Reading Reviews From Member: peppersweet
  
296 Reviews Found

Review #26, by peppersweetScorpius Malfoy and The Ferryman's Mark: The Long Expected Party

30th December 2013:
Hello! I'm here for the 12 days of reviewing challenge at the forums, reading chapters with 0 reviews. I've got to confess that I only found this by searching for stories that had 'Scorpius' in the title (you've gotta be creative to fulfil these challenges, I've found) but I'm glad I came across this. This is a really good start to a story and I'm pretty gutted there isn't a second chapter right now. Little Scorpius is very precocious, but I'm already on his side and it's devastating for him to be called back to his 'rightful' parent - whoever the hell that is - right on his eleventh birthday. I almost don't want to know who it is, although from the word 'ferryman' in the title I feel like it'll have something to do with the underworld.

Your characterisation of Draco and Astoria here was excellent. I've always been of the belief that they would have had an, ahem, turbulent marriage, and I tend to write them as divorced, estranged, or plain miserable. I liked, here, that the balance of power was shifted. In most fanfics, Draco is the domineering and spiteful one, whereas here Astoria seemed to be in control of the marriage and Draco was this...this pathetic alcoholic. Their struggle to conceive and the ensuing strain on their marriage was written very realistically. Although I have to admit I laughed out loud at Astoria's possible reasons for Draco's impotence that included 'having the dark mark' and 'sleeping with Pansy Parkinson'. Astoria's definitely on the warpath here, and I love it!

You haven't updated this for over a year so I don't have high hopes of seeing chapter 2 anytime soon, but should you return and see this review, I'm definitely interested in finding out what happens and you'd have a reader in me (so long as real life doesn't eat me, as it often does in term time).

Good job! Also, merry belated christmas and a happy new year :)

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Review #27, by peppersweetClash: Her

30th December 2013:
Hi Shez! My good friends justonemorefic and GubrathianFire have been telling me to read this for ages, and today's portion of the 12 days of reviewing challenge is about reviewing authors with 10 stories or less posted, so I felt the time was ripe to start on Clash.

Okay, this story is amazing. I'm a sucker for next-gen, but I'm also a sucker for dystopia and bleakness (all the bleakness!) so I'm pretty excited about this. That prologue! Why is Rose the last witch alive? What happened to all the magic? How did she bring back Hugo? How did Ron and Hermione die? What happened to the rest of the family? Next chapter: Albus??.

I might explode.

I have no criticism for you or anything on this. It's really well written and very engrossing. I love the style - I feel like I'm reading a published thriller.

Looking forward to reading on. Thank you so much for posting this. Merry belated Christmas and a happy new year! ♥

Author's Response: PLEASE DON'T EXPLODE.

Admittedly, Albus does have that effect on people. At any rate, there's no reason to explore /before/ meeting him.

But seriously, thanks so much for reviewing and I'm glad you liked the story. I really need to thank justonemorefic and GubrathianFire for being so nice to recommend it.

Oh yes, there's a lot of bleakness and surprises and secrets and such haha. You're asking all the right questions.

Published thriller? *blushes* I have no idea what to do with a compliment like that.

Hope you continue to enjoy! Merry Belated Christmas and Happy belated New Years!


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Review #28, by peppersweetan absence of light.: morning song.

30th December 2013:
Hello Maia! I actually read this a while ago, but I was extra rude and didn't review you then, so I'm back for the 12 days of reviewing challenge now.

Oh, god, I feel so bad for Rose in this. This line really got to me: My family, they live by sound, a harmony of dulcet tones, they breathe with a yell, it's the only way any of them know how to communicate. Growing up I knew my parents loved each other because they fought so much so loudly and always made up at the end. - it's kind of gut-wrenching and horrible how they all just go dead quiet when they find out she's a vampire. I'm not sure if it's the same for vampirism, but Word of God suggests that JKR intended lycanthropy to be a metaphor for AIDs in the Potterverse, and I imagine vampirism is similar. I guess you can read it as a metaphor for a lot of things, really, but I'm just imagining Rose telling her family 'this horrible thing happened to me' and them all just shunning her and it makes me so, so sad. And it's even more depressing when she has to sign a ministry register because she isn't human. I think one of the things that makes it so, so sad is that it was Rose's sort-of choice to become a vampire, and in those first few bits of the story she proves entirely that she's anything but inhuman. She's so emotive but gets tarred with the same brush as freakin' Blast-Ended Skrewts when she goes to the Ministry. This is all making me quite emotional. I want to furiously blog about it for seven hours. VAMPIRE SOCIAL JUSTICE.

They think I'm this poor girl who's been ruined forever by a guy, and still keeps on loving him. - this line is also v. v. sad. Like, I can tell Rose isn't overly pleased with her predicament, but it seems like the people around her are denying her a lot of self-expression, you know? They want to see her as someone stupid who's been led astray by a boy and not a girl who is doing her best to live with what happened to her and keep herself afloat. Potters and Weasleys take note: Rose is more human than anyone for doing this.

Aand Hugo is a beautiful character. Angry music, eyeliner, and he cried when he delivered a litter of kittens. Like Rose, Hugo is my favourite too. (better be winged eyeliner)

I find it a little disturbing (in a good sort of way) how Rose's turning is a little vague, like, she didn't want it, necessarily, but she admits that a small part of her did at the time. I can't decide whether I like Luc or not. He seems niceish, but he also turned Rose into a vampire without actually asking her outright if it was okay and that's Certifiably Not Okay.

The ending is really beautiful, when Hugo reaches out to her via a blood-flavoured lollipop. It's really sweet - pun not intended - that he does this, and I hope it's the start of a happier future for Rose, even as she acknowledges that her family don't speak to her, her relationship is crumbling, and she has a poor job. I just want her to be happy, the poor thing, she's been through so much!

Anyway, sorry for the rambling and incoherent review...this was a fantastic one-shot, thank you for writing it! Also, merry belated christmas and a happy new year! ♥

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Review #29, by peppersweetyou've got mail: bouquets of fresh quills

30th December 2013:
Hello, here for the 12 days of reviewing challenge! Today we've been challenged to review authors with less than 10 stories, and I came across this in a TGS recommendation thread and decided to check it out.

I love the start to this story. Ivy is such a charming character - she's so whimsical and airy-fairy (or so she seems, anyway). I love Adrian too, mostly because I'm a bit of a sucker for self-deprecating whiners, largely being one myself. I also love the idea of Hogwarts having a penpal project. It's really sweet, and totally something I can see them doing. I love stories that expand on JKR's vision of a school community in Hogwarts, especially ones that consider extra-curricular activities/societies and whatnot. (Also, this line: As a year of remedial potions had taught her, chemistry was chemistry.)

Oliver! OLIVER. Her penpal is OLIVER. Heck yes. I love the bloke in all incarnations. This exchange between him and Cassie cracked me up: 'Where would they be without me?' Oliver asked, grinning. Cassie shrugged. / 'A lot less tired, one imagines.'. But wait, what, what?? Ivy and Oliver hate each other in real life? This simply will not do. I'll shake my fists at the computer screen until they realise the error of their ways and fall in troo wub.

It's especially distressing that Oliver and Ivy are both quite happy in their relationships, because I'm shipping Oliver/Ivy like the blazes already. Olivy. There you go, ship name.

I think my favourite thing about the chapter, though, was Fred & George's banter with Oliver. The little bromance they have going there is amazing.

Merry belated Christmas and a happy new year! ♥

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Review #30, by peppersweetWho'd Have Thought?: Who'd Have Thought?

30th December 2013:
Hi, here for the 12 days of reviewing challenge! Today is for reviewing authors with less than 10 stories, so I've been combing recommendation threads on the forums for reading ideas. This one-shot was recommended in the slash thread, so I thought I'd come and check it out! (who can say no to a Drarry?)

Drarry is a hard ship to get right and you've got it right. I love that opening - it made me a little hysterical! (I'd always thought about how I'd love to wipe that smirk off his face... this was not the method I had in mind. - I might have laughed out loudÖ). Draco and Harry's relationship progresses so naturally. I especially like how Harry forgives him after the battle and then sort of initiates the reconciliation; it's what I imagine canon Harry would do who, for all his snark and sarcasm, is actually an incredibly selfless and caring character. But I also like how Draco calls Harry by his first name first, after all those years of 'Pottaaah!'.

It's a little touching and sad how, the night after they get together, Harry comments that it seems like 'the great hall all over again'. I mean, it ends happily, but that line got to me. I was like, 'no, Harry, don't undo the work of the past 5 years!!'.

Anyway this is a lovely little one-shot and I'm glad I stumbled upon it! Harry's conversational narration is really nice and friendly, and I still love those opening few lines. Great work, merry belated Christmas and a happy new year! ♥

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Review #31, by peppersweetCold as the Sea: Cold

29th December 2013:
Hello! I'm also here for the 12 days of reviewing challenge (truth be told, there's a real dearth of Hagrid stories on this site, so take ten house points for having the skill to write one!)

Goodness gracious, this was a terrifying depiction of Azkaban (not that I wasn't terrified of the thought of it already!). You've captured the despair of the place perfectly both in the physical description of it and Hagrid's reaction to the Dementors. My heart really went out to him - it's so sad to see such a cheerful character that we know and love so well suffering for no good reason. It's perverse that the Dementors can destroy people with their own insecurities. At first, I felt as if there was a glimmer of hope in this - Hagrid seemed to be working really, really hard to fight them off - but ultimately there's no way out, as you so brutally summed up in that closing line (and what a powerful closing line it is!).

This is a very small detail, but I liked how our first introduction to Hagrid in this was of the manacles cutting into the 'warm flesh of his hands'. After those two paragraphs of scene-setting, establishing Azkaban as cold, dark, and horrifying, the mere mention of Hagrid's hands being warm stands out in really stark contrast and, I think, sets up his fear and alienation quite beautifully. It was sweet and actually a bit heartbreaking to see his rescue of Harry amongst his happiest memories.

Spinning until his mind was not his own anymore, until the small voice that called on him to fight the piercing frost was silenced. - I especially liked this line!

Thank you very much for sharing this one-shot with us, and a merry belated Christmas! ♥

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Review #32, by peppersweetHagrid's Story: Hagrid's Story

29th December 2013:
Like almost every other reviewer you've had today, I'm here for day 3 of the 12 days of reviewing challenges at the forums, reviewing Hagrid-centric stories :p

I liked this! Hearing Hagrid's perspective of the final battle was really interesting. The way it was written made it seem as if he was telling this story retrospectively to a reporter or similar - like it was his post-war testimony. If I could make a criticism, it's that it seemed to move very quickly - it started out at a nice pace, following Harry through the forest and his "death" as Hagrid carried him back to Hogwarts, but Voldemort's death was glossed over very quickly. Hagrid also seemed very detached, but I think that added well to the post-war testimony feel I got from this.

One thing I really, really liked in this was the metaphors Hagrid comes up with to describe things, such as My face was working furiously, I could feel it ... like I had drunk a wrongly brewed Polyjuice Potion, my face morphing and changing and Green upon green, his eyes glowed like a Crandor Dragon's egg before hatching. These metaphors make your fic really special as they sound like something a wizard would conceivably say, comparing action to things they know and recognise from their world. This is something I've rarely seen in fan fiction and I have to commend you for it - you've totally immersed yourself in Hagrid's point of view here.

Altogether, good job! And merry (belated) Christmas :)

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Review #33, by peppersweetBig: In Hagrid's Hands

29th December 2013:
Hello! Like many of your other reviewers today, I'm here for day 3 of the 12 days of reviewing challenge on the forums. We were challenged to review a story starring Hagrid and, well, there aren't many of those, so we've ended up all reviewing the same fics!

I really love the idea of this collection - exploring different characters and eras through the theme of being 'the biggest'. This was a really sweet chapter about Hagrid, contrasting the flashbacks with the current memory of Harry. I liked how it was quite simply written, almost in a fairytale style - befitting for a story about a giant, but also adding to the sense of hope and sweetness at the end. That said, at times it felt a little too simplistic; a couple of paragraphs read a little like 'Hagrid did x. Hagrid did y', you know? There were just a little too many short, blunt sentences for the story to really flow. There's nothing wrong with short sentences, but you have to use them relatively sparingly and they're always more powerful when contrasted with longer passages.

I also spotted a couple of errors-

Not one person had spoken ill of Dumbledore, other than that disgusturous Malfoy - 'disgusturous' isn't a word - maybe you meant 'disgusting' or 'disastrous'? Otherwise a word like 'vile' 'reprehensible' or 'odious' would work here - anything, really.

his eyebrows knotted in to an outraged scowl at some scum being allowed in to his education - there's nothing exactly wrong with the meaning of this sentence, but it could possibly do with being rephrased, especially the closing few words. Something like 'his eyebrows knotted in disgust at the idea of some half-human scum being allowed the same education as him, a pure-blood.' Of course, a lot of us will get Tom's motives because we remember why he hated Hagrid from the books, but the first time I read that line I kind of stumbled on it and I think you could do with making his hatred a little more explicit.

because Harry must have so much sweltering sadness at his new-found orphanage - again, the meaning of this is fine, but it could do with rephrasing. I would substitute it with 'because Harry would be facing such overwhelming sadness in his new-found status as an orphan'. Or something like that...

The dog's joules wobbled in anticipation - joules should be jowls.

The last two sentences are a really lovely end to the story, but I don't think either of them need a comma in the middle.

Overall, though, this was a beautiful one shot, really wonderful - it was so sweet but sad at the same time! Certain lines really stuck out to me - He wanted to just shrink in to his boots, fall until he was big enough to live inside his shoe. got me, as well as But it was nice to imagine what a star felt like - a sliver of shining moonlight, a crumb of Heaven itself.. I also really liked the part where Hagrid brings Fang to his hut and Fang gives him a look like 'is that all you do?'. I could just picture it!

Lovely work, well done! Also, merry Christmas ♥

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Review #34, by peppersweetOne Blaze of Glory: Feel the Heat of the Future's Glow

27th December 2013:
Hi! I'm here for the 12 days of reviewing challenge at the forums (as, I believe, was someone else who reviewed you today :P). I've been challenged to write about Remus as a means of getting out of my comfort zone, so as soon as I saw this was a story about lycanthropy I knew I wanted to read it.

I really like that you use lycanthropy as a metaphor for AIDS here - Word of God (well, Pottermore anyway) is that the treatment Remus, Greyback et al receive at the hands of the wizarding world is meant to be a metaphor for AIDS, so I really appreciate you're exploring something so difficult (?? is that the right word?). Okay, I need to shut up about Remus soon, because this fic isn't about Remus, but I think authors can sometimes gloss over his lycanthropy in their stories, which has put me off reading Marauders-centric fics before, despite Remus being one of my all-time favourite characters. So it's refreshing to see an author actually writing about lycanthropy head-on, especially from the perspective of a minor character framed by what was just a passing reference in the books.

This was quite a quick chapter but I felt so sorry for your characters in the time being - I can't help feeling something awful's going to happen to Romulus especially. I thought it was really interesting how you made Rome a werewolf haven. Will it figure in later chapters?

I noticed a couple of mistakes in this that you could catch on an edit - 'the Big Ben seems to chime for hours' - the 'the' isn't necessary; it's just referred to as Big Ben. Also, I'm ambivalent about the reference to it chiming for hours as that's kind of a matter of opinion, but it would only chime twelve times at midnight on new years. In the line following, you're missing closing punctuation on the dialogue ('we can go away for the weekend, somewhere deep in the woods. is missing a closing speech mark). There's also a couple of americanisms (I really hate to brit-pick about this, sorry), like 'we aren't paying you a dime' ('penny' would be more appropriate) and 'he got up and grabbed the nearly empty trash can' (could be 'bin').

This is a really interesting start to a story! I appreciate that you've chosen to tell the tale of very marginalised characters - I'm already on their side but, as I said, I can't help suspecting something bad will happen! Merry christmas ♥

Author's Response: I've tried to respond to this review three times now, but something's gone wrong every. single. time. (Dog sitting on power strip and turning off computer, accidentally exiting the page because I'm really intelligent...)

I love Remus, too. I look at him a lot to see what it's like for my characters.

Thanks for the corrections! I'm English-American, so I can usually pick stuff out pretty well, but with this I honestly didn't even think about it.

I'm glad I could make you feel sorry for my characters! That put a smile on my face (oh, gosh, I sound like an awful person...)


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Review #35, by peppersweetNot a Waste of Space: Not a Waste of Space

27th December 2013:
Hiya! Iim here from the 12 days of reviewing challenge on the forums. Today's challenge was to review stories with no banner, and boy am I glad you don't have a banner for this. This one-shot is a gem. It's so rare to read about Dudley on HPFF - not many authors want to think about him, and I can see why. So it's no mean feat that you've chosen to write about him in the first place, let alone the fact that you've written him so well. His redemption seems so real and natural, and I think it's a fitting end for the two cousins. Dudley might have redeemed himself and apologised for his brattish behaviour, but he still seems very unsatisfied with his life. Harry is, as usual, understanding and accepting, and although we see him here primarily from Dudley's perspective it still feels like the Harry I know and love from the books. Really, this is such a remarkable piece of writing. I especially like the ending - Dudley, directionless! In spite of myself I feel so sorry for him - he's so lost. He also had a horrible childhood, although in an entirely different way, and it's knocked him off course for life.

Seriously, you've done such a good job here. I know you mentioned in the chapter summary that it was unbeta'd, but I didn't notice any mistakes in this. Your writing flows very naturally. I liked this a lot - thank you so much for sharing it with us, and merry christmas! ♥

Author's Response: Thank you! This is the first new piece I have posted in AGES and to receive such a warm first review makes me really happy.

Dudley is definitely a tough character, particularly as the protagonist in a story because you know he's been a total brat but you don't want the reader to hate him. I think "bad" characters deserve to have their flaws explored. We can only imagine how Dudley would feel about his behaviour towards Harry - would he grow up to be like his father or not? It's fun to explore those things and I'm glad you enjoyed it too!

Thank you so much! I appreciate your kind words! Happy new year!


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Review #36, by peppersweetQuiet: The Start of Term Feast

27th December 2013:
Greetings! I'm here for the 12 days of reviewing challenge from the forums. Today's challenge was to review a story containing a feast, and I stumbled upon yours!

You have a really nice start to the story here (this review counts for chapter 1 too) and although you've already set it up quite neatly for a love triangle between Ivy, Draco and Harry, I feel like there are still a lot of unanswered questions to keep us engaged. Ivy's past, for example, is still a bit of a mystery - her narration seems a little reticent and detached, and I'm curious about what might have happened to her before she stepped onto Platform 9 3/4 in chapter one. Equally, it'll be interesting to hear Draco's story about the war - the post-war Slytherins are a really interesting set of characters to read and write about, as I think it's a really good way to explore grief and tragedy on a small, human scale.

Your writing flows very well, but I think there's a couple of issues with your grammar that could do with fixing up. Sometimes you're not punctuating properly at the end of speech - for example, "Bloody hell, mate" Blaise mumbled to Draco "that new Transfiguration teacher is a bombshell..." should read "Bloody hell, mate," Blaise mumbled to Draco. "That new Transfiguration teacher is a bombshell..." and so on.

I can't really offer any criticism about the plot or anything - starting with the departure to Hogwarts on the train has been done before, but exploring it from the immediate post-war angle is more unusual, especially from the perspective of a Slytherin, which I appreciate! One thing that did strike me when I read this - and this is an entirely personal preference - is that your characters seem a little, hmm, flawless? More in terms of physical description than anything. I do like Ivy's narration, but she describes almost everyone as being beautiful, including herself. Instead of talking about Draco's perfect hair and nose, it might be more effective if she noticed little quirks in his body language or appearance that made him stand out. For example, he might always have his top shirt button undone, or a small scar on his chin, or something odd like that. It's totally fine describing a character as beautiful - especially if Ivy develops feelings for Draco and Harry! - but I sometimes think it can be more effective to characterise someone through their little quirks and imperfections than to give them a wholly glossy image.

Great start, though! It'll be interesting to see how this develops (especially with those two new teachers - I get the feeling they'll be instrumental in the plot). Merry Christmas ♥

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review! I have not worked on this story for several months due to personal reasons; however, I will begin writing new chapters as well as editing existing ones. I will definitely take your advice into account when I do this. Again, I greatly appreciate you taking the time to critique my story.

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Review #37, by peppersweetgladly beyond: in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me

8th December 2013:
Gina demanded I read this and, so, here I am...!

Fifty house points to Teh for 1) turning one of my favourite poems into a fic 2) writing a sad fic about death involving Scorpius, which is my favourite pasttime and choice of literature 3) DOWNTRODDEN FIC WITH ALL THE FEELS

I really enjoyed this one shot! I haven't read anything on HPFF for months, and so I've completely forgotten how to review and was on the verge of just mashing out 'good job on the thing A+ 10/10 all the dobbies' before I remembered it's actually customary to, you know, comment on aspects of the story itself.

Firstly, I liked how you didn't give everything about Rose and Scorpius away immediately - you just sort of plonked us down into Scorpius' life and let his narration unravel the truth about their relationship, which was so utterly absorbing and wonderful to read about bit by bit. Not that I guess there was a massive, profound plot twist about them or anything, more that we got the story of this ordinary - or extraordinary, maybe - couple and the parallel stories of how they "lived" ('scuse inverted commas) before and after Rose's death in such a bittersweet and beautiful way. I felt like I knew their characters reasonably well considering how short the story was and, guh, I felt things :c

Scorpius' narration was lovely. (EVERYTHING was lovely). I think the ending was my favourite bit of all, with Rose standing at the window and - gah! - that last line. I especially, especially liked the uncertainty I got from this. I don't know if I was meant to, but I felt like there was a chance Rose might have been at some intermediate stage, still choosing, and could "move on" at some point - the pigment in her hair and what not. I also felt like - and this is me being extra morbid - there's a chance Scorpius might not be long after her. He sounded ever so slightly unhinged in this, and Rose definitely hinted at it. God, I loved the bit where she pointed out that to her, he was the unreal one. Such!! Beauty!!

Waaah I'm really not sure if this review was entirely coherent or not but, Teh, this was the best thing to break my HPFF hiatus with. Thank you so much for writing it! ♥

Author's Response: !

Julia! ♥

OMG GINA HAS BEEN PROMOTING MY FIC!!? THANK YOU GINA ♥

And THANK YOU JULIA for this amazing review!

I suppose this fic is probably closest to how I write my OF short stories - a whole lot of 'showing' and only a gradual revelation of context, and pretty much downplaying everything. I was wondering how readers on HPFF would react to this; it probably does take a bit of patience to get through something so long and have things unfold so slowly, and without that promise of a "massive, profound plot twist" about anything, as you put it. So I'm so glad this sat well with you!! Yay!

Glad you liked Scorpius' narration! I think I enjoyed writing the ending paragraphs best of all! And wow, I love reading your interpretation of the ending, and of Scorpius and Rose's situations. As with several other of my stories, the endings are usually left open because I don't like to close things up, and especially for this story, I only intended to provide a glimpse into the lives of those two, and let readers draw their own conclusions.

Kinda surprised that you and some others have pointed out how much they love the part about her pointing out that Scorpius is the unreal one! That bit was sort of an accident, something I thought of as I was writing, in a sleep-deprived and bleary state on the plane, and so I just fitted it in somewhere. I guess if you asked me, I'd say that Rose and Scorpius are similar enough that they're reflections of each other in different times/ stages of life/ death / ...what? can't find the word I was looking for. :P

THANK YOU SO MUCH for this amazing review! And I'm so glad this story broke your HPFF hiatus! Yay! ♥ ♥

teh



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Review #38, by peppersweetAnd Capers Ensue: Epilogue

20th July 2013:
Just leave me here to die, okay?

First off I need to commend you on that CI - I love the green colouring (green is so underrated!) but I also love how atmospheric it is, and how you've framed it, and how you have the kind of 'ghost' buildings there; it's already making me feel a bit sad and nostalgic but hopeful because green = hope (this is what studying Gatsby at a-level english lit teaches you) and that very particular shade of green is enchanting.

As you're probably well aware by now, I like to overinterpret things.

Bea has a shop in Hogsmeade!! Aiiiee!! Also, I love how Fred is an auror (head canon 100% accepted) and how George goes on a cruise to Atlantis. Under da sea.

AND!! SCORPIUS!! WITH!! CUPCAKE!! IN!! SLEEVE!!

'Five years ago, Bea would have been across the room faster than a pin drop, but she was older now, more prudent, and didn't fall into new fancies as easily. Scorpius was different, too; the years had worn him with lines and sags, but he bore them with pride.' I'm sorry but I really don't think this line is necessary. It's far too heartbreaking and messes with my emotions too much. Nope, can't handle it. I hope you don't mind this unsolicited concrit, but I think you should delete that line, and the rest of this chapter, and rewrite with 'Bea romantically flew into Scorpius' arms and then they eloped to Gretna Green and passionately made many babies, the end.' Just a suggestion!

But I must say that you do really atone for it with this line: 'And for a moment, they were, and the five years that had been an eternity became but a speck in reminiscence.'.

AHHH BBS THAT'S THE SWEETEST ENDING EVER. I like the thought of Bea inventing in Malfoy Manor! Watch out for hidden trapdoors.

I'm seriously so excited for 'Uncautionary Tales' (you're still posting it, right? Right??). And all the fanart that I am confident you will draw. And the sequel about Bea and Scorpius being together forever. No, I'm not obsessed with all. And no, I'm not crying, it's just a bit of grit in my eye.

Forever your adoring idiot, Joloo ♥

p.s Albus/Snidgets 5eva.

Author's Response: I am a bit weepy knowing this will be YOUR LAST REVIEW ON CAPERS, THE LAST.

you know me and my greens, green is my bud, my bosom buddy, my hope and my Gatsby, blinking distantly in the land of metaphors~

IN THE BEGINNING SHE NEVER HAD A SHOP IN MY HEADCANON AND NOW IT IS HERE C: I had no plans for Fred and now he's an Auror and his dad is eating lobsters by the bathtub-ful. And of course, the best surprise headcanon, Scorpius and his sleeve-sized cupcake factory.

I shall wipe those lines immediately and have Bea and Scorpius (in the celery suit of my dreams) married atop a giant cake as recompense for any previous emotional meddling. The ringbearer will be Albus but instead of a ring it'll be a Snitch, and at the last moment it'll fly away, so capers ensue in order to catch it, a la that Tangled short if you've seen it. And then they catch it and all is well and they dive into the cake to passionately make many babies, ofc.

I SERIOUSLY HAVE A HEADCANON FOR ALL THE FLUFF THAT HAPPENS IN THE MANOR I just don't want to taint this epilogue with that sort of mindlessness BUT IT'S REALLY CUTE JUST TRUST ME, it'd just sound like fanfiction of my fanfiction if I wrote it. I MEAN I PROBABLY WILL COME BACK TO CAPERS ONCE IT'S BEEN LONG ENOUGH AND I GET NOSTALGIC, I just need some time because lawd I didn't writing this ending would make me so happy as it is. I'M JUST SO HAPPY, JULIA, REALLY REALLY HAPPY.



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Review #39, by peppersweetAnd Capers Ensue: Open at the Close

5th July 2013:
SADHSLHGSDIU I'M GOING TO MAKE A LOT OF WHALE NOISES

1. potterpuff being a bludger/snitch whisperer
2. potterpuff getting a cAPE FROM SCORPIUS (although lbr I was hoping for matching magenta blazers)
3. scorpius is wearing a black blazer and that makes me really sad?!?!
4. IRELAND WIN BUT POTTERPUFF GETS THE SNITCH
5. the bit where anjali passes the spot where she used to meet scorpius, oh, oh, god, even though I ship scorbeaus that passage made me so sad
6. FRANJALI
7. 'scorpius' side of the room was left bare'
8. SCORPIUS LEARNED FASHION FROM A HOUSE ELF. I WILL NEVER GET OVER THIS AS LONG AS I LIVE. SWEAR ON ME MUM.
9. the kiss.
10. The next time they might next say, "Hello," they would be older, maybe different, Bea thought sadly. - I'm not crying it's just raining on my face
11. Bea working on A New Thing!!

so that was eleven whale noises in total I do hope you are suitably defeaned.

this is such a beautiful piece of writing and I am on TENTERHOOKS for the epilogue! bea and scorpius break my heart (in a marvy way) and I just want to find out what their ending is!~~

thank you for writing this.

♥ ♥ ♥

Author's Response: (SOBBING BEAR NOISE)

1. he is a literal whisperer this chapter, I didn't even intend that.
2. CAPERS NEEDED MORE CAPES.
3. :c
4. IT'S G O O O O O O O D!
5. They're my favorite exes, EVERYONE IS SHIPPABLE, EVEN TIL THE END.
6. AND OBV THEM TOO
7. :cc
8. ~IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW~
9. c:
10. is this a british ailment, I bet it is.
11. cc:!!

I am a bear, I cannot interpret whale sounds, but I heard a rumble in the distance.

♥ ♥ ♥


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Review #40, by peppersweetThe Cat, the Seal, and the Hairy This-and-That!: A spot of tea with the cat's younger brother...

4th July 2013:
Review tag!

Okay, I couldn't resist. Your summary was just so good. This looks like a most intriguing story (and I have a bit of a soft spot for Crookshanks).

Haldwin is Crookshanks' brother?! Well, that's a wee bit of a plot twist! CROOKSHANKS IS ACTUALLY A MAN?! Wow. I love this. That made me chortle. The utter seriousness of Crookshanks' - er - Hyildibart's letter is hilarious.

I love the idea of Hermione coming to terms with the fact that her cat is actually a man. The line about the scenario being like something out of the Quibbler is actually really interesting - I think JKR introduced Luna as a foil to Hermione? You know, Luna being the one with 'faith' and Hermione being the skeptic. So it'll be really interesting to see how Hermione overcomes her skepticism to help Crookshanks, I mean, Hyildibart.

I've got a couple of suggestions I hope you don't mind me making. The first is that the spacing in this chapter is a little skewiff; because you're using line breaks, you don't need to indent each paragraph. Also, the number of line breaks you use is a little irregular. Just a double return between each paragraph is plenty! I also think it might be worth reconsidering some of your word choices in that first paragraph. Your writing is sublime, and with very little mistakes, but sometimes I think you use a slightly more complex word when a simple one would work better. 'just being inside his house lent credence to her earlier assertions on the manís apparent laziness and sheer lack of taste', for example. I'm not sure 'assertions' quite works here, maybe 'assumptions'? Or, later in that same passage, 'how he had survived for this long in such unsanitary environs.' 'Environs' stuck out like a sore thumb to me - 'conditions' might be a better substitute. This is just a matter of personal taste, but I know that when I was reading these words kind of jarred and disrupted the flow a bit.

Great start, and a fantastic idea! ♥

Author's Response: Yeah I certainly plan on revising it a bit. I wrote it quite some time ago and haven't really looked back on it much sense.

The spacing was totally due to the word processing program I was using at the time and it didn't really import properly.

Thanks for the insightful review.


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Review #41, by peppersweetThe Second Uprising: Shock

28th June 2013:
Hi, here from review tag!

This is an interesting start to a story! I like how you've thrown us right into the action, with Rose finding out about Scorpius, and then juxtaposed it with their first meeting. It certainly leaves a lot of questions unanswered and makes me keen to read on and find out what happens.

I think this chapter could do with a bit of an edit - Rose's voice is a little inconsistent, as, at times, she sounds quite serious and the story reads very 'noir'-ish, but sometimes there's a sentence or two that jars with the style. For example, this bit - 'Anyway, The Crappy Auror sticks out his hand to indicate the arrival of the Deatheater as he calls out - seems to chatty and conversational in comparison with the rest of Rose's narration. Something like 'The corrupt Auror sticks out his hand...' might work better. Similarly, with the phrase 'His face, painted with a slight smirk, looks completely unbothered, to be standing there, being publicly sentenced off to Deatheater land.' - Deatheater land sounds far too jokey for the seriousness of the situation.

Also, in the paragraph above that, there's a slight phrasing issue that confused me - 'I can vaguely recognize him as one of the head Aurors who were recently part of the Little Hangleton massacre. - when you say the Auror was part of the massacre, do you mean he killed people, or was involved in stopping it? (and I think the h should be capitalised for Head Auror).

Another bit you should consider revising is in the second half of the chapter, where it says *cue eye-roll* - the asterisks aren't really appropriate in a story like this :P 'I rolled my eyes' would work much better, or even just 'Cue eye roll' without the asterisks.

Apart from that, there are just a few general mistakes throughout the chapter that I'm sure you'd catch in an edit - there's a missing word in '...You're the only one," she dryly' and, later on, there's a bit where it says 'everbody' instead of 'everybody', but those are just minor typos that I wouldn't worry too much about.

Also, although I love the biting one-liner Rose has at the end - 'I need ice-cream. And a gun, maybe.' it seems unlikely that, as a witch, her instinct would be to go for a gun. Maybe a curse, or her wand, or a hex instead?

Otherwise, this is a good start! I like the idea of magical society being plunged into a second rising, and Rose being caught in the middle of it, especially with her fiance being implicated of Death Eater crimes! It'll be really interesting to see how they overcome that, whether Scorpius is guilty or not, and how they actually feel for one another (because they didn't seem to get on all that well in this chapter :P) I also like the idea that Harry's facing conflict within the Auror department - I sense there's a split in the Ministry, which is another idea I love - it'll be interesting to see them overcome that too, and if the Ministry will stay united long enough to stop the second rising.

So, overall, good start, I love the plot! I think you just need to look over this chapter again and work on some of the phrasing, and clean up a few spelling/grammar mistakes. I hope this wasn't too harsh :L

Thank you! ♥

Author's Response: Hi :)

Thank you SO much for this. I really appreciate constructive criticism. So I will definitely not call this harsh. I write my chapters in a hurry sometimes, and I realize that owing to that, I tend to make some errors that I wouldn't usually make while writing. So, I will get to it and edit this to clear up the grammatical errors and typos :)
About Rose's voice. Now that you've pointed it out, I can see how there are some inconsistencies. I guess I will probably tweak it a little. But, I was sort of going for a little dash of not-so-seriousness here and there. Maybe I brought it out in all the wrong places, so yes. I guess I will make a few changes.
I cannot tell you how happy I am to hear that you like the plot :)
I've noticed that fluff/romance really sells. But it's hard to work with Next Gen and Horror/Dark together. However, I like the idea and I will go on with it. It's something different, so let's see how it goes.
I would love more reviews from you if you have any time :)
This was helpful.
Thanks a lot! :)


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Review #42, by peppersweetLike Never Before: Prologue

28th June 2013:
Hi! I'm here from review tag :)

Intriguing opening! I wondered, at first, if this was going to be a story about the Peverell brothers, but I changed my mind about three paragraphs in - the parallels are obvious, though, with the first brother being brave, the second cunning, the third quiet and unassuming. I wonder, is their father Godric Gryffindor? Just the clues about the strength, the courage, and being one of the four heads of Hogwarts...

I wonder, is there actually a relation between the Peverells and Gryffindor's sons? I simply wonder this because Harry and James were both Gryffindors, and descendants of Ignotus Peverell.

'She would learn of love. The kind of love that settles over the heart as silently as morning fog, and cradles it like a tender hand. Once such a love takes hold, there is no forgetting it. - this line was really nice! It's a lovely piece of imagery :3

I quite like the fairytale-ish aspect of this opening chapter, although, if I could offer a piece of concrit, I'm not sure it's the most exciting opening you could have. I like the opening sentence of 'this is a tale of three brothers', but, even though the chapter is brief, the fact that it's all descriptive makes it seem a bit passive. I don't know what I'd suggest to change this, because this is, as I said, kind of fairytale-like, and does suit the genre! I feel like you maybe gave a little too much away by describing each of the brothers and then the unnamed girl - you've already mentioned that the girl befriends the youngest brother, and then learns 'of love', which is a bit of a giveaway for the plot. I think that, maybe, cutting down this chapter a bit and making it slightly more vague before diving into the action would leave us with a lot more questions. Gah, I didn't explain that well at all! Honestly, this is a very good prologue, but that's just something that stuck out to me in reading.

Great start! ♥

Author's Response: Hi! Thanks so much for this lovely review! I posted this prologue ages ago and then just kind of put the story away. So it's great to get some more good feedback on it!

I have had so many reviewers point out similarities between my OCs and characters in the series. I never notice until someone mentions it! Haha I suppose that's something I need to work on. Although, if I ever do continue this, the characters should distinguish themselves from the Peverells. (And by the way, you're right about them being Gryffindor's sons.)

Another thing I tend to do a lot is give the game away in the first chapter. For this, though, I think I'm okay with it. Like you said, it's sort of fairy tale-like, and I like the inevitable feel to those stories. I like knowing what I'm in for, in a way. So I thought I'd go for that sort of thing in this prologue. Thanks for the suggestions though! It's definitely something I'll need to keep in mind for future stories :)

This review made my day! Thanks so much for coming by...I really appreciate your thoughts :)

--Maggie


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Review #43, by peppersweetKeep Calm and Carry On: Motion Sickness

16th June 2013:
I FEEL PERSONALLY VICTIMISED BY THAT OPENING PARAGRAPH. (But I forgive you, because it's a legit Orwell reference.)

When you mentioned the young mother jogging with the pram (minor nitpick moment: they're called prams, and not strollers here) I had vivid flashbacks to the time I was walking home from art school and nearly got flattened by a young mothers' exercise class - which was basically just sprinting with prams and occasionally stopping to do squats. They come out of nowhere, it's terrifying.

No, Edie! Do not sacrifice your journalistic integrity for Oliver! Dish the dirt on him!

I also like how you brought up the war in this chapter, and that Edie isn't all that affected by it, whilst there might be something to do with Oliver there - what if the shoulder injury is far worse than Edie thought? What if that's what started Oliver on his dramatic downfall? What if??

WHY CAN'T ANYTHING GO RIGHT FOR EDIE OMG

I'm so mad at everything right now I think I'm on the verge of emitting a banshee-like wail and going on a rampage, leaving a trail of destruction in my wake, like a very, very small, pathetic, scottish godzilla.

Jaediver?!? Can I ship it?!? (Can I kick it? (yes you can!))

Why do you insist on torturing my feelings like this!! ♥

Author's Response: Hahahha, I just love accidentally inserting you into this story, don't I? First the girl in the coffee shop, now this!

GAHHH okay so I actually had "pram" written first, because they say it in Monty Python and the Holy Grail (GOD I AM SO AMERICAN.) But then when I fact-checked, which consists of me doing some minimal-effort Googling, I didn't feel like it was common slang. Welp, good to know. I'll change it back. :P

I'm glad you're rooting for Edie to dish the dirt, because I am too! I think a lot of readers are getting fed up with her, haha. She even had a flame or two after the last chapter xD

Yes, the war. I feel like we only see the people who the war really affected--which, to be fair, was a lot of people. But what about those who didn't have to go on the run, or who were pulled out of school, or who never suffered any losses? I feel like there's an immense guilt there. It's another kind of tragedy of war that I wanted to explore.

Jaediver?! Dood. That's intense. And then you have to account for Seamus's man-crush on Oliver, and Dean's over-protectiveness of Edie. Jae+Seamus+Edie+Dean+Oliver = Jeamudiediver?



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Review #44, by peppersweetKeep Calm and Carry On: A Funny Thing Happened

16th June 2013:
I just remembered something I meant to tell you: as I was reading about Edie's internship and pondering on my own employment prospects, I remembered my brief stint working at a music shop a few years ago. One of my daily tasks was to deliver the teas and coffees, seeing as I was the most junior member of staff. There were about eight people working there, and I had to load all eight brimming mugs onto a tray and carry them downstairs to dish them out. I realised, fairly swiftly, that this was impossible for a tiny fourteen year old girl, so I ended up begging someone from the guitars department to carry it down for me so long as I brewed it - I felt awful about this until my manager told me that they were actually glad I passed on the task because, one year, they had a boy working there who couldn't manage the entire tea tray and tripped down the stairs with it, soaking something like five expensive Gretsch guitars in hot tea and coffee.

That was pretty much irrelevant to everything, but I felt like sharing that with you.

I like Edie's confusion about whether Oliver actually kissed her or not! It feels a bit more realistically (honestly, in the heat of the moment, one can be prone to imagining things) and it adds ~even more tension~ to a story that's already as tense as a highly-strung landlord with a parakeet on the loose.

Nitpick time - His lips spread into a huge smile. "You wrote her?" - there should be a 'to' after wrote~ I think that might be a dialectical difference, actually? I'm not entirely sure, but 'wrote to' is what I'd consider correct.

Edie bought the magazine eee :3 FRAMED PHOTOGRAPH ON HER WALL PLEASE

I love how Edie's landlord semi-asks her out for a drink via Howler, snort

♥ onwards and upwards!

Author's Response: OH MY GOD! I'm so glad that didn't happen to you, I bet that guy seriously just died. That sucks that you had to do such menial work... At least you were enough of a boss to just pass it off onto somebody else, like, "Naw. Not doing it." Man, I would feel really mean being like "YOU. Small girl. Fetch us many hot beverages."

Yeah! I feel like I always have an out-of-body experience of sorts, when something like that happens! And then afterwords you think and over-think it to the point that you can't remember what you've imagined and what actually happened.

That's embarrassing... I actually put "You wrote her," instead of the other way around, because I was like, "I FEEL LIKE I HEARD THEM SAY THAT ON PRIDE AND PREJUDICE I DUNNO." Bahaha. Thanks for correcting me; my experimentation with British dialect is always interesting.

SIMON. I wish I had a just reason to put him in this story more... maybe I will go back and add him in earlier on. He seems like a total random addition, plus I love him (because I can't un-see Simon Pegg doing all of these things. Hence the name Simon.)



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Review #45, by peppersweetKeep Calm and Carry On: In a Puff of Smoke

16th June 2013:
I don't think I'll be able to live my life fully until I know whether Oliver wears boxers or briefs.

I like how Edie's turned into a super-sleuth! Unfortunately, I've become a little accustomed to my favourite characters not getting their way in life of late, so I have a horrible feeling this is going to backfire somehow.

Ooh! Tension in Puddlemere? An unpopular Oliver? [aggressively sings 'tell me more, tell me more' a la Grease]

I remember her now from the Gryffindor Quidditch team, and as the horrible incident with the cursed necklace. - I feel like there might be a word missing from the second half of this sentence...'and also from', maybe? IDK~

I have a sneaking suspicious Oliver might be feeding Edie lies - he seems to be walking into her trap a little too easily non? I may be totally wrong, but I just can't help but suspect...! (I really like their Quidditch banter, though)

I love how Edie and Oliver escaped into a record shop - coolest thing ever - but, just a teensy thing...do record shops really stay open until half past ten at night? BUT THIS IS THE CUTEST BIT EVER SO I'LL LET IT SLIDE OMG THIS BIT THIS BIT - NOOOooo000oooOOO000

(plot twist: it isn't a magical paparazzi, but a simple muggle hipster "photographer", trying to find cute indie couples to put on their tumblr)

So I'm basically a sobbing wreck that the Ediver moment never actually happened at the end but Seamus' I'M AN AUROR!!! reaction more than made up for it. I hooted with laughter, a little like a maniacal owl.



Author's Response: Super-sleuth Edie! You'd probably be right in assuming that this doesn't go well... In fact, just always assume from here on out that it will not go well, regardless of what "it" is.

I love the idea of Oliver just wanting to be "one of the guys," and not having friends because he spent his entire Hogwarts career thinking about Quidditch, and then graduating and being like "Oh crap I have no mates now," and trying to be besties with the second-rate Puddlemere-ers, and they kind of think he's lame because he acts so stupid when they go out to drink, but he just wants to feel accepted so he does things like put on a bad Bulgarian accent to impress them. (I love the idea of a wildly unhappy Oliver Wood, essentially.)

Yes there is a missing word! I love that you are like a beta-reader and fun-reviewer all at the same time. Thank you! I will fixy-fix it.

Hmmm, is Oliver feeding her lies, or is he just finding her exceptionally easy to talk to? And kind of forgetting that this isn't actually a date? I DONT KNOW IS HE I DONT KNOW SERIOUSLY HELP ME FIGURE IT OUT BECAUSE I JUST DONT

Yay! The record store seemed cool because it's something readers can relate to (we being lame Muggles and all), but it would seem like such a strange place to a Witch/Wizard. And I kind of imagined it to be like a record store where all the "hip" kids hang out, hence the sitting room... but maybe a record store that isn't doing so well, as there are no other customers there? So they stay open late and you can wander in there when you're bored or when you've just left the bar and are looking for an excuse to not go home yet? And kind of thumb around through the stacks for hours alone late at night and maybe run into a potential friend?

Hahahahaha. IT WAS A TUMBLR USER. The photo is going to end up on one of those impeccably matchy blogs, and it'll have a red/yellow filter and say "Everything was beautiful and nothing hurt."

I love maniacal owls! Like Pigwidgeon. Thanks again, you! ♥

(Also, briefs.)


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Review #46, by peppersweetKeep Calm and Carry On: Clink

16th June 2013:
Clink is slang for prison!! I hope that doesn't say anything about the contents of the chapter!!!

(Yeah, I'm back to abuse even more exclamation marks)

Also, wanted to respond to some stuff you said in your review responses -

1. Let me fawn over Edie forever, because YES she is THE most relatable character I've come across in about three centuries. Love her to bits.
2. A Highland Fling is a Scottish dance! At least I only confused you by saying Highland Fling - I could have said I was off to Strip the Willow or do the Dashing White Sergeant. Both of those are ceilidh dances. As is the Gay Gordons.
3. Canon accepted: I am witch with septum piercing, languishing in dead hipster central. (No, really. I've really become one of those lonely-person-with-notebook-in-cafe people of late).
4. I expect Edie to say 'OH BLIMEY FISH AND CHIPS TEA AND CRUMPETS THE LIFT AND THE LORRY!' in an upcoming chapter now.
4.(a) No, really, you don't need to worry about Edie sounding like a caricature! Her voice is really natural, and I know it's blimmin' difficult to write in a voice that isn't your own. I once wrote an Inception fanfiction and was called out in reviews for a) saying lift instead of elevator b) wildly overestimating the annual rainfall of Los Angeles c) saying queue instead of line. And it's hard enough not going full Scottish on my writing sometimes! So I can totally sympathise.
5. Feel free to make Oliver crack out a nae now and again. Nae bother. Nae fear.
6. Please do tumble Oliver's biography at some point. Also, odd question, but where in Scotland do you imagine him coming from? I need to know for...science.

Now Edie's expressed her plan to wear the dress and return it, I feel like something's going to go horribly wrong - a stain, a tear, Oliver dropping a pint on her...

Dean wat no DEAN DON'T TELL ME YOU LOVE EDIE I WILL PERSONALLY CRAWL INTO THIS FIC AND SET YOU UP WITH EVERY GIRL IN IT IF IT MEANS I CAN HAVE EDOLIVER

Ooh can Eddie make an appearance at some point? That sounds like the BEST friendship ever.

Father Christmas!! That description of the restaurant was amazing! I want to go there now~

There's no way I could ever dislike Edie, high horse or not! The poor girl's had such bad luck lately, I just want to see her getting her own back at everyone. And dishing the dirt on Oliver. (And possibly ending up with him, I don't even like him all that much but...I ship them?!?!)

♥ onwards!

Author's Response: YYYOOOUUU!

Oh wow, I hadn't even thought about Clink being slang for prison... I'm sure I could find some way of bending the context of this "literature" into meaning exactly what I want it to (as per my undergraduate degree.) Hmm, Edie is in a "prison" that she created for herself, because she won't allow herself to look past her first impression of Oli--NOPE. Just the sound of glasses clinking.

1. Um, can we please talk about Flora Lancaster and the painfully awkward and relatable-ness?
2. I seriously thought it was throwing a log, like in the Highland Games that happens around here (in southern America, where we are JUST LIKE SCOTTISH PEOPLE)
3. YES. It is canon indeed. And I am totally in to sitting in places alone, I feel like every entry in my journal essentially says, "Why do I keep coming here, the coffee tastes awful." It's where I do my serious-est of writings!
4. I kind of want to find a way for that to happen?
4(a). Blimmin'! Didn't know that one either. That's really funny about your culture mix-ups, yeah, California is pretty arid, like annual-wildfire kind of arid!
5. Nae will he not crack a nae! (Did I do the thing?)
6. I totally will do that... trust me. It's the same bio I wrote for my first story on my HPFF page from FO-EVA AGO, but built-upon.

I should have taken that and gone with it, with the dress, but it just felt like TOO MUCH bad stuff was happening to her. So I just kind of glossed over it? Which wasn't really intentional either... I need some closure with that, it's really been bugging me!

YOU LIKE EDIVER NAOW?! ♥

Let's go sit at The Hanging Moon, at separate tables, with our notebooks, and not talk to anyone and write bad poems, and every now and then we'll solemnly look up at each other and nod. Plan? Plan.



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Review #47, by peppersweetSpoonful of Sugar: Rose is a little reckless

15th June 2013:
I switched playlists to listen to during my reading of this fic because I guessed from the banner and summary that it is A Very Different Beast to The Fluttery Whimsy and...I think I may be right. Odd question, but are you working on both stories at once, and thus, do you ever get mood/narrator whiplash from swapping between them? I get asked this about my stories sometimes, and my answer would be no, because I like to take a break from things now and again, but I wondered what you might say. And I feel like I have to make my reviews have some sort of point beyond rambling and shipping.

I can empathise with Rose! On the grades and so forth~

One thing that's kind of stood out for me in the first bit of this paragraph is the reference to the joint as a 'tube' or the 'tube-y' thing - not sure I can bring this up in a review because reviews are meant to be 12+, but I'll risk it - somehow I've got the impression already that Rose is smart, and even if she isn't streetwise and has never tried drugs before, I feel like she'd know to refer to it by a proper name, even if she just called it a cigarette. Also, this dialogue - 'Well, I didn't know it was this easy' was all she could think to say - I can't actually fault what she says in itself, it's just that you're missing a comma before the closing speech mark. Did I mention I liked to nitpick?

I actually like this characterisation of stoner!Scorpius rather than playboy!Scorpius. Everyone loves a bad guy, I'll concede, but I get very tired of the playboy!Scorpius Slytherin Sex Gods because, well, some of the relationships in those fics tread the abusive line and I really don't approve. But, anyway, this isn't the time to rant; I just wanted to say that I've never seen this angle on Scorpius before and I like it! And I like that Rose is the one that goes in for the kiss - even if she's Not Entirely Lucid, it's refreshing to see the girl taking the first actual move instead of the guy just barging in there. Not that I don't write that myself all the time or anything...

I also like the duality in Rose's character, how she veers between wanting to be a rebel and wanting to be a model student all at once. I go through a near-constant cycle of 'oh I want to be a good artist and drink green tea and eat salads and wear nice clothes and cycle everywhere and wake up early to watch the sun come up' and 'yolo!! drink all the beer die young #noregrets' okay that's a bit of an exaggeration but I think you understand what I mean. I think it's just everyday angst.

Nice chapter! Like I said, it is A Very Different Beast from The Fluttery Whimsy, but I've enjoyed this chapter and I'm looking forward to seeing more from your next-gen kids! ♥

Author's Response: It is indeed A Very Different Beast, but I am glad you still like it! When you said in the other review you were going to read it I was getting really nervy 'cause it's so different and all that.

As for the mood/narrator whiplash, I think I do sort of... But it's not so much from flipping between fics as it is just writing this fic itself. It has a tone I'm not really used to, so I'm constantly editing it. There are a couple times I go through and think 'That sounds way too Fluttery Whimsy!' but more often I'm just going 'Rose would use bigger words and better phrasing, come on Chloe, THINK!' So I suppose to a degree, yes.

Ah, yes, the tube-y thing. I didn't actually mean like a thin cigarette-ish thing, it's something that looks more like a test tube or something. I don't know what it's called, I just saw it in a film once :3 But now that you mention all this, they should probably not be starting out with that. I've been thinking about editing that, but I wasn't really sure, and now I am so thank you! I appreciate that you mentioned it because obviously I am Not an Expert on this particular topic.

Ack, that comma. I debated that comma so much. I couldn't decide if it needed one because it was a he said, or she said sort of thing. And I've seen it before where people left it out and it seemed okay but I wasn't really sure and I don't know the rules on all that, but I think I will add it. Eek, commas. You will be the death of me.

I agree with you completely about playboy!Scorpius. I wanted to make my Scorpius have a similar sort of attitude, because I felt like he'd be a pretty confident bloke, but I didn't want him to be all... eck. I didn't even get to a chapter of the first draft before I realised that was not the Scorpius I wanted, and I went and fixed him. I like him better now, and his characterisation really gets a kickstart in the next chapter, so I'm pretty excited.

Of course I had to make Rose kiss Scorpius because... well, she's Rose! I felt like it would be betraying her character to let him kiss her, because she wants to be all in control of everything. If she snogs him it's okay, but if he snogs her? He's a creep. Rose has some rather convoluted reasoning :P

I do understand what you mean, absolutely. And I think loads of people have that duality at least to an extent. Or at least a conflict of their own interests. There's that idealised version of themselves that they want to be and what makes them happy, but then there also the 'Forget it, I'll just do whatever I want' that is especially common at this age. So it's fun to play with.

YES, I am fist-pumping. So happy you liked it and so happy for another great review! I love seeing them, it's like the first flowers of spring or maybe something less twee but I'm in a twee sort of mood, so flowers it is!


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Review #48, by peppersweetThe Fluttery Whimsy: Mad People

15th June 2013:
New chapter!! Sorry, your friendly neighbourhood exclamation-mark-abusing reviewer is back.

As I read this chapter I was listening to this month's spotify playlist (because I'm the sort of sad sack that makes monthly playlists) and I found a song that sort of maybe fits what I think this fic would sound like if it were a song -- 'some time alone, alone' by melody's echo chamber has a sort of uh, well, I guess it has a bit of a fluttery whimsy feel to it.

Also, I'm fistpumping for Greta so much that I'm in danger of punching the roof, I've really invested myself in her character that much. And if you misspell her name, you get Great. Coincidence, I think not.

I like Rose! She seems sassy and uh, not as irritating as the others. And she uses swears so she is Certifiably Not A Dork. Sorry, I'm not sure where that comment came from.

'because she was pretty sure Rose was a mad sock, and it's not a good idea to question the decisions of a mad sock' - right, it's official, 'mad sock' is now my new favourite term of endearment/insult. HPFF has really done wonders for my vocabulary.

Greta is like Hugo!! And thus I continue to ship them, except I also ship Greta and Albus (despite Astrid) and - omg - no - don't make me choose -

Wait, you have another fic?? Right, that's going on the 'to read' list, then.

Another great chapter! (Or, should I say, another greta chapter) ♥

Author's Response: AKGJWL I LOVE THAT SONG. And you're completely right, it does have that weird but fun kinda feel, wow. This is excitiiing.

Glad you like Rose, she's really fun to play with. She does some pretty mad things. And I suppose I don't really consider her a dork either, she's more of the rebel/outcast who spends too much time alone or... what's a 12+ way to say this... we'll I'll steal Not Entirely Lucid, and she doesn't remember how to behave around people :P

MAD SOCK. Yes, I wanted to make it seem sort of like Greta was scared of not agreeing with Rose because that's the only way that it seemed plausible they'd get along. Because Rose isn't nice, but she is entertained by Greta's weirdness and is trying to kinda be not as sour as usual. So it's a pretty fun relationship to write.

Aha, your shipping feels are being violated already. Just you wait.

And yes, I decided to put Rose's fic up :3 I wasn't sure the response it'd receive, but it seems good so far, so I'm running with it.

More great/greta (very clever) chapters to come as soon as I figure out what is bothering me so much about stupid number four! Thanks for another lovely review!


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Review #49, by peppersweetAnd Capers Ensue: Bittersweet

9th June 2013:
OH. MY GOD!!

I've read this chapter a few times already (oh my god it is so so flawless) and I know I've already waxed lyrical to you about it BUT I NEED TO WAX SOME MORE LYRICALS OK.

First and foremost, you're bloody sadistic. Which I like, because you know me, I'm a fan of angst, I like to turn my characters into undead microwaves and whatnot. But!! Scorpius!!! bb. He's really put up with a lot in the past few chapters. And, oh god, the fact that it's his birthday. No. Not acceptable. Das ist verboten.

I actually think Fred's bit is some of your best writing (that I've seen, anyway, who knows what inhuman levels you're going to reach with etc) and eee! I love his ending. Auror Fred! And I know what Fred was going to say his name was to Bea, and that makes me 57% more sad, and why did you tell me that oh you're a brute ;~;

So! Not only am I, like, champing at the bit for the next chapter (with pinwheeling arms as per) but I am just generally SO EXCITED about this story and how good it is and how perfect everyone is and how everyone lives, in the end -- even if, uh, it's a bittersweet end.

Bee x Scorpion 5eva (love stings).

Ever your adoring, square-faced, exclamation-mark-abusing reader,



Author's Response: YOU'RE WAXING TOO MUCH you're making candles badumtsh

It was always kind of going to end this way (on various scales of bittersweet to chipperly happy and you can see from the chapter title which I chose). I always knew this, but I just reread the end and I realized how many heartstrings I must've just snapped. Author cone of shame.

I had the birthday thing stowed away for a looong time too, if you remember the time I told you that the last three words of this chapter was going be gr9, das ist it. IT WAS TOO GOOD TO PASS UP~

c: staaahp -dinosaur arm flail- I'm just glad Fred and I made our amends in the end. It only took /until the end of the story/ amirite. I think I like his resolution the best out of everyone's, just because it's so fitting and this Auror offer is his first real 'reward' and you get to see him earn it the entire way through the story.

I read that as exclamation mark faced and I can't unsee. EVER ADORING YOU ♥


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Review #50, by peppersweetKeep Calm and Carry On: The Magic Touch

29th May 2013:
I am so mad at Rose, I think I'm in danger of demolishing my house solely with my fists.

I really hope Oliver plays a part in bringing her down. I mean, as much as I want victory to be Edie's, he could atone for being such a berk in earlier chapters by helping her.

But now I am laughing so hard about the farting shoes thing omg

Edie's brothers! Eee. They seem like a handful. But also nice.

Also. My feelings about Oliver really fluctuate. He is not in my good books after this chapter! Taking Edie's brothers to a strip club, what is he thinking?!? I'm glad, though, that you didn't play Edie slapping Oliver for laughs; so often it is, in media, when you'd never see a man hitting a woman played for laughs. I hope Oliver does something to atone for his behaviour in a later chapter!

Brilliant, as always, but SERIOUSLY messing with my emotions ♥

Author's Response: JULIA SMAAASH!!! Apparently Rose is responsible for several demolitions, including my desk-chair, which I want to throw at the wall when thinking of her. Actually in a twisted way, I really like Rose. She's fun to write!

Oliver is quite aloof as to what's going on between Edie and Rose. He's so focused on QuidditchQuidditchQuidditchQuidditchFoodQuidditchQuidditch that he probably hasn't noticed a thing. But you'll be surprised by what he does pick up on ;3

I really really want to find a way to include her brothers again! This chapter seems a bit out of place, but I needed to give her a reason to go into the interview angry with Oliver. Doing something that hits so close to home, like behaving this way around her brothers, was important. They will definitely make a reapperance, I'm just not sure exactly when.

I'm glad your feelings about Oliver are fluctuating. HANG ON TO THAT FEELING DON'T LET GO DON'T START HATING HIM AGAIN! And you're right about the slap-trope. I was so, so, SO worried about including it, but it 1) shows how impulsive Edie is, 2) shows how upset she was, 3) puts a reall strain on their "relationship." (Hey have you noticed that I over-analyze and overthink everything related to this story at all?)

Thanks so much, SERIOUSLY! All of your reviews have been so amazing!!! ♥


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