likable person there is. But as you noticed, there is another side to her... hidden deep (very deep) beneath the layers of pride and (over)confidence.

About those questions... everything will be answered in due time ;)

Cosmas and Galen really don't come along. In fact, I don't think Galen is really close to anyone in his family save for his sister Annabel. He just sort of... lives together with them. And yes, there is definitely more tension coming, although I'm not telling whether your guess about Cosmas is correct or not ;)

And it's not weird at all that you're rooting for Galen/Menna. I am too, but you never know with those two... They have minds of their own.

Yay, you're asking more questions! That's good, because I feel I would have failed if everything was completely obvious ;)

Thanks for pointing those mistakes out, and thanks for reviewing! Looking forward to your next one :)

- Emmi


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Review #46, by writeyourheartoutlove and lycanthropy and other institutions: institutionalisation

15th October 2014:
I know - I know! - you're looking at this review and immediately thinking to yourself, "Hey... this is definitely more than the 50 word limit you agreed to, Tanya! Blasphemer!" And... yeah, yes, it totally is. BUT. That's only because I'm not counting this intro bit or anything after the following paragraph which, once you take all of those things away, leaves only these 50 words:

There are not words good enough to express my feelings for this. It is not simply a love story, but a complex life story, and all the more beautiful for that. Flawless writing, characters, and the Queen of Description. Seriously, I'm making you a crown and sash. I wholeheartedly adore.

On the dot! I swear it!

teh. teh teh teh. I've read and reread and reread this story a number of a times now, attempting to figure out how to word my overwhelming gratefulness that you would craft such a phenomenal story for me. That Author's Note in the beginning... omg, I die every time. (Side-note: being your NaNo mum was just as much fun for me! *hugs*) And I can't believe how many of the little things we talked about as being my favorite details to see in a Remus/Sirius fic actually happen here! You're beyond incredible for trying so hard to craft this story specifically around me, it's just ridiculous. I feel so spoiled and special and just wholly undeserving of something so unparallelled in perfection. Thank you endlessly for this story, for your kindness, for your friendship. You are so, so incredible.

I JUST LOVE YOU! *glomps*

Tanya ^.^

Author's Response: Awww, Tanya! ♥

I'm sorry it has taken me aaages to respond to this lovely review (you totally bent the 50 word rule!! Blasphemer! :P)

Gah, to receive this sort of feedback from you is just amazing, and I'M SO GLAD YOU LIKED IT!?!?!? Because if you didn't, and I somehow ruined your OTP I would have thrown myself off a cliff in shame. :P

And you totes deserve to feel spoiled and special! You're the loveliest friend ever, to me and pretty much everyone else on the forums. Thank you for being so supportive of my writing; you make HPFF a far brighter place with your amazingness. ♥

-teh


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Review #47, by writeyourheartoutonce upon a fairytale: The Werewolf

15th October 2014:
*races to be first review*

(No, seriously, I am frantically typing now that my boss has left the office, so my sincere apologies if this review is both sporadic and absolutely pales in comparison to this incredible story! Eep!)

OMG IZ I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU TRICKED ME SO! HAD ME STALKING THE RECENTLY ADDED STORIES LIST UNDER FALSE PRETENSES!!! AND I TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY FELL FOR IT! AH!!! HAHAHA You are SO incredible for having written this for me! Honestly, I'm shocked, I didn't expect it in the slightest! What a beautiful surprise, and your Author's Note is just so beyond sweet, I don't even know how to properly respond!!! Gah! I am nothing more than a puddle on the floor. You have melted me. 'Thank you' doesn't even begin to cover it. *hugs*

The story... Omg. I can't. It's not only a Remus/Sirius - *melts* - but IT'S ALSO A FAIRYTALE! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? The narration is so phenomenal, and when I got to the end and learned that you imagined it as James II telling it as a bedtime story, it just became even more special, which I didn't think was possible! The tone, the creativity, and the (as always) incredible quality of your writing just blows me away. Gah!

LAMOLLA! HAHAHAHA! Omg, I am dead. SO. FUNNY. SO. BEYOND. EPIC. And suddenly everything makes sense, too... You and your anagrams! LOL Can we expect to be seeing Tessi or Wesley anytime soon? ;) hehehehe Side-note: I would not be at all upset if Lamolla got a little peck on the cheek from the beautiful boys in this story. ;)

I love the assignments you've given certain characters, like Lily at the Apothecary, and Vernon Dursley as the Mayor, and OMG KNIGHT PADFOOT! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I CANNOT WAIT FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER TO GO UP! Seriously, this feels so authentically like a true fairytale. You are amazing.

Okay, because I want to be first, I'm shutting myself up now, but let me just wrap this up by saying that every moment, every detail, every word of this story is my favorite thing about it. The whole thing, just... phenomenal. You are so incredible, as a writer, as a person, as a friend. And that you did this to cheer me up... *blinks away tears* I'm so truly touched, and so ridiculously happy in this moment. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Endless thank you's. Ah!

Tanya ^.^

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Review #48, by writeyourheartoutApogee: Waxing Crescent

12th July 2014:
Hello there! *waves*

So, I've been wanting to read and review some of your stories for awhile now and just couldn't say no to a Remus-centric fic! I'm a huge fan of Lupin and he is hands down my favorite character, for all the reasons you mentioned in your Author's Note and a million more, and nothing grabs me like a well-written, true to character story starring Moony, and that's exactly what this was. Just brilliant.

The way this begins is so gripping, which, considering how common the act of a crying newborn baby tends to be, is really saying something. This opening section with the list of thoughts and emotions that Remus experiences at the sound of his child crying is just so raw and real and terribly truthful given the time. The war is clearly at a point where every little thing has you on edge. When the worry of his child's safety fades a bit in this moment, though, the progression his thoughts take afterward are just so very much who Remus is. You really, truly captured his self-deprecating nature, which was both wonderful and heart-breaking to see. It's always been so upsetting for me to understand the battle Remus always has raging inside of his own mind, because he's such a wonderful person really, but he struggles so much to see it and he never lets himself off the hook, and in this scene I just want to shake him and hold him and knock some sense into him, force him to realize just how good he actually is... but then I suppose he wouldn't be Remus if he accepted all that, would he? haha Really phenomenal job capturing all of that.

I've never been a big fan of the Remus/Tonks ship, most probably because I'm a little obsessed with the idea of Remus/Sirius (are you rolling your eyes at me? :-p), but there was something really beautiful and natural and lovely about how you wrote the two together. This line in particular just beautifully captures their dynamic: "But you know what's most important about your Mum? She never gives up on people she loves."

And then when it's followed by this: ""That means us," I quickly added, looking wistfully toward the staircase that led to our bedroom, where 'Dora was fast asleep. "Don't ask me why she chose me. I can't explain that. But I'll tell you this.(maybe a colon here instead of a period?) She saved us both when she did(comma) your Mum. She saved us both." - This line is too perfect. Perfectly Remus.

Oh gosh, the further along I read, the sadder you make me feel, because I saw the little note in the summary about this being Remus' last 24 hours to live, and so I know what's coming; I know what you're leading me to! Don't do it! hahaha Your choice to focus in part on the more arbitrary, every day dealings of life - things like your kids cry waking you up in the middle of the night, or watching your wife and child goofily wave at you through the window - really made for a heavy impact, because it shows just how normal the day can begin, only to be turned entirely on its head at a moment's notice. We take so much for granted in those little every day moments, and I was glad to see Remus appreciating them for what they were. I like to think that even if the war weren't there to influence his actions, Remus is the type of person who would appreciate those moments with his son anyway, without the threat of potentially losing each other.

"This time he squirmed, scrunching his fate (face, not fate) tightly and inadvertently turning his eyes green. He was sleepy. Our time together was fading." - The end of this sentence - ah, so heartbreaking! If only it were just a nap that was going to separate them! :-(

"It's (It, not It's) would've been better-"

""Don't you dare talk about yourself like that!" she snarled. "As if you're dispensable."" - You tell him, Tonks! ^.^ This entire scene, with Remus trying to sneak off to Hogwarts on his own so that 'Dora doesn't know the war has finally come to fruition, so that he can spare her life for both her own and Teddy's sake, is something I can absolutely see having happened.

"Tell him I loved him. That I fought for him." - *holds back tears*

I've not yet imagined for myself exactly how Remus' death may have happened. I knew it was during the battle, I knew it was Dolohov who killed him, but I've never been able to bring myself to consider what dying was actually like for Remus - what those final moments held. Mostly because I didn't want to, because he's my favorite character, and because life has been so unkind to him in general that I like to focus on the moments when he maybe did feel some unadulterated joy. But this moment you created, with a death that comes slower than Avada Kedavra, one that leaves him staring up at the moon and knowing it's all over, was just so flawlessly executed; what a brilliant choice you made with that. And your Dolohov, though only there for a moment, made an incredible impact. A very powerful image, his enjoying Remus' death - pausing, even, to show his happiness that he's taken a life.

Before I conclude this review, I wanted to ask out of pure curiosity: In canon Tonks obviously is at the battle as well and dies there, too. Is that something that you imagine happened here as well, only Remus doesn't know of her having shown up? Or did you give her and Teddy a bit of a happier ending? Either way, it was really lovely that at least Remus died believing his family was together and safe without him.

I don't know what else to say other than I truly enjoyed this. It's beautifully written and your portrayal of every character spoken of was just spot on for me. Oh, and as far as the goals mentioned in your Author's Note? You certainly did all of those things you set out to do. Wonderful, wonderful job.

Tanya
House Cup 2014 Review

Author's Response: Howdy Tanya! Thanks for the wonderful (and wonderfully detailed review)!

I definitely wanted to go for a very raw feel in the beginning and I'm glad that came across. I wanted to capture his combined feelings about the things that would be weighing most heavily on his mind - the war and his family. Of course, as you mention, he would hardly be Lupin if this didn't make him immediately wrestle with his more negative emotions.

I'm also glad you thought I did Remus/Tonks justice. I only have three ships I'm really "into" and Remus/Tonks is not one of them (and I'd never written it before), so I was interested to see how it would be received and it's nice to hear you thought their relationship was handled well.

I also definitely wanted to make his last day more of an "every day" type of day. These were the things Lupin noticed and thought about and cared deeply about. While the war tinged his view of them (how could it not?), I definitely still think war or no war, he would have focused on them. I picture Lupin as a very introspective character (at least partly due to his condition) and so I think he'd definitely be reflecting on them and experiencing them deeply too, especially the moments with Teddy what with him being a new parent.

When it comes to his death, I suppose we don't really know what curse killed him. Since it was Dolohov, I just kind of fudged it and made it "Dolohov's Curse" (which also shows no external signs of injury) so I could lengthen it out like you mentioned. I definitely wanted to have that moment with Dolohov looking down on him, as well as the chance for Lupin have his reflection under the light of the moon.

As for the timing, as we see it in canon, Tonks arrives and asks where Lupin is, seeming to indicate they haven't seen each other yet at the Battle of Hogwarts. They mention that he was last seen dueling Dolohov, and so I basically concluded that once Tonks arrived, Lupin was either already dead (or about to be) and did not learn that Tonks had come before he was killed.

Thanks so much again for the splendid review!


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Review #49, by writeyourheartoutFred and George's Lollypops: Langlock Lollies

9th July 2014:
Well, this is just too cute! Who doesn't love a scheming Fred and George Weasley, I ask you? ^.^

The flow and the pacing of this story is really nice for a comedy piece. The dialogue-heavy writing was really great for keeping the story upbeat and quickly paced. There's nothing worse than a story trying to be humorous and dragging us through a sea of paragraphs filled with unnecessary descriptions. It was a very smart choice to allow the dialogue to do the talking (literally, hehehe) and fill in the necessary background information as opposed to getting too caught up in arbitrary details.

I love, love, love the way you tied in so many of Fred and George's idea's for their products as having been influenced by Harry in some capacity! Such a cute idea, and it provided a really excellent little glimpse into the thought processes of the twins! And some of those products you mentioned I've not heard of before, so I'm assuming you thought them up all on your own! If that's the case, kudos! I could see every product mentioned here being somewhere in their store someday!

The little exchange between Fred and George as they talk about the potential of Harry and Ginny is ADORABLE. Daww. Gave me the warm fuzzies. ^.^ And I LOVE that it turns into a bet over who gets together first! My money's on Harry/Ginny. ;)

I think I actually laughed out loud during the exchanges that occurred after Ron and Hermione were finally forced to shut up. :-p This fic is full of cute, funny, and clever ideas; I really enjoyed it.

There are a few small grammatical errors, so I thought I'd take a minute to point some out for you, using this sentence here as a prime example: ""Anywhere those two aren't.(comma, not period)" he replied(comma) indicating Ron and Hermione arguing by the chess board,(period, not comma) "I'm ready to hex them both into next week. If I didn't think Hermione would kill me I'd use Lang Lock on the both of them."" - Tiny details! But even just making those small changes allows for the story to have a nicer fluidity, in my opinion! Your grammatical missteps are almost entirely in relation to sentence structure when dealing with quotations, so if you ever came back to tidy this adorable fic up a bit, I think you'd have any easy time making those few adjustments!

The transitions between different scenes and moments in time were a bit rough in parts, I thought, and tended to break up the otherwise great flow of the story. It's definitely a challenge for anyone and everyone to smoothly and effectively transition from one scene to another, myself included, so you're certainly not alone! If you ever do plan to make edits, I would simply consider trying to smooth them out!

Another small detail, and I could be off on this (please ignore if that's the case!), but I was looking up the spell, and "Lang Lock" is actually just "Langlock", as one word. Assuming the lollypops title is based off of the jinx itself, I would consider writing it out the same way that the jinx is written. Not a big deal either way, though, but I thought I'd point it out anyhow! ^.^

The ending! hahaha Too cute! You know, when I'm ignoring the fact that Fred is dead and all... *holds back tears* I really love how very close to canon you were able to make this! So many references to things we dealt with in the books; it really brought up a lot of good memories for me in regards to the first time I experienced the products and scenes you refer to. Just really lovely.

Overall I really enjoyed this little fic! It was really cute and had some really clever canon moments pulled in and expanded upon! I'm glad I stumbled upon this little guy in my search for a Weasley Wizard Wheezes related story, as I thoroughly enjoyed it! Congrats on such a sweet little story and thanks for the read! :-D

Tanya
House Cup 2014 Review
Educational Decree #6

Author's Response: Thanks for your review, I'm glad you liked it. I'm not using this site any longer. I am using the same id on a different fan fic site and this story is posted there, along with all my newest stuff.

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Review #50, by writeyourheartoutHarry Potter and the Conspiracy of Blood: Everything That Ever Mattered

28th April 2014:
Why hello again, Dan! ^.^ I've come back for more!

So, I have to start by pointing out what is quite possibly an extremely arbitrary detail to be bringing up at all, but whatever, I'm doing it anyway: that opening paragraph cracks me up! Not because it's particularly funny, but because it's just this long list of honorable and/or cherished titles - ranging from Order of Merlin First Class to grandfather - that comes to a close with Harry doing the most normal thing in the world: simply chillin' outside sipping on some water and chatting with his wife! LOL All he ever really wanted was normalcy, and there it is. hahaha Love it.

There is something so endearing about 64 year old, grandfather Harry. The way he talks about his granddaughter, Lillian, getting sorted, and then about their interaction after one of his classes (love that he's teaching, by the way - I assume DADA?) and it makes him all misty eyed... ugh, so sweet. In fact, every time he thinks fondly about any of his children or grandchildren, it just warms my heart! It says to me that life after the war was mostly good to him, which is really what he deserved. After a childhood with the Dursley's, it's just nice to see that he got a true family of his own in the end. :)

And the Neville bit! Ha! I think he'd be a great Headmaster, and it was a really sweet touch to mention how the portraits of all the Headmaster's past seem to approve of him, with the exception of the ever surly Snape, still with the power to frighten Neville, even in pint-sized proportion! hehehe Poor kid can't catch a break from that man, can he? ;)

...So I'm about a quarter of the way through this chapter, and I was just hit with the overwhelming feeling that Ginny might be dead... She hasn't said a word yet and Harry's just rambling on and... I don't know, man, did you kill her off? *reads on* Still hasn't said what's happening outright yet, but the more I read, the more I think that perhaps she's still there and alive, only there's something seriously wrong with her... like Alzheimer's or something akin to what Alice and Frank Longbottom suffered from... Eep! I'm all nervous now! *bites nails* OH GOD HE'S CRYING, IT'S COMING - WHAT IS IT? O_O

No! Dan! She's dead! Ugh, my heart! I don't even like Ginny all that much, but the way you built that up and revealed it was so gut-wrenching! I mean, this right here: "Why her? Why not me? . . . I'm supposed to protect everybody. Why couldn't I save her?" Rip my heart out, why don't you? Really, it's beautifully unfolded and incredibly sad. Harry always did struggle with survivor's guilt, and he's so hard on himself when someone passes and he's unable to stop it. I can't tell if whatever took Ginny's life was something that he actually could have prevented, but I think it's probably just him taking responsibility for something that he would never have been able to control, no matter what he'd done differently. I assume we'll eventually learn what killed her? *pokes for information* :-p

Even after he sobers, the ending is still quite heavy and emotional. This part is particularly poignant: "At the moment, it sat empty with all the children off at school and the adults going about their daily lives. Almost as empty as Harry felt." It must feel impossible at times to be all alone in that big house, and it sounds like he's about at his wits end. I have to hope that he doesn't do anything so foolish as give up on his own life to be with Ginny, because as someone with a relatable experience, I can tell you that that would be really unfair of him to do to his kids and grandchildren and friends - anyone who cares about him, really - because you don't walk on your family like that. It's selfish, and Harry is better than that. At least I certainly hope he is... *glares at Dan* ;) I'm under the impression that he'll soldier on, though, because that intro springs to my mind... I feel like he must have died much more heroically... ah, I don't know! I suppose I'll just have to keep reading to find all of this out, huh? I have no problem doing that. :-p

Anyway, back to some other stuff: I love the way you've worked in details about Harry's family and the life he's grown into during the 20+ years since we last saw him in the epilogue. It's just small little bits and pieces that help us string together the time that's passed without overloading us with information. I think I mentioned this in my last review, but I really dislike it when too much information is doled out all at once, because it just becomes too much to keep track of so immediately. You've spread it out and really only given us the bare minimum to hang onto for now, which is perfect because it's still enough to connect the dots. It makes for a really pleasant read.

So basically, after all of that which has now been said, I've drawn but one conclusion: You're a great writer, dude. ^.^ Seriously, this was another excellent chapter, my friend, and I sincerely look forward to reading on!

Tanya ^.^

P.S. Happy 1,000th review, Dan. ;)

Author's Response: Hi, Tanya! Time to catch up on answering reviews and that means responding to this one, probably the most rewarding review I've gotten since the very first one. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

I did want to start this chapter off by showing Harry in a completely relaxed moment of total, mundane, bland, ordinary normalcy. Because I agree with you. That's what he always wanted growing up and he could never really have it.

Believe me, I got *very* endeared to "grandpa Harry" while I was writing this. Again, I just loved that idea of his life ending up happy and normal. Well, as normal as Harry Potter's life was ever going to be, at any rate. Harry is sort of like a guest lecturer at Hogwarts. He teaches a basic defense class for first years and an advanced dueling class for sixth and seventh years. It winds up being a form of recruiting for the Aurors, not that he doesn't enjoy doing it just because.

Neville is a fantastic Headmaster. You'll find out just how good later on...

Your intuition is... well, I'm sad to say that it's accurate. One thing I learned while writing this story is that finishing a long novel involves making a lot of tough choices. The choice to not have Ginny be part of this story -- well, most of it, anyway -- was the hardest choice I made. It was really sad for me, because here Harry is living this relatively charmed life and he loses the one person he most wants to share it all with. You'll find out much more about the circumstances surrounding her untimely death as the story unfolds. There isn't much I could tell you at this point without totally ruining it for you.

I think I've said it in a dozen or more review responses: at the time, this chapter was the most emotional thing I'd ever written. I wasn't at all sure I'd done it justice until I had a few more chapters under my belt and I could go back and reread it. Reading it still makes me sad, even to this day. I guess that suggests I did an OK job with it.

Sometimes when I reread this chapter -- which I don't do often because it's sad -- I feel like maybe I dumped too much back story into it. Other times I don't. Eh, who am I kidding, I'm almost certainly not changing it at this point. I'd have to probably reword the next 4 chapters to get all of the information back in.

What can I say? You made my day, my week, and I think I'll always look back fondly on the month of April 2014. Thank you so much!


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