Ooh, suspenseful. This IS starting to get really dangerous. I’m scared for Rose.
I’d like to comment on how realistic all of your charms and potions are. I’ve read a lot of stories where the main character can fix anything, sickness, cuts, hair, with a flick of her wand; I appreciate that you keep the spells moderate. It really does add to the story.
I’m also curious about Johnny. Did he inherit his stubbornness from Victoire? Is he just going through a “difficult phase?” I’m intrigued.
It keeps it interesting, that you provide layers of plotline. It’s all very tightly interwoven and I really am hooked.
10/10! :)Author's Response: Johnny is... Well, he's a three year old. People talk about Terrible Twos, but they are nothing compared to age three. My boys were quite relaxed, luckily, at that age, but Johnny Lupin is heavily based on my nephew, who is not as bad as Johnny but had his moments at that age. Johnny has his moments too, but he's definitely in a phase.
I do like to make the charms and potions less of a fix-it-all panacea and more of ameliorating-the-problem. ;) And some of them DO require the proper training or talent. Hugo can fix Rose's injured arm, but she and Fred can't. Victoire can make you invisible with a Disillusionment Charm, but Rose can't. If it were all that easy, they wouldn't need school, they'd just read a book and say the spell.
These reviews are so making my day. XD Thank you thank you! Report Review
Why, there were some very SASSY people in this chapter. Mainly Draco and Rose. Draco was insanely sassy. I laughed.
Your description of the Leaky Cauldron was wonderful; it was exactly how I pictured the bar from the books. Also, it was great how you demonstrated that not all criminals are horrible through Annabelle. You really put a lot of depth into this story.
*advances with lance and armor* ONWARD!! 10/10Author's Response: I totally picture Draco being very snide and snobby as a grown-up. Less whiny now and more like Lucius than when he was a kid, though.
No, quite a lot of Rose's pickups are like Annabelle. The little piddly ones that bounty hunters like Dino Agnelli wouldn't bother with. They need a bounty hunter like Rose to get those jobs.
I'm so glad you are enjoying this! It's really making me happy to read these reviews :) Report Review
First off... I ADORE Molly. So many times she is portrayed as uptight and rule-happy. You never fail to surprise me, in a great way.
Also, call me slow but I just realized that all Rose’s clothes are adorable. It’s rather funny. My favorite quote is when Fred says, “‘Should I be in disguise too? Let me get my kilt-’” It was hilarious.
The last part was frightening. I can’t wait to see what happens next... 10/10, of course!Author's Response: I don't see Molly as uptight or particularly rule-abiding. She's more the type to wear a green mohawk in my head, but was still Head Girl in her year. Nothing wrong with being cool and smart, organized, and having good leadership.
Yes, Rose's wardrobe is very twee! She loves pink, and cute baby animals, and cartoon characters (I invented Portia the Plucky Pygmy Puff, which in my head is the wizard equivalent of circa-1985 My Little Ponies), and the more glitter the better. Fred is all-wizard in his regular wardrobe, the poor guy does not know how to blend with Muggles. Rose is better at that, but nobody takes a pink unicorn shirt seriously. lol
The mystery is picking up in this chapter. Close call for Rose and Fred. Thank you so much for reviewing! Report Review
I knew that Hiram Worthing was sketchy. I KNEW IT.
This chapter was pretty sad, but also sweet. I was like “aw” when they got evicted, but the family time was very well-written and made me laugh. I know I’ve said this before but your characterization and flow is phenomenal.
10/10Author's Response: Hehehe... Good call!
Poor Rose and Scorpius. But Hugo took them in. Thank you so much for the lovely compliment on my writing! It made my day :) Report Review
I laughed really hard at the Louis part of this chapter. You’re so creative with your characters.
It’s interesting how you address feminism in the story. It really gives this a deeper meaning.
FAVORITE QUOTE TIME!!! “A day without trouserless Louis is a day without sunshine.” This was SUPERMEGAFOXYAWESOMEHOT.
10/10 :)Author's Response: This chapter is pretty much... Well, that's Louis. Totally inappropriate women. He specializes in finding them and letting them get him in trouble.
Yes, there are some feminist remarks from Rose (she IS Hermione's child). But she's a realist about it, too.
Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it. This chapter was, well it was really something to write. haha. Report Review
The Hermione intervention was quite clever. She’s so FIERCE. And very true to the books. You made Rose like both of her parents, not completely like Hermione, and I think this is really refreshing. Especially that she’s not too logical, which is a trait Ron possesses also.
I think Worthing might be a little sketchy. He’s just too nice. But maybe that’s just me...
10/10Author's Response: Hermione is VERY fierce. Z-snap fierce. I think Rose is more like Ron, but she does have quite a bit of her mother in her as well. I definitely don't see her as being Hermione Junior. Ron is too strong a person to not have ANY influence on his child.
Worthing is very nice, isn't he? Hmmm... ;)
Thanks for the review! Report Review
The suspense is building... :P
I’d really like to find out more about Knapper. He seems like a very dangerous person.
Favorite quote time!!
“I'd send Uncle Harry a card, but it would probably just give him indigestion to think that it was his fault his niece was living with a Malfoy.” This just made me outright laugh.
I love the scene with Draco and Astoria; it’s nice how Draco’s personality hasn’t done a 180 and he’s still the same person, just reformed a little. Your story is very canon. It’s also true to life, especially with the children (and ESPECIALLY with Johnny!)
10/10Author's Response: Knapper will come out later, you'll see.
I love canon. Love, love, love it. I've read all the HP books at least ten times. I try to keep everyone canon. Draco is not a nice person. He stayed out of Azkaban, and he might feel some resentful gratitude toward Harry for that, but it didn't turn him into sweetness and light. And he certainly wouldn't be happy that his only child is living with a half-blooded Weasley.
Johnny Lupin... hehehe. He is a legend, really.
Thank you for reviewing! Report Review
First off, I like how your characterization of Rose is developing. She’s very prideful and also very brave, but not a Mary-Sue at all. She seems very realistic.
The flaws of Uncle George made me smile. So many authors try to stay away from flaws, but you seem to dig right in them and make them enjoyable. It ends up with everyone having a completely different personality, and that’s great. I also love how you made Rose the irresponsible one, something that I do not see a lot in stories.
I laughed at Fred’s outfit, and at the story about Louis :)
Onward!! 10/10Author's Response: I always try to make characters in my stories more like real people, and I think it avoids the Mary Sue-ism. Rose is actually more brave than she'd admit, and has quite a bit of stubborn pride, but she's also lazy, lies when it'll make things easier on her, and occasionally too focused on money.
Rose is definitely not the Good Child, Hugo has taken over that role. Poor Fred, he's sort of a dork but thinks he's totally awesome (which is often how I picture the Marauders, I must admit). Louis, ah Louis, he might be my favorite cousin after Victoire. He is almost indescribable in a 12+ way, but when Hugo makes the comment about Louis in a roomful of choirgirls and nuns, that's Louis in a nutshell.
Thank you for reviewing! Report Review
Yay Knockturn Alley! Why is it forgotten so often?
I already talked about this in a previous review but I adore how you don’t introduce characters immediately, especially Lenny, who’s quite a character. I am noticing more parallels to the modern world that provide a deeper dimension to your story, like the powdered dragon claw thing and magical creature fights. I’ve never read a story quite like this and I have to say, it’s completely brilliant.
Rose’s adventures make me cheer for her! The suspense is building...
I really want to read the next chapter. I’m so glad I’m reading this story! 10/10Author's Response: Nobody seems to go to Knockturn Alley in fanon. Everyone's in Diagon Alley. Rose is all over both haha. I can just see her mother twitching at the thought, too.
I like to try to round out a story with details like Angelo's gambling on the magical equivalent of horse-racing and bullfights and such. And Rose tends to have a bit of conversation with someone and THEN share her observations about them. I prefer reading that way, so it's how I generally write.
Thank you again for reviewing! I'm loving all these new reviews :D Report Review
The last sentence made me “awww.”
The word usage in this chapter was nice, like Sword of Damocles and collywobbles. And when you slipped in the Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes thing I cheered because you encompass so many aspects of J.K.’s Harry Potter.
FAVORITE QUOTE TIME!
“It felt very summery, and could block any 'amusing' hexes your little brother might try on you while you were sunbathing in addition to stylishly protecting you from potential psychopaths while on the job.”
Oh, Rose. Her tone of voice is hilarious, and not just in that way where the main character has conversations inside their heads and is completely random and clueless. It was just... I don’t know, humorous. I also love how original you were, especially with Victoire looking like Molly Weasley I. My jaw actually dropped when you described her as that, because I never thought of her that way. It was awesome. I was like, “Victoire isn’t insanely beautiful YAAAY!!!”
Why is it that I abuse the caps-lock key in your reviews?
I also laughed at Hermione’s culinary skills. That is all. 10/10Author's Response: I love throwing in bits of canon where I can. Rose mentions a few rather obscure magical creatures too.
I avoid the "Look I'm so random!" stories like the plague. They drive me nuts. Anyone who was really like that in real life would need medication, I'm just saying. Rose is a bit silly and flighty, but not like that. And yes, my Victoire is VERY different. I think it's more interesting to imagine how Fleur Delacour would parent two teenage daughters who are NOT utterly gorgeous blonde Amazons. Fleur has more to her than that, and I think she'd do a good job of mothering children who didn't inherit her looks. Plus I actually do think Weasley genes would overpower other genetics ;)
Poor Hermione, she can't cook. There has to be SOMETHING she can't do well, right? And the descriptions of it in Deathly Hallows where she tries to feed the boys and is clearly inept at it even given relatively simple ingredients (or managing to go to a supermarket and STILL come back with inedible meals) kind of made me think she just doesn't have the talent for it.
Thanks so much for the review! Report Review
Okay, to start: HAHAHAHA LOMATIA.
And I did try to say Muggle muggers 5 times fast and ended up with Muggle Muggeters. I don’t know what a Muggeter is but it makes me think of a musketeer.
I love the suspense in this chapter; it’s very subtle but I recognized it as soon as it was dinner time and I had to go, and I was like NO I WANT TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT. And I liked the fancy terms like “collateral” and “bond” which I don’t really know what they mean...
The balance between Rose’s real life and her career was very impressive. I LOVE Scorpius; you portrayed him very originally as artistic, and the brain waves between the two made me laugh.
The end of the chapter really let me see the darker side of the Wizarding world and made me shiver o.o Everything was completely brilliant and I’m jealous of your mad skills.
YAY THIS IS SUCH A GOOD STORY!! Onto chapter 3!Author's Response: I know right? Poor Lomatia, that's not a name with which it's easy to succeed in life. It's a genus of protea (flower). Muggeter! That's hilarious, I love it.
Hehehe... There's a bunch of sort of introductory bounty-hunter talk in this story. Rose explains her job far less in the sequel. The custodian bond is taken from actual British law (it was repealed long ago, as Rose says, but it was a real thing).
I like my artistic Scorpius. He paints, he sings, he does the washing-up. You'd think he'd be the flighty one, but he's a steady guy and Rose is pretty flaky. They both have no serious drive or ambition, kind of lazy, but that makes them fit each other better I think. They're quite similar at their core.
Thank you so much for reviewing! Report Review
I’m so interested in this story! The way you put the beginning “in the moment” sucked me right into the story. Your characterization is fantastic, and your characters are very individualized (I personally like Parmenter--oh, and Angelo, of course.) It was a nice relief to have you reveal everything slowly; it was very realistic and a break from the “I am _ and I have ___ hair and ___ eyes and _ personality traits.” It also added a little suspense to the story, which is always good. I loved Ron and I thought it was clever that Ron always called Scorpius a ‘shiftless layabout,’ which is very canon of him.
Your prose flowed wonderfully and I felt as if I were actually Rose and in the story; it read like a novel for me. Good work, and on to chapter 2!Author's Response: First person narratives where the narrating character takes a paragraph to describe themselves drive me nuts, I have to admit XD I avoid them. Even when Rose describes other people, she doesn't go into detail. I'm glad you agree with me on that one ;)
I can't see Ron ever TOTALLY liking Scorpius. He knows Scorpius isn't a bad guy, and that Rose loves him, so mostly Ron keeps it to himself, but he'd never fully get past the Malfoy thing, I think. Scorpius's family once tortured his wife. Not something one forgets easily.
Parmenter is a regular. He's not a big character, but he turns up like a bad penny. He's a lot of fun to write, because he has absolutely no shame.
Thank you so much for reviewing! Report Review
GAH YOU CAN'T JUST LEAVE ME WITH THAT.
Yay one thousand one hundred eleventh review!!! Make a wish!
I think Nellie blames herself too much and that's her fatal flaw. And it's not like you already pointed this out to me because today I'm being INSIGHTFUL and reading into things.
I'm paranoid someone else will be your one thousand one hundred and eleventh review before I do...
I love Wally. He seems like a fun guy. If I were a therapist I'd make my room tie-dye but apparently Wally isn't all for tie-dye, but I suppose cupboards are a good psychology method too.
I'm foaming at the mouth (not literally, the only time I've ever foamed at the mouth was when I accidentally swallowed some shampoo) so UPDATE SOON!!! :)Author's Response: Unfortunalty, I did :P Mwhahaha. *chokes*
Wow, the number looks so pretty right now 1. So even.
Yes, she does. She has a guilt complex. I don't think she realizes it though. People can say it's not her fault, yet she still believe that it's her fault.
YOU'RE MY 1
*throws flowers in the air*
Wally's odd, but his methods work. Tie-dye is awesome. Yes, "come, sit in my cupboard as i pickle your brain" sort of thing .
Haha. You're so funny :) Thanks so much for the review and I'll try to update soon.
xxx Report Review
I'm back :)
I AM GOING TO REVIEW THIS CHAPTER AND THEN REVIEW THE NEXT ONE AND POSSIBLY BE YOUR ONE THOUSAND ONE HUNDRED AND ELEVENTH REVIEW?
Or someone else will be it but that's okay. Because this story is just too cool.
Favorite quote time YES.
"She needed me to be her champion and I hadn’t. I understood that now."
That made me very sad and I was like NO NELLIE BE HAPPPY. On to the next chapter! 10/10Author's Response: Welcome back :)
Wow, you're amazing :) I hope you like the new chapter :) You're so sweet, and I think you're the cool one.
I'm so glad you liked that quote, this is my favourite chapter :) It was just really fun and different to write.
I know :( She'll get there eventually.
thanks so much for the review :D
xxx Report Review
Ahhh this is so funny!!!
I'm used to reading James II fics where he's always handsome and gets a bunch of girls and has a billion friends. This is a wonderful break and I'm hooked! The idea of James being awkward and somewhat antisocial is great and you pulled it off in a wonderful way. Absolutely brilliant, 10/10!Author's Response: Ooh! I'm so happy that you like it! That means so much to me. Thank you a million times over for thi lovely review! You made a great night even better(: Report Review
This is wonderful :) You characterized Lily beautifully, with spunk and personality but also with regret that Petunia was no longer a part of her life. James was great, too. I especially liked when you said that he looked "rather ill"--it shows he's not perfect.
The flow was amazing, and you said so much with so little words.
10/10!! :)Author's Response: Thank you so much for this lovely review!
I think it's often skipped over that Lily was probably hurt when Petunia pushed her away. They had been really close sisters and Lily never actually did anything wrong.
I imagine James was quite nervous when they got married! He probably couldn't believe she would marry him, still surprised she'd said yes to a date at all. xD
Dem Report Review
Oh no! Oh nononononono.
Aww, Lily :'( Poor James.
This story is beautifully written. You characterized it and plotted it so well that at first I thought I didn't like the story--and then I realized that it was Lily and her choices that I didn't like. And I LOVE the story.
It's so original too--I've never seen anything like this. I think I'm gonna go check out your author's page now... :)
10/10Author's Response: I think that is such an important distinction because Lily herself, in the story, doesn't like her choices. That's what I really wanted to tell the story of, why the theme of possession came to mind- she is watching herself do these things and hating it, but she can't stop.
Wow, I am so glad you liked it! It was a departure for me to write Lily, so I had to choose something a little different for her. Thank you so much!!! Report Review
IT'S YOUR 1100th REVIEW!!! :)
And it's a good chapter to have a 1100th review on, ya know? Very pivotal and dramatic. I'm not sure I trust Lucas, but maybe because I'm starry-eyed for SIRIUS. *.*
I love the way you write this story--very funny, kind of a naive edge to it but you don't lose the seriousness. It's a very nice balance. Nellie's quite a character and is very unique; she's different from the cliche characters out there who're clumsy and have little voices talking to them in their heads. Nellie only has her own thoughts and she's very in character.
Sirius is a little cliche but he's so awesome he can get away with it, and you skipped out on all the major trouble spots. He's not a womanizer, overly silly or stupid, overly dramatic... he just seems like a guy. An amazing and charming one, but a guy. :P
(I love how Lily was the only one to get Nellie a sensible Christmas present... :])
Your flow is wonderful and your writing is hilarious. I have totally toned face muscles now :) Umm... oh yeah. Besides one or two minor (littleteenytiny) grammatical errors that I kind of already obscenely pointed out to you, your grammar is great.
I just absolutely LOVE this story and it completely deserves 1100 reviews :)
I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE ELEVENTH HUNDRED AND ELEVENTH REVIEW... :) May not be me though, my brain hurts from so much reviewing. It's hard to think of original material for each one. I usually end up going with favorite quotes :P
agazillionoutoftennn !!!Author's Response: Hello! Thank you so much for being my 1100th!
Yess, it's one of my favs :) Personally. That is such a cute face!
I'm so glad you like my characters; that means a lot to me as I put a lot of work into them :)
Really? I'm so glad. Haha, I suck at grammar :P But thank you! I'm just so happy you think the story is funny, the fact that you've made me laugh means so much :)
you're so sweet! i'm amazed at the reviews i get.
Ahh, it's okay! You've been amazing reviewing so far! Thank you so much for being my 1100th! You've helped me reach a goal :) so thank you. Report Review
Aw!!! SHOPPING!!! I bet Nellie looks GORGEOUS.
'Nother favorite quote:
"You're just a pineapple!"
"Nellie, shut up."
Epitome of Nellie-ness. Or would it be Nellie-ocity? Hmm... Essence of Nellie? Nellity? I dunno.
Do I really even have to include a rating? :)Author's Response: I'm glad you like those quotes.
Haha! That make me laugh, I really like Nellity, I don't know why.
thanks so much for the review.
x Report Review
Ohh no!!! Plot twisttt.. Poor Nellie's parents. :(
But AWW. I'm so happy for just Lily and James and all those sleeping girls. Except for Nellie 'cause she didn't get to finish her dream.
I love the flow of this. You went right from the first day to the second without a break and it was really like I was living the character, ya know?
P.S. I love the "...To Be Continued". It makes me feel like I'm in Spider-man.Author's Response: I know :(
I know, and that was a good dream aswell.
Thank you! I worry about the flow sometimes and I'm glad you think it works!
It makes me feel like it's a tv show sort of thing. It'll be wonderful to write 'the end' though. Haha. I really enjoy doing it.
thanks so much. Report Review
Her happy dance is SO difficult. I tried it and fell over.
Her parents' cafe sounds so cute!!! I tried to say it five times fast but failed.
...I have to say, this is quite an interactive chapter.
ONWARD!!! *advances with lance*
p.s. 10/10:)Author's Response: Haha, I can't believe you tried! That makes me laugh!
Yes, it's quite a mouthful.
I'm glad you liked the chapter, i hope you enjoy the rest!
xxx Report Review
I am Nellie and I am rather angry.
^MADE MY CHAPTER. Even though it did come at the end... :P
Ah, your characterization of Sirius is really nice. It's like he's showing signs of becoming the OotP Sirius that we all know and love and mourn over very much...
10/10 !Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it! I enjoyed writing that line!
Thanks! *sighs* I know, poor Sirius :(
thank you so much.
xxx Report Review
Well DANG. Way to leave a cliffhanger... :P
I just adore how Nellie's insults all involve food, such as:
He’s so stupid sometimes. What a flapjack.
Errr I can't review much for this chappie cause I'm too busy slavering for the next one. 10/10 :)Author's Response: I do love cliffhangers ;) They're fun.
Yess, mine involve food cause i'm always hungry. always.
Haha, I hope you enjoy it & thank you so much for the review.
xxx Report Review
Owww. Quidditch sounds painful.
But YAY! GRYFFIES WON THE MATCH!
I adore Nellie's mom. She's so ... cool :)
This is super procrastination. You know I've got an essay due tomorrow, right? *panics* I CAN'T STOP READING.
10/10 :PAuthor's Response: Quidditch is painful, I think, Ouchie
Nellie's mom is awesomee.
Haha, I adore it. Don't worry, I am too, ignoring my college work.
But good luck on your essay, when you get round to it.
(i always leave mine till last minute too!)
thanks so much.
- Keely. Report Review
FAVORITE QUOTE TIMEyesss. :)
“You know,” I paused thinking of something, “Bill A Bob Bon Bon stole all my socks. So I’m searching for them and Mr Black was being a gentleman helping me to search for them. “I pointed to my feet. “See Professor, my socks don’t match. I don’t think Bill A Bob Bon Bon likes me much.”
I think I just kind of blinked at the screen. And then I smiled. But not too big because, like I said, my cheeks hurt from smiling too much.
0/10. UM JUST KIDDING. 11/10. I defy rules :)Author's Response: Yay! I love it when people quote :)
Aw! That's awesome, that's made me smile :D
Haha, you dooo! Thank you so much, it makes me super happy that you're enjoying my story :)
xxx Report Review
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