Oh, my, this was amazing! Absolutely amazing!
Your writing was so elegant and mesmerising, I was honesty astounded! I couldn't look away at all.
I loved reading something in Tom's perspective. I've never really read many stories about him, and I really enjoyed your interpretation.
The baby's cry was genius! It was just so original, and really quite haunting. It was also quite unexpected, which, I think, made me like it even more.
I must say, it was really chilling when Tom thought Cecilia was sort of turning into Merope. It was a real stand-out for me :)
I really, really loved this, and it was such a memorable read! 10/10 - brilliant work!!!
PS: In regards to Willoway, I'll get back to reviewing once NaNo is over...hope that's ok? :)Author's Response: Hello Lizzie!
Thanks a million for the lovely review! As always, it was just great hearing from you. I'm so thrilled that you enjoyed this piece. After rereading some of Poe's work, I just knew I had to incorporate some of his themes into the HP universe and the Tom/Merope pairing seemed like a perfect fit.
Again, thanks so much for the awesome review! I really do cherish your feedback. Take care and be well!
PS I hope NaNo went well for you. ^_^ Report Review
Hi! It's Elizabeth23 from the forums, here with your review :)
First off, I absolutely adore this story. I've only very recently discovered that I love the ship, and am totally addicted :P
This chapter is honestly beautiful. Your word choice is very elegant, it's touching and I can picture everything perfectly.
I thought Hermione's grief was very well written, for such a sensitive topic. I could connect with her and feel the sadness she felt at the number of deaths.
I thought it was very sweet how she wants to clean out Severus' rooms. When she said that she felt she owed him that, I honestly went "aww" :)
I also like how you haven't dived straight into Hermione falling in love with Severus - I think she sees the situation as more of a terrible loss that he died after all the good he did, rather than that of someone she loves. Well, at least, that is how I viewed this chapter, anyway :)
10/10 for this! *dreamy sigh* I love this story.
~LizzieAuthor's Response: *Squees* lol... Very Very Very thrilled by your awsome review! I'm soo happy right now. lol. Thank you for reading, reviewing and enjoying my fic! *HUGS* Report Review
Hello again, Celticbard! :D
Oh, the plot is thickening, isn't it? This island is just so full of secrets! And I like how you always include a bit of light-hearted humour, as well. It just really works in a story about Tonks :)
I must say, I think you written the town and the way it thinks brilliantly! Especially the "backward-ness" and why they don't want their children to go to the Mainland. I (unfortunately) live in a place that is very similar, and, honestly, the way you have captured Willoways' mindset is perfect!
I did notice this little mistake: long, flowery dresses skirts - are you missing "and" between dresses skirts?
Brodie is starting to really interest me. Like I mentioned last time, he seems so uptight, but I really want to know more about the "normal" side to his personality. Also, I thought it was very unique how you wrote him with an artistic talent that he doesn't want to share.
Tonks is brilliant, as always! I like how you made her seem a bit desperate for information in this chapter; yet another side of her personality that you have written :)
Well, I can't wait to see what is going to happen in the next chapter, now! And I can't wait to find out more about the magical community, too :D
This was a pleasure to read, Celticbard!
~LizzieAuthor's Response: Hiya Lizzie!
Oh my! What a lovely review. Thank you so much! I'm really thrilled to hear that you're enjoying this story.
And I'm happy that you enjoyed my description of the island. To be honest, I think Willoway itself is as much of a character as Tonks and Brodie are, although I know I'm rather guilty of concentrating on atmosphere a bit too much at times.
Thanks for pointing out that typo! Those pesky mistakes are the bane of my fanfic existence, ugh! I'll be off to fix it right away. ^_^
I'm glad that you were able to get a little closer to Brodie in this chapter. Yes, he is uptight and annoying and a terrible stick-in-the-mud, although I do think he is a great guy to have around when trouble starts...as you'll find out later on. ;)
Again, thanks so much for the awesome feedback. And I'm sorry it took me forever to reply to this review...I truly feel terrible. There's been lots of college-related craziness on my end for the past few months and I wanted to wait to give you the proper reply you deserved instead of hurrying some response off.
I do hope you have a great weekend, Lizzie. Take care and be well!
celticbard Report Review
And I'm here again :)
The overall idea for this chapter was great! I think it really showed more of Electra's personality, as well as Remus's.
Like I mentioned last chapter, a bit more description is needed amongst the dialogue at the start of this. I found it a bit hard to keep up with who's saying what. For example:
he was asleep within seconds, but Bonnie had had many questions.
"The last time I saw you, was the day Sirius was arrested. You couldn't believe it."
It reads as though it's Bonnie talking/asking a question, so the flow needs to be worked on.
I absolutely loved reading the bit about Harry! It was so unexpected, and also really adorable. The way you mentioned Dudley not being he subtlest of creatures made me laugh, and Harry thinking about the adults was so cute!
It was so original to have him trying to make a wand - that really mad me go "awww" :)
Anyway, your story is moving along very nicely, your OC is developing well and the plot is still very interesting. Feel free to re-request!
~Lizzie :)Author's Response:
Thank you so much for the review!
Ok, I'll work on the description part, but good to know.
I found I like writing Harry very much, and that part is one of my favourites too :D Report Review
Hello again! Like last time, I must apologise for taking so long to review; my acting classes have been hectic :P
I really like how Electra was portrayed as a mother in this chapter. I honestly thought you captured her maternal nature extremely well.
Still, I thought this was a tad rushed, and a bit more description really is needed. Especially in the last bit of dialogue where Remus is trying to get out of staying for dinner - it's just too bare with only dialogue!
Also, maybe describe the setting a bit more? I think it would really help get a clearer picture so us readers can visualise what is going on :)
Apart from that, your plot-line is still interesting, and there are still so many questions left to be answered about Electra. Off to review the next chapter! :D
No problem, I can relate! (Not with acting classes, but life being hectic)
As I already said, your tips are helpful. I tend to focus on the dialogue, because I want to get it out, and forget about the setting (because I see the scene clearly in my head) I'll try to work on that, though.
I hope I can hold your interest :)
Thanks for the review hun I love the feedback!
Hi! It's Elizabeth23 from the forums, here with your review :) (I'm so sorry it's taken me so long - life has been a tad busy)
I really liked the first part with the Death Eaters. It had a brilliant mystery to it, and I felt that you captured the "air" really well :)
Camille seems a very, very interesting character. I really liked how you included a flash-back, as they do wonders for character development, and it's easier to connect if you find out about their past. I also really like how you have accentuated the veela part of her, and that she does use it to her advantage. :D
As to your main concern; yes, I do think it does grab readers attention. Like I mentioned, the mystery is good, and I can't wait to see where you will go with this!
10/10 - great opening chapter :)
~LizzieAuthor's Response: Thank you and don't worry about the delay, there was no rush :)
I was a bit worried Camille may come across a little Mary-Sue in the first couple of chapters so I hoped the flashback may help with understanding her a little better.
Again, thank you so much! Report Review
Hi! It's Elizabeth23 from the forums, here with your review :)
I think it's great that you're showing a different side to Peter. He is never portrayed as likeable and sometimes just left out, which is sad, so I absolutely love how he's such a prominent character in this! Although, it's sad that his father is so mean, but Deora seems strong enough to make their friendship work :)
I thought you captured the family dynamic brilliantly, and the Dungbomb argument between the siblings was both funny and very believable. Also, Deora's crying to her father was perfect, as was the "dead skunk" description for the smell :P
The flow and grammar was great (I did notice this, though: shin 'accidentally.' - it should be shin 'accidently'.) and I really have no complaints whatsoever! If you would like to re-request, feel free!
~LizzieAuthor's Response: Heyy, thank you so much for the review!
Yayyy! I'm so glad you love his character. I know people are bit prejudiced about Peter and I was as well till I had this massive plot bunny to write this story, hehe. Now, I'm really protective of him and trying to show that he is the way he is because of his family... which will lead him to his downfall later in canon, I mean. Anyway, yay for liking the Grunnions and the Dungbomb argument! I looove writing about their family, it's so much fun to be in that immature mindset, hehe. And thanks for pointing out the 'accidentally' bit, but I think it's the British way of spelling it, because that's how I've always spelt it. :/ Erm, I'm not really sure, I get confused.. hehe. Anyway, I'll check it up. Thanks for the review!! x Report Review
Hi! It's Elizabeth23 from the forums, here with the review you requested...I'm so sorry it's taken me a while to get to this!
Aw, this was such a touching story! I haven't read much on Molly and Arthur, but I absolutely loved you take on them, and I thought it was perfect!
The characterisation of the twins was amazing. I liked how they had clear differences and that one was stronger, while the other was weaker. Also, your portrayal of Wizarding Society, although only a brief part, was really chilling.
Billy was so cute! I don't have much experience with children, but I did think that you wrote him very well and captured his personality brilliantly.
I did notice that a few commas are missing throughout the piece [eg: 'Hey(,) Arthur, thanks for welcoming me for the holidays. Hey(,) Billy(,) my man!], but it wont take long to go over and fix :)
Your description was good, as well, but a bit more couldn't help. Just little details like hair and eye-colour go far.
Apart from that, I really, really liked this fic. It was well written and engaging, and your characters were exactly how I had imagined them. Brilliant job! 10/10 :D
~LizzieAuthor's Response: Thank you for such a great review!
I loved working with these character and it seemed important to give the twins a different personality because I don't believe twins are the same. As for little Billy, I love him so much! I had never written small children before I hoped he wouldn't be too clichÃ© so I'm glad you liked him as well!
Oh and just so you know, I edited the story according to what you spotted and thank you very much for pointing them out!
Well again, thanks for your review and I will definitly ask you again for my later work! Report Review
Hello again :)
Gosh, I am really liking this story! It's really addicting and there is such an air of mystery present. Your writing is really entrancing, and I can't wait to read on to see what happens!
I didn't notice too many spelling/grammar mistakes, however, I must point this out: talk to him." She said - there should be a comma (,) after "him", not a full stop (.), and the "s" in "she" should not be capitalised. That mistake was present a few times, but very easy to fix :)
Also, the last line; ...to demand to know why her as she blindly rushed... doesn't entirely make sense. Perhaps you're missing a few words after "her"? As it is now, it doesn't flow.
I felt the scene with Dumbledore was a little rushed, and a bit more description on Dumbledore himself would help. However, that really is my only complaint in regards to the chapter.
Despite that, I really loved the Azkaban scene! It was really well written and so descriptive, and I could picture everything very clearly in my mind.
You ended this chapter on such a cliff-hanger! I can't wait to find out what's happening! I would love it if you stopped by and re-request! (If I wasn't so behind on reviews, I would continue, but I need to get my other requests finished!)
Thank you so much for the request! I really like this story, and it's quite an intriguing read :D Like I said, please stop by my review thread again :)
If you could see me now, you'd see me blushing :)
I'll check out your thread to see if there's a slot for me, but I will re-request.
Your pointers are appreciated as always, thanks for taking the time!
xxx Leo Report Review
Hi! It's Elizabeth23 from the forums, here with your review :) (apologies for the delay; life has been unexpectedly busy of late)
This was a very interesting opening chapter. Your characters seem well thought out and have the basis for really good development. Seriously, you have written them incredibly well for an opening chapter :)
There were no problems with grammar, however, I would like to bring these two points to your attention:
"barely something left in" - I think if you changed "something" to "anything", it would flow smoother.
Also; "sofa - slash - bed" - if you changed phrase to "the sofa, which doubled as his bed", it would look a bit neater.
I like how there is so much mystery surrounding the second character, and I am eager to learn more about her. I did like the way how you told of her past without actually revealing her identity, or the identity of her ex for that matter.
Great start!! This was a really intriguing read - 10/10! :)
Wow, 10 out of 10! Can't stop smiling right now :D
I'll go over those points you mentioned to straigthen them out.
So glad you liked it, thanks a lot for your review!
xxx Leo Report Review
Hi! It's Elizabeth23 from the forums, here with your review :)
I really liked the idea of this one-shot. It was interesting and an enjoyable read. Also, I thought the plot was well thought out and rather cute. The ending really brought a smirk to my face, as well.
Normally in my reviews I do dedicate a paragraph for grammar and spelling, pointing out mistakes and how to fix them, however I feel I would just be repeating myself. There are still many commas missing (eg: "Yes(,) Lily?" and "Nope(,) nothing to do with us. Sorry(,) Lily(,) you'll have to-"), also a few spelling mistakes are present and there are a few sentences that don't really flow. I would suggest you put a request in over on the forums to find a beta, as it is a shame to see a story story being spoiled by grammar.
However, despite all that, I did think that you captured the Marauders character very well, and Lily's characterisation was perfect . I could easily imagine her falling asleep while studying.
The line near the end about Sirius checking his hair was really funny! It seems like something he would definitely do, and very in-character from the way I feel you've written him, even though he wasn't really a major character.
Thank you for the request! This was a very cute read, and I did enjoy it :)
~LizzieAuthor's Response: Hey thank you for the review. :)
I love the ending to the story because it is so increadibly ironic.
I have just gone over the story again because everytime I read it I notice a few more things.
However I may get a beta, to check over it.
Thank you for telling me what I get right and what I am missing.
:) Ginny45/RandomRed xxx Report Review
Hi! It's Elizabeth23 from the forums, here with your review :)
This is absolutely hilarious! I was laughing the entire I was reading, and now my family is giving me odd looks. Ah, well, I loved this!
I really like how this is written. The way James thinks is so funny, and his "up-himself" antics were brilliant! Also, I love the way he thinks about Lily, and the ridiculous names he calls her. No wonder she hates him!
Dumbledore was very amusing. I think that, despite it not exactly being canon, you have captured the "crazy" Dumbledore perfectly! And I am curious as to why he seems to want to help James to go out with Lily...
I love how this has a few cliches, and mixing it with modern sayings really makes this all the more hilarious. I honestly can't fault this!
10/10 - and I would very much like it if you stopped by again when you update :D
~LizzieAuthor's Response: Hey there!
First off, I'm SOO sorry about the responding time! College life is just busier than I could have imagined!
Thanks so much for the wonderful review. Wow, you can't fault anything? You're making me blush. :D Haha thanks so much! And nce again, I'm SO sorry for the long wait for me to answer! Report Review
*tackle hug* This was great, Ely!
It's cute and fluffy, which is good because once it gets more mystery, it's going to become such a great story!!!
I like how you've developed the characters so far, and I can't wait to see where you will go with them, especially Lucille.
And Tom!!! *dreamy sigh* I am very much looking forward to reading more of him ;)
Fantastic work, Ely! And yes, you were pretty insane to sign up for so many challenges :P
Good luck for this one!!!
♥ Plague Rat Lizzie xxAuthor's Response: *is tackle hugged* Lizzie!
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you! I have very much in store for Lucille and Tom, You shall enjoy it, I hope.
Thanks again Lizzie! Loff you.
x Ely Report Review
Me again! *waves cheerily*
Oh, my, this chapter was just fantastic! It honestly was amazing, and there is still so much mystery around this little island, and, also, this did keep me on the edge of my seat - it was unbelievably intriguing.
Like I have mentioned, Tonks' characterisation is perfect, and developing brilliantly. I really like how she doesn't over-think things. Like when she realises that most of the population are of the magical community, she just accepts it and barely bats en eyelid.
Also, the under-aged drinking line really gave this a sense of "real-ness" I suppose you could say, and it's so lovely to see that you don't write Tonks has a goody two shoes, as I have never thought she would have been one. :)
I love how Brodie was written in this chapter! I really like how, at first, he seemed up-tight, but once he was off-duty, he relaxed a bit. Not to repeat myself, but this also showed that he was "real", with faults and a personality that he seems almost reluctant to show. However, I think that that is only because he is a Police Officer and wants to keep his cold exterior.
I have to add that I think that this chapter has done wonders for his character development, and having the end in his point of view was just genius! It was interesting to see what his opinion was of Tonks, as well as what he thought of the town. And then it left on such a cliff-hanger!!!
This story is addicting, and written so beautifully, as well. Your characters are incredibly memorable, the plot is so intriguing and, to be honest, I. LOVE. IT.
Also, there's no need for you to re-request, as I'll continue reading and reviewing the rest of the chapters even if you get sick of me :P
Have a great weekend, Celticbard!
~LizzieAuthor's Response: Hiya Lizzie!
Geez, I feel as though I never know what to say in response to your reviews. They are so kind and thoughtful and well-stated...you must be getting sick of hearing me say thank you over and over again. But oh well, here goes again. THANK YOU!!!
Yes, there was much more of Brodie in this chapter, as I promised in my last reply. I don't think I could have kept him so cold and calculating for the entire story. He is human, after all, if not a bit uptight. ;)
Haha, I don't think Tonks is a goody-two-shoes either, even though she is an Auror. She seems way too mischievous to be a quiet, obedient type of young woman. I really do think she has a strong sense of adventure and Iâm sure she's gotten into loads of trouble because of it in the past.
I'm glad you enjoyed my "characterization" of the island too. (I suppose the island is as much of a character as Brodie and Tonks, ^_^) I imagine Willoway to be very physically beautiful and charming, but not without an undercurrent of eeriness. Sometimes the most lovely places turn out to be perfectly volatile.
And thanks for being gracious about the cliffhanger. I know most readers don't like cliffies. I feel like such a mean author for including them so often. *blushes*
Again, thanks so much for everything, Lizzie! I simply adore your feedback. Take care and be well!
celticbard Report Review
I just loved the conversation at the beginning! It was quite funny, and it's just so...Harry Potter. There's flying, then there's flying ;)
I love how this chapter has gotten more of a mysterious air about it. The plot is coming along very nicely, and at a really good pace, as well. I also like how you manage to convey the serious mood, but add in a few light-hearted comments, which makes for very enjoyable reading.
The sloppy memory charms were a real stand out for me, and I am very eager to find out who is behind them. Also, the apothecary, as the way you described it was just so amazing. It honestly felt like I was there!
Brodies' character is developing really well. Even though we only see him through Tonks' eyes, he is memorable in his own right, and very interesting as well. I can't wait to see how he progresses as this story goes on!
I thought this chapter really showed the Tonks we all know. She was clumsy, funny but also very smart, and I liked how you included a bit of her metamorphagus-ness, as well. So I'm glad to see her personality shining through, and I think you have captured her perfectly.
As always, this was a delight to read, it's engaging and I still love it. The flow and grammar are perfect, and I can't wait to read the next chapter (which I will do as soon as I hit the "submit" button for this review XD)
10/10 for this chapter!
~LizzieAuthor's Response: Hi Elizabeth!
Ack! I'm so, so sorry it took me forever to reply to your reviews. The last few weeks have been a bit crazy ,and I was actually out of town for a while so I didn't have much time on the computer. I do sincerely apologize for the delay, though. Your feedback is tremendously valuable to me, and I certainly would not want you to think that I was ungrateful for your wonderful reviews.
Of course, I was absolutely thrilled to hear that you liked this chapter. You know, the more I think about it, the more I begin to realize that this story is more of a mystery as opposed to a straight-up horror tale. Indeed, there are horror elements, but, as you mentioned in your review, the mystery aspects are certainly very prominent.
And I'm so glad you enjoyed the descriptions of the island and the apothecary shop. Sometimes, I feel as though I'm being a bit too flowery with my prose hehe. ;)
As for Brodie, there will be much more on him in the following chapters. He and Tonks are actually more alike than they seem. ^_^
And speaking of Tonks, I'm ecstatic to hear that you've been enjoying her characterization so far. I must admit, her personality is a bit of a mystery to me. She doesn't seem the type to be an Auror and yet, she is.
Again, thank you so much for this fantastic review, Elizabeth! Once more, I do apologize for the delay in responding. I do hope you have a great week! Take care!
celticbard Report Review
Hello! Here with your next review :)
I like how this sets the scene a bit more than the previous chapter, other characters are being introduced and Dana's personality is really coming through.
Also, I just love the way Dana thinks! Like deciding that the teacher was getting her back for all the late arrivals; honestly, that brought a smile to my face.
I really liked the characterisation of the Black brothers so far; Regulus in particular, despite him only making a brief appearance. I think you have really captured the "Black" and "Slytherin" part of him perfectly, and I can't wait to find out more about him :)
I'm not sure about the flow of this chapter, though. It's a bit hard to explain, but I felt in some parts, the description just went on for a bit too long because there were just so many sentences rolled into one paragraph which just made it seen a bit slow. I do hope that made sense...
Aside from that, this is still a very interesting story; you've got interesting characters which are developing well, good humour and the beginnings of a good plot, so you're doing very well so far :)
Keep up the great work!
~LizzieAuthor's Response: Yeah the flow is a little messed up in this chapter :P. I am fixing that right now as we speak! My description has never been that great because I don't know when to stop! I am glad you like the characters so far! It took me a while to figure out just how they are and how they should act. The easiest thing I could think of for a main character was someone like me. So that character is based of of my way of thinking! :D
Thanks for another review! Reallly appreciate it!
WhatAboutRegulus Report Review
Hey! It's Elizabeth23 from the forums, here with your review :)
This is an absolutely brilliant opening chapter! It's so engaging and interesting; I love it! It really captures attention, too, and you have written this very well.
I really like how you haven't revealed too much about who Aurora and her husband are. It keeps readers guessing, and I am very interested to see how she went from being the Death Eaters daughter to marrying a Gryffindor.
I love reading stories where there is the expectation hanging over a character, but then there is also the characters own thoughts and beliefs. I always find that fascinating, and you seem to have captured both ways of Aurora's thoughts very well so far.
This opening chapter has been set with a real air of mystery that is really intriguing, so you have done very well there. This story has the foundations for something absolutely amazing, so I cannot wait to see where you go with it! I would love it if you stopped by again when you next update. :)
~Lizzie Report Review
Hi! It's Elizabeth23 from the forums, here with your requested review :)
Oh, my, this was fantastic! I truly loved it; it's just got that whole...Slytherin air about it if that makes sense.
Your plot was amazing. It was obviously very well thought out, and was very well written, too. The characters were developed well, description was perfect. Likewise for grammar, which is great!
Pansy's characterisation was brilliant. I really liked how you wrote her, and her personality really shined through the entire time of reading. She was quite complex, as well, and I love characters like that. I could see a clear difference between he face she puts on for the world, and the real one, behind the mask. And I honestly felt sorry for her, too.
I loved how you included Milli in this, as well. I haven't seen much written about her, and I adored your portrayal. Mentioning her really added a bit of lightness to this piece and, like I said, I loved it.
The flow was perfect, considering you covered quite a lot. It was seamless whenever Pansy took her mask off and then put it back on again. I cannot fault it at all.
The ending was brilliant! I just loved it, and it was so subtle, too. Absolutely stunning, and the final sentence sounded amazing! It just leaves you hanging!
10/10 for this - it's honestly perfect! I really enjoyed reading, so thank you for the request!
~LizzieAuthor's Response: hey lizzie
thanks so much for such a lovely review! i am really pleased you liked this and that everything worked!!
i like writing slytherins, esp as adults. they can't have changed that much, really - grown up yes, but those core personality traits that put them in slytherin to begin with would still be there ^_^
im not sure where milli came from - i had that old 19th century idea about a woman from a good family who had fallen on bad times for marrying the wrong man (well, the right one in milli's case!).
pansy is love!
thank you so much for this lovely review! i am so pleased you liked the ending!! i do too!
kate xx Report Review
*sob* It's the end! :(
This was such a great little story, my dear. It was so interesting to see how Bellatrix changed and developed as a character, and you wrote her really well.
I was amazed how many little twists were in this! It was interesting, to say the least, when Bella chose Dumbledore's side. I can't wait for the sequel! And it would be great to real a canon story, too!
Great end, Nitenel! I loved it - 10/10!
~Lizzie xAuthor's Response: Thank you.
In the sequel, I plan to add more to Bella's hatred of the Death Eaters. There will be another plot twist that will change Bella's criminal record... And Dumbledore! Present day Dumbledore will lay a large part to!
Thanks again! Report Review
Hey there! It's Elizabeth23 from the forums, here with the review you requested :)
I really liked the starting to this chapter (I'm a huge Bond fan). It sets a really nice, light mood and grabs your attention, and gives a bit of an insight into Dana's humour. So that was well done.
So far, the flow seems ok. It's a bit fast, but I think the pace really fits for this story if you get what I mean.
Dana seems a really fun and bubbly character, and just one of those people who is a joy to be around, which makes this story even more inviting.
As for what you could improve on, it's too early for me to give a decent opinion, but so far this seems great! Cute and funny, which will never grow old :)
~LizzieAuthor's Response: Yes! Haha first chapter down then. I was really trying to find a good hook for the beginning of the story when I started writing months ago and it just came to me! Thought it would be an interesting start! The second and third chapter are up right now, but I am warning you, they are not edited yet so you would find lots of mistakes and things that don't totally make sense. I am directly in the middle of the second chapter. Thank you for reviewing Lizzie! I am really glad you decided to read it :P
WhatAboutRegulus Report Review
Oh, I just love beginnings of novellas! It's always interesting to see the scene set, and you did a great job!
I really liked how you described the characters, and their social standing. It was a great insight as to exactly who they were. And, of course, enter: mysterious, hot boy *dreamy sigh* hehe, I love Tom Riddle :P
I think you have started brilliantly, and I can't wait to see where this goes! Let me know when you update, okay? Or I could just lurk your author's page...
Loff you, Ely Belly!
Oh, and Let The Record Show that I loved this chapter! :DAuthor's Response: Aww, Thanks Lizzie!
Me too *sighs and stares off into the distance*
The next chapter is in the queue as we speak but I'll send you a comment when it's done.
Loff you more.
x Ely Report Review
Me again! *hugs*
This was completely bitter sweet. Like at the start how Lisa said that she didn't want to prove anyone wrong about her...that just broke my heart. I also really liked reading what was going through her head as she stayed at the tower. It makes you stop and think "well, what would I do in a situation like that?".
The ending, despite being so sad, was so sweet, too. It was another really haunting and memorable end (you're good at those). "one of the best," she replied - so beautiful! I'm just...speechless!
You are such a brilliant writer, Ely! Another perfect 10/10 :D
your fellow Plague Rat xAuthor's Response: *hugs* Loff you!
That was what I aiming to do. We heard from J.K all thepeople who fought and died so I thought at least one person would have heitated.
Well thank you very much dearest Lizzie! You are too kind.
(Your Opheliac) Report Review
*squeaks sadly, rat ears fall* :'( this was so sad, Ely...
Anyway, to the review! Like I mentioned, this was so sad, but it was also written absolutely beautifully! It was really entrancing, too and I couldn't look away.
I really liked the ending - it was so haunting! And the "'well what the hell are you waiting for?'" line really added a bit of lightness to such a heavy piece.
I think it's so great how you still left unanswered questions. It really makes for a very memorable story :)
This was a fantastic piece, Ely! You are such a great writer - 10/10! :)
♥ Lizzie xxAuthor's Response: Aww, Thank you Lizzie. Your reviews always make me happy! I loff you
x Ely Report Review
Hey there! It's Elizabeth23 from the forums :)
I just have to say that the summary is just so cute! I seriously went "awww" when I read it.
I really really liked how this appeared, at first, to be a cute, sweet, innocent childhood story, and it turned to something bitter. The change was seamless, and it just seemed natural, if you get what I mean.
I really liked how you wrote Petunia and Lily, and portrayed their sibling relationship. Petunia was brilliant, and she was clearly the "older sister" - the way she acted at the wedding was perfect.
Your characterisation of Severus was both sweet and heart-breaking. He was adorable at the wedding with the brooch, and when he said that it matched his brides eyes was just so gorgeous. And then, once he got home, all the sweetness disappeared. I felt so sorry for him!
I thought that you wrote Severus' parents very well, despite how twisted their marriage was. I did like how you didn't bombard us readers with swearing and threats. Sometimes, with stories like this, is even more effective if you leave things mostly unsaid. So, for their marriage and the fights, it was so well written I felt sick just reading, as this story was really entrancing, no matter how much you want to look away.
It was sad how Lily was waiting in the playground at night for Severus. That was so bittersweet, especially how you then went over to Severus' point of view. It was so sad :'(
The ending! Oh my, that was just amazing! I totally didn't see that coming at all, and it finished the story in a bit more of a neutral mood, with a few unanswered questions, which I really liked.
There weren't really any grammar problems, just go over it to tidy up the paragraphs - it wouldn't take any more than 15 minutes :)
I really loved this story. It was entrancing, well written and very memorable, so you have done a fantastic job! Well done - 10/10 :)
~LizzieAuthor's Response: This was such a long and thoughtful review. I thank you VERY much for taking the time to write and reflect on my story. I'm sorry that this response has come so late.
I do appreciate it!! :) Report Review
Sevvy! :D Hehe, guess who? I hope you know who this is... Anyway, to the review!
Aw, this was so sad! Poor Severus, I can't help but feel that this would have definitely happened in his life if JK ever wrote about it. :'(
I just have to point out this tiny, itty bitty mistake first: '...talking to you yet." Tobias Snape retorted...' - there should be a comma instead of a full stop.
Moving on! You are so good at characterisations! I thought you captured Severus perfectly, and I could feel what pain he was going through. I liked how you included little things, like the rain. It made this seem very real, and something that an 11 year old would do.
The way you wrote the parents was haunting, as was the way you described their fighting. I think that not saying anything was more powerful than if you bombarded the readers with swearing and threats. However, I did like how there was some dialogue when Tobias saw Severus wet from the rain. I have to say it almost made me cry...
The end was chilling and, despite being a dark, depressing subject, beautifully written. It was easy to "connect" with this story, and I really felt sorry for Severus. It was such a sad birthday for him :(
This was a great piece, Sevvy! I loved it, and it was so well written! 10/10 :D
~LizzieAuthor's Response: Lizzie,
Why should I ever forget it's you? Besides, you left your name at the bottom. :P
Thank you so very very much. I was never that good with commas and full stops in dialogues. I couldn't tell when to use which. :P
I guess I found my calling writing Snape fics. :) I just lurrrve him. ^^ Want more Severus love? Check out my other story, Always.
Thank you so much for giving time to read and review Lizzie, I really appreciate it. *hugs*
I loff you more Lizzie!!!
*squeals and jumps up and down* Report Review
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