Wow, I think this is a really great start to your novella! This chapter is a little short, but I think that it was definetly good. You ended it off great, with a bit of a cliffhanger as to what happens next and if Fred and Bea get caught or not. The two characters that you have introduced so far seem very interesting and I'm curious to read more about them. I'm just wondering, is Bea Cho's daughter then? I'm assuming she is, but I just wanted to check on that. ;)
I like how you have Fred as a Rvenclaw (at least that's what I understand him to be) because most people seem to generally put the Weasley/Potter clan into Gryffindor. You seem to have them spread out more between houses here.
Um, what else to say? I thought it was very entertaining and will definetly come back and review the 2nd chapter when I get the chance! I think you're a really great author and should definetly keep up the amazing work! :)Author's Response: Hey! :D Thanks! Bea is indeed Cho's daughter. I have some weird excuse for her adopting Cho's last name in that her father is a Muggle, and in the Wizarding World you would adopt the last name of the Wizarding parent.
Fred is a Ravenclaw! The Weasley-Potter clan, as you will see later, is very spread out. James was a Gryffie, Albus is a Puff, Rose and Lucy are also Claws, Louis is a Slytherin... they're everywhere! :D
Thanks for the review ^___^ Report Review
Okay, I just want to say that Scorpius' car is the coolest! :) Really, I loved how he had a vintage blue car. I'm sure that Lucius would have LOVED that. ;)
Anyways, I love your descriptions. I think that you have a very good way of writing, and this one-shot reflected that. I like the words that you use, as well as the descriptions.
I found this too be very interesting, though it was a little vague at points. I think you should maybe add just a little bit more information on Scorpius' and Victoire's relationship. I think if you maybe just added a sentence or two, it would have the perfect amount of both vague-ness and understanding. I was also a little confused as to what was going on with Teddy, so maybe you could add a sentence explaining that?
Other than the slight vauge-ness, I really enjoyed this one-shot! I've never read a Victoire/Scorpius, let alone a Teddy/Victorie/Scorpius! Is this the only one on the archives? I mean, if people can ship Teddy/Rose, why can't they ship Victoire/Scorpius? I don't know, but that's just my two cents on the pairing.
Overall, really great idea and writing! Keep up the great work! :)Author's Response: Heee everyone loves the car ;)
I shall keep the vagueness in mind! It is such a balancing act. It's been high time I take another look at this one-shot again, anyhow.
Hee, I've never seen another one either! Older woman/Younger man ships really are quite rare.
Thank you for the lovely review! ^___^ Report Review
All I can say about this right now is 'What just happened?'
Anyways, I thought you did a really good job with this, especially choosin to write about Louis, and congrats for being mentioned on Story Seekers. Sorry for the really short review, but I'm still a little shocked by what happened in the story. (which means that you did a great job with it) :) Report Review
Hey! I saw your preview for this chapter on the forums and I just had to come check it out! :) This chapter was really great and I thought it did a good job of introducing the characters and their relationships with each other. Right now, I'm really loving Scorpius! He says the funniest things and is not very smart, but I think he is my favourite character, even though I've only read the first chapter.
I really love your OC, Pippa. I like her name a lot, but I also really like her character! She's weird and she loves chocolate and stuff liek that, but she also seems like a really strong character, the kind who doesn't need a guy (although her and Albus together woudl be awesome! :D) I don't think she is at all a Mary Sue, so I think that you are on the right track with her.
This chapter had a lot of great lines. My favourites would have to be Albus' line about Damien in James' room with his shirt off, Scorpius' line about going to Azkaban for assisting in murder and Pippa thinking that the cupboard is like Azkaban, and talking about why her granfather is so crazy. You did a good job with describing things, like the way you Albus' smile 'setting everything ablaze'. I thought that was a great description!
There were a few mistakes I noticed:
'my brother physic reminds me of a bear.' I think it should say my brother's physique
'Cause my dads going to pretty annoyed' You're missing the word 'be'
'cause she acted like a big and tried to eat it all at once' I'm not sure if you meant 'pig' instead of big or if you were missing an adjective, but something is off about the sentence
I can't wait to see where you take this story next! The plot seems good and I'm loving the characters right now (as well as your banner! It's gorgeus! It's amazing what the artists at TDA can do!) Please update soon and good luck with the rest of the story!Author's Response: Hello there! Ah! I think names have changed since the preview! I'm so glad you think I did a good job, that means a lot me. I'm so glad you like Scorpius! I'm getting a rather soft spot for him. Other people seem to like him aswell. I really enjoy writing his character.
I'm so glad you like her name, I really struggled to find one that I liked & would suit her background. Yeah, Pippa's totally independant! She has this stubborn streak when she thinks she needs no one. You've really captured her character. I'm so glad you don't think she's a mary sue, that's a huge compliment and it's something I worry about.
I'm so glad you liked those lines :D And I'm so glad you like my description.
I've changed them, thanks for pointing them out. I've also got a beta to catch them mistakes. Yeah, I meant Pig, not big :p I wrote a lot of this at 4am. Haha.
Thank you! I'm so glad you like the characters & the plot! And thank you! I am in love with my banner, I found it in a UFG section. It just fits the story so well. Thanks so much! I'll try to update soon.
xxx Report Review
Aw, so cute! :) I felt really bad for Capri during this chapter, because she was too afraid to tell Sirius about her feelings for him. And then he left! at least he wrote saying that he wished she were here! I think you really got the feeling of jealousy and love across in this chapter, and I definetly felt like I was inside Capri's head. I thought you did really well with this chapter! :)
This time I didn't catch any spelling or grammer mistakes, so you did good there!
The only thing is, I woudl like to learn more about Nora. You've given a lot of information about Capri and Sirius, but not a lot about her. Caprice considers Nora her best friend, so I would like yo see more interactiosn between the two and learn more about her. ;)
Great job on this chapter! If you woudl liek me to check otu the next two, just stop by my review thread again and re-request! I'd love to read on! Report Review
Ooh, way to keep me interested! i really loved the last part of this chapter, especially the part where Caprice mimicked Sirius' high pitched sreams when he got his Hogwarts Letter! :) I'm really curious to see what is going to happen between them, especially with the ending that you had.
I really liked how they still called each other Jill and David, even though they both knew what eachothers actual names were. I thought that was really cute, and definetly something that I could see some 11 year olds doing.
I kind of like how you described Sirius as a charmer even though he was only 11, since it's common for 11 year olds to have crushed on guys. It was also good to see that James wasn't already madly in love with Lily in their 1st Year. I find it really weird when people do that, because they're only 11, and they shouldn't be in love! Good job for not doing that.
I found a few spelling mistakes:
'lovely mane on chestnut brown hair' I think you meant of not on
'Nora knew my world as well as this new world well' I think you should remove one of the 'well's
Other than that, this chapter was really well written. I'm enjoying the characters and the story! :) Well, I'm off to review the next chapter. Report Review
I love Myrtle, so I was really excited to see that you had a fic about her. This was really interesting, as I've never really read anything about Bertie Bott before. I thought it was a good idea, and I like the way you characterized him. He seems like an interesting person, with all the questions that he had.
I also liked how you characterized Myrtle, because you didn't make her whiny and annoying like we see in the books. You just seemed to make her innocent, curious and hurt, which I liked. She seemed like a nice person and I felt pretty bad for her and what had happened.
I noticed one error here: 'but Bernie was just finding his stride.' I believe it should be Bertie instead of Bernie. Other than that, I didn't notice any other mistakes.
This story got me thinking, which I liked. Overall, I thought it was really well written and that you had a great idea here. Keep up the good writing and happy holidays! :)Author's Response: You have no idea how happy it makes me that this one shot got you thinking. Ultimately, that is one of the most important things to me when I read, that I am pondering the story after I'm done.
I have no doubt that Myrtle was whiny and irritating, but I really wanted to show a side of her in this that also existed, one of a lost little girl. I wanted to give her a second chance, in a way.
I'll fix up that mistake there, silly me! Thank you so much for the review and happy holidays! Report Review
Aww, poor Arabella. I felt very bad for her during this. I'd never really thought about how squibs would feel when their letters didn't come. I guess that woudl be horrible, knowing that the magical world existed, but never getting to be part of it yourself. You really seemed to capture that feeling well in this one-shot.
I thought you did a good job of making Arabella seem very innocent and like a child, waiting for her letter. You did great with characterizing her. She definetly seems like an eleven year old girl.
This was a little short, but I liked it. The length worked well with the story, making sure that you got the feeling across and didn't ramble on with it. I liked how short it was.
Overall, I thought this was really well-written. My favourite part was probably how she wrote the names of all of the houses on the window. I thought that was kind of cute. Keep up the great work and happy holidays!Author's Response: Thank you so much! This was my first attempt at writing a child; I've always found it a remarkably difficult thing to do, so I'm really glad I've pulled that off. It is intentionally short; I think I've put as much into it as I need to. Once again, thanks for the review and happy holidays to you too! Report Review
Aw, I loved the fluffiness in this one-shot. The one thing I love about James/Lily is the fluffiness (and humour) that is normally involved in fics about them. I thought that this story was really cute, especially that no matter how much Lily hated James over the years, she kept the flower. I thought that was really sweet, and smiled when I read that part. Overall, the whole things was good, especially since you said that you don't normally write romance.
Ha, I laughed at the part abotu Frank Longbottom running away from the flower. I thought that was funny, and I liked how you used Frank, and not just a random OC (or Peter Pettigrew).
I thought it was neat that James was intrested in snapdragons, even though he didn't really like flowers. I have to say that snapdragons are pretty, and cool looking.
I thought this was a really great one-shot, and I can't wait to see what other flowers James gives her. I'll wait to read the other chapters, just in case you hit me with a snowball again! ;)Author's Response: Thank you for the review moonbaby :)) I am glad that you liked the fluffiness of it all (though I wasn't aiming for fluffiness, apparently it happened xD).
Everybody likes the part about Frank! Maybe I should include him in the future again :DD
And yeah - snapdragons are definitely cool looking. They are a bit unusual when you think of flowers, but that's the point, right? ;)
Anyways, I am glad you liked it and thanks again.
Harley :) Report Review
Aw, I really liked this story. I felt bad for Lily, since she wouldn't have Petunia there with her. I liked hwo you had it that Lily missed her, as most people write it as if once Petunia started not liking Lily, Lily just stopped carign about her. I like how she still has feelings for her sister, since they grew up together and they used to be really close.
The part about picking out the flowers was probably my favourite scene in this, the way that Lily could not pick the petunias, because they woudl remind her too much of her sister. I really felt bad for her throughout this one-shot.
I thought you did a great job at getting Lily's thoughts and feelings across, especially since you had a certain word count that you could not go over. You seemed to use your words wisely, to give people an idea to what Lily was thinking as she got married.
I really liked the ending as well. I thought it was sweet. Overall, I thought you did a good job with this. Keep up the great work and happy holidays! :)Author's Response: I loved writing this story! It was so much fun because I knew I only had so many words to get my point across. I'm glad that you thought I did a good job of that. ^^
For some reason, people do seem to think that Lily just stopped caring about her sister after Petunia got angry and began to dislike her. Even though Petunia seemed to hate Lily, I think she was hurting as well and I know Lily was hurting since the reason for Petunia's dislike wasn't even her fault.
I loved the flowers part, too. I thought it was sad that her mother wouldn't really notice these things but that it would effect Lily so much.
Thank you so much for this lovely review! Sorry for the late response. Dx
-Dem- Report Review
This story is coming along really good so far! I was wondering what Pen was going to lie about, and I really like what you have had happen! I'm really curious to see how Pen's lies will unravel and what will happen between her and Oliver. I think that it's a sign of a good story if I am already wondering what will happen next! ;)
Anyways, I really like the friendship that Penelope and Athena have. They seem like a good match for each other, probably because they are so different. I like that and it kind of balances their friendship, and scenes in the story together, out. Are you going to include more about Athena? I really like her and she seems like an interesting character, so I woudl love to learn more about her, and mayeb more about her family! :)
The one thing I'm a little confused about is why Oliver knows so much about muggle items, like iPods, when he did not even know what basketball was in the first Harry Potter book. I'm just not sure hwo he would know so much about muggle items after graduating. Does he live with muggles or something?
Other than that, the story is progressing great! There are some funny lines and Pen seems like a cool main character. I will leave you more reviews throughout the snowball fight but, when the fight is over, I'll finish reading this story if I haven't yet. I shoudl be back soon with more reviews! ;)Author's Response: There is a lot more about Athena coming up I really like her character as well. I do have a good explanation about why Oliver knows muggle stuff which is coming up in a future chapter. Thanks for reading and I hope you like the rest of this story! Report Review
Ooh, leaving me on a cliff hanger here! ;) lol Anyways, I thought this was a really good start to the story. You introduced the main characters and how they fit in with each other, and you also got the plot advancing, just from the last two words of this chapter. I definitely like where you ended it, because I think that you definitely have the reader sucked in and that they will want to keep reading the next chapter. Great job with starting this off.
I liked how you had Pen basically giving up her magic life and becoming a muggle. I thought that was a good idea, because it is definitely not something I would have thought of. I also like how you have her working with Audrey. I can't wait to see more of her and Percy! :)
I like the character of Penelope already. She wasn't really mentioned in the books, I believe, and I like the spin that you've taken on her, as most people picture her as just like Percy. You've made her more fun, and more interesting than that, which I like! :D Also, the whole 'Hunky shoulders guy' thing had me laughing. I thought it was kind of funny, though it is something I could see my friend and I doing, so it was realistic.
Overall, really good beginning. I'm glad that I read this first chapter. Merry Christmas!Author's Response: Hello Snowballer! Thanks for the great review I'm glad you liked the character I just thought that Penelope would be a fun oc with being an original character like she's in the books but you can give her your own personality which is fun!
Happy Holidays! :) *gives you cookies* Report Review
Hey Jordan! Here again with another review for you! Get ready to eat it up! ;)
I really like the idea that you have with this so far. I just have to say that I am already feeling sorry for Alice. I find it pretty good that you coudl have me feeling bad for her in only 800 words. Great job.
Alice seems like a really interesting character, and I can't wait to learn more about her. Why is it that she has no friends? Why does James like to make fun of her so much? Why does she like Albus? Those were the questions that were swimming through my head during this prolouge. I guess it's a good sign that you've already got em wondering what is going to happen next.
Alice has a good voice to her, and I feel like I'm already getting inside of her head. I like how you've made her the underdog and not the overly popular girl. It's definetly not cliche and it makes her someone that is more easy to relate to with the readers. I like the way you portray her.
The one thing I want to point out is in this sentence: 'Those people are too lazy or donít care what happens the can.' I think you are missing the word 'to' after the word 'happens'. Other than that, it was really great. I'll definetly have to come back and read more!Author's Response: Ohh I'll definitely fix that little typo once the queue reopens. Thanks for the compliments - I'm thinking about fixing this story up soon, so hopefully it can be even better than you say it is now! :) I'll probably try and keep the prologue the way it is, though.
~jordan Report Review
Jordan! :) I liked the fluff, don't worry. Actually, I thought the story was rather funny, so you don't have to worry about me barfing over it. ;)
I liked the approach you took with this, especially since most Rose/Scorpius stories you see are about 'forbidden love' and how they can't be together. This was purely fun. I loved how you fit in the cheesy pick up line. It worked really well, the big climatic lead up, just for that. I thought that it was pretty funny :)
I liked how you had Al getting revenge on Rose for something as little as not letting him copy her work. I thought that was something good that brought out his character. You seemed to do good with getting character across, even though it was just a one-shot.
Well, great job on this one Jordan! I think it would be cool if you could add more onto this, because I like the characters, but I know that you don't really like fluff. Anyways, keep up the good work and Merry Christmas!Author's Response: haha, actually when I wrote this one-shot, I didn't like fluff because I wasn't exactly sure what it was. But now since I've become more knowledgeable and all that jazz, I like fluff. LOL I should change that in the A/N.
I'm glad you liked this one, Kennedy! I'll think about adding onto the story ;) And whoa, I was good with the characters? WOW! I'm impressed that you think that, and impressed with myself now. 8D Boy, do I sound egotistical. But anyways, the point is, I'll think about it. Merry Christmas, Kennedy, and thanks for the review!
~jordan Report Review
Hello! Merry Christmas! :) Glad to see a new chapter up!
So, I was wrong about it being Fred, but I guess that James is someone that would probably help Rose and Lily out. :) I liked her letter to him, and I can't wait to see what James says back!
So, i really liked the part with Erin. She seems like an interesting character (even though I hate her) and I was kind of curious about why she kept Al around. I'd like to see more of Erin in future chapters, and I think you did a good job of adding to her character in that scene in Charms class.
Hm, so is Rose right about Lorcan? Is he actually betraying Al? Ooh, I really want to know what happens next! As I've said before, you did a good job in advancing the plot in this chapter and adding more problems to Rose's already problematic life. ;) I wonder if Rose or Lorcan will tell Albus? I really do think that he should know about it, even though he should be paying more attention to what Erin is doing.
I didn't notice any spelling mistakes, so I think you're good! :D This was another great chapter, and you've really sucked me into this story! I love it, and I can't wait for the next update! Keep up the good work and happy holidays!Author's Response: Hey! Merry Christmas to you too! :)
I suppose Fred could've helped as well, but throwing him into the story would, I think, have been more random than doing so with James. But they would've had the same cause to be in the story and they would've done the same thing, so I guess it doesn't really matter that much :)
I'm glad you liked that part! I'm not that big a fan of Erin's either, I have to admit, but it's good to hear that she seems interesting :) She'll be back, of course, but I'm not quite sure when exactly. Thank you, I'm glad you think so!
Well, you'll have to see for yourself, right? ;) Thank you, that's great to hear! Ah yes, Rose can never catch a break ;) Al should be paying some more attention to his girlfriend, I completely agree. He'll find out at some point, just not yet :)
Oh, that's good to know! Thank you, I'm glad you liked it! I'll try to update soon, but that's sort of impossible now, so... we'll see, right? Happy holidays to you too!
Thanks a lot for your review! Report Review
Ha, this was really funny! :) The thing I love about Marauders stories is that they always seem to have the best lines in them! This certainly had a lot of really good lines (too many for me to name) and you had me laughing during it. Ah, you just have to love the Marauders! ;)
I really liked the way your described Leila, and how Sirius thought she was perfect even though she wasn't. You also seemed to really capture the goofy side of the Marauders, especially with Sirius' vanity. I never would have thought that Sirius would enjoy reading, as he doesn't really seem like a studier, but I liked how you added that in. It makes him different from all the other Marauders stories I've read.
Overall, this was a really good one-shot and you had me smiling and laughing during the whole thing. Great job and keep up the good work! :) Oh, and Merry Christmas!Author's Response: I am glad you found this funny. It always puts a smile on my face when people find my ramblings about the Marauders funny. :))) And yes, certainly the Marauders have great comic value :)
Yes, although Leila is not a big part of the whole ordeal, I wanted to show through her that despite everything, Sirius was not some shallow idiot who will fall only for the Queen of the castle. And from what we know about Sirius he is certainly a capable and smart wizard and natural ability can only give you so much. In my mind, he paid attention to his studies (although he tried to give the impression that he didn't care much).
Once again, I am really happy that the story made you laugh and smile. Thanks for the super nice review which in turn made me smile :)))
Harley Report Review
First off, I just wanted ot say that I liked how you described the angel. The way her wings were dangerous and the way that you did not use 'angelic' or 'heavenly' to describe the way her voice sounded. I think that that is really setting your angels apart from the typical ones, so I liked that.
The ending was really good. I liked how you had Scorpius faint! :) As I said in my last chapter, he seems like he is going to be a really interestign character, and I like the way you are going with his personality. I love his snarky and sarcastic comments. I also thought that you did good with characterizing Hermione, especially with her being skeptical about the angel. That seemed like something that I could see her doing.
There were a few spelling errors I noticed, but nothign too major. They were mostly just typos. I think if you read it over, you should spot them right away. ;)
I think that this story is going along really well so far! :D You really draw the reader in with the first few chapters by jumping right into the plot. I'd love to read more so just pop by my review thread again!Author's Response: Hehe, I loved the idea of a flawed angel. Even if they're only flawed in terms of their personality. Cassandra isn't nearly as righteous as you'd expect an angel to be, in fact, she's quite nasty at times.
I'll definately re-request a review from you once there have been a few more updates. Thanks very much. :D Report Review
Hello, I am here with your review! Sorry that it took so long. I did not know that I would be so busy over the week. Anyways, I really liked this first chapter. It was a good intorduction to the characters. I really like how you have Scorpius being not loved by everyone, as most fics have him being this gorgeous boy, even though he is supposed to resemble Draco, who was not considered 'hot' in the books. I think that Scorpius definetly has an interesting personality and character.
The ending of this chapter was really good, as I, and hopefully your other readers, really want to know what happens next! I'm really curious to see who you bring back from the dead in this story.
Just a little side note, but I thought you did good with writing Hagrid's dialouge. It looked a lot like it does in the books, so I just wanted to comment on that.
I can't wait to see what happens in the next chapter. I think you definetly have an original idea here, and the plot seems to be good so far. Good luck with the rest of the story! :)Author's Response: Hehe, I'm afraid that I kill Hagrid off in a later chapter. But it was fun to write him. :P
I hate when people make Scorpius/Draco into something they aren't i.e. superhot. They're, at best, avarage in terms of looks so I wanted to keep it that way.
If you decide to review other chapters, I hope that you enjoy them. Thanks very much for the feedback. =) Report Review
Okay, so now that I have finished NaNo, I do not feel guilty with leaving a review for this chapter! :) I love this story, and this chapter did not disappoint. I loved the scene with Al and Hugo and the teddy bear. That had me laughing so hard the whole time! :) I can't wait to see what else Rose and Lily do to get the diary back!
Hm, I wonder who the expert could be. Maybe another cousin onf the Weasley's? Or maybe a new OC? For soem reason I am thinking that it is going to be Fred II, but I am not sure. I can not wait to read the next chapter and find out!
I also really liked Rose's patrols. I love getting a glimpse at the relationship between Rose and Lorcan, as well as seeing abit more character in Rose. I love Lorcan (I think he's one of my favourite characters) so I loved how you had him in this chapter! :)
Overall, really great again! I'm loving this story and I can not wait for the next chapter! Good luck with the rest of it!Author's Response: Hey! Again, congrats on finishing Nano!
Thanks, it's good to hear that it didn't disappoint! :) I'm glad you liked that scene, and you'll just have to wait to see what they'll do ;)
The same, of course, goes for the expert. You're definitely onto something, but you'll have to wait and see ;)
I'm glad you liked the patrols! So do I ^^ Ah, Rose and Lorcan... things are going to change soon, though. But I'm glad you like Lorcan so much! That's good to hear :D
Thanks!! I'll try to update asap, but I have no idea when that's going to be... and thank you!
Thanks a lot for your review! Report Review
Her father died? :O Woah, I just have to say, I was totally NOT expecting that! Now I really want to know more about what happened with her Dad. How did he die? Ooh, you've got me wanting the next chapter! ;)
Ah, I loved the list Deora made about why she hates Sirius. I thought that was really amusing. When I saw that in the 'Previews' thread I couldn't wait for this chapter! That was probably my favourite part! ;) Or maybe the bit about the Slytherins with the pink banners over there heads was my favourite part... I can't choose! You always write really funny scenes! :D
I'm loving your characterization of Peter, as I've said before. I liek how you're trying to make him appear more 'strong' and give reasons for his actions. Didi mentioned that Sirius picks on Peter too much, so I really want to see what happens when her and Sirius get together. Will it ruin her and Peter's friendship?
I noticed two errors:
For once in my life, I just want to be apart of it.Ē - I believe there should be a space between 'a' and 'part'
Near the beginning of the story you called Dorcas Deora. It was sometime after Dorcas had woken up Didi.
Your flow was good for this. All of the scenes seemed to move together really well. They all worked and this chapter didn't move too fast. :) I agree that this was definetly more interesting than th eprevious chapter.
Overall, really great! ;) You're such a good writer, so keep up the great work! I can't wait to see what happens next to Peter, Deora, Dorcas and Sirius! =DAuthor's Response: Hii, awwe thank you so much for this review. I always look forward to these now cause you're too nice! :P
And ahh, I kept trying to hint that her father died, but I quite like the surprise factor as well! xD. It's really sad, but Deora's a strong girl (that likes to repress things hehe). She'll be fine eventually... with some help ;)
Hehe, the Slytherins! I don't know how that came to me, but I just kept thinking about the insults my guy friends throw at each other.. And the list! I thought that in a lot of Sirius/OC stories, the OCs usually have really kind of mundane reasons for hating Sirius... and since the Prologue, Deora's always been really protective of Peter so I thought that hating Sirius cause he picks on Peter too much would seem like a more legitimate reason.
Anyway.. *facepalm* I can't believe I called Dorcas Deora... Woopsies! I'll get on that asap! Thank you so much for this lovely review!! :) xx Report Review
Hey! I ntoiced that you updated so I decided to stop by and give you another review! :)
I really liked this chapter. Lorcan turning into a frog was rather funny, and how everyone thought Rose was completly insane for carrying a frog around all day. ;) I liked hwo this chapter devloped characters more. The list about Hugo was really funny, and kind of gave the reader insight into the kind of person that he is. You also developed the Rose/Lorcan relationship some here, which I love. I think they're really cute together. :D
I was just wondering, is Katie Bell's younger brother canon? I was just curious because I don't think that I've ever heard of him before, but I coudl just be forgetful.
My favourite line was probably the one about Ron literally killing Rose if she became a spider. (and then Rose adding that he'd actually get Hermioen to do it!) I coudl definetly see Ron doing something like that, since he is terrfied of spiders. That was definetly the best line.
Overall, this was really great, as usual. The story's progressing very well and definetly leaving me wanting more. :) Great job and keep it up!Author's Response: :D You know you're the awesomest and sweetest person ever, right? :D I didn't even have to stalk your review thread like I usually (alright, sometimes) do!
Thank you, that's great to hear! I'm glad you thought that was funny - it was funny to write as well, I'll tell you that much :P And I know I would deem someone insane if they walked around with a frog all day! I'm glad you liked that list as well :) Hugo... he's still a little immature (or, that's how I hope he came across now). Haha, yes, they're cute together alright. But that doesn't mean I can't torture them :P
No, he's not. I'm just very bad at thinking up names, and I think it can be quite tiresome, especially for minor-ish characters like Professors. So in this case, I just made up a brother for Katie ;) For all we know he only came to Hogwarts after Katie graduated...
Hehe, I'm glad you like that line :D I hoped people would like it! It would be kind of awful if Ron would really do that though, wouldn't it? ;)
Aw, thanks :) I'm glad you think so. I'll do my best!
Thanks a lot for your review! :D Report Review
Okay, I know I said I'd review this, so here I am! I read this the first day it was validated, but I keep putting off reviewing! (I'm a horrible procrastinator).
Anyways, I love Myrtle. After I wrote my entry for this challenge, I've been wanting to read more and more about her! This one-shot was really good, and definetly satisfied my craving for Myrtle! I thought you did a good job of characterizing her. I've always felt really bad for her, so I really liked how you gave Myrtle someone that she could finally be friends with. :)
I really loved Sam! The way he kept cracking jokes, and he was really optomistic, even though he was dead. The way he tried to kiss Myrtle was really cute, sweet and funny. ;) I thought he was a really great character. Him and Myrtle would make a good couple, just because they're so different from each other!
Overall, I really enjoyed this peice. Keep up the great writing. :)Author's Response: I'm a horrible procrastinator, too, so I completely understand. :P Thanks for coming back and reviewing!
I love Myrtle as well. I think part of it is that she reminds me a bit of myself when I was about 13...and I would have hated being stuck at that point for all eternity. Poor Myrtle... I'm glad that you like her characterization. I wasn't quite sure that I had captured her in all of her mopey glory.
I love Sam too. I figure that anyone who is going to be friends with Myrtle has got to be pretty easy going.
Thanks for reading and reviewing! Report Review
So, this chapter was really good too. As I said before, this seems like a really good beginning to your story. I liked how you included the french, because I thought it added somethign different to Victoire. Also, I know some French so I liked tryign to figure out what the sentence meant before actually reading the english translation. ;)
Wow, I can't believe Dominique. That was a bit fast to already be snogging someone, isn't it? Then again, that seems like the kind of person she is, so it sort of makes sense (thought it still would be weird!) I like how Victoire's kidn of tryign to use that against her sister and getting Teddy's help to do it. As I said before, I can't wait to see how you develop their relationship! :)
Anyways, I didn't notice any grammer/spelling mistakes in this chapter, just so you know. ;) Your flow seems to be good, though your chapters have been kind of short so far... I'm not sayign that it's a bad thing, I'm just pointing it out to you. It's quality over quantity, anyways, and this has good quality.
Overall, I think that you've set youself up for a good story here. You already seem to be developing relationships between friends and siblings and cousins (or almost-cousins) which will definetly lead oyu down the right track. Good luck with the rest of this story!Author's Response: Glad you liked this chapter too! I'm not fluent in French by any definition, but I know enough that to add a bit it (hopefully mistake free).
Yeah, I know Dom is being a bit um promiscuous right now, but that is her character, to an extent.
I know these last two chapters were short, but the one in the queue is a bit longer. I know some people can write epically long chapters, but I always struggle with that. Something to work on.
Thanks! Report Review
Hello! Here I am with your, albeit late, review for answering the Riddles for Tom! Congrats on that! :)
Anyways, I thought this was a good idea. I really loved the way you went into Dumbledore's mind, which I think woudl be hard to do! Dumbledore just seems like such a complex person! I thought it was a good idea, though sad, that Dumbledore thought Ariana wouldn't forgive him just because he still hadn't forgiven himself.
Your writing is really great and definetly brought this peice to life. It was so haunting, but in a good way. I like the way you ended it, Aberforth and Albus looking at each other for a moment as they each laid flowers on their sister's grave. I thought it was sweet. :)
So, congratulations on winning this review! Good luck for the next issue of Quoth the Raven. Who knows, maybe you'll earn some more reviews! ;) Anyways, keep up the writing because I think you're really great! Good job.Author's Response: Sorry it took me forever to respond to this! I've been dreadfully lazy lately. >.<
Anyway, I love the story you chose to review. I love then entire Short Story collection idea, but I especially enjoyed writing Dumbledore. He's such a wise, complex character. We don't really get to see a ton of the things that he must go through. So it was nice to bring it out.
I especially loved the end. Thought it was fitting.
Thanks for the review! Those riddles were awesome. :DDD
-Dem- Report Review
Hey! It's moonbaby11 here with you requested review! :) The first thing I want to say is that I like how you have Victoire being jealous of Dom, since most fics seem to have it the other way around. Victoire always seems to be the golden child, while Dominique is the 'plain' one. I liked hwo you switched it up.
Anywhoo, I like the idea you have here so far. So, Victoire only thinks of Teddy as her 'almost cousin'? I'm really curious as to how they'll end up snogging as they did in the Epilogue of DH.
I like the way you characterized Victoire. She seems really modest and low on her self-esteem. I think that makes for an interesting character and someone that will definetly NOT be a Mary Sue. Good job with that!
The one thing I was thinking during this was wouldn't Parvati/Padm Patil be a bit young to have a child the same age as Victoire? They would have had to had a child when they were only 18/19-ish. I just think that's a little young.
Other than that, I definetly think you're on the right track with this story. It had a good beginning chapter, so just continue on like this, and the story shoudl turn out great! :)Author's Response: Hi! Thanks so much for reviewing!
I'm glad that you like the role reversal. I wanted to mix things up; the second child doesn't always have to be the rebel!
I know that Parvati would have had to have been young to have kids, but there is a backstory to that. All will be revealed later.
Thanks again for taking the time to review :) I really appreciate it and I'm glad that you like the story so far. Report Review
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