I strongly disagree with your author's ntoe at the end of this chapter. I was thrilled with this chapter! You have really created some great characters, as well as old characters that you've written beautifully as well. They all have their imperfections, and distinct personalities. I particularly like how you've put Mary's accent into writing. I'm sure it wasn't completely simple.
On another note, I particularly loved the "class by class" paragraphs, where the narator explains each lesson, that professor who teaches it, and their opinion of that particular class. Although most people reading Harry Potter fanfiction know all about these classes, it was very creative how you put that explanation into writing.
Every sentence is beautifully crafted, with such great description. You are a role model for me when I'm writing my fic, as yours reminds me that adding an extra prepositional phrase can really improve a sentence.
This is a great fic, and I cannot wait to finish, though I'm afraid it might take a while! Oh well, now I'll be reading Chapter 3 soon!Author's Response: Oh, thank you so much! I think the author note was more in reference to the fact that these early chapters used to be shorter and, well, not as good, before I did a major edit on them towards the end of last year. I tried to get them as close in quality to the later chapters as I could, but I didn't think this one had really got there. I'm thrilled that you liked it so much, though, that really is a load off.
I'm also glad you liked the run-through of classes because that was a bit polarising - a lot of people thought it was unnecessary, but I liked it so it stayed. *grins*
As for Mary's accent, well I've had good and bad feedback about that one but I'm rather fond of it all told so I'm very pleased that you appreciate it too.
thanks for the review!
cheers, Mel Report Review
First off, thank you for adding my fic, His Only Faithful Servant, to your favorites. It means a lot.
All right, now for your fic. I think it is such a clever, witty idea. I love the originality of it all. It's something I would never ever think of. However, the spelling and grammar of this was very poor, to the point of being distracting from the reading. I would highly recommend that you have someone, probably another Harry Potter nerd proofread it. However, this a fantastic idea, and I hope for another chapter soon! Report Review
Wow, I always say that the first chapter of a fic is the most important, because it gives the reader a first impression. And I just have to say, WOW! This chapter was so unpredictable. I was certainly not expecting Voldemort to attack Harry in his home in the first chapter, let alone the very beginning of that chapter. This is a wonderful fic which I wil definately not stop reading. Everybody's characterization is perfect, from
major characters to minor ones. It's consistent, well worded, and everything a fic should be. I'll be reading the next chappie as soon as possible!!Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad you're enjoying the story so far and I hope it continues to live up to your expectations. I look forward to any future reviews from you. Thanks for reading. Report Review
Some of my favorite scenes in the Harry Potter books were the classroom scenes, because they show JKR's creativity. And in this chapter, it shows your creativity!
In the first classroom, History of Magic, the subplot of Sam's glasses is continued, and it is my prediction that that will come into a more important plot sometime in the future. It kind of reminds me of Arthur, the kid's TV show, where Arthur gets glasses! =)
In the second classroom, DADA, Professor O'Hera's character is more introduced. I think he's really well written. He's a practical Defense teacher, something we don't see too often in the books, so you writing a practical lesson was really neat! But, still haven't figured out why he was gone...
Great job of creating suspense in the Potions classroom. As a reader, I'm now dying to know what the letter said! Casella is a great character as well - such a contrast to the familiar Snape.
Great job on another chapter, and wow! A whole year of this story been online. That shows some major commitment, which I applaude you for. Keep it up!Author's Response: Thanks SO much Im_No_Muggle, I honestly can't believe either you or saffy, you both have reviewed every chapter of every story I have on here! Thanks so so SO much. :p
Onto Business- HoM is sadly being used mostly to go on on different conversations/subplots. Probably not how the average Ravenclaw works, but I like to think these girls can get an A without taking notes. ;) I loved writing O'Hera's lesson, it took me forever to get started and once I did it was really natural. I'm so glad you liked it!
As for Casella, when I first made her character, she was sort of fashioned after Snape, but then I decided that I wanted something a different and new. Then, she developed into this whole character with specific points and everything, she's going to be popping up a lot more lately. Wonder what she'll be doing? ;)
Thanks again for the chapter and 'birthday' wishes! And here's to one more year! ^_^ Report Review
Wow, this was such a great chapter. I can tell this is all leading up to... something. But what? In this story and Wolves and Wizards, the suspense is killer. You just keep wanting more! I have now added you to my favorite authors, because now you have written three fics, eacho of which are spectacular. You show such a variety of writing techniques in your fics, which shows how mulit-talented you are. Keep up the great work!Author's Response: I know I tell you this after every review, but let me say it again: you are my favorite person on hpff. Everytime I don't feel like updating now I think of how you're waiting for more and just have to keep it up! Right now the chapters for both Third Year and WaW are about half way done, so you won't have to wait much longer! I'm so honored you have me on your favorite authors list and you think so highly of my writing, you're just to kind!! Thanks SO SO SO much! (: Report Review
Spangles, how'd you know I love fill-in-the-gap-stories? The scenes that you know happen but just aren't in writing. I love those! And this one was no exception! I particularly liked how it was in Hermione's point of view. It just added another little twist to it. I liked the line, "None of the books I had read...". Thought it perfectly brought out Hermione. I thought characterization was pretty good too, though some of Ron's dialogue was a little bit off in my opinion. However, aside from that, and the occasional punctuation error, this was a great one-shot!Author's Response: Im No Muggle, you are honestly my favorite person on hpff. (: I'm so glad you like another one of my stories, it means a lot! This particular one shot came from a crazy plot bunny that wouldn't let me sleep until I finished it (I wrote it from 12 a.m.-1:30 a.m.). Hermione was easier for me to write but I was pretty lost with Ron, so I'm actually glad only a little seemed out of character. (: Thanks SO much for another fantastic review! Report Review
I like how Fred, George, Wood, Angelina, and some other characters from Jo's mind came into this fic. It's always nice to see old favorite characters return. Very enjoyable, Fred and George are spot-on with characterization. I will be reading the next chapter soon! Well done!Author's Response: I'm sorry this reply is so late; school and a general lack of HP-inspiration has led to me basically abandoning this site for awhile.
I'm glad you liked this chapter! I'm always trying my best to get the characters to feel 'right', especially since Rowling did an amazing job creating them. Report Review
I love the irony in this chapter. All of Teddy's friends are in life-threatening danger, yet Samantha's biggest concern is that glasses would ruin her look. I wear glasses myself, so I can relate.
I also liked how Harry and Shacklebolt are involved more too. It's nice to have some old characters be brought back. This chapter was kind of like the calm after the storm. Really, really well done, and I can't wait to read more!Author's Response: I'm smiling up a storm! I'm glad you liked this chapter, I was worried it'd be a bit to calm, but you seem to like it. (: Sam is a crazy teenager, it just shows how life goes on, even in a life threatening situation. Kingsley and Harry and going to be appearing more and more as we continue forward, all thought their apperence isn't always a good thing since it's accompied with some kind of threat. ;) Thanks SO much for reviewing EVERY chapter! I love Im No Muggle! Report Review
A very interesting start to a story that promises to be good. I really think the character, Thakos, is very unique, being a wizard from Greece, when all we usually see is English wizards and witches. I can't wait to read more! In my story, His Only Faithful Servant, I am only using characters from JKR's mind, and I have a great admiration for authors who create their own characters and place them in the HP canon. Well done, The Elite!Author's Response: First off, thank you for the review! I personally have high admiration for authors who read others' work!
Yes, I will admit I have a fascination with Greece and the ancients of Greece. For some unknown reason, I have this gut feeling that it is there where the idea of magic first originated. The connection to the elements, the intellectual prowess, the discoveries that have effected the modern world are outstanding properties of ancient Greece.
Thanks again for the review, and I will check into your story at my earliest convenience! Report Review
It was quite interesting to see the side of Regulus who was a jerk, as opposed to the side of Regulus who tried to overthrow Voldemort, which is the side that readers of the original books see. Of course, we knew that Regulus was a jerk from Sirius, but we never saw it in writing, something you have done excellently. I also thought it was particularly eerie seeing Bella interact with Sirius, knowing what she would do to him in the future... =(
So overall, excellent chapter. I think this is almost as good as Of Wolves and Wizards. Great job!Author's Response: Im No Muggle, could be a more wonderful reviewer? I doubt it. (: Regulus is one of my favorite characters in this fic- he is almost bipolar in some cases but what really underlines his character is the will to please his family, which includes Sirius as well. Of course, with Sirius being the Black sheep of the family, that makes Regulus confused a lot of the time. The Bella section made me sad, there was one line I threw in their for irony, something about Sirius thinking Bella would be the Death of him or something that made me particularly sad. :( Thanks for another review- now I'm off to write my next chapter of WAW! Report Review
Woah. I take back what I said about last chapter being the best one. It's not true. This chapter is the best. This story is extremely unpredictable. At the beginning, I thought this would be about Victoire and Teddy being together happily, but now it's an action/mystery/romance three-in-one-combo-meal! I think you did an excellent job with the battle scene - I think it was also a great choice of location for the battle to take place. Now I have to wait for you to update though, because I've read all the chapters, and I can't just click the next one to find out what happens! So please, please update soon - this fic is one of the best I've ever read!Author's Response: YAAAY! (: Another review from my favorite person ever. I'm so pleased you liked it again. While the story does have a structure to it, it does tend to change a lot, so hold on for the ride! As for the battle scene, it took me forever to write that section- I looked up battle scene tutorials online, watched clips and did a ton of stuff to make sure it would seem realistic. Guess it paid off!
And I was going to write another chapter of The Third Year tonight, but after reading all of these reviews I don't want to leave you hanging- so I'm off to finish the next chapter of WAW! Thanks so much for you're review, no one has reviewed this story much and I know without them I would be updating at a much slower rate. Thank you so much!! Report Review
Wow. That was a really powerful ending scene that really made an impact on me. Just picturing the werewolf form of Teddy gives me shudders, and reminds me how unfair it is that someone who never did anything should have to go through such a terrible experience. The best chapter so far in my opinion - you've really improved!Author's Response: WOW. I'm so glad you liked the ending scene! I was really worried that it would seem random to some people, but apparently it worked out fine! ^_^ As for the imporvement- thank you so much! That's what every writer wants to hear. You honestly are the nicest person EVER, you know that? (: Report Review
Ooh, I love a good cliffhanger! This chapter was a little long for my taste, and I felt it could have been split the second time you used ~*~ the squiggle-star-squiggle. However, the writing was good, and excellent Quidditch scene in particular! Riding on broomsticks does seem pretty romantic...
So, do I get my cookie now?Author's Response: This chapter was definietly the longest so far, I considered splitting it, but decided that the second chapter wouldn't have enough 'substance' and just the quidditch stuff mostly. I'm glad you like the flying date, it took me forever to think of something to lighten the dark mood here! Thanks SO much for your awesome reviews- you have no diea who much they motivate me!! Report Review
Aww, the romance is back! I was getting a bit worried, lol. But overall, I liked it - one thing in particular. Even thought Teddy is in grave danger, you still write trivial occurences, such as Victoire and her friends getting angry over potting mandrakes, and the I win/you lose game a few chapters ago. It just proves that they still are teenagers. Excellent plot; things are really picking up. Can't wait to read more!
Okay, but the grammar cop is back. I noticed in this chapter particularly there were some errors with punctuation and spelling. In example, Hogmeade has an "e" at the end.
Overall, excellent fic! =)Author's Response: Thanks so much! Since I'm around the same age Victoire is in this fic I'm always asking myself, 'Would any of my friends really do that?' In an everyday situation I try to imagine the scene as Victoire would, and that really helps things from getting over ramatic- thanks for noting that! (: This chapter is completly un-betad so there are mistakes. :( But they'll be gone soon! Thanks for the review you ROCK!!! Report Review
Ahh, the pieces are coming together... but not completely. You've done a good job by giving the reader just a bit of information, but not all of it, so they want to keep reading. I'm enjoying this very much, now I'm on to the next chapter!Author's Response: You're review are seriously so amazing, I love you so much for reviewing each chapter! And the pieces of information will be scatterd throughout the fic. Even when you think you know it all, you don't. ;) Thanks for the review!! Report Review
Something is up! Teddy is missing, so is O'Hera. Ryan obviously knows something but won't tell the girls, and so does McGonagall... plus Herbology has been cancelled because Neville is gone... and why the heck is nobody allowed outside? Argh! At first this seemed like a romance story, but now it's turning into a mystery. It is an excellent balance of the two. All this suspense makes me want to keep reading, which shows how talented of an author you are. Another job well done.
And I couldn't remember... what subject does O'Hera teach?Author's Response: Wow, thanks for another awesome long review! I'm really glad that this is becoming more of a mystery and less of a romance. I want it to focus on the action more, but I couldn't completly ignore the romantic aspect of it. Thank you so much for all your compliments, you've definitely made my morning. (:
And O'Hera is the D.A.D.A teacher. Report Review
I have a great amount of respect for authors who create their own characters in the world of Harry Potter, as opposed to using the characters JKR has already created, which is what I, admittedly, am doing in my fic. I really am enjoying this story - it promises to be a good one. Beautifully written with description and dialogue. I cannot wait to read more!Author's Response: Hi! Thanks for the review!
Yes, I suppose that creating an OC in JKR's world does require a bit of audacity in some ways, but there are so few canons that we really know in the Marauder era that it's hard to write a fic without at least a few. I'm glad you like the start of this story, though I will warn you that it can take a little while to get going so I hope you bear with it.
thanks again, Mel Report Review
Ah, the mirror! Of course! Very clever of you, Spangles. I thought it was so terrible of Sirius's parents to put a curse on their own son! It just shows what terrible people the Black family is though, which you have shown quite well in your writing. Another good chapter!
By the way, to show that something belongs to James, it is James's, not James'. Same goes for Sirius. Sorry for being such a grammar freak! Please don't think badly of me - this is a really good story and I have now added it to my favorites! Can't wait to read more. =)Author's Response: I'm not sure if you're in the UK, US, or somewhere else-- but in the US we don't add an extra s, sorry if you find that confusing! Sirius' parents are monsters, even Sirius doesn't fully understand how bad they are. I'm also glad so many people have enjoyed the mirror, it's going to be playing a lot of importance in this fic.
Thanks so much for the awesome review and the add to your favorite's list! ^_^ Report Review
A very good start to what I'm sure will be a good fic. The emotions are easy to relate to, and everyone seems to be pretty IC. Very nice, my only criticism - I found some grammar errors, particularly in the beginning. I'm kind of a grammar freak... sorry.
P.S. My next chapter is up...Author's Response: The grammar mistake have been taken care of by a beat. (: I'm glad you think it's a good start, thanks so much! Report Review
Very emotional. I liked it, but it was a little heavy. But if that's what you feel comfortable writing about, that's what you should do, because you do a good job with it.Author's Response: Sometimes I get a bit too carried away with wanting the readers to feel the emotions of the characters. Thanks for the review! Report Review
Very sweet. I like how your stories, unlike so many sappy romance fics, have realistic themes, where things don't turn out happily. Both this one and Moonlit Betrayal were much more human, if you know what I mean. Well done.Author's Response: Thank you again! Report Review
Very eerie. I thought it was very well-written, the beginning and ending sections particularly. Nicely done!Author's Response: Why thank you =D Report Review
I enjoyed this chapter more than the previous three, because it was from the hampster's perspective. It was just so unique and interesting, plus, it included Fred and George, some of my favorite characters. Well done again!Author's Response: ;) Forkie has a few more adventures coming up. They mostly come when I can't think of anything for the humans to do. Report Review
The story of two lovers, one of whom has a furry little problem that sometiems interferes with their relationship. Very nice idea, and now I want to continue reading to find out where Teddy is! One thing I would reccomend is reading through and correcting some spelling and punctuation errors. I found a few throughout. Aside from that, nice job! =) I have now added this fic to my favorites.Author's Response: I've just got myself a beta, as I never finised going through this with my old beta, so these typos should be gone soon. And I'm please that this makes you want to keep reading. I'm glad you like this and have added it to your favorites! (: Thanks so much for the review! Report Review
Beautifully worded throughout the whole chapter. I'm really enjoying reading this. I have a great admiration for authors who create their own characters, instead of using JK Rowling's characters, which is what I am, admittedly, doing in my fic. Each has unique and diverse personalities. Keep it up!Author's Response: Sorry for the late-ish response; a mixture of the blinding April Fool's prank along with Sakura con prevented me from replying sooner ^^;
I'm glad you like it. I still use a few of the characters, as you could see in the latter chapters, but it's not the main group. I like using lesser used characters 8D They have more personality sometimes! Report Review
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