Reading Reviews From Member: MuggleMaybe
109 Reviews Found

Review #1, by MuggleMaybeAll Right, Jinx: Fowl Art

16th November 2015:
Hi Mo! I'm here for our swap :)

First of all, I'm sorry it took me a while to leave this review. I'm a little under the weather, and I fell asleep right before I started reading this. Sorry!

This is the first fic I've read about the Fantastic Beasts era. I have to admit, it's pretty fun to imagine the wizarding world in the 20s!

The narration here is really interesting. You've used a distinct voice - it reminds me of things I've read from the late 1800s/early 1900s (The Turn of the Screw, Sherlock Holmes, etc.) It feels very affected, but in an enjoyable way. It's addictive. I'm struggling not to write with that style now! :P

The plot was engaging (not to mention unique!!!) and there was enough momentum to keep me hooked until the end. I'm very interested to see what the other stories in the collection are about!

Also - Aunt Clara really shouldn't be so judgmental when she's commissioning portraits of her dead husband's skeleton! Like... What? o.O I loved it! So funny!!!

If you're going to keep using Ariel as the narrator, one thing I'd suggest is revealing a little more about him. I felt like I got to know Aunt Clara and Nathaniel better than Ariel - but I am interested to learn more about the narrator and his astonishing elf!

WAIT. I just looked up Wodehouse because I was curious and it seems this is an adaptation of his Jeeves books? (Yes?) Well, I really enjoyed it and you should totally enter it in the Adaptation Challenge on the archives :D

Thanks so much for the swap!
xoxo Renee

p.s. I don't look very good in mauve either. Me and Ariel can start a club ;)

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Review #2, by MuggleMaybeThey still live...: ...just a bit differently!

16th November 2015:
Hello lovely! I'm here for the swap :)

When I saw what this was about, I was immediately so intrigued to read it! I love Neville, and I've seen surprisingly few fics focused on his family.

There's a lot to enjoy here, but what I loved most of all is how you characterized Alice. In the books, she seems so out of it and lost. Her story is so *sad* and I always projected that emotion onto her and thought she must also be sad. But, as this story so eloquently points out, it is impossible to know what's happening inside another person's mind.

Inside, your Alice remains good-hearted and loving. She retains a childlike sense of wonder. It's really lovely to read that and think things are sometimes not as bad as they seem.

I thought the structure you used was very smart, and that you picked really strong moments from her past to capture. The vignette about her childhood is SO sweet.
The scene with Frank is such a day-in-the-life snapshot, so routine and (though it is fun to read) it's a boring moment for Alice, who would rather be out fighting. To show that normalcy was, I think, the smartest thing you could have done to create contrast with her life after the war.
I've seen stories about James and Lily in hiding, but not the Longbottoms, so I'm impressed by your originality. I also thought the discussion of the "kids" (the Marauders) was so smart, and I'm sure a lot of the Order did view then that way.

When I realized this was the scene from the book, I was so pleased! This part of OotP always absolutely breaks my hearts, every time. What I really love is seeing how Neville understands her, even though they can't really communicate. He understands what she means, and they do love each other. And she does love Frank.

It's all just really, really touching. *cry*

I think my only real CC is consistency with Alice's condition between the different moments. I also noticed this small typo: "As if the majority of Gryffindors were any good at paperwork than her." --> "good" should be "better" :)

I really enjoyed this story so much!
Thanks for the swap!

xoxo Renee

Author's Response: Heya Renee! Thanks a lot for the wonderful review.

Yes, in the books Alice and Frank's story is so sad. That moment in St. Mungos in OotP broke many hearts, I guess. I am so happy that you could catch on my intention to show that although Alice may have forgotten her past life, she still enjoys her life with whatever sanity she has left.

The brief account of Alice's childhood is actually inspired from my childhood. I'm so happy you liked it. The Frank/Alice scene in the Auror Department is my favourite. So yay, cause you liked it!

The Marauders were actually kids at the time of the war. They were barely 18. I added that part specifically to reinforce that the Marauders were WAY YOUNGER than the Longbottoms.

When I conceptualised this one-shot, the first scene I had in mind was the hospital scene from St. Mungos. I'm so glad you liked its inclusion.

Thanks for pointing out the typo. Thanks for pointing out the bit about the inconsistency in Alice's condition. I'll go through the story once again and try to fix it. :)

Thank you again for the lovely review!

-Emm ^_^

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Review #3, by MuggleMaybeTrapped: trapped

28th October 2015:
Hi Kayla! I'm here for our swap :)


You said to pick whatever I was comfortable with. I guess I didn't listen, because this was amazing, but I cannot say it was *comfortable*. It was decidedly uncomfortable, and that's exactly how it should be! The way you wrote this story, it just sucks up the soul. It's haunting.

I think the theme of being trapped is an important one for Sirius. I'm really glad you explored that. In the books, they don't really talk about him being in Azkaban that much. He doesn't bring it up a lot, either. That's a shame, because it's a big deal. He's freaking tough to have survived that with his sanity and escaped. The things he must have gone through... I shudder to think. His memories of the dementors are so creepy and brilliant. I love the habit you describe of watching to see if his breath fogs.

You'd think Dumbledore would have realized that locking Sirius up again was the cruelest thing he could have possibly done. I don't blame Sirius for being angry about it! Also, his anger at Dumbledore reminded me quite strongly of Harry's anger toward the headmaster during the same time. That's a nice parallel.

You know, I never really thought about this before, but if Sirius had been a Death Eater, he would have been tremendously frightening. I don't doubt for a moment that he could kill Dumbledore if he wanted to, and that's saying a lot.

"He'd be better off dead than innocent" --> YOU ARE BREAKING MY HEART!

I think you captured Sirius perfectly!

The thing that makes this so, so sad is the echo of fear and childhood in his fear of the dark. That is a very powerful touch.

Thanks for the swap! I'll definitely try to check out your other stories soon!
xoxo Renee

Author's Response: Hi Renee! Thanks for swapping with me :)

Oh dear! Yeah, this definitely isn't a comfortable story. It wasn't comfortable to write, so I can't imagine it would be comfortable to read.

Since we see everything through Harry's eyes in the book, I think Sirius' stint in Azkaban is definitely underexplored. It doesn't seem like something Sirius would want to talk about to Harry, so we don't hear about it. But it definitely is a big deal and we see it affecting him.

I read this interesting piece about how Dumbledore only cares about those who are useful to him, and Sirius isn't useful to him since he's a fugitive, so Dumbledore doesn't take his needs or feelings into account. I actually hadn't considered Harry's anger at Dumbledore while writing this, but that is a really interesting connection to make!

You're definitely right... I hadn't thought about it before either, but Sirius would be a terrifying Death Eater. I think he could easily have gone the same direction as Bellatrix. This review has definitely given me some food for thought.

Sirius is my favourite character, so it makes my day every time I get a review saying I write him well. Thanks!

I'm really glad you thought this story was written well, and thank you for the wonderful review!


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Review #4, by MuggleMaybeStori Ophelia: Stori Ophelia

24th October 2015:

Ok, first of all, I super love babies. Like, my friends make fun of me at the zoo because I get more excited about the cute little kids than about the animals. :P And Stori - what a perfect name! She's their story, their Stori. And, it's like Astoria. I love it!

This story builds really well from start to finish. At the beginning, I liked it, but I wasn't completely invested. I wasn't in love with it. And then, with each paragraph, I gradually liked it more and more. And I can tell you the exact moment the feels overwhelmed me and I knew I LOVED this story. This line:

[I looked up at him and saw that his eyes were also filled with tears. "Hey, kiddo. It's great to finally meet you."]

It's all the feels! :wub:

Even tough having a premature child is very scary, I'm glad you wrote this as overall a happy story, because a new baby should be a happy thing!

Thanks for the swap - I enjoyed this so much and I'm so glad I had the chance to go a little further down your AP :)

lots of love!

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Review #5, by MuggleMaybeLivewire: Jolt

20th October 2015:
Hi Kaitlin!

I saw your status about this story and thought I'd stop by, since your stories are fabulous. :)

This is... I'm just going to be honest, this is pretty sexy. I think what I loved most was that this story is both sexy and sad, and somehow the two moods enhance each other here, rather than weakening each other.

You've captured Dean and Seamus's reliance on each other really well - they need that connection, including the physical part of it, to escape from the memories of war.

His wish to Obliviate the bad memories is haunting and I honestly don't know why I never thought of that. Do people use that spell on themselves when they're desperate? It's a very interesting line of thought. I LOVED that!

"Your eyes lock onto mine and I know that you are here with me tonight."
This line really adds an extra layer of depth because it suggests that sometimes (Seamus) needs to connect with (Dean) like this, and (Dean) isn't able to offer that connection.

"I know your love will scar me, but I crave it regardless." --> I also love this line.

Two minuscule CCs: In the sentence "It’s already began to claim me, singing my skin every time we touch." began should be begun, and singing should be singeing.

Really, this is every bit as excellent as I expected, and it has this... I don't even know the word. Charisma? You set the tone so well with that deceptively simple first line. This piece was totally immersive for me. I felt like I was Right There.

Great job, dear! You're so darn talented. Please never stop writing! :wub:

xoxo Renee

Author's Response: Hi Renee,

This was such a lovely surprise. You really are so kind.

Woohoo! I don't think I've ever had anyone call one of my stories sexy before, so let me just do a happy dance really quick. :D

This is supposed to sort of be a bit dysfunctional, but they do very much rely on each other to get by.

I haven't seen too much about people self-obliviating or obliviating others, but I thought that it seemed natural considering you don't want your loved ones to suffer.

Ohh! I'm so happy you picked up on that line. It's one of my favorite parts.

Ugh. I always have at least one typo. I'll fix it ASAP.

Thank you again for all of the lovely comments. It really made me so happy to read this.


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Review #6, by MuggleMaybeEternity: Eternity

19th October 2015:
Aw, Jayde, this is SO CUTE I CAN'T EVEN DEAL! :wub:

I really love Harry and Ginny together, and seeing all of those lovely memories of their life after the war is so precious. :') Confession: I totally love Harry. What a catch!

I am the definition of NOT a morning person, and I really like dhow you wrote the opening of this story, with her thoughts not being quite clear. I particularly like that you have her arm fall onto the cold sheet when she reaches for Harry - something about that description practically made me tear up because I could feel how much she loves him.

I just love this! Adding to my favorites! :D

lots of love!

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Review #7, by MuggleMaybeGuilty Until Proven Innocent: Guilty Until Proven Innocent

18th October 2015:
Hello Jayde, dear! I'm here for the Hufflepuff October review exchange :D

This is such an absolutely brilliant pick for a missing moment to write about! I'd never really thought about how Remus would have felt when he saw Peter on the map, but it certainly would have been a shock!

There's just so much to like about this. I found his difficulty to understand and accept the situation very realistic, because it would have been so strange. I especially like when he thinks "I cast that charm myself!" That line alludes to the fact that he isn't just dealing with a change in reality, but a change in his own ideology about his friends, his own loyalties, his own history. It's *personal*

I also thought it was telling that he thinks it's so strange that Peter didn't come forward to accuse Sirius if he was alive, because it shows his knowledge of Peter's character as compared to Sirius' and that in itself helps him to see the truth more than anything else.

And then the anger at himself that he hadn't known. Poor Remus! *IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT REMUS!* I want to hug him! But it is a very natural reaction and I'm glad you included it. I would think badly of Remus otherwise, to be honest!

There's a slight WolfStar implication with the fluttering heart but I'm not sure if that was your intention... I'm going with it, though! :D

You did such a great job of getting inside Remus' head and really unraveling his thought process and his emotions regarding the whole crazy scenario. I completely believed every word of it.

It was lovely being review exchange buddies. :hug: And I'm so glad I had the chance to read this story. I'd love to read more Remus from you - you seem to really "get" him :)

lots of love!

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Review #8, by MuggleMaybeTraitorous Hearts: The Eyes of the Crowd

18th October 2015:
Hi Penny!

This was so so good! Astoria is her superb self, as usual, and you've captured all the others just brilliantly. Especially Seamus. I was LOVING him! (Although, I don't think he's going to have much luck flirting with Astoria.)

I can understand why Astoria doesn't feel comfortable being a full-fledged member of the DA, but it makes me said for her because I think she's truly a good person, but she doesn't operate based on that goodness. She operates based on logic and mistrust, and Lavender is taking that quality and throwing it right back in her face. I think it would be quite interesting if Lavender did See something to do with Astoria, for the record. ;)

You are seriously SUCH a talented writer, Penny! :wub: Looking forward to chapter 16!
xoxo Renee

Author's Response: Hey Renee! Thank you so much for this lovely review!!! *hugs*

Haha, I love writing Seamus so much! And no, he probably won't. But somehow I think Seamus will soldier on ;) He really *does* flirt with everyone.

I think Astoria is a far better person than she thinks she is. A lot of that has to do with her being raised to think having a "hero" mindset was weak. But another part is that, in some ways, she sees herself rather clearly. She knows she can be selfish and harsh and a liar. And those things aren't good. But other people are that way, too. It's sort of an internalized prejudice. She's a Slytherin, and everyone knows what the other Houses thing of Slytherin. What they say. The prideful part of Astoria thinks that it's more practical not to be "good", but there's also a part of her that kind of thinks she couldn't be good, even if she tried.

Lavender is pretty much the polar opposite of Astoria. She's driven by emotion, whereas Astoria is primarily logical. She's being a jerk, for sure, but the D.A. has already been burned once, and like I said, anti-Slytherin prejudice is pretty strong. Still, it really sucks for Astoria, who really is trying to help.

*Reads line about Lavender Seeing something to do with Astoria* *smiles enigmatically*

Aw, thank you so much, Renee! For your review, for saying such lovely things, and for answering my question when I PMed you about the chapter length. You are an absolute gem!


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Review #9, by MuggleMaybeThis is Angelina: Blood and Defiance

16th October 2015:
Hi Gabby! I'm here for the swap!

This opening chapter is phenomenal! I mean... where has this story been all my life?!? I actually just wrote an Angelina/George story, and I really enjoyed writing her so I was immediately drawn to this novel. You haven't disappointed me!

I absolutely love the way you've written Angelina. She's smart and strong, but also vulnerable and compassionate. When she thinks about Harry and her memory is of his kindness, I was really touched. I think that says a lot about her.

You've also done an incredible job of showing the relationships between the different characters. Particularly the relationship between Angie and George, of course, but also with Fred, Katie, Alicia, and Oliver.

There is a lot happening around them, but the focus on Angelina's specific perspective helps eliminate some of the distractions. You also have some nice asides to keep us anchored, like the reference to Percy, and Ron talking about fangs.

Really, I just loved this so much! Thanks for a great swap!

xoxo Renee

Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks so much for stopping by and sorry that this took a minute! I really loved your Georgelina too, let me know when you want to swap again! This story is pretty old but it's not really reviewed much but it's one of my favorites.

I think that Angelina is such a great character to write. I tweaked her a little bit from my original version but I wanted to show that she's not invulnerable. I think that George mentions that she's actually very sensitive and although she doesn't show it all the time, she's a real sweetheart. I think a lot of people don't pay much attention to the fact that the Gryffindor Quidditch team were friends too, I'm sure that Angelina cared about Harry even though they weren't super close.

The main thing though that I wanted to emphasize in this first chapter was love and friendship. The second chapter is all about the blood so here, I just wanted everyone to see that Angelina and her friends were very close and like family. Of course, there's that special something with her and George but I didn't want to get too caught up in that just yet.

I wanted to keep all of the events that happened in DH relevant too. Angelina is seeing things from a different perspective so she doesn't understand a lot but she sees things and it was just my way of tying it all together.

Thanks a ton for the swap!

Much love,


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Review #10, by MuggleMaybeSeven: Seven is the most magical of numbers.

12th October 2015:
Hi Beth!

I'm here for our swap - sorry I'm a bit late!

I had to read this story because I am currently hosting a new microfiction challenge. It is stunning!

You've done an absolutely terrific job on this. I thought you chose really powerful and interesting moments to capture. You also demonstrate impressive economy of language. It's very clean writing, but it still reads as Sirius. It feels like his thoughts and his voice, and I'm really impressed that you managed to have such strong narration and POV in such a short piece.

This sentence:
"Oh Merlin, he's the spitting image of James"
totally broke my heart. I can't even imagine how Sirius must have felt at that moment.

Honestly, this was so excellent, I don't have anything useful to say. I almost feel I owe you another review!

Keep on writing the incredible way you do! You're awesome!

xoxo Renee

Author's Response: Hi there Renee,

I'm so sorry that it's taken me so long to reply to this amazing review. I really, REALLY enjoyed writing this story. It totally got me into the character of Sirius Black.

Yay - I can't tell you how excited I am that a fan of microfiction thought this was well done. The word limitation I put on myself for this were challenging, but I had a blast all the same.

Yeah, that line was a tear-jerker. Sirius probably felt a wave of everything he'd lost and missed out on and all the possibilities for Harry all rolled into one.

Thanks again!

♥ Beth

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Review #11, by MuggleMaybeGoodbye: Chapter 1

12th October 2015:

We are birthday twins! :)

This story is unbelievably sweet! Dobby is definitely one of my favorite characters (I mean, duh) because he is just so purely good, through and through, in a way I don't think a human character could believably be.

The love and affection between him and his mother is so sweet and heartbreaking. I completely believe that they would act that way and I thought you wrote Dobby nicely in character. Especially that he is so fiercely loving and so eager to please. AHH, I just love him! :wub:

I've never thought about how house elves grow up before or considered that they have families. It's such an original idea for a story and I am so glad I found this and read it!

Dobby's mother must be very proud; he certainly did turn out brave, loyal, caring, and a great friend.

Now I'm remembering when he dies and my heart is breaking all over again.

I loved this, Jayna!

Have a wonderful birthday!
xoxo Renee

Author's Response: Happy Birthday to you as well and thank you so much for this review, it really made my day.

Firstly, I'm so glad to hear that his and his mother's characterization was believable and that it was sweet and heartbreaking, as that was what I was going for.

You're so sweet! I'm so glad you think it's original idea, and like I said, this just made my day that much brighter!

Sorry to break your heart on your birthday, but I'm super excited that you liked it. Again, thank you so much for stopping by, hope you had a wonderful birthday, and I really appreciated all your kind words.


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Review #12, by MuggleMaybeStronger: Stronger

12th October 2015:
Hello dear! I finally read it!!!

First of all, can I just say again how incredibly sweet you were to write this for me? :hug:

Now, the story.

I do think it would be very difficult to grown up with the name Malfoy. Probably even more difficult than being a Weasley or a Potter. Scorpius is such a good person, and he doesn't deserve all the harsh judgements he receives for his family's history. Especially when he was only a first year! I just want to hug him!!

As much as I love your Scorpius, I REALLY love how you wrote Draco in this piece. His regret feels so genuine, and I can really believe that he became this person, a good person, with a complicated and dark past. It's true what he says - he was SO young when he made those choices, and he was so afraid. I don't think they seemed like choices so much as necessities for survival at the time. All the same, it isn't exactly Ron and Hermione's biggest fan. That makes sense.

You did a great job of showing the story of Scorp and his family, and Rose is so lovely and understanding, too. I can tell they all really love each other and will stand by each other no matter what happens. It's so sweet!

Thank you so much for writing this amazing story and thank you so much for writing it FOR ME! You are absolutely the sweetest! :wub:

lots of love!

Author's Response: Hi Renee!
I agree that growing up as a Malfoy would be really hard. At least if you're a Weasley or a Potter people are (primarily) talking about your family because they admire them and everything they did to help the Wizarding World. They Malfoys made some bad choices during the war, and poor Scorpius is associated with that, even though he wasn't even alive yet when his father and grandparents did those things.
Draco was a really nice challenge to write, so I'm thrilled that you liked his character! I think he's worked really hard to put his past behind him, but it's always going to be a part of him, and be something that he struggles with. He's trying to be a good person, but he also isn't going to do a complete 180 from when he was young, and turn into a totally different person.
I've always imagined that Scorpius would have a really strong relationship with his parents. When JKR writes the Malfoys, even though they make bad choices, they do truly love each other, so I think that would be one thing that Draco carried on to his own family. He was raised by parents who loved him, so he shows his own son that same kind of love. I'm glad you liked Rose, too. I always have fun writing her.
I'm so, so glad you liked this! I just wanted to write something for you to thank you for being such a kind, supportive person.
Thank you for the lovely review!
Cassie :)

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Review #13, by MuggleMaybeMudblood: Mudblood

8th October 2015:
H Olivia! I'm here for the swap :)

This is such an interesting moment to capture! We've gotten an idea of how Snape felt after that incident, but Lily's feelings aren't shown with much nuance in his memory, and I love that you've delved into that and really thought about how she would feel.

The idea that "Mudblood" means loneliness is really intelligent and touching. I had never thought of it that way before, but it makes total sense!

When you brought it around to the moment outside Gryffindor tower, I was pleasantly surprised. I don't usually see that part included. Her little lapse of memory, falling back into the habit of friendship, is such a powerful and believable detail.

A correction -
In this line: "How he could be her friend and assure her that blood purity was stupid" you switch from second person to third person for a moment.

This was super interesting and I thought you captured Lily's thoughts about that moment beautifully.

Well done!
xoxo Renee

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Review #14, by MuggleMaybeSea of Love: IV

6th October 2015:
I'm back! You can't keep me away :D

Honestly, this was exactly what I needed to read tonight. This story is so well named - it truly gives the impression of infinite love and happiness.

In this particular chapter, I love the feeling of gratitude that permeates the story. Rose and Scorpius just have such a strong connection and they feel so lucky to have each other. It's really touching. :')

The detail about Scorp being a constant and terrible singer is so great. (Also, I am exactly the same!)

The only CC I have is a typo in the 3rd paragraph - "Rose and insisted" --> "and" should be "had"

This is a wonderful story to put a smile on my face after a bad day (or any day, really). It's so warm and light and lovely. :wub:

lots of love!

Author's Response: Hi Renee!
I'm so glad you enjoyed this! Aside from the wedding chapter, this one was my favorite to write. I loved showing Scorp and Rose when they were older, because I feel like a lot of stories on here don't focus on older characters at all.
Rose and Scorp's love has definitely strengthened over time, and they do feel really lucky to have one another. They're both very aware of how fortunate they are to have found true love.
Haha I loved throwing that detail in about Scorp. As soon as the idea popped into my head I knew that it fit him.
Thank you for pointing out that typo!
I'm so glad you enjoyed this, and that it cheered you up after a not so great day! Thank you so much for all your lovely reviews on this story! I really appreciate them!!!
Cassie :)

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Review #15, by MuggleMaybeUnexpected Attraction: Unexpected Attraction

4th October 2015:
Hi Marshal! I'm here for the swap!

I don't think I've ever read a Blaise/Susan story before. What an unique ship to pick!

One thing you do really well is show the characters' personalities. I practically had flashbacks to my teenaged years reading this. You just captured Blaise's jaded "who cares" attitude so well! You made him interesting even though he isn't sympathetic. Susan, on the other hand, reads as very sweet and intelligent, but perhaps somewhat naive.

It really is an interesting idea to pair them. There's a worry that Blaise, being a blood purist, might be cruel hearted, balanced by the hope that Susan's warmth will help soften him up a little. Or perhaps it's just this one kiss, but I have a feeling Blaise's interest won't flicker out quite so quickly.

I am VERY curious about what Amelia said in the letter!

As far as constructive criticism goes, I suggest reading through again to check for grammar and typos. It happens to us all, unfortunately! ;)

Thanks so much for the swap! I enjoyed reading!

Author's Response: Renee,

Thank you so much for an awesome review swap! I really appreciate you giving Unexpected Attraction some love. I've kind of been wanting to hear some feed back on it. I have wondered if things were too trite and unrealistic but based on what you said I think I might have done things right.

I admit the unique ship came from the proverb I was given of 'keep your friends close and your enemies closer'. I wanted somethign uncommon and a friend suggested Blaise and Hannah Abbot and I realized that it wasn't Hannah I needed but Susan and things just bubbled from there.

While this story is done and I don't think I'll write more Blaise and Susan I know know in my head where things go for them. They certainly have a romantic thing going for a while as Blaise's interest doesn't wane and Susuan kind of gets swept away by the romance of it all so to speak. It probably goes to a point till Blaise either does something stupid/purist which pushes Susan away, they realize they are diametrically opposed over something important, or Blaise finally ends things realizing that Susan is after all a half blood.

Either way I think very few know about their relationship that they had and they were over by the time Susuan's Aunt Amelia is killed. As to the letter, I never thought of what was in it, otherwise I would tell you.

Anyway thanks again for the great review swap - after I read your review I instantly went and read over things tweaking the story, tightening things up, adding commas and fixing typos. I probably don't have them all but there should be an improvement all the same once the edits are approved.

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Review #16, by MuggleMaybeThe Way Out of the Maze: The Way Out of the Maze

4th October 2015:
Hi Chiara! I'm here for the swap :)

I really liked this! I believe there are many different ways to be a hero, and I love that you've taken Zach and shown how he is a hero for Ariadne, the person who needs him most.

The structure you chose is interesting and works well. You've sort of sandwiched the memories between the Battle of Hogwarts parts, so it's like we start with a question, and then you gradually reveal the answer as the memories unfold.

Ariadne is refreshingly normal. She's a good person, but she's scared when it makes sense to be scared and uncertain when it makes sense to be uncertain. It's a very honest characterization.

Theseus. WHAT a jerk!!! I'm SO glad Zach joined the DA so he was able to beat him and get rid of him, and keep his sister safe. Go Zach! (I've got to admit - I never thought I'd say that, haha.)

The writing is lovely. This line was particularly impressive:
"But the thing about angels is, when they fall they often turn into devils."
So good, Chiara!

I did catch one mistake - I think "dismissingly" in the third section is supposed to be "dismissively." ;)

I really, liked reading about Ariadne so much - I think she would make a great MC for a longer piece if you ever wanted to write one!

lots of love!

Author's Response: Hi, Renee! :)

Oh, thank you! I'm so happy you liked this story! It's quite different from everything else I've done, so it's good to know that it worked well!

Actually, the idea of Zacharias being a hero was Kristin's. If you get the chance, you should go read her story! It focuses on Zach and the war and I think it's really amazing! (But I might be partial... :P)

I do enjoy non linear narration. Glad you found the structure worked well! :)

I'm also glad that you liked Ariadne's character! It's good to know that she came out as a normal person and someone you can identify with. She is quite a fragile girl, but we can't all be strong and brave all the time, right?

Theseus is horrible! I'm honestly not sure why I decided to write about such a complex and touchy subject as violence on women... Anyway he's the most awful character I've ever written!

It is good Zach took part in the DA!!! Don't worry, I would never have expected to cheer for him either! Once again, it's all Kristin's fault!!!

That line is my favourite, too! I'm very happy you liked the writing!

Oh... Didn't know it was a mistake... I'll have to add it to my list of mispelled words... ;)

Aww... It's so great to hear it! I do love Ari! Who knows, I might do that! :)

Thank you so much for the absolutely stunning review! It made my day!
Much, much love!

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Review #17, by MuggleMaybeRadicalia: The world will die screaming...

1st October 2015:
Hi Roisin!

I was so excited to read this ever since you posted in the title help thread. :D I think this is a spectacular start!

I had never considered the implications of the Ministry making Hogwarts mandatory, and I thought how you set that up with the attack at the Burrow and the train and escorts was a great way to start off. It really set a dark, dire tone for the story that drew me in.

I think you've captured Ginny well, which is no easy feat. You've allowed her to be vulnerable without making her weak. And I think it's easy to write her as this super woman, so I'm really glad to see you point out her feelings of fear and anger.

I didn't get enough of the other characters to really have an opinion yet, but so far, so good.

The language and grammar and all of that is every bit as excellent as I knew it would be coming from you. No surprise there!

My only really CC at this point is, I'd like to see a little more humor (the blacker the better) from Ginny, because I think that's a pretty consistent part of her character in the books, and that sort of lively spark hasn't really shown up yet. Or maybe that's deliberate, in which case I guess I'd like to see other characters notice the change? Just a thought. I am uncertain about portraying her as quite this defeated seeming this early on, since she is usually a pretty determined person, but I trust you to have a solid plan for that :)

Overall I really enjoyed it and I am super excited for the next chapter. Good luck with posting as you go - it can be a bit of a roller coaster!

As predicted, this rocks! Please write quickly!
xoxo Renee

Author's Response: YEE RENEE! Thank you SO MUCH for this review!

And YAY because "exploring implications of war-era Hogwarts stuff" is the basic idea behind this whole fic :P So glad you find it interesting!

Especially glad for your feedback on Ginny. I've seen a lot of people argue that she's Mary-Sue-ish, but /I/ would argue that much of that comes from her being seen entirely from Harry's "HAVE MY BABIES" perspective. Like, I really wanted to make a case for her as a nuanced person here, including maybe her flaws (because all living things have flaws. Hell, even ROCKS have flaws). And yeah, I think the best way to show someone's bravery is to show their fear/the best way to show a character's strength is to give them equal obstacles. And like, while WE know her fear because we're in her head, she might come off pretty Super Woman-y to somebody just watching on, you know? Like, she barely even BLINKS when the Death Eaters are being all Death Eatery, but inside yeah, she's a bit of a nervous wreck. YAY HUMANITY!

"So far so good"--exactly as good as I can hope at this point of the story ;)

The humor comment is a good one. I tried to throw in some glib stuff here, but I can understand what you mean about it not being enough. I'll definitely think about that with future chapters (though I do want to keep this story pretty dark and dreary--but as you said, Black Humor would probably work nicely). Her defeatedness is definitely intentional though (Slide pointed out the sort of Monomyth element when she was beta-ing), because characters are more interesting when they have ARCS and CHANGE and stuff. But the feedback is super handy because AH WRITING AS I GO IS SCARY AND I NEED FEEDBACK TO KEEP EVERYTHING ON TRACK!

So yes, this review is SO HELPFUL and SUPER ENCOURAGING and THANK YOU!


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Review #18, by MuggleMaybeFire Extinguisher: Fire Extinguisher

29th September 2015:
I don't know if I understood all the jokes or not but I sure laughed a bunch reading this! (In a nice way. You know I loved Ignite! My review was all :wub: all the time.)

But the song! OH MY GOSH! SO FUNNY! And the rhymes are actually brilliant! I think I need to read more entries to this challenge. And also reread Ignite. And also read the rest of the trilogy. Yes. That.

Main point: this is amazing!

Author's Response: The challenge is producing some top lols. Run, don't walk to the forums.

The song was SO MUCH FUN to write! And very difficult to figure out the rhymes. The original has a much easier time with it as 'General' rhymes with so much, but 'aw' noises are oddly harder.

So glad you liked! And yes, read the rest of the trilogy. ;) Thanks for reviewing!

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Review #19, by MuggleMaybeEvolution: Another Run-In

26th September 2015:
Happy Birthday Kevin!

In your note, you apologized that the first interaction between Lily and James took a while, but honestly I felt it came at a perfect time!

I really appreciate that you've written Lily and James not as parts of a whole, but as individuals. It's refreshing to look at their relationship as an 'evolution' rather than an inevitability.

James trying to be a better man and show his good nature is very endearing. Not an easy task!

Because you are taking a comfortable pace, I don't truly have a full enough sense of the story to be ready for Dobby noms - I have been reading at least through chapter 5, but I don't think I can stop now! Besides, I am really enjoying it!

In general, this story is well written and I honestly can't think of a single criticism. Well done!

I hope it's been a fantastic birthday!

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Review #20, by MuggleMaybeEffortlessly Dead: In Motion

26th September 2015:
H Emmi!

I'm doing a mad dash to get the Dobby nominations all read in the next day, so forgive me if this review is a little rushed.

I confess, I wasn't sure if this story would be up my alley when I started - but I am absolutely LOVING it! I'm really impressed by your command over the world of the story and your ability to manage so many characters so effectively. I actually had to create a word doc to keep track of the characters because there are so many! This is not a bad thing - you use the characters all very consistently and they're all interesting and fully formed. (Well, some of the less central characters aren't "fully formed" so much as you provide a sense of each character having their own story, even if we don't get to learn it. Excellent!)

Menna: what a great character! Best OC is going to be a REALLY close race, I think!

The idea of the Shrikes and the Magpie is really brilliant and fascinating. And those names, from the birds - genius! The plot reveal with the different POVs is well done and well paced, and you give plenty of action to keep things moving along.

I have very, very little in the way of CC. There are a few grammatical/word choice errors, but they're very small. I've noticed you seem to have a little trouble with 'in' vs 'on' (prepositions are really weird, so I don't blame you!) For example, in this sentence:
"On another part of the country, a young man was dreaming…"
it should be *In* another part of the country. It's still perfectly clear what you mean, any way :)

The only other thing I noticed was, in this particular chapter, I was surprised the Shrikes weren't more upset about Menna getting caught like that when they haven't been spotted for so many years. But it's possible you deal with that in later chapters.

I really love this story - I will definitely be coming back to read the rest once I've gotten through my Dobbys list!

xoxo Renee

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Review #21, by MuggleMaybeOld Habits Die Hard: Old Habits Die Hard

19th September 2015:
Hi Katie, dear!

Sorry I didn't get to this right away, but here I am. :)

The idea of this story - of Regulus loving Mary, a Muggleborn, and that being the reason he betrays the Death Eaters - is so inventive and interesting! And also, really hopelessly romantic in a strange way. (And maybe a little creepy ;) )

The way you capture Regulus' character and his weakness for addiction really struck me. I think smoking, which was so common in the Marauders era, is often skipped over as an issue in fic. I really like that you included that!

I wish I could see Mary's reaction to the letter, even though i understand why you didn't include it. I wonder if she even realized he loved her? Was she surprised by it? Or scared? Or flattered? It's a really fascinating scenario and I'm enjoying pondering it! :)

As far as criticism goes, I did see a number of typos, so it might be worth doing another edit to fish those stinkers out. (Typos are so sneaky! It happens to us all!)

I kind of wished the story was longer, because I would love to see more of these characters and this world as you wrote them.

Nice job, dear :)
xoxo Renee

Author's Response: Hello! :D

I won't lie, I am 100% a hopeless romantic! I'm a soppy bugger :') and it's interesting at you said creepy, because I'm actually trying to play of the idea that Regulus did what Snape never could, which is love the person who took his eye and give them everything, so that's just an interesting parralell for me :)

Aw thank you! Yeah it would have been so common! And actually a lot of the characters in my marauders fic smoke, because it was just such a normal thing back then, but of course the risks were still there!

Ahh I'm planning on including her reaction when I do a continuation of kings and queens in the form of an order of the pheonix novel (first wizarding war) and you aren't the only person that's said that, so I'm really glad I have some people interested in more :)

Yeah Typos are my weakness, but I'll definitely give it another read through! :)

They'll be appearing in Kings and Queens, so keep an eye out for that! :)

Thank you so much for such a lovely review! :D
Katie :)

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Review #22, by MuggleMaybeMy One and Only: My One and Only

16th September 2015:
Awww, Cassie! I always read your stories because they are basically guaranteed to make me smile, and this was no exception.

What I really like about this is that Teddy doesn't go over the top. He makes it a very special day, but he isn't planning flash mobs or something. It's almost simple, but still so intimate and romantic. :wub:

I loved it!

Great job on the sweet story, sweetie! ;)

Author's Response: Oh my gosh, as soon as I saw that I had a review on this, I just knew that it would be from you! You're so, so sweet! You always come review my stories and it puts the biggest smile on my face!
I'm so glad you enjoyed this! I wanted to make it really happy and fluffy, but also realistic, so I'm glad that it came across that way. I think the fact that Teddy knows how to make Vic happy without huge displays or extravagant gifts says a lot about their relationship, and how much they love one another.
Thank you so much for reading this and being the first person to leave a review!
Cassie :)

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Review #23, by MuggleMaybeChicks Before Broomsticks: Sign Up

13th September 2015:
Hi there!

I point blank don't get why this chapter, of all chapters, only has one review. It's THE chapter! I should have all the reviews!! Roxanne's confession was so sweet and I loved it!

But, I digress.

I'm here for the Dobby noms, and I have to admit that I probably wouldn't have read this story without that reason, because I don't usually read femslash (nothing against it, just not something I look for). I am SO GLAD you were nominated because it was, obviously, very well deserved, and also because it pushed me a little bit outside of my comfort zone and I really appreciate that!

Now, enough of me and onto the story. It is insanely readable. INSANELY. I was only planning to read through chapter 5 and then before I knew it I was at the end! The pacing is excellent - and I was impressed and pleased to see that you let this come to its natural resolution rather than forcing it into some long, drawn-out novel with lots of on-again off-again romance. This was a much more classy and satisfying plot arc. You did so well with developing the tension throughout the story!

Hollie manages to be self-assured and relateable at the same time. I like that she has self-doubts, but not about her fundamental self. The contrast between her certainty and relative ease with her sexuality contrasted with Angelina's struggle to understand herself was really nice.

Angelina in general was great - I can totally see why Hollie likes her! And I like that she is the golden girl, the one everyone adores, but she's also the one with more insecurities. Also, I like that she has some trouble accepting herself as bisexual even though she clearly isn't prejudiced. I think that's very honest and refreshing.

To be honest, I was worried when I started reading this, because I've read the "fake girl-friend" story line before and it can easily become a trope. This may be the first time I've seen that idea put to truly excellent use - outside of a Shakespearean comedy, at least. ;) Their relationship just developed so believably over the course of the story, and Angelina did not use Hollie too badly for me to forgive it when they ended up together.

Yeah. This was SO FUN and SO CUTE and I really, really enjoyed it so much!

A huge congratulations on the nomination, hon!


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Review #24, by MuggleMaybeChai, Carrots, and a Friend in the Wee Hours of the Morning: Chai, Carrots, and a Surprise

13th September 2015:
I read this story quite some time ago, but I'm going through the Dobby noms and I decided to reread it just because I love it SO MUCH.

It is definitely a fluffy piece - it makes me go all tingly every time I read it. Especially when he kisses her dimple. It's just so, so incredibly sweet and lovely.

But, apart from that, you are too good a writer to let it be nothing but fluff. There is definitely substance here, too. Both Hannah and Neville are somewhat insecure about their budding romance. They're both tired and overworked. They have interests and hobbies and they are just so well-rounded. I don't always see that in fluff, and I think that's the thing that makes this piece truly exceptional.

The only problem here: Neville was supposed to be mine ;)

I absolutely LOVE this series and, it just so happens, this one is my favorite of them all. Congratulations on the well-deserved Dobby nomination!

xoxo Renee

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Review #25, by MuggleMaybebroken, broken: during the Departure.

13th September 2015:
Emily, this is outstanding.

I felt like I was *right there* next to Daphne, inside of her, almost. It's a point of view I hadn't fully considered before, but it rings so, so true. Being forced to hurt someone is it's own form of torture, and a very cruel one at that - I think the pain the Slytherins went through under the Carrows is often forgotten or overlooked. I had overlooked it myself, but I won't anymore.

I'm most impressed by Pansy. I really, truly felt for her, in a way I'd never imagined I could. I have always found her easy and enjoyable to dislike, but the way you've written her as being so afraid, so sad, so trapped... I couldn't dislike her. I wanted to hug her.

I love how Daphne coaches herself into accepting her friends and how they cope, taking them as they are, and I love how you use that method on her, too. She copes by pushing it down, and the others think she's so brave, so strong. They think she's 'okay' - but she isn't at all and I'm really glad you showed how a person might be hurting even when no one can see it.

Your writing had this beautiful flow to it that swept me through the piece like a current.

I am thoroughly impressed. :wub: A very well deserved nomination indeed!

Thanks for writing such a brilliant story!

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