If I wasn't so stony and insensitive I would be bawling my head off now. I know what it's like to lose a baby, or almost lose one, even if I'm a kid. My friend had a brother who died in his sleep before he reached 2 days old. My mother almost lost me because I couldn't breathe properly back then.
Anyway, brilliant story!Author's Response: Thank you, so glad you liked it! I know, it must be really terrible. I have several people in my family who has lost children, and it's so sad every time...
Thanks for reviewing :) Report Review
I am a constructive critic, so expect a long review.
I think this is a brilliant story.
I didn't spot any grammar or spelling mistakes, which pleased me.
What I am concerned about is the way you write Petunia. Sometimes you write her in such a way that her actions don't fit her character, and this means at some points in the story Petunia is a Mary-Sue. Why did she want to look after Harry, even though she had a reason? Why did Petunia stand up to Vernon, even though she is usually dominated by him? I suggest you work a bit on that.
However, I did enjoy the tone of the story. Right from the beginning you threw me into Petunia's world. Every good writer strives to achieve this. You told me about what she would do, which paints a picture, you told me what she was wearing, which makes the picture clearer, and you express her emotions and thoughts through her actions. Only the best of writers can achieve this.
The visit from Lily and James was an excellent twist to add to the story. It also tells me why Petunia was so keen on adopting Harry, even though she grew to mistreat him throughout his life. The way the adults behaved throughout the visit definitely fit their characters. The way Petunia acted in her usual curious manner pleased me, as that's one of her overt traits and you did well to show it.
So overall, this story is fantastic and certainly very unique. Try to keep up this style of writing, and work on making sure your characters' actions fit their personas. It took a little time to figure out what I should rate your story, but as the qualities of this story far outweigh the main flaw, I have come to a sensible decision.
Rating: 7/10.Author's Response: Hello :) Thank-you for your critique! It's the first review I've had like it, so I appreciate it.
I wanted to show Petunia in a different light in the this, while at the same time, keeping to the character we'd all grown to know. I'd always thought of the way Petunia was in DH, when she looked at Harry as if she wanted to speak, but didn't, and followed Vernon out of the house. Throughout her marriage she had grown colder, but this moment in the series proved she still had some heart, and I wanted to link this in the story. I thought her standing up to Vernon would relate to this; although she'd become much like him, part of her still remained loyal to Lily, all though this part rarely surfaced.
But yeah, like I said, thank-you so much for your review. I'm very glad you enjoyed the rest of it, despite that other detail. As this story from Petunia's point of view, I didn't know if people would like it much. I think after seven books of hearing about her being ignorant and horrible, people would have problems understanding Petunia's kinder thoughts towards Harry and regrets, so I expected questions as to why she'd stood up to Vernon sooner. I guess it's something you either agree with or don't, so I really appreciate hearing your thoughts on it.
Thank-you for taking the time to write such a long review! Happy new year. Report Review
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