Reading Reviews From Member: peppersweet
  
296 Reviews Found

Review #1, by peppersweetclose your eyes, listen on up.: under the mistletoe.

3rd January 2014:
Hey Maia! Here for the 12 days of reviewing challenge. I've read a lot of of 'stuck under the mistletoe' type stories this winter, but this was by far the sweetest and most engaging. Caitlin and Lily's progression from friends to lovers was so natural! I liked how Lily knew she loved her from day dot, even if she couldn't comprehend it at the age she was. Their relationship was beautifully written and they sounded like a perfect match - Caitlin's comment about the bee between the lips was really funny and I could just imagine her making comments like that to Lily all through the years.

One of the best passages was Lily's reaction to the kiss, I thought, especially this line: her mouth falling just the slightest bit open and her tongue darting out to check inventory of her lips, because it feels slightly like Caitlinís taken them with her when she pulled away, like sheís taken all of Lily, that sheís a hollow-shell-girl now - ugh, what a gorgeous piece of imagery, so evocative and sensual and eeep. I love the two of them a lot already. The narrative voice in this was really sweet too. I felt like I'd sat down for a cuppa and a natter and got this story chucked in as a surprise bonus.

The only criticism I have is that the spacing in this chapter is a bit weird - the HPFF editor does that sometimes. Didn't detract from the story at all, though, which was fab.

Really good job! Best of luck with the duel and have a fab start to 2014 :D ♥

Author's Response: Hiya! Yay, reviews from you always make my day :D I'm so glad you liked it! I think when I started writing this I honestly thought the enchanted mistletoe was something from canon - then I realised it wasn't and I must have read it in a fic ages ago and merged it into my brain as canon... but I liked it so I left it that way :P I am really glad you liked it and thought it was engaging! I'm terrible at writing romance and really struggle to make a good connection between the characters, and the characters and the reader, so I'm super glad you think that worked here!

Lots of people have commented on the informal writing style! I'm glad it seems to be such a hit - I think I did write this entire thing while drinking tea, so that might have had something to do with it :P

I've edited the spacing now but it's still a bit inconsistent so I might have another shot. SIGH. hpff editor drives me crazy sometimes.

Thanks so much for reviewing! Happy 2014 :D

~Maia


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Review #2, by peppersweetWaltz: Waltz

3rd January 2014:
Hi Tanya! Here for the 12 days of reviewing challenge, day 8!

I'm so glad I read this one-shot. It's such a sensitive but also sweet and funny handling of Scorose. Both of their conditions seemed absurd, but not in a bad way - I'm kind of struggling how to express myself here - as in, you showed the difficulty of living with OCD or a stutter really well without sensationalising the conditions or making this a tragic story. The way the narrative voice sometimes reflected Rose's OCD habits was really effective, with the repetitions of three. I thought it made this line really stand out: Not that she hasnít considered what it might be like to kiss Scorpius in a daydream or two or twelve, but the dream versus the reality are so very vastly different for one glaringly obvious reason: there are no germs in daydreams. It seems like a really offhand remark, but I liked how you used numbers that weren't multiples of 3 to count the daydreams, and mentioned that there weren't any dreams in them. The suggestion of Rose possibly having some sort of mental escape was really touching.

Their reactions after the kiss were also really sweet (sorry to overuse the word sweet!). I absolutely loved the closing line. Also, gotta say, it made me giggle a bit thinking of their absolute aversion to being covered in glitter. I know it's tough to get off, but sparkles!! I guess I can empathise - I glittered up for a Christmas party something like a month ago and my carpet's still got bits of silver trodden into it.

Really good work. Best of luck with the duel, and happy 2014! ♥

Author's Response: *squee* Hi hi hi and thank you so much for this wonderful review! Wow! :-D

Ah, I'm so relieved to hear that my portrayal of both Rose and Scorpius' conditions came across well! I was so very nervous about that when I was posting and it's been so reassuring to know they've been well-received! And that's so exactly what I was going for: showing their challenges in an accurate light without making their lives seem wholly tragic! Also, that's one of my favorite bits as well for exactly that reason: Rose gets to take a break from the germophobia aspects of her life, if only in a daydream. The numbers thing I actually didn't do on purpose, but I'm glad you liked it anyway (though I have to point out that twelve actually is divisible by three... hehehe)!

Ahh, the reaction line is one of my favorites! Scorpius is adorable after that kiss! And I'm so happy that the closing line worked for you; I was a little unsure if I shouldn't have ended it with his 'Good, good, good.' line, but I was selfish and really wanted that final Waltz line in it, so I threw it in just because! I'm very glad it worked for you! Phew!

Omg, glitter. No, I can't deal with it. LOL I'm telling you, it's impossible to clean up! Hahaha I wish the best of luck to you and your carpet, though! ;)

Thank you so, so much for this wonderful review! I was so happy to receive something from the 12 Days of Christmas challenge, too! Also, now that the winners have been announced (omg, I can't believe I'm one of them!), CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU! I'm such a slow reviewer, but I'm working my way through all of the entries, so I'll see you over at Thaw soon enough! Yay! *hugs*


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Review #3, by peppersweetYou, Traitor: You, Traitor

3rd January 2014:
Hi, here for day 8 of the 12 days of reviewing challenge!

I very rarely read stories about the Marauders, much less often stories about Peter, so I really enjoyed this one-shot. I liked where you went with the prompt, with Peter literally changing himself physically at the New Year as well as shrugging off any of his remaining loyalties to the Order in favour of Voldemort. I found this line quite chilling: You just wanted them to be safe. If theyíd just allowed your master to kill Harry, everything would be okay. To think that Peter would just prefer a child to die so things can go back to normal with him and his friends is pretty disturbing and says a lot about him as a character. I also liked how you wrote about him becoming part of the Weasley family, although it did seem a little strange that Percy just plucked a random rat off the ground and decided he wanted it as a pet. Also, the jump in Peter's mind from the mention of Ron to knowing he'd be able to spy on Harry at Hogwarts seemed a little unrealistic. I thought it was more a case of Peter ending up with a magical family out of sheer luck and choosing to stay there as it gave him a good place to hide, rather than tactfully biding his time with them until he could fulfil his duties. Peter is a coward through and through, after all, which you actually did a really good job of portraying earlier on in the one-shot.

Well done, best of luck with the duel! And a happy belated New Year :) ♥

Author's Response: Hi!

Thank you very much! I'm really pleased that you enjoyed this one-shot, and that you enjoyed how I interpreted the prompt.

That line is definitely creepy; in a way, it makes sense but when you add emotion into the decision, it's a terrible thought to contemplate.

I intended for Percy to be the "odd one" of his family, so he wanted a pet so he could have a friend, and since the Weasleys couldn't afford to buy one he'd pick the rat. I'll try and see if I can add in a bit more description to convey that, but I agree with you on the unrealistic aspect. I'm afraid I rushed the ending of the one-shot to get it into the queue before the deadline, and I'll definitely fix that soon.

Thank you so much for your lovely comments, and a belated Happy New Year to you too! ♥


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Review #4, by peppersweetMixed Feelings: Flying Forks and Bathroom Talk

3rd January 2014:
Hiya, here for day 8 of the 12 days of reviewing challenge! This was such a nice wee one-shot. I loved the casual absurdity of the Weasley's Christmas, like Roxanne accidentally throwing forks at Lucy, Albus levitating Lily and Hermione flawlessly performing the Heimlich manoeuvre on Ron. Bet he's glad he married her, eh?

I loved how much of a grudge Roxanne had on Henry Allen, seemingly for nothing. I know I get like that sometimes - I have terrifyingly short patience, especially when hungry - and I thought you portrayed Roxanne's frustration with him really well. Of course she fancies him! The ending was hilarious, when she just kinda throws insults at him then snogs him. I feel sorry for the poor boy. This line, I thought, summed up her inexplicable hatred of him perfectly: When all the dishes were clean, he wiped down all the counters and managed to remove the red food coloring stain that had remained for several years now. Roxanne thought about what it would look like if he suddenly went up in flames.

Roxanne's insistence on referring to Henry Allen by his full name at all times made me laugh - it reminded me of the podcast Welcome to Night Vale, where one character is always referred to as John Peters (you know, the farmer?)

Good job. Best of luck with the duel! ♥

Author's Response: Thank you! I also have short patience and have been known to get snappy when I get upset at people not going fast enough for me. :P I've heard of Welcome to Night Vale, and I keep meaning to listen to it but never do. Have fun in the 12 Days of Reviewing! :)

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Review #5, by peppersweetResolute: Resolute

3rd January 2014:
Hi, here for the 12 days of reviewing challenge!

This was an excellent insight into Riddle's mind. I like where you went with the prompt - instead of pondering how to change himself for the better and be a good man, Riddle's 'new year, new me' thoughts are fixated on how great he will become. The only way is up for him. I thought you brought across his arrogance and psychopathic traits well in this. It was written very subtly. Of course, psychopathic as he is, Riddle would never let anyone on to his dark thoughts and actions, and so the ease of tone and flow in this even when discussing some of his horrible deeds (like killing the Head Girl's owl) really suited his character.

I especially liked this line: He does not need a potion, even one for luck. He would create his own luck, if he ever needed it, and he never needs it. I felt like it was a really good piece of characterisation, Riddle just destroying the Felix Felicis, even being offended by it. It displays his arrogance and ambition perfectly.

Really good job. Best of luck with the duel! ♥

Author's Response: Hey there - thanks so much for stopping by! :) Good luck with the reviewing challenge!

Thanks! :) I'm so glad you liked it - I've been wanting for ages to write something about Tom Riddle and so when I saw this prompt, this was the first thing which popped into my head. I looked up lists of traits of psychopathy online, tbh, haha, so I'm happy you thought it came across well.

Thanks so much! I'm glad you liked it - I wasn't sure if that bit was a bit too much, in all.

Thank you so much for the lovely review and good luck with the reviewing challenge! :)

Aph xx


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Review #6, by peppersweetThe Unspeakable and the Wasp: Unique Service

3rd January 2014:
Hey, here for the 12 days of reviewing challenge! I've never read any fanfiction about Rookwood or, come to think of it, Ludo Bagman before, so this was a really unique and refreshing read. I thought you responded to the prompt very well, with Rookwood reflecting on his mask-like personality and using his tryst with Bagman to consider changing himself for the better. Whilst very compassionate and sweet, I did find it unusual that he felt remorse for possibly causing Bagman to lose faith in people generally, but you cleared that up in the end when Rookwood returned home. I always start the New Year with promises to make myself a better person, usually whilst drunk, and always go back on them by noon on New Year's Day...

I have to say that I especially liked how you explored the sexuality of two very, very minor characters, especially casting them both as bisexual (or at least I assume so, after Ludo's comment about being hexed in Brussels!). I feel like most people kind of react to bisexuality like 'what?? how?? surely you're only one or the other??' so I really appreciate it being written like this. Quite a few stories with gay or bisexual characters make the storylines revolve around sexuality, but you didn't do that here, for which I'm very glad! I also really like the sarky tone and the innuendo. I guffawed a bit when Rookwood made the comment about Bagman handling a broom. So smooth, Augustus, so smooth.

Just a little piece of criticism: this line is missing a word - Flirtation was just the in Augustus needed to plant a seed for his quest. Not sure which word is missing, but I feel like there should be something between 'the' and 'in'.

Great work! Best of luck with the duel, and a happy 2014 to you ♥

Author's Response: Hello! Thank you for picking this as part of the 12 days of reviewing. :D I'm really thrilled this was a unique read. Part of Rookwood's remore went back to the fact that he knew Bagman as a non-famous teenager and thinks of him as still the same person behind the fame. I didn't explicitly talk about that because I couldn't think of a way to make it clear that he only hit on him because he seemed useful and not because he creeped on teenagers.

I didn't want to make it just about their sexual preferences. I do think Ludo is bi and Rookwood leands towards anyone he sees as a potential mark. It's never really about preference but gain. Making his innuendo a bit silly was a must for me. I mean, most innuendos are.

Thank you so much for the review and cc!! It was really helpful and quite squee-worthy to get such good feedback.

-Rose


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Review #7, by peppersweetMerry Christmas: The Winter Air

3rd January 2014:
Hi! Here for day eight of the 12 days of reviewing challenge.

This was a really cute little one-shot! It had a perfect festive setting and I really liked the dynamic between Sirius and Eleanor, especially Siriusí snark. I loved the bit where he said Iím about as Sirius as they get! - I like to think he uses that joke all the time. The last line was really cute as well, looks like the start of a blossoming relationship for the two.

I did have a few things to comment on in terms of your spelling and grammar, etc, but I notice that writeyourheartout has already left you a really helpful review so I wonít repeat what sheís said. One sentence I do want to bring up, though, is this one: The snow fell ever so lightly, falling delicately on my nose, creating a magical atmosphere. On such a cold night, my breath could be seen condensing in the winter breeze air as my family and I made our way to the big wooden oak doors. Your writing here is pretty evocative of a wintry, magical atmosphere, so you donít need to clarify it with the words Ďcreating a magical atmosphereí. Itís a redundant phrase - we know from all your description of the manor, the snow, etcetera, that thereís a magical atmosphere here. Try to show, not tell.

Good job though, this was a lovely winter warmer of a story! Happy 2014 ♥

Author's Response: I'm really glad this story is getting such a good response, minus all the grammatical problems. I'm really thankful for all those who have taken time out to point out my errors to help me improve as a writer. Your example of how I can show and not tell, will honestly help in he future where I can let the reader read between the lines. Thankyou very much! A happy 2014 right back at you! :)

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Review #8, by peppersweetCaught Under the Mistletoe: Chapter 1

3rd January 2014:
Hiya, here for day eight of the 12 days of reviewing!

This was such a cute and christmassy one-shot. I like how Lily and Mary get their own back on James and Sirius ultimately, especially with the help of Remus and Peter. I really liked how just adorably fluffy it was, and how well you depicted the Maraudersí friendship - a lot of writers tend to slip in as many hints as possible about Peter being a bad egg, which is unrealistic because he was a marauder, so I appreciate that you didnít do that here. Also, loved how sarky Remus was. (James, thinking? Blasphemy!)

One wee criticism I have is that your phrasing was a little awkward in places. I donít really get this one line in particular: They each put four up in the locations that Lily had overheard and with the help of the others. I understand the first bit about Lily overhearing the locations of the mistletoe, but the Ďhelp of the othersí bit confused me. Do you mean Remus and Peter?

Good job, though! Happy 2014 :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much!

Yeah, I always get really annoyed when authors tend to make Peter as a bad guy from day one. In my opinion, if the Marauders were prepared to die for Peter he must have been a pretty good friend! You don't just die for anyone!

Haha, I'm glad you liked Remus! :p

Yeah, I meant Remus and Peter but I wanted to try and be subtle and not ruin the prank idea. I admit that I felt that was awkward but I couldn't think of a way to change it. If I think of another way to write it, I'll fix it up! Thanks for pointing it out, though!

Thank you for the lovely review! Happy 2014 to you too! :D

- Kayla :)


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Review #9, by peppersweetThe Lucky One: Cross Your Fingers

2nd January 2014:
Greetings! Here for the 12 days of reviewing challenge. How could I resist hipster Albus?

Before I even discuss the plot or anything, I love the line Broomstick scientist, he was not. So often when I write fanfic I get really carried away by the actual act of typing and forget that Iím writing about wizards and witches and whatnot, so whenever I see magical metaphors or idioms with a magical turn of phrase in fic, I get extraordinarily excited and want to shower the author in praise. So please wear your best praise-repelling anorak if you donít want to get soaked.

Itís kind of adorable how Albus resents his celebrity in this. Not because itís a pain being famous, but because he feels guilty about leeching off his dadís success. He seems like a guy with a heart of gold and I love him already! Also, the description of the cafe made me laugh out loud - being an art student, Iíve been to a lot of those sort of cafes and I never understand why the empty picture frame on wall thing is popular - and I love how this chapter is such a loving homage to all things try-hard and desperately cool. Also, Jamesí Wizbook status. First world problems indeed.

And at the paragraph about Albusí dress sense Iím laughing out loud. I can just picture him in his fair isle jumper and woolly hat and whatnot. Merlinís beard, please say he has strange piercings and tattoos too. Like, idk, a stretcher in each ear and a stylish owl chest piece. (But he loses hipster points for actually needing glasses as opposed to just, you know, wearing them. I share that struggle - whenever people try on my glasses theyíre like Ďoh, you actually canít see!í as if they expected me to just wear them for funniesÖ)

Oh Albus, you bleeding heart! Whilst part of me wants Sir Adorable of Adorableness to find love, it is a little creepy how infatuated he is with Violet - er, Blossom - without ever having said anything. I sort of hope he finds someone else, someone who is equally just as unknowingly hipster who will appreciate his lack of 20/20 vision and playlist.

That last line cracked me up. Hipster metaphor!!

Wait, a shoutout to me in the authorís note?? Aaah, youíre too kind! I didnít expect that and itís put a smile on my face ♥ great start to the story, I hope you update this soon!

Happy 2014 :D

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Review #10, by peppersweetAll Over Again: Time Will Tell

2nd January 2014:
Celeste! Greetings, Iím here for the 12 days of reviewing challenge. Iíve developed something of a soft spot for Cho over the past year or so, so I jumped on this. Todayís challenge is about reading stories that donít have angst as a main genre, and I have to say itís kinda unusual and very refreshing that Iíve found a non-angsty Cho story. Especially one thatís about adult life post-hogwarts - I love those!

This is such a beautiful start to a story. I like how you put us down in Cho, Padma and Hannahís lives without too much exposition or detail about them, how you just let us observe an ordinary lunchtime between the three of them. I feel like I know them already, you know? The dialogue was so natural. I liked Choís little dig at Ginny. Iíve never really considered how Cho might actually view Ginny, because Iíve never really figured out for myself whether Cho was really smitten with Harry or just looking for a meaningful relationship with another lost soul after Cedricís death, but I suppose Quidditch rivalry and whatnot wouldnít make them the best of friends. Also, yeah, Ginny is pretty annoying. Thatís such a small and odd detail to pick up on, but I picked up on it.

The imagery in this chapter was just gorgeous, especially the closing few lines. I love the springtime feeling in this, the feeling that life is spilling and sprawling out into the unknown and exciting things are just round the corner. The line It was silent and in the silence were lifeís melodies was really, really lovely in this context - just imagining that, even as Cho stands still and quiet, the world turns and her life turns with it. I donít think I expressed that very-well! Anyway, this chapter captures that twenty-something on the cusp of life feeling really well, and in a really refreshingly optimistic way.

This line was my favourite: It was spring. Around her, trees were deciding whether or not to bloom and the sun was parting easily with its light, but not with its heat. Itís so evocative of that almost-spring feel. For me, it instantly conjured up that first day of spring in Britain that always ends up being like an ersatz summer, when people go around in shorts and t-shirts with their goose-pimpled pale arms on show even if the temperatureís only just pipped a few degrees past celsius.

Really lovely start. Adding this to my favourites and looking forward to reading on ♥

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Review #11, by peppersweetUp For Grabs: {TO MARKET, TO MARKET, TO BUY A FAT COW}

2nd January 2014:
Meghna! Iím here for the 12 days of reviewing challenge.

This was such a cute one-shot, I loved it. It was great getting to see into Parvatiís life for a change and what she gets up to after Hogwarts - sheís not a minor character Iíve read too much about in fanfiction, so I really enjoyed this, especially as you set with her family in India. Her motherís matchmaking was hilarious and made me feel a little sorry for Parvati, especially when I read this line: Parvati stared into her empty tea cup as if she could see the figure of the Grim in it. Also, the bit where her mum asks if the boys are clean or not (íBathing is important. Do they have a bath twice a day?í - kinda sounds like my dad, to be honest, whoís always badgering me to find a rich English boy). I loved her little exclamation of íBroomsticks and bakwaas!í and how you called back to it right at the end. Vinod seems like heíd get on with Parvati really well - part of me hopes that, after this, theyíd befriend one another in London and get up to all sorts of magical hi-jinks. Ahh, Vinod is such a cutie. I know youíre a busy med student and all but can we get a Vinod/Parvati (b)romance fic? Can we can we can we please please please??

Iíve just got one wee criticism, which is that your tenses jumped around a bit in this, e.g She began to wonder if itís too late to floo back to London, and if she really can endure a whole three weeks back home. - it started in the past tense, and this line sort of jumps right into present, and throughout the fic you fluctuated between past and present a little too much. This is something you could definitely fix with editing though.

Great work, so glad I read this! Happy 2014 :) ♥

Author's Response: How does this story have so many new reviews. Let alone one from Julia herself. Bring me my fan, Dobby.
TENSE KINKS BE THE DEATH OF ME. I was so frazzled by the end of this story that I just thought o.k. it doesn't matter if it looks like I don't know basic grammar LET'S JUST PUBLISH YEAH? and look what's happened. But omg I did not expect you to like this or anybody for that matter but here you are being kind and sugary ;A; THANK YOU. xoxo


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Review #12, by peppersweetLungs: One

2nd January 2014:
Sarah! I've been meaning to read this for a while now, but today I'm here as part of the 12 days of reviewing challenge.

I liked this opening chapter, especially the first line: Helene could not separate the cigarette smoke from her own breath that hung before her. Every breath expelled a curling ghostly mass. The writing was beautiful, and those first few passages about Helene smoking in the early morning outdoors were very atmospheric. If I have one criticism, it's that this chapter felt sliiightly too info-heavy - some of the characterisation we got of Helene could be left for later chapters, or just shown through her actions. When I think up a story, the first thing I want to do is launch into all the complex character and plot info I've just thought up, but I think it's more important for readers to be thrown straight into the action. So I came up with the compromise of writing the info dump first, then shelving that chapter and writing an alternate 'action' opening that presumes readers just know who my characters are already. I mean, I don't think that reflects in my plodding writing, but, well, I try. I love Helene's character (she seems like a bit of a BBC Sherlock) and I'm intrigued to see how she comes into contact with the Marauders. Will she treat Remus? Will he melt her heart of ice? Ah, only time will tell.

Great opening, though, Sarah! Looking forward to reading the next chapter when you post it (and I promise to catch up with KC&CO soon!) ♥

Author's Response: JUUULIIIAAA (this requires more than the allotted four-character-count.)

Why thank you! I admit this kind of writing comes a bit more naturally to me... any excuse to throw in way too much imagery, really.

That's a very helpful suggestion about the first chapter info-dump. I'm guilty of doing that (especially in KC&CO, ack!), mostly because I get so excited to update that I turbo-write one chapter and immediately throw it in the queue. I really like your suggestion though, about writing the alternate action chapter... That's definitely something I'll keep in mind for my next OF project.

Hehe, I've never seen Sherlock (BBC or otherwise) but that's a cool--and pretty flattering--comparison!

Thanks so much for taking the time to review! I hope your Holiday went well ♥


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Review #13, by peppersweetThe Rainbow Room: curious.

2nd January 2014:
Greetings, here for the 12 days of reviewing challenge! Draco, Astoria, and Luna? If it werenít for the fact that Christmas was just a week ago, I would say that Christmas just came early.

I loved this opening chapter. Astoriaís narration was brilliant; it felt very light and effortless, but little flashes of darkness poked out now and again which made the general tone a touch bittersweet. For example, when Astoria mentions, almost offhand, that more people will be seeing thestrals this year, or even that her parents had died. Iím a big fan of post-war stories about the Slytherins, and my all-time OTPs do tend to involve Dracos and Astorias and Lunas so this fic is an absolute treat. I like the way youíve written Luna before - she definitely seems like Luna, with her bluntness and all. Some writers have the tendency to overemphasise her oddness, but you havenít done that, which is cool!

Looking forward to reading on. Thank you for posting this & a happy new year! ♥

Author's Response: Hey peppersweet - I am so, so sorry about this late reply to your lovely review. I haven't had a chance to use my computer for a while. I'm so happy to that you enjoyed both narration and pairings/characters. I'm like yourself, and love post-war Slytherin stories (though I feel they are unfairly rare).
Again, I am over the moon to hear you enjoyed this beginning. You review was incredibly sweet, and it means a lot to hear such things. Also, happy belated new year to you too!
-Mahalia


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Review #14, by peppersweetMiracle : Miracle

2nd January 2014:
Hey, here for the 12 days of reviewing challenge! You had me at Ďcontains references to suicide and death. Quite a bit of death.í

Holy moly, I loved this. I know the poem in question and love it too, and itís wonderful to see how youíve interpreted it and spun it into this one-shot. Itís so beautifully written and the concept is amazing (twisted, yes, but brilliant - and I have a weakness for twisted anyways). This was my favourite bit: Dying is your gift, I correct, as big sisters do. You stiffen, so like the strict realignment of bones of a corpse. I wonder you are all sharp, unbending bones bound in a dressing of blood and knit together by skin. The morbid imagery was perfect and wonderful and honestly Iím incapable of saying anything constructive about this fic, just lots of Ďwonderfulís and Ďlovelyís and Ďbeautifulís.

Amazing work. So glad I came across this! ♥

Author's Response: Hello! :) Haha, to say death is a big theme of the story is a bit of an understatement, and I'm so happy you found it intriguing!

I love getting reviews regardless, but to get one from someone who knows and likes the poem it was based on makes it extra special. I'm glad you found it interesting and twisted, I quite like getting into that dark frame of mind and coming up with creepy lines like the one you quoted. It's so fun, and I'm really pleased you pointed that line out as it was one of my favourites as well.

Thanks for this beautiful review, it was so lovely to receive! :D ♥


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Review #15, by peppersweetLove, Damned Love, and Statistics: I. The Girl

2nd January 2014:
Gina!! Itís-a-me, Julio. Here for the 12 days of reviewing challenge. Todayís challenge is reading angst-less stories, swear Iíve never had to do anything so difficult in my life. Also, Iíve wanted to read this for about 6561928723 years.

Anyway, enough about me.

♥ MR WELLY THE KNEAZLE ♥

I love the fluffiness of this (Iím still recovering from NYE and need fluff like I need calories and caffeine rn) and Iím only like, halfway through chapter 1 and already giggling and awing - the line about the 50% off sale at Gladrags attracting girls and James considering putting a similar sign on himself cracked me up. You know those people who are employed to stand on street corners holding signs advertising pizza places and stuff? Iím just imagining him standing outside the Great Hall with a big placard saying ĎDATE ME and get a FREE £5 GIFT CARD FOR HONEYDUKESí or similar.

wait

WAIT, BEA, A RAVENCLAW IN ALBUSí YEAR?

IS THIS

IS THIS THE CAPERSVERSE?? (If youíve told me that before Iím sorry that I have a memory like a Leaky Cauldron but it is a BIG REVELATION and the merest hint of a velvet blazer might make me fall off the sofa)

"That's one voluptuous graph," he said one evening with a low whistle, staring at the diagram she was working on. /ď Normal people call it a bell curve," she said smoothly over the scratch of her quill. This exchange made me snort with laughter. One might say Ellianís work has curves in places, occasionally the right places.

If James thinks Ellian is romantic as a fencepost, Iím shipping them already. Land ahoy, shiver me timbers and such. Jallian. Eames. EAMES. EEEAMES (fandoms within fandoms)

James seems like a bit of a jerk but in a wholly loveable way?? Also, knowing (or assuming, more like) this is Capersverse makes me so happy because FRED, the point-man, oh oh Fred, knowing what I know about your futureÖ

Eames 5eva. See you at the next chapter (once Iíve, er, left my six other reviews for this challenge - todayís gonna be a whole lot of reading) ♥ ♥ ♥

Author's Response: SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG TO RESPOND HERE I AM A GINO. You've wanted to read this since earth was a flaming piece of rock, thank.

THE GLADRAGS BIT IS MY FAVORITE LINE i added it in an edit though, so not everyone had the chance to see it. I'M GLAG(rags) YOU'RE THE FIRST TO MENTION IT. I think James would look spiffin in a placard. Or a giant suit of anything, really, even a hot dog.

THIS IS THE CAPERSVERSE as it says in the note at the beginning~ Scorpius isn't here but there is a brief Bea and Lucy cameo! I'll bet that Scorpius is one of the boys who looks like a sparkly flowerpot at the Yule Ball though.

EAMEs. ok that's too good, the ship has to sail. Actually I had an old dumb bit where James ships himself with her and calls it "Jelly" hurrhurhur

JAMES IS BASICALLY OBLIVIOUS TO EVERYTHING THAT ISN'T HIMSELF but he's a puppy so he needs people around him to be happy. Fred's bit is a wee sad if you remember him pining for James in the beginning of Capers. THESE ARE THE ANTICS JAMES PUT HIM UP TO.

♥ ♣ ♠ to spice it up. THANK.


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Review #16, by peppersweetWinking Eyes: Colin Creevey

1st January 2014:
Hey! Here for the 12 days of reviewing challenge. I have a real soft spot for Colin Creevey as a character, so this obviously broke my heart into teensy wee pieces. I hate that he had to die in the final battleÖ!

This chapter was really moving, especially with all the repeated mentions of Dennis and the winking eyes. What are the winking eyes? I guess Iíll have to read on to find out, hehe - at first I imagined Colin had charmed photographs of himself to wink at Dennis as a way of signalling whether he was alive or not. Which is silly, but itís what my mind jumped to!

One of my favourite bits was where the stairs formed a whirlpool of sorts and swallowed up the Death Eaters. Very imaginative, and something I can see the castle doing during the final battle. I also really liked how your writing because increasingly fragmented as the fic went on and you used more dashes to break up sentences, showing Colinís growing anxiety and the intensifying action. And the last line was absolutely heartbreaking.

Really lovely chapter - Iíll definitely be back to check out the rest when Iím not so hungover and tired (happy new year, by the way!). Thank you for posting this! ♥

Author's Response: Oh, that idea of the winking eyes is really beautiful too! I guess in this first chapter I was sort of going for that sense of not quite knowing what the winking eyes are, and leaving that up to imagination. Obviously my answer is going to be given in the next two chapters :)

I'm so glad you liked the writing of the battle... I always find actions scenes pretty challenging so I'm glad I did this one well.

Thanks so much for the lovely review! And a happy new year to you too!


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Review #17, by peppersweetVictory: I've found you.

1st January 2014:
Hattieee! Iíve been meaning to read this for a while, so Iíve arrived here for day 6 of the 12 days of reviewing challenge.

I have to confess that, when I started reading this, I assumed Victoire was narrating it - I only made the Teddy connection in chapter two! But it made for some great mental images in the meantime. I will not let that detract from the creepiness of the fic, however.

Loved this line: For a moment, I am in pain. I revel in the fact that it is not caused by you. - as an initial introduction to their relationship, anyway!

I really like the bit where Teddy points out that he can change physically very easily, whereas Victoire can change her personality or thoughts with the same relative ease as her Ďbeauty remains constantí. I, er, donít have anything deep to say about it, I just think itís a really interesting comparison.

Itís ironic how the child born at the end of an old war gave birth to a new one. - also love this line. So! Much!!

The rhythm of this fic is excellent; it feels like a constant, rolling beat as Teddy walks. Iím not sure if I read it right, but I got the feeling that there was a weird sort of timescale going on here, specifically in chapter 5 when Teddy talked about his relationship with the other girl. It seemed to be over so quickly that I reasoned that the fic is set in a sped-up version of Teddyís life; instead of being a moment of him running to actually hunt out Victoire, itís more of a metaphor for his process of getting over her after the end of their relationship. I mean, I might be so wrong - I am very hungover and tired today and not reading stuff right (happy 2014!!) - but itís the feeling I get. But wait!! Victoire is in Azkaban? Sheís an actual murderer? I THOUGHT THESE WERE JUST METAPHORS HATTIE WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY EMOTIONS. I also might be wrong about the timescale thing. Heís not getting over her!! Not at all!! HEíS SWIMMING IN THE NORTH SEA NOT GETTING OVER HER!!!

Dude. Wow. That ending. All the way through this fic I just assumed it was about a creepy Teddy, you know? And nowÖI know better.

Okay, seriously, well done, Hatz. After reading this last chapter I can see how tightly constructed and put-together this is. Itís melodramatic, but in the best possible way, and I definitely didnít see the end coming (I just assumed that when he mentioned she killed people, he meant likeÖmetaphorically? By breaking their hearts? Because Iím naive and too innocent for this world?). Brilliant job!

p.s happy new year! ♥ ♥ ♥

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Review #18, by peppersweetI Feel Pretty: Epilogue: You Are Beautiful

1st January 2014:
Hi! Iím here for the 12 days of reviewing challenge at the forums.

I love and also hate the idea of Roxanne having to deal with an insult mirror - it sounds like exactly the sort of tacky, silly magical object youíd get in the potterverse, and itís definitely a daft gift. Although Iím reading it literally as Roxanne having to face an actual mirror that insults her, Iím also interpreting it as her own voice that she might hear in her head as influenced by the media, etc.

I think itís desperately sad in chapter two when Roxanne mentions Molly and her terminal illness, and almost seems to wish Molly would be dead. Roxanne really gets put through the works in this fic! I appreciate that you showed her cycle of illness and recovery from start to finish, highlighting the start of it and then bringing it to a close. Unlike most fics about self-harm, anorexia and abuse, it wasnít too sensationalised, and I liked the more hopeful tone of the final chapter.

My main criticism would be that Roxanne and Seanís relationship was far too rushed in this chapter - they went from meeting to expecting a baby in no time at all, and then he was dead! I appreciate that Roxanneís illness would have made her more vulnerable and perhaps too trusting towards men, but if this is the case, you could do with making it a little more explicit. As it was, things seemed to happen very quickly, and his introduction felt like more of a catch-all Ďcureí for her mental health disorders than a true romance. I do like the ending, though, when Roxanne resolves to love her children no matter what and do whatever she can to help their self-esteem. She makes a complete change in her life in this closing chapter, which is heartwarming.

You also had a few issues with flip-flopping tenses in this fic, e.g the two of them were talking about Quidditch and Katie occasionally put in a word or two. Freddie and LeeAnne were sitting in front of us, talking quietly about their twin boys (names, they just found out last night) - the story often flopped between past and present tense, which I found a little confusing. That sentence seems like the past tense (and the ending makes me think that Roxanne is narrating this from far in the future) but the mention of the twins is in the present tense. Also, I thought you mentioned Roxanne was at a muggle school in the first chapter, so I was confused for a lot of this about whether she was actually a witch or not, haha!

Good job, though, for tackling a lot of very difficult issues in a pretty sensitive way. And a happy new year! ♥

Author's Response: First of all, thank you for the review I really appreciate it.

Now about Roxanne and Sean relationship, I sort of viewed it as a whirlwind romance, I can see Roxanne being with someone who will make her happy. Sean makes her happy because he understands that he needs to help her, and I did jump around in the last chapter. They had been going out for at least a year, and he was planning on proposing to her.

The tenses have always been an issue of mine, but I'll get around to editing it soon.

And the mention of Muggle school in the first chapter. Roxanne is five at the time, my headcannon is that all the Weasley kids went to primary school until Hogwarts age. It made sense to me as their parents couldn't all homeschool them if they were working, also it would help them be around/respect Muggles.

Thank you again for the review and constructive criticism.

~WR


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Review #19, by peppersweetTea Leaves : Innocent Library Adventures

1st January 2014:
Hey! Here for the 12 days of reviewing challenge.

Awh, this was a very sweet little chapter! I like Roseís narration. It seemed kinda bittersweet, actually. She seems a little isolated and out of the loop. I like this angle on her - very often, sheís written as a tempestuous, popular Ďití girl, so itís nice to see her as someone whoís just confused and a little quiet. And also very in love with Scorpius (but who wouldnít be?). I love that her narration still sounded typically teenager-y, though, like this line: Being a teenager is the hardest job around, married people just donít understand. They already have someone to be with forever. I, as a teenager, donít know who Iím going to be with in the next hour. I want to be married already. Though I have this feeling dad might not be up to the idea as much as I am. - I laughed out loud at this! I especially liked the opening. I always wonder that too when I read fan fiction - where do people at Hogwarts snog? Surely broom cupboards are full of doxies andÖbrooms??

One thing that did strike me was that some of the phrasing in this chapter was a little off - mostly misplaced commas, the like. For example: I should have been a bit embarrassed by his surprisingly accurate account of me and Transfiguration but I was too flustered to say anything. should read ĎI should have been a bit embarrassed by his surprisingly accurate account of me and Transfiguration, but I was too flustered to say anythingí.

Oh, Rosie. Just tell him you like him! Great opening :) happy new year! ♥

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Review #20, by peppersweetThink of Me: IV

1st January 2014:
Hi! Iím here for the 12 days of reviewing challenge. Draco/Luna is a favourite ship of mine, so I specifically went looking for Druna fics and came across yours.

First off, I love this line in the first chapter: To some, thunder and lightning are sinister visitors, but to Luna Lovegood, the rain is just a lonely soul looking for a place to rest. This story is beautifully written in general, but this line in particular was so evocative of both Lunaís character and the setting and I just love it to pieces.

Oh, this fic made me so emotional. As well as loving the Druna ship Iíve got a soft spot for post-hogwarts Draco fics that explore his character after the war. Iím guessing this is an AU of sorts where Voldemort wins and Draco stays loyal to him? Regardless, it made me feel so, so sad - I swear I came this close to tears in the final chapter. Itís devastating to see both Draco and Luna so worn down - more so Luna than Draco - as both of them are intrinsically good at heart. Itís sad to think that they donít have a happy ending in the slightest, only the bittersweet knowledge that they were there for one another when they died, despite almost being strangers. Ah, my heart. Oh god.

I love this line too: She thinks of the Quibbler, his laugh, the way he still loved her mother. She misses him most on sunny days, on rainy days, on cloudy days. This got me choked up a bit. Also, this line - er bravery is deserting her as quickly as doxies in January. - didnít make me super emotional or anything, but I wanted to comment on it because itís a ~magical metaphor~ and I donít see those very often in fan fiction, so I love it when I do.

The last line absolutely slayed me. It makes their lives and their love seem so pointless, so insignificant in the great scheme of things, and that also makes meÖsad. This fic generally made me very sad. But, naturally, I love things that make me sad. Seriously good job - Iím very glad I came across this. Happy new year ♥

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Review #21, by peppersweethoney.: ron

1st January 2014:
Oroco! Iím here for the 12 days of reviewing challenge (but always, always here for you).

I donít usually read Dramione, but in the past month Iíve discovered I actually like One Direction, so I suppose anything is possible now. This was a really tight and engaging short story - I loved how the chapters mimicked and mirrored one another, and how you wrote little callbacks into them, especially in Draco and Hermioneís chapters. Which was pretty telling, actually, now I look back - Ronís chapter didnít have the same echoes and it showed his exclusion from their relationship and, indeed, Hermioneís life. If you donít mind me saying, the plot was a little cliche, but you pulled it off so well with the characterisations - whilst I donít strictly see Dramione happening in canon, you made it happen here, and this did all seem very real and plausible. Draco definitely reads like canon Draco (as opposed to, um, fanon Draco??). I enjoyed Hermioneís chapter too - it showed her as a woman yearning for her own independence whilst falling prey to desire.

I loved this line especially - it made me feel so sorry for Ron - Ron thinks about how even when he was ending their lives, they looked at each other. Even when he was ending their lives, he was not important enough to earn a glance of recognition. Why must you do these things, Draco and Hermione?? Poor Won-won!!!

Good work, Erica! This was a really short and devastatingly bittersweet story and Iím glad I came across it. Happy new year ♥

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Review #22, by peppersweetAnd the Bible Didn't Mention Us (Not Even Once): Untitled

31st December 2013:
Hello, here for the forums 12 days of reviewing challenge! I went looking for dark one-shot and came across this. I have a weird love of reading about Malfoys, Death Eaters, and all characters moste evile, so this suited me perfectly.

Wow, this was beautifully written. Your grammar and phrasing is flawless. For a while I thought this was just going to be a meandering one-shot about Narcissa and Bellatrix, but the twist where Lucius appeared absolutely floored me - I didn't see it coming at all! I was on the verge of criticising you for making Bellatrix seem too nice, to be honest, but I completely take that back. Those last two sections change everything and, in retrospect, her actions seem entirely malicious. I'm inclined to believe that she's made the whole thing up and is keeping Narcissa prisoner, possibly keeping her ill as well. This one-shot is dark and utterly disturbing in the best possible way. At first I thought Bellatrix's actions were unusual, but, thinking back on it, it entirely makes sense - I assume this is set immediately following the final battle, once Bellatrix has lost everything. Whilst I don't endorse what she does, I feel like it makes sense that she would do it...not sure I expressed that very well!

"It feels different to lose your mind, Cissy. You're not going mad." - whoa, this line is really chilling when I look back. Well done - this fic is so tightly composed, and I didn't see the twist coming at all. Great work! Happy new year ♥

Author's Response: Hello there!

First of all - so sorry for the late reply, I totally didn't get a notification and only checked the Archive now at this very moment. Anyway, thank you SO, SO much for this amazing review! I am so incredibly happy that you liked it - and your compliment regarding my grammar/phrasing truly flatters me (I'm Austrian and therefore an ESL; I've written fanfiction for many years of my life but only switched to writing in English in early 2011). I'm honestly quite speechless, but I have to say that I'm incredibly proud of how this piece turned out; while writing I kept on changing my mind of what I wanted to do with Narcissa's illness and Bellatrix (who I do believe loves Narcissa, but the war has changed and ruined a lot) but in the end decided to just let it flow and this is what happened.

I cannot tell you often enough how glad I am that you enjoyed it! Thank you so, so much again and happy new year to you, too!


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Review #23, by peppersweetMoony Eyes: Moony Eyes

31st December 2013:
Hi, here for the 12 days of reviewing challenge! I have a real soft spot for next-gen Lucy fics, and this is no exception. Like youíve written her here, I always picture her as the slightly wayward one in the Weasley family - what else would you expect from Percy Weasley's daughter?

I thought it was really sweet here how you sketched out Lucy's relationship with Percy. So often, fanfic writers - myself included - make their relationship quite strained, so it was refreshing and generally quite heartwarming to see them getting on well. I loved this line: She thought again of her father, how proud he was whenever she came to him with good grades, or a new job, or any new thought really. I really like the idea of Percy just being curious to hear anything she has to say. It's desperately sad that Audrey's dead in this story, which makes for a very bittersweet ending, and I get the feeling Lucy and Percy are kind of adrift here. I wonder what Lucy's relationship with Molly is like.

One thing that did confuse me here was this line: There was the broomshed where she and Lily would sneak in and take Lilyís brothersí brooms, just to fly around a bit. - is this the burrow? Or is it just Percy and Audrey's house? In which case, why does the Potter family keep their brooms there? Sorry if I missed something there, but that stuck out to me.

Nice work! A belated merry christmas and a happy new year to you :) ♥

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Review #24, by peppersweetGenius: Time to Play God

31st December 2013:
Hi, here for the 12 days of reviewing challenge! Ooh, I actually know the Carol Ann Duffy poem youíre talking about (it was on the GCSE English syllabus for a bit before it was removed for, uh, ďviolenceĒ).

This was a really interesting stream-of-consciousness type look into the young Voldemortís mind, and definitely displays a lot of the psychopathic traits weíd expected from him, notably his absolute lack of empathy and belief that heís a genius, or, indeed, God. I especially liked the line My lifeís been stolen so Iíll steal yours - it definitely sounds like something the young Tom Riddle would say and then use as a justification for his descent into dark magic.

At the risk of sounding harsh, I do have a couple of criticisms, but I think theyíre the sort of things that could be sorted out if you passed this through to a beta reader or the like. I think the short, sharp sentences in this are very effective, and they do mimic the feel of the original poem, but at points this piece felt a little directionless and lost focus. It could do with a bit of pruning down, maybe, and the cutting of superfluous sentences. For example, People go past shouting and screeching words at me ďfailureĒ, ďfreakĒ. It makes me angry. The urge rises againÖ personally, I donít think you need to clarify that it makes him angry - we can infer that from his reaction. Some of the sentences could also do with rephrasing, such as A house, I enter, itís easy the door opens at my touch without the need for the keys. - I completely understand what youíre trying to do in this by axing the verbs from some of your sentences (I do it to), but a few need tweaking. That bit should read: ĎA house. I enter. Itís easy; the door opens at my touch without the need for keysí. Or something like that. You also stray a little too close to the original poem in parts, especially the passage about the snowman (which I think actually comes from another poem called 'Stealing') - I really like the influence the poemís had on the style of this, but it runs a little too close for comfort in that Riddle also steals a guitar, yo-yo and snowman, and speaks to the man on the phone who ultimately cuts him off. Itís the perfect poem for getting inside the head of a character like the young Voldemort, but it would be more effective if you came up with different things for Riddle to steal - he was an orphan in the 1930s, and a magical one at that, and this one-shot feels like it has more of a contemporary setting.

Otherwise this was really good - the stream-of-consciousness style suits it really well, as itís unclear whether this is actually happening or just a figment of Riddleís imagination. And ooh, what a chilling ending! This line in particular struck me: Today I am going to play God. He hasnít helped me at all so I shall make him notice me, by taking control of something. Anything.

A belated merry christmas and a happy new year! ♥

Author's Response: Hello there, sorry for the delay in reply, Uni work has been taking up my life as of late!

Thank you SO SO SO MUCH for your wonderfully detailed review! I totally agree with the points you made, some rephrasing of a few sentences would help the piece to flow and be less 'clunky' in places. (Since posting this fic, I've always used a beta to help me iron out any creases, you yourself appear to be an excellent beta!)

I'm so pleased you enjoyed reading this, I was trying to write something quite different, there aren't a lot of fics that are from Tom Riddle's POV, and I find his personality before he became Voldermort fascinating. Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to review :)


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Review #25, by peppersweetHome: this mix of old and new

30th December 2013:
Hiya! I'm here for the forums 12 days of reviewing challenge, reading stories with 0 reviews. I picked yours because I'm trying to read more Marauders these days (I've never been into them before) - good shout, because I really liked this heartbreaking little window into Remus and Sirius' lives. Am I right in thinking this is set around the time of Goblet of Fire, their first christmas together after being reunited?

It's so sad to think about how the Marauders were torn apart by the war, even sadder to think that Remus and Sirius were only reunited for two years at the most before Sirius was killed, swiftly followed by Remus. Especially sad considering Remus, by this point, had been outed as a werewolf, and Sirius was still on the run from the Ministry - they never got to live their lives to the fullest. Considering that, this line was extra poignant: Yes, even in his most beastly, animalistic moments, humanity had held a sad place in the back of his mind...Itís funny how he could always save himself from his other half. Or perhaps, in light of how Sirius had kept his sanity in Azkaban, not so strange after all, but human nature. It reminded me how hard both of them fought in their short lives for the freedom of both themselves and the ones they loved, and how they struggled right to the very end. In fact, this one-shot was full of feels. Feels, I tells ya.

I liked how the story came full circle as well, starting with the two occupied armchairs by the fire and ending with Remus contemplating Sirius' empty seat, reflecting their fates. This did seem like more of a drabble-y moment than a full story, as such, but it was a beautifully sad look into their lives. It didn't seem overtly slash-y, but I did get hints of it in Sirius' "I just Ė always thought you'd know it wasnít me, couldn't be me." remark. I wish Kreacher hadn't been so, y'know, Kreacher, otherwise Remus could have cleared the air over that one.

Beautiful! Thank you for sharing this with us :) merry belated christmas and a happy new year! ♥

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