Reading Reviews From Member: BellaFan202
  
273 Reviews Found

Review #1, by BellaFan202When They Fell: Prologue

10th July 2013:
Hey! Sorry for the long wait! D:

Anyway, this was really good. I was interested and read the whole chapter quite a bit faster than I expected to, which is good. :)

Your request said you were concerned about flow, characterization, and believability. (I just made that word up.)

The chapter seemed to flow really well. I wasn't confused about why you skipped to the next time, although you could have used page breaks between the different times. It may help readability.

The characters were fine, if Harry and Ginny were in an unhappy marriage, is isn't something I've ever thought about before. I wouldn't have thought Ginny would just stay home with her kids all day. I mean, she would love them and spend time with them and everything, but I would have expected her to get a job. She's not really one for sitting around and letting someone else do all the work, is she? And Harry certainly isn't one to try to make her be a stay-at-home mom. Now, don't get me wrong, I have nothing but respect for women (or men) who choose to be stay-at-home moms (or dads), but this just isn't what I expected from Ginny. But that's just what I think. :)

This was really believable, I thought. It just didn't really feel like any of the Hinny stories I've ever read. Which I guess is a good thing, it's original and everything. It just kind of seemed like an OC's family and this was the introduction to them.

I really liked this though, and I'm interested to see where it's going to go. I hope you found this review to be helpful, and that you request the next chapter! :)

~BellaFan202~

Author's Response: Ah thank you so much :)

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Review #2, by BellaFan202Anachronous: In a Man's World

10th July 2013:
Hi! I am so sorry for the long wait! D:

You said in your request that this didn't feel completed, like it was missing something. I think maybe it was missing detail. Tell more about Andromeda's childhood, her teenage years, her adulthood when she was married and had a kid, what it was like to raise her grandson. You can tell she wasn't particularly pleased about her life, but it was kind of hard to understand why. It just seemed like she was bored, that she never got the opportunity to do something amazing (which I don't agree with, I love Andromeda, but I suppose I can see how she would think that.) and that disappointed her, but she tried not to be too sad about it.

Other than that though, I think this would be a really good little-one shot. It really just needs more "story" to it, if you know what I mean. I don't know if that makes sense, so if you have any questions, feel free to message me on the forums! :D

Thanks for requesting! :)

~BellaFan202~

Author's Response: Hey, thanks for coming by!

Hmm, yeah, I see what you mean. Typically I view one-shots as a chance not to tell the whole story--rather to focus on specific events or overall character analysis--but I can see that it might have helped to have some more detail in places to finish filling it out a bit more. I guess my question was more directly focused on the ending, and perhaps I should have made that clearer in my request. Hopefully you felt like it wound up okay. I do agree that Andromeda is extraordinary and I suppose I was trying to entertain a different perspective with her point of view here.

Thanks for your kind review!

-Amanda


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Review #3, by BellaFan202The Scars of Adventure : Prologue and Chapter One: More Trouble than it's Worth

10th July 2013:
Hi! I am so so so sorry for the long wait! I've just been surprisingly busy lately! D:

Anyway, I was really interested in this from the beginning, although I wish the chapter had been a little bit longer.

I think the trio were a little too... relaxed. They had just been on the run for almost a year and had just fought this huge battle and such. So many of their friends died. Ron's brother died. They should all be exhausted and grieving. Ron shouldn't really be "roaring with laughter".

However, under any other circumstances, they were very well characterized. Had the battle not happened, they would have seemed totally normal and very believable. Except that Hermione's dialogue seemed a little bit too formal. She never talked like that to Ron and Harry in the books or movies.

I would like to know more about this Archie guy at the beginning. Is he going to show up more? Does he have any real significance? These are questions I can't wait to learn the answers to by reading on, so I hope you'll request the next chapter! :D

That's really all I have to say at the moment, but thanks for requesting this and, once again, I'm really sorry for the long wait! D:

~BellaFan202~

Author's Response: Hi Bella Fan! Thank you for leaving this great review, yeah I'm thinking of rewriting the first few chapters a little bit, please do read and review the rest! I'll find your thread and leave a proper request, I don't want to disappoint but Archie was just a metaphor really for how pain takes a long time to heal, to explain what had happened in a different way, but maybe he could be important I don't know, any thank you for leaving a review :D
Gwen_Prewett


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Review #4, by BellaFan202A Pot of Lilies : Chapter 1.

4th July 2013:
Hi! I am so sorry for the super long wait! I've just been surprisingly busy these past several days! D: But, I am here now, so I'll try to give you my best review!

I was kind of confused about what was happening for a moment, but I feel like that was probably kind of intentional, and I really enjoyed it, honestly.

However, (and I'm sure I'll figure out the answer to this eventually...) I really don't know what Lily would cheat on James with Sirius. It makes a little uncomfortable to think about honestly, but I am kind of excited to see where you'll go with this.

Also, James' reaction was really good. Exactly how you would think it would happen if Lily ever cheated on him, which I never thought of, but now that I am, hey, it works! :)

The last little bit with Lily and Petunia was super cute and super heat breaking oh my god. You captured perfectly how I expected life with the Evans family to be, before and after finding out about Lily's magical abilites, which is super impressive.

I really liked how you described the family and their home before flashing back to before magic. You could really tell how much the sisters loved each other and that was really sweet.

You said in your request that you were worried about the flow; I wouldn't be. The only thing is, I'm not quite sure why you went from Hogwarts with James and Lily fighting to before Hogwarts with a happy family. Maybe try to make that a little more clear?

Well, that's about all I've got to say, so I'm just gonna leave now. :)

~BellaFan202~

Author's Response: Don't worry for the late review BellaFan202 - I've been busy with life lately so I completely understand :)

Yes, you'll find out what happens eventually. I don't want to reveal any more spoilers :P

You have NO IDEA how happy I am just reading your comments, hearing that I've depicted characters and events the way you'd expect them to happen. I'm literally jumping up and down, I'm that happy :)

Well I was hoping for a complete change of pace and scenery with the switch from Hogwarts to Lily's family. I thought it would give a nice contrast to the plot but I'm not sure if that comes across when you read the chapter.

Thank you so much for the kind review BellaFan202. I really appreciate it :D



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Review #5, by BellaFan202Age of Peace and Times of Joy: Christmas Reflections

4th July 2013:
Hi! Thanks so much for requesting this, I really enjoyed it, and I'm so soo sooo sorry for the really long wait!

I really liked how it showed everyone from Molly's point of view, but I would have liked to see a little bit more about her. How had she changed over the years? How was she doing with everything that had happened and everything she had lost and sacrificed?

That being said, I think you did a really good job saying how everyone else was. Everything was believable and there was pretty good description on every family. You did a good job describing all of her kids and then going through to their families, and I liked how you included the Dursleys and Mrs. Tonks and Teddy as well.

I don't think there were any kind of grammatical errors or anything like that, and for that I give you/your beta if you have one kudos. :)

Once again, I am really sorry about the really long wait. I really don't have any excuse, except that I would have gotten this in about four or five days either but my friend came over, and then I went to her house for three days, and now she's back over at my house.

Thank you so much for requesting! :)

~BellaFan202~

Author's Response: Thank you very much!

And no problem! I completely understand!

I've added a note about adding more to Molly's character. Looking at it, I can see how I skipped over her.

This was definitely a fun story to write. So far, I've had no beta though I've been considering it lately. Thank you!

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing!


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Review #6, by BellaFan202The Marauder Years: Diagon Alley

28th June 2013:
Hi! I am so so sorry for the long wait! I feel really bad because I have absolutely no excuse! So I'll just get on with it so you don't have to wait any longer.

I really liked this. The Evans family seemed very believable to me. I really liked how Mr. Evans kind of seemed like Mr. Weasley, except with magic instead of Muggles. I thought that was funny. :) I also thought the Lupin family was good. It was nice to get an insight to Remus' childhood before he went to Hogwarts and see his and his family's concerns and doubts and excitement about Hogwarts. It was really refreshing, I think.

I liked how you showed Remus getting his letter, then flashed to Lily before kind of merging to two storylines, then going back to Remus. That can kind of be tricky sometimes but I think you did a really good job of that.

The dialogue was a lot better then it was in the first chapter. It was a little bit more relaxed and showed the emotion that the character was feeling, like the Evans' excitement, Petunia's anger and doubt, Remus' concern, and the Lupin's relief.

I haven't really got a whole lot else to say, but please request the next chapter! :)

~BellaFan202~

Author's Response: Hi BellaFan202, it is my turn to apologise for such a late response to this review!! Sorry!

I'm glad you liked this and that you thought the Evans family seemed believable. I didn't intentionally make Mr.Evans seem like a muggle Mr. Weasley, it just kind of happened and I'm pleased you thought it was funny :)

Remus and how he deals with his 'furry little problem' are a big part of the story. So I felt that it was important to include him getting his letter. I'm glad you think I did a good job of merging the two storylines.

I'm so happy you think the dialogue was a lot better in this chapter :D

Thankyou for the great review! :)


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Review #7, by BellaFan202Under the Stars Tonight: Their First Dance

28th June 2013:
You asked me to read this, so I did, even though I really really really do not ship this. It was kind of difficult for me to read because of this, and also I'm not really sure how good of advice I can give you because this is the only Harry/Hermione fic I have ever read in my entire life so I don't know how it compares to others. But I'll try anyway.

First thing's first: There were a lot of grammar problems. There were several sentences where I had absolutely no idea what you were trying to say, and I think there were a couple of misused words.

Another thing: Are they eleven? Because if so, then Harry's description of her at the beginning kind of seems unbelievable. I mean, what eleven year old has "curves" to which a dress can cling? The way you described her dress and how it fit just seemed a little bit mature for an eleven year old. Also, if you're trying to make her seem like the Hermione from the book, she is specifically described as "plain."

Also about her: I don't think she would have been so willing to kiss a boy she literally met five minutes ago. Hermione is a smart girl, very sensible, and kind of conservative. That's just very out of character. Maybe if Hermione had been an original character it would have been a little bit more believable.

That being said, apart from those things, the story itself seems like a good idea. I felt bad for Harry at the beginning, what with him feeling bad about having to live with the Dursley's and wishing he had died with his parents. It was very sad and envoked some feelings from me, which was good.

You mentioned that you were thinking about doing a sequel. I think that maybe you could do something about Harry and Hermione getting their Hogwarts letters, where they both find out about their magic? Maybe? I don't know. That's about all I can think of.

That's really I can say about this. :)

~BellaFan202~

Author's Response: Thanks Chica

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Review #8, by BellaFan202The Seams: They Bring Me To You

17th June 2013:
Hi! So glad you requested this chapter! Sorry for the wait. D:

This was a pretty cute chapter, I liked it quite a bit. It flowed well and I didn't lose any interest during any particular part. Actually, the part toward the beginning when Eileen was trying to read, made me laugh because that happens to me all too often! :P

I liked how you ended the chapter, because Eileen was probably just thinking, "oh what a strange name" but the readers are thinking "OH I KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!" and that's always a fun time. :P

However, I'm not going to lie, I got a little frustrated at how long it took for Tobias to say her name, or at least for her to ask his name, because you could just tell that he was going to be a big part in the story and all I wanted was to know his name. *sniffle sniffle sigh* But then at the end when I found out his name, it was worth it. You did that really well.

That's really about all I can think of to say, so I'm just gonna go now... :P

Don't forget to request the next chapter when it's validated! :)

~BellaFan202~

Author's Response: Hi darling! You're so wonderful, you know that? Reviewing every single chapter!

I'm so glad you liked it! I write for myself, but I also really care about my readers and their interest/reactions to my writing. Haha, I know, me too. I think I need a sign that says "Hey, I'm reading, leave me alone!"

Oh, you know me, I always have to end the chapter with readers asking all kinds of questions and thinking all kinds of things! It's so exciting!

Haha, I'm glad you got frustrated though! It means that you were invested and just had to know! It means I'm doing my job! :D

Thank you so much for the amazing review! You're such a gem! And I'll definitely request! ♥


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Review #9, by BellaFan202Unexpected Parenthood: Chapter One

17th June 2013:
Hi! So sorry for the wait. D:

This seemed like an interesting start, but it was very difficult to tell. The readability was very low; there were lots of grammar mistakes, such as using the wrong form of a word, commas where there should be commas, and apostrophes where they weren't needed. I highly recommend getting a beta reader, because from what I could tell, this seemed like an interesting start and I would like to be able to read it!

The flashback to Flick telling McGonagall about being pregnant didn't seem very believable to me. I feel like she would have been a lot more nervous about it instead of so "oh yeah I'm pregnant whoops." Sixteen year olds are a lot more nervous about that kind of thing, and I would kind of expect McGonagall to be a little bit more concerned for Flick instead of like "oh that sucks."

The chapter seemed to flow really well, even if it did seem a little long for such a short period of time. The whole chapter probably only lasted about an hour for Flick and there wasn't enough happening for it to have been that long. I think there were a lot of things that really didn't need to be in there, such as "at night I can see the stars from my window" because that information is completely unnecessary at that point. A beta reader can help with that kind of thing as well.

That's really about all I've got to say, but I cannot stress how much I recommend you getting a beta reader.

Thanks for requesting! :)

~BellaFan202~

Author's Response: Hey,

It's fine and sorry for taking so long to respond.

Thank you for reviewing and I'll be sure to get a beta reader!!!

-Potterfan310


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Review #10, by BellaFan202The Psychology of Gobstones: His Worst Mistake

17th June 2013:
Hi! I'm so sorry for the long wait! D:

That was, I must say, pretty interesting. Also kind of confusing, but mostly interesting. What year were the twins supposed to be in? Also, why is no one in the school interested in the opposite sex? That's a little bit weird, considering the whole school is composed of teenagers with raging hormones, but maybe there's something in the water, I don't know. :P

The way this is set up, it seems like Lorcan is going to end up seducing Cassiopeia and they're going to end up falling in love and living happily ever after, which doesn't seem like it goes with the No Romance thing, so maybe I'm wrong. But that's just what it seems like right now.

The whole chapter seemed to flow really well. You went quickly from one event to the next, without leaving out too many details or skipping out on dialogue, which is good. I always find that difficult to do, so kudos to you. :)

The characters are pretty likable, although Lorcan seems really cynical and Lysander seems like his head is way up in the clouds, but that's okay because twins don't have to be exactly the same. :P

That's really about all I've got to say at the moment, but I hope you found this helpful and I hope you'll request the next chapter! :)

~BellaFan202~

Author's Response: Hi! I'm sorry that it took me so long to respond to this!

Thank you so much for reviewing my story! I'm glad you found it interesting, but I think there are some things that I should explain to you, since you are the first one to ask these questions!! :)

When I wrote the twins, I envisioned them to be upperclassmen--5th year or above--but I didn't make it specific because it was something that didn't really figure too much into the plot. I probably could add something in there about their age so that confusion is cleared up.

The whole "not being interested in the opposite sex" thing is kind of Freudian--basically, Hogwarts has gone back to when girls and boys avoided each other because of "cooties." Of course, I probably could make that a little clearer as well. It's totally satirical--I know that things like this would NEVER happen in a normal Hogwarts. :P

The whole seduction vibe that you're sensing is completely on purpose--good on you for picking up on it! I wanted to make things seem very tense and almost on the verge of romance, and then swipe the rug from underneath all of that, so to speak. In the following chapters, there is a complete about-face in characters' behaviors, and even though Lorcan learns to be a bit seductive, it's all a ploy to get Cassiopeia to lose.

Thank you so much for your compliments and for making me think of logical answers to your questions!! :)

~UnluckyStar57


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Review #11, by BellaFan202Falling into Darkness: Regulus Black

10th June 2013:
Hello! Got to this pretty quickly, if I may say so. :P

This was really good, I really enjoyed the insight into Regulus's decision to join to Death Eaters. It was especially interesting to me that he did it, all the while intending to betray the Death Eaters, to be a spy from the very beginning.

The chapter itself was very good. There wasn't a whole lot of dialogue, which was good because there wasn't a whole lot of opportunity for dialogue. There was definitely a good amount of description. I think you did a really good job balancing the two.

I really liked how Regulus fully admitting how he looked up to Sirius and was disappointed in himself for being a Slytherin, and was also keeping track of how long Sirius had been gone. I feel like that maybe if Sirius had made more of an effort to be friendly with Regulus after he had been sorted, then Regulus wouldn't have had to end up leading the life he did. I feel like you did a really good job portraying that.

The only thing I wish there was more of is how Regulus really felt about joining the Death Eaters. I mean, it's obvious that he didn't like it and that it made him uncomfortable, but there was never any real description like about how Regulus felt about waiting for Severus to get back to him about joining. If that makes sense. I would have liked to see more emotion in this, is what I'm trying to say. :)

Be sure to request the next chapter! :)

~BellaFan202~

Author's Response: Thank you very much!

I've added notes to add more of Regulus' feelings about joining the Death Eaters and how he felt while waiting for Snape to get back with him about joining the Death Eaters. Thank you!

Kreature and Sirius had such differing points of view about Regulus, he had to fall somewhere in between.

If Sirius had paid attention to his younger brother, perhaps they would have had a clue sooner about the Horcruxes, which would have changed the entire storyline. :)

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing!


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Review #12, by BellaFan202The Seams: Passing Afternoon

10th June 2013:
Hello! So sorry about the wait. I really have no excuse. D:

Anyway, I really liked this. Eileen seemed so... just normal, I guess, which I wasn't really expecting, but I definitely liked it. She seemed to know how to take care of herself, and that's always good. :)

However, there were a few typos and such in this chapter. There was one spot where a paragraph could have been split into two or three (the part right after Hannah leaves the shop, that great big paragraph right there. It might help with readability, I think). There were also a couple places where it seemed like maybe you wrote this on your phone and autocorrect did something? Just small words, nothing big, but you may want to read over, I suppose. :)

I feel like this chapter was a great insight to Eileen's normal life. This is just her everyday (other than seeing a friend she doesn't see quite as often as she'd like). But the constant stream of customers, the being on really good terms with her customers, in fact, sometimes being really good friends with her customers. It gave me the impression that's she's just a genuinely nice person who likes being around and working with people.

That's about all I've got to say, other than that I hope you request the next chapter ASAP! :)

~BellaFan202~

Author's Response: Hi dear! Don't worry about the delay - I'm a very patient woman!

Oh yes, Eileen is quite normal. That's something that I'm stressing. I don't like that in both fanfiction and original stories the main characters are so out there and over-the-top. What's wrong with a bit of normalcy, you know?

A few typos? Hmm, Jami does an excellent job beta-ing this, so perhaps it's something that I missed! Thanks for the heads-up.

I've always believed that Eileen was a nice person who loved people and that something just had to break, you know? I love her as a character and hope you continue to like her too.

Thanks so much for the review! And yes, I'll request ASAP! :D


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Review #13, by BellaFan202The Marauder Years: An Expected Letter

8th June 2013:
Hello! I am so sorry it took so long to do this. I kept procrastinating and procrastinating and I don't know why but I am sooo sorry! D:

Anyway, I really liked this. Everyone seemed really in-character to how I kind of imagine them. Obviously we don't really know a whole lot about Lily and Petunia at that age and we know practically nothing about Mr. and Mrs. Evans but they acted pretty much how I figured they would.

Except I didn't really expect Mr. and Mrs. Evans to just accept the fact that Lily was a witch so quickly. They should have had questions and kind of skeptical before they accepted it, I think. Also, whenever you write "Mrs Evans" or "Mr Evans" there should be a period after the title.

This was a really good introductory chapter, I think. I provided enough but not too much background information and didn't get away from what was happening in the present more than it should to foreshadow or show background information.

The only thing I have to say is that the dialogue seemed really formal for a family setting. I know that I always thought of the Evans family as a fairly intelligent family, but I feel like, as close and happy as they are with each other, they could be a little bit more casual when they talk to each other. Just a suggestion. :)

Other than that, though, I really liked this chapter and definitely hope you'll request the next chapter for me to review! :)

~BellaFan202~

Author's Response: Hi BellaFan202,

Thankyou for the lovely review :) I'm glad you think everyone seemed in character to how you imagined them. I agree with you that I have made Mr. and Mrs. Evans accept it too easily and will be editing this chapter to correct that.

You are the second person to mention that the dialogue seems formal, so I will work on that and hopefully improve it.

I'm glad you liked this chapter! I found this review very helpful and will definitely request you for the next chapter :D
Thanks again x


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Review #14, by BellaFan202The Seams: A Storm Is Coming

2nd June 2013:
Hi!
(is that jensen ackles in the background of your banner)

This was really interesting. I'm excited to see what happens. I wish this chapter were longer though. D:

I really liked the description in this. It really painted a picture in my head and I could visualize pretty much everything. It was wonderful.

The story of the chapter as a whole was really good. Everything was believable and felt real. I could really feel Penelope's pain and how desperate Ursula was for Penelope to live. I can't wait to get to know Reynold better!

There really isn't a whole lot for me to say, because I really liked the whole thing and I don't have any constructive criticism to offer. Sorry. D: I hope the next chapter will be easier to review since it's longer.

I know this review sucked, but please request the next chapter! :)

~BellaFan202~

Author's Response: Hello darling! Thank you so much for the review! And actually, I don't know - I had someone make the banner for me because I'm no good at that sort of thing.

Thank you so much! I'm so stoked that you enjoyed the chapter! No CC? Oh wow, what a compliment! I work so hard to write to the best of my abilities and to give my readers something interesting, so I like it when my hard work pays off.

There are two different timelines in this story - one follows Penelope and Reynold and the other follows Eileen and Tobias - so I'm really excited to see what you think of Eileen and Tobias.

Thank you so much for the wonderful review!

Shelby


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Review #15, by BellaFan202Falling into Darkness: Draco Malfoy

31st May 2013:
Hi! So glad you requested this! Ah!

This was so good. I feel like you captured Draco perfectly. This was absolutely perfect and fit in well with what JKR wrote. I even went and read the part in OotP where the DA members hex and jinx Draco, Crabbe, and Goyle and it fit in so well with the book.

I feel like the way Narcissa and Draco react is great. Fear, not respect. Obedience, not trust. It feels so real to me.

I don't really even have any constructive criticism to offer, sorry. :/ But I guess that's a good thing for you. :P

That's about all I have to say. Thanks for requesting this and don't forget to request the next chapter whenever it's published! :)

~BellaFan202~

Author's Response: Thank you very much!

I'm really glad that you enjoyed this story. It is an interesting challenge to write a dark wizard/witch as the protagonist.

I have a small collection of dark wizards/witches that I plan on writing about to start with. I do have one that will be ready soon - the story needs a little more polish.

I will certainly request when the next chapter has been validated.

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing!


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Review #16, by BellaFan202Again: Again

31st May 2013:
Hi! Love review swap, right? :)

This was really touching and I feel like it was absolutely perfect. Every other post-war George clings to Angelina and they're always completely inseparable and this was a nice chance from that.

The entire story led up to George and Angelina meeting, and the climax was not a let down at all. It didn't happen quite as I expected it to, but I liked it all the same. :)

I could really sympathize with George. I've never lost anyone that close to me, but I can imagine that I would probably feel somewhat similar as he did.

The only constructive criticism that I can think of is that there were a couple commas missing or placed in spots where they weren't needed, and a couple of paragraphs could have been split into two.

That's really all I've got to say, other than that was a really well written story and I definitely enjoyed it a lot! :)

~BellaFan202~
(LiveLaughLoveHarryPotter on the forums)

Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks for stopping by with this review! I'll have to finish up our swap really soon too. My internet connection is sort of really bad right now but I can't wait to see what you've got written! :D
So this is one of my favorite one-shots and it focuses solely on my poor Georgie. I think in alot of Post-War stories its mostly about him and Fred with a little Angelina in for some variety. But I didn't want to focus on his relationship with her right away so I just gave little hints here and there that I hope made you guys see how close they'd been.
Anyway, writing a sad George was really challenging and I'm always surprised by how many people really liked it or are able to relate in some way. Makes me so proud. D':
If you were wanting to know more about this and what happens later on, try reading "This is Angelina" on my page. Its pretty much full of all the angst and George you can handle, hahaha.
I haven't edited this in a while but I'll most likely go over and correct those CC's! Thanks for pointing them out to me!
See you soon!
Much love,
Gabbie


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Review #17, by BellaFan202The Edge: Two

31st May 2013:
Hi! So sorry it took so long to review! I was going to do it last night but halfway through reading the chapter, the power went out. :/

Anyway, the content of this chapter was pretty good. I got into it pretty quickly and felt bad for Scorpius when Draco yelled at him. However, I wish the other kid had been in the chapter a little bit.

That being said, this chapter was disappointingly short. Almost nothing to be said about the content. There was literally one full length scene, and that's not enough for me! Gotta have a nice big chapter for a story this angsty and dark, you know?

The only other thing I can really think of to say is the grammar. I really think you should get a beta. There are words that shouldn't be capitalized that are, extra commas in some places, missing commas in other places, and just a few random other things that making reading this difficult and frustrating.

I do like the idea of this story and I hope to stick with it to the end. Please don't forget to request the next chapter! :)

~BellaFan202~

Author's Response: I'll request soon. I'm glad that you are enjoying it. I'm actually working on editing chapter leangth now that you had mentioned it. I'll work on a beta, but I did peak through my story again and fix little things I found. They are waiting for validation now. I'll hold out on chapter three until it is edited. Thanks again for the review.

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Review #18, by BellaFan202Complicated: Complication #2

30th May 2013:
Hi! So glad you requested this. :)

I'm a huge Supernatural fan, and Abigail is making me crazy with her last name! Which isn't necessarily a bad thing, I might point out. I just love it a lot. :P

Anyway, I really liked the description of her morning routine. It said a lot without really putting in so many details that I got bored reading it. It helped me understand what her everyday life is, and I liked that.

I think it says a lot about Abigail that she can just say whatever she wants, whenever she wants to say it, such as "As usual, I look flawless." However, I'm not entirely sure that Abigail is the "real" Abigail, because it says more about her when she thinks things like "sometimes I think I would give up Egyptian silk for real interest in me" or something like that. Even though she tried to make it more "I couldn't care less" by saying "the silk is really nice though."

I think you did a really good job with this second chapter. I'm really impressed. I also hate second chapters, and mine always suck. :P

I wish this had a little more James, but I know that that wouldn't have worked well. So I can get over it. But that doesn't keep me from wishing for some James action next chapter! :)

Don't forget to request the next chapter whenever it's published please! :D

~BellaFan202~
P.S. Sorry there's no constructive criticism. I couldn't think of any! D:

Author's Response: Hi! I actually wasn't thinking about Supernatural when I came up with her last name, but now I can't help but think about it! :P

The balance between the shell Abigail tries to hide in and her real self is fun to write, and I'm glad that you liked reading it as well. :)

I'm glad I'm not the only one who hates second chapters - they're horrible, in my opinion!

James will definitely be making an appearance soon, and increasingly so over time. :P

Thanks for reviewing, and I'll definitely re-request when the next chapter comes out!

-ShadowRose (Taylor)


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Review #19, by BellaFan202The Worst: The Worst Had Happened

30th May 2013:
Hi! So glad you decided to request this chapter! :)

This had a really capturing start. The nightmare was scary (which is good) and everything else just felt so real. The whole time, I had this like tightness in my chest, which is how I know this was a really great chapter. I really enjoyed it. I felt really bad for Dominique the whole time. I really felt like I was right there with her.

Now, that being said, the only things I can think of to say that might need to be improved are that maybe you could read over the chapter to fix small mistakes. Nothing to major, but a couple of sentences were a little bit difficult to read and understand. Also, the dialogue doesn't really seem like dialogue. Especially the way Dominique was talking. I feel like none of them would have been quite that eloquent, considering the recent events. They all seemed like it was really easy to grasp what had happened, which is a little bit unbelievable. I feel like they should have not really been quite so understanding. I don't think understanding is the right word, but you know what I mean, I hope. Granted, they were perfectly scared and worried for Dominique, but they all already seemed like they had accepted the worst, especially Dominique. So, unless they're really well adjusted, I feel like that's not quite believable.

But other than that, I really felt everyone's pain this chapter, and I really enjoyed reading it, even if it hurt. :P

Thanks so much, and don't forget to request the next chapter! :)

~BellaFan202~

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for reading and reviewing again.

I am glad you liked the nightmare, and everything else felt real. It's good to know you enjoyed it and could feel for Dominique.

I am not too good with dialogue so I'll try to go back and re-read and fix it, thanks. Well, the family had had time to deal with the situation and they were trying to be strong for Dominique - that was what I was trying to portray. Dominique is an impulsive person and she was quite dramatic and hysteric in this chapter, but I am sorry if it gave you the wrong idea that they had all accepted the worst already. I'll try to go back and edit what I can but I am not sure if there's much I can change as the chapter aligns with my plot for the most part. Thanks a ton for your comments though!

Thank you for your review.


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Review #20, by BellaFan202Not Normal: {Chapter the Second}

29th May 2013:
Hi!

Nice second chapter! I definitely feel like this could really be a good story. Well, it is already, but you know what I mean. (By the way, I apologize in advance for anything stupid that I say. It's getting late here and I woke up pretty early this morning. So. sorry.)

I feel like Regulus was quite a bit like Sirius, and I'm not exactly sure what to think about that. I feel like he's just a little too... loosey goosey if you ask me. Still a likeable character for me, but it's difficult for me to wrap my brain around Regulus acting like that, even after chilling for fourty years. Or something like that. I dunno. Other than that, though I really liked him. I feel like I would like him a bit more if I thought of him as an OC, so maybe I'll do that instead. :P

It seemed to flow rather well. You didn't stick on a certain thing too long, which was nice. The dialogue was good, because it flowed well too. And you always gotta love some super-subtle foreshadowing right? I always gotta love it. (that wasn't sarcasm, by the way, just it case it sounded like it was. I actually really do love it. In small amounts anyway.) I definitely can't wait to see what Regulus was talking about.

Anyway, don't forget to request the next chapter when it's posted! :)

~BellaFan202~

Author's Response: Hello! And so sorry about the late reply!

I made Regulus a lot like Sirius on purpose. They were brothers, after all, and I felt that connection hadn't really been explored, and I was excited by where it could lead. He is a bit scatter brained in this chapter, but I promise, I want to give him a little depth!

Thank goodness the dialogue flowed well! The first half is pretty dialogue heavy, and I think for a character like Regulus, as well as Ellie to some extent, mad dialogue skillz are very much required!

Thanks for the lovely review!


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Review #21, by BellaFan202Chains of Bronze: 2 Year Later

29th May 2013:
Hi!

So glad you decided to request this chapter. I really enjoy this story, even though it can be a little bit difficult to follow sometimes because of spelling and grammar mistakes, which was kind of frustrating. There was only one time where I couldn't figure out what you were trying to say, though.

Anyway, I really am interested in where this story is going. This chapter had quite a bit of background story, which I thought was helpful.

However, I feel like Emy (just going to call her that, it's shorter. :P ) is a bit like a 1950s house wife. I feel like she shouldn't be waiting on James just exactly like that. I mean, sure, it's nice to make him dinner when he gets home and stuff, but the way you described it, it made it seem like she does that for him all the time. Maybe I'm being a little bit too opinionated, so feel free to ignore me, but that's just what I think.

I also think that they really seem like they love each other, because I thought that the marriage wasn't out of love. I'm not saying that they couldn't fall in love, I'm just saying that Emy kept saying that it wasn't "that kind of marriage" but then, there they are, standing in the kitchen, hands all over, playing with each others hair. I think that that would be fine for the story, but I also think that it would be less confusing if you could pick how they are with each other and stick with it.

(I really hope I'm not sounding really harsh, because I'm not trying to be. I'm just trying to get in everything I want to say. D: )

But I do feel like this story could go places. It's got a very interesting plot, and I'm extremely excited to see where it goes from here. I really hope to get Aiden and Emma involved a little bit more, because kids are really cute ok. I also really liked the line where Aiden said "I'm a big boy, Emma's a baby." At the time I was just like "ok" but then I realized they're the same age and then I thought it was cute. :)

Don't forget to request the next chapter whenever you post it! :)

~BellaFan202~

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Review #22, by BellaFan202Falling into Darkness: Gellert Grindelwald

29th May 2013:
Hi!

That was interesting. I'm not sure I understand the purpose of the penguin. I mean, I understand that it's supposed to be threatening and such but... a penguin? Is there supposed to be some symbolic meaning to it? I don't know maybe I'm just missing something.

Don't get me wrong, this was really good. Really good. I was interested it what was going to happen. I was immediately pulled into the story, which smoothly went into the middle, which flowed into the end, which was nice. Everything was smooth and flowy. Very good.

Obviously, I don't know a whole lot about Grindewald, but from what I can tell, he stayed pretty in character the whole time. Same for Ariana.

I think you did a really good job balancing the description and the dialogue. I kind of could picture the whole scene, but it wasn't so descriptive that I was like "okay get on with it" you know. And I really love dialogue. You can almost never have too much dialogue with me. :P I do like description too, though, so I think you did a really good job with that.

The only think I can think of to say is that you missed a few commas here and there. I would recommend just reading over the chapter. There are only a few missing and none of them are too major.

Author's Response: Hi! Thank you so much!

The penguin is the Thing in the challenge. We had to select a setting (Forbidden Forest), a protagonist (Gellert), an antagonist (Ariana) and a Thing (penguin).

The penguin is the manifestation of Gellert's guilt. He can't run away from it and it only disappears after he feels remorse.

I've added the note to find the missing commas.

As a note, I can understand about stories being too descriptive. I had read one book where I was positive the author was describing each and every tree in the forest and took what seemed like 20 pages to describe said forest. Unfortunately, I had to read it all. Which is why I want to make certain there is balance between description/dialogue.

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing!


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Review #23, by BellaFan202Snatched: Snatched

29th May 2013:
Hi!

This is really impressive, I could never right anything this serious.

I think you did a really good job with characterization. Everyone seemed appropriately like themselves. If that makes sense. Considering the circumstances, that's pretty much exactly how I would expect everyone to react, I guess is what I'm trying to say. :P

The story seemed to flow really well. I would have liked a little bit more description, but I think you did a good job. I feel like given the circumstances, Dean only processed so much about the situation and his surroundings, that, even though it in isn't first person, the description is appropriate. Wow I hope that made sense. That was bad. Sorry. If you need clarification, just let me know. It's rather late so I apologize in advance if anything else is crazy.

Anyway. I was interesting and on the edge of my seat the whole time. Fenrir creeps me out to no end. Hate him so much. *shudder* But that's a good thing for you as a writer. :)

Can't really think of anything else to say. Don't really have and CC to contribute, so I'll just end this ramble here.

~BellaFan202~

Author's Response: Hello!

Aw thank you! I seem to have taken to writing more dark and angsty stories recently :P

I'm pleased everyone seemed in character to you and that they reacted how you would expect them to in the situation. And I'm glad Fenrir creeped you out! He's a horrible character, especially in this. I wasn't showing him any mercy when I wrote him!

That's actually really helpful, because the description was something I was wondering about when I wrote this. I'm going to take another look over it and tweak a few things when I get the chance.

Thank you very much for the lovely review!

Sian :)


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Review #24, by BellaFan202Trevor's Lost Again: Chapter 1

27th May 2013:
Hi!

That was pretty cute. Gotta love Neville, yes?

I think you did a pretty good job with characterization, although maybe you made Neville stutter a bit too much. He was a nervous kid, but he didn't really stutter that much, I don't think.

The flow is pretty good. It's a very short chapter, so it can't really linger on anything for very long, but it definitely showed that he was worried about why Dumbledore wanted to see him and worried about Trevor and worried about his gran and parents. I think you did a really good job of that.

There isn't really a whole lot else to comment on, as it's a really short chapter, but I definitely did like it! :)

Be sure to request more!

~BellaFan202~

Author's Response: Yeah he's the best :) I just edited it and realized I did make him stutter quite a bit too much so I changed that. I wrote this for a challenge, so it may not be my best writing. Thanks for the review, I sure will! :) xx
~MadiMalfoy


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Review #25, by BellaFan202Complicated: Complication #1

27th May 2013:
Hello!

Not gonna lie, because I am a hugely immature human, that that last line made me almost cry with laughter. That was a good one. :P

Anyway, onto the chapter. I really liked this. I know you said that Abigail isn't supposed to be likable at the moment, and I quite like that. At first I was like "Oh God, she's THAT girl, isn't she?" but towards the end of the chapter, I kind of started feeling bad for her. I feel like it's not her fault that she's kind of a snob. (cleaning up my language a bit, here. :P ) However, I don't feel so bad for her that I like her. Hopefully that'll change by the end of the story. :)

I really liked this. It was a really good start and I have a feeling that I'm going to continue to like it more and more as I read on, which is why I realy hope you'll request the next chapter! :)

Haven't really got a whole lot else to say, so I'm just going to end here.

Don't forget to request!

~BellaFan202~

Author's Response: Hi! Thanks for reviewing this!

Because I am a hugely immature human, I had to include that line. :P

Yes, Abigail is definitely THAT girl, to an extent (and don't worry, I definitely know the word you're thinking of). Her character development is going to end up being really important in this story, and I really ought to shut up now before I start telling you everything about the story...

I'm glad you liked it, and I'll be sure to re-request! Thanks again for reviewing this! :)

-ShadowRose (Taylor)


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