Reading Reviews From Member: writeyourheartout
190 Reviews Found

Review #1, by writeyourheartoutalways: me and you

1st September 2016:
Oh, Em. Wow.

As someone who quite recently had a falling out with a really good friend, this story really hit hard. Not just because it was so relateable, either, but because it was so perfectly written.

I love how everything is laid bare here. It's such a stripped down story that relies solely on true, raw emotions, and works so perfectly as is, without anything else to detract from it. I find stories written this way, without flowery descriptions or dialogue or action to fall back on, can often times tend to feel as though they're trying too hard to force these emotion, but you found that sweet spot right from the top and just lived there the whole way. Hard to do, I've found, so many kudos to you.

This line here made me catch my breath: I have things to say to you; things I want to tell you and then I catch myself because I almost do, but then I realise that it doesn’t work that way anymore. And that’s because I may be not quite as important to you as I thought I was. - Ugh. This is exactly how I've felt the past few weeks. Seeing it written this way just took my breath away.

And this one, too: I am not completely lost without you and you look perfectly fine without me. - You learn to survive, and you even realize you can be pretty okay, but it still hurts - especially when they seem perfectly okay.

I don't mean to quote so much back to you, but those lines just resonated and I don't really have the words to express it otherwise.

And then the ending. The repeating apologies that cover every contradicting thought - should have done more, should have done less, is there any winning here - was just so powerful. The whole thing was painful and heartbreaking, but it was those closing lines that made my eyes well up. Cause you always wish you'd done something... better; whatever that may have been. Even looking back on it later, it can still be impossible to know if saving things ever could have been an option.

There was one tiny typo here: "Sometimes, you wondered why *were friends at all..." - we were

I'm sorry this review isn't longer, like mine usually are, but I'm a little lost for words. I hope you'll take that as a testament to your writing. It's absolutely beautiful.

Thank you for this.


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Review #2, by writeyourheartoutAnd in the Distance, Church Bells: And in the Distance, Church Bells

27th August 2016:
Hello celticbard!

I'm here from the Gift Tag Competition to bring you a review! ^.^

First off, I just absolutely have to mention how in love with your descriptions I am. You write beautifully. And you handled being inside Hermione's quick-fire brain as it fires off all these combative thoughts impeccably. You really hit on all the angles and sides of her predicament and pending decision, and it was absolutely fascinating. Not to mention perfectly in character. She felt truly authentic.

As did Harry, for that matter. You really captured his discomfort at being stuck once again between his two best friends, both of whom he loves and wants to see happy, but neither of who he really knows how to help other than to try to be supportive of whatever choices get made. And I loved the subtle changes to him since the books ended; the influence auror training has had on him.

All of that said, I'm actually almost surprised at how much I liked this, to be honest, because it has always bothered me in movies when either a.) the bride or groom realizes the day of the wedding that this isn't what they actually want and they end it before it begins, or b.) some third-party person announces their feelings for the bride or groom on the wedding day. Just... why, people? Why today? hahaha Drama llamas. Anyway. Despite my personal feelings that preceded this one-shot, I actually felt you justified Hermione's unsureness incredibly well, so that I could honestly sympathize with her (instead of just roll my eyes at the dramatic timing like I usually do :-p). The thing is, she really is the type of person who dives so far into the details of things like a wedding, that I can see her losing sight of what it actually means for herself in her quest to make things picture perfect for her guests. I can see her losing sight of her part in the ceremony, and what it means for her, until she's finally forced to slow down and consider that maybe this isn't actually what she wants, but just what is expected.

Just a stray thought here: I wonder what went through her head when Ron proposed... What made her say yes in the first place? Did she truly believe she loved him then? Or does the weight of marriage not truly strike a fiance until the wedding day actually arrives? (I've never been engaged, so I'm just making guesses here.)

Ah, I'm so mad - but also kind of relieved - that you left this open-ended. To be honest, I went back and forth the whole story about which path I was hoping she'd choose in the end. For me, the way I see it... she stays. She goes through with it. She tries. It just all came too far, too many people would get hurt, and it's just... I don't know. I think she'd stay. I think she'd try. I think she'd hope that marriage would make her love him the way she maybe once thought she did, or the way she always hoped she would.

It's funny that I want her to go through with it, too, because I never cared much for Ron/Hermione in the books or elsewhere. But when you described Ron and how he had grown after the war and after Fred's death into this balanced, open man... I really sort of fell in love with this version of him and thought, for the first time with honest sincerity, how great they would be for each other. I don't suppose you'll ever let us know what truly happens, will you?

Anyway, this was really just fantastic. Honestly, I thoroughly enjoyed it. It reads so well and really makes the reader understand her position. Just really well done, all of it.

Oh, and for what it's worth, I thought you handled your prompt excellently.


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Review #3, by writeyourheartoutStolen Away: Stolen Away

4th May 2016:

This was so beautiful. Honestly, what a gorgeous one-shot. I hardly know what to squee about first!

Your writing is just lovely. The way you handled being inside Sirius' mind during such an insane moment of his life was just spot on. He was so authentic, from his indignation and anger in certain moments to his actually rather enjoying the thrill of the chase to his incredible heart wearing on his sleeve the moment he finally sees Remus again. And what a beautiful moment that was - but I'll get to it in a minute. Can we talk first about the McG moment? Gah. My heart. That seeing her brings back to a simpler time, with James by his side, causing mischief and laughter and surely bugging the hell out McGonagall... Such a poignant picture. I wanted so badly for him to be able to just hug her and be hugged back, because she could somehow know after seeing him that of course he was innocent... If only. Poor thing.

Now onto Remus. UGH. That whole roof section... from the actual present day stuff to the bittersweet flashback... rip my heartstrings right out, why don't you?? Even though we didn't get to delve too deeply into Remus in this story, you still managed to make his struggle so real. I felt desperately sad for him and for what he must be going through. And I can only imagine he, too, was remembering the same night Sirius was. They're such soulmates. COULDN'T YOU JUST IGNORE CANON AND DO ME A SOLID BY GIVING THEM A REAL MOMENT OF TOGETHERNESS ON THE ROOF? GAH!

Sorry for yelling...

I felt so badly for Sirius the entire story, but none so more than when he held himself back from approaching Remus. Gah. I can only imagine the incredible strength it took not to cave... I love Remus so much... A crying Remus needs comforting, damn it! And to be forced to just sit in silence and watch helplessly from the sidelines... Jesus. My heart.

Honestly, Meg, start to finish, this was just gorgeous. You're a wonderful writer and you captured my two favorite characters and my absolute favorite pairing beautifully. Thank you so much for writing this for me. You're beyond wonderful.

Tanya ^.^

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Review #4, by writeyourheartoutGravel on the Ground: From the Ashes: Chapter 11

27th February 2016:

I'm at work non-stop for the next three days, so this is unfortunately probably not going to be my greatest review ever, but I just had to leave you something on your special day! So here we go:

That opening, girl. Dang. Your description here is just omg so good. I just love the way you wrote Sadie as she wakes from her nightmare. It's beautifully put, and so very gripping.

"Old MacDonald Had A Dragon" Hahahaha! Love it. Your Fred is spectacular as ever, right from the start!

And the pie! I love the way you wove Fred's secret love of cooking into canon facts. Perfection. You know him so well. ;)

Now, can we talk about this Fred and Sadie scene already?? Do you remember how much it was driving you just absolutely up the wall?! And WHY?? HOW?? Because it is SO PERFECT!!! Good Lord, woman. (And yes, I know I'm being totally hypocritical here, but whatever. :-p) It turned out just wonderfully. Such a dark topic, but with Fred still so authentically Fred, even in this moment of seriousness. And poor Sadie. You really make us feel for her here. For both of them. I'm so glad she didn't actually run away that first time, but just went looking for her source of communication so that Fred got at least some closure on the whole ordeal. Their whole exchange was just this frail, sweet, sad thing. It was excellent. And the small glimpse into Sadie's special gift was super cool.

Oh! And then when she really does leave as Fred's back is turned and Fred just says, "Masterful escape there, Sadie McLauchlin..."? LOL This made me chuckle. Back to his roots, our Freddie. Glad their chat helped him, too, the ittle lamb. ^.^

(Minor side-note: You misspelled Sherlock's last name. It's missing an E.)

Anyway, this was excellence - top to bottom, start to finish - as per usual. Congrats for finally getting through it; I know how much trouble it was causing you before! But it sincerely turned out fantastically, just as I knew it would. :)

Happy birthday to you once again, my friend. I hope it was a great one. You deserve nothing less. ♥


Author's Response: I misspelled Sherlock's name? Man, that's like Literary Criminality! I should be driven out of the fiction world! (IE, thanks for pointing it out and should I ever get around to editing this for typos, I will most surely fix that...when I'm done banging my head on the desk for stupidity, LOL.)

Aw, my friend, you ALWAYS know how to make me smile. Thanks so much for this amazing birthday surprise. Considering you read this thing at least a million times before I posted it, your review is very special.

To have the Master of Writing the Twins herself say my Fred is okay means a lot. (hugs) Thanks so much. You spoil me rotten with your gushing and praise and...yeah. Blushing here.

And I'm so glad that showing Sadie's strange gift didn't flag the "Mary-Sue" radar as it so easily could have.

Thanks for everything. Always reading, and holding my hand as I write these things, and prodding and poking me to stop obsessing and just do it, and then still managing to love the darn thing once I post it. You are honestly the best!

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Review #5, by writeyourheartoutShattered Glass: Cold. Broke. Alone.

24th January 2016:
Kevin... Wow. I don't even... know how to begin. My head is so scrambled. And I am so touched. ♥

This is gorgeous. Start to finish, it is a beautiful piece of writing that captures my absolute favorite character just perfectly. I mean this so sincerely: Your version of Remus is just stunning. I don't know how you managed to capture his complexity and struggles and heart and soul in such a short story, but you did. Such an authentic presentation of him; I think that's indisputable.

Your description blows me away. And didn't we literally discuss this as a potential subject for you to write for me, like... within the last forty-eight hours? How in the world did you write something so incredibly beautiful in such a short time? That is talent in its purest form, my friend.

What I loved as well was the small moments between the more flowery descriptions, whose contrasting directness made for extremely poignant moment. My favorite is this part here, which I just have to quote:

Hogwarts had been one of the few overwhelmingly positive experiences in my life, but over my seven years there it had imprinted me with its own illusions. I wasn't a monster. I deserved friendship. I could live a normal life.


Outside those walls, in the middle of a war, I was what I always had been – a pariah.

Gah. I could feel this in my bones, because it is so indicative of Remus' default state of mind - the part of himself he tries to fight against believing, but always seems to fall back to.

And can we talk about his father? Loved him. Just... what a phenomenal man. And what a beautiful message, that mirror... Good, wise man.

And speaking of... That Author's Note, Kevin. Oh my goodness. Holy cow, did that hit me hard. I don't even know how to properly put into words how deeply I appreciate what you said. And the way it tied into the story... Jesus. My heart. It very sincerely brought tears to my eyes. I feel rather overwhelmed with gratitude. You are the most incredible friend and person. You blow me away every day with your kindness and patience and genuine nature, and I am so lucky to have you in my life. Thank you endlessly for this beautiful story, the stunning Author's Note, and your ever-generous friendship.

And I'm going to take to heart your words of wisdom about that mirror, or at least do my best to each day. And I hope that you'll take some of your own advice as well. You are one of a kind.

Thank you so much for everything.
Tanya ♥

Author's Response: Scrambled head? This is what happens when you read fic too late :p

In all seriousness though, thank you so much for your incredibly kind words. Truthfully I had a lot of worries about the story (I guess I always do), but it wound up this rather interesting departure from my usual manner of descriptions and I felt very often while writing it that I was getting TOO stuck into it - so it's great that you thought it was good. As far as characterization goes, I was lucky enough to have a pretty sturdy grounding in how I see Lupin (which apparently is quite similar to you) thanks to writing happier Lupin in Evolution and mature Lupin in Apogee so, though it was definitely a challenge to shift him into this interim period it wasn't totally unanchored as it otherwise might have been.

As for the rest...I happen to think you're one of a kind as well. I'm glad the gift turned out to be a good one - you deserved every bit of it for being so awesome and supportive!

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Review #6, by writeyourheartoutCliffhanger: Cliffhanger

1st December 2015:
Wow, Fin. Just wow.

I feel like... well, first like I need to apologize for this review, because there is absolutely no chance of it doing justice to your story. There's nothing for me here but to pale in comparison as I desperately search for any words that might sum up my current feelings. So again, my apologies. I'm a little out of my element. It's been a long time since a story hit me so hard.

It's near unbelievable the power something so short can have over you. 500 words on the nose, and not a single one wasted or thrown away. You write with meticulous purpose, every word chosen specifically for effect, and it shows in every sentence.

How you built this up was incredible. You gave us so little to go on until the very end. I had no idea who this revolved around, but with every word I became more desperate to find out who this person could be; who could do something like that and have it be effective the way you painted it to be. And... when we find out who it is... Oh my goodness. You broke me. I... I was not expecting him. And man, I wish it hadn't been, because you must know how I adore him (based on my own story), and... bruh. Why did you do this to him? And to me? I thought we were friends!

But nope. Cause you went and broke my heart. You broke my heart in the most beautiful way.

And I just have to say... even for someone in my position, who has experienced the after-effects of an event like this... I was so moved by the power and the meaning you gave his decision. That it was a statement. That it served a purpose. That it wasn't just the end of the world for the people left behind, but something at least a bit more significant. That mattered a lot to me. I like to think the remaining Weasley's find some closure through that knowledge...

I had no idea you had a story that dealt with this subject.

Also, I'm ignoring this line: "No, you have your own cliff hanger planned." Because... yeah. There's only so much I can handle. haha

And the writing itself... Gorgeous. Stunning, really.

The second person point of you was a brilliant choice. It seemed to make the whole thing all the more real and raw and terrifying. It felt too close to home every time you said you, because it did, it felt like me. And the description, the imagery, the fluidity... Perfection. All of it.

Those last lines were absolutely chilling. Like, knife twisting in my gut type of feels. I think I actually got chills, but I'm having trouble remembering through the obliterated remains of my mind. The poignancy of those final moments, though... Jesus.

Anyway... I came here to leave you a surprise birthday review as a small present, but I gotta be honest... I think it's me who's walking away with the gift. This was just phenomenal, and I could not mean that more sincerely.

You're amazing, bruh. Rawr.

Tanya ♥

Author's Response: Thank you ...

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Review #7, by writeyourheartoutIn Moonlight: In Moonlight

10th September 2015:
D e e e e e e e e e e e e e e ! ! ! ♥

You are just... I can't even. I had no idea when I opened this up that it was dedicated to me. I just wanted to read it all on my own because it was you and it was WolfStar and it was a no-brainer. Gah. You got me good, you wonderful, devious, brilliant, sneaky, phenomenal, crafty little doll, you.

I love the way this opens. Your description is so lovely and fitting and I could picture Remus trying to subtly ease his close-to-moon pains, the poor lamb. And he and Sirius in class together... hehehe They are just adorbs. I love them so much. Sirius' note to Remus is - by the way - hilarious. AND I LOVE THAT REMUS BIT HIS COLLAR TO KEEP FROM LAUGHING COULD HE BE ANYMORE ENDEARING I THINK NOT UGH.

I love the way you describe the Shrieking Shack, too. Those details really brought the space to life, and I thought the gnawing on chairs thing was a fascinating combination of original, upsetting, and adorable. Not sure how you managed that, but... yup. :-p

Awww! Sweet Sirius... a rare sight indeed! hehehe AND THEN WHEN HE RESTS HIS HEAD ON REMUS' SHOULDER. *SQUEE* (Just make-out already, am I right?)

I'm assuming you agree with that question, cause HELLO! Eee! ♥

The way you cut it off was really great. It was an intense moment for a handful of reasons, and I love how you cut it so close to his transformation.


But then - YAY - they get their moment together again! But why, Dee, why did it have to happen on the night of... of... *sniff* You're so mean. How come all your WolfStar's have sad endings?? *sniff*

The way you describe this moment here, I just adore: They could have been seventeen again, with nothing more to worry about than being given separate detentions. They weren’t in the midst of a war, putting their lives at risk every day in various Order assignments; they were hiding in the shrieking shack, kissing for the first time. - Gorgeous. And I love how you drew that parallel back to their first kiss. ♥

But then, of course... Sirius is gone in the morning. And Remus knows nothing. And Dumbledore is crying. And James and Lily. Dot. Dot. Dot.


This was really so lovely, Dee. And all the more impressive because you wrote it in, like, three and a half seconds. (Teach me your ways.)

Thank you so much for this. I was so surprised to see my name at the end of this and have it dedicated to me. And I promise you, it made me do so much more than simply smile. You are wonderful. I just adore you. Thank you again. Gah. ♥


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Review #8, by writeyourheartoutIn Every Stitch: Eight

4th September 2015:
Oh Lizzie. My heart.

This was just so sweet. I mean... it makes my heart swell. Molly is so lovely. She deserves more appreciation. This story is her at her best. She's just so wonderful. And you're so wonderful for capturing her wonder.

I love the way this depicts Harry, too. I've seen a lot of people say that Harry is one of their least favorite characters, and it breaks my heart because he doesn't deserve that. His life was so unfair, and some people don't want to cut him any slack for the moments he's selfish or has outbursts or acts stupidly. I love that Molly only loves him, right away, because he deserves it, and because she can.

Speaking of... the reasons you listed! Omg, they just kept getting more and more heartbreakingly beautiful! By the last few I was forcibly holding back tears, because they just pulled at my heartstrings.

Anyway, this was just truly stunning work. I'm so sorry this review isn't any longer, but you've left me near-speechless. I don't know what else to say.

Tanya ♥

Author's Response: Tanya!!

Okay, I'll admit, when I saw that you reviewed this story I just about screeched out loud. I was absolutely thrilled that you stopped by to read this little ol' story of mine!!

Anyway, I'm SO happy that you liked this story and the way that I portrayed Molly. The one thing that I was absolutely terrified with when I first posted this story was whether or not I managed to write her in character, so reviews like this definitely make me feel better about that! :P

You're absolutely right about Harry - he really doesn't get cut as much slack as he should. Especially because he's just a teenager in the books!

Everyone deserves to be loved, and that's what I really wanted Molly to show in this story, that even though she didn't know Harry very well, she could tell that he needed to be loved and that she could provide that for him!

I'm SO SO glad you stopped by and read this story, Tanya, and THANK YOU so much for this absolutely amazing review!

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Review #9, by writeyourheartoutfound wanting: i.

3rd September 2015:
I'm so proud of you, Isobel. ♥

And this is just fantastic. (No surprise there, though.) I don't understand how every single thing that you write is always, just, so many levels of original, and something I've never before seen get tackled on the site.

Also you didn't edit this? Are you kidding me? Stahp making the rest of us look so bad with your effortless talents. Have you any idea how much the normal person struggles to be half as good a writer as you are? Don't answer that. Cause no, you don't. You lucky, talented little brat, you. ;)

This is just a short and sweet little introduction, but already, I am yours. You have me. (Is it just awful that I very badly want to write a reunion fic now? What have you done to me? Devil woman! But for real, your writing inspires.)

Descriptions are something you've always shined at, and it's no disappointment here, either. Those opening paragraphs are so lovely. It literally takes me months to force anything even remotely on par with what you did in, what? A few hours? Since we spoke this morning? And - again - without any editing?

I hate you.

I mean, I love you, too. But I hate you.

Moving forward.

Who is this Hollywood Bliss person, hmmm? She's already a very interesting, rather mysterious character! I'm excited to see the further role she plays! She really stands out as an OC already, just the way you introduced her, with her unique Muggle attire and well-known mom and fun name/name-exchange.

Also, who's the voice at the end?? Why'd you end it there? Shouldn't have told you to post at only 573 words, should I have? Or else we might know already! LOL Walked into that cliffhanger, I suppose... -le sigh-

This really is an excellent intro. And the summary! I am in love with the concept you're playing with for this! I sincerely cannot wait to see what unfolds! Especially with the list of characters I see will be popping up later! Can't wait to see what role they play here, too! ^.^ I'm only a bit nervous that as this story continues, it will probably make me cry, because it says Angst, and I'm imaging that based on the summary, some of these characters whose lives we'll be exploring will probably not have accomplished all they'd planned to in the five years since graduation, and ugh, can I relate to that. But here's hoping that even if that is the case, they all get their happy ending. And you and me, too. Cause this is just the bad part; the down times. We're just getting the bad out of the way now to make room for all the good. ♥

Great job, Isobel. And thank you so much for the dedication. I won't lie, I literally started bawling. You know how emotional I am this week. This is about the eighth time I've cried today. It made my heart swell to both see you back writing and posting, and to know that I had some kind of impact on the why. Cause I may not know how to help me right now, but it makes feel better knowing I could at least help a friend some. *hugs*

Love you. You're brilliant. Don't ever doubt that.

Author's Response: Awww, Tanya. I'm so proud of you too. ♥

Haha. Personally, I don't think so, but hey, whatever floats your boat. ;) I could say the same thing about your stories! But for me, I think it's more a case of writing what I'd love to read.

Haha. Wait until chapter nine. That's a perfect example of why I desperately need to edit. I'll answer it anyway: yes, I do. Because I am not as good as you think I am, although your compliments are, as always, immensely flattering. *wub face*

WRITE A REUNION FIC. I DEMAND IT. *lightbulb moment* OMG WRITE GEORGE AND JO'S REUNION!! Aw. Thank you. *cackles evilly*

Everyone talks about those opening paragraphs, heh. Truthfully, I think it's all the talent that never got used accumulating and pouring itself into those two paragraphs. And yup, yup -- and again, yup.

I love you.

I mean, I hate you, really. But I love you. :P

You'll just have to keep reading to find out about Holly! I'm so pleased that you like her, though! And I'm happy you enjoyed reading her introduction!

You will know the voice when you get around to reading chapter two. ;) LOL. Yep. And I ended it there because chapter two was another 2k and I needed to push myself into actually, you know, putting something up on the archive.

Yeah. In essence, this story is you and me and all twenty-somethings whose lives didn't go to plan. ♥ You're correct in thinking that angst plays a major role here, and as for happy endings... This is me we're talking about ;)

You are incredible, and amazing, and you 100% deserve this dedication. I'm sorry I made you cry, but I hope this story cheers you up (or, a more accurate statement round be, helps to distract you, I guess) and you definitely helped me. LOTS. *hugs*

Love you too. Don't ever forget how special you are. ♥

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Review #10, by writeyourheartoutEvolution: Ain't No Sunshine

30th August 2015:

Hi Kevin! ^.^ Been meaning to stop by your page - or, more specifically, this story - for... about forever, now, so... a big WOOHOO for finally making it! :-D

Warnig: I'm quite sleep-deprived and so apologies in advance if any of this is incoherent or... uber rambly. Whoops.

Ah, what a great start! I can already tell you that this is the type of James/Lily fic I can sincerely get behind. The slow build is just about my favorite of all the things ever, so I'm very excited. ^.^

I love your choice to make James's crush on Lily a new, developing occurrence. I see most people call their relationship a love-at-first-site type thing from Jame's POV, when I've just never felt that that's how it would have happened (and also I think I remember reading that James honestly didn't start liking Lily until fifth year). And the way it came about... Perfection. I love that him asking her out began as a joke - especially because in one of my plot-ideas for them, I play around with Lily taking so long to relent because she actually believes for a long time that... it sincerely all is, in fact, a joke. (But that's a totally other subject and let's definitely focus on you! Don't let me go off on ramble-tangents! :-p) Then, of course, there's The Incident! I can't tell you how much I approve of this decision to have that be the turning point for James; the thing that causes him to see her differently and just totally spin his world around. Fantastic.

What's up with his dad, though?? I'm super curious! I can't imagine that little conversation and the mention of him just sitting there in his study was just a random thing to discuss! It must mean something, and I am already dying to know. I have some predictions... mostly of the "his dad's going to die soon no!" variety... but we shall see... ;)

Can I also just take a moment to say how much I like the name Tinka for a House-Elf? ♥

For the time being, James felt as if the clouds were a heavy lid, keeping his energy bottled up still longer and somehow magnifying the weight of the frustrations that had characterized the end of his recently-concluded fifth year. - This line is awesome. I love the metaphor and the way it's described and how it put a real visual to how we first meet your version of James.

You also do a great job of helping us understand who your James is and catching us up on what's been going on in his life recently without being one of those authors who just writes, "Hi, I'm Whoever, and these are all the things I am and am not." You work in all that information in a fluid way that is never tell-y. It makes sense how we get introduced to these facts about his past couple months! It's such a hard thing to accomplish, in my experience, without just sounding like a boring list of facts, so serious kudos to you. (Teach me your ways.)

The ending is great. It's got me so excited to see how this changes things for him and Lily, how he's going to go about dealing with this new factor, and how she's going to deal with his changes, too. Also, this starts at the beginning of summer, so I'm intrigued to see if they end up running into each other over the holidays! Most James/Lily fics tend to take place at school (which makes sense, of course), so I'm really interested to see how this one moves forward from here!

(Also, yes, I know it will eventually move to school-times; I just meant for perhaps the next few chapters or something. :-p)

Really excellent job! Hoping to not take forever before I get to chapter two! :-D


Author's Response: Tanya! What a delightful surprise! Though everyone seems to disagree with me (at least about the extent) I will forewarn you that my feelings are very "meh" on the first half of this bad boy. I'd just come back to writing fiction after about 5-6 years away and so there are points where I'm missing complexities and ignoring the big picture in getting zoned in on the chapter throughout. If...AHEM...ONCE I finish it there shall be edits.

ANYWAY! On to your wonderful and wonderfully-detailed review! We are definitely on the same page about James. One of the things that's been interesting to read in reviews is how often people say this is a "different" James/Lily story. That's definitely something I was striving for with it, but the story also happens to be me vomiting forth my head canon for them and I just always saw them falling for each other for more nuanced, grander reasons than James had ALWAYS loved her and/or Lily secretly had some big crush on him and that's why she lashed out. Plus, I don't think James Potter got hung up on a girl. Period. In fact, as you'll learn if you keep reading, though he's had his share of relationships, I actually think James really wasn't all that bothered about girls in a serious way until now (now as in at this point in the story).

I'm glad you thought I was much more showy! It's something I know we all struggle with for many reasons, not least of which because we just NEED to get the story out sometimes. For me, while I feel like I've improved on my "show-only" capabilities, the name of the game though is really, how can I tell "naturally" so that it flows without it seeming like I'm telling the reader stuff explicitly.

As for Tinka...ask me sometime where that name idea came from. You'll probably get a kick out of it. ;)

Thanks so much for your super-awesome feedback. Don't let my first paragraph scare you off (even though, for real, edits coming one day)! You are amazing!

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Review #11, by writeyourheartoutAt The Lake: At The Lake

27th August 2015:
Hi Sam! ♥

This. Was. Wonderful. Top to bottom, every phrase, every word. I'm so impressed. Where do I even begin?...

Your description is just... so lovely. That opening paragraph is such a beautifully worded introduction to this story. Literally three lines in and you have me already.

There's a real simplicity to this story; a peeled-back rawness that allows the emotions of both events to pour through unscathed and unburdened by excess drama or description or dialogue. It's just bare in a way that feels effortless. But of course it's also clear how much thought went into the story, too. I mean... the way you weaved the two stories into one another was gorgeous and perfect. You drew incredible parallels by telling two stories at once, and even with all the weaving it was never difficult to follow.

You know what? I've never really thought about how the second task of the Triwizard Tournament might have effected those that were taken as the possessions. I know they knew what was going to happen to them and weren't, like... kidnapped and shoved underwater without their consent, but still. For Gabriel especially, who was this really young girl at the time, in a school far from home, surrounded by people she doesn't know except for her sister... Yeah, I'd probably be a little traumatized, too.

That said, the near-ending made my heart ache for Fleur, too! I've never even given Fleur all that much thought, so I was surprised that when Gabrielle said, "She left me." it made me want to defend Fleur! I don't think that's a fair way for Gabrielle to be thinking of her sister, who obviously loves her more than anything (I mean... she was, after all, the favorite thing they took of Fleur's). At the same time, however, I do also sympathize with Gabrielle, who, again, is only, like, eight years old at the time and scared out of her mind. I just hope that was more of an in-the-moment type thought than something she held against Fleur her whole life. I suppose I shall never know... :-p

Gabrielle was reminded of the uncanny pale beauty of her veela relatives, but she saw none of their ferocious danger disguised in this girl’s loveliness. Could true beauty really exist without true horror? - Love this. Beautifully put. ♥

That very, very end, though... Gah! So beautiful. A really perfect parallel to have drawn, with that "I will never leave you," line. I barely know either of these characters, but even just this small glimpse painted enough of a picture and told an in-depth enough story that them ending up together sincerely pulled at my heartstrings. I think that's an incredibly difficult thing to accomplish, and in just 500 words, too! Serious kudos, Sam.

Wonderful job. I'm so glad I came to read a story of yours! I'm definitely going to have to check out some more of your author page soon, as I feel I've only just skimmed the surface of your talents!


Author's Response: Oh my goodness, this is the best review ever!

I'm glad that you didn't mind me messing with your numbers ;) I was trying to encourage you to do reviews, but didn't expect you to come review one of my stories!

And you said such wonderful, marvelous things I'm just so flattered.

I'm glad that you didn't find this difficult to follow. I've gotten reviews saying that it is and isn't, and the more positive ones I get, the less likely I'm going to make myself re-work it, which feels like good news!

Thank you very much for your compliments on my description. That's actually not something that comes easy to me, and I've been trying to work on it lately.

Yeah, Gabrielle's experience during the second task wasn't something I'd thought of much either, but when I did I was like "Well, of course that's traumatic!" Actually, the scene in the movie where the "possessions" (ick) come out o the lake has always seemed so off to me, the way that they seem so casual - the last thing they knew they were in Dumbledore's office, and now they're coming out of the lake with the whole school watching them, not knowing who may have won or been injured or anything. I mean, at least bat an eye? But anyway.

I don't think Gabrielle would have held anything against Fleur. Her heart is too pure for that. However, I think that she certainly does have abandonment issues, and while she would never deliberately blame her sister for something that happened when she was a child, it definitely had an emotional impact. I am glad you want to defend Fleur! That's a good reaction that I wish more people had.

Fun fact about this story: I wrote it on my down time at work when nobody was looking at my computer.

Anyway, thank you SO much for your review. You really made my day and filled my heart. I hope you do check out other of my stories sometime. Based on the things you loved about this one, I imagine you'll enjoy When I Go Out With You.


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Review #12, by writeyourheartoutDon't Leave Me: 1.

25th August 2015:

Ah, this was so beautiful and heartbreaking and whyyy?! ♥

I love that this is a very simple, stripped back story, that focuses on really powerful emotions without trying to cram in a bunch of outside information on top of it. You let pure feeling lead the way, when a lot of authors would have tried to give the entire history of Lavender/Theodore. You just lightly touch on it instead, but still we're able to understand how painful a loss this must be. Perfect choice.

When she can hear the cheers in the background... Ugh. Such a great moment. So much difference between what she's going through in that moment - with Theo dying in her arms; the one person she loves above all others, hurt beyond repair - versus the fact that their side is cheering and celebrating because the war is finally over... Just a beautiful contrast of emotions. The people who made it through the war without losing anyone they cared so much about can never understand a moment like this, when victory feels anything but victorious.

I love the role the Slytherin's play in this. It's not stated explicitly, I don't think, but it seems as though Theodore, Pansy, and Blaise all stayed and helped fight for the good side! I just love that. And they didn't leave each other behind, they didn't act selfishly, they didn't run for their own safety... I get super defensive about Slytherins and Hufflepuffs, because both our Houses tend to be terribly misrepresented more often than not, and so reading a story where they break those stereotypes is just right up my alley.

Also, we have to talk about how, on top of all of that excellence, you also managed to write this for the ABC challenge, which has got to be one of the more difficult technical ones I've ever seen issued on the site! And you did it so wonderfully! You just nailed it! I've read other people's entries that attempted the ABC challenge as well, and it always seems to stick out the fact that their word choices are clearly influenced by the pattern. But yours? I have to tell you that I completely forgot this story was for the challenge at all because you managed to get it to read so smoothly! I consider that a huge accomplishment, so extra kudos to you! :-D

Couple of minor things:

Relief filled her at hearing *Pansy voice calling for Blaise because she had seen Lavender. Sobs caught in **Lavenders throat as she saw Blaise rush into the clearing, blood, and dirt covering his uniform as he stared at them in horror. - *Pansy's - **Lavender's

Every cry of pain and tears that filled his eyes broke Lavenders heart. - *Lavender's

The way you chose to end it... Ugh! :( I love that you don't have to say it outright, you just imply, you just let out that final anguished cry of his name as he lets go of Lavender's arm... Such a strong, sad, beautiful way to close the story.

This was just lovely. Really fantastic job, Tammi. Happy Birthday again, and thank you for always being such a ray of sunshine on the site. You are one of the most selfless of people and I promise you it does not go unnoticed. ♥


Author's Response: TANYA!!! Hahahaha thank you :P I am now an official olde farte!

Awww thank you! Apparently this happened because I like to punish myself by breaking my favourite ship.

I'm glad that you loved the simplicity of this, I didn't want to delve too much into the history of them and have the chapter drag.

Yay! I was worried about that part, but wanted to show that even in times of cheer that there's still some devastation.

I wanted to show that the Slytherin's weren't evil, even though a lot of their families were on the other side of the war. And that they do care about each other. I get super defensive abut them too! Hufflepuff and Slytherin would be best friends because they know what it's like to be typecast.

That was so difficult haha I kept forgetting about the letter L and I don't know why? Thank you so so much! I really love that challenge and I feel like I need to write more like that.

Thank you for pointing those out :D I shall edit that in *hugs*

Thank you so so much Tanya, and thank you for the happy birthday and the review. Aw I can't stop smiling now!

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Review #13, by writeyourheartoutPain Makes You Beautiful: Rated Mature for themes and content.

10th July 2015:
This is stunning. I can't ever articulate how much I loved it, how much it hurt, how much it moved me. Your writing is impeccable, your characters are gorgeous and fragile and raw, and the whole story was so very real to me that it cut like knives with every phrase. I want to say more, but I just don't know how. I loved it. That's all I know.

Author's Response:

Knowing that you were affected by it is the ultimate compliment.

Thanks so much!


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Review #14, by writeyourheartoutElsewhere: Elsewhere

14th April 2015:
omg omg omg omg omg.


Seriously. Sarah. My heart. The whole time. THE. WHOLE. TIME. Like. I want to cry, it was just that lovely. Start to finish, top to bottom, my heart was clenching, my stomach was in knots, and I was just so drawn into this story. Like, it grabbed me immediately and just held on tight. Love when that happens, and it hasn't happened in awhile. ♥

WARNING: I am going to quote so many things. Possibly too many things. But... I mean... it's your fault, really, if you think about it, so... *shrugs*

He felt weird asking her all the time, like he was pressuring her. James wanted nothing more than to show Lily he was respecting her. - It's not even a James/Remus moment and it still stood out to me! Your James is lovely. I love a lovely James. ♥

“I'm sorry,” James said, still not meeting Remus's gaze. “I just...can't. You're better at forgiveness than I am.” - “I just haven't got many friends to begin with,” Remus said quietly. “I can't afford to lose the ones I have.” - GAH. My hearts breaks for both of them here. I love James' conflicting thoughts in this beginning - not only in regards to Remus, but to Sirius too! It made for this really superb tension that held onto me the entire story. And then when Remus says: '...but his detentions will end." - Ugh. Poor James! He's struggling with so many conflicting emotions and I CAN FEEL IT SO PALPABLY. GAH

"At the same time, if Remus wanted James to forgive Sirius, James felt he ought to do it. He felt as if he'd do anything for Remus." - *dies*

"James did realize that, but he couldn't concentrate. His mind was elsewhere and elsewhere was sitting across from him." - YES THIS LINE. OMG. IT IS GLORIOUS, SARAH. GLORIOUS! AND SO PERFECT FOR THE TITLE. ♥

(Um... did I mention already that I was going to quote you a lot? I can't help myself. I want to keep reliving moments. :-p)

"Remus didn't like labels. He disliked calling himself bi as much as he disliked calling himself a werewolf." - RIGHT IN THE FEELS. Reeemmmuuusss! :( ♥

And then the way section two ends?? Can we talk about this perfection?? "Remus gave him a wry grin. “Is a bloke straight when they've only had a crush on one girl?” - That gave James pause. Because it was true. He'd only ever had a crush on Lily Evans before this. But now he'd only ever had a crush on Lily Evans and...Remus Lupin. - You're killing me.


Seriously. That section was so beautiful. The way the hug transformed into the conversation into the kiss... It was just wonderful. I was levels of giddy I haven't been in I don't know how long. :-p

Can I just say that I love the way the pacing thing circles back around to the end? Really great; super effective.

Remus pulled his hand away. “James, about the other night-” - “Can I talk before you do?” James asked. - I don't even know why exactly, but the way James cut off Remus made me so happy. That's right, James! Don't let him talk himself out of a good thing! Remus deserves all the good things, including you! *pets*

OMG HAPPY ENDING! ♥ I was so prepared to be devastated, BUT THEN THEY DECIDE TO TRY. *sobs happily*

Gah. You know what I love so much about this story (other than everything)? The slow build. The way it takes place over a longer stretch of time than, like, a day. We start with these new, uncertain feelings of James' in the first section, as he starts making connections and putting the pieces together, but still putting up a resistance - afraid to look too closely at the meaning behind it all. Then we get this perfect moment in the library, where he's brave enough to broach the topic - and to Remus, no less - and learns to accept it by the end; admits that Remus is someone he likes. And then the beautiful moment where James has forgiven Sirius for Remus and they hug and they don't want to pull away and it's beautiful. It's all these meaningful little moments, never rushed, never unexamined, that had me on the edge of my seat in anticipation the entire time. And then that ending. Gah! I may have definitely gotten teary-eyed from the dialogue.

Sarah. Sarah, Sarah, Sarah... This was so, so, so great. Like... I can't even. I am so beyond happy. Thank you so much for writing this for me. I love it so much. You are just the best. ♥

The Original Tanya


Author's Response: Tanya, Tanya, Tanya! This review. It's so sweet. Thank you so much for the inspiration for writing this! You brought me out of my fanfic comfort zone and I am so grateful.

That's how I felt when I was writing it! I haven't written much romance (much to the dismay of some of my Albus novel fans, but Al just isn't focused on romance), but this one has resonated the most with me so far. I've no idea why, but it did. I really enjoyed writing it.

Haha, quote what you'd like! I'm always really focused on what quotes people like in my fics, probably because I love quotes. I want to cover my walls in my favorite quotes. And the thought of people enjoying quotes I created that much just makes me so happy.

I always saw Remus forgiving Sirius so much faster than James. James seems like someone who would hold a grudge, whereas Remus seems very forgiving. Out of the three of them, I feel like James would've had the hardest time with the situation.

I had SUCH a hard time with the title! I think I overthink titles, but I have a lot of trouble with them in general. Usually the title is what I'm waiting for before I post something. I wanted this title to have something to do with something in the fic, but not be totally obvious. Elsewhere just fit so well.

I had to address James's sexuality for my sake if not anyone else's. I couldn't just have him gay or bi without any sort of angst or explanation because of the Lily thing. It had to be addressed. But at the same time I didn't want it to be the focus of the fic. And I like a witty Remus, so that line seemed to work.

So glad you liked the kiss! That's what I was most worried about since I rarely ever write anything remotely sexual. It's always a kiss and then a page break. But I did know Remus and James wouldn't do anything further than that in this story. Remus is a guy who would take things slow.

At first I was planning on having Remus refuse to even try and give it a sad ending, to make it fit with the James/Lily storyline. But then I just wanted it happy. So I figured James needed this before he could move on and date Lily. They will of course eventually break up, but when they do it will be amicable and they'll stay friends.

I'm so glad the pacing worked! I didn't want it to be sudden because Remus isn't a spontaneous person and James was questioning his sexuality the whole time. He didn't want to screw things up as much as Remus didn't want to screw them up. Syncing it up to the full moons seemed like the perfect fit. I added in the Sirius thing because I felt it needed something more, something to anchor it to canon and to the other Marauders.

Thank you again for this amazing review! You are awesome. And if there's anything else you want me to try, let me know!

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Review #15, by writeyourheartoutLife in the Boot Family: Dylan

27th March 2015:
Hello again Freda and Georgina! ^.^

Believe it or not, I am here, once again, for the Review Hot Seat! hahaha I realize that I am ridiculously late in getting this to you, but I promised to get everyone their round three reviews, and so I continue to push through it (even if it is at an embarrassingly glacial pace). ;)

Just like every story I've read of yours so far, this was such a sweet, feel-good fic. ♥

Awww, new baby! How exciting! And also terribly painstaking having to wait to hear the gender and name even after its birth! I know I'd try to be just as sneaky as Selena and just as anxious as Dylan!

You write both children and family dynamics really well. The whole writing children thing absolutely terrifies me - I try to stay away from them just about at all costs - but you guys make it sound so easy to handle! And the little family details - things like Dylan trying to keep Kenway in one place while hunting down Amy or drawing on the parchment together - are so spot on to my experience growing up with four siblings of my own. I have to assume that growing up for you two was somewhat similar - and if not, then I am even more impressed with your abilities!

Bahahaha! Kenway's baby talk with the adorable W's makes me chuckle with every line of his. Too cute. ♥

You do a really great job of keeping the magic alive. Things like including the no-spill ink for Kenway to use while drawing are both super original and wonderfully reflective of the Harry Potter universe.

LOL The "Can I poke him?" scene was so cute.

And AWWW! Dylan got to choose her middle name?!? *melts* So. Darn. Adorable. And I love the name he chose, too. ;) Such a sweet moment. The whole story, really, was one giant sweet moment. You guys are so good at that sort of thing. ♥

Anyway, as far as constructive criticism goes, the one thing I've noticed you do a lot is start dialogue tags with capital letters rather than including them as part of the quoted sentence that precedes them. Here are some examples:

“Any luck Amy?” He called down the stairs. - This should be, "Any luck, Amy?" he called down the stairs. The 'he' should not be capitalized. Also, there should be a comma before Amy's name.

“Did you find him here?” *He asked. - *he

“He got into the chocolate box*.” **She said. - *comma, not period, **she

“Do you want to hold Shannon?” *He asked. - *he

There are a large number of these sorts of errors throughout the story outside of the ones I quoted here, and so I wanted to make sure I pointed it out to you since it happens so often! And hopefully all of that made sense and helps you out. :)

Anyway, other than those small grammatical errors, this was such a lovely first chapter. I thoroughly enjoyed it. Again, your ability to write young kids and their family dynamics is just so spot on. And that last line was too sweet! Gah. Feels. Really great job, you two. ^.^


Author's Response: Yay! Hey better late than never! Also Yay finally one on this story!! It was supposed to be a sequel to a SSC that was really popular; but when limited big name characters are in it... That's my (Freda's) theory at least.

We really enjoyed writing these kinds of stories; though it's been a bit since we've done so. Kids are so cute and fun to write and naturally nothing goes right. Being able to observe kids interacting helps, even if it's limited. Glad it turned out well!

I, Freda, am the oldest, so I relate to Dylan in this situation quite well. Even in the context of babysitting, which both of us have a fair amount of experience in. Georgina was usually my "right hand man" (like Amy) when the two of us were on our own with our youngest sister Ginny, or again babysitting.

The idea for that came from "Magic Markers"; a brand of markers that only colored on a special kind of paper, otherwise on say the carpet, it was invisible. I forget which one of us came up with that. "Kiddie Quill" if it didn't get edited out represents a big thick quill; because little kids can't hold thin utensils.

The poking thing was all Georgina. It came up in real life (I think between us; more or less in goofiness) at the dinner table shortly before writing this. The witty Amy response at least was all Georgina.

Yeah, that's embarrassing. Obviously this was an earlier piece (before we corrected that habit) that wasn't looked over as much. Only last week I looked at this and fixed a couple appalling typos like "got green ink gall over his face" and "time for you nap". No joke. I plan to fix those dialogue tags soon; I don't have too much time to spare but I really wanted to respond and my fingers are itching to fix it; since it's probably like that for the others too. :/

Aw! Glad you liked it so much! :) Especially the ending; it felt borderline sappy to me, but I'm glad it was alright.

Thanks so much for the lovely review; which *cough cough* reminds me why you were nominated so many times for Keckers Best Reviewer! ;)


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Review #16, by writeyourheartoutInfinitesimal: Leo Minor

22nd March 2015:

First of all, thank you for the dedication! That was so sweet of you to include me in, too! You're so lovely. You know, when you're not torturing characters and breaking my heart. ;)

FAIR WARNING: I'm going to quote you A LOT. Cause your writing is so pretty. Your description in some places and your poignancy in others is just so brilliant that I just can't help but to relive it here.

I never was able to keep quiet for long, as you know well; my mum blames my dad for it and my dad blames my mum. In turn, they both blame Sirius, too. - HAHAHA I love that while this really was overall a very angsty, tragic story, you were still able to add in these wonderful moments of humor. It added a whole new level to the tale, lacing it through with some comedy so that we're emotionally up and down the whole time.

Unlike you, he wasn’t open, or friendly, or talkative; he was quiet and aloof and hardly ever deigned to acknowledge others around him. He wasn’t even rude – you remember, I’m sure, how unfailingly polite he was in prefects’ meetings – he was just… cold. - I love this description of Regulus. It is so spot on for me. In fact, all of your characterizations were brilliantly on point; from those we spend a lot of time with to those we only see in small glimpses; everyone felt to authentic.

Charmingly foolish, you called me once. You always did know me so well, even when you said you hated me. - Did I mention I was going to quote you a lot? LOL Forgive me. BUT SO MUCH YES HERE. Charmingly foolish - it's too true. I wrote a Jily fic once that essentially likened James to a charming mess. It's always so great to read stories where characters are written just as you see them, too. It makes it far too easy to become hopelessly attached, though. ♥

I have to say, I just love the slow build of their relationship, the complete unsureness of James, the skepticism of Regulus, both of which still pulls them toward one another without knowing quite why. It's so lovely.

Once a Gryffindor, though, and so I walked forwards again. - This line. This moment. So much yes. SO MUCH YES.

And then omggg. That stargazing date scene that immediately followed was sooo romantic! *dies* And what I love most about it was that it was romantic without feeling overdone or cheesy or any of the things I usually feel and dislike while reading romantic scenes! I don't even know how you did it, but it was wonderful. Absolutely wonderful.

You always trusted me implicitly. Faith and kindness: your two best and most endearing qualities. I suppose in this I abused both, really. - UGH. I love that this story was in letter format for moments like these. His openness and honesty in this letter, regardless of how he kept the secret for so long in the first place, is just so perfectly touching sometimes. I really want to know what Lily thinks of all this; how she'd react to all of these truths.

The moment when Regulus shares his hemophilia and James shares his heart murmur... ugh, Laura. UGH. ♥ What a beautiful, touching moment.

I just adore this hero complex section, of James trying to almost justify why he thinks it started in the first place, because he wanted to fix or to save or to help Regulus. And this idea of both feeling that it was a good, kind thing to do for Regulus while also knowing it wasn't actually a nice thing to do to Lily, it makes me really feel for him and to understand how torn he was. And I love that when he asks if it was wrong, he doesn't say I don't think so, but rather I don't want to think so. Love it.

In my life, you were the daylight, the person I could love then, openly and obviously, utterly unfettered by convention, by sides in a war, by secrets and truths we both hid. He was like the night, quiet and beautiful and wondrous in his own way, and I didn’t love him any less than you, even if we had to be secret, had to be short and sweet and simple. - This. Is. Perfection. I can't even. Just yes. Everything here: yes. ♥


(You just had to throw a little wink to Albus/Gellert in, didn't you? hahaha I've never really gotten into their ship, to be honest, but that was a brilliant moment. I love that you struck upon their parallels to gut-punch us right in the feels. I also hate that you did it, too, though... cause FEELS. UGH.)


It's like... I feel bad for EVERYONE in this story! For James and for Regulus and for Lily and for Dumbledore and for Sirius and WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU THAT EVERYONE MUST SUFFER? (Don't worry, I mean that in a terribly good way. :-p)

The ending was perfect. From Sirius' reaction to Lily's naive comforting to the way you wrapped up the letter... Perfection. I don't even know what else to say about it. It was just so wonderful.

You are brilliant. This was incredible. And that is all.

Tanya ♥

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Review #17, by writeyourheartoutThe Orchard: Games Continue

15th March 2015:
Hey Zayne! ^.^

I was so happy to see you'd updated this story; it's truly one of my favorites! And this was another excellent chapter! Yay! ♥

I just love Mary. I loved her from the beginning and she grows on me more and more each chapter. I love her subtlety, her quietness (I've always been drawn to quieter characters), how unassuming she is, and her internal monologue is always so fascinating and intriuging, even when nothing much is really happening. She sees the world just a little bit differently and is highly observant where everyone else is somewhat indifferent and/or oblivious.

Your Lily is so unique; I don't think I've ever read a version of her quite like yours. There's something so... unlikeable about her! But I mean that in a good way, I promise. ;) I don't even quite know how to put my finger on it... I do thoroughly enjoy the choice, though.

The air of mystery that surrounds every single chapter, in one place or another, always leaves me dying to know more. This chapter it really started off with Mafalda. I have no idea what Peter might have meant, why it effected her so deeply, why she's seemingly such an anxious person, or anything else - which I love! Reading a story with this element of mystery and feeling like I don't know where it's headed is endlessly exciting.

Oh! And what about the Remus and Lily and Laura thing? That was strange... What in the world was happening with that?!?! I want to know so badly because I legitimately have no clue! I love-hate it! haha

Still love Florence. She's kind of awful, but also kind of brilliant, and every scene with her is great.

Your Sirius is another exceptional character, and different than I've seen before. A little less... exhausting? I mean, he's almost tame at both the Quidditch match and the party that follows, which is not a Sirius I often see. He's usually the life of these events in some fashion. I love that you chose to allow his upbringing in the Black family to effect him a little more. I think it makes sense that some of those things are ingrained in him, much as he may loath his family. But that superiority sort of complex - feeling like he's above the party - is a pretty direct reflection of his upbringing.

Also... is it bad that I'm shipping Mary/Sirius now? PLEASE TELL ME NO! hahaha Seriously, I really like them together after that conversation.

I wonder what's up with James and this Helen chick... Like, why is he (I assume) dating her? And why was it so important for Mary to meet her? Does James have some sort of ulterior motive here? Or Helen, even? Dun dun dunnn! I really have no idea, they could be totally legit, for all I know. :-p

THAT ENDING! Omg, please tell me you plan to update again soon, because THAT WAS SUCH A CLIFFHANGER! I must know what happens next.


I feel like I should tell you that Remus is my all-time favorite character and if you hurt him... I will be very upset. ZAYNE. WHAT DID YOU DO WITH HIM?? Seriously, he's been MIA, like, this entire chapter, and you've got me all sorts of nervous because of it! Eep!

Anyway, all of that aside, your Author's Note inquired about the Quidditch match and how you handled it, so I thought I'd comment on that as well to say I thought you did it exceptionally well! I loved the fog which added to the mystery of what was even going on out there - especially when the Snitch chase began. It was suspenseful and action-y without being too overwhelming or distracting from other important things that were happening simultaneously. It was the perfect balance of life in the stands versus what was happening on the pitch. Really well done. :)

If you're rusty at writing, it honestly doesn't show at all. Other than a few typo's or missing words here and there, the chapter read wonderfully. Here are a couple examples of those moments, though:

“*Professors, wait, who is the student?" - *Professor

He jumped * and down chanting a Quidditch song the boys had made up in their second year. - *up

Anyway, there are a handful of those little details, but that's honestly my only tiny critique! You're brilliant, this story is amazing, and I sincerely cannot wait for the next chapter! :-D


Author's Response: Tanya!

Gosh, this review still makes me giddy. Mary is such an interesting character, but I'm always a little worried she gets overshadowed or overpowered by Florence who... is very dynamic if you want to call her that (or just horrid, i'd be okay with characterization as well). It's good to hear you really like her and think she is her own character. I love writing her even though it's a lot more quiet and contemplative than a story featuring someone like Florence or Lily.

Talking about Lily... It's easy to side with Lily because she's 'Lily' and supposed to be this great person because of what she's done. I think most will remember the good things about a person and paint them with rose coloured glasses. Especially to the son of said person. I wanted to look at her differently because I've always had trouble being able to write her. She always seemed to mary sue - so perfect. But people aren't really like that. This is me trying to find the person she was, negative traits and all, and looking at how she grew into the person we know her more for. I don't know if it'll work, but she's always struck me as a harder character to make feel like a person. I'm really pleased with how I like that you think she's unlikeable but you aren't running from the hills because of it. That sounds strange to say. I don't want her to be wretched, that wouldn't work either, but I wanted to play with her begin less likeable. Looking at things like would the other girls question her loyalty because of the long standing relationship with Snape? If she was fiery and fierce - that could also mean she was bull headed, pushy, and had a refusal to listen to anyone.

Sirius is fun to write as well. I don't think it's right to ignore all the things he's been through. Even though he doesn't believe the same as his family he spent most of his life being raised by them. That, one, must leave scars, and two, affects how his behaviour will be. He may be an extremely popular and well liked person - but I think he still would have this aristocratic air about him. It's hard to throw off everything you've raised to be. Even if you throw off the beliefs there has to be something in the behaviour that reflects who he was. I think he'd be moody and outwardly arrogant. I think he'd be exhausting in some respects - mostly when he's showing off or with James. I may be wrong, but it makes sense to me.

Hahaha, Sirius/Mary. I don't know what to say to that.

With Helen - i knew it would be weird bringing her in. I think she was working in the back of my mind since the beginning. In retrospect I should have introduced her earlier. But again, this is Mary's story and she's so focussed on other things she doesn't notice all the people James may be meeting. What I can say is the importance for Mary to meet her is that even though Mary and James aren't as close as they used to be, they have a long history of friendship. Sort of like brother/sister and in the same way it's important for a brother or sister to meet a significant other it would be the same here.

Remus. Don't worry about the bloke, he's probably kicking about somewhere. Getting into things and causing trouble ;)

Thank you SO much for your lovely review! I hope the next chapter doesn't disappoint. It will be up very soon. It's just at the beta's :) .

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Review #18, by writeyourheartoutFeed Me Chocolate: Feed Me Chocolate

15th March 2015:

This is seriously perfection. Like, I can't even. I'm a little speechless and also currently finding out that it's hard to type when you're bouncing around in your chair from a case of severe giddiness!

Now, please allow me to apologize ahead of time for the possibly incoherent review about to follow, and for any overuse of caps lock, quoting, and just general *squee*-ness.


(I'm trying really hard to pull myself together. SO MANY FEELS RIGHT IN THE HEART.)

First off, this scene with the chocolate. I am dead. SO MUCH TENSION. hahaha It's actually incredible how palpable their chemistry in this scene was. I could have cut it with a knife, swear to God. The entire time I was sitting on the edge of my chair with all the thoughts in my mind screaming, KISS! KISS! KISS HIM NOW, YOU FOOL!


Anyway, I'll try not to hold him too accountable for it. Although, when you consider the bucket of water incident, too... hahaha That was a hilarious detail to include, by the way. I love the small moments like that you managed to fit into the story - it really added a whole other layer.

By the way, I am just in love with the Remus you created here. He is everything I just absolutely adore in a Remus. The perfect balance of uncertainty and boldness, of control and lack thereof. He had so many layers here and so many battles sort of going on at once, between Sirius' perpetual flirtations and the rapidly approaching full moon and his goal to suppress all the feelings that come along with both of those things, we got to see a lot of different sides of him; all of which I adored.

Oh, and I love the way you explained Remus' chocolate habit in this; almost as a desire to drown the monster within. I thought that was such a cool choice, that he wasn't just eating chocolate for the sake of it, like he does in a lot of Remus-centric stories.

“Am I bothering you?” Sirius asked... “You know you are, otherwise you wouldn’t be doing it,” Remus replied... - HAHAHAHA These two lines say so much about their relationship as friends, and it is ridiculously spot on. You understand their dynamic so well. ♥

“You asked them to make me something?” Remus asked, turning searching eyes on his best mate and wondering if Sirius had any clue how in love with him Remus was. - AWWW! This makes me so happy. That last bit of the line made my heart clench. And the moment before this was so great too, when Remus comments on how rare it is for Sirius to do something truly thoughtful... BUT HE DID FOR REMUS. I am dead. ♥

HAHAHA I love that Sirius threatens to obliviate Remus if he doesn't react well to his confession! They are too perfect together, I can't even.

You flirted with McGonagall the other day! - LOL

I love how no one seems to know anything. Remus has no clue about Sirius, Sirius has no clue about Remus, James has clue about what he'd interrupted, and Peter is just asleep and obviously clueless, too. *pets all the poor oblivious boys*

BUT THEN YOU MAKE IT ALL UP WITH THE ENDING! AHHH! YES! CONFESSIONS! AND THEY KISSED! AND IT WAS PERFECTION! GAH! I am a melted puddle of goo on the floor, and I almost mean that quite literally. :-p

He knew on some subconscious level that he probably had a huge goofy grin on his face that wasn’t at all flattering, but Remus was too happy to care. - This is basically me right now, just so you know. :-p

This was really just phenomenal. It was so funny and charming and sweet and sincere and tense and so many more things, all wrapped up into one excellent fic. I don't know how you did it, but I truly loved it, Ellie. And more than that, you wrote it specifically for me, and I sincerely cannot thank you enough for that. It was literally the perfect gift. You are so wonderful. Thank you endlessly. ♥ ♥ ♥

Author's Response: Hey Tanya,

Now I'm the one wearing the goofy, unflattering smile after that review! I'm so glad you liked it, seriously, I've been so nervous about publishing it and not getting them right the way you like them, so it's so good to know that you enjoyed it immensely. It was a lot of fun to write this, and a little bit challenging to write as well because I've never written anything Slash before and all the "he did this" "he touched him" 's were doing my head in a little because when I was re-reading I was going "WHICH HE?" and so I had to use their names a little more to make things clearer.

Seriously though, I can't imagine a funner pairing to play with in my first paddle of slashy water. I'm glad you like this pairing and not something really tricky like a James/Snape or something. That would've been tough.

Anyways, I'm so so happy you liked your present. Since I couldn't send you a real cake as I don't know where you live, I thought this might be a good stand in (plus this one won't sticky to your hips like cake ;) *teehee* )

Thanks for making my day with this review. You're the best!


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Review #19, by writeyourheartoutLosing You: Losing You

24th February 2015:
Hello Ellie, and happy SUPER DUPER BELATED Hot Seat Day! :-D

Oh my goodness. You and these first-person, gut-wrenching, overwhelmingly heartbreaking stories! Stahp it.

(Just kidding. Don't ever stahp it. ♥) you arched backwards with all the grace you’d ever had in life... - Omg, I love this little snippet. Gorgeously put.

And this line, too: He fought me so hard* Sirius. - *comma here - That made for such a poignant moment. My heart broke for both Remus and Harry here. Just wonderful.


Really, though, I have always felt that Remus has the most heart-wrenching story, and this section with him drinking and thinking about James and Sirius dead and Peter a traitor while he's left alone is just one of the many reasons why. It's so ridiculously upsetting, but really well done. And I just loved this moment here in particular: I can find solace only in the idea of the two of you finally together again. - Ugh! And then when it's followed by his wanting to be there with them?! *sniffs* My heart! He really does have so much strength, to keep going, despite it all.

I love the way you justify this side of Remus we're seeing here, because we never really see too many signs of his devastation over the loss of all his closest friends in the books. He really only has that one melt-down moment, in Deathly Hallows, but that's over his soon to be born son. We never see the part of him that surely fell apart after Sirius died and he lost him all over again. I like that you gave a reason to that, by choosing to say he felt obligated to be strong, to be seen as a leader when other people are around, so that only in the privacy of loneliness did he allow himself to indulge in this all-consuming anger and sadness.

Omg, I love the moment when he's thanking them for all they did for him. So touching. And the way you worked your challenge quote in was really great, as well.

The ending was just perfection. I mean, truly; from his decision to skip the Wolfsbane potion and embrace the wolf within, to his desire to use this thing he's always hated so much as an escape instead - brilliant. And that paragraph - that last line - was so beautiful in such a terrible way. So many feels. Really, such a powerful ending.

My only critique is that were a few places where it felt like you were sort of saying the same thing or repeating a few of the same words too many times so that it felt a bit unedited. I may be being a harsh critic for you simply because your last one-shot truly blew me away with the beauty of it, but the thing is that I feel like this story could be just as phenomenal, just as gripping, if it had just a couple places tightened up a bit. Let me give a couple examples to you:

She’s brilliant and beautiful and so much younger than me*. She doesn’t need to be saddled with me* and with all the baggage that comes along with me*. - *The "me"s here are a little heavy-handed.

He’s already gnawing for release inside me and the moon’s not even high yet. Already he’s hungry for release, no doubt expecting the night of freedom I so recall from our younger days. - The "already _ _ _ release" formula here is repetitive.

And don't get me wrong: sometimes repetition is an extremely useful and powerful tool, but in these cases, I think it's taking away from the beauty of the rest of your writing. But anyway, like I said, this could totally just be me, so if you end up looking it over and disagree, please feel free to completely ignore this! Especially because, at the end of the day, this was still a wonderful, moving, beautiful piece of writing. You do an excellent job at putting the pain of loss into words. Really well done, Ellie. ♥


Author's Response: Oh wow,

Thanks so much for reviewing for me Tanya. I hadn't even noticed those things, but now that you've pointed them out I see what you mean. I'll jump in and edit the so it's more poignant and smoother.

I'm glad you enjoyed it, and a huge kudos on chasing up the review hot seat this way. I need to get on top of mine too.


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Review #20, by writeyourheartoutBackground Noise: The Devil (Who is Neither in Disguise Nor in Prada)

17th February 2015:

Omg. This story is near impossible to review well. I mean, the chapter title alone! Are you kidding me? Hahahaha! I keep trying to redeem myself from my last review on chapter one, but the sheer levels of hilarity and silliness written into this story keep turning my brain to mush! WHAT IS THIS SORCERY?

I'm apologizing ahead of time for this newest round in insanity and for the number of times I quote you. It can't be helped. This is your fault.

"Allie Apples is – was a member of the once popular wizarding band, One Dimension." - ONE DIMENSION, YOU DIDN'T!!! HAHAHA PERFECTION.

“You’ll want to be more careful now,” Nora says as I pull out of the garage. “After all, your time’s supposed to be up. You could be harvested by Death’s grim scythe any moment now.” - Ah, friendship. Nothing lovelier. :-p

My God, your characters are hilarious. Nora's bouts of inter-dimensional mind-travel are just the greatest thing ever. And I love that Lizzy's always calling her Princess or Your Highness. Too much fun. :-p

Port Sturry sounds a blast.

Oh, God! Polyjuice Potion was already gross, and now you've just taken it to a whole other level of ick-ick-ick! *shudders* What goes on in that head of yours, teh, I may never know... O_O

I just love the sheer amounts of magic you have in this fic - and so much of it completely original. Carkett Close and its whole deal was already imaginative enough, but you've got so many new places, new tricks, new ways of life being featured in this story that it's just so impressive. This whole smuggling world, for example... First of all - LOL! Wow, what a job to throw your characters into. Love it. And then the way the business is dealt with inside these ports, the way they do their sneaking about and smuggling. It's all brilliant and hilariously entertaining and a world unto itself. This story feels like its own universe. :)

The Auror, meanwhile, is now doing a cross between the Viennese waltz and Gangnam-style. - This is officially my favorite spell ever.

Holy cow, what happened in the Potter household to cause Lily - er... Lily-Lou, excuse me - to grow up so... so... holy-mother-of-God-crazy-pants-crazy?

LOL Love the way the chapter title seriously comes into play later on. :-p

Well, it’s simple, Mojo Jojo. - HAHAHA OMG, IS THAT A POWERPUFF GIRLS REFERENCE? I could kiss you. ♥

I have to tell you: I love that this is turning into a legitimate story beneath all the ridiculous antics and references and insanity. I'm, like, sincerely invested in this story now. I really want to know what's up with this whole James plotline. It's beyond intriguing.

“The hobo fohmally known as Jojo is no mo'. From this day fowohd, I shall be known as MOJO JOJO!” - HAHAHAHA Omg. I kind of want to be friends with your twisted version of Lily just for that.

Bahahaha I love that Nora is just flopped down in the middle of the road for this entire exchange. *pets*

Wow. What a party... O_O LOL Seriously, that place sounds like a coulrophobic's nightmare. Oh Lily-Lou... You're gonna be a great character, aren't you? She's hilarious and devious and it's absolutely wonderful to watch her mess with good ol' Mojo Jojo's head. I'm super curious about these powers of hers that she seems to possess, though! I hope we end up with a fuller explanation at some point, because I am super intrigued! :-D

This was brilliant, yet again. And I think my review came out much more coherent this time around!!! Yay! It took a lot of effort, I'm not gonna lie. ;)

Stay awesome, possum.


Author's Response: HI TANYA!! ♥ ♥

...this response is waaay laaate OH GOD I AM SO SORRY -hides-

But srsly OMG THANK YOOUUU for this reviewww!!

You are far too kind and I LOVE YOU and this story makes no sense but thank you for this review again asldj;asldk;

I don't even remember what I wrote because it's been waaay too long since I even wrote anything. And...ONE DIMENSION. I wanna write ONE DIMENSION fanfic where the band is reunited baahahaha. Nora and Jo are indeed the best of friends. They're more a partnership than friends, actually, but still friends.

Seriously, I look at all your comments and I think, did I really write all that stuff you're quoting? Turns out I did. :P I have no idea what frame of mind I was in while writing this chapter, but it wasn't anything normal. And I would love to curse someone and force them to do gangnam style plus a viennese waltz. YES.

Lily-Lou, hahaha, I love writing her. Her making Jo quote the Powerpuff Girls. UGH I MIGHT JUST START SHIPPINH THEM TOGETHERRR. SHe's the devil, Lily-Lou, and you'd better start taking me literally, Tanya. :P

Your review's coherent, what are ya talking about?! It's this story that's completely whacked. BUT THANK YOU.

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥


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Review #21, by writeyourheartoutThe Expectant Follower of Always: The First.

10th February 2015:
Hello again, fellow Puff! ^.^

Awww, what a sweet idea for a story! I love the way you've turned Snape's famous always into this deepest pledge of love! And the idea of wanting to pass it down from generation to generation is even sweeter. It's too cute, I can't even. ♥

Echo (do you think if her name was Sally she'd be different- 'cause I do) Philips. - LOL This little jab made me chuckle. :-p

Poor Al. I can definitely understand his struggle as far as his relationship with Echo goes and the way his friends regard said relationship. I love that he's a romantic, that he's searching for his always, but finding ones soulmate can be an extremely long and tedious journey, especially because you never know when that person is going to come along. The idea of being alone the entire time he waits for his soulmate is just sad, so of course he finds consolation and comfort in short-term girlfriends. I think it's sweet that he wants to defend Echo, too, even if she does seem rather less-than-worthy.

I can’t find a reason to break up with her, but I don’t have a reason to stay with her either. - I really love this sentence. It rings so true of many a relationship. I think a lot of couples reach this point after a while, where they stay with each other not for any reason other than they're simply comfortable there. Of course, that's not at all a good reason to stay with someone long-term, which is sort of reason enough to break things off just by default, but a lot of people can't do it. They grow used to the routine of being with this person because it's what they know, and to leave it behind, regardless of the lack of love, is scary. Totally feel you, Albus. ;)

Dawww, Ruby's a sweetheart! That was nice of her to check in on Albus. And if I'm not mistaken, there might actually be a little chemistry between the two of them... ♥

Rose, on the other hand... hahaha She seems a little less on the sweet side of things! hehehe Her plotting out how Albus should dump Echo made me laugh. Girl doesn't mess around, does she? :-p

This was a very enjoyable opening chapter! I think you've got a really nice plot going, an interesting group of friends to be centered around, and a really sweet and romantic focal point! My only concern for this story is the technical details of your writing. Let me give you some examples:

Severus Snape found his match before he was 11. - Harry James Potter, met his soulmate at 11. - I looked toward my bed and area around that had belonged to me for the whole 6 almost 7 years I had been attending this school. - So, something I notice you don't do is type out your small numbers, which is something that I'm sure a lot of people don't care about (and please ignore this entirely if you prefer it as is), but that I also know is a general rule of thumb when it comes to grammar guidelines. I've read one rule that says it should be applied for all numbers ten and under, and others that say twenty and under. I prefer twenty and under because, in my opinion, it just makes the writing look more formal, more advanced, and of higher quality. I just think that when they aren't spelled out, they tend to negatively stick out - draw my eye in an aesthetically displeasing way. I think all of those sentences would look better if you substituted the numbers with the words eleven, six, and seven.

(But, again, I may legitimately be the only person who feels strongly about this rule, so sincerely disregard if you like! :-p)

Grammar, punctuation, sentence flow and structure - all these little technical details are just not quite there. You have a brilliant foundation here for your story to shine, but it could do with some serious tightening up. Those small technicalities are the absolute worst to overcome - trust me, I feel your pain - but they are so important when it comes to the fluidity of sentences, the ability to powerfully story-tell, and overall quality of writing. I've selected a few examples for you below:

I, Albus Severus Potter* promise to continue and** use the word always to represent affection to my soul mate, when and if,*** I find them. - *comma, **to, not and, ***no comma here

In the sentence above, you can see how there are a lot of small details that just aren't quite right, and it disrupts the flow, which takes away the power of his pledge.

This next section (italicized below) has almost no punctuation at all. There aren't even periods at the end of any of the sentences. Take a look:

"Al! You'll never guess what just happened" she came over, practically sat on my lap, even though the entire sofa next to me was free, and put on her classic fake pout

"What?" I pretend to care and put on my concerned boyfriend face while removing a stray bit of hair from her face

"I just had a fight with Caitlyn" aka her best and almost only friend, she started to whimper slightly which meant full on protective boyfriend mode

"Why? What did she do to you?" I quickly toughened up and got angry

Anyway, I know it's the nitpicky stuff, the time-consuming little details that are rather annoying to try to use correctly, but I really believe that taking the time to be meticulous will prove to be exceedingly beneficial for your stories! Or you could find a beta willing to nitpick for you! They're always a great option. ^.^

All of that said, it was still very enjoyable overall! Keep it up! :)


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Review #22, by writeyourheartoutI See You. : Prologue: Missing.

8th February 2015:
Hello again, Kyle! ^.^

What an interesting premise for a story! I was really intrigued the entire time!

I love the way the first section builds towards James' disappearance while centering around Harry, Ginny, and the family dynamics. It was a great way to incorporate background information and lay a solid foundation for the readers. What's more is that it never felt explain-y while you did it, nor did it seem to drag - both of which can easily happen when an author writes about background information. You managed to stay out of that hole, so kudos to you! ^.^

I feel so bad for Harry and Ginny! The way the gossip columns cling to this news is bad enough, but to twist it around to read like they're poor parents? Ugh, that's just awful!

Aww! I feel so bad for Albus and Lily, too! I can't even imagine having to go through a period of time in which one of your siblings is missing. ♥

Headmistress Sprout! Love it! I don't think I've read a story yet in which she's the person who becomes the Headmistress, but I love it! Hufflepuff represent! *high fives* ;)


Looks like Teddy may have been the one to find him, actually, considering that he's covered in blood! :-/ I'm so curious as to what happened!!! Must. Read. On.

Aaand... yep! Wow. That's crazy. And now I have even more questions! Who is it that did this to James? Why did they do it? And why did they return him half-alive? And to a relative, no less! Perhaps the goal here was not to kill him after all? Hmm...

AND THEN THE ENDING! I mean, thank goodness he's alive, but it's so sad he lost his sight! ♥

Really well done story overall, but I do have just a few notes for you before I wrap this review up:

There's something a bit... off. Something just doesn't seem to quite work in regards to the style of your writing - in the first section in particular. I think you're trying a bit too hard to be... formal? I don't know, I'm having a hard time placing my finger on it exactly... It's a modern-day story, right? But you write it almost as if it's something out of the A Song of Ice and Fire series. Here's an example: Nevertheless, as the hours slipped by Ginny grew increasingly doubtless that something was afoot with the absence of her child. And another example here: Rarely, on occasion, do the children somehow piece together an adequate point that there is no way really, to deny them what they request. And it's not necessarily that you don't handle the language well or use it incorrectly or anything, it's just that it doesn't really fit with the times, in my opinion, and it feels sort of jumbled in places because of that. But, as I said, this is strictly my opinion! I wanted to point it out in case it's something you'd like to look into, but if it's what you like and what you're going for, definitely ignore me and continue to have at it! ^.^

Lily was not convinced and only when Albus wrapped his arm around his sister’s shoulder, did her crying turn into quite sniffles. - *quiet

I'd also like to point out your comma usage. It wasn't something you had too big of an issue with in the previous story I read of yours - which I truly loved ♥ - but you seem to be overusing it a lot in this story - placing them in sentences where they don't need to be and subsequently creating a more stilted, less fluid story. Comma's are just the worst, though, aren't they? I completely feel your pain. haha

And on a final note: I noticed that you switch between past and present tense a few times throughout the story. For example, this sentence starts out in the present tense and ends in the past tense: It is* (present) not until two weeks after James went* (past) missing, until they obtained* (past) any word of his whereabouts.

That said, it's still a very enjoyable opening chapter with a lot of mystery and build-up that has left me extremely curious as to what exactly is going on! I think that with just a bit of tidying and tightening up, this fic could really shine!


Author's Response: Thanks Tanya!
First off I do hate commas, I always over look them. :P
I really enjoyed writing this and thanks for the feed back. Chapter 2 should be around relatively soon. And I'll be sure to go back through and look at your suggestions :)
Thanks again-

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Review #23, by writeyourheartoutAlbus Potter and Slytherin's Office: The Extraordinary Arrival

29th January 2015:
Hello again, Pheonix Potioneer, and Happy Belated Hot Seat Day! ^.^

Awww... Albus is such a sweet little kid. I think it's very fitting of him to feel upset about leaving home, because he seemed exceptionally close and reliant upon his dad in the epilogue. I think Harry is probably his safety net, and it must be hard to walk away from that for a school so far away, knowing they won't see each other again for months - even while surrounded by the familiar faces of his brother and cousins.

“Plus,” James added, “They announced at the end of last year that they aren’t using the sorting hat this year, because it got damaged. They’re going to have a big test instead, wrestling mountain trolls and that sort of stuff.” - LOL James is such a brat. Reminds me of my own older brother who, after I accidentally swallowed a black watermelon seed, convinced me that a watermelon would start growing in my stomach... I was so young. :-p

I can completely understand Albus' anxiety in regards to his expectations for the year. Having such a well-known father who has this great legacy certainly comes with its challenges. And I can definitely relate to people having high expectations for you and that, in turn, making you afraid of disappointing them. But, that said, I still think it's really sweet that Harry likes to tell people that Albus' is like him. Proud daddy. ^.^

He's so determined not to be a snake! Didn't he listen to his dad at the station!? :-p

Hagrid! Glad to see he's still working there. ♥

Awww, the Sorting Hat song was really cute! That's a tough challenge to take on, but I think you handled it well!

CLIFFHANGER! WHERE'S HE GET SORTED? I suppose I'll have to read on to find out, huh? ;)

One thing I noticed you did that felt a little inconsistent was whether or not Albus actually believed what James' said about the Sorting Hat being unusable this year. He seemed to really believe it at first when you wrote this: Albus’s heart sank. Now not only did he have to be worried about being away from home so long, and being sorted into Slytherin house, but also he had to worry about whatever test they were doing. - But later this thought happened: Was his dad right, in saying the sorting hat would listen when he said he didn’t want to be in Gryffindor? - He clearly begins worrying about the Hat again, so now I start to think he doesn't really believe James and knows he was probably just messing with him. But then this happens: As they continued forward he breathed a huge sigh of relief when he saw the sorting hat sitting on the stool, and not some huge obstacle course out in front of them with trolls and other horrible creatures. - So, as you can see, it goes back and forth a few times and is just unclear as to what he actually thinks. Anyway, I just wanted to point out that that confused me a bit, so you may want to be clearer, should you ever decide to edit this! ^.^

(Also, I believe Sorting Hat should be capitalized, but don't quote me on that because I unfortunately don't have my books on me at the moment!)

It was still a good chapter overall, though, and the ending was particularly clever! Keep it up!

Tanya ♥

Author's Response: If I went to boarding school when I was 11, I would have been terrified too, like Albus. He's very understandable.

I remember my brother telling me the same thing about the black watermelon seed too! Ah, the pains of having older brothers. Or was it my mom who said the thing about the watermelon seed? It might have been.

Yup, James can be a brat!

Albus did listen to his dad, but a one-minute conversation can't completely erase his (in my head canon) months-old fears. Plus, I think he paid more attention to the "you can choose what house to be in" than the "Slytherin is a great house" part.

I didn't really notice the inconsistencies until now- thank you for pointing that out! I might go back and edit it, but then I'll feel the urge to rewrite the entire story, and I've kind of moved on from it. Thank you for letting me know.

I just went to my bookshelf and looked up the Sorting Hat, and you are right! The books refers to it as "the Sorting Hat". I won't edit it this, but I'll be sure to change it on the sequel and all future stories. Thank you so much for this revelation!

Thanks for reviewing! And yes, of course there had to be a cliffhangers! I love cliffhangers.

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Review #24, by writeyourheartoutAlong the Astral Plane: Binary Star

27th January 2015:
Hello again, Maggie! Happy (Belated and Final) Hot Seat Day! ♥

This was, once again, fantastic.

Love the way your brought the Diadem into the story and how it seems to effect Rowena - at least through Helena's eyes.

Poor Helena here with this marriage talk. Oh Gareth... why couldn't you have just broken the traditional route of asking for a girls hand in marriage without actually asking the girl herself first? hahaha That was such a backwards system those days. Also, in chapter one I was flip-flopping a bit between the brother's, but this makes me not want it to be Gareth anymore. TEAM... ah, shoot - what's the brother's name? It'll come to me later, I'm sure...

I love the way you used the Game of Thrones quote! It fit absolutely perfectly into this story and that moment! Excellent job!

It's crazy how much that diadem effects their relationship, turning Rowena harsher and colder than ever, and Helena bitter and resentful. I truly do feel sorry for the position Helena is in, with her mother so uncaring of what she wants. And it's very hypocritical of her too, considering that Rowena was never married and that she gets to make choices all her own because she is an intelligent, independent woman. I would think she would want the same for her daughter, and it's a real shame that she doesn't. Anyway, I just love the way you write them together - two forces to be reckoned with who each have trouble seeing the other's side.

I LOVE YOUR HELGA. Seriously, she is such a fantastic representation of our House. Reading your version of her makes me even prouder to be a Hufflepuff. :)

“I am a night-bird, cursed to walk the earth in human guise. But when the moon rises I will grow wings and be free. I am waiting for nightfall so that I can fly away from this place.” - What a gorgeous line, and one that I relate to greatly. Really lovely, Maggie. ♥


That entire scene with Helena, Helga, and Salazar was just perfect, and I love the relationships between them all - especially Salazar and Helga. Such a unique decision, and one that I hope to see a bit more in depth! Also, the continued exploration into the world of the diadem was really intriguing. I love all the choices you made surrounding it.

“But there are times,” Helena swallowed, “when it feels as though you would rather...create me than know me.” - THIS LINE. ♥

When she puts on that diadem... oh boy, I was, like... nervous for her; afraid of what it might do to her. Clearly it helped her make some sort of decision. I'm wondering if the decision isn't to get rid of the diadem entirely! hahaha I mean, she does do that eventually - hide it away - and how ironic would it be if the diadem's disappearance is influenced directly by the diadem influencing Helena? Either way, I love the little cliffhanger you left us on!

This was an another excellent chapter, Maggie. I'm really enjoying this story so far. ^.^


Author's Response: TANYA THANK YOU SO MUCH! Your reviews are so thorough and detailed and I just love it! It's a writer's dream to see something like this on their story :)

I'm so happy that you enjoyed this chapter! Yeah, it's not exactly Gareth's finest hour, but I'm hoping that he gets the chance to redeem himself. Both he and Belden will get more screen time in chapters to come. And Helga! I absolutely loved writing her in this, so motherly and wise, and I'm so happy you liked her too!

It was a great challenge to come up with the twist on the diadem. I definitely wanted it to have power, and I had the vague idea that it should have unexpected consequences. I felt like such a Ravenclaw, thinking analytically about how I could interpret the idea that it bestows "wisdom" and what kind of twists I could put on it. I'm so happy you enjoyed!

Thank you so much for these wonderful reviews, lovely! It makes me so happy that you enjoy the style, and the characters. Going back and responding to these reviews is really motivating me to get working on the next update!


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Review #25, by writeyourheartoutKeeping Secrets: Enough

26th January 2015:
Hi Jayde! Happy Hot Seat Day! :)

Ah, that opening paragraph! My heart! It's so sad. Especially the George part. :(

I really like the choice to have Molly trying to lead the pack back to some semblance of normalcy, because she's the Momma! And the fact is that while she lost Fred, she still has six other children that I'm certain she is desperate to care for; that as much pain as she is in, seeing her children in pain is just as terrible, if not more so.

What's nearly as upsetting is the fact that after this terrible, huge ordeal - both the war itself and the loss of George with it - is the fact that they now have to deal with reporters searching for a scoop! Unbelievable. The poor Weasley's. And Harry and Hermione too, I'm sure. They all did so much for the war and then lost so many they cared about and I'm certain the last thing they want is to relive it for some nosy reporter who doesn't care about their loss, but is just looking for something juicy to publish.

I completely understand Charlie's need to escape. I think it's good that he stayed for as long as did, to heal at least as much as he could while at home, but there does come a point when you have to recognize whether getting caught in this same routine is holding you back from healing or anything else. But I do feel bad for Molly. I hope his leaving doesn't make her feel like she's losing another child. ♥

As sad as the moment when Charlie finally breaks down is, I'm glad he did it. It's so much harder to move forward when you suppress all of your feelings.

Ugh, of course Rita Skeeter has to show up! :(

What horrible questions to ask! She is just the worse! And she shows absolutely no sympathy for him, but instead gets excited when he's clearly horrified by her awful inquiries! I hate her. But, on the plus side, you wrote her fantastically. :-p


So, the further along this scene with her goes, I start to wonder is there a reason she's being so incredibly vicious here? I mean, Rita was nasty in the books, but I don't think she was ever quite like this. She sounds vindictive - like she's not there to interview him, but to purposefully make him suffer. She usually tries to soften the blow of her awful questions by at least pretending to be sympathetic, but she sounds almost like Umbridge here. But maybe there's a bigger reason for that...?

It's still so sad that Charlie blames himself, but it obviously wasn't his fault. I hope that if this ridiculous report hits the press, his family makes sure he knows that nobody blames him.

That is if they can find him... Where's he going!? Poor thing, essentially exiling himself. :(

Anyway, another great chapter, Jayde! Well done! ♥


Author's Response: TANYA! ♥

I'm so sorry that it has taken me SO long to respond to this amazing, beautiful review!

Aww, I know, I'm so awful for doing this to the poor Weasleys, and Georgie. :(

Yes, I really thought it was sort of in-character for Molly to try to keep everyone going - of course she would be struggling and suffering, but she'd also realize that she's got everyone else to look after, too!

Yes, I think the fact that the reporters won't leave them alone is awful - but I also think it's probably exactly what would have happened, unfortunately. :( Sometimes reporters are just so hungry for a scoop that they'll do anything, even fail to respect the family's privacy at such a horrible time.

Yes, I think it was probably good for Charlie to get back into the real world, but, as you've already seen, a certain blonde-haired reporter has gone and caused a whole other mess. And, though I know it upsets Molly that he left, I'm sure she realizes that he has to keep on living.

And yes, I think it's really important to have that breakdown moment - it's kind of a part of the healing process.

Hahaha! Yes, Rita Skeeter. *Rolls eyes* I really don't enjoy writing characters like her, but, you're not the first person who's wanted to punch her, or comment that I wrote her perfectly, so I guess I'm doing something right!! :P

Hm... I wonder if there could possibly be some reason behind her being so vindictive? Your question is really making me examine her as a character in this story.. hm.. :P

Yes, definitely poor Charlie. Whether or not they'll be able to find him, I can't say. But yes, he's definitely exiling himself, even if he doesn't realize that.

Anyway, thank you SO MUCH for this beyond amazing review! *Squishes*

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