It must have killed you not to write the Quidditch scene.
Buy some tickets to the gun show.
- Waking up from unconsciousness Freddie is silly.
I couldn’t take my eyes off her. I knew she didn’t want to be there. She probably wanted to be upstairs studying with Scorpius Malfoy, but she was here. In the hospital. I had no idea what happened, but suddenly I was reminded of when I skinned my knee when I was nine and Rox wouldn’t leave my room until it was properly bandaged and I had ice to stop the swelling. She brought me her teddy bear to make me feel better.
- Their relationship makes me so sad. I need to know what happened and that they can move past it.
“I can survive. James has unconsciously volunteered to bring me sweets.”
“I’m so considerate,” he muttered.
I'm so stressed by Annie and Ryan. Their relationship with Freddie is so different! Annie and Freddie are built on friendship and mutual respect and cuteness. Ryan and Freddie are 100% heat and chemistry. And both of those are good things! Why can't we just combine them into one person and make this a fun rom-com instead? Ayan? Or Rannie? Or Margaret? Anywho, Ryan has the chance to grow into mutual respect and understanding plus heat. Which is good. But Annie is also great and grounds him. I'M SO CONFLICTED!
I dog-eared the book (causing her to twitch)
- Yes. I too have that compulsion.
I see your Doctor Who reference you sneaky little goose!
Well I guess there goes my conflicted feelings. Except I still think those two crazy kids could make it work! AGH!
Things getting real again on the baby front. Glad she is letting him in more and that he is trying more. Even if they don't end up together or anything, it would be nice for the kid for the two of them to be friends at least.
I know what that means.THE BRAND FRIGIDAIRE COMES FROM FRIGID AND AIR BEING COMBINED, MEANING THAT A FRIGIDAIRE IS ACTUALLY COLD AIR WHICH IS WHAT A FRIGIDAIRE DOES, AND THIS WAS ALL DONE ON PURPOSE BY THE MAKERS OF FRIGIDAIRE!...is what he will realize...yeah... Report Review
The fact is that I am the worst. Literally the worst. I apologize for my horrible lack of loyalty and contribution to this relationship. I know I've promised before, but I really mean it this time. I will review! Just know that I read everything.
For the story up to this chapter, I love it. Very different for you. I like that you are challenging yourself with a much more serious story and subject. Liking the characters and what you are doing with them a lot.
Oh erotic novels. I am not sure if you are aware, but there are short erotic stories at the end of Cosmo. During recent Crafternoon sessions (where a group of us listen to music, make friendship bracelets, modpodge, etc), those stories have been featured as dramatic readings. Some insight into my college life to enlighten you.
“Please don’t be gone in the morning.”
- Awww. This hit me in the gut.
The room was dark, curtains drawn against the morning sun, so my eyes took a moment to adjust before I realized George was awake. He was sitting at the head of the bed, in the center, knees pulled to his chest as he rocked repeatedly into the headboard, sobbing. His fingers twisted in his hair.
I abandoned the tray on the dresser and fell into bed with him, pulling him into my arms. Light flooded in from the living room. His tears were wet against my shirt.
It was hard to see someone I cared about that much break like waves against rocks. His body shook. Eventually his fingers left his hair and clutched the back of my shirt. My body. He clung to me as he wept.
“He’s gone,” George whispered eventually. “He’s actually gone.”
- Okay, the last one hit me in the gut. This hit me in the heart. I feel so much for him. This is how I grieve. You captured it almost perfectly for me.
The way they get together feels natural. The emotions make sense with the actions that follow. It just works. I'm really glad you are telling this story.Author's Response: You're just a mean-hearted individual. Did you know that? JUST MEAN. I'VE BEEN LEFT HERE SOBBING.
I'm glad you are enjoying the story thus far. You're right in that it's very different of my fanfics. Usually I love humor and I did lace this with some humor, but it was just a story I had to tell. I knew it wouldn't be popular because most people don't want to read sad stories as much as I don't wnat to write them... but there are good things in the sadness, which is why I like it so much.
That is HILARIOUS. A Cosmo reading. I love that.
I think what I like the most about George's process is that it confuses even him. He doesn't understand and then suddenly it hits him...and this happens to him several times a day. I think a lot of people don't quite understand that so I wanted to showcase it with George.
Thank you so much and I hope you like the last chapter! Report Review
Okay, just give me two hours to drool and then I'll get back to this review. My life is dedicated to his collar bones.
Okay, I'm back. Wow.
Sneaking out was less thrilling than I thought it would be, considering I just opened the window, climbed out, and was back on the deck.
-I forgot Scorpius was still shirtless. That is all the thrill I need in my life. Stop being so picky, Rose.
“Care you enlighten me?”
“Put on a brave face, Gryffindor. I’ll let you figure it out for yourself.”
- I love the theme of Bravery and what it means to different people throughout this story. And I love that Scorpius knows what he is doing to help Rose figure it out.
The further I stepped, the darker it got until it became difficult to identify trees from boulders from Scorpius Malfoy.
- Scorpius is the one with the collar bones. The ones you could see even in death because they are the collar bones of an angel.
Scorpius Malfoy, who was not dark, but had the tall and handsome thing going for him.
“Did you really jump?”
“I really jumped.”
“Let me guess. Leap of faith?”
“Why are you skeptical of everything?”
I turned. His eyes were on mine, though it wasn’t easy to tell. My wand was at my hip. “I don’t see the point, I guess.” Was there one? Jumping off a cliff blind? Spending five hours in a stream with a net?
- I love how different the two of them are. Scorpius is a dreamer and has the soul of a philosopher but has to take on so much responsibility. Rose is always practical even though she is actually an artist. I love how they have the opportunity to explore themselves together and figure out who they are by examining themselves and each other. They learn from one another.
Never trust someone who asks you to trust them. Even with collar bones from heaven.
A moment later and there was a large splash beside me. Scorpius flipped his hair away from his face. I could tell he was grinning.
“It’s cold!” he announced, laughing.
- And that was the moment I fell in love with Scorpius. This chapter.
Rose should stop complaining about Scorpius being half naked. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.
“You could say that.” I smiled. It was true. Since I was little I’d always gone on adventures with Dad, sitting atop his shoulders. We went everywhere together.
- Rose and Ron remind me of my father and me.
“Tell me about all of the brave things you’ve done since the sorting hat told you that you were a Gryffindor.” Scorpius was grinning again, that charismatic grin that ensnared so much of Hogwarts.
“I have stopped a puppy from digging up the garden at Grandmum’s,” I noted with a cheeky smile.
“Did you have a cape? You should have had a cape.”
“Will you make me a cape?” I asked.
Scorpius bit down on his bottom lip. “Scarlet and gold?”
“How about a nice rosy red?” I asked, nudging him back with my foot.
“Do you still like squid?”
“Are you still afraid of them?” I was impressed he remembered the conversation. I wondered if it had been on his mind for the better part of six years like it had mine. I was still trying to figure out exactly what he meant. I was plenty brave. Or maybe I wasn’t. What did he mean by girls should be brave and not boys?
He smiled almost sheepishly. “I told you we haven’t warmed to each other yet.”
“No.” Scorpius stretched his back and it popped. “No, I don’t. I’m usually pretty busy during the summer at home tending to…things. And at school...”
“Don’t want to catch a mermaid,” I teased. “Or a squid.”
“I can’t believe you remember that,” Scorpius said softly, kicking at the sand.
- So much in that passage right there. Humor, chemistry, foreshadowing, repetition of themes, perfect characterization of Scorpius, etc. Beautifully done. I love how much they have both thought about the talk in the boat. A 10 minute boat ride has stayed with them and meant so much.
“Worried about being robbed? Just lock your window at night.” He chuckled. Like he was really funny or something. “I don’t know, Rosey. Few kilometers? Want to borrow a measuring stick? It’ll give you something to do. Better yet, let’s have Hugo do it. He’s already being a pain this morning.”
- Ron. I love him. I'm not sure yet if I totally agree with how you portray Ron and Hermione, but I'm trying to figure it out. You do a very good job, but I want JK Rowling characterization here. You nail it with Malfoy. I'll let you know if Ron and Hermione for sure mesh with my idea of how they would be as adults. But Ron is hilarious.
“Hey, out of curiosity, are you still in contact with Mr. Malfoy?”
Dad looked over, his ginger brow raising. “I haven’t saved him from a fire recently, but we speak at events.”
Ron calls Rose: Turkey
Hugo, stop being so moody. It's irritating. This is why girls want to date older guys. They don't sulk as much.
That is the great thing about black bras. You can just use them as bathing suits.
I also want to know more about Rose's family and friends. Not necessarily as characters, but more small mentions like in this chapter.
Love everything about this story!Author's Response: Your life is dedicated to his collar bones... well, I can't say I blame you there. Many a life has been lost at the hand of collar bones.
Bravery is definitely something that takes on a lot of different meanings throughout the story, whether spoken about or not. Gets rather deep.
Just never trust Scorpius Malfoy.
Rose and Ron remind me of my father and me as well. It's a great thing to have.
I hope I live up to your expectations for Ron and Hermione. In my opinion, which is obviously biased, I think they are spot on since they can't actually be the same people they were at 17. They've grown and matured and been through things that changed them as people, including having two kids. So I hope you jump on board :)
You'll see Ron calls Rose a lot of things...all related to food, actually.
thanks so much for the amazing review! So glad you're enjoying the story! Report Review
Look who is getting stuff done. This girl!
Al and I weren’t normal brothers. Okay, we were. By blood. And we slept in the same house and there may have been a few instances growing up where I stole his toy broom and chucked it out the window for him getting more pudding than me at dinner. May have. Those were speculation. Otherwise, we had a different relationship than most brothers.
- You love writing James.
If I had a window onto a dragon enclosure, the curtain would be open constantly.
He had his eye on her for the last few days of the year, finally asking her to get dinner during the feast. She laughed and said she was already having it, but gave him a rain check.
- Aww. They both sound cute.
God, James. He is so Jamesy. I can't get over it. I just love James!
I very much approve of Charlie's decorating!
various toys. When I asked about it the first day, Charlie shot me a look.
“Just because it’s a dragon doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be amused,” he said.
- Go Charlie!
I like how you use the Great Hall and Entrance Hall for size comparison. Most people here know how big it is, or at least have an idea in their head, from the books and movies. And it is in character.
I'm listening to "The Ballad of Billy the Kid" while reading this. Read "William" and immediately dubbed him Billy the Dragon.
It was full of dead fish.
It smelled like it was full of dead fish.
James is sooo DRAMATIC!
Poor sneezy dragon, did the mean boy tickle you and make you sneeze?
The three somethings. We had yet to come up with a name because every time we tried we were too drunk and thought up things like The Three Firewhiskeys, The Three Button Blazers, and The Three Sided Leaves. Quality.
- The Three Quality Blokes.
“Probably because you just licked her face, James,” Al said, grabbing me around the middle and tugging me toward him. “You gunna tell Mum?”
“That I licked that girl’s face?” I stared after her. There were like four of her. And each had a hot arse. “Probably not. I mean, maybe. No promises.”
-Drunk Potters! Drunk Potters are the best Potters.
I decided to knock. “Oy, Charlie!” I cried. Not that Charlie would be right inside the west door and waiting to let us in.
Great, now I was going to get eaten by a dragon. I wasn’t even sober enough to put up a fight.
But I would Lumos the > out of it.
Awww. Such a sweet moment between the two of them. That was cute.
And then hilarity again. And a fetching dragon. A dragon who plays fetch, not an attractive dragon. Although he may be. I don't know.
I like Charlie.
“You like his girlfriend?”
“Girlthing,” I corrected. “And she’s all right.”
“So you hate her?”
“Can’t stand her face,” I said.
“James does,” Charlie said, grinning at me. I stared. “Just think of it like hunting dragons.” He smirked. “Hunting cold, lazy dragons in a bag.”
Loved it! So funny! I was laughing the entire time. Except when they were having deep moments. Those moments worked well because they had communication, maturity, and then loads of joking around.
So great!Author's Response: WHOA! Look at this long review to a one-shot! Ballin!
Is it that obvious I love writing James? haha.
He really is so Jamesey.
I love Charlie. I ship Charlie with me sometimes.
BILLY THE DRAGON. *insert wild west theme song*
James is so dramatic. I am so dramatic. ALL OF THE DRAMA.
I have a soft spot for drunk Potter boys. James and Al should get drunk in the sequel.
That Lumos line makes me laugh every time.
Thank you so much! So glad you liked it :) Report Review
So you know what I think. I love it. I will review and try to keep up with this one. Then all I have left is half of HS and all of BTQC. I want to wait a few chapters before I start to review Hormones. And of course, I have to finish Ramita's story.
Priorities: YCMM, HS, BTQC and Hormones, and this as it comes. Okay? I know you hate it but deal.
I love the first line. Absolutely love it. It drew me right in and I can't get over it every time I read it.
I also can't get over the first scene. Sets up so much of there characters, but not in the way you think. It also made me love Scorpius right away. Turns out now I need to pick between Neville, Doger, and Scorpius. The more I think about it, Doger is out. Just a smidge more arrogant than the others. So Scorpius v. Neville. Thank god Manclaw Hotraven is gay, or I would have to put him in the mix as well.
I love how Scorpius is just one of those people who put everyone at ease and is comfortable in most social situations. I also like how you don't make them hate/love each other throughout their school years. Way to avoid that cliche! (Not that you wouldn't have been able to pull it off with aplomb.)
I am also liking Rose being self conscious about her body. Most of the girls you write are gorgeous and know it. She is like a normal girl, flashing between okay and hating her body.
I would love to know more about this story's Potter/Weasley children. They all sound so interesting! Dom sounds like Alicia. Any way you could work them in a little more?
The "Bravery Question". I like it. Make sure you answer it. Or whatever your intention is. But answer it for Rose and Scorpius at least.
Reading this chapter, I am struck by how much growth Rose has throughout.
Every time I picture Scorpius fishing in the stream I laugh.
Her top from being 12 still fits? She either developed early or is a surfboard. Both have their own share of embarrassment. Poor girl.
God, Draco loves her.
AH! I LOVE HIM!
Poor Rose, already totally embarrassed. How often can that happen in 30 days?
“How long have you been out here?” I called.
“Few hours.” Scorpius shrugged.
“How long is a few?” I looked around to see if any creatures had escaped the bucket.
“I heard you,” I said. “Do you think maybe a net might not be the best option for what you’re trying to accomplish?”
Scorpius looked over and then glanced at his net. “And what if I’m not trying to accomplish anything?”
“Then why do it?” I asked.
“Satisfaction.” He shrugged and went back to peering into the water.
- I love what this says about Scorpius and the two very different places Rose and Scorpius are coming from. Plus, instant chemistry. Dreamy/Introspective/Self Possessed Scorpius is my love.
Also shirtless Scorpius. He is also my love.
“Didn’t you date Lysander Scamander last year?” he asked. “Pretty sure he was naked all the time.”
Truth. Lysander just hated clothes.
Dad was beside her, attacking the stove with his wand as he attempted to get it to light.
- Oh, Ron, I love you too. Not in the same way as Neville and Scorpius, but I love you dearly. Like a slightly off best friend.
“Do you even know how to jog?” I asked.
“I’ve heard it’s just walking quickly.”
“Or running slow,” I said, shrugging.
- I love them together. Sort of reminds me of me and my dad. Except he was a state champion cross country runner. So pretend they are talking about playing soccer or something.
HORMONES! Somebody is plugging...
No matter how different things were, they could always be blended in some capacity.
And she flails again. Well done, Rose.
LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS STORY!!!Author's Response: Aw, I miss your amazing reviews.
I AM NOT GOOD AT DEALING. Just kidding. Take your time. Can't wait to see them :)
HAHA between Neville and Scorpius. I think Manclaw Hotraven may switch his preferences for a night with you. I mean, let's be honest. You're a BARTENDER. There's a song about that!
I'm glad you liked my approach to ScoRose. I didn't want to use a formula with it. But Scorpius sort of reminds me of Peeta in the sense that he can put people at ease. I like that.
Glad you like Rose as well. She's very down to earth.
There will be more Weasley references in the story, though for the most part it will be very narrowly centered on the pair of them. There are a few appearances at the end of the story though.
Dont worry, it's answered. Several times.
A lot in 30 Days. Trust me.
I love introverted Scorpius. He's so ... dreamery. I don't know. There's something really attractive and musey about him.
No idea where that came from about Lysander. I feel for him.
I love Ron and Rose. I'm so happy I have an opportunity to write Ron, as he is my favorite character from the series. I've been itching to write him.
Thanks so much for the review! I can't wait to see what you think of the rest of the story! Report Review
Mention of Danny Boy!
Mrs. Wood is Ms. Bingley. Except she secretly harbors fugitives so she has a soul. Oliver is more like Mr. Darcy than Charles. Arrogant and upper class with a secret heart of gold v. sweet and loving and charming.
Bridget's dress sounds horrid. And I love the details about her put on accent.
I'm so glad that the two of them had an actual conversation. Makes her seem more like a character with a background than some villain. Alas, never the two shall meet sans poison.
I can never get over the heartbreaking irony that Mr.Wood is named Atticus.
ALICIA! I always forget how much I love her and everything she is and does.
Eh. I liked it. If no one else did, well, I had just taken out Bridget. I’d take them out too.
Alicia kicked her in the side for good measure. “That’s what you get for attacking Gryffindors, bitch.” She smirked and we left, arm in arm, to find the rest of our group.
S++y smooth Oliver.m.
Will this be rejected for that phrase? I'll change it.
And then he is so sweet introducing Jane to her favorite player. He loves her.
And I love how Morgan throws her drink on some Random Falcon and just doesn't care.
“You’ll be coming out to some Harpies games this year, right? They’ll be fun since we’re so damn good. Yes, Oliver, that good.”
Alicia should join the Harpies. She would fit right in! CHANGE THE EPILOGUE!
“One day,” he said quietly, leaning over the edge of the balcony, “One day I’m going to marry you, Perry. Plan your life accordingly.”
And then I died.
Liam...such a sweet little dweeb when it comes to the girl he likes.
I'm finally reviewing again. Or making random comments about the chapter. Maybe I can review a chapter like an actual reviewer. I can be mean and snarky and everything. Let me know.Author's Response: I love all of the P&P references. I also love when I watch something and the following chapter gets all of its inspiration from that. You can tell which BTQC chapters are inspired by Friends.
I love the name Atticus. And you're right. Agony. But love. LOVE.
Everything is always rejected, I wouldn't feel bad.
Alicia really should. Maybe she tried out for them. And then they wanted her to be on time to things so she hexed them and left. Yes, it's canon.
I miss your reviews. All of them. Long. Short. Medium. I love seeing them. Thanks for this one!
Fantastic chapter! I love how girly it is!
Mr.P is a baking pro! My dad and I bake together as well. We make fantastic pies for all special occasions.
Stupid Swiss Reserve Team Girl with MY Doger! I don't think so! Even though I do like her and I want them to be happy. You know, I'm sure that Gaia in BTQC would go for an older man. Named Doger.
Oliver says that laughing is just a start? Silly Olli. Doesn’t he know that if a guy can make a girl laugh, he pretty much has her? Good thing he is so Scottish and arrogant that he doesn't need to try to get a girl. Except for Jane. But that was because he didn't admit to his feelings and pains.
“So let me get this straight,” Alicia said. Her arms were folded and she was sitting on the edge of my bed. “Oliver got a raise and he’s not sharing any of it with me?”
- He is just so inconsiderate!
Except Katie because she was still delusional.
- I just want to hit the two of them over the head in these chapters! So irritating! Because they are so perfect for each other. I hope that they take it slow when they are back together. I just feel like that would work better than them just being right back where they were before the fight.
My hair looked like it was out of a horror film. Who let me run around like that?
- Haha! I love old pictures of people! It is particularly tantalizing to see old pictures of teachers.
I’d just swipe some of Hogwarts’ desks or the four-poster. They wouldn’t miss it.
- That quote sounded a lot like James to me. He would steal one out of the millions of empty classrooms. What are they there for? I don't know?!
“You two are so stupid,” Alicia said. “I swear, I feel like it’s back at the retreat and you’re Ang and I’m me telling you you’re stupid.”
- See every vent about GeoKat's stupidity. Also see all praise of Alicia. Refer to "The Retreat" for awesomeness.
I think Katie should stay home after school. If she stays with Thelma she can hear all the juicy stories. And then supplement her Quidditch career by becoming a novelist using the juicy stories for inspiration. Stovetop Stories. Or you know, a creative name.
We rushed out of the bedroom since Dad wasn’t there to open it, each of us wondering if it was someone famous and lost at the door.
- If only...
DANNY BOY! I DEMAND MORE DANNY BOY! AND LIBBY! I DEMAND IT! IF NOT YOU WILL FEEL MY WRATH! AND EXPERIENCE MY RAGE! AND ALICIA WILL TURN ON YOU AND DESTROY YOU! Because even she wants them, if only to mock.
Complete with riffraff references.
- I love how the sounds work in this sentence. Alliteration for the forever win!
It’ll definitely be a place to see and be seen.”
“So we’ll be in the nineteenth century?” Alicia groaned.
- She could break out Luxe Bevington again. It sounds like a very 19th century name.
I love how hard Lou and Jane are trying to make it work. They both really love Mr.P. Although I can’t really remember that much about that...Ahem...
Alicia just grabbed the nearest dresses to her and then made fun of one in a mustard color.
- So much love!
I would choose Ang's dress. I like to wear bright colors and the material looks amazing. This chapter brings back so many memories of shopping for dresses. Homecoming, prom, weddings, benefits, Halloween... I can't even imagine being you! I love Say Yes to the Dress, but it makes wedding dress shopping look so intimidating! So props to you and all brides!
“I wanted to see what you would look like with a bun in the oven,” Alicia replied. “I could take a picture and show Wood so he’d get freaked out.”
- This is just the best idea ever. So fantastic.
"I meant like whom. Oliver wasn’t exactly specific.”
- I love her grammar. Katie is so posh.
Idiot stick is sneaky and Jane isn’t. But Jane also has the Chasers on her side.
I waited for Angelina to finish fighting with the straigtener. She swore it hated her. I swore it didn’t have emotions.
- I swear that Ang is right. Even muggle beauty products have the capacity to hate people and their hair. I can't imagine the devastation that magical products can wreak.
Suddenly he stopped and backed away, tongue visible. “Angelina bleeding Johnson,” he breathed.
- I love Fred.
“Ang, pull me away, I’ll cheat! I’ll do it!”
- Still love him! If I couldn't have Doger or Liam, I would take him.
Now the big question is this: Did Lee pick some of the Wood's flowers and give them to Alicia? Let me know.Author's Response: Send me a pie. I demand to be the pie-tester of this friendship.
I think you're right about Gaia in BTQC. She would totally dig an older guy. She'll have to ask Kay Davies about her father one of these pub trips.
I love Oliver and how oblivious he is, get how perceptive he is. It's a unique combo to be sure. He doesn't realize what he has.
The old pictures bit came directly from me finding old pictures of myself when I was like...12. Which was years and years ago as you know. I have no idea who was in charge but my clothes and hair styles were unacceptable.
HAHA! You're right. That's a very James-esque quote. Jane has some moments throughout both stories like that. A huge cue that they come from the same brain lol.
You will have your Danny Boy and Libby. But not for a bit.
Haha, I agree. I loved shopping for dresses for Homecoming, Turnabout, Prom, etc. Wedding dress shopping was so overwhelming but it was an absolute blast. I was actually a little sad I found my dress because I didn't get to go try on anymore! :) I saw a cute one while out with my bridesmaids the other day and I had to stop myself because obviously it wasn't as amazing as my dress...but I still wanted to put it on.
I love Fred too! Gah!!
Yes, Lee most definitely did. He's a flower-stealing sort of bloke. This is not to be confused with pram-pushing.
Thank you SO much for the amazing review! I look forward to all of your splendid reviews!! Report Review
Well this chapter is just a tour de force for Alicia. Which means that I love it. Because it's Alicia. Mix Alicia with Jane's sarcasm and cynicism, and that is me. At least I like to think so... And there is shrimp. The best food ever. So there will be an onslaught of favorite quotes. Prepare yourself.
And somehow I missed the fact that this was dedicated to me. I feel like an idiot. THANK YOU SO MUCH! I feel really bad now! BUT THANK YOU! I WILL DESERVE IT WHEN MY SPREE OF REVIEWS IS DONE. Almost... And to be clear, I am completely on board with George and Katie. Just not the name GeoKat. Because it sounds like geometry. Although... What if it is some Super Cat with the power to solve complex geometry problems in order to save the day. And, when not using the supername GeoKat, the cat goes by Malicious. I might draw a short comic strip now. UPDATE! I AM NOW ON BOARD WITH GEOKAT!
Oliver had just a salad for dinner? I’ve never heard such a thing concerning an athlete. Are they running low on food again?
DARN THE MEMBERS OF GEOKAT AND THEIR STUPIDITY!!! I feel so much frustration towards them!!!
I got there early so I could snog Oliver in peace, but unfortunately so did Alicia (not to snog, obviously) so I poked her in the ribs.
- Given a chance, Alicia would snog Oliver. I mean, with that body?
“Let’s see. I have makeup in case Katie looks like a slob. Napkins in case I have to slap both of them with one. A Puddlemere shirt I made myself.” She held it up and it looked like she made it herself. Alicia needed to paint inside the lines. “Oh, and I have a horn to cheer on the team.”
- She is like a boyscout. Always prepared! I also love her lack of artistic ability and lack of caring about that lack.
I love how Lee always randomly picks flowers for Alicia from where ever they are meeting. It is just so perfect!
“Think of it as improv,” Alicia said cheerfully. “We can all play characters! I’ll be mysterious, yet light and airy since no one knows I really hold lots of secrets in my full, luxurious head of shiny hair.”
- Oh, Alicia. How I love you. That's why her hair is so big, it's full of secrets.
“Suit yourself. I already had a name for my character. Luxe Bevington. How does that sound?”
- It sounds divine, Alicia. How did you come up with that name?
That might have an effect on Oliver’s ability to see the Quaffle, but he was wonderful so I didn’t doubt him.
- Imagine if Oliver ever heard Jane's thoughts about him? His head would get so big that you could hide Grawp behind it!
Alicia walked around like she owned the place.
“Yeah, I was over here already. This is where we did lunch after the practice,” she said arrogantly and I laughed.
- Of course. She will be the star chaser next year. And, you know, that is just who she is. LOVE IT!
Both were manned by blokes in black ties with funny mustaches.
- I picture the epic handlebar mustaches. Which is spelled like must-aches. You know, the mustaches that are often drawn on sombrero wearing stick figures.
George with fiery eyes! How can Katie resist? God knows that I couldn't. Stupid GeoKat members...
Ang will be such a great captain! She already has the right tone and isn't afraid to hit people on the back of the head. She is half epic captain and half Gibbs.
beau waving to the waves of supporters
- Is there anything not perfect about that phrase? Seriously. It might be the best thing you have ever written. I'm only slightly exaggerating.
Katie was back to talking to Angelina. Well, yelling, but who could tell?
- Nah, I'm sure nobody noticed...
we drank, ate, and were pretty darn merry
- As you should be!
One thing you NEVER DO is eat all the shrimp when drunkenly invited into someone’s private sports box. Leave at least three.
Angelina and I were hovering at the edge of the box trying to see if Liam was as gorgeous far away as he was up close.
- You have to say this next sentence as if you are hearing Joey say it, and it doesn't matter that he wouldn't say it to Liam. Yeah he was.
I nearly leapt over a chair to get to them and show that Swedish bloke what I’d learned in Hogwarts, but George beat me there. He, apparently, had no desire to show the guy any sort of painful hexes or jinxes. His fist met the jaw bone of Swedish Meatball and the bloke went flying right into the wall.
- She is like a love ninja! Love the name for the darn Swedish Meatball who ate all the shrimp. YEAH, GEORGE!!! Showing Swedish Meatball what you learned on the streets!
Ang went to find the people that would bring us more shrimp
- About time. The platter should just have a spell that replenishes shrimp.
- So much love!
"Oh, did we win?” said Fred. “You know what else won? This bleeding shrimp. So good. Like, succulent and stuff. Fing mouth-watering except when you have it in your mouth then it’s just saliva.”
- Oh, Fred, how are you so freaking great? Shrimp always wins! And so smart, even when blitzed!
Fred was dancing the sprinkler.
- Read this like the koolaid guy. Ooooh yeah!
He motioned to me. “Jane did cardio?”
“Jane attempted cardio.”
I took offense to that.
- Hahahahahaha. I love how matter of fact everyone is about Jane's cardio fail
Finally GeoKat makes some progress. And some regress. And maybe some more progress. All said and done, I would say that it breaks about even with optimism for future exchanges.Author's Response: I am so excited for this review. Seriously. And you're right. I give Alicia a lot of screen time because she's my second favorite. Behind Fred. I have to be careful though so my secondaries don't steal too much limelight. Haha!
I love that you just had that entire paragraph about disliking the name GeoKat and then: UPDATE I AM NOW ON BOARD WITH GEOKAT. I sort of love you to bits!
Alicia cares about very little unless it is Quidditch and her beau. I love that about her. Well, she also cared about being single but that mess is over thankfully. I just reread that part the other day in Keep Away. Poor thing!
I got Luxe Bevington a strange way. Luxe was rfom rooting randomly around Xanga one day. It was a character name. Bevington is the last name of someone I am friends with. BOOM AND BOOM.
Oh, I believe you. I have a new appreciation for the word beau. Expect it more often.
Fred is...eugh, you know how I feel about Fred. So totally biased and in love with that boy. And when he is drunk he is just...a riot. An absolute riot.
Thank you so much! I love this absolutely brilliant long review and I can't wait for your other ones! So get on it so you can make me smile :) Report Review
So I don't even know how to write a review for this chapter. Because my brain just goes "SQUE!" And any thoughts that I get down are not considered appropriate for the audience for reviews. But hey, once more into the breach...
I stuck my figurative foot right in my mouth and asked Oliver Wood if we were going to have sex—or what? Real smooth, Casanova.
- Oh yes, Jane the seducer appears again.
My vocal cords had failed me. Way to go, vocal cords.
- I love how Jane can be sarcastic, even in crazy out of body situations. As a girl who lives a life filled with sarcasm, I appreciate it.
Essentially, I just asked him to have S with me. I wondered what Ang would think of my sly moves. Did I even want to have S? Certainly not right at this moment, though the crowd cheering was encouraging. It wasn’t intimate or special or anything. It was us sitting on the sofa watching Quidditch. Well, it was him watching a Cup replay and me spazzing out.
- Sly moves. Great phrase. This whole bit is amazing! So funny and in character.
Oliver wasn’t going to put the moves on me (what were these moves I kept thinking about?)
- Like I said, I love how her brain works!
During Jane's whole spazz attack, I love how sweet Oliver is. Sure he mocks her, but not to the extent that others would and that is their relationship. He is just trying to make her comfortable.
Did I now have cards to play in this humiliating conversation?
- Hahaha. Sort of. Not really. He would still win the pot.
I agree with Jane; Oliver is such a horn dog.
After that we took a walk down by some jewelry stores where I proceeded to whine about my lack of jewelry (to which Oliver shoved me into the door), but he bought me vanilla ice cream so it was a successful trip in the end.
- And that is how my dates go... Haha! Ice cream and baby animals are the only way to make up for lack of sparkly things.
“I’m getting there. Eyes are a little droopy.”
“Jane Perry, queen of the weird words.”
“I’m not forgetting your use of the word ‘pang,’ Oliver.”
- Ah, that use of pang. I swoon just thinking about it. And droopy is not a weird word.
Jane's legs! They appear in all their glory! Too bad the twins weren't there to comment. But if they were we wouldn't get OLIVER WITH HIS SHIRT OFF! This is where the issues with reviewing that I referred to above come into play.
I think the way you do the “fade out” for the first night is just fantastic. Privacy, not against the rules, not out of anyone’s comfort zone for reading or writing. Not really sure what your comfort zone for writing is. The “fade out” also is perfect for the character and situation.
“You’re beautiful,” Oliver whispered, lips grazing mine.
“You’re a romantic sod.”
“You love it.”
- I know I love it...
And then there is Oliver with his shirt off with MESSY HAIR!!! Ahem. Please give me a moment to get my breath back.
LIBBY!!! I demand more LIBBY!!! I know that I am in no position to demand anything, but there you go. Libby needs to re-appear. I'll admit it, I love her.
Speaking of eggs... I finally figured out how to make eggs in a way that I like them! Over easy! Like Libby...
“She’s snagged another woman. Finally over Alicia I see.” There is a typo there. The pronoun should be He's.
ALICIA! Even in a letter, I love her. She is my favorite. Alicia, Doger, Jane, Mr. P, Libby, Fred, and Liam. They are my favorites. But Alicia is at the top of the list. Next to Doger. Who is mine... Can we do a crossover with BTQC where Gaia gets Doger? Pretty please!!!
“That way you can see me right before and right after—and I can show you how good I am.”
“I’ve seen you play for six years.”
“I’m so good, aren’t I?” Oliver laughed and ruffled my hair.
- Arrogant sod! Love it!
I love the call back to the Halloween chapter. That was such a major chapter in their developing relationship. I like how the costumes have played a part in rediscovering the relationship.
I smiled maliciously. I even felt a little malicious. That sounded like a good name for a kitten. Little Malicious, walking around causing trouble and whatnot. I wanted a kitten. Mental note.
- Just a great bit. And a great name for a kitten.
Oliver’s eyes were drinking me in and if they were hands the entire situation would have been severely inappropriate. Not that I didn’t want it to be.
Well, that's all that I'm going to say about that.Author's Response: Aw, yay! Thank you so much for the review! I love Jane's legginess and that it is such a central image, haha! Alicia will also always be at the top of my list. She is crazy, hilarious, and quite the woman. I think this was an important chapter to build more of their relationship while being cute and fluffy and concentrate on a pressure everyone has in their relationships. Do we do this? Or do we not? Are we ready? Stuff like that. And how it makes pressure for the rest of their relationship. Thank you so much for the review! Report Review
This is going to be a mega long review, so buckle up. Or lie down and get comfortable. Whichever.
Love this chapter for obvious reasons. Such a fun chapter but it also moves things along. The beginning was so fluffy! I loved it! Especially the random details thrown in there, like Oliver's hair smelling like peppermint. The random made the fluff seem more true to character for the two of them. Eggs! Legs! Really too bad about the lack of gladiator costume. But I'll forgive him for the smirk. That I love. Seriously, arrogant Oliver is the best Oliver. Or at least neck and neck with drunk Oliver. It makes me laugh whenever he smirks or says something overly arrogant! Lou is knitting a Gryffindor scarf! My spell check knows Gryffindor! Sorry, things like that get me really excited. Is the scarf possibly for Jane's birthday? It would be really long by then! Oliver's eyes lit of at the thought of cheesecake. Who wouldn't get super excited? CHEESECAKE! I'm starting to get a serious craving right now... AMANDA! More about her in my favorite quotes section. "Curb his boredom" reminded me of Curb Your Enthusiasm which reminded me of Seinfeld, which reminded me of George, which reminded me of a male version of Amanda. Yay Six Degrees of Separation! I love your prowess at writing letters. You always make them seem so real, like this character would only write this kind of letter to this one other character. Plus a lot of the letters feature Doger! Not that I'm obsessed or anything... But the letters really fit Jane's relationship with each girl. Alicia is her best friend that she just has fun with a messes around with. So her letter is treated lightheartedly and seems conversational. Katie on the other hand is like an innocent little dove (her patronus?) and needs to be treated with politeness, respect, and care. Plus the last time they saw each other they had a screaming match. Ang, of course, is treated as the older sister/mother figure and gets a real answer. If that made any sense. I'm a little loopy right now so it could be complete nonsense. Jane expected an all caps letter from Alicia. Is that a reference to the All-caps reviewer and book five? In addition to the fact that she would completely do that. I feel like there is the possibility that Amanda was "making eyes" at the steak, not Oliver. Flirting with meat seems to be a bit of a trend with this story. Haha! OLIVER SAYS HE FELL IN LOVE WITH HER! DUMB SH%%! DOESN"T HE KNOW TO SAY THAT TO HER FACE WHEN THEY ARE ALONE!?! But at least we all know for sure now. And then the two go and clean her room. I thought that she took care of it during her freak cleaning spree, but I guess not. Or, like me, she cleaned it and the next day there were clothes and stuff all over the place. Oliver plans on making some brownies, eh? Is that what those hooligans are calling it these days? I LOVE MR. P! He isn't in denial about what happens in all those empty classrooms at Hogwarts. Co-ed boarding school is such a stupid place to send a teenager. I love Jane and Ang's interaction. I feel like we get a lot of the four of them or just Jane and Alicia. I get why that is, because Alicia is just such a giant ball of fun, but it's nice to see her one on one with another of her best friends. And this was just a great example of that. It seemed very real, just what a girl and her best friend might do if one of them was worried about having biblical relations. Although Ang's comment about bringing a book in case she woke up first made me wonder if Ang met Jane. When has she ever woken up in the morning without Ang making her, fire, or the Apocalypse? She was only introduced to 6 am at the age of 16 for goodness sakes! The talk about the Slytherin sweater reminded me of James. Although I disagree with talking Slytherin about such a pretty sweater. I love how during Jane's mental breakdown, Oliver is making a ton of comments on the sixties! So funny! Especially making fun of the hair and lamenting the lack of modern brooms. He gets so into it and I love it! Speaking of Jane's mental breakdown, WOW! So good, so funny! Her mind just went way into overdrive and then exploded. Loved it!Author's Response: This is an absurd paragraph. Seriously absurd. Like...a little over the line. I'm trying to keep track of what I need to respond to but my eyes hurt!! Still, I love seeing a giant block of text for me to read all about my story. One day I imagine people will love my novels so much they will write huge blocks of text about them. Hopefully.
Random details are some of my favorites. I'm guilty of doing it far less in fanfiction just because I fly through it so fast, but I do enjoy it. Peppermint is a favorite detail of mine.
Cheesecake sounds so good right now. Radicallyali just texted me with an image of one her friend bought her. Rude, don't you think??
I'm super glad you loved my letters. They're actually some of my favorite things to write and I wish I could use them more often.
You're right about Jane, by the way. She, like me, is the kind of person that has a spotless room (or in my case, apartment) one day and then two days later it is like a tornado went through it. Minus the ceiling being gone because it's there.
I think the main reason there is less Jane/Ang and Jane/Katie is that Jane/Leesh are a lot more similar and they are more of "best friends" than "close friends." I added a lot of Jane/Ang things in terms of personal conversations in Keep Away about the sex thing, then a couple of small ones in Hide & Seek. She is like a flawed mentor for Jane.
All of the interactions between Jane and Oliver just make me smile. Seriously, they are meant to be together forevz. For realz.
Thanks for the enormous review! I loved it. Made my night so much better! Report Review
I just love the chapter image. Liam. Yum. Drool...I once said that I pick Doger. I'll stick with that. I'll also compromise my morals and have an affair. Drool...Author's Response: Um, yes. One of my faves. He is quite the dish and a half. Or at least three quarters. Thank you! Report Review
I can't believe that this was one of the reviews that got deleted. Must have been the use of the f word, but that makes the quote. I can't make this family friendly. It would just be so wrong for this chapter.
This is pretty much my favorite chapter that you have ever written. I love the ones that make me laugh until I cry, but this one made me FEEL until I cried. Every time, I have tears. The emotions are so well written and everything is just so real and raw! If anyone ever asks me for an example of your talent as a writer, I'll just point them this-a-way. You are able to maintain humor:
At the moment a cheesy soap opera was on with overacting and plots that went for days. I smiled, took a bite of my breakfast, and concentrated on who slept with whom and why someone had a baby without sleeping with anyone.
Okay, she slept with her daughter’s fiancé. He tried to cover it up by pretending he had a baby pre-engagement—who was that lady? I had no idea. It was too complicated to hold my attention.
He was such a jerk, how dare he look dishy in my mind!
“Just because things are organized doesn’t mean they aren’t fun.”
Alicia nodded. “Yeah, of course. Planned croquet activities are a blast.”
But there is also so much emotion and really heart breaking stuff:
“I tried to be a decent girlfriend—that’s all I wanted to do. You lot are lucky! You got to see your boyfriends during the school year even for a bit. You got to see them daily and have lunch out by the lake or snog or whatever you were doing—I didn’t. So finally we’re launched into this summer, right? I’m in this relationship with this bloke I’ve hated for years and then I can’t even see him—then his parents think I’m riffraff and he doesn’t have money but he takes it out on me and I make him toast and bloody F___!” My chest was rising and falling so rapidly I could barely breathe and I grabbed onto the windowsill. “Did you know I unpacked his flat when he went to practice? He showed up at my door one night soaked and we slept on the sofa and guess what? Dad actually liked him, stupid prat. Dad should have seen right through him—I’m inconsiderate, am I?”
“Who’s the one going on dates with Quidditch daughters with all this money and fame that mummy just f___ing LOVES to death? Not me! I wasn’t late to any dates and—oh, sorry, Jane, I forgot we were supposed to have dinner. Why don’t I just round you up some tuna? Do you even like tuna? NO? Oh, all right—why don’t you just eat the dustbunnies under the sofa?” My grip on the sill grew tighter and my arm started to shake. “He took me on a date, did you know that? We went on a date to Hogsmeade and it was stupid and formal (talking about forks and all that) and then we left and went to the Quidditch pitch.” I choked a bit. “Went to the Quidditch pitch and sat and ate our food and talked. He snogged me under the mistletoe after Roger broke up with me. We got drunk in the Astronomy Tower with red wine and he made me brownies and my f___ing GOD I thought I was falling in love with him!” My back fell against the sill and I sank down to the hardwood, tears falling from my eyes and my head stung.
Someone sat down beside me. “You know what? I thought he loved me. I think he almost said it once—that he loved me. On the train. And the way he looked at me—that pompous f___ing smirk and the way he looked at me. I think I might have loved him.” I choked out a loud sob, pulling my knees to my chest and closing my eyes so tight they hurt. “I think I loved Oliver. F___, f___, f___, I’ve been living in this stupid dream world for the last few days—good riddance, that’s what I said. He’s a jerk and I know it and I might have loved him and—f___. What do I do? Make eggs.”
I mean, that is just some real, quality writing in itself. But if you add it to the rest of the chapter, it really hits you. And added to the whole story- WOW! I really can not sing this chapter's praises enough. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it.
Love the girls- best friends anyone could want.
Love the symbolism of the nail polish. Nice connector throughout the chapter and into a later chapter. The nail polish really is probably what makes everything work so well in this chapter. Seems small, but made a big difference for me.
While not as funny as other chapters, it is my favorite! Perfection! Really.
Or Super mega gigantic number/10Author's Response: Aw, that's sad. I'll save this one just in case. This chapter is my ultimate favorite for Hide & Seek. It's funny, tragic, emotional, and warm. I like that.
I'm sure you know this, but it is the most amazing feeling when a writer hears someone has quite literally cried during reading. It is so amazing, and thanks for that :)
I'm glad you like the nail polish! It wasn't planned and just sort of happened.
thank you so much for the review! I really loved it :) Report Review
YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT THE CODE! DARN YOU YOU FIEND! I have more to say, but it wouldn't be family friendly!
LOVE! So happy about it! James finally put his head on straight! Plus he gets Falcon cat! Which is one of the best presents ever. Along with getting Aves as a girlfriend! I'm such a sap and this made me so happy! Aggh, I can't believe you let me think something bad was going to happen. Although that definitely made me more anxious to read it. When the queue went up I was so mad at this site! Loved this chapter! I wish that we could get a little more of what Aves is thinking, but I'm not sure how you'd write it. I mean, she isn't one for an Oliver type soliloquy and you don't write from her point of view. Was she trying to push James into figuring out his feelings when she excepted Twitwards and asked if she was beautiful? I just feel like it came a little out of nowhere for her if she really believed in the whole Snog Buddies thing. But if she sorta knew her feelings the whole time and didn't want to scare James off, it makes sense. James, of course, has been slowly realizing all this since forever. Great scene for it all to happen. Very hot. And the qudditch locker room makes it very them.
I ignored him. Well, tried to since his Head Boy badge was practically blinding me from the other side of the room.
- Hating on Twitwards and his shiny badge is awesome! Most shiny things are amazing (Doger's hair), but I can see how this would be annoying.
Bink muttering stupidly like usual. He was a sleep-talker, that Bink Legace, and once Freddie and I recorded it and gave Sinatra a copy just for kicks. She kicked us out of her office.
- Hahaha! If they said it was from a charms club student, maybe she would take away their bathroom?
Then she surveyed me, looked over to Bink because he was explaining the difference between a tripod and a fish (it was scales), then back to me.
“What else do you know?”
“I know you’re a tosser.”
- I love Lily! She is the best!
I never understood her. Seriously, she knew about the Code and Aves and I snogging. How? By reading my face? What kind of shit was that? Were there any other face-readers at this school? Load of dung.
- Lily is just super brilliant.
We were in one of the empty classrooms. One of the many, actually. They had like a zillion classrooms in this school and we only used like four. What were the other ones for? Did they used to have five thousand kids? Why weren’t our parents reproducing like before? Damn these empty classrooms.
-So that they would have the empty classrooms to reproduce in. But good thinking rant, James!
“Ready,” said Wesley. He looked entirely too happy.
- Because he is amazing and snogging Lily? Lilsley!
I thought it was clever. Meta didn’t, but she was a b*.
- I love how everything Meta does is excused because she is a twit.
Inside, and pawing at my fingers, was Falcon Cat.
“Falcon Cat!” I cried, grabbing her and snuggling her into my face.
- Awww, he's such a softie!
Ps. I know how much you love this cat. Keep her. Tory will get over it.
I framed a Puffer so the Profs won’t find out.
- Hahaha! I hope Victoria gets over it. And framing a Puffer- inspired!
Lucky my brother had a hefty bank account.
Also lucky the gift certificate was enough for two.
“No problem,” I said cheerfully. “You deserve a night out. Maybe a celebratory dinner tomorrow night? Al’s free.” I coughed the last part. Wesley smirked.
- I love how he always steals from his brother! How does Al
have so much money when James is broke?
Turns out Paloma got Wesley brand-name broom wax, which sounded dirty, but was exactly what it said.
I only knew that because Avery replaced my Knife Wound with vanilla once.
I was not happy.
My skin was soft though.
- Knife Wound!
Meta got Fred some candy, which I would have been peeved about, but Fred was easy to please since his brains were addled and all that.
- Freddie's addled brains. Love them! I wonder if he is the one in the hospital next chapter? If so, I hope it doesn't de-addle his brains.
From Bink she got lucky bamboo, which was my favorite plant because you didn’t have to put it in the sunlight or look after it. Just some water every once in a while and it looked pretty. Cacti were cool too but I always ran into them and now with Falcon Cat around to raise I couldn’t take chances like cacti.
- All good reasons to love bamboo and cactuses. It will always be cactuses for me. They are pretty much my favorite plant and I kept getting them from plant sales. Somehow I killed every single one. I don't know how, but they just kept dieing. So now I don't have cactuses.
I love the entire part in the dormitory with Twitwards and Falcon Cat and Aves!
“Heard Edwards gave you a detention.”
I smirked. “Yeah, well, he deserved it.”
“Usually does.” Freddie shrugged.
- Love hating on Twitwards!
More to come...Author's Response: I wanted to tell you...but why ruin my fun? When I can have a review like this? haha. I loved it because you and radicallyali both thought the same thing at first. To be honest, I was worried it would be too obvious it was about the Code, so I was quite glad to see that! Me in stealth mode right there.
I love falcon cat :) great present! I initially had something else in mind but then switched it on a whim. Glad I did!
You'll get to see more about Avery/James and how they came to be in the coming couple of chapters. You get to see more of the thought process, though you're right, it won't be like Oliver's bearing of his soul and pang of guilt.
I'm glad you thought the scene fit. that one has been planned since the VERY beginning when I was just sketching out the overall plot line. I knew I wanted it to happen in the shower of the locker room and I knew it was going to turn on unexpectedly lol. Brilliance.
You're right, mostly shiny things are lovely. Some things, like Twitward's badge and Nia's glitter, not so much.
"If they said it was from a charms club student, maybe she would take away their bathroom?"
-Ah, you know my sense of humor so well. I laughed like an idiot at this. Love that you remember that.
Originally, the (it was scales) wasn't there, but then while rereading it I knew I had to put something in. glad I did, makes it hilarious.
I always wondered about those rando empty classrooms. And if I wonder...James wonders haha! That's not the last you'll see of them.
Why does Al have so much money? Doesn't he appear as more of a saver to you? Like the 'rents give him money and he just saves it. James, however, is an impulse spender. He spends on dates, Quidditch stuff, everything. He just blows his cash.
I don't think anything could de-addle Freddie's brains. No comment about the hospital.
I have lucky bamboo. Hence why James got it. I love the little snippet about raising Falcon Cat. He's such a sweetie!
Thanks for this wonderful first half of a wonderful review! Report Review
It was lucky my skirt was family appropriate because Oliver came out of his bedroom a few minutes later wearing a nice collared shirt and pressed pants. He smiled sideways at me.- Now let's make this chapter family appropriate!
I sounded like an SINGER and it didn’t help that those words sounded so OPERATIC coming out of my mouth.
Don’t—Oliver Wood was a SPLENDID STUNNING POTATO LOVER.
Oh, BEAUTIFUL DAY.
Why FOR THE LOVE OF PEANUTS did I decide to come?
There’s no use ATTEMPTING TO LICK YOUR ELBOW.
I could tell Oliver wanted nothing more than to throw A GIANT PARTY FOR his father
I can be traded later if I LOVE it but the team is really nice and I like them a lot.”
“Oh, who gives a CUP OF APPLE CIDER if the team is nice?” his father cried.
It was a MELODIC laugh. (just caught the use of MELODIC here! Foreshadowing?)
“You don’t have the GEAR to play for the Finches.
Oliver WHISPERED toward a door I could only assume went to the kitchen.
Oliver was SHOWING his father a look of DELIGHT and then suddenly I knew why he was the way he was. Why he told me those things in the Astronomy tower (should have SELECTED him right then…)
He was a bit of a JEWEL.
He hated me. STUPENDOUS SPECIAL SERENDIPITY. I was off to a really fab start.
“We live by it here. There won’t be any little ducklings LOST on my watch.”
Eugh. I usually loved vegetables of all sorts, but I think she DEEP-FRIED mine.
BOY. What if Mrs. Wood DEEP-FRIED my food?
my mum DANCED when I was around five,” (I wasn't sure if changing this changed the emotional response of the reader. But family friendly is family friendly, no matter what is lost.)
SALT PILLAR. Zero for three.
it took me a STORMY hour to find the Snitch, nevermind that I had JUST LEARNED TO FLY.
“How about that you’re making a SMART choice and you can’t expect us to support you on it?” Mr. Wood said, putting down his fork and knife to stare DEBONAIRLY at his son.
I took another bite of the carrots and nearly PEALED THEM .
“Your mother and I agreed that it’s for the best until you can realize what a FAST READER you’re being by signing with Puddlmere.”
“You said you’d think I was a FIRECRACKER until I signed with a team, and now I signed with a team and you’re just cutting me off?”
“Go to HEAVEN!” Oliver URGED right back. “I don’t need your DATA and I don’t need your INVESTMENTS. And I hope the Tornadoes DANCE WITH the Finches in the second round.” He opened the door, waited for me to leave first, and then followed, SHUTTING it as hard as he could behind him.
He looked DASHING, but in such a way that he knew what was coming.
“So I should tell him it is my intention to completely wing it, have no intentions, and if we have a STARLIT night under the mistletoe then I’ll just let it happen?”
I POKED him in the side.
She would have probably liked those WONDERFUL vegetables though.
“Oliver’s parents HARBOR FUGITIVES.”
“I’m sure they don’t HARBOR FUGITIVES, love.”
“No, they really HARBOR FUGITIVES.
“That’s ludicrous—you? How could they think that? Did you tell one of your jokes, because Jane, sometimes they get a little HILARIOUS…”
“And that’s why they HARBOR FUGITIVES you?”
“They DONATED him a new one for signing with Puddlmere.”
he’s cutting Oliver off because he thinks Oliver is making aN AMAZING choice.
So much for looking forward to summer. It was HUMID. I was bored.
Oliver was off at training camp and I couldn’t even pick a FLOWER with him. Lee was in Russia somewhere contemplating whether or not to actually write a letter or just send a postcard. Alicia was probably playing Quidditch with her siblings in her EXTREMELY enormous yard and I was sure George was having Katie over to his parents’ house for dinner so she could show off the engagement ring and Mrs. Weasley could fall over with shock. Fred was probably being Fred and REVEALING TO Angelina some pool or water or just trying to EXFOLIATE her face off and take back his own record.
No FREAKING fair. (I just couldn't think of anything)
Summer is HAPPY.
Stop HAVING TEA PARTIES WITH Fred so you can write to me.
The day dragged on and on and I knew I was really PICKING UP STEAM once the duplicate commercials started coming on and there was an advertisement for NATURAL WIZARDING ENVIRONMENT which is when I knew it was late.
I placed the pizza plate in the sink and yawned, having worked hard to do nothing all day while my friends probably had exciting things happen to them like winning awards and GIVING CANDY TO gnomes or something.
"SON OF A BUCKET!” I cried
“You romantic ROMANTIC” (word play!)
He CARESSED my forehead. “I’m glad too. Go to sleep, love.”
(OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY, he wasn’t wearing a PAIR OF SOCKS. Or PONCHO. Well, he was wearing A BURKA and a blanket, but I don’t think Dad would take that as a good thing)
With a grin, I TAPPED Oliver lightly and let myself drift back to sleep on the sofa.
Well, that was more difficult than I thought it would be. I tried to keep the same letter or sound with each replacement, but that didn't always work. There are a lot of inappropriate words starting with S and D! But I did my best.
On another note, a story of Mr. and Mrs. Wood harboring fugitives would be very entertaining! With permission, I could write a very, very, very bad version. Or just keep it in my mind. Maybe a movie? You, of course, would get a 0% cut. I'm not sure if this last paragraph made sense. I'm tired. And I almost spelled sense as sence.Author's Response: Ahh, how I love family friendly chapters. Maybe I should make all of my chapters family friendly...probably not. I loved some of the word choices! Had me in stitches. And i agree about the Wood family harboring fugitives. And poor Oliver out of the loop. You are hereby granted my permission to write a wonderful version of that. Your cut for me sounds very generous. I just ask that I get to see it before it is a bestseller!
Thanks for the review :) Loved it! Report Review
OMG! Such a great story! I had no idea that this was coming! Such creativity in all your work. The good grades thing- inspired and funny! I have so many favorite quotes but I can't just copy and paste the whole chapter. Here are the ones that I thought were funniest and showcased James' "finer points":
I should petition Sinatra for that. She hated sports. She’d never let me have it.
I’d bet she’d let the Charms club have their own sodding bathroom.
I would too, though. I felt bad for the gits, being in the Charms club and all that.
Not that we got into mischief. It was just misguided acts of charity.
Lily was only thirteen and therefore was not allowed around boys or anything with a package at all. Even her pets had to be female as far as I was concerned.
I jumped as the door opened and Emerson Edwards meandered in. Instead of his black robes, he was wearing a collared shirt and blue tie which I was happy to notice looked stupid on him.
I made a face. Leave it to Fred to escape the hospital wing for a meeting. He was quite the trooper. I would have told Dara to sod off and that my brains were addled, but Fred…never.
He probably wanted to go for a record of most-attended Quidditch meetings.
I was her Captain for Merlin’s sake! Not that Merlin would really care about me.
He was probably right with Professor Sinatra, sports-hating dung head.
What I wanted to say was I didn’t care one bit about next year because this year was all that mattered and my team was all that mattered. I picked Paloma and Wes for specific reasons and they were perfect assets to my team. However, I wasn’t sure Professor Longbottom wanted to hear about my careless existence.
Such a great start to such a great story!Author's Response: Ah, you are the best. Really. I feel like we compliment each other quite well, me sending you emails when you're having a down day, and you leaving me wonderful reviews when I get a little down. So thank you!
I love every single quote you picked. And I laughed out loud at almost all of them. The Lily one has been changed since it's original form, but is still VERY funny. Can't you just picture James checking her owls? haha!
My favorite is the "show off," considering James shows off at almost everything. I love that his character is so lovable even though he's pretty arrogant and selfish. But at the same time he cares so much about things like friends, team, and family...even if it's not so obvious haha.
Thank you so much! Report Review
Try 2! I'm not sure what was so bad about my first review, but whatever. In this attempt I will be making the scandalous things in this chapter family friendly!
I also wanted to have another night next to the lake BAKING WITH Oliver Wood like I had the previous evening.
Nothing would make me forget about that considering my three best BRILLIANT friends would have their PUPPIES.
“What IN THE WORLD?” I said, tearing my own letter open.
“Well, we don’t give a COOKIE about Quidditch after we graduate since we’ll be opening our joke shop,” said George.
“You’d better be playing next year, HANDSOME, because there’s no way I’ll be back in the air!”
It would be like a second Oliver Wood, though the meetings would probably go faster since she was HAVING TEA PARTIES with one of the Beaters.
“I told him of course I would love to stay just wait for a few minutes to come pick me up so I can break up with my DEAR of a boyfriend.”
especially Oliver, actually committing to one woman. That FAMILY MAN.
Katie kept sneaking glances at the ring and POKING her fiancé while the topic strayed to summer plans.
He pulled me closer and TAPPED my temple lightly.
I doubted he wanted to since the idea of marriage obviously scared the EVILNESS out of him
Oliver TICKLED me lightly on my cheek.
“I’m going to have to put up with you all SPLENDID summer I need to take a breather here.”
“And you’ll probably want to come and see some of my games once I’m a Quidditch star because all of the women will be begging me to sign PETITIONS FOR them you’d THANK me for. Oh, and you’ll probably want me over for dinner because your dad suggested it. And you’ll want to come to my place for dinner—oh, WHAT BLISS, you’ll be expecting me to cook, won’t you? I don’t really see that happening. You’ll expect the side of the COUCH toward the window in my flat and you can CELEBRATE if you think that’s happening.”
I think she might be expecting some more TEA PARTIES and to have dinner with his family
“BEAUTIFUL CHILD OF GOD, aren’t you?” He chuckled.
I HELD HIS HAND again
He stole a tiny CAULDRON CAKE.
“WRITE me, Perry,”
I SHOOK HIS HAND calmly and he tensed up in my arms. I broke the HANDSHAKE.
I think that those corrections make your story sufficiently family friendly. Although I didn't address the violence. I hope it works anyhow. If not, I have no idea what 12+ means. I would be happy to read any future chapters and make them appropriate for readers of all ages. It shouldn't detract from the story in any way.
In all seriousness, I love this:
“Don’t you have someone else to boss around? Fifth year Shrieker girls? Ravenclaw Beaters? The rest of your bleeding team?”
It brings the story full circle. I love the continuity of your stories. I never know what will reappear in the next chapter! Hopefully the new story will have some of Libby. I see her becoming allied to either Jane or Bridget. Many authors really fail at this extremely important part of writing. Keep up the amazing work!Author's Response: Thanks for doing this again :) I really appreciate it. Authors strive on their reviews sometimes (especially if they're having a particilarly bad day like me today) and ones like yours make my day better :)
I am DYING laughing at the corrections. Puppies almost made me spit my drink everwhere. Definitely family friendly. I think you might want to make some chapters of Hide & Seek family friendly. BTQC might be a lost cause with poor James.
I'm so glad you like my crazy balance of things :) That's my favorite part of stories. And a lot of the things just happen. Red Wine? Totally just happened randomly when I had them go liquor shopping. Then I thought it would be funny to have Oliver give it to her at Christmas. Suddenly they were down in the kitchens drinking and the rest is history.
Thank you so much for the amazingly hilarious review that really made me feel better :) Report Review
The first time I read it I was so sleep deprived that I missed half of what was going on. The second time I had just built a mini boat and was also sleep deprived. So when I finally read this in a normal state of mind, I thought it was the bomb! Because I am in a normal state of mind and I do use phrases like "the bomb". Anywho. Love the chapter image! Such a cute kitty! Looks exactly like my best friend's cat except not super fat. But I'm sure with James looking after Falcon Cat, it will soon reach 30 Lbs. I believe that I did guess that the Falcon Cat had something to do with James and Transfiguration. Maybe I have the inner eye? I approve of the snog buddies thing now that I see it in action. I was worried that it would be all snogging and no friendship, but they seem very able to keep the friendship while snogging every free chance. But I really hate the guys in this story. But don't worry, I only hate them when they are dating. They are such players! I hate how James acted on that date with Nia and Elizabeth. I get that he is hot and quidditch captainy, but I just hate guys like that. On the other hand, I love their personalities when they aren't dating. I think that they would make great friends, crap dates. WTF is Twitwards' problem!?! Wesley was flying with someone? I bet it was Lily! Lily and Wesley are my two favorite characters in this whole story. And, of course, Falcon Cat! I think Bink needs to get over his hatred of Meta a little bit. Its been a while, he should be able to say her name. It's not like he was in love with her and she broke it off and he is in morning. I love James' relationship with Lily. He pretends to hate her sometimes, but he is completely wrapped around her finger. That double date. Wow. What an awkward thing to do. James is pretty much an idiot. And what were the girls thinking?! Insanity! Fred. I think that he would do it. Not have sex with, but at least snog the guy on the team. I can see him doing it in order to be able to say that he dated the whole team. I love James' mind. It is so random and goes on tangents! It reminds me a lot of how I think sometimes. I also ramble and go on tangents. Such a fun point of view to read!Author's Response: Third time is a charm? haha! I'm glad you love the chapter image. I saw that one and I was like...yes. that's Falcon Cat! I agree that she will soon be fat if James has anything to say about it. And yep, you were so right about the Transfig stuff!
Don't forget, though, that Jamesisn't actually one of those guys. James acts like that because he thinks that's the way he's supposed to act as a Captain. :) Which makes James a lot more complex than those other guys who really think tehy are that high and mighty. They wouldn't own a pink pygmy puff haha.
You're right about Bink, though it's not so much that he really liked her, it's more because of the humiliation she put him through. Especially the off-handed very un-masculine comment she made when they broke up. And her cockiness really makes her unattractive lol. He's just filled with bitterness and after she was about to hex the pants off James, I'm sure he doesn't mind Bink hates her gutsies.
HAHA! Fred would snog the guy on the team just to tell people he snogged everyone on the Ravenclaw team. Talk about addled brains.
Thanks so much for the amazingsauce review! Report Review
HUGE LOVE! Yayness! They are so perfect together! I love when they are together and happy. It makes me happy! I love Jane's hair in the chapter image. My hair rarely gets that curly. :( Wonky quilt! Jane finds out what book her mother is reading! I thought that it was a little odd that she made a joke right after finding out, since she made such a big point of saying that she wanted to know what it was in an earlier chapter. But I guess that's just how Jane deals with emotion. I just wish there was a bit more. Incidentally, Emma is the only book by Jane Austen that I enjoy reading. I love the plots and movies and characters in the other ones, but I just find them dull. Jane Austen wrote Emma as a heroine that probably only she would love, but I love her. But hey, I love Libby and Amanda too. Mr. P said Dapper. Another point in his box! I'm not sure if that made sense. Plus I'm not actually keeping score. But he pretty much rocks. DOGER! I have made a decision. Doger. I love both Liam and Doger for pretty much the same reasons, but I have yet to see Liam act awkwardly. Doger does. And I do love an awkward duck. Awkward ducks are just so freaking adorable! Adorkable! Haha. Red wine. Jane's legs. If I had known that the pillow on the couch would play such an important role in Jane's life I would have mentioned it when it came up earlier. Better late than never. Oliver's pillow! The gladiator makes an appearance! I love that costume and where it takes me in my mind. Very pretty picture. It should be the chapter image for "The Last Costume". That or Libby in her bunny costume... Haha! That meal sounds wicked good! Pork and mushroom sauce. Yum. Too bad about the green beans though. In my mind it will be broccoli. Have a recipe by any chance? I love jealous Oliver. He is just so vulnerable and un-Olivery when he is jealous. It's sweet. I also love how Jane throws a spoon at him. He deserves it.
It could mean my pleasures were insane, but half the world (like Oliver) could understand them and to the other half it meant I was daft for even considering it.
- Interesting concept. I like it. Better than a the dirty analysis.
Oi, Roger, Oliver and I are having lunch and I’m dressed in a tiny skirt because he’ll think it’s sexy. Oh, by the way I still have feelings for him and I’m going over there with the hopes that he’ll return them.
- Oh, Jane. I just felt so bad for her when I read that. But at least she admits it to herself, even if she later denies it.
“How do you know it won’t happen again?”
“Because I let you go once,” he said, squeezing my fingers. “I’m not letting you go again.”
- Sweet. Not Lee's speech in the garden sweet, but sweet. That made me cry, this just makes me go "awww". But Oliver isn't much of a romantic compared to Lee. Still, very sweet.
“Oh what in blazes does that mean?” I rolled over again, thinking about it. “I can’t understand Oliver’s pleasures? That sounds dirty. Eugh, this is rubbish.”
- Haha. Poor Jane. Motherly advice can be very confusing.
“Where did the food go anyway?” I asked, pulling open the door. “I thought since you got together with Lou we were supposed to look like we actually ate regular food.”
He made a face. “I got sick of the healthy stuff.”
- Mr.P! I guess being tricky is just too difficult. Big love to this interaction. And every interaction between Jane and Mr.P
I don’t know how well it’s going to pan out but I asked her a very stupid question (where the kitchens were) and she looked at me like I was insane, but then I thanked her later and she looked at me like I was less than insane. That’s a start, right? I’m going to see her at a Magpies fundraiser this coming weekend so maybe I’ll ask her to dance. Unless her date is a burly bloke, then no can do.
- DOGER! My love! My chosen one! But not Harry Potter chosen one. More like Ester was the King's chosen one and then they fell in love. Loved the letter! Love the tone of it and what he wrote! Made me laugh quite a few times.
Oliver leapt out from the hallway, standing in the light from the window, and I gasped. Literally, I nearly choked on nothing at all.
- Haha. Seems to happen a lot in this story... I would do the same thing though.
I couldn’t help it, I stared. My jaw fell lopsided again. A conversation on the Quidditch pitch came briefly back to me. The things I would do to him if I saw him in that costume. There was a bit of drool. I could feel it. My face was hot.
So. Never mind about that whole telling him off situation.
- Hahahahahahahahahahaha! At last he used his powers for good!
He broke out red silk napkins and I placed on in my lap, making a joke about how if I spilled the red wine it wouldn’t matter.
Then I did spill it and I was right. It didn’t matter. My lap was wet though.
- You have no idea how funny this is to me. I literally laughed for five minutes after reading it. Or a minute. Basically I did the exact same thing once. Except it was grape juice instead of wine. Hahahahahaha!
Love the next few chapters and this one. I mean, come on, Brownies, Doger, AND Oliver Wood! AMAZING!Author's Response: Hi again!
My hair won't curl like that if I tried to pay it off with salon products. It just won't. It's straight, but not even that pretty shiny straight. It's like that whole when it gets wet it curls a bit, but it's more like wonky waves because it's layered. Anyway, going to end the immense paragraph about my hair texture now.
You are completely right about that little quip of a joke put in during the whole Emma thing. That is exactly how she deals with stuff like that. She puts off her thoughts onto something else and goes right back to humor as a parachute.
I love a lot of Jane Austen, though I must confess I haven't read everything. I really love Pride and Prejudice and Emma. I need to see all of their movies. I've only seen P&P and Sense and Sensibility, both of which I watch quite often.
I'm glad you finally decided between Roger and Liam! If Liam had more screen time I know you would get to see his awkwardness and more of his personality, but unfortunately there just isn't enough plotties to get him in all the time. :)
I'd use those as chapter images, but wouldn't be allowed to use the second.
I love how it gets compared to the Lee in the garden speech! One of my personal faves!!
I'm glad you enjoyed Roger's letter. I love writing the letters from him, which is probably why I kept him coming back. Honestly, originally I didn't have him planned to appear at ALL in this story. Then I thought maybe I could use him for a few other things. Then I realized his friendship powers with jane. After writing a few letters and letting them play off each other in the restaurant, etc, I realized I needed him to stay for good. I adore him :)
haha I love how you laughed at that red wine thing. That comes from personal experience actually, so that's awesome. Except it was liquor instead of wine lol.
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Squee! Getting on the road to togetherness! That was an odd thing to say. Sorry. Squee! Communication! Loving the chapter image. I love Mr. P and the visual is very nice. I know what Alicia means about the eyes. I feel so bad for George. He is just so heartbroken and not himself. Not even a little bit. It makes me so sad. I like how Oliver takes action in this chapter. He knows what he wants and finally decides to do something about it. Someone needed to do something or life would continue to be awkward and loveless. So he sits down at her table and eats a sundae with her. I love the trip down memory lane to the retreat. One of your best ideas ever. On par with the Grotto. And Liam and Doger. That's how much I loved it. Hahaha. It was ridiculous. Wonderful, but absurd. And I don't think it would work that way for Katie and George. But that's just my thinking. Red Wine. By the way, Jealous Oliver is as amazing as Arrogant and Drunk Oliver. Spectacular. I'll admit it, I want a quidditch figure. Preferably Cannons. Scratch that. Preferably Liam. I love how Jane measure's maturity by the contents of a fridge. Not that it's wrong, it's just amusing. As always, I love hearing Oliver's side of the story. Adds layers to him. Plus we get some reasons for crazy things that he does. I like how he has a whole emotional side to him but stays Oliver. And Squee!
“Ah, I see.” Oliver looked nervous. I hadn’t seen him nervous in ages. There were girls eyeing him from the table over but he didn’t notice. I liked that, but I’d never tell. “They’re too good together. We have to fix this.”
He said we.
- Oh, Janey. Oh, Oliver.
By Tuesday the umbrella was still sitting by the door. I stared at it between getting dressed and trying to forget it was there. At one point I covered it up with a skirt I didn’t let Amanda borrow. I had to give it back at one point, but why would I go out of my way to see Oliver Wood? He was a jerk.
- Thought process. Amazing.
I flew around, knocking an owl cage out of someone’s hands. They should have been watching for my reflexes. It was obviously their fault.
I wanted to go back to Hogwarts where everyone’s business was out in the open and I just had to ask a few people what he said and she said behind so-and-so’s back and I wouldn’t have to gather a hypothesis or anything. It was starting to become work.
- I hate when gossip is work. Even though I'm always the last to know things, at least it isn't work.
He glanced around, finally noticing the perched girls with wide eyes and drool. His eyes flew back to me. “Okay, this might sound really weird and might be really stupid.”
“What? Those girls?” I said.
- Hahaha! What a great one-liner for Jane! Love! And loving the mental picture of the girls.
Could they have a liquidation sale on common sense because apparently I had none.
- Maybe Katie packed it in her bag? I do wish we could buy common sense.
About Fred and George—though George had probably disappeared into gardening or something by then. They would tell me I was crazy. Alicia would clap and tell me she told me so. She didn’t tell me anything.
- But she thought it. George is de-gnoming! Which sounds super fun!
Well, I’m going to talk now and you’re going to listen and when I’m done you can just leave if you want or throw something or whatever you think you need to do.”
- How well he knows Jane.
Love the progress Jane and Oliver are making. Of course I know what happens so I am even more excited for the upcoming chapters. Yay!Author's Response: The road to togetherness! hahaha.
And yes, Mr. P is quite an attractive guy. What a dish and a half. You're right about his eyes. Alicia is right too, to poor Jane's dismay.
As for George, I hate it when he's not himself. It's so depressing! George is upbeat, happy, and loves to joke around. This isn't him. But heartbreak does not bode well for George's complexion.
I'm so glad you loved the retreat. I got the idea from a silly retreat I had to go on in order to "build some team." It was ridiculous, but it worked. And Oliver knew it would too. But you're right, something like that would be a bad idea for George and Katie. They needed something else. Something that still related to Quidditch. And alcohol.
This chapter is one of those that isn't quite a filler because things happen, but it still has a relaxed feel to it. That's what I like about it. And I think the chapter image matches nicely.
Thanks so much for the review! Report Review
I love this chapter. Not just because Liam is in it. Thanks for the name though, I looked him right up. Somehow in the last chapter I forgot to say Red Wine! It applies to this chapter too! Two birds, one stone! Plus, brownie mix. Although that was rather sad. So Jane is fed prime rib and cake? There was an option of chicken? Those quidditch guys know how to feed someone! That is pretty much my ideal meal. Plus shrimp. I love Valarie. She reminds me of a few women that I know and love. Its hard not to love people like that. I also love how Oliver is so excited for Jane and caring, even when he is pretending to hate her. Or she is pretending to hate him. That scene with the umbrella? Que romantic music! I also love Michelle. She is a strong woman who knows how to handle herself with all the guys but still be a woman. Like Avery. I also like Liam's excuse for staying after to talk to her. Hindsight's 20/20. I love the names of Valarie's pets. Very creative. Once again, Jane was a lunatic. Breaking away from the kiss in a few seconds? I don't care who you are and who you are in love with, if Liam Denters kisses you, kiss him back as much as you can. And don't pull some crazy line about not being attracted to him. I'm rarely angry about things that Jane does because I see a reason for them, but this? INSANITY! Bah.
“You’re home early,” he said, yawning.
“It’s one-thirty.” I laughed a bit, kicking my heels onto the rug.
“Oh. Well then you’re home late.” Another yawn and he stretched.
- I love Mr.P! Best dad ever. I didn't discuss him in my crazy James-esq rant but know that I love him and if I were older, I'd choose him.
Even though I had no idea if I was using the right fork, dinner was fantastic. I had to stop myself from shoving the entire prime rib in my mouth and I left the white wine sitting there awkwardly because it was disgusting.
- That always seems to be the problem. Poor, neglected white wine.
“Is it a pony? A pony would just send this evening over the top.” I playfully jabbed him in the arm and he laughed.
- If she asked, he would probably give. Just saying. He's that awesome.
She baited me. I took it. It was Bridget after all, how could I pass it up? “Too bad you’re a no-name then. Famous by mummy and daddy. It’s a shame. You have my sympathies.”
Her face flushed and I swore I saw Oliver smirk out of the corner of my eye. He was a twat though and I didn’t care about his smirking capabilities. He was probably having a stroke or something.
- Bahahaha! Love!
“Bridget, stop talking to Perry. Understand sarcasm before you go up against it,” Oliver muttered.
- Hahaha! I love sarcasm and using it against people who don't understand! Bridget has no brains.
I saw a few players from the Tornadoes at the table to the left, only recognizing them by the World Cup they placed delicately on the table next to them. How modest.
- Very modest.
I shook her hand, now visibly numb. “Valerie Gig? As in…Valerie Gig?” I stammered a bit, but I didn’t care.
“The very same. Call me Valerie though, it’s far more pleasant than the two put together.” She chuckled.
- The one who reads palms? I love how Valerie always has something funny to say about names.
Why were my eyes brown? Who knew? Why was I sitting in the loo contemplating the color of my eyes? Because I was bored eating and shooting lines at Bridget. She was too dumb for her own good sometimes. I should have enrolled her in classes of some sort. She needed them.
- I think the answer is genetics. All the classes in the world wouldn't help Bridget. Even if they did, they would eliminate all the fun we can have insulting her intelligence.
She did her eyeliner like me. I felt the need to point that out. I did my eyeliner like a famous person. My stomach exploded.
- Random thoughts.
I was talking to Valerie Gig after all. She had to know I was pretty good at what I did.
Who was I kidding? I fell off my broom. Suddenly I was the actual Seeker getting legitimate offers to play for a professional team. What was I saying?
- Hahaha! The things we say. Jane's mind is insane.
I finished off the cake with one final fork-full (the wrong fork judging by the rest of the table).
- In those situations, I like to think that I'm right and everyone else is wrong.
The dance floor was on the far side of another table and there were already several couples tearing it up. Technically, it was slow and melodical so they weren’t really tearing anything up, but if it was faster they would have been.
- Just amazing. Sort of seems like something James would say. But I love it! Tearing it up is a great term.
Apparently the media weren’t the only people who weren’t particularly fond of Bludgers for Brains.
I enjoyed that silently.
- Haha. I don't think anyone is.
He gaped at me. “What a daughter I have. I’ll have to boast to everyone I know. You just give me so much ammo against the neighbors.”
“Oh, you mean the Muggle neighbors that don’t know about Quidditch?”
“The very same.”
- Oh, Mr. P. How I love thee. (rhyming rocks! (so does alliteration))
I love this chapter. I love the umbrella. I love Oliver. I love Valarie. I LOVE Liam.Author's Response: Ah, I read the part about the food and now I'm hungry. Seriously. I think the Fiance is bringing me Chinese though. Because he lurvs me. Oliver would bring Jane Chinese. I'm sure of it.
I'm trying to respond to important points in your paragraph, haha. I love Valerie too. She has that awesome attitude about life. And Michelle. We don't see much of her, but she does remind me a lot of Avery. She holds her own, especially being surrounded by boys like Oliver and Liam.
I think you're just upset you couldn't be in Jane's place. hahaha. Am I right? I think I'm right about everyone when I say that. Including myself. Including Alicia Spinnet.
Mr. Perry is one of my favorite characters. When I wrote him into Keep Away I never thought he'd be one of my favorites. He was just there with a sense of humor at the beginning when Iplanned out Jane's background and he, apparently, wasn't going down without being a beloved character. He really writes himself. Convenient for me, really.
Jane's mind really is quite wacky. Not nearly as weird and crazy as the brain in James's head, but it still holds its own. I like how she justifies everything. So funny.
I'm glad you like alliteration. that is a chapter title theme in Hide & Seek. If you go back through and look a good deal of them have alliteration in the chapter titles.
Thanks for the lovely and a half review! ADORED all of the quotes!! Report Review
What a great chapter! Are you ready for my crazy opinions on the guys? Take a seat. Hear we go.
Lee- Sweetheart, but a little to adoring for me. I like a guy who will bring me flowers and stuff, but sometimes it's a little too sappy. I feel like he is completely in love with Alicia, but he is a little blinded to the real her. Less now than before, but still a little blinded. Great guy, but too sappy.
George- Funny guy. I never really got a feel for what he was like in a relationship, which tells me a lot. He doesn't flaunt it or anything, he saves the sweetness for private times. I do have the feeling that if I were watching Katie and George, pre-napkins, I would be super jealous of what they share. But he sometimes seems too nice or quiet for me. Which doesn't really make sense.
Fred- You know I love Fred. He is funny and loud and passionate. Very passionate. But he knows how to have a good time with the woman he loves. Its like he is best friends and in love with Ang. Which I like. I mean, they started out as friends, the relationship should still have those elements of friendship. Plus he is freaking hilarious! Too bad about the freckles. If he were real, I might look past them.
Bastian- Hubadahubada. I don't know if that is how you spell it, but you get the point. Foreign, Exotic, Romantic! But he always seemed fake. I think that he was not fake, but to me he seemed like one of those people who are just bigger than life. They always seem like a character out of the movies. Even if they are completely serious, they seem fake. Plus, he got in the way of Lee's love life and made my favorite chaser confused.
Liam- I still need to know who you used for the chapter image. I can't imagine him in person! I love how he is a country boy at heart but is perfect in fancy places. Like a chameleon. He is very real. Has the charm of classic Hollywood, the looks of the hottest guy ever, and the realness of the boy-next-door. Accept he is also rich. He knows how to treat a woman like a lady (courting!) but also as a person. He kisses your hand, makes a joke about your legs, and then proceeds to talk about pirate ships and his country estate. The fact that his heart was broken adds another dimension to him. So what is that? 10 dimensions? And need I say that he is a snappy dresser? Give me two guys with the same personality and looks, I'll chose the snappier dresser every time. There is something about a guy in a suit.
Doger- Sweet, debonair Doger. With great hair. I would love to be friends with Doger. And date him. He is sweet and very real. When I read about him I think small town boy. He has this...innocence about him that I love. He is sweet, but he is also sexy and funny. He just always knows what to do and handles things with such grace. Unless he's drunk. I really like his sense of humor mixed with small town boyness.
Oliver- Oh, Oliver. What can I say? Yum? Yes, that's it. Yum! Plus that smirk and that accent? I love pretty much everything about him. From his arrogance to his brownies. I've gone on and on about him before, so I'll use this space for something else. Basically, he is a great guy to base a love story off of.
Summary time! I want George and Lee as my friends and with my best friends. Fred I want as my best guy friend. And with my sister or best friend. Oliver is perfect for Jane and I love him as a character, but I wouldn't want him for me. Now all I have to do is pick between Liam and Doger. How do I pick between two smoking hot gentlemen who are also fun to be with!?! And I love to hate Amanda. So your question in the AN is pretty much unanswerable for me.
I guess that I want either Liam or Doger. I'll keep you posted on that crazyness in my mind. If you even read this insanity. I wouldn't blame you if you didn't.Author's Response: Ah, how much I love your reviews. Especially when it's strangely slow for a Saturday. haha. So, since I don't have anything else to do at the moment other than watching tbs movies, I am going to use all my effort on your reviews! Lovely :)
Lee-I know what you mean. I think that's what I love the most about Lee is he really shows his heart. He doesn't care what everything thinks, he just wants to show his love for Alicia. But you're right, he's a little blind to her true personality, but in a good way. In the way that he loves her no matter what.
George-You nailed him right on the head. Don't take that out of context. He likes to keep his private life private, except when his emotions get the better of him. Hence, the napkin situations. He does get quiet sometimes, more of an emotional thing than a George-thing. Like when he was at Hogwarts all happy and peachy, he was a lot louder and into telling Ellis where to stick you know what...
Fred-Ah, yes. My favorite boy. I actually like Fred more than I do Oliver, but don't tell him that. Fred is just my type of guy haha. I would lose patience with Oliver quickly. Fred is also losely based off my fiance.
Bastian- Yeah, he's sort of a guy that wnats to offer the world, but has no idea how to go about it and thus comes across as fake. The whole "too good to be true" thing, you know? But he does want happiness and I know he really cared about Alicia, but not in the way that Lee does and not in the way Alicia needs in a boy toy.
Liam-I adore him. It was hard for me to not have Jane fall for him, though she sort of did that on her own. I would have!! Even though he was a Puffer. James channels through me far too often. He's a fab guy though (Liam), courting girls, knowing what they like, and even having that nature-y side of him that gets bonus points! I keep forgetting to tell you the model. I am always reminded at work and never at home lol.
Dodger-I love him. I love exactly how you described him, which includes how gracefully he handles situations. He is someone who I believe to have a lot of wisdom in a lot of situations, and absolutely none in others. He had confidence with Jane because he knew her. She knew him. She noticed him. But Madeline had no idea he even existed. So he was lost. Lucky he got advice from the girlies!
Oliver-I adore him. He has my arrogance. And brownie-cooking ability. Just ask radicallyali.
Yes, do keep me posted. I'm anxious to know who you pick. If given the choice between the two, I'd probably go for Dodger even if he'd tell his Seeker how to get the Snitch before me. By making me roll, the jerkface.
xoxo Thanks for the amazing ranty review! Reminds me a little of James. Or Freddie since you're talking about the opposite sex haha. Report Review
Silly question- always strawberry.
I had a major squee moment! Oliver Wood. SHIRTLESS! He really should learn to use his powers for good, not evil. Although he makes up for it in future chapters. We need a body picture of him ASAP! Just saying. His muscles had muscles, haha.
I like how Jane knows that everything was stupid, but she still acted irrationally. That was a pretty good fight. I never want to feel the wrath of Jane. The fact that it happened in public with a shirtless Wood made it better. Throwing lipgloss is always a good way to get back at exes. I loved the random shrieker in the muggle store. What the heck was she doing there?! Alicia always had Jane's back. So does Fred. Have I mentioned how much I love Fred? I love him more than James loves Quidditch. Or Victoria. Bridget gets compared to a box of bludgers! Always a good time. Did Fred and Ang break the record of getting their lips on each other in the shortest amount of time after sighting? Tied it at least? Haha. I like how Katie is still capable of being sweet Katie, even while going through the breakup. And man, can she stand up for herself and give as well as she takes or what? Crazy Katie is BA! AMANDA! I can't believe she is a real person. Basically, I love to hate that crazy girl. Can't wait for more of her! I still think she should be mentored by Libby. You know Beowulf? Grendel's mother? I'm thinking something like that. Except wearing stolen skirts.
“How’s Lee?” Alicia said, practically drooling on the table to figure it out. “He hasn’t sent me a letter since you boys left. Has be found a new woman?”
“He’s bleeding annoying, that’s what he is,” Fred replied. “Always whining—why can’t we go back? Leesh is gunna murder me! Blah blah blah, I don’t care. He’s a complainer, that Lee. Get him out of that habit, will you?”
-Fred and Alicia, doing what they do best!
We were as broken up as Oliver Wood and me. I couldn’t stand Quidditch either (Well, maybe the Harpies were still okay, but definitely not Puddlemere. Well, their other players were okay but I heard their Keeper was just rubbish).
-Hahaha! Jane's mind works in such great ways.
I had absolutely no idea how it happened and I (of course) had absolutely nothing to do with my wand appearing in my hand. I would never do something so foolish as send an entire display of mint lipgloss at him, but somehow it happened. He didn’t duck, either.
Most of them broke and Oliver was covered in various shades of mint which were plumpers as well. How exciting.
- I wonder how it happened? However it happened, it was exciting.
Angelina was frowning a few feet away. Clearly she did not agree with my lipgloss antics.
- Ang, always being the same one. Second great use of the word antics in two chapters. That word needs to be used more often. Slumber as well.
I gaped at her. This was not Katie. I knew she was going through a hard time and therefore did not indulge in my sudden urge to push her into a garbage bin.
- Poor Katie. I get it though. And the though process behind lashing out at your best friends.
“Jane?” Angelina called after me. “Does this mean we’re done shopping because judging by your complexion and Katie’s white knuckles I think it does.”
- Good guess.
“Thanks, though. It’s nice to know you care enough to attack your ex Quidditch Captain.”
“I do care. I think it was the shorts that brought it on, really.”
“Oh, don’t you start with my legs, again! Snog your woman so I can get going!” I laughed and stuffed a jacket into my bag so Angelina and Fred could kiss by the door.
- Sweet Fred. Lost in an epic battle of Ginger Wits and Brute Muscle. At least Oliver was kind enough to give him ice.
So Oliver thinks that she hurt him more than he hurt her? Is he having pangs? Haha. So excited for the next chapter. More AMANDA! And the Bludger expert. Yum.Author's Response: Hi again! I wish there was a picture out there that looked exactly like I want everyone to picture dear Mr. Wood shirtless, but there's not. He's so different in everyone's mind that I couldn't take that away haha. You're more than welcome to submit pictures to be considered lol!
I would hate to feel the wrath of Jane. Totally scary! She has a lot of my fierce (not Tyra fierce) temper, but I don't release it like she does. She's scary! lol
You love Fred more than James loves Quidditch??!! WOW.
I love that about Katie too. She still retains...Katie, even if she's going crazy. She's such a sweetheart.
Amanda is indeed real, though the person I based her off of is 23 instead of 15, haha. So there are definitely differences. But there are severe similarities.
Libby + Amanda = disaster. Just the way I like it.
Slumber & Antics really are fabulous words. I do need to use them more often.
"Is he having pangs?"
HAHA. I'm so glad no one was here at work to hear me laugh like I did. Stupidly lol. Love that line.
thanks for the wonderful review. Ilove all the quotes you included! Crack me up. Ah, I wish I could write right now, though I did get some done this morning. I finally get inspiration and I'm sitting at work. Fabulous. Maybe I'll get some more reviews to respond to in order to keep me busy busy!
Thank you! Report Review
I guess I'll have to explain my hate of freckles. I don't mind them on a girl or just a spattering on a guy. It's when a guy is completely covered with them. This dates back to a few years ago. I had to carpool with this guy that I hate who was covered in freckles. One week he had a cold and instead of blowing his nose, he would sniffle all day. So he would sniffle, causing me to look at him, and then the phlem (not Fleur) would go down his throat. As he swallowed, the freckles would move. It looked really disgusting. So now whenever I see someone covered in freckles, that mental picture pops to mind. By the way, congrats on nabbing a hockey player! And your wedding, but especially the hockey player part.
Story time. I like how Jane didn't let Katie choose her color polish, I guess she learned from her mistakes. I also like how Katie's reaction is the opposite of Jane's. Jane went crazy and then she broke. Katie broke and then went crazy (not as crazy). Ang never really did either, she just stayed mad until they were back together. I love how you can make each situation so distinct for each girl! DOGER! And the Farmteam girl makes her first appearance! Or passing mention. To answer one of your questions, I call her farmteam girl even now because for a while I forgot her name so I just called her farmteam girl in my head. I don't begrudge her Doger. He deserves someone great, and if it can't be me, she seems great. Let's just say farmteam girl is my nickname for her. At least one good thing came from Katie's breakup. Jane had to think about her break up. And she realized that it was stupid and she also realized what actually broke them up. Yay self knowledge! She also remembered that although the fights were bad, the good times were so much better. Plus he looks like that! (Note, I am not really that shallow, but looks are always a plus!) I noticed a passing mention of Libby. I want her back in the story. She should mentor Amanda! Just thinking, haha. What horrible monster would that create!?! I can't wait to read about what happens with Oliver! It may be one of my favorite parts. Great cliffie.
“I feel like I should get some really high heels and walk down a bit staircase with a banister.”
“Alicia, you would be sliding down the banister and you know it.”
“And I have a feeling Lee would let me.” She checked out her rear end in the mirror. Satisfied, she turned back to me.
“Lee would be right behind you yelling out bobsled calls.”
- Alicia is my favorite chaser. I love the others, but this girl is amazing. And Lee definitely would.
I made a face. “No, not one bit actually. If you want to put it on I can pretend I’m doing the other part, though. I’m very good at pretend exercise.” I paused. “I’m pretending to run right now. Look.”
-Hahaha! That is my kind of exercise! I do it ever day, very difficult.
It rained most of the evening so after dinner we brightened Katie’s spirits by actually doing the stupid workout video with her. My calves were on fire but she seemed lovely and told me my form was a little off. I told her to jump off the balcony.
-Hahaha. I would too. I just love the rhythm of that part.
“Eventually better be pretty damn soon or I’m going to lock myself in the closet. Or the kitchen. That sounds more promising. I could have Thelma whip me up some casserole or something.”
- If you can't lock yourself in a super Walmart, the kitchen is always the next best place.
“Maybe we should take Katie somewhere?” I offered.
“Where? Looney bin?” Alicia chuckled. “I’ll get the brooms.”
- Good thought. If Katie keeps this up, it might become a serious possibility.
Dad was far too quick for my turn-of-the-head antics.
-Bahahahahaha! Aren't they always. Good use of the word antics! I love Mr.P!
“Do it,” barked Angelina (she didn’t sound like a puppy though. That was reserved for Alicia’s dress)
- Loved the puppy bit! I love how you continue bits through the whole story and through the a single scene. That's how life works, and you do a good job capturing that aspect.Author's Response: Okay, I understand the freckles thing. I urge you to give them another chance, but I do get it :) And thanks about the hockey player thing. Now that we've got you supporting a NHL team and all.
Thanks for noticing each girl had a different experience based on their personality. I thought that was really important because they're all so different. :) I like farmteam girl's nickname. farmteam girl. It works. :)
I love Alicia too. Every chapter I have where she appears is wonderful fun!!
I'll tell Alicia she should lock herself in a Super Walmart. Or a Super Target at the very least...
Thanks so much for the lovely review! Looking forward to your next review. They're always some of my favorites!! Report Review
Good chapter. Talk about drama. But I'll get to that later. First of all, Fred is such a sweet boyfriend! I want him! Accept freckles freak me out- long story. I think one thing you do really well is making the twins two different people. They clearly are in the books, but too often in fan-fiction they become one, flat, immature character. So kudos to you! I love everyone's reaction when Mrs. Bell shows up. I think people always do that when a parent comes home, no matter their age. I think one of the most important questions of the chapter was this: Why wasn't Alicia playing Keeper? Excellent Chapter Image, by the way. Very true to her personality, even if I imagine her as a blonde. Poor Jane, Oliver is everywhere. It's good how this wasn't just full of her sadness. Other people got to be sad too. Oh, well. I just don't know what is going to happen with George and Katie. I also love how Jane is good at ignoring huge drama happening right in front of her. The secret is to focus on jam and to try and use the force to bring it to you. One of life's secrets down! Quote time:
"Jane, what do you think about this one?”
I stared at a lacy dress with strange trim and a weird neckline. “It’s horrible.”
“Okay. Good. Just making sure you can be trusted with an opinion.”
-Haha. Good test. I bet Alicia failed the first three.
George ended up able to pick first and he picked Angelina (which sent Fred over the edge. “She’s the best and she’s mine,” he cried and Alicia punched him because she was convinced she was the best). So then Fred picked Alicia to spite him and I went to George and Lee went to Fred.
-The politics of team picking. Full of intrigue, betrayal, and love. Like a Bond film! Or congress...
Alicia grabbed it from me a few times, though I punched her in the head the third time
-That's the way I play games! If people do stuff you don't want, hit them. Good thing Jane didn't play very much at school- lots of fouls.
“Don’t you even think about it!” Fred cried, saving one of Angelina’s goals. The pair of them were pinned against each other and I think they quite liked it.
-Damn right they liked it!
“The boys are still outside. I think Lee said something about Ang so they decided to throw him in the pond, but who knows?”
-Hahaha! No one can be within a 10 mile radius of water and not get thrown in.
Mrs. Bell gasped. Hell, I even managed a gasp. Katie just dropped the F bomb.
-I know the feeling. I have a friend that I have known for at least three years. I heard her say Hell today for the first time. I gasped.
Now to Katie and George. Cruel trick with the Napkins teaser. I don't even know what to say. Katie became un-Katie. I personally think that she completely over reacted and that George was fine. But I'm not planning a wedding. Would you be like that? I'm not really sure how this will work out or how I feel about it. But a nice fight. As Jane said "What the hell was that?"Author's Response: First of all...freckles freak you out? How can we be friends? Omg. Freckles are my favorite things EVER. In fact, I fell for my fiance almost six years ago because he has freckles. And played varsity hockey... yum! Anyway...
THANK YOU. I am SO SICK of people making the twins the same person. They aren't. At all. They're different and while they share a lot of similarities, they are two completely different people. I think it's an insult to them to have them the same. Personally.
Alicia should have been Keeper. We shall rectify that situation immediately.
I think that might be what I love the most about some of my characters. Everyone imagines them differently, yet so similar. Love it. I want the girls (Ang, Leesh, & Katie) to be like your friends. You can make them into whatever you want, but they have my personalities. Love.
So you've noticed I love using water in my stories? It's because I'm from the midwest and even though our summers are hot and a decent length where I am, I long for summer heat and west coast waves!
To answer your question, I'm not to Katie's extreme. I think they were both in the wrong. The fight wasn't just the napkins. Katie was totally wrong in overreacting so much, but you could tell throughout the story that George didnt' care much. It's fine, but he should have realized that a wedding was important to Katie and maybe set aside even a couple hours to talk with her about it. He just sort of ignored the anger between them and pretended like it wasn't there. You know? I think once they both get back to normal, things might get better. They might even...talk ? Who knows.
Thanks for the review! I really enjoyed it since for some reason the last hour has been relatively slow at work. Report Review
Really liked this chapter! Hilarious. Bink's story was great and makes sense for the two of them. I was sort of right about my theory that they insulted each other and then snogged. If you squint and look sideways. Haha. As usual I love Lily, Wessy Pessy (bring it back!), and Albus. They may be my favorite characters in this. I trust you to take snog buddies in a good direction for the story and not make it to lust filled. I want them to have the same bond they have now, but enhanced. If it totally changes I will be angry. My only real concern is this: WHAT IF NIA FINDS OUT!?! I see DRAMA! That's right, capital letter drama.
I love this story, but I like Jane's better as a love story. In those stories I see the guys and hunks that I want and the girls as my best friends. In this story I see them more like family members and team mates. Which makes sense because that is who they are to the narrator. But I'm not pulling for Javery (hehe) in the OMG I WISH I WERE HER WHAT A HUNK THEY ARE THE BEST COUPLE EVER way that I am for Jane and Oliver. (Joliver? Olivane?) More as if I were watching my brother figure out what the heck is wrong with him and finally get with the woman who is perfect for him. Odd. I don't know. Ramble. RAMBLEROAR! Did you like the analysis of part of my mind? Haha.
Basically, great story, keep them coming! Good chapter.
Have I mentioned that I want the grotto? I think if we get some shovels we could make a tunnel underground and dig one out. Or hire the guys in your stories to do it while we watch and eat cheese cake. Haha. Cheers!Author's Response: HAHA I really do need to bring back Wessy-Pessy. I'll write it down.
I know you know my writing style, so I'm not going to comment too much on the line about taking snog buddies in a good direction and not lust-filled, because you know that lust has to be a part of it considering both are extremely attracted to each other ;) But don't worry, I promise I know exactly what I'm doing. Even if it seems like sometimes I'm winging it (which, let's face it, sometimes I am).
Your concern is if Nia finds out? I'm wondering what the heck Meta will do if she finds out!!
I understand what you mean about Jane's as a love story. This isn't really a love story, it's about James finding out who he is and falling in love (maybe) in the process. I'm not sure we should make a nickname for Jane and Oliver. Jollie? idk. Scary.
I totally get your analysis though. That's why I love this story. Because it's so different. I didn't want to write two stories that were so...similar, you know?
Um, yes. I know Freddie needs some extra money. He can totally dig out a grotto for us! Add in some more shirtless boys...Oliver, Fred, George, Bink, James...you've got a cheese-cake factory of awesome. Thanks for the review! Report Review
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