Reading Reviews From Member: crestwood
  
538 Reviews Found

Review #1, by crestwoodTunnel Vision: Indecision

23rd November 2014:
Hi Fin! Here at your AP again and you can only imagine my surprise to see a fresh chapter, newly validated, waiting for me!

This chapter only solidifies that I'm totally absorbed in this story. I think a lot of it has to do with how long you are spending just setting things up. I tend to spend a few chapters in my multichaptered fics just establishing the world and giving the background. There's nothing wrong with jumping right into the plot, but I do prefer a few chapters to catch my breath.

I'm really into your version of Next-Gen. This is so different than most that I've read. Maybe less...idealistic. I really think it's so interesting that Rose would have kind of taken that disowning comment to heart. That'd be a horrible idea to get stuck in your head.

Love that she worries about Witch Weekly running a story about her being gay. So very much like magazines to do things like that.

Somehow Ron having a problem with alcohol would not surprise me. I like that little detail there.

I've never seen Scorpius characterized like this. I've seen him as the Good Malfoy and I've seen him as a bully, but I've never read an actually dangerous Scorpius. I really love it though and I hope we get to see Rose follow him into the Forbidden Forest later in the story because, how cool would that be?

I like that Rose doesn't have many friends outside of her family. I love a Wotter clan that sticks together. I'm pretty sure this fic is going to do them justice. I cannot wait until they're all at the Burrow.

How Rose and Amy met is a nice story. Persistence can work wonders!

Amy's parents taking her to a Muggle University is the most hilarious thing of all time. I keep wondering about a magical university myself and considering writing about one, but I have so many story ideas and no time for them all!!

I love that Ron hasn't quite forgiven Percy if he has a few. That's almost presented as a throwaway detail, but it's so meaningful as far as characterization for Ron goes. You manage you give us such in depth looks into character's personalities with so few words. You almost don't even draw attention to it. You just mention little things that are really super important.

Rose's pictures are so significant and you did such an amazing job describing them. I could really understand what she was seeing and why it was so important to her. It seems like a difficult thing to express through words, but you really gave us that sense of the relevance of what she was looking at. Excellent view of the events of the books through a Next-Gen character's eyes. I always love that.

Your Hugo is so delightfully immature. I just love his quips and his totally incorrect guess as to what Rose was going to tell him. I can't even describe how I laughed when he literally did not believe that she was actually gay. He is basically the epitome of what a younger brother IS. Love that coming out to him went so wrong. (although in a funnier way than I would have imagined)

This chapter has really gotten me so excited for this story to continue. I love it so far. Keep up the amazing work. Thank you for the swap!

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Review #2, by crestwoodDeath on the First: Chapter Two

20th November 2014:
Hi Sian! I've been meaning to get back to reviewing this for so long now.

I can't say I've read many mysteries here on this site, but I'm quite sure they don't usually come this well written.. This is like an Agatha Christie novel in the sense that I truly have no clue what is going on here. The confusion is actually awesome though, I just love a mystery that can actually leave me guessing.

You write this tense atmosphere so perfectly and your narrator is delightfully stoic. I just really enjoy reading from the point of view of someone with such a calm disposition. It's really cool how they continuously manipulate the emotions of everyone else and anticipate what they're going to do and say. They had this all planned out so thoroughly, which really means that you had this all planned out thoroughly.

Their mental notes of how to act when accused are a very good idea on their part. I won't even attempt to narrow it down by way of counting out people mentioned because I'm pretty sure they've referred to themselves already. If I was really careful, I may be able to find places where they referred to actually interacting with people and count off those, but there's also the option of sitting back and enjoying the ride you're set to take me on.

Every time I wonder something about this story, it's like the speaker answers it directly after the thought occurs to me. I was just starting to wonder where they got the wand to cast a Disillusionment Charm and then, they thought of keeping a spare so that they still have the murder weapon. Because of course Auror's can preform Priori Incantatem on the wands and it'd be unwise to give them the one that did it. Genius!

Seamus being drunk definitely looks suspicious, but I know he isn't the real culprit because I'm looking for someone totally calm and collected. He must be quite drunk to be threatening to kill someone during a murder investigation haha!

Wow, Padma bit her cheek and then dropped dead...So something got into the cut and killed her, but I have no idea what. I don't know what I was expecting, but a death during the second chapter was not it. This is just excellent. Truly a cleverly pieced together plot and an amazing, unique idea. I love it. Thank you for the swap!

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Review #3, by crestwoodheaven: can't help me now

18th November 2014:
Hi Sarah!

Love when you incorporate music because it's so spot on for the story. You've basically brought the song to life in a lot more words. Like, if Taylor read this, she'd be like "THIS IS MY SONG IN A STORY I SHOULD RELEASE THIS WITH MY ALBUM"

I've never read anything like this before on this site. I've seen stories where the characters think their relationship might not last, but there's something about the way Lily is just so sure of it. She's almost fatalistic, as if it's already written in the stars that this guy is not for her.

This guy seems like a real charmer. He's being all romantic and polite and Lily is just completely laughing at him. Wow, I love both of them. Lily is the biggest skeptic of all time.

Scorpius does like, one thing in this story, but for some reason I just love him he's just all calm down Al don't do anything ridiculous we don't need another incident. Laughing so hard at this but I'm so bias honestly I think everything he does in every story is the best ignore all of this.

Their walk and their first kiss are pretty much perfect and then here comes Lily knowing that it'll be fleeting ahaha I love her attitude. Also, this line is perfection 'And she was okay with it because it would be remarkable'

Alastair says I love you to her and she says it back, knowing it was a mistake. She's so devil may care that it's actually thrilling. There's so many amazing quotes here like I want to start a Sarah quote challenge what even 'You're going to break my heart, but it'll be extraordinary" WHY IS THAT SO BEAUTIFUL. Twisted, but beautiful.

She is totally fixated on, like, being the one that got away. I kind of get it. She basically wants to be his greatest regret. She wants to be his point of comparison for future relationships.

Her whole tangent about what she wants him to remember is so expressive and eloquent and I kind of wish Lily was real because she is perfect

Lovelovelove the end when he comes back. Really feeling so much for them. I hope Lily believes that he's going to stay now, but also I want her to stay the same so you can see the issue there. Either way, I adore this story and you are so, so talented. Thank you for the swap!

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Review #4, by crestwoodslowly: and then all at once

17th November 2014:
Hi Sarah!

I may just be strange but I knew I would like this story before I even clicked on it and read. There was something about the beautiful banner and the title being 'slowly' and the chapter title 'and then all at once' and the stylistic touch of it all being lowercase that just captured me. I'm so weird when it comes to aesthetics, but that stuff really makes a huge difference to me.

The quote is obviously amazing and beautiful and the fact that you captured the magic of it here speaks volumes. I listened to the song this story was inspired by, both with and without vocals and it is really so beautiful. It really helped me understand this story and feel it that much more. I love a multiple sensory experience so much. This is why films have soundtracks :)

And now - on to the actual story (I should probably start on that :P)

I love the idea that Lily has been practicing her walk down the stairs to this song since she was young. You did an excellent job putting the song into words. The words that you used to describe the song made me feel the exact same way as the actual music did.

I love the way you eased us into the present day and down the stairs. I thought this more abstract way you told us the story of her wedding day was so effective. The focus on the seating arrangement was interesting because most people would leave that out, but you turned it into this significant part of the day and gave it that extra meaning. The last line is amazing and teases the quote without explicitly stating it.

Awesome job with this! I really enjoyed everything about it. Thanks for the swap!

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Review #5, by crestwoodTime Marches On: ...tick...tock...

17th November 2014:
Hey Fin, here from the review tag. I was actually coming around to find this story today anyway, so this just gave me an excuse to do so.

First of all - WHAT. How do you do this?? Like, can I borrow some gravity to give to my stories??

Like, I've seen a 'tick tock' motif used before...but you didn't just use it, you like deconstructed it. Broke it down to it's simplest form and then rebuilt into something with so much more meaning than I ever would have attributed to it. The line in Cliffhanger, 'That familiar tick tock of time is getting unbearable again' is possibly a hundred times more significant.

Seriously, how amazing is the metaphor behind the ticking of a clock blending into the background of things? I mean, of course it does, but I've never paid much mind to it. And I think that's the point. We never stop to think just how quickly time is moving, because it always is. It takes us by surprise. There's a reason 'Where did the time go?" is a common expression. And, I seriously can relate so much to this. I was getting all emotional by the end of the first paragraph because I know exactly that second he's talking about. This is such a *real* subject you've touched on. I understand the hyper-realization that he's referring to. That point when you finally understand just how short and fragile life is. Wow. But, I digress.

Okay, now you're just getting poetic. It's almost like saying, 'all time is the same, regardless of what happens inside of it.' It gives me this image of time being totally unaware of how it effects us all. It just marches on, leaving destruction in its wake, completely unaffected by our human struggles.

I'm so upset all over again for splitting up twins. I can't imagine and I don't want to imagine. What could repair that? I love the idea of him being dragged along by time. He's no longer a willing participant. The addition of left...right into the ticking is perfect to round out this military-esque picture of time you've got going here.

This next paragraph is just strewn with amazing quotes that I really have nothing to add to but like 'They tell you time heals. You don’t believe them.' and ' Your eyes are open but you’re not seeing.' WHAT EVEN IS THIS. I'm blown away by all of this. I've never felt so sad for George before.

This is a whole new layer of misery thinking that George would be reminded of Fred every single time he looked into a mirror. What can I even say about that? Just never considered how horrible it would be to look just like him until now. The way his family's eyes light up when they see him because, for a second, they think of Fred...is horrible. Probably the most depressing I thing I can think of.

And now, the juxtaposition between what he would be doing if he was still alive is utterly dismal in the context of this story. As well as the fact that George is forcing himself to recover alone because the rest haven't been hit like he has. And the idea that he believes he should have died in his place is so life-like. This entire story is, really. This doesn't feel like I'm reading about a fictional character because who could possibly get inside of a fictional person's mind like this? (Answer: you)

The guilt he feels is on full display here. He resists healing, almost sentencing himself to a life of non-living. The idea that *GEORGE WEASLEY* can barely have a laugh is a potent one. But still, he is no longer being dragged along with time, so improvement.

How bittersweet must it be to slowly grow older than your twin ever was? I'm so glad George cries in front of his family and kind of comes out of the rut he was in for this entire story. I'm still probably never going to be able to approach his character the same, if I ever write him into anything.

I love the last line so much. So moving. This entire story was very, very much so. Cliffhanger could very easily be a sequel to this. Which would mean that George never truly recovered. Which is sad, but very likely after reading this. I'm trying to think of praise to give this that really encapsulates how it affected me. But, I'm not sure if there's a way. It was beautiful. The best angst story I've read, by far. I'm going to carry this with me for a really long time. Wow, whatever you are doing with these stories. Keep doing that.

Author's Response: Joey, I am sorry to say that you will be severely disappointed if you ever decide to read anything else on my Author's Page. :P You have reviewed my two favourite stories and my WIP, so yes, if you do read anything else I apologise...:P

Anyway on to this beast of a review. You have me totally at a loss of what to say! I don't know how I do 'it', I just think the subject matter does it for me, and Fred and George. :D

I like the idea of time, if you hadn't noticed. :P So I wanted to incorporate it in to a story some how. Then this idea came to me.

You realised that I reused the line, as soon as I read that I was so, so happy. As I said there is nothing that you miss. You pick up on every single line which has hidden meaning.

That is exactly the point. Time is precious, time is constant time is everything, its a concept that you could lose yourself in trying to understand fully. But most of all, time is forgotten.

Without getting to deep in my AR, I'll just say that, that is why I like the concept of respecting time and the time turner so much. You can easily bring that thought process over in to real life. Time should be respected.

haha again picking out things! Love that you mentioned the left,right and the eyes open bit.

Yeah, kind of life's cruel joke. You look in the mirror and see your dead twin.

Best compliment ever. (bows down to reviewing god) :P

Small improvement, small steps. I'm so happy that you found the story moving. Cliffhanger isn't a sequel because I don't want to put a label on it. It would almost be like sentencing George to his death in my headcannon and I don't want to do that. :P I would like to leave it up to the reader.

The best angst story you have ever read? *shakes head in wonder* I don't know what to say.

Thank you for reviewing this, literally your reviews are the best.








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Review #6, by crestwoodCliffhanger: Cliffhanger

16th November 2014:
Fin!!

THIS IS SO GOOD.

I keep reading it over and over. I'm pretty sure more than half of my stories end on a depressing note, but this.. is depressing one hundred percent of the way through. I love it.

The first line!! Just the opening line alone. So simple. So sweet and short. And yet, it sets the tone for the rest of the story, because how could something like that lead to a happy story? I don't even know who it is yet, but I know I'm in for one. And it...just...gets...sadder!

You painted a really vivid picture here. You gave us the time of day, you told us how his body felt, you even gave us the look on his face. It's incredible how descriptive you can be with something like this. It's a shame that the Microfiction challenge is wrapped up because this could be SUCH a contender. (of course, it's good for my entries not to have to go up against this :P)

I've never felt despair written all over a story like this before. The idea of his death being a symbol, not of a resistance or something of that sort, but a symbol of the inevitability of the horrors of the war catching up to them all? That's maybe even terrifying in a way. Calling them all ticking bombs is the most fatalistic, dismal thing I can even imagine.

You went so in depth here. Describing his methods as intriguing feels so detached. Of course, this person doesn't find it so, as this is understandably digging up some things that he'd been suppressing.

'reunited in death, they would say.' - most poignant line ever.

He is literally grasping for straws trying to comfort himself and he knows that grief is going to take over eventually anyway, I'm running out of words that mean sad. I'm going to need to crack a thesaurus to describe how this made me feel.

This analysis of why he would have chosen to go out the way he did is incredibly striking. I honestly don't even have words. Especially not the metaphor with 'cliffhanger' and not wanting to read on to the next chapter. SO GOOD.

For some reason, I picture this person speaking as Ron. Maybe because he was the closest to the twins in canon, I thought.

He's actually contemplating if he'll be next like it's totally normal and mundane, that's even sadder than if he was freaking out about it. I've always thought about whether the Wizarding world had proper mental health specialists. There could be an unspoken ward in St. Mungo's that we don't know about maybe, but I just feel like there'd be basically ridiculous amounts of PTSD after the war and possibly no one qualified to deal with that sort of thing and that does not go very well for us Muggles even with people specialized in the field and maybe the fact that I think about that a lot is why I like this so much.

It's especially unnerving to end the story with the protagonist resolving to stage his own cliffhanger, especially with the second person. Actually, what could possibly be more unsettling? I've never been so shaken by anything on this site before. This is beyond normal scary. It's completely psychological in nature and that only enhances the impact, I think.

Ending it with that headline was an amazing move. I loved it all. Every sentence was great. So well done! Thank you for writing this.

Author's Response: Joey!

When I read through this review I couldn't believe it, I literally had no idea what to do with myself and I have read it over and over. Thank you for reviewing this!

I've told you already that you totally inspired this one shot with the first scene from 'Morbid', the idea of someone being so intrigued by death was powerful. As was the way you wrote it and I just got a wave of inspiration and quickly captured it in a word document for it left me!

I was more then a little worried about the reaction for this because it is pretty dark, but the first sentence defiantly lets people know what they are in for.

Honestly I feel like the fact that he is dead makes the description more powerful and more vivid. That is way too kind, I will have to read your entries.

Thank you for saying that, it means the mood is right in this story! :P I'm so pleased you picked up on the ticking bombs.

Especially not the metaphor with 'cliffhanger' and not wanting to read on to the next chapter. SO GOOD. - thank you for picking this out, it might be my favourite part in the story.

I pictured the person as Ron at the start of the story, I listed him as a character as well when I submitted the story. But honestly, it doesn't matter if it is Ron or Percy; Bill or Charlie. It could be anyone of them because this sort of grief and despair builds up within people unnoticed in people most of the time and the truth is I believe it could have happened to any of them. I totally accept the epilogue and I find it believable after all there is a lot of strength in the Weasley family. But I also think that what I have described here could have happened as well.

Usually when something tragic as suicide happens, peoples reaction is one of shock, disbelief. One of 'I saw him yesterday and he seemed fine' and 'why'. Not 'oh yeah, that was expected'.

You have given me another idea that I will hopefully be able to jot down, it wont be as sad and as desperate as this though. :P

I'm not sure how to react to - I've never been so shaken by anything on this site before. - On one hand I am thrilled because it means that I have gotten across the mood/despair of the story and on the other hand I wonder if maybe it was too much. :L

I wrote another one shot about George after Fred's death in second person POV called 'Time Marches On' and you might be relieved to know that it ends on a rather more promising note! (proof that not everything I write is as depressing :P)

I actually went back and deleted a sentence because I really wanted to add that line in.

Honestly I love receiving reviews from you, you pick out absolutely everything I hope the reader picks up on when I am writing it down. This was amazing to read and thank you once again for reviewing it. It was the best surprise.

Fin






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Review #7, by crestwoodFour: Four

11th November 2014:
Hi Leigh! Finally here for our review swap and wow, this is excellent. It's so rare to see a story centered around Blaise that I had to choose this one.

I love the device with the loves of his life and the way you used it to tell this story in parts. I had forgotten that his mother was the one with all of the husbands, but I think you gave us an amazing view of what that must have been like for Blaise, having to live with all of that around him. I really liked the way you described Geoff and it's so sad that he had to die like the rest of his mother's husbands. The piano section was beautifully written.

I adore the idea of the different houses as seen through the lens of library visits and his initial interest in Hermione being because of his adoration for her love of reading.

I think that Hogwarts was rightfully presented as such an important place for so many people in canon (Harry, Voldemort, Snape, Sirius) because IT IS SO COOL. A giant castle where you get all of this freedom and you get to make friends and learn magic and grow up in this awesome place. I can only imagine what that'd be like if your home life wasn't all that great and what kind of contrast that would be. I understand fully why Blaise would call it his third love. And - I always picture Blaise as secretly on the side of good, so I appreciate the end of this section.

Perfect way to wrap this up with all of his loves near him at the end and him calling Hermione his fourth!! This is so great, wow. I love romances in which the two characters never actually talk to each other in the story. It's a really niche and hard to find thing to love, but I do. This was awesome. Thank you for the swap!

Author's Response: Hi Joey!

Thanks so so much! Your words are so kind. I've always pictured Blaise as the good guy as well. :D And Hogwarts being his safe haven is another thing that I fully believe in; just like the characters you mentioned.

Thanks so much!

-Leigh xxx


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Review #8, by crestwoodIcarus: Prologue

11th November 2014:
Finally here for our swap!

I just had to choose this story once I read the summary because I kind of had an idea really similar to this one but I had NO IDEA what to do with it, so I can't wait to see what you think a world without Voldemort would look like.

The captain's log is so, so interesting. I have a million things running through my mind after reading that. I want to know what Lily got up to wherever she want so badly.

The idea of a day to commiserate the war is an excellent one, I think. Although, it probably would lose its punch after a generation.

I love that Lily is unemployed but unwilling to use her fame to make a living. That shows a whole lot of self respect and dignity right there.

Hyacinth is an. interesting name, in the same way Albus' plug collection would be.

I think Lily's hatred of the Next-Gen names is hilarious, even if I have grown to like them over the years.

It's weird because lack of superhero films with women in leading roles is one of my biggest pet peeves. The worst part for me is that there is more than enough superpowered woman to choose from in the comics and that Wonder Woman is literally a household name already, Black Widow has a huge fan base after The Avengers and the second Captain America film, etc. They blatantly go out of their way to make superhero movies a strictly boys club and it's stupid. /nerdrantover.

I am so ready for this sci fi story and I'm so ready for a world without Voldemort I actually have to come back and finish this because the premise alone made it obvious that I would like this and then you gave me this Lily with such a strong voice right from the beginning and it's obvious I need this in my life. Thank you for the swap!

- Joey

Author's Response: Hi Joey! Ah, I'm so excited that the premise interested you! The idea of a world without Voldemort was so intriguing to me and I'd seen a few fics that did it but everything was like, entirely the same except Harry didn't grow up with the Dursleys - I kind of threw canon out the window in this as I think probably a few more things would have changed! :p

Heh heh. The captains log is there to raise questions and no answers XD I am so thrilled that it is interesting and making you think!

I figured there'd be some sort of day to honour those who fought in the war as it was such a huge event in the wizarding world history - but exactly, like a lot of holidays we currently observe relating to past wars, it wouldn't mean as much to people who didn't live through it.

She does put her money where her mouth is regarding her dislike of fame. It puts her in a tough place though because she can't be sure of any employer's motives :-/

Yes. Well, weird names are probably normal to her, considering her family.

Haha, thanks! I have grown used to the next-gen names as they're so familiar now, but when I first read that epilogue I was kind of like "For real??" Albus Severus must have gotten teased.

RIGHT?! I'm glad you feel the same way about superhero films/women only being in the roles of sidekicks. There ARE female superheroes out there, and films about them would be awesome, if given the chance. /iappreciatedyournerdrant.

Yay! So stoked that you like this story and Lily's voice - that is really such a wonderful thing to hear! Thanks so much for your fantastic review!!


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Review #9, by crestwoodHurricane Luna: They Meet in a Tree

11th November 2014:
Hi Beth!

I've never read a Luna story before and I've actually never even seen a Luna/Rolf story attempted. I choose this solely because I thought it'd be nice to read something a little different than what I normally read. And wow, all new headcanon here.

The fact that Rolf is setting out to write his own book and make his own name is so character defining. He almost seems like a Slytherin here for a number of reasons. Has JK ever said what house he was in? If not, I'm picturing him sorted there, I think.

He's very serious about his work, I see. He researched for weeks and then remained still for six days just to study these firds that could technically fly away at any time. That's true dedication if you ask me. I love that he's straight as an arrow and hates The Quibbler and thinks people are useless because no one ever sees him like this. Any story I've read where he's mentioned, he's always a character with very little said about him. He's basically the Male Luna and nothing further. It's perfect that their personalities are so different here because now he actually gets a bit of characterization himself, rather than being just Luna's husband.

In a way, he's reacting to Luna how I actually would if I came across her. Especially if I was in the middle of something I'd worked hard on. It's rare that I read any characters who I relate to on a personal level, but here's one. He's maybe a bit more serious than I am, but I'm with him about the being left alone to work thing.

I love the quote you based this on and how you did it. I'm a fan of everything about this. You really are not capable of writing bad stories, I'm finding. I still can't believe that this is your first full year on the site because your writing style is so developed and flawless and I'm so jealous. Thank you for the swap! I'd love to do some of these with you anytime!

Author's Response: Hey Joey,

I seriously needed to take a few moments to respond to this one. Gah! You're just so kind and your reviews are so heartfelt. I don't tear up that often. In fact, my closest friends have commented that if something makes me cry, then it is a *big* deal.

Eep! I really wrote this completely as a response to the quote and I know that I took it quite literally, so I'm just so thrilled when I get a review on this story. Each chapter highlights a different part of the quote.

I really can't say how the whole Rolf characterization came about. I did know that he had always been portrayed as a male version of Luna, but that just didn't seem right to me. She is so spacey, she needs someone to bring her down to Earth. I wanted the polar opposite - someone who *needed* her to lift them up.

As far as his sorting goes, I actually think he would have been in Ravenclaw. I like the idea that Luna and Rolf have that in common with each other. I don't think his Slytherin ambitions would have come out until later on in his life - as he progressed through Hogwarts and came of age realizing that he was living in his Grandfather's shadow. Also, I know that many people find themselves torn between Slytherin and Ravenclaw - seeing the ambition and academics going hand in hand. (Although, I think I would probably be in Hufflepuff if I wasn't a Ravenclaw - I can be ambitious to a point, but loyalty will always win out :))

Haha - I think it's really hard not to be a *little* annoyed by Luna. She's so sweet, but doesn't always notice the obvious. And then she goes and comes out with some really insightful comment and keeps you guessing about what she really knows. She is a blast to write!

Gah - Joey, I just can't even. You are so, so sweet and I really appreciate every one of your reviews. This might sound weird, but I am a bit insecure about my writing because I just don't always know what I am doing or how it's coming off, so I cherish each and every review and comment.

Let's do more! Let's do more! I'd love to hear what you think about the rest of this story - or any of my stuff!

Thanks again Joey, you really made my day. *Beth tears up again.*

♥ Beth


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Review #10, by crestwoodTunnel Vision: Letters in the Dark

10th November 2014:
Hi, Fin!

I've visited your author's page before because I pretty much click on every link I come across on the internet and the last time I was here, I made a mental note to check out this story. And now I've finally got some time to stop by and read/review.

Honestly, after reading this, I'm really surprised this doesn't have more reviews. I want to run out and tell people about it. I read inordinate amounts of Next-Gen and while some stories in the Era can start turning a bit formulaic and monotonous, you did a number of really unique and striking things here that set this story apart.

You give us little details that most writers elect not to add in. Like - we're told that this summer has been especially hot and that her mother's been reading Muggle newspapers obsessively lately and while I doubt the plot hinges on these details, it adds something to the atmosphere. I think that's something that a lot of stories lack. A distinct aura goes a long way in relation to a story's appeal in my opinion.

The peacock feather quill part was just brilliant. I love the idea of Harry and Ron having so many inside jokes and laughing at it reminding them of Lockhart. I always found his character to be the most hilarious thing. You even managed to spin it into something quite sad in the next paragraph.

Here you've dipped your foot into a bit of what I love about Next-Gen. Not just the varied portrayals of the kids, but the many ways people imagine the War generation growing into adulthood. It's a really great mental picture to imagine Ron this way, not fully recovered from the war. It makes sense to me because that's how it usually happens in real life, unfortunately. I can't wait to read about Ron and Hermione in this story. They seem as though they'll be amazing characters, even if damaged.

I do quite like that Rose doesn't have all that clear of an idea of what happened in the war because it leaves a lot of room for the great dramatic irony of a lot of the events of back then. Giving the reader more knowledge than the main character of the story is a tactic that I just love. I can only imagine how you'll use that to your advantage.

I adore the way Amy is introduced. We get a lot of her personality through the way she wrote this letter. For some reason, the way she wrote to Rose struck me as accurate age-wise. I feel like a lot of times, people don't allow teenagers to sound like teenagers in their writing. Their relationship is going to be so fun to follow! Amy's parents sound a bit like downers, so I'm interested in their reactions when they find out about Rose. I adore the line about living in a broom cupboard as well.

Rose's trying not to smile was excellent and I just really enjoy Hugo's phases. Seeing him in action will be a treat, I suspect.

Looking at the sky as a piece of artwork!! That mental tangent was amazing.

It saddens me that Rose is trying to lower Amy's expectations of Ron because he's so different from the valiant hero everyone expects him to be. The Burrow idea is going to be so awesome when we get there.

I get nervous before sending any collection of words to anyone! I always feel like I've left something out. The painting in her bedroom was such an incredible touch and the D.A. reunions sound incredibly sad...It's like you pack entire scenes into a single paragraph. You give me the mental image of all of these deeply affect individuals and change the entire mood and it takes you all of a couple of sentences.

I'm very excited about some possible Quidditch scenes in this story because it seems to be an important plot point! I'm a gigantic fan of Quidditch as a game and I only wish people would write about it more.

I love the time you spent describing Rose's owl and the fields surrounding her house. Again, you've set the mood of this story so incredibly well.

I've just realized our stories share two character's names in common. Merlin and Amy. That's such a random coincidence that I had to laugh a bit about it.

Well, I think I'll wrap this up so I don't go over the character limit, but I just want to say that this was so amazing and that I really hope you update soon! I'm just so excited about this! I've favorited and everything. Thank you for the swap!

Author's Response: Hey!

I'm so happy you had a chance to have a read through this!

Normally I would leave a long and helpful review such as this for ages because I just don't know how to respond. However I feel compelled to respond immediately to this because it was one of the best reviews I have ever received. It's so nice of you to say that, I tried my best.

You are such an observant reader, you picked up on loads of different things which I was hoping people would pick up on. Like the muggle newspapers and Rose trying not to smile, peacock feather etc.

I really appreciate your comment about how I built the atmosphere because that was something I really was trying to do. I always struggle to get the right balance in opening chapters.

It's true, I don't think they would have all come out unscathed from the war. That would be to perfect, at the same time I don't want to be to over the top either. I think that Ron though would come out worse of the three.

I was really worried about introducing Amy through a letter, so you have really set my mind at ease. Haha, yeah I always imagine there to be some comments about Harry and cupboards between the next gen characters.

'It's like you pack entire scenes into a single paragraph. You give me the mental image of all of these deeply affect individuals and change the entire mood and it takes you all of a couple of sentences.' - I literally have no response to that. All I can say is that when I received the review and read that, I nearly got out of bed and started writing immediately.

I love sports so I will be writing Quidditch for sure, I also really wanted her to be a beater. I'm unsure as to whether I will be able to pull it off, but I will give it a good idea.

THAT IS ABSOLOUTLY RIDICULOUS, ESPECIALLY GIVEN THE TWO NAMES. WOW :D

Thanks a lot for the review it was super encouraging!







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Review #11, by crestwoodSweet Talk: Welcome to Honeydukes

7th November 2014:
Leigh!

I've been waiting for this for a really long time and it seems like the wait was TOTALLY WORTH IT. First of all - how is this even a NaNo draft?? These paragraphs are so fully formed and connected right from the start. It took me like two full chapters before I got the hang out writing so much without stopping to edit.

I love your description of Honeyduke's and I love Sweets' narration in general. Her desire to travel is a perfect way to give her another dimension and maybe something to generally strive toward/wish for throughout the story. Because of course, your main character has to want *something.* I love that she loves the shop so much, but that it opposes what she really wants to do because it's that kind of stuck between two good places kind of situation that always makes for great drama.

I'm extremely excited about the newspaper subplot and to meet Ryan Tate and find out what's so bad about him. LOVED seeing Aj here!! That glimpse of her from the perspective of someone that doesn't know her was awesome.

You did an amazing job of characterizing her mother and Vienna in this chapter too. They're both really distinct personalities already, so that's a really good sign. Overall, I enjoyed that Sweets' is this super positive, optimistic person, but she still, you know, feels things over than that. Because, no one is *always* happy! I thought the first line about being left with a happy feeling was an amazing juxtaposition with the last line about being made to cry. You brought us from one to the other believably and made us understand how the two emotions could coexist. Excellent job on this, I really look forward to reading the rest!

Author's Response: Joey!

THANKS SO MUCH. How is this a draft, you ask? Oh my I can just feel myself itching to fix up those typos, but I just don't have the time if I want to write 50,000! But thank you :)

I pictured Honeyduke's in my head for months before NaNo. I have every corner envisioned in my head, so I'm happy you think my portrayal is well written! And Sweets has been a creation in my mind for a while as well. Awe thanks so much!

Ugh, the newspaper has been giving me issues, trying to incorporate it. But I am excited as well! And oh, I love Ryan. Shame Sweets hates him so much. I think you'll rather enjoy Ryan's character. And yes, AJ and the kids have so many appearances. I couldn't help myself. As does James--and Sweets's perspective on him is a wee bit different than AJ's.

Thanks! Her mother wasn't truly thought out before hand, but she sort of formed herself as I wrote. Vienna, however, has been planned, and oh how I love her. Yes, Sweets is so optimistic about everything, except for certain situations.

Thanks so so much, Joey! This put a huge smile on my face!

-Leigh


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Review #12, by crestwoodThe Worst: Dreading The Worst

7th November 2014:
Hi Aditi! Here from the review thread.

I've been meaning to start reading this story for a really long time, so I'm going to start today on my small break from NaNo. I've never known what this story was actually about before now. I've been intrigued by your forum sig for a really long time though. Now that I know it's a werewolf story, I am really excited. Especially because it's Next-Gen and set in a world in which Hermione has worked for werewolf rights.

You've done an excellent job of setting the mood and giving us a bit of characterization here. You've jumped right into the main plot, which I can appreciate. I can imagine that this will be extremely well written based on this chapter. I thought your descriptions were great in particular. You didn't just tell us to be scared, you made us scared and that makes all the difference in horror stories. I think you've got this genre pretty much perfected. I can't wait until I can continue on reading this story!

- Joey

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for reading and reviewing =)
I'm pleased you were intrigued by my sig (yay) and that you finally got the chance to read this. I'm pleased you like the set up =)

Thank you for your lovely comments. The genre is not exactly Horror/Dark, it was only so for the first chapter, but nonetheless I'm happy you enjoyed the whole mood. Thank you!


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Review #13, by crestwoodChicks Before Broomsticks: Fake Date

31st October 2014:
Hollie's reaction is pretty much what I expected. I mean, the girl of your dreams doesn't just ask you to be her girlfriend every day. I was expected her to clarify it as a publicity stunt because obviously Roxanne doesn't just randomly fall for Hollie in the third chapter without there even being all that much interaction between the two yet. I love that Hollie says this is like 'every disaster romantic comedy.' That's such a hilarious, self aware line. I love when characters are genre savvy, like more than anything.

Alec's every line is gold. He's also kind of right about the fake date. It does certainly seem like a bad idea for Hollie, considering she really likes Roxanne. Of course, she'll agree to it though and be sucked into the world of paparazzi and controversy and fame. That all sounds awesome though, so I'm all for it. Aww, "Maybe this is just what I need to get this...her...out of my system" she truly believes that :( I want to hug her and let her know how unlikely that is to happen. The exact opposite will probably happen, actually. This is going to be so great to read.

Okay, based on this date and the way Roxanne is acting, I'd say that she doesn't know about the way Hollie feels about her. I'd also say that she's an incredible actress. I can't tell what is real and what is for the press. I'm really not sure how she feels. Also, it's a really impressive feat of writing that I feel like I'm watching her do all of this and switch between moods quickly and spontaneously do things for the camera. Not once does it feel like I am reading words. It's all images in my head. And it isn't done with flashy words and noticeable imagery, it all just kind of flows together. It flows so well that you almost don't notice it. This is one of those stories were you don't even realize how good it is until a while after you read it and it fully sinks in that you were just so absorbed into it that being done reading feels like you've just left from somewhere else where you were watching things happen in real life. Also, I love that Hollie was a Slytherin at Hogwarts. I feel like this story from this point on is preparing to be a send up of celebrity culture and I'm totally ready for that. I'm so excited about this in general. This is in my favorites because I really want to follow this until the end. Absolutely love it. The pairing, the prose, the humor, all of it. Anyone who doesn't normally read slash should totally read this because they are missing out on amazing stories like this one. Thank you so much for joining my challenge! (This is my last review I have to give out for it and I'm super happy that I finished before NaNo, keep an eye out for the results!)

Author's Response: Hi again!

Definitely not. haha. I really wanted her to be just completely confused. As much as she's wished it would happen, the fact that it actually does completely confuses her.

:D I knew tackling a well loved cliche like the 'fake relationship', that I wanted to break that wall a tiny bit here and there, and make her aware of the kind of disaster situation she was getting in.

Alec. Alec Alec. I love writing him. He's definitely the voice of reason here, and he's definitely not afraid to tell Hollie exactly what he thinks.

Of course, we don't want her too self-aware enough to think that 'getting Roxanne out of her system' wouldn't happen :D I'm so so excited for you to read the rest of this! I'm so happy with the way this is turning out.

Ah, yes! Roxanne doesn't know how Hollie feels. I really wanted to make this clear that all of the /characters/ (not so much the media) are well aware of the idea that 'just because person x is gay doesn't mean that they have feelings for every person of their same gender) so yeah.

I debated for a really long time about what house to put Hollie in, and now I definitely can't see her as anything but a Slytherin :D

I just don't even know how to thank you enough for your compliments on the writing style. I was so happy with the way that the date/Roxanne's actions turned out, and just to hear that it turned out exactly like I wanted to is so wonderful.

One of my biggest goals for this story was to make it so that the slash 'wasn't a big deal', and it was just a story that /happened/ to have two girls as the main pairing, instead of a heterosexual couple. and just to hear you say about someone who doesn't normally read slash just really made my day, because that's exactly what I've been trying to do with this story.

I'm so excited to see all of the other entries! (Okay.. I've read a few. haha.) Good luck judging! And thanks again for hosting such a wonderful challenge and motivating me to write this!

Julie


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Review #14, by crestwoodChicks Before Broomsticks: Big Game

31st October 2014:
Wow, no Sloshed Tornados for the night! That's a step in the right direction, I'd say. I love the 'passing the Quaffle, Higgins' line because, again, such a coach-like thing to say. I'm pretty shocked that no one failed their sobriety test actually. This line is so good, wow: 'In the five years that Hollie had been a reserve player, she’d grown numb to the sounds of thousands of fans not cheering for her.' Discussing the Hippogriff in the room!!! In love with that line too.

You using the word heteronormative here in such a perfectly striking way just made my day. Hollie is officially the BEST. And now Logan goes flying toward the ground because he's totally drunk just like I thought. He was bound to find a way to sneak some alcohol into his system before the game. Dying at the announcer thinking he was pulling a Wronski Feint. I have no good reason for knowing what that is other than being weird and knowing way too much about the conventions of a fictional sport. I'm upset that they put him back in even though he's drunk, but I knew the coach wouldn't take him out because he's a crowd favorite. Somehow, they didn't even realize that something went wrong there. Ah, Alec says it well. "It's Professional Quidditch."

And Logan has now lost the game for them. Surely he'd be in huge trouble after that stunt. I *want* him to be in huge trouble. He's ruining everything. Their sponsor is threatening to pull out and Logan's at Mungo's... at least it looks like Alec is going to get to play now that Logan's hurting the bottom line. He actually seems to be better in the first place. And he's definitely a better person.

Hollie isn't all that great at pretending not to like someone, I must say. It's hilarious to see how she acts around Roxanne. Wow, Roxanne was very blunt there at the end!! She did not waste any time with that request. I know she isn't really asking her out, but still, what a way to lead into that one. I really love that you pulled an obscure brand of brooms out of canon. I love when stories are grounded in canon like that. Maybe that's just me. Another amazing chapter.

Author's Response: haha! It managed to be quite a feat for them, but they did it! (for now.) I love hearing favorite lines! I am glad that that one stuck with you, about Hollie being numb to the cheering. It's got to hurt!

Hetronormative. Like I mentioned, this is definitely my hat tip(or other hand gesture, heh)/allegory to the way the media makes a big deal out of lgbt topics. The article in the previous chapter was terrible, but even with positive pieces, it's always a "gay story" instead of just a story. (I will not get into this rant because I will use up the character space on responses and not talk about the story. haha.)

This was the 'big chapter' for Logan, where his alcoholism definitely went overboard, sneaking it in in his robes. And the announcer :D The Wronski Feint was from the - gah, I think - the Goblet of Fire? Yeah. I think Harry saw it done at the World Cup and imitated it to get Cho off his back. (I'll be amazed if that's actually right and not just my brain making things up)

Being super judgemental of my own work, I want to go back and edit that part to make it a little clearer that Coach was putting him back in because he had already started, and he was trying to cover up Logan's drinking. If Logan would have been taken out, the press would have known it was for booze. (which they find out anyway) I think Alec's line explained it quite well :D

He's definitely past the point of trouble, getting sent to St. Mungo's for rehab. And yes! Alec gets some game time!

She's not. she really isn't. Alec's line in the first chapter of 'transparent' pretty much sums her up. haha!

I'm so glad I was able to get this out so you could get to the turning point of the story, with Roxanne asking Hollie out. And to avoid spoilers, we'll talk about that in the next review!

Flyte and Barker made me laugh with its little play on words, so I had to :D

I don't think I've stopped smiling since I read these reviews the first time! thank you so much for reading, and sharing your opinions!

Julie


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Review #15, by crestwoodChicks Before Broomsticks: Bad Press

31st October 2014:
These guys spend a lot of time in bars, don't they? It almost feels like a television show in that regard. Like, they have their little hangout spots that they go to almost like sets on a tv show. It's such a realistic aspect of professional sports for players that are fan favorites to be favored heavily despite everything else. Either you really understand the world of sports or you did your research!

I love when stories have that Important Background Incident like the Portree one. For some reason I find it so funny when there's some thing that the characters don't even want to talk about because that totally happens all the time in real life. I adore characters with inside jokes and references to things that we as the reader don't understand because *that's how friends work in real life.*

Logan is going to get the entire team in SO much trouble. I'm interested now to know if Roxanne really was with a woman or if he was just really drunk. He has a bit of a drinking problem, doesn't he? And according to the reaction to the no drinking rule, most of the team has a problem as well. Something tells me this won't go well. This story is seriously so awesome.

Author's Response: Hey again!

heh, understatement. They definitely do. And, as you saw in the first chapter, and will see in the future, it definitely gets them in trouble in the long run. But they will continue.

"really understand the world of sports.." WE'LL GO WITH THAT♥ hahah. My only understanding of 'sports' is from other fanfiction and working at a sports bar, where I have to pretend to customers that "yeah, that was a great goal!" "julie, we're watching basketball."

The Portree Incident! It's so funny, because *hides* I sort of put that in as a throw-away type line, but I've gotten so many questions about it that it's developed a little story line in my head, and gets another mention in chapter six (which just went in the queue :D ) Heh, that little moment definitely sums up Hollie and Alec's friendship, though.

He has quite the mouth and it's getting to a tipping point. THAT, about Roxanne, I cannot answer, but it is answered in a later chapter ;)

They do. Generally - as you've seen - they at the very least are having a drink or two, so it's a big change for them.

Ah, thank you so much! I rambled quite a bit in this response, but it's so lovely to hear what you think! *rushes off to next review*

Julie


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Review #16, by crestwoodChicks Before Broomsticks: Fast Life

31st October 2014:
Hi Julie!

I might as well make this very clear right now - I love this. I don't know what I was expecting. I've never read a story that's actually *about* professional Quidditch. I've read so many stories about professional Quidditch players, but they never, ever actually feature anything scenes in which that side of things is shown. At the most there's one game in the story and nothing else. It must be a difficult thing to write about or maybe people on this site just aren't very into sports. Whatever the case, I've never read a story like this. And the verdicts in: I love it.

Hollie is a very interesting personality right from the beginning. I loved the way she handled that horrible drunk guy at the bar. And Alec just seems lovable already. For some reason, I love the idea of professional Quidditch even more from the perspective of a benchwarmer. It's, again, just a different look at things than we usually get on this site.

The coach is SO much like a lot of coaches I've had in my life. I think it's hilarious that the team ended up in the Prophet because of their wild partying. Athletes are notorious for that sort of thing in real life and it's funny to think that might translate into the Wizarding world. So, Roxanne DID see Holly!! I'm glad that she apologized so I can be sure that I do like her. Which I do. As of now, I like every character. We have yet to really meet a lot of the team though. That'll be fun! This is an excellent start!

Author's Response: Hey Joey!

AH that's so fantastic to hear! I kind of need to thank you for making your challenge! I don't think I would have made as good of a 'return' to HPFF without this story, so I'm so happy I entered, because I definitely love writing it, and have big plans for it.

I feel the same! I don't know what it is about Quidditch, but I love writing it (I'm taking a break from writing another Quidditch scene right now to answer this :p) Which is odd, considering I am in that same boat and definitely not a sportsy person. At all. haha.

I'm so happy to hear that you like Hollie. And Alec! He's become such a favorite for me to write.
I don't really remember where the idea became to make Hollie a reserve - my brain is a little fizzled out on nano - but it's been really interesting to write the Quidditch so far from a sideline point of view.

Coach. Oh Coach.

It's sort of my (negative) hat-tip to all of those supermarket rag-mags that talk about all of the terrible, *gasp* homosexual things celebrities do, instead of talking about things in a positive light.

She did! And I'm glad you like her so far! I'll be curious to see (re-read, heh) what you think of her in the upcoming chapters!

Thank you for the review, and thanks again for posting/hosting (heh, rhymes) such a wonderful challenge!

Julie


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Review #17, by crestwoodPlum Velvet: Blue Leather

31st October 2014:
Laura, I honestly have no clue how you write like this. You form sentences that I couldn't even dream of. The way this flows is elegant in a way. Every word has a place and a purpose. If someone ever asks me what the meaning of diction is, I could probably just send them a link to this story.

I feel the pure obsession of the narrator. His muse comes back to him at the first site of this man, in a literal sense. I can almost see through his eyes. I could practically be right there next to him on this very British day, watching this living Renaissance painting. Your descriptions make me very jealous. Very, very jealous indeed. I want to place people inside of my stories like you do. Everything you write is such a work of art.

The atmosphere of this is just equally eerie and romantic. I feel this love. This all encompassing love he feels. But, then there's this unnerving tone to everything he says. The way he describes things. His point of view looking at the world. I couldn't quite place my finger on it, but I knew there was something different about this narrator.

I love the name Hyperion in this story. It fits so perfectly with the tone. The paragraph in which his name lingers is just absolutely perfect. Your work always provokes me to wax poetic for hours after I read it. I'm not nearly as good at it as you are, I'm afraid. This makes me want to just tell people about it. I feel everyone could learn something, maybe. I'm not sure what quality it is that your writing has, but it is something that I always feel. I feel your writing deeply. Always.

The end took me absolutely off guard. I was surprised that the narrator was Albus. I thought that was the twist here. I was thinking, 'wow good job, I didn't even question who I was reading the thoughts of and I was actually a little taken aback to realize that I hadn't.' And then - I found out what was so obvious from the start. I don't have any clue why I didn't realize that Albus was a vampire, I honestly don't. There were clues and I actually saw them and thought about them, but vampire never even crossed my mind. That was one of the best twists I've ever read and at the same time such a romantic scene. I am absolutely blown away by the language, but the plot, by the characters and by you. This all came together so spectacularly. Thank you so much for joining my challenge.

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Review #18, by crestwoodWhen There Is No War: Hideaway Kid

31st October 2014:
I see Sirius and Remus are just as interested in his refusal of bacon as I was. Or at least initial refusal. His reaction to them scolding him for language is just as telling! He must not have been allowed to do anything before. He seems even more naive about the world than you'd expect from someone his age. It's like he was locked up in a cellar his whole life or something. I love the portal to a different world in the closet joke because I think that was a Narnia reference. Can't be sure though - that's how I took it anyway.

Now I've reached the end of the story and I want more! I've got a sneaking suspicion that Ted is even worse than I think he was. I'm still wondering why Audrey, who seems like a perfectly nice girl, would decide to be with someone like him. Maybe he didn't start off that way and she's too scared to leave him? Although, if he's a Muggle, which I assume he is because it was said that she lives with Muggles, I wouldn't hesitate to curse him if I was her. Although, I'm not sure if he even knows about magic. And now I'm drawing comparisons between him and the Dursley's. Anyway, point is, I liked this a lot! An interesting take on a slash pairing that's pretty common. Thank you for joining my challenge!

Author's Response: Your theories about Andrew's social life will be answered, unfortunately, not until much later and addressed by a different character which you will also meet soon :)

Ted is a Muggle, yep. and to answer at least one question... he doesn't know about magic... :o

Glad you have enjoyed it! This is my most followed story, and I can say I am proud of it. I hope you will continue to read and watch for more updates. I have 27 chapters of this so far :o

Thanks so much for all your reviews and thoughts on my story and I want to thank you for your inspiration for writing this novel! :)

PS: it wasn't supposed to be this long... :/


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Review #19, by crestwoodWhen There Is No War: Let There Be Bacon

31st October 2014:
So here we finally get to know (a bit) of what happened to cause Andrew to be sent to Sirius. I assume Ted is dating Audrey, but he's not especially nice to Andrew and this woman, who seems to be a witch, is attempting to convince her to get him out of there before Ted abuses him in some way.

I'm really grateful for this insight into Andrews thoughts in this chapter, if only to verify that he does, in fact, think normally. I was starting to get afraid that he was mentally ill in some way. I suppose he still could be, just not as noticeable as it could be. There's all kinds of things that go wrong when a kid is abused. Hopefully Andrew can make it out of his childhood without any major problems.

It's ridiculous that Ted didn't allow Andrew to talk. That can't be healthy for a kid his age to just not talk. I could go on and on about the multiple levels of emotional abuse that bring upon him. Not to mention developmental problems arising from not speaking out loud for such an extended time. I already really dislike that character, even though he hasn't shown up in any scenes yet. His surprise at being 'allowed' to eat bacon is literally screaming child abuse at me. I want to see what happens once Sirius realizes what Andrew is coming from..

Author's Response: All your wonders and questions will be answered. I'll comment on what I can without ruining it for anyone.

I remember knowing a man who dated a woman. She had three kids, and while he didn't physically abuse them (to my knowledge), he insisted on belittling them. Anything they did, they did it wrong (they were 3, 4, and 6), I couldn't believe how cruel someone could be to a child.

Anyway, Ted is not quite based off him, but I remember a moment when he told the children to not to speak, because he didn't want to hear their tiny, whiny voices, and thus this is where I got the idea of Ted's rule from.

I am cruel, I know... :/


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Review #20, by crestwoodWhen There Is No War: Never a Dull Moment Here

31st October 2014:
I'm super excited to see the dynamic between Sirius/Remus and James/Lily!! I imagine that they'd all be even better friends because they've had more years to just be friends and not be, well, fighting a war.

It's so funny to see Harry with his family after how long I've been used to him as an orphan. It's a little strange to imagine his life not torn apart by Voldemort. Lily and James are pretty calm about all of this. Lily knows something about Audrey based on her reaction.

Andrews crash had me a little worried until I realized that Wizards can repair most injuries pretty easily. I still wonder if Andrew is exactly aware of what's going on. As in, does he know how long he has to stay with Sirius and Remus and does he know why his mother sent him to those two? I'd love to find out how much this kid knows. Obviously he doesn't give me much to work off of dialogue wise. I'll just have to read on. Great work so far!

Author's Response: Yes, everyone is so much more closer now. Wait until you see Severus' interaction with these characters!

I couldn't pass on up a story where I could write Harry with his parents. Everyone writes him as an orphan, as he was in cannon, but I wanted to do something different, and I thought it would be nice to see BOTH his parents there (which started the whole idea of eliminating the war all together).

As you find out in the next chapter, I added one with Andrew's POV (and more will follow) because of your listed concerns. It is much more easier to understand if you have a POV from the person you have no idea about. Of course I could have dragged that on, but even I couldn't stand around in question all the time. heh.


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Review #21, by crestwoodWhen There Is No War: Cold Beginnings

31st October 2014:
Now I really want to know what Audrey's life was like, seeing as it was so bad that she sent her son to a father that he'd never met just to get away from it all. I'd actually love to read her backstory, she seems like she has a lot in her past, being from a nearly pureblood, classically Slytherin family. And now she choose to live with Muggles. I'm sure that didn't go over really well with her family.

I love that Andrew's favorite color is blue and he chooses his room to be that color. It's only made better by the line 'The smurf has found his lair.' So, so funny. I don't think Sirius would be nearly as helpless at this parenting stuff as he seems to think he would be. Especially because he DOES have so many friends with kids to help him out and give him tips. Plus, everyone likes Remus.

I never would have thought about Kreacher trying to trick Andrew into freeing him, but that would have been disastrous. He would have taken the first chance at that possible because he just hates Sirius so much here. Sometimes I wish Kreacher and Sirius would get along better, but I doubt it would ever happen haha.

Author's Response: I uploaded this somewhere else, and I love all the theories people have come up with this story (I have over 40 followers and 60 reviews). I was literally in giggles with the fans' thought processes. Some have thought very correctly though, but I don't want to ruin anyone's fun in the story ;)

I picked blue because of the Ravenclaw, since that was Audrey's choice in house. I know little children get attached to a color when they are young; I figured this would be a way to show the wizards (and readers) that he has an obsession.

Kreacher has grown up many years around Slytherins, he is a master at manipulation. No one has yet to pick up on the biscuit bribes to get Andrew to listen. I figured he may have helped with child raising when he was younger. Thus his like for the younger Black sibling.


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Review #22, by crestwoodWhen There Is No War: Not Ready, Definitely Not Ready

31st October 2014:
I love the Dumbledore that you've written here. His little jokes about Sirius fainting are hilarious. This is quite inconvenient since Sirius is very sure that he does not want a child yet. He seems to still be pretty young. Early twenties Sirius would most likely not be able to handle that kind of responsibility of course.

I wonder why Andrew is so quiet in this story. He seems like he doesn't quite understand what's going on.

I'm really interested in how you handled Sirius' family's deaths in this version of events and I love that Kreacher obeys Remus so much more than he does Sirius because that's totally what would happen. We know that Kreacher responds overwhelmingly kinder toward people who aren't hostile to him, which Sirius definitely is, in any universe. The way Kreacher reacts to Andrew is probably going to end up being very troublesome. Another good chapter!

Author's Response: Yes, Dumbledore... I figured without having to worry about a war, I could see him joking and "playing" around with people and their heads (you'll see another glimpse of this in a later chapter).

I saw Kreacher warming up nicely to Remus, who is a hard not to like, but Kreacher and Sirius I doubt will EVER form an even neutral bond.


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Review #23, by crestwoodWhen There Is No War: Little Boy In Blue

31st October 2014:
Hi! I'm finally getting around to leaving reviews on this and I've put it off until the day before NaNo and I have NO good reason for this. But, I am super rushing through these right now. Luckily I've already read all of this though, so I already have some thoughts about it.

I LOVE the idea of the war never happening and everyone being (relatively) happy. In this universe, does Voldemort not exist or was he just taken down before he could gather too much power?

You write Sirius and Remus' home life so well and I feel like this is how they could have been. I'm very interested in Sirius' interest in Muggle things like graphic novels and instant pancakes. It's reminding me a bit of Mr. Weasley and it does make sense because, I mean, he owned a motorbike!

I love the idea of throwing Sirius' long lost son into the midst of their happy home life. I really like these kinds of plots and these two would be hilarious raising a kid together haha. Really good start to this!

Author's Response: "Voldemort" doesn't exist, no, I thought about introducing Tom Riddle though, but I am not sure where I could fit him.

Yes, I thought Sirius would like Muggle stuff (the motorbike clicked into my head), so I planted him into a University so he could be surrounded by muggles.

Sirius... well, you'll see his parenting style in this story. I don't think I am too far off from his cannon, really. I don't want to give too much out. But I have many chapter of this already written.


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Review #24, by crestwoodCharlotte: Charlotte

31st October 2014:
Hi Gabbie! I'm finally here to review this and I'm currently freaking out trying to get these done because there's under 24 hours until NaNo and I AM CRAZY FOR LEAVING THIS OFF.

I have to say that I really envy your ability to write this gigantic chapters. It takes me so long to get anything written that's this full and detailed. One of the reasons I've been totally loving MicroFiction lately is because I can, ya know, actually get those stories done.

Your characterization is amazing as always. We get a really striking idea of what Charlotte is like from the very beginning. In many ways this serves as a character study of her, working through all sorts of ways to show us who she is.

You've done this thing where I just feel bad for everyone here . I feel bad for Ryan, I feel bad for Charlotte and I feel bad for Sam too. Things just don't quite work out for anyone.

This left me feeling so conflicted. I feel terrible for Ryan and the kids but I totally advocate for Sam and Charlotte to be together because ten years of empty marriage can't be something that's healthy to continue. You've done a really good job showing all of the angles to look at this from. This is excellently written and executed. Loved reading it, thanks for joining my challenge!

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Review #25, by crestwoodHerbology and What Happened After It: Chapter One

30th October 2014:
Hi! I'm finally here to leave a review on this!

Okay, so we've got Freya, who is Cho Chang's daughter and very attractive, (in our narrator's eyes) but has just been dumped by this Callum for not being cute enough. I really like the John Green quote, it fits into this perfectly. At first, I couldn't remember what it was from and then I was like "Hmm.. maybe she made it up and I'm imagining things??" before it came to me three minutes later. This happens too often.

I really like the 'crushing on their best friend and can't work up the nerve to tell them' kind of plot. There's a certain something about it that I just love and you've worked it to perfection here. It took all of one sentence for Hugo to just steal the scene for me!! Wow, I don't know why but I could just picture him so clearly in my head and I wanted to be his friend.

Their argument was actually pretty upsetting because I want them to get all so. bad. But then the hair accident is just extremely sad. I don't even have words for that. Having your hair cut offf like that must really suck. Kind of makes me appreciate having short hair most of the time.

I really enjoyed the idea that everyone 'recognised the beginning of a breakdown when they saw it.'

Freya cutting her hair off to match hers is so amazing wowowowowow she is the best friend on planet earth for that. You can't even stay mad after that because you're friends with the best person who's ever lived.

You just sent me on an emotional rollercoaster. First I'm like yay!! she told her!! Then I'm like - Oh no, she's laughing!! And then I'm like - she's asexual? Surprised!! And now I'm more like - but biromantic?? Well this is perfect. And on top of all of this, Victoire is our narrator. I never ever see her depicted as anything but totally straight and living a perfect life with Teddy, so this is a welcome shake up of her character. I love it. I thought this was just so good! Thank you for joining my challenge!

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