Reading Reviews From Member: writeyourheartout
  
145 Reviews Found

Review #1, by writeyourheartoutAlbus Potter and Slytherin's Office: The Rising Wizard

20th December 2014:
HAPPY (slightly belated) HOT SEAT DAY, FELLOW PUFF!!! ^.^

I love the way this begins, with such a strong setting of normalcy. It's actually a bit reminiscent of the first HP book! Did you do that on purpose? Either way, I thought it was a very clever way to begin the story!

And then, of course, we're introduced to the real scene beneath this mask of oh-so-ordinary, with these two seemingly invisible men dressed in all black and clearly up to something... I love the way you build them up, slowly, secretly, unveiling only small bits of information about their appearance and demeanor, but holding off on the reason they're doing whatever it is that they're doing! It really creates an excellent sense of suspense and tension and build up.

OMG. Wow. I was not expecting the easy, simple, spur-of-the-moment murder of an entire group of children! WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE AND WHY ARE THEY SO EVIL?! O_O

Oh man. This exchange here: After a long pause, the elder man broke the silence by saying, "That was quite unnecessary." - The younger man replied, "True. But I wanted to try out the new mass- killing curse." - Gah! So casual in their cruelness! And I was wondering what spell could take ten people out at once, and wow... A new mass-killing curse? Sheesh. You've really created some seriously intense bad guys, which is brilliant for a story like this. AND THEN THE BUNNY. And the reference to Tom? And actually calling him Tom? I assume they're referring to Voldemort... And this totally nonchalant conversation about not understanding why more people don't just murder people to let off a bit of steam? Crazy. They're crazy.

I have to admit, I very badly want to know who exactly these two people are. What was the older man's connection to Voldemort back when he was still just Tom? Is Zac a canon character from the books - possibly even Zacharias Smith? Someone you thought was at least mostly decent, but was actually evil? He was a Puff! Omg, if it's him, that would be crazy. haha

The way they idolize Tom and aim to both follow his lead and then become greater than he was is just bananas. They're so twisted. And just like Voldie, they're making plans to kill a Potter child at just eleven! I hope Albus does prove to be as invincible as Harry sometimes seemed to be. This line especially makes me worry for him, though: "Tom's big mistake was that he was constantly underestimating Harry Potter." - Eep! Not to mention, Albus doesn't have a mother's love/sacrifice to protect him, or - presumably - a shared connection that helped protect Harry from Voldemort, which makes him seem like a much easier target. I'm not a huge Next Gen fan, but I really do have a sweet spot for Albus, and I sincerely hope he survives whatever these two have planned for him!

Anyway, this was a really good first chapter. You've done a brilliant job at creating a new threat to the Next Generation with these two, and I'm already strongly rooting for Albus! Needless to say, I am certainly intrigued! Very well done! :)

Tanya

Author's Response: No, I didn't do the "normalacy" scene because of the first HP book... But now that you point it out, I can definitely see some allusions! It was my subconscious mind. ;)

Writing suspense if fun. *evil grin*

So first question: Who are they? Alas, the first question you ask I cannot answer, unless you'd prefer a lie. (THAT little quote was on purpose. And I apologize if the wording is slightly off; I did it from memory.) Now onto the next question of why they are evil. I'd have to give you a full biography of each of them for you to understand that. I actually do have a full biography of them in my head, incidently. But that won't be shared for a long, long time.

Yes, the bunny died. I didn't care at all when I wrote that death. Does that make me a monster?

Yay! Crazy people! *claps hands* Okay, they might have gotten inspiration from me...

How dare you accuse a puff of being a dark wizard! *gasp* Hufflepuff doesn't have dark wizards! It's okay, you have good reason for being suspicious of Smith...

Zac is the crazy idolizer of Tom. The older fellow is more of a mentor-like person.

Hooray for team Albus! I'm rooting for Albus as well; I hope he doesn't die! Well, since I'm writing the story, I guess I decide what happens. Yeah, Albus doesn't have any superpowers- but we didn't know Harry had any during his first year, did we?

Thank you so much for reviewing!


 Report Review

Review #2, by writeyourheartoutLike Never Before: Prologue

19th December 2014:
HAPPY HOT SEAT DAY, MAGGIE!!! :-D

As soon as I saw the title and the lyrics on the banner, I knew I had to read this story. I adore Songbird by Fleetwood Mac. It is so ridiculously gorgeous and poignant and heartbreakingly lovely, and I just had to see what sort of story it influenced!

And... wow. This was just phenomenal. I sincerely adored it. It's got a fairy-tale sort of feel to it, which I absolutely love, and I'm so intrigued by it all that I must insist you bring this story back to life immediately! ;) Seriously, though, this chapter alone has me hooked, even though I see you haven't updated since 2012. I hope that doesn't mean the story is abandoned! It's so, so great, and I hope this review might reignite the spark on this story! There is all the potential in the world here to create an incredible novella, and I sincerely hope you'll continue! Either way, I am definitely favoriting this. ^.^

Okay, enough of me semi-begging you for an update! Let me actually review the story more! :-p

I love how this was reminiscent of the Peverell brothers tale without actually being very much like their story at all. It honestly sounds like a story that belongs in The Tales of Beedle the Bard!

I also love the description of each of the brothers. The details were so specific and each brother was so distinct, and the way you wrote about said distinctions was so well done. Like... just so pretty! The writing in this is pretty! I don't know how else to describe it! haha This line in particular really stood out to me: He preferred academic pursuits over those of a warrior, and did his fighting with words rather than swords or even wands. - I mean, how could any person who writes not take pause at the power of that sentence? It's brilliant.

The third brother definitely stands out most of all, though. As fantastic as the first two seem in all their glory, the third brother is immediately the one you want to root for. He's the underdog, with his quiet demeanor and overlooked potential, and that's exactly the sort of person whose progress you want to follow in a story. I really hope this gets an update soon, because I'm so excited to see how his story plays out, both in his individual growth and with his upcoming relationship with the girl. And then of course that line about him having some sort of defining quality that you only allude to and don't reveal yet just has me so ridiculously intrigued! I must know what it is! hahaha

I don't know what else to say! This was just a really beautifully written, incredibly compelling prologue, and I am not above begging for an update. Please don't break my heart and tell me you've given up on this guy! I truly mean it when I say it has the potential to be one of the most phenomenal stories on this site. It has such a distinct voice and I know that must be hard to tap into sometimes, but I hope you and your Muse are able to pull a new chapter out of this sometime! Either way, congratulations on such a fabulous start, Maggie. I'm so glad the Hot Seat brought me here. :)

Tanya

Author's Response: HI TANYA!! Welcome to Maggieland, so glad to have you! I'm so happy you picked this story to review, because now you've inspired me to get back to work on it! I do have plans to continue. It just got pushed to the back burner :( But I'm really happy you enjoyed this first chapter!

You know, I saw that banner in the Up For Grabs section at tda, and as soon as I saw it I knew I had to have it for this story. Another reason I feel pretty guilty about letting it slip through the cracks for so long. But adlakfewjoaf, I'm just so floored that you were drawn in and that you liked the chapter! I wanted this prologue to feel like a legend or a fairy tale, so I LOVE that you mentioned Tales of Beedle the Bard! That's exactly the feel I was going for :)

I knew I wanted this chapter to be short, so I worked pretty hard at fleshing each brother out as fully as possible in just a few words. I'm glad you liked them! And oh goodness, it makes me so happy to hear that you like the style. Pretty writing is a great compliment :)

Yes, the third brother! I have big plans for him, even though I've let him gather dust for so long. I'm happy that you would want to read a story about him, because he does have a journey ahead :)

I have definitely not given up on this story, and this review has kickstarted my motivation to work on it! Thank you so so much, Tanya. Your kind words have absolutely made my day!! :)

--Maggie


 Report Review

Review #3, by writeyourheartoutKeeping Secrets: After the Battle

18th December 2014:
HAPPY HOT SEAT DAY, JAYDE!!! :-D

Ugh, what a sad opening chapter! Why was there no warning of the Fred feels that would happen?! Bad Jayde!

hahaha I tease, I tease. Really, though, as someone still in denial of Fred's death (outside of writing it myself, because I am a walking contradiction), this chapter really hits hard. I liked seeing this from Charlie's POV, though. Normally I see stories about the aftermath of losing Fred from George's POV - and once from Percy's - but I've never read one based around Charlie's reaction, and it was really emotional and opens up the fact that while George probably feels it the most, the rest of the family is heartbroken as well, and that counts double for Charlie, I think, seeing as he's really the least featured of the Weasley kids in the books.

I really liked the relationship you created between Charlie and Bill. Being the two oldest, it makes a lot of sense that they would be close and that they would understand each other the way we see them do here.

This part here just about killed me: Bill had always known how to comfort Charlie, and Charlie knew that Bill would be able to comfort him now... but Charlie didn't want to be comforted. A part of Charlie somewhere deep inside wanted to keep suffering in silence, to continue punishing himself with seclusion and guilt. - Gah, that's so, so sad and painful and raw and true. Survivor's Guilt is a very real thing, and it's reflected perfectly here. It's so hard to be the one who's left behind with nothing but these 'If only...' scenario's running through your head. You always think if you'd done one little thing differently, then things would have ended up differently, and that turns into blaming yourself. It's a deep, dark hole to dig yourself into, and I hope to see in later chapters that Charlie doesn't dig himself too much deeper into that abyss, because it is hard to crawl out of. Poor guy. :(

Ah, and then this line! Looking into the eyes of Ron, Percy, and Ginny would only cause him to wonder if they realized, as he did, that Fred's death was entirely his fault. - No, Charlie! It's not your fault! Gah! I just want to grab him by the shoulders and shake some sense into him! And that feeling of wondering if other people might blame you, too... Oi vey. You better be nicer to him later in the story, is all I have to say! ;)

The ending line was really powerful. That apology really makes an impact and hits you right in the feels. It was an excellent way to end the chapter.

I really enjoyed this, Jayde! I think it's a great, albeit terribly sad and heavy, opening chapter! I look forward to seeing where it goes from here! Good job! ^.^

Tanya

 Report Review

Review #4, by writeyourheartoutSeized: Prologue

18th December 2014:
Well, seeing as I have so sporadically reviewed this fic in the past, it's about time I go back to the beginning and start filling in the blanks!

Oh, and also... HAPPY (slightly belated) HOT SEAT DAY, DEE!!! :-D

I love that opening line: They came in the evening. - It really packs a punch and I remember when I first starting reading this story how that line immediately pulled me in then and still does today.

The pace of this chapter is so spot on. I love the action-packed tension and how mysterious it all is. You give us the bare minimum, so that we have no real idea about what the heck is going on, but are still desperate to know what it all means! It's the perfect balance and it's why I started reading and loving this story in the first place. I just needed to know what happened next! ^.^

Ah! It's so crazy coming back to the beginning of this story after having read your most recent chapter! But I love how I still actually have questions about what some of this stuff means!

And on that note...

WARNING: Some of this upcoming section's speculation may have already been answered or explained or whatever and I'm just an idiot with a poor memory who has forgotten future details, so bear with me if I'm talking nonsense! ;)

She sat up in her seat and took a deep breath in, thinking of the man she loved and how it was entirely his fault that she was in the situation. - The man she loved... That can't be Draco, can it? I wonder who this is referring to, then! There are actually a lot of small things in this chapter that I look forward to seeing the truth unravel around, like this: They had come for her, as they warned they would and trying to escape from them would be impossible. Her best hope was to show no signs of futile resistance and pray that the life she had worked so hard for would not be taken from her. - She still sounds so much like a victim even though we now know it was her plan all along! Eep! How can I have read every posted chapter so far and still be so lost?! LOL I seriously look forward to the next few chapters, in which I assume we'll be getting some explanations that show the double meaning of these words and how they don't apply at all the way you think they do when you first read it (if that made any sense... haha)!

He chucked* manically before shouting, "She's here!" - *chuckled

Anyway, this is just a short little intro chapter, so I don't have much more to say about it other than I loved it, I love what follows it, and I will try to be back with new reviews as soon as possible! *hugs*

Tanya

 Report Review

Review #5, by writeyourheartoutSeven--Four--One--Nine--Eight--Two (Am I a Good Man?): Chapter 1

16th December 2014:
HAPPY HOT SEAT DAY, KAREN!!! :-D

This was really great! I've never read a story from Barty Crouch Sr's perspective before, and I really loved it! I always forget how exceedingly complicated some of these minor character's are, and this one-shot did a really wonderful job at showcasing such a crazy part of Barty and his family's life in so much more detail than we get in the books!

That opening scene was set up really well, and your use of the thunder and the rain to build up the suspense and tension was extremely effective. I felt like something awful was going to happen, and it kept me right on the edge of my seat! Very cool. ^.^

The Winky flashback was one of my favorites. I was so happy to see you feature her in the story, and it really made me sad all over again thinking of how much she adored that family and how terribly she was treated in the end; cast aside over something that was not at all her fault. Poor thing. Seeing her actually in their home, taking care of them, just makes it hit home that much harder.

I just adore this line: The thunder seemed intent on guiding him along down this proverbial road - I love the way the thunder moves the story along, almost as if it's forcing him to think back on all of these moments - devastating though many of them are.

The Barty Jr flashback was another favorite of mine. Seeing him as an innocent child, excitable and kind, was such a stark contrast to who he grows up to be, and it really emphasizes just how much a person can be influenced by the people, situations, and opportunities around them. I also love that during this flashback, Barty Sr struggles with the idea of his son having potentially murdered someone. That's such a fatherly internal battle to be having - knowing that your son is evil and has done terrible things, and still wanting to give him the benefit of the doubt, still wanting to hope for the best in them.

This second Winky scene was just fantastic! Your version of her felt so spot on. And when he asks her if he's a good man, I just love how it wraps around to the title, too. Oh, and then he's nice to her and treats her like more than just a servant, and she's so grateful! Gah! Great scene. ^.^

The ending was really awesome, as well. That internal struggle was so palpable, and you actually made me feel for a character I didn't really like at all in the books (which is funny, seeing as in your Author's Note you don't seem to like him either)! The whole story was very intense and I thoroughly enjoyed it, top to bottom!

My only bit of criticism is that there seems to be a handful of little technical issues - those nitpicky details that even a week's worth of editing can still mean you don't find them all. (Believe me, as an extreme over-editor who always finds mistakes after posting, I understand this all too well. :-p)

Here are a few examples:

- He decided to wait a* for a few moments to see if it was going to do that again but ** nothing but rain as it continued to fall. - *Stray 'a', **I think you're missing the word 'heard' here
- What could this one could* possibly be about? - *Stray 'could'
- "Unrelenting.*" his wife finished with a grin. - *comma, not period
- He reached up and ran a hand along the edge of the box feeling its'* smoothness. - *No apostrophe
- He reached in to lift it gently from its'* pillow... - *No apostrophe

Also, you seem to start a lot of your sentences with the same few words so that it becomes just a bit repetitive in places. For example: He shook his head again as he threw the scroll down. He rested his elbows on the desk and ran his hands through his hair. He glanced up toward the date on the parchment: - All three sentences in this paragraph begin with the word He. This is something I used to struggle a lot with, especially when writing in first person, where every sentence seemed to start with 'I'. It's just one of those habitual writing things, but you can easily break it! Variety is the spice of life, and I think your already great story would be escalated to a whole other level with just a little tweaking!

Anyway, I know these are the tiny things that seem so insignificant, but can actually make a huge difference in quality and flow of a story by being tidied up, so just something to keep in mind should you ever feel like doing a quick edit! But, again, the story was still overall really fantastic and I'm so glad the Hot Seat brought me to your story! Really well done, Karen! :)

Tanya

 Report Review

Review #6, by writeyourheartoutUpping The Ante: Immortal

15th December 2014:
-LE GASP-

Okay, so I was right about the Alex thing! EXCEPT OH MY GOD IT WAS SO UPSETTING SO QUICKLY. POOR ALEX! HOW COULD YOU, ALEXANDRA/LO! *pets Alex* Ugh.

Although, having said that... I'm not as attached to the idea of Alex/Alexandra as I was last chapter. In fact, I've actually been swayed back to the side of being glad they're just friends. I hope this kiss doesn't ruin things for their friendship, though! I mean, I've been in Alexandra's shoes before with my best friend, and things changed a lot after that for us, and I don't want to see it happen to these guys too! Eep! I still love Alex as a character and I want him to be happy! I hope he gets over this and finds a new girl to love even more... PROMISE ME YOU'LL GIVE HIM A NEW GIRL AT SOME POINT! :-p

Okay, moving away from my slight obsession with the well-being of Alex...

Wow, a lot of crazy stuff happens this chapter! Sirius is such a little stalker with that map (but who am I kidding, wouldn't we all be? :-p), and I've decided that he seems to genuinely care about Alexandra. I'd love it if at some point in a future chapter we could hear about the extent of their relationship before this story began. Were they friends? Acquaintances? Competitors? I think a little more background info would really push me entirely onboard the Sirius/Alexandra ship. *lets go of Alex/Alexandra dream* ;)

Omg, Frank! No! That's so upsetting. And wow, did it come at a crazy moment, just after the almost kiss and the awful burn. That room was just total chaos. I love that you are able to handle scenes like that with such ease, though. Big scenes in which a lot of things happen are the types that I always feel like I'll drop the ball on (which is why I don't think I have any posted yet...), but you juggle all of the chaos with ease and I never lose track of what's happening, nor does the scene lose its pace. TEACH ME YOUR WAYS. (Seriously, I have a war scene coming up in Lying Josephine and I have no idea what I'm doing. Save me.)

As devastating as Frank's news is, I love the choice you made to include it - particularly because it brought a whole new layer to this story by including the war. More than that, I love the paragraph that talks about how Frank's father's death was the first pureblood life to be lost and the fear that idea seemed to instill in everyone. It's moments like that which remind you of how no one is safe during this time.

*pointedly ignores the fact that Hufflepuff is always labelled as the House with the laughable Quidditch team, but only because Amos Diggory is on the team and he was pretty awful, so I'm okay with him losing* :-p

I love the description and small details in this paragraph: The air was brisk as it usually was in November. Small patches of frost crunched under our feet. The beater's bat in my hand was cold, as was my Shooting Star, and I was glad for the fingerless gloves I had that offered some protection from the winter air. - So lovely. :)

So much awkward in the changing room after the game. Poor Alex. MAKE HIM HAPPY AGAIN, LO! hehehe

The ending was so sad, but really well done. I think Dumebledore's speech was perfectly in character, and his words were really moving and powerful. That last line about Charlie was a great way to finish the chapter off, as well - really gripping to put into perspective how close to home these attacks are, having to worry about your closest friends and their safety. I wonder if the attack on Hogsmeade will throw a wrench in the plans of Sirius and Alexandra's date? (I liked seeing the slightly more vulnerable side of Sirius when he asked her out, by the way. ^.^)

And now for another round of nitpicky thingies! :-p

But I couldn't shake one face from my mind as *I hard as I tried to. - *Stray I

(bloody hell* he was a phenomenal keeper!) - *comma

"No* don't be sorry." - *comma

...and little Tom seemed *to distressed **too tie up his gear properly. - *too, **to

And that's everything! Another great chapter, Lo! I really love that this story focuses on a wide spectrum of things; it makes it all the more enjoyable. And I do insist that you update soon. ;) Keep up the great writing! :-D

Tanya

 Report Review

Review #7, by writeyourheartoutUpping The Ante: Upping The Ante

15th December 2014:
FIRST OF ALL: I definitely referred to Alexandra as Alexandria all of my last review, so my sincerest apologies for that! I vote we blame it on the late hour of my reviewing. :-p

Anyway, onto the actual chapter review! Yay!

Ahahaha! A true Ravenclaw, she is! I was confused at first as to her tactic, but when Alex said, "Can't touch your opponent's glass," I was like OH SNAP. That was a great moment.

I can't tell if Alex has feelings for Alexandra or not. There was mention in chapter two, I think it was, of a Daisy (I think?) that Alex seemed to maybe have a crush on, but sometimes he acts like maybe it's Alexandra he actually has feelings for... *ponders* Either way, I quite like that I can't tell. Always fun to have a bit of mystery in a story! ^.^

Speaking of Alex, I'm really loving his character. He's incredibly three dimensional and I think you have an exceptional grasp on who he is as a person. And I love when we get to see these perfectly Ravenclaw moments pop up, like when he talks about the science behind alcohol and its effects on the body. And is it weird that I love the fact he plans to become an Investigative Coroner? hahaha He's quickly becoming one of my favorite characters, I must admit. Of course, I do have to wonder how he plans to be around dead bodies if he's so afraid of blood... But the leech incident was pretty adorable. Have I mentioned already how much I like Alex's character? :-p

I love the way you described the potion-making. The details here were really fantastic, and the decision to use so many terms and objects that us Muggles are actually somewhat familiar with was great, too (though, arguably not the most canon, but it doesn't bother me at all, so there!). I think describing events and activities is your strong suit - you write those scenes flawlessly, and I'm totally jealous, cause they aren't my forte at all.

Bahaha! The Shrinking Solution on Snape's nose! Too perfect. Imagery is a beautiful thing, is it not? hehehe

OMG SHE KISSED ALEX?!?! Ah! I feel so torn! Cause, I'm going to be honest with you, I currently much prefer Alex to Sirius. Sirius is a little... smarmy so far. He's all rehearsed lines and arrogance and charm and not a substantial, true, honest person yet. But Alex is awesome - as I've mentioned (a lot) earlier, and now I'm sad, cause they're of course not going to last! Also, because it's now past midnight and I have to go to bed before knowing what results of this kiss! Quite possibly nothing at all, cause maybe my earlier inkling of Alex having feelings for Alexandria was just you being a tricky author... I WANT TO KNOW BUT I MUST SLEEP CAUSE WORK IN THE MORNING. But I will be back after work for your final review! ^.^

Some more nitpicky details before I go:

"I was an idiot last night," I groaned, my head pounding from the million little hammers that seemed to be hitting it. - Alex, who sat across from me, smiled. "Yes, you are*..." - *were

"It'll be okay. Just get back quickly or I'll flaw* you because I am not botching this potion." - *Flaw doesn't seem to work here, but I'm not sure what you meant to say, either. Flay, maybe?

Anyway, I'm seriously enjoying this story, Lo. I can't wait to see what happens next. Damn you, responsible adulthood! *shakes fist*

See you soon,
Tanya ^.^

 Report Review

Review #8, by writeyourheartoutUpping The Ante: Live A Little

15th December 2014:
'lo, Lo! (Do people do that to you all the time? hahaha) I'm just gonna jump right into this review! ^.^

"We need to start a Charms club," I said as I burst into my dormitory. - Hahahaha! Omg, that is the perfect line to start this chapter after the way the previous one ended! I legitimately laughed out loud at this. Too funny.

Omg, this entire first section was just brilliant. I have to tell you, as someone who is in love with Remus Lupin, the girl talk surrounding him had me giggling so hard. I swear to God, that was such a realistic scene, I felt like I was right there with them freaking out over this adorable boy. Eep! I love him so much. And even though we've only had a glimpse of Remus' character thus far, I am loving your version already. ^.^ Oh, and the way the ending couple of lines looped back around to the Charms Club thing made me chuckle as well. Such a great opening section to this chapter.

I love that you introduced Amos Diggory as the boy Alexandria is first interested in. I mean, this is obviously a Sirius/OC fic, but I love that so far their interactions have been pretty mild. He seems like maybe he's interested in her, but he might just be a flirt at this point? It's hard to say - which I like! - whereas she hasn't shown any actual interest in him, especially compared to how quickly she was taken with Amos. I love that choice, because it adds such a great layer to this story that a lot of Sirius/OC's don't include - they tend to be completely Sirius-centric - and throwing Amos in adds believability and a fun subplot, even if Amos doesn't come back into the picture after his little face-sucking incident. haha

The friendship dynamics you've created are really great. I'm loving all of your OC's and how they're each distinct as individuals, but still make sense as a singular unit. In only three chapters, you've introduce a lot of new characters, and have somehow managed to make me care about them all. I think that takes exceptional talent to pull off, so some serious kudos to you.

Hahahaha! Can we talk about how much I LOVE that you made McGonagall a former bombshell? I can totally see it. :-p

You do a fantastic job at writing the action of a Quidditch game. By far one of the best telling's I've read, to be honest. You know how to highlight the right information so that we understand what's happening, while still keeping a quick pace to the action and building up the final moments so that I was on the edge of my seat waiting to see what would happen. And I felt the excitement that Alexandria and the others felt too at Gryffindor's win. Really wonderfully done, Lo.

EXCUSE ME WHILE I SQUEE MORE ABOUT REMUS. (Charlie is so lucky. Ugh. :-p)

I love the way this chapter ended. The whole section was great, but those last lines were an absolutely perfect way to leave it. And I have to admit, I am super excited to see what happens next chapter, because I'm taking an educated guess and thinking that maybe Alexandria's first foray into living a little may hold some fun consequences. hehehe

A few nitpicky little details:

"What did you talk about in the library,"* I asked, leaning forward on my knees. - Kendra** shrugged. "School stuff mostly..." - I think *here you want a question mark rather than a comma. And **here, did you mean Charlie? It makes it sound like Kendra is the one who was talking to Remus in the library, not Charlie. I was confused a bit about who it was that got asked out after that sentence, is all. Hope that makes sense... :-p

For years, it had been a back and forth between the two of them of awkward sexual tension. - This sentence is just a little wonky.

Red and green raced around the pitch and it was just barely possibly* to see Black as he zipped about on his Nimbus. Even Thomas began** enraptured with the Gryffindor beater's new broom. - *possible, **became

Anyway, I'm truly loving this so far. I sincerely look forward to seeing how this story continues to unravel! I'm gonna have to add this to my list of favorites, too, cause I am invested! Great job so far, Lo! Yay! :-D

Tanya

 Report Review

Review #9, by writeyourheartoutlow tide: a meditation

14th December 2014:
HAPPY HOT SEAT DAY, KRISTIN, MY LOVE!!! :-D

Okay, so, I have to admit, I've been actively avoiding reading this story for a long time now. It's just that I love your comedic writing so, so much, and I know you're going to be amazing at serious fics too because you're awesome like that, but this story clearly deals with Fred's death, and... yeah, it may sound hypocritical considering my novel, but outside of Lying Josephine, I'm still very much in denial over Fred's death! LOL But I'm finally going to bite the bullet and read this story, so here we go...

*some amount of time later*

...Wow.

That was really beautiful. I mean really, really beautiful. *is definitely not teary-eyed right now* *sniffs*

I love how - what's the word I'm even looking for? - easy it read. What I mean by that is it was obviously very sad and a difficult moment to portray, but none of it was forced, none of it felt tortured; it was written in a simple way that didn't tell the reader exactly how George was feeling about the loss of Fred, but still made us feel that loss just by his breathing in and out, by his decision not to join in on the castle building, by these small moments of thought and action that were a reflection of his feelings and built the emotion for us readers without telling us about it. I love that.

Your imagery and description in this story is to die for. I felt like I was there, sitting in the sand with him and Angelina and Lee, eating fish and chips, trying to find some semblance of normalcy and happiness amongst these simple pleasures.

This line hit me hard: Focus on the waves to numb the memory of that jarring impact on the castle wall, the tumbling stones, Fred laughing, Fred motionless. - It perfectly rekindles that moment in the books when Fred dies with "the ghost of his last laugh" still on his face, and makes it even more impactful when you gut-punch us with the words "Fred motionless." Ugh. So powerful that it makes me hate you a little cause THE FEELS. THE FEELS, KRISTIN. STAHP IT.

I love this line, too: And so the wheel turns. - because yeah, it does. I lost my dad in a very tragic way, and those moments are so crazy, so life-altering, and it feels like everything is done, is over, but it's not, cause life keeps going anyway, and you just try to find a new normal for yourself. It's a surreal moment, realizing that the wheel continues to turn. You captured it beautifully.

I don't know what else to say, to be honest. This was phenomenal. You are brilliant. Don't write any more stories like this or I might die. ;)

Tanya ^.^

Author's Response: Aw. Honestly, I completely understand about being in denial of Fred's death. How could JKR separate the twins?! Why?! I just... ugh.

Gah, thank you so much! *hands over tissue* I am really glad to hear it flowed in an easy and simple way - I was going for a sense of clarity through simple things as George begins to recover a little bit at a time, and how being in the presence of the power of nature reminds him of how everything moves on - like taking a step away for a moment. I'm glad to hear that the emotions were effective in being mostly implied, thanks!

ahh, thank you! that is so wonderful to hear about the descriptions, and gahh sorry for the punch in the feels line about Fred, but I am glad to hear it was so powerful, that means a lot to me.

Wow, thank you, I really appreciate that that line about the wheel resonated with you. I am so sorry to hear about your dad :( but yes exactly, it hurts, and it goes on. This story is the most honest piece I've ever written - really it's half about George moving forward from Fred's death, and half about my coming to terms with the death of my cousin.

Aaah, thank you soo much! You are too nice! ♥ Thanks for your incredible review!


 Report Review

Review #10, by writeyourheartoutFour: Four

13th December 2014:
I'm a couple hours late, but HAPPY HOT SEAT DAY!!! :-D

This was so beautiful; I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Part one I just adored. You set the tone of the fic perfectly from the first line, and I felt transported to this big, empty mansion, silent except for the sounds of a lone piano to comfort a young Blaise. The way this tied into those last lines - There was no piano playing that night, nor the nights that followed. I never could sleep quite right after that. - ugh, so powerful. I also loved how you brought in Blaise's revolving door of father figures and his mother's casually cruel way of explaining it to him. I honestly think this might be the first Blaise-centric fic I've ever read, and you really made me feel for him here. Beautifully done.

Part two was lovely as well. I'm sure most of your readers feel at least somewhat similarly to Blaise as far as their relationship to reading goes. I know I do. There's something so comforting about loving to read and the joy it brings wrapping yourself up in this completely different world and knowing it's there for you always. I always get lost in good books that suck you into their world, and it's fantastic, so I could definitely understand Blaise's point of view here. I really liked the introduction of Hermione here, as well. Because of the structure, I just sort of assumed we wouldn't hear a word about Hermione until part four, but I like that she got a moment before then - it created a greater foundation to root for them from.

Part three, my first thought was, YES! After this line: The third love of my life was Hogwarts. Wasn't that the love of most children? hahaha And I just loved this paragraph: The towers of books shielded me from the horrors I had to face from the people I associated myself with. The words on the paper kept me in my own world, if only for a little while. The peace was a calming factor that I hadn't felt since my mother's nimble piano playing. The smell was a solace, a reminder that not all was turning dark. There would always be the smell of books, no matter what the circumstances. - So beautifully stated. What stands out to me most about this section is the internal struggle that we see Blaise face as he's torn between the two sides of the war for various reasons. And I loved the way this section ended. Just lovely.

And finally part four. I actually really liked that it started off in a different format than the other three, because it's the most important one; the one where he finds peace and happiness in all of his previous loves and now a new one as well. This line is fantastic: I didn't see a way out, so I dug deeper in. - Perfect. Sorry, I feel like half of this review is just me quoting things back at you, but the writing in these places was just too good not to repeat! haha I like that the ending of this is actually somewhat open to interpretation as far as he and Hermione go. Like, does he love her from afar, or are they actually together and in love? Really lovely, either way, because he seems to have some closure.

I thoroughly enjoyed this and I have nothing bad to say about it! It was just really, really great. :)

Tanya

 Report Review

Review #11, by writeyourheartoutFive and a Half: Five and a Half

13th December 2014:
I'm a little late with this review, but HAPPY BELATED HOT SEAT DAY! :-D

This was so, so, SO cute! I sincerely enjoyed it, start to finish!

I've never read a Teddy/James fic before - mostly because I'm just not a big Next Gen reader in general - but (slightly inappropriate age difference aside) I really loved them together. Poor Harry, though! hahaha I can't even imagine... That beginning section was so awkward in the best way. I'm just trying to imagine if I had a son and a godson and found them making out in the shed together... That's gotta be a shocking thing to walk in on. LOL But he handles it well, all things considered. The end especially, with these lines: "It gave me a reason to ground you until you're conveniently eighteen." and "Teddy's still welcome to visit and write, but the bedroom doors are open for another two years." hehehe

The middle section was really wonderful, too. It was great being inside Teddy's head as he goes through this internal struggle in regards to his attraction to James. And I love how James ends up sort of luring Teddy into the shed and away from Albus to steal himself some privacy.

I love, love, love the way the title tied in. Such a great moment in the story, too, and you built up the tension between Teddy and James so, so well. Even though we knew from the beginning of the chapter they end up kissing, I was still on the edge of my seat thinking, KISS! KISS! OMG KISS! hahaha And then the last line! Gah! So perfect! :-D

Some of my favorite lines:

Harry just talked to Teddy about what happened, gave him advice, and laughed it off saying he did the same thing when he was in Hogwarts, except he fought a troll, too. - LOL Yep, the Golden Trio will probably always have a one-up on their kids trouble-making with that story alone! :-p

"So, let me get this straight," Harry started, momentarily overlooking the snort from James at his word choice. - HAHAHA Omg, I legitimately laughed out loud at this. Too funny. I love the moments of humor you snuck into this. The one-shot has a great balance of awkward and tense and funny and sweet all wrapped into less than 3k. So great. ^.^

A few minor, nitpicky details:

Okay, stop!" Harry interrupted, bringing his hands around Albus' ears. - You're missing the first quotation mark here.

The wall was lined with cheaply made Beater's bats, as no one in the Potter family *every played the **positon. - *ever **position

My only bit of criticism is that I think you may have made Albus seem just a little too young for his age in certain moments. He sounds a bit more like a six year old than a twelve year old in a few places. Like this line: "Da-ad!" Albus whined, "Don't say it like that! That makes me sound like a baby!" I think something a bit more bitingly sarcastic would have made him seem more age appropriate, maybe? Or when he doesn't understand what the hand gesture (which I'm assuming to be the most common of these types of hand gestures) means; I think at twelve with at least one - possibly two? - years of school under his belt, he'd know about it by now. But, that said, I'm not really the most trustworthy source on kids of any age and am really just comparing this to Harry, Ron, Hermione, and others in their year from Chamber of Secrets and think they never felt quite so young there, is all. But it's a minor detail in an otherwise brilliant story, so absolutely feel free to completely ignore this (especially cause I could be totally wrong. :-p)!

Anyway, overall, I absolutely adored this! AND I see you have a sequel of sorts to this fic, too! I'm excited for your next Hot Seat day, cause now I know exactly where I'll be headed! I look forward to reading more about them, cause you really did an excellent job! Thanks for the great read! :-D

Tanya

 Report Review

Review #12, by writeyourheartoutchristmas eve.: spending time with family.

12th December 2014:
Technically I'm a few hours late now, but I'm gonna say it anyway:

HAPPY HOT SEAT DAY! :-D

What a cute chapter! It was so sweet and just a bit sad and really was the perfect little Christmas fic to get you in the spirit!

Your OC's were all extremely enjoyable - Betty in particular stood out to me! She was so adorable and obviously kind to offer comfort to Brooklyn as she waited to see her granddad. The knitting thing was really nice, and I love the way it tied into later parts of the chapter. I hope we get to see Betty again!

The end of the chapter was so, so, so cute! I love how happy and proud her Granddad was about the scarf! That last line seriously made me 'Aww!' hehehe Really well done. ^.^

The chapter itself was great, but more than that, I love the idea behind the structure of this story - the Valentine's Day/New Year's Eve type set-up - and look forward to new chapters and seeing how you tie upcoming characters in with the ones we met in this one! It's a really great format to try and follow, and a big goal! A lot of moving parts, but I look forward to seeing how you tackle it!

A few minor details:

Our family had an argument about some other stupid, unrelated issue *when then later segued into me finding out that I was adopted. - *I think you meant which then here.

"...It doesn't even matter that we're in a hospital, at least I'm with you." *his blue eyes started welling up... - *The 'h' in 'his' should be capitalized here.

I think there are maybe a few other little things in the chapter, but they're all very small, nitpicky details, so I wouldn't worry about it. Just wanted to point a few out in case you're a perfectionist like me who tries to nab every typo! (Somehow, no matter how many times I edit before posting, I always end up with a plethora of typo's! hahaha)

So, my only suggestion for this chapter (and potentially the story as a whole, depending on what/who's to come) is to be careful about being too explain-y in sections. It's hard with OC's, because you want the readers to understand them and who they are the way that you do, and you generally want that understanding to happen right away, but be patient and trust yourself as an author and trust your readers to be able to follow the story without feeling like you need to explain who your character is immediately. You want to show, not tell, and it just felt like this chapter had a bit too much telling rather than showing, is all. But hey, I do the same thing too with OC's without realizing it until someone points it out - it's such a hard trap not to fall into! *shakes fist at the writing gods* :-p

I really enjoyed it overall, though! I hope you have chapter two out by your next hot seat day! I'd love to see where this goes! Again, I think you've struck gold with the structure idea of this story. It's going to be really cool being introduced to even more people and seeing how things tie together! Congrats on a great start! Yay!

Tanya ^.^

 Report Review

Review #13, by writeyourheartoutWaiting on You: Waiting on You

10th December 2014:
Happy Hot Seat Day, Erica! :-D

This was so sweet. I really love your version of Albus. I think you really justified his flaw of almost complete lack of patience with the background information you provided about growing up as Harry Potter's son. Made it completely believable.

The second paragraph really stood out to me. I love what you wrote about Albus having grown up in this suppressing box of a life. That was a really stand out moment and a great comparison as he stares out at the empty classroom before him. And these lines were just fantastic: "He did not care if Albus was a Potter; just as much as Albus did not care that he was a Malfoy. It was different and refreshing to ignore last names, rather than dwell on the complexities that came with them." - I love that! It's such a small moment in such a short little one-shot, but it creates this desire in me to root for these two. I'm not a big Next Gen fan, so I came into this fic and these characters without any sort of pre-determined feelings or expectations, really, but those two lines make me want these two to end up happily together.

I love the way this third paragraph touches back on Albus' main flaw showcased in this story - his impatience - but that it flips it in a way to show how Scorpius would be his exception. It's very sweet. Did I already mention how I'm rooting for them? ^.^

Daw! What a sweet ending! Yayz!

I really love how this story isn't just a short, fluffy one-shot, but that it touches on deeper things, like the delicacy and fear that comes with making the decision to come out. The fact that they get to do it together, though, makes it even better. I like to think that their families - even the Malfoy's - would accept them both without much fuss at all. :)

Oh! And I thought Scorpius as a sweet, shy, insecure character was a really nice choice and not one I've seen before!

Anyway, really sweet story, Erica! And double kudos for your first attempt at slash! Really well done.

Tanya ^.^

 Report Review

Review #14, by writeyourheartoutEffortlessly Dead: A Chance Encounter

7th November 2014:
Hi Emmi! Congratulations on completing the first fifth of your NaNo!!! I'm such a proud momma! *hugs* Thought it was only appropriate that I celebrate with a review on this brilliant chapter! Yayz! ^.^

Ah, Menna! She's so cool! I mean, she's also a murderer, but she's so awesome! Climbing trees, jumping through windows, snooping around; just basically being a boss. Her attitude cracks me up, too. When she gets annoyed and almost slams a door when she knows she needs to keep quiet sneaking around... hahaha Too good.

Eee, she was framed!!! And that letter was from the Magpie?!?! Cause they're still alive! I mean, I sort of assumed considering the premise of the plot, but still! Such a great moment when she realizes and accepts its truth. But oh man, did Ifan really know she was framed and still give her all that grief?? Rude.

I think it's so crazy how Ifan and Menna both seem almost disinterested in magic. They're such unique characters. It's a distinct trait to give them. I love it, even if part of me wants to grab them by the shoulders and yell about how lucky they are to have magic and why would they not want to utilize its awesomeness. Such a Muggle reaction. ;)

OMG SOMEONE'S GONNA ENTER THE ROOM. I have 10 bucks that says it's Galen! *fingers crossed, cause I totally want them to have a scene together, although if it is him, I'm little afraid of what Menna might do*

Daww, poor Galen and his judgmental family members. I say whatever to them, cause Galen is awesome-sauce. Side-note: If I knew someone who worked in a morgue, I would totally behave just like those cousins asking crazy questions. hehehe

"After hearing the boy's exclamation he was more positive than ever that television was only a step away from dark magic." - LOL!!!

Okay, I'm solidifying the comment I made last time: I totally ship Galen/Menna. hehehe Not that they got much screen time together just yet, but I don't care. They're both just my favorites, so it can't be helped. I love how the shrike tattoo came into play! I remember it being hinted at in an earlier chapter and it was fun seeing it and having Galen recognize Menna for what she was. And that little smirk she gives him before jumping out the window - classic Menna. :-p

The ending section with Ron was great too! It was nice getting his perspective and I think you handled him really well! I particularly loved the way he was able to read Harry's expression and ascertain that they were both feeling suspicious about the circumstances surrounding the break-in and Cosmas.

A few tiny details:

"Menna grouched (crouched, not grouched) behind a waist-high hedge growing a few foot (feet, not foot) away from the manor and gazed at the building thoughtfully."

This wording is a little wonky: "Didn't they trust her after all?" - I would rephrase to maybe say, "Did they not trust her after all?"

"Besides, she mused, tapping her wand idly against her thigh which caused green sparks (to) erupt from its tip..."

"As he turned to glare at his elder sister she shot him a warning look that made him swallow any and all protests that had been threatening the (to, not the) spill from his lips."

Oh, Emmi. How do you do it? Another phenomenal chapter! Your characters are amazing as ever - even the ones we get only small glimpses of, like Annabel (I like her quite a lot ^.^) - and your attention to detail and talent regarding description is just the best. I love this story much! Eep!

Congrats again on 3k! And 6k is right around the corner! Woot woot! *cheers*

Tanya

Author's Response: Yay, another review!

I love the fact that you love Menna even though her attitude could definitely use some improvement - but then again, she wouldn't be the Menna we love if she changed too much, would she? Her attitude amuses me too, but I think the people who have to deal with her on a daily basis don't always share my sentiment :)

Ifan's ideas about raising children are rather skewed, indeed... Maybe it's a good thing he's childless himself!

Yes, the Magpies are indeed very much alive... or rather, one Magpie is alive. You've already met him ;)

Y'know... I never really planned to make both Ifan and Menna so disinterested in magic. It just... sort of happened on its own. I swear sometimes these characters are writing themselves.

Galen's family does give him a hard time for the choices he made, but I dare say he can be plenty difficult himself when he puts his mind to it... Also, I think I'd be asking stupid questions too, if I knew someone who works in a morgue :)

Just to let you know, Galen and Menna are both horrified at the thought of being paired together ;) And yay, you remembered the mark being mentioned! *does a little happy dance* It's the only sure-fire way to recognise a Shrike, so Galen has been told his whole life. I'd imagine that as a boy he sometimes had nightmares of those marks and the people who bear them... Not that he'll ever admit that.

I'm glad you liked Ron! At first I thought about writing that section from Harry's POV, but Ron kind of usurped his position :) I was a little concerned he sounded too much like Harry, though; I'm happy that that was not the case :)

As to how I do it... I honestly don't know ^.^; It just... happens, I guess. Thank you so much for the compliments!

As always, thank you for your help with the language matters (and with everything else, too)! And thank you for the review too, it really made my morning!

- Emmi


 Report Review

Review #15, by writeyourheartoutEffortlessly Dead: Secret Plans

27th October 2014:
Hello again, Emmi! ^.^ So sorry it's taken me so long to get around to reviewing these newer chapters, but I swear it does not mean my love for this fic has worn off at all (only that I'm a lazy procrastinator)! Also, side-note: I'm so excited to see you're working on this for NaNo! Yay! (Also, I may or may not be continually flipping through your character boards as I read cause I've been sucked into your world!)

You're such a detailed and descriptive writer without ever sacrificing pace and fluidity. The sense of environment you create is something I just love about your writing, because wherever the characters are, I feel transported there with them. At the coffee shop, for example - you never forget the location and how it impacts your characters and their actions/reactions. I love when Murdo says, "Disgusting" just as the waitress passes by. hahaha Things like that, those little details, really fill the story out in a way not every author utilizes.

I've said this before, but I love your OC's. Gry and Murdo are really fantastic. I like that Gry is different to Menna - softer and more caring, while still being self-preserving. I'm remembering the egg scene and comparing it to this, and I can't imagine Menna would smile apologetically to the insulted waitress. hehehe And Murdo is a really fun combination of nonchalant and sweet. I also love the way they talk about their line of work so casually, as if they aren't assassins with deadly hopes and dreams. haha It's really great.

This Vance guy sounds super interesting! Can't wait to read more about him! - "We have to wait for Vance to complete his part, and for them to take the bait. Then, well..." His eyes hardened and his voice became a malicious whisper. "Then it is only a matter of time before they have to leave their sanctuary." - Eeee, what are they all up to?? haha Am I meant to be on Team Shrike, cause I'm leaning that way for now, as much as I like these new characters! I have no idea what's going to happen, and I absolutely love that. Also, I LOVE the way you incorporated the rhyme into this story! I was hoping we'd see it somewhere! :-D

Menna again! I love her. She's such a great OC. I just love how fierce she is. She's got such a vindictive, terrifying nature to her, and is so impossibly proud, but she's so fun to read! And her potentially sneaking into the morgue! I'll be so excited if that happens. I hope she and Galen meet! They're my two favorites at the moment. And the body!!! Is that what's happening? It was a fake?? Eep!

The moment when she hugs her grandfather was really sweet! That's definitely the nicest and most genuinely cheerful we've seen Menna thus far! hehehe The family dynamic is just phenomenal, by the way. Everyone is so distinct, and there's that perfect balance of irritation and genuine love for one another that most families seem to have. Oh, but wait! New mission! And it involves the Fawley's!! Dubious letters indeed... I wonder what's in them!? And who was the unreliable source? And is Cosmas Fawley a Magpie?? Or at least evil/somehow involved? And what's her grandfather hiding? So many questions! haha

Galen! I know I said this already, but he's my favorite alongside Menna. His relationship with his father seems really complex, and I can only imagine that will continue to gain tension as this mysterious letter business unfolds, because I get the feeling Cosmas is not a good guy while Galen is, and Galen doesn't even know his father's (presumably) dark secrets yet, it looks like. Maddie was a fun character, too! I kind of like that she's air-headed in a family full of Healers. hehehe And who is this Elinor Swift lady? Is it weird that I'm sort of rooting for a Galen/Menna thing to happen? LOL Whatever, I stand by it (for now). ;)

"Funny how your words seem to be contradicted by your actions..." - Love this line.

"Life and death go hand in hand. A healer knows this better than anyone else. They also know that sometimes the death of one means life for another. The question is: Who dies and who lives?" - Um... Holy cryptic message, Batman! hahaha I have so many questions about that note that I'm not even gonna try to list them all here. I'll just sum them all up in one word: WHAT?!!? O_O

Few minor things:
"She wasn't entire (entirely, not entire) certain if she could perform that kind of magic..."
"Time was of (the) essence, though."
"Well, it (there, not it) was no point in arguing about it."
""You want me to find out the contents of those letters," Menna said as her uncle's plan dawned to (on, not to) her."
"Then something dawned to (on, not to) her."

This story is excellent. It's hands down one of my favorites on the site. And I promise you'll see me soon in the next two chapters! Keep writing and good luck with NaNo! (Oh yeah, I'm your mom, aren't I? I'm totally going to pester you out of love for this fic. Muahahaha!)

Tanya ^.^

Author's Response: Hey Tanya! Thanks for stopping by! I'm always looking forward to your reviews, they are always so detailed and reading them puts me in such a good mood.

I'm really happy to hear that you think the description in this story is enough to give a mental image of the places a scene is set in. I think I've said it before (possibly somewhere else) that I don't like to use many descriptive words because it's easy to go overboard with those and flood the reader with adjectives and adverbs they could do without. At the same time, however, I'm a little worried that I'm not describing things enough and the reader is left confused. Glad it's working for you!

Ah, Murdo and Gry. They're so much fun to write about. Gry isn't intended to be an exact antithesis to Menna but they are very different in personality. I don't think they would come along very well even if they were on the same side!

Also, I find it funny you described Murdo as sweet, since that's not the way I would describe him ;) Or perhaps he's showing his softer side to Gry alone. Hmm...

Look forward to meeting Vance properly in chapter five! As to what is everyone up to and what side you should be in... well, I guess you'll just have to keep on reading to find out ;)

I'm so, so glad you like Menna! I really like writing about her (she's my favourite even though she can be a handful), but at times I'm worried how readers will react to her, since she's not exactly the most likable person there is. But as you noticed, there is another side to her... hidden deep (very deep) beneath the layers of pride and (over)confidence.

About those questions... everything will be answered in due time ;)

Cosmas and Galen really don't come along. In fact, I don't think Galen is really close to anyone in his family save for his sister Annabel. He just sort of... lives together with them. And yes, there is definitely more tension coming, although I'm not telling whether your guess about Cosmas is correct or not ;)

And it's not weird at all that you're rooting for Galen/Menna. I am too, but you never know with those two... They have minds of their own.

Yay, you're asking more questions! That's good, because I feel I would have failed if everything was completely obvious ;)

Thanks for pointing those mistakes out, and thanks for reviewing! Looking forward to your next one :)

- Emmi


 Report Review

Review #16, by writeyourheartoutlove and lycanthropy and other institutions: institutionalisation

15th October 2014:
I know - I know! - you're looking at this review and immediately thinking to yourself, "Hey... this is definitely more than the 50 word limit you agreed to, Tanya! Blasphemer!" And... yeah, yes, it totally is. BUT. That's only because I'm not counting this intro bit or anything after the following paragraph which, once you take all of those things away, leaves only these 50 words:

There are not words good enough to express my feelings for this. It is not simply a love story, but a complex life story, and all the more beautiful for that. Flawless writing, characters, and the Queen of Description. Seriously, I'm making you a crown and sash. I wholeheartedly adore.

On the dot! I swear it!

teh. teh teh teh. I've read and reread and reread this story a number of a times now, attempting to figure out how to word my overwhelming gratefulness that you would craft such a phenomenal story for me. That Author's Note in the beginning... omg, I die every time. (Side-note: being your NaNo mum was just as much fun for me! *hugs*) And I can't believe how many of the little things we talked about as being my favorite details to see in a Remus/Sirius fic actually happen here! You're beyond incredible for trying so hard to craft this story specifically around me, it's just ridiculous. I feel so spoiled and special and just wholly undeserving of something so unparallelled in perfection. Thank you endlessly for this story, for your kindness, for your friendship. You are so, so incredible.

I JUST LOVE YOU! *glomps*

Tanya ^.^

Author's Response: Awww, Tanya! ♥

I'm sorry it has taken me aaages to respond to this lovely review (you totally bent the 50 word rule!! Blasphemer! :P)

Gah, to receive this sort of feedback from you is just amazing, and I'M SO GLAD YOU LIKED IT!?!?!? Because if you didn't, and I somehow ruined your OTP I would have thrown myself off a cliff in shame. :P

And you totes deserve to feel spoiled and special! You're the loveliest friend ever, to me and pretty much everyone else on the forums. Thank you for being so supportive of my writing; you make HPFF a far brighter place with your amazingness. ♥

-teh


 Report Review

Review #17, by writeyourheartoutonce upon a fairytale: The Werewolf

15th October 2014:
*races to be first review*

(No, seriously, I am frantically typing now that my boss has left the office, so my sincere apologies if this review is both sporadic and absolutely pales in comparison to this incredible story! Eep!)

OMG IZ I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU TRICKED ME SO! HAD ME STALKING THE RECENTLY ADDED STORIES LIST UNDER FALSE PRETENSES!!! AND I TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY FELL FOR IT! AH!!! HAHAHA You are SO incredible for having written this for me! Honestly, I'm shocked, I didn't expect it in the slightest! What a beautiful surprise, and your Author's Note is just so beyond sweet, I don't even know how to properly respond!!! Gah! I am nothing more than a puddle on the floor. You have melted me. 'Thank you' doesn't even begin to cover it. *hugs*

The story... Omg. I can't. It's not only a Remus/Sirius - *melts* - but IT'S ALSO A FAIRYTALE! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? The narration is so phenomenal, and when I got to the end and learned that you imagined it as James II telling it as a bedtime story, it just became even more special, which I didn't think was possible! The tone, the creativity, and the (as always) incredible quality of your writing just blows me away. Gah!

LAMOLLA! HAHAHAHA! Omg, I am dead. SO. FUNNY. SO. BEYOND. EPIC. And suddenly everything makes sense, too... You and your anagrams! LOL Can we expect to be seeing Tessi or Wesley anytime soon? ;) hehehehe Side-note: I would not be at all upset if Lamolla got a little peck on the cheek from the beautiful boys in this story. ;)

I love the assignments you've given certain characters, like Lily at the Apothecary, and Vernon Dursley as the Mayor, and OMG KNIGHT PADFOOT! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I CANNOT WAIT FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER TO GO UP! Seriously, this feels so authentically like a true fairytale. You are amazing.

Okay, because I want to be first, I'm shutting myself up now, but let me just wrap this up by saying that every moment, every detail, every word of this story is my favorite thing about it. The whole thing, just... phenomenal. You are so incredible, as a writer, as a person, as a friend. And that you did this to cheer me up... *blinks away tears* I'm so truly touched, and so ridiculously happy in this moment. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Endless thank you's. Ah!

Tanya ^.^

 Report Review

Review #18, by writeyourheartoutApogee: Waxing Crescent

12th July 2014:
Hello there! *waves*

So, I've been wanting to read and review some of your stories for awhile now and just couldn't say no to a Remus-centric fic! I'm a huge fan of Lupin and he is hands down my favorite character, for all the reasons you mentioned in your Author's Note and a million more, and nothing grabs me like a well-written, true to character story starring Moony, and that's exactly what this was. Just brilliant.

The way this begins is so gripping, which, considering how common the act of a crying newborn baby tends to be, is really saying something. This opening section with the list of thoughts and emotions that Remus experiences at the sound of his child crying is just so raw and real and terribly truthful given the time. The war is clearly at a point where every little thing has you on edge. When the worry of his child's safety fades a bit in this moment, though, the progression his thoughts take afterward are just so very much who Remus is. You really, truly captured his self-deprecating nature, which was both wonderful and heart-breaking to see. It's always been so upsetting for me to understand the battle Remus always has raging inside of his own mind, because he's such a wonderful person really, but he struggles so much to see it and he never lets himself off the hook, and in this scene I just want to shake him and hold him and knock some sense into him, force him to realize just how good he actually is... but then I suppose he wouldn't be Remus if he accepted all that, would he? haha Really phenomenal job capturing all of that.

I've never been a big fan of the Remus/Tonks ship, most probably because I'm a little obsessed with the idea of Remus/Sirius (are you rolling your eyes at me? :-p), but there was something really beautiful and natural and lovely about how you wrote the two together. This line in particular just beautifully captures their dynamic: "But you know what's most important about your Mum? She never gives up on people she loves."

And then when it's followed by this: ""That means us," I quickly added, looking wistfully toward the staircase that led to our bedroom, where 'Dora was fast asleep. "Don't ask me why she chose me. I can't explain that. But I'll tell you this.(maybe a colon here instead of a period?) She saved us both when she did(comma) your Mum. She saved us both." - This line is too perfect. Perfectly Remus.

Oh gosh, the further along I read, the sadder you make me feel, because I saw the little note in the summary about this being Remus' last 24 hours to live, and so I know what's coming; I know what you're leading me to! Don't do it! hahaha Your choice to focus in part on the more arbitrary, every day dealings of life - things like your kids cry waking you up in the middle of the night, or watching your wife and child goofily wave at you through the window - really made for a heavy impact, because it shows just how normal the day can begin, only to be turned entirely on its head at a moment's notice. We take so much for granted in those little every day moments, and I was glad to see Remus appreciating them for what they were. I like to think that even if the war weren't there to influence his actions, Remus is the type of person who would appreciate those moments with his son anyway, without the threat of potentially losing each other.

"This time he squirmed, scrunching his fate (face, not fate) tightly and inadvertently turning his eyes green. He was sleepy. Our time together was fading." - The end of this sentence - ah, so heartbreaking! If only it were just a nap that was going to separate them! :-(

"It's (It, not It's) would've been better-"

""Don't you dare talk about yourself like that!" she snarled. "As if you're dispensable."" - You tell him, Tonks! ^.^ This entire scene, with Remus trying to sneak off to Hogwarts on his own so that 'Dora doesn't know the war has finally come to fruition, so that he can spare her life for both her own and Teddy's sake, is something I can absolutely see having happened.

"Tell him I loved him. That I fought for him." - *holds back tears*

I've not yet imagined for myself exactly how Remus' death may have happened. I knew it was during the battle, I knew it was Dolohov who killed him, but I've never been able to bring myself to consider what dying was actually like for Remus - what those final moments held. Mostly because I didn't want to, because he's my favorite character, and because life has been so unkind to him in general that I like to focus on the moments when he maybe did feel some unadulterated joy. But this moment you created, with a death that comes slower than Avada Kedavra, one that leaves him staring up at the moon and knowing it's all over, was just so flawlessly executed; what a brilliant choice you made with that. And your Dolohov, though only there for a moment, made an incredible impact. A very powerful image, his enjoying Remus' death - pausing, even, to show his happiness that he's taken a life.

Before I conclude this review, I wanted to ask out of pure curiosity: In canon Tonks obviously is at the battle as well and dies there, too. Is that something that you imagine happened here as well, only Remus doesn't know of her having shown up? Or did you give her and Teddy a bit of a happier ending? Either way, it was really lovely that at least Remus died believing his family was together and safe without him.

I don't know what else to say other than I truly enjoyed this. It's beautifully written and your portrayal of every character spoken of was just spot on for me. Oh, and as far as the goals mentioned in your Author's Note? You certainly did all of those things you set out to do. Wonderful, wonderful job.

Tanya
House Cup 2014 Review

Author's Response: Howdy Tanya! Thanks for the wonderful (and wonderfully detailed review)!

I definitely wanted to go for a very raw feel in the beginning and I'm glad that came across. I wanted to capture his combined feelings about the things that would be weighing most heavily on his mind - the war and his family. Of course, as you mention, he would hardly be Lupin if this didn't make him immediately wrestle with his more negative emotions.

I'm also glad you thought I did Remus/Tonks justice. I only have three ships I'm really "into" and Remus/Tonks is not one of them (and I'd never written it before), so I was interested to see how it would be received and it's nice to hear you thought their relationship was handled well.

I also definitely wanted to make his last day more of an "every day" type of day. These were the things Lupin noticed and thought about and cared deeply about. While the war tinged his view of them (how could it not?), I definitely still think war or no war, he would have focused on them. I picture Lupin as a very introspective character (at least partly due to his condition) and so I think he'd definitely be reflecting on them and experiencing them deeply too, especially the moments with Teddy what with him being a new parent.

When it comes to his death, I suppose we don't really know what curse killed him. Since it was Dolohov, I just kind of fudged it and made it "Dolohov's Curse" (which also shows no external signs of injury) so I could lengthen it out like you mentioned. I definitely wanted to have that moment with Dolohov looking down on him, as well as the chance for Lupin have his reflection under the light of the moon.

As for the timing, as we see it in canon, Tonks arrives and asks where Lupin is, seeming to indicate they haven't seen each other yet at the Battle of Hogwarts. They mention that he was last seen dueling Dolohov, and so I basically concluded that once Tonks arrived, Lupin was either already dead (or about to be) and did not learn that Tonks had come before he was killed.

Thanks so much again for the splendid review!


 Report Review

Review #19, by writeyourheartoutFred and George's Lollypops: Langlock Lollies

9th July 2014:
Well, this is just too cute! Who doesn't love a scheming Fred and George Weasley, I ask you? ^.^

The flow and the pacing of this story is really nice for a comedy piece. The dialogue-heavy writing was really great for keeping the story upbeat and quickly paced. There's nothing worse than a story trying to be humorous and dragging us through a sea of paragraphs filled with unnecessary descriptions. It was a very smart choice to allow the dialogue to do the talking (literally, hehehe) and fill in the necessary background information as opposed to getting too caught up in arbitrary details.

I love, love, love the way you tied in so many of Fred and George's idea's for their products as having been influenced by Harry in some capacity! Such a cute idea, and it provided a really excellent little glimpse into the thought processes of the twins! And some of those products you mentioned I've not heard of before, so I'm assuming you thought them up all on your own! If that's the case, kudos! I could see every product mentioned here being somewhere in their store someday!

The little exchange between Fred and George as they talk about the potential of Harry and Ginny is ADORABLE. Daww. Gave me the warm fuzzies. ^.^ And I LOVE that it turns into a bet over who gets together first! My money's on Harry/Ginny. ;)

I think I actually laughed out loud during the exchanges that occurred after Ron and Hermione were finally forced to shut up. :-p This fic is full of cute, funny, and clever ideas; I really enjoyed it.

There are a few small grammatical errors, so I thought I'd take a minute to point some out for you, using this sentence here as a prime example: ""Anywhere those two aren't.(comma, not period)" he replied(comma) indicating Ron and Hermione arguing by the chess board,(period, not comma) "I'm ready to hex them both into next week. If I didn't think Hermione would kill me I'd use Lang Lock on the both of them."" - Tiny details! But even just making those small changes allows for the story to have a nicer fluidity, in my opinion! Your grammatical missteps are almost entirely in relation to sentence structure when dealing with quotations, so if you ever came back to tidy this adorable fic up a bit, I think you'd have any easy time making those few adjustments!

The transitions between different scenes and moments in time were a bit rough in parts, I thought, and tended to break up the otherwise great flow of the story. It's definitely a challenge for anyone and everyone to smoothly and effectively transition from one scene to another, myself included, so you're certainly not alone! If you ever do plan to make edits, I would simply consider trying to smooth them out!

Another small detail, and I could be off on this (please ignore if that's the case!), but I was looking up the spell, and "Lang Lock" is actually just "Langlock", as one word. Assuming the lollypops title is based off of the jinx itself, I would consider writing it out the same way that the jinx is written. Not a big deal either way, though, but I thought I'd point it out anyhow! ^.^

The ending! hahaha Too cute! You know, when I'm ignoring the fact that Fred is dead and all... *holds back tears* I really love how very close to canon you were able to make this! So many references to things we dealt with in the books; it really brought up a lot of good memories for me in regards to the first time I experienced the products and scenes you refer to. Just really lovely.

Overall I really enjoyed this little fic! It was really cute and had some really clever canon moments pulled in and expanded upon! I'm glad I stumbled upon this little guy in my search for a Weasley Wizard Wheezes related story, as I thoroughly enjoyed it! Congrats on such a sweet little story and thanks for the read! :-D

Tanya
House Cup 2014 Review
Educational Decree #6

Author's Response: Thanks for your review, I'm glad you liked it. I'm not using this site any longer. I am using the same id on a different fan fic site and this story is posted there, along with all my newest stuff.

 Report Review

Review #20, by writeyourheartoutHarry Potter and the Conspiracy of Blood: Everything That Ever Mattered

28th April 2014:
Why hello again, Dan! ^.^ I've come back for more!

So, I have to start by pointing out what is quite possibly an extremely arbitrary detail to be bringing up at all, but whatever, I'm doing it anyway: that opening paragraph cracks me up! Not because it's particularly funny, but because it's just this long list of honorable and/or cherished titles - ranging from Order of Merlin First Class to grandfather - that comes to a close with Harry doing the most normal thing in the world: simply chillin' outside sipping on some water and chatting with his wife! LOL All he ever really wanted was normalcy, and there it is. hahaha Love it.

There is something so endearing about 64 year old, grandfather Harry. The way he talks about his granddaughter, Lillian, getting sorted, and then about their interaction after one of his classes (love that he's teaching, by the way - I assume DADA?) and it makes him all misty eyed... ugh, so sweet. In fact, every time he thinks fondly about any of his children or grandchildren, it just warms my heart! It says to me that life after the war was mostly good to him, which is really what he deserved. After a childhood with the Dursley's, it's just nice to see that he got a true family of his own in the end. :)

And the Neville bit! Ha! I think he'd be a great Headmaster, and it was a really sweet touch to mention how the portraits of all the Headmaster's past seem to approve of him, with the exception of the ever surly Snape, still with the power to frighten Neville, even in pint-sized proportion! hehehe Poor kid can't catch a break from that man, can he? ;)

...So I'm about a quarter of the way through this chapter, and I was just hit with the overwhelming feeling that Ginny might be dead... She hasn't said a word yet and Harry's just rambling on and... I don't know, man, did you kill her off? *reads on* Still hasn't said what's happening outright yet, but the more I read, the more I think that perhaps she's still there and alive, only there's something seriously wrong with her... like Alzheimer's or something akin to what Alice and Frank Longbottom suffered from... Eep! I'm all nervous now! *bites nails* OH GOD HE'S CRYING, IT'S COMING - WHAT IS IT? O_O

No! Dan! She's dead! Ugh, my heart! I don't even like Ginny all that much, but the way you built that up and revealed it was so gut-wrenching! I mean, this right here: "Why her? Why not me? . . . I'm supposed to protect everybody. Why couldn't I save her?" Rip my heart out, why don't you? Really, it's beautifully unfolded and incredibly sad. Harry always did struggle with survivor's guilt, and he's so hard on himself when someone passes and he's unable to stop it. I can't tell if whatever took Ginny's life was something that he actually could have prevented, but I think it's probably just him taking responsibility for something that he would never have been able to control, no matter what he'd done differently. I assume we'll eventually learn what killed her? *pokes for information* :-p

Even after he sobers, the ending is still quite heavy and emotional. This part is particularly poignant: "At the moment, it sat empty with all the children off at school and the adults going about their daily lives. Almost as empty as Harry felt." It must feel impossible at times to be all alone in that big house, and it sounds like he's about at his wits end. I have to hope that he doesn't do anything so foolish as give up on his own life to be with Ginny, because as someone with a relatable experience, I can tell you that that would be really unfair of him to do to his kids and grandchildren and friends - anyone who cares about him, really - because you don't walk on your family like that. It's selfish, and Harry is better than that. At least I certainly hope he is... *glares at Dan* ;) I'm under the impression that he'll soldier on, though, because that intro springs to my mind... I feel like he must have died much more heroically... ah, I don't know! I suppose I'll just have to keep reading to find all of this out, huh? I have no problem doing that. :-p

Anyway, back to some other stuff: I love the way you've worked in details about Harry's family and the life he's grown into during the 20+ years since we last saw him in the epilogue. It's just small little bits and pieces that help us string together the time that's passed without overloading us with information. I think I mentioned this in my last review, but I really dislike it when too much information is doled out all at once, because it just becomes too much to keep track of so immediately. You've spread it out and really only given us the bare minimum to hang onto for now, which is perfect because it's still enough to connect the dots. It makes for a really pleasant read.

So basically, after all of that which has now been said, I've drawn but one conclusion: You're a great writer, dude. ^.^ Seriously, this was another excellent chapter, my friend, and I sincerely look forward to reading on!

Tanya ^.^

P.S. Happy 1,000th review, Dan. ;)

Author's Response: Hi, Tanya! Time to catch up on answering reviews and that means responding to this one, probably the most rewarding review I've gotten since the very first one. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

I did want to start this chapter off by showing Harry in a completely relaxed moment of total, mundane, bland, ordinary normalcy. Because I agree with you. That's what he always wanted growing up and he could never really have it.

Believe me, I got *very* endeared to "grandpa Harry" while I was writing this. Again, I just loved that idea of his life ending up happy and normal. Well, as normal as Harry Potter's life was ever going to be, at any rate. Harry is sort of like a guest lecturer at Hogwarts. He teaches a basic defense class for first years and an advanced dueling class for sixth and seventh years. It winds up being a form of recruiting for the Aurors, not that he doesn't enjoy doing it just because.

Neville is a fantastic Headmaster. You'll find out just how good later on...

Your intuition is... well, I'm sad to say that it's accurate. One thing I learned while writing this story is that finishing a long novel involves making a lot of tough choices. The choice to not have Ginny be part of this story -- well, most of it, anyway -- was the hardest choice I made. It was really sad for me, because here Harry is living this relatively charmed life and he loses the one person he most wants to share it all with. You'll find out much more about the circumstances surrounding her untimely death as the story unfolds. There isn't much I could tell you at this point without totally ruining it for you.

I think I've said it in a dozen or more review responses: at the time, this chapter was the most emotional thing I'd ever written. I wasn't at all sure I'd done it justice until I had a few more chapters under my belt and I could go back and reread it. Reading it still makes me sad, even to this day. I guess that suggests I did an OK job with it.

Sometimes when I reread this chapter -- which I don't do often because it's sad -- I feel like maybe I dumped too much back story into it. Other times I don't. Eh, who am I kidding, I'm almost certainly not changing it at this point. I'd have to probably reword the next 4 chapters to get all of the information back in.

What can I say? You made my day, my week, and I think I'll always look back fondly on the month of April 2014. Thank you so much!


 Report Review

Review #21, by writeyourheartoutHow I Saved the Wizarding World with Hair Potions, By Gilderoy Lockhart: Hair-Care Potion Maker Extraordinaire

25th April 2014:
Kristin. I can't. I can't even deal with this. IT'S TOO FUNNY. (Which reminds me: CONGRATULATIONS ON WINNING THE KECKER FOR BEST QUOTE! So well-deserved! Between this story and Death Eater's Kitchen, there are so many quotable moments - many of which I'm sure to share below in a minute - that it's no surprise at all you took it! Gilderoy is not the only one who's marvelous! ;))

This particular brand of humor is just so right up my alley. I can't decide if it's a parody or not, because in most cases it would be, except for Gilderoy Lockhart is sort of a one-man parody himself, so perhaps it's just him that's so parody-like, while the writing is really just an honest portrayal of a parodical character? *head explodes*

Does any of that even matter, though? No. Because whatever the case may be, THIS STORY IS BRILLIANT.

Warning: I will try to use restraint, but it's possible that what follows will be nothing more than an onslaught of me quoting you.

OMG THIS: "Wilhelm Wigworthy is Head Boy. I really don't understand why; he is intelligent of course, but his eyebrows connect in the middle." - hahaha It's so very much who Gilderoy Lockhart is at the core of his being, to judge a persons worth by the space between their eyebrows. And what follows, with the acne cream suggestions... Omg, I can't. What I love about this is that it's so, so funny, and it's also so, so terribly true of his character! hahaha He's such a back-handed piece of work! Like, he's the type of person who can only dole out a compliment or a bit of advice if it's tacked onto something negative about that same person! "I would love to help you with your issue, because your issue is gross and I'm a nice person." hahaha What a tool... Makes for a great read, though. ;)

Love the scene with James and Sirius! Of course, Lockhart gets the spell wrong, and poor James gets turned into a half-fish! hehehe I think you were really clever, too, about how you worked in little canon details about the two of them, so that they didn't feel interchangeable with any other other pair of guys sparring in the corridor. And ZOMG, I just lerv the excuses Lockhart makes for himself as to why things don't go quite as planned, or as to why the younger kids don't respect him and call him a git, and why he's not Head Boy, etc. He's so... so... just... stupid, really! How'd someone so delusional get sorted into Ravenclaw?? LOL What's funny is that's there's something sadly charming about his naivety - almost like a lost little puppy with its head stuck in a box - you just sort of want to pet them for being so adorably dumb... hehehe

Between the winking and the smiling that goes on throughout this entire story, I just... I can't, I can't. He's so... Kristen, how did you handle writing this? hahaha He's so... ugh! There aren't words. Let's move past it. :-p

SOMEONE REMOVE ALL REFLECTIVE SURFACES FROM VIEW, FOR GOD'S SAKE!

"My dearest ambition is to sell these potions someday, and while I'm promoting my hair potions I'll create peace and cooperation between all magical folk just through mutual appreciation of my hair-care potions." - Ahahaha! And it all comes together. He will save the world... through pretty hair. Brilliant.

"It must be dreadful to not have people be jealous of you all the time. I wouldn't know." - Bahaha *wipes tears* I'm doing terribly at this whole over-quoting thing, aren't I? BUT IT'S JUST SO QUOTABLE! Your sense of humor and your comedic timing and the way each joke lands so perfectly has me laughing throughout this entire story. I don't think a lot of people could write this brand of humor well, so it really speaks a lot to your level of talent in all things quirky and bizarre that you were able to craft such a fabulous fic with such an outrageous character! What goes on in that mind of yours, I ask? :-p

The way it ends... Omg. hahaha I just adore the way you're able to touch on so many aspects of his character, including his habit of stretching the truth or flat out lying to make himself seem better than he actually is! And the reference to 'Holidays with Hags' is a perfect conclusion. I love when those tiny details from canon pop up in a fanfic! ^.^

Kristen, I... just... he's just such... he's such a buffoon! LOL But YOU! You are absolutely wonderful. You wrote him phenomenally. Like, I can't even wrap my head around how fantastic this is. I can't imagine a better, funnier, or more accurate representation of Gilderoy Lockhart anywhere else. He's so spot on that it almost makes me sad that a character so out of touch with reality exists. But mostly it just makes me laugh non-stop. :-p

Brilliance, my friend. That is all.

Tanya

Author's Response: Tanya! I can't even with this review. IT'S TOO NICE! I seriously don't know how to respond to it without simply fangirling about your review and about how amazing you are.

Bahhh thank you so much! I was so surprised - and congrats to you too on your Keckers awards, so well deserved!!

You know, I've never really thought of this one as a parody - I think it's more that Lockhart IS a parody. I have no idea either :P Oh no, your head can't explode, you need your head so you can write chapter 5 of Lying Josephine which I love! ;)

I love your comparison of Lockhart to a lost puppy, I find it a very apt description in fact. Honestly, I put him in Ravenclaw because he didn't fit into the other houses :p and he had to be at least mildly intelligent to invent hair potions, and use all those obliviating spells on people years later.

Gah, thank you so much! I'm so glad you like my (bizarre) sense of humour and that you think Lockhart is in character! What does go on in my mind? Well, in real life I'm extremely narcissistic and spend all day lying about myself to sound cooler, so it wasn't too much of a stretch to write this. :P Joking, but really I have no idea. I was just having fun writing something silly, and then it turned out that people liked it!

Thank you sooo sosososo much for this review, I am seriously so flattered reading your compliments!! Especially since I admire your writing a lot and then to get this review from you I kind of became a Victorian lady and had to fan myself and sit down because I was hyperventilating. :P But you really did make my day with this review! Thank you!!! ♥ ♥ ♥


 Report Review

Review #22, by writeyourheartoutA Basket Full of Love: Easter Egg Hunts

19th April 2014:
Sarah! *waves* Well, you obviously know I've already read through this once, but I came back for more (and to leave you a lovely review, of course ;))!

This is such a perfect little Easter story! Sweet and charming and family-centric - it's really all just too cute in the best of ways! I love the family dynamic you've created, and how many characters you span over in such a short story! Next gen can be hard to write if you involve the entire Weasley clan, because there are just so many of them to keep straight, but you offer us these small, distinct glimpses into who each of them are as individuals without bombarding us with so much new information that we can't keep up. It's a tricky thing to balance, but you pull it off wonderfully! I think it helps that some of the people we see through present day versions of themselves, while others are presented as their past, child-like selves. It just allows for a little more distinction, which is helpful, I think. ^.^

This right here: ""Hey, momma." She winked at me." - Every time I read through this story (this is about the fourth time, by the way), this part ALWAYS makes me smile. I can't even put my finger on exactly why, but there's something so incredibly charming about Rose in that moment. I just adore it; it's as simple as that. :-p OH, AND TWINS FOR VICTOIRE, YAY! That'll be fun, I'm sure. hehehe

I love that this is centered around an Easter egg hunt! It feels very nostalgic for me to be reading this story because it takes me back to my own childhood, when I would do Easter egg hunts with my family or my church or school, whoever! And that goes doubly because once I grew up, I was the one who began hiding eggs and watching the new generation of eager searches hunt them down, which is what we see Victoire going through! When I was looking at the three prompts we were given, I couldn't for the life of me think up a single plot line to base around Easter (sad, I know), and then I read this and was like... OMG DUH! Feels like I've done too much growing up and forgot about all those fun, innocent moments that occur during the holidays, and this story really brought me back to that, so thank you. :)

I adore the moment with Teddy. It's just a small little thing, as he picks up Gabrielle (presumably named for Victoire's Aunt? Love that!), because we get the briefest glimpse of him as a father and a peak into the love that Victoire holds for him and for their daughter. And then later when he helps her up off the bench - such a cute scene, by the way - is another highlight for the two as a couple. It's a smaller family to focus on within the giant Weasley clan, and it's very sweet. ^.^

And of course that final moment with Nana! Molly must be the sweetest grandmother, and this moment where she's all teary-eyed and sentimental is just too sweet! And the way Victoire reflects on her surroundings immediately afterwards, watching from the same window as Molly, really made me smile and was a very nice touch; a great way to bring the story to its close.

And then that final line. It is so, so, so, SO cheesy, but I'm kind of in love with it, anyway. :-p hahahaha How's that, for you? hehehe

I think you should be really proud of this piece; especially considering how lightning fast you threw it all together! It's simple, but lovely, and an excellent reflection on family and Easter and love and tradition and nostalgia and many other things - which is a lot, for such a simple story to hold! Means you wrote it really well. ^.^ Anyway, thank you for pulling this out last minute for our team! You've been wonderful to work with and I'm so happy that the competition led to this story! Yay! :-D

Tanya

Author's Response: Tanya. I do not deserve this lovely review. I really just don't. ♥

I'm glad you liked the way I've included the whole family into this. I really wanted to show how they come together at the holidays, and the family unity. I'm so flattered that you think I pulled it off well. I definitely don't think this is my best writing, but it's nice to know that it was at least moderately liked!! ♥

I'M SO GLAD YOU LIKED THAT PART. When I started writing it, I was trying to picture it, and I could just SEE Vic sitting down and Rose saying that. Especially with them being older, and having kids and married and what not. It was cute and fun and I'm so glad it made you laugh because it does make me giggle.

YES. Easter Egg Hunts were like my life at Easter time. I don't even have words for how serious I was about them. I'm pretty sure I was a mix of Vic/Rose. Pushing everyone down to get all of the eggs. Haha, funny, because I couldn't think of anything to do for the other two prompts but this just jumped out at me! I definitely feel like growing up happens too fast, but I organize an easter egg hunt each year, so it was kind of in my face.

Yes, Gabrielle was named for Vic's aunt. I'm glad you liked it. I figured they'd probably keep up the Weasley tradition of naming kids after family members. I'm so glad you liked it!!!

Ugh. That part was a bit of a tear jerker. I love the whole generational thing. I definitely went for the full on cheesy effect here. So I'm glad you noticed that, and loved it anyways.

Thanks hon! It's not one of my favourites, but I did throw it together in a couple of hours. So yay! Thanks for this review, it was so sweet, and I'm so sorry it took me so long to reply to it. Of course of course! I loved working with you too! ♥ you're really way too sweet.

xoxo Sarah ♥


 Report Review

Review #23, by writeyourheartoutHarry Potter and the Conspiracy of Blood: Prologue

11th April 2014:
OH MY GOD, WHAT'S HAPPENING?

Ah, wait, hold on - let me backtrack for a second: Hi Dan! Just thought I would stop by and help you on your journey to that elusive 1,000 reviews mark! You're so close, it's crazy! And now that I've begun reading this fic, I can absolutely see why it's racked up such a huge following! I've only just begun and already I'm loving it. So onto the actual review, now, yes? ^.^

Wow, what a prologue! Where do I even begin?

I love the opening, the sort of soft mystery. It's not a panicked onslaught of handfuls of characters mid-attack with a thousand things happening around them and none of which I would understand, but it's a gentler introduction to the world we're about to experience, which makes it just as intriguing, but easier to follow. I much prefer this sort of introduction to the crazed, high-energy ones that throw you into some high-stakes scenario and then cut you off with too many things to wonder about - I tend to feel overwhelmed with the quantity of information I'm meant to contain and usually just forget the scene entirely, but this prologue leaves us with the same sort of mystery, sans the overwhelming case load to try to remember. It's all a balancing act and you've done it fantastically!

""Great," he mumbled to himself, "you're dead again."" - Hahaha! I actually laughed out loud when I came across this line. Too funny, and I love when stories tie back to canon moments in this way; it makes the story in its entirety feel so very authentic and plausible. I also love when stories that are generally darker and more intense fit in these small moments of humor to lighten it up now and again. And this is just the prologue! Ah, I'm very excited to read on. ^.^

"He thought that perhaps he would get to see Professor Dumbledore again and it brought a smile to his face." - Awww, this breaks my heart a little (in a good way, of course ;)).

"He noticed a clock on the wall that unfortunately seemed to be missing its hands." - Is this meant to sound creepy? Cause it's giving me the creeps... haha A handless clock - a clock without a time... HE'S DEAD, ISN'T HE? CAUSE NO ONE TELLS TIME IN THE AFTERLIFE, RIGHT? *shakes fist*

Oh man, Dan! Is this really death?? Harry's no help at all - he can't even remember how he ended up here! I'm trying to consider a scenario in which he ended up at an empty and silent King's Cross Station, surrounded by nothing but eery white mist and a clock without a time, and I just have no clue how he could be alive under these circumstances! But then part of me is all like, 'Well, Dan probably wants us to think Harry's dead, which means he can't be! It's just meant to seem that way, right?' Ugh. I don't know, my head's spinning.

And then Ginny shows up! Of course, this too is no help at all, thank you very much! Is she dead, too, then? HOW DID THEY GET HERE, DAN!

In case you can't tell, this short, sweet, and precise little intro has stirred up just a whole plethora of questions and intrigue in me, which is really just phenomenal. Nothing better than beginning a new story and feeling immediately pulled into it! It takes a lot of talent to pull that off, too, so kudos to you! Again, it's right back to your ability to balance. I've always believed that the mystery genre must be the most difficult to write because you have to give us enough to keep us interested, but not so much that you give yourself away. I can already tell the rest of this story is going to be just an adventure of epic proportions, and I really can't wait to dig in deeper! I've so many questions already that make me want to just shake you and yell, 'TELL ME NOW', but I suppose the better option would simply be to continue reading... And so I shall. :-D

It's a great start, Dan; it really is. I'll try to be back soon with another review! Only four left, now! Woot!

Tanya

Author's Response: Tanya! This is far and away the longest review I've ever received for a 500 word prologue. I love it!

I'm with you, I really don't like opening chapters that throw too much information at the reader. I'd much rather ease into the story and set the mood. In the case of this story, the whole thing is a mystery, so I thought a mysterious tone was the way to go.

That line is definitely one that I'm proud of. It just sounds like something Harry would say. He's so fatalistic.

Is he going to see Dumbledore again? Is he dead? Is Ginny? Well, all I can tell you without ruining the surprise is that the prologue is actually the first part of a scene that takes place in chapter 38. All of your questions and more are answered there, I promise. And I agree, the hand-less clock is creepy. ;)

If you have a lot of questions and intrigue, then the prologue has done its job. I didn't want to hit the reader with too much, just to pull them into the story by dangling a mystery or three in front of their eyes. I hope I've done the mystery genre justice with the story. Lots of people have tried to shake the truth out of me along the way and I haven't broken yet. Well, not completely. I confess to slipping Jami some hints from time to time, but she's threatening and scary. ;)

Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!


 Report Review

Review #24, by writeyourheartoutSeized: Is Anyone Who they Say they are?

8th April 2014:
Hey Dee! I'm back for more! And happy to be, because I loved this chapter. ^.^

The beginning is great. I thought it was really clever of you to give Draco and Hermione some tension over the case here, especially after their hand-holding moment in the previous chapter - it's the perfect way to continue building their relationship slowly without making them feel out of character. You continue to take your time with them by doing this; allowing them to get along and even hinting at a spark for the first time, but not harping on that moment or overdoing it so that we're suddenly rushed into a new level of relationship. Balance is key, and you're doing it flawlessly. It also helped that Astoria was dragged into the conversation as a key factor of the disagreement, with Draco defending himself in regards to wanting to find her. This line in particular was great: "You more than anyone should know that just because we weren't the perfect couple she made us out to be does not mean that I want her to be in danger."

I really do love your Hermione. Her mannerisms and way of thinking are so very much in character - the impatient tapping of the foot, the annoyed tutting, the mirroring of Draco's actions, the stubborn 'I refuse to speak first' mentality - it's all great! And it plays so well against Draco. They actually have quite a bit in common in regards to the way they react to certain situations, which is fun to see considering how fundamentally different they once were. It's hard to write a good post-war Draco, but you continue to handle him well. Yay! ^.^

Stan is great, too! His accent is perfect and his attitude in regards to everything he's been put through (parts of it his own fault, of course) feels very authentic. I feel a bit badly for him as well. He was such a sweet boy when we first met him in the books, but even nice people fall into traps like these when money is involved. And now he's gotten himself stuck between two sides... That middle ground he's walking makes for a very interesting character and some awesome scenes.

I really liked the Head Guard, Rodger! He's a great balance for someone in that position - friendly and flexible in regards to those trying to ascertain the truth (even if it means putting into question one of his own), but direct and authoritative in regards to the prisoners in question - very no-nonsense when he has to be, but truly good at heart... or so it seems. You've got me on alert of all the guards now, though, because of Corbin, you brat! Though Rodger truly does seem like a good egg. I really hope he continues to be the good guy he seems to be! Don't you go pulling a fast one on me, Dee! :-p

Even as a shorter chapter, it still contained a lot of great moments and important occurrences! You really excel in the art of pacing, in case I haven't mentioned that before, and not only in regards to this chapter, but the story as a whole. It covers a lot of bases at a quick pace, but still slows down for the moments that need it.

"He walked over to the table and put both of his hands on it, looked Stan in the eyes and spoke very slowly to him, "You tell me everything and you tell me now, Shunpike." - So, because of the way the first half of this sentence is setup, I think it would read smoother if you changed the second half to something more like: "...looking Stan in the eyes as he spoke slowly to him." Also, I think that instead of a comma before the dialogue begins, it should either be a period or a colon. All minor things, though, and definitely just opinions! ^.^

"Stan opened his mouth to reply but was stopped when
(spacing here is wonky)
Hermione gasped and stood up so rapidly that she (the, not she) chair she had been sitting in was knocked over behind her; she ignored it."

OMG ENDING! WHERE IS SHE? Part of me is really itching to go back to the chapter with the interview and see if I can figure it out for myself, but I'm forcing myself to hold off and be surprised instead! You've done a great job at not giving the mystery away, which is something I feel like I'd fail spectacularly at if I attempted a mystery novel, so kudos to you! Honestly, you're doing such a great job at keeping the mystery going and revealing facts and clues little by little - it keeps me on my toes and unsure of what's to come, but excited to find out! And that was such a great way to end this chapter! CHAPTER TWENTY COME QUICKLY! (Not that I have any room to beg, seeing as I'm the slowest updater ever, huh? :-p) It's really great, Dee, and I look forward to the next update!

Tanya :)

Author's Response: Tanya :D It has taken me too long to reply to this gorgeous review, I'm very sorry!

I'm glad you still like the Draco/Hermione dynamic, I'm definitely dragging out the development of their relationship, but it's the way I'd always wanted it to be :)

Hermione is definitely the character I find the easiest to write, I can totally relate to her. I'm glad you like the way I write her and Draco seperately as well as together. Post-war Draco here is pretty different to Draco from the books, but I try to keep his basic character in his stubborn-ness and sarcasm the same.

Ah, Stan. I really loved his character in the books, he's just so clueless and naive and I can't not have a soft spot for him. As soon as I had the idea for this story I knew I wanted him in it somehow. He's certainly gotten himself in a sticky situation here, and if I'm honest, I still haven't decided how things will end up for him.

Rodger was a really fun character to write. I knew I didn't want him to be a typical surly guard who communicated through grunting, I ended up getting a little ahead of myself with him, in my head he has a wife and kids and a love of gardening :p You can rest assured he won't be going down the same route as Corbin did though :p

Thank you for pointing out the spacing and grammar issues, somehow something always slips through the net :p

I'm not sure if you've read the next chapter yet or not so I won't say anything about Astoria's whereabouts. Chapter 21 is also up now too, and 22 is currently being written. I have lots of motivation at the minute :D Thank you again for this lovely review, you are far too kind!


 Report Review

Review #25, by writeyourheartoutThe Wrinkles of the Road: Anxieties

22nd March 2014:
Hey again, Beeezie! So sorry it's taken me so long to get to this second review! March has been a little hectic, and while it's not exactly slowed yet, I'm taking a break from the madness to review again! Yay! ^.^

This was another great chapter! Sort of simple, though not at all boring or slow or without purpose! Nothing wrong with simplicity! And in this case, it really gave us a more in depth look at your main pairing!

I really do love the relationship between Rose and Scorpius, and this chapter in particular really showcases the two as a couple and their dynamic with one another. We get to see a lot of sides to them here - the way they wheedle information out of one another, the forms of distraction they use to get away from something they don't want to admit to or talk about, the way they can go from annoyed to comforting to scared and helpless to... adult time happiness. hehehe There's just something so real about the two of them. It's great.

Rose is such a fun character to follow. I love when we get to see the sneakier side to her, because I think most people have that side to them, and so it's easy to relate to her when she uses Scorpius' mention of Van and the face he pulls to poke for information without having to bring up the fact that she'd been eavesdropping. She wanted him to know that she knew he was feeling insecure about Van, but she did it in a way that kept her out of trouble - it's very compelling to read her thoughts during that section - especially because she's still such a likeable character.

I loved seeing the broken down side of Scorpius, sad as it was. I imagine this is probably how a lot of people who work in medicine might feel because they know how easily people break and how often they don't recover. They start seeing the world for all the ways it can hurt the people they love and how, ultimately, there is only ever so much a person - even a professional Healer - can do to fight off permanent damage or death. Having so many people so close to Scorpius being off with their dangerous jobs must be really hard for him to handle all the time. But I bet he feels better after a nice cry; I know I always do! :-p Still, makes me want to snuggle him! Poor thing.

So I know I mentioned this in my last review, but I really do like the bit of trouble that Van's stirred up between Rose and Scorpius - it's just a fun additional level that adds a bit of tension to the story without feeling overbearing or overly-dramatic. I also love that Van is a character who's going to be around (unless he gets hurt or killed or something), and so Rose will continue working with him while Scorpius has to fight his insecurities. It'll be interesting to see how it continues to play out! I still have it in my head that it won't actually be a thing that comes between them, but hey, what do I know? ^.^

The pacing of this chapter is really great. You fit a lot of details through dialogue into this chapter, but still pause for more descriptive phrasing where it's needed, allowing the more emotional moments to have some reflective depth. It gives the chapter, as a whole, a really great flow - quickly paced in some sections, but slowed down in the moments that require a bit more feeling. Really good.

And just a few very minor things:

"Be... be careful tomorrow. You might not care much about your life, but I do." - I think this is the first time something was said about one of your characters that I didn't quite feel like I understood - like maybe I'm missing some information (possibly from the prequel). Of course, it's very possible that I just missed or forgot something mentioned earlier in this story, but I'll ask anyway: Is there a reason Scorpius doesn't think Rose values her life all that much? I've never gotten that feeling from her. I know she has a dangerous job and was a Gryffindor at school, but I don't think there's been anything that's made me question her self-preservation in a dangerous situation. Not that she wouldn't be the type of person to risk her life for someone else, but I think there's a difference between that and not valuing your life.

"It (The, not It) door suddenly opened wider, and Scorpius stumbled back into his cousin Johanna."

"But... Scorpius, look, our jobs our (are, not our) dangerous, but it's not like we're Hit Wizards."

Overall, I really liked this chapter! I'm really enjoying the story and like your characters more and more with each new chapter! They're all developing really well, as individuals and in relation to one another. And the hints of action and adventure and mystery to come still have me intrigued! I look forward to the next chapter!

Tanya :)

Author's Response: Aw, no worries - my March has been hectic, too. I haven't forgotten your third chapter, though, and I'll head over to do the review soon. :)

I'm so glad you liked this chapter! Thank you so much for all your kind words.

I definitely agree about Scorpius - a huge part of what's fueling this is that at this point, he really is very aware of how easily it is to break human beings and how hard it can be to put them back together (metaphorically speaking), and he hasn't really been doing this long enough to get real perspective... because Rose is right, too - there are plenty of people in dangerous professions who live to retire in perfectly good health.

I can see how that line could come off a bit strange. It's not something that I think would really have been clarified if you've read Curiosity is not a Sin, though. Rose can definitely be a bit reckless sometimes and doesn't always think out what she's going to do, which is what Scorpius is talking about... but he's definitely taking that and making an assumption that isn't completely warranted.

Thank you so much for the review! :)


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>