Reading Reviews From Member: makemeover
  
24 Reviews Found

Review #1, by makemeoverThe Joker and Her: My Mother

17th January 2012:
Another great chapter!

My favorite part is after Brienne is talking to Fred and George about her family, and then they go upstairs. Fred is wondering what George is thinking because he's staring after Brienne, and I think he notices some feelings developing. I think my favorite part about it is that we're seeing some actual differences between the twins. In the books, it isn't until the seventh book and George loses an ear that we actually see different things happening to the brothers separately. Don't get me wrong - I LOVE the twins and think they're hysterical when they're together, but it is nice to see that they ARE two different people.

Great job!

Author's Response: :D Aw, thank you very much! I like making the Twins different, because they are sort of different, you know? George is sort of quieter and more sensitive. Thank you for reviewing and I'm glad you like it!

 Report Review

Review #2, by makemeoverThe Joker and Her: Sorting

17th January 2012:
This story is great! You're so realistic with your descriptions. This is exactly how JK Rowling made me picture the first day, so kudos!

I can't wait to learn more about Brienne, she seems like a normal enough girl. I like that you haven't made her exceptional at anything yet or turned her into a Mary Sue, which is unfortunately what happens with many new characters.

Great story and I'm excited to read on!

Author's Response: :D Great, thank you very much! I'm glad you like it!

 Report Review

Review #3, by makemeoverStill Delicate: The Contenders

9th November 2011:
oirqehaihv adksfjcmajf ckajanjgf ackgfansflkjadsnvjk.adsnfakjsf jkfasjfnszkjfn!

That's all that's happening inside my brain right now.

 Report Review

Review #4, by makemeoverGhost in the Machine: St. Mungo's

24th October 2011:
Hey there - sorry this review has taken forever! I've been drowning in school work and I finally got to read some stories today.

I really liked this. I've read a few of your next gens, and while those were enjoyable as well, this one is about characters that we are much more familiar with (I know Lavender, Parvati, and Seamus weren't the main characters of the books, but we do know more about them than any of the next gen characters).

The characters seemed as canon as possible with obvious changes. It's impossible to judge how Lavender would actually act after the attack, so you're the one who determines her new characterization. I can definitely see Parvati and Seamus visiting her, though, and not wanting to give up on her. Parvati is obvious because they're best friends, and Seamus is the more outgoing and less likely to sit back and watch between him and Dean.

This chapter was a good length. It gave enough background information and enough of the present story without getting boring. Since the only big action really was Lavender finally speaking, it was good that you didn't make it too long and it didn't just drone on. As for choppiness, there was never a point in the story where I felt like it jumped or cut off too much.

The only iffy part I felt was in the very beginning where you said Lavender dreamt about standing up in defense of Harry. I know Lavender is usually portrayed as vain or clingy, but I think even she would realize that the war was about more than just saving Harry from Voldemort. There were maaany people whose lives would be ruined if Voldemort took control, so I think that standing up in Harry's defense is too specific.

Other than that, it was very enjoyable and I'll be looking forward to the next chapter!

Author's Response: No problem - schoolwork obviously takes priority (or, it should... didn't always for me though :P).

I can definitely see what you mean about standing up in defense of Harry - that felt not quite great to me at the time, but I didn't know why. I'll go back and try to revise it a bit.

Thank you so much for your review! :)


 Report Review

Review #5, by makemeoverMuggle Studies: Attraction

18th October 2011:
Hey there, I'm here with your review!

OH LA LA!
This is NOT what I expected from something starring Hermione and titled Muggle Studies!

I liked this, though. You did very well describing the characters' feelings and there was a good ratio of character descriptions to setting descriptions. I could picture exactly where they were, but you didn't take away from the actual action by going into endless details about the rooms. You were also able to capture realistic feelings that would arise in this situation, which was great, because I could actually picture myself in this sort of scenario. It was so real.

Hermione's characterization (while a little frisky at the end!) was spot on. I love how she was nervous and borderline freaking out in the beginning since she hadn't finished her essay, even though there was still 3 days left before it was due. I also like how she got really excited in the library when they found the books about jokes. Even though they were about jokes and Hermione had always been testy around all the twins' products, it's just so Hermione of her to really get into reading a book.

The only issue I had with her was when she was cursing in the beginning. I know she said that she never cursed and it was uncharacteristic of her, I just can't see her doing it in the first place.

I think George was also written really well. He rarely takes anything seriously, but when he does, it just fits that it would be something about jokes. I can also definitely picture him trying to get other people to do his work, even though he just asks Hermione to HELP him, not necessarily do it for him. It reminds me of Ron, and then makes me go...Oh those Weasley boys!

We don't really know much about his romantic or sexual preferences, but I can see him being like this. He didn't want to push her too far or do anything too quick even though he obviously would have no problem with it. He was very gentlemanly and it's nice to see a more serious side to him.

Other than the swearing, I saw nothing wrong with this, and it was a pleasure to read! You were able to write a sexual scene between two people who weren't dating but it didn't turn out raunchy or cheap in anyway. Keep up the great work!

Author's Response: Hey there!! Thanks a lot for the awesome review! I am glad you took the time and effort to go into such detail :)
I think I'll cut down a little on the swearing then xD
I am really thankful for such a nice review. It's flattering that you actually found my settings realistic and characterizations good. I always imagined George to be the 'slightly more serious' out of the twins, so I actually put in my views here. I'm happy you liked it :)
Haha I know the Weasley boys xD
I am also relieved that the sexual scene didn't seem overdone and was not raunchy!

Thank you so much for your valuable review!! It really means a lot to me!

Cheers!
AD


 Report Review

Review #6, by makemeoverBreaking Ties: Breaking Ties

18th October 2011:
Hey there sorry for the wait, but I'm finally reviewing!

This was so sweet and Harry's character makes my heart go all melty inside. My favorite part is when Hermione says to Draco in the fantasy that "it will always be you" but then after he hurts her, she turns it around on him and says "it will always be Harry." I really like how you connected them and I feel like doing something like that (pretty much replacing someone who had an important role in your life) can be so much more hurtful than flat out yelling at them.

As for being realistic, it is very believable as far as Hermione/Draco pairings go. I've never been super opposed to this shipping or refused to read it, but there was always that voice in the back of my head that was like no way. But this story is very clear-cut on what happened, and the way Hermione reacts is just so...well, Hermione.

I like that when Draco comes "crawling" back, if you will, Hermione stands up for herself. In so many stories, and unfortunately even in real life, a girl will take back a guy who's wronged her because she misses him or hasn't found anything better, etc. I'm sick of reading stories where a girl gets back with a guy after he's cheated because he's the one and there's no one like him and her current boyfriend will just never make her feel the same! Guh, gross. And SO not Hermione. You wrote her just as she is in the books, strong and not afraid of someone not liking her and never settling for less than she knows she deserved. So I say - even in such an uncanon pairing, you stayed true to Hermione.

I only got confused in one part. In the beginning when Hermione is talking to Draco, he says "the child is mine and he knows it." At this point, I assumed the child was a boy, but then Hermione says "her father" and I got super confused. It was easily cleared up in the next paragraph when we realize that the child is a girl and that Hermione is with another man, though. It doesn't have to be changed because you do clarify, but just for reference next time you're writing something and two characters are talking about other people.

Other than that, this was definitely enjoyable!

Author's Response: that's okay, i was in no rush for the review! I'm glad you liked it! and i'm glad that i made it realistic, that was the whole point because I (like you) am sick of reading stories where the girl goes crawling back to the guy after he's cheated on her or done horrible things because he's 'the one' *cough, twilight, couch*
and I'm glad that I kept them in character :) One of my weaknesses if making characters OOC, and I know that bit is a bit confusing but that's the only way I could make it work without making it sound plainly obvious.
Anyway, thank you so much for reviewing, it's been very helpful :)


 Report Review

Review #7, by makemeoverIn a Brown Study: In a Brown Study

13th October 2011:
Aaaand back again!

Just like before, I love this. Victoire doesn't make an appearance so obviously there's nothing to comment on her, but I like seeing this side of Teddy. He was so cool and collected in Cloud Nine (for the most part) and even in Fish out of Water he had the guts to ask her out, but it's cool to see him so inside his own head. It definitely flows flawlessly into the next one.

The only thing I would have liked to see more of is more of Teddy's emotions and how feeling about Victoire that way affects the rest of his life, not just his thoughts at the moment. It was all definitely angsty and I realize this fic is also a romance so it can't be constantly depressing, but it would have been cool to see more of Teddy's fears and anxiety about Victoire.

That being said, it's of course not necessary as the story is great how it is! I just commented on it because one of your questions was whether or not you can write angst. Which you can. It would just be cool to see more of Teddy's unhappy-go-lucky side. I still enjoyed it though!

Author's Response: Oooh, I can see what you mean! Maybe I'll go through tonight or tomorrow (depending on my insomnia, haha) and see about adding more of that in, because that would be a great touch.

Thank you so much! :) You're always so helpful!


 Report Review

Review #8, by makemeoverA Green-Eyed Monster: A Green-Eyed Monster

9th October 2011:
This was definitely a believable one-shot! I think their characterizations were spot-on, this is how I picture both Viktor and Fleur to act.

I love how Fleur is so care-free and oblivious to everyone around her being so impressed by her. She doesn't even notice when people practically drool over her. And I love how Viktor is sort of the opposite - really shy and doesn't say much. He doesn't need to fill silences at all, he's content to just sit in the silence.

Even Ron was written well. I like his interaction with Viktor at the end, and how when he's talking about Hermione, he says, "We're engaged." That's so Ron to have to tack that on at the end - just to let Viktor know like, yeah, you know, she's still mine. I'm the man, I have Hermione, not you.

The only questionable part was in the beginning when Viktor was thinking about how nervous he'd been to ask Fleur out. I can see him being a little nervous, but he reflects on his anxiety during multiple nights and how he couldn't stop thinking about it. He was such a huge Quidditch star though and everyone knew who he was. He had girls following him around at Hogwarts and he had previously been friendly with Fleur, so I don't know that I can see him being that nervous about asking her.

Other than that - it was great! I love the descriptions and this was definitely enjoyable to read!

Author's Response: Thanks - it was really hard to write Viktor, since we don't see that much of him in the books. Fleur was pretty fun and interesting :D

I love Ron, he's hilarious! I tried to keep him true to the books, because it really annoys me when he's OOC and it would be hypocritical of me not to, you know?

Hm... I wasn't too sure about the beginning, but he never seemed to me particularly good with girls, like in GoF when he spends all the time in the Library just to ask Hermione, but at the same time perhaps it was a little OOT. I'll probably take another look at this after NaNo's over, so thanks for mentioning that!

Thanks for the lovely review!
Aph xx


 Report Review

Review #9, by makemeoverFish out of water: The Leaky Cauldron

9th October 2011:
Back again!

And again the first thing I have to say is "aww..this was great!"

Seriously though, so cute. I think your characterizations are even better than the first chapter. We really got to know them even better.

I love the relationship between Victoire and Dominique. It was very natural, what you would expect between sisters. Dom can be fairly pesky but then they have an honest moment where they love each other, and then immediately go right back to playfully bickering and Dom making fun of Vic's clothes. It was a good balance.

I also like how you said Victoire felt no one moment where she knew she liked Teddy. It kind of just happened and she just noticed it but can' pinpoint when it actually happened.

The scene where they are actually on their date is great. It had a light awkwardness to it but they do a good job of covering up their nerves. I like how at the very end, Victoire ends up being the dominant one and Teddy is more reserved. They really complement each other, with Teddy wanting to wait and Victoire being so gung-ho. Normally, the roles would be reversed, but I like how you made the female the one to initiate it.

This was great, and like I said in the first chapter, it definitely flows right into the sequel with no hitches. Granted a few years have passed from now until the sequel, there were no dramatic changes in characterization that would make me wonder what happened.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your reviews. I really appreciate it, and I'm so so glad you enjoyed this story. I've been trying to improve it, and I'm glad that I've been reasonably successful! :)

 Report Review

Review #10, by makemeoverFish out of water: Diagon Alley

9th October 2011:
Wel...I loved this!

I actually read the sequel first, and while it was able to stand on it's own and actually make sense, I can definitely see the same characters in both. You didn't stray far from either of them or make them do completely uncharacteristic or unimaginable things in the sequel, which is good because it means that the readers can actually understand the characters.

I love Teddy and how you portray him. It's like he's trying to be cool and collected the whole time, but you can almost feel how nervous he is when he's talking to Victoire. And then when you finally think that he's composed himself...he gets all nervous when he asks her out for a drink! So cute. I especially love in the beginning how Fred says that Teddy feels like a creep when thinking about Victoire. It's a little burst of comedy and then makes you think...wow, he really is two years older than her and I can see why he would feel that! (I personally don't think he's a creep, it's just funny to then picture him with a job and his own place and then her still in Hogwarts.)

I still like Victoire as much as I did in the sequel and it's still because you made her such a normal person. It's easy to relate to her, like when she falls because she wore heels. I'm just like - wow - I am so clumsy around someone I like too!

Basically, this was awesome and can't wait to read the next chapter.

Author's Response: Oh, I'm so glad that you liked this one as well! :)

I'm especially glad that you liked Fred saying that Teddy feels like a creep. It sometimes bothers me that we so rarely see characters outside of Lupin being concerned about age differences when in RL, people worry about them all the time!

Thank you so much for your review. :)


 Report Review

Review #11, by makemeoverUntainted: Victorious

2nd October 2011:
I loved this! I'm usually not a HUGE fan of Teddy/Victoire because they seem to get played out in the same exact way every single time, but this had a freshness to it. They have personalities similar to what we would imagine (and what most writers do give them) but it wasn't shoved down my throat, which I love. You didn't have to have a paragraph explaining how shy yet caring Victoire is or how romantic but frightened Teddy is, we were just able to gather that, which is great in a story. I like seeing the characters in action and acting on their actual traits instead of having to be told about them.

The imagery was great. I got goosebumps during the graveyard scene! I'm an obsessive Harry Potter fan and while I knew what had happened to both of them, I never put together how Teddy and Victoire both had fathers who were victims of a werewolf. I also loved that he wasn't afraid to cry in front of her.

The flow of this story was great. You wrote just the perfect amount for each age. I really like how you started out with them meeting on the train when she was 11. Most next gen stories don't go into detail about how they met, and I'm also guilty of just assuming they'd known each other since they were babies because of the closeness of all the families. I never took into consideration that they actually never met until Hogwarts which is beyond endearing for some reason.

I thought this was a very sweet one-shot and refreshing to read such a different Teddy/Victoire than the rest. Great job and I hope this was helpful!

Author's Response: Hi there! Thanks for reviewing so quickly! :)

I'm so happy that you liked this even without being hugely into T/V, and I'm also pleased that you felt that I effectively "showed" rather than "told" about their characters. It's a serious pet peeve of mine when people just tell me everything and then "really" start the story, and I'm happy that you think so too!

I'm glad that you liked the graveyard scene, as it was the bunny that sparked this fic, and I'm pleased that you liked how I had their characters "meet". I thought little eleven-year-old Victoire was pretty adorable :)

Thanks again for such a kind review! I had kind of a rough, stressful day, and coming home to such a thoughtful review was really nice. I definitely appreciate your comments!

academica


 Report Review

Review #12, by makemeoverThe Mirror's Reflection: Madness Desends

2nd October 2011:
Hey there, makemeover from the forums here!

WOW! That's a whole different side of Dom that's never seen! I loved it, though.

I think it's really cool that this is from the mirror's POV. I felt like I was almost holding my breath as I read since the mirror sounds so ancient and full of wisdom, like if I didn't listen carefully enough it would scold me or something. I feel as though it's pretty tough to get a good story out of an inanimate object or from it's POV (as inanimate as the mirror is!), and you did a great job.

I also love your characterization of Dom, even before she looks into the mirror. Since J.K. never wrote about Dom, writers have to create their own Dom, and since her mother is Fleur, it's easy to make her into this perfect creature with long silky hair and perfect skin and really smart and good at Quidditch and so on. I like that she has red hair and isn't really athletic, it's a fresh new take on her. I just read a one-shot in which Victoire had red hair and wasn't perfect and said the same thing. It's not an awful thing to make them perfect and all Veela-y (I'm guilty of it myself), but it's nice to see her in a different light, which is what this story does.

I really enjoyed this story. It's disappointing to start reading a story and then half-way through be like, "Ehhh, I don't really care if I don't finish this," but that wasn't the case with this one. I WANTED to know what happened in the end, especially because it could have gone in a number of different ways. She could have immediately started doing evil things in order to make the vision come true or just laughed and blown the whole thing off or gone and told someone about it in shame/worry (these were some of the things running through my head as I was reading!). But I liked the fairly simple ending. They casually saunter out and she acts like nothing happens. But then that last part! When she thinks, "soon." That could be a great ending that leaves it to the readers imagination, but it also opens the gates for an entire novel on what happens in her life. I love it.

Sorry I rambled on a bit there in the end, I just really liked this one-shot! I hope the parts where I actually left a real review were helpful!

Author's Response: Haha they were! Thankyou so much :)
I was unsure where to go with Dominique but found as soon as I had started - the story pretty much wrote itself!

Thanks again :)


 Report Review

Review #13, by makemeoverVital: Chapter 2

1st October 2011:
This chapter was definitely more exciting than the last! Although, it's understandable, the first chapter in longer stories tend to give mostly background information and less action.

I really liked this though. It was very fast paced once the Minister came in. I felt like I flew through this chapter, even though it's over 3,000 words, which is a great thing.

I'm beginning to like Elena a lot more, but it's probably just because I didn't know her very well after only the first chapter. I like how she is sleep deprived and not an unrealistic, happy-go-lucky Healer who leads a glamorous life and attends big social events and has a million friends, yada yada. While it's probably more exciting to write those kind of things, it's just not realistic. The fact that she lives alone in an apartment and doesn't sleep much and has to be away from her family on Christmas (while voluntary) just makes her so much more relatable.

I enjoyed this and am even more looking forward to continuing on!

Author's Response: Hello again!

I'm glad you liked this chapter too! It is much different from the first chapter, but hopefully it also serves to develop the characters. I did try to write Elena as realistically as I could.

Thank you again for the review!





 Report Review

Review #14, by makemeoverThis is the story of a witch: My name is Lily

1st October 2011:
This chapter was definitely more interesting than the last because we've been introduced to the actual diary and have seen not only Tara's first day, but it go terribly wrong.

One of the issues I have, though, is the entry in the diary. A lot of things are promised to fill the pages of the diary, and it's a lot to live up to. I have no doubt in my mind that many of those things will be written about, but it's a pretty extensive list of feelings and events to talk about. Also, it doesn't sound like Lily was writing in a diary but more like she was writing a story that she wanted everyone to read. It sounds like it could be on the back of a novel.

The only other thing is if McGonagall was Headmistress, there's a good chance that she wouldn't be teaching a class. That is all determined by what you think, though, of course.

I'm wondering if you've found a beta reader yet? I wouldn't mind looking over your chapters for grammar mistakes before you post them, but I noticed that you're not listed for wanting a beta on the forums, so you might have already found one. Just let me know, and hope this was helpful!

Author's Response: Thanks for the review. I agree with you looking back and will consider how to revise that. no I don't have a beta yet... i'm not sure i really want one considering my last three were always unavailable when I needed them, but I will consider your offer. Thanks again.

 Report Review

Review #15, by makemeoverThis is the story of a witch: Arriving at the castle... again

1st October 2011:
Hey there, makemeover from the forums here!

The plotline of this story could definitely go in a good direction, I think there's just too little in this chapter to tell. I know the first chapters of longer stories tend to be fairly uneventful, but I think a little more action could be added to this, or at least some of it could be changed around. It seems that the first half of the chapter is mostly background information and the second half is Tara actually arriving at the school, but I think it could be more captivating if the action started at the beginning and the background info. was given throughout. For example, instead of her reflecting on Draco and his group of friends in the beginning, it could be mentioned after we see him and her together as Head Boy and Girl.

I don't know Tara well enough at all to really comment on her, but she does seem fairly negative. Two questionable things I found were that one, if she's a Slytherin born and raised, it sounds weird for her to refer to Draco as "the Prince of Slytherin." That just might be my preference, though. The second thing is that she tends to say "bloody" a lot. It seems as though she's supposed to be negative or angry all the time, but there are other words that can portray that.

I definitely think that more can be added to this, as I can't judge on whether I really like it or not because it's so short. I'll have to read further chapters to make that assessment. I hope this was helpful!

Author's Response: unfortunately it wasn't overly helpful because I disagree with the review, although I APPRECIATE it. I know where I want my story to go, and this chapter is exactly the way it needs to be worded in order to do so, although i will keep your suggestions in mind for a future chapter.

 Report Review

Review #16, by makemeoverVital: Chapter 1

1st October 2011:
Hey there, makemeover here from the forums!

I really enjoyed this. It was a great length and a great pace, and it gave enough background information for a first chapter without getting boring or dragging.

Your descriptions are amazing. I actually felt like I was in the room in the beginning and smelling the explosion.

I like that Elena is a real person (although she's a witch!). She's bored with her job which she once thought was great, and that's a very vulnerable, human feeling. She's not ashamed to admit to herself that she's bored even though she's helping people. She also blames certain injuries on the person, which is so true! Some people really do need to think more before they act and witches and wizards I imagine would be the same, if not worse.

I also like the little bits of comedy. I know that it's a darker story, but it's refreshing to laugh every once in a while after constantly feeling bad for or being afraid for a character. I loved the part about the chef ex-boyfriend and describing her as if she were food!

The only mistake I found was one of the paragraphs when she was reflecting on the hospital, it said something along the lines of "there were attempted murders at the hospital, but thankfully no one was ever killed." I don't know if it was only supposed to be in the time frame that Elena was working there, but in Order of the Phoenix, Broderick Bode is killed by a Devil's Snare brought to him as a "gift" from a Death Eater. But if Elena started working at the hospital during or right before the war, then she probably wasn't there yet when Bode died.

I really did enjoy this though and look forward to reading future chapters!

Author's Response: hello!

I'm glad you liked the pacing of this first chapter. I did work on the descriptions, so it's good to know you thought they were effective. And I tried to put some comedy in the story, since much of it is pretty serious.

This story is set just after Voldemort's first downfall, when Harry is just a baby. So, Bode wouldn't die until 14 ish years later.

Thanks for reviewing!


 Report Review

Review #17, by makemeoverPink Eyes: Pink Eyes

1st October 2011:
Hey there, makemeover here from the forums!

This was so lovely! It was a really enjoyable one-shot to read. It was light but with enough emotion to to make me actually feel bad for Teddy in some parts and want to punch Simon!

I loved Teddy. I loved that his emotions affected his physical features, I really like the way that you did that. He's definitely sweet but not the over-done "good guy" that he can so easily be if not written carefully. I liked Victoire too, but I felt like I didn't get to know her very well, but that's understandable since it's from Teddy's point of view.

I loved loved loved the last scene. I like that he simply kissed her and then walked away. Even though he was still thinking about her, it leaves more to the imagination and leaves readers wanting more. It would be more expected for her to throw her arms around him, kiss him, and say she's always loved him than for him to walk away smiling.

This could easily either have a sequel or be expanded into a short story. The ending leaves enough room to write about any future that they might have, and the short length and different scenes could be made into their own chapters each.

I haven't read any of the other reviews for this story, so if this is just repetitive, sorry you had to read it all again! I definitely enjoyed this story though.

Great job!

Author's Response: :) Thank you so much for reviewing! I love that you think it could be expanded and could want to read more of it, that's a big compliment! Thanks again!

 Report Review

Review #18, by makemeoverCloud Nine: Cloud Nine

29th September 2011:
hey there - makemeover from the forums here!

I'll start out by saying - I have nothing bad to say about this! I loved it. I tend to get easily bored with fluff but I wouldn't have been able to stop reading without finishing this, which is awesome because stories that you just HAVE to finish are the best.

I read this without having read even the summary of the prequel/original story, and there was nothing confusing about it in anyway. It's definitely a great stand-alone one-shot and I agree that's it's complementary to the first and not obligatory, and vice versa.

The thing I loved the most was how absolutely sugary-sweet Teddy was without being overbearing or nauseating. He really just loves Victoire and thinks about her all the time. My favorite part of the entire story was at the very beginning when he kisses her on the forehead. It's so sweet and simple. Not that kissing someone on the lips is over-played (I think it's impossible to over-play that), but it was a nice change.

I also like that Victoire seems a little clumsy and has no "household charms," as well as having red hair. With Fleur as her mother, it's easy to see why writers usually make her very elegant and poised with great manners and long blonde hair and all that jazz. It was nice to see her as more of a regular person than a straight up Veela. Her only questionable trait, though, was that sometimes she seemed a little formal. I'm not sure how you picture her in your head and for all I know that's exactly how she's supposed to be. But the way she speaks to Teddy sometimes is a little too proper for someone who's casually speaking to their live-in boyfriend.

I was expecting a little more nervousness and anxiety from Teddy throughout the story, just because of the story description. The story isn't bad without it, it just doesn't match the description as well as it could.

And lastly, I would have loved to see a little more emotion or excitement during the proposal scene. It just seems a little rushed. I realize it's a longer one-shot but I would have rather seen a longer proposal scene than maybe some of the earlier parts. I realize it's hard to delete things after you've written them, especially because your details are amazing (I love the parts describing the foods and flowers!), but I think the proposal scene could be a little longer and more detailed. After all, it's what the entire story leads up to.

It was definitely a great one-shot though and you've opened my eyes to a new and beautiful couple that I'd never really paid much attention to before! I'll definitely be keeping a look out for them in the future, as well as reading the prequel to this. I'm intrigued! I hope this all was helpful :)

Author's Response: Very helpful! :) I can see what you mean, and when I upload my chapter image, I'll make some of the changes you suggested. I'm so glad you liked it, and thank you so much for your review! :)

 Report Review

Review #19, by makemeoverFire and Brimstone: Fire and Brimstone

28th September 2011:
This was lovely! I really enjoyed reading this but I agree, it could definitely use more. I'm not saying it was bad because it absolutely wasn't, I just want to know more!

I see that it was for the One-Shot challenge so there's only so much that can be written, but if you were open to it, it would be awesome to expand this into a longer story because it's a pretty cool idea and your writing is great.

Author's Response: Thanks! I'm definately open to expanding and am currently working on the background info and working out kinks in the possible plot line i have brewing so it's quite likely you'll see an expansion sometime soon!

 Report Review

Review #20, by makemeoverDon't Choke: Don't Choke

12th December 2010:
I really like your descriptions of everything! You gave really good details.
I would have liked to know more about Hayley though, it seems like she kind of came out of nowhere with no background info. or anything. Although maybe that's just part of her mystery!
This could be a good one-shot to expand into a short story if you felt strongly about it. It would be cool to know more about Scorpius and Lucy's background as well as Hayley and why she's so crazy, because it all seemed a little rushed in such a short story.
It was still enjoyable to read though!

Author's Response: I wanted to focus it totally on Lucy's point of view, so I don't think she would really care much about Hayley's past, or anything to do with Hayley. Maybe sometime I will do a companion story to look more at why Hayley is Hayley.

But I may go back and put in more about Scorpius and Lucy's past, though to be honest I have no idea what I would do there. They are such a foreign ship to me... thus the challenge. I don't want that sort of thing to detract too much from what is happening though. I like to think the focus on what is happening gives it more of a horror theme... Haha.

But yes, thank you so much for the review!! :-)

-x-


 Report Review

Review #21, by makemeoverWe Gryffies: Pickiní Fights With Slytherins

28th November 2010:
This chapter was just as funny!
"They have no qualms accusing you of being a unicorn sodomizer." - one of the funniest lines I've ever read! Can't wait to continue reading

 Report Review

Review #22, by makemeoverStill Delicate: Slightly Deranged

28th November 2010:
there are no words to describe the awesomeness of this story! i should have been doing school work the past few days so i should be mad...but i'm not because this is amazing!
i never thought i'd actually want to punch someone named DAISY! or a fictional character for that matter... :X
i was never a fan of next gen until this...you've opened up a whole new world for me! (cue disney music)
but in all seriousness, this story is brilliant and will probably re-read delicate and still delicate until the next chapter is posted :) you definitely deserved that dobby...

 Report Review

Review #23, by makemeoverA Clandestine Reality: Epilogue - Thirteen Years Later

3rd November 2009:
I usually don't get this passionate about fanfics, especially Draco/Hermione, but you literally had me PRAYING for the moment they would get together. I definitely ignored the term paper I'v been working on for a few nights for this story! You have an amazing talent - good enough for me to justify Hermione cheating on Ron! Definitely an A+

 Report Review

Review #24, by makemeoverThe Puzzling Prattlings of a Pulchritudinous Potions Professor: End With A Snape

3rd November 2009:
I just read this whole thing straight through it was so good! Your story seriously just brightened my horrible week up so much. I'm always hesitant to read not only comedy, but also when Snape is the main character, but I was laughing out loud so hard! I haven't started Severely, Severus yet, but I can't wait and hope to see his crazy point of view for all the years! You have an amazing talent!!!

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login