You know, that was one great date! Kudos on this brilliant way of giving us background informations on both of these girls by the way! I really liked learning more about them both and just how confortable they seemed to be together. It's promissing!
It will be interesting to see how Amelia will come out to her parents (mostly her mum because she cares a lot more about here then she does her dad) but the part where she wondered about coming out by owl was pretty funny.
I also found it really intersting that her father wants to see her for Christmas. Although I did find her mother's reason was a tad strange to me. She might not be of age in the muggle world but she is still old enought to make her mind and decide where she wants to spend her holiday. I did love their conversation though, you wrote their emotions very well.
I noticed one small typing error :
"...Unfortunate that Ants turned out to be the dumb child, becase she was a clever old witch.”..."; you forgot the 'u' in 'because'
That's it! I'm off to read the next chapter, I can't wait!!Author's Response: Thank you! (and sorry for taking so long to respond to this review) I really enjoyed writing this chapter, and found out quite a lot about my own characters (whoever said the writer makes the characters is a liar)
These questions (and more) will hopefully be addressed in chapter 11, though regrettably that will probably have to wait until I finish exams and NaNo...
Because she was raised in the Muggle world, Amelia's existence is known to the Muggle authorities and she's subject to the custody arrangement made in the Muggle court - namely, that her father is allowed to see her whenever he wants. Her mother doesn't want to give him any reasons to get the authorities involved. But you're right - Amelia should be old enough to make her own decisions, which of course is the reason she's so annoyed.
Wow, I missed that completely! Thanks for pointing that out, and thanks for the review! Report Review
Hello! I finally have some time to get back to this story and I am really happy to see that there are a bunch of chapters to read!!!
I really loved this chapter; I had a great laugh when Oliver and Amelia were talking about the offerings to their House' founder, it was brilliant!
My favorite scene though, was definitly the one where Amelia and Penny talk. It was so well done, I can't wait to see how they will get along. I thought you wrote it in a very real way; it was ackward, unconfortable and just so true.
So far, I think I really like Penny. She seems like a well developped, strong character and it will be really interesting to learn more about her.
As for Oliver and Katie, at first I was a bit terrified because I got my years mixed up. I thought this was happening during Half-Blood Prince and, well, we all know that Katie isn't very lucky in that book. When my brain got back on track though, the fear left and now, I'm very happy that these two might get a shot!
Lovely chapter, I can't wait for the next one!!Author's Response: I'm glad I've got a nice chunk of writing for you to come back to, and to see you back here!
I did enjoy writing that scene, and I'm quite proud of the awkwardness there as well. It's always an awkward thing to do and I hate stories where characters confess their feelings all suave and articulate. That doesn't happen in real life, and I'm glad I was able to capture some of that.
Oh, that would be bad! I had that image in my head as well for a bit, because when I think about Katie in Hogsmeade I think about the curse in HBP as well. But no, all's well this year (as well as you can get with Umbridge on the scene.)
Glad you enjoyed it, thanks for the review! Report Review
That as such an enjoyable read! This story is a lot of fun and I really enjoyed it from beginning to end!
First of all, your characterization of James is brilliant. I absolutly love him; the way he thinks, acts and speak make him a great character, well rounded even if this is just a one-shot. You managed to show that beneath the mischief, there is heart and loyalty and that is a great feat.
The plan in itself was childish and stupid, like most thing 12 years olds will come up with and that's what made it great. It wasn't an elaborated thing, just a spur of the moment.
Personally, I think the ending part (with the punishment and bringing the mother (which didn't seem all that needed by the way) ) it took a little too long for my liking. You could definitly shorten it and keep it going with a second chapter if you want to continue it. A sequel would be great for sure considering you have great characters and already a plan (Al's revenge) but all in all, if you want to keep it a one-shot, it is still great as it is.
Great work and HAPPY BIRTHDAY fellow Gryffie! Yes, this is your birthday review and you have no idea how happy I got you; I really discovered a great story and a new author (I don't think I've ever read of your work before). I enjoy your writting style a lot :) Good day!
AkussaAuthor's Response: Hello!
Thank you so much. I actually didn't come up with the plan, I grabbed it from the Up For Grabs section, it was moonyxluna's idea actually.
As for the ending, I just could not get the ending to fit how I liked! I'll probably go back and edit it again one of these days... Strangely, it's a hard ending for me to write.
Thank you so much!
~Sara Report Review
Well, you weren't kidding when you said that the sixth chaper was coming soon! I really liked it, especially the opening when Dear Umbridge meets up with the Heads. I thought it was perfectly fitting for her to "use" the Heads like this; trying to get them to commit themselves and be a part of her decisions. That puts them in a situation where they are way too involved and end up looking like they are on her side.
The second part, about Penny and Amelia, I saw it coming (I mean, why would you have even brought up Penny's homosexuality if it wouldn't have involved your main character closely?). I thought you did a great job bringing it up and her own reaction to figuring it out was priceless. It will definitly be interesting to see how this will develop considering the fact that they are Slytherins and in a time such as this.
Once again, a great chapter. I really like this story a lot and can't seem to get enough!Author's Response: Yeah, I'm a TA and the ideas for this story are coming thick and fast, so updates will be pretty quick. I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter, and you're right about Umbridge wanting to get the Heads on her side, or at the very least looking like they're on her side. It's definitely a power play situation.
I was a bit nervous about this particular chapter because I know that some people do have a problem with homosexuality and Amelia's the first gay character I've written, but I'm glad I'm pulling it off so far. It's definitely a priority for me to portray everything as accurately as I can, and you're right about how them being Slytherins at this time poses a few difficulties.
Thank you for reading and reviewing, as always! Chapter 7 is already written and should be up shortly :) Report Review
One sentence. One sentence in the entire chapter and my blood is boiling. That is what I call great writting.
The first thing that really hit me with this chapter is the usage of magic. The descriptions and detailing of the school and its teachers really gives me the same feel that the original books do. The constant, ambiant magic was a nice reminder.
Other than that, I have to say that I enjoy the clash between the two Heads' vision of the world. The Ravenclaw that doesn't want to believe a war is coming and the Slytherin who believes but wants to leave. I'm not sure if I've mentionned it yet but I also really like the characterization of Amelia in terms of being a Slytherin. Not all Slytherins are evil and I like how you went with that. She is ambitious and competitive but not solely trying to curse everyone and want the world to kneal at her feet.
Well, so far I like it a lot and I do hope you will keep up this great story. It's going into my favorite's list as I want to make sure I won't miss the next updates! Great work in terms of originality, keeping to canon and especially characterization.Author's Response: Oh, I would love to know what that sentence was!
Oh wow, that's high praise indeed! I'm thrilled I was able to pull off, at least in some sense, the feel of the books - I am writing straight from Order of the Phoenix so maybe that's paying off :) I do love the Hogwarts teachers, particularly Professor McGonagall.
It is an interesting clash, I think - especially since Slytherins are traditionally painted as the ones who side with Umbridge against Voldemort's return. She's not entirely convinced yet, but she respects Professor McGonagall a lot and the fact she thinks war is coming sets off some alarm bells.
Amelia, I think, is my attempt at exploring what it actually means to be a Slytherin - ambitious to a fault, definitely proud and self-serving, but not inherently evil, cowardly or obsessed with power.
I'm glad you're enjoying it so much! I'm planning to post the next update more or less now - I actually have chapters 6 and 7 sitting on my computer but haven't gotten around to posting them yet. Hope to see you back and thank you so much for the reviews! Report Review
The first part of the chapter, the insight on how the Slytherins ranking works was brilliant. The "Lords of Slytherin" bit blew my mind because this is exactly how I imagine things to happen in there! Alright, maybe not the little second year bit :) I thought that the small Draco moment, him trying to win the sixth years was very well executated and really showed an interesting part of the Slytherin's fonctionning (if that makes sense).
The second part was interesting as well. It was nice to get a larger view of the Slytherin seventh year girls en though I'm pretty sure, aside from Penny, they won't hold a major place in this story.
Lastly, I have to admit that I find the idea of Umbridge being a former Slytherin Head Girl very interesting. I had never pictured her in that position but it makes so much sense!
Oh, I spotted a little thing in this chapter. It's not much but it did break the rythm of my reading because I had to re-read the sentence a couple times to get it right.
"... But there was something about her ominous we’ll see about that in class today that made me nervous ..."; I feel like the 'we'll see about that' part should be either between apostrophes or, er, something else because as it is right now, the sentence doesn't flow as well as the rest of your writting. It's minor but since I haven't really found anything else to comment on in the first four chapters, I've got to search hard!!!
Great work once again, I really liked this chapter!!Author's Response: Thanks! I really enjoyed looking more into the Slytherin dynamic - we only see Harry's impressions of the Slytherins in canon, based on Draco Malfoy, and I found it unlikely that the entire house of Slytherin was either like him or one of his followers. I can imagine a lot of older, more talented students just treating him with contempt, and it occurred to me that it would be quite common in an ambition-focused house like Slytherin - having students who think they're the best. In the case of Tiberius, I can imagine Draco acting the same way when he was a second-year - not all kids respect an age-based hierarchy and I think that's the sign of arrogance that would most annoy the others in their house.
The Slytherin seventh-year girls do play a minor role, though you're right in observing that Penny will be in the story a bit more often. I'm not sure if you've picked up on exactly what capacity that is yet, but it'll come up in Chapter 6 :)
I did think that Umbridge would have been a Head Girl - she is, after all, a politician and a position like Head Girl would have definitely prepared her for it. And we do know she was a Slytherin. It creates a connection between her and Amelia - to a certain extent they're able to understand each other.
I did notice that when I was rereading - I didn't pick up on it when I posted it. I think that part was italicised in my Word document but I forgot to redo the italics when I posted. Thanks for bringing that to my attention :)
Thanks once again for reading and reviewing! Report Review
Oh how I loved that chapter!
First off, wow. You really did an amazing job with Umbridge's characterization. You managed to keep her sweet, evil tone all the while managing to have her true controling and power hungry personality shine through.
The confrontations between Umbridge and Amelia were very well done and forshadow an interesting year to say the least. Amelia sounds like a very smart student and she tackled Umbridge with facts and an attitude that proves she is a perfect match for the teacher and has already understood her game (though I doubt she has already).
Another great portrayal was the one of the twins. They were really well balanced in the sense that they weren't over the top trying to cause mayhem while still being able to find the fun in everything.
Great chapter, can't wait to see how the "relationship" between the two strong women will turn out!Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed it! Umbridge really is a loathsome character, but that makes her all the more interesting to write and I'm glad I pulled off her characterisation well - she's a unique form of evil. Umbridge and Amelia, while being very different people, have their similarities, which means that Umbridge knows exactly how to try and manipulate Amelia, but it goes both ways and Amelia can definitely hold her own. But it is a power play, especially in the early days before Umbridge has a lot of authority at Hogwarts.
I'm glad I pulled off the twins! They're so beloved in canon and are everyone's favourite characters, so there's always a bit of pressure to get them right. I have written them before, but it's a challenge.
Thank you for the review and I hope you enjoy the next chapters! Report Review
Very interesting chapter this was! I love these types of character development chapters and you really did it well. Having it going through dialogue was really nice for this story since this fitted nicely with the first chapter's style.
Both Oliver and Amelia are interesting characters and I like their relationship a lot. The type of true friendship where you can tell everything to the other; it's nice to read (especially when knowing that they are pretty much each other's only real friend).
Really interesting and insightful chapter as well as well written!Author's Response: Good to see you back! I'm definitely very big on dialogue, and I think there's no better way to establish friendships and relationships - it's amazing how much I learn about my own characters just by writing their dialogue. I love Oliver and Amelia's friendship as well, and I find it very rewarding to write. Thank you for the review and I hope to see you back again for later chapters! Report Review
Hi! This has been on my "to-read list" for a couple days now (since the last chapter poped up on the recently added, the page to this story has been open on my laptop) and I now finally have a bit of time to review it!
What attracted me to this story in the first place is the originality of the era as well as the characters. You chose to put this story in the turmoil of Voldemort's rise and yet, showing it from a point of view we have not seen very often (alright, it's the first time I see it from a Head). Another thing that called at me? Umbridge on the banner!
After reading this opening chapter, I feel very excited about this story. I like when an author jumps right into the action and sets the story right away, giving more details and explanation through dialogues. I really like how your main character is a half-blood Slytherin; really adds to the suspense of how this is going to turn out!
My only complain is that this chapter was very short. Now it's not really a complain, I know, but it's the only thing I can think about! I'm really happy that there are a few more chapters written because I think I would have been disapointed if this had been the only one up :)
Great work!Author's Response: I'm flattered my story was such a priority, and thank you!
I know there aren't a lot of stories that deal with the Hogwarts era, but it doesn't seem very original for me because my other major OC story was also set in the Hogwarts era, so it's sort of familiar territory. I find it interesting that there aren't many stories out there about the Heads, unless you're counting plot devices to get James and Lily/Draco and Hermione together...but I digress.
I'm glad you're excited about it! I do tend to get into the story straight away and building characters from dialogue is definitely something I do a lot of. Amelia being a half-blood Slytherin is definitely important and there is a fair amount of tension in this story. It's definitely a contributing factor to it.
I do tend to write short chapters, that's my style. I do have a few longer chapters in this story (well, longer by my standards, though that's not really very long.) I hope you keep reading and enjoying, and thanks for the review! Report Review
Well, this is ackward... I had forgotten to check my "Review offered" thread and only today did I realise that, hey, people have asked for reviews... almost 6 months ago... Oh well, better late then never I guess, hun?
On to the actual review now shall we? This is an interesting opening chapter. It left me with the desire to know more which is exactly the point of an opening chapter : getting the reader interested and hooked. Sure it's not all that explicit in terms of characters (I'm guessing it is Roxanne?) or actual plot but the writting style is engaging and the details we have peeked my curiosity. Maybe it's because I relate a lot to this feeling of being average... Although she seems a lot less bothered by it than I was back in the days! (don't worry, this has resorbed itself with the years :) )
If you keep on writting this, I will certaintly come back for more; like I said, you have already caught my attention with this so, all in all, great job!
Again, sorry for the delay, I feel horrible :(Author's Response: Don't feel so horrible, haha! Better late than never, dear, is right. ;)
Thank you for all your lovely compliments, they mean so much! I'm having a bit of a tough time with this at the moment, but rest assured that I'll be back to it soon. :D
Thank you so much for reviewing. Report Review
That was a chilling chapter. I enjoyed it so much, I almost want to read it again (but I want to read the rest as well... hard decision...).
As much as I enjoy the slower, more introspective chapters such as the previous one, I have to admit that these action packed chapters you write are amazing. You were really creative, once again, when it comes to the characters' strategies to both win and protect themselves from the others.
I felt really bad for Fred in this chapter; Tonks' plan was very cruel to him. Anyone else would have been puzzled to find themselves facing a replica of themselves but Fred... I think he'll come out stronger from that though and that this will only be a motivation for him to win and get to see the real George once again. That's my theory now (I change with every chapter)!
Oh and I really loved the setting for this. Once again, this was original and so exciting! I feel like we've heard a lot about the goblin history through the books so it was a nice touch to use this moment in time.
Brilliant chapter, I really, really enjoyed it and can't wait to read the rest. On to the next chapter!!Author's Response: Hey, Akussa!!
Out of all the chapters in this story, the duel ones were the hardest to write because I knew there would be certain expectations. This was good because it pushed me to write better, since I had built up to each round with three quiet chapters between them; I'm just endlessly thankful that people weren't let down by the duels. Capture the Flag was one of my favorite ones to write!
Poor Fred. :( You're right; if Cedric had found a replica of himself, he probably would have realized it was Tonks. But since it was Fred, it was only natural that he would see himself and see George instead. It definitely does serve as motivation.
Very happy that you liked the setting! I put a lot of effort into these, and into making each setting very different so that it wouldn't feel predictable or redundant. I've personally always had an interest in the goblin rebellion since hearing about it in the books, and so this was like a field trip for me to get to delve into that.
Thank you for reading and reviewing! Report Review
Ok, this review will be more straight to the point considering this is the second time i write it... (the first version didn't work for some reason)...
I really, really liked this chapter. Every single participant's training was enjoyable, distinct and very revealing.
Let's start with Vincent. First, your portrayal of him is very canon (or at least the way I picture him being!!) and second, him being mentored by Salazar Slytherin is brilliant! Especially Salazar's reaction to Vincent's less than stellar abilities!!!
It was really nice to see Albus again, giving help to Colin, I really liked that part. Your characterization of Albus was perfect by the way.
The last scene, with Tonks, Lupin and Moody was really nice as well. I like Tonks' vision of the duel and what she is willing to do as opposed to what she isn't interested in doing. I love Remus' last sentence; in this case, there is definitly a more important thing in life than winning.
Great chapter, I really enjoy how you involve every character and give us a view of their preparation.Author's Response: Poor Crabbe, landing a tutor like Salazar. They're two peas in a pod, I suppose. Even though I had to have a giggle that Salazar got stuck with an idiot. Salazar's dry humor was fun for me to write. ^ ^
Characterization of Albus was perfect? Brb, I'm going to go float for a minute. XD Seriously, thank you! He's intimidating to write, so I'm glad I impressed you.
Tonks is a warrior. She knows exactly where she stands and she's not going to change herself for anything, not even to prevent herself from losing. I admire that in her. She /is/ an Auror, after all.
Thank you for reading and reviewing! Report Review
Hi! This story caught my attention with it's really good summary and I am happy I read it! It's a good, feel good little story and I enjoyed it. Teddy's anger is understandable considering most older siblings go through that phase when a new baby is coming and I think you brought it out nicely. You could have explored it a bit more but it was still nice.
There are two things that bothered me though and honestly, it's a chance that this story was pretty short because I would have stopped reading at some point, had it been longer. Not because the story in itself wasn't good or interesting, but because the format and the numerous spelling and typing errors were distracting me constantly from the action.
First, the format. You should add spaces between the lines of dialogue, not have everything crammed together. It would give more air to this story as well as a nicer rythm. For some reason, when a story is all crammed together like this, I read everything very fast and don't stop to breathe between the lines but when there is space, it's a reminder for my brain that it is time to take a breath!
As for the spelling, well, I started taking out everything I saw at first but at some point, I stopped because it was getting ridiculous. It seems that by the middle of the story, you wanted to type so fast that you forgot to check how you were writting (that happens to me as well, I get that!). I would suggest you go back on this story and carefully pick out the errors (for example, from the middle to the end of this story, you stop spelling "Weasley" correctly and always write "Weasly"; this is pure innatention because you wrote it correctly in the beginning) or, if you think you can't do it because its much harder to see our mistakes, get a beta from the forum to help you. Here are some other things I think you should correct:
"...welcome with the Weasley's..."; twice in two sentences you write this and both times, there is no need for the apostrophe at the end of "Weasley".
"...Repeated a smaller voice, that of Albus Potter’s..."; another not necessary apostrophe (and the 's' either)
"...Uncle Ron says that he’ll help us,’ he called up form the..."; two things : 1) you close your dialogue with a single (') when you opened it with a double ("). Second, there is a typo here; it should be 'from' and not 'form'
"...“Stop you’re big."; either write 'you're being a...' or 'your big...'
"...“You look Parfait, mon chere,”..."; this is a simple correction of your French considering that, well, I am French! The way you write 'chere' right now is the feminin way of spelling it (when talkind to or about a girl) for a boy, like in your case, it should be spelled 'cher'
I hope this review did not disapoint you too much. I enjoyed your story but got a bit distracted with everything else that was going on. These are simple things to correct and would improve your story a lot. My goal is really just to help you improve because you have real talent here for creating stories.
Good luck to you, it was a good read!Author's Response: Thank you so much for taking the time to review!
And also, thanks for being so honest! It's really helpful of you to review, I just want to improve and learn. This'll really help my writing, thanks for putting in some valuable comments that I can work on!
Thank you very much!! :) Report Review
Well for your very first fanfic, I have to say that it's pretty good! The idea in itself is original and well rendered. I like the flow of it, you really mastered it no matter if you went from present to flash-back.
Your characterisation of Draco was alright although he felt a bit out of character at times but it's very small and didn't bother me all that much.
The one thing that bothered me a little more was the grammar and spelling mistakes. I would definitly suggest going through this story again and looking only at the grammar and spelling or you could always ask for a beta in the forum; someone that would look over your story and correct the errors.
It's an interesting story and I enjoyed it. Correcting those errors would greatly improve the story (although it's already good). Oh and congrats on your second place in the challenge and keep up the good work. This place is wonderful to improve as a writter :)Author's Response: Thank you :D I'm so happy you liked it! I wasn't sure how people would react to this Draco so I'm glad you thought he wasn't too out of character :)
Ahhh I'm so sorry about the mistakes! I was in a rush to get it up and I did it all at once, finally finishing at 4.30am haha. I will definitely be editing it soon to make it more readable :)
And thank you, congrats to you too! And thank you again for the review, really appreciate it :)
~Siriusly Report Review
Oh this was just so sad... I love my grandma so much and I'm so close to her as well; I can understand what Tonks would be going through as I fear she will die eventually.
This was well written and just long enough to bring up the emotions. You really managed to make the me feel Tonks' emotions, from her sadness and desperation to her feeling loved so much by both her father and the grandma she lost.
I did notice a couple spelling mistakes that I wish to point out to you, in order to help improve this already good piece :
"...“Tonks, are you even listing to me?”..."; should be 'listening'
"...her voice was really quite..."; 'quiet' not 'quite' (although it is quite close :))
"...She didn't like think of her dad..."; I think you mean 'thinking' of her dad
That's it; it was a well done little piece and congrats on placing third on the challenge!Author's Response: Hey thanks for reviewing!
I'm glad you liked it and thanks for the spelling mistakes, I'll edit them out! :)
Thanks again for revieiwing! Report Review
This chapter was really sweet. I loved Lily and James conversation; it was just so natural and honest. I'm not a fan of Severus and I honestly can't understand why people were so easy to forgive him and for, I think it's the first time, I felt like at least someone felt the same way that I do about him. James' reason for disliking the man are the exact ones I have. Sure he felt bad about sending Voldemort to Lily but he still willingly set a murderer on the trail of a child and that is unexcusable. Plus all the years of torture and bullying for every single Hogwarts students. Well, let's just say that I almost applauded James in this piece of dialogue!!
The second part of the chapter was really, really well written as well. I like how you presented Fred, thinking of his life and how lonely he felt. It must be pretty hard for him, considering he's always had someone by his side. His conversation with Cedric was everybit as ackward as it should be! Still, it was nice to see these two talk and share a bit.
I really enjoyed this chapter, it was a nice moment between the fighters. Great work!Author's Response: I feel like I'm cheating because Severus haters like this story and Severus lovers like this story. I include different POV's and opinions on him so that everyone is appeased. :3 Severus did some really horrid things and I do not blame James at all for still being angry with him. For a while he could sort of escape it because he didn't have to deal with Severus, but now that Snape is in the Clock, everything's out in the open.
I feel awful for poor Fred. :( He doesn't realize yet that he needs Cedric. He needs friendship. You can't survive in a place like Cliodna's Clock if you want to be alone.
Thank you for reading and reviewing! Report Review
You know, I really like this relationship between the Black brothers. It's entertaining and yet, very warm. It doesn't feel like years went by where they hated each other's guts and decisions and I like that; it feels very believable. Their conversation about Peter was very enlightening. I like how Sirius admits that he doesn't unduerstands Peter and has no clue what to expect from him. It's a bit un-Sirius considering the man always seem to want to be right (or acts like he is) but it still feels natural.
Ariana was such a good addition to this scene; her carefree attitude is refreshing and I like that you didn't make her a complete lunatic, no matter what she has gone through. I loved that little detail, where she considers that the living are constantly living in fear of death; it's very consistent with how I imagine her to think.
Great chapter; it gave us another point of view and a lot of information about how the Grotta works and how they can get out of there.Author's Response: In my head, Sirius and Regulus patched things up after Sirius died because of the common knowledge that they're all each other had. They're family. What's done is done and they've been able to establish a warm relationship in the years since. It makes me happy to know that Sirius has family again.
Ariana has a small role in this story but I like to imagine that she and Regulus are good friends. :) Glad you liked her!
Thank you for reading and reviewing. Report Review
I had my doubts that Lily would be the first one to go but I didn't honestly believe you would actually go for it!! As for Rufus, well that one was the easy one out of that team (although I still don't know why he wanted to go back to earth!!). I mean, we want Tonks to get to the end, and Fred and even Cedric because we know what they have to get back to. We also want Peter to stay there longer so he can suffer (ok, maybe that's just me.) but Rufus, there was nothing really "hooking" him to the game in my mind.
In the other team, my idea is that James will want to make Severus suffer and he'll want to stay till the end so he can "kill" Peter for good. But aside from that, I can't really make up a bigger picture in this group. I mean, Colin, it's not that I want him to win, it's more that I don't want him to lose and "die"!! And Vincent, well I'm at a loss for him as well because, once again, I don't know what motivates him to go back to earth so it's hard to root for him (that interview was just SO insightful! I actually laughed out loud during it; has Rita Skeeter died as well and I don't know?).
This was a brilliant first challenge. I love how you made everything flow effortlessly from one character to the other; one team to the other. It was really easy to read through this chapter even if it could have been pretty tedious considering the task you had set for yourself (two different teams that appear invisible but are in the same scene; characters that don't look like themselves and surrounded by decoys...). I also really enjoyed the many different points of view you gave us. It gave us an insight into some characters thoughts patterns and helped know of their strenghts and weaknesses.
Finally, the detailing of the scene was amazing. The boat felt so real and the decoys and other "looks" of the characters was so easy to imagine. Once again, your gift for detailing and description is what made this chapter so wonderful. Everything comes to life and is just so beautiful and (smelly?) like a dream; I love it!Author's Response: Lily was a strategic move: I knew that a lot of readers would be expecting her to make it to the final round, since her track record in the Duels is exceptionally good. So kicking her out, in the first round, no less, was a twist I couldn't resist. Rufus, I'd say, probably just wanted to see how things were running on Earth. Maybe he had family and friends he wanted to visit; who knows.
They're really a motley crue. Some of them, like Tonks, have really obvious reasons for joining up. And some of them either don't want to explain their reasons or their reasons are simply that it's something to do. The afterlife is repetitive; and for a lot of them, they just arrived in the afterlife a short while ago - not nearly long enough to see that the Devil's Duel would be a bad idea. They all jumped on board without realizing what they were getting into. But throughout the story, you will get a glimpse as to why each and every one of them signed up.
I worked very hard to make each round very different from the others, so that they all stand out and involve a different set of problems. I switch POV's frequently during them to show what everyone's doing; they were my favorite chapters to write. :)
Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! Report Review
This is so exciting!!! I feel like I can't leave a proper review because I just want to keep reading!
Ok, my toughts about the duel arena so far are : wow, I want to borrow your brains for a couple days, would that be alright? While my imagination has taken a long, long break, yours seem to be in full swing and it is just so refreshing to read such original ideas. Dueling in memories, all the while looking like somebody else; this is so brilliant!
Well, I can't say more, I just have to read the next chapter, sorry. Amazing chapter though!Author's Response: That is the best response ever! I was very excited to introduce the idea of dueling in memories. It makes the options limitless, so I could basically do whatever I wanted.
I hope you like the duels! Thank you for reading and reviewing. :) Report Review
This chapter was just mindblowing. I have been so curious about the Grotta and this chapter delivered me an event better and fuller answer than I expected! Once again, as I have been with your description of the Clock, I am in awe at the detailing you put into creating this place. Everything was perfectly presented and I really feel like I can see this place in my mind. From the sand to the temperature and especially to the characters in there, everything was even better than I imagined.
One thing that I particularily liked was the idea of those people whose body was left behind and how they appear and what they can and cannot do. I felt a pang when you wrote that the Longbottoms are up there, awaiting their bodies but it makes so much sense, considering their mind has left the earth anyway.
As for the ending... well that is an interesting list to say the least :) I ca't help but feel that Colin and Vincent are at a large disadvantage though! I do hope we'll find out why some characters want to go back to earth for a day (Snape and Rufus, for example, particularily interst me).
Brilliant chapter, really well written and enlightening about this particular world that you have created. I cannot wait for the games to begin; I feel this is going to be very exciting!Author's Response: I was biting at the bit to post this chapter as soon as I finished writing it. I'd gotten questions on what the Grotta was like - which was what prompted me to write this chapter in the first place - and I was excited to show everyone what the other island is like. So, so thrilled it exceeded your expectations!! It was my biggest goal in this story to make readers feel immersed in it, and to enable them to see everything in Cliodna's Clock exactly the way I pictured it in my head.
You'll discover all of the characters' motives for why they entered; some of them have clearly defined reasoning and some of them more or less did it for the hell of it.
As you know, since you read the Round One chapter, the duel is coming up very soon! There will be three 'normal' chapters of day-to-day life in Cliodna's Clock between each round. I really hope you continue reading the rest and that you enjoy it. :)
Thank you for reading and reviewing! Report Review
Hi! I haven't been around in ages, I know, but it wasn't for a lock of interest, I promiss! It feels so good to be coming back to this story; even though it's been months since I read the last chapter, I still jumped right into it, like I'd read it yeaterday.
Although this was a slowpaced chapter, I really enjoyed it. You went deeper into characters' personnality, relationships and interests, giving them more flesh. I particularily enjoyed Colin in this chapter. Such a sweet boy... And the flashback into his last days was brilliantly done and highly enjoyable. It was very nice to get this view of how his last year went, his hopes of going back to Hogwarts and his brave decision to get back to school when the battle started no matter if, as he put it, he wasn't a particularily gifted wizard and hadn't done magic in a year. I'm very interested in Orla, she reminds me a bit of Luna but I can see why she caught Colin's attention!
As for the Godric/Rowena/Salazar triangle, I like it a lot. I especially like the change of tone when dealing with this characters. It is much more romantic and formal but not too much that it breaks the rythm of the story; it simply adds a touch of "age" which is quite fitting with their time periode.
One little thing questionned me during my read and, I must press, English isn't my first language so it is very possible that this could only be my lack of understanding that left me with this question. You write "It took a bit of difficulty" and that sounds strange to me. Again, could be that this is just not used much and would explain why I have never heard of it, but I find it's a very peculiar turn of sentence. Feel free to ignore this comment if, to you, it makes sense, alright?
I really enjoyed this chapter and feel so happy to get back to this story. I can't wait to read some more!Author's Response: I am basically the bane of my own existence for waiting so long to respond to all of these reviews, including yours. I don't know what on earth possessed me to take a responding hiatus, but I'm determined to respond to all of your wonderful reviews today.
This chapter, I think, is the slowest chapter in the whole story. I've received several comments about its pace. Sometimes, I'm afraid, filler is slightly necessary in order to flesh out some of the background things going on. It paints a clearer picture of what's happening as a whole.
I'm glad you liked the flashbacks to Colin's last moments! I've always been curious about how that played out, since technically Colin wasn't even supposed to be in Hogwarts at the time of the Battle, being Muggleborn. So it was nice for me to be able to think about how that occurred, and what his last minutes might have been like.
Luna inspired a lot of Orla's characterization! If Colin had lived, I think he and Luna might have been great friends. They both have that friendly innocence to them, and limited self-awareness.
I'm really pleased about what you said about the Godric/Rowena/Salazar love triangle. It's difficult to write those characters in 'modern' times, while still maintaining some of the speech and habits of their old era. I'm so glad it wasn't jarring.
"It took a bit of difficulty", I must say, does make perfect sense to me. It just means that something would require difficulty in order to get done, that it would be hard to achieve. I hope that explanation makes more sense?
Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! Report Review
Well, I came to review this chapter much later than anticipated... Still, I absolutly love the fact that no matter how long it has been since I last read this story, it always comes back to me instantly and I know precisely what is going on. Also, every time I come back, I'm simply mind blown at how nicely this story is written.
I really like the opening scene of this chapter; the first note are much lighter than usual and not only is is a welcome change in pace, it also fits so very nicely with Ron. The way you described him being helpless with a computer kind of reminded me of my parents a bit :)
The investigation is really picking up and I just love how the more they find out, the deeper the mystery gets. This is classic suspense novel material but you are doing it cleverly and, well, it wouldn't really be a suspense if we could find all the answers easily, right?
I was very touched by the last scene, when Jarvis gave his account of the murder. I could definitly feel for the two men hearing the awful details of Ginny's last moments and I think you portrayed it nicely. The emotion of the moment was all there for both Ron and Harry but also for Jarvis, who seemed to have been really marked by this murder.
All in all, a strong chapter that, altough it gave some answers and some more leads to follow, deepened the mystery even more. Wonderful job!Author's Response: Hey, stranger!
Seems that real life gets in the way of my reading more and more these days. So I do love a story where I can drop right back in and not feel lost, and I'm glad you feel that way about CoB.
Yes, poor Ron is mostly helpless around muggle technology. And I'm definitely trying to work some light-hearted material in here and there. Otherwise, the story just becomes too oppressive for me.
I never really thought of CoB as a suspense novel, but I see how you could think of it that way. To me, it's more action/drama, but my perspective is different as the author. Not much suspense when you already know what's going to happen. ;)
The last scene was pretty emotional, and I'm glad that came through. Ginny's death touched many people, even some who had no idea who or what she was.
I'm really glad that you enjoyed it. Hope to see you back soon. Thanks for reading and reviewing! Report Review
Aw, a final goodbye to this story. I was really wondering what you meant by epilogue but now I've read it, I can't believe I didn't understand it before!
It was a really beautiful way to end this little collection; a nice way to see this story off. I liked little James a lot; he was believable in all his fears of going away for the first time. Actually, everyone was very much in character and I absolutly loved the Seamus apperance! Oh and then, that was totally blown away by the extraordinary cameo of Mr. Stuffing! That was such a cute insight :)
This was a beautiful collection that I enjoyed reading over and over again. It always made me smile when a new chapter was posted because I knew it would be amazing. You never disapointed and managed to recreate magic, childhood and dreams with every chapter. Great, great work.Author's Response: I loved writing the GUW epilogue so much -- it was what, for me, really tied the entire thing together -- and I knew almost before I set my fingers to the keyboard to write Neville's chapter that I would be doing something similar. :) I'm glad you enjoyed it!
I think this is one of my favorite chapters (and, of course, I've said that about nearly all of them) just because of all the things I sort of got to bring back, or give cameos. Like Mr. Stuffing -- it wouldn't have been right if I hadn't included him here!
I'm seriously so grateful that you've been such a support to this story over these past six months or so. You've managed to get out of it everything I've sought to put into the chapters, and that's incredible beyond describing. Thanks so much once again, Akussa, and I'm beyond pleased you enjoyed the end results! ♥ Report Review
Now that was the most perfect Seamus moment you could have chosen! Seamus and sparks... Seamus was just so sweet; it was definitly a nice trip through the mind of a small child and seemed highly believable. I loved how he could just change his mind with a handful of grass; that was just very childlike.
The little moment where his mother takes out her wand was priceless and so fitting with Seamus' story. It was never clear when she told her husband about being a witch so I like the idea of having her and Seamus share that little secret for a while (even though the boy doesn't understand the secret yet).
As much as I loved the entire story tough, I think the last paragraph was my favorite. Pointing out all those little moments in the coming year that just goes to show how destined to make accidents Seamus really is; that was brilliant.
the entire chapter was just wonderful and I can't wait to read the epilogue although I will be quite sad; there are so many oter little witches and wizards you could have explored! Great work, always so nice to read what you share with us!Author's Response: I'm so glad you found this believable! I've said this before, and I'll say it again now -- never having grown up around boys, it's sometimes a challenge, knowing how their minds work. :P And most of these small-child stories are centered around JKR's male characters, so there's always that bit of nervousness that accompanies sending out a story like this.
I think the last paragraph is my favorite, too. :) Although in the movie (and perhaps in the book, too, although I don't have a copy nearby to check for reference) Seamus says his mum gave his dad a "nasty shock" when he discovered she was a witch, I'd like to think he grew somewhat accustomed to the idea, in time. Which was sort of what I was striving for in that last bit. :D
I know there are many other kids I could have chosen to write about, but I'll repeat something I said in another review. I've very much enjoyed writing these stories, and of course, the responses to this collection and to 'Growing Up Weasley' has been tremendous. I am so, so grateful. But altogether I've not stopped writing the two for about fifteen months now, and I don't want to burn out and make it a chore, writing them. For now, I'll hang up my hat, and maybe someday return to writing about this most magical of ages. ;)
Thanks so much for your reviews today! It really, really made my day to see you'd taken the time to leave them. You're fantastic! ♥ Report Review
I finally have some time to read and review this chapter; you have no idea how much this lack of time was driving me crazy!!
I found this chapter so cute, you have no idea. You really did a wonderful job capturing little Harry and his surroundings. It was really well done; Dudley's little gang was perfect as well and I really liked how you described Harry and Dudley's er, relationship (not sure if it's the right word but I won't know how to describe it otherwise).
I absolutly loved how Harry made himself a little fort in that magical tree! Forts are the pride and joy of little kids, especially boys, but the idea that Harry's fort is located in a tree that protects him from Dudley is just beautiful; that is one great fort!
I'm very sad that there are only two chapters left (well one since there is already one other that has been validated and will be read in a couple minutes) because this is a great collection. Every single story is so touching and beautifuly written, described and imagined, I just love it. Great, great work!Author's Response: Hi, Akussa -- it's great to see you back here again! :) I completely understand about lack of time, too. Sometimes it just seems like there should be more than twenty-four hours in a day, doesn't it?
I'm so glad you liked Harry here! This chapter is one of my favorites -- I really, really like writing about him. :P He's just got such a... well, a unique way of looking on life, as cliche as that might sound. Writing from Harry's point of view is noticeably different from writing from anyone else's, and since JKR already wrote /so/ much about him, it's a fun exercise, trying to make him believable and my own at the same time.
Forts are very much necessary to a child's life. :) And to think that if I hadn't been talking to Naida and looking out the window of my house alternatively, this story might never have cropped up! Thanks so much for taking the time to review -- and yes, I have gone ahead and posted the other story. Joys of being a TA, that. ;) I really appreciate your doing this for me! ♥ Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection