Yes! I loved the subtle Dramione. Hahaha forget the sparks, by now Draco would be proposing marriage and telling Hermione he couldn't live without her. And then Hermione would drop everything and tell him she loved him more than he could possibly imagine and...*shudders*
Yeah, I like your version /much/ better. I liked this chapter a lot. The veratim are very sneaky yet interesting creatures, aren't they? I love how Hermione dropped everything and tried to save him. And of course, succeeded.
You could also have included something like "The slashes the veratim had caused added new slashes to the pale ones that criss-crossed over his pale torso..." From the sectumsempra from 6th year, remember? You could even have Hermione feel slightly guilty or something! Just a thought (: Report Review
"Her enemy had a face, emotions, a soul, and I hate him for making me feel this way."
Wonderfully written. At least Hermione will be a bit more understanding. I love Draco and how hard he's trying to deal and yet remain the snobby Draco Malfoy.
Off to read the next chapter ! ~ Report Review
I'm a little lost as to what happened. Did Draco save Harry again? If so, how did he?
I really enjoyed this chapter, it was beautifully written (aren't they all). I just wish Draco would stop trying to put so many barriers between himself and everybody else, especially those who could help him. :(
Off to read chapter 2 ~ Report Review
Just a note that Luna is not in the same year as Hermione, Harry, Ron, and Draco. And rather than commending them, Slughorn should be giving points for correct answers!
And I wonder why Draco is feeling regret?
By the way, in case I haven't said so before, I'm really loving this story! Report Review
The idea of the creatures is so amazing and unique, I honestly don't know what to say. It is a BRILLIANT idea. I really want to know, did you come up with it yourself? It is absolutely brilliant. Amazing.
I honestly don't know what else to say. Wondrously written. Report Review
I love the relationship you've got going between Hermione and the boys, especially Harry. The way you portray it is almost exactly how I imagined it!
I REALLY loved Blaise. He was written flawlessly, 100% perfect. Confident, kind (even in the most trying position), Draco's friend (even if it was once upon a time), and the first person Draco wanted to turn to. I loved him so much you have no idea!
What's wrong with Draco though ? :( Report Review
"Happy Birthday, Granger." (--- that right there? Yeah, that was amazing!
I LOVED this chapter. Narcissa was everything I always imagine her to be, and I wish she didn't have to die so quickly.
However, I feel like Draco wouldn't show his tears to the Death Eaters (or give his father and Voldemort the satisfaction). He would maybe gently lift her broken body and move her somewhere else, where he could mourn her properly (or weep on her perfect porcelain face).
Just an idea.
Oh and, something that I've always felt the need to tell everyone is: I feel that Lucius Malfoy may be even more misunderstood than Draco. I feel that, although he was a very strict and sometimes cold father, he also adored his family and doted on them (and, in Draco's case, spoiled him rotten). Sure he was quiet and proud, but he loved them. And you see that a lot in the last book, through little bits and pieces.
Jut my two-cents. Feel free to disregard anything you don't want to hear (:
I REALLY want to read onto the next chapter, but I have a midterm in a few hours I should be studying for. Who knows? You might see my next review pretty soon! Report Review
This chapter was amazing. I REALLY love how well you've written everything. You're descriptive, yet not /too/ descriptive. You've got an amazing story-line and I'm already hooked (not an easy feat for a second chapter !). I won't write too much since I really want to get to the next chapter.
Amazing. Report Review
This seems like a really intriguing story. Very promising beginning. And I LOVE the fact that you're going to make us wait for the Dramione, otherwise it truly won't be Dramione (I had a whole rant on one of my reviews :D). I normally don't review first chapters but:
1) This seems really good and
2) I've just recently become an author myself so I know just how valuable each and every review is ! :D
I might have time to read the next chapter (I'm supposed to be studying for a midterm :D) Report Review
Loved it. No words. Jut loved it.
I REALLY want to know who the Poly juice girl was...:O WAS IT LAVENDER ! I somehow knew it wouldn't be Hermione because she wouldn't stoop that low...or I'd like to think. And, she didn't really have feelings for him then.
Not like now.Author's Response: Sara,
Thank you so much for reading 12 chapters in one sitting and not just reviewing, but having a conversation with me about my writings. I truly appreciate you.
Honestly, I haven't decided who Poly Juice Girl is, but I thought it would be nice to clear the air and let everyone know (and Draco) that it was not Hermione. LOL!
I'm not sure.
Thank you so very much for every word!
I hope you come back for more...
Dark Whisper Report Review
"You survived, but..."
For a split second he thought of telling her the rest... that in his dream her last name was Malfoy and she was very pregnant with his child.
But he didn't want her to become the first witch in magical history to die of laughter."
Hahahha! I thought you were going to say something like, he didn't want to scare her, or something really serious...and then that's what Draco came up with :))) brilliant.
I especially loved how happy Hermione was about the happiness he brought to the Weasleys. I know this may seem difficult but...maybe you could write the Weasley's Christmas as a chapter? It would be a beautiful chapter for sure. On the other hand, it's quite nice as it is...so I don't know! I could literally imagine it, and it was amazing!
"They would not return to the graffiti walls under the courtyard. But if they had, they would've seen a new message added to the perpetually changing wall.
For Hermione had touched it when she stepped onto the boulder.
In doing so, she left her print on the magical wall and it had read her heart, causing it to conjure a rather large pink heart that simply read, "Hermione was here... with her Prince."
Oh my GOSH! WOW. That was so...wonderful an ending I can't even put it into words. Amazing. Amazing. Amazing.Author's Response: Yes... 'die of laughter.' Hahaha!
I mean... how far fetched at the time? I'm glad that you liked that.
Ah, the Weasley Christmas. It is interesting that you say that because it was originally written as it's own chapter... completed! However, I had to think ahead into the future as to their meeting about the dream. I had to think about what I wanted them to say to each other. And so... it was then that realized that it would be better if she described it to him instead of spelling it out to readers. And I think it worked out best really so that he could hear it from her.
I find it wonderful that you 'could literally imagine it.' :)
I had fun with that graffiti wall. I just had to have her leave a message and it just had to be her pink heart from long ago. I'm so glad you liked it.
Thank you so much for taking so much time to Review! Bless you!
Dark Whisper Report Review
Oh my gosh! Thank you for responding to all my reviews so quickly! My internet died so I was forced to stop reviewing until now. I have a midterm tomorrow so I'm reading a chapter, working, reading, etc.
I loved how you ended it “When I was seven years old, I had a black dog named Stella...”
I don't know why, but I /really/ liked how that ended. And it was so interesting how older Draco wasn't willing to tell her the story, but now, after so much thought, he's actually telling her, he's letting someone in! (Voldemort knows he needs to do that more often :P) . Hermione has no idea how much trust and thought he is putting into this...
By the way, I seemed to have forgotten to comment on this in the other chapter where Draco was mean to Astoria. If I had seen it from any point of view rather than Draco's, I'd be startled at the cruelty of it all. But ...the way he was cruel to her, only for her own good, was so sweet of him! I loved that!Author's Response: Hello, again... :)
Thank you! I liked that ending as well. It served as the perfect break in what was happening and it was also my little 'hook' to keep the reader interested enough to keep reading.
Yes... he is 'letting someone in' and it is sweet. And you are so right that he has put a lot of thought into 'the big reveal' and was very reluctant. LOL!
Oh, yes. He was cruel to Astoria, but he was doing it to be kind. I so love how you put that... "so sweet of him." XD
Even he felt bad about saying all of those terrible things to her. She is not a bad person in this story... so he should feel bad.
Thanks so much for your in-depth comments. truly appreciated.
Dark Whisper Report Review
I feel like...Draco's becoming much too much out of character. But the thing is, it's so difficult to realize what is IN character and what isn't...seeing as we all have our own view of each of the characters. I just feel like...idk :(
An idea I had though was to have the first part of this story (the part up until where Draco makes amends with his father and sends gifts to the Weasleys and everything) to be a story of its own (possibly a short story) and then have the rest of it be a SEQUEL to that. I felt like that one story could stand on its own...and I also feel like I can distinctly divide them into two different parts, if I'm making any sense.
Just an idea (:Author's Response: Sara,
Yes. Draco weaves in and out of character in this story and my intent was not to keep him stuck in character. I want him to change and grow and learn as he goes so that fans (and Hermione) can fall in love him... character flaws and all. :) And perhaps his biggest variance between canon and this story is his willingness to talk to her so much and that he has stopped caring about her blood status... both things VERY OOC.
He has so much wonderful potential.
I can totally understand where you are coming from as far as a stand alone story with a sequel. You are quite right.
I didn't do it though because there is an epic journey that I wanted to convey... a 'moral of the story' will be revealed eventually and in that aspect, it is very much one complete story with the first chapter directly relating to the last. *hints and winks*
But again... I can totally see the first part being a stand alone story. It could've been a good story if it had stopped there. And your thoughts on that are truly a compliment to me. So thank you so very much!
Honestly, when I first started, it was going to end at chapter 13, but it kept expanding larger and larger as I wanted to have some fun with it... Slytherin parties and such... :)
Anyway... Thank you so much for your honest reviews... and the number of them.
Seriously, Sara, Thank you!
Dark Whisper Report Review
I thought the way he turned Seborah down was legit.Author's Response: Sara,
Oh yes... Seborah had to be turned down. I'm so proud of him. He is a gorgeous wizard and therefore would be able to get to the most beautiful witch of their time... but of course, he finds her to be ugly on the inside and he needed to slam the door on her pretty face.
I just had to write that in!
Thank you so much for reading an astronomically long story in one sitting.
I hope you come back for more soon.
From my heart, I can't thank you enough for reviewing so much!
Dark Whisper Report Review
/His/ Granger? My, my, Draco's getting possessive already? Hahaha.
It was interesting how just last chapter I was telling you how I believed that Lucius Malfoy truly loved and spoiled his son...and here you are pretty much showing just that! I was so shocked, it's like you read my mind!
I thought this chapter was interesting and I liked it a lot! I feel like you have to be a bit careful, though, seeing as how I feel like Draco is slowly becoming a bit out of character.
Just a reminder!
Can't wait to read the rest!Author's Response: Sara,
Yes, 'his Granger'. LOL!
I agree with you that Lucius does love him, but he is a flawed father. And as I said earlier, I don't want him to be so terrible that he crosses the lines of unforgivable.
So... thank you. I'm so glad that we agree on this.
I do have a bit of a warning for you though... Draco weaves in and out of OOC during this story. It cannot be helped, but I hope it doesn't ruin it for you and you never hate it completely. :)
Thank so much for reviewing!
Beautiful! I loved the way Draco "made amends." Abraxas was...interesting. I liked him a lot. Somehow, though, I have a feeling that Lucius is almost (if not more) misunderstood than Draco. I feel like, although Lucius may have been cold and strict, he also absolutely /adored/ his son, even spoiled him. You see that in the Deathly Hallows as well...the unconditional love both Narcissa and Lucius possess for Draco, and how they use such subtlety to show love for themselves (as in the beginning when Narcissa touches his hand to calm him). But, this story didn't make him COMPLETELY cruel (like I've seen in other fanfics), but I just felt like pointing that out :DAuthor's Response: Sara,
I'm glad you liked this chapter. :)
I agree with you about Lucius. My delicate issue is that I don't want to depict him as being so cruel as for Draco to never forgive him. There should be flaws and abnormal parenting, but there is love. It is a fine line...
You'll see more of their relationship unfold throughout this fic.
Thanks so much for telling me your thoughts!
Dark Whisper Report Review
Oh wow. I especially liked the last bit with Astoria. It truly made me think highly of her...and that was wonderful. Can't wait to see what happens next!Author's Response: Oh, yes... Astoria is not a horrible person in this fic. I'm glad that you liked that. She really loved him and I wanted her feelings to come out as someone devastated by his love for someone else.
Dark Whisper Report Review
Normally, I don't rate/review first chapters. But, seeing how I've become an author on here recently, I've realized just how valuable each review is so...here I am! (Mind reading mine?)
I thought seven-year Draco was /adorable/! Very promising chapter, and I can't wait to read the rest!
Yes, I am indeed a hopeless Dramione shipper.
And now I'm off to read the rest!Author's Response: Sara,
Thank you! Yes, reviews are quite valuable and a rare commodity, so I thank you very much for every word.
I'm so glad that you liked this chapter with seven-year-old Draco. I enjoyed writing the thoughts of his youth.
You are a very rare breed indeed to review each chapter, especially on a fic so long. And I don't really expect you to keep up with that... It is difficult to do. I will repay your thoughtfulness and kindness soon.
With that... Welcome to Delilah's Black Book of Poems my fellow Dramione shipper!
Dark Whisper Report Review
But it wouldn’t matter. Hermione knew as well as Draco that this wasn’t over.
It had scarcely begun.
Ooh, nice foreshadowing. I like. I like very much :D hahaha.
Anyways, awesome chapter (as usual). AGAIN WITH DRACO'S TEARS!! Stop making him look so weak. I think he is crying inside, but hardly ever on the out. That's what makes it more painful for us readers, because we KNOW how much pain he's going through, but he isn't showing it.
I loved your portrayal of Voldemort, and how nicely you worded his...words :P
I liked it a lot.
Oh and, another thing! If the vanishing cabinet was fixed, then the Death Eaters would be breaking into Hogwarts! The vanishing cabinet doesn't get fixed until the end of the year! Remember? Maybe you could have him run to the Forbidden Forest or something and meet Bellatrix out of the non-apparating bounds and then leave? Because otherwise, it'd be impossible.
Sorry, me being my overly-analytic self. Don't mind me :D
I can't wait until the next chapter!Author's Response: I will go back and work on that when I edit, just for you, since you keep bringing it up. Hahaha.
I'm glad you liked the wording of his... words. :P Voldemort's scary to write. Like, I seriously got freaked out when I was writing this chapter. I'm all, "AM I EVIL ENOUGH TO WRITE VOLDY DIALOGUE?" Actually, Pottermore sorted me into Slytherin... O.o So I guess I am...
But ANYWAY, thank you for pointing the Vanishing Cabinet thing out. HOWEVER, as I pointed out early in the story, I'm kinda breaking rules for this story. The Vanishing Cabinet was already fixed, a little before Draco got his task -- the Death Eaters have an opportune moment planned to attack, so they're not using it just yet. I should have explained that though, but if I change my mind, I love your idea of the Forbidden Forest.
The next chapter is ready... But I don't like it. Like, at all. I may have to start from scratch, unfortunately. :/
Thank you so much for being critical and overly-analytical - it means the world!! Be on the lookout for the next chapter! Report Review
What was that with Draco's breakdown? I was sitting there like :O Again, this is Draco showing too much weakness, which I don't think he would. Not so much.
Other than that, this chapter was amazing. I especially loved the little embrace at the end. It was so beautifully written. So silent. So wonderful.
I loved it (: Off to read the next chapter !!Author's Response: You do have a good point. However, in my head, he's beyond the breaking point. He's falling apart all over the place. The only reason I like making Draco look a little weaker is that Hermione turns out being the strong one - a reversal of roles, something he never thought would happen. For once, Hermione stands taller... and he lets her.
Gah! I'm glad you liked the embrace! It's sooo hard to not make those things cheesy, I paid soo much attention to that particular scene. I'm really struggling with the cheese factor in the next chapter, bleh...
Anyway, thank you so much for another thoughtful review!! Report Review
Ooh interesting dreams, I kind of think I might know what they mean. But the dreams are brilliant really. I liked this chapter a lot, but it was a bit on the short side :/
Ok, some things that irked me :D (don't take them to heart, I personally LOVE criticism because without it, my writing can't get any better. Feel free to disregard everything I say if you'd like).
I think her saying her rant in a quiet but firm whisper would make it more effective than her yelling like a little girl.
Oh and, Draco doesn't cry. I mean, fine, he cried the first time in the bathroom, but that made sense. He needs to stop crying over and over again. You're making him look like a sissy!
Oh and Hermione needs to stop calling Draco Draco. It's MALFOY to her :P
On to the next chapter !Author's Response: Oh, I'm glad you liked the dreams! I tried to make them really complex.
Hm... I'll definitely take your advice into consideration. I guess in this story, I was visualizing the flood gates of Draco just opening and him letting it all out. He's held it in for so long, that it has to come out somehow. And she calls him "Malfoy" to bother him later on, that's why I'm having her call him Draco... Ha.
But thank you for your criticisms! I'm looking at the chapters and I'm thinking they need some touch-ups - A nice project for my winter break!
Thanks so much for your thoughtful reading and reviewing, you're wonderful! Report Review
Ok so, I hardly EVER review first chapters (or any chapters really...mostly just the last chapter updated) but I've written my own little novella and I realize just how much those reviews mean to the author so...here I am !
I thought this chapter was amazing. I felt like Draco was a LITTLE out of character but, given the circumstances, it was quite understandable.
I'm intrigued and can't wait to read on. I like this fanfic already!
By the way, I /completely/ understand why you wrote this fic. I actually have this scene written out in like, two of my Dramiones that I want to write (I think I might combine the two) and I've even got a one-shot for this scene. This scene bugs me and cuts at me so much :( I love Harry, I truly do, but in this scene, I was just about /this/ close to strangling him. I might have if I had the chance.
Brilliant, on to the next chapter!Author's Response: Thank you so much - I'm so glad you see the potential of the Sectumsempra scene as well!
I'm beginning to find that it's nearly impossible to keep everyone happy with Draco's character in this story. I feel like I tapped into the softer side of his personality, and I can see that particular aspect of his character very clearly... but that doesn't mean everyone else can. I'm glad that it didn't hinder the story for you!
This scene cuts at me so much too. It just breaks my heart, and I believe that Hermione, being the caring person she is, would have been truly affected by it had she been present.
Thanks so much for reviewing, it means the world! Report Review
That was so cute. I ADORE Adeline (and her name is gorgeous by the way).
I loved Ron's conclusion at the end.
And Adeline's intelligence and adorableness throughout. You managed to portray her as both an innocent child, and a beautiful, smart young lady.
Please don't leave HPFF! Limit yourself to like, two stories a week or something! I don't know! I really really like this fic and would hate it if you just left it ! Update soon please?Author's Response: Confession: it's been quite a few years since I first published this fic, so when I said I was leaving HPFF, it was because I took a break a while ago (if you look at my recent stories, particularly "Teddy in Time," you'll see I'm back now). I'm swamped in writing projects at the moment, but do know that I am planning to update this fic at some point and make it DH-compliant (ie Adeline will become Victoire, and I think I'll have H/Hr have gotten closer while Ron left to get the horcruxes). It's probably my favorite of my old fanfictions, so while I can't promise that I will be updating it any time in the future, I CAN promise that I will do it, and you'll be the first to know when I do. In the meantime, your reviews have meant the world, and you responded just as I hoped people would when I first posted it. I hope you consider checking out "Teddy in Time," my current WIP, which shows my current writing style. :) Report Review
"Well, I guess everything's different when you're in love.
I think Ginny's going to start nudging me again."
Loved that. It portrays so much of Ron's character and bitterness...and it's only two sentences! Wow. I loved this chapter a lot too. It's just, I can totally imagine Ron saying all of this. He isn't out of character or anything. If anything, he is more in character than I think I've ever seen him on Fanfiction (at least for a long while). I love it! I even adore Ginny. She's trying so hard to be brave and strong, and that's commendable.
Nice cliffie :P Too bad it won't do you much for me since the next chapter is validated hehe.Author's Response: Awww, I'm so glad you think Ron is in character and you like Ginny here! Thanks for much for the review! Report Review
Oh wow. That was bloody amazing. I especially liked the opening paragraphs where he was dragging us into the story. It was perfectly written. I'm a Dramione shipper, but I don't mind Harmony either (you probably hate me by now :D) but this actually made me ship Ron/Hermione :O I've never actually read a fanfiction of the two. At least, not them as the main pairing. I actually do think Ron is adorable and extremely sweet (despite popular belief that Dramione shippers hate Ron), so I enjoyed reading this regardless.
And the question you asked us in the beginning, about whether Ron would have been more hurt if Hermione ended up with his best friend or his enemy...
WOW. I had NEVER thought of it that way. I actually think Harmony would hurt Ron more than Dramione. You are amazing for even putting such new thoughts into my head. And for being such an awesome writer of course (:
Loved it! Off to chapter two ~Author's Response: I'm an absolute jerk for not responding until now!! I plan to do a big response to your review for the last chapter, but for now, thank you so much for your thoughtful reviews (I could never hate you), and I'm so glad I gave you something new to think about! xxx Report Review
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