Haha! This was a really sweet fic, and written in a really nice way. Starting off with description really set the relaxing mood of early morning, before the...lively action ;) But even that was written well, with passion, yet not too graphic at all. If there was one thing I would say, it would be to add a slight more description- just the sunlight coming through the window, or are the curtains closed? What is the exact time? How comfortable is the bed? Just small details like that to break up the dialogue and action.
The beginning, where Remus is slightly shy about telling others about his relationship, and how you wrote about how he is normally shy about his advances, whilst Sirius acts is normal, loud self.
However his...seriousness at how he thinks that they should become open shows his true affection for Remus, and vice versa for Remus' unusual confidence.
Lovely fic, sweet and fluffy- thouroughly enjoyed it! :D
9.5/10 Report Review
Oh me days, I've been wanting to read this for so long, as in really, really been wanting to read this- it was annoying me so much, but the time, internet, and peace just hasn't been around! :P But I've got it now :D And It was really worth the wait! :D
It's so nice this has a happy ending, especially as how some of the chapters felt so dark, and this has put me in a really good mood. :)
I love the way that when you re-read this, even if you already know things, such as Sirius' time in Azkaban, you feel it all over again, and so much more powerfully.
I think you already know that I think you're writing style is flawless, and that this is one of the best fics out there, and the best Sirius/OC, EVER, so all I can really say is that this, as always, is a perfect chapter. Again.
It's really sad to see this fic finished, and I'll really miss reading it- it was one of the first fics I read when I started using the site and one of the first i started reviewing, awhile later(and, looking back, they must have been pretty...text talk style, if u no wot i meen ;P), so for me this fic is what the site is all about.
It's sad, but I'm happy at the same time. It's a happy ending, and it's just complete and perfect, and I'm pleased of all the writers out there, you were the one to get this idea, because this wouldn't have been the same if done my another writter.
Thank you so much for this story, for me it's the symbol of this site, and it's bought me, and however many others, hours of pleasure from reading. I really hope one day your writting becomes famous out of the fandom; you deserve it, and I think anyone who has ever read this would buy your work.
~NynfadoraAuthor's Response: Hi! You know how I said on Twitter the other day that you leave awesome reviews? Well, this is the sort of thing I meant. ♥
I do remember your early reviews, and it was a pleasant surprise to learn in later comments that you didn't always use text speak. :) I'm really touched, though, that this story is what you see HPFF as being all about - it was just me trying to tell a story, and to have this response has really been overwhelming. And you've been a huge part of that so thank you! *hugs*
I'm really pleased that you liked this ending, too, even if it took a little while for you to get to it. Hey, it took me a while to get time to respond to it, so we're even, right? But I felt that this was the closest I could give them to a happy ending, and I wanted them to have that after being so cruel during the main narrative. If nothing else, this particular chapter has meant that I can read the end of OotP without getting upset, because I feel that he's going somewhere much happier than life was for him.
Thanks again for all your reviews over the past couple of years, they really have meant the world to me. :)
cheers, Mel Report Review
Yay! So, finally got some time get back on HPFF in ages, and now.yeah, now I'm reviewing ;P Although, to be honest, most my reviews are rambles so.yeah. End of ramble.
Your Remus in this story is actually perfect! The way that on the outside he acts really strong, which I guess he would have to with his condition, but how he is also so, so insecure- it's the sweetest thing! So, yeah, love the way you write Remus in this one!
Really liked the layout if this one, with the story being split up into scenes, it's nice to read different things like that.
Honestly, it's the same with all your stories, great actions, dialogue, characters- just love it all!
:DAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad that you enjoyed it and thanks for taking time to review. ♥ --Jenna Report Review
Haha! It's so nice to read the boys as being proper Marauders, in so many fics they just seem to be in love all the time, not that thats wrong, but with the way JK wrote them, they seemed to be more interested in pranks than girls!
So, anywhos, it's just great to read about them mucking around! :) And I love the way you wrote Remus and Sirius, their personalites came across great! Especially Sirius' recklessness, when he was tossing Harry, and Remus' responsibility, when he tried, and failed, to get Sirius to stop. It follows on with their personalities from the books really well, as we know Sirius and Remus were both those things, and you've made the boys sound so realisitc, I actually adore this fic!
Hopefully Harry isn't 'broken' completly, but this story has definitely put me in a good mood!
Thank you for the great one-shot! :D
10/10Author's Response: Thank you so much! I was not expecting any reviews like ever again because most of my stuff is old but then this popped up and made me beam from ear to ear.
I'm glad you like how I write the Marauders they have been my favorite characters for ages and I've been writing them for years.
Sadly Harry kinds of is 'broken' he's always been an odd duck to me and just doesn't exactly match up to the awesomeness that is his parentage. So to explain why he doesn't live up to that awesome is this. He's not SEVERELY damaged just an odd duck is all. Report Review
I really love the dialogue of this story, you've written their personalities really well with their speech, it's great how they're all different, with James being cocky, Rose being full of common sense, Albus being stubborn, and Scorpious being a loyal best friend. I'm trying to get into Next-gen more, so this was really nice to read, for giving personality traits away :D
I really like both James' and Albus' relationship, it is just how brothers act, haha! ;)
So, really nice story, sweet, and it's great how you gave the charactors such clear personalities, in such a short piece of writing :D
10/10Author's Response: Thank you! ^_^ Report Review
So, I think from a Twitter thing awhile backÖor maybe it was just a few weeksÖthat there were suggestions for detective shows; guessing this is the product of it? :)
(^ErrrÖ. That was a bit pointless, sorry :S)
So, anywhos, Charles is epic in this! Heís got this really edgy, classic detective character, and I already love him as an OC! His character alone, makes this a definite detective fic, and the way itís played out feels like a game of CluedoÖjust without the guessing of the rooms, or the murder weapons. ;)
I like how the murderer has already been identified too, its different, however Iím not sure whether itíll all change or not, which is why this is already building up to be a great fic!
The characters, as always with your fics, are realistic, and you can tell just from their replies how theyíre under pressure, plus how they deal with it, given their individual personalities.
So, yeah, loving this so far! Youíve already got the suspense going, and I love detective programs on the box, but there isnít many fics out there similar, so this is amazing!
10/10, epic as ever :)Author's Response: Actually it was for another story I'm working on. :P This one was inspired by Murder, She Wrote actually. Which is a really old show, don't know if you've heard of it before. :)
Thank you so much for that! My first time creating an OC completely from scratch so I've been really nervous about his realism.
It's called a Whydunit. Rather than the classic Whodunit detective movie/books. I like to think if this was on TV, it would be in black and white. :)
Thank you so much for taking time to come by and read and review. :D --Jenna Report Review
So.Not sure if this is you...as in Siriuszilla from twitter, or someone else.but, anyway, I think it is you, and I'm reviewing anyway ;P
Ahhh.just looked at twitter...it is you! ;)
Anyway, I don't think you have to worry about this story at all :) From hows it's going, its great!
I love the way the two brothers interact, and their personalities are already coming through really strong! The description is really good as well; already the reader has a good idea on what Albus looks and what his personality is like :)
To be completly honest ('cause what's the point of lying in a review?) the first few pargraphs don't really flow as well as the rest, so maybe varying your sentence structures might work :)
Your being too hard on yourself, you're a great writer, and everyone finds those first few sentences hard to get into! :DAuthor's Response: Yeah, I'm that person on Twitter xD I wish I could actually change my pen-name to Siriuszilla. I use it for everything else. Yeah, I worry a lot actually. I'm a worrier so don't waste your breath, please :) I'm glad you enjoyed it though. Like I said in the review below, it's only an introduction. There'll be loads more to come. Seriously, I hate descriptions and it's all I've been doing for the next chapters!
Yeah, I'm going to edit and try find myself a beta to sort of help make it flow a bit better. Ah, I'm always too hard on myself. It gets me no where though; just makes me stress out even more! Thanks for the review, Jess :)
-Siriius Report Review
Oh my days.This is just so, so beautiful. I wish I could write as powerfully as you do in this chapter, as then I'd be able to explain how pure this is to read in a review. The entire story has been written so perfectly, and with such strong emotions of love and sorrow. its just difficult to explain after reading, which is frustrating, but its hard to say how good this is, because for that you need the powerful way with words that you have.
Can you see where I'm going? Basically, your story is one of the best out there, and I want you to know that. Although I don't think I'm putting that across enough, as I don't know how to write as strongly to be able to do that.
Because I'm doing such a bad job of explaining myself, I'll just say thank you once again for the amazing story.Author's Response: Hi! FINALLY made it here to do some review responses - SO sorry for the delay. However, better late than never! Anyway, I'm so pleased you liked this one so much. I thought it was an important scene to show and I'm really happy that you think I did it justice. Funerals are so hard to write, you know? But seeing this review really made me feel better about the whole thing so thank you so much, it made my day. :D
As for the best out there, well I'm hugely flattered but a little skeptical. But if you think that, then I'm not going to stop you. Thanks again! *hugs*
cheers,Mel Report Review
N'awww, thats so sweet, and a really nice way to start the week! :D
Its great how Sirius and Laura are acting more like adults now, in an adult relationship- you can really see that its changed from teenage romance to a really comfy partnership, but how they've loved each other the whole way through. Its like they've both grown up from the start of the fic to now, which is just so comforting to read.
Loved it, again :DAuthor's Response: Hi again!
Very pleased you liked it, because with where we are in the story there won't be much fluff to come. But yes, they are acting more like adults rather than kids now, which I quite liked as a progression of their relationship. :)
thanks, Mel Report Review
I really liked that this had a happy ending, it fits in a lot better than if Ron had moved out perminatly, and fits in with his character better too :) And I liked that this continue from six months later, reading about them repairing their relationship for six months might've got a bit dull, while your way gave the reader the necessary information with out the boring bits :D
Really nice to read something different,and I just love reading fics that are completed- weird thing, I guess, so, yeah. loved it :P :) :DAuthor's Response: Hi again!
Ah, you should know by now that I'd have tried to get this back to canon by the end! If nothing else I wanted this to stay vaguely consistent with the epilogue of DH and so I had to get them back together, or at least trying to resolve their issues, which were pretty significant. But Ron recognised that this was really really important and worked really hard on that, and Hermione eventually managed to forgive him and trust him again. At least, that's how I like to think of it.
Thanks for giving this a shot and reading it all the way through. As I said earlier it's a pretty big departure from the norm for me but that is the point of a challenge and I had a lot of fun writing it. Thanks again :D
cheers, Mel Report Review
I like how you write about Ron feeling guilty about this, it makes it so much more realistic, and the way he tries his best to be faithful afterwards too, its strange reading a POV where you love the character thats in the wrong, as it doesn't feel like what hes doing is actually wrong.That probably made no sense, sorry!
Looking foreward to seeing how he treats Hermione later on, and how Pansy tells him the news :)Author's Response: Yes, poor Ron. He stuffed up and now he's got to suffer the consequences. I like how you didn't really feel that he'd been doing wrong, though, because that means that I had his POV down okay. If he'd felt really bad about it at the time he'd never have done it ... but the guilt afterwards is crippling. (Or so I assume, hahaha.)
cheers, Mel Report Review
So, never read a Rom/Pansy before (or anything that isn't Ron/Hermione, I really need to get out and stop reading Remus/OCs !) but I really like this so far!
I loved the way you wrote Pansy, and Ron, and how this is (sort of) cannon at the moment, looking foreward to see what it develops into! :)Author's Response: Hi again! Thanks for the review!
Yes, Ron/Pansy. You saw my musings about it on Twitter, I assume - it was hugely fun to write but god only knows how the story actually reads. However, thanks for giving it a go because I really do appreciate that. And yes, being the canon nerd that I am I did try to keep it canon, though I'm not sure how successful I ended up being. Not to worry. It is called a challenge for a reason, isn't it?
cheers, Mel Report Review
Wow, come back on HPFF after about six months away, to find ten new chapters, and a perfect ending (I admit, I wasnít crying, because I donít really cry, but I was shaking). The way everyone knew from the start Mary would die made it original, but reminding people at the end of the story of how things would turn out with Sirius behind bars and Remus alone made me think so hard about so much start- no one knows where theyíre going, and of course we know we may always die tomorrow, but we donít *really* know, and we donít know how Ď going to affect others either, we just know nothing about our future, and this story really bought that down to earth.
So, firstly, I admire your dedication. Hours of your hard work must have gone into this and I, as well as everyone else who reads that, will appreciate that. So thank you for that.
This story was different from others in so many ways, and I hope youíre proud to be able to say that youíve written an original fan fiction, and that you know that this isnít just another Sirius/OC, because it really isnít. Itís a lot more meaningful, and imaginative than one of those. The ending was just there, completely mapped out, Sirius would go to prison, and not live a happy life with awife and kid, because JK didnít leave it that way, so the way that you wrote this so amazingly in canon bought so much back- after reading too much fanfiction one tends to forget that Harry Potter is not a happy story, or at least not for the Marauders at any rate.
All of your characters are unique, and have the traits JK gave them, only altered slightly to fit in with the darker situation. The way they all had private time with Mary made them seem so much closer, and their different reactions, although sad, were life like, and just so deep. I can honestly say that Iíve never read anything like this before, on HPFF or in published books, with emotions just at the surface the whole time, each chapter smelling of sadness or tragedy. Mary was far from a perfect OC, and the way she dealt with life was far from Saint-like, but thatís just another reason for people to connect with this fic.
Itís hard to express how I felt after reading this fic, the way that someone dies, and life goes on, but things may not get better, and bad stuff will always happen. The way that life never actually ends, until you do die, however obvious it sounds, but after that one bad event, you just have to keep going, that it just wonít end.
I wish you all the best for your future writing, whether you use your talent as a career or for enjoyment purposes only, I only ask that you realise that you have a gift, because no everyday person can write emotions like you do, and I believe all talents should be used.
Again, thank you, for so many things- for giving me, plus many others, hoursí worth of enjoyable reading, for helping readers open their eyes to death, teaching how to write, for donating a new story and style to the website, we really owe all this and more to you.
Thanks, yet again, and I hope you enjoyed writing this fic,í cause I really loved reading, and then reflecting about it. Report Review
Woah! Haven't reviewed this since chapter 3, and just looked at my favs list to see that you'd updated! So, pretty tired- just read all 12 chapters- but I had to keep reading! You're writings that good! Its compelling!
I especially love the way you portray each character- Harry must be difficult to write, hes so complex! And Ginny with her stubborness, and Hermionie with her smartness and common sense-ness and Ron with his loayalty and.hunger-ness ;)
But I love them, they're so similer to JK, but you can tell that they've been through something traumatic because of the way they just seem.a little more serious, and darker, maybe?
But your writing is flawless, from plot to style :) Report Review
N'awww, this was such a sweet fic- I really loved your Remus, and the way he well asleep on the armchair, that part made me smile :)
I liked the style, with the date and time at the beggining of each new scene, it looked really neat.
The scene in the Transfiguration class room just seemed so. Marauder-ish, even though it was short it depicted their individual personalities really well :)
Loved it :) Report Review
Hello :) I twitter stalked you :P
Well, all stalking aside, I'm really glad I followed you. Or you followed me. Forgotten which order it was in, but anyway, I'm glad that we now follow each other, 'cause then I wouldn't have stalked you, and then I'd have probably never read this :)
So, first off, I love your characters, the twins, Molly, Ginny and Percy especially- Molly had a really motherness to her, and the in the small part Percy was mentioned his personality came across really well. Ginny reminds me of my secound youngest neice, the way she treats her siblings, and is so disgusted by her brother touching her chair- that made me lol, such great characterisation right there ;)
And the twins? Oh, they were great, so fun and evil (in a light hearted manner, of course ;)) The way they needed a new cauldren was wrote in so subtly, but just adds to what they later become; a pair of buisness men creating sweets and the like with potions.
Loved it, very nice way to end the day :)Author's Response: Oh my goodness! I'm so sorry I didn't respond sooner, haha! I didn't realise you'd reviewed it, and I don't often check for them considering I don't have any new updates or anything. But thank you :)
I'm glad you liked the twins. They were SUCH fun to write, and I couldn't think of any other people who would do something as crazy as steal their brothers toe.
I'm glad you liked Ginny too. It's possible I modelled her off of a younger me, but I don't think people should know that I was that bratty -whistles innocently-
Thank you so much for reading and reviewing :) I'm about to head off for college, so it's good to start the day off with something nice ^.^
Lorren. Report Review
*Jumps up and down*
N'awww, this chapter had me grinning like crazy the whole way through, but I guess thats just the effect Remus has on me! But now, I'm a wobbly mess, so this review is just going to make no sense! But I'll try and make it readable :)
So, I love this chapter! Its nice seeing Charlotte's P.O.V, and I love the wide range of characters you can write, especially the way you just wrote Remus, he seemed to be alot more braver than how hes usually portrayed, and dealt with it really well, compared to other fics where he just wallows in self pity, and I really love the way you depicted him :)
And the way she helped him put on his shirt.? Are you Sirius?! Do you want me to turn into a pile of mush?!
Best. Chapter. Yet.
Thank you for spreading the Remus love :)
Author's Response: Hi again!
I'm so pleased you liked this chapter, because as you're a Remus fan if my characterisation was off you would have been sure to tell me. So thank you! *beams* As for him being brave, well I can't imagine him wallowing in self-pity ALL the time, it would have been really annoying and the others would have been less likely to have so much patience with him. Besides, he wants to impress Charlotte, doesn't he? So of course he's going to be brave. :)
Thanks again, Mel Report Review
Its nice that this is 'speeded up', when compared to other fics- it makes more sense- Sirius was a Griffy, and is supposed to be brave and spontanious, not waiting around for the girl of his dreams! I like it :)
Xander is a really great charactor, really refreshing and just like a Griffinador should be- again, not another girl who just sits there and. sits there.
I like the way this plot is going too, its just wonderfully different :)
Good luck on your exam!Author's Response: Hello again!
Thankyou =) I sort of didn't want to take too long with Sirius and Xander because there is a bigger plan for the story involving Aaren, and I want to get into that. In saying that, there will be times that are hard on them, but that's like any couple, I suppose.
Thankyou for the review, and I'll need all the luck I can get for those exams ;D Report Review
I just love Pippa so much! Shes different, but not in the 'normal different' as in she isn't a Vampire or half dead or something, which is pretty nice :) She just has these quirks, and shes just so new and intresting without being another annoying cliche :DAuthor's Response: I'm so glad you like Pippa, it means a lot to me. Yep, she's 100% percent human, with no special powers, other than her witty *cough* mind. I'm so glad you like her quirks, I tried to give her own little quirks that we're different from characters I've wrote before. I'm so glad you don't thinks she's cliche & you find her interesting. If people don't like Pippa, I'm in trouble :P So it's always makes my day when people like her cause I end up liking them myself & getting attatched. Is that weird? Haha. Anyway, thanks for the review.
xxx Report Review
WOW! You can write EVERY character- I thought Remus and Sirius were your specialities, but now I can see from the way that you write Andy and Ted too, itís like you've got this magic key to get into every single characters head and write them perfectly!
I love how Andy is a Slytherine, as this makes sense with her being a Black, and that in such a short space of writing you can see her Slytherine characteristics- the way she doesn't want to let anyone know she loves a Hufflepuff, and the way that she acts so chilly towards the opposing House when there is a crowd- sheís so different though, from all other Black family members which have been written about before- she is neither a complete rebel (Sirius :P) or a sheep (every other Black), and its just soÖÖ refreshing, to read a character like that :)
So, yeah, different to what I normally read but i loved it, and as great, if not more so, as ever. For the twentieth time, your characterisation is brilliant! :)Author's Response: You're so sweet! Seriously, such a kind review. :D
I'm so glad that you enjoyed my take on Andromeda and Ted. I was a bit nervous since we didn't know much about them.
Thank you so much time like 500! :) --Jenna Report Review
Oh my days, I'd forgotten about how sad this chapter was in HTM, and this seems so much more emotional, seeing Sirius' POV on how Laura was coping, and the way all the characters are so shocked, its really realistic and amzingly written- even I feel all shocked and empty, and I'd read the same chapter in HTM!
Gosh, but that was just amazing, and it shows how good a writer you are, being able to switch from romance and love to bereavement, its actually astonishing
Loved it again, your writing is amazing :)Author's Response: Hi again!
Yes, this was a pretty hard chapter to cover in HTM, and doing it from another POV was also a little difficult but from the sounds of things you think I managed it okay. So thank you! I'm especially pleased that I got that initial shock covered because they would be shocked, woudln't they? As would anyone in the same circumstances.
Thanks again, Mel :) Report Review
N'aw, their so sweet! I love the way Sirius is so protective of Remus- I can imagine that in non-AU but the way you bring it into everyday modern life, its so sweet!
I love all the similarites you write between AU and non-AU through out the story, its so clever to see a place named NEWTS, and all the characters are just how I imagined them, only in different situations :)
Love this fic!Author's Response: Thank you! Yeah, I really wanted to keep them canon, while putting them in a non-canon environment. If that made sense. Lol. I tried to put as much of the original HP aspect into it, otherwise it would be an original fiction with some weird names. :P
Thank you so much for reviewing! --Jenna Report Review
Wo! See, left a review for two chapters in a row, I'm keeping on top of things now ;-)
I really love Mrs Potter's POV in this chapter, its so sweet, and the way she viewed Sirius was actually adorable- it shows how close they actually were, as she must have been to have taken him in.
Its nice that someone recognises that beneath that rebelious image, someone can imagine what life was actually like for Sirius as a child- all the time he seems to be portrayed a boy who rebelled against his family and caused trouble, while this shows a much more realistic view of how loveless his life actually was- thank you once again for this amazing, flawless, deep, PERFECT story :)Author's Response: Hi again!
You know, this is just the sweetest review - thank you! I'm really glad that you think I captured how close Sirius was to the Potters as a whole, because I think that if he wasn't completely comfortable with them he would never have even approached him to take him in, no matter how young he was. And yes, she did understand what his childhood had been like and as a result she did have to explain certain things to him. I suspect this wasn't the first time she'd had to explain something along these lines to him, but this was the most important, from his perspective at least. Glad you liked it!!
cheers, Mel Report Review
Alright, 2nd time writing the review ;)
I love your OC, sheís epic already, and itís not often than a character can come across that strongly in the first chapter. Sheís funny, and her personality is great. It nice that this isnít fixated on looks either, the little that the reader does know about her physical features are that sheís scrawny, and not some beautiful brunette- Iím not saying sheís ugly, itís just nice reading about a character who looks like a model for a change. :)
I love her thoughts, and the way this is written, itís so bubbly and fun, while itís still believable- I love it, itís so light and easy to read, but its engaging as well.
So, yeah, love this, and really enjoying so far- never read a multi chaptered fic before thatís a next generation, so this is a first, and Iím really enjoying it :)
Also, Happy New Year, have a good one :DAuthor's Response: I hate it when that happens!
Really? You think that? Amazing, that makes me super happy! I was worried how Pippa would come across but I'm so glad you like her.
Yeah, I thought it would be a nice change, I like the idea of her being quite scrawny and small.
Really? thank you, you've made my day! I'm so happy you like it.
Yay! Hopefully, i've converted you ;) There are some really good ones out there that are next generation!
Happy new year to you too lovely! I hope you're having a great day.
I loved reading this side of Remus, it was completlydifferent to anything else I've read of him but I adored it! He should have fun more often!
Loved the description throughout, a detailed, nicely written one shot with a clear sence of style and plot.
10/10- welldone :)
Also, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!Author's Response: oh wow, thank you for the lovely review, i have to say ive not been on for a while and it was nice to come back to.
Ive always thought people write remus a little too serious, he was a marauder for a reason after all =]
Anyway im glad you enjoyed it, and i hope you had a good christmas and new year also.
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection