You give us a George/Kaycee encounter, a pregnant Ginny, and a Ron leaving the shop all in one chapter? Fantastic! I love the depth George continues to get - instead of drinking he has turned to being a workaholic (something far healthier). I also love that even Ron thought he was being just a bit harsh to Kaycee, and that George didn't even read the article. I am now officially dying to find out what it said!Author's Response: You'll just have to imagine, as I haven't had time to write it up. Who knows maybe one day I will Report Review
I love the line about George having planned on drinking the second bottle too! For some reason that struck me as SUCH a Weasley twin comment. Great creativity on having Harry become the Minister of Magic as opposed to Head Auror, and I really like how you had Angelina and George finally make up and become friends again. Great work!Author's Response: Well nothing is as it seems in the Potter world so I though making Harry something he'd never actually wanted to be was an interesting choice. Report Review
Oh man GREAT chapter! The title is very appropriate as well, and you did a good job yet again of that 'highs and lows all in one chapter' thing. These characters are getting thrown through an emotional roller coaster (or at least George is). I like the boys talk at the end - a million thoughts probably are going through all their heads yet they keep their words simple like men actually do. Its hard to find stories where the guys are portrayed realistically (as in not spilling out every thought in their head and their entire souls and all their feelings constantly) so you did a great job of keeping them all realistic. (for example, Harry probably hates that his brother-in-law just got crushed all to get a story on him, but he kept his comment simple). Also Ron's comment was very realistic, b/c he is right, most of the time people who are 'in love' and in the honeymoon phase refuse to believe a bad word spoken about their significant other, so that's a great job you did on Ron's reasons for not having said anything to George.
10/10 yet again!Author's Response: so Happy you are still enjoying it and I'm glad you think my characters are realistic. I do dislike charachters who just say everything they think and then there is no consequences in the end either Report Review
This chapter...is fantastic! I am cracking up at the wedding planning and the effect its having on the males! This part in particular is great!:
“I know, but Ginny has me helping with things I didn’t even realise I needed arranging. Like bloody centrepieces, who on earth needs to put things in the middle of the table? Why can’t we just be happy with plates and cutlery on the table? Why do we need some weird little statue or whatever in the middle of the table?”
Also I really liked Hermione's comment about how men do not have comments about wedding dresses!
The only thing that I could find to critique was this slip up of names: “I can’t imagine the Burrow without my mum and dad; I’m so glad George has decided to buy it.” Author's Response: that's for spotting that, I will be right on it. Report Review
Ah ha! Ron is on to her ploys! Great job on letting her secret slowly come out. Also, too many fanfictions skip over Molly and Arthur, so may I just say that I am loving how much of them is in your fanfiction? Great work!Author's Response: I like Molly and Arthur, I think they are a very cute couple. Report Review
I love that Bill and Fleur are moving into the Burrow! That was a fantastic little addition to the plot. Also, I love the depth were getting about Kaycee in this chapter. She's like most people who lack family support - she's out there on her own, struggling to make ends meet and doing her best, but its not quite good enough to give her a good quality of life, so she's terrified and torn between her personal life and her "assignment." Loving it!Author's Response: I was going t oremove the burrow all together, but I couldn't in the end I loved it too much Report Review
Oh man, this was of course another excellent chapter. It's amazing how you get the characters going from being happy to having the lows (with them being sad) in each chapter, yet it works somehow. So kudos on a job well done with THAT! Them getting continually interrupted is absolutely hysterical though, as was George's line about, “If that’s my family I’m going to scream.” Just great job on that one! And the added mystery of what is going on with Kaycee continues!Author's Response: I would hope I was keeping you in suspense, but as you read the last chapter :) Still I'm happy you like it Report Review
Awww his name is Fred? That's fantastic! Poor George though he may either be cautious around the baby now or love him all the more. Hrm...which way will you go? Knowing the plot twist/ending already I'm going to guess you may err on the side of diabolicalness and torture George with the name. As for the date, it's hilariously awkward first date type of stuff in terms of conversations. LOVE how she managed to slip in to meet the family though. ;) Great journalism there!Author's Response: First dates are always a little akward, but George manages to top them all Report Review
HAHAHA! That was GREAT! I loved this chapter as well! In particular I laughed VERY loudly at this part:
After a couple of hours he was now completely plastered, which lead him to his next decision. He took a piece of blank parchment and began writing a letter to Kaycee, asking her to go on a date with him. Once the letter was written he attached it to, his new owl, Harold.
“Right Harold, don’t bugger this up; my whole life may depend on it.”
Author's Response: I like that I made you laugh out loud! Report Review
Now this chapter is just flat out CUTE! Harry being all nervous about making Ginny dinner and proposing, George thinking he's not a good person to be around, and then Ron and Hermione going back to Hogwarts! Great job on this chapter as well!Author's Response: :) glad you liked it! Report Review
Jackie's rather eccentric isn't she? I absolutely loved this chapter! The only thing I could say critique wise is that when Ginny and Luna go to get a butterbeer by the fountain of magical brethern, they'd have to go to the Minsitry of Magic to do that since that's where it is at, and not at St. Mungo's. Other than that though the chapter was flawless and quite awesome! I really am curious about this mindspeak now, now that there are two pairs of people who can do it, and I'm curious about who Harry will choose! Luna or Ginny!Author's Response: Jackie is one of my favorite OCs that I've made up. I'm glad you liked her too. I didn't know butterbeer was in a specific place. Guess I should reread the books sometime, haha. Glad you enjoyed this story :) Report Review
I love how you manage to cover spans of time quickly, succinctly, yet there is enough detail in it to not have the reader screeching for an explanation. The scenes with Ginny and Luna are spectacular, and good lord woman!!! James had a twin sister!? Poor Harry! Poor HER! great job once again though and 10/10. Also, do you mind if I recommend this story at the bottom of my next chapter in mine? I tend to recommend stories in author's notes and frankly this story is great! Just let me know in the review reply, but great job all around on this!Author's Response: I haven't logged into this site in a long time b/c I haven't really written any HP fanfiction recently. I can't describe how I excited I was to see your messages. It was actually your story Eclipse of the Sky that got me started me into HP fanfiction, so this is like coming full circle. If you still want to recommend this story (almost a year later), feel free. It means a lot to me that you liked it. Report Review
I am SO glad that I found this AFTER it was finished or well under way! Otherwise the cliffhangers would be killing me! For instance, who the heck is Doreen? I imagine I will find out in the next chapter! I really like Kailana's personification though. It's like...I'm not even sure WHAT it is that I like about her, but I really enjoy reading her. It's like watching a bouncing person full of energy flit about the Malfoy's mansion, with Draco just staring in shock yet not minding entirely. I love the part where he goes shouting for his father to find out what precisely was done to her. I also really like the explanation for why she was given to him - concern about the Malfoy line needing to continue! The other part that I most enjoyed was this:
“Wouldn’t get close to those if I were you,” I warn more than scoff. “What are you doing in here?”
She smiles. “I’m yours, aren’t I?”
I can’t really answer that. I drop the shirt and walk over to her. She stands perfectly still as I slide the chopsticks from her silken knot. A black curtain seems to fall around her shoulders, all the way to her hips.
“You have long hair.”
“The more to play with,” she rejoins with another smile. “Would you like for me to cut it?”
“No, it’s fine long,”
For some reason that entire scene just WORKS and it works well. Congratulations! Very briefly in one chapter you managed to form a plausible basis for a ship with an OC and you made there seem to be something there between them. Not an easy feat to pull off yet you did it. Additionally the passage of time rocks b/c it got a lot of her learning out of the way. Great work! 10/10 and defintiely in my favorites now.Author's Response: thank you so much! Report Review
This is definitely a great opening chapter! :) First and foremost, you have the first paragraph drag the reader in with some mystery - the entire time I was reading that paragraph I was thinking 'who the heck are the people under the cloaks?' You gave us just enough clues to spark our curiosity, but not enough to be certain about who it was until farther down in the chapter.
Next you started off with the same type of style, feeding the reader just enough information to let us know that something strange was going on (the mindspeak) but not giving us enough immediately to know what was going on. Then you used a great writer's technique and let us know what was going on after-the-fact, so we weren't waiting too long for an explanation.
As for Keilana, I LOVE her name, and I love the description we already have of her - the fact that she put up such a fight after being destined to be a human sacrifice is awesome! And now she's a pet? You have no idea how hard I laughed at that wording (in a good way!) and I loved this chatper. Great work and 10/10Author's Response: thanks :) that means a lot to me. Report Review
Words do not describe how humorous this fanfiction one shot was! Even the summary is awesome! Particularly this part: (Why my parents can’t see sense and fake our deaths so we don’t have to spend another Christmas with them ever again, I don’t know!) Author's Response: Lol, thankyou so much for the lovely review - I'm so happy that you found it funny. Glad you liked it and I really appreciate you taking out the time to read and review. Thanks x
-Katie- Report Review
Oh wow...just WOW! I have to say that this is the first time less than 1000 words has actually moved me to feel a LOT for the character whose POV the story is in. This is just...unbelievably sad. Not only have you managed to capture the emotional upheaval that Molly Weasley went through upon seeing one of her brood dead, killed in battle, but you have also managed to capture the psychological aspect perfectly! Given what I do for a living (I'm an EMT and PCA/STNA at the hospital and the terminally ill hospice unit is where I'm usually stationed, though sometimes the ER) I unfortunately see people told that someone has died, sometimes suddenly sometimes not, sometimes it was expected and other times it was not in the slightest, but I have seen people go through these stages of denial and realization and then PANIC and despair like this more times than I can even begin to count. So what the point of this babble here is, is that your story is true to real life - you have captured it with amazing beauty and it is just very well written. Great work all around! 10/10 I am definitely going to have to view your other stories after reading this one!Author's Response: Oh-my-gosh!
has FIREFAWN just read and reviewed one of my stories??? Seriously, your writing has perhaps inspired me the most out of anyone's on this site; I can't believe you read and liked my story! Thankyou so much for leaving such a lovely review - I can't stop blushing or smiling. I really wanted to make this story emotional, so to be told that I managed to achieve that by one of the most talented authors on here is just brilliant for me.
Thankyou so much!!!
- Katie - Report Review
So I totally cheated...a lot of times with completed stories I skip right to the end to see if they are worth the time to read (I know I know that's sooo wrong but I do do it with fanfictions anyway) and I just wanted to say that this last chapter of your story was phenomenal and fantastic! I wish I hadn't cheated with this one! Either way this is definitely going into my favorites and once my midterms are over I will have it properly bookmarked to read the entire thing!
As for this chapter my review probably won't be the best b/c I haven't read the whole story yet buuut I did like the concession that George gave Kaycee. It was a very good one definitely! I also like how Kaycee got so excited that she positively jumped on him at first. I feel the sudden need to chant sequeelll sequel! lol Seriously though great job on this. I think there should be more stories overall in fanfiction about characters like Fred and George, and I LOVE OC stories (probably why I can't seem to write anything other than OC stories or read them usually!) but you did a great job with this. In this chapter Kaycee seemed very realistic about the break up and resigned in her 'chat' with George, but I like how it was realistic in that she let him finish his coffee, and then got up and left and seemed almost 'alright' with everything when she did. There really is somethign to having 'closure' with break ups, or any 'ending' in life. Once someone has closure they feel much better about things, and you really showed it in a concise, very emotional way with Kaycee. I loved that part of this chapter!Author's Response: Well I am glad you liked the final chapter so much and that you so much for the detailed review. I hope when you go back and read the rest of the story, that you like it all quite as much. Report Review
This was definitely an enjoyable 'lost moment' type of one-shot that would have been great and very fitting in the actual books. I am VERY glad I stumbled upon it. Great work all around and 10/10!Author's Response: glad you liked it and glad you stumbled upon it Report Review
So I'm a bit behind on reading this (blame midterms trying to eat me alive - evil, pesky things those are) but I ADORE this chapter. First and foremost, it follows the first chapter wonderfully. Given the time jump that's usually hard to pull off for a story but it works here! Secondly, I am in love with your chapter titles. They are HILARIOUS and I'm going to guess very fitting for each. At any rate, they are VERY clever and I really enjoy them! Third, your descriptions are perfect - they are not overly done, so you can imagine things for yourself a bit, but they give you just enough detail to allow an accurate picture to form in your readers' minds' eyes. (If that made sense? It's rather late so I am finding my grammatical skills and just overall 'ability to make sense' is going drastically down hill!) Either way I love it. I work tomorrow so will have to continue reading on my lunch break if I get one! :) Last, do you mind if I recommend your story in mine? I like to recommend good stories in my author's notes (because sometimes its hard to find good stories ya know?) but i like to get the writer's permission first. :) Just let me know in your reply here! But just..fantastic work on this story, I am really enjoying it and am itching to get a good few hours ot just be able to sit and read it all the way through! 10/10Author's Response: Hey! Thanks alot :) Some of the chapters are a bugger to come up with; glad you like them :D again this review is amazing:) and of course you can recommend my story that would be wonderful :D Report Review
Wow! The first chapter is amazingly well written and I thoroughly enjoyed it. This has now gone into my favorites and 10/10. I look forward to reading future chapters! And may I just say that it is an utter crime that you haven't had more reviews for this awesome piece? I shall be going through and reviewing every chapter as I read it.Author's Response: Wow! Thank you so much. I really appreciate this review! I'm so relieved that you like it! Hopefully more reviews will come :) but if not that won't stop me from writing :) You're comment has just made my day- looking forward to your other ones! Report Review
I forgot to review this chapter! I'm so sorry dude! ANYWAYS I really loved this chapter as well (obviously) and really like how little Ellie is physically a mix between Hermione and Draco appearance wise. Now to review both chapters here, the only thing I'm totaly confused by is why did Hermione love Draco if he told her to get lost, to the point that she'd show back up at his apartment years later? *scratches head* In short, your story is tantalizing and killing me because I realy want more details and you are revealing them slowly but surely in a perfect mystery-suspense setting type of way! LOVE IT!Author's Response: That's okay! And thank you :) I'm glad that you liked that and Yeah... again the whole based on a plot that was in a soap opera creates the extra dramatics I think. Thank you for saying that! I... don't know if you're going to get more details but if you do then it will start with me revamping the story from the start. Thank you for your lovely review. ^^ Report Review
Ah ha! We receive more information about her in this chapter - she IS a 7th year, and you've even given her reasons for wanting to be a Healer. I also LOVE that you incorporated something that Muggle schools (at least in the US) do for medical schools - there are accelerated programs they started about less than a decade ago (when most started anyway) that essentially let people become M.D.'s in 6 as opposed to 8 years by combining undergraduate and med school together for promising high school students. So I like that you have a similar option in the magical world. Additionally I like that you also have the option for early graduation, given in the real world people DO have that option at times (heck I almost took that option myself!) lol Great chapter overall, and I think this one safely answers my question about how you would get around the issue of a romance with a teacher and student - you'll have her graduated in no time so great work on that one!!!
And Snape has a heart? *dies* The only constructive thing I can offer about this chapter is that it woudl have been AWESOME to actually read the dialogue of their conversation in the hospital wing that night. The only reason for that is interaction with Snape trying to not strnagle a student would be very interesting to read! :) Report Review
Great chapter once again, but the spacing definitely needs narrowed down (its pretty hard to read this chapter because the formatting for some reason got altered and there are huge gaps between the paragraphs). I had a chapter do that to me once as well so I think it's a fluke formatting thing.
I like that you immediately show why she believed Harry Potter to begin with - because she's a muggle born witch. And we finally got her name in this chapter as well!!! :)
Now what I'm curious about is where is this going? Is Ali a 7th year? I'm just trying to figure that out (and you definitely don't have to answer this is just me musing in the review) but since relationships between students and teachers are not allowed on here, and this is a romance (I'm guessing?) I'm going to guess that nothing will happen until after she graduates to comply with TOS, but the time up until then ought to be pretty interesting to read.
Also, kudos on branching out and exploring what is going on in other students lives outside of the main characters in the books. There's a whole school out there in the books and its neat to see what else could have been going on. :)
Great work once again adn 10/10. This story is definitely going into my favorites. Report Review
I have to say great work so far!!! And I have to give you this - the story is definitely interesting right off the bat. The OC lead in this has a really interesting, cynical type of abrasive inner thought style going on, and that is definitely nice to read every once in awhile (a lot of people strive to have strong OC's like that, but don't always pull it off 100% like this). So great story thus far! I like that you showed a teenage girl actually BEING a teenage girl, full of all the hostility and anger because she hasn't quite yet realized that other people can't, and shouldn't, have to check with her first before making new decisions. Additionally though you made her likable enough, by having the things that she is mad about relevant! Lastly, I REALLY enjoyed the fact that instead of having it be some crazy potions accident, that it was a heart attack causing Snape distress! I think people often forget that regular "Muggle" ailments could kill a wizard just as much a magical one could, so its nice to see that in a fanfiction. Great description on the gray pallor of his skin as well! I've been trained as an EMT so can definitely say that if you respond to a call and someone is gray that they are in serious trouble!!! Great work! Great work all around on this! 10/10 Report Review
Alrighty.WOW, just WOW! Once again you never cease to amaze me with your interesting story ideas and writing! First and foremost, this one-shot was amazing not just due to the writing (which was awesome!) but due to the plot idea itself. Not many fanfiction writers seem too comfortable delving into the characters when they are in their golden years, and frankly that could be some of the most interesting times in their lives to explore! So kudos to you on branching out into that realm - it really worked wonderfully in this!
Secondly, given that I've worked with the elderly a LOT, I have to say that I love the realism here. One of the units I now work at in the hospital is the terminally ill/hospice unit, and we naturally have a lot of elderly individuals in that unit, and one thing that happens when you have patients there that are still capable of talking is that you just talk to them, a LOT! I had the wonderful pleasure of speaking with one who laughingly told me that people his age do not date, but that they love companionship after their spouse - the love of their life - has died, and that often they really crave the platonic companionship of someone of the opposite sex because it provides a different viewpoint of the world. I always thought that was an extremely interesting and deep point that the man made, and in this story George has just personified it completely. I completely and absolutely love George's outlook on running into Pansy - he is simply too old for grudges, dating immediately, and simply just wants someone to talk to for companionship. The emotions just fly off the page here.
Which brings me to my third point: The emotions! The emotions fly off the page here, from his despair and reflection on life as he downs his shots (something that I think most of us have done at one point or another in life when we have lost a friend or a loved one - drinking to their memory with shot glasses!) to the mischievous streak that he still has as he goes to sit down with Pansy, to the sudden realization that he doesn't want to mess with her and is actually enjoying talking to her! The emotions are just all there, and his son's emotions are there as well. I love that the son Fred was so worried about his father, and worried about what might pull him out of his depression. There's a point in life (so many of the patients tell me anyway) where just when you think that life is no longer capable of giving you anything else, and only taking things away, that it suddenly gives you just one more thing - and often those are friends. That came through beautifully in this story!
Last, but not least, your writing style is flawless as always! Great work on this!!! :) 10/10 of course!Author's Response: wow. that was probably the most thoughtful critique of my story ever. I'm glad to know that i got it so close. I was writing that as if i was him. As much as possible anyway. I'm very anxious to hear what you think of my other story too since you did such a great job with this one. Thanks. happy reading. Report Review
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