Reading Reviews From Member: writeyourheartout
180 Reviews Found

Review #1, by writeyourheartoutLosing You: Losing You

24th February 2015:
Hello Ellie, and happy SUPER DUPER BELATED Hot Seat Day! :-D

Oh my goodness. You and these first-person, gut-wrenching, overwhelmingly heartbreaking stories! Stahp it.

(Just kidding. Don't ever stahp it. ♥) you arched backwards with all the grace you’d ever had in life... - Omg, I love this little snippet. Gorgeously put.

And this line, too: He fought me so hard* Sirius. - *comma here - That made for such a poignant moment. My heart broke for both Remus and Harry here. Just wonderful.


Really, though, I have always felt that Remus has the most heart-wrenching story, and this section with him drinking and thinking about James and Sirius dead and Peter a traitor while he's left alone is just one of the many reasons why. It's so ridiculously upsetting, but really well done. And I just loved this moment here in particular: I can find solace only in the idea of the two of you finally together again. - Ugh! And then when it's followed by his wanting to be there with them?! *sniffs* My heart! He really does have so much strength, to keep going, despite it all.

I love the way you justify this side of Remus we're seeing here, because we never really see too many signs of his devastation over the loss of all his closest friends in the books. He really only has that one melt-down moment, in Deathly Hallows, but that's over his soon to be born son. We never see the part of him that surely fell apart after Sirius died and he lost him all over again. I like that you gave a reason to that, by choosing to say he felt obligated to be strong, to be seen as a leader when other people are around, so that only in the privacy of loneliness did he allow himself to indulge in this all-consuming anger and sadness.

Omg, I love the moment when he's thanking them for all they did for him. So touching. And the way you worked your challenge quote in was really great, as well.

The ending was just perfection. I mean, truly; from his decision to skip the Wolfsbane potion and embrace the wolf within, to his desire to use this thing he's always hated so much as an escape instead - brilliant. And that paragraph - that last line - was so beautiful in such a terrible way. So many feels. Really, such a powerful ending.

My only critique is that were a few places where it felt like you were sort of saying the same thing or repeating a few of the same words too many times so that it felt a bit unedited. I may be being a harsh critic for you simply because your last one-shot truly blew me away with the beauty of it, but the thing is that I feel like this story could be just as phenomenal, just as gripping, if it had just a couple places tightened up a bit. Let me give a couple examples to you:

She’s brilliant and beautiful and so much younger than me*. She doesn’t need to be saddled with me* and with all the baggage that comes along with me*. - *The "me"s here are a little heavy-handed.

He’s already gnawing for release inside me and the moon’s not even high yet. Already he’s hungry for release, no doubt expecting the night of freedom I so recall from our younger days. - The "already _ _ _ release" formula here is repetitive.

And don't get me wrong: sometimes repetition is an extremely useful and powerful tool, but in these cases, I think it's taking away from the beauty of the rest of your writing. But anyway, like I said, this could totally just be me, so if you end up looking it over and disagree, please feel free to completely ignore this! Especially because, at the end of the day, this was still a wonderful, moving, beautiful piece of writing. You do an excellent job at putting the pain of loss into words. Really well done, Ellie. ♥


Author's Response: Oh wow,

Thanks so much for reviewing for me Tanya. I hadn't even noticed those things, but now that you've pointed them out I see what you mean. I'll jump in and edit the so it's more poignant and smoother.

I'm glad you enjoyed it, and a huge kudos on chasing up the review hot seat this way. I need to get on top of mine too.


 Report Review

Review #2, by writeyourheartoutSympathy, Tenderness: Offer Me Your Embrace

18th February 2015:
Hello again, Ilia, and Happy Super-Duper Belated Hot Seat Day! ^.^

You know, it's funny. Generally when I choose a story to review for someone, I'm not ever tempted to read Dramione's, but for whatever reason, I really just wanted to see what you would do with the pair! So here I am!

Spoiler: You did very good with them. ;)

Oh, wow, what a way to begin! Very sad to see that Narcissa has died. She obviously wasn't the greatest person in the books, but she wasn't ever truly evil either. I've always felt that a lot of who she is/was had been defined by the people surrounding her, and that if she'd grown up with some better influences, she'd never have found herself in Voldemort's circle. I think she could have ended up like Andromeda, if only she'd been strong enough to walk away from the majority of her family. But regardless of all that, she ended her canon reign with a good deed and defined herself as a mother far more than as a Death Eater. Anyway, like I said, sad to see her dead (but a great way to start this story). ♥

Can't apply the same theory for Lucius, though, can I? My goodness, he's still just awful here! hahaha The fact that he would risk Narcissa's life rather than go to a Muggle hospital where she could be cured is so upsetting. And the fact that he would disown Draco simply for communicating with Hermione? Wow. Unfortunately, I think that's pretty in character with Lucius, especially during stressful situations, where he becomes even more rash.

I love that by seeing Lucius' decision compared directly next to Draco's decision to reach out to Hermione really shined a light on the defining difference between the two of them, who seemed so similar during most of the books. I mean, the fact that Draco was willing to put aside any prejudice that might have still remained (even post-war) to help his mother speaks miles about how good he can be to the people he loves.

(By the way, I just have to tell you that I loved the choice to have Narcissa die from a Muggle disease. I'm sure that irony wasn't lost on a lot of people.)

As far as Draco and Hermione go, I love the way you set them up - I love the idea behind what brought them together. I also thought it was incredibly kind of Hermione to find Draco after the news of his mother's death was reported. She's such a lovely person, but still tough when she needs to be - like when Draco starts to heavily turn on her and she takes a stand when he's gone too far. I also thought that Draco's love for his mother was super heart-breaking, and the way Hermione came back for him at the end and he let her hold him as he fell apart was a really wonderful ending.

Overall I very much enjoyed this. A little dramatic in places? Sure, yeah, I won't lie about that. But it wasn't so over the top or unfathomable that I couldn't still enjoy it or understand the harsh actions and reactions.

My only real critique is concerning some background information:

The thing that's unclear in this story is what Hermione and Draco's relationship before this moment was - between Hogwarts and his asking for her help. During some parts of the story, it feels like this is the first communication they've had since Hogwarts, but other times it feels like they've spent at least a little bit of time together and have repaired small pieces of their relationship and gained a greater understanding for one another. For example: She took small, deliberate steps, very aware that she was somewhere she’d never been before, nor did she ever expect to be. and You should be thanking me for even answering you, considering how horribly you treated all of us our entire lives!” - Both of these sentences make me feel like this is the first time they've seen each other since Hogwarts - or at the very least the first time they've had an actual conversation. But the fact that he calls her Hermione and not Granger throughout the entire story and the fact that she later says, " haven’t changed as much as I thought." both make it sound like they grew closer since their Hogwarts days and may have even been becoming friends. Not knowing where they stand before this scene takes place just made me feel a little lost, is all.

But that's it! Again, overall it was sincerely enjoyable and I'm glad I chose to read this! ^.^

Tanya ♥

 Report Review

Review #3, by writeyourheartoutBackground Noise: The Devil (Who is Neither in Disguise Nor in Prada)

17th February 2015:

Omg. This story is near impossible to review well. I mean, the chapter title alone! Are you kidding me? Hahahaha! I keep trying to redeem myself from my last review on chapter one, but the sheer levels of hilarity and silliness written into this story keep turning my brain to mush! WHAT IS THIS SORCERY?

I'm apologizing ahead of time for this newest round in insanity and for the number of times I quote you. It can't be helped. This is your fault.

"Allie Apples is – was a member of the once popular wizarding band, One Dimension." - ONE DIMENSION, YOU DIDN'T!!! HAHAHA PERFECTION.

“You’ll want to be more careful now,” Nora says as I pull out of the garage. “After all, your time’s supposed to be up. You could be harvested by Death’s grim scythe any moment now.” - Ah, friendship. Nothing lovelier. :-p

My God, your characters are hilarious. Nora's bouts of inter-dimensional mind-travel are just the greatest thing ever. And I love that Lizzy's always calling her Princess or Your Highness. Too much fun. :-p

Port Sturry sounds a blast.

Oh, God! Polyjuice Potion was already gross, and now you've just taken it to a whole other level of ick-ick-ick! *shudders* What goes on in that head of yours, teh, I may never know... O_O

I just love the sheer amounts of magic you have in this fic - and so much of it completely original. Carkett Close and its whole deal was already imaginative enough, but you've got so many new places, new tricks, new ways of life being featured in this story that it's just so impressive. This whole smuggling world, for example... First of all - LOL! Wow, what a job to throw your characters into. Love it. And then the way the business is dealt with inside these ports, the way they do their sneaking about and smuggling. It's all brilliant and hilariously entertaining and a world unto itself. This story feels like its own universe. :)

The Auror, meanwhile, is now doing a cross between the Viennese waltz and Gangnam-style. - This is officially my favorite spell ever.

Holy cow, what happened in the Potter household to cause Lily - er... Lily-Lou, excuse me - to grow up so... so... holy-mother-of-God-crazy-pants-crazy?

LOL Love the way the chapter title seriously comes into play later on. :-p

Well, it’s simple, Mojo Jojo. - HAHAHA OMG, IS THAT A POWERPUFF GIRLS REFERENCE? I could kiss you. ♥

I have to tell you: I love that this is turning into a legitimate story beneath all the ridiculous antics and references and insanity. I'm, like, sincerely invested in this story now. I really want to know what's up with this whole James plotline. It's beyond intriguing.

“The hobo fohmally known as Jojo is no mo'. From this day fowohd, I shall be known as MOJO JOJO!” - HAHAHAHA Omg. I kind of want to be friends with your twisted version of Lily just for that.

Bahahaha I love that Nora is just flopped down in the middle of the road for this entire exchange. *pets*

Wow. What a party... O_O LOL Seriously, that place sounds like a coulrophobic's nightmare. Oh Lily-Lou... You're gonna be a great character, aren't you? She's hilarious and devious and it's absolutely wonderful to watch her mess with good ol' Mojo Jojo's head. I'm super curious about these powers of hers that she seems to possess, though! I hope we end up with a fuller explanation at some point, because I am super intrigued! :-D

This was brilliant, yet again. And I think my review came out much more coherent this time around!!! Yay! It took a lot of effort, I'm not gonna lie. ;)

Stay awesome, possum.


 Report Review

Review #4, by writeyourheartoutThe Expectant Follower of Always: The First.

10th February 2015:
Hello again, fellow Puff! ^.^

Awww, what a sweet idea for a story! I love the way you've turned Snape's famous always into this deepest pledge of love! And the idea of wanting to pass it down from generation to generation is even sweeter. It's too cute, I can't even. ♥

Echo (do you think if her name was Sally she'd be different- 'cause I do) Philips. - LOL This little jab made me chuckle. :-p

Poor Al. I can definitely understand his struggle as far as his relationship with Echo goes and the way his friends regard said relationship. I love that he's a romantic, that he's searching for his always, but finding ones soulmate can be an extremely long and tedious journey, especially because you never know when that person is going to come along. The idea of being alone the entire time he waits for his soulmate is just sad, so of course he finds consolation and comfort in short-term girlfriends. I think it's sweet that he wants to defend Echo, too, even if she does seem rather less-than-worthy.

I can’t find a reason to break up with her, but I don’t have a reason to stay with her either. - I really love this sentence. It rings so true of many a relationship. I think a lot of couples reach this point after a while, where they stay with each other not for any reason other than they're simply comfortable there. Of course, that's not at all a good reason to stay with someone long-term, which is sort of reason enough to break things off just by default, but a lot of people can't do it. They grow used to the routine of being with this person because it's what they know, and to leave it behind, regardless of the lack of love, is scary. Totally feel you, Albus. ;)

Dawww, Ruby's a sweetheart! That was nice of her to check in on Albus. And if I'm not mistaken, there might actually be a little chemistry between the two of them... ♥

Rose, on the other hand... hahaha She seems a little less on the sweet side of things! hehehe Her plotting out how Albus should dump Echo made me laugh. Girl doesn't mess around, does she? :-p

This was a very enjoyable opening chapter! I think you've got a really nice plot going, an interesting group of friends to be centered around, and a really sweet and romantic focal point! My only concern for this story is the technical details of your writing. Let me give you some examples:

Severus Snape found his match before he was 11. - Harry James Potter, met his soulmate at 11. - I looked toward my bed and area around that had belonged to me for the whole 6 almost 7 years I had been attending this school. - So, something I notice you don't do is type out your small numbers, which is something that I'm sure a lot of people don't care about (and please ignore this entirely if you prefer it as is), but that I also know is a general rule of thumb when it comes to grammar guidelines. I've read one rule that says it should be applied for all numbers ten and under, and others that say twenty and under. I prefer twenty and under because, in my opinion, it just makes the writing look more formal, more advanced, and of higher quality. I just think that when they aren't spelled out, they tend to negatively stick out - draw my eye in an aesthetically displeasing way. I think all of those sentences would look better if you substituted the numbers with the words eleven, six, and seven.

(But, again, I may legitimately be the only person who feels strongly about this rule, so sincerely disregard if you like! :-p)

Grammar, punctuation, sentence flow and structure - all these little technical details are just not quite there. You have a brilliant foundation here for your story to shine, but it could do with some serious tightening up. Those small technicalities are the absolute worst to overcome - trust me, I feel your pain - but they are so important when it comes to the fluidity of sentences, the ability to powerfully story-tell, and overall quality of writing. I've selected a few examples for you below:

I, Albus Severus Potter* promise to continue and** use the word always to represent affection to my soul mate, when and if,*** I find them. - *comma, **to, not and, ***no comma here

In the sentence above, you can see how there are a lot of small details that just aren't quite right, and it disrupts the flow, which takes away the power of his pledge.

This next section (italicized below) has almost no punctuation at all. There aren't even periods at the end of any of the sentences. Take a look:

"Al! You'll never guess what just happened" she came over, practically sat on my lap, even though the entire sofa next to me was free, and put on her classic fake pout

"What?" I pretend to care and put on my concerned boyfriend face while removing a stray bit of hair from her face

"I just had a fight with Caitlyn" aka her best and almost only friend, she started to whimper slightly which meant full on protective boyfriend mode

"Why? What did she do to you?" I quickly toughened up and got angry

Anyway, I know it's the nitpicky stuff, the time-consuming little details that are rather annoying to try to use correctly, but I really believe that taking the time to be meticulous will prove to be exceedingly beneficial for your stories! Or you could find a beta willing to nitpick for you! They're always a great option. ^.^

All of that said, it was still very enjoyable overall! Keep it up! :)


 Report Review

Review #5, by writeyourheartoutI See You. : Prologue: Missing.

8th February 2015:
Hello again, Kyle! ^.^

What an interesting premise for a story! I was really intrigued the entire time!

I love the way the first section builds towards James' disappearance while centering around Harry, Ginny, and the family dynamics. It was a great way to incorporate background information and lay a solid foundation for the readers. What's more is that it never felt explain-y while you did it, nor did it seem to drag - both of which can easily happen when an author writes about background information. You managed to stay out of that hole, so kudos to you! ^.^

I feel so bad for Harry and Ginny! The way the gossip columns cling to this news is bad enough, but to twist it around to read like they're poor parents? Ugh, that's just awful!

Aww! I feel so bad for Albus and Lily, too! I can't even imagine having to go through a period of time in which one of your siblings is missing. ♥

Headmistress Sprout! Love it! I don't think I've read a story yet in which she's the person who becomes the Headmistress, but I love it! Hufflepuff represent! *high fives* ;)


Looks like Teddy may have been the one to find him, actually, considering that he's covered in blood! :-/ I'm so curious as to what happened!!! Must. Read. On.

Aaand... yep! Wow. That's crazy. And now I have even more questions! Who is it that did this to James? Why did they do it? And why did they return him half-alive? And to a relative, no less! Perhaps the goal here was not to kill him after all? Hmm...

AND THEN THE ENDING! I mean, thank goodness he's alive, but it's so sad he lost his sight! ♥

Really well done story overall, but I do have just a few notes for you before I wrap this review up:

There's something a bit... off. Something just doesn't seem to quite work in regards to the style of your writing - in the first section in particular. I think you're trying a bit too hard to be... formal? I don't know, I'm having a hard time placing my finger on it exactly... It's a modern-day story, right? But you write it almost as if it's something out of the A Song of Ice and Fire series. Here's an example: Nevertheless, as the hours slipped by Ginny grew increasingly doubtless that something was afoot with the absence of her child. And another example here: Rarely, on occasion, do the children somehow piece together an adequate point that there is no way really, to deny them what they request. And it's not necessarily that you don't handle the language well or use it incorrectly or anything, it's just that it doesn't really fit with the times, in my opinion, and it feels sort of jumbled in places because of that. But, as I said, this is strictly my opinion! I wanted to point it out in case it's something you'd like to look into, but if it's what you like and what you're going for, definitely ignore me and continue to have at it! ^.^

Lily was not convinced and only when Albus wrapped his arm around his sister’s shoulder, did her crying turn into quite sniffles. - *quiet

I'd also like to point out your comma usage. It wasn't something you had too big of an issue with in the previous story I read of yours - which I truly loved ♥ - but you seem to be overusing it a lot in this story - placing them in sentences where they don't need to be and subsequently creating a more stilted, less fluid story. Comma's are just the worst, though, aren't they? I completely feel your pain. haha

And on a final note: I noticed that you switch between past and present tense a few times throughout the story. For example, this sentence starts out in the present tense and ends in the past tense: It is* (present) not until two weeks after James went* (past) missing, until they obtained* (past) any word of his whereabouts.

That said, it's still a very enjoyable opening chapter with a lot of mystery and build-up that has left me extremely curious as to what exactly is going on! I think that with just a bit of tidying and tightening up, this fic could really shine!


 Report Review

Review #6, by writeyourheartoutAlbus Potter and Slytherin's Office: The Extraordinary Arrival

29th January 2015:
Hello again, Pheonix Potioneer, and Happy Belated Hot Seat Day! ^.^

Awww... Albus is such a sweet little kid. I think it's very fitting of him to feel upset about leaving home, because he seemed exceptionally close and reliant upon his dad in the epilogue. I think Harry is probably his safety net, and it must be hard to walk away from that for a school so far away, knowing they won't see each other again for months - even while surrounded by the familiar faces of his brother and cousins.

“Plus,” James added, “They announced at the end of last year that they aren’t using the sorting hat this year, because it got damaged. They’re going to have a big test instead, wrestling mountain trolls and that sort of stuff.” - LOL James is such a brat. Reminds me of my own older brother who, after I accidentally swallowed a black watermelon seed, convinced me that a watermelon would start growing in my stomach... I was so young. :-p

I can completely understand Albus' anxiety in regards to his expectations for the year. Having such a well-known father who has this great legacy certainly comes with its challenges. And I can definitely relate to people having high expectations for you and that, in turn, making you afraid of disappointing them. But, that said, I still think it's really sweet that Harry likes to tell people that Albus' is like him. Proud daddy. ^.^

He's so determined not to be a snake! Didn't he listen to his dad at the station!? :-p

Hagrid! Glad to see he's still working there. ♥

Awww, the Sorting Hat song was really cute! That's a tough challenge to take on, but I think you handled it well!

CLIFFHANGER! WHERE'S HE GET SORTED? I suppose I'll have to read on to find out, huh? ;)

One thing I noticed you did that felt a little inconsistent was whether or not Albus actually believed what James' said about the Sorting Hat being unusable this year. He seemed to really believe it at first when you wrote this: Albus’s heart sank. Now not only did he have to be worried about being away from home so long, and being sorted into Slytherin house, but also he had to worry about whatever test they were doing. - But later this thought happened: Was his dad right, in saying the sorting hat would listen when he said he didn’t want to be in Gryffindor? - He clearly begins worrying about the Hat again, so now I start to think he doesn't really believe James and knows he was probably just messing with him. But then this happens: As they continued forward he breathed a huge sigh of relief when he saw the sorting hat sitting on the stool, and not some huge obstacle course out in front of them with trolls and other horrible creatures. - So, as you can see, it goes back and forth a few times and is just unclear as to what he actually thinks. Anyway, I just wanted to point out that that confused me a bit, so you may want to be clearer, should you ever decide to edit this! ^.^

(Also, I believe Sorting Hat should be capitalized, but don't quote me on that because I unfortunately don't have my books on me at the moment!)

It was still a good chapter overall, though, and the ending was particularly clever! Keep it up!

Tanya ♥

Author's Response: If I went to boarding school when I was 11, I would have been terrified too, like Albus. He's very understandable.

I remember my brother telling me the same thing about the black watermelon seed too! Ah, the pains of having older brothers. Or was it my mom who said the thing about the watermelon seed? It might have been.

Yup, James can be a brat!

Albus did listen to his dad, but a one-minute conversation can't completely erase his (in my head canon) months-old fears. Plus, I think he paid more attention to the "you can choose what house to be in" than the "Slytherin is a great house" part.

I didn't really notice the inconsistencies until now- thank you for pointing that out! I might go back and edit it, but then I'll feel the urge to rewrite the entire story, and I've kind of moved on from it. Thank you for letting me know.

I just went to my bookshelf and looked up the Sorting Hat, and you are right! The books refers to it as "the Sorting Hat". I won't edit it this, but I'll be sure to change it on the sequel and all future stories. Thank you so much for this revelation!

Thanks for reviewing! And yes, of course there had to be a cliffhangers! I love cliffhangers.

 Report Review

Review #7, by writeyourheartoutAlong the Astral Plane: Binary Star

27th January 2015:
Hello again, Maggie! Happy (Belated and Final) Hot Seat Day! ♥

This was, once again, fantastic.

Love the way your brought the Diadem into the story and how it seems to effect Rowena - at least through Helena's eyes.

Poor Helena here with this marriage talk. Oh Gareth... why couldn't you have just broken the traditional route of asking for a girls hand in marriage without actually asking the girl herself first? hahaha That was such a backwards system those days. Also, in chapter one I was flip-flopping a bit between the brother's, but this makes me not want it to be Gareth anymore. TEAM... ah, shoot - what's the brother's name? It'll come to me later, I'm sure...

I love the way you used the Game of Thrones quote! It fit absolutely perfectly into this story and that moment! Excellent job!

It's crazy how much that diadem effects their relationship, turning Rowena harsher and colder than ever, and Helena bitter and resentful. I truly do feel sorry for the position Helena is in, with her mother so uncaring of what she wants. And it's very hypocritical of her too, considering that Rowena was never married and that she gets to make choices all her own because she is an intelligent, independent woman. I would think she would want the same for her daughter, and it's a real shame that she doesn't. Anyway, I just love the way you write them together - two forces to be reckoned with who each have trouble seeing the other's side.

I LOVE YOUR HELGA. Seriously, she is such a fantastic representation of our House. Reading your version of her makes me even prouder to be a Hufflepuff. :)

“I am a night-bird, cursed to walk the earth in human guise. But when the moon rises I will grow wings and be free. I am waiting for nightfall so that I can fly away from this place.” - What a gorgeous line, and one that I relate to greatly. Really lovely, Maggie. ♥


That entire scene with Helena, Helga, and Salazar was just perfect, and I love the relationships between them all - especially Salazar and Helga. Such a unique decision, and one that I hope to see a bit more in depth! Also, the continued exploration into the world of the diadem was really intriguing. I love all the choices you made surrounding it.

“But there are times,” Helena swallowed, “when it feels as though you would rather...create me than know me.” - THIS LINE. ♥

When she puts on that diadem... oh boy, I was, like... nervous for her; afraid of what it might do to her. Clearly it helped her make some sort of decision. I'm wondering if the decision isn't to get rid of the diadem entirely! hahaha I mean, she does do that eventually - hide it away - and how ironic would it be if the diadem's disappearance is influenced directly by the diadem influencing Helena? Either way, I love the little cliffhanger you left us on!

This was an another excellent chapter, Maggie. I'm really enjoying this story so far. ^.^


 Report Review

Review #8, by writeyourheartoutKeeping Secrets: Enough

26th January 2015:
Hi Jayde! Happy Hot Seat Day! :)

Ah, that opening paragraph! My heart! It's so sad. Especially the George part. :(

I really like the choice to have Molly trying to lead the pack back to some semblance of normalcy, because she's the Momma! And the fact is that while she lost Fred, she still has six other children that I'm certain she is desperate to care for; that as much pain as she is in, seeing her children in pain is just as terrible, if not more so.

What's nearly as upsetting is the fact that after this terrible, huge ordeal - both the war itself and the loss of George with it - is the fact that they now have to deal with reporters searching for a scoop! Unbelievable. The poor Weasley's. And Harry and Hermione too, I'm sure. They all did so much for the war and then lost so many they cared about and I'm certain the last thing they want is to relive it for some nosy reporter who doesn't care about their loss, but is just looking for something juicy to publish.

I completely understand Charlie's need to escape. I think it's good that he stayed for as long as did, to heal at least as much as he could while at home, but there does come a point when you have to recognize whether getting caught in this same routine is holding you back from healing or anything else. But I do feel bad for Molly. I hope his leaving doesn't make her feel like she's losing another child. ♥

As sad as the moment when Charlie finally breaks down is, I'm glad he did it. It's so much harder to move forward when you suppress all of your feelings.

Ugh, of course Rita Skeeter has to show up! :(

What horrible questions to ask! She is just the worse! And she shows absolutely no sympathy for him, but instead gets excited when he's clearly horrified by her awful inquiries! I hate her. But, on the plus side, you wrote her fantastically. :-p


So, the further along this scene with her goes, I start to wonder is there a reason she's being so incredibly vicious here? I mean, Rita was nasty in the books, but I don't think she was ever quite like this. She sounds vindictive - like she's not there to interview him, but to purposefully make him suffer. She usually tries to soften the blow of her awful questions by at least pretending to be sympathetic, but she sounds almost like Umbridge here. But maybe there's a bigger reason for that...?

It's still so sad that Charlie blames himself, but it obviously wasn't his fault. I hope that if this ridiculous report hits the press, his family makes sure he knows that nobody blames him.

That is if they can find him... Where's he going!? Poor thing, essentially exiling himself. :(

Anyway, another great chapter, Jayde! Well done! ♥


 Report Review

Review #9, by writeyourheartoutSeized: Could the Timing be Any Worse?

25th January 2015:
Dee! I'm back for more! Happy Hot Seat Day! ^.^

Aww. This really is a sweet opening - or maybe bittersweet, considering what happens to them soon enough. But still, it's really nice to see you give them a real chance as a couple, who fight and make-up and try to move forward. Hermione choosing to cook Ron's favorite meal for him, followed by his actual acceptance of the gift just goes to show that they really don't walk away from this relationship without having tried hard to make it work first. I really love that choice. Oh! And I read your review response that talked about wanting Ron and Hermione's break-up to be entirely about them and not influenced by Draco at all, and I think that was just a brilliant choice that's reflected in every Ron/Hermione scene. :)

I love seeing Hermione thriving in her work environment and truly making a difference. She's so great, and your version of her always feels so authentic.

I have to mention as well that your minor original characters are all so great! If I remember correctly, Loretta Fleets and Corrigan Riggs are really only briefly seen throughout the story, but even so, you've made them both so three-dimensional in this chapter alone.

Hermione flooed straight back to the flat, intent on spending the rest of the day cleaning the flat by hand rather than magic, it was so rare for her to have the time to do it. - Bahaha! Finally a decent amount of time off in which she doesn't plan on devoting to additional note-taking and planning AND SHE WANTS TO SPEND IT CLEANING MUGGLE-STYLE? And she actually sounds excited too! LOL Crazy girl. (I hate cleaning, in case you couldn't tell! :-p)

Oh, Draco and Astoria... Such a lovely, ridiculous, excessive wedding announcement. Especially considering... Well, seeing as I know where this leads in the most recently added chapter... hahaha Let's just say there are a lot of things I could say right now, but... yeah. Just imagine me throwing shade their direction. ;)

So I've said this to you a lot, but I'm gonna say it again because I can't help it: I just love the way you so slowly build the Draco/Hermione relationship. And even though he's not really even in this chapter, you still lay a foundation here that makes me need to mention it again. For example, the fact that they actually both went back for '8th' year to graduate Hogwarts properly, but they didn't have any sort of relationship there. Or the fact that when she sees his face in the paper, there's no mention of, "Oh, he's sooo preeetty!" haha And also that she works in the same building as him, but they have no relationship. I just think all of that's so great because it feels the most realistic that neither would try to grow closer without a reason too; that it takes being forced to work together on a case to get them to progress.

Gah, the fight! I can so imagine that going down the way it did. I really understand Ron's frustration, although I understand Hermione's reasoning as well. Neither are wrong in the way that they feel, but that's kind of why it's such a bad fight to be having - especially when neither wants to budge on their side of things. Again, just gotta comment on the complete plausibility of this story. ^.^

Side-Note: The Floo Network is so invasive! LOL I mean, you can literally land inside someone else's house without even knocking! But congrats to Harry and Ginny and their excellent timing! :-p

Another wonderful chapter, Dee! ♥


P.S. I hope this review puts a smile on your face. Especially because I need it to soften the blow when I tell you that LJ6 will not be posted today. DON'T YELL AT ME! IT WASN'T MY FAULT! My brother is in town and I forgot he was coming and so I haven't even been home since Friday morning... That's a pretty valid excuse, yeah? hahaha LOVE YOU. (And you love me, too. Don't forget that. ;))

 Report Review

Review #10, by writeyourheartout(Who) Needs Horcruxes?: Legend

24th January 2015:
Hello Karen! Happy (Belated) Hot Seat Day! ♥


‘The legend is that this individual is capable of time travel without the use of a timeturner. He also carries a metallic wand perhaps far more powerful than the fabled Elder Wand. And finally that he holds the true secrets of immortality, able to regenerate when he is close to death.’ - I love this. I love the parallels and comparisons and connections you drew between each item of the Doctor's and how exceedingly helpful they would be for Voldemort. I mean... I can't believe how perfectly the Doctor's abilities and items fit into Voldemort's desires for world domination! It's absolutely brilliant!

I also love the point in time you decided to write this in - while Voldemort has realized all but one of his horcruxes has been compromised and his so-called immortality has considerably waned. He's now desperate for a back-up plan, and the Doctor, with his ability to regenerate, is just absolute perfection.

INTO THE TARDIS! Vroom vroom. ;)

To be entirely honest, I'm not actually caught up 100% on Doctor Who at the moment, and have only seen the first Clara episode, so I probably can't offer too much input on her character, but... MATT SMITH. ELEVEN. Love him.

And I think you did him fantastically! You really captured his quirkiness and oddities and I could hear every line of his in Matt Smith's voice and picture all his little mannerisms perfectly. The whole Rubik's Cube ordeal is too funny, and something I could definitely see the Doctor partaking in. Really well-done!

Why must he always do this ‘do it now and ask questions later’? - Bahaha! Yeah, he totally does that. :-p

I LOVE that you chose to acknowledge Harry Potter and all subsequent HP related things to be an actual book and a fictional scenario they've been sucked into! Too much fun!

Before I wrap this review up, I wanted to tell you that I do see an improvement in the technical details from the first story I read of yours to this most recent one now, which is great! I would say concentrate on comma's - those seem to be your greatest weakness. You tend to under-use. I would maybe suggest that the next time you're writing/editing a story/chapter, that you read it slowly out loud to yourself and listen for the natural pauses and throw a comma in! Then, instead of, "No Clara you’re not.", you might hear yourself speak it more like, "No, Clara, you're not." But it was still really a great improvement overall! Congrats! I know you're working hard on it and it shows! ♥

Anyway, this is an excellent start to your story! I can't wait to see what happens next! It sounds like you have a really great plan for the future of this story and I'm very excited to see how it all plays out! Yay!


 Report Review

Review #11, by writeyourheartoutWolf Like Me: O here comes that moon

22nd January 2015:
Oh, you know, was just passing by... figured I ought to review a lovely person such as yourself on this fine night. ^.^

(Plus, when I saw you'd written a Remus/Sirius fic, I was clearly done for, cause looove them.)


And not just wow, but WOW.

This is just... beyond gorgeous. It's stunning, really. It's so poetic and articulate and poignant and just... truly masterful. This review stands no chance at doing this story justice. Apologies in advance.

I loved this. I love the way you describe each of the characters, the way you explain their actions, the way you make even something so simple as walking - Each step cracks twigs and dry leaves, but this forest has learned our names. - feel like the most beautiful, heavy, and significant of things.

I'm fighting myself very hard not to just copy and paste this entire story into this review and yell, "THIS WAS MY FAVORITE PART." Although it would be true. But I'm gonna show the tiniest bit of self-control and limit my quotes to only a select few. *fingers twitch anxiously*

This paragraph:

Years. Years of stolen hours, dust-sticky potions bottles, spent learning to mirror my malady. They cracked their bones and carved their bodies into beasts, until that Curse just blinked down at empty fingers. They’d ripped my tragedy from her grip, transforming it the way that she transforms me. We stole back those swollen-moon nights, and avenged every scratching, howling hour.

Wow. It is just perfectly stated. I love this idea that they stole back the full-moon nights; that they took what was a terrible tragedy, an imprisonment, a life-sentence of cruel obedience, and just recaptured it back for themselves, refused to let it win, to let it steal anymore of Remus' freedom. It's a beautiful thought. So many feels.

And then this guy here: No one's nightmare more than my own. - Gah. This line kills me because it is so, so true. I love Remus so much, he's my absolute favorite character, and it never fails to break my heart knowing that he feels this way about himself.

And I can't finish this review without mentioning my absolute adoration for the way you depicted Remus and Sirius as a pair here. Honestly, I can't even articulate what I want to say about it, so please forgive me. Just... yes. Yes to it all. Yes, yes, yes. ♥

Absolutely brilliant, Roisin.




And especially for pointing out that one paragraph, it was actually the one I felt least confident about, so THANK YOU!

I've written some poetry over the years, but never been super keen on any one piece as a whole. But they all had little phrases or sentences I liked, so I basically shoved them all together here because I discovered my love for WolfStar and needed to write it.

And I'm really glad that, as a Remus fan, you liked this story! I realize I went kind of OOC, at least considering the language here, but I thought I could hand wave it with WOLF MIND!

Anyway, AH, thank you so much for this review!


 Report Review

Review #12, by writeyourheartoutRed: She Did It

22nd January 2015:
Hello Maelody! ^.^

I couldn't help but notice the incredible number of reviews you've been leaving people lately, and so I just wanted to return the favor! It's honestly so kind of you and I know you've made a ton of people just beyond happy with your generosity and warmth! ♥

This is so adorable! I love James/Lily and I think you did an excellent job showcasing how they might have finally come together!

I think your choice to write the story in this setting, where they're on rounds together, was a really clever decision. It allowed for a slow build between them; a tale in which we weren't thrown head-first into massive amounts of fluff and flirtations and sugary-sweetness that just always feels like too much right at the beginning of a fic. Instead we get to see them interact almost like a normal pair of friends, with just small moments of cuteness here and there that slowly built towards the ending (WHICH I SHALL SQUEE ABOUT LATER IN THIS REVIEW. OMG.)

I'm also really glad you included the effects of the war in this story, too. A lot of Marauder stories - James/Lily fics in particular - tend to gloss over the fact that horrible things are happening around them because they'd rather write something strictly fluffy or funny, but the inclusion makes their relationship and the fact that they're drawn more towards each other now feel all the more authentic and purposeful.

Omg, this Forbidden Forrest date between Sirius and Alice sounds hilarious! I can only imagine what in the world they got up to in there! You could totally write a companion piece to this about the date, you know... ;)

THE WAY SHE ASKS HIM OUT IS JUST TOO FLIPPIN' CUTE! *SQUEE* It was totally unexpected, too! Well, I mean, I assumed something would happen between them before the end of the story, but I was not even somewhat expecting it to be that or to have been done in that fashion! hahaha It was adorably awkward and entirely perfect.

And then James is such a little twerp about it! Bahahaha Too funny. "I dunno." - LOL

Awww! The ending is just beyond squee-worthy! When he shouts it out in the hall that she asked him out... hahaha So many feels. I'm all smiles now. And the fact they stayed up all night talking and sharing memories is so sweet. I'm all giddy, Mae. I love these two together. ♥

So, my only critique is that I noticed you change tenses rather often between past and present. Here's a good example: “Hey, cheer up now.” James awkwardly *nudged Lily’s side, not sure of what else to do. She **sniffles and looks up, putting the summer in the past. Nothing good ever came out of worrying. James ***was right. This ** **is their seventh year, and they had to make the best out of it. James *** **continued once he figured it was safe to do so. - *past tense **turns to present ***turns back to past ** **turns back to present *** **turns back to past - I think the majority of the story was told in past tense, so if you decide to go back and edit, I would keep an eye out for any present tense words/moments! But even with those little details, the story was still a complete joy to read!

You did a really great job with this, Mae. I thoroughly enjoyed it! And thank you again for the massive amounts of incredible reviews you've been passing out. I know you've made endless people's day with your kind words, and I hope my review does the same for you. ♥


Author's Response: Tanya! You're the sweetest! *hugs*

Just so you know, you came just a tad bit too early! I already have this back in the queue because I read it through when it was validated and edited it once more. So hopefully, if you come back to it ever, you'll notice I already made those changes! But thank you for pointing them out. I've grown way more conscious of them, but they're still my weakness! :)

Really, hun. You're too sweet. Honestly, I just wanted people to get reviews they deserved. I've decided from now on, there will never be a story that I read where I don't review it. I'm not really all that helpful with my reviews, but I like to make their days. Even if I do sort of leave slews of reviews for people to read... ;)

I'm glad you like it. :3 I sort of worried about this installment because I think it's the weakest of the four (it took a lot more thought of what should go in it than the others did) and I was worried how it would come out to others.

I have a theme that I want to follow with these four installments when they're all out. I won't spoil it now, but the rounds just sort of fit in perfectly with it. I didn't want to show the moment where she finally fell for him, or what she would do if he did something romantic. I wanted to show something where a lot of that has already happened, and this is just the time that she decided: "You know what? Now is the time I think we can go on a date."

Yay! I'm so happy you liked that, too! I (again) worried about that for the exact reasons you stated. People like the fluffy, funny side of the marauder era. Sometimes, it's almost like people forget Voldemort was really taking ownership here. There were giants rampaging. Lily and James defeated him three trice before the tender age of 21.

Oooh, that'd be fun! ;) Maybe, one day. If I ever find time after the other billion fics I want to write! xD

I like adorably awkward Lily. I mean, she was friends with Snape, who was always awkward. So she couldn't have been totally put together in the sense that she didn't have an odd thought here or there. I hate always mad Lily, though I know she has a temper, but always for good reason. She's just one of those characters I totally want to get to know better, because I think she would do something like this. This little short story is something that'll end up being sorta like what my head-canon between the two would have been like. :3

Ahhh, James. He couldn't let her get by with a casual asking out, now could he? There's gotta be something that causes a bit of a challenge in there. ;)

D'aaw. I'm glad you're all giddy. Thanks! :3 I'm just incredibly happy you enjoyed it! I love your writing, so it sort of makes me squee over here too that you read something of mine. :3 Thank you so much, Tanya! Honestly, you're such a doll for coming over here! *hugs*


 Report Review

Review #13, by writeyourheartoutLike Clockwork: Antiquity

21st January 2015:
Hello again, Leigh! And Happy Belated Hot Seat Day! ^.^

I love the way this begins! It's immediately intriguing! Must. Know. What's. Happening. O_O

Oh wow. Witch-burning. That's crazy. You write it so well, though. I can feel her panic as well as the haste and disgust and fear of the crowd trying to rid themselves of her 'evil'. The action is great, palpable. And the way we slowly come to realize that this girl, who truly believed she was not a witch and would of course wrongfully burn at the stake, is actually surviving it and is in fact a witch after all.

I also love the way you write this - the more formal, old-fashioned feel of the story carries itself really well here. You capture the era of burning witches really well. Although, I have to admit, I am a bit confused, because isn't this a Sirius/OC fic? But maybe it's AU and I didn't notice... Or perhaps there's simply more to this story than currently meets the eye... Interesting... *continues on*

The way you weave her belief in God and Satan and Heaven and Hell into this is flawless. And the struggles she faces because of her beliefs, because of her fears of what witchcraft implies, was such a clever choice to include, and it really adds a whole other layer to this opening.

The further I read into this second section, the more confused and curious I become! Who is this girl?? If she's only eleven, how can this be her return to the castle? And what did he mean by one too many spins? I feel like I'm missing a big piece of the puzzle! hahaha But I assume this is your intention - to slowly let us in on the secrets surrounding Cecily. And it's working brilliantly, I must say. I am beyond intrigued.

“You see, Miss Mason, this is not our first turn in this scene of your life.” - Whaaa'?!?! This is so crazy interesting! And now my questions from earlier regarding the writing style of this story versus it being a Marauders-era fic makes a lot more sense. Very cool! What a neat idea!

Also... WHAT'S THE THING SHE CREATED?? Dude, I am so hooked. hahaha

“Let us imagine I send you five minutes ahead of now. I tell you that I rather enjoy singing. Then I send you back to now. ... You would not remember the words I told you. Until five minutes pass, and you experience the moment I once sent you forward into. Then, while we may hold a different conversation, you will remember the words I told you.” - Well, this is a neat concept! But he wouldn't remember?? This is crazy and I love it.

And way to leave us on a bit of a cliffhanger. :-p

A few minor details:

The flames flickered up into my throat, my tongue aflame and teeth burning, flames flicking through my pinched lips. - There's a lot of 'flame'-age in this sentence and it feels just a little heavy-handed; too repetitive. Sometimes this sort of repetition can really work for a story, but I think in this case it's taking away from what is otherwise a great opening. Plus, in the sentence that immediately follows this one, you use the word again. And in the paragraph following that sentence, you repeat the word 'aflame'. It's just a bit too much of the same thing one right after the other, is all. I'm definitely not saying get rid of them altogether, only to be a bit more selective about which ones to keep.

They pulled me tight, digging nails into my flesh, *knifes and pitchforks puncturing the skin on my back, throat, arm. - *the plural of knife is knives

Where I came from, men were anything but to a lady, especially a young one such as *yourself. - *Whoops! Switched to second person here. Should be 'myself'.

And that's it! This is brilliant. It's incredibly unique, endlessly intriguing, and very well-written. You're off to a fantastic start with this story and I look forward to seeing how it all plays out! Great job!

Tanya ♥

 Report Review

Review #14, by writeyourheartoutNine and a Half: Nine and a Half

21st January 2015:
Hello Julie! Happy Belated Hot Seat Day! :-D

So, after having read and thoroughly enjoyed the prequel, I just had to follow it up with this guy! Yayz! ^.^

Awww! Did they end up together?? For some reason the summary had me thinking that Teddy had ended up with someone else, only to think back wistfully on what might have been! How sweet that they're married now! I was totally not expecting that, but it's got me all smiles! ^.^

Omg, wolfies. ♥ That just warms my heart. I am such a huge Remus fan, so the idea of his little grandchildren running around playing a game almost in his honor is just so wonderful. FEELS.

They're so cute together, all cuddled up in bed, as their children behave as all children do Christmas morning... hehehe And they definitely should have heeded Harry's advice about living under the staircase! My bedroom at my house growing up was practically under the steps as well and there is no cushioning the thunder that be! hehehe

“Daddy, you don’t call Santa, you write to him or visit him at the mall,” Dora’s response came back. - LOL That 'mall' bit made me chuckle. :-p

HEAD OF HUFFLEPUFF?! LOVE IT! All of these Hot Seat reviews have introduced me to so many new stories, and a TON of them feature Puff characters! I absolutely adore seeing our House represented in so many places and in such a positive light. ♥

Bahahaha These poor guys. Can't ever seem to get quite enough alone time before the kids interrupt. Remind me to never have children... :-p

BUT OH NO, THEY'RE FIGHTING?! And then thiiis line: “I thought you said Puffies don’t lie.” - Gah! *heart breaks*

"It would make my very happy if I could see you smile before I had to get on the train." - Oh man, it must be so hard to be a teacher at Hogwarts when you have a family at home. :(

“I don’t think you should fight with Papa anymore. He gets very sad at home when you are not there.” - This review has basically just turned into me quoting your characters, BUT ZOMG, THEIR LINES MAKE ME SO SAD-FACE! But hey, at least that last one got James and Teddy to make-up before the train took off, right? So I forgive you. ;)

Anyway, this was just as adorable as the first installment! I thoroughly enjoyed it. I love your versions of both James and Teddy, I love the family and life you built for them, and I love their relationship with one another. Such a sweet story. Great job, my dear!


 Report Review

Review #15, by writeyourheartoutMy (Fake) Wedding: Welcome to my Crappy Life

21st January 2015:
Hello again, Aimee! And Happy Belated Hot Seat Day! ♥

I really like how this begins with a bit of mystery - with you dangling some hidden information about Elle's dad right in front of our eyes, but refusing to let us in on the secret. Super intriguing! I must know all the things. :-p

HAHAHA A ONESIE TO DINNER? I shall marry him at once. ;) I really enjoy the little touches of comedy laced throughout the story. Makes for a very cute, fun read!

Ruari! That's a cool name! Never heard it before, but I'm really quite loving it. Did you come up with it yourself?? Ruuuaaariii. ♥

I like that we're learning about your OC through her actions and interactions with her family, rather than simply through a list of things you tell us about her. I always find that when people write sentence after sentence - and sometimes paragraph after paragraph - about who their character is as a person, what their past was like, what their present is like, etc. etc., it just becomes sooo explainy and rather boring, too. Throwing her into this hectic environment where she's kind of down on her luck and stuck living with her sister's family was a really great decision. And then we get a bit more of a glimpse into her more socialized personality when she goes out with her friends. I'm liking Elle so far; she seems like a good OC to base a story around. I look forward to seeing how she develops in upcoming chapters!

ALSO! She's a Hufflepuff! I love when I read characters from our beloved House! Excellent choice, if I do say so myself. ;)

Oh ho! What have we here? “Honestly, he’s *being going out with this ‘girl’ for over 2 years now and he didn’t think we’d like to meet her? I’m starting to believe she’s not real.” - *been - I think I can see where this plot may be heading... hahaha Very nice. ^.^

A few minor notes:

“Can anyone else *here that tapping?” - *hear

Something I notice you don't do is type out your small numbers, which is something that I'm sure a lot of people don't care about (and please ignore this entirely if you prefer it as is), but that I also know is a general rule of thumb when it comes to grammar guidelines. I've read one rule that says it should be applied for all numbers ten and under, and others that say twenty and under. I prefer twenty and under because, in my opinion, it just makes the writing look more formal, more advanced, and of higher quality. I just think that when they aren't spelled out, they tend to negatively stick out - draw my eye in an aesthetically displeasing way.

For example: I’ll just say this, my Dad didn’t speak to me for 2 years after it. - I would consider changing it to: I’ll just say this, my Dad didn’t speak to me for two years after it.

And, in case you do decide to apply those edits, here are some other places I noticed them:

- I got kicked out of my apartment last week because I couldn’t pay the rent for the last 3 months so I’m basically hopping from house to house.
- “Honestly, he’s being going out with this ‘girl’ for over 2 years now and he didn’t think we’d like to meet her?
- It was lovely, roomy even, but it wasn’t ideal because she had two children that were 6 and 3 respectively and both of them were already showing signs of magical capabilities. - In this example, you actually use both types: two, 6, and 3. If you decide to stick with the non-spelled out versions, I would at least suggest changing 'two' to 2 here, simply for consistencies sake. (But none of it's actually a big deal, so I wouldn't worry all that much if you don't feel like editing at all. :-p)

I would also say watch out for comma's. You tend to use them a little too often in a sentence where it's not needed so that it makes the sentence read a bit bumpy and a lot less fluid than it would otherwise be. Comma's are the worst, though. I don't think anyone ever gets them right all the time. *glares at own writing*

Anyway, all minor details, and please feel free to ignore them! ^.^

Overall, this was a very enjoyable and intriguing opening chapter! I expect I'll be back here very soon! Good job, Aimee!

Tanya ♥

 Report Review

Review #16, by writeyourheartoutAlong the Astral Plane: Autumnal Point

20th January 2015:
Hiya Maggie! Happy Belated Round Two Hot Seat Day! (That's a mouthful, huh? :-p)

Well sheesh, Maggie. Your writing continues to surprise me in the greatest way imaginable. This was fantastic!

First of all, the way you handle writing this era - jumping back in time to the language and customs and everything else - is just incredible. It feels so authentic. You very clearly have an excellent grasp on the life and times of this day and age, because it's reflected in every turn of phrase. I can't even imagine the amount of effort it takes to accurately tackle this type of story, but you make it look easy. Really phenomenal job.

Your characterization is something else I just adore! I love each person we were introduced to - even if only briefly - and how they all felt so real, so three-dimensional already, even in these small glimpses. It was particularly interesting to see how different many of the Founders kids are compared to their parents. Helena is obviously very different from her mother, regardless of their sharing the same House, and therefore some basic traits. Then all of the Gryffindor's clearly have some differences between them, each just as fascinating as the next. I do hope to see more of Belden in later chapters! He sounds like a blast. :-p

(Side-Note: Is Godric dead in this story??)

Also, I got super excited when Helga entered the picture. *high fives Head of House* :-p “They will think I am a sentimental old woman,” she replied, and Helena’s arm received the expected swat. “Oh, but this is just my bliss overflowing, my loves. You are all home once more, and my heart is full.” - Dawww! She's so sweet. Especially compared to the harshness of Rowena! haha

Gareth is a great character so far, too! I can't decide between him and Belden, though, as far as who I want to ship with Helena! hehehe I guess I'll have to make those decisions as the story progresses... Although this one line here really did have me pulling for Belden: Belden Gryffindor, his shaggy red hair gleaming in the candlelight, was showing off for one of the village girls. Helena laughed aloud at his gallant bow, so at odds with the loud, unruly boy she had always known, and vowed to tease him about it later. No doubt Belden would have an impossibly witty counter in mind; there was no one in the castle better suited to a meeting of the minds. - hahaha They just sound pretty great together, but maybe just as friends! We shall see, huh? ;)

Either way, whichever path you choose, I am super excited to see how this all unfolds! I can't deny that Gareth and Helena definitely had great chemistry, though. You write them really well together. And this line was really sweet after she mentions her looks: “That is not your only quality. It is simply the easiest to notice.” - Dawww. ^.^

I love that this chapter ended with a bit of mystery revolving around the black-haired man. And she already danced with him! Uh oh! I suspect we'll be seeing more of him in upcoming chapters. (I just had a random thought: Is he the Bloody Baron, who ends up killing Helena?? ...Is that even how her canon story goes? I'm grasping at some vague memories, to be honest... hahaha Can you tell I'm not that familiar with the Founder's era? :-p)

Another brilliant beginning to a story, Maggie! I'm really glad the Hot Seat continues to bring me around to your writing, because you're swiftly becoming a favorite of mine! ♥


 Report Review

Review #17, by writeyourheartoutCarpe Aestatem: I Reckon

20th January 2015:

James Potter didn’t fancy blokes. - MUAHAHAHA! JUST YOU WAIT, SIR. *SQUEE*

And yet. - Nailed it.

Oh! Love that Sirius is gay as well. I wonder if that means Remus will, in the end, be with Sirius? Love me some WolfStar, too. Dude, if this is James/Remus that eventually leads to even just implications of Remus/Sirius... I may die of happiness. There may be too much amazing in one story for my heart to handle. My palms are sweaty. SORCERESS! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME ALREADY? I'M LIKE FIVE PARAGRAPHS IN. (Although, a few paragraphs later and it looks like they might not be a good match after all. Either way, I'm beyond ecstatic about this story! :-p)

Your dialogue is just brilliant. I love the way James and Sirius interact in this scene by the lake. I can't quote most of it (because M swears!) but it's just spot on how I imagine them. ♥

GAH. AWW. WHEN SIRIUS SAYS REMUS DOESN'T LIKE... -le cough- AND THEN JAMES ASK IF HE'S A... -le double cough- MY HEART HAS MELTED. (Also, I may require a lozenge.)

Dawww, he's gonna quit smoking for Reeemus. ♥

He regretted it almost the moment he said it – it was fine to joke around when it was the four of them, and the sort of banter that would border on flirtatious to the uninitiated was par for the course – but it was a different story when it was just him and Remus and they skirted too close to truth. - Ugh, I just love your writing. ♥

Hahahaha Omg. Again with your dialogue - this time between James and Remus. *squee* It's so wonderful.

I'm trying really hard not to just quote this entire story back at you, BUT PLEASE FORGIVE THIS ONE BECAUSE I CAN'T NOT: Remus put down his quill. “All right.” His face was impassive, his voice toneless. It was one of the worst things about him, his ability to mask any emotion and tuck it neatly behind some façade or other that suited his needs (and one of the most alluring, because there was some primal part of James that wanted to strip him of that ability – maybe for a moment, maybe for an eternity; he wasn’t picky). - ♥

AND THE KISS. Gah. It's perfect. All of it. Everything. This is phenomenal. I am so happy right now, I can't even. Like... I don't have any more articulate words to offer, because my brain has disconnected. Seriously, this is... I'm so beyond happy with what you've done with my prompt. I knew you were the right person to give it to.

And on that note... I just have to thank you so, so much for writing this story for me. And I can't even begin to fathom how quickly you were able to run with the inspiration and still create such an incredible chapter in so short a time! Teach me your ways. You are just so wonderful. I am in love with this and I cannot wait for chapter two! Eep!


 Report Review

Review #18, by writeyourheartoutIcarus: Prologue

20th January 2015:

What in the world is happening in this story. O_O

I feel I should state that I mean that in the best way possible! :-p But seriously, what is going on!?! hahaha

That opening is just beyond intriguing. Everything about it is a mystery to me at the moment - one I'm pretty desperate to figure out! Like... who's the Captain?? And if the majority of this story is from Lily's POV, WHAT DID SHE DO TO CAUSE THINGS. This line: Lily tried to change history and see what could have been, and only burned in the end. - UM WHAT?!!! Must know more.

Remembrance Day ♥ And what you said about how days like that do fade as time passes... Too true. It's so much sadder when you put it into this perspective for me, as well. Doesn't seem right we should forget or stop caring so much about such important days where the lives of so many brave people were lost. :(

HAHAHA The names thing is hilarious. You're always so brilliant with humor.

And details, too! (I mean, really everything - let's be honest - but humor and details are what I'm focusing on at the moment, so there.) Like the way you introduce us into her home-life via small glimpses of her roommates - a social life, what's that? - and how Arthur has influenced Albus to start up a plug collection! hahaha Already your characters feel so three-dimensional to me.

Lily, naturally, stands out above the rest. I love the comparison to her namesake and how people expect that she'll magically take after Lily Evans simply because she was named after her, when in reality she's quite different - and in a way that seems to not be ideal. Poor thing. But I love it - she feels so authentic and substantial as a person, and her dry humor is perfection. I'm really loving being inside her head and following her narration. You've crafted an excellent version of Lily, my dear. ^.^

AND THEN THE ENDING. HELLO! I see what's a-brewing here now! AND I'M VERY EXCITED ABOUT IT. Well... except clearly something goes terribly wrong, doesn't it? hahaha I have no idea what's in store for this fic, and that absolutely thrills me. I'm very excited to see where it all goes.

This is a great first chapter, Kristin - just like everything you write! Stahp being so amazing. (Just kidding, don't stahp.) - I learned that trick from your Lily. ;)


Author's Response: Aw! Your reviews always put such a smile on my face!

Um, yes. This story is weird. I feel like there needs to be a warning for that, or at least I should put in a disclaimer or something so people know what they're getting into. ADVISORY: BIZARRE. :p But yeah, 'what is going on?' is pretty much the reaction I was going for :p

MUAHAHA. Things that will be explained later. Much later. :P

I'm so glad you like the idea of a Remembrance Day. It is sad when you think about it, how a lot of today's holidays are just days, and there's no longer as much attention put on why it's a day off work and such.

Haha, glad you liked the bit about the names. The names in the epilogue were my least favourite thing about the HP series. :p Sometimes this story is less of a fanfic and more a chance for me to comment on things under the guise of a fictional character XD

Thank you so much! I'm so glad you like the details as a way of introducing characters, as well as the glimpses into her life, family and friends.

I think having the same name as someone does invite comparisons, and in Lily (II)'s case where her namesake is such a hero, Lily doesn't really compare favourably - at least not at the moment when she's unemployed and kind of jaded. I am so glad to hear she feels like an authentic person! Thank you!

Ehehehe. If everything went well, there would be no story! :P

Aw, thank you! Stahp making me blush with your amazing compliments! :P

(10 points to Hufflepuff if you can actually understand me.)

♡ ♡

 Report Review

Review #19, by writeyourheartoutA Tulip and a Weasley: Tulips, tulips

19th January 2015:

I am so far behind it isn't even funny, but I wanted to make sure that I got one delivered to you before I fall too far behind on Round Three as well! (I've not exactly been rocking the art of Time Management since maybe Christmas... :-p)

Hahaha! This is too funny. Oh Percy, you ridiculous fool... :-p I love how even though this is a parody, it still captures the essence of Percy. He's almost a caricature of himself at certain points in the books, with his over-dramatics and arrogance and the way he speaks so formally. You really can't help but make fun of him a bit, right?

No one saw fit to tell him that the old Archie Holmes was mostly deaf and was probably sleeping with his eyes open. Percy, in his eagerness to share his views about the Ministry's proposal for next year's budget, failed to notice this. - LOL Don't lie to me, Emmi: you enjoyed torturing him, didn't you? ;)

To him, the tulips were family, like his own children. He knew each of them by name and wept for every wilted flower. - HAHAHAHA Omg. ♥ Too funny. And pretty darn sad as well. Methinks Percy needs to get himself a girlfriend. hahaha

Omg, his disguise!!! LOL Wow. That's some subtle Muggle-wear, Perce. Nailed it. hehehe

The images this story is conjuring up in mind are just so hilarious. This right here: They would understand if he told them he had spent sleepless nights worrying about whether the fertilizer he had used was too strong for his tulips or that repotting them was one of the most exciting phases in growing plants – because his babies were all grown up now – or that he had wept for two days when one of his favourite tulips, named Muriel for his formidable great-aunt, had finally lost the battle to old age and wilted. - HAHAHA *wipes tear*

AND THEN THIS: Percy was certain that Voldemort would have never tried to take over the wizarding world if he had simply directed his excess energies into repotting and fertilizing flowers. - Yep. Totally, Percy. That's EXACTLY what good ol' Voldie's been missing his whole life! A little therapeutic gardening! hahaha So funny.

Side-Note: Sorry to keep quoting things back at you, but they're cracking me up! :-p

What would happen to his family if someone found out – or, more importantly, to his precious flowers? - MORE IMPORTANTLY? REALLY, PERCY? COME ON.

LOVE how Penelope Clearwater shows up! AND THE WAY HE LIES TO HER. Innocentius Moreton! LOL And now all that's left is for Percy and his tulips to take on the world. For it is their destiny. Great things and all that. :-p

This was so funny, Emmi. How versatile an author you are! I sincerely enjoyed it! Great job!


Author's Response: Hey Tanya!

I'm so glad you liked this! This was my first attempt at writing a parody, or humour as a genre, so I had no idea how well I had done. I was worried I had overdone the parody (I suppose that's the whole point of the parody, but still).

Percy was surprisingly easy to turn into a parody because he's so pompous and self-important. He almost begs of being put into a humourous story! And yes, I did enjoy every second of it. :D

If you asked him, he would say he doesn't need a girlfriend. He's got his flowers to fill in that void. :)

I had so much fun coming up with a disguise for Percy. I suppose that, in reality, he is more up to date about the Muggle fashion - but where's the fun in that? I'm glad that you enjoyed the images as much as I did when I was writing them!

I'm almost certain that gardening has a positive effect on people but I'm not sure - I try spend as little time doing garden chores as possible... What I'm absolutely certain is that if forced to choose between his family and his flowers, Percy would choose the flowers. In a heartbeat. Yep.

He lied to Penelope because he didn't want anyone to find out he was going to a plant competition but I'm afraid that by now everyone knows... Rita Skeeter's Quick-Quotes Quill died of happiness. But mark my words, soon every student at Hogwarts will have to take a course to learn to raise tulips. It's all for the sake of the future of wizarding world, after all. :D

Thanks for reviewing this!

- Emmi

 Report Review

Review #20, by writeyourheartoutCinnamon Rolls: The Legacy Lives On

15th January 2015:
Hello again Freda and Georgina, and Happy Hot Seat Day! ^.^

This was such a sweet story! I love the concept of it: a prank passed down from generation to generation (with slight alterations along the way).

"We made the orange juice look like milk..." HAHAHA! This cracked me up because I'VE SO BEEN THERE BEFORE! I once took a sip of what I thought to be water, but what turned out to actually be orange juice, and let me tell you... that is a SERIOUS blow to your mind and to your taste buds! I LOVE the brilliance and simplicity of that being the basis of a prank! Harmless, but extremely effective. This is why Remus is the greatest ever. ♥

"We Hufflepuffs are really spoiled being next to the kitchens, aren't we?" - LOL I'm not gonna lie, this is definitely something I considered when I chose to be in Hufflepuff. Easy kitchen access is the bomb. ;)

I really enjoyed all of the characters we saw, and how little details shown through - like Tonks' flowers, Teddy's clumsiness, and of course all the food-related gags and the way they each celebrated after a successful prank - with cinnamon rolls.


Really good job, you two; I enjoyed this very much. :)

P.S. I am absolutely craving cinnamon rolls now. *drools*

Author's Response: Hello Tanya!

Thank you for the review! We wrote this for Clare and included things only she would understand what we were nodding to and I (Georgina) was personally worried that others wouldn't understand it. But you did! Yay! I love all of the stuff you said here, reviews like yours satisfy the soul.

Little fun fact, we met Clare through cinnamon rolls. For the Yule Ball she posted a picture of them, I commented on how delicious they looked, she messaged us, and this story was the result.

Glad to hear how much you loved this story!

 Report Review

Review #21, by writeyourheartoutLove is for Fools: Not a Fool

12th January 2015:

(Allow me to apologize ahead of time for the ridiculous amount of caps lock, squeeing, and quoting of your amazing story that will take place in this comment. Cause those three things make up about 99.9% of this review. Zomg.)

First of all... I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WROTE ME A STORY! YOU INCREDIBLE, AMAZING, SNEAKY THING, YOU! Honestly, I'm blown away. What a truly wonderful surprise. I am just beyond touched. ♥

Friends, that’s what you were. Great friends; the best. He knew, of course, you both did, knew that there was something more and unspoken between you. It was there in his looks when he caught you staring as he laughed his carefree laugh. Just a look as if he was saying to you, ‘I know'. Knowing was never enough for you, nor for him, but neither of you ever acted upon your feelings. - I AM DEAD. OMG. Dee... omg. I can't even. I CAN'T EVEN IT'S SO PERFECT.

My heart. Like... Omg, REMUS! WAH! I just want to hold him forever, my little dumpling. ♥

Quietly you suffered, though you knew he was suffering too, but your friendship would suffer more should you ever act on the feelings. - THOSE DAMN PROUD FOOLS. YOU COULD HAVE HAD IT ALL! *sobs*

I'm so sorry to just be quoting back at you this entire story, BUT I CAN'T HELP IT. I HAVE NO CONTROL. Real suffering came when you discovered what he had done, what you thought he had done to James and Lily for thirteen years. Still you loved him, you would love him no matter what, and that is when you knew he had been right: love is for fools. - *sobs more* MY HEART, DEE.

“Zonkos,” Sirius once told you, “if there is a heaven, I hope it’s exactly like Zonkos.” - And you hoped it was too. - SO MUCH SOBBING, OMG. That last line... Perfect. Like being kicked by someone wearing steel-toe boots right in the feels. I am dead.

Dee. I can't even. I can't even articulate.


Can we talk about how you also managed to squeeze two really difficult challenges into this as well? And you did it SO RIDICULOUSLY WELL. The ABC Challenge in exactly 500 Words. WHAT?! STAHP BEING SO TALENTED. (Just kidding, never stop. ♥)

In all seriousness, this is such a gorgeous story. It is stunningly written, beautifully descriptive, and it just wraps its little hands around your heart and squeezes the living daylights out of you. And the fact that it's dedicated to me... Honestly, Dee, I don't even know what to say. I'm blown away by your generosity and kindness every day, and no more so than right now. You are one of my absolute favorite people and I sort of want to book a flight to the UK, hunt you down, and just hug-attack you with love.

...This took a slightly creepy turn, but I stand by it. ;)

You are the absolute best. Thank you so, so much.

Tanya ♥

 Report Review

Review #22, by writeyourheartoutSeized: Who Ever Said Relationships Were Easy?

9th January 2015:
Dee Dee Dee ♥

I'm having a lot of fun rereading this story and finally leaving some proper reviews for it, too! ^.^

I love your Ron and Hermione. They are so plausible as a couple here, with a fight I can so easily imagine them having. The dialogue between the two of them, the hot-headed banter, the dramatic storming off after Hermione's singular attempt at kind and rational doesn't exactly go over well - it's all just spot on. What I think is even more exceptional about your writing of these two here is the fact that they're actually having a relatively common fight, and so it would have been easy to make them sound like any old generic couple, but you were able to make them feel so authentic - like Ron and Hermione in this fight and not anybody else.

What I love about their story in this is how believable it is. You cover so many fundamental topics that couples really should agree on if they plan to last without any of it feeling like simply a ploy to separate them and make way for Draco. It's all rooted deep in realism, so that I never question why things happen the way they do.

Oh! And bonus points for not making Ron some horrible person who treats Hermione poorly or is an awful boyfriend, but simply just not the right fit for Hermione. Love that.

I love the job you've given Hermione, by the way. I'm pretty sure she ends up working in law in canon as well, but the Dobby's Law thing is just such a spectacular branch off of that - regardless of what Ron thinks. ;) And I love how her beaded bag trick comes into play and basically improves every office worker's life! You're so clever and creative. ^.^

Aww... the proposal sounds pretty hilariously charming... almost makes me sad they're having such issues now. But, luckily, I've never been particularly attached to the Ron/Hermione ship, so... I think I'll be alright. ;)

Your attention to detail is really great. For example, when Hermione is doing the dishes by hand and it's mentioned how once upon a time Ron woke poke fun at her and she'd throw bubbles at him, but now he just rolls his eyes... Such a smart choice to include that sort of then versus now comparison to showcase how their relationship has changed. Not only that, but IT'S SO TRUE THAT THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS! Things you used to love about someone can eventually start to just annoy the crap out of you! hahaha

Harry's proposing! Daww. Sweet. ^.^ I think it was really clever of you to include a Harry/Ginny subplot that focuses on how happy the two of them are in comparison to Hermione and Ron. It just sort of solidifies the fact that things are not the way they should be between two people actually in love, and not just together out of habit or convenience or for any other reason.

Great chapter, Dee. Like I said, I'm really glad to be rereading this story. Maybe by the time I reach chapter 22 again, there will be a chapter 23! ;)

Tanya ♥

Author's Response: Tanya Tanya Tanya! ♥

I can't believe you're going back over this and leaving more reviews. The last lot you left me were beyond lovely, now I get more! I am not worthy *bows*

I know a lot of authors on here shy away from writing the trio because readers know them so well and can be so critical if anything it OOC, but I actually find them the easiest to write BECAUSE we know them so well. I wanted to keep their essence but still show that they were older, their little domestics definitely helped with that. And I really wanted to make their break-up totally about them, which is why I didn't have Draco have any involvement with Hermione until after her break-up. I definitely couldn't make Ron horrible, he's petulant and childish at times but not horrible, and never a cheater! I'm so glad you commented on the proposal, it took a lot for me not to get carried away and make that a bigger scence. I actually love Ron and Hermione, and they're definitely one of my favourite canon ships, but Draco/Hermione will always be my preference :p

*blushes* I'm thrilled you liked the job Hermione has, the Dobby's Law thing just seemed like something she would do, it's a step up from SPEW but I think Ron ruined that name for her ;)

I'd be lying if I didn't say my own relationship disagreements played a big part in this, and you're so right about little things going from endearing to just plain irritating, don't tell my bloke I said that ;)

Hah! MAYBE there will be a chapter 23, I seem to have distracted myself writing other things but I have the end of this story all planned so I will be finishing it...soon ish.

Thank you so so so so SO much for another amazing review. You are just the best. Love love love!! ♥

 Report Review

Review #23, by writeyourheartoutEffortlessly Dead: Gone

4th January 2015:
*waves* Back for more!

Actually, I should confess, I read this last night, but was too tired to write out a review simultaneously or even take notes, so I'm working a bit on memory for this particular review now, so please forgive me if it's slightly less detailed than usual!

The first section was so freaking intense, Emmi! I mean, omg... the tension in that room with the family was just crazy ridiculous. And I sort of felt torn while reading, because I understood everyone's perspective on the events that had just happened - Menna's anger towards Ifan, Ifan's guilt about Aled and - for once - silence during the majority of that scene, and Rhian's anger and blame towards Menna, plus everyone who was just trying to be comforting. A lot happening at once and it made for an excellent read.

One thing I love in particular about you and your writing style is that you so clearly understand who every one of your characters is - even the more minor ones who don't spend much time in the spotlight. For example, the glimpse into Nia's past... ugh, that was so sad. But, again, it shows how three-dimensional you characters are - how each of them has a story of their own within the Shrike clan, and it makes me all the more inclined to root for them - for all of them.

What a twist when Menna disappeared! Honestly, I feel like I should have expected it by this point, seeing as she's always doing irrational things to make up for a mistake, but I truly didn't see it coming. I thought that after her break down and after being scolded by the one and only Rhian, that she was down for the count for the rest of that day, at least! But nope! She disappears right underneath their noses, yet again. hahaha She's the best, but I also kind of want to slap some sense into her. :-p

And then off to Galen! I love his POV so much. He's got this humor about him that I didn't really pick up on as much before, but that really shined through in this chapter - both when he was talking to Joseph and when he was being threatened by Menna.

BY THE WAY: If I thought Vance was annoying, this Joseph character just blew him out of the water. Holy cow, did he need to be slapped. Poor, patient Galen, stuck being - mostly - nice to him. I don't think most people could handle that level of stupid quite so well. :-p

AND THEN THE MENNA AND GALEN SCENE! Is this the scene that started off the entire Effortlessly Dead universe? I have a sneaking suspicion it might be... Either way, I just loved it. I'm not sure I can even quite articulate what I want to say... Just that I love the way Galen reacts to her hostility - not so much with fear, but something closer to amusement. They definitely have an undeniable chemistry.

My favorite moment was right at the very end when he grabs her and they apparate away! Gah! Why did you have to end it there?! You horrible, mean, cliff-hanging person, you! hahaha I hope chapter nine will be out soon, because I am dying to know what happens next between them! Hopefully chapter nine includes one of their perspectives too, or else I might have to wait even longer to find out! Eep!

This was excellent. As always. Can't wait to read more! ♥


Author's Response: Hello Tanya!

Can I have your memory? I don't think I could have managed this amount of detail based solely on memory!

I'm so, so happy you liked the first section! I was a little worried there would be too much going on and the reader would be confused about who this person is and what they're talking about. I'm glad that this was not the case!

There is so much information about each of the characters that I think only a fraction will actually end up being mentioned in the actual story! I enjoy creating characters (so much so that at some point I have to stop and focus on writing the story! :p) and giving them their defining quirks. So glad that this shows in the writing and you like the characters! I was a bit worried that Nia's back story would seem redundant and unnecessary, but gladly it had the intended effect!

Yay! I managed to catch you by surprise! That makes me so happy! I kind of expected her disappearance would be predictable, given how she's always doing her own thing, but this was a pleasant surprise! She does need someone slapping some sense into her, though, and I've got just the right person for the job in mind. ;) Whether he's successful or not remains to be seen...

Galen's humorous side came as a bit of a surprise to me as well, I have to admit (just like Ifan's disinterest in magic). Then again, we've only seen interact with his colleagues in chapters one and seven; the rest of the time he's been with his family with whom he has a slightly strained relationship. It seems like he can be himself when surrounded by the people he works with.

Oh, Joseph. I wouldn't tolerate him a second in real life (and I don't think Vance would either!), but he's so, so much fun to write about! Thankfully we won't be seeing much of him. ;)

Yes! That is the very scene that started everything and I'm so glad you liked it!

I ended it at that scene because cliffhangers are the best way to end a chapter! ;) Hopefully I'll have chapter nine out by the end of January (preferably earlier...) and don't worry, Menna and Galen will appear in it, so you'll find out what happens to them next. I wonder if I manage to catch again you by surprise. We'll have wait and see!

- Emmi

 Report Review

Review #24, by writeyourheartoutEffortlessly Dead: Two for Sorrow

3rd January 2015:
And I'm back again immediately because I was too intrigued to walk away. So hello again, Emmi! ^.^

AHA! IT WAS MURDO! Although he was expecting someone else! I wonder who... O_O I predict he will be very sorry very soon that it was Menna he got instead. I know my girl is gonna put him in his place... or at least I very much hope so! *fingers crossed*

Oh boy, Murdo. Not only is Menna hopefully going to own you, but you seriously dissed your girlfriend. Trouble, trouble, everywhere. But aww... the way he thinks about her in the aftermath of the fight is really quite sweet. That first impression I got of him really wasn't too far off, I suppose - at least in regards to Gry. It's nice that you have these assassins and murderers who aren't like Voldemort, but who actually care for and protect the people in their lives, regardless of their activities.

I love that you tied in little reminders of the past as Murdo attacks Menna - the eyes in particular really made an impact as he sort of struggles between the then and the now. AND THEN MENNA TAKES HIM OUT WITH A HEADBUTT. THAT'S MY GIRL. Well, 'takes him out' is a bit of an exaggeration, but still. I love how after attacking her, he's now trying out smalltalk. hahaha I also love that as of right now, I still have no idea what his intentions are! Does he really just want to talk? I'm about as suspicious as Menna. I love their back and forth, though.

AH! MURDO IS THE ONE WHO FRAMED MENNA! CRAZY! Ugh and he's so nonchalant about it! Guilty as charged. This scene is so intense! It takes a lot to shake up Menna, and seeing her clearly frightened and being backed into a corner is really something. Although now I'm thinking perhaps even that was a facade? Like how the way she held the knife was meant to be misleading - to make her look like an amateur - perhaps her demeanor was the same? Eep!

THIS LINE: "Oh, I didn't miss," she said, smiling nastily. "I hit you right where I wanted to." - DID SHE? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? WHAT EXACTLY DID SHE DO TO HIM? AND NOW THEY'RE ATTACKING HER. WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN?

...I suppose that will have to be answered later. Hello Galen, my love. :-p

Daww, he and Rosie are so fun together - even whilst working on dead people. hehehe And I love that Galen talks to them when no one's around. He's the best. ^.^ There's so much humor in this chapter, and you write it just as well as you write everything else.

CRUP CHASE! CRUP CHASE! SOMETHING CRAZY'S ABOUT TO HAPPEN! *holds breath* OMG OMG OMG SO MUCH IS HAPPENING. (Is it weird that even in all this chaos, I was a little giddy when Galen and Menna locked eyes? Aww, and then he wants to help her! ♥ I will continue to ship them regardless of what happens.) MURDO JUST SAW ALED FOR THE FIRST TIME IN YEARS. OMG THIS IS INSANITY AND I AM LOVING IT. (Though, fingers crossed all of the Shrikes get away unharmed - or at least alive!) EXCEPT OMG ALED! WHAT HAPPENED? AND WAS IT ACTUALLY IFAN'S FAULT, LIKE GALEN SEEMED TO THINK IT MIGHT BE? EMMI THIS IS CRAZY!

Oh, thank goodness for Galen! Aled's alive! Eep! Yay! Phew! And Galen... I didn't think it was possible, but he continues to grow on me more and more! I mean, he kept her knife and hopes to return it to her. They're both so awesome, I need them to be at least a small thing together. :-p

This chapter was my favorite so far. It was just incredible. So much happened and I really can't wait to read more. And if chapter eight is your favorite, I can only imagine the sheer amounts of amazing it must contain, because this chapter was so phenomenal. I should definitely try to sleep, because it's really late here now, but I have to keep reading. I can't promise a review tonight, only because I'm sleepy and might soon be incoherent, but expect it soon! :)


Author's Response: Hello again Tanya! :)

Yes, it was Murdo the Magpie! He wasn't expecting Menna because he had been certain they'd keep a close eye on her after her previous blunder and wouldn't let her wonder off on her own... Shows how little he actually knows. :)

Murdo has trouble relating to other people since he didn't have many chances to interact with others when he was younger. However, he's very protective of Gry and would do basically anything for her (anything except let go of his obsession with the Shrikes, of course). I've done my best to show that these people are humans, not monsters, and despite what they do, they do have a heart.

As you've probably already surmised, Murdo has trouble letting go of the past. Anything and everything that reminds him of that night is bound to get a reaction out of him. Like Menna's eyes, for instance. And you're quite right to be suspicious of Murdo. I very much doubt he wants to just talk...

Menna was genuinely frightened at that moment, true enough, but she wouldn't show it that easily. So that part was an act. :) She has an excellent aim and that strike was meant to show to Murdo she was not to be underestimated; sort of "See? I can hit you anywhere I want."

Cliffhangers are the best, don't you think so too? ;) I'm pretty certain the job description for medical examiners requires them to have a sense of humour; otherwise it would be too morbid down in the morgue.

When I was writing that part, I was wondering if it was ever going to end. o.O It was insane! So much was happening! And no, it's not weird at all you were giddy when their eyes met. They do make a pretty cute couple. :) And I don't think anyone knows for certain if it was Ifan's fault or someone else's; I think it was more than one spell that hit him.

Galen and Menna will cross paths soon; I wonder if I manage to catch you by surprise this time. :) Hopefully you'll like chapter eight as much as I do!

Until next time!

- Emmi

 Report Review

Review #25, by writeyourheartoutEffortlessly Dead: Trouble Arising

3rd January 2015:
Hi Emmi! Back for more! ^.^

Another fantastic chapter, of course!

I really loved getting to see things from Gawain's perspective! It's so much fun reading through his theories and understanding his thought process while knowing the truth - or at least a good amount of it - already ourselves. Part of me wants to grab him by the shoulders and shake him when he's on the wrong track and give him meaningful looks when he's on the right one! But alas, I don't think this story is interactive, huh? :-p

The end of his section was so thrilling! Like, I'm half-excited that something crazy might be happening, and half-nervous that my darling Menna might be in trouble! You're so incredible at building up tension and suspense; it's what I love about this story - you always keep me on my toes with these little surprises!

Side-note: I'm still wondering exactly how Cosmas Fawley ties into this whole Shrike/Magpie thing! It's super intriguing. That man is a mystery unto himself right now.

Aled's section is just as fascinating, and for very similar reasons - me knowing what he doesn't quite understand yet (or at least in the beginning of this section). I love the slow build to the truth, though, with the cat's appearance striking him as odd to remembering the promise that of course Menna was bound to break from the beginning. I also really enjoy it when Aled and Ifan have scenes together, because they're brothers, but they're so different from each other and it always makes for an interesting read. Aled does tend to be more of a worry-wart than the rest of the family, but when Ifan worries, you know it's something serious.

Also, before I wrap up this section, I just have to ask: is Aled the one letting the cat into Ifan's room? Bahahaha! Either way, your little sprinkles of humor throughout the story are always such a nice touch.

And now... MENNA! ♥

...the thigh-length, thick cardigan had one advantage: it completely hid the thin knife she had strapped on her back hipbone. - Gah! She is crazy bad-ass. Your descriptions here are really wonderful, with her stuck in the cold, contemplating her options.

Hmm... I wonder why her birthday this year matters?

OMG. SOMETHING'S HAPPENING! Not gonna lie, I definitely was not expecting her to run into trouble just then! Excellent twist there, right at the end, and quite a cliffhanger, too! Eep! The first second she bumped into the guy, I actually thought it might be Galen, but as it continued - obviously with her not recognizing this person - I quickly ruled him out and now I'm thinking it's Murdo! Does that mean he thought her to be the weakest link, though?... That doesn't seem right... Unless he's just terribly uneducated in the awesome that is Menna. So maybe it's Vance? Or... someone else completely? LOL Clearly I have no idea, to which I say great job! Nothing better than an unpredictable story!

Some minor details:
- No matter how hard he looked, he couldn't find any reason for Cosmas Fawley to have *so vicious enemies that they would **sent the Shrikes after him. - *such, **send
- ...that would throw the suspicion *of off him. - *off of
- Why *where the Fawleys chosen as a target? - *were
- Why *sent that to us and not to the Department of Magical Law Enforcement?" - *send
- He said *us much to Ifan. - *as
- Menna contemplated her attire to get her mind *of off the cold. - *off of
- He was faster, though, and snatched her wrist in a *wise-like grip. - *vice-like grip

As always, this was brilliant. I'm going to at least start the next chapter/review now, but I might not finish it today because it's a long chapter! hehehe I'm excited to see what it holds, though! Oh! And then chapter eight! Your favorite! Eep! I'm closing in! :-D

Great job, Emmi. You and this story are just phenomenal. ♥


Author's Response: Hey Tanya!

Gawain Robards is slowly sneaking his way into my list of favourite characters. I have half a mind to write a story about him... No, unfortunately this story isn't interactive so you can't give clues to the characters. ;) That would be fun, though, if that was possible!

Of course Menna is in some kind of trouble. Trouble is her middle name (well, no, not really; it's Angharad... but it could be). So glad you like the tension! I have always so much fun writing those parts.

I'll never tell! ...No, wait, yes I will! Just not right now. ;)

Aled really is such a worry-wart. Ifan is both amused and exasperated by it. Writing those two together is so much fun (really, what isn't?) because it guarantees some funny moments, like with the cat. Aled is indeed the one who keeps letting it into Ifan's bedroom. He thinks it's hilarious but he'd rather his big brother never finds out about it...

Yes, Menna! That was one of the hardest parts to write in the whole chapter since I had to write and rewrite that scene several times till I got the description right, so I'm glad you liked it! Don't worry, you'll find out soon enough why her birthday matters. :)

Yay, I managed to catch you by surprise! I really enjoyed writing that part so it's great to hear it had the intended effect! And double yay for you trying to guess the identity of the person! You'll find out soon enough...

Thanks for pointing those out to me and for all of the compliments! They always put a huge smile on my face!

Until next time!

- Emmi

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>