Hello there, krissyanne426 here with your second review!

I really liked this chapter. I thought you did a good job with it, and it was acutally qutie funny. Especially when he turned her into a Smurf, which was totally the first thing I thought of.

I really like James. I know I said that before, but it's true! He's awkwardly adorable and geeky and I just want to give him a big hug. But at the same time, I feel like Sydney is secretly in love with him, and I think they would be perfect for each other! I know he's totally into Sarah, but I'm rooting for Sydney FTW!

As for Sarah, I'm not really too sure how I feel about her. On the one hand, I like anyone who doesn't fawn over James just because he's Harry Potter's kid, but that seems to be pretty much everybody. And on the other hand, she just doesn't seem friendly, or nice even.

Again, your writing is a joy to read! You've got a great flow and an interesting story and everything is just fantastic.

Feel free to rerequest the next chapter!
Krsiten=]

Author's Response: I could not resist referring to her as a Smurf. It's what I was always thinking of while writing :D

It really makes my day to hear that people like James! I know a lot of people like him as arrogant and charming and such, and I do too sometimes, but I just thought it would be way more fun to switch it up.

I'm actually glad that you have conflicting feelings about Sarah. I was hoping at least a few people might kind of like her, haha.

Thank you so much! I really appreciate the reviews!

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Hello there, krissyanne426 from the forums here with your requested review!

I'm not reviewing from my normal computer, so I don't have your exact request in front of me, so I'm sorry if I don't coer everything you sepcifically mentioned!

I thought this was a great first chapter! I love stories that portray the characters a bit differently from the norm, and this is definitely one of those stories. James is so often a really popular, gorgeous guy and I love that he's kind of a geek here.

Your characters are sweet, I like all of them so far. It's kind of early, but your plot seems good, and I know where this is going and I'm not toally lost, so that's always a plus, too!

On the writing side of things, you'e got a great flow and it's enjoyable to read your story.

That's all I've got for now, but I'll see you in the next chapter!
Kristen=]

Author's Response: I'm so glad that you like it! I really wanted to make James my own and portray him differently, so it's nice to see people responding well to that.

Also happy that you aren't lost! That would be bad. Bad bad bad.

Thank you so much for stopping by and reviewing! I really appreciate it!

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Hello there, krissyanne426 from the forums here with your requested review!

This is such an interesting idea for a story! I've of course read stories where Hermione just leaves the Muggle world, but never where she quite goes about it like this. It's a really interesting idea that there is a steaddy stream of wizards that leave the wizarding world because there would have to be for that woman to have a consistent job.

I definitely think that there is potential here. You could write a really great story and this is a great opening. There were a couple of errors here and there that having a beta would eliminate, but nothing horribly distracting. You're a good writer and your writing is enjoyable, so keep going!

Great job!
Krsiten=]

Author's Response: Hey (: Thanks for such a lovely review :') and yeah, in this fic it is quite common for a witch or wizard to give up magic forever or (as stated) as litte as 6 months... just to perhaps take a break or... well you'll see (:

Thanks again!
Melliex

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Hello there, krissyanne426 from the forum here with your requested review!

I'm going to focus mostly on yoru characters, like you requested, so I hope that's okay!

I feel like Pippa was a totally different character inthis chapter. I'm not sure what you're going for with her. I like her well enough as a character, but she's defiinitely not someone that I think I would want to be friends with. She's very standoff-ish and kind of a bit OCD. I'm just really having trouble relating to her. I mean, if you're going to put into the story line why she's so bitter and cold-hearted I think you can totally make it work. But if she's just bitter for the rest of the story without any real reasons, it's going to be really hard for me to like her. But I do want to like her!

Albus is a bit different for me, too. I've never quite seen him portrayed like this. He's usually so much like Harry and so this is something I'm entirely unused to. And I wasn't sure during t he first chapter, but in this one I really liked him. I liked that there was a moment of vulnerability because there really hasn't been anything like that thus far in the story. And with his character being equally as standoffish as Pippa, it's good to see that he is a real person.

You have a great story, your writing is enjoyable, and I like what you're doing. The flow of the story thus far is really good, and I definitely want to know more.

Great job!
Kristen=]

Author's Response: Hiya :) Thanks so much for doing this for me. I hope you're having a good day.

That's fine with me :)

Really? Pippa is different. No, I don't think I'd be friends with her. She has her problems but her best friend loves her regardless of those. But there are reasons why she has friends. I mean, I sort of see Pippa as the person that even if you don't want to love her, you do end up loving her anyway. Yes, it is in the storyline. She has her reasons for being the way she is, but of course, I don't want to reveal it straight away. I'm glad you want to like her though.

Yes, I agree Albus is a bit different. I didn't want to make him a clone of Harry, I wanted something different and this Albus is the one that came out while I was writing the story. I'm so glad you like him. Yes. Albus is a slop developer in his characterization. I'm slowly revealing all these sides to him. Yep, he is slowly becoming real to Pippa.

Thank you so much! I enjoyed answering this review. I'm glad you like my writing and what I am doing!

Thanks again.

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Hello again!

Another good chapter. I really do like what you've put together thus far for the next gen world. It's a fun story and enjoyable to read. I like your characters, they're fun and absolutely delightful. I'm sorry that I don't have much more to say, but I really liked this.

Another great chapter!
Feel free to request again!
Kristen=]

Author's Response: Thanks for stopping by! :)

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Hello there, krissyanne426 from the forums here with your requested review!

I LOVED this! It was a perfect first chapter, grabbing my attention and making me want to know more. You had a great little cliffie right there at the end and I want to keep reading!

I like your characters, I know you mentioned that in your request. I wish I knew a bit more about how old everyone else is in comparison to Fred. I know that James graduated but that's it. So I'd like to know more about that in coming chapters, which I'm sure you'll cover.

Thus far I really like your next gen world. There's obviously not too much to go on from this chapter, but it seems like it's entertaining at the very least.

Great job, see you in the next one!
Kristen=]

Author's Response: Hi! And that's good to hear ^__^ I do mention ages in the second chapter (James is newly graduated, Fred is in 7th year, and Bea is in 6th)

Thanks!

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Hello there, krissyanne426 from the forums here with your requested review. Sorry it's taken a bit longer than expected but real life got in the way. You know how that is!

I've actually started reading this at least half a dozen times. I always managed to get distracted, and that's nothing against your writing, but merely a fact of my life these days. But everytime I walked away, I always wanted to come back and finish it. It was super intriguing to me.

I like the darkness. I like dark stories, and this is really dark. The contrast between now and then was interesting, too. He seemed almost less human then, machine like or "Voldemort-ish", but definitely more death eater-y. And now, he seems like someone who is just lost. And I know that you probably know that, but it's definitely interesting, to me at least, that his perspective changes so much between then and now.

I honestly can't remember what you asked for in your request, so I hope this review kind of covered it. Your characterization is good. The story/your writing flows well and is enjoyable to read.

Great job!
Kristen=]

Author's Response: That compliment has certainly made me day, rest assured. ^^ I'm glad you liked the darkness of this story! 'Twas my first attempt at writing dark stuff, and to hear you thought it worked is a huge relief to me. =]

I can't honestly remember either... But your review was more than sufficient. ^^ Thank you for leaving such a kind review! Sorry for the lateness of the reply.

xoxoxo

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Hello there! Krissyanne426 from the forums here with your requested review!

I want to preface this whole thing with saying that before you even requested, I picked your story out of the recently added stories and read it. So this technically isn't my "first reaction", but I hope I can put all my feelings across.

The first time I read this, I cried. Which only ever happens in stories where George is dealing with Fred's death. There's just something about having to deal with the whole thing that gets me every time, and this was no exception.

I knew, I think, all along that he was looking in the mirror, but that was okay. It was almost cliche, but not because it's so real. And I could just feel which is fantastic because so many stories talk but don't make you feel.

I think the flow is great. Your writing is a pleasure to read. I'd say if you've got the urge to make it longer then go for it, but it's also fine where it is. I just really, really liked it.

Great job!
Kristen=]

Author's Response: ahh, thank you very much :)
xx

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Hello there, krissyanne426 from the forums here with your requested review!

I feel like you should know before I start, though, that Harry/Hermione isn't really my thing. The only Hermione noncannon pairings I really like are Draco and George, so this is not something I'd see and just start reading.

That being said, however, I think you've got a really great story here. It's very "hopeless" all the way through, first with Hermione and then with Harry, and I like that you stuck with that. Sometimes it's easy to kind of switch from hopeless to brokenhearted in a story like this, but I think you held it pretty well.

Your characters seemed a bit OOC to me, but that's okay since it's not reeally a cannon piece. There wasn't really a lot of room to develope them because it's a one-shot but they were good characters.

Your writing is great. Easy to read and flows really well. And although this isn't a "happy" read, it definitely was an enjoyable read.

Great job!
Kristen=]

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Hello there, krissyanne426 from the forums here with your requested review! Sorry it's taken me so long, every time I sat down to do this I got distracted by something. But I'm here now!

I really like what you have to so far. It's definitely unlike anything I've read before, so that's really great! I like Adarm, he seems like a good kid, a smidge awkward.

You mentioned in a previous chapter that the books take place in the 40's, but they actually take place in the 90's. Harry defeated Voldemort on May 2, 1998. It doesn't really matter, but that's just a note.

I don't have too much to say right here, but I'm going to read the next chapter and review that, too!

Good job!
Kristen=]

Author's Response: Thanks for taking time out of your schedule to review my story! I didn't really have a good grasp as to the years in the story, so I based it off of furniture descriptions. Looking back, I WAY underestimated the time. Thanks again!

 Report Review

Hello again!

For me, this was my favorite chapter so far. It was less of the feelings and more of the action, which in your writing I really like.

I'm a little concerned that he can just apparate onto the island. If someone can just Apparate in and out it seems like there would be major security issues long before Stephen ever thoughtof this.

I still adore Stephen. And his mum. They're great. And the way he cares about her is really cute.

Fantastic job! Sorry that this isn't the best review I've ever given. I don't know what's wrong with me because I really did like this chapter and you're doing a great job and I like your story. Please don't take it personally, I think schools just finally getting to me.

Great job.

Feel free to request again.
Kristen=]

Author's Response: Why, hello again,

This is your favorite chapter? Cool. After I got over the first few chapters and more into what Stephen was going to do, I found myself growing more and more interested in writing it all out. I'm just getting eager for blood and what-not.

Also, I understand your concern about the Apparation bit. Yeah, it's most likely a bit of a small plot hole that I couldn't find any other way to fix. The longer I write on, I'll try to figure out another way for him to access the site. As of now..., well, the slight security issue will have to unfortunately stick.

And yes, Stephen definitely cares about his mother more than anything and anyone. It's almost completely similar to my own relationship with my mother (which I wasn't even paying much attention to while I was writing).

I greatly appreciate your reviews, dude. Don't apologize. They're great and helpful. Like I said, feedback is feedback. Long or short, harsh or nice, it's all good. I feel you on the school things; university is totally destroying me right now. Lol.

Thanks for the lovely reviews, my dear.

-Reyes91

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Hello there!

Another great chapter. I really like that they're going back to school.

I like Stephen. I mean, I'm not sure if I'm supposed to like him, but I do. I can't wait to see what happens with him because I really do like him!

I think your plot is progressing quite well. There were a couple of things that really made me smile, especially Bill's line! I thought that was really funny.

I know this isn't a super detailed review, but I promise a better one for the next chapter!

Good job!
Kristen=]

Author's Response: Hello to you as well!

Well, liking a character who is going to be a serial killer doesn't exactly seem right, but I'm glad you do. I love him, and I have to figure out ways to drive him crazy. He's probably the one character I've had the most fun writing so far.

And I'm happy Bill's little line made you smile. I figured it's safe to add in some little funny moments, even in a dark story. It evens everything out, I believe.

And don't worry about not being too detailed; I fully appreciate the review no matter the length of it. Any feedback is good feedback for me as it helps me see whatever I'm doing wrong or right.

-Reyes91

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Hello there, krissyanne426 from the forums here with your requested review!

I think you've got a good story here. This is really hard for me to review because I actually really like Cho. I don't like Cho and Harry together, but I DO like her and Cedric. So this whole story is a bit weird for me. Also, I very rarely read anything that is Hogwarts Era, particularly if main characters involved. So this is obviously not a story I'd look at the summary for and say, "oh I'd like to read this".

All that being said, you've got some very good things going for you. Your writing is really great. It's easy to read and your flow is good. The chapters are a good length to get in enough information while not being overwhelming.

I feel like you've captured the essence of Fred and George really well, too, and the other characters in their year. Just a note though, Katie Bell is actually a year younger than Fred/George/Angelina/Lee and those kids.

Rachel seems to be a solid character. I feel like you've fleshed her out and you know her, so that's really good.

This is a great basis for a story. I mean, we all know how it's going to end, but I think you're taking your readers on a great journey to get there.

Good job!
Kristen=]

Author's Response: Ooh! A Cho fan, haven't met many of those. =) Hehe, I of course have nothing against you!

Thank you for your wonderful compliments about my writing and characterization. =) Yes, I realized about two chapters into the story that Katie was younger, but at the point I realized it I didn't feel like making the necessary changes, so I just kept it slightly out of canon, as it were. Hope you'll forgive that error. =)

Thank you so much for stopping by to review, it really means a lot to me!

 Report Review

Hello there!

Another good chapter! I really liked meeting all the characters as children, they're so cute! I thought James was great but I'd have liked to heard Sirius talk a bit more.

I think your writing is really good. There aren't a lot of errors, it's easy to read, and the flow is great. You're story is good too, and it has so much potential. I don't really know where you're headed, because there's so many things that will happen in the future, but you've got a really great start here.

Great Job!
Kristen=]

Author's Response: Hi there! Thanks for the review! I know what you mean. I really wanted to have Sirius say more, and you would think that would be easier since he's the character I write the most. Again, really glad you like it and thanks again for taking the time to leave the reviews!

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Hello there, krissyanne426 from the forums here with your requested review!

This was really good. I've never read anything quite like it, so it was really different for me. I'm not a huge Marauders person unless it's Lily/Sirius and very rarely do I read anything about them when they're children.

I found this rather interesting, though. I've often wondered about the circumstances around Remus being bitten, and I feel like this is a plausible explanation. He's adorable, too, with his parents and his soon-to-be younger sibling.

I don't have a lot to say, honestly. My only concern is that for a six year-old, he talks as if he's an adult. So I was just wondering if this is from the point of him as a child or is he looking back on it, like, twenty years later? Just curious. Great first chapter.

See you in the next chapter!
Kristen=]

Author's Response: Hi there! Thanks for the review! Glad you liked it! I had the idea years ago when I first got on this site. And this is from the point of view of Remus looking back when he's grown. Thanks again!

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Hello there, krissyanne426 from the forums here with your requested review!

I thought this was good! It was definitely an attention grabber, with the title and the story summary and all of that.

I really liked that Scorpius was so afraid. And he squeaked! That was really cute. He's usually portrayed as so stoic and all that. It mademe giggle a bit.

I think that I would just be cautious that you don't fall into cliches with this. Pippa is very much on the edge of being too cliche. She's very outspoken and loud and unafraid to say what she wants. I would just be cautious of how she progresses as a character. Also with Albus and their whole relationship. I mean, I like a little cliche, I think it's cute. But you don't want to go overboard.

I think you've got a lot of potential with this story. Keep up the good work!
Kristen=]

Author's Response: Hiya! Thanks so much for doing this for me, it means a lot to me.

Really? Thank you so much. I'm so glad you liked the summary and everything, it took me while to write an alright summary. I'm glad you like the title too, someone came up with it on the forums and it was just perfect for this whole story.

Scorpius is mad; I love writing him. I thought I'd do something different with him, so I'm going for rather naive with a huge heart sort of thing. I'm glad he made you giggle.

I'll be sure to keep that in mind of course!

Thank you so much! You're review was really nice :)

xxx

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Hello there! Another great chapter!

First of all, I adored your Sorting Hat song! So often people just toss something together and don't really think about it, but yours was well written and had fantastic rhymes and I could really tell that you put effort into it.

I could actually feel Rose's heart break when she was put into Ravenclaw. I just wanted to scoop her up and hug her adn tell her everything was going to be alright. You're details were just right so that her pain was palpable.

I was a bit surprised when Albus got put into Gryffindor, just because I didn't think that he was going to end up there. This is NOT a critiscism! I just thought that the way you were writing things, he'd end up wherever Malfoy ended up, which I honestly thought might be Hufflepuff.

I think you're doing a really great job. I'm not quite sure where it's going, but that's okay. You're only in chapter 2, after all, and you seem to really know what you're writing towards, which is good.

You definitely have a TON of potential. You're a great writer, and your writing is enjoyable.

Feel free to re-request with the next two chapters!
Kristen=]

Author's Response: Thank you for your words on the Sorting Song (everyone seems to like it for some reason), and right now, I'm trying to work on the song for year two. Not as easy as I remember. I need to keep studying the books.

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Hello there, krissyanne426 from the forums here with your requested review!

I thought this was really great! It's rather just an introductory chapter, it seems to me, but I like what you've done.

I really liked your characters, especially Rose, Scorpius, and Albus. It's so easy to make them cliched, and I don't think you did. Particularly with Albus. He was adorably awkward and I loved him!

I also liked how headstrong Rose was in her determination of staying in the compartment with Scorpius. I thought it was a really good indication of how great of a person she could be.

I can't wait to see where your story goes, because this seems like it has a lot of potential. Great job. See you in the next chapter!
Kristen=]

Author's Response: Yeah, so many people try to make Albus this superhuman being, but I never saw any of that in the Epilogue. I did see him as a shy, rather awkward kid, and that's how I try to write him.

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Another fantastic chapter! I feel like I've been waiting for this scene for months because I never let myself read ahead, and it was epic!

I thought your Bella was incredible! I like that she wasn't insane, like she is in the books, but that she's still totally devoted to Voldemort. I thought you did her really, really well.

I loved your first kiss scene! I'm a huge fan of slash, when it's done well, and this was done exceptionally well. It was just enough to details to be cute and sweet without going overboard and being obnoxious. It was perfect.

I think it's pretty obvious that I adore your story! I think it's one of the best written stories on here, and your plot is fantastic!

Please, request again!
Kristen=]

Author's Response: Thank you so much. :)
I always figured that her massive level of insanity was more a progressive case than a born one. And that Azkaban had a lot to do with 'snapping that final twig' if you know what I mean.

Wow, thank you so much! That's very kind. ^^ -- Jenna

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Ahhh!!! I LOVED IT!

I have been waiting for this moment for months, because I promised myself I wouldn't read ahead. However, it was a smidge awkward, simply because I'm awkward, and I had to walkaway for a bit before I could finish.

I'm so back and forth on Anthony. One moment I can't stand him, like in the last chapter. But here, he's adorable and I loved him.

I thought you handled the first kiss scene exceptionally well. It was just enough details to be sweet and moving. And I'm a huge fan of slash, so this is like, eactly what I love.

This wasn't your longest chapter, but you got your point across wonderfully. I love your writing, it's entertaining and captivating. You're doing a fantastic job!

See you in the next chapter!
Kristen=]

Author's Response: Thank you so much!
What was awkward? o.o The kiss? The talking? Oh I feel a fret coming on! Was Regulus awkward? :/

The thing with Anthony is: If it was his story, everything would make so much sense. But since we only know what Regulus knows, it is really hard to get a hold on Anthony. Since Regulus is very back and forth on him. Regulus likes him/hates him/isn't sure. I've found that it seems to split down the middle of him having fans/antis.

Aww thanks. :) Yeah, I don't know what the deal was with this chapter being so much shorter. Mighta been an off week. It's been like 8 months since I wrote this one. Lol

Thank you so much for the review! --Jenna

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Hello again!

Okay, another good chapter. Again, there were some grammtical errors that jumped out at me, particularly with the use of sat/sit/sitting. Nothing super big, but if you're looking for something to fix, that's a place to start.

Annora turned out to be a bit more fiesty than I expected! I was suprised by how mean she was at the end of the chapter. I mean I totally get it, I'd be mean to Pansy to me, she's awful, but I definitely wasn't expecting it.

I liked your Snape, he's my favorite character, so I like when people have good Snapes. And I thought yours was good. He's so coniving and sneaky and I think that really came accross here. So good job with that!

I think this was a really great follow up chapter, but it is filler. So I don't have a lot to comment on. Your Blaise was super creepy though!

Good job, and feel free to rerequest if you update again.
Kristen=]

Author's Response: Helloo :)

Thanks, as I said before, I have just got a beta, so those kind of errors should be sorted out soon!

Yeahh, she is quite a mean character some of the time :/ You'll find out more about her as we go along though.

I'm glad you think he's good as I've had a bit of feedback saying he's not one of the strongest characters- I guess it's all personal preference when it comes down to it.

Yeah, I tend to have quite a lot of fillers, and Blaise is meant to be creepy...!

Ok, will do! Thanks!
Lily :)

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Hello there! Krissyanne426 from the forums here, with your request. Sorry it's taken me so long, but life has been kind of crazy. And I just totally wrote you this really great, long, detailed review, and then I accidently lost it. So I'm going to try again, but don't be mad if this one isn't quite as good! I'm going to give like a "general" review, and then hit the points you mentioned in your request.

I really liked your story! I thought it was really an interesting concept. I was a bit confused in the begining and I actually thought you were talking about Lucius, not Draco. Until you mentioned Lucius by name. I've never personally pictured Narcissa as someone who hides behind her husband, so that threw me a little bit. But she's not a huge character, and I can totally understand that being your interpretation.

I like Annora. She seems like she's probably a little fiesty. I'd have liked to see her stand up to her parents. She doesn't seem to like them too much right now, which is totally understandable. I really do like her, so I don't want to see her get too wrapped up in this whole death eater thing!

You had a couple of errors and sentences that just seemed a bit quirky and didn't quite flow for me. A beta could totally help with this! It's not anything huge, and definitely not anything that is really distracting to the story. It's just silly things that spell-check doesn't catch, like using "and" when you really meant "an". I totally understand if you're not into the beta thing, I'm not and I have a lot of the same mistakes that you do. It's just something that some people find really helpful.

Okay, you mentioned in your request overall idea, which I like, I would just caution you on how far from cannon you're going to stray. I'm not one of those people that is like strictly cannon. This is fanfiction and the beauty is that we can do whatever we want! But some people are like - hardcore cannon people. If you're trying to please everybody, including them, you're going to have to be really careful. I mean, there's obviously a chance that there are characters that we don't know about from the book, but for someone to come in at such a crucial point in the stories is kind of a big thing. If you don't care about them, then that's cool too! Do whatever you want! It's your story, anyway!

I like your writing style. Again, I'd just say if you're super concerned you could always get a beta. But you're really doing great.

And I think it is gripping. I really liked the first part, when I wasn't quite sure if it was Draco. It made me want to keep reading and find out!

Good job! I'll see you in the next chapter!
Kristen=]

Author's Response: Hello :) Thanks for coming, this review is really good!

Glad you like it, I sort of wanted to confuse the reader at the beginning. Hmm, I think it is just my personal interpretation on her :/

I'm glad you like her so far, I'm afraid she's not a very nice character if I'm honest with you... I wanted to show with her how children can be eaten up by their parents views and stuff. I am going to try and show her getting out of that throughout the story though :)

I have just got a beta, so edited chapters should be coming up soon! Hopefully that will sort out most major errors :)

Yeahh, I don't normally like to stray to far form cannon myself and I know by doing so I'm going to loose a lot of readers but I really like this idea so just thought, oh well, I'll go for it! :D

Glad you like my writing style and think the story is gripping!

Thanks for reviewing
Lily ^_^

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I spent the better part of my night last night reading this story and then picked it back up today. I think it's really great and you're doing a good job. I like your characters and your plot and I was really into it.

Until I read this chapter.

You see, I'm a big sister to a brother who is ALOT like aiden. He's a ten months younger than I am, but we were raised alot like twins, and we even were in the same year at school. He's kind of spoiled and selfish and self-centered and all the things that aiden is. And I've always protected him and gotten him out of trouble. I've done his homework, saved my notes for him to use, talked teachers who loved me into giving him better grades. Because he's my baby brother and that's just what you do.

It's kind of like being a mum in so many ways. It's thankless and they don't realize how great you are until you're gone. He won't appreciate that you cook all his meals for him until you're not around to do it. And brothers don't say thankyou. Theyre mean and they pick on you and sometimes they ignore you in favor of other people.

But it's still my job to protect my brother and take care of him. It's my job, as his sister, to take his side over anyone elses even if that other person is my best friend. I know. I've had to do it.

So this whole thing with agatha all of a sudden choosing doms side makes me really mad at her. I mean like, really angry. He's her brother and he's the only one shell ever have. Friends and boyfriends and girlfriends all come and go.

But your family, that's forever. That's the unbreakable bond. That's the most important thing in the world.

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Hello there! Krissyanne426 here with your requested review!

Okay, to start with I think that this is a really interesting approach to what must be going on in Ginny's life. I've never read anything quite like it, and I find it really interesting.

There's quite a bit going on in hid chapter, and to be quite honest I find it a smidge overwhelming. I understand why all of this would be lumped together in one chapter, especially as i can tell that your itching to get to the good stuff, but I might consider splitting it up. The reader can wait two chapters to get to the suicide, and I felt like you skimmed over a lot of things, but didn't particularly detail anything. I think I would have liked for you to take a bit longer and tell me more about her past and her feelings.

You're writing is great, though! It's enjoyable to read and it doesn't drag.

I know that you know how sensitive a subject you're dealing with. You've done a good job being respectful and careful with what you've said, which is obviously really important. The thing to remember, I think, is that no matter how carefully you broach this subject you're boomed to step on somebodys toes. A good artist, be they painters or writers, can't be afraid of offending somebody. I know that this is a family site, and that there are limits here, and I'm by no means saying to break the rules or anything like that. But you're going to get into really tough things, and I would just say not to be afraid of them. You can br tactful and honest at the same time. You've already shown that!

I think that this story is going to be really great! You've done great with your first chapter, and I'd love to read more.
Feel free to rerequest in my thread when you update again!
Kristen=]

Author's Response: Thank you for your kind review; I really appreciate your comments and insights!

I really like your honesty about what you liked and think should be improved and I fully agree with you. Your comment "The reader can wait two chapters to get to the good stuff" really got me thinking and I think I might follow your lead and split this chapter so I can add more details and storyline.

Thanks again for your help and great ideas!

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Hello, I'm back with your second review!

I like whwt your doing with this story, but I feel like you kind of rushed into this chapter. I think you skipped time here, and I'm not really sure how much or what happened, and I'm a smidge confused about that.

I liked the sequence in the bank, though. You did a really great job with that. And I really liked that the goblin was helping them for goblin made materials. When you first mentioned "the stuff" that's definitely not what I was expecting. But that was pretty brilliant!

Good job! Feel free to request the next chapters.
Kristen=]

Author's Response: Hello!

I, once again, understand your confusion. I am rewriting this chapter, due to the fact that I (and a lot of other people) thought it was...weird. Rushed. Confusing.

I'm glad you liked the chapter in the places I liked it. It helped me ego quite a bit :)

You provide excellent feedback! Do you mind reviewing a couple more chapters?

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