It looks like a good start to me! Make sure you're paying attention to grammar though. The plural of tomato is tomatoes, not tomato's- you're saying something belongs to the tomato. Watch for run-on sentences too. The plot looks really intriguing. Alissa seems like a very likable oc!Author's Response: -Facepalm-
Thanks for correcting me!
I'll go change that straight away!
I'm glad you liked the story and Alissa.
Thanks for the review:)
xo Report Review
This story is so great! The first chapter was so lovey dovey that I wasn't sure how it was going to keep on going for more chapters but the plot is great! Keep it up! Report Review
AMAZING! Thanks for updating! Report Review
AH! So good. Just keep writing pleassee even my friends that don't know HPFF exists like this storyAuthor's Response: Thanks! I'm glad to hear it! Report Review
This story is so cute! I like that she has NO idea that its ScorpiusAuthor's Response: haha :) im happy you liked it :) Report Review
Best chapter yet!
Me and Alice - who found it even funnier and didn’t make a single move to, oh, I don’t know, help me, maybe? - I mean. Not him.
That sentence was a little confusing because of the digression about Alice finding it funny thoughAuthor's Response: Oh, wow, thank you! :)
Um, I think what I meant was, that she and Alice were on the way to the Great Hall, not she and him. Also, Alice found it funny, because, well, her best friend being dragged into a broom cupboard by a lunatic thinking he's madly in love with er, must have some laughworthyness (not a word?) in it. I think.
Thanks again for the review and I'm glad you liked it :)
“Why does everyone insist on laughing my behalf? Anyway. There’s this girl,” he started again.
The first sentence in there doesn't make sense. If they laugh on his behalf, you're missing a word.. but that means that they're laughing for his benefit. Might be simpler to just say they're laughing at him
Everything else looks great!Author's Response: Err, yeah, that's most probably wrong, I'll try and fix it as soon as it's possible, English isn't my native language and I haven't studied it all that long, so there are times when I'm going to slip up. Thank you so much for pointing it out, though :) And, also, for the lovely review :D Report Review
I was a Saturday night in late November. Alice and I were just sitting by the window, away from everyone else, when it happened.
Should be "It was a Saturday..."
Other than that, amazing job! Loving the plot and character interactions. Really liked the Crickets. Awkward silence. Really described things well. The spacing is a little excessive though- it would be easier to read with more typical spacing just because we're used to it. Excellent word choicesAuthor's Response: It should, I'll fix it when I edit that chapter next time. Thanks for pointing it out, btw (:
Haha, I was starting to doubt if the crickets were a good idea or not, so it's good to hear someone saying they liked that part :D
You mean like the spaces between the lines, right? if that, I can't really help it, it annoys the living babanas out of me, but I've no idea how to fix that. :s
Thank you so much for the review!! ^_^ Report Review
I noticed a few typos-
“Really?” she asked. “Because you are both obsessed with Weasley’s, so..”
Plural of Weasley is Weasleys. The apostrophe makes it posessive
Lorcan smiled at me, showing that she was just kidding. “We real should start our homework,” she pointed out.
I think you meant really not real
I smiled. “I told you that Danielle is evil.” I reached out and pulled the door to the Potions classroom open.
I think that Olivia is the evil one, not Danielle
A lot of interesting careers involved Potion making, and I needed back up if the whole ‘actress thing’ didn’t work out.
you don't need the quotes around actress thing
Other than the typos, great job! I can't believe she took some love potion- that never goes well!Author's Response: Once again, thank you for checking out this story, and thanks for spotting the typos! I'll have to go back and fix them all soon! :) Report Review
Great chapter! Elspeth is such a likable characterAuthor's Response: I'm glad that you like her! Report Review
How’s school? 6th year’s tough, isn’t it. I warned you!
The second sentence should be a question too. Other than that, awesome job! Good job on the plot and all the grammar type stuffAuthor's Response: Thanks! :) Report Review
Good job! Make sure you're proofreading really well though- I noticed in Transfiguration that it says something like the essay on animagus sue at the end when it should be "due" not "sue." And I think animagi is plural for animagus but that's more of a wild guess. Great plot!Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I'm glad that you liked it and thanks for pointing out the typos! ;) Gosh, I hate those things :P Report Review
Excellent last chapter! Report Review
I think this is my favorite chapter. The bachelorette party was perfect for Rose and the memories were great. I really liked Draco's interactions with them at the end, too. Report Review
“Since last night. And probably not again soon.” She moved to sit up, and felt like her head was going to split it in half. “At least not in that moderation.”
Moderation implies that she didn't drink much. But that's arguable.
Another great chapter- the publicity issues make sense. And having them almost have sex makes them much more real Report Review
They definitely deserve to be cutesy. And what is a marriage proposal for if not to be cutesy? If you're not cutesy then, you probably shouldn't be getting married Report Review
“You did good.” Rose breathed, reaching down to stroke the white blonde hair on the baby’s head.
Since its dialect its author's choice, but it should be "you did well" or "you did a good job."
She was wearing a white dress again, and she walked, more like ran, towards to Scorpius, who looked extremely happy and also very nervous to be in front of so many people. So many Weaslies.
Plural of Weasley is Weasleys. Since its a proper noun, you don't switch to ies. You add either "s" or "es" depending on how the word ends. As far as I know.
Otherwise amazing job as always. I'm just proud of myself for finally finding a suggestion to make. Plot is awesome. Sentence structure is excellent. Report Review
He smiled at Asteria and Draco one more time, before the train turned the corner. He turned and started down the hallway.
Isn't it Astoria?
Her and Scorpius were bound to be the valedictorians- something that her mom had been, too. They would have to make a speech to the whole class, and all the parents, and Hermione wouldn’t be there for it.
And I think that should be "She and Scorpius..." but I'm not totally sure.
And about killing off the parents- in the vast majority of young adult lit, the parents are killed off or somehow gotten rid of. If the parents are gone, then the kids have to make decisions for themselves and it starts being more about them. Apparently. I took a whole class on young adult lit and that's what the professor said so you're not the author killing off parents! Report Review
Another really solid story. I think her realization was a little too quick, but his was excellent. Sorry I haven't reviewed every chapter, I just didn't really have anything to say other than that I thought you were doing a great job. So to the last a/n, Shakespeare remakes are great- 10 things I hate about you (the movie, not the remake on abcfamily) is a remake of the taming of the shrew and she's the man is great. Report Review
Perfect ending. Mabrie's speech was especially good but everything was awesome! Report Review
The descriptions of the castle were great! I like that there's so many passageways and stuff. You did a good job of integrating the inheritance into the canon too. The rest is also fabulous Report Review
They were appropriately sad. The scene in Mabrie's room made it really clear. I want her to tell him the sees were all about him though! Report Review
Its sad that they lost Mabrie. That was a good trick on the American Mabrie and the see kind of happening twice. As awful as this is to say it will make their lives a whole lot easier but it makes me feel like a terrible person to say it. Report Review
I'm thrilled that he proposed before he knew she was pregnant. And I hope Mabrie's okay! Report Review
Did not see that coming at all! Excited to see what happens Report Review
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