Ah! I'm so excited to see this up here, like so excited that I could burst! You know that I love this chapter, so much. I can't wait to see what you write next!
xx ElyAuthor's Response: asjdvnksjdnvwioensd you are lovely!! thank you!! I'm trying to work on my next, but I'm just so god damn busy :( Report Review
I still love that banner, I just- I'm still going to steal it one day while you're sleeping. Don't roll your eyes at me, Rachel, it will happen!
Also, Charles Dickens quote? I'm taking the fact you used that quote as a late Christmas present for myself, it's far too perfect. You really shouldn't have...okay, I'm so glad you did. (It fits the story really nicely too!)
Anyway, I'll stop talking about myself and get to the usual part of my reviews where I just gush about how amazing your writing is. But really, teach me your ways, dear master. This was honestly heartbreaking though, I love it!
Once more, I love you.
x ElyAuthor's Response: You'd have to impersonate me to take my banner, Ely! That little 'TenthWeasley' will fool no one. ;) Then again, you make graphics, so perhaps you're one to watch...
Charles Dickens. ♥ You may certainly think of it as a mini-Christmas present to you! I still need to read a bit of Dickens, you know -- never have. But that quote really emphasized all the points I wanted to hit were perfectly summed up in that sentence. Proof positive of why he's a literary genius!
I'm so happy you enjoyed this story, and left me yet ANOTHER wonderful review for it. You're too much, dear. ♥ Thank you so much for giving this a try! You're fantastic!! Report Review
I love this story so much. It's one of my absolute favourite Sirius/OC's at the moment (probably of like, ever, too). I really like the character of Gisela, she seems so real to me. Can't wait to see more!
x ElyAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! That really means a lot! I feel like doing a little dance now, ha! I'm glad she seems real, that was my one intention in this story so i'm happy she's turned out that way!
Again, thank you so much and keep reading!
Vicki :) Report Review
You probably know by now that I usually steer clear of Severus pieces (except for In The Black, of course) but I felt the need to finish this piece after that little teasing slice.
I have to admit, this was nothing like I expected but as usual, I adored this more than I could possibly say in less than 6000 characters. Next time, share a bit of that talent around, eh? (L)
x ElyAuthor's Response: I can never understand why someone would steer clear of Snape in any regard, though of course I did know that about you. :D And that makes me all the more happy when you drop by like this and surprise me with a review on -- surprise -- a Snape story!
I'm very happy to hear that you enjoyed it, too. ♥ I will sent you mental baskets of talent, if you wish it, although it makes me blush a bit (literal blushing, if you must know) to even type out those words -- as though it's mine to dish out!
But really, Ely. Thank you for being so awesome. It means so much to me to have reviews from you -- it really does! :3 Report Review
How did I not know this existed before this moment? *cries* My life long goal to read and review absolutely everything you write is slowly slipping from my fingers!
Okay, I am being slightly melodramatic but honestly, I am surprised I didn't know about this beautiful little one-shot of yours- Antonin Dolohov being one of my absolute favourite Death Eaters! I am very glad I happened to chance upon this today because, like always, this was amazing.
One day, I swear you are going to explode from all the amazingness inside your brain.
Love you dearly,
x ElyAuthor's Response: I'm not sure! This has been up here for a fair stretch. ;) I'm still pretty fond of it, too, which should say something about it. I had no idea that Antonin Dolohov was one of your favorite Death Eaters, though! When did that happen?!
I loved writing this story -- when I wrote it, it was the darkest thing I'd ever attempted. And now I kind of laugh when I look back on it and remember how worried I was to post it, because Break Out is at least ten times darker than anything in this story, but it marks one of those lovely growing, evolving periods that makes us writers. ♥
I'd prefer not to explode, if it's all the same to you! Thank you so much, though, for dropping by and reviewing this for me. You are fantastic, and I do not deserve your kind words. :3 Your supports means tons to me -- really, thank you!! Report Review
I really hope you update soon, I've been checking back here every weekend to see if you've posted the next chapter yet. I think I'm a little obsessed with Barty/Gwen :) Hope to see the next chapter soon!
x Ely Report Review
So I said I would review you and so here I am!! Yep, reviewing you. But yeah, this story is super cute! I love your characterisations of Lily, James, Sirius and Dumbledore- they are amazing! Ah, so yeah- I totally suck at reviewing but...I LOVE YOU!
x ElyAuthor's Response: MINION!
Amy loves you!! Aww, thank you sooo much!! Report Review
So this is going to be my last review for tonight because my brain is beginning to shut off, can you tell at all? *head hits keyboard* Anyway, you know (or at least I hope you do) that I adore this story and that I adore you and your writing and I miss you, even though you've only been gone for like three hours...Yeah, I have a sad life without my Eagle twin.
x ElyAuthor's Response: Brains that are shut off are dangerous things, and you should mend that situation as quickly as possible. :) I shouldn't talk, as I'm running on about 5 hours of sleep. But there you are.
So glad you like this story! It's my baby. :D And we didn't talk last night and it was sad. Come back into my life, sugar glider twin! ♥ Love you! Report Review
*laughs evily* How much do you love/hate me now? I got you your 300th review and threatened you in it...I see this as a excellent way to spend my time rather than writing 55, yeah that's kinda what I'm avoiding. But you can't yell at me because you're getting review out of this. Yep, twisted Ely logic- you know you love it ;)
x ElyAuthor's Response: I'm used to your threats! ;) No, you're too sweet to really mean it. ♥ Although you should be writing 55 so you can have a celebration of completing the first novel in your trilogy!
Thanks again for the review spam -- love you! Report Review
AH! Snape/Lily/Beth/Marauders, this is just oh my god. I feel like crying, actually, again...See what you do to me Janechel? You should feel very proud/ashamed of yourself and therefore you should send me your autograph and fly down here with cupcakes to make up for it...Deal?
Also, guess what this is? REVIEW 300! I hope my Maths isn't off because that would be very embarrassing but in case it is...HAPPY 299 too... :)
x ElyAuthor's Response: Don't cry! The characters love you. :) I am proud of this story, now you speak of it -- and even when you don't speak of it, I am proud of it anyway. :P It's my favorite thing to work on at the moment, and I just can't wait to see what these folk have in store for me!
You're FABULOUS. Nothing less. Thank you for being my 300th review, because it's really sort of a shock I got there at all! ♥ Report Review
I remembering reading this chapter months ago and I really enjoyed, like seriously...really.enjoyed.it.a.lot. You are so amazing at writing and I will forever bow down to your amazingness as will everyone else...when you rule the World.
Don't forget me? :(
x ElyAuthor's Response: Aww, Ely. ♥ You are much too sweet, but I will take your compliments greedily! (Hee!) I will rule the world, of course, and then creative writing will be mandatory in every school district.
-insert evil laughter here-
Thanks for the review, doll -- you're fabulous! Report Review
It's amazing to think that last time I went on a little reviewing spam you were only at like ten chapters or something or maybe I got distracted and forgot? (Probably that one, right?) But.I AM BACK! And I am very ready to spam your unanswered review pile again, to the point that you will most likely hate me for a while...I'M SORRY! But yes, I will see you next chapter!
x ElyAuthor's Response: I can't even remember now -- is that bad? But imagine my surprise to log in this afternoon and see all these reviews from you! ♥
I couldn't ever hate you, goose. :3 Thank you for taking the time to leave all these! (And as a heads up, my responses may be a bit out there, because I've got a lot of coffee running through me. C'est la vie!) Report Review
So you knew this was coming and my ninja powers seem to be a little absent today so I'm not even going to try and surprise you. Story wise, other than Paper Hearts I have never read entirely through anything of yours and so I plan to change that this weekend (I would really like to say today but I'm far too tired) starting with this one.
First thing I noticed was Song at which point I thought of River Song, did a little crazy dance thing and then continued to actually read. I told you a few months ago that I've never really read any Next Gen so I'm not entirely sure how most people characterise James, but I like yours- reminds me of James I.
I love how Olivia is so determined to learn how to fly for her mother, while the actual action obviously isn't realistic for us I think that feeling is something very real. Another thing, I would kill to have the spell for summoning tea- I expect you to develop one now, just a warning.
Anyway, I loved the first chapter and I'll probably review the second tomorrow otherwise I may fall asleep halfway through.
x ElyAuthor's Response: Hey Ely! Hehe, thanks so much :) I actually hadn't made the River Song connection, funnily enough, but now I can't stop thinking about it :P Funny that I chose that name.
Thank you for the review dear, and let's not fall asleep whilst reading, that's a bad idea :D Report Review
I honestly love your story too much! I love Gwen, I love Barty and most of all I love Gwen and Bart together. I'm interested to see when you go from here so please keep updating! 10/10
x ElyAuthor's Response: Aww, thanks so much! Don't worry, I promise I'll keep updating. This story is a long way from being finished yet! Report Review
BONJOUR MON AMI!
*clears throat* Ahem, why yes I am in a French mood today- whatever made you think that, Elizabeth? Clearly, you are a mind reader but I would have sworn I told you to stop doing that! Disrespectful Slytherin!
Anyways, I'm so so sorry that it has taken me this long to actually getting around to reviewing this for you- I know I'm a terrible best friend, why do you even keep me around anymore? But before you kick me out and take all my belongings away from me, I shall review this for you! *gets out sword* FOR NARN-*cough* LIZZIE!
You should already know, unless you have had a laspe in your memory (and don't go lying and saying you never do, I know the truth Elizabeth), that I absolutely adore your writing and this chapter too. If you have forgotten this then I'm afraid I have failed you, once again (hey there's a surprise!), at being your best friend.
This review is basically rambling because I'm tired and hot and hungry and bored and...Squeaky? I hope this made you smile, somewhere in that madness that I call my review and that you are feeling okay- *glares at weather and fibro for you*
LOVE YOU/JE T'AIME!
x Ely Report Review
Hey there, me again!
I absolutely adore the fact that James can draw, I personally suck at it but I always have a great respect for people who can and with James being one of my favourite characters ever, my day has been made by this story! I find the fact that James has all these unfinished drawings of Lily so cute, makes me wish I had a boy like him who would draw me! You wrote the interactions between the Marauders so well that I felt like I was sitting on the sidelines and watching them.
Moving onto Lily, the fact you have made her play the violin is something I have never seen before- In fact I have hardly seen any stories where Lily has a talent for anything but Potions, therefore I find your story very unique. Also, the fact that she has her own little room and that it brings her memories of Severus is so beautiful.
And now Severus, like I mentioned in my previous review I am not a big fan of him but I have read a few fics centred around him- therefore I am not the greatest at what I think he would be like as a teenager but I personally enjoy the way you write him. I also enjoy how you wrote Dumbledore- though I am not great on how he should be characterised either.
I love how you have made James care so much for Lily without making him obsessive at the same time, he is so likeable in your story! On that note, my second review draws to a close- I will see you in my third and final one though.
x ElyAuthor's Response: I'm not a great artist myself -- I wish I could draw better -- but I love getting to write about artists. There's just something so fun about it.
Once I decided to make James an artist, I imagined him trying to draw Lily in class, but always running out of time, so he'd just have sketchbooks filled with drawings of her and other students. I'm glad you think James's sketches of her aren't creepy. I had a friend point out how James's sketches were a little "sketchy." Don't we all wish we had someone like that? Someone who can see the beauty in us.
Writing the Marauders is really fun. I love getting to write their dialogue, imagining four boys just hanging out and having a good time.
I've seen stories where Lily was a dancer, but I wanted to have her play the violin. She's an artist, like James, but in another way.
There are some places that have so many memories attached to them you can't help but have a million memories coming back to you. Plus, it's a good plot device : p
I'm glad Snape and Dumbledore are jiving with you (even though you're not Snape's biggest fan).
It's really hard to strike the balance between passion and obsession. I don't like James much in canon, but writing him has made me like him a lot more.
Thank you so much! You're awesome.
-Houlestar Report Review
Hey There, This is ElysiumJayne from the forums with the reviews you requested back in September! I'm sorry that I took so long to get these reviews to you but real life had been super busy. Anyway, on to the review!
Your first paragraph drew me in straight away and while it was short and simple, it was also lovely. I loved the conversation between Lily and her father, you really captured the essence of what I imagined their relationship to be like and so quickly too! That being said, I love how you bought Petunia into it as well. The line "In June you'll finally be able to come to Hogwarts to see me gradu-" was super amazing, I haven't read many Lily/James fics where people have actually mentioned that Petunia had once wanted to be in Lily's shoes, therefore yours gained extra points! It was also wonderful that you gave a sort of comparison between Lily's family and Severus's, I thought that was a great little part!
I immediately adored the way you wrote the Marauders and I was so glad that James wasn't an arrogant jerk who only mentioned Lily straight away- it was a nice change to some of the fics around at the moment. I was so glad when James didn't change the moment you mentioned Lily either, I think you are great at writing the more mature version of James. All in all, I love your characterisation of pretty much every character you've introduced so far- even Severus, and honestly, I'm not his biggest fan.
You always asked about flow- to put it quickly, I think your flow was perfect- everything worked pretty much excellently. I personally think it makes perfect sense, it's very well written and like I mentioned your characterisation is too die for. The last thing, you asked was whether it was enjoyable- well I surely enjoyed reading and reviewing it for you!
With that, I shall see you in the next chapter.
x ElyAuthor's Response: I know what it's like to get busy, so no worries. You got around to it eventually, and that's what counts.
I'm glad you appreciated the moments with Lily's family, especially Petunia. She's a really interesting character, albeit unpleasant. I think the dynamic between the two sisters (and Snape) is a very fertile ground for stories.
There had to be a lot more to James than his crush on Lily. I don't think that he'd spend every waking moment talking about her.
Flow's always a big concern for me, so I'm really glad that it all worked and that the characterization came across well.
I'm really glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for the nice review!
-Houlestar Report Review
Hey There, This is ElysiumJayne from the forums with the review you requested back in September- I'm sorry that it took this long to get to you but I'm here now. Now onto the review!
I found your first paragraph drew me in quickly, though I could tell from your request and the banner who you were talking about- I found myself unable to look away from the webpage in front of me. I thought you displayed Ginny's emotions wonderfully, I could feel what she was going through, the only suggestion I have is to maybe add some italics into a couple of words to give them more emphasis.
With the flashback, I would also put that in italics so that it stands out from the rest of the story and then maybe change the lyrics into bold- it is all up to you really but that is my opinion. There are a few spelling and grammar mistakes here and there, so I would suggest getting a one-shot beta to fix them up for you.
I loved how you wrote Harry's death- you wanted to know if this story was a tearjerker, and in the moment- it definitely was. The parts with Ron, Hermione and Ginny were also very tear worthy- I felt so sorry for poor Ginny in those scenes. And the ending, I literally have tears running down my face right now.
On that note, I hope this review helped and I'll see you soon when I fill your second request. Thanks for requesting!
x ElyAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for this lovely review. I'm glad that you found it enjoyable and that it was emotional. It's intended to be emotional.
Ugh, I'm such a lazy editor. Maybe I really should consider getting a beta from now on. XD.
I wrote this story three years ago, and I've gone back and edited it so that it flowed better. It was sort of bad before XD.
Your review helped. Thanks alot and I can't wait to get another one from you! :) Report Review
Hello There, This is ElysiumJayne again from over at the forums- I'm sorry it took me so long to get around to your review but I'm here now and super excited for the second chapter! I've been so busy lately otherwise I would have left you a review in my own time, anyway- moving on.
I know you said you were worried about the characterisation of Harry but I think you did an excellent job, I find the fact he would be nervous around Andromeda to be quite a possibility in the canon universe. And while on that note, I adore how you write Andromeda! And I love how Teddy's toy is named Padfoot, so sweet! And your characterisation of Teddy is so cute, it is cute how you added that he and Victoire sort of already had a thing for each other!
The idea of the photographs, with Bella missing, is a sad part but also very sweet I think. Your writing makes me feel like I am Andromeda and Bella is my sister, I feel upset and want to find out why Bella is missing. I think this proves that your writing is spectacular, and to be honest- you have quickly become my upmost favourite author on HPFF. I hope to see a lot of good things from you in the future!
I know you also mentioned you weren't sure about the end but I found it very interesting, I can almost hear the thoughts running through Andromeda's head and I feel afraid for her.
I hope this review helped and as I mentioned, I hope to see a lot from you in the future. Please feel free to re-request anytime.
x ElyAuthor's Response: I'm glad you think Harry's okay - I find him impossibly difficult to write for some reason O.o I don't think he likes me, lol. Teddy is adorable - I wasn't sure whether or not to call the toy Padfoot or Moony, but I thought that it's more likely for him to have a dog-like toy than a wolf, so Padfoot it was! Ah yeah, I'm a Teddy/Victoire shipper! *nods*
The photograph was a really random idea... but now it's a kinda important one, oddly enough... hm... weird. As for new stuff (and I'm incredibly flattered!) I do have a couple of new things in the pipeline, waiting for when things already up are finished.
It was so difficult! I wasn't sure it if even worked with the rest of the chapter, you know.
Thank you for the lovely review!
Aph xx Report Review
I love Lola in this chapter, absolutely adore how she's sort of the youngest one is the big family and therefore feels the pressure- I would like to hear more about her relationship with Marlene though. I love how awkward Sirius is when Lola is crying, I found that really sweet that he had no idea what to do- very in character I think.
The only thing I find wrong with this chapter is that it is so short, I feel like you probably could have added more on at the end or in the library scene- surely Lola and Sirius would have more to say to each other? Well, anyway- it was a pleasure reviewing for you and I hope my reviews helped!
Feel free to request again.
x Ely Report Review
First thing is first, If I were you, I would think about changing the spacing it your first paragraph or perhaps adding a little more description between the two changes of perspective between Marlene and Sirius otherwise it looks a little choppy. Also, the three year skip confused me slightly- you may want to somehow blend that (hope that makes sense) into the first chapter more?
I love how you have written Sirius drunk, it seems like the way I would imagine him act, so good job on that front! Marlene number two- that line made me laugh and I hope we get to learn more about Lola very soon- she intrigues me, while I hope Sirius doesn't always she her as the second version of Marlene, that always sucks. I have to admit, the 'she's only twelve' line both made me laugh but also confused me- probably because I completely suck at Maths. So, uh...how is old is Lola? And how old is Sirius? Thank you in advance for clearing those up for me!
Also, thank you for requesting and I will see you in the next chapter for my last review.
x Ely Report Review
Hello There, this is ElysiumJayne with the reviews you requested back in September- Sorry for taking so long to get to you, but life has been rather busy for me lately. But anyway, let's get on with the review!
The first thing I noticed about this chapter is that there are a few grammar and spelling mistakes here and there. I know you asked for me not to mention spelling or grammar but I noticed you spelt Dorcas as Doracas- of course that can be quickly cleaned up though I do advice you to get a beta reader, they honestly make the world of difference!
Now, moving on! I like the characters you've mentioned (for the girls), and I love you for the fact that they are not Lily's friends! I, myself, write a Sirius/OC where she is Lily's friend so it's nice to see a change once in a while! The girls all seem very simple which I find very refreshing compared to some of the characters out there at the moment, so good job with that!
Another thing I would suggest would be to changed the Sorting Hat's song into italics, it just makes it more obvious that it's the song I believe but honestly, when it comes down to it all- it is your decision.
Thank you for requesting and I will see you in your next chapter.
x Ely Report Review
The italics, they're gone! I'm sorry if I sound slightly rude but it makes it so much easier to read this without them, my eyes don't know what they're reading with too many italics! I feel like your writing has dramatically improved in this chapter, not that it was bad before, but I just feel like you're more into this chapter than the previous two.
I think you characterised the Weasley family really well in this chapter, I can imagine them all acting like this- especially Molly! In your request, you wanted me to tell you whether I thought this was believable enough to happen to Ron's fifth year and to be honest with you, originally I didn't think so but as I've read more into it I know firmly believe it could have happened. Though I would be interested to see a bit of back story about Laura and Ron's meeting. I also enjoyed how you added Percy in- I'm not a big fan of him but I found his and Arthur's scareaming fest rather enjoyable!
I hope these reviews have helped you somewhat and I'm very interested to see what's going to happen next. Thank you for requesting!
x ElyAuthor's Response: Yey! The italics are gone :D
Thinking about it, I'm not sure whether I'll alter the first two chapters that much (though the italics are a biggie!) as it does show my developing style.. hmmm :P
Your reviews have been helpful and thank you for doing them!
Keira :) Report Review
Hello again, hopefully you remember who I am from my last review and therefore there is no need for introductions :P
I really love the idea of Ron's clock, while it's not overly important to the story (weirder things have happened), I enjoyed it and the 'Ginger's up' comment made me giggle. I liked how you gave Ron a muggle job, I think it definitely could have happened somewhere in his life though I can imagine Arthur demanding that he bring things back. Again, the italics still throw me off a little but I am slowly adapting to them- I still firmly believe you should discuss them with a beta though!
I love the Muggle character- Tony, that you added in- though I'm guessing he is mainly there to fill the spaces, I'm not sure why but I find him interesting and perhaps comical relief later on. The story between Laura and Ron interests me and I love the fact Laura is Mr Gregor's daughter, I didn't see that one coming. I feel an instant dislike to the Gregor family, though I keep imaging that Laura is really this different girl inside- maybe that's just me seeing the good in people.
I will see you in the next chapter (which will be my last review)!
x ElyAuthor's Response: Yes.. I think I can remember you ;)
Thank you :) I just always imagined that Molly wuld of made the children an individual clock each :D
The italics will definetly be going in January! I completely forgot all about them til your reviews!
I'll definetly be carrying this on soon though - but I think a bit of a rewrite is needed!
Thanks for the review :) Report Review
Well hello there, I'm ElysiumJayne from the forums- You requested a review from me back in August! First and foremost, Sorry for taking so long to getting to you- real life can be annoying sometimes, can't it?
Now onto the review, I find your first paragraph very intriguing though I feel it might make more of an impact with better spacing- I feel it would make it more dramatic and would hook the readers into the story quicker. I'm not sure whether you have a beta reader or not, but if you then you should discuss that with them and see their views on the matter!
On reading the second part, I was slightly confused by the complete change of view- one second you were writing in third person and the next in first? The italics really messed me around though, is Ron thinking about what is being said or something? Once again, I would consider bringing this up with a beta as it is very confusing!
Other than that, I really enjoyed the plot you have set out- I've never read anything quite like it and your characterisation of Ron is great. I'm interested to see who the soon-to-be mother is!
Thank you for requesting and once again, Sorry for taking so long.
x ElyAuthor's Response: Hello :)
Don't worry about the wait! I don't mind in the slightest xD
I haven't written Undone for a while as I've moved on to lots of other fics but I'm planning on coming back to it at one point! (hopefully soon!)
The italics need changing! I keep forgetting to do this! I wrote this about 6 months ago when I was new to the site and just wrote randomly ;)
Spacing, italics and alter the thrid-person narative. Got it :) I'll change them as soon as the queue reopens :)
Thanks you for the review :) Report Review
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