Hello again! I am currently reading on A Mobile Device (capitalised for effect) So please excuse the shortness of this review or any spelling or grammatical errors herein.
something I forgot to comment on in your last chapter. The bit about Edie buying dean the quill was so sweet but also so very relatable; I'm an art student meself and the degree practically requires you to sell your granny to buy course materials. At one point I was spending £30 a week. That's six whole Galleons.
I liked Edie's feminist inclinations in this chapter! Her frustration at not getting to write about what she wants makes me ;A;
Also appreciating the way you've written her internship. So realistic. I spent much of today applying for jobs and in one drastic moment I almost put 'excellent tea-making skills' on my CV because that's all work experience ever really taught me.
really enjoying this story so far :3Author's Response: Hello again! I wish I had A Mobile Device which allowed me to read HPFF... there would be so much more time!
The bit with the quill came from my best friends being art majors. Not only were they stuck in the studio for hours a week (on top of other, non-art classes) but they were just hemorrhaging money!
Yes! I feel that feminism really needs to be brought forward on HPFF, especially after that whole April Fool's debaucle.
Hahahha, "tea-making skills." Seriously though, it's so hard to get good experience when they only want you to do the grunt-work. I actually left my last internship because it went from researching/compiling information for exhibition guides to distributing event flyers around town. Womp.
I'm so glad you like this story!! Yay! ♥ Report Review
I've been meaning to read this story for so long! I keep seeing it pop up on recently added and I've always gone 'oh, yeah, I should check that out someday' but I never got around to it...until today. I'm excited to start this knowing that you also wrote The Wild, which is one of the fics on this site I've liked forever.
I enjoyed this opening chapter and I really like the characters you've introduced so far - Edie's a lovely narrator and Seamus and Dean sound like a hoot! I feel like a lot of people, myself included, attempt this sort of post-school story about young friends boozing, flatsharing and occasionally working, and it so often falls flat - here it didn't; it's written really well and the characters already seem so natural and real.
The only thing I'd say is that this chapter, at times, felt like a bit of an information dump - it was a lot of Edie's internal narration about her friends, introducing them one by one, which comparatively little action. But I think you're a bit too far into the story now to work on that, haha!
Really great opener and I'm looking forward to reading the rest! :D ♥Author's Response: AAHHH. I am so excited you read this! Fa real, I like your stories quite a lot.
And ohhh yes, the information dump :c Trust me, you're not the first person to mention it. I think it was the result of getting inspired for this story, not being sure how to start it off for WEEKS, and then churning out the first chapter in one go. I got so excited to post it that I didn't even have the second chapter written, where I could totally have spread out some of this information, haha. When the story is complete, that's one of my top priorities for editing... I'll be able to disperse it into the story a bit more easily.
Thanks so much for your review! I'm so flattered that you think it's believable (and, oh, that you like The Wild, which will always be my baby.)
♥! Report Review
oh, god, Helen, WAAAIL.
This was amazing. Seriously, one of the best fics I've read here in a long time. I'm so glad someone chose to write about this issue, and I'm so glad it was you, and I'm so glad you've written it the way you have. It's not something that's easy to write about and the way it's so stigmatised in society means that, even if you write about it, there's still that fear of discussing it with people and opening up the conversation to the world (I know, I've tried) and ARGH YOU'RE MY HERO RIGHT NOW.
This is a personal topic for me and the way you've written it was just excellent - relatable and so realistic; my experiences of the internet have taught me that people tend to totally misunderstand & condemn or romanticise self-harm, whereas your fic is unjudgemental and represents both the feelings of the sufferer and the - dare I say it - ignorance? of the people around her (well, not so much ignorance, but sympathy and pain without a real understanding). I like the way the italicsed flashbacks moved seamlessly with the discussion with her family - I liked that you presented her family asking 'why?' and then her answer in the form of a memory, whilst Lucy never really makes those memories explicit to her family. Kind of emphasises the difficulties in overcoming it.
The only thing I'd really criticise is a few spelling and grammatical errors here and there - 'drawer' was repeatedly misspelled as 'draw', which stuck out to me. But seriously it does not detract from the 500% certified amazingness of this fic.
Thank you so much for writing this ♥ ♥ ♥Author's Response: Helllo Julia!
This was a pretty personal topic for me too and it was one that I really wanted to write about, but also one that I was reaaallly scared to write about too (because of all the reasons you listed and more - it's such a... wowsensitive topic), so I'm really REALLY glad that you well... not liked it, but, that I didn't mess up completely I guess.
Its a really difficult thing to talk about and, usually, some of the responses aren't something the family/others necessarily want to hear about. This was written fairly speedily, so I'm not surprised there's a couple of mistakes. I'll be sure to go back and edit soon. Thank you for the lovely review! :)
-Helen Report Review
Hey, I'm here from review tag!
I was drawn to this one by the bright banner and I think you've done well to establish a lighter tone in the first few paragraphs, especially given that opening line and the subject matter! You're dealing with heavy issues without them seeming heavy and that's quite refreshing.
Ellie's gift is really interesting and unusual. It's a lovely starting point for the story and the passage about Ellie's mother dying makes her gift seem even sadder.
One thing I'd like to pick up on is your use of short, single-sentence paragraphs. I think it works well now and again for dramatic (or comedic, as it was in the opening) affect, but when it's used throughout the entire chapter it can disrupt the flow. Some of the chapter, for example, the parts about Ellie's mother's death, could be condensed into a single paragraph. You could still keep the abrupt short sentences, but maybe consider reducing the number of short paragraphs...if that makes sense? The chapter also seems to move quite quickly between the different scenes which is probably to do with this.
And another wee thing I'd like to pick up on - Rose asking Ellie to go to the 'mall' is a bit of an Americanism. Something like 'going to the shops' would sound more natural :) similarly for 'bookstore' - it'd be 'bookshop'. But that's seeeriously nitpicking on my part and I don't think it detracts from your story in any way.
Nice start! Like I said, Ellie's gift is a really interesting thing to work the story from, and I love how you started it with her discovering the gift at a young age instead of explaining it away at a later stage. Good job! ♥Author's Response: Hello! *waves*
Bright banners are awesome. All credit to the awesome artist! I tried really hard to make this light and humorous because I have this thing about angst. I might make the story a bit darker as we go along, though!
Her gift is sad in that aspect. I plan to explore that later on. She isn't as cool with it as she seems!
Yeah... you're right about the single-sentence paragraphs. I think I was trying to see which writing style would fit best, but I think you make a good point about everything having its place!
I have no idea why I said mall. I've never used the word in real life - I'm Australian. I'll change that when I go back and edit!
Thank you for your lovely review! Report Review
I'm like three paragraphs into this story and already terrified because it basically describes my life. I always stalk reblogger blogs! I frequently spend three hours on etsy doing nothing! AND I AM ALWAYS DOING STUFF.
Your summary is ace. I do a daily check of recently added (don't worry, I don't even pretend to have a life) but usually just scroll aimlessly past all the things and then go back to tumblr. This summary made me stop and actually read something for a change! :3
Ooh, I like the idea (if I've got the idea right, hee) of a non-magical person (who shares my love of uninterrupted wifi access) having to go and spend time with magical folk (who do not appreciate the wonders of the internet). It's something I've never read before!
Bigger on the inside! I spy a doctor who reference~
One thing I'd comment on is some of the terms seem a little...off? I can't speak for the entirety of this fine nation seeing as I'm a mad Scottish git but I feel like 'rooming' is an odd term - Hugo saying 'You're staying with my sister' seems a bit more...natural. Also, the bit where Astrid says they're heading for West Sussex seems a bit odd too - I think it's more likely she'd name the town than the county. Although I'm not sure I've ever been to West Sussex so for all I know it could be the norm to refer to it as West Sussex as all times. If I were me, I wouldn't take my own advice.
A sour look returned. 'It's outside the back. Didn't fancy carrying it anymore. Nasty hill, innit?' / 'You're telling me,' he said with a snort. - and with this tiny exchange I am shipping Greta and Hugo forEVERRR
Lovely start and a really enjoyable read! Looking forward to an update! ♥Author's Response: WOW. WOW I LOVE YOU. Alright, this'll be weird, I already know. But I can't contain the WOW. Seriously, Starving Artists was half the inspiration for this fic. And by that I mean, well, I just absolutely loved Lucy and her character development and how real it all was and that's what I wanted to do with Greta. Honest, I was so obsessed with that fic that I had to watch Skins just because I wanted to see Hannah Murray's acting so I could better visualise Lucy and see her movements and facial expressions as I was reading. Having done that, I re-read Starving Artists. Twice. You are pretty much the reason I joined HPFF, so I could favourite your stories and follow everything better and just... yeah.
*cough* Okay, my fangirling is all done now. Well alright, that's 100% a lie, but it's done for the moment.
Alright, so there's obviously a bunch of random stuff I have to ramble about now in response to this most brilliant review, but I'm going to start with YES IT WAS A DOCTOR WHO REFERENCE. Couldn't help it :P
As for the terms, I'm glad you mentioned all that, cause my terms are definitely funny. Half of them are chiefly British terms and the other half chiefly American, due to the fact that I was raised both places. So basically it means neither the British nor Americans will be able to understand it, which is pretty much my life (moment of deepest sympathy, please. I belong nowhere. Cry for me). Which is a little less than spectacular. But I'm trying to get rid of all the mostly American terms, because this fic is trying very hard to be British.
Of course, for the West Sussex bit, mostly I was just being lazy. I figured it would be easier to describe the weather and surroundings for a county than a specific town. I am slightly paranoid that someone will live in that town and read this and go IT'S NOT LIKE THAT HERE. Like in Forks for Twilight. (I hope the fact that I know random Twilight trivia doesn't affect your opinion of this story.) But I should just pick a town and have done with :P
Wow that's all it took to ship Greta/Hugo? But I have so many more tiny exchanges planned!
In (sort of) conclusion to this review response of most absurd length, I thank you for taking the time to leave one of these little things (especially because yeah I never did ahem but I WILL CHANGE MY WAYS eventually probably).
And I'm glad you like the summary. I edited it about a million times (and I'll bet you're amazed that after all that, it still includes ponies). Report Review
I swear to Glob that this is one of the best things you've ever written. Having been with it from the start, having proofread it since the year 2009 or whatever, I've fallen in love with this chapter more and more, and everytime you've sent it to me and I've got to relive it has been super duper special and whatnot.
Sentimentality over - but seriously, no wonder you're a Rainicorn from the Crystal Dimension in me and Lily's fantasy Land of Ooo. You are majestic and you say things to us in Rainicorn Korean that we don't understand but we just sit and appreciate your majesty like the bottom feeders we are (the angst will never end, it's misadventure time).
Okay, this chapter is just a real stoater.
I've waxed lyrical enough about this on skype for you to know the sum of my feelings about it (and boy do I have a lot of feelings about this). The way you handled Clemence's reaction to ~the morning after~ and wrote her narration is so perfectly done. It's sharp and realistic and doesn't go off into the realms of fluff and sugar - there's no mooning over Albus' orbs and whatnot, and she's so...pragmatic! The way you've written her, and all your cast, here is just so so so lovely and so inkeeping with how you've written them so far. Okay I don't think that makes sense so tl;dr your characterisation is perfect.
Anyway. I just love this story so much. Please feel free to bombard me with more (MOAR) previews and such on skype~
♥ ♥ ♥Author's Response: OH MY GLOB HAY JULIA. I enjoy you and lily's lovingly snide remarks about my update speed. I WOULD NOT HAVE MADE IT HERE WITHOUT YOU TWO. And you and your kind words ;-; SO MANY OF THEM asfdkagn. I am always crey. Creying in Korean that even I don't understand and boxes, because you can't display Korean characters.
I had to look up stoater. I thought you meant like, stoat... beer.
I'VE NEVER HAD TO WRITE SO MANY CHARACTERS INTO ONE CHAPTER It was a doozy. It's one thing to write a morning after starring Albus' orbs and another starring Scorpius' orbs hurrr. Sexytimes is actually very pragmatic in RL, but I never see it in fiction??? But uh, that's probably the extent I can say without being totally awkward in a review box.
♥ ALWAYS. Report Review
this story is giving me overpowering feels but I have not winced nor cried aloud
(I might have done an anguished sigh or two)
Scorpius can play and talk. Albus cannot listen and play. - i think this is some cool character development you know but, well, I think you know from logs that my mind is not in an analytical place tonight. but I have braced myself for this chapter and i am DYING to read it because you write like a flawless queen, turtle princess
you are aUTHOR PRINCESS
who is pacing behind rose? oh mystery
I think when molly observes that rose is stressed about the prank - that's a kind of hit-the-nail-on-the-head line, i guess? because, before, you've used the juxtaposition of rose's mental torment/absurdity & mundanity to key us in to her actual mental state, and here it's like...shown into sharp relief. Rose is a big lumpy (space princess) glob of emotions and grief, and - molly is just like 'stressed about the prank?'. like, the word 'prank' sounds so out of place.
and...yeah, no, I'm not very good at being analytical tonight.
but I feel like with rose...she'll turn the most basic/random of things into poetry. like, her internal narration is so sturm and drang and stuff, and it's really discordant with what the other characters say and do - in a good way - like Rose mentally soliloquising as albus just pops up like 'hey you two need chow'
you are a goddess
Peeves has tooted out a small tune to me, and I retaliate with a wordless screech, pulling on my hair. - LIKE OMG THIS IS A PERFECT EXAMPLE
oh ho HO
things are going down!
I like that someone's vocalising these thoughts about rose. I've been getting very caught up in her narration of late and it's even making me mistrust albus and molly a bit, even though I plainly shouldn't
that’s why writing is such a dangerous hobby. It’s a one-way conversation - I FEEL LIKE THIS IS A METAPHOR FOR ROSE OR SOMETHING
squee at the author's note :3
UPDATE SOON PLZ Author's Response: JULES ♥ I'm going to try to answer this as well as I can hahierhuer. I already let you know about my difficulties interpreting but there are apparently two sides of angst and they're more different than I'd anticipated.
aUTHOR PRINCESS is the best compliment.
I like that you always pick up on small details that I sometimes write without understanding fully myself; the spectre pacing. I interpret it, after I've written it (sobs), as her conscience. Does that work with how you read it? hOPE SO
Yes, Rose is a glob and Molly's like, urh, what's a glob? And so she tries to deal with it the way that she can though she already knows at this point that Rose and Percy are in on something so in a way she's trying to make it smaller so /she/ has less to worry about, too. But yeah, I'd never said straight-out that it was a "prank" before but I felt like, ho ho, here's a moment of absurdity that I'm going to play up.
I love your analysis, raggedy doll princess :3
Rose is so so absorbed into her own world and it's the be-all-end-all for her so she sees strange beauty in things and makes things about it beautiful, but she also can contort to other peoples' realities when she wants to, which is part of what makes her so frustrating, because when you see it you KNOW that she could clean herself up and get help if she wanted to, but she just doesn't want to, and that's her biggest, perhaps, problem.
I love the idea of someone dishing it back to Peeves. Rose's insanity allows me to do this without it being like what?? I mean, it's a bit of that, but not...I'm gonna stop now.
Part of my main goal with this fic was to have it give a reader an emotional response. I wanted to make someone as a character who makes you sympathetic with her own brand of charm but who is realistically messed up, too, because I think that Rose's an exploded version of all of us in those ways.
I realize now that I haven't made writing that prevalent in the last couple chapters because the letters stopped being that important. I'd tried to jam them in here but NOPE the story didn't allow it. i'm going to have a cheater chapter later--you'll see. And when I edit I want to make some more things consistent. A lot of emotional impact of a certain scene earlier in the story depends on you understanding that Rose's writing is super important to her, but right now, it's taking a back seat.
THANKS FOR YOUR REVIEWS UR DA BEAST
YES I MEANT IT THAT WAY ♥ Report Review
WAIL BECAUSE INVICTUS AND WAIL BECAUSE ANGST.
we have shared so much angst in the past week or so that it seems very fitting I should be reading this. thank you for updating, oh mighty lilyeth~
okay, okay, despite saying okay twice (and now thrice) this line is NOT OKAY:
"Poppy," you said, because we were on first-name terms, "Poppy, please, give her something, put her to sleep, give her a dreamless. What do I do? Put her to sleep, put me to sleep."
do you WANT me to feel things like I felt just then? seriously. that line's a punch in the gut.
I feel like there's a marked difference in Rose from chapter to chapter. when I say marked, I make it sound like it's obvious...it's actually very subtle, but I can sense it, and she feels a bit more unravelled in this chapter than she's done before.
so Scorpius was at the funeral? I'm aching to figure out exactly what's gone on here - how and why Rose witnessed Hermione and Hugo's death, why Scorpius can see (or part-see?) thestrals, etc, etc.
and Scorpius. mowh. I want to gather him up in my arms and hug him.
I like what you said about the applause at the funeral being partly selfish on everyone's part - I think? how they applaud for themselves, and how they possibly feel grief in more of a selfish way because of Hermione's fame, etc. I'm not clever enough to do some anaylsis wizardry here but that line really resonated with me for some reason.
'Dom catches my eye past your shoulder. I do not see her; just the aura of your heat, and what it does to me.' we share in angst and I understand this so well and...FEELS.
also, when Rose says the last time she cried herself to sleep - before everything fell apart. before, not after. I am making a note of this because I feel like it's important (and I bet I'm way off the mark).
and I love her description of Scorpius being asleep. she finds pretty things in the gormless mouth and the squished cheek and the half-moustache.
(momentary snort: Rose's eyebrows were the topic of one of her first conversations with Scorpius.)
I think I partly love this story because it works with my headcanon so well. you've subverted so many things in a very beautiful and natural way - Rose and Scorpius, for instance. here she's a little unhinged with a lot of secrets and an allegience to Percy; he's the sweet and shiny one. it fits how I imagine them, but in a fresh way, and they feel like totally new, totally revolutionary characters. I just love this fic in so many ways I cannot express~
I feel like Rose might underestimate Scorpius too much and this may come back to bite her in the backside (so to speak) soon. the bit where she says he won't have charmed his stuff and it'll be easy to summon things - that especially. I may just be reading into things again but OH WELL.
(that ahem was totally umbridge back for vengeance o k)
thestrals!!! I feel a bit tense now. I've even stopped eating this satsuma so I can concentrate on reading.
('and Professor Professor has entered the classroom' - is this a typo or...? because it reminds me of community when jeff makes up a conspiracy theories class taught by professor professerson and yeah.)
'Once, before we knew each other well, I used to will myself to feel for you. I considered your profile one day realising your presence procured no reaction in me, and wished fervently for the strange visceral twisting I knew to accompany obsession, and wished for them at every thought of you. - guhhh so beautiful.
I have to say I was a wee bit confused by the introduction of James and 'work' at the end - I think it was a flashback, right? aarrgh. I think I'm too wound up in angst to concentrate!
this was another perfect chapter, lovely! I adore you and stuff ♥Author's Response: JULIA ♥
Rose's outer world is closer to getting to where she's been planning it to go for the whole story--she's really close to the break in and retrieving the letters and even in getting Scorpius to talk to her again (she already got a snog, to be fair), so of course, I have to balance this out by making her a little more cray inside, don't I? That's just what this fic promises.
Scorp. was at the funeral, indeed. I can make that clearer when I go back to edit. It's hard for me to tell what's just in my head and what I've actually put on the page.
And yes, you're reading applause just how I meant it. I meant there to be some irony there, too, because Rose is totally self-absorbed and she's projecting it onto other people, whether or not it's actually true for them.
I think you might be onto something in that she last cried to sleep /before/ stuff got horrible with her and Scorpius; but I don't know if I was ever planning to explain it properly so I'm glad you brought it up haha. I wrote it because after stuff went wrong between them Rose was just on a mission to get it right again for her own good and was writing to Scorpius like a madwoman (more letters to come in the next chapter) and also had Percy at her ear telling her to get her stuff together, so she's never gotten to the point of processing her grief. She hasn't even acknowledged it. I think her first reaction to the news was to feel guilty for distracting Mum and Hugo right before they got, well, killed, and she thinks it's her fault, so she gets jumpy every time someone mentions them, more than the average person does when something just hurts. So she's still in this phase of protecting herself. She didn't get the "poison" out and it's ruining her life. Also Scorpius's probably bc he still loves her, in a way.
Scorpius is definitely going to be a physical presence in the next chapter. I'd pre-written one of the scenes half a year ago and I've done a bit of hemming and hawing on it to try to fit it to the plot I actually wrote (which has deviated wildly from the plot I planned). Someone who you aren't expecting is going to get hurt. You are a perceptive reader is all I'm going to say... :3
I feel--this may be tmi but deal with it, you've heard worse from me--like this fic stems vividly from personal feelings, so, I always feel like the person I'm enamored with is better and a good person and I'm this little leetch on society who has no right to consider a togetherness; so this fic stems both from my hopes and from me facing up to facts about myself. I don't know, I may be looking for answers. Maybe a conclusion to this story can be two birds with one stone.
Thestrals are my way of rooting the story in people's hidden feelings. Addae has been somewhat obviously on a mission but this is the one real curiosity he has about Rose, something he organically just wants to know, and so he acts like a decent human when he realizes he's overstepped his boundaries and leaves Rose alone. Scorpius saw Rose at the verge of jumping off the astronomy tower and he's seen how she's "dead" since, so, whenever he encounters the Thestrals he imagines that he's going to see him. He feels like he's witnessed enough to garner at least a glimpse. I think I'm going to have Rose explain in real words how she saw her fam die bc it is not clear at this point and I don't think it needs to stay a mystery...
Professor Professor was originally a typo but Rachel told me to keep it. And I did.
Yes, it was a flashback! I tried with questionable success to root the scene in time with "after I'd convinced myself it was good to love you" or whatever I wrote. I'll do it more concretely. I'm realizing there are things that are questions that DON'T NEED TO BE QUESTIONS and it's my fault for not writing it better, but this story is such a boiling cauldron inside of me that I forget what ingredients I've already added, if you will.
♥ I ADORE /YOU/ Report Review
THINGS THAT ARE NOT OKAY
1. Scorpius and Bea are trapped
2. Emeric and Cato exist
3. Draco is dead
4. Scorpius has been roughed up
5. Bea's invention has been repurposed with malicious intent
6. Will Franjali ever don mackintoshes?!?
7. It has been TOO DAMN LONG since we saw potterpuff
8. this entire chapter basically
THINGS THAT ARE OKAY
In a nutshell because I've already poured my heart out to you about this on skype: warghblarghargharaghrghahahhh
Excuse me while I sail this Scorbeaus ship into the sun.
♥ ♥ ♥Author's Response: But you see Scorpius counts for 9 things SO THE OKAY SIDE WINS OUT.
Also appreciation that you appreciate beat-up Scorpius because that is egregious emotional manipulation that I have wanted to dish out for like forever ♥ Report Review
I HAVE BEEN WAITING MANY MOONS FOR THIS. Also the way you use first person plural in your authors notes makes me feel like I have mistakenly wandered into Jeffrey Eugenides does fanfiction. Meta meta.
I love how they all still act a bit like teenagers despite working at the Ministry. Throwing insults and picking dates for the ball and such. You know, while I'm very partial to an angsty, PTSD Draco, I like this one a lot. He's a pretty immature guy. He cannot say stapler. This has become a parallel head canon of sorts. And I feel a bit sorry for Scorpius to be honest.
I lost it at Blaise going 'all right, longbottom!'
Also draco's five o'clock shadow becoming a small beard. I feel like it is a character in itself so you lose twenty house points for not sufficiently developing the character of said small beard. Except I guess going from stubble to beard is character development enough but this is getting a bit weird so I'll stop.
OH MY GOD SCORPIUS IS NAMED AFTER AN OWL I CAN'T. I HAVE LOST THE ABILITY TO CAN. omg poor boy. Poor wee lad.
The stapler represents hermione! The limit does not exist!
This was amazing. Thank you for the larfs ♥Author's Response: JOLOO. This is obviously the stuff of meta--I think in a way if you can see metafiction as fiction that makes you think about what it's doing while it does it, then the ridiculousness of this can sort of function that way. Maybe. Yeah?
Yes; this was a really immature chapter and it's the one in which everyone was supposed to have their shaving cream together, you know. To be fair this is probably happening in some three-thousandth dimension.
I'm sorry to have let the house down by not developing the character of the small beard...but there is always tomorrow...
The limit is the line at which readers can be gratified by seeing their two U.S.T.-filled characters unite in lurve. That is the limit.
YOU'RE SO WELCOME. I still remember your review about the mortar and pestle epistle fondly every once in a while and chuckle a bit ♥ Report Review
I love how you've opened this with an Angela Carter quote. She's one of my favourite authors! But that's kind of irrelevant to the story itself so I shall move on to something resembling a review.
How on earth do you fit so much into just 500 words? If I'd written the same thing it would have taken me 5000. It's a real skill to be able to write something neat and concise, and I'm envious of anyone who can do it.
The first time I read it I was a tad confused and I've gone over it a few more times in an attempt to digest it properly. And I love what happens here - it's not clear at first, but I think I've worked out the plot for myself now and it's awesome. I'm a bit hesitant to tell you what I think it's about because, well, I'm almost certain I'll be wrong, and I get the feeling that this is meant to be a bit amibiguous anyway. I feel like it's one of those pieces you have to read and then let stew in the back of your mind for a bit and wait for it to become fully apparent.
The ending's heartbreaking. Well, all 500 words are, really, but the ending especially.
Also, I've got to say that I don't read Marauders often, but now and again I'll read something about them, like this, and it blows me away.
Great job! ♥Author's Response: Hey!
Angela Carter is one of my favourites, too. You have great taste. :D
So I suppose that's meant to be a rhetorical question, but I'll answer it for you anyway: I cheat. Because my readers are mostly Potterheads, it's the readers that are filling in the character backstories, most of the plot, all that kind of stuff. It can go awfully wrong, so I'm glad it seems to have worked for you. (And I've probably ruined it for you now. Sorry.)
This fic tends to confuse everyone, so sorry 'bout that. But - thank you so much for your wonderful comments! (Your interpretation probably isn't wrong - I tend to go for a more postmodern approach to that kind of thing anyway, because I'm an awful person.)
Once again: thank you so, so much for your lovely review. Report Review
Becoming a true and proper Slytherin didn't happen overnight. - ah, well. Rome wasn't built in a day.
The nasty incident with the shears? Ouch (or should I say FTW?)
The thing about three/two-toed sloths made me cackle like a fool. Never bring a knife to a gunfight, and also, never forget your toe when you are a three-toed sloth. Wise words to live by.
Peony, you are so sweet, but you can be so frustrating, with your perfect tears and your beautiful eyes and your...underthings. The rest of us have to deal with ugly snotty weeping, grey eyes and boring old knickers you know.
Birdhouse cozies! I think Peony needs to consider a career in soft furnishings.
the only figures he seemed interested in walked around in short skirts after classes - snorrrt.
another lovely chapter of loveliness (but I must confess to a deep desire to hit Peony over the head with something blunt at times). I'm looking forward to the unraveling of the mystery, and hopefully a bit more Terence/Peony banter!
p.s Draco is hilarious.Author's Response: It must be Christmas or something, because you left me another present! You ARE sweet!
I thought about going into detail with those shears, but why explain myself when I can leave it all vague and mysterious??
I'm glad you liked the three-toed sloth humor. That was one thing my beta rolled her eyes at but made me giggle insanely. I guess I'm not the only one.
What horrible thoughts Peony's friends must be having behind her back, talking about her perfectly perfect perfectness all the time. I bet they swipe the "underthings: when she's not noticing, just so they can possess something so grand, if only for a moment. Little did they know that all they have to do is ask, and Peony will probably teach them how to make those wonderfully intricate additions to their own underthings. She has a knack for sewing and crafting and such. haha! I'll mention the "soft furnishings" career to her, but I think she's already got her chosen profession all sorted out.
Go ahead and pick out your favorite blunt object. The desire to use it may become stronger in the next chapter.
Thanks so much for your lovely loveliness and for appreciating the way I characterized Draco in this. I look forward to your future thoughts about Peony! Report Review
I just noticed in your last author's note that you were asking us reviewers to point out pop culture references we'd seen - as Abed Nadir, pop culture god of Community, is my spirit animal, I shall take it upon myself to track down said pop culture references and regurgitate them back to you in this wee review box.
I like how the investigation of the house elf's death has to take place for such mundane reasons, haha. And that such a, erm, junior detective has been assigned to the case :P (also, I think Spungen was Draco's surname in one of JKR's initial drafts, a reference to Nancy Spungen, the girlfriend of Sid Vicious. Do I get a point for a pop culture reference?)
Terrence expected the Headmaster to finish with "that will be all", but after an awkward silence with the Headmaster's head buried into his scrollwork, the detective saw himself out. - lolololol. I think it's a legal requirement that everyone in the teaching profession must finish their conversations with 'that will be all'.
And I like how Pansy is like a foil to Peony, being all ugly and spiteful when Peony is graceful. She wears underthings. Not just pants. Underthings. How delicate and proper!
(May I britpick for a second? Here, it's not eggplant - it's aubergine. I've never understood how both countries can speak English and disagree over a simple vegetable but, well.)
Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the purebloodiest of them all? (a wee insight into Pansy's internal dialogue there)
Draco, honestly, Peony does not have eyes! She has orbs!
(Another reference! Aside from Spungen, Spinks was another surname JKR was considering for Draco. Knowledge~)
Heh, I like the 'Dumbledore's Army, FTW!'
another awesome chapter dear ♥Author's Response: Wow, your spirit animal is downright accurate! Congratulations! You might be my only reviewer that noticed both the Spinks and the Spungen reference. Why have one Draco, when we can have three? ;)
I had no idea that Brits had an alter ego fro eggplant. But now I do. In the future, they will all be named aubergine. And you got Pansy's little sweet talk to herself nailed too.
You know, I honestly thought about using the term "orbs" in this story, but with everything else going on, I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I can only push things so far before I start feeling uncomfortable... *cough*
Cookies AND brownies for you, since you were so excellent AND you came back for chapter two! I might even throw in whipped topping and a cherry. You were extra sweet. Thanks so much! Report Review
Tag! (A wee confession: I've been meaning to read your fics for ages, so when I saw you post in review tag I thought to myself I will snag this even if I die trying).
First: happy new year! And second: I've never read a James/Lily before, as far as I know. So I'm looking forward to reading a new pairing as written by an excellent author :3
I love your characterisation in the opening paragraph. I've always been hesitant of reading Marauders, because I feel like most authors have such defined characterisations that I disagree with - playboy Sirius, James the git, Lily the fiery redhead, absent Peter, the likes. So even though I'm not far into this fic, I'm loving it already, because, well - this Lily and James seem like real people.
I really like this line: She had never hated James Potter, though he had certainly deserved it, time and time again. No, she only hated the pedestal on which he had placed her. There's an accurate justification here for her not-overtly-positive feelings about James, which is rare!
Also, I like how you've explored what it's like to be both a muggle and a witch. I never thought of it that way, but now you've written it, well...that's perfect.
All in all, I really liked this one-shot. It was impeccably written (I'm a bit flabbergasted by it, to be honest) and such a subtle take on the ship.
So glad I read this! ♥Author's Response: Julia! Thank you very much for reading and reviewing this story! It was awesome to see your name on a review and I'm really glad that you enjoyed reading this. :D
You're right that authors too often adhere to narrow fanon characterizations for the Marauder-era, characterizations that are too restrictive and that don't particularly suit the characters. I like being able to tweak, or even explode, those ideas of how the characters "should" be, especially with Lily, whose characterization most often annoys me. This story is the first time I've been satisfied with how Lily has turned out because it includes her Muggleness, her conflicted double-life, her lower-middle class roots, and the frustrations of being a teenage girl. She's one of the most difficult Potterverse characters to write, and the fact that you loved her characterization in this story is making me dance and grin and otherwise be wildly happy.
The story ends up being more about Lily than about the ship, which is interesting. Not at all what I'd originally planned. It's more a pre-Lily/James story, trying to show the increasing connection between them that comes before the actual relationship. Lily has to navigate her own issues and insecurities first, and when she discovers James in the final scene, she sees that he has, all along, been dealing with similar problems. However, unlike her, he falls apart, and she realizes that he's real too. The ideals of genius she had ascribed to them are just as false as the pedestal on which he places her. Only from this point can they see eye-to-eye. It actually became more complicated than I anticipated, but that's a good thing. :P
Thank you again! Report Review
Hey, here from review tag!
This story is quite an interesting take on a plot I've seen often - I don't mean it's cliche at all, because you've avoided cliche simply in your choice of characters. Quite often, I think, people would make Rose the bride, and then another one of the Weasley girls (or boys!) the jealous one at the wedding. So it's interesting to see a switch in characters and have Lily marrying Scorpius instead.
One comment I'd make is that Rose's narration seems a little melodramatic at times. I feel like you've written her as someone who's quite pragmatic and logical, and although she is in a desperate situation in this story, her sudden thought of 'I should just end it all' seems quite jarring in the middle.
I was also going to comment about how uncharacteristic Scorpius' decision to abandon Lily was, but, I see what you did there :P
I have to confess that I didn't like Scorpius or Rose much in this story at all. Scorpius seems like a bit of a prat, if I'm honest, and I just sort of wanted to tell Rose to pull herself together...if anything, I felt for Lily the most. She seemed to have done nothing wrong to get all that ill will from Rose! I know the middle section wasn't 'real', but I think you made a very important point there about Lily taking after Harry in her selflessness. While you took your time with Rose, it would have been interesting to see more depth to Scorpius and perhaps more of Lily in this fic.
Aside from that, your writing is pretty good in this. Your grammar is near perfect (unusual in fanfiction!) and I like how you use short sentences at the start of Rose's narration to show how broken her mental state was.
And one final thing that made me laugh: when Rose imagined that Scorpius was kissing her, I noticed that you hadn't written Albus as leaving the room so I was just like 'Albus is okay with watching this...?'
Good job! ♥Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for reading and reviewing.
I am a little surprised that you chose this story to review as most people skip over this one, but I am glad anyway :)
I tried to avoid the cliche, hence the character-switch :) Its good to know it interested you!
I was attempting to write mere streams of thought-processes and thus it sounded a little abrupt I guess. I'll see what I can do about it though if I edit this.
Haha it was definitely very unrealistic and uncharacteristic, which is why it was a dream xP
Hmm this was all from Rose's POV so I tried to portray things as to how SHE would see them, and to her Scorp was definitely being a prat (for marrying Lily, if nothing) and her main attention was on Scorpius, thus little attention on Lily (which is sad, I know).
I am glad you liked my writing. And grammar is near perfect really? I do try my best, but I am not sure I am near perfect xP
Haha I didn't quite think about Al being in the room too! But well it gave some comic relief and it was a dream after all, lol.
Thanks! Report Review
The delightful Melissa pointed me in the direction of this story after I spent some time bemoaning the fluffy cheerfulness of teenage pregnancy fanfiction stories, and I'm so glad she did. This is a perfect fresh spin on what is an alarmingly cliched plot device. It's so realistic! I think the most important 'fresh' bit of it was the attitude of Molly's boyfriend, and of Molly and Audrey towards him. I so often see teenage pregnancy fics where the father ends up being some mature-beyond-his-years saint who sticks with the girl to the bitter end. Er, not in many cases. Audrey may seem like the strict, uptight mother, but I found myself sympathising so much for her in this piece, as well as Molly, although Molly's naivety and optimism really did frustrate me at times.
And this was actually a pretty sad piece, but it was phenomenal. Well done you ♥ Report Review
Surely Mary-Sue's don't need more love? Surely everyone loves them already? This looks like such an intriguing story and I'm excited to read it!
I'm only three paragraphs in and I like it so far. Her ridiculous name is perfect - that's such a cliche to read these days, isn't it? 'My name is x, but call me y'.
And your description. Her perfect clothes, her perfect hair, her alabaster skin. Being a student of both fine art and history of art, I get to think about alabaster a lot. And I think that if someone had alabaster skin, well, I'm not sure I'd like that. Pretty restrictive on movement, you know? These little details you've put in are making me giggle a little bit.
(And the giggling was all very refined until I lost it at 'Ultimus Prime')
Anyway, like I was saying before I so rudely interrupted myself with a laughing fit - I love your little details. Stuff like And that was alright because the Slytherin rules stated very specifically that everyone in their house must maintain (and exploit, whenever possible) unresolved family issues. - this line has got to be one of my favourites. Every Draco story, everywhere also follows these rules. I'm as guilty as the next person!
Her lover is called Roderick. Snorrrt.
Also, I like how your Mary-Sue is kind of unconventional, in a way. Or at least she seems so to me. I think the current trend in fanfiction Mary-Sues is to have a rebel, who can somehow get away with having pink hair and 'accidentally' making her love interest explode every day with only the most minor of dententions and a lot of popularity. So I like how Peony's Mary-Sueness comes from her blithe optimism and academic achievement. In my mind, I'm picturing Taylor Swift in a modest flowery frock skipping around scattering rose petals in the corridors like a Disney Princess.
I lost it again at the Azkaban care packages. Because when you're in prison, slowly being driven out of your mind, all you need is a big fuzzy box of yummy loveliness. Egads! Is Peony the sort of girl who throws tea parties and owns Cath Kidson stationery?
I know girls just like this and I think this is why I'm giggling/snorting so much at this story. Peony is perfect. Both in that she's a Mary-Sue, and in that she's a goodMary-Sue.
This was an excellent first chapter. I think when people go for parody, they tend to go all-out (I'm massively guilty of this), but this is a really sweet and quite subtle parody. It's not laugh-out-loud knee-slappingly hilarious, but in a good way. You've taken time with proper plot as well as light-hearted comedy and some subtle sending-up of The Perfect OC, and for that I take my hat off to you.
Good job! ♥Author's Response: Eeehehehehee!
I haven't personally used "alabaster" to describe skin in my stories until this one... yet. I've heard it done many times. In fact, when I was younger, and much less sun-kissed, my own mother used "alabaster" to describe my skin as a little girl... and I did NOT make that up. By the way, I took a Greek Art and Archaeology class in college, so I know where you're coming from with this. It made me smile.
Ultimus Prime!!! That's all I have to say about that. Isn't it a great name for a messenger eagle??
It is SO TRUE about the unresolved family issues. Not just with Draco stories, but with all family-related angst stories. It's what makes them stories, after all. I'm not saying it's WRONG, I'm just saying... y'know. I'm not an angsty person in general. One day, I'll have to write my own serious angst story and try it out. But for Peony, it's just a rule that she has to follow so she can still be perfect and angsty at the proper times without appearing mean-hearted... because she's following the rules... because she's perfect... anyway...
Roderick. If I had given him rhotacism, it would have been funnier, but I couldn't figure out how to write that in without it coming across as really mean. I had to draw the line somewhere.
Cath Kidson... had to look that up and... absolutley!! That's HER. OMG! If I had only known. And yes, I think that I have known a few girls that came close to being just like Peony, sans timeturner and messenger eagle, but if they had KNOWN about them, they would have at least pretended to have one somewhere in their holiday accessory closet.
Anyway, thanks so much for the delightful review. I do hope you have the chance to waste precious moments on chapter two and PLEASE let me know what you think, good or bad. Report Review
I'M SOBBING ALREADY. DON'T EVEN TRY TO STOP ME.
I think it's kind of phenomenal that you've written this chapter. I do expect greatness from you (I've got a prophecy you have to fulfill y'see) but like...this is a death. In what's a pretty light and merpy herpy derpy cupcakes and Potterpuff story. But you handled it so well, so whilst it's a total shock it doesn't seem out of place. As you well know I'm struggling with a similar scenario in my own writing and man, it's hard. So give yourself a pat on the back, feed yourself a cake, smoosh your face into a fluffy kitten and don a top hat to celebrate.
Also omg this just makes me want to fall dramatically to my knees and beat my fists upon the ground and weep aloud.
Sorry that was the sound of my heart breaking. (and now I've got to the point where the extract you sent me last night stops, so I'm going to shut up and stop taking notes for a bit so I can absorb this chapter...and sob a bit more)
(Mr. Welly. The dinner menu. Did he have clean socks left? - AND THIS, FRED, IS WHY I LOVE YOU.)
(and because fred is the pointman...this, in my head, is all taking place in a rotating corridor. brrrm.)
oh my god Anjali I thought I liked you. Do I like you? Is this a bluff? I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FEEL ABOUT THIS.
I could kill you for that.
oh. my. god.Author's Response: I WILL COLLECT YOUR TEARS FOR SALE IT'S OK.
You and me Julia WHY DO WE DO THIS TO OURSELVES/OUR READERS/OUR SCORPII. And I'm still a bit leeery at it because it's, well, /a death/ and it's the biggest ball you can drop. Like a Y2K new year's ball. But knowing you like it, well, ye are the only validation I need.
Oop, you said smoosh my face into a kitten lololol I thought you said cake. Well, you should still remember to blow out the candles on your kitten.
you mean the part saying HE LOOOVES HER~~~ ~ ~
BUT DOES HE HAVE CLEAN SOCKS LEFT? /DOES HE?/ Omg it really is such an Inception!Arthur thing to think too.
I TOLD YOU THINGS BUT I NEVER TOLD YOU WHAT WOULD HAPPEN AT THE END, SO I AM GLAD I GOT YOU SURPRISE YOU don't kill me keep killing the malfoys. as you are.
♥ ♥ ♥
There's a song by Chapel Club I'm quite partial to called 'all the eastern girls'. Ever since I saw this story on the recently added page one day, I can't help but replace the lyrics with every listen, so the song's now become 'all the abstract nouns' and after a few months of singing it I felt I should trundle along and actually read the thing. Plus, it's christmas! Deck the halls and such. Alright. New story. I am plunging in.
YES THAT IS TRUE. fifteen year olds look so young to me now, I feel like grandmother willow in comparison to that bunch.
but yes, I do not like the creepy men that come with the birthday and the ID and the ability to vote and whatnot. dear me, I'm still only on paragraph one...
this is what happens when you try to type your review in notepad and review similtaneously.
wait! I know how this inbetween feels! this story is giving me more feels!
Aunt Ginny had been 'disappointed' and that was enough punishment for any man. - oh my god yes, would not like to be at the receiving end of one of her bat bogey hexes.
oh. oh god yes, people who drink out the bottle with straws, sometimes I do not understand you. but I'm a guinness girl (read: an old man trapped in a young woman's body) so they don't understand me either.
I just think you need to be predrinking very fast to require use of a straw. just my two sickles, mind. this is getting off topic.
ironically I'm actually trying to read this and organise a new years' party at the same time. thought you ought to know.
GEORGE! lolol. I like his style. growing...things in the garden. heh.
for a moment I was like 'huh, but how will she get drinks if it's after ten?' then I remembered that scotland has its own liscencing laws and everything swiftly resolved itself in my mind.
I realise this review is mostly me opining on the subject of alcoholic beverages. really sorry. I am loving the story. but I'm scottish, I like to bring up alcohol now and again. (in more ways than one.)
only thing I'd mention is that there are a few wee spelling mistakes, like 'cheep' when it should be 'cheap', or 'heals' instead of 'heels'. didn't really bother me massively, but maybe this needs a little edit when you've got the chance to polish it up a bit.
I identify with Molly. A lot. high five for Molly.
also, I'm shipping her with dexter even if I don't want to. I don't know why this keeps happening to me. (my shipping sense just starts tingling and then suddenly I'm a stowaway at sea and the captain is making me swab the decks)
ooh this was cool. high five for you too. when I am not so tired and things I shall come back and read the rest.
merry happy jolly ♥ Report Review
YOU POSTED IT AIIIEE I am glad I bunked off studio early so I could catch this at the top of recently added
you = the best, drastoria = the best, this = one big melting pot of lovely bestiness.
first line and I already love your Astoria. okay, I can't base her entire character on those few sentences, but I feel like I already know who she is, y'know? I feel people often have a tendency to make Astoria just another wealthy pureblood, all disdainful and rich and snooty. so I like yours so far.
even if there's only been four sentences about her. I just have a lot of feelings, okay?
mean girls moment ('it's raining' 'I know'). but, yep, loving Draco's languid, stuck-up ennui.
'Mist lumbers outside the window, a paper-white purgatory.' - love this.
you probably know this already, but I love those post-war drastorias that show the malfoys' downfall. so I appreciate that wee snippet about him having his wand confiscated.
'Her sympathy is a ploy, and he knows it. To understand is her job, and ultimately, she will crack more galleons out of his coffers with tea and patience. - THIS, THIS FOREVER
also, I like how you're bringing up Pansy now and again. now that would be an interesting love triangle.
but, yes, I love this post-war society you're building, with all the politics and tension and etc, etc (and life goes on).
sorry, I'm not a very good reviewer - I tend to just regurgitate lines of the fic and squee and say silly things and I'm not very good at concrit or anything like that. Not that I've found much to crit about this, mind.
(when astoria says 'you have bags under your eyes' i just imagined draco going 'yes they're DESIGNER')
damnit, woman, this is making me want to write inceptionfic again.
oooh. oooh dat ending.
update soon, please! I'll just sit here worshipping the ground at your feet until you do, no biggie.
(also thanks for the shoutout in the author's note, heee)
but, yes, I'm digressing in an enormous way (and I always have been, you know, since when have my reviews ever been that reviewy?), so I think I should bring this back to the point: this drastoria set up is perfect. It's so close to my headcanon, it's so real, it's so...RIGHT. downtrodden! tea! angst! nightmares! inscrutable legilimens astoria!
in a nutshell, I'm kind of in love with this
♥Author's Response: I DID AGAINST MY BETTER JUDGEMENT. Let's be real here i have no judgement.
but u da best~ come jacuzzi in the melting pot
PLAIN JANE ASTORIAS ALL THE WAY. You know ittt. Social justice and oblivators etc etc. Of course I know your taste in Astorias; YOU MOULDED MINE~~ Of course, it'll take you until the end of this review for you to see that I mention this in my author's note, so I get to see your ramblings until then~
Draco always has his mean girls on.
IT'S THE TEA and a wee bit of patience.
Wah it's strange actually, I wish I could build more of the world, but the focus of this fic is actually rather narrowly on Draco. Politics make me sad, which is why I channel all my criticism into teenage social politics, because that's exactly the same without the global consequences. Heh.
DESIGNER EYEBAGS, SNORTING RN.
AND YES GOOD, WRITE INCEPTIONFIC :3
♥ of course it's close to your headcanon! we have the same head! brrr r r rm Report Review
o k a y I know what's coming and askjdhskdjlfh
I SEE YOUR TAYLOR SWIFT REFERENCE. weeeEEE are nevar evar evar, getting back togevar.
this review is probably going to be a bit incoherent, I'm sorry. except I'm not sorry at all.
I like your subtle deconstruction of advice columns, I like it a lot.
THE MANUSCRIPT DRINKING GAME. can I play along? I only have orange juice (poor show from the scotswoman here) but I'm playing along.
drink two fingers for every mention of orbs.
YES PICKETT IS SCOTTISH. GO ON MY SON, MY BRETHREN. *highland fling across the archives*
oii! no! it's 'write drunk, edit sober'! silly billy/snippy bippy.
'some men just want to watch the world carouse' - this quote is so fantastic i might asphyxiate
new collective noun: a bad idea brigade of bad idea bears.
'Her story tells the tale of Eleanor Isabelle Canterbury (but god forbid you call her by her full name) and her totally wacky adventures in Amberline Academy as she goes through the trials of being sixteen and — gasp — awkward.' - and you summed up the entirety of next-gen in one sentence, EVEN I WRITE A FIC LIKE THIS
oh my god
you deconstructed fanfiction
meta level 89
this OC within a fic within a fic sounds like Juno, HOMESLICE
you missed a trick by not naming chase 'aiden'
tiny sassy gay scorpius?
are they skinnydipping a t s c h o o l
clemence, get out of the lake I SAID GET OUT GIRL
w o w
w o w
no more comments
just accept this wee airpunching man as a gift
o/Author's Response: pregame keyboard smash, i approve.
IT'S ACTUALLY LESS ANNOYING NOW??? I have a weird arc of reactions to that song. The first time I listened to it, it wasn't so bad though I sideeyed the talking part. Then I saw the MV and it started getting played on the radio and I was like NOPE. Then I liked most of her album and I got desensitized .__. i return my ÃƒÂ¢Ã‚ÂˆÃ‚Â†ÃƒÂ¢Ã‚ÂˆÃ‚Â†ÃƒÂ¢Ã‚ÂˆÃ‚Â†
are you drunk reading this julia it's okay I won't judge. Oooh ooh, you can leave your orange juice to ferment in a hot car and that'll do.
MORE SCOTS THE MERRIER quite literally because you bring the drink.
I just see like, a bunch of bears marching down the field in slow motion as the world burns around them. Probably a molotov cocktail or two if we're throwing more alcohol around.
I WAS SAD I DID NOT GET TO INCLUDE MEGA BECAUSE I SAID I WOULD. And we both know what happens in Blunderland so ye get to say nothinggg.
I wonder what would happen if you got all the girls who are self-proclaimed awkward and shove them in one room. Oh my god, they would trip over each other collectively, all at once.
I ALSO MISSED AIDEN MCAIDEN but that's because it's never the love interest. I think Aiden McAiden will show up when I get to bring up Appy's manuscript again later.
T H E Y A R E. HEATHENS!
mmm hmm m m m m.
♥ o Report Review
i am trying to read this and paint my nails black at the same time, the colour seems fitting but the act of nail-painting does not. so sorry if this review is a bit incoherent, the pads of my fingertips are skiting all over the keys as i try not to get nail polish on my laptop.
ooft - that first paragraph - OOFT.
great line: 'The world, Mum told me once, with the ironic smile so common to our family, does not sleep when we sleep, does not stop when we stop.
ooh. suspicious things happening. suspicion. I am bad at painting nails and also bad at finding the deeper meaning in fic, but I thoroughly enjoy reading this.
I love the occasional, jarring dips into humour, like - As I take a moment to add "Dumbelina" to my mental cache of nicknames for Albus - it really emphasises Rose's mental state. not the most eloquent way of putting it, there, but. it seems really odd whenever you bring humour in - not odd as in it detracts from the flow and does something bad for the story, no. odd because it does detract from the flow and for good reason. it feels like pauses, moments where we can step back and think about Rose and what she wants. idk - just my take on it :L
even though I think I knew before that Hermione and Hugo were dead, I think this line was the 'stomach-punch' line: 'The newspaper articles all reading: investigation ongoing, and how these have not changed, not once, in a year.' - I don't know why it's that one particularly.
so I'm really interested to find out what went on there - and what exactly has been written about Rose in the tabloids, hmm.
wait wait wait
Rose witnessed Hermione and Hugo's death. okay. okay. this is totally NOT making me feel tense and edgy.
and scorpius can sort of see thestrals too, right?
like the juxtaposition of angst and humour, I love the contrast of powerful, eloquent prose and the totally mundane in Rose's narration, like how here letter (or is it just a thought?) to scorpius ends thus: 'I’d just like to sit with you again. I’m sorry for what you saw and what it meant. I’d just like to watch you laugh.'
aah. this fic is so good. sjaskjshkajshdbvfdj.
scorpius seems kind of...adorably unknowing and sweet, and it's kind of sad to know that their relationship was a political one. I'd kind of like to know a lot more about him, but it actually makes the story a lot more tense that I really don't know about him so yeah. but you know how I feel about scorpii.
it also broke my heart a little when scorpius said 'at least your parents did good things in the war' - that line really got to me! he seems like a good kid, having to live a life other people have set out for him and caught up in all of this drama and things - I don't know enough about him to judge whether he is 'good' or 'bad' but right now he just seems so sweet and I feel so sorry for him (more than I do for Rose, you know)
wailing because WEE SCORPIUS 'that you tried to live outside of your father's footsteps so vehemently that you'd begged the Sorting Hat to keep you out of Slytherin or you’d die of shame'. omg. omggg.
i know you're using concealment of information and holding things back as a brilliant technique to create tension and such but DEAR GOD I JUST WANT TO KNOW
oh oh oh IT'S SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE MEMORIAL RIGHT
ermahgerd this is so tense UPDATE SOON PLEASE
in other news...there is black nail varnish everywhere.
♥Author's Response: In light of your critical analysis of my presentation of the grotesquely comic in an earlier review, I think painting your nails is perfectly suitable to the tone and content of this chapter, too. The colour is obviously also in line with all the darkness is Rose's soul.
The thing about this fic is that I've been really hypercritical of the individual lines but now, reading it over again because I've forgotten what information I've already divulged and what things are still mysteries, none of them really say much that works towards a functioning whole. This is a huge problem in my writing and this fic sort of eggs it on and I'm not even that mad. I AIN'T EVEN MAD, U HEAR ME WORLD. So I'm really glad--all this to say, I mean--that you can pick out lines that work on their own. Sometimes I wonder if that isn't the only thing working here, individual lines, which is a bit frustrating because i do have a plan and a plot that I'm trying to unravel. I guess it's my first time doing this sort of thing so I'm clumsy at it, still.
Rose's humour as odd sort of fits with her and my understanding of her. I was thinking about this today, watching the X Files--why does fiction necessarily have to make more sense than real life? Why does everything have to tie together so neatly and why is it that when it doesn't we aren't satisfied with a story, no matter how much it touched us in smaller moments? And I wonder if my subconscious didn't get to this frame of mind ages ago and that's what I've been working towards this whole time. I think Rose's humor sort of surfacing out of nowhere might be my stabs at this idea. Whether that's acceptable or not, I leave up to you, royal readers...
I mean for Scorpius to be pretty dumb; not because I want to emphasize his lack of smarts but mostly because it's an easy way to explain Rose's attraction to him. In a way, while there is decent sexual tension between them, I've often felt that Rose feels some sort of nurturing spiritual connection with relation to Scorpius and that's part of why she can't let him go; nothing else about her is particularly kind or good, but she feels in this one area that she was somehow making up for other faults. If ya hear me.
UM THE MEMORIAL IS JUST A MEMORIAL JULIA.
Sorry I failed at updating.I hope your heart still applies ♥ Report Review
!!! !!! !!!
my face has literally turned into an exclamation mark!!!
OMG BEA GAVE FRED HOT PANTS CRYING
you're so wrong. the first rule of knockturn alley isn't to keep walking, it's that you do not talk about knockturn alley.
hooved haggis! yes! YES!
er mah gerd bea as crazy chinese granny it's like this was her true spirit all along
anjali water u doing anjali stahp PUT POTTERPUFF BACK
daring escape plans with teenagers at the helm? harry potter taught me enough about that. ruh roh.
eee that was the cutest fred characterisation ever!
...THIS IS GETTING SRS I know you said it got srs and I'm pleased it is getting srs but it suddenly got srs when Fred punched the d00d and there was blood and I was like 'woah der this is srs'.
but I do rather approve.
OH MY GOD
WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT
WHYy!!!?!?!?Author's Response: YOUR FACE IS NOW HAS A DETACHED RECTANGLE? !!!
you broke the rule of knockturn alley omg julia how could you.
I WAS MAKING A SCOTTISH IN-JOKE AND I DINNAE EVEN KNOW. tartan has obviously taken root in my subconscious.
inner bea is 109 years old. she doesn't have an inner child. it's an inner granny.
yup, blood was the sign, man. I was like O K time to make use of this strong violence warning. And make use of it I will~
YOU WERE SO HOPPED UP ON MEDICINE WHILE YOU READ THIS ♥ LOFF. Report Review
I have been struck down with the lurgy and I am sitting here in my room wrapped up in a duvet like a sausage roll and coughing my lungs out, so I am cheering myself up by reading capers and demolishing the better part of an entire packet of cream crackers. All because I asked myself: WWBD? What would Bea do? And insofar and insomuch as I asked the question, I found the answer: BISCUITS.
A side effect of being struck down with the lurgy is leaving incomprehensible reviews. I think.
FYI that chapter image is beauts. I would like it printed and made into a tasteful wall hanging that I can hang on a wall (or subvert ALL norms and hang from a ceiling).
sjdfhsdkfhlskdjhks bea bea bea
beas go bzzz zzz zz z z zz
and beas and scorpions are destined to be 5eva in troo wub 6eva.
i hate you 7eva for making scorpius go missing. how coULD YOU.
Last she saw Scorpius, he had an armful of cupcakes and icing on his nose, and now he could be in danger, even dead? - CAKEGREMLINS
smashed cupcake = smashed julia heart, all over the floor, crushed by the wanton heel of your shoe
I love that whole 'I need you to stalk Scorpius because you stalk Anjali thing' BECAUSE FRED AND ANJALI ARE MEANT TO BE (IN A COOL WAY). Franjali. Frangipani.
"What does he do," Fred joked, "keep cupcakes in his sleeve?" / "...kind of." - THIS IS PERFECT OMG
♥Author's Response: It's a question that has a singular answer. Though biscuits are probably scratchy for the throat... but that's what the cream is for? And tea.
I also read that as 'that chapter image is biscuits' and I was trying to remember if I put in biscuits. BISCUITS EVERYWHERE.
Hang it on the floor.
YOU ARE SO MEDICINALLY DRUNK JULIA WHAT R U DOIN. ♥ Frangipani. It's like Fred and Anjali in a panini.
WANTONLY SMASHING CUPCAKES AND CRUSHING HEARTS AND UPPING BODY COUNTS
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all I can say is that I love you to the ends of the earth for writing this and I am cackling here
funny thing is you could probably post this to livejournal and people would LOVE it
also I lost it at 'prince of whales'
finally: you are an unwashed jar. but a magnificent unwashed jar.
♥Author's Response: Dear Julia,
There be-ith no pepper as sweet as sweetened pepper. The splenda in the spice, the em-dash of seasoning in scrolls and scrolls of exhausted ink. My soul withers, the shoes no longer tie themselves. Clouds are stuck in chimneys. Salt, smog, pepper. Black peppery dust in an unwashed jar.
Prince of whales lololol, I did that just for you.
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