Reading Reviews From Member: MuggleMaybe
  
241 Reviews Found

Review #1, by MuggleMaybeIn The End: Chapter Two

24th April 2017:
Freeing Sam for CtF =)

Hello! I was interested to discover this was an Tonks/Remus story. For whatever reason, they aren't very common. Or perhaps I just don't seek them out. (I confess: I am a wolfstar shipper.) Either way, I haven't read much about their 'courtship' or how they got together, and the books leave a lot unsaid. It's a cool missing moment to look at the conversations and interactions that led up to their marriage.

Nymphadora is so stubborn! But Remus is, too. They are a perfect match. ;) And i'm glad Tonks is stubborn because otherwise she and Sirius would never have gotten together. He's being silly, anyway. I don't think being a werewolf is hereditary! That said, I thought all of his anxieties were very in characters.

I hope you won't mind if I offer some CC, while I'm here.

Be careful about verb tense. You sometimes switch between past and present tense. I also found them almost too articulate in their dialogue. It's very formal and doesn't strike me as being all that affectionate.

Anyway, although the dialogue is a little stiff, I can tell from what they say that they really care about each other, When Tonks says that she doesn't mind working to support the whole family, I thought that was very sweet. Of course, i can't see Remus being very happy at the idea of no contributing, but he would be an amazing stay at home dad. Well, and just an amazing dad in general.

God, it is hurting my heart so much to know that after so many worries about whether they could be parents, they were only able to spend a few months with their son. *sobs* It's just SO. WRONG. Poor Remus. Poor Dora. And, especially, poor Teddy! This is a bittersweet story!

Thank you for the interesting read! :)

Author's Response: OMG Thank you!!! I don't mind constructive criticism. I will keep that in mind when I write the next chapter. I am planning on making my story have a sorta happy ending. Please check back for new chapters soon!

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Review #2, by MuggleMaybeThe Network: Rat

24th April 2017:
belatedly freeing Sam for CTF.

Hello! I am excited to read this because I think Marietta is a character with a lot of potential and nuance, and she is rarely explored. I'm looking forward to seeing how to interpret her.

Ugh, this job sounds very boring indeed. what a dull thing to do all day. You do a good job of capturing the monotony of that kind of work.

But oh. The ministry is searching for traitors. So at the moment, Marietta/Etta is complicit in their horribleness.

Oh, it's Reg! Good ol' Reg =) I always like seeing him pop up in stories.

Okay but WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH JUNIPER SWIFT??? Now I really want to know what's going on behind the scenes.

The first scene with Cho is really interesting. Her life is certainly a lot different from how it was. Working in a muggle optician office is an interesting choice. She's chosen the high road and Marietta has chosen the easy road. Or, that's how it seems to me. And Marietta's mum is friends with Dolores. UGH. Double UGH. Of all the people to get a recommendation from.

Also, it's terrible that the SNEAK acne still shows. I'd like to think Hermione wouldn't have made it permanent. That's really cruel and I'm disappointed in Hermione for doing it. As much as I love Hermione, I can't blame Marietta from holding a grudge.

It seems to me that Cho sees the reality of what's happening, and Marietta doesn't really grasp it, and Cho can't
forgive her for that. But the arrival of a dead rat and her mother as a founder of the Muggleborn Registration Cmomittee makes me think she is about to learn a lot very quickly. I hope she does.

Also, I hope she learns how to vanish that horrible acne ;)

you're writing is always great, and this definitely drew me in. I know in you A/N you say it's a bit dry, and I suppose in terms of the setting it is. But I've enjoyed it all the same. =)

thanks for a good read!
Renee

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Review #3, by MuggleMaybeUpper Class: Chapter One

23rd April 2017:
Here to free Sam from jail for CTF =)

WOW, what a way to start! Maybe it's because I didn't get into fic until later on in the fandom, but I've never encountered a story with this premise before. It is so bizarre to think of Hermione as a pure blood! And what a complicated lie for her parents to maintain for sooo long!

I have many questions. Are her parents really dentists, or were they, like, the magic equivalent of that but she never knew? Did her parents go to Hogwarts? Did someone come to explain Hogwarts to them when Hermione was excepted? Was it McGonagall? Did she recognize them? If they were so cautious and knew how dangerous things were, why did they let Hermione keep going back and do all that stuff? And, if they were friends with the Malfoys, does that mean they were blood purists? God, that's a terrible thought, isn't it?!

Seriously, I clicked next and started reading chapter two without noticing, and then realized I needed to come back and review because Sam is waiting! haha

The point is, this is a very successful first chapter - it really peeked my curiosity and made me want to read more. I'm not generally a Dramione reader, but this one has me hooked!

I really enjoyed how you characterized everyone - i think the golden trio is hard to write, and you captured them well =)

only CC is there are a few typos. Those sneaky things!

I am extremely interested to see where you take this.
Well done!
xoxo Renee

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Review #4, by MuggleMaybeUnrighteous: Turbulent Thursday

20th April 2017:
Hello dear! I'm here for CTF because you are the flag author! I must say, I was pretty pleased we I heard that bit of news. Up late reading Gina stories? Um, YES PLEASE! ♥

WHAT IS SHE WRITING?! You've definitely hooked me from the start!

Ok I just read the letter and I'm sorry for being shouty but that did NOT CLARIFY ANYTHING! Now I have more questions than ever!

fyi I already like this fic =)

ooh, we're going back in time a bit. Interesting framing device.

Aww, those poor boys! What a sad bit of news. And mysterious, too... Dude, she is not insane. Her observation about the broomsticks is right on point. Like, Sherlock level detecting!

Whenever anyone says "As you wish," I always think of the Princess Bride, and now I ship them on principle. I'm not sure which principle. Maybe The Wesley Principle. :P
Ah, darn. Shipping is clearly a poor choice. I reluctantly take it back.

oh my god. I don't know what i would do if I had to work with that guy. What an absolute jerk! Ugh!

I thought you captured Hermione and her response to this sort of person very well. At first she's sort of the 'kill them with kindness' type but then that doesn't work and eventually her temper wears thin and boom! Even hermione has her limits!

You've successfully got me hooked her. I want to know what the deal is with Parker, and with Nathaniel.

Also, i'm kind of excited that Ginny is pregnant. Or maybe James i a baby. Either way

Great work as usual!
xoxo Renee

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Review #5, by MuggleMaybeOpals and Fire: Cuckoo

20th April 2017:
Hello Sian! I'm here to free Sam from jail for CTF. =)

Oh! This is a Katie story! I LOVE Katie Bell, she's one of my favorite characters to read about and she's so rarely written. Yay for this fic! :D

hmmm, although this is not exactly what I expected. But that is okay. I'm all in for weird and slightly morbid! ;)

The moment when Katie is possessed by the necklace is a truly fascinating choice for a missing moment piece. I mean, this might be the most creative canon moment I've ever seen captured in fic. I think it is.

The way you wrote it, I feel so sorry for Katie because this is legitimately terrifying. I was actually scared at the beginning. The way you describe the hallucinations and everything being deadly and bizarre... ugh. It's brilliant, actually! I mean, you truly capture the feeling of insanity. And within that spiral, and linger shard of sanity that is almost worse because it has her panicking over her own mental state. "Cuckoo" and etc. I think that's extremely clever and well captured.

I was so proud of her for fighting her way out. What a strong, amazing gryffindor she is! *cheers* *hugs katie*
It's interesting that you mentioned Harry's stag in her visions as she emerges. Are you perhaps a seekerbell shipper?

Regardless, this was super well written, just like everything you write is. Seriously, I don't know how you do it. This piece is so dark and terror-ridden, but you've managed to write it in a way that is still beautiful.

Amazing work!

xoxo Renee

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Review #6, by MuggleMaybeMaking a Broken Heart: Making Mistakes

19th April 2017:
Hi Lo! I'm here to free Sam for CTF Game 5.

I've read Making the Reserves (and I'm eagerly awaiting new chapters), so I was excited to discover that this is a companion piece.

I remembered that Molly had tried the Chelmondiston Charge at Hogwarts, during recruitment, but I didn't remember whether or not she was successful! It must have been so extremely scary to fall all that way!

Quidditch action is notoriously difficult to write, but I'd never know that if I only read your stories. You make it look effortless! I love the detail about her eyes tearing. I remember that happening when sledding or even just walking if it's cold enough.

The way you characterize Molly is very fun to read. She's so determined and daring. I remember thinking that in MtR, too. (Are you sure you've sorted her correctly? I mean, Ravenclaws can be brave but still =P ) I'm amazed she wanted to try this move again after her fall, but then again you show us very clearly that it's in her character to take that sort of risk.

but oh! Who is Christopher?! I see a budding romance, I believe! I don't have a very good feeling about. I mean, the title of the story is Making a Broken Heart, after all. I'm not a complete fool =P

Plus, I don't remember him from MtR. I just hope it doesn't end too badly and Molly doesn't get hurt. (Fat chance of that, but I can dream)

I am so happy I got another chance to read about Molly!

xoxo Renee

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Review #7, by MuggleMaybeRun: Run

19th April 2017:
Hello! I'm here for Round 5 of CTF.

Remus is one of my absolute favorite characters, so I'm always pleased to find a story that focuses on him. I really liked how you characterized him. I think he would feel very conflicted about his friends becoming animagi. On the one hand, it was incredibly kind for them to go to so much trouble to support him, and his transformations will definitely be less terrible now. On the other hand, they've found a way to get closer to him, and I suspect Remus tried to avoid letting people get close to him because he is so afraid of hurting them. Poor guy. *hugs remus*

I also love that he got so angry and they were taken aback because he's usually calm. I'm similar to Remus in that i rarely lose my temper, and when I do people act like *I've* turned into a werewolf. It's so annoying. I'm glad we got to see him being human and flawed.

Actually, you've characterized the other Marauders very well, too. Especially Sirius, who is always the most important in Remus-focused stories because #WolfstarForever ;) He has, as you even mention, that certain bravado and cavalier attitude that lends him charm. And mischief. We can't forget the mischief!

I really love the visual of a transformed Wormtail ridding on Sirius'/Padfoot's head. At least, I love it it I pretend that I don't hate Peter with an eternal and fiery rage haha

That's a nice specific original story for Prongs' nickname. I wonder how Remus will feel about being called Moony... I'm guessing he won't like it too much!

It's very interesting that Remus remembers his transformations more clearly when he's with the Marauders. I don't remember that from canon but it's cool.

Well done!

Author's Response: First of all yes: #wolfstarforever- I love that!!
Secondly- I loath Peter, the filthy treacherous rat.
I really thought Remus would be conflicted about this; he would be terrified of hurting his friends or that they would shun him, seeing him as a monster. Bless him :'( I think it would only be this that would make him lash out!!

Thanks again :)


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Review #8, by MuggleMaybeChristmas Magic: Christmas Magic

19th April 2017:
Hello! I'm here to break Sam out of jail for CTF.

Aww! What an adorable story! Everyone should be so lucky as to have a Christmas like this, children and adults alike.

I have to admit, I haven't read any of your other stories about Albus and Flick. They seem like a very lovely couple. And Flick is clearly a very kind and sweet person, and playful too. Playful characters are a lot of fun to read. =) And the kids is this are so cute, too!

I can tell you have a very strong sense of these characters and how they interact with each other. It's really beautiful to find a write rwho can convey those dynamics so seamlessly.

And Santa. So sweet. I loved how you wrote the awe of the little kids. Four years old is SUCH a great age for make believe and holidays. I just want to snuggle up with those kiddos!

You included some very cute details. For example, that they call their bedroom The Purple Palace. And the owl attacking the christmas tree. They really breathe life into such a short story.

The mentions of other next generation characters were intriguing. Obviously Albus and Flick are a couple. And it seems Ria and James are a couple. James plays quidditch. And Victoire has kids, but it's only Albus and Victoire with kids out of all the weasley grandchildren. I really need to raid your author page to find out what else your next generation characters are up to, because i really enjoyed seeing how you wrote these characters.

Have you ever read The Giver? In that book, there's a scene where Jonas receives a memory of love, and it's a Christmas scene. I think this could have been that memory, because it is so so so full of love. It's simply a really beautiful little piece of writing.

Nice work. =)

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Review #9, by MuggleMaybeIncandescence : Boom

19th April 2017:
Hello dear! I'm here for CTF Game #5 =)

I already feel excited about this story for two reasons. One is that I know how brilliantly you address PTSD, because your challenge entry for my microfiction challenge was about that. And also, my childhood best friend's father couldn't go to the fireworks on July 4th because he is a Vietnam vet and it triggered PTSD for him. So this is a theme close to my heart.

At the very beginning of this, I was focusing on George and it was so happy. He's having fun with his son and he seems happy, and that was really lovely. But then you shift away from the to Percy. I think the contrast makes it even more painful to see him suffering, because I think in these cases there's always a sense of being at fault for your response. ie, "why am I struggling with this? He's fine. She's fine. Everyone is fine, except me. What is the matter with me?" At that is obviously not how anyone deserves to think about his/her self, but it still happens a lot and you've sort of touched on that without explicitly mentioning it.

You characterize Percy PERFECTLY. His attempt to ignore his trauma by focusing on work, but then being frustrated that he isn't meeting his own work standards, is just so utterly in character. I sometimes think that's why he made the choices he did at the start of the war - because facing things head on was too traumatic, so he through himself into achievement and career.

When I read the line "every single one of them was full with several bodies", I thought right away of bodies in the Great Hall, so I was really excited when I saw you make that connection later. Very well foreshadowed!

And when Percy says it should have been him who died. Oh, my heart. *hugs Percy*
I understand that feeling, but nevertheless it's so heartbreaking to read about someone feeling that way. I think that sort of pain and grief and guilt is the worst feeling there is.

I do have one bit of CC< because I know you're a committed enough writer to be interested -

You've done a wonderful job of *showing* how Percy feels in this story, and then in this sentence you come out and say so bluntly that he began to break down. As a reader, this took me out of the story a little. I think you could remove that sentence entirely and it would be fine, or you could add in more details to show him breaking down. I know 'show don't tell' is cliche and not always useful as a writing tip, but I do think it applies here.

Anyway, that very small thought aside, this was brilliant, as usual. I was looking forward to leaving you a CTF review at last, and you did not disappoint!

xoxo Renee

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Review #10, by MuggleMaybeTengu and a Daughter of Ninja: Torn Pages and a Lie

16th April 2017:
Hello Kenny! Back again for CTF!

I feel so sad that I am reading this chapter without reading the in between ones =( I'm sorry! But I will still leave the best review I can and hopefully I'll find a time to come back and read this properly.

A book with missing pages is always mysterious! I also like that Hagrid is a course of wisdom in this story. In the HP series, he's more like a source of misadventure, so seeing him play a more sophisticated role is nice.

And Scorpius has become friends with Rose and Al. Yay! I feel sorry for Scorpius. It would be terrible to suspect your own father of doing nefarious things.

oooh, wow! the abduction of a muggle aid to the Prime Minister?! What a fascinating plot point! I hope they figure out what the kidnappers were up to.

I'm so excited Harry and Ron went to Japan! (By coincidence, I am with my friend who was born in Japan right now. I want to visit with her someday =) )

I do not trust Malfoy being sick at all. How do they know he wasn't lying?? I mean, he wasn't. But still they trusted him so fast!

Haas? What? NO don't drink the tea! I like your details about recent politics in the magical world.

(ah, they ARE first years!)

It's nice for them to have a chance to develop some rapport with a professor, but I do feel bad for Scorpius because he feels left out.

DOGEN! AHA! All the pieces are coming together! You are clearly a very crafty plot writer. That's impressive to me!

It's fun to read this story because of how it echoes the original series. I can really see the characters of the Golden Trio reflected here, in their endless curiosity and determination to find out the answer to the mysteries about kappas. Who would have thought such a seemingly simple thing would become so fascinating and challenging and exciting? It's really fun to read something that reminds me so much of Philosopher's Stone in that way.

Thanks for another fun read!
Renee

Author's Response: Hi, Renee! Even for CTF, I'm so glad you could catch my intention in this story. What you felt is right, I tried to write like HP book 1, Philosopher's Stone. The golden trio were only FIRST YEARS, so I tried the same thing here.

Oh, you have a friend who came from Japan? I wonder if your friend likes reading HP fanfictions.

The idea Ron and Harry visits Japan was a part of my idea, and I added more Ninja-like episodes after I got a request from Alexis and her family. If you have time , please stop by, so you will be able to find more in the following chapters.

Thank you again for participating CTF activity!


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Review #11, by MuggleMaybeTengu and a Daughter of Ninja: Fatherís Old Textbook (Prologue)

16th April 2017:
Hi Kenny! =) I'm here for Team Puff CTF

I've heard so much about this story, I'm excited to finally read it!

oooh, suggesting Ginny travels for work because she doesn't love Albus is a really low blow! This makes me think Scorpius is quite like his father in your story. In the worst way.

And his father is a professor?? Professor Draco. Insanity! Very original idea though, I like it. I don't think I've ever encountered that idea before.

This scene in Potions class is so familiar. ;) like father like son, like mother like daughter! I wonder how old they are here. Is this first year? I think it is.

I LOVE that Ginny believes in being thrifty when possible, and that her and Harry's success (and Harry's wealth) didn't change her or her values. I just love that girl, she's so tough and kind and down to earth =)

I can totally see Hagrid loving that Albus looks so much like Harry. You write the characters so well, they feel just like they do in the book. Even the cucumber story feels so authentically Hagrid!

Oh, if Albus is trying out for Quidditch maybe he's older. Hmmm.

OH! TENGU! I spotted a thing from the title! Something tells me this is going to lead to major discoveries ;)

It's cute that Rose came to see Hagrid, too. I'd think Hagrid would ADORE Hermione's children because of everything Hermione did to help save Buckbeak. And she's a bit sassy for yelling at Albus for coming without her, when she's just done the same! haha

This is an interesting little prologue. Now I'm wondering if the rest of the story will be what Hagrid tells them?

Thanks for the read! =)
~Renee

Author's Response: Hi, Renee! Thank you for your contribution to the forums. I really appreciate for your effort with everything.

I'm glad you could capture what I tried to write. It was a bit challenge to write nearly OF, but it got more interesting as I continued this story. Not a few fellow authors have encouraged me, so I could keep writing. Right now one of my lions helps me to keep on, so I think I can finish this story in one month or so. :)

The reason why I like Harry Potter, it has adventure, mystery and frinedship with a little romance and there is justice and love. I try to imagine such an excellent world J.K.Rowling have created.

Writing Hinny is also fun. It is easier for me to imagine about them after the war than writing the other ship.

Writing about the Next Gen is also a challenge for me. I need to learn more from the other excellent authors. So many to read in HP fiction world!



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Review #12, by MuggleMaybeDating Hannah : Sangria Saturday (The First Date)

14th April 2017:
Back on the hunt for CTF!

This story is so funny! You've certainly interpreted Neville in an interesting way. I usually see him written as rather serious, but here he's a bit of a disaster, isn't he? I mean, a well-intended disaster, but still. It's pretty mortifying that his own grandmother thinks he smells bad. Also, it's pretty mortifying that he and the boys ever went... what to call it? Garbage diving? Ugh. =P

Of all the people to go to for relationship advice, Ronald Weasley has to be the worst on the planet, and this story definitely proves that point - with hilarious results! I mean, did he do the chicken dance?? This is just making crack up right now!

I want to go to theme nights and the Leaky Cauldron. That was a brilliant idea, I must say. I love that Hannah is so sweet and sincere and kind while Neville is making an absolute idiot of himself. (he really shouldn't ever drink again!) What a catch. *hugs hannah*

Well, and neville is a catch too, usually. But i'm not so sure in this story hahaha

My favorite character in this has to be Augusta. She's got the great dry wit, similar to mcgonagall, but what I love most is that despite being hard on neville (with good reason, i would say), she clearly loves him and feels affectionate toward him. Sometimes people make her so still and cold toward him and I hate to think of Neville growing up that way.

Anyway, I need to come back and read this again when I'm not in a CTF induced rush but what an incredible fun story! I'm so glad I found my way here!

xoxo Renee

Author's Response: HAHA! Don't you love it? Dumpster diving, garbage diving, whatever you call it it just sounds so bad but so good! I love it!

I think Ron is a hopeless romantic. I really do but to actually take advice from him would be a terrible terrible idea. I think he works for Hermione. Everything he does. Everything he says. It's a-okay in their relationship because they know each other so well. They are on a different level. A different wave!

I love writing Augusta. She's kind of my weakness. I think she would have been hard on Neville when he was younger but as he got older she respected him a little bit more and they would have had a different relationship. I mean don't we all with our parents and everyone else in our family?

Thanks so much for the wonderful review! Hope to see you again!


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Review #13, by MuggleMaybeA Free Elf: A Free Elf

14th April 2017:
Are all your stories this sad? If so, my tear ducts are really in for a workout tonight. ;)

I think Dobby seems very challenging to write, especially from an attached third- or a first- person perspective. I know you said in your author's note that it was hard to get in his head, but I think you did a pretty good job.

It really strikes me that Dobby isn't thinking about any of the immediate events in this moment. He does think about Bellatrix briefly, but that's only a blip among his thoughts. He seems to have a very philosophical way of understanding the world and his life. I think that's a nice characterization for him. He shows a wisdom beyond what some would predict. As usual.

It's interesting that you worry about blowing their friendship out of proportion, because I actually think this makes Harry's friendship into a considerable burden for Dobby, much more so than a source of comfort. I mean, Dobby clearly loves Harry and he's clearly willing to make incredible sacrifices on Harry's behalf. Including the ultimate sacrifice. (I'm not crying, I swear.) But he's also been held back from other experiences by his devotion to harry. I mean, his devotion to harry causes his death. my heart is crumbling, gah

I very much appreciate that you've presented their relationship as one of such complexity. I think Dobby deserves that.

Really well done on this!
~Renee

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the wonderful review. I'm glad you enjoyed my little story. This was difficult to write because at the time I wrote only humor stories. To write something completely out of that genre seemed like such a hurdle to me. I think his relationship with Harry is a burden. In a way he has to be thankful for Harry because without him he wouldn't have been freed so he owes him a lot but his dedication to Harry causes him his life. I think mentioning Bellatrix more in the story would've taken the light that is Dobby out of it. He's okay with dying for the cause. I think most of them were. I don't see him holding onto this anger towards her. It's all very warped in my head. Thank you for the wonderful review!

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Review #14, by MuggleMaybeBaby Weasley : Baby Weasley

14th April 2017:
I'm here for Hufflepuff CTF

Oh, well. Okay then. Just go ahead and tear my heart out with your first three sentences. Poor Fred. Poor Ron for losing Fred. *hugs everyone*

There are so many different kinds of fear. I really think that word is inadequate to apply to the human condition =P

"Ron had spent most of his life waiting" --> what a great sentence

It's interesting that even in the wizarding world, having a baby is so painful. I guess some things just can't be helped by magic. I feels really bad for Hermione right now though.

DUDE. You are not pulling any punches. I like that you give as a glimpse in the moment, and then afterwards have Ron look back on the labor and give a clear explanation. I think that's how these sorts of moments *feel*

for god's sake. this is just. ugh. you are KILLING ME. Ron clearly loved his daughter SO MUCH immediately and why did this have to happen?? *SOBS*

okay, i've finished it. That was probably the saddest story I've ever read. Which brings me to why I read it - I love this Taylor Swift song! Such a sweet, pretty song. But not one I've previously thought of as sad. It's definitely going to have a different tone now =P

Your language and narrative style in this works so well. I like that you kept the dialogue to a minimum. I have a real sense of how Ron feels and how these memories ply out in his mind. And in memory, there isn't as much dialogue, expect for when the words are particularly striking. Which certainly applies to a loved one crying out in pain, so it was a nice compliment that you gave as a little dialogue there.

This is beautiful and heartbreaking in the extreme. Wonderfully done.

Author's Response: THAT SONG IS SO SAD! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I can't listen to it. It never fails to make a little tear fall from my eye. I think the song is actually about a little boy, a fan of hers I think, who had cancer. Don't quote me on that though.

Thank you so much for the wonderful review. I'm glad you enjoyed the story. This story does mean a lot to me. It was hard to write and though it is short it really packed an emotional punch.

Sometimes things just happens. That's what I wanted to get across here. You can love someone before they're even born. Pregnancy is such a beautiful thing but sometimes the worse can happen when you least expect it. Ron had already fallen in love with his daughter before she was conceived. He's that kind of dad. You know what I mean? So it comes off just 10x worse that this happened to him and Hermione. It's just so sad but it does happen. I don't think magic would have done anything differently to prevent a stillbirth or a miscarriage or anything. It's just this innate human thing that is beyond the scope of magic and beyond the scope of just about anything. In my thoughts anyway.

Thank you again for the wonderful review!


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Review #15, by MuggleMaybeRecipe for Disaster: A Recipe for Disaster

14th April 2017:
Hello dear! I'm back to read another of your wonderful stories to free Sam for CTF. :)

This is Just Lovely. It's so sweet and silly. I'm student teaching in first grade right now and I can just imagine how my students would giggle if they witnessed a scene like this! Truly, it's delightful. You added such wonderful details about Dumbledore. I love the teddy bear hair clips. haha

Those poor house elves! I bet they were awfully scandalized! (Am I evil if their distress in this case makes me giggle?)

This story also made me realize exactly how many mischievous boys there are in the Potterverse. At first I thought this was going to be about James and Sirius. It could have been any number of characters from next gen, or even Dean and Seamus. And then when you mentioned twins, I, like Minerva, thought it would be about Fred and George. You definitely tricked me! I was so surprised to learn it was Dumbledore and Dobby! But I totally believe it! And I love that you made Dumbledore fascinated by Muggle libraries. For one thing, YES, THEY ARE AMAZING. And for another, it reminds me of the pleasantly playful side of Dumbledore that I personally have a tendency to forget about. Which is really a shame, so thanks for remedying it!

Minerva, oh Minerva. You wrote her so well. Her exasperation is spot on, and I really can't blame her for going speechless considering!

THE LAST TWO LINES THOUGH. THEY ARE PERFECT. "counting backwards slowly from ten in Latin" --> this is the most minerva mcgonagall thing that has ever happened. She definitely earned that day off!

Thanks for a very fun read!
xoxo Renee

Author's Response: Oh, thank you so much! It has absolutely thrilled me to get these unexpected reviews!

And I'm so glad you thought the story was funny and silly. That was the whole point. Ah, you caught the teddy bear clips. Was hoping someone would see that. :) Figures a first grade teacher would.

Scandalized! And excellent word for it! And no, giggle all you want.

There really are so many pairs or groups of trouble-makers aren't there. It really could have been any number of them, up to and including the Golden Trio themselves.

I love getting to indulge in writing Dumbledore's lighter, little boyish side. It's so much fun. And I just figured, given his fascination with Muggle sweets, he'd like other things as well.

Thank you! I'm glad you liked my Minerva! She was fun to write. And the counting backwards - that was just another thing I couldn't resist.

Thanks for the amazing review!


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Review #16, by MuggleMaybeThe New Addition: The New Addition

14th April 2017:
I'm here to free Katie for CTF.

What an adorable story! I think these are OCs, correct? It's fun to get a glimpse into the "ordinary lives" of witches and wizards. I mean, Harry's life is full of excitement and drama and angst, but most families are the same as muggle families. And that includes the excitement of getting a family pet for the first time. What a sweet idea!

I had to google crups and apparently they look like jack russell terriers? Awww! I can see why Sophie loves Nibble already! Interesting about the forked tail, too.

The name Nibble is so funny. I can see why Sophie's parents are uneasy about constantly saying "nibble" to an animal that is also infamous for eating anything and everything. =P Though, not people, fortunately. (Or, maybe they do attack or eat muggles? I don't know.)

The point of view in this story is interesting. I mean, I guess it's fairly traditional in a way. But it seems to be omniscient, and I don't see that done well very often. A lot of times I get confused when the writer tries to go inside of multiple characters' perspectives, but in this story you made it work and it all flows very smoothly. You captured Sophie's youthfulness very nicely. I especially appreciated how torturous she found the wait for Daddy. That is so true to life!

The dialogue was very fun and believable, as well.

Nice job on this!

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Review #17, by MuggleMaybeDrown: goodnight, i love you

13th April 2017:
GAH, KAYLA! I LOVED THIS!

Oh, I'm here for CTP, for the Puffs.

but anyways.

This is a *wonderful* fic, oh my goodness! I've read Breathe, although it was quite some time ago now and I confess that I don't remember it super clearly. I want to reread it now so I can know if I missed anything here.

In your author's note you mentioned that you'd never used 2nd person before. Well, I never would have known that. You managed it brilliantly! It really makes sense to me to use second person for this story, too, because you're deeply inside Regulus's head. And, also, because Reg is shown here committing an act of cruelty (once removed) upon a very beloved character, and putting it in second person makes it easier to relate to him, and to forgive him.

And, I do forgive him. It's hard to *like* him, mostly because of the barely concealed homophobia. But I can't deny that his intentions are, if not exactly good, not bad. He's the best sort of character in your writing: a deeply human (and therefore deeply flawed) one. His love for his parents is at odds with his love for Sirius. Which is, really, a terrible and unfair situation for a 15 year old to be in.

It's heartbreaking to think that he ultimately chooses to sacrifice himself rather than walk that line. But it's also so powerful, because in his final act he shows that he's learned Sirius was in the right, and that his parents were wrong. It's a wonderful character arc for someone we hardly know. What an act of redemption! And I LOVE how you wrote Regulus and how you wrote his memories.

Having this at the moment of his death, as he's drowning, was a stroke of genius.

Seriously Kayla. You are So. Good. Please never stop writing. I ADORED this, sad though it was.

xoxo Renee

Author's Response: Hi Renee!

Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked this!

I was nervous to use 2nd person for the first time, but like you said, it just worked so well for what was going on in the story that I couldn't pass it up.

Haha yeah. I think Regulus here is pretty much a grey character. But my intentions with this weren't really to get people to like Regulus, or even necessarily forgive him (although, I'm very glad you do!) - it was just to get people to understand why he did what he did in Chapter 5 of Breathe, and that he was a product of his upbringing, because a lot of the reviews I got on that chapter were like "Regulus why?!?! You jerk!" so I thought I'd address it haha.

I really think Regulus is SUCH an interesting character. I would love to write more about him sometime.

Yeah, that potion that was guarding the Horcrux made you remember the worst things that had happened in your life, so I figured it would make a lot of sense that when he drank the potion he would remember the thing he did that basically ended his relationship with his brother in one fell swoop, and also led to his brother being tortured and kicked out. Hence, the setting.

You are too sweet! I'm so happy you enjoyed this!

Love,
Kayla


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Review #18, by MuggleMaybeGravel on the Ground: As the Days Go By: Rock-a-Bye Baby

12th April 2017:
Hello! I'm here for CTF for the Puffs.

To be quite honest, I haven't read Gravel on the Ground, so I'm probably missing a lot of nuance in this story. But OH MY GOODNESS, this was so sweet!

Stories about children are my absolute favorite, so I was excited to see that you started it off with Jenny at a young age. I think the majority of stories about first years at Hogwarts make them seem quite a bit older than eleven. She truly reads as a child to me, which is wonderful to see.

Of course in canon we assume James was an only child, because Petunia was Harry's only surviving relative. But I see no reason (at least in the books) why he couldn't have had a sibling who died before he did. It's something I never considered before. Of course the sibling would *have* to be older, because James really behaves quite like the younger child =P

James' mom and dad were really funny and likable. I definitely believe they could be the father of a boy with such a strong sense of humor, but also a girl with such a warm heart.

I can see Jenny is so loving toward James. When she worries that James will forget her. UGH. SO CUTE. And really heartfelt, too. This definitely makes me want to read your main work about these characters, especially since I've heard nothing but good things about your writing.

Thanks for a great read! I'm quite busy IRL at the moment, but I'd really love to read more of your work when things calm down. Hopefully I'll "see" you again soon!

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Review #19, by MuggleMaybeMy Happy Ending: You Are Spring

11th April 2017:
LIZZIE! Hello! I'm here for CTF =)

Why would you write such a heartbreaking story? I really should read summaries more carefully because I had no idea what I was in for!

This is beautiful writing. The descriptions of Dominque are stunning. They don't offer much tangible detail, but I think in this story that works, because we aren't really reading about Dominique. We're reading about Mark and his emotions toward her, and his perceptions of her. And maybe he doesn't perceive the details. It seems to be that Mark's perception revolves more around the intangible, around impressions and blurred memory. While I think this approach has pros and cons, I like that it allows the reader (or at least it allowed me) to really climb into his mindset. Many people have these sorts of impressionistic memories about people they've loved. It's very resonant.

I also thought Mark seemed a little naive. Maybe that's cynical of me in my "old age" (older than 17, at any rate!), but his impression of Dominique seems to be all lightness. But no one is really all lightness. I mean, she kind of strung him along for years, and his memory conveniently erases that from his thoughts about her. It's like he can't bear to hold her accountable, and it makes me sort of glad they don't end up together, despite this story breaking my heart. No one should be so idealized by their partner, in my opinion. These aren't critiques though. FAR from it! Just my thoughts about Mark as a character. I find his youthful sentimentality about her very believable and powerful. But also naive.

When she came over to talk to him, I was surprised. I thought for a minute that you were going to be kind and give me a happy ending, but you didn't. And I'm glad you didn't. I like this story sad. I was very proud and happy that he told her the truth, though. It would be far worse to carry around those emotions unspoken forever!

I ADORE stories that come full circle, so I really loved that you repeated the metaphor about Dominque being like springtime, and I thought the way you repurposed it as a comparison for Mark - cold, dreary, winter - was both beautiful and clever.

What a treat to read some of your writing. I've missed seeing you around and hope you're doing well!

xoxo Renee

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Review #20, by MuggleMaybeSomeone to talk to: July 17, 2005

8th April 2017:
I'm here to free Sam for CTF round 5 and HOW DID I NOT KNOW YOU HAD A GINNY/HANNAH STORY??!??

What I mean to say is, hello, nice to see you. :P

I think writing dialogue is a lot of fun - as is reading it - but it can be hard to create a sense of context using dialogue, and that's what really makes this sort of challenge difficult. While I might like this better is I could read more detail from you, you've truly done a remarkable job of creating a scene without any narration. I read the first chapter also, and in that one I got enough of a sense of place that I knew where I was in this one. And then the way Ginny and Hannah talk about the other characters give a clear (and heartbreak, my gosh!) picture of what life is like for the cast at the moment.

What's most impressive to me is how well you build the characters of Ginny and Hannah through their words. By the way, I adore how you've written Hannah. I think you've captured Hufflepuff really well and I can't pretend not to love that! She's caring and compassionate, but not soft. Not too gooey sweet. I love that she has humor and the joke she makes about Ginny cleaning the tough spots to get her feelings out was great.

Ginny is human here - she's sometimes written as so steely and flawless that her humanity is notable. Not to say she seems weak, but her reactions to the stress she's under are very realistic. Not the "she rarely cries" Wonder Woman-esque thing I sometimes see. You know? She's clearly falling apart, and she sees the change in herself and finds it strange and uncomfortable but she can't help it. At least, that's how I see it.

When Hannah thought of her secret I JUST KNEW what is was and I am very pleased! Except, Ginny, you're married! I'm all for Ginny/Hannah but I don't want her to cheat on Harry either. Conflicting feelings over here! The reveal is so cute though and my feelings are mostly happy in this moment despite the horrific sadness of this fic?

I don't even know.

Well done, in any case, this is very impressive!

xoxo Renee

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Review #21, by MuggleMaybeThe Wrinkles of the Road: Scorpius. --- An Inauspicious Start.

8th April 2017:
Hello dear! I'm here to free Katie from jail for CTF. And, it's very exciting, too, because I love a good Scorpius POV :D

The truth is... I have read quite a bit of this fic but I have not yet reviewed it. *hangs head* Anyway, it works out that I can review it and save Katie now, doesn't it?

I know I've said this before, probably more than once, but I always love seeing how you write next gen. You seem to have this crystal clear vision of what each character is like, what the world around them is like, how they interact. It really feels like its own canon to me. Not like JKR wrote it, but very official and consistent, never the less.

I think Rose is being a prat to say Scorpius shouldn't work on a dangerous floor. I mean, she puts herself in plenty of danger and expects him to be okay with that! And it's really not fair for that expectation to only go one way. Besides, I agree with Scorpius - he IS a talented healer in the making and he deserves a shot at what he wants. I sort of understand why the people there don't want to deal with "babysitting" residents and stuff, but how will they ever find new talent if they treat new trainees like that all the time? Sheesh!

I think the think what works particularly well in this chapter is the tone you set and the way you weave Scorpius' emotions and attitudes into the attached third person. For example, this line:

It really captures how he feels in that moment in a showing-not-telling kind of way and helps me feel like I"m in his head.

The dialogue between Scorpius and Albus felt very natural, too. I think so much of this comes down to how well you know your characters. Which is clearly VERY well.

The pacing in this chapter was smart - you move through time quite quickly but that's for the best because nothing particularly monumental is happening. It's enjoyable to read, but I'm definitely eager to move on to more eventful times, and I appreciate that your pacing moved this quickly enough for it to be interesting. (Just to be clear, I DID enjoy it and find it interesting. But I don't think I would have if you'd dragged it out more.)

Well done - please do keep writing this fic!

xoxo Renee

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Review #22, by MuggleMaybeWar and Peace: Peace in War

5th April 2017:
Hello Plums! I'm hear with a CTF review for Team Puff

I think this might be my favorite story I've read during CTF so far. I really ought to read more of your work, generally speaking.

At the beginning of this fic, I was making little "aww" sounds of sadness. My partner kept asking me what was wrong = P
And then toward the end of the fic, I was making little "aww" sounds of happiness and my partner said, "It got happy!" So, way to go with conveying a range of emotions.

I always like it when there's smoking in Marauders fics. Not that I think smoking is good, but it was certainly VERY common in those days, and it always lends of sense of reality for me.

The dialogue between James and Sirius is spot on. Actually, all the dialogue and characterization is spot on. Sirius' loving indignation about having married with child friends. Peter's uncanny ability to fade into the background. Lily's humor and warmth. And Remus. well, I love Remus. So I'm biased. But when Harry calls him "Moo" it was maybe the best thing I've ever read ever. ♥

and the AMZING ROMANTIC TENSION between Remus and Sirius is so wonderful. It's the elephant in the room and I love that the others don't even try to hide that they know. I also very much like that Remus seems so comfortable with baby Harry. ("The Snitch" - so cute!)

I loved this!
xoxo Renee

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Review #23, by MuggleMaybeThe First Quidditch Match: The First Quidditch Game

5th April 2017:
Hi Paula, lovely! I am here bailing Shaza out for CTF, and of course also because you're amazing.

This story is ADORABLE. Which is hardly surprising because Paula fluff is basically guaranteed to be adorable. But still. The adorableness is extra noteworthy this time.

I have to admit, you stretched my suspension of disbelief with the idea that Albus got to be this old before going to a Quidditch match with the family. Like, SO MANY people in his life dripped the quaffle on that! (geddit, geddit?) However, it works, because the characters share my disbelief. So well done there.

I LOVE that you say he isn't too big for cuddles. (I mean, honestly, no one is too big for cuddles!) But there is definitely an age when kids think snuggling is "for babies" and it's nice to have him young enough here that he still has that sweet affection.

Harry definitely likes to spoil his boy. Which is, in my opinion, a FAR more believable scenario than the one painted in cc. Hearty agreement with you on that note.

I find it interesting that you make Harry a Puddlemere fan, because I often see him written as a Cannons fan as a sort of tribute to Ron? Like, in Next Gen the Cannons are the best team and all the Weasleys and Potters cheer them on, etc, etc. I think it's nice to have Harry maintain an independent streak in which team he favors. And to keep the Cannons lowly and Ron faithful - he may be part of the Golden Trio but he still remembers his roots, you know? But that's getting of topic, whoops.

More importantly, poor Harry - his kid picks the wrong team! hahaha! But I love that he accepts it and loves watching Albus enjoy his experience, regardless of whether they see the teams in the same light.

As always, a lovely read!
xoxo Renee

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Review #24, by MuggleMaybeTeddy Lupin: Teddy Lupin

4th April 2017:
Hello lovely! Back again to give your stories the CTF litmus test for Hufflepuff Game 3 ;)

first of all: HAHAHAHA! This is just too funny! I loved seeing Bill and Fleur as parents of teenagers. You'd think, given his somewhat rebellious steak, that Bill would be a laid back dad. I like that you turned the tables and made him the one who's anxious about his little girl dating a Man (not a boy lol!). And, in the same vein, it's nice to see Fleur given a more carefree attitude. I enjoy seeing characters written in ways that are both original and believable wth canon, and you've done that well.

Victoire is just perfectly in character here. What a teenager. The way she tells them the truth but not the truth is so spot on. And her pronouncement that Teddy is boring because he doesn't blow things up made me laugh. I think she might be bluffing about being bored by him there, considering she clearly likes him! What a cutie, though

I so often think that parents forget what it was like to be young. When Fleur pointed out the age difference between her and BIll, I laughed out loud. YES. GOOD POINT. And then their discussion of the various... um... activities that they did at Bill's office had me dying of laughter. Those rebels! Bill might be worried, but I say Like father, like daughter!

Also, I am making a note for myself that if there is a dialogue category in the site-wide awards, I need to nominate this. You're dialogue is just perfect! I wish I could say something more wizened about it, but that's all I've got: It's PERFECT.

You write such great next gens! ♥
xoxo Renee

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Review #25, by MuggleMaybeThe Key To My Heart: The Key Doesn't Work

4th April 2017:
Hello dear! I'm here reviewing for Hufflepuff CTF Game 3 =)

Your AP has many exciting choices, but I HAD to pick this one because femslash! Thank you for writing femslash. ♥

The language and description you use in this fic really stands out, so that is the first thing I want to talk about. The first sentences is especially strong because of all those verbs that pack a descriptive punch. I really think verbs are the key to description. You seem to always use color in exactly the right place. "Daphne would not press her soft pink lips into Pansyís hair." Ugh. BEAUTIFUL.

It's quite a heartbreaking story. You capture that sense of longing that's tinged with guilt of knowing who shouldn't want what you want. And, in this case, the reason she shouldn't want it is that while Pansy still loves her, she knows Daphne doesn't want her anymore, and she wants Daphne to have what she wants. And so it's her love against her love, so to speak. What a wretched situation to be in. To me, this isn't a love story. It's more about obsession and desperation. Like the part about Pansy's love being enough for both of them. No, honey, no. Poor Pansy.

And, poor Daphne too. My interpretation is that Pansy told Theodore that Daphne is queer. Is that right? Well, if so, I do understand why Daphne is so cold and unforgiving, even if I wish she wouldn't be.

The quote you borrowed works so well in this, what a great line! And, I really like the key and lock metaphor. Sometimes the things that used to open use up don't anymore. It's a sad truth, and you captured it nicely (if sadly)

Thank you for writing such a thought provoking story!

xoxo Renee

Author's Response: Oh hello, here I am responding to your delightful review (one month late, as usual). Yes, this is one of the little amount of femslash fics I have, and I swear I will write more.

Awww thank you Renee!

It is a bad situation to be in, isn't it?

Yes that is right. Pansy trusted Theo because he's her best friend, and Daphne'd had a crush on him forever.

I'm really glad you liked the story, come back soon.

-Lily Xx x


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