Reading Reviews From Member: bellatrixlestrange123
  
73 Reviews Found

Review #1, by bellatrixlestrange123The Underdogs: Let the Madness Begin

15th June 2014:
Here for our review swap! You left me such a lovely review so I am so sorry this is a little late ..

Anywayy, I love how brilliantly your writing flows. I've always said this when reviewing your other story, but seriously, it's a breath of fresh air to read. It's probably down to the fact that you do a lovely job in really inhabiting your characters really well and giving the narrative a wholly persona to write from. It's brilliant!

I felt so sorry for Maude when you started the story and it was nice to hear that she had finally made quidditch captain - just so she can rub it in the face of arrogant James. It was a great feeling to read :)

It's good that you've made this light-hearted by incorporating humour in the midst of the story. Maude's almost prophetic speech to Frank was humorous yet just the right amount for narrative to once again, flow very well.

I could practically feel every bit of Maude's annoyance at the team, you wrote that scene with real clarity and described all the characters really well. Sometimes it can be hard to write a ver 'noisy' scene with a lot going on and make it clear. But you did - so well done!

Keep up the good work!

- Bella x

 Report Review

Review #2, by bellatrixlestrange123Ashes in the Wind: Prologue

5th June 2014:
Hi there, I'm here with your requested review!

Firstly, I think I might know what's causing your gap problems. It sometimes has to do with the processor you use to write your text before you paste it onto the site. You can try to press the 'paste from word' or 'paste as plain text' at the top of the text box in which you pasta the chapter into. If that doesn't work you should try using the simple editor. This was you can manually create spaces wherever you want of whatever size. The simple editor is more time consuming but worthwhile once you get rid of the pesky gaps :P

(Oh - I have a character called Maeve in my fic too - Yay for Maeve!)

Anyway, on with the review! I've tried to split this up into the sections you mentioned in your 'areas of concern' just so I get all the points covered that you asked for.

Readability: The gaps are just something that all of us have experienced from time to time (technology eh) and they're easily fixed so don't worry too much about them. I found that they didn't jar the readability of the chapter at all so they weren't of much bother. Aside from that, there were a few typos such as a 'he' should have been a 'she' and just other stuff that can again, be easily fixed if you have a BETA look it over for you. There just a few grammar mistakes that can also be easily fixed this way. If you don't want to get a BETA reader, there are hundreds of on-line editing sites just waiting to be found! 'Paper Rater' is a particularly good one as it lists all spelling/grammar/syntax errors of the whole text. Aside from that, you sentence lengths were just the right size and there weren't any sentences that were too long and you had a variety of sentence structures in there too!

Plot devolpment - No complaints here - your writing is effortlessly beautiful and because of this you wrote the plot without flaw as it developed. For the reader, I think that it was clear from the outset that this family were maybe not Maeve's real one and you added to this element with a lot of clarity - well done!

As far as reader interest goes, I cannot wait to find out what happens next!! Who is this mysterious woman? What happened to Maeve? Ah I love it!

Bella :)

 Report Review

Review #3, by bellatrixlestrange123Icarus: Prologue

5th June 2014:
Hi there! I'm here with your requested review!

In your areas of concern, you were worried about whether or not the story was generally interesting and honestly, I don't think that you should be! I think that this story and the plot is very out there and I'm very interested to what becomes of these characters and how Lily becomes involved with it all. I am particularly interested to know how Lily goes from her everyday job to some really cool Si-Fi adventures :p

I think that it takes a very brave writer to write something that sometimes is a bit out of their comfort zone (Obviously I'm not too sure if writing Si-fi is something that you are or aren't familiar with) but this is a bit unorthodox from most fics. And for that I hand you an award! It's a breath of fresh air to read stories that are a little bit unconventional - it adds to the engrossment factor for the reader!

I really liked how you began the chapter. The 'captain's log' was a really nice touch to add some ominous vibes into the atmosphere, it was great! I also think that you did a very very good job in giving us a lot of detail about Lily's character and her attitude to her family and the fact that she doesn't work and has house mates. All of this is, in my opinion, very important to be included in the first few chapters if not the very first; any questions that the reader may have are answered this way. You did exactly this so well done!

You've also done a very good job of making the tone very light hearted and humorous so it's refreshing to read and doesn't sort of weigh you down as a reader - which is always a bonus!

*hides* don't hate me but - the only thing I will say is that it became slightly repepative after a few paragraphs, I think that the topic of family dominated this chapter a little bit. This is more just an observation than a CC because making family the main theme might have been your intention all along! (which is fine). But if it was something that was accidental, then I think if you just added more about Lily and used it to strengthen her character a little bit more, it would be really good.

All in all, I found no punctuation.grammar errors. There were just a few typos such as '(This was one of the reasons James (meaning my brother – see why this is confusing?)' but none that jarred the story up in anyway!!

I hope that this was helpful and I think that your first next-gen fic is great and has amazing potential as it grows! All the best!

Bella :)

Author's Response: Hi! Thanks for reviewing! Awesome, I'm glad that it seems interesting so far despite being kind of a strange story.

Wow, thank you! I love sci-fi books and movies/tv, but this is my first serious attempt at writing my own scifi plot. So that is really wonderful to hear!

I'm glad you appreciated the captain's log. I think that since otherwise the beginning is like a standard next gen fic, I wanted to add just a touch of mystery and ominousness so the lighthearted rest of the chapter is kind of seen through a lens, I guess. I wanted to create a strange contrast there haha. Thanks, I'm glad you like the amount of info about Lily here. I honestly thought I'd kind of done a bit of an info dump so I'm glad to hear this is not the case!

That is a good observation, and actually yes, her family does become rather important later on... but if it seemed too repetitive, I'll have a look and see if I can edit some of that out.

Ooh, I hadn't realised that was a typo, so thanks! I guess parentheses inside parentheses (Parentheception?) is a bit too much, haha

You were very helpful, thanks! I really appreciate your review!


 Report Review

Review #4, by bellatrixlestrange123I Know: I Know

5th June 2014:
Here with your requested review!

Ahhh this had me hooked from the very start. It was ominous and full of suspense from the outset - I love it!

You did a brilliant job in creating and holding that eerie feel to the plot with your writing, and every paragraph made sure to give more and more information slowly but in an affective way. This was good because it really felt like I was unravelling a sort of mystery as I read. Who is this person? Is it human? What has Ginny done? What do they know? and then it was Parvati?! I wasn't expecting that! Ahh!

I think you did a nice job of characterizing Ginny in this story. I know that the main focus was on how scared and confused she must be to be experiencing these strange occurrences and you did well to maintain that. The guilt that she must have felt from Lavender's death, she had probably suppressed so it's understandable how she didn't manage to put two and two together at first. At first I was going to say that I wish you had made Ginny a bit more prominent in the beginning but no ignore me, the way you have written her makes the story work brilliantly, don't change it! :p

You utilized your poetic license of writing post-war (a time that is not written about by JKR so we can really write it as we please). I think adding Ginny and Parvati to the equation of Lavender's death was very unorthodox. I hope you take this as a compliment because I mean it as one, but your writing is very unconventional in the best way possible. There is a whole lot of clarity when you write and it feel like a breath of fresh air when you read it!

The only CC I have is that I noticed in some places that you had a few typos, but non so great that they distract the reader, so their easily fixed!

I wish you the best of luck with your writing, keep it up!

Bella :)

 Report Review

Review #5, by bellatrixlestrange123Falling: Falling

4th June 2014:
Here for our review swap!

OK, your writing style is beautiful. The clarity in the way you write really makes for such a refreshing read and I got that vibe from your writing from the start!

Don't get me started - I still find Dumbledore's death heartbreaking and his life equally as fascinating so I was very happy to find a story that had managed to link the two. I think that 'falling' is a perfect euphemism for his death but also for the way he lived his life. Falling in love, falling victim to sibling rivalry and to the elder wand in one or the other. You managed to embody the whole essence of Albus perfectly!

I am always a wee bit jealous of people who manage to write a successful one shot because they always seem to have mastered the art of quality not quantity (I may have to steal that trick from you :p) But I think you've done a great job in really doing justice to your characters in a short 2000+ words which is great!

Your story had a BETA so I can't comment on any CC and there wasn't anything I would comment on because I really think you've done a fantastic job!

Bella :)

 Report Review

Review #6, by bellatrixlestrange123Flawless: Flawless

9th May 2014:
I'm so sorry this is a little late but I'm here with our review swap!

OK, so I love this! From the very outset it was so brilliantly heartfelt and warm to read! The feelings that you created for Fleur to embody - I think we've all been there with those feelings so it was a very relatable read, and that's always a good thing!

Also, you had such good imagery in there too! ' An inky black sky peppered with stars' is simple yet effective and I loved it! (Feeling a little jealous right now :p )

I think writing about how Bill got his scars and Fleur's feelings towards it was a wonderful path to go down, and then tying it in with love and person appearances just all seemed to fit in very well! And my did you make Bill charming!

Haha, keep up the great work!

Bella x

Author's Response: Here I am more late than you were! So sorry for the wait. :( Real life was evil and I didn't have enough time for HPFF. But anyways I hope this one makes up for it!

Wow, I'm so glad you liked it so much! I'm usually comfortable with writing angst and mystery so it makes me a little more happier to receive compliments for a fluffy story. :)

Hahaha don't be jealous! ;) You can also create great imagery by painting the scene before writing it down. I used to have problems with descriptions too!

Thank you! :) I've wanted to write Bill/Fleur for ages but never really had the chance to. This plot seemed perfect for the Taylor Swift lyrics I was given and also the colour pink and the feeling of love that I wrote it down. I'm glad you enjoyed it overall!

Thanks for the amazing review and again sorry for the late!

Ashwini


 Report Review

Review #7, by bellatrixlestrange123We Are One: It begins with pink

9th May 2014:
Here with our review swap! I'm sorry this is a little bit late but I have had no time to say on top of reviews ugh.

But anyway, Mystery's are my favourite!So I adored the whole criminal minds theme you had going on through the chapter, whether it was intentional or not, it worked really well!

The ominous mood at the start worked really well as well as writing in the third person. Not only did that really sort of intrigue me from the outset but it adds to the whole dire feel of a murder anyway.

I can't say I found myself really feeling all that sorry for the victim but hey, It's Umbridge so you can't really blame me :p But I think you did a great job at writing the scene because the balance between keeping it vague but still giving it detail was on point, well done!

So far, I'm really suspicious of Ginny (I know she doesn't have black hair but I can still think outside of the box, right?). I guess I'll just have to keep reading to find out eh?

Keep up the great work!

Author's Response: Hello, sorry for the late response!

Haha, it wasn't intentional, so that's really a great compliment! Thank you so much!

I wanted to switch between second and third person in order to better hide the identity of the killer, and make it a bit more relatable and thrilling. I'm glad it's working!

Is it horrible that I felt no remorse while writing about her murder? She's such a mean person. Not the torture, but killing her off wasn't difficult. :D

Hmm, Ginny. Interesting thought. Keep thinking out of the box, I love it. Maybe the aurors need to do that a bit more as well.

Thank you for the great review! I love getting to know people's thoughts about the killer. I hope you keep reading. :)


 Report Review

Review #8, by bellatrixlestrange123Weasley's in Egypt: Welcome to Egypt

10th February 2014:
Who doesn't love the Weasley's?! This was adorable to read! Bless Ron and his above suspicion attitude at times, it was so entertaining to read!

You have such a wide range of ability in the characters and plots you can write and you do all of them wonderfully! I loved the light hearted and family tone about this whole one shot, well done!

Author's Response: Finally getting to the last of your reviews!

I definitely agree, what sane person doesn't love the Weasley's?! They are by far one of the funniest, warmest and most welcoming people that I've ever come across! I'm so very glad to hear that you enjoyed the one-shot so much!

Thank you so much, I'm trying to expand my writing horizons so that I can have some experience and idea of how to write in other genres and other characters.

Thank you so much for the wonderful review!


 Report Review

Review #9, by bellatrixlestrange123Weasley's Spontaneous Fireworks: O Christmas Tree!

10th February 2014:
FIRST PLACE! *squel*

Ok, So I know that I have already reviewed this story but I just wanted to pop back again and formally congratulate you for writing a winning piece!

I chose this story for first place because I really liked where you went with it plot wise and you managed to bring that plot alive in a way that was funny, entertaining and an overall great read! I know that there was no specific genre to the challenge and in no way do I mean to be bias towards a light hearted read, but it seemed to work for you and that is why I think that this was the over all winning piece!

So once again, congratulations and keep up the amazing work!

Author's Response: I was really surprised to see that you'd left another review on this one-shot! Thank you so much for awarding me first place though! I hadn't thought I would place but this was a really pleasant surprise.

Thank you for the many compliments! I was hoping that it would be entertaining and funny to read but I wasn't entirely sure because I couldn't even make myself laugh while reading it.

Thank you so much for the lovely review and for awarding me first place!


 Report Review

Review #10, by bellatrixlestrange123Black Cadillac: Unfaithful

10th February 2014:
Oh wow, what a brilliant plot!

I've never really read a story like this before but it was great to feel that strong sisterhood vibe from Dom! haha,

I think that you did a brilliant job writing this; you got across Dom's thoughts and views and justified them perfectly. Hey, who wouldn't want to do that to a cheating cheater :p

And also, poor Amelia! your emotive side of writing is really good because I felt so sorry for her from the start!

All I can say Is I have no CC on this because it is so well written!

Keep up the great work!

Bella :)

Author's Response: Thank you, I thought it was a pretty good idea when I wrote the one-shot as well!

I'm glad that you liked the sisterhood vibe from Dom. I feel like Dom did what I personally think most girls do in general, we band together to take down a common enemy if we have one.

As someone who doesn't deal with emotions all that well, to hear for someone that I write emotion well is a huge thing for me and I'm very happy to hear that I really made you feel something for Amelia considering there isn't a lot to know about her in the one-shot.

I'm so happy to hear that you enjoyed it and thank you so much for your lovely review!


 Report Review

Review #11, by bellatrixlestrange123Erised Stra Ehru Oy: The Mirror of Erised

10th February 2014:
Hi there!

First of all, I am so sorry that the rest of your well earned reviews have taken so long for me to post but life has been way to hectic for me to even have had the time to write or respond to anything on this site ;(

But anyway, things have calmed down a little bit and so here I am!

Now, I know you said that you didn't have a particular story that you wanted reviewing so im quite glad about that because it gives me a chance to explore and give you feedback on your different styles of writing within different works.

Now, I love the way you have managed to use the idea of what Dumbledore's vision may have been when he looked into the mirror of Erised and turned into a very thorough and well connected one shot. It is always hard to write something as a one shot let alone in 500 words! So I think that you've done very well in capturing the whole essence of Dumbledore's very personal character in very few words.

I found the tone of the story towards the beginning to be quite ominios with the way you wrote of Dumbledore 'warning' Harry about not visiting the mirror. I don't know if this was intentional or not but it added to the expansion of Dumbledore's own character as someone who is obviously not a hypocrite but just an innocent plaster saint.

Over all, I think this was a lovely piece of work and you have great talent to write it all in just 500 words!

Well done!

Bella :)

Author's Response: Nah, it's not a problem. I had actually totally forgotten about the reviews so this came as a huge surprise to me to be perfectly honest. I'm so sorry for taking so long to reply to your reviews!

I've always been fascinated by what Dumbledore saw in the Mirror of Erised. Obviously he saw his family standing around him just like Harry did but I've always wondered what Dumbledore would see exactly. It means quite a lot to me to hear that I managed to capture Dumbledore's character in few words. It took me a while to get the one-shot working because I had to keep editing things in and out to hit the 500 word mark.

I'm so very glad that you enjoyed this one-shot and thank you for your amazing review!


 Report Review

Review #12, by bellatrixlestrange123Down Comes The Night: Chapter Four

27th December 2013:
Here for our review swap! I have been reading this story for a while so it was quite good that you offered a review swap because I always forget to review stories *guilty sigh*

Firstly, based on all of the previous chapters, I am completely in awe of your writing! It's so completely emotive and any problems your characters face, emotionally or empirical, are written so well that us readers are able to really empathize and wish, pray, beg for a solution :p

In any case though, I am here to review this chapter in it's own right :)

Firstly, you write Helga so well! Her nature is so caring and mother like and she reminds me of a younger Mcgonagall would be like, or what I have always imagined a younger version of her to be like. Also, I admire her morality and the way you write her values. Obviously they match the values of Hufflepuff house but it is always interesting to read about how those values got there :)

Slytherin is quite the character too and the scene with him and Helga in the dungeons was so well written! Aside from the fear and claustrophobia and the realistic feelings I got from the scene where Helga is trapped in the iron bars, the way Salazar handled the situation brought out his caring side. It seemed as though he opened up more now that she had seen a side of him not many had, or now that they have shared a common scary experience.

Over and above that, as I said before, you write problems very well and Godric's dilemma about bringing out the truth about his blood status was obviously something both him and Helga held important and I really felt that with your writing, well done!

All I can say is I cannot wait to carry on reading and keep up the great work!

Bella x

Author's Response: Hi Bella! Thanks so much for the swap, and I'm so sorry to have taken so long responding to your wonderful review. But I'm here now, and I really really appreciate all your kind words. And don't worry about forgetting to review! Haha we're all guilty of it :)

I'm so glad you like Helga! I've grown really attached to her over the course of writing this story, and I hoped that people would love her as much as I do. I love the comparison to McGonagall...I've never heard that said about Helga before, but it makes so much sense! And yes, she does have a very strong conscience that guides her. She does her best to follow it, but sometimes it's hard for her to live up to that standard she sets for herself.

I loved writing that dungeon scene! Helga is such a free spirit, so I thought one of her greatest fears would be feeling trapped in any way. Hence the bars :) And I just loved writing their connection in that moment. You're right, the experience of shared fear did bring them closer together :)

A lot of the conflicts and problems in this story are more internal than external. I wanted this story to be character-driven above all, so most of the drama tends to unfold from the characters' own thoughts, emotions, and personal hangups. I'm glad you felt that they were well done, because I did worry about that! I hoped that being inside Helga's head would be interesting enough without adding a lot of outside happenings. Plot-driven stories aren't really my strong suit. That may be why my narrators tend to be characters that over-think, or at least tend not to be very action-oriented. And I'd say Helga fits this bill :)

Thank you for the lovely detailed review, Bella! I'm so glad we got a chance to swap!

--Maggie


 Report Review

Review #13, by bellatrixlestrange123A Green Rose: The Welcoming Feast

27th December 2013:
Hi there!

I'm here as part of the 12 days of reviewing thread over at the forums!

First up, I love next gen stories so I was quite interested to see what you had done with this one! I really did like it and that's why I had to read on :)

I think the way that you started the first paragraph off was good to set the mood for the rest of the chapter pretty quickly. We know that Rose is the protagonist, at least for the first half and the fact that she is quite apathetic about the first years as her hunger comes first is very Rose like, and so her character is kept authentic through that.

Also, you've integrated humor into your writing very well; the line 'have they fallen into lake' was very effective! However, at first I thought you were talking about the elves preparing the food so I did get a little bit confused, but that's probably down to my own inattentiveness hahah

But wait! You wrote your own sorting hat song?! That was brilliant! I honestly thought that it was pre-written but seriously, well done! It is beyond my patience to write something that ingenious! The first verse:

‘I was just a normal hat,
Plucked from a wizard’s head,
When the founders of Hogwarts decided that,
I should sort students instead'

was really good, i'm jealous!

Over and above that, you did make me relatively hungry with your description of the feast! it was great! hahah

Now, for some CC. I do hate to give critique out because there really wasn't much to find faults with in your work. The only thing I can say is that I did find the writing a tiny bit jumpy in some parts. For example, after the sorting hat's song. The 'prospective' of the chapter moved to Scorpius but I found that it was a little bit arubpt and I had to read back to see if you had introduced his character and I had missed it. I just think that if you had added something like 'Across the room, at the Slytherin table, Scorpius grabbed a chicken drumstick...'. But of course, you being the author have poetic license to write however you wish!

All in all, well done for a lovely piece of work and I will definitely be reading on! Keep up the good work!

Bella :)

Author's Response: Cool! That's a really great idea and I'll have to check it out!

I'm glad you liked the characterisation of Rose, because it was difficult to write about characters that had never really been provided with a personality in the actual books. I like to think that Rose inherited a little bit from each of her parents, and I was really thinking of Ron here. That is, she takes after him in the sense that they are both solely motivated by their stomachs! ;)

I really loved writing the Sorting Hat song, although I cheated a little bit by changing the rhyme scheme of it... Oh well, that's what HPFF is all about!

And thank you for the constructive criticism, because it only makes me a better writer to receive it. I wrote these chapters so long ago, and sometimes I look over them and just cringe at the way I wrote them! Hopefully one thing I've got better at it making my writing more fluid, but I'll definitely be more careful from now on and bear in mind what you've said!

Thank you so much for your lovely review, and I hope you'll read the rest of the fanfiction and tell me what you thought of it! Also, I've got some more fanfictions coming up in the New Year, so if you feel inclined, I'd love you to have a read of those too! (Your reviews are so helpfully detailed that I'd love to see more of them!)

Alexis
:-)


 Report Review

Review #14, by bellatrixlestrange123A Savage Failure: Suddenly Everything has Changed

22nd December 2013:
Hi there!

Here to review this as part of the 'Nightmare Before Christmas Challenge' :)

OK, so I had to go back and check whether or not I gave you a prompt and I didn't, so well done for the original plot line.

I have never read slash before but oh my, you wrote this flawlessly. I loved it and the jumps in time really emphasized Charlie and Brad's protracted relationship.

I think you wrote issues that many homosexual couples may go through, such as telling their families and turned it into something relative to the Harry Potter world.

Not to be biased but I really did love the Christmas part of the story. And the way you toyed Fred's death into there really made it very sad.

Also, I will admit that I cried at the end; it was heartbreaking and over all this was lovely to read!

Bella x

Author's Response: Thank you so much for doing the challenge and for an awesome review!!!

You didn't give me a prompt but the idea behind your challenge gave me a lot of inspiration for the Christmas scene!!

I'm so glad you like Savage and Charlie's relationship. This was my first slash story so it's great to hear that it sounded realistic. It was fun bringing homosexual issues to the HP world.

^_^ The Christmas scene was my favorite to write. With two prompts for that section I had the most ammo to write with.

I like hearing when people end up crying reading my stuff. :D I mean, just because it means I was able to impact someone. ^_^

Thanks so much for a lovely review!
-Rose


 Report Review

Review #15, by bellatrixlestrange123Meissa: Anibel

5th December 2013:
Here for our review swap!

Oh my, this chapter was even better than the last. I am seriously oh so very jealous of your writing and the fact that it flows so naturally. You seem to include just the right amount of detail for the things that actually matter to the story. You don't waffle on and on and trust me, that's a talent!

I'm also loving how you've incorporated snape and regulus in here! Both polar opposites and you did a wonderful job as do doscribing them as that.

The only CC I have is that the spacing between the paragraphs made the chapter a bit hard to read but nothing to distracting to take the reader away from your lovely writing :)

Keep up he great work!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the lovely compliments! I must say, formatting around here has never been something I grasp easily. :p Though I know it's just me that's causing the issues, haha.

Thanks so much!

-Janelle


 Report Review

Review #16, by bellatrixlestrange123Meissa: Prologue

4th December 2013:
Here with your review swap!!

My, can I just say that I will definitely be reading on! I was in awe when I finished this chapter; it was so well written and crisp to read. What I mean by that is the fact that everything flowed really well and you included some lovely lovely imagery in there!

All the foreboding discription about the stone cottage really had me almost fearing for the girl as she passed through the woods towards it. Over and above that, you added a little bit of human nature into the discription too, especially when it came to writing about the trees! Well done :)

Also, Voldy ( I presume it's him) was scary dude, that's such an achievement to right so good!!

Keep up the great work! :)

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the lovely review! Voldy was, in fact, a scary dude. I'm very relieved that you feel as though I wrote him well enough. He is a character I'm extremely uncomfortable writing.

Thanks so much!

-Janelle


 Report Review

Review #17, by bellatrixlestrange123Creeper: Creeper

30th November 2013:
Hi there! I'm here for our review swap!

Your link was for 'through the darkness' but I've already reviewed it already, however as soon as you update it, PM me so I can review chapter 2 because I really would like to keep reading it :)

Ok, so on with the review! Firstly, round of an applause to you for writing such a brilliant one shot in just 500 words. It's an art that I most certainly don't think that I could ever pull off. Over and above that, you managed to use 500 words to create a rather hauntingly beautiful atmosphere and you maintained it effortlessly through the whole story.

I felt like there was this rather misty veil over my eyes and I was observing Teddy with my very own eyes. I could imagine him crying on the floor and almost floating through hogsmead and into the 'creeper's shop' and also, I felt like I was watching victorie's death. It was brilliant and with that one, one shot. I feel as though you truelly did capture the dexterity of writing beautifully.

The little voice/ Teddy's thoughts that you had as short sentences in italics also helped to add a very evocative mood to the story and added more to the quality that would fit any Halloween challenge! Well done!

Keep up the lovely work!

Bella x

Author's Response: How could I forget your amazing review for Through The Darkest? :D I'm glad you left another lovely one for Creeper!

Thank you for the applause! ;) It was not as hard as it sounds to fit everything in 500 words though. I'm basically not a descriptor and I like to keep my word count short, so it was kind of easy for me. :)

I'm glad you liked the one-shot overall. Teddy's thought in italics is my own favorite idea. I cut down a few words to fit the sentences in. :P I just had to add them, but I also had to fit everything in the word count.

Thanks for the lovely review Bella! :D

Ashwini


 Report Review

Review #18, by bellatrixlestrange123How I Killed my Lover -or - Why You should Never Love a Werewolf: Rusty Sweeping Skills

27th November 2013:
Hello! Here for our review swap :)

I really liked the way you opened this paragraph/story because it didn't 'beat around the bush' in anyway and just 'got on with it'. Also, the imagery was very good and really helped me and I hope all the other readers to get a very crisp and clear idea of how the protagonist was actually feeling.

Over and above that, I really liked the way your paragraphs flowed into each other very well and it was all very nice to read in the way that there were nothing that made the writing jumpy, so well done!!

I will be clicking next chapter as soon as I finish writing this!

Keep up the good work!

Bella x

Author's Response: I'm so glad you liked this!! This story (and its prequel) are kind of my pet stories. :D

Have you ever gotten an idea that flowed out in such a quick succession that it was bursting to get out? That is what happened with this story. It's great to hear that the chapter flowed well and wasn't jumpy to read!!

Thanks so much for an awesome review!

-Rose


 Report Review

Review #19, by bellatrixlestrange123Through The Darkest: A Case Worth Waiting For

27th November 2013:
Hello! Bellatrixlestrange123 here with our review swap!

Okay, so before I begin, can I just say that I found myself completely captivated as soon as I started to read. Your writing is very effortless and plain sailing and you painted lovely and crisp imagery in my mind with your words.

Your first paragraph or rather section of the chapter had such a element of tantalizing mystery with the use of phrases such as 'inky blackness of another night' and 'a tall slender hooded woman'. They was you have used such lovely imagery without giving too much away is an art!

I also really liked your introduction to the first main character who I presume will also the protagonist? Her very human and 'normal' like description after the mystery at the beginning was very nice to read :)

Over and above that, I think you handled the whole emotional side of Ginny's disappearance very well too. Hermione's hidden pain and Cressida's understanding and determination to solve the case added a very stable amount of emotion too!

Honestly, I cannot wait to read more!

Bella :)

Author's Response: I'm so glad the five years ago part seemed mysterious to you! I have written and re-written that part at least thrice, so it feels lovely to hear people talk nice about it. It was really hard to pull up the mysterious covers upon my story!

Well, Through The Darkest won't really have a protagonist. It's true that the case will be unfolded to the readers through Cress's eyes, but this story is of many characters like Harry, Ginny, Ron, Hermione and Teddy. As Cress doesn't really have any initial connection to the mystery, we can't say she's the protagonist at least right now. Hope I make sense! :)

Hope to see you back! Thanks for taking time to leave such a wonderful review! It really made my day. :)

Ashwini


 Report Review

Review #20, by bellatrixlestrange123On Air: On Air

25th November 2013:
Hi there!

So I guess you could say Mary and Reg are canon as far as it goes to being present in the books but the fact that they only Appleseed for a little while realy does give you the poetic license to write this as beautifully as you did.

The beginning was heart warming and I always like hat sort of stuff, a sort of flashback on how two people first met. Your writing was so emphatic with the reader that I found my heart breaking when Mary was taken away and Reg lost his job and poor Maisie!

I'm glad this ended on a happy note though and you really did a wonderful job with writing it.

Keep it up!!!

Bella x

Author's Response: Thanks you!! Yeah, it was kind of difficult to write about a canon character that's only mentioned briefly, but you're right there's a lot of room for creativity with that as well. And thank you for saying my writing is beautiful ♥

I'm so glad you liked the flashback in the beginning, and that you could really feel for the characters.

Thanks so much for your wonderful review!!


 Report Review

Review #21, by bellatrixlestrange123Winds of Desire: Caught Red Handed

24th November 2013:
Hi there!

I'm here for the review swap! Before I begin can I just say that this is a really interesting read and I will be reading chapter 2 as soon as I finish writing this up.

I really enjoyed how you left the suspense bit till the end and boy did you make me hate ron! And lavender ugh
Poor Hermione too! I'm rather excited to find out what happens next!!

Keep up the good work!

Bella x

Author's Response: Hey there! Thank you so much!!:) im glad you like it. Be warned that this was my very first fanfic;)

 Report Review

Review #22, by bellatrixlestrange123As Starling Fades: Rumour Number 1

24th November 2013:
Hi there!

I'm here for the review swap! Ok, so I wasn't sure what you wanted reviewing and you have such a wonderful collections of stories but I clicked on here since it seemed brand new and I guessed you'd want me to give it some love.

To start with, I reaaally enjoyed your idea of making the main character a celebrity, I've hardly er read fics like that and it worked so well! I really like your style of writing too; it's very concise and to the point yet detailed also. So well done!

I think you did a very good job in turning modern day celebritism and how the lives of other people is such a big aspect of other people's lives and molded it perfectly into the world of harry potter!

I can't wait to read your other stories! Keep it up!

Bella x

Author's Response: Hi!

I'm glad you liked this! And yay for celebrity status! And thank you, I'm blushing (I am, I swear!)!

And it worked with the magical world? YAY! Thank you for saying that, I'm so happy!

Thank you so much for this and I'm excited to read some of your other stories as well!
Lo:)


 Report Review

Review #23, by bellatrixlestrange123Broken Crown: Scorches.

14th November 2013:
Hi there!,

I'm here for the review swap :)

I will be honest, I've never read a Andromeda fic before so I was very interested when I clicked on here. Also, you had such an enticing summery too, which made it all the more special *sqeee*

Anywayyy,I really liked the way that you started the chapter off. Your representation of Lucius as being a very bijou and almost raw-boned type of kid really was original and I think that it really helped to make your story and writing all the more unique! And that is great! Also, Lucius' curiosity also helped to add infinite amounts of originality onto your chapter because when I read Lucius fics where he is a child, he's always very aware of himself and the things around him. So again, well done!

I think that your portrayed innocence and childlike ways of thinking really well too! The line 'she hauled Andromeda into the corridor and told her she was to marry this Lucius boy, no arguments. Andromeda nodded and tried to tell Mother about Bella but she ignored her' really highlights the way a child thinks! Andromeda is very unpretentious and as green as grass!

I look forward to reading more! This was written very very well!

Keep up the good work! :)

Author's Response: Hi there!

I've never really written/read many before wither, so I'm so glad that I enticed you over here with the summary I thought was terrible :P

I'm glad that you liked the characterisation of Lucius, because I always thought he was a bit of a wimp. He never really stood by his beliefs always changing so he didn't get into trouble so I guess I tried to show that here. Aw, it just means so much to me hearing that you liked Lucius so much because he was such a fun character to write, well they all were but you know :P

Thanks again for saying that you liked it as it means a lot! I'm going to try to show other sides of Andromeda to make her more multi-dimensional and real but I think the good image of her works well so far.

Thank you for these really lovely comments, and I do hope you carry on reading! ♥

-Kiana


 Report Review

Review #24, by bellatrixlestrange123In the Cave: Into Darkness

6th November 2013:
Hi there!

I'm here for the review swap!

Now, I clicked on here because I am always interested to see what people can do with just 500 words and oh my, you wrote that little short story in 500 words and it was brilliant!

It was good of you to choose at least one familiar character (Tom) and then use the voice of someone new (Amy). The character choice was really perfect as this was for a Halloween challenge and we all know Tom's one of the scariest thing around :p

I loved loved loved the description and the way you wrote Amy's fear. It vaguely mirrors the way you wrote fear in your fear short stories but it still very original and your fear stories were wonderful so that is definite a complement!

You also wrote Tom's anger and instability very well and for me, a younger angry Tom is ten times scarier than an older angry Tom. So well done!

Keep up the good work!

Bella x

Author's Response: HI!!!

Let me tell you, 500 words was quite hard. I mean, I wanted to expand on Amy and Dennis and give them more depth but I couldn't in such a short story. I'm so thrilled to hear that it was brilliant. :D

I thought it was good to use canon characters (even if Amy and Dennis are only names on a page in HBP) because it would be impossible to build someone from scratch for this fic. :D I'm so glad this seemed like a good Halloween story too.

I did definitely have fear on the brain when I wrote this. It's great that this was distinct from the other series in how fear is displayed and manifested. The fear here was very in the moment and situational.

wow- I'm quite flattered that Tom seemed scarier than his older self. I imagine that having him so unstable would be quite disconcerting.

Thank you so much for a wonderful and kind review!!
-Rose


 Report Review

Review #25, by bellatrixlestrange123Flowers in the Garden: Taking a Nap

2nd November 2013:
Hi Hi Hi!

OK, so I was rather happy about reading this since your 'Moment Of Fear' is finished and I always enjoy reading your works. Especially since I was hoping to take part in both these challenges before school got in the way ugh :(

Anyway, on with the review!

I think the notion behind this story was so sweet. Ariana's thoughts so childlike and innocent for someone who had the problems that she did. You did a brilliant job in portraying her as sweet and harmless but when the magic side of her took over she could do nothing to control it.

It was heartbreaking reading about Ariana and her mother's relationship and her constant attempts to hide Ariana in the house. It was especially harrowing when Ariana started to sing a lullaby to her mother, not realizing that she was in fact dead.

The ending to the story was very key to if you think about how Aberforth was meant to grow very fond of his sister after his mother's death. It was very heartfelt and real and moving!

Well done and all the best with the challenge! If you need anything else reviewing don't hesitate to PM me!

Bella x

Author's Response: Hi!!!

I didn't know you finished Moment of Fear - I hope you liked it!! :D I'm sorry you didn't get a chance to enter these challenges. I struggled to get this out at the last moment.

I seriously debated on how to write Ariana. I wasn't sure if she would be at the same developmental level as kids her age (I believe she was 14 or so) because of the trauma she faced. Anyway, I am really glad it worked out well.

I was trying to break a few hearts with the lullaby scene. It was hard for me to write (emotionally).

Showing Aberforth and Ariana's relationship was the only happy thought I could think to end on.

Thank you so much for this awesome review! I'll be sure to PM you if I get another story to exchange.

-Rose


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>