Reading Reviews From Member: MuggleMaybe
206 Reviews Found

Review #1, by MuggleMaybeThe Next Great Adventure: Chapter 2: The Transportation Office

21st June 2016:
I couldn't resist reading another chapter and sending you more BIRTHDAY WISHES, too.

Poor Dobby must have been absolutely frantic when he thought he'd failed right from the start. I suspect this journey will be good for his confidence. I know you can do it, Dobby!!!

That portkey guy should've been more helpful! Darn public transportation infrastructure is always in need of improvement ;)

The mentions of Charlie and Hannah gave me the feels.

I'm sorry this review is so sadly short. I don't have any CC to offer and I'm very eager to see Harry. I can hardly think about reviewing, I'm so excited! Please forgive me?

Happy Birthday sweetie!

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Review #2, by MuggleMaybeThe Next Great Adventure: Chapter 1: Happenings

21st June 2016:

I've been a total slacker about reading for the last few months, but I couldn't pass up the chance to leave you a birthday review. Especially since I'm so intrigued by this story.

I confess, I'm usually a fan of stories that involve romance, and when I first read about this story I knew it would be well written, because it's YOU, but I wasn't sure it was my thing.

I was SO WRONG to hesitate! I LOVE it already!

It's really impressive to me how perfectly in character everyone is. Literally everyone. I liked how you captured the dynamic between Molly and Sirius. I wonder if they've seen each other often in the intervening years, or if this is an uncommon reunion? Molly seems to feel as bitter as ever toward Sirius, so I suspect the later. Oh, and I should also mention, I thought the dialogue was quite strong.

Dobby. Oh, that sweet elf. ♥

I really enjoyed this and I'm excited to see what happens to Harry and Dobby as they set out on their journey.

I hope you have a wonderful birthday.
lots of love!

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Review #3, by MuggleMaybeOnce Upon The Marauders: The Untold Story: Signed, Sealed and Delivered.

25th May 2016:
Hello darling! ♥ TAG

I'm SO excited to read this. It's high time, isn't it?

The little opening bit about chance and choice gave me the chills. Just perfect!

Oooh, oh oh oh! I'm excited about your Lily. ♥ I just LOVE child Lily moments, and this is perfect! You created a wonderful scene - I think the blade of grass is a particularly nice touch, and I LOVE how she is oblivious to what we know are signs of Snape's not always savory character. They're both very much in character. Snape reads a little older than 11 to me, but then again I suspect he would have been old for his age, so that is a nice touch in its own right.

This little intro for Sirius is different from what I usually see. A lot of people paint the Blacks as horrible people right from the start, but I found your interpretation much more true to life. This life is what Sirius has always known, it's normal for him. Of course, we know from the books that he isn't enamored with Slytherin or blood purity when he starts at Hogwarts, but regardless, you show a relatively normal boy living a relatively normal wizarding childhood. I find that refreshingly honest. *nods approvingly*

OH MY MERLIN, YSH. Remus' section is just... kljfoiahefwfdsidhf. HOW did you manage to write Dumbledore so perfectly in character? I feel so sad for young Remus, in this story but also just, you know, always. I never thought about Dumbledore going to talk to his parents to arrange things, but it's entirely logical.

--> “Really?” mused Dumbledore, undeterred “Well, I dare say I agree. He does seem exceptionally skilled at Gobstones for such a young age. And his knowledge of hinkypunks - ”
YES YES YES. It is SO Dumbledore, and also BRB LAUGHING :D

I don't have a ton to say about James' section, since it's very happy and fun and doesn't introduce conflict like the others do. But that's exactly as it ought to be with James and you capture him so well!!

Aw, now, PETER is a different story from James, despite the similarly happy moment. You have giving the most perfectly telling insight on PeterRIGHT HERE:
--> If only they knew, he thought grudgingly. He had often considered telling them he was a wizard, but thought he would be ridiculed further.
Spot on! Also, his father as a traveling apothecary salesman is 110% my headcanon now. It fits so well.

Seriously... Siriusly... HOW DID IT TAKE ME THIS LONG TO GET HERE? I am just such a fail, because already I can tell that you are going to be brilliant at writing these characters and think of all the time I wasted NOT reading this! *shakes head in disappointment* I am so excited to read more!!! You're a fab writer, lovely! ♥


xoxo Renee

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Review #4, by MuggleMaybeWhen Summer Fades: equinox

25th May 2016:

So, when I said I'd get to this in 24 hours, I actually met 240 hours. Forgot the 0. Sorry about that. *HIDES* Seriously, I'm *so sorry* this is extremely late, but I'm glad you requested!

You specifically asked about character. I think you've done a particularly good job showing the complexity of Reg's thought process about blood status and Voldemort and Summer. At the beginning he's clearly a pretty selfish guy, but also a guy with potential to show compassion. I loved that you pointed out both his moral dilemma and his conflict between Sirius and his parents.

This line is just PERFECTION:
--"Maybe you’re not always nice, but you’re good." -- LOVE ♥

I obviously don't know Summer quite as well, since she's an OC and not the POV character. I think she seems a little too perfect, almost, but since this is the first chapter I don't think there's cause to worry.

Oh my gosh, and the way you developed their relationship over time was just swoon worthy! It felt completely believable to me that he would gradually become attached to her sunny personality, whether he meant to or not. I am curious to learn more about her and what she sees in a (boy)friend like Reg. :)

If you revise, the thing I'd suggest looking at is point of view. Reg narrates this piece with a lot of distance. Even though I was interested in the story, I didn't feel like I was "inside" the story until I got to the sunset. I've tried to pinpoint why this is, and the only thing I can come up with is that starting with summary gives it a reflective feel, like Reg is looking back on something. When I started, I kept waiting for the moment when the reflection ended and the 'moment' began. I hope that makes some kind of sense. Basically, you might consider rearranging things a bit to start in a scene, if you want a more in-the-moment feel. However, if reflective is what you want then just ignore me :P

Summer seems totally sweet - definitely Power Puff worthy!! - and your cliff hanger ended was just BRUTAL (in the best way)! I don't have time to read a lot these days but this is most definitely on my list of things to continue with. Request any time - I love reading your work! ♥

lots of love!

Author's Response: RENEE ♥ ♥ Seriously you have nothing to apologize for! Thank you for reviewing!!

I'm glad you like the portrayal of Regulus so far and that you think his internal complexity is shown well. He is selfish, but also confused. Poor guy :( I think the conflict between himself, his parents, and Sirius, was probably one that weighed on him a lot - I always imagined Regulus and Sirius were close as kids, which would make things for Regulus pretty confusing after Sirius left. I love that you picked out that particular line about nice vs good, I like that line too :)

I always kind of wonder that about Summer too, because in this first chapter where Regulus kind of just sees her as faultless, it does make her seem a bit too perfect - but I'm glad that wasn't off-putting. I promise there is more to her, but yeah, it's a very biased lens we see her through in this chapter.

Thank you, it's great to hear that you liked the very gradual development of their friendship here :)

Ooh, and honestly I'm glad you mentioned that about him narrating with a lot of distance in the beginning. That's intentional - I don't know that I was aiming for reflective exactly, but definitely distance - the idea was that in the beginning he's still very afraid to be vulnerable, he's guarded, and as such his narration reflects that, and is mostly facts and lacks emotion. Sort of like he doesn't let you get into his head as much, if that makes sense? That of course changes later on as Reg changes - I'd be interested to know what you think of that development if you continue reading.

yeah, sorry about that cliff hanger :S Thank you so much for your review and all your kind words! ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

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Review #5, by MuggleMaybeSanctuary: Sanctuary

24th May 2016:
Hi hun ♥

I'm SO sorry this is late! I've been pulled in a million directions lately, but I did not forget about your review!

First of all, so I don't forget - the Gone With the Wind reference made my NIGHT! I love that book & movie! :D

Now, to business.

I enjoyed this SO much. I always felt desperate for more of Percy's backstory in This Is Audrey Tang, and you've given me that here. YAY! Your Percy has this dark, brooding, but pragmatic presence that I find addictively easy to fall into. (I'm not sure I want to know what that says about me :P ) I'm blown away by how well you weave a world in your writing. It sucks me in so fast and often when I read a one shot by you, I wish it were a novel. I felt like that about Persephone and I feel it again now. Percy's story is so rich in detail and emotion, it's such a wonderful incarnation of his character that you've drawn.

However, I'm having a hard time figuring out how the words on the page make this happen. I think it's some sort of Gabbie magic :P
You convey Percy's emotions so well, along with his relationships and his attitude toward those relationships. I think that may be the greatest strength in this story. Of course, it doesn't hurt that the story is so interesting! I'd LOVE to hear about Percy's time in Russia. Then that thing with Kingsley offering him a job - what a scandal! And what an adjustment for Percy to go from the underground life he lived in Russia to Undersecretary. But I liked reading about the other Weasley's reaction even more.

And then Audrey's letter ♥ ♥ ♥

She's the coolest! And the letter is 100% adorable! She and Percy are absolutely adorable ♥ Plus, they have so much *chemistry* on the page. Full disclosure: I was kind of hoping you'd give us a little bonus scene at the end there bahahahaha!

Please take pity on me and write a prequel to This Is Audrey :P

Thanks so much for requesting!

love and hugs!

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Review #6, by MuggleMaybeWhen I Go Out With You: Off and Running

23rd May 2016:

I had been really wanting to continue with this story anyway because it's fab, so your birthday was exactly the excuse I needed to stop by.

I wanted to leave you a crazy long, gushy, fangirling review - but I'm too distracted by THIS LINE:
"What was so wrong with letting Ernie set the rules if it meant I would be happy?"

Something about that just punches me in the gut. You don't take the easy way out, and I really admire that. It's so sad that Hannah feels guilty for not preventing this situation, not taking a stronger stance. I think she greatly underestimates herself, and so maybe she could have taken stronger positions on the "rules," as she puts it. But that wouldn't have changed anything - she's blaming herself for Ernie's faults and it fills me with righteous indignation. DOWN WITH ERNIE.

Yet, at the same time, I agree with her - she's only human and she was happy with Ernie and she shouldn't be blamed for doing what made her happy at the time. You've spotlighted a very real dilemma for a lot of women: the idea that women cannot be independent and also experience love. Which is obviously FALSE in every way, and I'm so lad you're addressing it. No one could do it better! ♥

Also, what Ernie said about her changing clothes: GET LOST ERNIE YOU JERK. I mean, seriously. DOWN WITH ERNIE.

I really want to read more and get to a place where Hannah is happy - and perhaps Erie gets his just desserts :P However I've got TV to watch, so that's all for now. ;)

Love ya!

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Review #7, by MuggleMaybeSleep Without Pain: Sleep Without Pain

18th May 2016:
Hi there! :) I’m here with your requested review.

I’m a little nervous to read this because I love cats and this seems quite sad. But I’m sure it’ll be brilliant, so here goes!

I was right: this is both sad and brilliant. My kitty doesn’t live with me and I’ve got half a mind to race to my parent’s house to snuggle her! :,(
But, the point is, you’ve done a marvelous job conveying emotion through your writing in this story.

It’s really interesting that you chose to write this from Crookshanks’ POV. Huge points for originality – I’ve definitely never seen that before. What I really appreciate about that choice is that as the reader, I know Crookshanks’ approves of their decision to put him down, and I know it was the right choice. That’s very reassuring.

For me, the perfect word for this story is tender. You convey Crookshanks’ pain and weariness very clearly, and that’s very sad, but at the same time it’s clear how much Hermione loves him, and how much he loves her.

“I try to purr to soothe her, but I can’t; it’s too hard to breathe.”
--> this is positively heartbreaking.

You’ve drawn Hermione as a loving, compassionate person, and that certainly rings true. And you’ve done a wonderful job with Ron! I’m usually not a huge fan of Ron, to be honest, but I love that he and Crookshanks have a sort of grudging but mutual respect, and the image of him chasing the poor cat around with his Patronus is sheer brilliance! :D He’s in character and also likeable, which I find impressive.

Really, to have useful CC I need to get a little nitpicky, but I do have something. I noticed that in the narration you occasionally fell into the “telling” trap. (We all do it!) Here’s an example of what I mean—
“I really don’t want to go to her, she’s just going force my mouth open and push stuff down my throat again. I decide not to move. If she wants me, she can come to me.”

The sentence “I decide not to move” is clearly implied by the following sentence, which I also find more evocative. So, you could omit that sentence and convey the same thing, arguably with more impact.

I hope that makes sense – it’s just a thought, not a problem.

Thank you for requesting this even though it is so sad. It’s also very sweet, and Crookshanks voice resonates. Well done.

Definitely request any time!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your very kind review. I'm sorry it took me a few days to answer it, work's been insane.

I have cats and I think it shows that I'm beginning to be concerned with them as they approach the time we'll have to put them down. I love writing from Crookshank's perspective and have written another a long time ago with him trying to sleep.

I'm so glad you enjoyed it. I'm also glad it made you want to snuggle your kitty.

Thanks also for the CC, that's something I try to work on, as sometimes what I write has a good plot (I think) but then I just tell and tell and never show, so it's something I'm working on and having it pointed out makes it easier to try to avoid in the future.

Ah, Ron, he often gets shorted in stories, especially as an adult, so I'm glad you liked his detente with Crookshanks.

Thanks oodles for the confidence builder.

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Review #8, by MuggleMaybeObliviate: Obliviate

17th May 2016:
Hello dear :)

I’m here for your requested review and I confess I didn’t read the summary until I clicked on the story and I’m almost crying already. Usually I am irritated when movie adaptations add things that aren’t in the source material, but the way they added this scene in the movie was AMAZING, and I’ve never read a fic about it before so I am Quite Excited. But also crying.

Here we go.

*Cue tears*

Yep, TEARS. I need a moment. And a tissue.

Hermione is the one that has her act together. She’s the one who has a plan, who is composed, and logical, and reliable in the face of so much chaos. But of course, she also has, to borrow the phrase, an emotional range MUCH larger than a teaspoon. You’ve pulled back the curtain so we can see past her calm façade, and I can tell you took great care in considering how she would feel.

I particularly love her observation that Ron and Harry don’t realize how much she relies on them. I think that’s really true, and it makes me really want to climb into the story and give Hermione a tremendous hug. *HUGS FOR HERMIONE*

She expresses a sort of feeling of powerlessness – that she doesn’t have a choice about the war, and doesn’t have a choice about her parents. There’s a fascinating contrast between that experience of powerlessness and the immense power she wields in casting the Obliviate spell.

For CC, I suggest looking for ways to build in sensory details. I think moments that carry such heavy meaning for the participant tend to resonate more when there’s a strong sense of place. Just a thought.

I found one error with tense – “Everything in my room is packed except for visible items so that they didn’t catch on that I am leaving.” --> “didn’t” should be “don’t”

I LOVE that you finished with just that one word, Obliviate. A perfect final stroke.

This was super sad but you’ve really gotten into Hermione’s thoughts and I’m so glad you requested a review! Definitely drop by my thread any time! :)

xoxo Renee

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Review #9, by MuggleMaybePersephone : Persephone

17th May 2016:
Hi Gabbie! ♥

In your request you said you aren’t sure if I’ve read your Percy/Audrey novel. Well, I have, and I was accordingly SUPER PSYCHED to see this request in my thread! I’m sorry I didn’t get to it more quickly, but I’m here now and so excited to read!

Aw, right away I think it’s brilliant that you focused in on Audrey’s reactions to becoming a mother. Given her own family history it makes sense she would be nervous about it. I feel so sad for her when she thinks about her mother and not getting to experience pregnancy with her mom by her side. :,(

Every time I read your stories, I’m impressed all over again by how marvelously complex and believable Audrey is. On one hand, I know she’s super tough and independent, but on the other hand, she is very vulnerable and struggles with feelings of inadequacy. I think many real people have both those traits, and yet very few characters do. I commend you for that!

I LOVED the connection with the Hades and Persephone myth and it was so incredibly sweet when Percy said he loved her with all her imperfections. ♥ ♥ I am swooning right alongside Audrey!!

I also absolutely adore the way you’ve written Fleur. I think the way she’s portrayed in the books is very biased, and that really she has a good heart. I love that your version of her portrays that and I’m going to be stalking your AP for Bill/Fleur stories very soon! Seriously, your version of her is quite possibly my favorite I’ve ever read!

Audrey’s relationship with Bill was a bit alarming, but smart because it upped the tension to have a somewhat more antagonistic character in the story. It sounds like maybe he judges her for her past? Stupid bloke :P I would’ve liked a clearer understanding of why there’s so much tension between them, on both sides. Then he comes through for her, and it seems like they could mend things, which is also fascinating. Maybe another story to write…? ;)

You wrote the contractions so well - they came a little out of the blue, so that I was immediately on the edge of my seat. Very gripping and suspenseful writing!

I think my main CC is that the story meanders quite a bit. I enjoy the different lines of thought, but it feels a little unfocused. For example, the part about Audrey reuniting with her brother is interesting, but in my opinion doesn’t feel connected to the rest of the story. I almost feel like this could be a short story collection capturing the different ideas and moments you mention here in more detailed focus. There are some wonderfully rich moments mentioned and brushed off, and I think that detracts a bit from the point of this story but each event would be a wonderful story in its own right.

There are also a few places where you’re missing words – just typos, probably. Happens to me ALL the time! *rolls eyes at self* So maybe do a read through looking for that. :)

Thank you SO much for requesting this review – I loved reading more about Audrey and Percy! Definitely stop by again so I have an excuse to read more of your amazing work!! ♥

xoxo Renee

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Review #10, by MuggleMaybeThief: Scones And Jam

14th May 2016:
Kaitlin! ♥
Now that my classes are done for a few weeks, I am finally getting around to reviewing my challenge entries.

But first of all, a belated CONGRATULATIONS ON 100 CHALLENGES! I can't tell you how honored I am that my challenge is number 100! :D

I was pleasantly surprised to see you set this during the war, with the dark backdrop of the Carrows' reign at Hogwarts. I never considered how Romilda would've reacted to that situation, and you’ve shown that it truly brought out her Gryffindor nature. She’s brash and reckless, but also so brave to sacrifice herself to torture for a good cause. It’s very powerful. Somewhat like your Eloise story, this made me want to read more about Romilda and see what other hidden depths she might reveal. The traits you show her exemplifying as a Gryffindor are very time-honored Lion traits, but I didn’t expect them to manifest in this way, so nicely done there.

You are SO GOOD at writing house elves. Which reminds me, Winky’s involvement made me so happy! How adorable and perfect and YES YES YES!

I liked how you ended it without spelling out what was going to happen, but it was still crystal clear from the set up what was to come. Yay, Romilda!

This is a strong entry, and perhaps even stronger as a story in its own right, challenge aside.

Thank you so much for entering, and congrats again on meeting your 100 challenges goal!

Lots of love,

p.s. I am craving a score with clotted cream and jam now :P

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Review #11, by MuggleMaybeLiar: Children

14th May 2016:

Also, hello lovely! Happy Hot Seat!! ♥

This story is SO SWEET and SO SAD and SO GOOD and going on my favorites the moment I'm done writing this review!!!

I love how you've started this when they're quite young and not really aware of the world around them. The way you show that they were friends before anything happened, perhaps before Remus was bitten, is amazing because it changes how I think about Peter in a major way.It's just so so wonderful, I don't even have the words!!!

And their MOTHERS! OMG! You've done So amazingly with the mothers! They're both very believable, and I can see how the boys take after their families and are affected by their families. And I feel so so bad for Sylvia and John dealing with Remus, and Sylvia sitting outside the garage while Remus transforms for the first time... *SOBS* YOU ARE BREAKING MY HEART.

Peter is such a child in the birthday scene, but of course that makes sense because he is LITERALLY a child and I love that you show him feeling normal feelings children feel. And the Platform 9 3/4 scene broke my heart again - no wonder Remus always seems so wise! He really starts thinking about things differently from such a young age, and putting other people's desires and needs ahead of his own and ALL THE HUGS FOR REMUS.

I honestly don't know what else to say besides ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

I absolutely adore this story, and I absolutely adore you, too!

lots of love!

Author's Response: Aww, Renee!!! *hug* *wub*
You are so sweet!!! Thank you so much!!!

Ah, I'm so glad you liked their early friendship (yes, they were friends before Remus was bitten) and that you could see Peter in another light (I have a soft spot for Peter).

Mary and Silvia are both very interesting and sweet women. I love them both a lot. I'm so happy you liked what I did with them, and that you could see how their personalities affected the respective sons.

Yes... having a son turned into a werewolf would be heartbreaking for any parent, wouldn't it? But John and Silvia are wonderful parents, so strong and so full of love, and they are willing to stay by Remus' side in the best way they can. It did break my heart to write the first full moon scene, though... :(

Poor, little Peter... so lonely and lost without his best friend... of course, he's very childish in that scene (after all, he is a child...) I also tried to hint to his dark side there. He's foundamentally egoistic and peevish and he can hold a grudge. But he's just a normal kid feeling normal kids' feelings. At least for now.

Poor, little Remus... He's already suffered so much at such a young age... he had to grow up very quickly, and that's the reason he's so much wiser and more mature than the other kids his age. And he definitely needs a few hugs!!!

I'm so glad you liked this first chapter, and I'd love to know what you think about the rest too!!! Thank you so much for this lovely review, my dear!

All the love in the world!

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Review #12, by MuggleMaybeFingers Crossed (& Hope for the Best): Back to Reality

14th May 2016:
Hi Rosie! I’m here for your requested review and I am very excited to meet your version of Rose. :D Thank you for requesting!

I love the scenario you’ve set up – I remember how that felt, graduating from college and coming home and having NO idea what to do or how I would ever become the successful person I wanted to be. And almost all of my friends felt the same, so a huge kudos to you for addressing that situation and the associated challenges and feels!

As far as your concerns go, it is DEFINITELY interesting enough! I particularly enjoyed meeting Rose. She’s funny, independent, personable, and perhaps a bit naïve about what it means to be an adult. Which is as it should be, and gives you space to show her growth over the course of the novel. And, as suggested by how much I can relate to her experience in this chapter, I certainly found her relatable, and I feel confident other readers will, too!

I adore the way you’ve characterized Hugo. Brothers :rolleyes: Am I right?

I thought you did an excellent job with Ron and writing him in character. Hermione was quite well done too, although I think the way I understand her, she would push more for the St. Mungo’s option – she’s pretty stubborn herself! ;)

I’m interested to get more insight on Rose’s relationships with her parent. If I understand correctly, she just spent 18 months traveling the world. Coming back to living under your parents’ roof after that would NOT be easy. Does she feel pinned in? Or maybe she appreciates them more than ever? That would be something interesting to explore. Maybe you already have that in future chapters, I’ll have to read more to find out!

This line:
I wouldn’t go as far as calling it a ‘great opportunity’, but guess it was ‘an opportunity’.

I didn’t see much description here, but I think that’s alright in this chapter. If I read on I’ll keep an eye out for that. :)

Really, I am so interested to see where you go with this. I think it’s a great first chapter – definitely stop by my review thread any time! :wub:

Also, I’m working on improving my reviews, so if you have any thoughts about that feel free to PM me.

xoxo Renee

Author's Response: Sorry for taking so long to reply to this!
Thank you so much for reviewing!

That's basically where I am at in my life as well! So, it's pretty fun to write about it in a fictional sense.

I'm so glad you like Rose, since she's the main character and all, it's pretty important! I love how characters evolve and grow throughout stories with you ever really realising it, so hopefully that's something I can achieve with poor naive Rose!

Haha yep. Hugo really needs no explanation :P

Hmm I think you're right about Hermione! She probably would push a bit more than I've made her. There will be more about their living situation in future chapters, which will hopefully happen naturally, we'll see xD

There really isn't much description at all, but in the next chapter there's heaps!

Thank you again for reviewing!!


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Review #13, by MuggleMaybeConfession: Confession

13th May 2016:
MEG! ♥

I’m here for your requested review – I'm so happy you requested it! I gotta say, I AM SO HERE FOR THIS FIC OMG. Things I love: Scorpius, Scorbus, dialogue, fluff, your writing. In other words ALL THE THINGS about this story. I am SO EXCITED and I haven’t even started reading yet!

Okay, I should probably read it now. :P

Hehehe, YAY! Scorbus ♥

My two main reactions are that it was super cute, and that I’m never read anything quite like it before.

Reading this was like listening in with my ear against a locked door, and at times I really wished I could open the door and see what was going on – but I was WAY too fascinated by the conversation to abandon my post.

I think the big challenge about an all-dialogue story is that you aren’t just conveying a scene through the dialogue, you’re conveying the characters, the plot, the tone, the setting – everything! It’s no easy feat!

You did a wonderful job guiding us through the plot, and I always understood what was happening. The setting was nicely incorporated, too. It flows well (whatever that means), it’s utterly adorable, and basically I think you’ve got something pretty fantastic here. *nods*

My absolute FAVORITE moment is when Scorpius talks about the weather to procrastinate. HAHAHA, oh, the poor boy!

In terms of CC, I think the main thing is to further differentiate the voices of Al and Scorpius. I could tell who was talking because of the back and forth structure, but I didn’t get much sense of their personalities. I actually wrote a chapter for this challenge, although it won’t be up in time for the deadline, and I struggled with this same thing, so I definitely understand the difficulty! Maybe it would be helpful to think of a default attitude or emotion for each of them and let that guide you. Sarcasm, anxiety, affection, whatever.

This was super fun to read, although having read TFO and knowing how absolutely AMAZING a writer you are (I mean, OMG ♥ you are talented), I do think you could make this stronger.

Thank you so much for requesting this review – I love reading your stories, definitely request *any* time! I’m trying to improve my reviews, so if you have any feedback for me on that note, shot me a PM ;)

xoxo Renee

Author's Response: Gah Renee!! You're the absolute sweetest person on the planet!! ♥

Ok. Totally blushing here! But yes, ScorBus is the absolute bestest pairing in the history of pairings! You're excitement to read this has me grinning like a fool. :D

I can't help but to write fluffy fluff-ness when it comes to these two. They're the cutest!

Ah! I LOVE that you said that! I kind of did write it as if I were eavesdropping in on their conversation, so that you felt like you were standing there with your ear against the door is just the most perfect reaction I could have hoped for for this story!! *flails*

No. No this challenge was not easy at all. Probably the most difficult challenge that I've participated in so far.

Eep! Renee! I don't know what to say. Thank you!! ♥ ♥ Haha I just meant, by flowing well, that it didn't seem choppy and the dialogue all fit together nicely.

XD I'm glad you liked that part!

Yeah that is totally difficult to do without descriptions, but I'll go back through it and see if I can work on that. I don't have much faith in myself, to be honest haha.

You are seriously WAY too kind, my love! Thank YOU for this amazingly sweet, kind and lovely review!! ♥

Much love and many hugs,

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Review #14, by MuggleMaybeUnapologetic: Of Pride

12th May 2016:

Hello dear! I'm here with your requested review and I have to ask, why on earth did you think you couldn't write Marauders?? I thought this was wonderful and SO cute omg!!! JILLY FOREVER. Please never stop writing ♥

You asked specifically about characterization, so I'll focus on that. I think Remus is *spot on* and I love the details you sneak in about him. Although Peter's appearance is super brief, I'm glad you included him, and I think you capture him impressively well in so very few words.

Sirius seems in character to me. I LOVE that he marks a tally of Lily's rejections of James! haha!

Snape is appropriately terse and the voice felt right, so nicely done there. Honestly, writing Snape kind of terrifies me! Kudos :D

You did a *wonderful* job with Lily. ♥ I've sometimes seen her written as a Mary Sue, but you've done brilliantly with her and avoided that trap. The only question I have with her is, I don't know that Lily as I understand her would forgive Severus for such a terrible thing, even if it is only because she's decided to end the friendship. I think I'd find it more believable if his crime were something milder or if she were more upset. However, that is certainly a matter of opinion :)

Last but not least: James! Aw, James, gotta love him!! And ohmigoodness you ROCKED him! He's wonderful. You're wonderful. It's all wonderful. ♥ ♥ One thing I'd like to see if you decide to revise, but which isn't absolutely necessary, is a bit of internal regret on James' part for jinxing Snape, or a brief thought that he shouldn't - something to connect with the idea that he's changed some, even if he still jinxes Snape anyway.

Overall, I am so impressed to know this is the first time you've written these characters, because you've done a fab job of it! I'm not surprised, because you are amazing, duh.

You also asked about pacing - I thought the pacing was well done, no comments on that.

I found two little errors with tense in the last section-
"Lily won't go out with him unless he apologized" - should be "apologizes"
"She knows she'd done the right thing with Severus" - should be "she's done"

Ok, so the whole time I was writing this review I was sort of desperate to get to the end because OH. MY. WORD. THE END IS SO CUTE! ♥ Beyond cute. I loved it!

Wonderful story, dear!! Thank you so very much for requesting a review - and for being my first ever requester!!

I'm working on improving my reviews, so if you have any feedback for me on that front, shoot me a PM ;)

love ya!

Author's Response: RNENENENE!

Ohhh myyy Merlinnn this review put the biggest smile on my face! As I read I was slowly relaxing all my stress at a dodgy-character Marauder story, so thank you ♥

I will admit the scene between Snape and Lily felt a little off to me too, but (I shall be honest) I rushed this story and the challenge theme was forgiveness, so I squeezed it in. But this, along with your advice on a bit about James' regret, is something I'm considering changing, so thank you!

You are doing a top notch job of reviewing! I'm always here if you need to practice ;)

Thanks again ♥ x

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Review #15, by MuggleMaybeSurprise!: Surprise!

5th May 2016:
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

I'm crying but I'm laughing.

You are so incredibly sweet! *HUG* You know how much I LOVE Rose and Scorpius, and Luci, too, and this is so funny. :D I am 100% a person who would fall for this prank - and also who falls asleep studying fairly often these days. Luci and I have a lot in common, poor dear, hahaha! And Rose and Scorpius are just SO cute laughing together - silly rascals! ♥

Thank you so so much Jenn! This was a lovely surprise and I am so glad we're friends bcs you are awesome!!!

xoxo Renee

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Review #16, by MuggleMaybeThe Next Great Adventure: Prologue: An Old Friend

19th April 2016:

This is just lovely. I love Harry so much, it really hurts to think of him dying - and yet this is the most peaceful death there could be, surrounded by his loved ones. Thank you for giving him that.

Harry can be intimidating to write for some people, and you've come at it from such a sensory angle, it's really impressive to me how well you've captured his way of experiencing things. He was always attentive to details in his environment, and I love how you've shown that trait here in his attention to the nuances in himself.

I'm so excited to see where you take this, and what the Next Great Adventure holds for Harry - and how Dobby comes into play!

xoxo Renee

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Review #17, by MuggleMaybeLike a Multiverse on Fire: Spider

18th April 2016:

This is exactly what I needed tonight. I am so very pleased! I was thrilled that you were the one to respond for a swap because I love your writing, and you did not disappoint!

Sirius totally works as the brooding art school type. Despite the AU setting, I thought he was pretty well in character with humor, the suave demeanor that falls apart under pressure, and the soft underside. I LOVE that you made him afraid of spiders!

I like Millie too. I enjoy your no nonsense attitude, but then she's still nervous and sort of vulnerable in a way, which I really liked. I thought it was SO CUTE how they both like the other person and both think the other is out of their league. Just, AW. And while that may be a common scenario in fic, I thought the way you wrote it was extra adorable somehow. You just have a WAY with fluff. It's wonderful. ♥

the way they kept checking each other out made me smile. And then I was sad that Millie doesn't think Sirius would ask her out simply because he likes her, but also sort of proud of her for not being willing to do that? It made me empathize with her a lot, and also respect her. Definitely an intriguing OC!

I really enjoyed this so much - thanks for the swap!

xoxo Renee

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Review #18, by MuggleMaybeThe Swift Death: How it progressed

17th April 2016:

I mean, I knew this story was going to be sad, but this chapter is just heartbreaking. I think the kids' reaction of minimizing the issue, trying to push it away and make it better, is really true to life. That sort of news is so, so difficult to process, you almost CAN'T do it at that age. It's so sad to think Lily isn't even at Hogwarts yet and she's dealing with this *tears*

I really liked everything about this, starting with Ginny's reflection on motherhood, and putting aside her fears to be strong for her kids, and the family conversation. For the record, I thought the dialogue was believable. But my favorite thing, by FAR, is how at the end, having just told them she's dying, Ginny is the one who has to offer comfort. She still has to protect her children, even though in a sense she's protecting them from herself. There is something fundamentally heartbreaking and very powerful about that.

You've thrown in some nice little Next Gen details with the MagiScreens, Ted and Vic's wedding, and them having a dog named Padfoot. (YES PLEASE.) I love the use of Bazinga, by the way!

honestly, I'm sorry this review is so short but I'm just so sad imagining this, I can't find more words right now.

xoxo Renee

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Review #19, by MuggleMaybeThe Swift Death: How it began

17th April 2016:
JAYNA I AM SO SORRY THIS IS SO LATE! I am the worst! Please accept my apologies, along with all the virtual cookies and kittens you can handle. I have been completely overwhelmed by grad school lately and I just haven't had time to leave a review when I wasn't half asleep with exhaustion. I did not mean to make you wait SO long!

I think the idea of giving Ginny a disease that causes her to lose control of herself is really brilliant. It's so at odds with her character, because she's this strong, self-possessed, determined person, very much the master of herself, and then this disease comes and takes all of that away. It's so sad and scary - but really a smart way to make the most of the story!

It's too bad Harry is always the center of attention. He doesn't like it, and Ginny deserved her moment in the spotlight. Stupid fangirls/fanboys. (I would totally be one of them but sh :P) I thought it was accurate characterization for her to resent that just a little. And I loved that Harry spotted her fall right away, because that suggests he was watching her the whole game, only her. That's so sweet.

This is really intriguing = I'm looking forward to the next chapter!

xoxo Renee

Author's Response: Darling, DO NOT WORRY ABOUT IT! I repeat, it is totally fine! I really hope that grad school has let up a little since then, and hopefully you'll be able to help Hufflepuff secure the win this house cup season...

I'm glad you liked the way the disease messed with her personality, that was definitely what it was meant to do.

Yeah, I'm not a huge sports fan, but it's safe to say I would be all over meeting the Savior of the wizard world. I really wanted to make sure that the little resentment didn't overpower how much they both love each other, so I'm glad you liked how Harry was watching only her. I must admit, I got the idea from a Bollywood movie i was watching before I wrote that scene, but it seems like it worked well. :P

Anyway, thanks for the great review, and although this response is quite late, I'm sending you a worry-free, good night's sleep with a bonus sleep in late. :P


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Review #20, by MuggleMaybeMary Su and the Totally Profound Plot: Love and Time Travel

8th April 2016:

OMG, Kristin ♥

This is the most amazing thing! You win! You win the challenge!

I was laughing from the first sentence!
This: "No, that’s not a typo - the badge was just being completely honest and telling the truth, which was that Mary was perfection personified. Coincidentally, she was also a Prefect"


Voldemortyrannosaurus rex is without question my new favorite animal.

How did you even think of all this stuff??? You are amazingness personified.

I am favoriting this story for bad days!

love you dearly!

Author's Response: RENEE. ♥

This review made me smile so much. I'm so glad the story made you laugh in all its absurdity! Man, you know, it's a good thing someone wonderful and humble like Mary Su got the badge that says Perfect because if Percy got it instead, we'd never hear the end of it. :P

hahaha, I'm glad you appreciated Voldemortyrannosaurus rex. Really thinking about it kind of makes me just laugh, as I imagine it to be a T. rex with Voldemort's head, but if he tries to cast any spells his arms are too short? like, these are the things I think about :P My brain is so full of clutter and nonsense that sometimes I just have to get it all out in the form of a parody or a really bad fic before I can write real things again. It's quite liberating, really :P



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Review #21, by MuggleMaybeHourglass: 3 years, 23 days

6th April 2016:

I can't believe I haven't already read and reviewed this chapter!! The first scene in this chapter does a nice job of building character, especially the side characters like Rose and Louis. Not to mention, the discussion about Sophie was telling. He's trying, he wants to be head over heels for her. But he's not. He's just not. And Sophie is wonderful. She deserves someone who IS head over heels for her.

So, with that stage set, the locker room scene between them feels very natural. Sophie's backstory with her family is really interesting.

Oh, and this line:
“It’s okay, Soph, you can still be in Hufflepuff if you call your friend an idiot.”

BUT THEN WHAT THE HECK WAS THE GHOST FREAKING OUT ABOUT OMG. You know who else isn't gonna sleep very well tonight? (just kidding)

As engrossing as ever.
You are marvelous! ♥

xoxo Renee

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Review #22, by MuggleMaybeMy First Date(s): My First Date(s)

30th March 2016:
SAM! ♥ ♥ ♥

I don't have to pretend I was crying to make a point, because this story is wonderfully happy and fluffy.

But also, not? There is something so real about Katie's experience of trying and trying, and time and time again coming up empty handed. You capture the frustration of that, but in an optimistic way.

I think Katie is an underutilized character in fic. I was excited when I saw you'd used her as the MC! Even though this story is mostly dialogue, you managed to show us that Katie is a multilayered person.

But of course, the main thing is the relationship between Katie and Alicia. Alicia is a wonderful friend, always there to listen when Katie needs her (*cough*) and right from the start I had an inkling that their friendship was more important than simply to serve as a framing device. The way you start out with Katie feeling ignored and bring Alicia into that moment gives her a lot of power right away in Katie's life. It's true she gets almost too zealous about Katie's love life, but I can't stay mad at her when her intentions were so good.

You did a brilliant job of not revealing your hand too soon. I had the feeling earlier on in the story, "oh, I hope they end up together" - but I really didn't know if it was going to happen or not. And then the way you did end it, holding us in suspense until the last possible moment, was perfection.

A few details -

the mention of how Alicia reads Katie's physicality is a nice foreshadow, because it could be simply a friend thing, but it demonstrates that more tangible connection between them.

I adore the humor and frankness in this line:
-- “Mostly just sat there and thought about how pretty she was,” I admit.

and this, one, so perfect!
-- I nod immediately. “It’s like I’m learning…” I stumble over my words as they fall out of my mouth, “what I want.”

and something about this line made me positively grin.
-- “You’re killing me here, Bell.”

I really loved this so much! Thank you for the wonderful recommendation! :wub: I agree with what you said about CH 1 of WIGOWY, except more broadly - there is something bright and liquid about the way you put words together that is overwhelmingly pleasant.

I got really sleepy part way through this review, so hopefully it makes some kind of sense :P

lots of love!

Author's Response: Agh, I love you so much!

I'm glad I recommended this for you, and that you liked it as much as I hoped you would. And thank you for leaving such a lovely, thought out long review, regardless of the sleepies.

Optimistic frustration is actually something that is very me.

I am glad that you both didn't cry or pretend to ;) I actually cried at the end when I reread it tonight because, ya know, it is my feelings

I'm happy that you wanted Katie and Alicia to get together, and that you liked the way it played out.

Not going to lie, the first date story was more autobiographical than fiction, as was that first line you said you liked.
Also, I didn't remember until I reread this that Daphne is in it, characterized the same as my Daphne/Gabriella one-shot. Those two kind of accidentally became headcanon and I decided that even though they don't tie into any other Polyverse stories yet, they will if the opportunity to. Which makes this story part of Polyverse! Totally making this up as I go.

Anyway, I love that you love my words!

(also you)


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Review #23, by MuggleMaybeA Spoonful of Sugar: Eight

6th March 2016:

Oh, this is for the HPFF Review-A-Thon

That came entirely out of the blue! Well, no, it didn't, but I wasn't expecting him to be quite *that* brash about it all. And she said yes! I mean, really, Darcy, which is worse? Pretending to like/date someone for who knows how long, or having people know you were seen in a towel?

To quote a favorite person of mine, "She needs to sort out her priorities!"

Fake dating though... this should be fun to read! ;)

Man, she can't catch a break on the Lucy/Lysander front. At least that means Lys has a bit more time to tell her himself and have it all go down without drama. Not that I'm expecting that, mind you.

Really, I am dying for the moment that Darcy and Louis have a truly genuine conversation. I think I'll be hooked on this story for quite a while now!

xoxo Renee

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Review #24, by MuggleMaybeA Spoonful of Sugar: Seven

6th March 2016:
Another review for this brilliant story, and for the HPFF Review-A-Thon.

Why is Lysander so afraid to tell Lucy the truth?? Actually, I get it. I truly do. But I wish he would have told her. I'm sure it would have worked out. Plus, now Darcy is going to make a mess of things, probably ;)

Don't get me wrong, I really like Darcy. She's awesome! But she has a bit of a knack for trouble at times!

So, the rest of the date... I knew she was starting to fall for Louis and his gorgeous eyes! But I am frustrated that Louis doesn't seem to get that his approach is really messed up - if he'd been less of a jerk about it, maybe she would WANT to be with him by now, but he has to be all manipulative :( He'll learn though. Right? i hope so!

You're awesome, Cassie!

xoxo Renee

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Review #25, by MuggleMaybeA Spoonful of Sugar: Six

6th March 2016:
Hello again, dear! If you haven't guessed, this is for the HPFF Review-A-Thon.

And also because I don't ever want to stop reading this fic. :D

I think Darcy might be caving, just a little. It seems like she's making up excuses not to like him now. I like where this is going...

At least, I think I do. I'm still undecided about Louis, because he does things in a controling sort of way. I don't think that's his intention, so I still have hope. I guess I'll just have to read on and see.

As always, your dialogue is pitch prefect.

xoxo Renee

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