Reading Reviews From Member: Capella Black
  
415 Reviews Found

Review #26, by Capella BlackMy Little Sailboat: My Little Sailboat

6th August 2011:
Ooh, atmospheric! I love the way you've written this, starting each paragraph so similarly. Normally, that might be monotonous, but due to the sailboat imagery, it really added to the piece as a whole, giving it a rhythmic air reminiscent of the waves in the story itself.

Only thing I found difficult in this piece was working out who the main characters are. I'm asuming that this was on purpose to begin, but even once I'd finished, I had to go back to the summary to find out that the woman was Lily. Possibly because it says that she was named after a piece of the earth, and that made me think it would be someone else. I may be having a blonde moment though. I did like how it built to revealing the protagonist though - the piece felt very Snape like, which shows a real skill with forming characterisations.

CapellaBlack, Gryffindor

Author's Response: *squish* I might have to write lots and lots and then beg you to come back because I love your reviews so much! Thank you (my responses are probably getting repetitive, so I apologize for that!) and no one has brought that up, but I can see what you mean! And no, not a blonde moment! Well, maybe on my part but not yours! :P I really appreciate every single review from you so much, so thanks! :D
ANnie


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Review #27, by Capella BlackRastaban: Rabastan

6th August 2011:
Aww, sympathy for the devil indeed! I like how you've made Rabastan's isolation and coldness into something understandable and forgiveable. I really like Sonya too - you've given us just enough information about her to form an impression, while leaving out enough to make us keep asking questions.

Overall this piece was really dark and evocative, yet bittersweet too. I liked particularly the use of the stars as an extended metaphor, though I'd have enjoyed it more if I'd realised his name was a star name a little earlier. Stupid Ella!

CapellaBlack, Gryffindor

Author's Response: Wow, thanks so much! Sonya isn't a character who I've written before, well, obviously, but there's something about writing about Sonya that feels different than other things, so I'm glad yo liked her! Oooh, I shall go and try to make the star thing come up earlier! And you are not stupid, unless stupid is a synonym for awesome I didn't know about! :P Have a great day,
Annie


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Review #28, by Capella BlackTaking the cheesy way out: Taking the cheesy way out

5th August 2011:
Yay! Thank you so much for beating my reviewing total, so I had the excuse to come read one of yours! This story was epic. I really don't know how, as it's a story about someone getting an odd, yet mundane, job, but somehow even that becomes A grade awesome when it's you. Freaky really.

I love how he just thinks "why not" - your Teddy is such a lovely, free-spirited character. And then the ending, where it turns out to also be about him wanting to find out more about his father, is lovely too, and actually hadn't occurred to me until you said it, which is weird given all the clues prior. Guess that's the awesomeness again!

As ever, your writing style is flawless, smooth, and a pleasure to read. The dialogue is natural and fun, and the characterisations really come through in it. Gorgeous little one shot!

CapellaBlack, Gryffindor!

Author's Response: Ella! I'm so glad you decided to check out this little one-shot, even if I had to go on a reviewing spree to get you back to my author page. ;p

Anyway. Teddy the cheesemaker. I'm kind of fond of this one so it's great that you enjoyed it too. He is a bit laid back and free-spirited, but I think that comes of the luxury of growing up without a war in the background. Wanting to know more about his dad, though, well I thought that was something that would drive him to do something unexpected.

Thanks again, I love your reviews!


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Review #29, by Capella BlackTheir Songs: Visit From An Old Friend

5th August 2011:
Ooh, I think I actually like this chapter better than the last, which surprised me! The flow is much better without the ANs, and the dialogue is very believable. To be honest, I'd suggest removing the POV statement at the start of the chapter - it's obvious from the context anyway, and so you don't need it (trust your writing - it's good!) Of course, some people like them there, and so feel more than free to completely ignore me.

Still, the chapter as a whole is fun and interesting, and the dynamics between the different characters is really developing well. We get a clear idea of Rachael here - possessive much? - and that's impressive given the quantity. I always think quality is more important in a story, and this is a prime example of that!

Thanks for sharing this with us!

CapellaBlack, Gryffindor!

Author's Response: Really? This is SUCH a nice review! Wow. I'm not even sure what to say! This was just such a nice review to receive, thank you!
~Kat


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Review #30, by Capella BlackTheir Songs: Prolouge: Lily's Life After

5th August 2011:
Awww! The way you've used the music in this story is really nice, making it seem relevant to the plotline without repeating the lyrics. I also like how you've revealed things bit by bit through the story. I definitely have to now go and find out who the mystery man is!

It might work better though if you took out the A.N.s though - either simply stating the facts as part of the description, or letting the reader work it out for themselves. Having it in as an authors note just pulls the reader out of the story and into reality too much. There are also a couple of typos you may want to correct - in the last line you've written yous rather than yours, and a few paragraphs up you've written feww rather than few.

Still, other than those things this story pulled me along smoothly and makes me want to finish reviewing so I can read the next chapter!

CapellaBlack, Gryffindor!

Author's Response: Thanks! I'm really glad that you liked, and I actually was thinking about taking out the ANs the other day. Since you pointed it out, it must be a good idea! And the mystery man! Haha I had to think to remember at first who it was!
~Kat


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Review #31, by Capella BlackPhoenix in the Ashes: Disclosure

5th August 2011:
Ooh, this is lovely! This part in the story of HP, where Remus is found out by his friends, and accepted rather than rejected, has always been one of my favourites. As such, I was excited to see what you would do with it, and I'm thrilled to see the result - you've really done it justice.

I love how hopeless Remus was about it all - how he was so sure they'd abandon him. This really caught his generally humble attitude - he wasn't judging them for it, just resigned to his fate. And then the boys' reactions were equally brilliant - positive and excited and refusing to let him be negative about it all. Very true to character!

Overall this was a sweet piece, and surprisingly well written for a first entry!

CapellaBlack, Gryffindor

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Review #32, by Capella BlackIn the poppies fields: Poppy

4th August 2011:
Hee hee! I like this piece a lot. Firstly, how you keep us right in the moment, and so leave lots unsaid until we're practically begging for more information. That's hard to do without it seeming forced, but you've managed it effortlessly.

Secondly, how you make the Rose and Scorpius relationship real with details like the poppy story. The Scorpius/Rose pairing is extremely popular, and so it can lead to cliches, but you've completely avoided this by coming up with your own unique back story.

Lastly, I like how you've gotten into Ron's character so well. I can completely see him being this way with Scorpius - i.e. ignoring him and making snide comments in equal measure!

Overall a fun piece - thanks for sharing!

CapellaBlack, Gryffindor!

Author's Response: Thanks for the review, dear. :)

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Review #33, by Capella BlackBeadle: Beadle

4th August 2011:
Aww, this is really cute. I like the idea of the great Beadle the Bard being some insecure writer (like most of us I guess) who thought her stories would never be read. Any even more, I love the idea of her questioning whether to even write down the story of the Deathly Hallows - that's a really nice touch.

I'm not usually a fan of stories written about the HP character's we've never met, but this one worked really well. The characterisations of Bea and Micah were strong, despite the brevity of the piece, and so pulled us into their worlds and made us care. I also like the added touch of having Bea marry a muggle, and not really use her powers much. It makes sense given when she was born and what she devoted herself to, but I'd have never thought of it myself!

Thanks for writing this!

CapellaBlack, Gryffindor

Author's Response: Thanks so much and I think what I like best about this is that Bea does have her insecurities like you said, so it feels like she really is a writer I can relate to and reflects back on writers all over the place. :) Thanks for the amazing reviews and go Gryffindor!
Annie


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Review #34, by Capella BlackGuardian: I

4th August 2011:
Ooh, dark! This story is beyond gripping, and I'm already totally hooked! I love how you paint such a vivid and visceral picture, and yet at the same time tell the reader almost nothing. You've given a real atmosphere to the piece, when often writers just focus on the creation of the mystery itself. I need to know where she was going, and why, and what had happened to her, and that's a really exciting feeling.

I particularly love how you've painted Narcissa. Until the name was mentioned, I had no idea who it was, and yet as soon as she's named, it feels completely right. This is really hard to do, so well done for building the suspense so well!

Thanks for sharing this - hope there's more soon!

CapellaBlack, Gryffindor

Author's Response: Capella you really do write the best reviews!! Hehe, Narcissa is someone who I have always wanted to write because she isn't as cray as her sister but she isn't defiant, so it is always fun to try to see who she is under the coward we know her as in the books. Thanks so much for the reviews,
Annie


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Review #35, by Capella BlackThe Ever Amazing Harry Potter: My First Diary Entry

4th August 2011:
Make. It. Stop! OK, that was a truly epic destruction of a formerly beloved character. I'm not sure if the cringe-worthy language or the horrifying personality makeover was worse, but I know that this story definitely lives up to it's name. So why is it that I'm sad there's no second chapter? What's wrong with me?!!!

Really enjoyed reading this - surprisingly, though when your writing's good, it's very very good, when it's bad it's even better!

Thanks for sharing this, it was a nice change of pace!

CapellaBlack, Gryffindor!

Author's Response: It's better than my normal writing haha? Oh my, I think that's just proof that I really had too much fun writing this. I've been toying with the idea of adding one or two chapters to it but it really is hard to gather the momentum to butcher such a wonderful character!

Thanks for the review and enjoying it, too! :)


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Review #36, by Capella BlackWhat's Hidden in the Attic?: Percy

4th August 2011:
Awesome! OK, your Percy is just amazing! I love how he's so pompous and mini-adult like, while at the same time being completely unreasonable in the way only a ten year old can be. This really captured Percy's personality well.

I also like how the tension built over the story so far, with Molly being idly interested in the box, while Percy is panic stricken. I can't wait to see how the next person will react!

The details too were amazing - the trial of Ginerva Weasley was brilliant, and it ending with 5 minutes in Azkaban corner was just so cute! It the details that really mark out your writing, I've found.

Thanks for sharing this with us - hope there's more soon!

CapellaBlack, Gryffindor!

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Review #37, by Capella BlackWhat's Hidden in the Attic?: Molly

4th August 2011:
Ooh, what's in the box?! I like how this starts with a bit of a mystery, and then snaps to Molly making dinner. The way you paint this really normal domestic scene is lovely. I particularly like the way Molly deals with each of the children - in turns scolding, polite and demanding - very believable, even if not the model of good parenting!

I particularly liked how she dealt with the twins. Molly is so often painted as a super strict mother, and so the idea of her not wanting the battle any more than they do was really refreshing.

Overall a fun and intriguing beginning!

CapellaBlack, Gryffindor!

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Review #38, by Capella BlackSymbiosis: Home Alone

4th August 2011:
Say what?!!! OK, I need to know what's going on with Sirius and Emma Vanity? Is it some kind of horrible prank? Was he forced to by his pureblood family? Or does he know something that might help Milla? ARRRGH! I need answers!

So, as you may have worked out, this chapter has me massively hooked at the moment. Can't believe that this would have to be the last currently posted chapter - just my luck. Still, it'll definitely have me coming back for more when it's written.

Also loved the letter from her birth mother. This really cleared up some questions for me (is she still alive, did she mean to give her up, and why hasn't she made contact) while leaving an endless amount still to answer. Nicely done.

All in all a compelling and exciting story. Thanks for sharing it with us!

CapellaBlack, Gryffindor!

Author's Response: Teehee. I still find it ironic that I haven't had time to clear that up! Emma/Sirius isn't something that will be continuous, but it's all in there for a purpose haha.

I'm glad some questions were answered and there's not that emptiness to the mystery anymore. I think I have a very distinct direction in which this story will head, I just need to find the time to put it to words! :)

Thank you so much for your reviews, and I do hope you continue reading :D


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Review #39, by Capella BlackSymbiosis: A Return to Normality

4th August 2011:
Wow, if I didn't know better, I'd think James had learnt how to be charming! I really liked his treatment of the birthday girl in this chapter - it's nice how much thought has gone into, both in his case, and in yours, as it shows a real commitment to the story as a whole, rather than just the lead plotline! I also love how everyone got what they needed out of it - Mils got to make it up to Lily by telling her what to expect, and yet James still got to surprise her!

The start of the chapter still has me wondering though - who is the mystery mother, and why did she give those memories to her daughter via the mini penseive? Is she supposed to find her from that, or was it just so she'd know she was loved?

Great stuff, so off to read more!

CapellaBlack, Gryffindor!

Author's Response: I'm really not that good with fluff so I'm glad you approved haha! I think the plot line, from here in, becomes a bit more streamlined and focused. I'm a sucker for mystery (although I suck at writing it) so I really want to play that up more.

I'm sure your questions were answered in the next chapter, but it shall be a series of mini clues, yes.

Thank you AGAIN! :)


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Review #40, by Capella BlackSymbiosis: Unlocked

4th August 2011:
I'm loving the irony here. Someone has a present from an unknown magical source, and Sirius is the one checking it for dark magic? Hee hee! Really liked this chapter's darker edge - she's lost a lot, even though she's gained stuff too, and this chapter helped the reader to feel that, while still maintaining the air of mystery. As such, I find myself wanting to know the answers for her sake, and not just for my own curiosity.

Also loving the increased Sirius interactions here - it really worked having Mils and Lils fight, thus leaving space for Sirius as a confidante!

CapellaBlack, Gryffindor!

Author's Response: I figure, Sirius is clever enough to have a very (very) slight cautionary side haha.

It shall be more Sirius from now on... I could only go so long writing him as a marginal character :P

I didn't really want Milla and Lily to me in a permanent state of friendly bliss... it just seemed dull! But on the same hand, they're too good a pair to be angry with each other for too long :)

Thank you again!


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Review #41, by Capella BlackSymbiosis: Rubies

4th August 2011:
Squeee! She's rich, rich, I tell you! More importantly, I guess she wasn't as unwanted as she might have been thinking. I can't wait to find out who her real parents were, and why they gave her up for adoption. This chapter has certainly added complexity to the question, as her parent(s) have provided for her in at least one way.

Am really pleased with how this story has developed - starting so mellow, but complexifying (hey, that's a word!) just at the point where us readers had become emotionally involved. Really nice one!



CapellaBlack, Gryffindor!

Author's Response: Her wealthiness is certainly very cliched in some other eras, but I thought it might not be too awful in Marauders... or so I hope :P

And yes, I did want to get across that her parents aren't complete evil tyrants, and there are certainly some ulterior motives in lay ;)

Slow development is something I'm a bit glued to! I'm really glad you liked it but I'm afraid it's not all too popular a style. I really am trying to amend the pace, and I think all your reviews will certainly help that! So thanks again! :)


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Review #42, by Capella BlackSymbiosis: Detox

4th August 2011:
Whoa! Mean father! Though that does explain the totally different attitude of the grandparents towards the non-adopted sister. I have known families like that in real life, and I guess I can see how an adopted child being magical would make some people question their choices (they'd be wrong, but hey, just look at how magical families take to squibs!)

I love how you gave us clues about this plot development (the Klein nose, for example) which I completely missed until the bomb had been dropped. It really was the perfect level of subtlety, mixed with "of course". Loved it!

Anyways, must go find out more... like who her birth parents are, for one!

Author's Response: I had such reservations about this... It seems so cliche but so natural all at once. I'm glad that it was subtle enough, and most people have said they didn't see it coming...

Discovering her ancestry is certainly where the story is headed (now that I finally have some time to get writing again, yay)!

Your reviews are awesome, and are also inflating my ego haha. Thank you again! :P


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Review #43, by Capella BlackSymbiosis: The Social Season

4th August 2011:
Whoop! They kissed! And do you know what I really love? That it was accidental, and not even a little romantic. I just ADORE how awkward it was for her, because it leaves me desperately wanting to know "what did HE think of it?" Was it as awkward for him? How much of an accident was it really? And most importantly, when will it happen again?!!!

As you may have guessed, I approve of this chapter - really believable teenage antics, and wonderfully magical to boot!

Author's Response: Ahhh thank you!

The awkwardness! I crave awkwardness in teen writing! I hope to get some more of that going through the previous chapters. And I'm glad you approved on the non-romantic nature... Kisses between friends are never romantic haha!

Thanks again! :D


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Review #44, by Capella BlackSymbiosis: Not-so-Happy Days

4th August 2011:
Ooh, this chapter really had a nice sense of coherence - the day before the trip, the day of the trip, and then the future events coming. I liked how you did that, so it all felt connected while exploring a variety of events. I also like how you've brought up Mil's unease about the upcoming Germany trip without making it sound too ominous. Really catches the interest, that does. There also seemed to be more inner monologue from Mils in this chapter, which is a nice development.

One typo in the third last paragraph: 'plasticising' - I think you mean 'practising'. Other than that, a really nice chapter. Onto the next one!

Author's Response: Hahahaha plasticising. I write on my iPad pretty often and get some interesting autocorrects :/

I'm really glad you liked this chapter and her development through it. I really want to bring out more flaws in her sooner, because that was one issue I think my pacing was far too slow on.

In my mind, she's really a terribly awkward person outside of her little bubble of friends - I really want to show that more!

Thank you again for your lovely review! :)


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Review #45, by Capella BlackSymbiosis: Mid-Term Blues

4th August 2011:
Sooo. I'm going out on a limb and guessing that Milla is Sirius' secret crush! Can't wait to see how this gets developed, and what it takes for him to tell her, or her to realise.

So far this story has a very mellow feel to it, with lots of time devoted to scene by scene action and development of the interactions. As a result we have ended up with a great visual of what it would all be like. It might help to now focus more on what Milla's like as a person - more inner thoughts rather than momentary ones - but I guess I won't know if this happens until I read on! Overall really enjoyable, and I am looking forwards to reading more!

CapellaBlack, Gryffindor!

Author's Response: Ella!

Oh my goodness, I'm very sorry for the delayed response to all your wonderful reviews - I've not had internet.

Your advice for this chapter has been really helpful. I certainly have pacing issues in my writing, and I'm glad that you enjoyed the mellowness (is that even a word) of this chapter, but I shall try and keep interest up a little more when I do my rewrites :)

Thanks you! :)


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Review #46, by Capella BlackThe process of becoming tamed : Sirius: Birthdays arenít always what theyíre cracked up to be

20th May 2011:
Awww! That is the sweetest thing ever! Your Lily has just won many points with me. It's so lovely the way you've set this chapter up - starting with him wanting things he thinks he can never have again, and then Lily somehow providing the bits she can. It really gives the reader hope that Sirius can actually heal from this, little by little, without in any way trivialising the depth or permanence of his feelings for Laura.

Really, this chapter is superb.

Author's Response: HI Ella! :)

Ah, I'm so pleased you liked this. I get so unsure about these one-shots - I like them, and wanted to write the scene, but I'm not always convinced that they can stand alone in their own right. So to have feedback like this is so reassuring - thank you! *beams*

And yeah, Lily. She's great, isn't she? I tried really hard not to make her a Mary Sue because she can often become one (or a screaming harpy, but I never thought she was one of those) but I do think she had a good heart and if she found something like this then she would pass it on, wouldn't she? But yeah, I think she would have had a good idea of how it would be received so kudos to her. :)

And yes, Sirius is on the road to recovery, or as much of a recovery as he makes. Cruel person that I am, I never really let him get over Laura, but then again that fits his character in the canon so that's my excuse. *grins*

Thanks again, Mel


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Review #47, by Capella BlackSymbiosis: My Friend, Lily

8th May 2011:
So, my favourite thing about this chapter would be "he-who-I-prefer-not-to-name" - this is the best nickname EVER, particularly once you'd explained it. In general, the dialogue is a real strength of yours, and I enjoyed this chapter's banter.

This chapter really sets the scene well, and gives us a deeper understanding of who Milla is. Still waiting to see what her unique quirks are, though I'm sure they'll be coming. Overall, nice stuff, and looking forward to seeing where it goes.

Author's Response: Hahahah I have fun picking on James! His ego needs to be taken down a peg anyway! I'm glad you found the dialogue entertaining too! :)

Unfortunately, I feel that I've not written my characters as well as I should have through chapter 2, 3 and 4 in particular so I'm currently rewriting them. What I'm getting at is feel free to rip apart chapter three and four especially as I will certainly be tidying them up! I've been told my characters still seems a little flat three chapters in, which I certainly need to amend :p

Sorry, I've babbled on a little too much here, but thank you again for your lovely review! :3


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Review #48, by Capella BlackSymbiosis: A New World

8th May 2011:
Hiya!

So, there's lots I like about this opening chapter. For one, Milla seems really interesting. She's had it easy so far in life, but keeps aiming to achieve in order to get that illusive praise from her parents - complex and believable. Looking forward to seeing how the wizarding world treats her!

Couple of technical errors/issues that I noticed. Firstly, you say she found out on June 29th, but that her parents had thus only had 1 month's notice. That would be two and a bit months. Also, Sirius Black being sorted last is odd, as it's done in alphabetical order. Not essential, I know, but made my canon-ometer beep.

Otherwise a really compelling first chapter - looking forward to reading more!

Author's Response: Why hello there :)

I'm glad you liked it on the whole :D

I will certainly fix all of that up, especially the dates... I had a bit of a tough time getting my head around the different semester times haha :P

Thank you for the review, and I'm really pleased you were able to see some complexity and believability in Milla! :)


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Review #49, by Capella BlackThe Art of Breathing.: Marauding.

22nd April 2011:
So, I'm a terrible person. I'm on chapter 32 of your story, and I'm only just leaving my first review. Then again, this is entirely your fault, for writing something so addictive that I refused to take a break long enough to review (seriously, microwaveable dinners have been big today!)

Anyways, I am simply adoring this story. I love your main character - she's catty at points, and selfish, but in a completely believable way. Moreover, you actually have this result in bad consequences, which is surprisingly rare. The hilarity of her name (Mary Sue) is thus brilliant, as she is the farthest thing away from one that I have read in a long time!

I adore your Sirius too. He's the classical womanising, arrogant guy we all know, but he's not the perfect Adonis of so many stories. You can really see the guy he turns into in this, along with the traits of a typical teenaged guy, and I just love that.

Anyways, way too addicted to write any more - off to see what happens next!

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Review #50, by Capella BlackThe process of becoming tamed : Dark days

14th April 2011:
Sad Ella - Sirius is almost painful to read about in this chapter. Of course, that's what makes it so good - Sirius would be so broken at this point, and as ever, you capture that pain in simple, non-melodramatic images and actions. GTG to work, but really nice!

Author's Response: Hi Ella! FINALLY got to post my response to this ...

Anyway. I'm sorry this chapter made you sad,b ut then again that's a compliment to my writing so I'm not very sorry, if that makes any sense. But yes, he's struggling, though starting to move on by the end of it which was what I was aiming for. Very pleased you liked it!!

cheers, Mel


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