Reading Reviews From Member: moonbaby11
  
250 Reviews Found

Review #1, by moonbaby11to the end of time: New Friends

31st August 2015:
Hey! I'm here for BVB!

I really liked this. I've never thought much about Lavender and Parvati's relationship, especially not in terms of romance, but I was really intrigued by this story. I think you have a strong opening here. It's obviously a little hard to judge as it was a short chapter and they're so young that there's no romance present yet, but I think you have a good characterization of these two. It's always refreshing to see someone writing Lavender as a real person and not just making her annoying because of her actions in HBP.

Another thing I've never really thought about is the fact that Parvati and Padma are sorted into separate houses and how that would affect them as they seem to be the only twins in canon that aren't sorted together. I think you really captured the nervousness here, but you also captured the awe of an eleven year old showing up to Hogwarts for the first time. Overall I think you've done a good job of filling in the blanks.

One tiny tiny thing I wanted to point out -- Hannah Abbott has blonde hair, not red as you've written. It's a small thing and obviously you don't need to follow canon (I'm not even sure if that's book canon or strictly film canon), but I figured I'd bring it up nonetheless.

All in all I really enjoyed this piece and I hope I can drop by again soon to continue reading! Keep it up!

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Review #2, by moonbaby11Year Five: Torture

28th August 2015:
Hello! I've been reading this story (in case you couldn't already tell) on mobile, and now that I'm back on a legitamate computer I figured I'd leave you reviews on the last few chapters as I read through them. I've really been loving this story so you'll probably get quite a few reviews from me over the next few days.

I love seeing this tension between the group, especially knowing that Emily has no clue that any of this is going on. It seems to be adding a whole nother layer to the relationships and the characters themselves and I love it! I have to say I'm really worried for Isobel, though -- her food problem seems to be getting out of hand and I'm afraid no one is going to mention it (although I figure they would have learned their lesson from not speaking up about Laurel's hexing problems, but maybe not???). I think she just needs someone to sit down and talk with her and tell her that everything is, really, going to be okay and that she doesn't need to try so hard to meet the same appearance level as her sister.

Ooh, more secret Tristan stuff! I've had a theory for a while that Tristan is the kid of Bellatrix and Rodolphus (hence the "R." middle name and his reaction to Neville) and I think this chapter only helps to further prove my theory (or delusions - whichever way you choose to look at it). It's clear that he's bothered by the thought of the Cruciatus Curse and I'm just dyyying waiting to find out about Tristan's past! It's been so shrouded in mystery this whole story and I just want to know! I'm so impatient!

I think this relationship between Quirrell and Isobel is really interesting. He hasn't been present in the story very much so it's nice to see him standing on his own and actually being portrayed as a competent character, rather than someone who just stutters all the time and is constantly frightened. I think it's really refreshing to see him portrayed in this way!

I noticed when teeny tiny grammar mistake in this chapter: " Id b-be interested to here m-more about some of the foreign m-magic" you've used the wrong version of 'hear' in this sentence. Something small, but definitely something that can be easily fixed!

I shall be moving onto the next chapter soon because I can't wait to see what happens! I'm getting close to the end and I'm pumped.

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Review #3, by moonbaby11It's All In Your Head: Chapter Three

21st August 2015:
OOOH I TOTALLY CALLED LYSANDRA AND TEDDY AND I KNEW I SHOULD'VE MENTIONED IT IN MY REVIEW BECAUSE I SAW IT COMING LAST CHAPTER BUT THEN I THOUGHT I WAS JUST READING INTO THINGS TOO MUCH BUT I WAS RIGHT!

I think it's really interesting that you've paired Teddy and Lysandra because, although it's generally rare to see ANY Teddy ship besides him with Victoire, I don't think I've ever seen him paired with a Scamander twin before. It comes off as really original to me, and it just keeps adding to the overall feel of originality that this story has. You continue to impress me with the ways you've made this different from the other Next-Gen stories I've read over the years.

I like the way you seem to be including a few more canon characters each chapter, this time Rose and Teddy. For one it helped to get a feel for Lorcan's age in comparison to the known ages of the Next Gen kids, as well as just adding more dynamics to this story. The bitterness Lorcan has over no longer being seen as a 'duo' with his twin is really clear in this chapter (more Lorcan angst - yay!) and adds even more to his character. I think you're building up a really interesting main character here, and I get why you might find it hard to write about him due to his animosity towards Lysandra, but I think you have a really good and interesting story here and I'd love to see more. Let me know when this story updates and I'll return for more reviews :D

Author's Response: Oh wow, you saw it coming? =D

That's awesome! I do of course hint at it with Louis' comment in chapter 2, but I wasn't sure anyone would pick up on it. Other than my beta reader, you are the first person to read this chapter, so I'm excited to see your response.

I have never really shipped Teddy with Victoire. To me they had a school-age romance that was very intense while it lasted, but was not sustainable. When I tried to think of who Lysandra would naturally pair with, Teddy made a lot of sense to me, as he is older and more mature, knows what it's like to be an outsider, and understands how misleading appearances can be.

Haha, I'm glad you like the Lorcan angst, cause there's a lot more where that came from.

I finally started working on Chapter 4 today, and am making slow but steady progress. Hopefully I'll be able to update more regularly.

Thank you SO much for reviewing all three chapters on this. I really, really appreciate it.The feedback is very helpful, particularly to ear that you think this is a worthwhile and engaging story and character, and not just an energy suck (which yes, sometimes is how it feels writing it).

There should be more updated by next week!

Sam.


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Review #4, by moonbaby11It's All In Your Head: Chapter Two

21st August 2015:
Hey there! I told you I'd be back for more! :)

I think this story just keeps getting better the more that I read it. This chapter added a bit of angst to Lorcan's character and it's clear that he really misses his brother and is really struggling with the fact that he now has a sister instead. I liked how you had them discuss how neither of them never really felt like they fit in - Lorcan with his off-beat family and Lysandra with the body she was born into. I think it really helps to show that, although different, the twins are the same in a lot of ways as well.

I liked the introduction of the canon characters like Molly and Louis, as well as the OCs that Lorcan shares a dorm with. I loved the conversation they were having because it just felt so real to me! That's something that I'm sure could be overheard when hanging around a group of high school aged boys - it just felt so natural to me.

I'm really curious to see if (and how) Lorcan will finally turn around his feelings towards his sister. I'm also curious to see if anyone else at Hogwarts shares his feelings or if Lorcan is the only one who refuses to accept Lysandra for who she is. I guess I'll just have to keep reading and, hopefully, find out more eventually!

Author's Response: Yay, thank you so much for coming back, and so quickly too!

I feel like things really take off in this chapter, as you start to see the characters interact much more.

Yes, Lorcan angst. All the Lorcan angst.

I'm glad you liked that scene of the boys in the dorm. It was one of my favorite scenes to write. I don't hang out with high school boys much, but it does feel very real to me as well.

I don't feel like it's too much of a spoiler to say Lorcan will get over himself eventually. I don't know why anyone would want to keep reading if he didn't. I seriously doubt I would keep writing if he didn't!

I think that everybody is kind of in their own stage of acceptance and understanding towards Lysandra. The overall atmosphere towards a positive one, though everyone is still kind of making sense of things. There was a reference to Molly being closer to Lorcan's attitude the previous year when Lysandra first came out, but she has obviously made more of an effort to understand her than Lorcan has. Louis approaches Lorcan and tells him in private they're impressed with Lysandra because it's not something that any of them know how to talk about in their existing group dynamic. Tere may be other characters who are internally less understanding and accepting of Lysandra but they are more inclined to keep their mouths shut that Lorcan.

I am glad that you are able to have some sympathy for Lorcan and his feelings of being an outsider, despite his obvious bigoted attitude.

Sam.


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Review #5, by moonbaby11It's All In Your Head: Chapter One

21st August 2015:
Hey! I saw your post on the forums, saying you were looking for love on this story, so I decided to drop by!

I'm really glad I did because this seems like it's going to be a very original story. I don't see a lot of works on the archives centered around trans people (I'm assuming Lysandra is a trans girl and Lorcan is just really transphobic, hence the male pronouns and everything?) and I think you have the makings for a really good story. It will be interesting to see how you run with the idea of Lysandra having a bigoted brother - it seems like a lot of LGBTQA+ stories on the archives have the characters friends accepting them for who they are, but this is, obviously, different from the norm.

I also like how it looks like this will be more about familial relationships than romantic relationships. Sometimes it's refreshing to read a story that isn't just centered around the main characters getting together in the end. I think it's important to look at sibling relationships as well!

You have a strong writing style and I like your use of description, especially at the beginning. The parts about the lake and the sun just seemed so real that I felt I was really there with Lorcan as all of this was happening.

Overall I think this is a strong opening to your story and I'll be making my way over to chapter 2 to read more!

Author's Response: Aw, thank you so much for heeding my plea for story love!

I' flattered to hear you think this is a strong start yo the story, even though not much happens here in this first chapter.

Your conclusions about both Lorcan and Lysandra are correct.

I think it's interesting that this story is "different from he norm" for LGBT+ writing on this website, and yet is also closer to the norm of many peoples' real world experiences. I think it is important to bridge that gap, even though it may be less pleasant to read about (And write about. Seriously, part of the reason I need encouragement to keep writing this story is because it can be so draining to write such a hostile and bigoted MC).

I'm glad to hear you're interested in reading more about familiar relationships! This story was written for the Take-A-Cliche Challenge, and so I took the traditional "Head Boy and Head Girl hate each other at first but draw close" cliche, and gave it this twist. I'm lad you enjoy that.

Thank you so much for your kind words! I am really looking forward to hearing what you think about the coming chapters.

Sam.


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Review #6, by moonbaby11Suffocating: The Broom Closet

19th August 2015:
I'm here for the BVB Review Battle!

Here's the thing - I'm really not a fan of Dramione. I don't think I've ever read a fic with them as the main pairing, but your summary really drew me in so I had to put all of my feelings for the pairing aside to read this fic!

And I'm honestly glad I did. This was dark - and I mean DARK. I know this was for the Dark Turn Challenge but, honestly, I didn't imagine it would end that darkly! I loved it, though! I liked that you had it end the way you did instead of habing them come back because I think that really helped to solidify the horror aspect of this story.

Your characterization of Peeves was so great! I felt like you were taking parts from canon, that's how well you wrote him! His words and phrases just sounded so Peeves-like and I really think that helped to tie this whole piece together. I think everything in this story felt realistic and as if it could have perfectly fit into the canon of the novels, so good job with that!

I quite liked the imagery of Draco reaching for Hermione's hand as they were about to die and how that was the last thing she saw. How, even if she didn't seem overly pleased with him throughout this story, she still had someone there with her, comforting her in a sense, as she died. I think that was a really beautiful idea and I'm glad you included it.

Overall I really enjoyed this one-shot! Good luck in this challenge :)

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Review #7, by moonbaby11A Bully and a Bathroom: A Bully and a Bathroom

19th August 2015:
Hey! I have a story with a similar idea - Myrtle haunting Olive after her death - and one of my reviewers suggested I come here and check out your story because our Olive's are very different, so here I am!

I really liked this piece. You portrayal of Olive as a bully that doesn't care for anyone else but herself, even after that person is dead, seemed so real to me. I knew girls like that when I was growing up so I think you did a good job of portraying a female bully. Her taunts were great and, as bad as it made me feel, I actually found myself laughing out loud at the song her and Peeves created to tease Myrtle with.

I liked how you had Myrtle finally give up and take off her glasses, even though she couldn't see anything without them. I know people in real life that would rather walk around blind than be subjected to wearing glasses so, once again, I think that that came off as very realistic and plausible in real life.

I liked how this story had somewhat of a moral at the end - don't taunt people or you'll get what you deserve. And then the way you told us that Olive never teased anyone ever again? I thought that was quite clever and really helped to tie this whole one-shot together in the end.

Overall I think you had a great story here! It realistically portrayed how Myrtle's death may have occurred and I think you created really interesting characters out of people we don't know much about in canon. Great job!

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Review #8, by moonbaby11(Parenthetical) Asides: Unattainable

18th August 2015:
Hey! I'm here for the BVB Review battle!

I saw in the thread that someone else had reviewed this story and the title quickly caught my eye. I wanted to see how you were going to work in the two vastly different POVs with the parentheses, and I must admit I was not disappointed at all.

I have to say that I do ship Jily and I doubt this would fit into their canon portrayls, but I think this is the most accurate portrayal of fanon Jily that I've ever seen. People always try to portray James as a stalker and Lily as insansely uninterested and I can never understand how they get together in the ends of those fics. I really liked what you did here, taking that idea and blowing it up to insane proportions.

I think the sad thing is that real people go through things like this - some guys just don't understand the word 'no' and build girls up onto some pedestal that they'll never be able to attain because it's all in the boy's head. This felt very real to me, which was one of the reasons that I liked it so much.

Finally, I really liked your use of Marlene in here. I only ever seem to see her shipped with Sirius, so it was really refreshing to see her and Lily together, especially because I've never seen Lily portrayed as anything other than heterosexual. I think that was really orignal of you and just brought even more into this story.

All in all I thought this was amazing. I loved the format, especially seeing the way Lily contradicted every little thing that James was saying. You definitely had a strong creep factor in here, which was good, and I think you really nailed this piece. Great job!

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Review #9, by moonbaby11Ermalene Talon and the Hall of Ancestors: Prologue - The Arrival of the Portrait

18th August 2015:
Hi there! I saw this story was recently updated and figured it could use some love, so here I am!

I think this is a really good prologue. It comes off as very vague which I think is important as it helps to reel in the readers and leave them with questions that they want the answers to (I know I have many).

I think you had a really good characterization on Dumbledore here - I could hear his voice clearly in my head as I read his lines. I really loved this interaction between McGonagall and Dumbledore as I have always loved their friendship. I've actually often thought about how much a portrait can really bring back the spirit of someone who is deceased and how hard that must be on the living and I think you wrote this really well. I could really feel for McGonagall here!

I only have one criticism and it's a small one (kind of nitpicky, actually) so don't worry. At one point you refer to McGonagall by her first name, but for the rest of the story you use her last name. I would just suggest switching that up because it read as odd to me. Other than that, it looks like you have the beginnings of a very promising story here! I shall be back for more soon because this first chapter really drew me in :)

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I'm glad you enjoyed the first chapter of the story. I've wondered about the portrait thing before, too. All throughout DH that made me crazy because there was such a point of mentioning the portrait in HBP that I felt like Harry should've gone to talk to Dumbledore's portrait about all the doubts he had... I feel like, at least in my story, Dumbledore sort of had bestowed a certain amount of his own memories and knowledge into the portrait before his death so that the portrait sort of came "pre loaded" with the prophecy and how to deal with it so that Dumbledore sort of extended himself into the new generation by planning ahead. That seemed a very Dumbledoreish thing to do lol

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Review #10, by moonbaby11The Kings and Queens of Hogwarts : It's a Love Hate Kind of Relationship, but Mostly Hate..

17th August 2015:
Hey! I'm back for your second chapter.

I wasn't wrong when I guessed that this would be a nice, fun story! I love seeing the Marauders in situations like this! I found myself laughing out loud at quite a few moments, especially what happened with James near the end of the chapter! It looks like you have a lot of fun (and funny!) moments planned out for this fic.

I'm really intrigued by the relationship that Marlene and Sirius have, especially since they're so on again/off again. It's really interesting to see how much they can hate each other now, even though everyone is sure they will inevitably end up back together again. I think that's a really good representation of teenage relationships so I like it a lot! I also really love Mary - I think she's just so cute! Every time she's forgetful or ditzy I can't help but laugh. She seems to have a very adorable sort of charm to her.

I liked the use of partnering up to get everyone to work with who I assume they're going to end up with by the end of the story. I especially liked Slughorn getting Remus to smell the potion - I'm assuming what he smelled describes Doe? Either way, I thought that whole scene was entertaining and helped to add elements to all the Marauders relationships.

I just have a few things I want to point out: You talk about the record player as if it's something 'vintage', but the Marauders were in school in the 70s when vinyl records were still a popular form of listening to music at home. Also, somewhat in line with my comment on the first chapter, Andromeda is also canonically older than the Marauders so she wouldn't still be in school with them in their 6th year!

Other than that, I thought that this was a great chapter. Good job and good luck with your story :)

Author's Response: Hello again!

Thank you for reading too of my chapters, that was really nice of you!:)

I'm so glad that other people are finding the story funny and it's not just me giggling away when I write it! I have lots more funny moments planned out!

The Marlene/Sirius relationship is a really fun one to write, it's the classic immature teenage romance which we all know so well! I see Marlene as the female Sirius, which is probably why he secretly love her (cause he loves himself)... :') Yes Mary is so adorable! She the innocent slightly ignorant of the actually world type person, which I kind of take a little bit from myself :') She so sweet and I have lots planned for her in the future of the story! Her involvement isn't as much as the others (as much as I try to keep it balanced) but she will definitely have a major role in the future, so I hope I can keep you in suspense for it all!

Yeah, it seems like they are all perfect for each other in stage ways, but it will be a long and bumpy road to get to their 'happy endings' and they don't all get one... (spoiler thats not really a spoiler alert:')) But I'm keeping quite for now!

I'm glad you picked up on the 'vintage thing,' I hadn't actually thought of that before, so I will definitely try and thing of another way of writing that, maybe focus on Doe being fascinated by 'muggle culture' rather than 'vintage' things? In my head I really picture her as being obsessed with the 1950's I really don't know why :') So I'll include that in there to make it make more sense :) And yeah the Andromeda thing is the same as the Bellatrix thing. I just love her so she had to be included! It definitely makes my fic more AU though, so I'll change it in the description for that I don't upset all of the cannon lovers :') (don't get me wrong, I totally love and respect Cannon, but this fic is just a bit f fun :))

Thank you for another lovely review! And thank you for your help and advice!

Katie :)


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Review #11, by moonbaby11The Kings and Queens of Hogwarts : Just Another Marauders Day

17th August 2015:
Hi there! I'm here with your requested reviews.

It looks like you have a really fun story on your hands. You've got a lot of really interesting characters and interesting dynamics here. Sometimes I find it a lot cliche/boring when each of the females seems to match up perfectly with one of the males, like you have here, but that's only because a lot of stories don't have friendships play an important part as well! I love the relationship between Doe and James and Sirius, as well as the relationships between Lily and Marlene and Lily and Remus. I like how it seems as though you're focusing on platonic relationships rather than just romantic relationships.

I liked how you introduced all the characters at the beginning because sometimes, with such a large cast of main characters like this story has, it's hard to keep track. I also liked the use of songs as a way to represent each character! Now I'm not sure if that part should be taken as part of the story or more as part of the author's notes, but I did want to bring something up. You used the word 'bromance' which, while really relevant to Sirius and James, I don't think would have been a word used in the 1970s. Now if this is part of the author's note then that's fine, but if you wanted it to read as part of the story itself I would suggest exchanging that word for something else.

There were a few things I noticed here that I want to point out to you. First of all is spelling/grammar. I see you're looking for a beta so hopefully that will help you out, but there were a large handful of errors in these areas. Also, as much as I loved the scene with Bellatrix, that could not be canon. Bellatrix is significantly older than the Marauders (10 years older) and there's no way they would be in Hogwarts at the same time together. If you don't mind being a stickler for canon then that's fine! But I just wanted to point that out in case you weren't aware of that.

All in all, you have the introduction to what looks like a really interesting story here! There may be a couple of errors but, I think with the help of a beta, you'd be able to flesh those out and hopefully reel in more readers! This story looks like it's going to be a lot of fun :)

Author's Response: Hello!

Thank you for taking the time to read and review I really appreciate it! :)

I hope it turn out to be a fun story! I've read other Marauders stories and I usually find that they either totally forget about the outside war, or that focus everything on that, and forget that actually the Marauders would have been really fun people when they were younger, gaining themselves the reputation they have, so I'm trying to show a balance and hopefully this show in the rest of the story :) But it definitely needed a fun and crazy start that throws the reader straight into the action :) I agree with the cliche thing, friendships are important to show too! So I'm glad that that came across in my writing!

My story actually started as notes with the character introduction part, but I really liked the style so decided to include that right at the start because it gives the reader a lot of information about the characters quickly, without having to write out huge back storey that take up chapters worth. The characters will develop more as the story goes on but i just though it was a cool way to let the reader know exactly what each character was like.

With the 'Bromance thing' I agree that the phrase is quite a modern term, but I also know that in the 1970's people would have called each other 'brother,' and they would abbreviate words by shortening them. So I still think it kinda works? I dunno? :') We could just say that the word was actually made up specifically for James and Sirius ahaha :')

Yeah my spelling and grammar is awful, So hopefully someone help ames out! :)

With the Bellatrix thing, I know she's older, but the Black sisters are actually probably me favourite characters out of the whole franchise, so I just had to include them all! So I guess it makes my story an AU, but I couldn't not have them! They add another level of drama and fun to the Marauder dynamic whilst they were at Hogwarts :)

I hope my story works out as fun as you think it will be!! :)

Thank you so much again for the review!!

Katie :)


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Review #12, by moonbaby11Rabbit Heart: 3. Cold Toes, Warm Heart

15th August 2015:
Hi there! I'm here with your requested review.

I'm really enjoying this story so far! I said I would only post one review if I didn't notice anything glaringly confusing in the other chapters, so good job! You seem to have a really tight story here. Of course I'm a little confused, but that's because there's supposed to be an air of mystery to everything that is happening in Wren's life right now. I have many questions (mostly about Dillon and this bunny) but I'm sure they'll be answered eventually!

I'm really enjoying the characters you've introduced to us so far. I'm sure there will be more when Wren and everyone return to Hogwarts, but right now I enjoy the cast that's present in the beginning. Wren makes for a very interesting main character. Her loyalties to her family are clear, and so are her feelings of independence and not following the crowd. I like that we're looking into this transitional point of her life (moving houses and just generally growing up) and seeing how her life is changing. I'm also really liking the relationship between her and Albus and I'm beyond excited to see where that goes (I ship it already!).

Dillon seems like an interesting guy. I'm not sure what his deal is yet and whether he's a good guy or a bad one, but I'm very curious to find out. Is he a squib? Is he even a wizard at all? Or is he just a muggle, trying to find out information for his Mum? I'm sure it will all be revealed in good time, but he's the one mystery I'm the most intrigued by at this point.

One of the things I'm really loving about this story is how different it is. Most Next-Gen stories seem to either be romantic comedies where all the drama is centered around relationships or some kind of Third Wizarding War. Right now it looks like your story is vastly different than most of the other Next-Gen novels I've read in my time here on HPFF so I applaud you for that. You're telling a story full of mystery and intrigue - you seem to be good at that.

I feel like I've just been singing this story's praises but, honestly, at this point I don't have anything negative to say! If you'd like, please return to my review thread and rerequest because I'd love to read more! (Also my apologies for taking so long with this). I hope this review is helpful, or at least puts a smile on your face :)

Author's Response:

Hi!

Oh, I'm glad you're enjoying the story so far. Part of me is okay with you being a little confused because of the mystery, and part of me thinks that I may have pushed the plot too far. The jury is still out on that. I have a tendency to write vague, because I prefer to put my own pieces together instead of having things spelled out for me. It's a personal preference. Not everyone agrees.

Wren is in a transitional period in her life. Lots of things are changing around her, so it's crazy to deal with, on top of the unexpected things.

Ah, Dillon. He's my mystery guy, if there ever was one. :)

I set out to write a "different" story, so I'm glad you picked up on that. I don't generally aim for the angsty angst or the rom-coms, not that there's anything wrong with those, but I feel like there's enough of those styles out there and it would be nice to go with something less abundant. Also, I like stories where the norm isn't necessarily what we think it is. I hope I've learned how to tell a good mystery, but I probably still have a lot to learn.

Thanks so much for your comments! I hope you get a chance to come back and see what happens next. I will definitely re-request!

Pix


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Review #13, by moonbaby11The Rules: According to Molly: Rule 1: Question Everything

15th August 2015:
Hi! I've decided to drop by and leave you some reviews :)

This story looked a little lonely and, quite frankly, I'm not sure why. I know this is only the first chapter but I'm really enjoying it so far! I don't think I've ever seen a main character quite like Molly - someone who says they don't need friends and means it too. Most Next-Gen stories seem to have the main character surrounded by a few cousins and some quirky OCs at all times, so I kind of like that with this story you're straying from the norm. I think it makes your story stand out quite a lot.

God, I already love Riley. I have a feeling he's going to be quite the nuisance, but it looks like his intentions are good (at least, I'm really hoping they are) so hopefully Molly will warm up to him eventually. He seems like such a fun character and I'm sure you had a great time writing him. His flair for the dramatics cracked me up - I could just picture someone clutching their hand to their chest as he did and I'm sure if I saw it in real life I would laugh too.

I'm really excited to read on. I can't wait to meet some more characters (hopefully we'll get a glimpse of Dom and her boyfriend?) and see more of Riley because he's just so great! You'll be seeing more from me soon :)

Author's Response: Oh thank you so much! This is such a nice review, and unexpected since I haven't updated this story in forever, (oops). I'm really glad you like how Molly is just like, everyone leave me alone, because I was a little worried that people wouldn't get it/like it. Like you said, most next gen stories have huge casts of characters and there are like ten best friends and cousins oh my.

Riley is my little darling & I'm so glad you love him too. He's so important to me. :3

Yes, yes! Dom will definitely appear very soon and she's quite the dramatic herself. Thank you so much for the lovely review! :D


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Review #14, by moonbaby11Year Five: Prologue (1991): Dozens of Little Televisions

13th August 2015:
Hey! I'm here from the Review Tag at the forums!

So I've been meaning to read this story for a while because I've heard nothing but good things about it and, I must say, I was not disappointed. I know this was only a prologue and, apart from the protagonist, doesn't introduce any of the main characters, but I still found it very intriguing! Sophie was a very interesting character for such a short chapter, and I thought it was interesting to see a muggle reaction to wizarding items. I don't see that very often around here, so I thought it was a good addition to your story. I really enjoyed hearing Sophie's thoughts as she tried to rationalize the moving pictures - Dozens of televisions in the wall? Really? It made me chuckle.

I feel like this really sets the reader up for the story. It introduces Tristan and his family and you really get a good feel for who he is as a person. I also liked the way that you used Sophie to describe Tristan's physical appearance instead of having him stand in front of a mirror and describe it himself. I think that was really clever and a good use of the characters in this chapter.

I know this is only the prologue, but from the Author's Note it seems like you'll be utilizing as many canon characters as possible, and I think that's great! Sometimes stories get so overridden with OCs that it feels like there's not very much actually canon about it anymore, but you seem ready to use any canon characters possible. I must admit that I don't remember Arnold Peasegood from the books so I didn't realize he was a canon character until after, but I still think it's a brilliant idea.

All in all, this chapter just makes me want to read more! As I said, you did not disappoint with this story. Hopefully I'll be back to read more soon, as now I really want to learn more about Tristan's friends and how they're all going to fit into the events of the first book. This seems like a great story and I'm sorry I took so long to finally start reading it.

Author's Response: Ah! Hello! GOSH!

*squee* *flail* *squee*

Thank you so much! Yee :D

I'm really glad you liked the Sophie intro. My idea was a kind of nod to HP:PS, because that book begins with Mr Dursley's muggle POV. And yeah, I just liked the idea of reintroducing the wizarding world sort of, but from another perspective (since this story is All About secondary perspectives).

It helps a LOT that this was 1991 :P I feel like if someone saw a bunch of moving photos today it would be more like, "huh, that's kinda neat. Ish." Heheh for pre flat-screen technology!

And YES the Sophie-device let me describe Tristan without a mirror! So much utility I got out of that ;)

My thinking was half laziness and half way over-thinking when it came to recycling canon characters. I mean, Rowling created approximately a bajillion briefly-named characters, so it saved me having to think up names and things :P (like, Need an obliviator? I bet she has one already!) And then also, if Hogwarts is "about a thousand students," then the wizarding world has TINY generations, even assuming the majority of families homeschool (which I don't buy). Therefore, the same characters were BOUND to pop up over and over again.

On major concern I have with this story is not really retaining readers since it's such a sLoW bUrN, and doesn't really do a HOOK or have cliffhangers or anything. So I'm just THRILLED that you felt engaged and intrigued and wanted to read on :D

So YEE! Thank you SO MUCH for this lovely review!

xoxo
Roisin


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Review #15, by moonbaby11Tick Tock: time is running out

13th August 2015:
Hey! I'm returning for more BVB Review Battle action!

I was, once again, immediately drawn in by the summary for this story. I don't think I've ever read anything about Romilda Vane, so that was intriguing, but I also wanted to know more about her death and how/why it happened. I really liked the way that you set everything up, telling us straight from the beginning that Romlida is going to die. I think that made for a better story than simply having her death be some sort of shock at the end.

I enjoyed the repitition of 'Tick Tock' and felt like it really tied everything together in terms of the flow and the pacing. It helped to jump from one thought or moment to the next, and it also just added an almost poetic feel to the whole piece.

The one thing I have to say about this piece (and I saw that someone else mentioned it as well) is that I would have liked to know a little bit more about the "why" of the whole thing. Why was this person stalking Romlida? Why did he kill her? I feel like, although I was really entertained by this, I was left with a lot of questions at the end.

Other than that, I feel like you did a brilliant job with this! It was thrilling, suspenseful, and very well written. Great job!

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Review #16, by moonbaby11Death would be Bliss: Death would be Bliss

13th August 2015:
Hey, I'm here for the BVB Review Battle!

Wow, this piece had me guessing until the very end. At the beginning I had no clue what was going on, but I was instantly drawn in and wanted to know more! By the end (before the author's note) I thought it was about Sirius after falling through the veil in the Department of Mysteries, but I liked what you did so much more! I had to go back and read it over again, and it all made a lot more sense that way. I thought what you did was really clever!

I'm assuming that the person the Dementor is drawing memories from is still Sirius Black, due to the descriptions you've given about his memories? I liked how you painted the Dementors not as bad guys, but as creatures that are simply confused. They don't know where they are or what they are doing, but they do know that they want to feel the light (people's souls?) and that is why they give people the Kiss.

This was such a wonderfully written piece. I loved the mentions of the screams. You really brought this scene to life. I think you've done a great job here and I'm glad I chose to check out this story!

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Review #17, by moonbaby11So Cruel: Look Not in My Eyes

13th August 2015:
Hey! I'm here for the BVB Review Battle.

Your summary is what initially drew me into this story. I'm really intrigued by this concept for a few reasons. I like that you started with the end, basically, showing us the demise of Lucy and Roderick's relationship and how she's much happier now with her new partner. Secondly, it seems that most stories revolve around a ship getting together and having a happy ending, whereas this story tells you straight from the beginning that Lucy isn't going to get that with Roderick. I'm really interested to see how this goes. Will we be introduced to her fiance along the way? Will that ship be silently building in the background while we follow what's happening with Lucy and Roderick? I'm actually really excited to see where you take this.

I can personally relate to Lucy as I think I've had similar things happen to me - looking back at guys that I had feelings for and realizing just how stupid I'd been. I think that's probably a somewhat universal feeling, so I think you'll be connecting with your readers in a great way because of that.

Like I said, I'm very interested in this story and I hope to see an update soon! I'll definitely be dropping back to read more.

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Review #18, by moonbaby11You Don't Own Me: Don't

11th August 2015:
So I'm here from the Dobby rec thread (which you totally deserved a rec on) and for the BVB Review battle!

My first thought when I finished this was "wow". I haven't read a lot of stories written in second person (and I've written even less) and I never thought I'd be able to connect to characters in the same way, but you've proven my thoughts wrong. This is one of the most powerful one-shots I've read in a long time. You made me truly understand what it must be like for a victim of a relationship like that. Thankfully I've never experienced it first hand (or even as closely as Rose and Albus) but you made me feel like I truly understood what it would be like to be in one of their shoes.

Corbin was a really compelling character. Just the way that he reacted to everything and the way his emotions moved so rapidly I was actually scared of him as I was reading through this fic. He seemed so realistic and that's one of the things I loved most about this. Everything seemed as though it could have really happened and I'm sure this hits home for a lot of people.

From what I gather from the author's note, this is a complimentary piece to a series you have going on? I'm actually shocked to discover that - if you hadn't told me I never would've guessed. The characters are introduced very well in this story and I never felt as though I was missing anything, so good job for bringing these pre-exisiting relationships and characters and translating them into what is ultimately a standalone one-shot.

This was so beautiful and I feel like I can never stop singing it's praises! Thank you for sharing this great one-shot and look into this sensitive topic and good luck with your future writing!

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Review #19, by moonbaby11Firewhiskey: Chapter 1

11th August 2015:
Hey, here for our review swap!

This was so good. Like insanely good. I'd actually been meaning to read this for a while because I love Charlie (and there's not nearly enough written about him on the archives) and you drew me in immediately with the very rare pairing. I have to say I wasn't disappointed at all.

This story felt so raw and that's what I loved about it. Charlie's emotions were so genuine and there were a few moments where I teared up. I liked the references to Colin without ever actually revealing that was who you were talking about. It was interesting to see how hard Charlie took Colin's death when he didn't even know the boy's name. It really shows how much war can take a toll on people.

The idea for the memorial is a really brilliant one. I smiled to myself knowing that future genrations of Hogwarts students would be able to look back at the people that fought for their freedom and have a name to put to the tragedy that went on in the castle. I thought that was a great little tidbit.

Both of the characters had such interesting characterizations! I loved seeing Poppy being so motherly, but I also loved when she asked which Weasley he was! Charlie was written so wonderfully and I think he really showed off what it feels like to survive a war but see the people you know and love die. I think their relationship progressed naturally and I'm kind of curious as to if it would lead anywhere after Charlie sobered up and after he stopped needing comfort from someone. Just something I've been thinking about.

Anyway - this was a brilliant piece! You really worked well with the ship you were given and told a beautiful story. I loved it.

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Review #20, by moonbaby11Game Over: Six

10th August 2015:
And what a way to end it all! I'm really happy that Dann looks like she'll be sticking with James after all of this. It reminds me of how Harry, Ron, and Hermione all became friends, because sometimes there's things that you can't face together and then just walk separate ways from. Everything wrapped up well. It was nice to see Harry show up in the story and I was pleased that Matt got what he deserved. It's also nice to know that James wants to be straight from now on, giving up his life of crime.

I really loved this story. It held my attention from the very beginning and always left me guessing. The pace was quick and the flow was great - there was never a dull moment. You make me want to attempt a challenge like this, just to see if I can write as interesting and coherent a story as you have here! I'm really pleased that you undertook this challenge because you've certainly done it justice and created an amazingly engaging story. Good luck with your future writing and I shall be back soon with the requested reviews I owe you! (I probably should have done those before finishing this, but it was just calling out to me!)

Author's Response:

Hey hey, you made it to the end!

Oh whew! I'm glad things came to an acceptable conclusion for you. Yes, please do try this format out. It's fun and challenging, and keeps you on your toes.

Thanks so much for coming by this story and leaving your thoughts! I loved getting these reviews from you!

Pix


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Review #21, by moonbaby11Game Over: Five

10th August 2015:
Ahhh, more things that I wasn't expecting! So from what I gather, Matt is Dann's brother? And I'd always thought that she liked him, that he was her boggart because, just like James with Harry, she didn't want to see him die, but it looks like he truly has gone rogue and she's afraid of him? This was a lot to cram into 500 words, but I still think that it's a good chapter. You still have me on the edge of my seat dying to know what's going to happen in the final chapter!

It looks like James has quite the dilemma on his hands and I'm interested to see where things go. Will Matt hold true to his promise and kill his sister just to frame the Secret Thief? Or will the Aurors arrive in time to see everyone still alive? This is all just so good that I can't wait to see where it goes!

Author's Response:

Yes!!! More unexpected things! I love when I can surprise a reader. That means I'm not getting boring and predictable.

I was trying SO SO hard to only have five chapters, but this story blossomed, so there had to be a sixth. I hope it answers enough of your questions to be satisfying.

Pix


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Review #22, by moonbaby11Game Over: Four

10th August 2015:
WHOA NICE I ACTUALLY CALLED IT WHEN I GUESSED IT MAY NOT ACTUALLY BE MATT. I wasn't expecting it to be a boggart, though. That really threw me for a loop. I was trying to figure out why Harry was there and I was actually starting to get emotional for his death when James started to piece everything together and I realized I'd been had. Great job with that, though, as I totally wasn't expecting that sort of twist!

We actually learned a lot about James in this chapter, which I liked. The title 'Silent Thief' seems quite interesting, especially because Dann mentions that they've been tracking him for ages. I can't wait to learn more about that! I can't believe there are only two chapters left, because I feel like I still have hundreds of questions running through my mind!

Author's Response:
WOOT!!! Great call there. And, surprise! Yes, it's a boggart. This was written for a Five Elements Challenge, where I had to use a certain spell at least three times, and there had to be a boggart. Somehow, it all made sense in my head. :P

Yeah, this story kind of got caught up in the, "but wait, there's more!" trap. I tried to rein in the plot as best I could, but my muse tends to want to go long with things.

Thanks for another great review!

Pix


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Review #23, by moonbaby11Game Over: Three

10th August 2015:
GOD this story just gets more and more intriuging as it continues! I was hoping for Matt to show up and it looks like I won't be disappointed! (Unless this isn't Matt and it's someone else using Polyjuice Potion as well. Hm.) I like how this scene is just like a typical spy movie, just with James being levitated done instead of dropping down on some sort of cord. It really brought a strong image to my mind, so I liked that you've included that.

Dann just seems to get more and more interesting. Where did these heels and skirt come from? I take it her plan was to flirt with the guard to distract him, but I kind of like that she had to use her skills as a witch in the end so that it's not just your typical femme fatale move.

This was another wonderful chapter! You seem to be a master of words. The pacing was great and kept me on my toes the whole time!

Author's Response:
Hi again!

Intrigue! Adventure! Haha. I wish I could write more like that. Maybe my next story will give it another go. I'm glad you felt like this was spy-like. And you read Dann's moves correctly. She's skilled AND she's cunning. Or is that the same thing? I don't know anymore.

Thanks so much for coming back again!

Pix


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Review #24, by moonbaby11Game Over: Two

10th August 2015:
Hey! I'm finally back to review the rest of this story.

I really do love this format of 500 word chapters. I'm never finding myself bored by pointless conversations because each chapter has to be written so precisely so as not to run out of the words to get your message across.

The character of Dann is really interesting to me and I want to know more about her relationship with her partner, Matt. What happened to him? Why does everyone think he went 'rogue'? Is she now going to help James, even though she doesn't know him? There's just so many questions to this story and I'm amazed that you can get all of this across in a mere 500 words. I think it truly shows off your strengths as a writer.

I'll apologize in advance for the short reviews, but I find it hard to do long reviews on short chapters! But I'm off to read the rest of this story so you haven't seen the last of me.

Author's Response: Nope, no pointless conversation here. There's just not enough room, and what's the use if there's no point anyway? :p

The whole thing about Matt boggled me too. I didn't know where this story was leading, which is rare for me as a writer. I had to trust my fickle muse and let her lead me through it, hoping we wouldn't end up on the other side of a big mess.

Don't worry over the short review. It's a short chapter after all.

Thanks for coming back!


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Review #25, by moonbaby11Brighter Than Sunshine: The First One

7th August 2015:
Hey! I'm here for the BVB Review Battle.

I didn't even realize until I was finished reading this chapter that this story was from 2012, so sorry if this isn't something that you want people to be reviewing! The summary (and pretty banner) just completely drew me into the story and I wanted to see why everyone was so oblivious, and attractive, and cute. (Also can I just say I wish my writing was as good as this back in 2012?)

Your OC of Lara seems really interesting. I like the hipster vibe she has going and I really like the set up for this story. I'm guessing Scorpion is Scorpius (apparently he's not the best at coming up with secret code names?) and Emerald is Albus, because of his eyes, and Lara totally isn't going to piece two and two together. I think that this will be a really interesting plot to see carried out! I also really liked the dynamic Lara and Hailey have. They're so different and yet they're such good friends, which is kind of similar to the relationship I have with my own sister. It's nice to see siblings that don't just argue with each other.

I liked the use of the sentences in parentheses. They always had me chuckling and I think they really added to the overall style and feel of this piece. I think it all works really well together, and you have a clear writing style here that I'm really enjoying.

If you don't mind I'd love to go through and read the rest of this story! It seems like it has a lot of potential and I'm already intrigued to see where it's going. You seem like a really strong writer, and I'm sure you've done nothing but improve since this was published!

Author's Response: Heya! Thanks so much for the review! It was really unexpected, because this is a really old story, as you've noted!

I'm totally fine with people reviewing this story because (in my opinion) it's cute and fluffy and fun. So I hope you enjoy it! I'm currently looking for feedback on my newest story, Mistaken for Strangers, but if this is more to your liking, go for it! (Or read both? :P Just kidding...kind of...) I'm glad you like my writing in this story-- to be honest it kinda depresses me because if anything I've gotten worse as a writer since this!

I'm glad you like the characters so far! Lara is supposed to be a totally oblivious hipster, yes. And actually her relationship with her sister is based on my own relationship with my sister! So I'm happy to see it hitting home.

Are Scorpius and Al Scorpion and Emerald?! Read on to find out! (Just kidding. It's super obvious. And maybe Scorpius is bad at coming up with code names...or maybe just I am! :P)

Thanks so much for your comments on the style! I had a lot of fun writing this story so I'm glad you like reading it. :) Feel free to read on and I hope you like it! :D Thanks again for the review!

--J


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